what does it feel like to love and/or be loved

[Beagle 2]

Oh god, you're right. Do you reckon they're still together?

The Snoopy ones must have been an homage.

Did your parents take the Daily Mail? Love is... was next to Peanuts and Fred Bassett, back in the day. As a child, Peanuts used to very occasionally be very mildly amusing, Love is... didn't make any sense and Fred Bassett was the fucking worst, basically just inconsequential drawings of a long dog.

[Shaxberd]

Wonder if there's a neurodiversity thing. Some people can barely experience it, most people experience it a bit, some people experience it really strongly and it's those ones that write all the bloody poetry.

Yeah, I reckon that like most other intangible aspects of personality it's a spectrum.

There's also more than one kind of love in a relationship - the passion of 'falling in love' isn't the same as the love of old companions who've known each other for years.

There's plenty of people who can easily do the first bit but can't stick the transition into the second part, and either try to rekindle the passion or go looking for someone new. I can't do the first bit but I like companionship, platonic or otherwise. Love is the warm toasty feeling of being around someone who just 'gets' you, the actual kind of rubbish you.

[Mister Six]

You're great, @madhair60, sorry you're having a rough time of it.

I second getting a dog. They're wonderful little guys, and their unwavering adoration of you both makes you feel better and makes you want to be better. In my experience, at least.

[Dex Sawash]

[TrenterPercenter]

F E E L S G R E A T

[tookish]

I want to add something, which is this: it doesn't feel transactional.

I spent my childhood being showed (and told) over and over that I was only worth anything if I did certain things to earn it. Which is how I became a crawly bumlick people pleaser who never said no to anybody and constantly felt like a failure. And how I ended up with horrendous cPTSD, I guess.

The things that make people gasp in horror, the call-in-social-services shit, was definitely not the worst of it. It's the shunning, the emotional blackmail, the passive aggression, the disappointment, is the stuff I've worn in my bones in every attachment I've had, until beginning to heal.

Learning that love doesn't have to feel like a series of tests...that's the good shit, my friends.

 

[Vodkafone]

madhair60 should focus on being tolerated first, then slowly work his way up to being loved.

Not my words, but those of Dr. Raj Persaud.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

T2-3D: Battle Across Time

My CPU is a neural net processor. A learning computer.

[The F Bomb]

Loving someone can sometimes be painful, sharing their woes, grief, anxieties, but simply being there and helping them through is one of the most rewarding feelings I've experienced. My own relative successes in whatever areas are nothing in comparison. Being good at something I know I'm good at means almost nothing to me. Taking on the struggles of someone you love simply because you want them to be happy and safe and well is quite a wonderful bonding experience, and it can be very painful and take a toll. I don't ask for very much because I'm autistic as a cunt and don't think about what people may do for me or even appreciate it when they do, but knowing that someone has my back and is there to listen and support and challenge, just because they love me, that's also a wonderful feeling.

Romance and laughter and comfort and freedom and passionate, trusting sex are all absolutely wonderful, of course, life-affirming times, but that's not all that love is, to me. They're the glue, but the main elements of a sincerely loving relationship are support, kindness and understanding. I've had a lot of the romance and laughter over the years but I've only had the complete support and understanding once. It's worth every effort.

[Lemming]

Almost exactly like Donna Summer described.

[Brian Freeze]

Did your parents take the Daily Mail? Love is... was next to Peanuts and Fred Bassett, back in the day. As a child, Peanuts used to very occasionally be very mildly amusing, Love is... didn't make any sense and Fred Bassett was the fucking worst, basically just inconsequential drawings of a long dog.

They did, happy to report they stopped about twenty years ago and it's such a cliche but they almost instantly stopped chatting shite. Both fantastic people but did get slightly influenced by the daily delivered bilge.

Trying to remember what else was in the Sunday supplement. Marmaduke and that cunt Dennis?

[TrenterPercenter]

Loving someone can sometimes be painful....

I wrote this earlier but never posted it.

Love in common culture is always reduced down to the physical and chemical effect on our inner worlds but this isn't love its attraction.  Lots of people get lost at this stage when love is much less "fantastical mystery" (something generally conceived to sell people shit) and more simply about caring for another human.  Love for me is curled up on the sofa after work with my partners head on my chest watching some TV, the closeness, the warmth, the sensation of being close with someone that knows you and likes you enough to stick around and understands this is reciprocal, feeling safe with this person that has all their own mind and life and ways of seeing the world.

Love is something that is worked at and gained, it emerges from a relationship (like things emerge from any other relationship) and it's essentially lots of relatively boring things like respect, trust, communication, working for each other, dealing with each others shit when they are not at the races, living a life together as partners, friends and lovers.  All of this doesn't just happen because "love", they happen because people put efforts in and the combination of these things is what love is.

