The Grand Old Nonce of York: Andy's trial is GO

[king_tubby]

I just looked it up and the other one's birthday is in March so maybe he got confused?

[non capisco]

You'd surely be discharged from the navy on medical grounds immediately if you suddenly couldn't sweat. You're not gonna send anyone with the inability to naturally control their body temperature anywhere. It's one of the most fantastic pieces of bullshit I've ever heard anyone come out with in my life. I hope he's got some more whoppers of that calibre lined up.

[jobotic]

I hope he says that when he was young man Inner Circle made him sweat and that was him done.

[Ferris]

You'd surely be discharged from the navy on medical grounds immediately if you suddenly couldn't sweat. You're not gonna send anyone with the inability to naturally control their body temperature anywhere. It's one of the most fantastic pieces of bullshit I've ever heard anyone come out with in my life. I hope he's got some more whoppers of that calibre lined up.

I watched the interview the other day and the whole thing is full of belters. It's worth a watch in hindsight.

He only went to Epstein's house to say he couldn't go to Epstein's house any more, and that's why he stayed for 4 days. He didn't go to a dinner party celebrating Epstein's release, he went to a 10+ person dinner as the guest of honour to celebrate his release and that's an important distinction for some reason. Well ok yeah, and we also threw parties for him at various royal estates but that was more for Ghislaine, who I barely know, despite what I said earlier. Weinstein was there too. All just normal stuff

Before I forget - the only times I saw Epstein were the times that are public record, it just so happens those are the times I was photographed. I also can't explain the existence of that very incriminating photograph, and I want to suggest it was false but can't do that openly so I stumble around it like a drunk in a rockery.

...and on and on it goes. He has a couple of great little tells when he's lying as well. Saying "actually - it's weird, because what actually happened was..." whenever he's denying something he obviously did, and making a terrible effort of pretending to think and double-check his memory. 5 or 6 times throughout the interview, once you notice it's hard to ignore.

He also does a sideways/jowly/head shake thing when he's fabricating, with lots of blinking just in case you missed it. Would love to play poker against the cunt.

[Ferris]

Favourite lie - that he learned anything of value while working as the envoy for trade or whatever he did, and that he specifically required Epstein to learn about "business world" and get "opportunities".

If only there was a way for a literal prince to get an opportunity to break into finance, but alas befriending a nonce was the only way he knew.

[non capisco]

I need to watch it again. Doesn't he say his hand in the photo with Guiffre couldn't be his hand because it's the wrong colour? No it's not, Andrew.

[Ferris]

Honourable mention: he wasn't aware John Brockman was at dinner with him at Epstein's New York mansion, then a few minutes later denying he knew Brockman at all.

[touchingcloth]

I can't wait for the trial. I think he's somehow going to come across more unconvincingly than (start from 57s)

[touchingcloth]

...and on and on it goes. He has a couple of great little tells when he's lying as well. Saying "actually - it's weird, because what actually happened was..." whenever he's denying something he obviously did, and making a terrible effort of pretending to think and double-check his memory. 5 or 6 times throughout the interview, once you notice it's hard to ignore.

The BBC have a helpful transcript.

There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time and that was... was it... yes, I didn't sweat at the time because I had suffered what I would describe as an overdose of adrenalin in the Falkland's War when I was shot at and I simply... it was almost impossible for me to sweat. And it's only because I have done a number of things in the recent past that I am starting to be able to do that again. So I'm afraid to say that there's a medical condition that says that I didn't do it so therefore...

On that particular day that we now understand is the date which is the 10th of March, I was at home, I was with the children and I'd taken Beatrice to a Pizza Express in Woking for a party at I suppose sort of 4:00 or 5:00 in the afternoon. And then because the duchess was away, we have a simple rule in the family that when one is away the other one is there. I was on terminal leave at the time from the Royal Navy so therefore I was at home.

Because going to Pizza Express in Woking is an unusual thing for me to do, a very unusual thing for me to do. I've never been... I've only been to Woking a couple of times and I remember it weirdly distinctly. As soon as somebody reminded me of it, I went, "Oh yes, I remember that." But I have no recollection of ever meeting or being in the company or the presence.

No, I've no recollection of ever meeting her, I'm almost, in fact I'm convinced that I was never in Tramps with her. There are a number of things that are wrong with that story, one of which is that I don't know where the bar is in Tramps. I don't drink, I don't think I've ever bought a drink in Tramps whenever I was there.

Oh it's definitely me, I mean that's a picture of me, it's not a picture of... I don't believe it's a picture of me in London because when I would go out to... when I go out in London, I wear a suit and a tie. That's what I would describe as... those are my travelling clothes if I'm going to go... if I'm going overseas. There's a... I've got plenty of photographs of me dressed in those sorts of... that sort of kit but not there.

I'm going to stop there because literally everything the daft old dunce came out with in that interview is solid gold.

[imitationleather]

Favourite lie - that he learned anything of value while working as the envoy for trade or whatever he did, and that he specifically required Epstein to learn about "business world" and get "opportunities".

Yeah I love the bit where he says he had to meet important people to learn how to do some new job he was starting, as though he's ever had a job that's not just a ceremonial role. I mean, imagine employing the dickhead in a position that required having to do or know anything. Absolutely everyone in the world other than him and probably his mum knows he's a total simpleton and would never let him near anything involving actual responsibility.

[touchingcloth]

Yeah I love the bit where he says he had to meet important people to learn how to do some new job he was starting, as though he's ever had a job that's not just a ceremonial role. I mean, imagine employing the dickhead in a position that required having to do or know anything. Absolutely everyone in the world other than him and probably his mum knows he's a total simpleton and would never let him near anything involving actual responsibility.

