"dark thoughts"

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

anyone struggle with these? i think you probably know what i mean. I'm dealing with them a lot due to a succession of traumatic events right now and i want to keep going but i am finding it hard. i doubt I'm alone here and i do think vulnerability can be rather very empowering when it comes to this sort of thing so, i don't know. i want to keep going and i want to resist the urges not to.

[Zero Gravitas]

Like when you daydream about sitting on a throne of human skulls, or like when you daydream about telling a joke about a baby having aids and everyone laughs?

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

more i wish i were dead thoughts really

[Misspent Boners]

Like when you daydream about sitting on a throne of human skulls, or like when you daydream about telling a joke about a baby having aids and everyone laughs?

EXCEPT for the baby

[bgmnts]

Fuck yeah.

One time, I watched so many awful YouTube videos about horrible murders and disappearances that I couldn't get the paranoia about being killed out of my head for weeks, so I actually had to imagine myself murdering someone in pretty visceral detail, just to regain some form of psychological control over my own fear.

Dark thoughts are nature's way of reminding you life is fucked and we're deeply fucked creatures, and I reckon the desensitation to violence from childhood does something.

Anyone who doesn't have disturbing or dark thoughts is a liar.

As for the wish I were dead thoughts, they're almost a nightly habit  and have become almost a comforting fantasy nowadays, I don't even consider them dark really.

Plus I truly believe that if no part of you, even a small part, wants to stop living, then you're messed up in the head.

[Ferris]

PM.

[Glebe]

Sorry to hear it Gobs, love and hugs. No, you're certainly not alone here and you know there's always a listening ear if you need it. Have you been receiving any kind of counselling? Hope you're getting out and about and treating yourself and being kind to yourself.

Life can be tricky to navigate by turns, I've always been quite sensitive and can get easily affected by things, like the other day when I went to get a covid booster I ended up walking through a fairly run-down part of Dublin and got into a really down state... didn't help that I hadn't slept the night before.

The pandemic has definitely added an extra layer of stress on top of life's normal difficulties this past few years.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

started me psychodynamic therapy last week. reading some jung just to annoy them and anticipate the kinda probing they'll give me

lots of love @Glebe. been thinking a lot on how covid has affected my psyche in a way i hadn't had much chance to before. i feel somehow less creative, but overwhelmingly driven to an extroverted lifestyle to a destructive degree

[Zero Gravitas]

more i wish i were dead thoughts really

Not at all as cool.

Have you tried positive visualization exercises like imagining yourself sitting on a throne of human skulls?

Hugs in the meantime though, at least until you can get the details of the flensed brows and void-like eyesockets right.

reading some jung just to annoy them and anticipate the kinda probing they'll give me

I hear this is really effective!

[bgmnts]

My last counselor just stopped arranging sessions with me abruptly after one session and that's when I knew I was beyond repair.

I'd highly suggest not fighting therapy though like innit

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

know yer enemy, babes

[shiftwork2]

I have dark thoughts about receiving a PM from Ferris.

[Kankurette]

Honestly? Yes. Intrusive thoughts are the worst. It's one reason why I don't have many friends. I don't trust anyone.

[Ferris]

I have dark thoughts about receiving a PM from Ferris.

PM'd

[All Surrogate]

Yeah, those kind of thoughts often churn around in my head. I'm currently on the waiting list for some "high intensity" therapy, but I honestly think the only thing that could help is the use of a time-machine.

[jamiefairlie]

The longer you live the more it becomes apparent how transient our emotional states are, they move like clouds in the sky. Things change, they always do, so tomorrow could be better than today. 

[Enzo]

Can relate. Today has been one of those days when the "what's the point" feeling is coming to the forefront. Positive visualization can help, also something simple like listening to the most beautiful music you've ever heard and thinking "will I never listen to this again?". stupid, but it has worked.

[jamiefairlie]

Oh, and never trust your night thoughts. Something weird happens to the human mind at night. Always wait until the morning.

[imitationleather]

PM.

I'd vote for her, but I don't think this was supposed to be start of a campaign or anything. Still, she can't be worse than the current bunch of bastards, eh!!

Also, yes. I do. All the time. I was really thinking about topping myself next week but then you talk to people and you're like, "Well their life would be poorer without me. And they'll never think up suicide as an option to get over it." Not quite like that but a bit...

Anyway, you're very important to people. Imagine how annoying and sad they'll be to their friends.

