Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => H.S. Art => Topic started by: clingfilm portent on November 14, 2016, 05:32:35 PM

Poll
Question: All you got?
Option 1: All I got votes: 0
Option 2: Nall I got votes: 0
Option 3: (Timothy) Spall I got   votes: 1
Option 4: (All Creatures Great and) Small I got votes: 0
Option 5: (Johnny) Ball I got votes: 0
Option 6: (Stones of) Gall I got votes: 0
Option 7: (Reginald Perrin's Rise and) Fall I got votes: 0
Option 8: Raoul Moat votes: 1
Option 9: Fall-ah! I got-AH! votes: 1
Option 10: the cool shoeshine votes: 1
Title: That's all I got
Post by: clingfilm portent on November 14, 2016, 05:32:35 PM
Dog Tired: Sleepy Hunter







That's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: checkoutgirl on November 14, 2016, 05:34:01 PM
Please explain.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: clingfilm portent on November 14, 2016, 05:35:51 PM
A thread for half-baked ideas that you can't be arsed to expand on.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 14, 2016, 05:47:17 PM
Lawnmower Man 4: Hedge Fund - The Lean Years
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 14, 2016, 05:48:52 PM
Bless you, I've been wanting to share this idea.

Near where I be is a Fire Station with a Museum attached. It's called the Fire Museum, and its full of, I dunno, old engines and hats n' stuff. But it got me thinking, what if there was a fire museum that was full of fire?

Stay with me here.

At each major conflagration (Rome 64, London 1666, Chicago 1871, Tokyo 1923 etc), someone pops up to collect a few of the last dying embers and carries them off to this museum where those embers are put on exhibition and kept burning by the frequent application of wood shavings and wot not.

Entry to the museum is £15 Adults, £5 under 12s.... or your immortal soul or something.

A-and... that's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Glebe on November 14, 2016, 07:57:46 PM
Ooh! Look! Mr. Flumpkin goes... ah fuck it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on November 14, 2016, 10:21:54 PM
The phrase "a magnus up the gary," and nothing else.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Uncle TechTip on November 14, 2016, 10:54:31 PM
Which songs are best to sing with a rhotacism and lisp? So far I've found that Country House by Blur and The Reflex are the most enjoyable.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on November 14, 2016, 11:01:50 PM
Zombies and dinosaurs.

Title tbc.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on November 15, 2016, 12:49:12 AM
Se7en 2: 8ight

No wait, get this...

Se7en 2: ei8ht
Se7en 3: nin9

Ok, now I'm spent.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 15, 2016, 08:20:55 AM
A hard hitting fly on the wall type documentary of a man touring the UK with his collection of spoons.

All the different types of spoons...

...

... Sheffield '78s

... all the spoons.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pit-Pat on November 15, 2016, 09:40:37 AM
Poor, nasty, British and short.

I don't know how to make this work because I don't want to punch downwards.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 15, 2016, 10:42:57 AM
Quote from: Fishfinger on November 14, 2016, 11:01:50 PM
Zombies and dinosaurs.

Title Terrordactyl.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pit-Pat on November 15, 2016, 10:45:35 AM
If I end up being my friend Matt's best man at his wedding:

"What a piece of work is Matt?"

That's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on November 15, 2016, 01:40:17 PM
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Alan Hansen Instructional Toilet-Training DVD.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 15, 2016, 01:44:39 PM
Crouching Tiger Hidden I'm Not Arsed Mate At All
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Glebe on November 15, 2016, 08:16:19 PM
A wobbly goose goes 'bump!' along Flumpkin's Brucie... naaaaah.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Bleeding Kansas on November 15, 2016, 08:30:59 PM
Motte and Bailey

A police procedural where DCI John Motte and DCI Kevin Bailey exclusively solve crimes that take place in old castles.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on November 15, 2016, 10:24:47 PM
A late-90's R&B duo called Tender 'n' Myld
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on November 15, 2016, 10:25:54 PM
"Static Alan's base-six adventure dice game"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on November 15, 2016, 10:27:35 PM
Mick Hucknall doing local TV adverts for small businesses: "If you don't know me, buy now!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on November 15, 2016, 10:30:40 PM
This one's a bit more developed.

As part of Clowne canon, there's a race of sub-Clownes who work in the engine rooms of the space hulks. They are the pottie clownes, and they wank into the reactors to power the thrusters. The warrior-clownes bully this caste of clowne-serfs, so the pottie clownes have a certain cameraderie. This thing is just them, in the engine rooms, doing the o-O-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o, o-O-O bit from Tarzan Boy.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Glebe on November 16, 2016, 01:48:54 AM
Quote from: doppelkorn on November 15, 2016, 10:30:40 PMThey are the pottie clownes (sic)

The Potty Clownes, to give them their grammatically correct title, were retired in 2011, to make way for the Speculum Gnomes.

Everybody knows that.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on November 16, 2016, 08:04:25 AM
Episode idea for KOTH: Dale Gribble meets a female version of himself called Gail Dribble.

Good job it writes itself, cos that's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 16, 2016, 08:33:28 AM
Hobo vs. Minotaur

that's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 16, 2016, 08:43:20 AM
"Tell us how it is! Tell us how it is!!" Roars the crowd.

"I'll tell you how it is," says the man stepping forward, brushing Marmite crumbs from his lapel -
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 16, 2016, 08:49:40 AM
This is all Ebe Sneezer And His Epidemics have got:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dw5E2xhpns (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dw5E2xhpns)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Tikwid on November 16, 2016, 11:21:20 AM
One of alternate universe CAB's most popular tags: "ITS JASON BUORNES FAUTL"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 16, 2016, 12:45:05 PM
Film idea

Packing it in

Tells the stories of five movie tropes (A cop, an investigative journalist, a hitman, a bloodthirsty warlord and a politician)....packing it in.

e.g. the movie begins with the journalist discovering some piece of information that could lead to the downfall of society. Cut to nighttime, frantic music, the journalist in his office surrounded by white boards, newspaper cuttings and other ephemera. He is hunched over the typewriter, about to write.

He slouches off to the bedroom and goes to sleep.

e.g. A cop learns from his PI that a crime lord is due to make a big heist at Trump Towers. None of his colleagues believe this. Cut to nighttime, frantic music, the cop is staking out the building and sees a truck pull up in alleyway close by. Balaclava-clad men inside.

He slouches off to a doughnut joint up the street.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shit Good Nose on November 16, 2016, 12:49:32 PM
Clem Boonfan.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shit Good Nose on November 16, 2016, 12:53:20 PM
Quote from: BlodwynPig on November 16, 2016, 12:45:05 PM
Film idea

Does that mean you've abandoned Mino2r?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 16, 2016, 01:06:41 PM
Quote from: Shit Good Nose on November 16, 2016, 12:53:20 PM
Does that mean you've abandoned Mino2r?

Lawyers saying they are waiting to see about the lawsuits from Minotaur first.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shit Good Nose on November 16, 2016, 01:08:03 PM
Fucking lawsuits.  That'll be tied up for years.

Never mind - might come out in a double pack with The Clown That Cried.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on November 16, 2016, 01:58:56 PM
Idea for a detective series set on Gurnsey: Iqbal and Massier
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 16, 2016, 02:03:36 PM
A sequel to Lord of the Rings, called Sam's Pies.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shit Good Nose on November 16, 2016, 03:07:12 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on November 16, 2016, 02:03:36 PM
A sequel to Lord of the Rings, called Sam's Pies.

How many endings will it have?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on November 17, 2016, 02:08:36 AM
Greggsnado
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 17, 2016, 07:47:26 AM
Quote from: Shit Good Nose on November 16, 2016, 03:07:12 PM
How many endings will it have?

It will vary depending on the point when you decide to leave the cinema/fall asleep in front of the tv.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on November 17, 2016, 11:44:43 AM
Three men, burning in a tank, going 'Wuuurrrrghhhh.'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 17, 2016, 11:46:54 AM
Don Swa'Hallen's Spoon Theater... coming to a Town Hall auditorium near you soon...

It doesn't have to be spoons.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Tikwid on November 17, 2016, 02:16:04 PM
A bloke called Acousmatic Joe. That's all I got
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on November 17, 2016, 02:47:50 PM
A café in Hackney specialising in small plates of knob-cheese.

All I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on November 17, 2016, 03:10:05 PM
it's a warty old demented obese cavewoman sat on a rotten tree stump, repeatedly shoving an animal bone (with rotten meat still attached) into her fanny and she's drooling and breathing snot in and out of her nose, and the drool and snot is like mixing together in the tuft of wiry white hair growing out of her chin. basically what happens then is a caveman (or maybe two cavemen) come up to her and start fucking her and she's so demented she doesn't seem to notice or care, and she's like making these grunting sounds and throwing up on herself. the caveman jizzes up her fanny and farts and walks away. nine months later she's foraging for turds in a swamp and a baby falls out of her into a pool of stagnant water and drowns. she picks up the corpse by it's legs and uses it as a cudgel to stun rats which she then bites in half, leaves to rot, and eats.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on November 29, 2016, 03:26:09 AM
He's a divorced alcoholic maverick character actor something, she's an affordable woman who gets her tits out twice in the pilot episode.

Looking for 7-8 seasons, minimum. I get to cast it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on November 29, 2016, 04:12:08 AM
Skid Marx
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 29, 2016, 06:40:05 AM
A spoof Tom Baker era Doctor Who called The Entirely Pleasant Village. The Doctor and Leela arrive at a quaint old English village and cause mayhem looking for an alien threat that just doesn't exist. Sergeant Benton appears as an alcoholic pub singer, and there's a homage to WithNail and I when our heroes enter a tea shop. A-and that all I have.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: poo on November 29, 2016, 08:45:22 AM
The Byst
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 29, 2016, 03:54:02 PM
Toby Seashells...

Just popped into my head that one. Weird.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pit-Pat on November 29, 2016, 04:13:44 PM
Scooby Two: 3
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: billtheburger on November 29, 2016, 08:31:50 PM
Going to Crete for a minor tour.

Going to get three shrieking fuckers to make a trill orgy.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 08, 2017, 04:48:02 PM
Topman or somewhere starts making these boxer shorts which are inexplicably irresistible. No-one knows if it is the cut or the pattern or some other random thing, but when people see them they are driven mad with desire. Topman finds they have to get them made by a factory of blind workers in Bangladesh in order even to get them away from their manufacturers, since if they can see what they've stitched together, they would rather die than part with their creation. When the staff in the shops put them on the mannequins they start frotting the mannequins, irrespective of sex, and have to be given a faceful of chloroform to get them away. Some people do manage to buy them and get them out of the shop, although they involuntarily orgasm in their pants several times in the process, and they often get their PIN wrong many times while this happens. They put them on at home but spend so much time admiring themselves in the mirror they can't actually get out of the house. For the few that do manage to get onto the street in them, they find that if there's even a small amount of fabric poking out of the jeans they end up being chased down the road by crowds of sex-deranged fiends who tear at their jeans until they get at the underwear. There are bundles of people on all the streets in fully-clothed orgies pawing at some poor person's crotch who made the mistake of going out wearing them. Eventually, no-one is turning up for work or bothering to eat because they're engaged in some act of lust relating to the shorts and armies of blind people are formed to try to police the people, but they all just get kicked in the groin, so they have to start gunning people down, but because they can't see they gun down each other quite a bit too. Theresa May has to go on air to declare a national emergency but when they show the boxer shorts as a warning that you should avoid them, she starts masturbating and they have to shut down the broadcast.

That's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on January 11, 2017, 11:00:54 PM
11:30 Taking Stock of Evil:

Barry Scott Takes a Look at The Gravies of the Nazis, in colour (brown)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the midnight watch baboon on January 11, 2017, 11:19:40 PM
Gay people are abandoned with gay abandon and it's hosted by an Irishman.

It features lots of sliding minibus doors,  drone footage of Christopher Biggins laughing to himself in a dell or near a tarn, before getting really worried and perhaps the narrative turns rather blue.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: clingfilm portent on January 11, 2017, 11:24:27 PM
An downward-pointing arrow above the cistern, above that: the spray-painted words 'bum milk'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on January 12, 2017, 09:53:41 PM
Otis Redding is brought back from the dead, or they make a hologram of him so they can make it sing "Shittin' on the cock of a gay" and make the corpse/hologram actually do that thing while he's singing it.

That's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 16, 2017, 01:30:38 PM
"And now, the shipping forecast..."

Except instead of the weather it's a list featuring the unlikely romantic pairings of various fiction characters.

I'm sure this has never been done as a sketch before but I haven't bothered checking to make sure.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 16, 2017, 02:04:23 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on January 16, 2017, 01:30:38 PM
"And now, the shipping forecast..."

Except instead of the weather it's a list featuring the unlikely romantic pairings of various fiction characters.

I'm sure this has never been done as a sketch before but I haven't bothered checking to make sure.

I'm sorry to have to get all over your arse like this, but might you please supply an examples or two? Or I'll be forced to accuse you of having less than nothing. I suppose 'that's all I got' could potentially cover the case that your idea is so deficient that it consists of a negative amount of content, but I'm not sure that it's in the spirit of the thread.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 16, 2017, 03:23:32 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 16, 2017, 02:04:23 PM
I'm sorry to have to get all over your arse like this, but might you please supply an examples or two? Or I'll be forced to accuse you of having less than nothing. I suppose 'that's all I got' could potentially cover the case that your idea is so deficient that it consists of a negative amount of content, but I'm not sure that it's in the spirit of the thread.

Zippy and Bungle
Trump and Grove
Homer Simpson and Motoko Kusanagi

jeez, didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition...

the Spanish Inquisition and the ECB


happy now?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 16, 2017, 04:15:56 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on January 16, 2017, 03:23:32 PM
Zippy and Bungle [etc]

This is exactly as I feared. They don't say 'and' between the names, do they? It's stuff like

Quote from: wikipediaHumber, Thames. Southeast veering southwest 4 or 5, occasionally 6 later. Thundery showers. Moderate or good, occasionally poor.

And it's not just the names of the areas, is it? There's something about the wind or whatever, plus whether good or whatever.

You haven't said, for example, if Zippy and Bungle are moderate or good, occasionally poor.

Do you see my problems with what you've (not) done?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 16, 2017, 04:43:51 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 16, 2017, 04:15:56 PM
Do you see my problems with what you've (not) done?

'sake.

QuoteZippy, Bungle. Thames television veering ITV 3 or 4, occasionally CITV later. Golden showers. Angst or humour, occasionally pornographic.

I suppose this is what I get for asking BlodwynPig to show his working out in the 'Who Murdered Lolly Shoe?' thread.


Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 16, 2017, 05:08:15 PM
But don't you see? This is quite good now. And all because of me. Me. Because I insist that standards are maintained with utmost rigour. It is clear that I should be a leader of men, for as we have just seen, I am able to inspire and browbeat people to their full potential. Properly equipped, I believe I could conceive unlimited inducements and punishments of ever increasing inventiveness and cruelty. You shall be my first recruit, Spoon of Ploff. If you survive your training, I shall promote you to Lieutenant. Thenceforth, we shall fly at the world on wings of fury and it will bow down before us.

Let us begin. I hereby issue you with your first command:

Kill Glebe.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 16, 2017, 05:42:20 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 16, 2017, 05:08:15 PM
But don't you see? This is quite good now. And all because of me. Me. Because I insist that standards are maintained with utmost rigour. It is clear that I should be a leader of men, for as we have just seen, I am able to inspire and browbeat people to their full potential. Properly equipped, I believe I could conceive unlimited inducements and punishments of ever increasing inventiveness and cruelty. You shall be my first recruit, Spoon of Ploff. If you survive your training, I shall promote you to Lieutenant. Thenceforth, we shall fly at the world on wings of fury and it will bow down before us.

Let us begin. I hereby issue you with your first command:

Kill Glebe.


(http://31.media.tumblr.com/86edf5705df568c60b951d34581f358c/tumblr_mojteiGZLw1rg79reo1_500.gif)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sgt. Duckie on January 16, 2017, 05:54:44 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on January 16, 2017, 04:43:51 PM
'sake.

I suppose this is what I get for asking BlodwynPig to show his working out in the 'Who Murdered Lolly Shoe?' thread.

Lolly Shoe really was all I had.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on January 18, 2017, 04:18:29 PM
Quote from: Fishfinger on November 17, 2016, 02:08:36 AM
Greggsnado

now all you have is that and this:

(http://i.imgur.com/XhX5a7n.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on January 18, 2017, 05:09:44 PM
Some sort of cross between a shoe and a sponge.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on January 18, 2017, 05:27:00 PM
Quote from: Norton Canes on January 18, 2017, 05:09:44 PM
Some sort of cross between a shoe and a sponge.

sean connery doing the adverts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 18, 2017, 05:41:30 PM
A plate of chips reminisce about the 1950's... one of them has a Yorkshire accent. There are no flashback sequences. 10 episodes, each an hour long.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on January 18, 2017, 07:14:49 PM
Quote from: spamwangler on January 18, 2017, 04:18:29 PM
now all you have is that and this:

(http://i.imgur.com/XhX5a7n.png)

Too good. I'm now pitching another project in desperate need of a poster: Pornado.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on August 04, 2017, 04:26:31 PM
All taps are replaced with penises. In order to get anything out of them, e.g. water for a bath, they have to be milked or stimulated in some other way. For example, to get beer out of the taps in pubs there is an anus-shaped hole and you have to stick your finger in and waggle it about. This slows everything in the world down to an intolerable degree, but everyone gets extremely good at masturbation.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 29, 2017, 10:18:21 PM
Mission Impossible style situation in which two men are descending on ropes towards a floor they cannot disturb because it is riddled with sensors. Bloke A says that he is sorry and he shouldn't have had that extra pint at lunchtime but he really needs a piss. He can't just do it on the floor because of the sensors so Bloke B has to drink a whole bladderful of piss straight from Bloke A's penis.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on December 30, 2017, 09:46:25 AM
Quote from: pancreas on December 29, 2017, 10:18:21 PM
Mission Impossible style situation in which two men are descending on ropes towards a floor they cannot disturb because it is riddled with sensors. Bloke A says that he is sorry and he shouldn't have had that extra pint at lunchtime but he really needs a piss. He can't just do it on the floor because of the sensors so Bloke B has to drink a whole bladderful of piss straight from Bloke A's penis.

Kevin James smashes it again
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 17, 2018, 05:01:07 AM
A joke where the punchline is

"...Ed Milliband, Dave Milliband, or the Steve Miller Band!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 19, 2018, 09:58:33 PM
Appending "...and the philosopher's stone" to celebrity names, then imagining what that would be like.

"Terry Nutkins and the philsopher's stone"

"Alan Bennet and the philosopher's stone"

"June Sarpong and the philosopher's stone"

That sort of thing
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 19, 2018, 10:28:38 PM
The light of evening, Lissadell,
Great windows open to the south,
Two girls in silk kimonos, both
Beautiful, one Scott Quinnell.

and

The chill ascends from feet to knees,
The fever sings in mental wires.
If to be warmed, then I must freeze
And quake in frigid purgatorial fires
Of which the flame is roses, and the smoke is Richard Briers.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on February 25, 2018, 11:08:00 PM
babra strides and
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on February 25, 2018, 11:23:16 PM
Quote from: spamwangler on February 25, 2018, 11:08:00 PM
babra strides and

Wow. That's barely anything at all. I mean, you couldn't really have less than that.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on February 25, 2018, 11:30:52 PM
Quote from: pancreas on February 25, 2018, 11:23:16 PM
Wow. That's barely anything at all. I mean, you couldn't really have less than that.

i feel like theres something there, like a voice on the wind.

some cunts are posting full ideas on here, bunch of jokers, anyone can have an idea, - anyone can have no ideas, but having something balanced so perfectly on the very periphery of your brain, on the threshold between idea and just staring out the window with your hand down your trousers, there is the thrill of the chase for me
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 25, 2018, 11:52:06 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 17, 2018, 05:01:07 AM


"...Ed Milliband, Dave Milliband, or the Steve Miller Band!"

(http://www.thesmokinggun.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/175xUnlimited/photos/carnac0808.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on February 26, 2018, 12:00:04 AM
Cattle re-enactment society
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 26, 2018, 02:09:14 AM
Steven Fry interviews serial killers.

Sort of like... eighties wogan set, pastel blues, sofa.

Henry Lee Lucas is led on in shackles by his handler. Steven is waiting on a podium.

Steven says "Henry! Entrust your buttocks to this cushiony perch, if you would!"

Henry looks at his guard and grunts "wuh?" the guard shrugs.

Steven says "Ladle your bum quarters over this arrangement of furniturestuffs, if the botty desires"

Guard says "I think he wants you to sit down"

Steven says "now, Hen, let's get into the fruitcake of your naughty little killingtons down in sweet virginia"

That's all I fucking got
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 26, 2018, 07:38:08 AM
Where do crusts go?

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on February 26, 2018, 09:30:43 AM
Is that all there is? Is that all there is?
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball,
If that's all there is
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 26, 2018, 04:23:27 PM
Quote from: spamwangler on February 25, 2018, 11:08:00 PM
babra strides and

Barbra"s dry sand
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on February 27, 2018, 12:08:11 AM
ALTERED YEAST

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on February 27, 2018, 12:09:17 AM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on February 26, 2018, 04:23:27 PM
Barbra"s dry sand

barb's rare stride stand
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on February 27, 2018, 01:11:58 AM
Quote from: spamwangler on February 27, 2018, 12:09:17 AM
barb's rare stride stand

bar rabbi, er, stir rice and
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 27, 2018, 01:21:30 AM
Bra burn Iceland
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 27, 2018, 02:48:39 AM
Barber? Ass tries hand!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 02, 2018, 04:48:33 PM
A baker parody of Fatima Whitbread:

Whittima Flatbread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on March 02, 2018, 04:52:54 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on March 02, 2018, 04:48:33 PM
A baker parody of Fatima Whitbread:

Whittima Flatbread

Oh that's great. It doesn't even need a proper justification.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Howj Begg on March 02, 2018, 04:57:08 PM
Legende Helmut

Gary's dickish Teutonic cousin. Much more smug and self-satisfied.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Custard on March 02, 2018, 10:23:25 PM
Burt Bread: Bakery Detective
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on March 03, 2018, 03:48:20 PM
Gapes on a plane
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on March 03, 2018, 06:07:01 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, the four dumpings.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on March 03, 2018, 06:53:10 PM
DAD FUCKERZ 2002: XTREME DAD COCKZ
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Custard on March 03, 2018, 10:31:31 PM
Rolling Chunder
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on March 04, 2018, 02:59:29 AM
Rapper called Campy-Lo Beavoir
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on March 06, 2018, 10:05:52 PM
I wanna start a thread about non-comedy performers who would have made good comedy actors. Dave Grohl is mine, but I cba doing a thread with pictures and words etc. Just had to get it off my chest. 'kinell
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 07, 2018, 12:07:24 AM
Amos and Andy, but it's Anus and Andy.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on March 07, 2018, 10:19:24 AM
The SAS go back in time to stop the SAS from ending the siege at the Iranian embassy for some important reasons.
But which SAS will win?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on March 07, 2018, 02:26:37 PM
Tin of peas my lord, tin of peas.
Tin of wolves my lord, win of wolves.
Tin of socks, my lord, tin of socks.
Oh lord, bim bim bim.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on March 07, 2018, 06:53:54 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on March 07, 2018, 10:19:24 AM
The SAS go back in time to stop the SAS from ending the siege at the Iranian embassy for some important reasons.
But which SAS will win?

An angry Michael Heseltine picks up the phone: Get me the SAS... no the other SAS
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on March 08, 2018, 06:07:18 PM
in response to panc's request for me to put a bit more work into my posts:

Wok Out With Your Cock Out


Controversial channel five cooking show, - Ken Hom describes it as a

'Shameful moment of madness during a very difficult period in my life [....] we all make mistakes, but some of us make those mistakes live on national television at 4:30 in the morning in exchange for an indoor swimming pool, so i guess its like swings and roundabouts really Eamon'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on March 08, 2018, 06:11:47 PM
i would also like to say that i did a quick google for any potential Chinese cooking utensils who's name rhymed with parts of the female anatomy, to avoid any potential allegations sexual negligence of  but i looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror, and was too depressed to continue
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on March 08, 2018, 06:24:55 PM
Sexual Negligence

long forgotten 1992 collaboration between La Monte Young and Sting. It was basically just the sound one of those toy drinking birds plucking away at a lute, with the sound of La Monte Young taking a shower recorded from the end of a hallway. Young claims his contribution was recorded without his permission by record company stooges

not even been uploaded to youtube

definitely one for the terrible album covers thread:

(https://i.imgur.com/M2Ju4z7.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on March 08, 2018, 06:25:46 PM
i mean, you might hate those ideas pancreas, but you cant argue that they would have at least taken a bit longer than my usual output to type
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on March 08, 2018, 09:03:04 PM
Quote from: spamwangler on March 08, 2018, 06:25:46 PM
i mean, you might hate those ideas pancreas, but you cant argue that they would have at least taken a bit longer than my usual output to type

I think they are wonderful, in fact. I might even have given you karma, if I had any.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on March 09, 2018, 05:24:22 PM
www dot eastenders dot cotton
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: H-O-W-L on March 09, 2018, 05:29:20 PM
Twunt Findler: Pet Detective
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on March 10, 2018, 10:19:46 AM
'it was one of those gob on your own nob places'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 10, 2018, 02:53:14 PM
You're once, twice, three tiiimes Tom Brady.

And I looooove you.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on March 11, 2018, 04:25:09 AM
Third eye Iaiin, converts to hinduism.  Something about his chakras or shiva, maybe.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: H-O-W-L on March 11, 2018, 06:08:54 PM
Haukland Scrumsfeld, the Blistered Bastard of West Bromley.

All I had was just him speaking like Vincent Price with a mouth full of quim, spittling gozz with every harsh letter and pronouncing his B's and P's like Rowan Atkinson, and probably being a nazi.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on March 15, 2018, 02:35:11 PM
The Fuckits:  Muppets that can't be arsed. Piece of cloth with an eye on it. Don't even have different voices.


