What made up names have you given to your neighbourhood cats

[The Mollusk]

We have a Cunt Cat as well. Ginger and white little prick who bullies absolutely every other cat (and there are a lot). He seems to roam the entire street, as when we've fed the neighbours cats who live on the opposite side when they're away we've seen him in their back garden as well, which is a mystery as the entire street is terraced so fuck knows how he's getting back there. Whenever he's in our garden I bolt out the door chucking water at him, and instead of fleeing in terror he does this half arsed trot away and then turns to look at me as if to be like "is that all you've got lol". I hate him and I wish he was dead. DEAD.

Shirley Bassey lives a couple streets over, an extremely friendly tortoiseshell with a blingy diamante collar who absolutely howls at me for attention from several houses away as soon as she sees me. I love her.

Michelle Visage is on the same street. Big fluffy black cat who looks like a total diva (also very friendly).

Phil and Grant Mitchell live in the house at the end of our road. Two near identical white cats with black patches. Never seen them anywhere except in their own front window staring threateningly out at all passers by.

We're friendly with most of our neighbours so we know the actual names of most other cats which sort of takes the fun out of it. At any given moment there's at least one visible from our kitchen window in the back garden which is a constant source of entertainment.

[Bartholomew J Krishna]

Tortney (Love) - She's a tortoiseshell and she's lovely.

[Registering to lurk]

Gary Numan: A thin, pale grey cat who never went outside and was only ever seen staring disdainfully out of our neighbour's windows.

[The Mollusk]

Tortney (Love) - She's a tortoiseshell and she's lovely.

Big fan of this.

There's also two new ones I've seen about recently who must be from the same household as they both have big matching camera devices on their collars. So I have named them The Coen Brothers (Joel is the ginger one, Ethan the black and white).

[flotemysost]

Guggle Nunny

In all seriousness, this has joined the noble canon of "phrases that involuntarily pop into my head", in this case whenever I see a new cat.

Don't have a cunt cat but there's one round my way that's known (in my imagination) as The Bastard, for no reason other than that it's faaahhhkin massive. It must be a Norwegian Forest cat or something of that flavour, because it can scale a fuckoff tree by basically taking a couple of leisurely steps.

Loving all of these, but particularly tickled by

Handsome Paul

and

Negative Geoff

(^ also, solid name for the OG cat)

[dontpaintyourteeth]

I live in Plymouth I only ever see seagulls or Staffies getting walked by their wannabe double hard bastard owners

[Jittlebags]

Evil #1
Evil #2

Both big, black Persians living next door. #1 is older with flecks of brown and is prone to falling off the fence during manouevres. Both treat me with disdain, although you can approach #2. Have bone and fish skellington discs respectivelly on their collars.

Bird Cat. Black and white from up the road who is obsessed with birds, quite friendly though and will miaow to get stroked.
Tree Cat. Tortoiseshell. Son of Bird Cat Mrs Jittle tells me. Also obsessed with birds, and climbs our bay tree to get at them.

Tabby + White Tabby. These are wondering through cats, so have not gained more formal names.
Felix - Black cat from our neighbour at the back. Domesticated using a cork on a fishing rod. Used to sit on Mrs Jittle's lap in the greenhouse. Presumed dead.

[Zetetic]

Visiting partner's friends in Sheffield and a child here told us that a cat we met on the street had a mother in Rotherham called Clitzi Bokum.

[Bad Ambassador]

Tiny Tom, the local three-legged ginger tom who lollops over whenever he sees me, chattering away as I pet him. Eventually found out his name is Clive.

[mattyc]

Don't have a cunt cat but there's one round my way that's known (in my imagination) as The Bastard, for no reason other than that it's faaahhhkin massive. It must be a Norwegian Forest cat or something of that flavour, because it can scale a fuckoff tree by basically taking a couple of leisurely steps.

As soon as a I saw this thread title I hoped/knew that someone would have nicknamed a local cat The Bastard. Thank you for making it real. For some reason I really hope that you pronounce it in a UK westcountry style, i.e. The Baaastard.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Little Slut - I'm appalled that I'm slut shaming this cat, it's horrendous behaviour and I have cancelled myself for being such a cunt. Yet the name has stuck and I can't help it, as Little Slut is an adorable and very attractive white and ginger cat who is the friendliest cat I have ever met. She's clearly well fed, groomed and is very healthy, but whenever I'm walking home between 10pm to 12pm she's hanging around a street corner close to where I live, and rushes up to be stroked and petted in general. I've seen her flirting with other humans as well, plus one time when I left the front door open while getting some rubbish to chuck in the recycling bin she ran in to the house, and though she didn't jump up on to my bed and spread her legs on this occasion I'm pretty sure if it happens again she will do so.

[ros vulgaris]

There's Jezebel from down the road. Her real name is Tinkerbell but our cat seems to have taken a fondness & goes off in the verges with her.

[Vodkafone]

Some solid gold ones in here, unsurprisingly. I particularly like the idea of two cats called Phil and Grant Mitchell, that's brilliant.

[Famous Mortimer]

I've got "The Customer", so called because she loudly howls for service (food) and absolutely hates me - kind of a "Karen", but I have a mate called Karen so I don't feel right using it. She's been living in my garden for four years and has moved from not wanting to be within 50 feet of me to not wanting to be within 5 feet. By the time we're both dead, we may be friends. On the plus side, I made her one of those feral cat shelters and she absolutely loves it, so it's very nice to see her stretch her way out of it in the morning (then run away if I'm anywhere nearby).