#anotherlifesaved

[KaraokeDragon]

Awhh Goblin keep going, seriously. However much you're hurting now it's worth it to keep resisting, and you're worth it. You may know it yourself but it can be nice to hear it from others so TAKE MY ENERGY HWUUHHHGHHH

As for the wish I were dead thoughts, they're almost a nightly habit  and have become almost a comforting fantasy nowadays, I don't even consider them dark really.

You too mate, don't think you're gonna fly under the radar with that blasé shit :P Nah seriously I know you're saying it's just normal for you but I hope you're keeping tabs on it so you'll at least know when you might need more urgent help with your mental health. Edit: Sorry I started typing  this out ages ago so didn't see the bit about your sessions being cancelled. I hope you're actually able to get help, is what it should now say :0

Best wishes guys

[imitationleather]

Ferris is like "Fucking hell, I am not sending you all PMs."

[Ferris]

typing like a mad bastard over here

[Ferris]

more than usual I mean

[flotemysost]

Really sorry to hear of everyone's struggles; fwiw just a reminder that you're all fucking ace, and even in the more or less trifling context of this old website you do really seriously matter and brighten up the lives of relative strangers, if that helps at all.

I really mean it, I fucking love you lot and it's heartbreaking to hear that any of you are plagued by such murkiness, though goodness knows we've all been there.

The pandemic has definitely added an extra layer of stress on top of life's normal difficulties this past few years.

been thinking a lot on how covid has affected my psyche in a way i hadn't had much chance to before. i feel somehow less creative, but overwhelmingly driven to an extroverted lifestyle to a destructive degree

Oh def, I really wouldn't underestimate the impact the last couple of years has had on loads of us, in often really insiduous and sometimes frankly daft ways. I had a really pretty jammy time of it compared to many people and yet looking back I went completely mental and am 100% still recovering/figuring out who the fuck I am, so yeah go easy on yourselves.

[Zero Gravitas]

Boggles my mind why people focus on that tiny multi-year civilizational blip when there's so much positivity ahead!

[machotrouts]

There was a prolonged confusion during my last Work Capability Assessment where the guy kept vaguely asking me if I have "dark thoughts", before he finally clarified he meant suicidal thoughts. Well, those are my comforting thoughts! The dark thoughts I have are of all the stuff I hope to kill myself to avoid! If my life is on fire, I don't think it's a problem to make a note of where the exits are! Nobody PM me or I'll send you a photo of my scrotum.

[Jerrykeshton]

My recurring thought was about 10 years ago. I was hating life generally at the time. job sucked, no relationship and had recently lost some close family to stomach cancer.

I was out driving. I remember looking at a bus queue and thinking, "if I Drive the car straight into them, that will solve my problems."

In a way it would have. I certainly wouldn't have had to deal with  any responsibility.

The idea got more and more intrusive until I just broke down a few weeks later.

Go and try to enjoy your therapy. Everyone is broken. some just are a little less repairable2

[shoulders]

There was a prolonged confusion during my last Work Capability Assessment where the guy kept vaguely asking me if I have "dark thoughts", before he finally clarified he meant suicidal thoughts. Well, those are my comforting thoughts! The dark thoughts I have are of all the stuff I hope to kill myself to avoid! If my life is on fire, I don't think it's a problem to make a note of where the exits are! Nobody PM me or I'll send you a photo of my scrotum.

What machotrouts didn't clarify is that if you don't send a PM then they'll send you a picture of the entire rest of their body, with their scrotum only obscured by a photograph of another scrotum.

Perhaps, on balance, I'd play it safe and send that PM because... There's a lot going on here.

[Buelligan]

Sent you a PM and all, dear girl.  Hopefully it'll help you cope with Ferris'.

I think the old dark thoughts assail us all - all whose hearts are tender, anyway.  I try to remember they're just thoughts, fleeting ghosts, the rebound of a mind being thumped or bounced.  Overwhelming they are but ghosts too.  Take them into account by all means but don't give them your ear or trust.

March on dear heart, fear no evil, resist, there is always dawn.  Always.

[Pink Gregory]

I was out driving. I remember looking at a bus queue and thinking, "if I Drive the car straight into them, that will solve my problems."

Been there.  Looking at every telegraph pole as I got closer to the workplace where I was ignored, patronised and undermined and deciding which one to just hoy the car into.