Weekend at Bernie's - Carlow Edition

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Gardaí investigate "attempt" to collect dead man's pension

A man called in to the post office on Staplestown Road in Carlow this morning and asked to collect a pension on behalf of an elderly man, but was told the recipient had to be present.

A short time later two men arrived back with a man in his sixties who collapsed in the post office.

The emergency services and gardaí were called and the man was found dead at the scene

Detectives are now investigating if the man was already dead when he was brought to the post office. They are awaiting the results of a post mortem to determine the time and cause of death.

[Icehaven]

All sounds a bit labour intensive, couldn't they just have found some bloke down the pub who'd have posed as dead guy for a few pints?

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Okay this is officially funny and not a horrible case of murder:

Man whose body was brought into post office died of natural causes

Foul play has been ruled out in the death of the man whose body was brought to a Carlow post office yesterday morning in an apparent bid to collect his pension.

The two men who arrived with the remains of the man, aged in his 60s, fled the scene after staff contacted gardaí.

A post mortem was carried out on the remains today, and concluded this afternoon at St Luke's hospital in Kilkenny.

A garda spokesman said that the results would not be released for operational reasons. However, sources said it had shown that the man had died of natural causes.

Gardaí are now focussing their enquiries on what crime, if any, was committed by the men who brought the man's body to the post office. Gardaí from the Garda Technical Bureau were involved in the investigation and the office of the State Pathologist was also alerted.

An examination was also carried out at the dead man's house.

There have been no arrests in the case.

It is understood the two men who brought the body to the post office were known to the deceased man.

More deets

The incident unfolded after a man entered the post office yesterday morning and said he wanted to collect a pension for a relative.

The post office staff explained that the person had to be present for that, and the man left. It is understood that he came back with another person and that they brought the body of the deceased man with them.

Sources said they propped him up against the counter, told the staff he was here and asked for the pension.

imagine being this much of a scumbag

[Gurke and Hare]

imagine being this much of a scumbag

Seems like there's one rule for Andrew McCarthy and another for me.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Maybe they were trying to use the money to give him the 'Jimmy White's Brother' treatment.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

oh god the article in the Independent is even funnier

The Irish Independent understands the two men suggested the deceased man was having a heart attack when challenged about his welfare by staff.

Gardaí and an ambulance were called to Hosey's shop in Carlow as the bizarre events unfolded at around 11am yesterday.

Two men, both in their 30s, entered the post office on Staplestown Road in the town and attempted to claim the cash but were told they needed either Mr Doyle to be present or his next of kin.

It is thought they then went to Mr Doyle's home and carried him along a public footpath before making a second attempt to claim his pension.

"They had pulled a woolly jumper over his face and put a hat on his head and carried the body down to the post office," a source said.

The dead man's appearance caused an An Post employee to become suspicious and she attempted to establish if he was unwell.

It is understood that at this point the younger men suggested he might be having a heart attack and dropped the body to the ground.

[Menu]

Yeah. Hilarious.

[Malcy]

Don't really see what's funny about this at all.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

oh fuck off

imagine the kind of people who find their friend dead and decide "ah sure we'll steal his pension"

and then actually take his body into the post office

and then say "oh no. he's having a heart attack." when they get rumbled

[Zetetic]

If I close my eyes, I see a pair of good friends doing the best they can at a difficult time.

[Menu]

oh fuck off

imagine the kind of people who find their friend dead and decide "ah sure we'll steal his pension"

and then actually take his body into the post office

and then say "oh no. he's having a heart attack." when they get rumbled

I doubt they're friends. More likely these cunts have been taking advantage of this old man for a while. Poor fucking guy. OK I admit, when someone told me about the story earlier IRL he basically just told me the headline and I thought it was quite funny in a Weekend at Bernie's way. But reading those reports it doesn't seen funny at all, in fact it sounds grim as fuck. Like Weekend at Bernie's 2.

[bgmnts]

Niall mate let's nick this old cunt's pension.

Steve he's just died in his chair.

Yeah no dont worry it's fine what we'll do is get him dressed, drag him to the post office and prop him up for a bit.

[pancreas]

when you put it like that. sign me up.

[AllisonSays]

If you don't see a dark humour in a story like that I don't know what to say to you. They really thought the heart attack bit at the end would get them off scot-free I reckon.

[Fambo Number Mive]

A nephew who brought his uncle's body to the post office after he had died has carried his coffin at his funeral.

But he insisted he's "not an eejit" – and believes he's being accused of dragging his dead uncle into a post office to rob his pension because he previously stole from his aunt...

He said: "Why would I want to rob my uncle? I'm 40 years of age yeah, I'm not a child, I'm not a young fella.

"I'm not an eejit to walk into Hoseys with a dead man and collect his money. Am I cuckoo? Am I cuckoo? I'm not."...

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/nephew-carries-coffin-uncle-after-26040726

[gilbertharding]

Yeah - this is funny. It's also not funny.

I'm a bit confused about a few of the posts early on in the thread: it's fine he died of natural causes, I get that - but the question is 'when?' When did he die of natural causes? Then you'll know what crime these people might have committed.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Yeah - this is funny. It's also not funny.

I'm a bit confused about a few of the posts early on in the thread: it's fine he died of natural causes, I get that - but the question is 'when?' When did he die of natural causes? Then you'll know what crime these people might have committed.

They can't tell precisely when he died. They can narrow it down to a window of three hours. No way to know if he was dead when the lads went to get him or died on the way to the post office.

[Tony Tony Tony]

You only have to look at the haircut of one of the guys doing the dragging to know he makes poor life choices...

[PlanktonSideburns]

A haircut very evocative of lynx

[Menu]

They can't tell precisely when he died. They can narrow it down to a window of three hours. No way to know if he was dead when the lads went to get him or died on the way to the post office.

Isn't it more to do with what the 'lads' themselves knew? I'd be surprised if they didn't know he was dead already. Although I guess the witness statements could be wrong and that he genuinely did die on the spot.

[Menu]

If you don't see a dark humour in a story like that I don't know what to say to you. They really thought the heart attack bit at the end would get them off scot-free I reckon.

It might be funny in a film or something but it just makes me feel a bit sad to imagine the possible circumstances this old man might have been living in. I know this makes me sound a bit po-faced but, you know, this is Cookd and Bombd - the home of anti-comedy po-facededness.