What Non-New Films Have You Seen? (2021 Edition)

[Famous Mortimer]

You're all talking nonsense because they're both brilliant

[Small Man Big Horse]

Team America: World Police (2004) - As a huge South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut fan I was disappointed by Parker and Stone's follow up movie when it came out, and seventeen years on if anything I like it less. There's some decent visual gags, the satire of America is sometimes sharp and the songs are largely great, but aspects of it are quite racist and homophobic, and some of the mockery seems a little muddled, especially when it comes to Michael Moore and the various actors they tear in to. I'm not denying that some of it is funny, but some of it felt misguided to me, there seems to be something inherently hypocritical about them saying actors shouldn't voice their opinions but it's perfectly okay for them to do so. Perhaps I'm being a little harsh, and I did laugh a good few times, but at the same time there were moments which left a very unpleasant in my mouth. 4.4/10

[Famous Mortimer]

I think you're pretty accurate on that score. I haven't watched South Park for longer than I ever watched it (is it still being made, even?) because stuff like Team America revealed they're just another pair of boring both-sides-ists.

[samadriel]

Even worse than both-sidesism, that neoconservative "we need the assholes to shit on the pussies" crap far outweighed any suggestion that America might be culpable for some collateral damage (they knock over the Eiffel Tower at the start and... that's about it.)

[Small Man Big Horse]

I think you're pretty accurate on that score. I haven't watched South Park for longer than I ever watched it (is it still being made, even?) because stuff like Team America revealed they're just another pair of boring both-sides-ists.

It is still being made, and they've just signed a contract for a sod load more, but I've quit now as it's rarely funny and the "Both-sides-ists" thing pisses me off a great deal too.

Even worse than both-sidesism, that neoconservative "we need the assholes to shit on the pussies" crap far outweighed any suggestion that America might be culpable for some collateral damage (they knock over the Eiffel Tower at the start and... that's about it.)

There's a little more to the collateral damage thing with the way they blow the fuck out of Egypt, but yeah, it's otherwise poorly handled and the assholes and pussies nonsense is really awful.

It's frustrating as there are some strong jokes in it, the panthers turning out to be adorable cats and the Pearl Harbour song especially, but for every good thing there's about five bad.

[samadriel]

Haha, I was gonna mention the panthers, I remember my girlfriend at the time, who generally had the sense of humour of a moai, in convulsions at the scene of them eating someone alive. Great visual gag.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Had a quite sedentary weekend last weekend and watched:

Calm with Horses - excellent tale of small-time gangland Irish misery and some really excellent IDM on the soundtrack.

Broadcast Signal Intrusion - Noir/suspense horror about a guy working as a video archiver who sees a broadcast intrusion on one of the tapes and reckons they might be related to some strange disappearances of people. Was alright fun, clearly massively inspired by the Max Headroom incidents. Slightly breaking the rules here as it's recent,  it's up my street but to be honest can't follow in the wake of Censor.

Christiane F. - Biographical tale about the German actress Christiane Vera Felscherinow, between the ages of 13 and 14, where she becomes a smackhead and hangs around Banhof Zoo with other young drug addicts, prostitutes and runaways. Unsurprisingly mega-bleak. And in actual fact a bit much given I stuck it on after waking up mega-hungover on a grey Sunday afternoon. Not as bad as the time I thought it would be a good idea to watch threads on new years day, admittedly.

Thelma - Supernatural horror thing about a ultra-religious Norwegian student, kind of like a lesbian Carrie.

[Dusty Substance]

3.3 for Mad Max 2 and 4.4 for Team America? I don't understand anything any more.

[Small Man Big Horse]

3.3 for Mad Max 2 and 4.4 for Team America? I don't understand anything any more.

I'm open to the idea that I just didn't click with either Mad Max films, but I stand by the poor rating for Team America, it's a right old messy bastard of a film and deeply unpleasant at times.

Had a quite sedentary weekend last weekend and watched:

Calm with Horses - excellent tale of small-time gangland Irish misery and some really excellent IDM on the soundtrack.

Broadcast Signal Intrusion - Noir/suspense horror about a guy working as a video archiver who sees a broadcast intrusion on one of the tapes and reckons they might be related to some strange disappearances of people. Was alright fun, clearly massively inspired by the Max Headroom incidents. Slightly breaking the rules here as it's recent,  it's up my street but to be honest can't follow in the wake of Censor.

