Poet Cunt

[idunnosomename]

This fucker's 27. Cant wait until he goes bald in a few years and cant use his "lovely young man" shtick to make his shit poems about poppies and the NHS go viral

[Paul Calf]

I bet he gets this all the time

[touchingcloth]

Clunky reference to Love, Actually, as is the Joni Mitchell bit.

Just watched it again. Imagine structuring a poem around Love Actually. You have so much to draw on when writing a poem about London and you focus on that film. Why not write about the different areas of London, for example.

I can see now that it was I who was the dunce to not realise that "actually love London" was a play on "Love Actually". I can see now that Poet Cunt is actually a genius, like Richard Curtis.

"Ho-ho-hopefully" is perhaps the worst thing I've ever read in a poem, and I've read lots of mums on Facebook.

[turnstyle]

I've read lots of mums on Facebook.

I bet you have you dirty bollocks.

[Rizla]

I see your Poet Cunt, and I raise you Scottish Poet Cunt

(Actually don't know if this is better or worse, I couldn't bear more than 2 seconds of the OP's Poet Cunt. Anyone with that demeanour, accent and presenting style had better be about to tell me something actually fascinating about pylons or underground structures, else get into AIDS sea grave.)

[pigamus]

The problem with all of these people is they don't understand how hard poetry actually is to do. I've been doing it for twenty years and I still haven't written anything good yet.

[idunnosomename]

Born in New Zealand to Welsh parents in 1994, moved to Montreal 1995, 1998 moved to Southfields in Wandsworth, so they can't have been short of money could they really

[touchingcloth]

I bet you have you dirty bollocks.

Oh don't act so surprised. Why did you think they're so dirty?

[touchingcloth]

The problem with all of these people is they don't understand how hard poetry actually is to do. I've been doing it for twenty years and I still haven't written anything good yet.

It's quite easy really, you just need to learn a) how to rhyme and b) the rhythm that makes a poem a poem.

It's been for twenty years now
A poet I've tried to be
Hey did you guys see Love Actually?
It's the best Christmas movie

That barely took me five seconds to write.

[David Pielingtonburygrot]

Right. Which aching mediocrity's son is this?

Magnus Pyke's, if his restless arm symdrome is anything to go by

[bgmnts]

I woke this morn,
And to no surprise,
After a tired yawn,
I hoped this cunt dies.

[Catalogue Trousers]

My repugnance bloated huge
When I saw this poet knave.
Like the pre-redemption Scrooge
I hope he just gets in GRAVE

[Blue Jam]

Is this guy Peter Devlin's cousin or something?

[Fambo Number Mive]

Online trolls are scum but why is Peter Devlin so focused on creating a stereotype of someone on benefits not looking for work? Why is the online troll's employment status relevant?

Cigarettes and beer cans as well because those people are even worse.

Anyone who sends messages like Devlin mentions in the song is a disgrace but the song comes across like he has an issue with people on benefits as well.

[Johnny Foreigner]

Benefits are best if your friends have them.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Watching this poem for a third time. The way he makes a big deal about how he is saying he loves London OH HOW DARING at the beginning and buying a coffee from a real person like a relatable person, must get that on camera.

[Pink Gregory]

Did Alfred, Lord Tennyson die for nothing?

Yes, apparently.

[Johnny Foreigner]

This was clearly written in a day, two days at most.

When I am doing verse, I seldom write more than five lines per day. Every single word is important.

[kalowski]

"She's got a big lob"
When I was a kid a "big lob" meant a massive erection.

[shiftwork2]

Just watched this and had to pull my ringpiece out with a coathanger.

[bgmnts]

This was clearly written in a day, two days at most.

When I am doing verse, I seldom write more than five lines per day. Every single word is important.

That's how Captain Kirk would write a poem.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Wonder what his poem would be like if he'd used Only Fools and Horses rather than Love Fucking Actually for the references.

"I think London is cushtie, as I think about this year.

Bonnet de douche! My tuk tuk  and coffee are here".

[mattyc]

Mimes a smash when talking about a lob. Cunt.

[mattyc]

The fucking brass neck of saying this year's been a beauty full of wonder and delight. COVID? Nah, but England won a tennis and almost done a football so it's fine. Utter cunt.

[touchingcloth]

The fucking brass neck of saying this year's been a beauty full of wonder and delight. COVID? Nah, but England won a tennis and almost done a football so it's fine. Utter cunt.

London won a tennis, not England.

[mattyc]

Quite right, I was underselling this prick's parochialism there.

[Fambo Number Mive]

This bloke's written the NYE 2022 Midnight Moment poem, delivered by Giles Terena

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vp48fKYVz_M

The poem mentions Raducanu and the Lions again. Also mentions the 124 Paralympic medals but ignores how disabled people are still treated badly by must of British society.

"Tom Daly brought home gold and still found time to knit a cardi"

It's not as bad as the poem featured in the OP though.

[touchingcloth]

I wish this man would die in a housefire 🎉✨🎊

[Mister Six]

"Look, when home alone, if feeling too emosh, just put some Joni Mitchell on"

Ooh yellow taxi welcome, in JAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM.

[H-O-W-L]

"Tom Daly brought home gold and still found time to knit a cardi"

I think this poem belongs in the khazi.