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Started by Jockice, January 07, 2022, 12:14:41 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 07, 2022, 01:09:20 PMWait...you have a girlfriend?You should have said.
Quote from: madhair60 on January 07, 2022, 01:11:05 PMA female girlfriend to boot
Quote from: willbo on January 07, 2022, 02:02:03 PMI think men with genuine disadvantages should be able to speak openly without being called incel or misogynist. But people really don't wanna hear it. I just accept now it's just not something people want to hear.
Quote from: Jockice on January 07, 2022, 03:06:34 PMIndeed. I know. The thing is I'm a fairly gregarious person (or was until my speech started really failing), objectively not terrible-looking (I hate the way I look but that's because I get singled out for it a lot. But I haven't got two noses or suchlike) and at one point had a fairly prestigious job (I was actually pretty well-known in the city I live in) yet I still got completely disregarded if not treated with total contempt when it came to romance and relationships. Not all the time but I'd say the majority of it. I can't say that it hasn't had an impact on me, but it seems that it's seen as okay to hurt and even dehumanise some groups in society but not others.
Quote from: Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth on January 07, 2022, 03:22:03 PMJane Austen considers rewrite.
Quote from: Jockice on January 07, 2022, 12:14:41 PMthe friend of hers who told her I was playing up my impairment to get sympathy so I could use her for sex (after a polite ten-minute conversation in which disability and shagging weren't mentioned at all) or the acquaintance of hers (a carer for her parents) who tried to set her up on a date with someone else despite knowing she was in a relationship with me, and even having met me.
Quote from: Kankurette on January 07, 2022, 03:29:48 PMor assumed I was a nurse/carer, as has happened to other people in relationships with physically disabled people (I also feel that because of my autism, people see me as a sexless creature. Like, not being able to conceive me being in a relationship or having sex. I mean, I'm not exactly pretty. I used to do porn (just online homemade amateur fetish stuff) and I had to compartmentalise a lot because it just felt weird that someone would find me sexy or want to fuck me. I also have a lot of problems with relationships because of it - I find small talk difficult and I wish I had the guts to meet people for hook-ups, but having to do the small talk and arranging it and making sure they're not an axe murderer or whatever is a nightmare, and I also have very low self-confidence.Jockice, if you don't mind me asking, what is the nature of your disability?
Quote from: bgmnts on January 07, 2022, 05:10:54 PMI dont think having mental health issues gives you a pass to be an absolute bellend. Most people have mental health issues because the world we live in is fundamentally unhealthy to us, so you don't get special dispensation because a doctor has decided to dump some anti depressants on you. Probably the same with a physical disability too.
Quote from: Jockice on January 07, 2022, 05:30:50 PMNot denying that. I've met plenty of disabled people during my life and a proportion of them are bellends. Although I would say in some - not all - cases that they've become bellends because of the way they've been treated. What I'm talking about here is being denied what is a normal part of life for many 'normal' people and then being called 'entitled' (and that's one of the nicest ways of putting it) if you dare not to be happy about it and just accept it as your lot in life.
Quote from: bgmnts on January 07, 2022, 06:08:35 PMAnd people really don't care either. They can give to charity or advocate as much as they want.
Quote from: Tony Tony Tony on January 07, 2022, 07:51:57 PMHas it ever crossed your mind that your comparative lack of success with the opposite sex is nothing to do with disability?Could just be you are a massive knobend?Despite that you are loved here.
Quote from: flotemysost on January 07, 2022, 06:21:13 PMNot specifically to do with dating, but socialising in general - as I've seen from a couple of my friends' experiences, if you're a young woman whose fibro means you need to use a stick sometimes but you have the audacity to look stylish and dare to attempt a social life after dark, cunty door staff and venue managers can get a bit funny about actually believing you're disabled. I've known quite a few autistic mates to have very active dating lives, and there must be loads of as-yet-undiagnosed neurodiverse people who at least aren't held back by the perceived label of a condition, though I'm not saying they wouldn't encounter any difficulties necessarily.I've never knowingly dated anyone with a disability, but obviously you don't have to disclose everything to a partner in the early days - I certainly don't think anyone owes it to anyone else to share that information about themselves (especially thinking about disabilities which aren't immediately visually obvious). Obviously there are some circumstances where it might make sense, but at the same time you might also be putting yourself in a highly vulnerable position by sharing it, depending on the situation and the person. I read an article recently about how a lot of people with disabilities and/or chronic pain, fatigue etc. find that sex work suits them well as you can be more flexible with your working hours and in control of things in a way that set shifts or a 9-5 wouldn't allow for, which makes complete sense, but I'm sure it's probably not a line of work that many would naturally associate with someone who has a physical disability (but then I'm sure many just assume that no one with a disability can have a job at all anyway).
Quote from: Kankurette on January 07, 2022, 08:30:10 PMIt definitely didn't suit me, but that was mainly mental issues - if I wasn't autistic and mental, and more confident, I'd probably still be doing it. I do still beat myself up for not putting out more content and not enjoying it as much as I thought I should. I was lucky in that I didn't have to do it to survive, because I could only do it when I was in the right mood. Without going into too much detail, my chronic pain did cause me some problems on that front as well.I hate the idea that disabled people aren't allowed to have social lives or dress up. Sorry for not wanting to sit at home all the time, I guess.
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