ABBAtoir. I dunno. 4 Swedish butchers harmonising into a blood sink.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on March 15, 2018, 03:34:38 PM
Saw a pub called 'The Case Is Altered' today.

That's got to be worth something.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 15, 2018, 06:38:13 PM
An alternative to SubWay: DomWay.

The staff are not passive, and they don't give a fuck what you want in your sandwich you pathetic worm.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on March 15, 2018, 10:40:50 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on March 15, 2018, 03:34:38 PM
Saw a pub called 'The Case Is Altered' today.

That's got to be worth something.

I've seen that pub, too! Unless it's a mysterious chain of case-altering clubhouses.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 15, 2018, 10:42:18 PM
There's a few of them about. One in Sutton Coldfield if memory serves
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: thraxx on March 15, 2018, 10:44:33 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on March 15, 2018, 03:34:38 PM
Saw a pub called 'The Case Is Altered' today.

That's got to be worth something.

Are you Elton John?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on March 16, 2018, 06:05:20 AM
Quote from: thraxx on March 15, 2018, 10:44:33 PM
Are you Elton John?

No.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on March 16, 2018, 03:17:42 PM
Penile Barking. Big new trend with the youngsters where they upload videos of them "barking" out of their hog's eyes at each other.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dr Syntax Head on March 16, 2018, 03:20:31 PM
Nappies in Mothercare for retired arses
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on March 16, 2018, 10:39:38 PM
Stilts but for your bollocks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dr Syntax Head on March 16, 2018, 10:48:28 PM
A parking ticket meter gains sentience. That's all I got. Laziness kicking in full pelt
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on March 16, 2018, 11:00:06 PM
Quote from: doppelkorn on March 16, 2018, 10:39:38 PM
Stilts but for your bollocks

Like chopsticks, to help you eat your own shit back up your own arse.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dr Syntax Head on March 16, 2018, 11:04:09 PM
Quote from: pancreas on March 16, 2018, 11:00:06 PM
Like chopsticks, to help you eat your own shit back up your own arse.

The rule 34 nobody asked for but the rule 34 we all deserve.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 17, 2018, 12:28:13 AM
Chopsticks/stopchicks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on April 13, 2018, 07:21:56 PM
Simply Fred West

(Sung to the tune of Simply the Best)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on April 13, 2018, 07:32:32 PM
Sycophant-asia: a film where Ricky Gervais plays Micky Mouse, and creates a load of animated brooms that go on the internet to defend him, and harass anyone who claims he's just not that great.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on April 18, 2018, 06:58:25 PM
The "So It Go Goes" a funk skiffle fusion band with a love for the works of Kurt Vonnegut. They tour the West Midlands or something, and get into lots of scrapes I dunno f'sake.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on April 28, 2018, 05:44:52 PM


Cunts on Ice
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on April 30, 2018, 09:41:33 PM
The Complete Jerks of Shakespeare

Starring Fred Durst as Malvolio
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Howj Begg on April 30, 2018, 09:46:42 PM
Quote from: doppelkorn on April 30, 2018, 09:41:33 PM
The Complete Jerks of Shakespeare

Starring Fred Durst as Malvolio

The two mooks of Verona
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 01, 2018, 07:48:04 AM
You're just not trying anymore.






it's a game show for apathetics


Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on May 01, 2018, 12:26:03 PM
Wangover Hank
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on May 01, 2018, 12:50:52 PM
POINTLESS BUT RICHARD OSMAN HAS BEEN REPLACED BY IAN WELLS, THE MANAGER OF THE HALFORDS AUTOCENTRE ON THE NUFFIELD TRADING ESTATE
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 01, 2018, 02:20:06 PM
Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on May 01, 2018, 12:50:52 PM
POINTLESS BUT RICHARD OSMAN HAS BEEN REPLACED BY IAN WELLS, THE MANAGER OF THE HALFORDS AUTOCENTRE ON THE NUFFIELD TRADING ESTATE

You should do this one, sounds hilarious. As long as Ian Wells, Manager Of The Halfords Autocentre on the Nuffield Trading Estate fucking despises Alexander Armstrong as much as Richard Osmonds.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on May 04, 2018, 08:33:39 PM
'Namsplainin', with Roger Daltrey and Friends. Like Top Gear, but war.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 06, 2018, 03:45:19 PM
The Day of the Jacobi

A film crew follows the former Cadfael star as he mills about, does laundry, goes to the shops etc.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 06, 2018, 04:19:09 PM
I just had a really funny idea for a thread in HS Art but my wife accosted me and asked me to explain the state of the bathroom (which, fair enough, it wants a clean). So I'll be doing that all afternoon.

...but oh shit, what was that thread idea? Was it about food ingredients? Or famous anuses from history? Or the Glory of Greece, the Grandeur of Rome, the State of Sheffield town centre (especially at the rough end of the Moor Market although I understand it's been spruced up, EU money probably).

Don't know mate. All these things, lost in time, like tears in rain. Time... to scrub the bog.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on May 08, 2018, 01:24:23 AM
Decant and Deck
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on May 09, 2018, 09:41:30 AM
Childish Gambino
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 09, 2018, 10:49:01 AM
Quote from: Dex Sawash on May 08, 2018, 01:24:23 AM
Decant and Deck

Decant and Dreck more like.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Earnest Sexpot on May 09, 2018, 07:51:41 PM
Now That's What I Call Hamburgers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 11, 2018, 07:00:40 AM
A show celebrating dairy products from around the world called 'field of creams'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 11, 2018, 09:36:39 AM
Black Coffees.

It'll be like Black Books but set in an coffee shop.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 11, 2018, 12:08:09 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on May 11, 2018, 09:36:39 AM
Black Coffees.

It'll be like Black Books but set in an coffee shop.

Or Black Men. It'll be like Black Books but set it a male whorehouse in Lagos.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on May 16, 2018, 11:20:15 AM
You know those superhero Deadpool films?

Something about Deedpoll. I dunno.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 16, 2018, 11:39:53 AM
A show called Making Mole Hills Out of Mountains: taking important events of the day and picking at the most obscure and insignificant details to focus on. For example - rating the back swing of Palestinians trying to swat away tear gas canisters with tennis rackets.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 16, 2018, 03:12:40 PM
Greggs Akimbo?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 16, 2018, 03:14:54 PM
Quote from: spamwangler on May 16, 2018, 03:12:40 PM
Greggs Akimbo?

i was hoping that would be a googlewack, but alas

(https://i.imgur.com/QZ6YDzs.png)
totally worth a new page this
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 16, 2018, 03:48:17 PM
A google wack is finding exactly one result though, no?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 16, 2018, 04:52:24 PM
yes, but now weve typed "greggs akimbo" here, therele be two right?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 16, 2018, 05:01:12 PM
Yeah you've fucked it you plum
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 16, 2018, 05:29:20 PM
what a twat
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on May 16, 2018, 06:33:10 PM
It's sort of a quantum thing, as I found to my cost in the popular thread "CaB Googlewhacks" - by talking about them you change the outcome.

Very sad.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 16, 2018, 06:38:11 PM
A new movie starring Ewan Mcgregor. A man whose wife is killed in a tragic search engine accident vows to eradicate the last remaining Googlewhacks, not knowing that this will bring about the apocalypse.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 16, 2018, 07:33:08 PM
at last, a film i can relate to
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on May 16, 2018, 09:02:53 PM
.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 16, 2018, 09:52:42 PM
Quote from: Norton Canes on May 09, 2018, 09:41:30 AM
Childish Gambino

Childish Gambo, Paul Gambaccini starts making fart noises and that on air.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: New Jack on May 23, 2018, 02:31:06 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on May 16, 2018, 03:48:17 PM
A google wack is finding exactly one result though, no?

What's the term for no results and it's unexpected? I come up with loads, when I need them most.

I've got nothing left to offer except variations of whatever
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on May 23, 2018, 04:11:29 PM
This one's shit guys, so bear with me:

Portaloo Sunset

(rubbish)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 23, 2018, 06:30:13 PM
As long as I gaze on a Portaloo sunset / I am in paradise.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on May 23, 2018, 08:34:48 PM
A really helpful lady called Cassie Peenlicker. She's not a prude, but she doesn't lick peens so stop asking hehe!

mailto:cass.peenlicker@cheshireeast.gov
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 27, 2018, 11:14:07 AM
has this been done already?  hope so
Do you like peen-core colada?And getting bummed in the rain
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 27, 2018, 12:37:54 PM
The story of the sinking of the Titanic filmed entirely on Will Self's ironically emoting face.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 28, 2018, 10:34:13 PM
Cannonball Holocaust

jhonny depp starring in a pirates of the carrabean themed remake of schindlers list
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 28, 2018, 10:35:19 PM
Cannon and Ball Holocaust

you get the idea
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on May 29, 2018, 06:18:02 AM
spar trek

"I'm going boldly to the supermarket. I'll be about five years."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 29, 2018, 07:01:52 AM
Quote from: a duncandisorderly on May 29, 2018, 06:18:02 AM
spar trek

"I'm going boldly to the supermarket. I'll be about five years."






Brilliant
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 29, 2018, 10:08:23 AM
Stretch Armstrong: The hernia years.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 29, 2018, 10:18:35 AM

Trench Armstrong - memorial day edition

Stench Armstrong - the corpse years
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on May 30, 2018, 01:52:16 AM
Uncle Harold's Wank Spanners.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 30, 2018, 02:00:29 AM
I dunno I've got this idea, "Macaque & Son", it would be like Steptoe & Son but with two macaques who live on Gibraltar and run an auto repair shop and always bicker with each other. Wanted to post it in Glebe's thread but I can't seem to find the right picture to go with it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 30, 2018, 03:38:12 AM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on May 30, 2018, 02:00:29 AM
I dunno I've got this idea, "Macaque & Son", it would be like Steptoe & Son but with two macaques who live on Gibraltar and run an auto repair shop and always bicker with each other. Wanted to post it in Glebe's thread but I can't seem to find the right picture to go with it.

Take it from me, you can't just pick "the right" picture of a few macaques, willy nilly, without a lot of research. Good luck with it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 30, 2018, 07:09:41 AM
Ronsealosexual - does exactly what he says on the tinder
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on May 30, 2018, 06:46:06 PM
Jeremy Beatle
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on May 30, 2018, 06:48:35 PM
Quote from: drummersaredeaf on May 30, 2018, 06:46:06 PM
Jeremy Beatle
and thats how you play, ladies and gentleman. good work
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 31, 2018, 07:48:45 AM
Holy Sandals.. a documentary focusing on the footware of prophets and gods throughout the ages.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 31, 2018, 10:09:32 PM
Shit (infest) band name: Test Card Jeff
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on June 01, 2018, 06:59:45 AM
The Tommyknockers: A documentary about the critics of that wonderful film The Room.






Can fellow CABers create documentaries from the names of other Stephen King novels, and if so, why?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on June 01, 2018, 07:54:07 AM
Gerrard's Game - documentary on celtic manager
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on June 01, 2018, 07:55:02 AM
The running man - documentary about harry fever
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on June 01, 2018, 10:34:17 AM
Coffee apples: like toffee apples but disgusting.

(Director's Commentary: I got this idea while eating an apple and holding a coffee, so the taste of the apple and the smell of the coffee intermingled. It wasn't pleasant (or was it?))
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on June 01, 2018, 10:37:28 AM
Quote from: Cuellar on June 01, 2018, 10:34:17 AM
Coffee apples: like toffee apples but disgusting.

Offee Tapples, I..  I didn't think this through.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on June 01, 2018, 02:23:49 PM
Twinky and The Brain

Some sort of gay thing.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on June 01, 2018, 02:35:55 PM
Quote from: spamwangler on May 30, 2018, 06:48:35 PM
and thats how you play, ladies and gentleman. good work

Ta. Big fan of your work.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on June 01, 2018, 04:01:51 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on June 01, 2018, 10:37:28 AM
Offee Tapples, I..  I didn't think this through.

Well then you've come to the right thread!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 01, 2018, 04:09:14 PM
I'm no good at this. I can't have half-thoughts.

What about a sitcom called Nice, set in Nice and all the characters are Nice biscuits.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on June 01, 2018, 07:44:23 PM
Sean Paul's Slag Race.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on June 01, 2018, 10:06:47 PM
CLIMATE CHANGE DENIALIST HEARTBEAT

doesn't really work at all
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on June 01, 2018, 10:07:16 PM
Heartbeat as in that gentle police drama set in the 60s
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 02, 2018, 12:20:13 AM
Quote from: doppelkorn on June 01, 2018, 10:06:47 PM
CLIMATE CHANGE DENIALIST HEARTBEAT

doesn't really work at all

Yeah, that's bad. Less than nothing, imo.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on June 02, 2018, 08:44:18 PM
THE TV PROGRAMME SIMPSONS BUT IMAGINE IF THEY WERE ALL FLAWED CHARACTOERS

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on June 04, 2018, 03:17:18 PM
Sick as a Carrott: Jasper Carrott vehicle, a bittersweet examination of the man's journey through cancer hell. Or whatever he has. If JC is already incapacitated, make it about an animated binge-drinking carrot, or that has something that carrots get. Note to self: research that white spots thing?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on June 06, 2018, 12:55:03 PM
Gothello

a Cradle of Filth musical, directed by Graham Linehan

starring noel feilding
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: saltysnacks on June 06, 2018, 01:02:34 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on June 01, 2018, 06:59:45 AM
Can fellow CABers create documentaries from the names of other Stephen King novels, and if so, why?

Thinner: A documentary about CABers fight with hair loss.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on June 06, 2018, 01:13:55 PM
Quote from: spamwangler on June 01, 2018, 07:55:02 AM
The running man - documentary about harry fever
this was suppsed to be Hay Fever - but spellchecks loss it H.S Art's Gain!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on June 06, 2018, 01:21:04 PM
The Typos: a sitcom about misspelt words languishing in a computers recycle bin waiting for the dreaded day when it gets emptied.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 06, 2018, 02:02:27 PM
Rindr. For people wanting to share fruit.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on June 06, 2018, 02:29:36 PM
There should be a German compound word imported to English for that feeling when you see that you're no longer the last person to have posted in a H.S. Art thread. That's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on June 06, 2018, 02:56:26 PM
Quote from: pancreas on June 06, 2018, 02:02:27 PM
Rindr. For people wanting to share fruit.

Or wanting to share Judge Rinder.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on June 06, 2018, 03:13:00 PM
Kate Spade
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on June 06, 2018, 03:44:19 PM
A new execution device: the electric stairlift
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on June 06, 2018, 06:33:51 PM
On Cheshunt Besch
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: asids on June 06, 2018, 06:47:52 PM
Joey Barton's Football Fannies
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on June 06, 2018, 08:42:50 PM
Painting by binary numbers.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on June 06, 2018, 09:00:20 PM
Sheriff John Bunnell does the snooker commentary.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Bronzy on June 07, 2018, 12:54:58 AM
A reimagining of Keane's "Crystal Ball" music video where Giovanni Ribisi is replaced by Ian Crocker.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on June 08, 2018, 10:09:38 AM
Something about the world cup of footballs.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 08, 2018, 10:28:35 AM
Nat King Kong. Jazz and giant monsters.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on June 08, 2018, 11:13:46 AM
The Terrible Twos. A bunch of two years olds are told repeatedly and in no uncertain terms that they are terrible... you know... for science.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 08, 2018, 12:09:40 PM
Quote from: pancreas on June 08, 2018, 10:28:35 AM
Nat King Kong. Jazz and giant monsters.

The number Giant Steps needs to be involved here somehow.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Howj Begg on June 08, 2018, 12:12:20 PM
I sing this thread title to this tune:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IET_9UPx230


...and that's all I've got
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on June 09, 2018, 10:54:02 PM
Ruined.[/size]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on June 10, 2018, 04:59:14 PM
if king henry the eighth had six wives how many wives did king Henry the sixth have
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 10, 2018, 05:11:54 PM
I don't know you'd have to look him up
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on June 10, 2018, 05:19:37 PM
Quote from: kittens on June 10, 2018, 04:59:14 PM
if king henry the eighth had six wives how many wives did king Henry the sixth have

3.375
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on June 12, 2018, 03:34:58 PM
Bbb-b-bbbb-b-b-bb-bbb-bbbbbb
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on June 15, 2018, 12:13:39 PM
Buzz buzz
Zoom zoom
Buzz buzz
Zoom zoom
Buzz buzz
Zoom zoom
Buzz buzz
Zoom zoom

Zuzz Zuzz
Boom boom
Zuzz Zuzz
Boom boom
Zuzz Zuzz
Boom boom
Zuzz Zuzz
Boom boom

Zumm zumm
Booz booz
Zumm zumm
Booz booz
Zumm zumm
Booz booz
Zumm zumm
Booz booz

Bum bum
Zooz zooz
Bum bum
Zooz zooz
Bum bum
Zooz zooz
Bum bum
Zooz zooz
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on June 16, 2018, 06:21:44 PM
twelve hangry men
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rue the polywhirl on June 16, 2018, 06:40:33 PM
Quote from: pancreas on June 08, 2018, 10:28:35 AM
Nat King Kong. Jazz and giant monsters.

Featuring Natalie Coal and the Seven Dwarfs?

Final line in movie - "It was Benny Goodman that killed the beast"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 17, 2018, 05:00:09 AM
A murder of crows
A manslaughter of jackdaws
A fight of geese
A dead leg of sparrows
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 17, 2018, 02:02:23 PM
A parliament of owls
A house of lords of eagles
A city council of sparrows
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 17, 2018, 03:35:13 PM
A pride of lions
A wrath of tigers
A gluttony of jaguars
A sloth of pumas
A greed of cougars
A lust of leopards
An envy of snow leopards
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 17, 2018, 03:37:01 PM
A sounder of police (whoop whoop)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 17, 2018, 03:48:29 PM
An anus of howler-monkeys.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on June 17, 2018, 05:14:47 PM
gario kart
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on June 17, 2018, 05:52:43 PM
A wassssssssup! of dead soons.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on June 18, 2018, 12:52:25 AM
A pacque of macaque
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on June 18, 2018, 09:03:21 AM
Glasgow School of Arse is on fire
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on June 18, 2018, 09:09:07 AM
Its Such A Shame Is That - take a photo of yerself (i think they call them 'selfies' these days the kids) outside a closed shop on a high street near you and post it to a random thread. Claim its a metaphor for whatever the thread is on about.

Bonus points if there are pages from a local newspaper pasted over the windows.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on June 18, 2018, 03:28:02 PM
super gario brothers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 19, 2018, 12:48:57 PM
Girls'll Rummage with Worzel Gummidge!

An all-female cross between Bargain Hunters and Scrapheap Challenge, hosted by the great man himself.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rue the polywhirl on June 19, 2018, 10:18:45 PM
Quote from: kittens on June 18, 2018, 03:28:02 PM
super gario brothers

Super guro brothersTM
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on June 20, 2018, 02:50:37 AM
Queer guy for the straight eye

he wanks into eyes, maybe
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on June 20, 2018, 09:19:30 AM
Quote from: Dex Sawash on June 20, 2018, 02:50:37 AM
Queer guy for the straight eye

he wanks into eyes, maybe

that made me think "book cake". someone reads a book, pausing to talk about it from time to time, while in the background a cake is baking.
then they wank over the book & the cake.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on June 23, 2018, 10:12:58 AM
someone ran away with Entertainment, Showbusiness and Life. That's, all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on June 23, 2018, 02:04:43 PM
Superman v Spiderman v Your Mam
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on June 28, 2018, 05:47:36 AM
florence of arabia.

no, that's it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 29, 2018, 03:28:47 AM
The Butt-cracker Suite.

Ballet, like.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on July 01, 2018, 10:03:40 PM
Madama Butt-erfly

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on July 02, 2018, 09:28:56 PM
24 Hours in Pulis: Custardy

Real-time footage from inside Middlesbrough manager Tony Pulis's stomach after he eats a big old fucking bowl of custard.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 03, 2018, 09:14:58 AM
CLASSIC WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE BUT CHRIS TARRANT IS EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on July 03, 2018, 09:20:13 PM
My, my, my penis hits you - so hard
Makes me say, "Oh my Lord!"
Thank you - for blessing me
With a weighty dong shooting cum and wee
etc...




To the tune of "Under the Sea" from Little Mermaid

My bell end is pink and fleshy
My scrote is a magic sack
My hoop is a tea-towel holder
Tucked into a sacred crack

Another bit like that, then CHORUS

Yes it's my barse
My wonderful barse
It's dank and its sweaty
With pubic spaghetti from scrotum to arse!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on July 03, 2018, 09:38:42 PM
amazing work dopps

all ive got today is

chad nausaeum

which looks a bit weak after that
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: New Jack on July 03, 2018, 10:47:35 PM
Had Enough, listening to Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen)

Don't worry, I use an electric shaver, it would be very difficult to do owt with that
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on July 04, 2018, 05:04:52 PM
UPDATE

My bell end is pink and fleshy
My scrote is a magic sack
My hoop is a tea-towel holder
Tucked into a sacred crack

A dark chasm lies between them
A sexual no-man's land
But few men have ever seen it
Come, won't you take my hand?

Discover my barse
My award-wining barse
It's dank and its sweaty
With pubic spaghetti from scrotum to arse!

Whether your Muslim, Christian or Jew
Even the ladies have one too
Touch it, caress it,
Push, pull and press it
My wonderful barse.

When tugging on public transport
You don't want to mess about
To speed up the milk delivery
You must get your finger out

And then give your barse a tickle
And wait for your jaw to drop
I promise you'll spill your yoghurt
Before the next station stop

When you play with your barse
Your glorious barse
The smell sure is strong
The hairs are quite long
But the coverage is sparse.
Some call it the notcher, the gooch or the taint
Pop on a clothes peg and wank 'til you faint
Twist it and squeeze it
Lick it and tease it
Now it's everyone's barse!


Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: slicesofjim on July 04, 2018, 05:36:21 PM
Tagliatelle Savalas
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on July 04, 2018, 06:42:56 PM
"Freezer goods" to the tune of ebeneezer goode by the shamen
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on July 05, 2018, 06:19:30 PM
Something about the J2O Mojo
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on July 06, 2018, 12:28:28 AM
I've reported dopp's recent posts for being far too fleshed out for this thread.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on July 06, 2018, 12:29:55 AM
Quote from: Dex Sawash on July 06, 2018, 12:28:28 AM
I've reported dopp's recent posts for being far too fleshed out for this thread.

is that all you've got?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on July 10, 2018, 02:51:14 AM

New subforum; Deepak into Chopra
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on July 10, 2018, 07:47:38 AM
A too wacky for Wimblewrong thread. A photoshop too far.

.. not sure that's even possible.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clownbaby on July 10, 2018, 11:46:16 AM
Weapons Grade Paedophile

-tryhard metal band
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: New Jack on July 10, 2018, 11:49:02 AM
A new skiffle band want to be cool with an obtuse name

The list is down to:
Jeremy Hunt
Of
Shopping
The Beatles 2
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on July 10, 2018, 12:39:35 PM
Quote from: New Jack on July 10, 2018, 11:49:02 AM
A new skiffle band want to be cool with an obtuse name

The list is down to:
Jeremy Hunt
Of
Shopping
The Beatles 2

"Right now we're called 'Various Artists' to fuck over people with iPods"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spamwangler on July 10, 2018, 01:01:30 PM
The Beatles 2 is a fucking great name for a band


Get the fuck out of this thread, and take dopplekorn out with you.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on July 10, 2018, 02:48:44 PM
Bush, Lush or Rush?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on July 11, 2018, 10:07:48 PM
A campaign to get everyone in the UK to synchronize their farts with the arrival of Donald Trump tomorrow, so that when he gets off Air Force One he'll go  'euuugh, bit wiffy.'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on July 12, 2018, 01:10:37 PM
Quote from: Norton Canes on July 10, 2018, 02:48:44 PM
Bush, Lush or Rush?

as chat-up lines go, that's... all you've got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on July 13, 2018, 12:32:26 PM
Quote from: Norton Canes on July 10, 2018, 02:48:44 PM
Bush, Lush or Rush?

Kush
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on July 13, 2018, 12:41:05 PM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on July 13, 2018, 12:32:26 PM
Kush

Mush mush mush mush.

No income tax, no VAT......
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on July 13, 2018, 02:11:07 PM
you don't have to not be disabled to work here...
... but it helps!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 16, 2018, 04:52:34 PM
Cataract. Game show with cats falling onto people or maybe a cartoon sitcom featuring dentist cats.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 17, 2018, 01:51:53 PM
Quote from: pancreas on July 16, 2018, 04:52:34 PM
Cataract. Game show with cats falling onto people or maybe a cartoon sitcom featuring dentist cats.

I meant optometrist cats.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the midnight watch baboon on July 17, 2018, 02:31:46 PM
Robert's Down'sy Juniors
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on July 27, 2018, 12:06:51 AM
Wunderbarnstaple. Reverse Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. In North Devon.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on July 27, 2018, 12:49:27 AM
Impotentate: Limp dictator.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 27, 2018, 09:13:04 AM
Quote from: dallasman on July 27, 2018, 12:49:27 AM
Impotentate: Limp dictator.

I like it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lost Oliver on July 27, 2018, 01:36:52 PM
Nailed on.

A sitcom about a Christian who works in a nail bar.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on July 27, 2018, 04:28:46 PM
Tales of the Un
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clownbaby on July 29, 2018, 09:23:44 PM
I thought "The Coconut Effect" would be a good name for something but I don't know what. I dreamed it.

The Coconut Effect.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: asids on July 29, 2018, 09:35:15 PM
Howard from the Halifax adverts on the issue of zombie acceptance.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Howj Begg on July 29, 2018, 09:37:27 PM
Quote from: Lost Oliver on July 27, 2018, 01:36:52 PM
Nailed on.

A sitcom about a Christian who works in a nail bar.

