Holding Probably Unfair Grudges

[Small Man Big Horse]

Now everyone knows that comedians have off nights, or perhaps are trying out something which they haven't thought through, I definitely had my fair share of those when I was on the open mic circuit. But despite all this I hold some probably unfair grudges which I really should try and get past, but struggle to do so, including:

Tom Allen - Reprimanded an audience at an Edinburgh preview for not laughing enough, and kept on referring to it throughout his set. This is the thing which gets my back up the most about stand up, if the audience aren't laughing there's probably a good reason for that, sure, you might get the occasional rubbish and surly group, but if the other comedians got laughs and you didn't blaming the audience really isn't a good look.

Russell Kane - Did an unannounced guest spot at a local comedy night and did the same as Allen, but the bizarre thing was that the (admittedly fairly small) audience was laughing a lot, so his moaning about a lack of reaction made it all the weirder.

Alan Davies - Bit a homeless man's ear, and it was supposedly not a short nip but something that lasted over ten seconds. Apparently it was because the guy shouted out "Jonathan Creek" at him, though there may be more to it than that, but either way I think this is pretty shocking behaviour and even though he was fairly funny on last night's Taskmaster I still don't seem to be able to get past it.

Mindy Kaling - Wrote some great episodes of The Office, was a superb actress on the show, but then wrote Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) and I've been unable to stand her since, it was a lazy, dull, piss poor effort that I imagine she wrote over the course of a weekend for the cash, but either way I've held a grudge since.

But what about you? Do you hold probably unfair grudges? Or did you in the past, but were able to overcome such idiocy?

[Pete23]

Me and my missus were massive Simon Amstell fans. We went to see him live, she has to go to the loo quite early in the first half. Picking her way back to her seat in the dark he notices and says "Is that Lorraine Kelly?". For some reason she was so upset about this that now she can't even bear to hear his name. Personaly, I still like Simon Amstell (and Lorraine Kelly).

Another one - I saw a Seinfeld stand up special ( before seeing anything else he was in) where he started having a go at foreign taxi drivers within the first 10 minutes. Seinfeld (the show) sounds like it would be right up my alley, but I'll never watch it cos to me he's the lazy racist comedian (from what I've heard this isn't 't necessarily true).

[Small Man Big Horse]

Me and my missus were massive Simon Amstell fans. We went to see him live, she has to go to the loo quite early in the first half. Picking her way back to her seat in the dark he notices and says "Is that Lorraine Kelly?". For some reason she was so upset about this that now she can't even bear to hear his name. Personaly, I still like Simon Amstell (and Lorraine Kelly).

Ha, that's a great one, and I can understand why she'd feel that way if she's not in the same age bracket as Kelly.

That reminds me of when a comedian who was talking about UK Gold and no one responded, and she looked around the room before settling on me and saying "He's probably the only one old enough to know what it is", which strangely annoyed me and is all but the definition of a petty grudge, but luckily for her I'm now so old I've forgotten her name.

[DrGreggles]

Me and my missus were massive Simon Amstell fans. We went to see him live, she has to go to the loo quite early in the first half. Picking her way back to her seat in the dark he notices and says "Is that Lorraine Kelly?". For some reason she was so upset about this that now she can't even bear to hear his name.

No idea why this made me laugh.

Apologies to the missus.

[Icehaven]

Went to see a comedy show in a very small pub theatre with my then boyfriend, who had longish hair. He went to the loo at one point and even though we were sat right at the back he was spotted and the comedian said something like "We'll just wait for Meatloaf to sit down." He was livid and went on about it at length afterwards. I thought it was hilarious, which didn't help.

[Brundle-Fly]

Micky Hutton. The Comedy Store 1988.

He was a bumptious long hair in a ponytail Geordie comic with a guitar who sang cheeky songs. I wasn't heckling but he singled me out anyway. He asked me "Who's the band on your sweatshirt,mon?"    "Laibach." I replied. "Oh yeah, (pause) I bet they're soaring up the charts." Gales of laughter ensue.

I was annoyed because i hated the inverted snobbery. Sorry i wasn't wearing a U2 Joshua Tree t shirt, you tit.

Also there's no joke there. That's the main thing that rankles to this day.

[Retinend]

best thread on here in ages

though I have never seen him live, I have a recurring dream where Jerry Sadowitz calls me a "chink" (I am half Chinese). Is this unfair, or might he do that to me if I ever go and see him?

[mippy]

My ex hated Richard Herring because, in 1999, he  tried to hand him a flyer for an Edinburgh show and Herring apparently sneered "I don't THINK so."