Christiane F. - Biographical tale about the German actress Christiane Vera Felscherinow, between the ages of 13 and 14, where she becomes a smackhead and hangs around Banhof Zoo with other young drug addicts, prostitutes and runaways. Unsurprisingly mega-bleak. And in actual fact a bit much given I stuck it on after waking up mega-hungover on a grey Sunday afternoon. Not as bad as the time I thought it would be a good idea to watch threads on new years day, admittedly.

Thelma - Supernatural horror thing about a ultra-religious Norwegian student, kind of like a lesbian Carrie.

I'm tempted by Thelma, but struggle with horror which is really bleak, would you consider it to be something which might damage my (over sensitive) brain?

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'm tempted by Thelma, but struggle with horror which is really bleak, would you consider it to be something which might damage my (over sensitive) brain?

This is actually a bit of a tough question as I don't know enough about what exactly you're sensitive about. It's quite a slow burner actually, it's not very graphic or gory and for the most part is quite tame although there are a couple of scenes that could quite easily set people off

Spoiler alert

a dead baby theme and a not particularly graphic spontaneous combustion of someone in a lake

[close]

.

[Sebastian Cobb]

But that reminds me after seeing and liking Titane I checked out Julia Ducournau's debut Raw and thought that was even better. Both those films are definitely unique in their own ways but have quite obvious nods to Cronenberg running through them, in some ways Raw reminded me of Dead Ringers although both quite different. I really look forward to what she does next.

Between that, Censor (will defintely keep an eye out for what Prano Bailey-Bond is up to as well). Throwing Broadcast Signal Intrusion into the mix (although not a BH it has a bit of a videodrome theme), and offerings from both of the Cronenbergs, I am really excited about what seems to be a new wave of body horror.

[Small Man Big Horse]

This is actually a bit of a tough question as I don't know enough about what exactly you're sensitive about. It's quite a slow burner actually, it's not very graphic or gory and for the most part is quite tame although there are a couple of scenes that could quite easily set people off

Spoiler alert

a dead baby theme and a not particularly graphic spontaneous combustion of someone in a lake

[close]

.

Me neither, to be honest! I think I struggle with horror which is just relentlessly miserable, but am okay if it has a fair amount of over the top gore, or is a supernatural thriller, then I seem to be okay with it. So for example I recently quite liked the new Candyman movie, Cult Of Chucky and 2010's Rabies, but I absolutely despised The Lodge as it was horribly bleak from start to end.

[Sebastian Cobb]

You might be ok then, it's not relentlessly miserable or misanthropic, as I say there are some bleak scenes some people definitely may not like but it's mostly supernatural intertwined with some oppressive-religious strict parenting stuff, although I don't think it shits on religion in itself either.

[sevendaughters]

Gabbeh - 1996 Iranian film by Mohsen Makhmalbahf. Picked this up by CAB alerting me to Arrow's DVD sale (this is part one of his 'Poetic trilogy') so thank you CAB. His film just before this, A Moment of Innocence, is one of my all-timers and I've been dying to check more out. Generally speaking I'm a fan of Iranian cinema and the way it is gently subversive whilst seeming so bloody humane. Anyway, Gabbeh is more obviously a magical realist work (...Innocence treads the real/fiction line quite well, but around facts) that uses a lot of bright colour symbolism (this is one of the loveliest films to look at I've ever seen) and impressionistic montage to paint a picture of nomadic life in Iran. Good film, 75 minutes long, and just very easy on the eye, but not in the same league as ...Innocence.

[Sebastian Cobb]

That sounds good, will look into it.

It's also reminded me I have a copy of Persepolis kicking around that I ought to watch. I bought it at the same time as I read the book and I really liked the book and wanted to put a bit of time between watching the film.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Team America: World Police (2004)...

South Park was possibly my favourite comedy show back then, but Team America really put me off. They'd always prodded at liberal sensibilities, but it seemed to mark a hard turn into real viciousness. If it was an ironic thing, they were clearly very committed to the joke, because they carried on in that vein for a good decade at lleast, pretty much exclusively targeting the libs.

[samadriel]

It'd be one thing if they really were the independent, Thoreauvian maverick thinkers they obviously think they are, but they clearly fell hook line and sinker for the neoconservative American propaganda of the time -- they're just as easily led by the nose as, say, Matt Damon, they just needed someone to tell them that their reactionary instincts are TOTALLY BADASS and they should PWN THE LIBS.

[Famous Mortimer]

Forbidden Zone

The one made by Richard Elfman, brother of Danny and founder of Oingo Boingo. Perhaps best imagined than actually watched, as the first person we see is a drug dealing pimp, played by a guy in blackface; then we roll through a bit more racism, some homophobia, Hitler as a naughty schoolboy, and of course lots of completely unnecessary nudity. And that's just the first ten minutes.