+1`

Or how about:

Son of Manicure
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on July 30, 2018, 09:28:01 PM
To the tune of Good Riddance by Greenday:

Another sausage roll,
A fork stuck in your beans.
This warm and crusty tube,
May not be what it seems

Something something

It's salty and it fills you up,
It fits into a hole.
I hope you had a nice sausage roll.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on August 14, 2018, 11:04:48 PM
The girls is all salty
The boys is all sweet
The food ain't too shabby
And now this:

(https://gfx.nrk.no/FMyHynIEb2dK7GH3icOVUQd0JGGQ5kmr8fS2PULiT0-w)

Unseineitary!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on August 15, 2018, 04:13:28 PM
SCENE: Generic office corridor, 3pm. Tuesday.

Man in suit trousers and shirt (no tie, no shoes or socks either) is crawling along on his hands and knees, slowly.

FIN

Just an image I've had playing through my brain for a while now. What would you think if you saw that happening? You'd think twice wouldn't you. I certainly would.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Hecate on August 16, 2018, 04:49:20 PM
Debbie Downer Does Dallas

What's got 4 legs and a cock up it's arse?
Your dog.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on August 18, 2018, 08:58:40 AM
A pest makes a nest in Fred West's vests.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 18, 2018, 10:06:52 AM
Quote from: Cuellar on August 15, 2018, 04:13:28 PM
SCENE: Generic office corridor, 3pm. Tuesday.

Man in suit trousers and shirt (no tie, no shoes or socks either) is crawling along on his hands and knees, slowly.

FIN

Just an image I've had playing through my brain for a while now. What would you think if you saw that happening? You'd think twice wouldn't you. I certainly would.

Made me think of


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1KPSblRUL1s
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 21, 2018, 09:17:58 PM
Young boars go mental (chanel 4, 1997)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 21, 2018, 09:18:41 PM
Watercolour Impossible
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 21, 2018, 09:20:06 PM
Tabula park rangers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on August 31, 2018, 02:20:53 PM
Dick Clement and Ian La Frenulum.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clownbaby on August 31, 2018, 03:25:33 PM
Slimy Alice
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 31, 2018, 04:25:16 PM
Novelty football team names

Redhyde Rangers FC

Red Hydrangeas FC
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 31, 2018, 04:29:57 PM
Altered Terrapin Friendship Gang - Banksy, Moby, Raffles and Tortoise Mayfield. A crab looks after them in the sewers. They like eating kebabs and their catchphrase is "Copacabana!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on September 01, 2018, 03:16:14 PM
Isotonic?

No!

Yousotonic.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on September 01, 2018, 08:04:37 PM
Quote from: Clownbaby on August 31, 2018, 03:25:33 PM
Slimy Alice

I'm in
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on September 01, 2018, 08:05:53 PM
Quote from: doppelkorn on July 30, 2018, 09:28:01 PM
To the tune of Good Riddance by Greenday:

Another sausage roll,
A fork stuck in your beans.
This warm and crusty tube,
May not be what it seems

Something something

It's salty and it fills you up,
It fits into a hole.
I hope you had a nice sausage roll.

Thought of this in work this week
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on September 05, 2018, 02:20:14 PM
Underworld of Leather
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on September 08, 2018, 02:45:35 PM
Prebendary Bendy Ross
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on September 14, 2018, 11:10:36 PM
Male baldness cure which works very well and everyone starts taking it, except all the hairs eventually grow into the plant from the Little Shop of Horrors. tl;dr, they all become gorgons.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on September 15, 2018, 08:12:16 PM
Glansey
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 16, 2018, 04:58:41 PM
The lost answer machine tapes of Andrew Eldritch.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 16, 2018, 04:59:14 PM
Fishing stories from the trout's point of view.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 18, 2018, 08:09:45 PM
Flintstones Erotica
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 18, 2018, 08:12:50 PM
Snorting a line of yogurt

Contorting yourself into a no smoking sign

Removing your torso for the school photo

64 consecutive orgasms all ring your front door bell

Giving yourself nits to avoid military service

Having a firm and frank discussion with your skin tone
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 18, 2018, 08:16:26 PM
Failing the aptitude test to become a nonce

Making your nan orgasm via Morse code

Releasing 65 howler monkeys into the gaff of the lass you fancy

Taking the nephew to see Dickheads on Ice

A troublesome encounter with the wrong knee

Tattooing your National insurance number on your infant sons torso

Rough and Tumble flavoured crisps

A degree in Argos

Dogfuckers weekly
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 18, 2018, 08:26:00 PM
Love all those
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 18, 2018, 10:27:40 PM
Playing synth with your pubes

Olympic dick wrestling

Holding a psychopaths hand in an orchid

A ceremony for a bitch

Donating a spare half hour to a tramp

Resting a crown on your sleeping dads dick

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 18, 2018, 10:32:39 PM
Good grief! It's raining documents!

A nose picking marathon

Doing a gram of ket for Children in Need

I have a warrant to stroke your chin

A 1.8% surcharge on self esteem

Failing to open a tin of plumbs in front of a live studio audience

I can't even explain, how essentially grateful I am, to have the amazing pleasure of letting you kill my toddler via TKO second round
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 18, 2018, 10:40:12 PM
50 ways to lock your door

An interview with a piano

Tracking down your old moustache

Leaving the kitchen on fire because it looks nice like that

Booting a cherished memory in the stomach

Doing weekend shifts as a bishop

Filling a stadium with plonkers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 19, 2018, 04:13:59 AM
Rob Brydon, Rob Brydon
Does whatever, voiceovers he can
Steve Coogan thinks he rocks
He can do "small man in a box"
Look out! Here comes Rob Brydon!

fucking hell thats bad. post.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on September 19, 2018, 08:04:46 AM
Quote from: Dannyhood91 on September 18, 2018, 08:16:26 PM

Failing the aptitude test to become a nonce

Taking the nephew to see Dickheads on Ice

Rough and Tumble flavoured crisps


Quote from: Dannyhood91 on September 18, 2018, 10:32:39 PM

I have a warrant to stroke your chin


Quote from: Dannyhood91 on September 18, 2018, 10:40:12 PM

Tracking down your old moustache

Leaving the kitchen on fire because it looks nice like that


Those were all excellent, but these were my favourites.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 19, 2018, 09:44:57 AM
Bob the balligerent spell checker.

A crime fighter called constable Paintings.. who does watercolours in his spare time.

The unlikely lads.

If AIDS was a dog what kind of dog would it be?

Top ten turnip misshaps of 1996

Whiskers envy.. a real or imaginary thing?

What if there were only 2,234,678,097 letter Qs left?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on September 19, 2018, 11:17:51 AM
'Stung in the helmet'. But I went with it. Because my daddy said to me, "Hell, son, you always got to go with your best shot."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 19, 2018, 11:36:48 AM
Meal Replacement Bus Service

You know, like those shakes you get that you're meant to have instead of meals. And replacement bus services.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on September 19, 2018, 12:42:30 PM
"Look mum, no glans!" shouts a child riding a bicycle
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on September 19, 2018, 02:44:55 PM
Sketty Wainthropp Investigates

set on a council estate or something
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on September 19, 2018, 02:48:01 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on September 19, 2018, 11:36:48 AMMeal Replacement Bus Service

You know, like those shakes you get that you're meant to have instead of meals. And replacement bus services.

I like that one, that's a good solid 6 out of 10. You know where you stand with an idea like that.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 19, 2018, 06:16:13 PM
Visiting your GP to show off your new haircut

Moshers on the green

Kentucky fried steeples

A gothic newborn

Milking the Avon lady

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on September 19, 2018, 08:36:53 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 19, 2018, 09:44:57 AM
Bob the balligerent spell checker.

he's on his way & he's got you in his sights.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on September 19, 2018, 09:15:17 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 19, 2018, 09:44:57 AM
Bob the balligerent spell checker.

Keeps your spells in check, with his balls.

Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 19, 2018, 09:44:57 AM
A crime fighter called constable Paintings.. who does watercolours in his spare time.

Could his boss be DI Whyfurniture?

Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 19, 2018, 09:44:57 AM
The unlikely lads.

[tag]Milverton tags a trans thread[/tag]

Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 19, 2018, 09:44:57 AM
If AIDS was a dog what kind of dog would it be?

a RAW DOG, dawg! hi-5
Eeeeyy...tch I.V. Chihuahua
Rhodesian Bareback
Golden Reciever
St. Bonehard
Shitzu Jizzu
Insatiable Alsatian
Terminal Terrier
Late Danois

Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 19, 2018, 09:44:57 AM
Top ten turnip misshaps of 1996

All of my shaps came off particularly well that year, actually.

Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 19, 2018, 09:44:57 AM
Whiskers envy.. a real or imaginary thing?

Paws for thought.

Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 19, 2018, 09:44:57 AM
What if there were only 2,234,678,097 letter Qs left?

God damn you to hell, Spoon of Ploff! It's "letters Q", and now we've wasted two of the bastards on your question! Three! Fuqqqqqq!!!


ta-daa, and that's all I got

Great page though guys. Dannyhood on fire there!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on September 20, 2018, 12:11:03 AM
The Jools In The Crown
Jools Holland gets made king but then The Sun take a picture though the window of him fucking his own crown.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on September 20, 2018, 12:19:45 AM
'Unexpected item in bagging area'

You look in the bagging area and it's a snake with your nan's face.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on September 20, 2018, 12:23:52 AM
'The apple of my eye'

Some bloke suddenly with an apple there instead of one of his eyes going "ARGGHHHH! FUCKING HELL! HELP MEEEEEE!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 20, 2018, 12:30:49 AM
Dinosaurs, but better.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on September 20, 2018, 12:35:42 AM
The Gripes of Roth. Phillip Roth's complaint letters in the Guardian's new weekend feature.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 20, 2018, 01:08:40 AM
A knockabout Ben Elton early-'80s style sitcom about the succession of a new young North Korean supreme leader; The Jong 'Uns.

"Hands up who likes me!"

Writes itself.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 20, 2018, 05:34:06 AM
jonathan meades explores the history of locked threads on CAB and what it means for contemporay architecture in milton keynes. Can't think of a suitable title.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on September 20, 2018, 06:24:57 AM
Guy dresses like a bird

(https://i.imgur.com/BWN136S.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 20, 2018, 01:15:54 PM
Indoctrinating a sloth into the 9/11 conspiracy

Smuggling flowers into the heart of Norfolk

Halal oxygen

How Deep Is Your Dinner

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 20, 2018, 01:23:32 PM
A hedge cutting holiday to Suffolk

I challenge you to a conversation!

Shagging your way to the bottom of the company hierarchy

Inturpting a eulogy with an extended moan

A dynasty goes into liquidation
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 20, 2018, 01:38:02 PM
We're fanatical about smegma

Pro Evo and Beyblades with Assad

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: doppelkorn on September 20, 2018, 04:47:57 PM
Shirley Bassey: AND IT'S ALL JUST A LITTLE BIT OF SLAMMING YOUR BOLLOCKS IN A CAR DOOR
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on September 20, 2018, 11:25:30 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/3cKIRWO.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on September 20, 2018, 11:49:58 PM
THE FAMILY JOOLS

You go back and visit your parents and they're suddenly both Jools Holland. "Step this way, step this way...the wonderful...spare bedroom!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 21, 2018, 01:44:24 PM
Palin's Jailin's:  Michael Palin makes citizens arrests across the North West.. but because he's such a nice chap the various thugs and druggies he apprehends are more than happy to get locked up.

Palin's Failin's: Michael Palin fails at a number of challenges... I dunno, learning to play the guitar.. do heart surgery.

Palin's Nailin's: Various hammering techniques with Michael Palin.

Palin's Sailings: Michael Palin sinks' the Oracle yacht during some boat race.

Palin's Flailings: Michael Palin runs about waving his arms in the air and occasionally taking someone's eye out

Palin's Railings: A 401 part documentary about Britain's railings fronted by Michael Palin

Palin's Ailing: After all, he's not getting any younger is he (Michael Palin)?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 21, 2018, 05:14:17 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 21, 2018, 01:44:24 PM
Palin's Jailin's:  Michael Palin makes citizens arrests across the North West.. but because he's such a nice chap the various thugs and druggies he apprehends are more than happy to get locked up.

Palin's Failin's: Michael Palin fails at a number of challenges... I dunno, learning to play the guitar.. do heart surgery.

Palin's Nailin's: Various hammering techniques with Michael Palin.

Palin's Sailings: Michael Palin sinks' the Oracle yacht during some boat race.

Palin's Flailings: Michael Palin runs about waving his arms in the air and occasionally taking someone's eye out

Palin's Railings: A 401 part documentary about Britain's railings fronted by Michael Palin

Palin's Ailing: After all, he's not getting any younger is he (Michael Palin)?

A set of US spinoffs with "...in the USA!" added to all the titles, hosted by Sarah Palin.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 21, 2018, 11:35:18 PM
Palin's Palin: Michael Palin interviews Sarah Palin. He does so as his Mr Gumby character.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on September 22, 2018, 12:46:44 AM
Q: What is Michael Palin's favourite biscuit?
A: Nice.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on September 22, 2018, 12:59:56 AM
NET FLICKS
You buy an entertainment streaming subscription from a dodgy bloke in Dartford market and when you get it home you find it's just a webcam pointed at some net curtains and occasionally, about twice a day on average, the dodgy bloke's big hairy hand hoves into view and flicks the curtain material. You are transfixed.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 22, 2018, 11:36:34 AM
Quote from: non capisco on September 22, 2018, 12:59:56 AM
NET FLICKS
You buy an entertainment streaming subscription from a dodgy bloke in Dartford market and when you get it home you find it's just a webcam pointed at some net curtains and occasionally, about twice a day on average, the dodgy bloke's big hairy hand hoves into view and flicks the curtain material. You are transfixed.

And where does Michael Palin fit into all this?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 22, 2018, 01:19:11 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 22, 2018, 11:36:34 AM
And where does Michael Palin fit into all this?

Either way, you have to admit this looks bad for Corbyn.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on September 25, 2018, 03:10:13 PM
SorryMate: Coffemate substitute
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 25, 2018, 04:06:48 PM
Eric Banter-na

"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think your mum's on there giving out blowjobs, the dirty cow."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on September 25, 2018, 04:13:56 PM
Brilliant. Will be using the phrase Eric Banter-Na in work from now on.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on September 26, 2018, 01:15:28 PM
Queue-cumberband
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 26, 2018, 01:36:19 PM
Posting "you have to admit, this looks bad for Corbyn" in entirely unrelated threads. It's a meta-joke, y'know, about the media and that. Oh I don't know.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 26, 2018, 01:38:09 PM
What's In The Envelope??

I dunno... No I'm not going to open it, it's not addressed to me is it?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 26, 2018, 01:41:20 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 26, 2018, 01:38:09 PM
What's In The Envelope??

I dunno... No I'm not going to open it, it's not addressed to me is it?

Whatever it is, you have to admit it looks bad for Corbyn.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on September 26, 2018, 01:51:40 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on September 26, 2018, 01:36:19 PM
Posting "you have to admit, this looks bad for Corbyn" in entirely unrelated threads. It's a meta-joke, y'know, about the media and that. Oh I don't know.

That's already been done to death, mate. And yes, it looks bad for Corbyn.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on September 26, 2018, 01:53:39 PM
Time travelling restaurants.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 26, 2018, 02:04:03 PM
Quote from: bgmnts on September 26, 2018, 01:53:39 PM
Time travelling restaurants.

Cool. So if you have a bad meal you have the option of paying, or going back in time and ordering a takeout?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 26, 2018, 02:14:33 PM
Quote from: pancreas on September 26, 2018, 01:51:40 PM
That's already been done to death, mate. And yes, it looks bad for Corbyn.

Must be where I got the idea from. Either way, you have to admit... etc etc
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on September 26, 2018, 02:35:46 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 26, 2018, 02:04:03 PM
Cool. So if you have a bad meal you have the option of paying, or going back in time and ordering a takeout?

No its a restaruant where you go in and you get actual real food from whatever time period, cooked by a cook from that time.

I like your idea better though.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 26, 2018, 02:50:20 PM
That List Of Richard Herring's Emergency Questions In Full
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 26, 2018, 03:39:21 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on September 26, 2018, 02:50:20 PM
That List Of Richard Herring's Emergency Questions In Full

If you had to have one, which of the following would you rather have; a hand made of Stewart Lee wanking me off with Keith Allen moving a crash mat, or an armpit that dispenses Patrick Marber taking all the credit for Andrew Collins? I didn't break that cupboard.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on September 26, 2018, 04:09:49 PM
Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on September 26, 2018, 03:39:21 PM
If you had to have one, which of the following would you rather have; a hand made of Stewart Lee wanking me off with Keith Allen moving a crash mat, or an armpit that dispenses Patrick Marber taking all the credit for Andrew Collins? I didn't break that cupboard UUUHHHHHHHHHHHUUHHHHHHHH
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 26, 2018, 04:10:02 PM
Regardless of the answer from the guest, cut them off and talk about Shrek or that time you lost a load of money on a play.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 26, 2018, 04:32:13 PM
Would you rather have a Tim from the Office or a Time Gentlemen Please paid for my house?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 26, 2018, 04:35:07 PM
How many second class stamps do you have about your person right now?

Go!!








inspired by the what's in the envelope post. god i'm on a roll today
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 26, 2018, 04:40:16 PM
0
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 26, 2018, 04:51:33 PM
also 0
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: mrpupkin on September 26, 2018, 04:56:44 PM
Listening to all the McFly albums at the same time
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 26, 2018, 05:10:38 PM
Forming a supergroup out of the surviving members of Busted and McFly.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 26, 2018, 05:18:55 PM
... a-and calling it Busted Fly
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 26, 2018, 05:24:14 PM
McBust
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on September 26, 2018, 06:05:25 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on September 26, 2018, 04:35:07 PM
How many second class stamps do you have about your person right now?

I've been stamped 'second class' many times, so lots
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on September 26, 2018, 07:44:19 PM
(https://i.redd.it/f2xnu28efjo11.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on September 26, 2018, 08:07:42 PM
Here I Goat Again on my Own?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 27, 2018, 03:24:53 PM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on September 26, 2018, 07:44:19 PM
(https://i.redd.it/f2xnu28efjo11.jpg)

Having a single photograph of an animal wasn't enough to stop Glebe. You'll get at least thirty threads out of that. You've got to put the work in.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on September 27, 2018, 09:55:09 PM
You know nduja? Well, I ndon't, yeah?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on September 27, 2018, 10:08:51 PM
Potty botherer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 27, 2018, 10:11:32 PM
Peter Gabriel's World Cooking for One. Volume 2.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on September 30, 2018, 12:24:00 AM
Krypton Factor but all the rounds are increasingly well manned bukkakes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on October 01, 2018, 10:32:34 PM
Kryton factor
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on October 01, 2018, 11:52:51 PM
Crouton Factor.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on October 02, 2018, 10:19:37 PM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on October 01, 2018, 11:52:51 PM
Crouton Factor.

Love it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on October 02, 2018, 10:21:00 PM
Gypsum Factor

Challenge Aggregates

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on October 03, 2018, 04:26:51 PM
I went outside for a bit.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on October 04, 2018, 01:08:39 PM
Mahmoud ABBA
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 15, 2018, 07:55:07 PM
I made eye contact with an attractive woman at a shop in Norfolk in 2007 and I need help tracking her down to get her National insurance number.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 15, 2018, 07:55:47 PM
Introduce me to the caretaker
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 15, 2018, 08:02:25 PM
Growing weak at the thought of skirting boards

Sentenced to hang until the neck until bored

Let's hurl abuse at decorated war heroes

Sexual tension between a man and his draft excluder

Tommy Robinson playing with toy cars and making a "brum brum" noise

The Oopsie Daisy Men

Tuppence a Braithwaite

Just got mugged and they took off with my sense of direction
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 15, 2018, 08:04:37 PM
African Daddy Mustard

Just got an email saying you're allowed some crisps

Hench side of the moon
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 15, 2018, 08:12:11 PM
I'm failing to understand Howard

So proud. My dads just been born

Opening up your brand new sports car to find the interior is made entirely of foreskin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 15, 2018, 08:14:14 PM
Forgive me father for I have sneezed
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on October 15, 2018, 08:24:13 PM
Quote from: Dannyhood91 on October 15, 2018, 08:04:37 PM

Hench side of the moon

Now THIS I can get behind
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 16, 2018, 11:01:43 AM
Nautical Nottingham

The Grim Sleeper

Lend me a personality complex

Eskimo Education
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: thraxx on October 16, 2018, 11:04:51 AM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on September 26, 2018, 07:44:19 PM
(https://i.redd.it/f2xnu28efjo11.jpg)

Robert Plant's Christmas card 1987.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on October 16, 2018, 02:40:08 PM
Judge Grindr
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 16, 2018, 03:46:03 PM
Fuckance
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 16, 2018, 04:01:16 PM
Judge Judy, an executioner.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 16, 2018, 04:46:39 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on October 16, 2018, 04:01:16 PM
Judge Judy, an executioner.

Punch and Judge Judy?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on October 16, 2018, 04:54:52 PM
an anti drugs campaign with the message that you probably shouldn't do crack cocaine



Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 17, 2018, 10:20:14 AM
PJ Harvey licks the door clean.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on October 17, 2018, 11:10:23 AM
Hammertime with Duncan Bannatyne
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 17, 2018, 11:57:22 AM
Un-cool Albert
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: saltysnacks on October 17, 2018, 05:42:38 PM
Boris Johnson in a tent.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 18, 2018, 07:39:56 PM
Having a misdirectomy
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: biggytitbo on October 24, 2018, 07:05:14 AM
A naked Roger Daltry trussed up from the ceiling being prodded by men with long handled dildos.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on October 24, 2018, 10:24:02 AM
A shit! A very palpable shit!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: biggytitbo on October 27, 2018, 09:06:12 AM
A 0.8 magnitude Trevor.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on October 27, 2018, 09:31:06 AM
A roadtrip to Dartford from... I dunno... Maidstone?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 27, 2018, 11:25:47 AM
Mecha-Craig David
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on October 27, 2018, 12:28:25 PM
TONY HAWKS PRO SKATEBOARDER 2: the musical

Saturday night levers, with holo-dibnah

Pay-Pal-la-carte?

Magnetic robot wars
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: New Jack on October 27, 2018, 01:39:25 PM
Wayne and Ken are too ugly old gay lovers who make porn films, using extravagant and wild positions, accessories, erotic scenarios, costumes, great cinematography etc.

But it isn't homophobic while remaining amusingly disgusting and ludicrous
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 29, 2018, 02:24:33 PM
The Man With The Chiles In His Eyes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 29, 2018, 09:57:42 PM
Going down on your mum as she checks her emails
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on October 30, 2018, 06:47:48 PM
The littlest hobo going from town to town dragging his cock over everything in sight.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on October 30, 2018, 08:04:04 PM
A butty curry
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 01, 2018, 10:47:02 AM
Minnie Driver's middle name is 'Bus'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on November 01, 2018, 10:49:58 AM
Quote from: Cuellar on November 01, 2018, 10:47:02 AM
Minnie Driver's middle name is 'Bus'.

Honey, you don't need any more than that.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 01, 2018, 10:55:21 AM
Thanks, didn't think it needed a new thread though. And I had to publish it somewhere.

I just had to.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on November 01, 2018, 12:14:20 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on November 01, 2018, 10:47:02 AM
Minnie Driver's middle name is 'Bus'.

We also would have accepted "Cab"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 01, 2018, 12:17:28 PM
The Cunty Sark.

Works on 2 levels, but I can't be arsed doing anything else with either of em
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on November 02, 2018, 01:21:39 AM
Gamines v Gammons

A quiz show pitting mischievously attractive young women with pixie cuts against bloated, red-faced old Brexit enthusiasts.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on November 02, 2018, 07:52:36 AM
Grand Theft Autoasphyxiation. You play a Tory MP, stealing food from low income families before suffocating yourself with a bin bag spattered with your own cum.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 02, 2018, 08:49:17 AM
A spin off of Dr Who where they're all hamsters or something.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on November 02, 2018, 10:00:17 AM
Quote from: Cuellar on November 01, 2018, 10:47:02 AM
Minnie Driver's middle name is 'Bus'.

I used to tell people it was 'cooper' but, believable though mine is, yours is funnier.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 02, 2018, 12:02:23 PM
Ta!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 02, 2018, 12:03:26 PM
A nice shiny penis
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on November 02, 2018, 07:14:39 PM
As for our beautiful new daughter-in-law, what can I say? Our Gavin is certainly punching above his weight! [laughter]. No, seriously though, we feel privileged to be welcoming Emily into the Jones clan - we've never had a squirter in the family before.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on November 08, 2018, 12:50:58 PM
scratch and sniff to reveal your PIN
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on November 14, 2018, 01:52:27 PM
Replacing the lyrics "the sun" with "my bum".

For tomorrow may rain but
I'll follow my bum

...

My bum will come out, tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow

...

Etc etc
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on November 19, 2018, 10:43:55 AM
A man puts of doing something for only 10 minutes. Amateurcrastinator.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 21, 2018, 04:57:43 AM
Some paper bags go into a bank to apply for a rustle grant.

A man with no arms who wants to take his shopping home goes into a bank to apply for a carry grant.

Some water that wants to swirl around a bit goes into a bank to apply for an eddy grant.

Hugh Grant goes into a bank to apply for a huge cunt.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on November 21, 2018, 03:07:35 PM
^big laugh


Blew Man Group- a bit off the Vegas strip
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 21, 2018, 07:09:27 PM
A teratoma wank
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on November 25, 2018, 03:11:30 PM
This Fall:


Danson, Selleck and Mahoney reunite for:

Three Men and a Fully Grown Woman With Tits and Everything
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 28, 2018, 09:53:40 AM
"The impressive twitter feed of Michael Shallows the MP for Wheat Sheaf and Cold Harbour South."

Going to start a thread in H.S.Arts for this... any day now.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on November 28, 2018, 10:05:31 AM
David Janson: Great Right?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 28, 2018, 06:21:25 PM
The Boy With Willie Thorne On His Side
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Foggy Buntwhistle on November 28, 2018, 07:52:09 PM
Jeffery Leffe-ry

A Jeffery that drinks too much Leffe(ry) and gets into hijinx.

Yes, I might be drinking Leffe.


Choudary Chouffe

A Choudary that drinks too much Chouffe and starts now banned proscribed organisations.


