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Penguin bar query

Started by Fambo Number Mive, January 13, 2022, 10:37:25 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Fambo Number Mive

Does anyone eat Penguin biscuits? If so, do you read the jokes on them?

Are they still very unfunny? One wonders why the company still bothers printing the jokes, do some people still enjoy them?

Butchers Blind

What do you call a happy penguin?
A pen-grin!

Blue Jam

Q. Why don't polar bears eat penguins?

Spoiler alert
A. Because they can't get the wrappers off!
[close]


mothman

I think I must forget every year, because every year when I watch The Snowman on Christmas Eve, I'm outraged anew by there being penguins at the North Pole.

Buelligan

A penguin goes into a bar and says to the barkeeper - I can't find my dad.  Have you seen him?

They reply - I don't know, what's he look like?

idunnosomename

Some of them are a bit meta now I think

Gurke and Hare

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 13, 2022, 10:37:25 AMAre they still very unfunny? One wonders why the company still bothers printing the jokes,

So that people will talk about them on social media/forums and remind other people that Penguins exist?

Icehaven

I didn't even know they did jokes on penguin wrappers, well I fucking never. Are they all penguin themed? I used to always be disappointed if a lolly stick didn't have a joke on it, although I never quite understood why they put the punchline under the lolly, as if getting closure on the joke was an incentive to eat the thing, because otherwise kids would never finish their lollies having filled up on broccoli.

touchingcloth

Q: What's the difference between a penguin?

Spoiler alert
A: One of its legs is both a duck.
[close]

Q: Why did the little girls fall off the swing?

Spoiler alert
A: Because penguins tore her arms off.
[close]

Q: One day this talent manager goes to visit a booking agent.

"Have I got an act for you!" he enthusiastically tells the booking agent.

"But every act you bring to me is terrible!" retorts the booking agent.

"This act is different," says the talent manager. "It's a family act. Let me describe it for you."

The booking agent nods to say yes, and the talent manager launches into his description.

"OK, first the father comes out wearing a tux, and sings a romantic song. Part way through the song, the mother comes out in a beautiful gown, and the song becomes a duet. When they are finished, the lights dim, and when the lights come on, then the three young daughters are on the stage. They're very young, twelve, nine, and five, but they're very cute. They begin singing a song about their parents, and how their parents don't let them stay up late. It's really cute. Audiences love that part. Then the family dog comes on stage, and at first appears very agitated. One of the little girls produces a tennis ball, and it seems that this is what has gotten the dog all excited. He wants the girl to throw the ball so he can go fetch it. He begins prancing on two legs trying to get the girl to throw the ball. Then each of her sisters produces a tennis ball, and the dog goes nuts! He's hopping all over the place, terribly excited. The two youngest girls toss their balls to the oldest who starts juggling them. Then from off stage, someone throws two sets of balls to each of the younger daughters, and they begin juggling. The dog is totally going crazy, practically running in circles at this point. Finally, one of the girls has mercy on the dog, and tosses him a ball. But instead of catching it he bounces it on his nose. No, not balances, bounces, like he's a soccer player. All the daughters toss their balls to the dog, and he's juggling nine balls by bouncing them off his nose. A very talented dog! He then bounces them back to the girls who continue juggling until the dog has no balls left. They stop while the orchestra does a big 'Ta-da!' and they bow.

So, what do you think?"

The booking agent looks at the talent manager for a moment and then declares, "That is the most terrible thing I've ever heard. What do they call themselves?"

Spoiler alert
A: Penguins
[close]

Blumf


tourism

yeah actually I have a multipack of them atm. here's a joke from one:

why do penguins stay in pairs? because freezer crowd

MojoJojo

They did about a year ago. I wrote a round in an online quiz (remember those?) where you had to complete the Penguin joke.

JesusAndYourBush

The Aldi hooky versions don't have jokes.

Magnum Valentino

Always liked "what's green and smells? The Incredible Hulk's guff", especially because I've never since heard anyone called farts "guff".

Guff is, like, hassle.

notjosh

Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on January 13, 2022, 02:42:24 PMThe Aldi hooky versions don't have jokes.

Reminds me of that classic Only Fools and Horses episode where Del buys a truckload of Penguin bars that have all the set-ups but none of the punchlines.

TRIGGER: You wanna hear a joke Dave?
RODDERS: (sighs) If you must Trig.
TRIGGER: There's two parrots sat on a perch.
RODDERS: (sighs) And?
TRIGGER: That's it Dave. Two parrots. Sat on a perch.
RODDERS: (sighs) That's not a joke is it Trig? Doesn't one of them say "I smell fish" or something?
TRIGGER: Nah, they're just sat there Dave. Look, it's written here... [Produces Penguin wrapper]
RODDERS: (sighs) I do not believe it!
TRIGGER: Yeah, I didn't get it either Dave, must be some of that alternative comedy they've got now.
RODDERS: (sighs) Dellllll!

Ray Travez

A penguin walks into a strip club, and the barman says, "shouldn't you be at the Pole?"
And the penguin says, "give me five minutes I just got here"

amateur

Is a penguin a biscuit or a chocolate bar.

beanheadmcginty

Let's face it, they're just chocolate-coated bourbons in a fancy wrapper. Wake up sheeple.

flotemysost

To liven up the tedium of working from home I've been getting multipacks of nostalgic lunchbox snack bars to have as a little afternoon treat. Done Penguin and now onto Rocky, might do Club next.

Was a blast of nostalgia being reminded of the jokes though.

Why did everyone obey the Penguin?
Because he was a King!

What kind of books do they read in the Arctic?
Penguin Classics!

What did the paedophile penguin say?
Look at that sexy chick!

I may have misremembered some or all of these.

shiftwork2

Quote from: beanheadmcginty on January 13, 2022, 09:15:47 PMLet's face it, they're just chocolate-coated bourbons in a fancy wrapper. Wake up sheeple.

Mouth feel tho'.  Decades under the belt due to that.  We all know it.  Penguins.

Glebe


jobotic

Quote from: Magnum Valentino on January 13, 2022, 05:51:19 PMAlways liked "what's green and smells? The Incredible Hulk's guff", especially because I've never since heard anyone called farts "guff".

Guff is, like, hassle.

Guff is a great word, haven't used it since achool

Ridiculous joke though. My farts are invisible, not the colour of my skin. Imagine that. Grotesque.

Butchers Blind

Quote from: Magnum Valentino on January 13, 2022, 05:51:19 PMAlways liked "what's green and smells? The Incredible Hulk's guff", especially because I've never since heard anyone called farts "guff".

Guff is, like, hassle.

Surely the punchline is 'The Incredible Hulk's cock'

jobotic

Quote from: Buelligan on January 13, 2022, 11:45:55 AMA penguin goes into a bar and says to the barkeeper - I can't find my dad.  Have you seen him?

They reply - I don't know, what's he look like?

I actually lolled

Glebe



Oh wait not that kind of Penguin bar!

Kankurette

Q. Why did the penguin fall off the ice floe?
Spoiler alert
A. He was dead.
[close]

I liked orange Penguins.

Steven88

Quote from: Glebe on January 13, 2022, 10:53:41 PM
Clearly mocking people with a speech impediments, should be #CANCELLED

Glebe

Quote from: Steven88 on January 13, 2022, 11:15:18 PMClearly mocking people with a speech impediments, should be #CANCELLED

Also cut-price James Bolam as the dad.

Brian Freeze

Ive said this before but I wrote and complained about the quality of the jokes on the penguins and got a voucher for me troubles.

When did the different coulour wrappers stop? They're all red now.