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going through horrible stuff with benefits

Started by willbo, January 13, 2022, 10:40:33 PM

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I'm just listing a bunch of stuff thats going on in my life as I'm in a bit of a state.

I've been living on housing benefit, PIP, and my exhausting part time job for the past 6 years.

Last year my PIP (given to me for being diagnosed with Aspergers/Autism) was cut, and as a result, not only did I lose that, my housing benefit went down and my council tax went up hugely.

I have an ex partner who I have 2 kids with, who lives in the south near Portsmouth (I live near Milton Keynes).

She has aspergers, bipolar, and possible personality disorder and other mental health symptoms (in her own words). We had a pretty bad, unstable, on-off relationship for 6 years from 2009 to 2015 when she left - she was pretty much abusive to me and it ended up being mutually abusive as I ended up being nasty back at her all the time to defend myself.

She moved away closer to her relatives in 2015 and I stayed here. I've lived alone here since then, I haven't tried to date or anything much, mostly cause of trauma from the relationship. I have a lot of stressful memories and tension, from how she just used to scream at me all the time when she was depressed - Even now I can't walk round Sainsbury's, alone, without hearing her yelling in my head because I'm not finding stuff fast enough or walking fast enough or whatever. And her thinking the neighbours were spying on her etc.

Despite this I'm really proud of her how she's come on in the last 6 years, her mental health seemed to really improve and she's seemed a lot brighter the whole time to me. I've gone for visits every couple of weeks to see my kids and I've always been happy about how much brighter she seems and how she chats to neighbours, etc. more easily than she used to. And I do think she's a good and loving mum, our kids both really love her.

Anyway Covid really knocked her confidence back. Also, she has an older daughter, age 19. Because her older daughter both reached 18 and has a part time job in a shop, my ex's housing benefit has been cut twice. So she may not be able to afford to stay in the house she's in anymore. This news came when she was already saying she was almost suicidal due to other issues.

She says she's too socially phobic to even go into town to talk to someone about it. With all this happening at the same time as mine being cut, its a lot to cope with.

Also, neither of us really get on with our relatives. My parents are kind of toxic a lot of the time - not majorly now, but they're controlling, clingy, unhealthy and fight with eachother a lot, and I really don't wanna have to live near them again. I'm actually quite content with my solitary life here.

Her daughter's behaviour is going crazy too, she's also diagnosed autistic and she's been doing a lot of unhealthy behaviour like picking fights all the time and breaking furniture. That's what my ex was depressed about and struggling with when the latest benefit cut came.

and its difficult to say how hard it is. When my ex is anxious she can't go anywhere except the school over the road for drop off/pick up and the Lidl shop over the road. And I'm proud of her for managing that knowing how much worse she was when we met. And her older daughter - she has no friends or social life. She just sits in her room with pets when she's not at work. And she won't give money for the rent.

Also, my ex won't communicate with me very well when things are tough. She just sends me one word emails saying "no" etc. I don't blame her, we had a bad relationship, but it makes things harder for me. She's got aggressive, dramatic old feuds with every relative in her life.

so got a lot on my mind


The benefits system is obviously fucking shit and I'm just sort of happy my mother is so understanding. Gutted they cut your pay knowing how much of a barrier even mild autism can be to keeping work.

Fuck the government.

But then I just sit at home in my room with my pet and paying scant rent so guess I'm a wrong un.


they gave me tons of PIP payments during lockdown, and they just demanded a huge council tax payment that basically took half of them back.

I think they dropped too much money on people during 2020 to keep them content, now they're squeezing people to get it back.

Its so sadistic how they did it to me to. They kept sending me emails out of the blue saying "all your benefits are about to be suspended" in harsh frightening language, basically treating me like a criminal, with no warning.

I've got to worry about my ex and kids as well, with their problems, while my own mental health and benefit issues are bad too.


Sorry to hear it Willbo, hope things work out okay.


Have they applied single person's allowance on the council tax?

Probably a silly question. Hope things improve for you


Hope things work out, sorry I don't have any practical advice beyond going to the lesser CAB, the Citizens Advice Bureau.


Quote from: jobotic on January 14, 2022, 12:01:52 AMHave they applied single person's allowance on the council tax?

Probably a silly question. Hope things improve for you

There may be other council tax reductions or discounts you can apply for as well, worth looking on your council's website to check (if you haven't already).


Thank you but no thank you, I prefer friends with benefits


God damn it I've been trying to think up how to make that joke.


Not sure if it's available at all councils, but I know mine offers a Discretionary Housing Payment, if you're under financial hardship. A boost to your housing benefit, don't know how long for, but it might be worth looking into. In case your housing benefit doesn't totally cover your rent/mortgage.


Oh absolutely go for the Discretionary Housing Payment, very few people know about it, I've had to rely on it twice in the past (one of those still ended up with me paying rent out of my JSA afterwards).

Our welfare system is fucking awful really. A disabled person is unable to claim ESA if they live with a partner, which is impossible if said partner is on a low wage. Effectively they're saying disabled people should only be in relationships with rich people.

Sorry to hear about everything willbo. Definitely check out applying for a DHP, and speak to Citizens Advice.


thanks. I'm struggling along ok myself so far, its my ex and kids I'm more worried about. And I can't really sort things out for them.


so sorry man. politics being such a cunt's game at the moment means getting the support you need from the state is fucking difficult. if you're not comfortable it's a struggle. all I can offer is a solidarity post.