Said ex got beaten in the regional heats of a comedy competition a few years later by John Bishop....not really a grudge but it's the first thing that comes to mind whenever I see his face on the side of a bus even 20 years on.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Frankie Boyle , for his fucking horrible " Tramadol Nights" show, 11 years hence, still counting. Occasionally amusing bits from his Early Charlie Brooker ripping- off columns. Still not forgiven him. Nihilistic ex-alkie cunt.Actually, not an unfair grudge at all.

[up_the_hampipe]

Alan Davies - Bit a homeless man's ear, and it was supposedly not a short nip but something that lasted over ten seconds. Apparently it was because the guy shouted out "Jonathan Creek" at him, though there may be more to it than that, but either way I think this is pretty shocking behaviour and even though he was fairly funny on last night's Taskmaster I still don't seem to be able to get past it.

That story has affected my image of Davies ever since, especially since he presents himself as this chilled out, whimsical cheeky chappy. Here's his side of it, anyway:

Davies had just left a wake at the nearby Groucho Club. He told The Times in 2009, "He wasn't a tramp. He was a raging, horrendous arsehole. He called me a cunt several times. Or if it wasn't him, it was his mate. And, yes, I went for him and, yes, I did it in what turned out to be an amusing way."

[Milo]

A comedian gave me a grudge against a shirt by saying, "nice shirt" in a sarcastic manner in a tiny basement pub gig. I wasn't heckling or talking or anything and it was a perfectly innocuous shirt that I never wore again.

[Small Man Big Horse]

That story has affected my image of Davies ever since, especially since he presents himself as this chilled out, whimsical cheeky chappy. Here's his side of it, anyway:

Davies had just left a wake at the nearby Groucho Club. He told The Times in 2009, "He wasn't a tramp. He was a raging, horrendous arsehole. He called me a cunt several times. Or if it wasn't him, it was his mate. And, yes, I went for him and, yes, I did it in what turned out to be an amusing way."

Fucking hell, if anything that quote makes me think even less of him. I've sympathy that he had just left a wake, but that he wasn't even certain it was the guy who was supposedly calling him a cunt that he bit, and the fact that he thinks physical violence like that is any way amusing, sickens a huge amount.

[Milo]

Is "left a wake" the same as "I was at an airport"? As in a euphemism for "I was absolutely hammered at an unusual time of day".

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Someone should bring up the ear biting incident on QI, then Alan can do a mime about it.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I remember Russell Kane, on a trailer for some telly thing, calling his own stand up "inventive", which struck me as being rather up himself. To be fair, I've not actually seen any of his work, but his whole persona seems copied from another comedy Russell, so how original could his comedy be?

Went to see a comedy show in a very small pub theatre with my then boyfriend, who had longish hair. He went to the loo at one point and even though we were sat right at the back he was spotted and the comedian said something like "We'll just wait for Meatloaf to sit down." He was livid and went on about it at length afterwards. I thought it was hilarious, which didn't help.

A similar thing happened to me. I got up for a widdle and the compere said, "Where the hobbit going?"

It didn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, I played along by doing a hobbity pose, which drew a laugh from the audience (that I chose to believe was with me, rather than at me).

[up_the_hampipe]

Fucking hell, if anything that quote makes me think even less of him. I've sympathy that he had just left a wake, but that he wasn't even certain it was the guy who was supposedly calling him a cunt that he bit, and the fact that he thinks physical violence like that is any way amusing, sickens a huge amount.

Now I've given you a fair grudge. My work here is done!

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

What's a hobbity pose?

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

A pose that a hobbit might do if they were singled out at a stand up night.

[sutin]

Daniel Kitson for needling me for interaction when my phone lit up through my shirt pocket. Talked about it at great length elsewhere on this site so will spare the details. Haven't bothered with him since as it was pretty unpleasant.

[Joe Oakes]

Got to hand it to Russell Kane, he's had multiple mentions already, yet the reason for my personal distain still hasn't come up. Seeing someone rocking a hairstyle of people 20 years their junior always fills me with revulsion. There was also a BBC DJ, something Grimshaw I think, who elicited the same gag reflex. Comedians in skinny jeans are almost as bad. I guess I'm being unfair by dismissing people based entirely on their fashion choices, but we do have to make some distinctions, otherwise we'd be forced to listen to what every cunt like Russell Kane says.

[BeardFaceMan]

Someone should bring up the ear biting incident on QI, then Alan can do a mime about it.