He's a shoo-in for any job where there isn't a prerequisite for knowledge of how to sweat.

[Dr Rock]

Unlike his Woking alibi, where nobody can remember a Royal being in Pizza Express, there's a witness willing to give evidence to him being in Tramps with Virginia Giuffre.

Hey can't whichever daughter supposedly went to Woking testify that happened? They haven't even released a statement backing him up.

This is going to lead to criminal charges, then possibly jail. Hahahaha (and justice for VG).

[Jittlebags]

That one with the teeth looks a bit sub-normal.

[touchingcloth]

Hapsburg teeth.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Honourable mention: he wasn't aware John Brockman was at dinner with him at Epstein's New York mansion, then a few minutes later denying he knew Brockman at all.

It blows my mind (slightly) that John Brockman was the guy who featured in the notoriously obscure advertising campaign for the Monkees film Head.

[Ferris]

The BBC have a helpful transcript.

The Beeb get a lot of stick, but what a helpful piece of reporting that is.

Another banger - "that photo looks like the upstairs at Ghislaine's house, and I know that because I've never been upstairs to see it".

Case closed!

[Ferris]

And then because the duchess was away, we have a simple rule in the family that when one is away the other one is there.

Lovely bit of parenting 101 there - we have a simple rule where we don't leave our children to fend for themselves.

Because going to Pizza Express in Woking is an unusual thing for me to do, a very unusual thing for me to do. I've never been... I've only been to Woking a couple of times and I remember it weirdly distinctly. As soon as somebody reminded me of it, I went, "Oh yes, I remember that." But I have no recollection of ever meeting or being in the company or the presence.

There's that "weirdly" tell, and I often have to be reminded of things I remember clearly.

[Dr Rock]

Word on the street is he was knobbing Ghislaine.

[Jasha]

He's gonna take the stand and claim the impotence defence, "ladies and gentlemen of the jury I was injured serving my country during the Falklands and haven't had an erecton since 1983, and to prove this I will drop my pants while we all watch 3 hours of Teenage sub sluts take it up the shutter".

[mothman]

I'd taken Beatrice to a Pizza Express in Woking for a party at I suppose sort of 4:00 or 5:00 in the afternoon

That's what I thought - the suggestion or implication is he took her to someone else's birthday party. Possibly a school friend - in 2001, Beatrice was in her first year at St. George's School in Ascot, an independent girl's school. So it is quite possible that she might have been invited to a birthday party held at a Pizza Express. Bit more upmarket than McDonalds, dahling.

And yes, he had the kids that weekend, so as a presumably loving father he could quite conceivably decided to take her to her friend's party himself.

I find it less likely that, even with a birthday party being held in mid-afternoon when there might have been less customers, and lots of raucous 12- and 13-yo girls causing a racket, still nobody present has ever come forward to challenge or corroborate his alibi. Her friends, any of their parents also there chaperoning, other diners, the staff - not one has come forward to talk about the time PRINCE FUCKING ANDREW was at that party.

[Dr Rock]

And again, as this only occurred to me earlier, why hasn't Beatrice herself, a grown woman of 33, backed up his story?

Princess Beatrice has "no recollection" of the Pizza Express birthday party Andrew used as his alibi;

That's unfortunate.

[kalowski]

I find it less likely that, even with a birthday party being held in mid-afternoon when there might have been less customers, and lots of raucous 12- and 13-yo girls causing a racket, still nobody present has ever come forward to challenge or corroborate his alibi. Her friends, any of their parents also there chaperoning, other diners, the staff - not one has come forward to talk about the time PRINCE FUCKING ANDREW was at that party.

Oh I'm sure someone will at some point.

[iamcoop]

We all wanna see this cunt strung up/killed in prison but it's not going to happen is it? He's not gonna be doing time in pentonville's nonce ward is he?

Cunt's set for life.

2 years in a cushty little low security prison and then out for a life of no Royal Duties which will still be more lavish and comfortable than 99.9% of us will ever see.

God knows this country needs something to unite us and that could be this cunt getting graved

[steve98]

That one with the teeth looks a bit sub-normal.

Beatrice? Yeah, she's not right.



Wees herself (With excitement) every time she sees the queen.

[bgmnts]

Habsburg's Teeth.

[Cold Meat Platter]

Cracking stuff lads.

[Ferris]

That's what I thought - the suggestion or implication is he took her to someone else's birthday party. Possibly a school friend - in 2001, Beatrice was in her first year at St. George's School in Ascot, an independent girl's school. So it is quite possible that she might have been invited to a birthday party held at a Pizza Express. Bit more upmarket than McDonalds, dahling.

And yes, he had the kids that weekend, so as a presumably loving father he could quite conceivably decided to take her to her friend's party himself.

Here's the thing I don't get about the pizza express alibi - say it is absolutely true. Well, so what? Visiting woking at 4pm doesn't preclude you from going to a nightclub several hours later.

It's a ludicrous alibi because even if it's true, it means nothing. I couldn't have done a crime Tuesday night because I went to a Wimpy for breakfast.

[bgmnts]

Would be amazing if it turned out the Woking pizza express alibi was actually corroborated but only because he was caught noncing in there.

[Attila]

Oh wow -- The Windsors Series 3, Episode 3 cracks a number of jokes about Andrew being mistaken for a paedophile and Pizza Express references.

I wonder if any of those episodes will be pulled in future from repeats/streaming services.

[MrsWarboysLover]

Maybe pizzagate is true and so Andrew's like "hey lads!" showing off to all the other nonces "Watch me drop the word 'pizza' in as a ludicrous alibi"

also isnt that weird that andrew would remember going to a pizza express years ago? I couldnt tell you what dates I did or didnt visit mcdonalds in the last six months. its almost like hes making it up