[dontpaintyourteeth]

I live in Plymouth I only ever see seagulls or Staffies getting walked by their wannabe double hard bastard owners

To be clear I don't see anyone walking seagulls. Ooh I wish

[Blue Jam]

Our Bastard is a Norwegian Forest Cat as well. Realised I probably misgendered her with that name when I saw her with a brand new pink collar. She goes up and down our street systematically looking for any open door or any opportunity to tailgate someone into a nice warm flat. She will reluctantly head-bunt me but looks like it's beneath her to do so. She has a general air of nae fucks given and I can't help but admire her.

Cliff and Newman, the postal grifters. Pair of Siberian tuxies. They "guard" the postman's cart in return for Dreamies. Newman is also a total dog-cat who often runs at me meowing and will then follow me, walking to heel until he reaches the end of his territory when he'll flop down and demand a belly rub. I like to greet him with "Hello, Newman".

Ginge. Simply because I once heard his owner ask "Awright Ginge, yer locked oot?". Ginge will sometimes run away from me but will sometimes be crazily affectionate. Has an insane meow.

Rog and Sean. Neighbour's cats who have the run of our stairwell and garden. Rog is a tuxie so I named them both after Bond actors, which I realise is incredibly unoriginal. Sean is a grey tabby who looks a bit like Jack Lisowski. I know their real names now but won't doxx them bro.

Ginge 2. Neighbours' big ginger cade who has stand-offs with Rog and Sean but is scared of me.

Proxy Tuxie. Looks like Rog but twice the size. Doesn't stop Rog squaring up though. PT is actually very friendly towards me and will trill and give me a little *boop*, which makes Rog jealous.

[non capisco]

Due to a persistent earworm I get whenever I see it my neighbour's cat in my head is called Mustang Sally because all it wants to do is writhe around.

[non capisco]

Sean Dyche,

The image of a cat that looks like Sean Dyche is very funny to me.

[Kankurette]

There's at least one other Sean Dyche lookalike cat out there. Actual quote from the man himself:

"One of the journalists on here showed me his cat and said I looked like his cat. That was the build up, that I look like Chris Evans, Mick Hucknall and his cat as part of the ginger genepool.

"It was quite a pleasing moment in my life, seeing myself as a mirror view of a cat. Apparently now I look like every single ginger cat in the world."

[flotemysost]

As soon as a I saw this thread title I hoped/knew that someone would have nicknamed a local cat The Bastard. Thank you for making it real. For some reason I really hope that you pronounce it in a UK westcountry style, i.e. The Baaastard.

Haha no worries, and I definitely will from now on!

I've got "The Customer", so called because she loudly howls for service (food) and absolutely hates me - kind of a "Karen", but I have a mate called Karen so I don't feel right using it. She's been living in my garden for four years and has moved from not wanting to be within 50 feet of me to not wanting to be within 5 feet. By the time we're both dead, we may be friends. On the plus side, I made her one of those feral cat shelters and she absolutely loves it, so it's very nice to see her stretch her way out of it in the morning (then run away if I'm anywhere nearby).

Aww, this is really heartwarming (and excellent name).

[popcorn]

We called the stray cat that visited us back in the day Brian Eno. Our Italian neighbour interpreted the name as "Brianino", "Little Brian".

[Gurke and Hare]

Space Cat, for his huge antenna like eyebrows.

[Blue Jam]

Rog and Sean are also known as  Dumb and Dumber and The Dreamie Team. Rog has the most velvety black fur I have ever seen/stroked and so he's also Some Velvet Moron.

[Hobo With A Shit Pun]

Our recently deceased massive white cat first appeared to us as a neighbourhood chancer, come to steal our own cat's meals. When we later adopted him, we went with my flatmates' choice of name, rather than what I'd been calling him, "That White Cunt". I enjoyed asking "You just gonna let That White Cunt eat your food, Tommy."

[Attila]

New neighbours moved in last summer a couple houses down, with their two cats. They seem to have no interest in the poor things in terms of affection (although they are obviously well fed and good coats, &c). So they have moved into our greenhouse.

We call the little grey one Tabby Toes -- she is afraid of everyone, probably because she was violently attacking old Mr Gus, the cat from next door, and hurt him quite badly on one occasion. She's settled in, but is used to people chasing her away.

The big black tom (who has two tiny white feet) we call The Big Unit. He is starved for affection, and comes running whenever I go outside. I haven't been home since just after Christmas, so the poor thing probably thinks I've gone for good :(

[lauraxsynthesis]

We've got one of those cats that look like Hitler round my way. Poor thing has an allergy to grass, so at certain times of year he also has red-ringed eyes. My dogs are afraid of him.

[shiftwork2]

There is no evidence that any of those cats are Hitler.

[Sebastian Cobb]

There is no evidence that any of those cats are Hitler.

I think it's impossible to feed cats a herbivore diet so none of them can be.

[shiftwork2]

I think it's impossible to feed cats a herbivore diet so none of them can be.

all I can say to that seb is OOF mate.  OOF.

[Jockice]

Colin. Back to the woman who broke my heart etc. I stayed at hers one Christmas Eve (in fact the only Christmas Eve we were together) and on getting back from the pub discovered this little black cat had got into the house. He ended up sharing the bed with us and the next morning he bit me on the arse.

Can't remember why we called him Colin but it turned out he belonged to a neighbour of hers who didn't call him Colin. He was ace, became a regular visitor and when my car pulled up he'd rush up to get a stroke.

One of the worst things about getting dumped was that I never saw him again as she lived on a road with a dead end so I had no reason to be go up there and I'd probably have been accused of stalking if I did. It hadn't ended well. He was still young though so I hope he had a long and happy life. And found someone else's arse to bite on Christmas mornings.