Orville Orval

A Orville that drinks too much Orval and thinks it can fly, IT CAN'T.

There's a theme.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on November 28, 2018, 08:51:49 PM
Year 1's homework this weekend is an acrostic poem: Disestablishmentarianism
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 29, 2018, 11:16:26 AM
The Brexit Thread drinking game...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 29, 2018, 11:24:35 AM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on November 28, 2018, 06:21:25 PM
The Boy With Willie Thorne On His Side

This could run and run.

Willie Thorne, standing on the sidelines, cheering The Boy on to score the winning goal.

Willie Thorne, sitting in the audience, watching The Boy perform a ballet routine.

Willie Thorne, strategically placed in a pub, near The Boy and his group of mates. The Boy suggests some outlandish theory, Willie Thorne 'overhears' and says, 'You know, I think that's right. Yeah, I read that'.

Then, tension.

The Boy has a big big pitch, really needs Willie Thorne to gee him up before going into the meeting. But what's this? Willie Thorne nowhere to be found. The Boy dashes out of the building, scans up and down the high street until, horror of horrors, he sees a Betfred. Oh god. Not now. The Boy enters. We focus on his face. It doesn't show horror, it doesn't show disgust, it doesn't show disappointment.  SHARP CUT TO BLACK LIKE THE SOPRANOS.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 29, 2018, 12:03:59 PM
a Children's BBC "magical secret" style effort. Gary Lineker as the shadowy authority conspiracy guy, trying to get Willie back onto the gambling. The Boy isn't important, it's just that Willie Thorne's latched on to him as a substitute for the bookies. Willie needs to escape.

The Boy takes up snooker, and qualifies for a ranking event. But Willie is there for his day job with the BBC. And there's encouragement to bet everywhere. Can Willie Thorne fight off his demons, encourage The Boy AND remain fairly neutral?

by Pip & Jane Baker
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 29, 2018, 12:09:27 PM
Willie Thorne coaching The Boy. He's got potential. He's got what it takes. And with Willie Thorne on his side, he can't lose.

That is, until 'Legend' Gary Lineker takes an interest. Willie Thorne is up to his bollocks in hock to Lineker. The solution is obvious, he tells Willie Thorne. The Boy has to lose. Lineker makes a packet, Willie Thorne's debt is cleared.

"And The Boy?" asks Willie Thorne.

"Well," chuckles Lineker. "Maybe it's time The Boy grew up. See you on Saturday, Dick"

"It's Willie actually"

"Shut up"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 29, 2018, 04:37:17 PM
Willie Thorne, running like fuck. The Boy's dad, with the wrong idea. The dad's dark past is about to erupt and change things forever, if The Boy could only summon the courage to say to someone
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on December 01, 2018, 05:12:52 PM
harry potter, five years after leaving hogwarts, has developed a personality disorder & been banned from doing any spells with effects lasting longer than three seconds, on pain of death.
as he rides home on the bus from his dead-end job through miserable rainy november streets, he cheers himself up by conjuring the phones of annoying teenagers on the bus to 100 degrees centigrade & back, & when he sees more annoying teenagers being noisy in the streets, he conjures bucketfuls of cold water to land on them out of thin air.
none of this helps. none of this is going to get hermione back.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on December 04, 2018, 10:26:42 AM
A Confederacy of Nonces
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 04, 2018, 03:06:15 PM
Done already: NAMBLA.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on December 05, 2018, 12:01:15 AM
"What's My Line?"

Minor celebrities snort thum-thick 10 inch stripes of unidentified powdered substances, then attempt a guess at what they might be before inevitably collapsing into coma, experiencing an existential freakout, finding god and/or vomiting and shiteing everywhere with volcanic ferocity.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on December 05, 2018, 09:22:27 AM
Kenny Rogers Spitroasters
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on December 05, 2018, 12:55:07 PM
A bunch of uneducated pillocks throwing sprouts at a dinner lady.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on December 05, 2018, 02:53:24 PM
Someone with a mask loses their mask
The Twelve Days of Christmas but it's haunted
Food left in a car
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 05, 2018, 03:47:26 PM
I had a great one for this thread but I've forgotten it.

It might have been 'Therapists, ear-prostitutes' but I don't think it was. It was better than that, and I can't for the life of me think what it was.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on December 06, 2018, 10:58:57 AM
"Caught Short"

Dwarves are served up industrial strength laxative-laced meals before being set away on a race against time to get to a nearby destination (which houses a solid gold toilet complete with silk loo roll), all the while being pursued by fart sniffing hounds.

Will they win the prize of a nice comfortable evacuation, or will they be...

Caught Short
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 06, 2018, 11:02:24 AM
Bally Kiss Angel

TV show in which ruddy faced officer-types yell at people to get them to kiss the actor who played Angel in Buffy.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on December 06, 2018, 11:21:03 AM
It is my Christmas wish that every single idea in this 15 page thread becomes a living, breathing HS Art topic.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 06, 2018, 01:15:48 PM
A Ways to get Ferris a million quid thread.


  • mug 10,000 people for 1,000 quid each
  • mug 1,000 people for 10,000 quid each
  • lobby Congress or eccentric billionaires on his behalf

Etc etc.

Points given for originality.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on December 08, 2018, 12:28:35 AM
So I said, 'Quantum Leap on this!'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on December 08, 2018, 11:31:39 AM
Quote from: Cuellar on December 06, 2018, 11:02:24 AM
Bally Kiss Angel

TV show in which ruddy faced officer-types yell at people to get them to kiss the actor who played Angel in Buffy.

david "aurora" borealis, him off 'bones'. him.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 08, 2018, 02:35:36 PM
Horthy the Cat
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 08, 2018, 08:25:48 PM
Benj Press
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: hamfist on December 08, 2018, 09:53:10 PM
just wanna fuck loads of people
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on December 11, 2018, 08:47:09 PM
this
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on December 12, 2018, 12:25:18 AM
Wall Street: Money Never Sharts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on December 12, 2018, 12:29:43 AM
⁣☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️🙂🔨🙂🔨🙂☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️☁️🙂🙂🙂🔨🙂🔨🙂☁️
☁️☁️☁️😆🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂☁️
☁️☁️☁️🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂☁️
☁️☁️😄🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂☁️
☁️☁️😄🏐🙂🙂🏐🙂🙂〰️〰️☁️
☁️☁️🏐🌑🏐🏐🌑🏐🙂〰️〰️☁️
☁️☁️😄🏐🙂🙂🏐🙂🙂😄😄☁️
☁️😶😶😶🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂😄☁️
☁️😄😄😄🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂😄☁️☁️
☁️☁️👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼🙂🙂☁️☁️☁️
☁️👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼👈🏾👊🏼🙂☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️👈🏾👈🏾👈🏾👈🏾👈🏾👊🏼🙂🙂☁️☁️
☁️☁️👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼🙂🙂🙂☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️🙂😆😆😄🙂☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️☁️🙂🙂📁📁📁📁☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️🖊✒️🖊✒️📁📁🖊📃☁️
☁️☁️📃📃📃📃📃✒️🖊📃📃☁️
☁️☁️📃📃📃📃📃📃🗒🗒🗒☁️
☁️📃📃⁣📃📃📃📃🗒📃📃📃🗒
☁️📃📃📃📃📃📃🗒📃📃📃🗒
📃📃📃📃📃📃📃🗒📃📃📃🗒
📃📃📃📃📃📃📃🗒🗒🗒🗒🗒
📃📃📃📃📃📃📃📃🙂🙂🙂☁️
📃📃📃📃📃📃📃📃🙂🙂🙂☁️
📃📃📃📃📃📃📃📃🙂🙂🙂☁️
👖👖👖👖👖👖👖🙂🙂🙂🙂☁️
👖👖👖👖👖👖🙂🙂🙂🙂👖☁️
☁️👖👖👖👖🙂🙂🙂🙂👖👖☁️
☁️☁️👖👖👖🙂🙂🙂👖👖☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️👖👖🙂🙂🙂👖👖☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️👖👖👖👖👖👖☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️👖👖👖👖👖👖☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️👖👖👖👖👖👖☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️👖👖👖👖👖👖☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️👖👖👖👖👖👖☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️👖👖👖👖👖👖☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️⛴⛴⛴⛴⛴⛴☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️☁️👞👞👞👞👞👞☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️👞👞👞👞👞👞👞☁️☁️☁️
☁️☁️👞👞👞👞👞👞👞☁️☁️☁️
🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on December 12, 2018, 12:30:23 AM
Quote from: Chollis on December 12, 2018, 12:25:18 AM
Wall Street: Money Never Sharts

"Throne, is where I want to be. Pick me up and turn me round"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 12, 2018, 12:30:42 AM
well if you made that then that was good.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Banlon on December 12, 2018, 01:31:21 AM
Anna Lingus : Supernatural murder-mystery.
Anna can see images of the last violent moments of a victim's life if she licks their bumhole.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on December 12, 2018, 11:55:47 AM
Wayne's World 2 bongo remake: If You Fook Them, They Will Cum
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on December 12, 2018, 12:43:19 PM
Jesus Christ: Highlander

Another effort in the ever-weaker Highlander franchise.
This time though, it takes him three days to come back to life once he pegs it.

...but then he can fly.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 12, 2018, 01:11:39 PM
Bob Dylan's dob billin's.

The godfather of folk runs a collection agency for people who haven't kept up repayments on their dobs.

NB: have to invent an item called a "dob" for this idea to work.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on December 12, 2018, 11:24:33 PM
Zombies that prioritise wanking over eating brains and the like.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on December 12, 2018, 11:30:51 PM
a zombie film where they just pretended loads of other folk were zombies for a laugh because they were bored
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on December 13, 2018, 12:12:14 AM
Quote from: Fishfinger on December 12, 2018, 11:24:33 PM
Zombies that prioritise wanking over eating brains and the like.

"When there's no more room in hell the dead will wank on earth"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on December 13, 2018, 10:21:45 AM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on December 12, 2018, 11:30:51 PM
a zombie film where they just pretended loads of other folk were zombies for a laugh because they were bored

a zombie film where they were actually zombies all along but so were the police and armed forces
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on December 13, 2018, 11:49:45 AM
Paul Hardcastle's bucket list
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on December 14, 2018, 01:09:25 AM

Detective Pikachu
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 14, 2018, 01:47:10 AM
Quote from: Dex Sawash on December 14, 2018, 01:09:25 AM
Detective Pikachu

Well, that'll never work. Needs more substance.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on December 14, 2018, 08:09:32 AM
Solenoids!!!


just woke up this morning and the word 'Solenoids' popped into my head.


Solenoids!!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on December 14, 2018, 08:46:28 AM
Monkey Dennis
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on December 14, 2018, 12:58:07 PM
Humble curry
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on December 14, 2018, 12:58:35 PM
Jesus Christ poo poo star
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on December 14, 2018, 01:14:57 PM
Jane Horrocks' hairy bollocks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on December 15, 2018, 10:40:39 AM
Quote from: Lordofthefiles on December 13, 2018, 12:12:14 AM
"When there's no more room in hell the dead will wank on earth"

The Wanking Dead. Knobs ripped off, but they Absolutely. Will. Not. Stop.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 15, 2018, 04:13:33 PM
Deep fried fish served with sliced potatoes, also fried.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 16, 2018, 09:48:29 AM
Hark the Gerald angels sing
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Foggy Buntwhistle on December 16, 2018, 12:09:22 PM
Father Christmas the Hotdog.

Father Christmas is a Hotdog and he's all crude and that.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on December 17, 2018, 05:08:09 PM

The Skidmark Bandit- gets in houses somehow and skids up the bowl with streaks of poo, leaves otherwise undetected
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on December 18, 2018, 12:07:16 AM
Ever Decreasing Circus

Richard Briers plays a hitherto successful ringmaster except now there's a massive hole in his tent.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on December 18, 2018, 06:57:18 AM
A show where someone sneaks into peoples houses and sets their alarm clocks back one hour. He secretely films them stumbling about bemused by this state of affairs.

What do you mean everyone uses their bio locked smart phones as an alarm clock these days?!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on December 18, 2018, 07:08:52 AM
Asking your bird to have an affair with a disgraced athlete so you can get round to caving the kitchen door in.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dannyhood91 on December 18, 2018, 07:11:19 AM
Quitting your job as a successful drug dealer because you can't remember how to open the bags.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: mrpupkin on December 20, 2018, 03:07:38 AM
The lay-by mansion
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 20, 2018, 03:46:37 AM
Starting a thread to determine who would be the best and worst Beatle to get a permanent seat on the UN Security Council.

(Ringo and John, respectively)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 20, 2018, 08:41:18 AM
A man in a supermarket is forced to leave his basket of bargain reductions because a fire-alarm goes off. By the time he gets back someone has had off with all of them, so he collapses in grief, also partly because his marriage is on the rocks. A Swedish porn director finds him and turns him into a gay porn star and he becomes somewhat satisfied with his life.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on December 20, 2018, 09:25:18 AM
Quote from: pancreas on December 20, 2018, 08:41:18 AM
A man in a supermarket is forced to leave his basket of bargain reductions because a fire-alarm goes off. By the time he gets back someone has had off with all of them, so he collapses in grief, also partly because his marriage is on the rocks. A Swedish porn director finds him and turns him into a gay porn star and he becomes somewhat satisfied with his life.

"Up The Asda" - This Fall on BBC Four
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on December 20, 2018, 11:17:53 AM
Guyphoid
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on December 20, 2018, 10:43:56 PM
Gatwick:Terminal (2018)

An absolute pack of lies and outright bullshit propaganda bring Gatwick airport to a complete standstill for fuck knows what reason.
The country is plunged into desolation as wannabe upper-middle class families fail to make their connecting flights to see the Coca-Cola truck pass through Aspen.

Only one man can hold the whole charade together... Martin Brunt - with his hotline to MI6 agent Robert Murat and his unique ability to be in the absolute heart of any fishy goings on that either aid a government narrative or clean up a mess caused by a member of the ruling elite.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 21, 2018, 12:22:14 AM
A cynical daughter euthanises her ailing mother for the inheritance and her mother's ghost follows her around only able to speak to her from toilets she is sitting on, from which vantage point she also wreaks her revenge by giving her daughter IBS. The daughter must now choose a path between supernaturally induced IBS or shitting in public places.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on December 21, 2018, 10:54:40 AM
Judy Cromer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 21, 2018, 03:04:18 PM
The Village Green Reservation Society.

I hope you've done the requisition forms correctly.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on December 23, 2018, 07:04:53 PM
(https://railwayproject.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Shunting-Equipment-3-2.jpg)

Kit for shunts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on December 29, 2018, 04:22:44 PM
"Opium for the Masses"

Kris Akabusi and Lily Savage present a travelling roadshow where each week a small backward town or city is chosen to be metaphorically, and literally, wiped off the cultural map.
Anyone found wearing glasses or in possession of books is rounded up outside the townhall and shot up with a semi-lethal, instant-addiction forming, blast of finest grade afghan heroin.

Week one: The teachers, librarians and bespectacled public transport patrons of Burnley are hog-tied and brought to the feet of The Mayor as the ceremony begins.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 29, 2018, 05:18:02 PM
Craig David-themed amusement park.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 29, 2018, 06:25:53 PM
Murder on the Bounty. Russian roulette with novichok flavoured chocolate bars.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on December 31, 2018, 01:03:53 PM
Karl's magic pen. The ink ran out in 1987 but he pretends it's still working, and he can read every invisible word.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on December 31, 2018, 02:45:36 PM
a pools agent keeps pretending that business will pick up again. it's cycling, a new generation will fall in love with perming 8 from 10. a cert. it's his promise to himself every August.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on December 31, 2018, 09:24:09 PM
Chub with nub
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on December 31, 2018, 11:58:55 PM
Spelling Bee.

A massive bee politely listens to a judge give a word, then spells it with twenty "Z"s.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on January 08, 2019, 03:50:45 PM
The Girl with the Dagenham Tattoo
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on January 08, 2019, 04:02:15 PM
LOLed
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 08, 2019, 04:10:24 PM
The Shillington museum for amusingly bent paper clips.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on January 09, 2019, 07:59:30 AM
Buster Bloodvessel changes his name by deed poll to Subconjunctival Haemorrhage
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 12, 2019, 01:45:16 AM
Set up a teacup museum. People come in but then they discover it's actually a Ted Bundy museum.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 12, 2019, 01:13:49 PM
A thread where people are only allowed to post things if they've been deprived of sleep for 36 hours, and the bloke next door has been streaming episodes of The Big Bang Theory nonstop.

... Also. They're not allowed to take it back later after they're well rested and regretful.


Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on January 12, 2019, 02:45:22 PM
praying man tits.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 12, 2019, 02:53:30 PM
A theatrical re-imagining of Craig David's Seven Days.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on January 12, 2019, 03:40:27 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 12, 2019, 01:45:16 AM
Set up a teacup museum. People come in but then they discover it's actually a Ted Bundy museum.

You might need to murder the visitors, or they'll spill the beans on TripAdvisor. Still, what do they expect if they're visiting a Ted Bundy museum. They should have known.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 12, 2019, 08:12:22 PM
It'd become a thing in itself. Endless irritated posts on tripadvisor about how it's really a Ted Bundy museum in disguise. People would be like: 'have you heard about that teacup museum'? 'Yeah, you mean the Ted Bundy one.' 'Yeah.'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on January 13, 2019, 06:50:42 PM
Last Brexit To Ooklyn
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 13, 2019, 07:50:07 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on January 13, 2019, 06:50:42 PM
Last Brexit To Ooklyn

Laughed (in public).
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on January 14, 2019, 09:02:32 PM
Sport Relief 2019.
Live Action Dan Dare.

Harry Kane as the titular hero and Vincent Kompany as The Mekon.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on January 14, 2019, 09:09:45 PM
Nicodemus and Pliers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 16, 2019, 05:53:32 PM
Netflix series The Queen, but set in an ants' nest.

Netflix series The Queen, but set in a drag commune.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on January 16, 2019, 07:35:34 PM
"Spit n Shove" with Bob Carolgees
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 16, 2019, 10:55:55 PM
Disease where you can only shit while looking at pictures of Ian Botham.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 16, 2019, 11:01:39 PM
enter the spider hearse more like
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 16, 2019, 11:15:38 PM
Disease where when you shit Ian Botham looks at you
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on January 16, 2019, 11:42:38 PM
Disease where you only do shits that look like Ian Botham. Although your diarrhoea looks like Bob Willis.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on January 17, 2019, 07:35:57 PM

"Sexing Chicks"


A 42 part reality TV "experience" that explores the weird and wonderful world of The Zen-Nippon Chick Sexing School in Japan.
Presented by Philip Scofield and anyone from an ever revolving set of blonde cunts with big mouths that seem to appear in anything and everything on ITV.
The hilarity never stops as "Pip" and Blonde Cunt go into a ten minute fit of hysterics every time someone mentions "sex", "sexing", "chick sex" or "sexing chicks".

Already greenlit for a second, third and fourth series, two Christmas specials and an "Easter Eggstravaganza" episode.


-----


"Sexing Chicks: All Night Long"


To be shown on ITV2 throughout the evening as a companion piece.
Presented by another Blonde Cunt and Rylan.
We get to meet the night shift workers at the school's dedicated chickfactory. Following the low paid, semi-skilled capers of the nocturnal crew as they organise the pre-sexed chicks into their new homes; the females are slung into a pit of dirt, shit and seeds, whilst the male chicks are placed into a soundproof room with a floor made from a huge industrial grinding machine.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 17, 2019, 07:57:59 PM
Great post, too good for this thread, so go and fuck yourself - but also well done
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 17, 2019, 08:14:11 PM
Weightlifting for Godot
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on January 17, 2019, 11:07:06 PM
Game show where you have to guess the age of genitals from closeup photos. Revolving hosts, starting with Neil and Christine Hamilton.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on January 17, 2019, 11:15:23 PM
Dempsey & Codpiece - A hardboiled NYC cop forms a crime fighting duo with a medieval minstrel.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 18, 2019, 09:27:38 AM
Who creased my trousers?

Starring Ant or Dec... whichever one isn't in rehab/prison that month.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on January 18, 2019, 11:41:58 AM
Quote from: Cuellar on January 17, 2019, 08:14:11 PM
Weightlifting for Godot


Weigh-in for Godot; No Fat Chicks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 18, 2019, 11:51:06 AM
Wahey man for Godot: The Geordie version.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Paul Calf on January 18, 2019, 12:11:01 PM
Should I bunk off from work and go and sleep in my car?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on January 18, 2019, 12:52:14 PM
Mullet of Kintyre: a show where the residents of Campbeltown all grow a mullet and compete for the "best" one. The winner is Kevin McGlade, a 52 year old farmer with a dog called n**ger
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: mrpupkin on January 18, 2019, 03:18:19 PM
GG Allin Carpool Karaoke
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on January 18, 2019, 05:44:03 PM
Titler: A Warning from History

A dramatised account of the rise and fall of Adolf Hitler played by Lolo Ferrari.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on January 18, 2019, 11:25:51 PM
You could do a stand up and say, "Anyone here from [likely place]???" and wave your arms up in the air. Then if at least one person responded in a similar way, perhaps going 'Woooo!', you could focus on them and say, "What? It was a simple yes and no question. Is that how you respond to all questions?" Then absorb the laughter from everyone else, because you need it to live. Then go, like, "It makes me wonder what your answer would be in other situations. Like, if the question were yelled, 'HEY, I HOPE YOU CAN ALL HEAR ME OVER THE NOISE OF THE HELICOPTER NEXT TO US WHOSE ROTORS ARE WHIRRING RIGHT ABOVE. WHAT I NEED TO KNOW IS, ARE YOU ALL FAMILIAR WITH BASIC HELICOPTER/ROTOR SAFETY PROTOCOLS?'" Then you wave your arms up in the air and go 'Wooooo' and mime that they're being severed and blood is spurting.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 19, 2019, 02:38:41 AM
^ Stuart Lee told. Ah, now that's the good stuff, you indolent wanker.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 19, 2019, 07:30:38 PM
QuoteStuart Lea

FTFY.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on January 19, 2019, 08:33:36 PM
"David Blowie"

A gritty drama set in an alternate timeline that follows the exploits of a young David Jones who, having never met Mick Ronson, is forced to work his way up the slippery slope of stardom by giving 'Sweet Head' to all and sundry in an attempt to curry enough favour to get a record deal.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on January 21, 2019, 01:52:03 PM
A found footage film composed of Martin Freeman's looks to camera. But the camera belongs to his stalker.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on January 22, 2019, 05:55:40 PM
Wagamama

From Bowl to Arsehole*


* 40 hours average transit time. Wagamama cannot be held responsible for delays, early arrivals or anus burn
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ToneLa on January 23, 2019, 12:50:30 AM
That's less than I got, tbh, much less, surprised you're even dragging this up again after last time, boss.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on January 24, 2019, 07:42:52 PM
"Bong Jovi" - a soft-reggae tribute act
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Poodle Basher on January 27, 2019, 11:05:39 AM
In an effort to fill the Time Team-shaped hole in the tv schedule.

That's My Dig

Two teams of archeology students attempt to identify their excavation site from aerial photos, close-ups of exploration trenches and assorted shards of Medieval pottery.

Winning team gets a box containing a That's My Dig mug each - which have been smashed into pieces so they must reconstruct them.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the midnight watch baboon on January 27, 2019, 11:10:44 AM
Porthole: Porthole

The spotlight is turned on mariners
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 27, 2019, 11:16:56 AM
A new thread commenting on all the political threads. It would include things like 'so and so made a good point there about the thing, but maybe needed to do so with less words.' followed by 'i disagree with that, its wrong' then 'well aren't you a c*nt then you c*nt' followed by 'no actually' and so on and so forth.

The thread could be called 'What the Politically Minded CABers are Saying Today'

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on January 29, 2019, 07:26:36 PM
Ian Rankin's Ian Ranking - a comprehensive listing of Ians from worst to best.

The Wasp Factory - a docudrama about the bin collectors at Alton Towers.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on January 30, 2019, 09:08:44 AM
The surname Horrocks is discovered to be an abbreviation of Horror Bollocks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on February 01, 2019, 04:01:54 PM
"Gompertz' Skirts"

Will Gompertz reveals his love of cross dressing and welcomes BBC Four viewers to marvel at his range of high street purchases.

Episode one: featuring a knee length pleated navy and cream summerwear number, and a besequinned denim mini with matching ankle bracelet.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ToneLa on February 01, 2019, 11:25:47 PM
if I can't tease a wank out about Princess Di, not saying I'll give up, it's just....
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 02, 2019, 03:10:43 AM
Quote from: Lordofthefiles on February 01, 2019, 04:01:54 PM
a knee length pleated navy and cream summerwear number,

White and gold
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 05, 2019, 05:14:38 PM
Vagina Mary

(https://i.postimg.cc/Gt8FB6Xq/20190205-121205.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 05, 2019, 05:26:08 PM
Total Brie-call

Man dreams of becoming a call centre operator for a cheese advisory board

or does he?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 05, 2019, 06:59:55 PM
Animated kung-fu beach film starring "Steven Seagul"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on February 06, 2019, 11:09:26 AM
When Gary Met Sally
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on February 06, 2019, 06:48:04 PM
"Come-Dine With Me"

Men only version of the classic Channel Four reality show... with tiny plates.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 07, 2019, 12:57:00 AM
"Love; actually" is simultaneously a shit film, and the introduction of a man about to correct mansplain something to a woman in a pub.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on February 07, 2019, 01:38:34 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on February 07, 2019, 12:57:00 AM
"Love; actually" is simultaneously a shit film, and the introduction of a man about to correct mansplain something to a woman in a pub.

immediately read that in the voice of martin clunes.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on February 07, 2019, 08:23:40 AM
"It's lovely to have you all here today to celebrate Tom and Emily's special day. I'm sure you all agree that Emily looks amazing [murmurs of approval]. I remember when Tom first brought her home, I thought 'Christ, I can't wait to catch this one coming out of the shower' "
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on February 10, 2019, 04:57:05 PM
Clunes on Clunes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ToneLa on February 10, 2019, 05:07:40 PM
Had a nightmare about an Only Fools and Horses character with a gun, woke up screaming

Triggered by Trigger's Trigger

Luckily he got busted by Buster who was, at the time, bankrupt. And also broken. And listening to a crap boy band formed in the year 2000. And who them himself was subsequently arrested

Then Rodney got a job as a wine distributor. Del Boy coined the very colloquial name for the business accidentally whilst insulting Rodney.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on February 12, 2019, 03:59:43 PM
Chessington World of Indentured Servants
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ToneLa on February 12, 2019, 05:46:05 PM
Tags: (sarcastically, to ex wife) No, you're all I got.