Clearly a lot of effort went into it, and it can't be accused of holding back, but it's just a bit too much.

[Famous Mortimer]

Naughty Stewardesses

And we're at the other extreme. When I see something like this, I think of the Mike Nelson line from MST3K: "hey, you forgot to have something happen in your movie". It seemed like a fun idea before I put it on, but I was wrong.

Al Adamson and Sam Sherman (the director and producer) never saw a trend they didn't try to exploit, and this was a successful attempt to cash in on some other stewardess movie from...Sweden?...that was doing very well at the time. All their movies are rubbish, boring, or usually both, like "Horror Of The Blood Monsters" and "Dracula vs. Frankenstein"; and this is no exception.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Forbidden Zone

The one made by Richard Elfman, brother of Danny and founder of Oingo Boingo. Perhaps best imagined than actually watched, as the first person we see is a drug dealing pimp, played by a guy in blackface; then we roll through a bit more racism, some homophobia, Hitler as a naughty schoolboy, and of course lots of completely unnecessary nudity. And that's just the first ten minutes.

Clearly a lot of effort went into it, and it can't be accused of holding back, but it's just a bit too much.

I think I liked it a little more than you, but yeah, it's an exhausting film and the racism and homophobia is a particularly shitty aspect of it. I did like the songs, and it's quite funny in places, but it's not something I'd recommend without an awful lot of caveats.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Wallace and Grommit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

I unabashedly love the first three Wallace and Grommit short films. Just one or two bars of the theme tune and I'm whisked back to childhood Christmases (only the Toys R Us jingle is more powerful). I don't think it's merely incidental that I've never warmed as much to any of the ones that were made after I reached adulthood. That said, I don't think simple nostalgia is the whole story either.

I remember actually disliking this when I first saw it - not boiling hate, or anything, but it was definitely a disappointment. Watching it again, I feel a lot more positive about it overall, but it still doesn't quite have the charm of the originals.

This sounds ultra spoddy, but I think the problem is logic, or lack thereof. I know it's silly to quibble about scientific verisimilitude in a series that saw its heroes take a homemade rocket for some moon cheese, but the central concept  doesn't entirely work for me. It just doesn't seem to fit with the feel of the series before that. Wallace's inventions were outlandish, but they made physical sense in the setting. A man undergoing metamorphosis because he overwrote his brainwaves? Now you've lost me. If it had been a Fly style teleportation accident, I wouldn't be complaining. To be fair, they did a good job of the horror pastiche and I can get behind the idea as a sort of Treehouse of Horror alternative universe sort of thing.

Likewise, the big action climax is fun and all, but it lacks the off kilter logic that made The Wrong Trousers' model train chase so delightful. They needed Grommit to engage in a big chase, so the merry-go-round has working planes on it. Why not? It's like an action film, but small. It's whimsical and charming, like the older films, right? No. No, it is not.

Hutch the Rabbit is a  blatant attempt to make another Shaun the Sheep, but with a bunch of catchphrases and whacky behaviour (the better to make some spin off series). He's  like a metaphor for the whole film: copy what worked before, but go bigger.

I'm sounding a lot more negative than I really am. I still enjoyed those elements (except Hutch can fuck right off) and the cast are ace, with Helena Bonham Carter and Ralph Feinnes perfectly suited to their roles.
I'll happily watch it again, but I'll watch the first three more happily.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Curss of the here-glitch.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Green Snake (1993) - Adaptation of a novel from director Tsui Hark revolving around two snakes who take human form, Green (Maggie Cheung) and White (Joey Wang), with the latter attempting to seduce a local teacher and experience love. With an overactive smoke machine and lots of billowing curtains it sometimes looks like an eighties pop video and there's the odd special effect which looks awful, but most of the time this is quite beautifully shot, and

Spoiler alert

the unpredictable ending took me by surprise

[close]

which can never be a bad thing. 7.7/10

[zomgmouse]

The Profession of Arms. Historical drama from Ermanno Olmi about 16th-century military captain who dies of an artillery wound. It looks really great, with lots of attention to detail. But it is a bit dense and very dry. Not my favourite Olmi by any stretch.

[Famous Mortimer]

I decided to go for the double and watch Blazing Stewardesses.