I've been with my other half for nearly 19 years and we are still in love and best buddies.  Been through a lot together and we've supported each other like no-one else in our lives. That doesn't mean we never had or have arguments/disagree with each other.  We are not married and we both know it of course could end at some point but the thing is we don't want it to end, no silly bit of paper or pretence about trying to own/control someone changes any of this. All this could change in the future, it will inevitably, people get sick and die but that's life.


An thus ends my TEDtalk on love

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

I think we should ban people from being in love to spare the feelings of the people who already aren't

[poodlefaker]

i prefer to live and laugh, tbh, but i'd put it a close third.

[Vodkafone]

i prefer to live and laugh, tbh, but i'd put it a close third.

:)

[H-O-W-L]

Terminator Dark Fate

[ros vulgaris]

If I got a dog I fear I'd become obsessed with their loyalty and turn out like Hitler. Fortunately they stink and my landlord wouldn't allow it.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Police Academy 6: City Under Siege

[ASFTSN]

Some right old saps talking a load of soppy bollocks in this thread

Spoiler alert

It's genuinely beautiful reading some of your descriptions of love and the role it plays in your lives, thank you for sharing, The F Bomb in particular.

[close]

[H-O-W-L]

Terminator Resistance

[Pink Gregory]

the Sarah Connor Chronicles

[shoulders]

Lovely until you get dumped, then the comedown, broken dreams, feelings of inadequacy, overthinking and regrets are bloody awful.

"Better to have loved and lost"? Hmmmmmmmm

Yes and it is truly awful, but those fade. Longer term I was left with a feeling of pride at how I'd behaved in the relationship (overwhelmingly vs. occasions I'd fucked up) and increased  self-respect and self-worth. Nothing could take away those times and knowing that went a long way to helping move on. You learn a lot about yourself.

Moving on to the rest of the thread, I'm not interested in receiving blind adoration and dealing with constant grovelling and neediness in exchange for picking up endless turds so having a dog, particularly to act as some pathetic love plug is right out.

[All Surrogate]

Yeah, that's what children are for.

[H-O-W-L]

Terminator Resistance: Annihilation Line

[The Late Satoru Iwata]

From the first post on this thread, I was expecting either of two Red Dwarf references. This was not one of them but I'm glad it emerged organically (and then burrowed back in).

[McDead]

It's like doing a job you really like, and you and the other person are doing the job together.

I think Tookish basically summed it up.

[jamiefairlie]

I wrote this earlier but never posted it.

Love in common culture is always reduced down to the physical and chemical effect on our inner worlds but this isn't love its attraction.  Lots of people get lost at this stage when love is much less "fantastical mystery" (something generally conceived to sell people shit) and more simply about caring for another human.  Love for me is curled up on the sofa after work with my partners head on my chest watching some TV, the closeness, the warmth, the sensation of being close with someone that knows you and likes you enough to stick around and understands this is reciprocal, feeling safe with this person that has all their own mind and life and ways of seeing the world.

Love is something that is worked at and gained, it emerges from a relationship (like things emerge from any other relationship) and it's essentially lots of relatively boring things like respect, trust, communication, working for each other, dealing with each others shit when they are not at the races, living a life together as partners, friends and lovers.  All of this doesn't just happen because "love", they happen because people put efforts in and the combination of these things is what love is.

I've been with my other half for nearly 19 years and we are still in love and best buddies.  Been through a lot together and we've supported each other like no-one else in our lives. That doesn't mean we never had or have arguments/disagree with each other.  We are not married and we both know it of course could end at some point but the thing is we don't want it to end, no silly bit of paper or pretence about trying to own/control someone changes any of this. All this could change in the future, it will inevitably, people get sick and die but that's life.


An thus ends my TEDtalk on love

All true, the problem is with your first paragraph. We are force fed the idea that romantic love is that 18 months hormone driven insanity and nothing more, so when that inevitably wears off lots of people assume they don't love their partner any more.

Love is all the other stuff you mention, facing the really hard challenges of truly getting to know each other and evolving as a person when your partner points out ways in which your behaviour is upsetting or thoughtless. Love is a lifetime of effort and commitment and it's not fucking easy but it's highly rewarding. What else are you going to do with your life?

[Brundle-Fly]

Some old git talking from experience?

"Well, I've got news for you, Sunny Jim."

[Jack Shaftoe]

I don't I've ever felt the same amount, or type, of love for someone that they've felt for me, it's always been a bit unequal one way or the other, which seems like a shame.

[The Bumlord]

Can't remember really. Slightly annoying, I think.