And I'm not even married!!

Yeah, look. Off I fuckski, ex wife. Sorry to destroy the atmosphere of your latest cervical screening.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 12, 2019, 06:02:38 PM
A garden, but it's all the wrong colours or something, I dunno.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Bum Flaps on February 13, 2019, 01:32:24 AM
It's a double roll over, but they are only paying out in cheese vouchers.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Howj Begg on February 13, 2019, 09:42:34 PM
Where is my copy of Flatland by Edwin Abbott?

Is it possibly in a curled up dimension?

Yes, dimension humour. It would be a cracking thread, though probably much of it would go over my head.

Except it couldn't, as there is no vertical dimension to reckon with. ahaha

That sort of thing.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Prison Biscuits on February 13, 2019, 11:05:08 PM
Guy Chadwick's Fuck Shop
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on February 15, 2019, 03:50:53 AM
Quote from: Captain Poodle Basher on January 27, 2019, 11:05:39 AM
In an effort to fill the Time Team-shaped hole in the tv schedule.

That's My Dig

Two teams of archeology students attempt to identify their excavation site from aerial photos, close-ups of exploration trenches and assorted shards of Medieval pottery.

Winning team gets a box containing a That's My Dig mug each - which have been smashed into pieces so they must reconstruct them.

the final episode is just the leader of the winning team, standing at the edge of his correctly-identified hole in the ground.

"one man & his dig".

later the show title is recycled for a series of piece-to-camera rants.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 15, 2019, 07:33:23 AM
Up feeding the boy Ferris Jr twice already and it's only 2.34am.

I'm going to be flooding this thread with shit, half-baked ideas. As soon as I think of one I'll begin proceedings.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 15, 2019, 07:44:33 AM
Gritty reboot of Howard the Duck.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 15, 2019, 07:45:40 AM
The Borrowers, but they're all normal sized.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 15, 2019, 07:49:13 AM
Ice cube trays in the shape of your favourite childrens' entertainers.

STRICTLY NO SAVILES.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 15, 2019, 07:50:02 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on February 15, 2019, 07:49:13 AM
Ice cube trays in the shape of your favourite childrens' entertainers.

STRICTLY NO SAVILES.

ICE NONCE.

Not sure what that is yet, just a name for something.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on February 15, 2019, 12:31:18 PM
A device that traps paedophiles, a Nonce Ensconcer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on February 15, 2019, 12:32:07 PM
A wacky game show fronted by Dave Benson Philips called Ensconce That Nonce!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 15, 2019, 12:59:57 PM
From the Bonces of Nonces

Like In Our Time, but all the contributors are pederasts.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on February 15, 2019, 03:06:55 PM
wrong thread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on February 15, 2019, 03:07:58 PM
fuck off
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 15, 2019, 03:10:19 PM
Quote from: Chollis on February 15, 2019, 03:06:55 PM
wrong thread

Quote from: Chollis on February 15, 2019, 03:07:58 PM
fuck off

Lovely stuff.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on February 16, 2019, 05:51:56 PM
Amber Rudd tries to sanction a honey badger's benefits, with hilarious results.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 17, 2019, 06:04:39 AM
Burgers, but the buns are made out of other burgers.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on February 17, 2019, 09:52:36 AM
Could Superman shoot to kill with his zits?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 19, 2019, 06:59:29 PM
if anyone replies/continues your idea here, it means your idea is TOO GOOD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 19, 2019, 10:31:17 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on February 19, 2019, 06:59:29 PM
if anyone replies/continues your idea here, it means your idea is TOO GOOD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD

That's a great point, Plankton, mate. Excellent idea. Great thinking.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 19, 2019, 10:33:57 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on February 19, 2019, 10:31:17 PM
That's a great point, Plankton, mate. Excellent idea. Great thinking.

Oh do fuckoff
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 19, 2019, 10:37:02 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on February 19, 2019, 10:33:57 PM
Oh do fuckoff

Another winner! This is gold
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 19, 2019, 10:39:13 PM
Favourite Species of Pondlife
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 19, 2019, 10:40:30 PM
A mattress made out of mats
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 19, 2019, 10:41:09 PM
A buttress made out of butts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 19, 2019, 10:41:37 PM
A mistress made out of mist
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 19, 2019, 10:42:22 PM
A congress made out of
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 19, 2019, 10:53:42 PM
New kind of paninni: Cheddar forge
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ToneLa on February 20, 2019, 12:17:07 AM
Kinder egg rammed up cock sans instructions
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 20, 2019, 09:15:19 AM
CABs very own Frankenstein's Monster. Can we make one out of the body parts in user names?

So far I've got Shoulders, Stomarch, and a Pancreas...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ToneLa on February 20, 2019, 11:23:22 AM
Tit
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 20, 2019, 11:40:22 AM
Ohh. fishfinger. that's one finger... seven more to go
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 20, 2019, 11:44:33 AM
paul calf
madhair60... we don't want our monster to be a baldy now do we?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 20, 2019, 12:12:47 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on February 20, 2019, 11:44:33 AM
paul calf
madhair60... we don't want our monster to be a baldy now do we?

Similarly, our own PlanktonSideburns can be broken down for parts.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 20, 2019, 12:42:43 PM
rounding off the facial hair situation we have BeardFaceMan... In fact if we get desperate for head parts we can just round things off with BeardFaceMan... A-and if we're really stuck lets just go with BeardFaceMan
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on February 20, 2019, 07:34:56 PM
You'll be wanting Gregory's torso, natch.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on February 23, 2019, 12:36:51 PM
Peanus Butter (nothing to do with the Frankensteim just a that's all I got)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ToneLa on February 23, 2019, 12:39:07 PM
Mr Shit meet Mr Piss!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 23, 2019, 07:53:03 PM
Quote from: spamwangler on January 11, 2017, 11:00:54 PM
11:30 Taking Stock of Evil:

Barry Scott Takes a Look at The Gravies of the Nazis, in colour (brown)

fucking shit example this, you cunt
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 24, 2019, 11:28:03 AM
"Britain's Got Talent" type show, except it's just swarms of angry bees auditioning each time, stinging the panel of judges to death. Pick four cunts and watch them drown in bees.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 24, 2019, 11:33:07 AM
"Chiles Pornography"
Adrian Chiles streams himself watching hours of really unpleasant, reprehensible pornography, his huge rumpled bat face growing sicker and sicker as he plays loosely with the definition of "barely legal". Just an endless parade of slime and the unnecessary defilement of young women gradually eroding the gnarled cliff of his face away like an ocean of curdled spunk.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 24, 2019, 11:33:44 AM
B

Edit: Sorry, meant to post that in General Bullshit.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on February 24, 2019, 10:30:44 PM
M-8, yer dugs an abstract impressionist

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on February 25, 2019, 08:02:59 AM
New comic strip villain

Al Dante
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ToneLa on February 25, 2019, 01:57:39 PM
Ubbcgi ICICI ICICI income chip chip! Mate
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on February 26, 2019, 02:40:20 PM
Margarita Praga Khan
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on February 26, 2019, 11:05:55 PM
contemporary take on the Dangerous Brothers: The ASOS Boys
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on February 27, 2019, 07:23:07 PM
The Pubic's Cube Championship, or The Rubick's Pube Championship, or summit, I don't fucking know do I?!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 27, 2019, 08:52:57 PM
Turquard.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 14, 2019, 02:23:58 PM
A satire on clocks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on March 14, 2019, 04:08:37 PM
Telling Atom Egoyan that it should be "Atoms Egoyan, because you're not just one are you?"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 14, 2019, 04:24:43 PM
A sitcom where the main characer is sad because his wife is dead so does bad things and kills a tramp but at the end realizes he should do good things instead.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 15, 2019, 09:45:56 PM
I had a dream where everyone in OFAH called Rodney a wanker instead of a plonker, but with real malice. I don't know where else to post this. I don't recall any other parts of the dream.

"Rodney, you wanker."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on March 20, 2019, 12:53:03 PM

Prosemite Sam hates rabbits but has warm feelings toward semitic people of all creeds.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on March 20, 2019, 01:25:52 PM
An armoured bus that deliberately takes you through the abysmal parts of town.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on March 20, 2019, 02:26:42 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on March 15, 2019, 09:45:56 PM
I had a dream where everyone in OFAH called Rodney a wanker instead of a plonker, but with real malice. I don't know where else to post this. I don't recall any other parts of the dream.

"Rodney, you wanker"

Ger Ger Granville, fer fer fer fuck off!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 20, 2019, 06:21:39 PM
Quote from: Norton Canes on March 20, 2019, 02:26:42 PM
Ger Ger Granville, fer fer fer fuck off!

More venom in he delivery than that.

Ger Ger Granville, fer fer fer fuck you.

It was darkly hilarious.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on March 21, 2019, 08:07:35 AM
Telling Ronnie Barker's son that he's #forkcancelled

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on March 21, 2019, 11:21:33 PM
That kid from school that died but he's alive and he's your new boss and your entire grip on reality slips.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on March 22, 2019, 01:18:25 PM
Wrong thread you drunk dick!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on March 22, 2019, 01:36:42 PM
Fitting things into an old jar of Marmite that hasn't been washed out yet.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 24, 2019, 03:25:21 AM
Vegemite vs Marmite: The Movie
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on March 26, 2019, 09:27:54 AM
Forty in a Bed:

FEEDBACK FORM: We found faeces in the shower, and breakfast was disgusting too.

MANAGER: Ah, this must be... er... wait a minute...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on March 26, 2019, 02:54:49 PM
Sausage Rollerblading.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on March 26, 2019, 03:24:03 PM
"Renfeld!!!"

That's it. Just someone wandering about randomly shouting "Renfeld!!!"






No. Not Renfield.... Renfeld.. There's a difference. It's important.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on March 26, 2019, 03:44:36 PM
Some joke about lens wipes

Do you sell lens wipes?
Don't care whose they are mate

What do you call bog roll endorsed by Lenny Henry, Len Goodman, and Bishop Len Brennan?
Lens wipes.

That sort of thing
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on March 26, 2019, 03:54:18 PM
Do you sell lens wipes?
No, just my own
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on March 26, 2019, 04:50:37 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on March 26, 2019, 03:54:18 PM
Do you sell lens wipes?
No, just my own

I LOVE IT
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on March 26, 2019, 08:31:17 PM
GOOD
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on March 26, 2019, 09:42:00 PM
Do you sell screen wipes?

No this is an abattoir you turd
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on March 26, 2019, 11:12:13 PM
Needs work
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on March 27, 2019, 12:43:05 AM
"Renfeld!!!"








"Renfeld!!!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on April 11, 2019, 04:13:04 PM
I would start a film production company called Cockthirst Films and they would make very serious films so that at the start of the very serious films all the other production company logos would come up then it would say Cockthirst Films
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on April 12, 2019, 11:06:33 PM
Jonathan Craven Mysteries

A lightly modded John Craven solves fairly trivial crimes in the countryside. Probably a bit like Heartbeat but mainly just him on screen delivering standard Countryfile articles.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on April 13, 2019, 01:24:06 AM
Rating places (that aren't a bed) to have a sleep in.

Hammocks, park benches, etc
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on April 13, 2019, 03:13:19 AM
Will they fuck? Game show where you have to predict if different animals will fuck each other, and if so, whether they survive.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on April 14, 2019, 11:46:25 AM
Findandfuckmycar.com
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Hey, Punk! on April 14, 2019, 12:46:48 PM
'There's sick on the roof ... the roof!'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on April 14, 2019, 12:47:48 PM
The Rumbelows: Holiday Special
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on April 14, 2019, 04:16:47 PM
Is it Still There?

Remember that sweet shop from when you were little. The one where you went to buy your sweets?   Is it still there?

The potential for spin off threads is enormous.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on April 14, 2019, 08:19:32 PM
An off-campus group that uses empathic leadership to strengthen its individual members' Bjork impressions.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on April 23, 2019, 12:54:41 PM

The Man, DeLorean probably isn't canon in ext universe
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on April 25, 2019, 09:09:12 PM
'Unexpected item in shagging area'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Hey, Punk! on April 26, 2019, 11:08:02 AM
Heidegger hums 'phenomena' on sesame street.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on April 26, 2019, 06:20:01 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on April 25, 2019, 09:09:12 PM
'Unexpected item in shagging area'

Machines in Morrisons say "surprising item in bagging area". No idea why they felt the need to make the change.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bigfatheart on May 02, 2019, 07:08:14 PM
Dave and Incel Collins
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on May 02, 2019, 07:46:55 PM
Quote from: GMTV on April 26, 2019, 06:20:01 PM
Machines in Morrisons say "surprising item in bagging area". No idea why they felt the need to make the change.

"please insert your card into Eddi Reader"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 02, 2019, 08:26:55 PM
Sitcom about a postman starring Norman Mailer as "The Postie"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on May 03, 2019, 01:05:39 AM


Member that fellow what drank poison at the hague?

(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/OJTo1hJPPwI/sddefault.jpg#404_is_fine)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on May 07, 2019, 11:01:39 AM
Prostatyn
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on May 08, 2019, 11:57:47 AM

Poohcocks, game played on a bridge somehow
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 08, 2019, 12:19:05 PM
Quote from: Dex Sawash on May 08, 2019, 11:57:47 AM
Poohcocks, game played on a bridge somehow

It's just like poohsticks but you lop off your penis and toss that in. Not a game you can play twice, but no doubt hilarious fun while it lasts.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on May 08, 2019, 12:20:56 PM
I should've made a thread, I reckon
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on May 09, 2019, 10:05:36 AM
THE GREAT BRITISH MENU BUT ALL OF THE DISHES ARE SOUP BOWLS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH TEPID SEMEN
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on May 09, 2019, 04:43:50 PM
Dr Oetkerpuss v Spudderman
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on May 09, 2019, 05:05:36 PM
I'VE NIGHTMARED MYSELF
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 09, 2019, 05:17:38 PM
An elephant that always forgets
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on May 09, 2019, 07:32:32 PM
there is arroz in spanish harlem
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 09, 2019, 07:56:28 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on April 25, 2019, 09:09:12 PM
'Unexpected item in shagging area'
#justgarythings
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 09, 2019, 09:30:01 PM

Geoff Capes, Wears Capes, Flys


Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 10, 2019, 10:29:57 AM
A shop that sells overstretched Armstrongs
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 11, 2019, 02:07:48 AM
Having a sleep, but in a gay way
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: chveik on May 11, 2019, 01:26:17 PM
wanking-crying emojis
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 13, 2019, 01:24:03 AM
The Wonderful World of Craig David!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on May 14, 2019, 12:29:14 PM
Alexander Graham Bellend
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 14, 2019, 01:03:06 PM
Protein whips

International goblin delivery

Sat Bains builds a wall of onions

A bee hive that only makes reggae reggae sauce

"I just punched my biological father unconscious"

Matel's Frank Butcher's car lot insurance fire playset

Kickstarter for getting Noel Edmonds to release his morning breath as a cologne

Observing your girlfriend's infidelity at a subatomic level

Having to do the Iditarod in your pants and vest

Gothic Zippy

"I'm living in a crypt in the Mendips licking creme de menthe off a coffin lid"

Brain Eno, the Energy Drink
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 14, 2019, 01:06:29 PM
^far too many ideas, banned.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on May 14, 2019, 01:45:14 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on May 14, 2019, 01:03:06 PM
Observing your girlfriend's infidelity at a subatomic level

It's both in and out until you open the door.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on May 14, 2019, 01:47:30 PM
Glans Christian Andersen
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Rizla on May 14, 2019, 01:50:54 PM
Itchy Poo Cark by the Small Faeces

Phil Collins likes chips. No Jacket Potato Required.

Shh, Doreen's having her chlorine.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on May 17, 2019, 02:09:03 PM
a rapper made entirely of shit called Lil Nug
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 17, 2019, 04:56:51 PM
Sesame Street but it's on an island now
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 18, 2019, 09:57:55 AM
Quote from: Cuellar on March 26, 2019, 11:12:13 PM
Needs work

yea i dont really know what i was going for here, sorry
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 18, 2019, 09:58:35 AM
Quote from: Chollis on May 14, 2019, 01:47:30 PM
Glans Christian Andersen

YES. perfect post. fits this thread like water in a puddle
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 18, 2019, 10:05:27 AM
Quote from: chveik on May 11, 2019, 01:26:17 PM
wanking-crying emojis

(https://media1.giphy.com/media/QYBneceH3JuM0/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on May 18, 2019, 11:29:47 AM
Film about plane transporting a load of Irish female prisoners who seize the controls and the hero has to subdue them all by performing oral sex on them.

Con Aer Lingus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Tactile Uncle on May 18, 2019, 09:48:46 PM
That recent Sandra Bollocks film where if people look outside they commit suicide except instead of committing suicide they pinch their genitals until it is just starting to hurt but not quite. 
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 18, 2019, 10:05:38 PM
Taglines for crematoriums

"You make 'em, we bake 'em!"

"You kill 'em, we grill 'em!

"A third one!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 18, 2019, 10:20:14 PM
get bent
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 18, 2019, 10:43:45 PM
stone cold steve asprin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 18, 2019, 11:54:48 PM
Barry Acorns.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 19, 2019, 09:53:27 AM
a twat walking around
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 19, 2019, 10:01:42 AM
A potato
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 19, 2019, 11:24:50 AM
Kentish newspapers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on May 19, 2019, 01:28:10 PM
Samantha Janus marries Michael J. Fox and changes her name to Samantha J. Anus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 19, 2019, 02:35:54 PM
the word-of-mouth paella that made its way across an isthmus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Tactile Uncle on May 19, 2019, 06:20:24 PM
Toilet brush on draining rack in HMO
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 19, 2019, 07:39:45 PM
A super hero called the silent H. Don't know what her super powers are though.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 19, 2019, 08:37:31 PM
something well known in popular culture, e.g. A FILM, but with bumming or chimpanzees or perhaps both of those things.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 19, 2019, 08:38:28 PM
Star Wars but everyone is in wheelchairs
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 20, 2019, 12:47:26 AM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on May 19, 2019, 07:39:45 PM
A super hero called the silent H. Don't know what her super powers are though.

she stoves peoples faces in with a hammer.

technically not a super power, but are you going to explain that to her?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 20, 2019, 01:10:12 AM
Who fancies an argument then? Go on, try me!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 20, 2019, 07:41:20 AM
Your dog still looks like the same dog, yet you know it's different.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on May 20, 2019, 09:13:22 AM
Quote from: rasta-spouse on May 20, 2019, 07:41:20 AM
Your dog still looks like the same dog, yet you know it's different.

>phillip k dick considers writing for kids<
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 20, 2019, 11:58:48 AM

keeping track of a specific jackdaw
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: chveik on May 20, 2019, 05:19:02 PM
the next generation of chins
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 20, 2019, 05:37:04 PM
the next chineration
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 20, 2019, 06:43:19 PM
60-pence car wash on the Isle of Man, what the fuck is that on the ceiling tho?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on May 20, 2019, 06:53:34 PM
Quote from: rasta-spouse on May 20, 2019, 06:43:19 PM
60-pence car wash on the Isle of Man, what the fuck is that on the ceiling tho?

clarkson's spaff.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on May 20, 2019, 06:59:18 PM
why is thing from addam's family called thing. do they not know what it is. the word is 'hand'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 20, 2019, 07:21:14 PM
Yes, also 'Cousin It' should be 'Cousin Hairy'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 20, 2019, 07:27:36 PM
June Shartpong


That's it. No expansion on the concept or attempt to use it in anything else. That's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 20, 2019, 08:00:49 PM
an episode of Roseanne by any other name
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 20, 2019, 09:22:46 PM
@TheDabForecast

Just tweets out poorly photoshopped images of celebrities dabbing, with a rating (and meteorological description) underneath.

Prince Charles "light drizzle, 4/10"

Etc etc
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Tactile Uncle on May 20, 2019, 09:49:22 PM
Farrage fromage
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on May 20, 2019, 11:27:21 PM
The Historic Building - a project for an area where there are no historic buildings for the local kids to experience. 

Organise a fundraiser to go down the builders' merchants to buy breeze blocks and prefabricated roofing panels for the Historic Building.  Erect Historic Building. Local populace can now experience an authentic Historic Building.  Sit back and await the plaudits.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 21, 2019, 12:41:38 AM
Yoga. Saying hello to Ga.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 21, 2019, 01:01:45 AM
Appliance Wars: Clash of the Kitchenware.

Tonight - kettle vs toasted sandwich maker.

Two appliances will enter. Only one will leave.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 21, 2019, 07:25:37 AM
Cloud Paxman - a transition where an image of Paxman's face is fading out over an image of a cirrus cluster fading in
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on May 21, 2019, 09:12:48 AM
paxman plays pacman.

tries to beat sue lawley's high score. ninety-minute episodes, weeknights, in place of 'newsnight'.

he makes all the noises with his own mouth. his face is painted yellow.

[edit- oh for fuck's sake....]

https://www.dailysquat.com/jeremy-paxman-pacman/
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 21, 2019, 10:25:18 AM
Woody Guthrie Farsi google auto-translate
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on May 21, 2019, 12:32:00 PM
We put the 'admin' into 'badminton'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 21, 2019, 01:18:40 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on May 20, 2019, 09:22:46 PM
@TheDabForecast

I need to cash in on the dab stuff.

Pinter's the dab waiter, tense restaurant where waiter comes holding the plates in a "dab" position - maybe the sommelier could do something like this also related to drill music?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 21, 2019, 04:19:35 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/Lnd2qhE.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 21, 2019, 06:50:19 PM
grass hoppits
bee keepits
hammer-it sharks

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 21, 2019, 06:52:12 PM
Adrian Chiles the board game
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Tactile Uncle on May 21, 2019, 07:49:27 PM
Danny Dyer's Fanny Dryer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 22, 2019, 12:31:52 AM
Quote from: Tactile Uncle on May 21, 2019, 07:49:27 PM
Danny Dyer's Fanny Dryer

Like a Dyson sponsorship arrangement?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 22, 2019, 12:32:31 AM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on May 21, 2019, 06:52:12 PM
Adrian Chiles the board game

Darling, that's not all you got, that's a pitch.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on May 22, 2019, 12:56:35 AM
Government's Pies - the legend written on the side of a secret surveillance van disguised as a bakery delivery van.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on May 22, 2019, 11:39:11 AM
Grismont Pissforks, an imprint of Harper Collins.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: poodlefaker on May 22, 2019, 12:07:01 PM
Because you're Mayan, I walk the lion.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on May 22, 2019, 01:00:35 PM
Quote from: poodlefaker on May 22, 2019, 12:07:01 PM
Because you're Mayan, I walk the lion.

we're done. close the thread.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 22, 2019, 01:13:49 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on May 21, 2019, 06:50:19 PM
grass hoppits
bee keepits
hammer-it sharks

Love this. Makes them sound like things you would get at a hardware store
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 22, 2019, 01:14:17 PM
Quote from: poodlefaker on May 22, 2019, 12:07:01 PM
Because you're Mayan, I walk the lion.

YES mate
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on May 22, 2019, 02:13:36 PM
Quote from: Clatty McCutcheon on May 22, 2019, 12:56:35 AMGovernment's Pies - the legend written on the side of a secret surveillance van disguised as a bakery delivery van.

That is top. Can see that in an espionage-themed plot in Whizzer and Chips or what-have-you.

I also think that Government Pie should be a variety of pork pie.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on May 22, 2019, 04:04:21 PM
John Terry & June

Would start the thread but I've never seen an episode of Terry & June so wouldn't know what to do
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on May 22, 2019, 04:11:42 PM
Noel Fielding and Paul Hollywood make millions selling their own delicious bell cheese frosting

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 22, 2019, 06:44:20 PM
Dr. Jekyll, instead of consuming the usual potion, accidentally drinks from a beaker labelled "empathy"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on May 22, 2019, 08:01:23 PM
THOUGHTS OF NODDING OFF: This is a note file saved in my phone from 2013 when I would sometimes fall asleep for a couple minutes and have these weird micro-dreams. I feel like some of them are appropriate for this thread:

Two lobsters taste different to one another. After tasting the second, the cook says to the taster, "I have to confess to you, that one would taste the same as the first if it were cooked."

If you go to sleep now you will be the first of the gang to die and then you will be raped.

"Barack Obama is using the White House phone. He's not trying to get rid of teeth, he's trying to FIND teeth."

"MR BURNS KILLS SNOOPY"

A top hat is attached at opposite ends of the brim to the inside of a steel ring. The hat is spinning one way as the ring spins the other way.

"Blue Steel Amnesty Boy Hair Gel"

Trying to help a wounded pigeon in the street and a man runs up and kicks it to death.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 22, 2019, 08:42:22 PM
Quote from: alan nagsworth on May 22, 2019, 08:01:23 PM

A top hat is attached at opposite ends of the brim to the inside of a steel ring. The hat is spinning one way as the ring spins the other way.


I like this image/fragment a lot.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 22, 2019, 10:16:34 PM
Cash Flow. Space Invaders but it's shooting kidney stones out of Pat Cash's urethra.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on May 22, 2019, 11:08:42 PM
How about a load of children playing violins that call themselves The Kiddie Fiddlers?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 23, 2019, 12:42:58 AM
Quote from: non capisco on May 22, 2019, 11:08:42 PM
How about a load of children playing violins that call themselves The Kiddie Fiddlers?

This is excellent
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on May 23, 2019, 01:17:22 AM
very good indeed
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 23, 2019, 09:10:22 AM
Talking on a bus to a man about Roland Rat On the Road. Turn around and the man now has a moustache. Wha?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 23, 2019, 10:43:36 AM
Quote from: rasta-spouse on May 23, 2019, 09:10:22 AM
Talking on a bus to a man about Roland Rat On the Road. Turn around and the man now has a moustache. Wha?

