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In praise of Otex

Started by pancreas, November 11, 2021, 10:53:32 AM

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pancreas

Gecko has had a sinus infection and has been snoring, so I have been putting in some ear-dildos to block out the racket. This has moved a load of wax about. Since there was no concentrated HCl in Boots, I got an Otex double action pack, comprising a bottle of their finest auricular tincture and a mini whoopie cushion for squirting. I eschewed the latter of course, as one would the plastic trinket from a Christmas cracker, and got straight to work medicining myself with the unguent. Several burnt umber cotton buds later and I seemed to be at an impasse, tympanum ragged to fuck like it had been in an Evelyn Glennie solo. In desperation, I turned to my abandoned whoopie cushion toy, and had it ejaculate warm water up my ear rectum. Problem gone, immediately.

Sometimes things do get better.

Jittlebags

I quite like the ones with hydrogen peroxide in them. You can hear little bubbles of oxygen popping away in your head.

GMTV

I used to use otex (or the poundland equivalent) despite docs etc recommending olive oil or similar, due to the active ingredient dissolving the wax and making things worse. I eventually got to the point where both ears were completely blocked due to the ear jizz trickling into the ear drum. Got ear irrigation that eventually sorted it out after two separate visits.

Fuck otex, bunch of ear obsessed cunts. Bin it and get some olive oil drops instead.

Brundle-Fly

To save a trip to Boots, I thought I simply could administer a couple of drops of Extra Virgin Filippo Berio in my lug'oles but it's not the same type of olive oil, so the doctor warned me.

See also coffee enemas. You can't just squirt a hot mug of Nescafe up your bot bot.

buttgammon

Years ago, I had so much wax that I actually went deaf in one ear. I used proper hydrogen peroxide Otex for a few days and once the blockage started to clear, I ended up with hot, sticky earwax literally dripping out of the ear. It was honestly one of the best experiences of my life.

The Mollusk

I had years of deeply impacted wax which I tried to flush out with the Otex ear bellows thing a couple years ago. The wax was so immovable that the Otex just caked on top of it and made it worse. I was about 50% hearing impaired for the few days between this and the flushing appointment which I had no choice but to book, to the point where I was stood waiting for a lift and when one of the three lift doors pinged to indicate which one was ready to be boarded, I genuinely had no idea which one it was.

The flushing however was incredible. It's a shame it all gets sucked into a big box of everyone else's wax and insect eggs and ear pubes and popcorn kernels because I really wanted to see exactly how much gunk had come out of me. I'm fascinated by that sort of thing, being probed and opened up and having bad or unnecessary stuff sucked the fuck out of me. Immensely satisfying.

robhug

Those syringe things that squirt hot water at funny angles in your ear bring some fucking astounding results, you wouldn't believe the shit that comes out of your ears, Olive Oil them for a couple of days before hand first. I had a solid bit of wax close to an inch long that I could, if the fancy took me, write with. I didn't as that would be grotesque.


Fr.Bigley

Quote from: Brundle-Fly on November 11, 2021, 11:07:34 AM
See also coffee enemas. You can't just squirt a hot mug of Nescafe up your bot bot.

That's why I was fired from Direct Line, turns out office christmas parties can be used as accountable actions.

imitationleather

Fuck wax removal. There's nothing worth hearing anyway.

Alberon

I've got very narrow ear canals and I've often got blocked ears. I've never had any pain from syringing which apparently can happen and the relief when you can hear again after usually being blocked for a week is glorious.

Last time, pre-pandemic, the GPs stopped doing it so I ended up in Specsavers getting it vacuumed out.

pancreas

Quote from: Alberon on November 11, 2021, 12:18:34 PM
Last time, pre-pandemic, the GPs stopped doing it so I ended up in Specsavers getting it vacuumed out.

Do they let you borrow their Henry?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: imitationleather on November 11, 2021, 11:48:23 AM
Fuck wax removal. There's nothing worth hearing anyway.

There's Dance Am by Pinkshinyultrablast

pancreas

Quote from: imitationleather on November 11, 2021, 11:48:23 AM
Fuck wax removal. There's nothing worth hearing anyway.

What about the Murder She Wrote theme tune?

Dex Sawash


imitationleather

Quote from: pancreas on November 11, 2021, 12:30:42 PM
What about the Murder She Wrote theme tune?

I've memorised all the good stuff and can play it in my head.

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: The Mollusk on November 11, 2021, 11:21:37 AM
I had years of deeply impacted wax which I tried to flush out with the Otex ear bellows thing a couple years ago. The wax was so immovable that the Otex just caked on top of it and made it worse. I was about 50% hearing impaired for the few days between this and the flushing appointment which I had no choice but to book, to the point where I was stood waiting for a lift and when one of the three lift doors pinged to indicate which one was ready to be boarded, I genuinely had no idea which one it was.

The flushing however was incredible. It's a shame it all gets sucked into a big box of everyone else's wax and insect eggs and ear pubes and popcorn kernels because I really wanted to see exactly how much gunk had come out of me. I'm fascinated by that sort of thing, being probed and opened up and having bad or unnecessary stuff sucked the fuck out of me. Immensely satisfying.

I got shown mine, and I have to say, fucking loved seeing the quantities involved. Should've mandatory

pancreas

Did anyone take pictures of their wax, please?

Perhaps you used them to commission a commemorative mug?

