Allotment

[Gurke and Hare]

Floury King Edwards
Peeled, chopped, fried; my bursting tum
Purple majesty

taking liberties with floury and peeled here

[Pink Gregory]

bam bam ba bam ba bam bam ba bam

I wanna be allotted

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Allotment

Allotment

Put your hands all over my body

[Zero Gravitas]

Allomeat

Would that be axolotl on skewers, or just all meat?

[touchingcloth]

taking liberties with floury and peeled here

I will peel you

[Mr_Simnock]

Floury King Edwards
Peeled, chopped, fried; my bursting tum
Purple majesty

the most sexually charged vegetable of them all

[Brian Freeze]

Sweetcorn. Grow sweetcorn. And cook it as fast as you can after harvesting it.

Edit: and try and grow some flowers, we stuck a few spring flowering bulbs in so we had something nice to enjoy while everywhere was still shit and brown. Tulips, crocuses and daffs were cheap, easy and very effective.

I ended up as Treasurer for ours, fuck me what a lot of petty niggling, proper bitching and arguing from people who give up fuck all of their time to help anyone, all directed at the people who go out of their way to try and help everyone.

[confettiinmyhair]

I think it's important to try and make use of a lot of free stuff for an allotment. Get hold of pots that people are giving away, use pallets and discarded wood to make planters, a compost bin etc. etc.

[thenoise]

Never, ever, ever grow courgettes.

My childhood was marred by the annual 'treat' of as many marrows as we wanted courtesy of a neighbour - one of these odd people who loves to grow veg but isn't really fussed about eating them. Each one two foot long, with thick leathery skin and stringy watery flesh, every dish my mother cooked for about a month would be ruined by its inclusion. Stuffed marrow was the least offensive - mince tomato sauce and herbs would be shoved inside a hollowed out marrow which would be put in the oven and roasted, like a wartime Sunday roast. The other options - marrow stew, marrow pie, marrow curry - were less palatable.

[TrenterPercenter]

eh? marrows are boss.

bolognese in a marrow with a fuck ton of cheese melted on it.

not sure about Mario curry though.

[falafel]

Marrows are just crunchy water, which turns into sludgy water when cooked. I have half a chest freezer full of them because I failed once again to not grow courgettes last year.

[TrenterPercenter]

can't imagine they freeze well.  Love a marrow personally, not sure how people are cooking them but fill them up with bolognas and cheese and they are great  - don't overcook them they should still have some bite.

[dissolute ocelot]

You can grow loads of stuff in big tubs, even carrots and potatoes. Just concrete over the allotment and get some tubs.

I'd definitely observe the people on either side of you though. Are they using it to escape their families or for prize veg? Make sure you're with likeminded people. It can be a super-nice and helpful community with people passing on their heirloom seeds and cuttings. But then you have to plant them and care for them. Have you ever had a goldfish?

I've never eaten marrow, but then I don't have an allotment. I'm sure they'd be fine sliced, battered, and fried.

[flotemysost]

Have you ever had a goldfish?

Someone I used to work with claimed to know someone who ate a goldfish when they were stoned.

I'm sure they'd be fine sliced, battered, and fried.

I'm not sure they went to those lengths though.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I think it's important to try and make use of a lot of free stuff for an allotment. Get hold of pots that people are giving away, use pallets and discarded wood to make planters, a compost bin etc. etc.

Plant a rusty Ford Escort propped up on bricks in the corner, maybe add a broken washing machine...

[confettiinmyhair]

Plant a rusty Ford Escort propped up on bricks in the corner, maybe add a broken washing machine...

Both can be used as tubs. Fill up the drum with compost. Plant some stuff in the foot wells

[Gurke and Hare]

Marrow pie sounds rancid.

[king_tubby]

Spuds.

[king_tubby]

Behind the spuds in the first pic you can see the garlic, lettuce, peas and asparagus. The tarp is covering a pile of woodchips for the pathways.

[ZoyzaSorris]

I have never had an allotment but have a reasonable size garden and my approach with plants is that I like them to be either native and good for wildlife or useful in some way eg food. One option is Jerusalem artichokes - perennial and require zero care, in fact they spread like mad and are impossible to get rid of, outcompeting any weed plants - and with the bonus of being completely inedible to boot.

[falafel]

can't imagine they freeze well.  Love a marrow personally, not sure how people are cooking them but fill them up with bolognas and cheese and they are great  - don't overcook them they should still have some bite.

I have done this, it is fine.

But still surely more of a way to get through a glut than an actual tasty meal?

If you have bolognese sauce, chuck it on some pasta ideally, but as a backup you can plonk it into the hollowed out husk of a vegetable you let grow for too long, sure.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Or carve a hole and spurt your sin into it.

[poo]

Growing up the 80s the allotment was always a big paedo thing, which has put me off them for life.

[NattyDread 2]

Jerusalem artichokes - perennial and require zero care, in fact they spread like mad and are impossible to get rid of, outcompeting any weed plants - and with the bonus of being completely inedible to boot.

I love them. They make a very tasty soup. Had them pureed with some roast venison at New Year too. Make you fart like fuck though.
My neighbour has them growing everywhere so I don't have to bother.

Just remembered - Lob them on a bonfire in some tinfoil then eat with butter and salt. Lovely!

[ZoyzaSorris]

No, I mean I was half-joking, I actually like the taste of them a lot. Pretty devastating effect on the colon though, which does rather put one off. Supposed to be good for your gut bacteria though - in fact it is them running riot that apparently causes the violent eruptive effects - and low GI due to being mostly inulin (ditto) rather than starch. Find it hard to make enough use of them as a result of the gut offgassing and the fact it's hard to persuade others to get involved.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Growing up the 80s the allotment was always a big paedo thing, which has put me off them for life.

Hello little boy, would you like to see some potatoes?

[Hank_Kingsley]

Allotments are hotbeds of murder. You'd not catch me in one, mainly because I have a decent size garden but also because I don't want to be murdered.

[NattyDread 2]

There was a BBC documentary years back called Allotment Wars. Would love to see that again. There were a couple of old blokes with allotments right next to each other who hadn't spoken in decades. Also a mysterious spate of shed break-ins, where the burglar just made himself a cup of tea.

There was a young couple featured who ended up getting a really choice plot, much to the annoyance of everyone else. If I remember rightly they were basically ousted as the old bastards running it wouldn't accept their fees so they could chuck them off for non-payment.

Glad I have my polytunnel.

[Bourgeois Pig Shit List]

Growing up the 80s the allotment was always a big paedo thing, which has put me off them for life.

Don't let allotments ruin your fun!

[king_tubby]

Spuds.



They've come on a bit.