Could be a trilogy/franchise or Expanded Universe with the right director.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 23, 2019, 11:00:50 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on May 23, 2019, 10:43:36 AM
Could be a trilogy/franchise or Expanded Universe with the right director.

I might float it past the chaps who do the Underworld series and see if their monocles pop out. But (and here's where I put the work in) if I place little cushions in front of them beforehand, the monocles will land softly rather than getting chipped on the table.

And they'd be like "dude, how did you know?".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on May 23, 2019, 02:07:54 PM
Quote from: non capisco on May 22, 2019, 11:08:42 PM
How about a load of children playing violins that call themselves The Kiddie Fiddlers?

Reminds me that I once rewrote the vast majority of Justin Timberlake's "Like I Love You" To make it sound like yer man was a paedo grooming his mate's son. That's for a another thread though.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on May 23, 2019, 11:28:30 PM
How about a Star Wars film where Han Solo lands on Chewbacca's home planet, Wookieland or whatever, and as soon as they get out of the Millennium Falcon he sees a load of Wookies walking around fully clothed and speaking English and he realises he's been hanging out all these years with a naked idiot?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 23, 2019, 11:31:26 PM
Quote from: non capisco on May 23, 2019, 11:28:30 PM
How about a Star Wars film where Han Solo lands on Chewbacca's home planet, Wookieland or whatever, and as soon as they get out of the Millennium Falcon he sees a load of Wookies walking around fully clothed and speaking English and he realises he's been hanging out all these years with a naked idiot?

This idea is excellent, let's set it during space-Christmas and have Jefferson Starship play their latest single!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 24, 2019, 06:50:31 PM
A manufacturer of garden irrigation systems doing an advert using Ludacris' Area Codes.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on May 25, 2019, 12:57:40 AM
They all laughed at Christopher Columbus, when he said a turd was brown.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 25, 2019, 07:28:27 AM
A show where a man's neighbours form a protest group when he plans to build a new conservatory on the side of his property. They call themselves the Extension Rebellion.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 25, 2019, 08:02:08 AM
Every post on this page is far too good for this thread.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 25, 2019, 11:30:11 AM
Cartoon about a family of testicles where the catchphrase is 'Ooh, you're a bit testy!'

[That's pretty bad, no?]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 25, 2019, 11:44:16 AM
Quote from: pancreas on May 25, 2019, 11:30:11 AM
Cartoon about a family of testicles where the catchphrase is 'Ooh, you're a bit testy!'

[That's pretty bad, no?]

yes. it's complete bollocks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 25, 2019, 12:42:01 PM
A teddy bear cartoon, but it's magic and sings songs and that
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 25, 2019, 12:57:52 PM
Chris Isaak's Wicked Game played on some very loud speakers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 25, 2019, 01:16:16 PM
People pinning up posters of missing cartons of milk on school notice boards.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on May 25, 2019, 05:51:17 PM
Ready, Steady, Gape

90's morning BBC fodder. Two teams. Bag of random stuff. Contest is to see who can utilise the items in the best way. Fern Britton and Ainsley Harriott host.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 25, 2019, 09:12:22 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on May 25, 2019, 01:16:16 PM
People pinning up posters of missing cartons of milk on school notice boards.

Pictures of Thatcher as potential culprit.


Sorry i've ruined your semi idea.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 25, 2019, 11:31:49 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on May 25, 2019, 12:57:52 PM
Chris Isaak's Wicked Game played on some very loud speakers

Made me laugh
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 26, 2019, 02:13:52 PM
Parsley: Live at the O2
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: chveik on May 26, 2019, 02:26:17 PM
Clickbait Cliff
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on May 26, 2019, 04:18:35 PM
Time Trumpet style footage splicing. The HIGNFY writers' room but instead of a table they're sitting around Kim Jong Il's bulletproof glass casket passing notes.

But -look closely- it's not Kim Jong Il in the coffin, it's Richard Ingrams. 
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on May 30, 2019, 04:24:26 PM
a reggae song like 'you got to legalise it' but it's about like murder or shaggin kids or somethin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 30, 2019, 04:37:41 PM
cheese on toast machine
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on May 30, 2019, 04:55:59 PM
Quote from: pancreas on May 30, 2019, 04:37:41 PM
cheese on toast machine

these are available already, although the current model only works with Brie. But you like Brie, don't you?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on May 30, 2019, 06:47:23 PM
A Nando
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on May 30, 2019, 07:10:51 PM
A reality TV show where they get people (it's blokes though really, isn't it) who are always criticising people like football managers and transport managers and reckon they could easily do a better job, and they get them to do it for a bit and they're shit at it. Called "Go On Then, You Fat Mouthy Cunt"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on May 30, 2019, 07:13:04 PM
unscrambling an egg... live on television. implements are allowed. cash prizes to be won
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on June 03, 2019, 10:10:23 AM
A Jutes Journay-nay. The Jutes are an Iron Age tribe who settled in Britain and the Nay Nay is a hip hop dance move
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 03, 2019, 12:26:30 PM
CCTV cameras spying on people getting bored until they start wanking. Paddy Power the official bookmaker.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 03, 2019, 03:46:49 PM
A new sort of pillow but it's either a bit softer or less soft than current pillows.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 03, 2019, 04:09:14 PM
what about pillows made out of sheep on ketamine
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 03, 2019, 04:46:48 PM
Quote from: pancreas on June 03, 2019, 04:09:14 PM
what about pillows made out of sheep on ketamine

Let's pitch it to the Dragons and see what they say
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on June 03, 2019, 08:34:33 PM
Couples Handbags.

The same as her normal handbag but bigger so it'll fit my sunglasses and shit in it - she still carries it though.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on June 04, 2019, 08:03:11 AM
Lord of the Onion Rings
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on June 04, 2019, 08:41:36 AM
The Boy With Michael Dorn On His Side, in case Willie Thorne isn't interested
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on June 04, 2019, 08:53:23 AM
Celebrities relive those times when they found some spare change they didn't realise they had. Includes detailed reconstuctions with an appropriately emotionaly charged soundtrack.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on June 04, 2019, 10:50:01 PM
"Pictures of Willy"

Pete Townsend takes us on a nostalgic trip down Random-Access-Memory lane with a sixteen part series exploring his downloaded image archive.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on June 05, 2019, 12:22:00 PM
After staring at a photograph of a Tibetan sherpa from the 1900s titled Himanshu for too long you are haunted by, not only the spirits of all the shellfish and flightless birds you have destroyed throughout your life, but also a metaphysical dog that may or may not be leaving scratchmarks on the rabbit hutch
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on June 05, 2019, 08:18:38 PM
^ this is great
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ZoyzaSorris on June 11, 2019, 01:14:24 PM
McGonads. That's literally all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 11, 2019, 09:50:49 PM
Cocktail bar for millenials where the ingredients are all anti-depressants.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 11, 2019, 10:26:46 PM
Dog turd no
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 11, 2019, 10:27:49 PM
Dog turd who
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 11, 2019, 10:31:31 PM
Is there a dog turd in the house
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on June 11, 2019, 10:54:17 PM
Dog turd, dog turd, gimme the poos, I got a bad case of loving poo.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on June 12, 2019, 11:56:13 AM
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Game show where the main event is seeing how many coins you can fit in your mouth.

Host tbc
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on June 12, 2019, 02:21:48 PM
Quote from: alan nagsworth on June 12, 2019, 11:56:13 AM
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Game show where the main event is seeing how many coins you can fit in your mouth.

Put Your Money Where My Mouth Is - winner is the contestant that fills Adrian Chiles with the most cash in a time of their choosing.

Put Your Mouth Where My Money Is - winner is the first contestant to correctly guess where Noel has hidden the money and gets their mouth in there.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on June 12, 2019, 02:47:08 PM
"Ohhh sorry, Julie! I'm afraid that for the 234th consecutive week, the money is in my anus!" chuckled Noel mischievously
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on June 12, 2019, 02:48:29 PM
Put Your Mouth Where Your Mouth Is

Really easy, almost no effort required. Everyone wins. Stupid game really
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on June 12, 2019, 04:13:58 PM
Put Your Money Where My Mouth Was - hilarious gameshow where contestants try to find the mouth on a severely burned, genetically disfigured or war-bombed face and fill it with money before the timer's up!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on June 12, 2019, 04:54:43 PM
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is - contestants are trussed and forced to eat their own copies of Martin Amis's 'Money' against the clock.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on June 12, 2019, 04:56:51 PM
Put Your Money Where Sidmouth Is - contestants are blindfolded and forced to place their own copies of Martin Amis's Money onto maps of Britain. The closest to Sidmouth wins. Hosted by an America so they pronounce Sidmouth like Sid-MOUTH, so the title sounds like popular expression 'Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on June 12, 2019, 05:17:59 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on June 12, 2019, 04:56:51 PM
Put Your Money Where Sidmouth Is - contestants are blindfolded and forced to place their own copies of Martin Amis's Money onto maps of Britain. The closest to Sidmouth wins. Hosted by an America so they pronounce Sidmouth like Sid-MOUTH, so the title sounds like popular expression 'Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is'

Park Your Mondeo Where Sidmouth Is

Like the above except the contestants are Ford Mondeo owners and they have to drive to Sidmouth. First one there wins.

Haven't yet decided if they'll be allowed to use maps or whether their canny Mondeo driving skills will be expected to propel their sense of direction. At the end they all compare mileage and gas use and tire tread wear and stuff like that.

So it's a bit like Top Gear but aimed solely at people who love Ford Mondeos - or "Mondemons" as they're affectionately known.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on June 12, 2019, 07:25:00 PM
"Wormhole Gummidge"

Teatime time-travel larks with the famous scarecrow as he freaks out children from the Stone Age to the space age.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 12, 2019, 07:50:22 PM
All Faeces Great And Small
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on June 12, 2019, 08:16:29 PM
"She'll Be Coming 'Round The Mountain When She Comes"

A female wanking competition based in the Himalayas.

Out of sight, behind some of the largest metamorphic rock structures on the planet, 15 females go-to-town on themselves.
The winner being crowned once the first to 'finish off' has clambered from their lair and, with a sticky fingered wave, revealed themselves to a TV crew below them at base camp.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on June 12, 2019, 08:35:43 PM
Gape Well For Less

Gregg Wallace and the other geezer evaluate ways you can gape at lower cost, with a secondary benefit of it being more healthy.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 12, 2019, 08:59:02 PM
The small faeces
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on June 12, 2019, 09:12:09 PM
Quote from: Lordofthefiles on June 12, 2019, 08:16:29 PM
Some of the largest metamorphic rock structures on the planet

Your mum, you mean
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on June 12, 2019, 09:15:56 PM
Quote from: seepage on June 12, 2019, 09:12:09 PM
Your mum, you mean

Well, yes... but I wasn't going to reveal that until funding was secured.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 13, 2019, 12:47:53 AM
War and Faeces.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on June 13, 2019, 01:20:00 AM
Give Faeces a Chance
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 13, 2019, 07:02:07 AM
'Faeces of Eight! Faeces of Eight!'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on June 15, 2019, 12:25:50 PM
Gapex Corporation

Basically its Skynet/Google
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on June 22, 2019, 10:42:59 PM
BLINDED BY THE SHITE

THAT GOT FLICKED UP BY A STRUMMER

ON MY FIRST DAY ON SITE
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on June 27, 2019, 11:39:00 PM
A grindcore band from Bristol called Spiralizer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on June 27, 2019, 11:39:41 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on June 22, 2019, 10:42:59 PM
BLINDED BY THE SHITE

THAT GOT FLICKED UP BY A STRUMMER

ON MY FIRST DAY ON SITE

Fuck that was supposed to say STRIMMER

SHITE
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 28, 2019, 12:37:37 AM
Beer but it's got raisins in it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on June 28, 2019, 12:39:59 PM
Nonce-nandos

Burger-kindling
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on June 28, 2019, 12:40:45 PM
Fash wave remixes of berjerac
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 28, 2019, 01:00:34 PM
A boat but it is painted red
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 28, 2019, 01:02:27 PM
A sandwich shop where you have to perform a sexual act if you want to choose which type of filling you get.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on June 28, 2019, 01:37:48 PM
Scotland's hardest pubs with Professor Yaffle.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 28, 2019, 03:21:23 PM
New delinquent trend for youths - "Snooze Cruisin'"

They just have a sleep in places where society says they should. On buses, on a sofa, next to a rug etc
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ZoyzaSorris on June 29, 2019, 08:07:42 AM
Larry the Lexiteer Lacewing Lies Lightly, could be a book within a book for an alternate history in which the Argentinians win the Falklands War. Other than that it's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on June 29, 2019, 08:39:16 AM
"Coming to America"

A transatlantic boat race in sperm powered nautical vessels.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 29, 2019, 09:21:01 AM
When MRI scanning goes wrong.

Pacemakers ripped out, dentures flying all over the place etc.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on June 29, 2019, 09:53:54 AM
I've got this catchphrase I've been mucking about with for years now. Never quite found the right venture for it, but I'm fairly confident that it can be applied across a number of products. If anyone wants it, please feel free, but credit me if you use it. Here it is:

"Trust me, it always works."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on June 29, 2019, 09:57:03 AM
Also got this one for the Amsterdam tourism board:

(Spoken in a Danish accent)

"Amshterdam. Where it'sh alwaysh 4/20."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on June 29, 2019, 10:22:34 AM
I had a bad habit of saying 'let'sch do zthish!', then I heard the Dutch logistics director say it for real. So proud.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on June 29, 2019, 11:52:58 AM
Alter[c]ation Service
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 29, 2019, 12:59:12 PM
Quote from: pancreas on June 29, 2019, 11:52:58 AM
Alter[c]ation Service

If you knew anything about branding like me or Lord Sugar, you'd call it Dial-a-Fight
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on June 29, 2019, 02:43:25 PM
Quote from: alan nagsworth on June 29, 2019, 09:53:54 AM
I've got this catchphrase I've been mucking about with for years now. Never quite found the right venture for it, but I'm fairly confident that it can be applied across a number of products. If anyone wants it, please feel free, but credit me if you use it. Here it is:

"Trust me, it always works."

My catchphrase is "Don't fret, fans, I'm here!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ZoyzaSorris on June 29, 2019, 09:34:21 PM
Porky Drillers Ltd - Erotic Demolition
On the side of a van for some reason
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on June 29, 2019, 09:48:18 PM
Andy Circus

Loads of Gollum impersonators called Andy under the big top. One night only.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on June 29, 2019, 09:50:39 PM
Quote from: non capisco on June 29, 2019, 02:43:25 PM
My catchphrase is "Don't fret, fans, I'm here!"

You sound like you've got the blind moxie it takes to run this company. I'll rub the keys round first thing tomorrow.

edit: uhh i mean run the keys hahah
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on June 29, 2019, 10:33:28 PM
Quote from: ZoyzaSorris on June 29, 2019, 09:34:21 PM
Porky Drillers Ltd - Erotic Demolition
On the side of a van for some reason

Might marker pen that on a white van one day
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on June 30, 2019, 01:09:29 PM
London airports:

Glansted
Sheathgrow
Fatdick
Lubedong
London Spitty
Southend
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on July 04, 2019, 10:37:38 PM
Only fools and horses - the sky's the limit part 2

Uncle Albert pouring over the wreckage, everyone pulling together for the rescue efforts, etc etc.

I wish I had more in me to flesh it out, but i don't.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on July 05, 2019, 07:24:22 PM
The Jimi Hendrix Girlfriend Experience
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 06, 2019, 04:27:50 AM
What if instead of brushing your teeth you'd be crushing your teeth
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 07, 2019, 03:08:23 AM
INTERACT WITH A SQUID

Hello squid how are you doing

Squid: flabadabadlabaflaba

Oh that's great squid what's new

Squid: flablablablabl

Wow amazing nice one squiddy mate yeah

Squid: flablabladababablabl
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 07, 2019, 09:29:04 AM
Johnny's Johnnies. Pre-loved condom shop.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on July 07, 2019, 12:56:22 PM
Newman & Celery: Live at Wembly*



*protip: to find this amusing you have to realtime re-vis the entire 60m concert vid: Rob doing his bits, then all of Baddiel's bits but instead of him, right, a moist stick of emerald green celery silently standing in the West London air being "laughed" at (and with) by a capacity crowd.


Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 07, 2019, 01:40:00 PM
Paracetamolly

A drug woman
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on July 07, 2019, 04:59:53 PM
NickeD rake
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 08, 2019, 03:18:32 PM
Entwempment
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on July 08, 2019, 03:22:19 PM
A documentary where they follow the progress of laughter from the moment its harvested to the point where it leaves the canning factory. A local farmer laments the poor state of the crop in recent years due to pesky climate change and green fly.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on July 09, 2019, 10:58:06 AM
Being 'cucked' by Megan Rapinoe
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on July 09, 2019, 11:45:52 AM
"Suggs To Be You"

The Madness frontman stars in a behind-the-scenes documentary following production meetings, rehearsals, and the lead up to a TV show, where he will play you (yes, You) in a 'Synecdoche, New York' style mind-destroying conceptual piece that starts broadcasting, in perpetuity, early next year.



"Suggs Life"

The inverse of the previous show, to run concurrently, where you play the part of Suggs in "Suggs To Be You" until the universe implodes.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on July 09, 2019, 12:54:08 PM

Martin Scouses- from Liverpool, not sure if he makes films or whatever
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on July 09, 2019, 04:24:22 PM
Instead of "jumping the shark" you have "hanging the child", being the point where you stop attending public executions, because it's really gotten a bit much.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on July 09, 2019, 11:04:37 PM
Winner Takes Paul.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 09, 2019, 11:08:59 PM
Quote from: batwings on July 09, 2019, 11:04:37 PM
Winner Takes Paul.

I'm loving it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on July 09, 2019, 11:12:03 PM
Going To Tampa With The Kids

Ill-advised Florida-based family sitcom.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 10, 2019, 05:55:59 AM
Bill Fences, the sad older brother of Bill Gates
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on July 10, 2019, 11:14:49 AM
Where's the thread about things that sound like they should be in clowne but aren't? Because I've found one:

Glenelg High School (https://ghs.hcpss.org/)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ZoyzaSorris on July 10, 2019, 02:51:01 PM
The Brexit Suicides
It's just a title, could be a musical or something
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ZoyzaSorris on July 10, 2019, 02:55:02 PM
Get in Gravesend

Heartwarming array of diverse teams race across the country to be the first to bury themselves alive within the city limits of a north west Kent commuter town.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 10, 2019, 03:32:13 PM
Dog egg & spoon race
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on July 10, 2019, 06:23:40 PM
Quote from: pancreas on July 10, 2019, 03:32:13 PM
Dog egg & spoon race

This is very good.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 11, 2019, 05:07:51 AM
Ted Buddy. The nice murderer. Your pal who kills.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on July 11, 2019, 04:59:23 PM
"Steamy Widows"

Exactly the same format as Loose Women but set in a sauna.
A seemingly endless array of perma-tanned harridans tell tales of "what-a-set-of-bastads-men-are" while they wonder, blankeyed, as to the reasons for ALL of their husbands' suicides.


Theme tune: Saxaphone version of Tina Turner's hit song of a similar name.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on July 11, 2019, 05:21:43 PM
Reality show: put Russ Abbot in charge of a mental hospital.
(name to be determined).
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on July 11, 2019, 05:58:09 PM
Quote from: Lordofthefiles on July 11, 2019, 04:59:23 PM
"Steamy Widows"

Exactly the same format as Loose Women but set in a sauna.
A seemingly endless array of perma-tanned harridans tell tales of "what-a-set-of-bastads-men-are" while they wonder, blankeyed, as to the reasons for ALL of their husbands' suicides.


Theme tune: Saxaphone version of Tina Turner's hit song of a similar name.

but sung by stevie winwood.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 12, 2019, 02:59:43 AM
A cum ladle
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 12, 2019, 12:32:10 PM
Quote from: zomgmouse on July 12, 2019, 02:59:43 AM
A cum ladle

Normal sized, or what?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 13, 2019, 05:46:27 AM
Quote from: pancreas on July 12, 2019, 12:32:10 PM
Normal sized, or what?

Yes, it is a regular-sized ladle but it is used for cum
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Bumlord on July 13, 2019, 10:23:22 PM
Automatic Anus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 14, 2019, 08:06:40 AM
Piddle machine
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on July 14, 2019, 10:54:47 AM
TV show: Premises, Promises.

Probably about property.

Or maybe two Greek mythological heroes who are titular. Sure, I guess they could fight crime. That wouldn't be a problem.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on July 14, 2019, 11:08:06 AM
CaB posts, but read by William Shatner doing one of his overly earnest and emphatic spoken word things. What's great is, not only do you get to have that, but you also do all the work. I mean, because it's conceptual.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on July 14, 2019, 01:14:58 PM
Using a fox tail for those hard to reach cobwebbed places.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on July 14, 2019, 01:49:31 PM
Instead of tins of beans, what about beans of tins?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 14, 2019, 03:32:41 PM
The gift returns reality television show where you watch people trying to return unwanted gifts

Susan got a coat that she says was too big but really it fits fine she just thinks it's ugly and her mother has no taste in fashion

Billy's dad got the wrong Pokémon figurine

Ellen would like to swap the DVD of The Virgin Suicides for a Blu-ray copy with director's commentary
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on July 16, 2019, 02:01:09 PM
Gary and the Argonauts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 16, 2019, 05:14:30 PM
'Are you there, God? It's me, Cunt.'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on July 16, 2019, 05:31:13 PM
Henmania. Tim does some things with chickens one week and eggs the next.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on July 16, 2019, 11:44:31 PM
"Oi mate - you lookin' at my turd?"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 17, 2019, 03:36:18 AM
Busy busy busy, haha
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 17, 2019, 07:51:20 AM
Honey, I buttered my lungs.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jake thunder on July 17, 2019, 08:25:23 AM
A Star Is Korn
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on July 17, 2019, 01:14:09 PM
Stem cells: juvenile flowers behind bars.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 17, 2019, 03:48:17 PM
Clingy film (emotionally)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on July 17, 2019, 03:49:13 PM
Scissors, but specifically for hair.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on July 17, 2019, 06:20:00 PM
"Goody-Goody-Cumdrops"

Surprisingly bitter fare from the Haribo aisle in Morrisons.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on July 17, 2019, 06:58:46 PM
frotting attachments for electric toothbrushes.

[NPC]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on July 17, 2019, 07:48:33 PM
An electric toothbrush IS a frotting attachment
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on July 18, 2019, 12:54:56 AM
If you like creamy lasagne
And godly portions of chips
Don't get your food from a van, yah
Unless you like sloppy shits
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jake thunder on July 18, 2019, 10:05:14 AM
Korn In The USA - Live in '99
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 18, 2019, 10:09:35 AM
Honey, I buttered the postman.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 18, 2019, 11:18:52 AM
furniture that is in places it might not ideally be
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 18, 2019, 11:21:17 AM
Honey, I reupholstered the sofa.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on July 18, 2019, 11:21:29 AM
Canal-boating with Craig David
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 18, 2019, 11:26:16 AM
Honey, I dissected the children's guinea pigs.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 18, 2019, 11:26:45 AM
A poem/song about Barack Obama

Barack Obama
He like your mama
He take your mama
To the drama
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on July 18, 2019, 11:27:43 AM
Honey, I....

I'm sorry
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ZoyzaSorris on July 18, 2019, 11:51:53 AM
Honey, I Colony Collapse Disordered the Bees
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 18, 2019, 11:55:51 AM
Honey, I raped a bee hive
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on July 18, 2019, 01:42:55 PM

Pipe balm; you flush it behind a particularly difficult curry poo. Ahhh
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 18, 2019, 02:48:59 PM
LIMP OR NOT

you are given things and you have to rate them as "limp or not"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 18, 2019, 02:57:07 PM
Quote from: zomgmouse on July 18, 2019, 02:48:59 PM
LIMP OR NOT

you are given things and you have to rate them as "limp or not"

Item 1: a biscuit.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 18, 2019, 03:30:52 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on July 18, 2019, 02:57:07 PM
Item 1: a biscuit.

NOT

caveat: unless dunked in liquid

Fuck it I'm making the thread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on July 18, 2019, 03:45:42 PM
A four piece called 'Legend and the Garys'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on July 19, 2019, 07:51:04 PM
The wizard of goatsea
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on July 19, 2019, 08:12:00 PM
Anal Sextet: especially pedantic jazz ensemble

Anal SexTet Offensive: Vietnam war re-enactment society where shooting is replaced with bumming
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on July 19, 2019, 10:43:18 PM
Stephen King's Morrissey
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on July 20, 2019, 02:52:33 PM
Busey in the Sky with Diamonds

(https://proxy.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fimages.bwwstatic.com%2Fupload11%2F1475100%2Ftn-500_wm310203110162101.jpg&f=1)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on July 20, 2019, 02:54:22 PM
Optical Delusions: A group of top scientists led by a Richard Dawkins lookalike try to convince people that there's nothing funny going on in a series of ordinary photographs.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 21, 2019, 03:08:11 AM
Bananas in places they shouldn't be

1. A drainpipe
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 28, 2019, 08:23:33 AM
Television Savalas

Sometimes Film Savalas

Never Radio Savalas
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on July 29, 2019, 02:58:46 PM
It's Iranian men, Allahu Akbar it's Iranian men, Inshallah
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 29, 2019, 03:12:48 PM
Ayatollah ya face
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on July 29, 2019, 04:14:09 PM
ba-dum... ba-dum... balab.bala....    yeah?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on July 29, 2019, 04:22:47 PM
MAINS ADAPTOR, Q.C.