Manages to make the first movie look action packed - it starts with a 2-minute musical montage, then has a couple of lines of boring dialogue, then has a 5-minute musical montage. Seems to be an excuse for the producer to hang out with a couple of his favourite old cowboy actors and the Ritz Brothers, who were the poundshop Marxes. A real good old fashioned waste of time.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Hal (2018) - Documentary about director Hal Ashby of Being There and Harold and Maude fame, with a great selection of talking heads and audio and letters from Ashby himself. It concentrates mostly on the films he made rather than his private life, there's the odd comment about drug use and the (many) women in his life along with the daughter he all but ignored, but most of the time it's all about the making of those movies and what went wrong in the eighties before his death. I'm a huge fan of the man's work and found it fascinating throughout, though I'm not sure it'd be a good introduction to his films if you haven't seen them, if only because this features a lot of discussion of their endings. 7.8/10.

[Inspector Norse]

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle I'd assumed this was another hollow cash-grab CGI thing but saw some surprisingly positive reviews and decided to check it out and what do you know, it's a classic slick, fun throwback blockbuster, full of endearing performances and genuinely funny lines. It uses its gimmick smartly: the computer game aspect meaning the characters have three lives rather than just one lends some real unpredictability to proceedings. Other things that often feel token and half-arsed in this kind of film were done well too, with real character development, and the body-swap aspect was handled smartly as well as being played for laughs.
It doesn't all work: the humour starts flagging after the first hour, and Bobby Cannavale was painted into something of a corner as the villain, as playing an NPC inside the game meant that he didn't have much real agency; that kind of role was handled much better by Rhys Darby and assorted goons. The actual in-game plot and action were fairly uninteresting, the focus being more on the characters' emotional journey, and some of the effects and scenery were underwhelming, but overall a really enjoyable ride.

[zomgmouse]

Snide and Prejudice. Nothing to do with Pride and Prejudice, instead this is a dark comedy by Philippe Mora set in a mental asylum where one of the patients thinks he's Hitler and the other therapists pretend to be Nazi officials. Oddly stacked cast, with Rene Auberjonois as the head psychiatrist and Angus MacFadyen as the man who thinks he's Hitler, plus Mena Suvari, Jeffrey Combs, Claudia Christian and others as the supporting roles (plus Mick Fleetwood pops up as Picasso for some reason). Clever enough premise but the whole thing turns out to be essentially a blow-by-blow retelling of Hitler's rise to power and I don't think it really does enough around it to warrant stretching the whole thing out like they did.

[dissolute ocelot]

South Park was possibly my favourite comedy show back then, but Team America really put me off. They'd always prodded at liberal sensibilities, but it seemed to mark a hard turn into real viciousness. If it was an ironic thing, they were clearly very committed to the joke, because they carried on in that vein for a good decade at lleast, pretty much exclusively targeting the libs.

I'm definitely in the anti-Team America but pro-South Park camp. Even though it was done with puppets it seemed like an audition to get to direct a real, live-action, dumb action film. Doing exactly the same thing but with puppets isn't satire, it's just Thunderbirds.

Not watched much lately but did see Jesus Shows You the Way to the Highway (2019) the Estonian/Ethiopian sci-fi actioner, which I think has been mentioned here before. I really enjoyed it, it has the perfect late-night woozy atmosphere, a fairly simple plot (short guy enters cyberspace/VR world in pursuit of hacker/criminals but gets trapped and separated from his buxom blonde girlfriend who gets naked a lot) but it's definitely the best depiction of cyberspace in any movie ever (even better than Ralph Breaks The Internet), so inventive, funny (to me), and surprisingly competently made, despite often seeming to be the filmmakers just having fun.

Also watched Sev7en (19975) for the first time since it came out, and wow I have become jaded and unshockable, but it's still a wonderful piece of filmmaking: at first I was yawn why is it raining all the time and why are they living in the flat from Blues Brothers? But it's one of Morgan Freeman's best performances; Brad Pitt is at a sweet spot on the journey from hyperactive youngster to guy who's too cool to try; nice desert; and it actually feels less exploitative and less in favour of serial killing than most serial killer movies, certainly head and shoulders above how similar themes are treated in Silence of the Lambs or Dark Knight.

[greenman]

Born of Fire, first Jamil Dehla film I'v seen with Peter Firth as a flutist on a mystical question to Turkey, definitely an interesting mix between horror and arthouse, like a more relaxed less hippyish jodorowsky. Closest atmosphere wise I'v seen would be Makhmalbaf like the Gabbeh with the same kind of Islamic mysticism and the shots of Cappadocia treally do look beautiful and worth watching the film for alone.

The Ballad of Narayama, the first Immaura I'v seen as well and again a very interesting mix, remote village life in Japan that manages to mix highbrown and earthy humour really well somehow not coming across as nasty dispite featuring some pretty extreme events. The last half hour traveling of the mountain in the title again really is beautiful.