On an episode of As Yet Untitled, Davies was incredulous that someone would get a tattoo, along the lines of "why would you mutilate yourself?" and I was waiting for one of the other guests to say "but trying to bite someone's face off is OK, a tattoo is where you draw the mutilation line?"

[holdover]

My friend's dad hates Stephen Fry for the sin of once replying "shan't bother thanks" when asked if he could spare 5 minutes answering some kind of survey questions in a first class train carriage.

[neveragain]

Another live comedy altercation - Geordie comic Gavin Webster imitating my nervous twitch for all to see. He then, during a podcast, went on to have a canny laugh about an Australian female stand-up who was raped.

Edit: The second part perhaps not an unfair grudge.

[sutin]

My friend's dad hates Stephen Fry for the sin of once replying "shan't bother thanks" when asked if he could spare 5 minutes answering some kind of survey questions in a first class train carriage.

My Dad hates Stephen Fry and used to hate David Mitchell because they're 'posh'. Somehow he changed his mind on Mitchell.

[Rolf Lundgren]

Leaving a show mid-set or arriving late are all fair game for the comedian to have a go. You know you're going to get picked on if you do it and you run the risk of getting compared to Meatloaf as a result.

My ex hated Richard Herring because, in 1999, he  tried to hand him a flyer for an Edinburgh show and Herring apparently sneered "I don't THINK so."

Also had a slightly sneering encounter with Herring around the same time-ish. Nothing major but a bit twattish when he didn't have to be. I listen to the podcast so have forgiven him though.

[Custard]

My friend's dad hates Stephen Fry for the sin of once replying "shan't bother thanks" when asked if he could spare 5 minutes answering some kind of survey questions in a first class train carriage.

Bit harsh. He should hate him for the reason most people do, him being a cunt

[thenoise]

best thread on here in ages

though I have never seen him live, I have a recurring dream where Jerry Sadowitz calls me a "chink" (I am half Chinese). Is this unfair, or might he do that to me if I ever go and see him?

I've seen Sadowitz a few times but I've only ever seen him pick on people who were getting rowdy or having a go at him. Even then he's not a vicious as your typical Friday night comedy club comic, despite his reputation.

He pointed out a woman in the audience who was asleep, and accused her of pretending, and said to the guy she was with that they were going to have a row later on. But he made no effort to wake her up, to my surprise.

He vaguely engaged with someone who was getting belligerent on another occasion, but then when the audience attention was on the heckler he became playfully jealous and danced about insisting that people give him their full attention because he fucking rehearsed this shit.

So yeah, probably wouldn't call you a chink. Unless you annoyed him.

[Wayman C. McCreery]

Another live comedy altercation - Geordie comic Gavin Webster imitating my nervous twitch for all to see. He then, during a podcast, went on to have a canny laugh about an Australian female stand-up who was raped.

Edit: The second part perhaps not an unfair grudge.

I don't think the first part is an unfair grudge either. I'm all for audience interaction (especially if you look like Lorraine Kelly, you're a man with long hair or your phone lights up in your pocket), but your example is a grim one. Gavin Webster gets lauded as the comedian's comedian but whenever I hear anything about him it's usually because he's been an absolute cunt.

Speaking of the comedian's comedian, I went right off Stuart Goldsmith when he used his podcast to complain that people were only giving him fivers - not tenners - at the end of his Free Fringe pay-what-you-like shows in Edinburgh. Don't play pay-what-you-like shows if you don't like people paying-what-they-like, Stuart!

[ImmaculateClump]

That story has affected my image of Davies ever since, especially since he presents himself as this chilled out, whimsical cheeky chappy. Here's his side of it, anyway:


Davies had just left a wake at the nearby Groucho Club. He told The Times in 2009, "He wasn't a tramp. He was a raging, horrendous arsehole. He called me a cunt several times. Or if it wasn't him, it was his mate. And, yes, I went for him and, yes, I did it in what turned out to be an amusing way."

I would have left out the bit about coming out of the private members club in London. Just say "wake"
Don't muddy the water with "might have been his mate" neither! Fucking hell.
If someone calls you a cunt several times, then you know who is calling you a cunt. If you're just biting the nearest person in the general direction, it just doesn't add up.

Yeah, not that I particularly liked his brand of classroom mugging in the first place, but once you've heard that story, you can never warm to him.

[Cold Meat Platter]

I find David Walliams insufferable. His sub-Frankie Howerd panel show shit especially. Dunno if it's a grudge so much as an inexplicably negative reaction.