ITV1 at 9pm
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 30, 2019, 07:10:33 AM
Lemongrass
Limegrass
Orangegrass
Kiwigrass
Applegrass

Yes it's naming your grass after different kinds of fruit time, starting with citrus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on July 30, 2019, 08:03:55 AM
That pub landlord bloke and Barry from Eastenders host a pub quiz on Quest.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on July 30, 2019, 12:39:15 PM
Busey's Price Is Right
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 30, 2019, 02:40:02 PM
steak acclaim
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on July 31, 2019, 10:52:38 AM
Medical flavoured biscuits
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on July 31, 2019, 01:18:08 PM
Fatima Shitbread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 31, 2019, 04:17:43 PM
I've gone loopy for belt loops!

Realpolitik vs. Totaalvoetbal
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on July 31, 2019, 04:19:38 PM
Condoms that disintegrate when you throw them onto soil
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on July 31, 2019, 04:28:55 PM
Quote from: dr_christian_troy on July 31, 2019, 04:19:38 PM
Condoms that disintegrate when you throw them onto soil

Or explode?

Bombdoms?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on July 31, 2019, 04:36:14 PM
Quote from: pancreas on July 31, 2019, 04:28:55 PM
Or explode?

Bombdoms?

I saw a used condom left on the side of a window at a train station and I thought "it would be great if they dissolved when separated from body parts post-coitus, or if when thrown onto a surface they just dissolved so I wouldn't have to be reminded of how lonely I am while someone is having a fuck at a train station."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 01, 2019, 01:03:24 AM
Or if you blow one up like a balloon and it explodes it might be a poppadom
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 01, 2019, 12:01:02 PM
Quote from: zomgmouse on August 01, 2019, 01:03:24 AM
Or if you blow one up like a balloon and it explodes it might be a poppadom

Don't tell the Vatican though.

POPPADOM PREACH
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 01, 2019, 12:18:46 PM
Quote from: dr_christian_troy on August 01, 2019, 12:01:02 PM
Don't tell the Vatican though.

POPPADOM PREACH

Very good.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: sponk on August 03, 2019, 05:10:55 PM
Quote from: Chollis on July 31, 2019, 01:18:08 PM
Fatima Shitbread

Shat in ma pitta bread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on August 04, 2019, 12:03:17 PM
Goatye

That singer Gotye but his arsehole is stretched and gaping six inches wide at all times - music videos, live shows, day to day life, the lot
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 04, 2019, 03:47:28 PM
Hover beards.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 04, 2019, 03:49:03 PM
Had a dream last night about two hip hop artists called THUNDERING DAFFY and CASH MUMMY.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 04, 2019, 03:56:34 PM
Blahblahaika, a balalaika that spouts gibberish when you pluck the strings
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 04, 2019, 05:55:41 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on August 04, 2019, 03:47:28 PM
Hover beards.

Could be 2 series and a Christmas special if we get the right studios involved
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on August 04, 2019, 06:00:02 PM
Ladanarama. Shop owned by the Lad Bible.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 05, 2019, 03:45:02 AM
Beth heads. People addicted to Beth
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on August 05, 2019, 11:41:35 AM
Urban Auschwitters
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 05, 2019, 01:42:19 PM
Notes for incomplete jokes I've found on my phone:

Welsh rarebit - Bugs Bunny (accent)

Stab Stab Chicken (certain parts of London)

Tic-tac in urethra - being thoughtful for blowjob outcome

Retrosexual (I remember having sex once)

Bungalow Cheese

Beer Grylls (fermented piss, emaciated while pumped dry on a boat)

Diabetic sugar daddy

Quornhub (porn site for vegetarians)

Ska-themed restuarant (would you like to see The Specials?)

Squatting over a mirror to see what your own farts like

Being single long enough to be grateful for the company an STD can bring

Kinky Greek cheese lover (fetashist)

Narcissistic meme culture (it's all meme meme meme meme meme)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on August 05, 2019, 03:23:45 PM
Quote from: alan nagsworth on August 05, 2019, 11:41:35 AM
Urban Auschwitters

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on August 06, 2019, 01:27:26 PM
Quote from: pancreas on August 05, 2019, 03:23:45 PM


Gonna be honest it's mostly shoes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 06, 2019, 02:01:20 PM
Bertie Basset racist (takes all sorts)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 06, 2019, 09:09:44 PM
Donald Dick.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on August 07, 2019, 12:43:03 AM
Van Morrison's Morrison's van (formerly known as Van Morrison's Safeway van).
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 07, 2019, 06:28:16 AM
Quote from: touchingcloth on August 06, 2019, 09:09:44 PM
Donald Dick.

Donald Cuck
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 09, 2019, 03:29:28 PM
Enron Hubbard
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on August 09, 2019, 03:35:05 PM
Elrond Hubbard
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on August 09, 2019, 03:39:40 PM
Quote from: zomgmouse on August 09, 2019, 03:29:28 PMEnron Hubbard
Quote from: Chollis on August 09, 2019, 03:35:05 PMElrond Hubbard

L. Rob Hubbard

Jor-El Hubbard
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 09, 2019, 03:51:38 PM
Error Hubbard
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 09, 2019, 05:07:32 PM
Alan Discharge
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on August 10, 2019, 05:16:02 PM
Elrond Husband
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 10, 2019, 07:40:28 PM
Quote from: dr_christian_troy on August 09, 2019, 05:07:32 PM
Alan Discharge

Love it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 12, 2019, 02:14:40 AM
Rubber butter
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 12, 2019, 07:26:49 AM
Really long socks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on August 12, 2019, 07:32:39 AM

ending an otherwise positive job interview by telling them you're self-saucing
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on August 12, 2019, 08:00:28 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 12, 2019, 07:26:49 AM
Really long socks

how long
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 12, 2019, 08:10:18 AM
Quote from: pancreas on August 12, 2019, 08:00:28 AM
how long

Really long
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on August 12, 2019, 01:42:59 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 12, 2019, 08:10:18 AM
Really long

Whoa.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on August 13, 2019, 11:58:38 PM
An antiques programme hosted by Belinda Carlisle called 'Ooh, Baby, Do You Know What That's Worth?'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 14, 2019, 08:30:15 AM
top one
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 14, 2019, 08:31:29 AM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on August 14, 2019, 08:30:15 AM
top one

remake of top gun set in salford
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 14, 2019, 08:43:42 AM
The name's Bong; James Bong.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 14, 2019, 09:49:38 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 14, 2019, 08:43:42 AM
The name's Bong; James Bong.

Can you imagine!! He'd be doing spying, but the Monster would shine the laser at his balls but he'd just laugh! Or get the munchies! I'll have a vodka martini and a pack of Revels!! Or he'd be shagging one of them birds he has and be like "we should watch Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 14, 2019, 10:10:40 AM
patty mandril - maybe one for glebe or something i dunno
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 14, 2019, 11:30:08 AM
No Income Tax
No VAT
No money back
No guarantee
NO FUTURE
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on August 14, 2019, 04:46:41 PM
Biscuit sticker won't animate on rollover
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on August 16, 2019, 12:12:26 AM
Krapp's last Crap

The titular character explores a series of shoe boxes in which he has shat over the years.
Culminating in his final, sparse, dry-as-sticks, excremental effort.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on August 16, 2019, 01:42:50 PM
the long drop toilet of the soul
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 16, 2019, 04:23:10 PM
The hip hop chip shop
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on August 16, 2019, 04:28:19 PM
Simon Vowel cos all you can do when he swings his face towards you is go aaaaaiiiiiieeeeeee.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 16, 2019, 04:29:18 PM
Something about spunking and spelunking
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 16, 2019, 05:32:21 PM
He ain't heavy, he's Natalie Imbruglia
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on August 16, 2019, 06:00:12 PM
Now That's What I Call Racial Slurs 23
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on August 16, 2019, 06:12:10 PM
Comedians, Incas, Getting Coffee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 16, 2019, 06:15:45 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on August 16, 2019, 06:12:10 PM
Comedians, Incas, Getting Coffee

This really made me laugh.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Bumlord on August 17, 2019, 04:10:51 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 16, 2019, 04:23:10 PM
The hip hop chip shop

Been done.

https://www.thehiphopchipshop.com/ (https://www.thehiphopchipshop.com/)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 17, 2019, 10:28:21 AM
"Our revels now are ended ... leave not a rack behind" except Prospero is talking about sweets and lamb.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 17, 2019, 10:30:09 AM
Quote from: Cuellar on August 16, 2019, 06:12:10 PM
Comedians, Incas, Getting Coffee

When I watched the Eddie Murphy episode I started to think that Jerry should do one with Cosby: Comedians (Incarcerated) Getting Coffee.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on August 17, 2019, 02:24:18 PM
"Remember you're a womble"

Wake up one morning, feeling pretty good about what the day ahead may yield. Walk into the bathroom, look in the mirror, oh fucking hell that's right I'm a womble. Day ruined.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: sponk on August 17, 2019, 04:53:30 PM
Quote from: touchingcloth on August 17, 2019, 10:30:09 AM
When I watched the Eddie Murphy episode

Comedians in cars gettin dat AIDS on they lips
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on August 17, 2019, 05:01:15 PM
Meaux Salah
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 18, 2019, 01:51:06 AM
etch-a-sketch thread where you make ASCII drawings
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on August 18, 2019, 02:38:06 AM
How do you know if a sperm whale has been by when you were out?


He'll leave a note under the whale cum mat
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 18, 2019, 10:47:57 PM
Comedians in Cardiff getting coffee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on August 18, 2019, 10:59:16 PM
"Fuckers Luck"

The Grange Hill revival/reimagining continues apace with the latest iteration in the late night alternate universe set series.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on August 19, 2019, 12:44:13 AM
"The Penis of Dorian Gray"(18)

It's master, a handsome lad, stays curiously untouched by time, whilst the titular Penis itself becomes wrinkled, distended, slovenly, and white of fur as the years tick by.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 19, 2019, 01:03:52 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 18, 2019, 10:47:57 PM
Comedians in Cardiff getting coffee

Comedians in Caracas getting coffee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: chveik on August 19, 2019, 01:06:18 AM
comedians in car parks getting coffee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 19, 2019, 01:41:04 AM
Comedians in cardigans getting coffee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on August 19, 2019, 02:40:25 AM
Trebu-chez-moi

Not sure about the hyphenation, but it's a trebuchet on top of my place. The sound might go budoing. Has to be a bit French, otherwise people won't get it. Pay me to live in France with a trebuchet on the roof. Then try and get me out. I will sue you and/or launch you into a distant dune for YouTube views and monetisation.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 19, 2019, 03:08:21 AM
Ménage-a-trebuchet-trois

As above, but with shagging
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 19, 2019, 03:42:26 AM
Trebu-shit

A catapult for faeces

Trebek-chet

A catapult where you have to provide the ammunition that will eventually hit you.

Pino-trebu-chet

The catapult designed by a Chilean dictator

Trevor-chet

Same as above but designed by Trevor

Trebu-shape

A catapult that can fling projectiles of all geometric forms

Trebu-shake

Insert bananas, ice-cream and chocolate and the catapult flings them out and then they land in a glass as a delicious sweet milky drink

Trebu-chef

Same as above but for meals

Trebu-shave

A catapult projects sharp knives and razors at your face until you have no more hair left on it

Trebu-shame

A catapult projects your greatest guilts and embarrassments at your face until you have no more hair on it

Trebu-Shane

The same as above but designed by Shane

Trebu-shade

A long, flat catapult that protects you from the sun

Treble-chet

A high-pitched musical catapult

Tribble-chet

A catapult made to throw away all the furry creatures that are found multiplying on your spaceship

Trouble-chet

A bad catapult

Travel-chet

A portable catapult

Trap-uchet

A trick catapult that captures its firer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: chveik on August 19, 2019, 03:59:36 AM
garychet
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: chveik on August 19, 2019, 04:17:10 AM
rhylationships

dating app only for the people of rhyl
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 19, 2019, 08:14:12 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 16, 2019, 05:32:21 PM
He ain't heavy, he's Natalie Imbruglia

Perfect
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on August 19, 2019, 09:03:24 AM
Skullfucker Henderson
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on August 19, 2019, 09:14:28 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 16, 2019, 06:15:45 PM
This really made me laugh.

Thanksss
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 20, 2019, 12:28:04 AM
Quote from: the on August 19, 2019, 09:03:24 AM
Skullfucker Henderson

What does he do
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 20, 2019, 12:45:49 AM
Gardening and odd jobs, cash in hand.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 20, 2019, 01:18:58 AM
Daffodildodecahedron
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 20, 2019, 05:25:09 AM
Comedians in coffee getting Carrs.

Jerry Seinfeld sits in coffee with another comedian while Alan Carr soaps them and Jimmy Carr laughs like a seal. All of them are wanking.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on August 20, 2019, 10:23:04 AM
Quote from: zomgmouse on August 20, 2019, 12:28:04 AMWhat does he do

You have fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'That's all I got'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on August 20, 2019, 10:43:40 AM
Quote from: touchingcloth on August 20, 2019, 05:25:09 AM
Comedians in coffee getting Carrs.

Jerry Seinfeld sits in coffee with another comedian while Alan Carr soaps them and Jimmy Carr laughs like a seal. All of them are wanking.

I refer you to THIS thread https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,74321.0.html
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on August 20, 2019, 10:46:19 AM
Oh wait it's different isn't it, sorry
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 20, 2019, 11:01:13 AM
Canadians in cats getting coffee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on August 20, 2019, 11:31:04 AM
Comedians in 'Cars' Getting Coffee - same premise but only with actors who were in hit film 'Cars'

Comedians in 'Cars' Getting Coughy - again, actors from 'Cars' sitting in a car that has a hosepipe attached to the exhaust and fed through the window, and then the windows gaffer taped up. They cough and then die. 5 stars.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 20, 2019, 02:41:10 PM
Quote from: the on August 20, 2019, 10:23:04 AM
You have fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'That's all I got'

Just trying to workshop
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 20, 2019, 03:16:47 PM
Moon on a dick.

Quote from: the on August 20, 2019, 10:23:04 AM
You have fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'That's all I got'

But what does he do?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 20, 2019, 03:22:40 PM
Athenians in Cos getting coffee.

Aristophanes probably wrote a very funny play along those lines. "I like the coffee in Cos, so much better than that Turkish coffee. Have you ever noticed the scum on a Turkish coffee? I guess scummy people like scummy coffee" *silently open-mouth laughs for the camera which hasn't been invented yet*
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 20, 2019, 06:13:35 PM
Cunts in espadrilles fucking
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 20, 2019, 11:51:08 PM
Bohemians in grave getting shat on
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on August 21, 2019, 09:34:51 AM
Comedians in cars coughing
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on August 21, 2019, 10:43:03 AM
Comedians in Cars getting coffee poured over them. McDonald's lawsuit temperature
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 21, 2019, 10:55:10 AM
8 out of 10 cars in coffee getting comedian's something something
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 21, 2019, 11:13:31 AM
Comedians in cars getting coffee enemas
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on August 21, 2019, 11:16:56 AM
Comedians In Cars: Get In Coffin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the midnight watch baboon on August 21, 2019, 11:44:47 AM
Comedians Incur Gynaecology
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 21, 2019, 12:00:55 PM
Cum: Idi Amin in car getting blowies
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 21, 2019, 12:14:15 PM
Farting when walking behind a car in traffic when crossing the road
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 21, 2019, 09:06:43 PM
Usain Bolt trips during a race and hurts his leg. He is shot in the head like a horse.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on August 21, 2019, 09:50:02 PM
Comedians in cars five minutes after the crash. While in Paris. Going through an underpass.



In a white Fiat Uno.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 22, 2019, 12:54:13 AM
"Best things you've bought in the last little while that cost less than 5 pound sterling"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 22, 2019, 02:03:45 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 22, 2019, 12:54:13 AM
"Best things you've bought in the last little while that cost less than 5 pound sterling"

Tub of mango sorbet
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on August 22, 2019, 03:19:06 PM
Professional Footballer's Jigsaw Hour, where the titular hero is helped to assemble the classic puzzle featuring their own face. 5 seasons of 22 episodes each, after which we'll get a different professional footballer in. Steven Gerrard appeared interested, although it is hard to tell.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on August 22, 2019, 11:40:03 PM
Comedians in Corrs Getting Coffee - a Richard Herring vehicle.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 23, 2019, 12:17:31 AM
Gary Oke. It's where Raoul Mate goes if he wants to sing Angels with the lads.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on August 23, 2019, 01:34:08 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 22, 2019, 12:54:13 AM
"Best things you've bought in the last little while that cost less than 5 pound sterling"

No, that's good. I'm working on title for next one when it gets to 100p.

Unrelated question, is 2 funnier than II?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 23, 2019, 01:38:57 AM
Quote from: Dex Sawash on August 23, 2019, 01:34:08 AM
No, that's good. I'm working on title for next one when it gets to 100p.

Unrelated question, is 2 funnier than II?

Ahh fucks sake
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on August 23, 2019, 11:21:08 AM
I married an Incel!

like it's a movie or something i dunno.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on August 23, 2019, 07:00:09 PM
Max And Paddy's Road To Nowhere but they actually do have to pay Council Tax
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 23, 2019, 07:35:04 PM
Max And Paddy In A Car Accident Getting Decapitated
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 23, 2019, 10:25:25 PM
Anne of green gusset
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on August 23, 2019, 10:37:03 PM
Pope Gregary II.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on August 23, 2019, 11:00:24 PM
Chameleons in Cars Doing Something That's Rather Hard to Discern
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 23, 2019, 11:29:42 PM
Twelve part vice documentary tracking down the anonymous superstar DJ who did the scratching on Hanson's "Mmmbop"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 23, 2019, 11:30:48 PM
Quote from: Fishfinger on August 23, 2019, 11:00:24 PM
Chameleons in Cars Doing Something That's Rather Hard to Discern

Chameleons in cars getting noticed
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 23, 2019, 11:32:02 PM
There's an old man in a pub and he's drinking a pint of shit
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on August 24, 2019, 12:05:07 AM
The Merchant of Penis
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 24, 2019, 12:09:03 AM
Quote from: dr_christian_troy on August 23, 2019, 11:32:02 PM
There's an old man in a pub and he's drinking a pint of shit

Oh? Why's that then?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 24, 2019, 01:15:47 AM
Havin' a sleep: EXTREME
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 24, 2019, 01:55:49 AM
Train journeys of the unkempt and lonely
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 24, 2019, 06:28:18 AM
Quote from: dr_christian_troy on August 23, 2019, 11:32:02 PM
There's an old man in a pub and he's drinking a pint of shit

Isn't that a line from Theme From an Italian Restaurant?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 24, 2019, 07:28:29 AM
Danny Gargoyle

(Film director Danny Boyle but it's a gargoyle)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on August 24, 2019, 11:44:51 AM
"Butt in Hindsight" - celebs ruminate on what they might've done differently in the past, had they been fitted with a functional eyeball in their anus.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 24, 2019, 11:47:07 AM
Quote from: pancreas on August 24, 2019, 12:05:07 AM
The Merchant of Penis

The Taming of the Poo
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 24, 2019, 11:57:35 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 24, 2019, 11:47:07 AM
The Taming of the Poo

Cumbeline















in Car...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on August 24, 2019, 11:58:38 AM
Jam coffee.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on August 24, 2019, 12:03:50 PM
Quote from: touchingcloth on August 24, 2019, 11:57:35 AM
Cumbeline















in Car...

Titus Andronicanus













in chariots...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 24, 2019, 12:46:57 PM
I believe I've identified why I find the "Comedians in Cars..." variants so enjoyable: there are no satisfying rhymes for "coffee" - they either rhyme but don't really work as a joke, or don't rhyme but are funny.

It's like we're all prospecting for gold, but are doomed only to find tin, and yet the great piles of tin become greater than the sum of their parts, and find a place as an acceptable gold equivalent.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on August 24, 2019, 01:09:20 PM
^ didn't understand a word of that. Anyway, here's:

Columbians in Clown-shoes Gnawing Toffee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 24, 2019, 01:14:35 PM
Reese's peanut butter cucks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on August 24, 2019, 01:15:52 PM
Incels In Cars Getting Coffee And Why Women Are To Blame For Not Being In The Car Sucking Them Off Right Now
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on August 24, 2019, 01:18:18 PM
Crustaceans doing Cartwheels off a Jetty
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on August 24, 2019, 01:43:47 PM
Carmelite nuns getting caramel in Cartmel.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 24, 2019, 01:57:00 PM
Ians with SARS getting coughed on
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 24, 2019, 01:58:16 PM
Quote from: dr_christian_troy on August 23, 2019, 11:32:02 PM
There's an old man in a pub and he's drinking a pint of shit

Laughed
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 24, 2019, 02:01:09 PM
CUNTS WITH CUNTS DRIVING CUNTMOBILES ON BENEFITS
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 24, 2019, 02:02:27 PM
OOH IANS GETTING HIS AIDS MEDICINE ON THE NHS
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 24, 2019, 02:07:11 PM
Kofi Annan getting his cock sucked in a carpark
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on August 24, 2019, 02:09:28 PM
Corden Bleurgh.. the filmed reactions of people on being told of the man's 'hilarious' new cookery programme.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 24, 2019, 02:09:33 PM
A sleepover but it's for pets
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 24, 2019, 02:10:04 PM
Fish curry but it's nice and not shit
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 24, 2019, 02:13:24 PM
It would be a tv programme, and you'd have entertainers of some kind who would be receiving hot beverages within the confines of some sort of vehicle.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 24, 2019, 02:16:35 PM
"Film cliches you want to fuck"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 24, 2019, 02:20:21 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 24, 2019, 02:09:33 PM
A sleepover but it's for pets

Aw imagine all the good bois with there snoots!!! Omg I would literally raep them all xox
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 24, 2019, 02:37:38 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on August 24, 2019, 02:16:35 PM
"Film cliches you want to fuck"

Clams/fishes you want to fuck off.

Clams/fishes you want to fuck.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on August 24, 2019, 02:47:43 PM
Spent Cartridges. Harrowing tales of peoples experiences with ink jet printers.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 24, 2019, 03:03:01 PM
Comedians' ink cartridges printing copies.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 24, 2019, 04:49:11 PM
Flannel trousers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on August 24, 2019, 05:05:15 PM
the very horny caterpillar
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 24, 2019, 05:39:58 PM
File your Boots.

It might be what a pharmacy manager says if an employee asks if they can do something.

"Can I take some of these past use by date meal deal sandwiches and crisps home if I leave the drinks behind?"

"File your Boots, scamp."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 25, 2019, 02:08:41 AM
Bilby Baggins

(The famous Tolkien protagonist reimagined as an Australian marsupial)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: sponk on August 25, 2019, 08:28:04 PM
Tunkey Menace
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: sponk on August 25, 2019, 08:29:01 PM
Pucking ink, risen
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on August 25, 2019, 09:57:14 PM
Jim Davidson's Sinderella, but run to the same rules as the ITV Telethon. at gunpoint if necessary
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on August 25, 2019, 10:21:13 PM
Sexy's Midnight Runners and their number one hit, yes wait for it wait for it, 'Cum On Eileen'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on August 25, 2019, 10:38:35 PM
Due to a clerical error, the debate between Richard Dawkins and David Bowie's widow has been cancelled.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 26, 2019, 05:30:09 AM
Harangue a meringue
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on August 26, 2019, 12:22:24 PM
Quote from: zomgmouse on August 26, 2019, 05:30:09 AM
Harangue a meringue

T.Rex alternate titles
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on August 26, 2019, 11:26:05 PM
Ardal O'Hanlon walks into places confused, then walks back out
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on August 26, 2019, 11:51:31 PM
The thin film of phlegm on Paul Ross' glans
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 27, 2019, 05:01:36 AM
A thread where you can only post "L"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 27, 2019, 09:28:23 PM
Hanukkah Matata.

Quote from: zomgmouse on August 27, 2019, 05:01:36 AM
A thread where you can only post "L"

R r r. 
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: madhair60 on August 28, 2019, 01:34:48 PM
The loneliness of the long-distance cummer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 28, 2019, 01:57:12 PM
Shitting on the dock of the bay, watching the turds come rolling in

*Fart noises instead of whistling*
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on August 28, 2019, 02:59:26 PM
Owner of street cafe to an employee: "I thought I told you to wait outside?!"

"Does this liver taste organic to you?"

"Those ladders folded up over there? Those aren't my real ladders, those are my prop ladders."

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on August 28, 2019, 08:11:29 PM
Vas The Deferens?

N.B. must be presented by German/Dutch or similar forrin.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 28, 2019, 08:42:55 PM
Porcupine Knee.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on August 28, 2019, 08:54:29 PM
Vonnegut playing Three Blind Mice on the saxophone and Paxman, slightly warped, coming out of the spout of it ensconced in an oily rainbow-reflecting bubble
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 29, 2019, 01:20:11 AM
Favourite eggs
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 29, 2019, 01:36:51 AM
Quote from: zomgmouse on August 29, 2019, 01:20:11 AM
Favourite eggs

Chocolate
Fabergé

...
...
...

Every other kind
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Goldentony on August 29, 2019, 02:42:15 AM
kurt vonnegut resurrected by god to tell the truth about nine eleven but the entire time as a trade off he has to be doing a comedy shagging motion
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Goldentony on August 29, 2019, 02:52:14 AM
fired from the film the mask for suggesting the man character be renamed as lad who clearly shops at the halfway bin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on August 29, 2019, 09:36:27 AM
Büsker Dü

The hits of Hüsker Dü played in a slapdash manner by a man in thrall to the joys of Spice with a dog on a string that looks so riddled with parasites and fleas it could lie on its back and still crawl away.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on August 29, 2019, 09:36:41 AM
Quote from: drummersaredeaf on August 28, 2019, 08:11:29 PM
Vas The Deferens?