Rizla

Sounds ace, I'm going to get on that ASAP. My habit of going to bed with bluetooth earbuds in has played waxy havoc and I keep going half corned-beef at inopportune moments.

Have you tried those Biore nose strips, Pancreas? Fantastic things, it can be quite astonishing to see the forest of gunk columns those can extract from your hooter pores, highly recommend.

The Mollusk

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on November 11, 2021, 12:36:08 PM
I got shown mine, and I have to say, fucking loved seeing the quantities involved. Should've mandatory

Gutted! Though when I had to have two fucked teeth extracted they let me see the bloody chunks of horror, and I was super grateful for that.

Blue Jam

Quote from: buttgammon on November 11, 2021, 11:14:53 AM
Years ago, I had so much wax that I actually went deaf in one ear. I used proper hydrogen peroxide Otex for a few days and once the blockage started to clear, I ended up with hot, sticky earwax literally dripping out of the ear. It was honestly one of the best experiences of my life.

*well jel*

Paul Calf

Quote from: pancreas on November 11, 2021, 10:53:32 AM
I have been putting in some ear-dildos to block out the racket. ...I got an Otex double action pack

I BET YOU DID PANCREAS YOU DIRTY OLD BOLLOCKS I BET YOU FUCKING DID

Quote from: robhug on November 11, 2021, 11:40:20 AM
Those syringe things that squirt hot water at funny angles in your ear bring some fucking astounding results, you wouldn't believe the shit that comes out of your ears, Olive Oil them for a couple of days before hand first. I had a solid bit of wax close to an inch long that I could, if the fancy took me, write with. I didn't as that would be grotesque.



This is exactly what I came here to post, those things have been life-savers for me since the NHS stopped doing ear-syringing - and you get to examine your own gunk. Soften up first with Otex olive oil (I thought all olive oil would be the same but their stuff just works better for some reason).

Povidone

Quote from: buttgammon on November 11, 2021, 11:14:53 AM
Years ago, I had so much wax that I actually went deaf in one ear. I used proper hydrogen peroxide Otex for a few days and once the blockage started to clear, I ended up with hot, sticky earwax literally dripping out of the ear. It was honestly one of the best experiences of my life.

Had a similar thing, it was really frustrating as the docs were absolute cunts about it

"Yeah you've got a fuckload of wax in your ear mate"

"Aye so fucking syringe it then"

"Nah here's some almond oil and a subtle implication that this is your fault"

Have a chronic history of this shit and had gromits when I was a kid. Eventually got a hearing check at boots and they wrote a letter telling the docs to syringe it, a job which fell to some poor staff nurse who had to witness the volume of shite that immediately flew out my ear. Her comment: "No oil or even ear drops would have shifted that".

Otex is pretty good for a quick declog but nothing beats the feeling of getting irrigation, it's beautiful, I'd have it done once a month just for the feel of it. Like an itch you could never scratch yourself. Lovely.

buttgammon

Quote from: Povidone on November 11, 2021, 03:09:59 PM
Had a similar thing, it was really frustrating as the docs were absolute cunts about it

"Yeah you've got a fuckload of wax in your ear mate"

"Aye so fucking syringe it then"

"Nah here's some almond oil and a subtle implication that this is your fault"

Have a chronic history of this shit and had gromits when I was a kid. Eventually got a hearing check at boots and they wrote a letter telling the docs to syringe it, a job which fell to some poor staff nurse who had to witness the volume of shite that immediately flew out my ear. Her comment: "No oil or even ear drops would have shifted that".

Otex is pretty good for a quick declog but nothing beats the feeling of getting irrigation, it's beautiful, I'd have it done once a month just for the feel of it. Like an itch you could never scratch yourself. Lovely.

I went to the doctors when my ear got totally blocked and was hoping for a syringing, because I'd heard how nice they were. As much as I enjoyed the dripping wax, syringing sounds amazing.

Povidone

It's one of the best sensations I have ever experienced in my life.

[EDIT - almost certainly deso]

Vitamin C

Olive oil? In the ears? Fuck that. What if some cunt throws a lit match down your ear. You'd be a walking chip pan fire.

Jittlebags

Chuck some lemon juice, a crushed clove of garlic, and a sprig of thyme in there as well, an you've got a portable salad dressing dispenser. Just tilt head.

Blue Jam

Quote from: Povidone on November 11, 2021, 03:09:59 PM
Otex is pretty good for a quick declog but nothing beats the feeling of getting irrigation, it's beautiful, I'd have it done once a month just for the feel of it. Like an itch you could never scratch yourself. Lovely.

I got my ears checked out a couple of years ago after I had a bit of bad tinnitus and was gutted to be told my lugholes were clean as whistles and didn't need syringing. I've never had 'em irrigated but I just know it would have been better than a fucking spa day.

Had my ears vacuum syringed when I was about six and just remember being very scared of the ENT doctor and then a bit ashamed at the size of the chunk of wax that came out. I guess I was just far too young to appreciate it.

Goldentony

I tried the serious Otex ones that fizz inside your head as mentioned above and had to stop because I felt like I had mastered wanking

Blue Jam

Quote from: Vitamin C on November 11, 2021, 03:15:01 PM
Olive oil? In the ears? Fuck that. What if some cunt throws a lit match down your ear. You'd be a walking chip pan fire.

chipinafuckingear