Home Invasion

[SteveDave]

I just heard something weird outside and my mind immediately went to

"If they try to get in here, what do I have to defend myself?"

Microphone stand- flimsy
Guitar- could do some damage
Deodorant and lighter- does this work like in the films?
Big glass vase- one and done

What do you have in the room you're in now that you could use in the event of a home invasion? 

[imitationleather]

My dad

[Norton Canes]

A Dan Reed Network 10"

[touchingcloth]

Fuck all. Sleep in an empty room to baffle any home invaders, naked so they can't even pinch my PJs.

[jobotic]

Router. But then how would I tell you on here what happened?

Could throw the cat in their face.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Someone Once smashed the window in the bedroom I was sleeping in, the thing I went for in blind terror was a kettle lead, which I feel would be a great choice - a plug on a length of flex cable is going to bloody hurt when flailed on you

[TrenterPercenter]

Play this really loud

[dontpaintyourteeth]

my big fuckin' dick

[Sebastian Cobb]

got a box of shoes so will probably lob some shoes

[touchingcloth]

Someone Once smashed the window in the bedroom I was sleeping in, the thing I went for in blind terror was a kettle lead, which I feel would be a great choice - a plug on a length of flex cable is going to bloody hurt when flailed on you

That's what I'd use in the same situation - great to lasso them and stop them jumping out.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Run them over with a wheely chair

[dontpaintyourteeth]

my big fuckin' dick

sonic youth reference for the cool geriatrics there. real answer is, I dunno, coat hanger

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Swiss Army knife. You want some, cunt?

[lauraxsynthesis]

I'm a pacifist, but my Yorkshire Terrier would bark the building down.

[Cuellar]

Hammer

[madhair60]

i keep a loaded glock in my bedside chest of drawers

[Zero Gravitas]

I think I've got a hurley somewhere.

[WhoMe]

12" record

[Butchers Blind]

Just pretend you're a home invader too and you beat them to it.

[Jerrykeshton]

Big steel water bottle.  Like a rounders bat. Got some slate coasters too

[Gurke and Hare]

Deodorant and lighter- does this work like in the films?

Yeah, the mad kid at school used to demonstrate it. Great stuff. But you have to be careful, if you cut the lighter off before you stop pressing the aerosol the flame will feed back into the canister and make it explode. Or the other way round, I can't remember.

What do you have in the room you're in now that you could use in the event of a home invasion?

Couple of guitars. Binoculars. A glass. Scissors. Like living in an armoury really.

[Uncle TechTip]

Why would anyone want to break in, to steal my records?

[flotemysost]

Got a free-standing mirror with a fairly heavy base on my bedside table - could definitely do some damage if you took a swing at someone with it, so I think I'd probably grab that and

Spoiler alert

say candyman into it five times and then just hope that the candyman would go for them and not me

[close]

[Ferris]

Vacuum cleaner (with nozzle), mandolin, and a Remington 870.

In the event of a home invasion it'll come down to sheer vibes on what I grab first.

[non capisco]

Spray them in the eyes with Febreze (perhaps now quip "Just thought I'd clear the air") then smack em full force on the nut with the Henry Hoover.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Why would anyone want to break in, to steal my records?

To bum you of course, silly.

[Brian Freeze]

I absolutely love grabbing an improvised weapon. Would absolutely hate to ever to use it though*.

Last place I worked there was three of us overnight in a massive collection of workshops and we'd every so often have to do the "did you hear that?, come on then, get Mick and we'll go and have a look"

There was always something to hand grab to make me feel braver.

Worst I had to deal with apart from skip fires and a romantic couple in a Merc on the car park were some lippy kids on the roof of our smoking shelter. Acted confident and told them to clear off. Not being "tooled up" at the time probably helped.


* don't tell the bad guys!

Edit: Mick didn't need to carry anything, he was extremely dangerous.

[Ferris]

Actually just thought I have a couple of baseball bats (course I fucking do) and some North American barbecue/grilling equipment aka massive big blocks of wood and steel.

I'm actually quite sorted in case of an attempted home invasion, this thread has made me feel tons better. Thanks!

[Dr Rock]

Fists of steel.

Oh yeah, and I've got a hammer lying about. Also some bleach I could squirt at them.

[Fishfinger]

Clutter. Ice axe. Gorilla tape. You think you're leaving? And the bin bags whisper.