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Have we had a jokes thread in a while?

Started by pancreas, March 08, 2019, 11:09:30 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Pink Gregory

What is causing the downfall of mushroom society?

Lack of morels

JaDanketies

What might a seminal black metal band do with the edges of fabric?

They may hem.

schwarmy

I had a date touching my nuts in a Naked bar...

Twit 2

Quote from: Gulftastic on September 20, 2021, 07:28:27 PM
Who makes Dr Who's favourite pies?

Gallifrey Bentos.

Who makes pies with odd flavours?

Gallimaufry Bentos

Artie Fufkin

Which member of The Eagles makes the best pies?

Glen Frey Bentos.

Fr.Bigley

If she was vice president, she'd be Ancillary Clinton.

"My wife recently paid a visit to the capital of the Italian region of Liguria and the sixth largest city in all of Italy."

"Genoa?"

" Why, yes, of course I do, she's my wife!!! "

Which pie had the cringiest TV ads?

Fray Mentos.

"After the trip I just mentioned, my wife took a photo of a private part of my anatomy and then travelled to a small country in the Horn of Africa."

" Djibouti? "

"No, it was worse than that, it was my genitalia!!!"

Artie Fufkin

I rode upon my horse to a city in Kent whilst holding a piece of fruit.

Canterbury?

No. Galloped melon.

chocky909

Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Kanye!
Kanye who?
Spoiler alert
Kanye accept this parcel for next door?
[close]

Twonty Gostelow

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
P Diddy!
Do you mean DPD?
Yes. I'm dyslexic

phantom_power

Quote from: thecuriousorange on October 12, 2021, 10:53:53 PM
Which pie had the cringiest TV ads?

Fray Mentos.

Surely that is the answer to "Which is the mintiest pie?"

Ray Travez

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Roy
Roy Al Mail?
No, Roy Catastrophic Dysentery

Artie Fufkin

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Luke Skywalker
You deliver stuff now?
Yes, I didn't want to, but the Parcel Force is strong in me.

jobotic

Knock knock
Who's there?
Her
Hermes?
No, Michaela Strachan

kalowski

Knock knock
Who's there?
Dey do
Dey do dough don't dey do?
I don't know what you mean. My name is Deighdou Johnson.

HoneyBuzzard

I was round that Harlan Ellison's house. He said "Can I get you a cocktail?"
I said "I don't know, what have you got?"
He said "I have Vermouth and Irish Cream."

non capisco

Q: What do you call a stand up comedian from Hull who is also a hobbit?

A: Bill Burr.

Johnny Foreigner

If you tell a Jim Davidson joke in a lift, does that make it work on many different levels?

Pavlov`s Dog`s Dad`s Dead

Quote from: Johnny Foreigner on October 17, 2021, 08:21:24 PM
If you tell a Jim Davidson joke in a lift, does that make it work on many different levels?
It might elevate it somewhat.

No

Ray Travez

Jim Davidson loves to perform for the army

It's 'cos he's a weapon

Rizla

Quote from: HoneyBuzzard on October 17, 2021, 01:08:18 AM
I was round that Harlan Ellison's house. He said "Can I get you a cocktail?"
I said "I don't know, what have you got?"
He said "I have Vermouth and Irish Cream."

Meanwhile a prog bassist scoffed about the car in the new Ghostbusters franchise to a miniature former VP of the US

Wee Pence, ha! Lake winced - that ecto, c'mon!

Olarrio

Hey, I hear you're the accountant to the CS Lewis estate now. Can you tell me what the secret to keeping profits so high is?

That's Narnia business!

What do you do if if you're helping to balance the fragile economy of Weimar Germany and you encounter Stresemann?

Spoiler alert
Try to relax, man!
[close]

BeardFaceMan

Someone came up to me in the street and punched my in the chest and broke the Crunchie I had in my top pocket. I went down immediately, he hit me right in my sweet spot.

poo

Knock knock
Who dare?
Shitting ASDA man
Shitting ASDA man w...
**shits thru letterbox**

dissolute ocelot

What do Jim Davidson and a benign growth under the skin of a guitarfish have in common?
They're both ray cysts.

lipsink

I once met Sir Lindsay Hoyle and we had a conversation about glaucoma. I asked what glaucoma was and he said:
"The eyes have it".

Johnny Foreigner

If you spill the beans on someone, is it considered polite to offer them the toast as well?