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March 29, 2024, 02:37:43 AM

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Breakups then

Started by spaghetamine, January 06, 2022, 06:58:35 PM

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robhug

Quote from: thenoise on January 07, 2022, 10:38:08 AMAre they wearing/insisting on masks at the moment? Enquiring for a friend.

The pandemic has been a real boom for the uglier prostitute. At least someone made a bit extra out of the whole sorry affair.


spaghetamine

Thank you for all the kind and silly words, it honestly means a lot. It was always going to be an unsustainable and imbalanced dynamic as I was dating a polyamarous person (they/them pronouns) who already had a primary partner as well as another secondary one and I wasn't seeing anyone else. They said that they didn't have any room in their life to see me any more than they already did so there was no way the relationship could progress in any meaningful way.

To put it bluntly, they were my top priority and I wasn't theirs. This is all painfully obvious to me now but I was so smitten with them I was willing to look past that. It's probably also worth noting that this was my first relationship in almost five years, so I was just overjoyed to have some intimacy in my life again and I'm just worried that for that same reason it's going to take me a long time to get over. I've got anxiety, am on the spectrum and am just generally a bit mental so I don't find the whole dating or casual shagging thing to be very easy. I've been spending a lot of time with my friends which I think is the best thing for me right now. Stewing alone with my own thoughts is definitely not the one.

Bernice

Quote from: the Fallen on January 07, 2022, 07:52:18 AMThe optimal way to view this as not as something that's ended - boy, you're in for a shock if you believe in permanence - but something you achieved and had

And you are not only the same person you were who made it happen, but also now have the experience upon you. The musky smell of human contact. A knowledge of what worked. You've seen private parts, presumably.

You could slide under the nearest hobo if that jangles your jollies, though I urge you to treat this as a wake and not a funeral.

There's upsides to everything. I'd say sorry for your loss, but really, you've lost nothing. There is no other way, there never was any other possibility, What If is senseless torture you must not do, these are the breaks and I think you've done magnificent. You had something for six months and it had its time.

All you're missing right now is perspective and distance will provide. You still have you. You lovely, caring thing.

I think this is the best advice you can get. I went through a breakup about 18 months ago – a four year relationship that had settled into a groove of mutual distrust, separate depressions, heightened anxiety, zero sex, declining intimacy, terrible insecurity, but still with some desperate, needful thing I called love (it was that, but also many things besides). I'm mostly over it now, though the occasional thought digs a knuckle into tender, mottled scar-tissue. Mostly, I'm glad of it: the good and the bad, the comforts and the desperation, and, ultimately, the chance to learn to be myself, by myself, with myself. Still working on the latter, mind.

poo

Chuck sommat up yer pipe and tug like christing cunting fuck

JaDanketies

Quote from: poo on January 07, 2022, 11:29:20 AMChuck sommat up yer pipe and tug like christing cunting fuck

that reads like William Burroughs or Hunter S Thompson

madhair60

Quote from: Buelligan on January 07, 2022, 10:35:32 AMI had myself lined up.  Raring to go, I was.  Lavished all my attention, time and money on myself and I've never been happier.

Pretty sure this one's a keeper.

Are you sure you're not just going to end up turning into yourself?

Fr.Bigley

With someone 11 years, without notice, says its over, it still hurts now and it's been 3 years.

Tony Tony Tony

Quote from: Fr.Bigley on January 07, 2022, 01:25:17 PMWith someone 11 years, without notice, says its over

You were dating an 11 year old?

I am putting my foot through my screen and sending you the bill.

willbo

Quote from: madhair60 on January 07, 2022, 01:09:50 PMAre you sure you're not just going to end up turning into yourself?

Dating myself has turned me into a really entitled lazy cunt. I'm always leaving the dishes knowing I'll just do it later.

robhug

Quote from: JaDanketies on January 07, 2022, 12:22:30 PMthat reads like William Burroughs or Hunter S Thompson

He posts the same thing in every thread, its just it makes a modicum of sense in this one. Less so in the Mayonnaise thread.