N.B. must be presented by German/Dutch or similar forrin.

the show will be introduced by Vas Blackwood, who will then defer and hand over to said continental person
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on August 29, 2019, 09:42:57 AM
Hüsker Döö

The famous three-piece put down their instruments and take up sleuthing in a tricked out VW van with a dog on a string that looks so riddled with parasites and fleas it could lie on its back and still crawl away.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on August 29, 2019, 10:16:57 AM
Müsker Dön't

A dog on a string, that looks so riddled with parasites and fleas it could lie on its back and still crawl away, stands on The Severn Bridge contemplating it's life to this point - from his days playing the part of Dogtanian on a hit tv show, to the mess he is today, all thanks to that busker and his bloody Spice.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 29, 2019, 01:13:00 PM
Bob Mould. An ice cube tray or sutin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on August 29, 2019, 01:29:44 PM

a Tom Waits hologram for schools
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 29, 2019, 02:43:45 PM
There's a shed full of spanners in the Outer Hebrides and NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 29, 2019, 02:57:17 PM
Blessphemy. Holy sins.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on August 29, 2019, 03:44:33 PM
Gareth "Gaz Top" Jones on Other Drugs

with hilarious consequences
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on August 29, 2019, 03:50:22 PM
Coffin Dodgers: contestants literally have to avoid being hit by coffins that are thrown at them,
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on August 29, 2019, 03:54:51 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on August 29, 2019, 03:50:22 PM
Coffin Dodgers: contestants literally have to avoid being hit by coffins that are thrown at them,

Coughing Todgers: erm, something about nobs with cigarettes stuck in their "mouths".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 29, 2019, 04:58:11 PM
Cadavers in cars getting coffins.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on August 29, 2019, 06:40:12 PM
The Boy With Willie Thorne In A Car Getting Coffee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 30, 2019, 08:16:34 AM
Lembit Mines

Like limpet mines but with famous politician Lembit Öpik
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on August 30, 2019, 12:25:01 PM

Sloe Clap, pretty much like regular gonnorhea but the discharge is quite cloying
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on August 30, 2019, 01:09:51 PM
SLOE GIN, TAKE IT EASY
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on August 30, 2019, 02:27:35 PM
Dick chainy
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on August 30, 2019, 02:34:40 PM
Quote from: rasta-spouse on August 29, 2019, 01:29:44 PMa Tom Waits hologram for schools

Imagine if your cash-strapped school ordered one of these, and it turns up and gets installed, and it's a John Waite (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9e157Ner90) hologram
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 30, 2019, 09:09:49 PM
Quote from: non capisco on August 25, 2019, 10:21:13 PM
Sexy's Midnight Runners and their number one hit, yes wait for it wait for it, 'Cum On Eileen'.

Actually not good enough for this thread.

Well done, in a way
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 30, 2019, 09:12:36 PM
Mission limpossible :

One of those channel four science scoffs at blokes that can't get hard
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 31, 2019, 07:50:07 PM
Quote from: the on August 30, 2019, 02:34:40 PM
Imagine if your cash-strapped school ordered one of these, and it turns up and gets installed, and it's a John Waite (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9e157Ner90) hologram

Imagine if your school deliberately order a John Waite hologram, but it arrives and it turns out to be a Terry Waite one.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 31, 2019, 10:36:55 PM
"You'll have someone's Jap's eye out with that".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on August 31, 2019, 10:43:26 PM
"Don't Waite Up" - sitcom with Nigel Havers as Terry Waite and Tony Britton as a hallucinatory Tom Waits. Five fucking stars, Radio Times.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on August 31, 2019, 10:50:01 PM
Randall and Hopkirk (Paedo).
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on September 01, 2019, 04:03:57 PM
The Prorogues (featuring Kirsty Macoll)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on September 02, 2019, 04:20:24 AM
Spunk Rock
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 02, 2019, 04:21:35 AM
Spunknik.

First sex rocket in space.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: sponk on September 02, 2019, 11:57:25 AM
Lemsip Opik
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on September 02, 2019, 05:09:25 PM
Piss Flaps

On a tent.
Literally flaps to piss out of instead of unzipping the two front doors and staggering out into the dark mysterious night for a slash.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on September 02, 2019, 06:00:58 PM
Quote from: Lordofthefiles on September 02, 2019, 05:09:25 PM
Piss Flaps

On a tent.
Literally flaps to piss out of instead of unzipping the two front doors and staggering out into the dark mysterious night for a slash.

more comfortable then being on the outside pissin in
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 02, 2019, 06:23:16 PM
The bath of the righteous man.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on September 02, 2019, 07:32:28 PM
Fanta Stick (fantastic) - orange lollies made from Fanta
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on September 02, 2019, 09:44:53 PM

a hemp tapestry of the last days of Raul Moat on display at an Inuit wedding
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: grassbath on September 02, 2019, 11:15:22 PM
Armitage Shanks

Poet laureate's new collection 'aimed at street gangs'

Hung Parliament

Political sex comedy




Second one must have been done before
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: willy crossit on September 02, 2019, 11:33:16 PM
lars verne troyer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on September 03, 2019, 05:49:32 AM
a list of words that can't be spelled the same backwards as they can forwards

dirigible
extradition
gemini
literature
bobby
element
near
Celtic
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 03, 2019, 09:36:27 AM
Quote from: zomgmouse on September 03, 2019, 05:49:32 AM
a list of words that can't be spelled the same backwards as they can forwards

dirigible
extradition
gemini
literature
bobby
element
near
Celtic

This is actually a really good idea. Sometimes I'll need a list of words which can be spelled the same both ways (e.g. to impress a lady) but they're really hard to think of. Having a list like that would make it much easier because it just becomes a simple process of elimination.

I'd also like to see a list of all the numbers which aren't prime, because I sometimes have a need of the ones which are (e.g. foreplay). If there was a list which just went "4, 6, 8, 9, 11" then you could just go "oh, the primes are 1, 2, 3, 5, 7 and 10". I think the primes only go up to 75 or so, so it wouldn't take a skilled mathematician more than a couple of weeks to list them all.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on September 03, 2019, 03:41:02 PM
Happy to provide more such as all the words in this sentence and the next one. You're welcome!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: grassbath on September 03, 2019, 10:22:55 PM
Project management musical

Les Deliverables
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Goldentony on September 04, 2019, 03:13:02 AM
you have made a fuckin fool ahhrer me in front of some very very importnt people on fuckin TRANSFER DAY and i want you to know that this misgiing has no equal in sin nortorment, thats right lad you sit there wondering what lies in store for your future lad, ill tell you, get that fuking new kit off and anticipate anal sex thelikes of which have never been fucking conjured in the minds of hells own fucking godless horn blowing golfer of the apocalypse, im going to remove your humanity nd turn you into a suasage factory sunshine and the one flavour is my big fat fucing cock

- kevin keegan
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on September 04, 2019, 09:30:36 AM
A busman's holiday
A policeman's home invasion
A prison officer's kidnapping
A squaddie's shooting spree
A proctologist's pegging
A butcher's Hustler
A gynecologist's Hustler
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 04, 2019, 05:02:46 PM
Better Get a Letter!

Like Countdown, but more slapstick.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on September 04, 2019, 05:38:02 PM
"Born in the year 2000 eh? It's weird to think that in 2150 she'll be 150 years old."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on September 04, 2019, 06:28:45 PM
All Things Must Piss

An 8564 part series showing every creature on God's good earth letting go a sensational and relaxing stream of urine.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on September 05, 2019, 02:14:39 AM
Politics Dead.

It's like Politics Live, except... actually, it's the same thing as Politics Live.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on September 05, 2019, 02:25:30 AM
AIDS
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 05, 2019, 05:23:13 AM
Bitch, skis. A rough collie takes to the slopes.

Bitch, skis. Katie Hopkins takes to the slopes.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on September 05, 2019, 08:45:18 AM
Quote from: dr_christian_troy on September 04, 2019, 05:38:02 PM
"Born in the year 2000 eh? It's weird to think that in 2150 she'll be 150 years old."

Oh no that's too plausible please help
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 11:38:46 AM
Bicester Ficester
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on September 05, 2019, 01:58:23 PM
Coypoo. Large aquatic rodent / turd creature. Also known as a 'floater'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on September 05, 2019, 02:06:10 PM
Quote from: grassbath on September 03, 2019, 10:22:55 PM
Project management musical

Les Deliverables

starring gantt chart as the prince.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 05, 2019, 06:44:34 PM
Sui-side holiday
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on September 05, 2019, 09:39:59 PM
Quote from: the on September 05, 2019, 02:14:39 AM
Politics Dead.

It's like Politics Live, except... actually, it's the same thing as Politics Live.

basically its Yes Prime Minister but set today. Still starring Paul Eddington
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 06, 2019, 03:35:28 PM
iTunnocks

Chocolate marshmallow music management teacake, I don't fucking know
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Moonshine on September 06, 2019, 07:06:52 PM
Mad Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 06, 2019, 10:19:04 PM
Nuts in May, but it's March.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 06, 2019, 10:19:41 PM
Rory's 'kin Ear.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on September 07, 2019, 10:36:09 AM
It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Max And Paddy's Road To Nowhere
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 07, 2019, 12:23:21 PM
Max Mosley and Paddy McGuinness' Road to Nowhere
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on September 07, 2019, 07:24:41 PM

#poultryarchy something about hen parties
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 08, 2019, 10:29:33 AM
Quote from: pancreas on September 05, 2019, 01:58:23 PM
Coypoo. Large aquatic rodent / turd creature. Also known as a 'floater'.

The closest living relative of the crappybara.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on September 08, 2019, 01:15:14 PM
Glando's

Like Nando's but it's substandard sexual organs in a variety of sauces... like Nando's.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 08, 2019, 04:03:54 PM
Challenge Hannukah.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 08, 2019, 11:48:57 PM
Matter of Fact Flight of The Conchords but they're Concorde pilots and are also made of Concordes.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on September 08, 2019, 11:58:31 PM
The Tale Of Jeremy Fissure
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on September 09, 2019, 12:04:52 AM
The Rise and Fall of Greginald Cackman
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 09, 2019, 01:01:59 AM
Spraying bollocks up my bollocks.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 09, 2019, 01:17:07 AM
Queer and rimstone.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on September 09, 2019, 10:36:39 AM
A 14th Century Swedish woodcut of a Hanseatic League ship


(https://news.files.bbci.co.uk/include/extra/shorthand/assets/news/A2MFANtn3Z/assets/7VcewxVFly/swedish-ship-900x918.jpeg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on September 09, 2019, 11:31:36 AM
Air for cash
What a disgrace
Pubic hair on gash
Beard on face
Taxes for all
Shave it all off
Savings made
Air for gash
What a disgrace
Saving grace
Shaving face
Life savings no trace
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 09, 2019, 12:21:17 PM
Her name was Ebola
She was a showgirl...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on September 09, 2019, 03:04:49 PM
Alternative names for lumbago
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on September 10, 2019, 11:49:22 AM
Shovelling possible fossils into an ossuary.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on September 10, 2019, 11:50:25 AM
"Ordering James Corden into a canyon", a new Netflix series.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on September 10, 2019, 02:19:24 PM
Lost Voice Guy prequel, a new Netflix series
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 10, 2019, 08:38:19 PM
Pennywise the Wanking Clown
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 10, 2019, 08:52:22 PM
Finally doing paedo haikus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: chveik on September 10, 2019, 08:58:29 PM
the good, the bad & the nonce
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 10, 2019, 08:59:52 PM
Not even flinging it at the curtains no more.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on September 10, 2019, 09:31:30 PM
Neil Degrassi Junior Highson
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Goldentony on September 11, 2019, 03:20:14 AM
look at that fellr next door but one from terrys on one hand posh van glasses, tools but on the other - whos suckin that cock you know? me? you? im fuckin not! I dont know about you, hey maybe fuckin uhhh sue is out suckin his ass while the god damned fuckin idiot fuckin cooker vandal is pouring reproductive fluid into - hey im not finished you let go of me thi is my pr-I know I rent, but I live here
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on September 11, 2019, 09:54:28 AM
Home is where the fart is
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on September 12, 2019, 11:16:15 PM
Eastenders

GET OUTTA MY WIIIIIFFFFFEEEE
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on September 13, 2019, 08:10:20 AM
Embarassing Bodie: a drunk Lewis Collins impersonator gets his knob out and sings Saturday Night by Whigfield in a Wetherspoons while shadowing a South African diamond smuggler. (pilot episode)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on September 13, 2019, 01:04:07 PM
Cummings and Goings

Split screen action following the exploits of a sex-trafficked Lithuanian girl and her clients, broadcast from a dingy flat in soho, featuring two hidden cameras, one above the headboard in the bedroom and one above the cistern in the bog. Narrated by David Attenborough.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 13, 2019, 04:13:17 PM
Your dad, but he's made of Meccano.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 08:00:16 PM
Instead of umpires you have vampires at cricket matches.

Square leg vampire. Third vampire, just rock and roll that for me please...OK, thanks, clear edge there, vampire Dharmasena you can reverse your decision.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on September 13, 2019, 08:35:08 PM
Comedians, Incels Getting Creepy



INT.   BMW

Elliot Roger: (deep voice) I don't know why (cool pause)...you women don't like me. (flicks shades down to the tip of nose and looks into GoPro)

Seinfeld: (slaps thigh) That. is. hilarious. 
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 14, 2019, 02:14:46 AM
Fuckin'...

The lot, innit?

(Gestures at world; self)

(Looks into camera briefly, re-slumps shoulders in familiar pose, trudges off to find a baguette, is unsuccessul as this is all in Cheltenham)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on September 14, 2019, 08:58:05 PM
New Legend Gary style character called Coventry Carol. She's a woman who lives in Coventry and one week she sacrifices live dogs in the hollowed out cathedral as a gift to the vodka gods, the next I dunno it's very WIP
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on September 14, 2019, 10:46:02 PM
Legend Gary but he's in his 40s and its a desolate Viz strip where he's just trying to pretend its how it was when he was about 23
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 15, 2019, 08:13:11 PM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on September 14, 2019, 10:46:02 PM
Legend Gary but he's in his 40s and its a desolate Viz strip where he's just trying to pretend its how it was when he was about 23

Far too good for this thread (or Viz).
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on September 16, 2019, 08:00:50 AM
Clean as a Whistles. New TV show in which clothes shop compete to see if they are as clean, or indeed cleaner, than the nearest branch of Whistles. Winner receives a year's supply of strong bleach.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: zomgmouse on September 16, 2019, 11:26:40 AM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on September 14, 2019, 10:46:02 PM
Legend Gary but he's in his 40s and its a desolate Viz strip where he's just trying to pretend its how it was when he was about 23

Showing results for

T2: Trainspotting 2
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on September 16, 2019, 12:30:13 PM
Fuck my dog, please!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on September 16, 2019, 02:33:14 PM
"A Brush with Death"

You've Been Framed type show where Basil Brush presents a graphic, and sometimes obscene, series of clips culled from Live Leak, the Faces of Death videos and terrorist training propaganda.


"Boom, BOOM"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on September 16, 2019, 06:35:36 PM
Quote from: Lordofthefiles on September 16, 2019, 02:33:14 PM
"A Brush with Death"

You've Been Framed type show where Basil Brush presents a graphic, and sometimes obscene, series of clips culled from Live Leak, the Faces of Death videos and terrorist training propaganda.


"Boom, BOOM"

"some funny, some tragic", says the blurb, hoping to telly on edginess and a vaguely known reference
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on September 16, 2019, 11:07:57 PM
Star Wars - Mos Eisley but instead its Boss Eyesley and everyone has wonky eyes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 16, 2019, 11:25:01 PM
Quote from: Chollis on September 16, 2019, 11:07:57 PM
Star Wars - Mos Eisley but instead its Boss Eyesley and everyone has wonky eyes

Jabba the Butt
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: a duncandisorderly on September 16, 2019, 11:27:51 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on September 13, 2019, 08:00:16 PM
Instead of umpires you have vampires at cricket matches.

Square leg vampire. Third vampire, just rock and roll that for me please...OK, thanks, clear edge there, vampire Dharmasena you can reverse your decision.

white ball, right?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 17, 2019, 07:52:42 PM
Ronalpedo.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on September 17, 2019, 08:23:05 PM
"Banged up a Broad"

A series of talking heads style interviews with men who had elicit affairs that ended in unplanned pregnancies with feisty women from the 1930's.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 18, 2019, 01:08:23 AM
"Banged upon the Broads"

Camera crew following doggers in Norfolk.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 18, 2019, 01:34:42 AM
The guy guillotines off your head, but he keeps calling it a "goblinotine" throughout the process. So unfortunately you have been found guilty and sentenced to death by the goblinotine, and if you please walk this way I will take you to the goblinotine, one moment people please I am winding the goblinotine the goblinotine will trim off your head now goodbye.

And then he guillotines his fucking head off.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 18, 2019, 01:36:02 AM
Craig David themed dating show.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 18, 2019, 01:42:24 AM
Date themed Craig David show.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on September 18, 2019, 09:48:04 AM
Bum Selecta.

It's either a show like Secret Millionaire with Craig David, or a show like Naked Attraction with Craig David.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on September 19, 2019, 04:22:42 PM
The Legend Of Zelda: A Cunt To The Face
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on September 19, 2019, 06:57:26 PM
Pigeon foot shaped shoes for pigeons that just have them weird little stubs instead of feet.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on September 19, 2019, 08:37:22 PM
A show for fat beardy gay men who like rambling, called The Beary Hikers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 19, 2019, 08:51:52 PM
A show for gay German bears, The Hairy Dieters
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 19, 2019, 08:58:09 PM
Some good stuff in here, lads.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on September 19, 2019, 09:52:54 PM
David Cameron, but all he can say now is "lizards" but really loud and forcefully. LIZAAAAAARDS
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on September 20, 2019, 09:25:47 AM
Craig David theme pub
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on September 20, 2019, 10:17:35 AM
Pegged and fish-hooked while looking into an industrial fan
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 20, 2019, 01:13:00 PM
I'm so tired of working for corrupt, uncaring Big Oil.

I want to work for Mom n Pop oil. Just a nice auld couple flogging the odd barrel from their garden. Little Oil, lads. That's what my heart wants. Just local oil, for local people
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on September 21, 2019, 04:09:16 PM

100 things you wouldn't want to stick in a chocolate fountain
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on September 21, 2019, 05:33:15 PM
Owing Jones. Left-wing political commentator turned bailiff.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on September 21, 2019, 06:50:04 PM
PROPER NANS

CONCRETE NANS

ABSTRACT NANS
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 22, 2019, 11:53:33 AM
Hirsute damsel off for fry up

And there's that tasty bit

Terrible pools of blood
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on September 22, 2019, 01:51:06 PM
Raising a Laugh

Viewers vote for their favourite deceased comedian. The winner is reanimated by a necromancer long enough for them to do a 10 minute routine, before being returned to the grave.

Hosted by Noel Fielding.
Necromancer tbd.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on September 22, 2019, 10:00:39 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on September 21, 2019, 06:50:04 PM
PROPER NANS

CONCRETE NANS

ABSTRACT NANS

GARLIC NANS

PESHWARI NANS

BOTSWA NANS
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 22, 2019, 10:01:39 PM
Keema nans or get to fuck
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 24, 2019, 05:03:17 PM
Saint Goblin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 24, 2019, 08:53:03 PM
Tin Curtailer Sold Yaz' Pie
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on October 01, 2019, 08:54:27 PM
Kravitz Design won the contract for a new super refinery in Saudi Arabia.

"Fashion is something I'll probably get into one day but I'm really into architecture and interior design," says Kravitz. "So many people were going into that fashion direction, I thought let me do my thing over here."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 01, 2019, 10:20:32 PM
Quote from: GMTV on October 01, 2019, 08:54:27 PM
Kravitz Design won the contract for a new super refinery in Saudi Arabia.

"Fashion is something I'll probably get into one day but I'm really into architecture and interior design," says Kravitz. "So many people were going into that fashion direction, I thought let me do my thing over here."

"Back to you, Crofty"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 02, 2019, 09:49:12 AM
Clarity shops
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: sponk on October 02, 2019, 10:26:02 AM
Lenny kravats
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 02, 2019, 10:50:29 AM
Glut-Tony
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 02, 2019, 04:12:29 PM
Ben E Fit
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 02, 2019, 07:49:57 PM
Poo and shite

(c) CaB
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 02, 2019, 08:39:55 PM
Shite Militants and their guerilla war with Sunny Govan
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 02, 2019, 08:56:06 PM
Tim Buktoo
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Bum Flaps on October 03, 2019, 11:56:00 PM
There should be much finer differences between the distances in the track athletics.
More races! More statistics! More medallings! More specialist commentators!

Perky Presenter: "And I'm pleased to say that we have Kris Akabusi here to talk us through the 245m men's hurdles semi-final. Now, Kris, I understand that the 'two-forty-five' holds a very special place in your heart."

Kris: Laughs maniacally...and utters 10 minutes of generic running words as the race takes place in the background.

PP: "And now, moving on to the much awaited final of the 4x70m+2x120m women's relay. Over to you Clive!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 04, 2019, 01:16:28 AM
Quote from: Bum Flaps on October 03, 2019, 11:56:00 PM
There should be much finer differences between the distances in the track athletics.
More races! More statistics! More medallings! More specialist commentators!

Paging ferris.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 04, 2019, 01:29:09 AM
Quote from: touchingcloth on October 04, 2019, 01:16:28 AM
Paging ferris.

You're really asking 3 disparate questions there - you see, value is best determined by a combination of [4 paragraphs no one will read], and if you disagree with that then you are scum.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 04, 2019, 05:03:22 PM
"mind your own cocksucking business"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 04, 2019, 05:07:55 PM
Start your own cocksucking business
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 04, 2019, 05:09:34 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on October 04, 2019, 05:07:55 PM
Start your own cocksucking business

Need anybody to help you mind it?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: sponk on October 04, 2019, 05:22:50 PM
Vince Cable Street.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 04, 2019, 07:09:21 PM
"Goodbye, whore says"

Like the song.. Goodbye Horses...

Only it's a prozzy. And she's off. Doing one.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 05, 2019, 01:18:29 AM
Because basically EVERY night is nonce night!

... Sorry, that was an orphaned punchline.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on October 05, 2019, 01:08:20 PM
2049: Robot the Bruce
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on October 05, 2019, 08:48:12 PM
wallace and vomit
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 05, 2019, 09:23:30 PM
The Wallace (and vomit) Collection, Marylebone.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 05, 2019, 10:12:22 PM
Quote from: kittens on October 05, 2019, 08:48:12 PM
wallace and vomit

Solace and vomit.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on October 05, 2019, 10:17:18 PM
Greg Wallace and Ear gromit.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 05, 2019, 10:40:34 PM
Ballache and Vimto
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 08, 2019, 03:03:53 AM
Developing a condition whereby you lose control of your legs; not they don't work, it's that they do things you don't want, like start to walk onto a train to Dumbarton, leaving you helpless - clinging onto bins, strangers, in an attempt to stop yourself boarding the train.

It's really disruptive and nobody even believes in it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 08, 2019, 08:23:39 AM
Quote from: NJ Uncut on October 08, 2019, 03:03:53 AM
Developing a condition whereby you lose control of your legs; not they don't work, it's that they do things you don't want, like start to walk onto a train to Dumbarton, leaving you helpless

not only that, but they get the train that goes along the wrong line at Dalmuir so you have to change. Every time
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: grassbath on October 08, 2019, 10:19:29 AM
Anti-erectile dysfunction cream

'No need to rub it in'

Barely works this one
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 08, 2019, 10:36:28 AM
"Rub in, rub out"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on October 08, 2019, 03:55:17 PM
Favourite download bars and buffering wheels.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 08, 2019, 09:32:04 PM
What type of Bombay Mix will you serve at your funeral? Answer our quiz to find out.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on October 09, 2019, 09:59:52 AM
Quantum Leap, but each time Bakula has to be one of The Pogues.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 09, 2019, 10:43:08 AM
Grave accent
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 09, 2019, 10:57:24 AM
Quote from: rasta-spouse on October 09, 2019, 09:59:52 AM
Quantum Leap, but each time Bakula has to be one of The Pogues.

Quantum Leap but it doesn't work and Sam Beckett has such a short temper everyone is forced to pretend it does
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on October 09, 2019, 11:17:02 AM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on October 09, 2019, 10:57:24 AM
Quantum Leap but it doesn't work and Sam Beckett has such a short temper everyone is forced to pretend it does

'Verbena, quick wrap this jacket in tinfoil, Gushman take my gameboy out of its housing, I've got an idea'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on October 09, 2019, 01:53:34 PM
Quantum Leap but he can only back in time chronologically, and so there's an inevitable fear that he will eventually leap into nothing as he goes further back in time unless Al can fucking sort it out
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on October 09, 2019, 02:03:47 PM
Quantum Leap but he can only leap into famous animals throughout history.

Episode 1: Catherine The Great's Stallion
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 09, 2019, 02:30:45 PM
Quantum Leap but Ziggy can only say increasingly vile insults about Sam Beckett's mum, no matter how much Al slaps it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 09, 2019, 02:51:57 PM
Quantum Leap but he can only leap forward and only leap forward one second at a time and he is in fact just living

I've never seen Quantum Leap
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on October 09, 2019, 02:56:59 PM
Quantum Leap but it's Quantum Gape
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 09, 2019, 02:58:08 PM
Quantum Leap but Sam Beckett's got a hernia that gets bigger every time he leaps so he worries that it might be a tumour. And it is.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 09, 2019, 03:06:34 PM
Quantum Leap but Sam Beckett sits in a cottage in France writing austere and uncompromising novels.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 09, 2019, 03:20:12 PM
Quantum Leap but Sam Beckett has the song Killer by Adamski playing at deafening volume in his head until he dies of a brain haemorrhage at the end of series 5.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on October 09, 2019, 03:23:13 PM
Quantum Leap but Sam has a stonking pair of tits that he has to hide whenever he leaps.

Episode 1: Adolf Hitler
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 09, 2019, 03:25:47 PM
Quantum Leap but Sam Beckett finds he has a mouthful of semen immediately after every leap instead of saying "Oh Boy".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 09, 2019, 03:39:30 PM
Qantas Leap
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on October 09, 2019, 04:12:30 PM
Quimbum Leap - Like Quantum Leap but Sam Beckett has a fanny for an arse.

Episode 1: Elton John's Stag Do
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on October 09, 2019, 04:30:13 PM
Quantum Leap, but Professor Alice Roberts is brought in to team up with Al Calavicci for a modern science angle.

Due to a tragic accident at the Starbright Project research centre, and this reveals nothing about me at all, Roberts has her skirt hiked up and Al's face is buried in her bare cunt. It's like this permanently, they're a sort of a conjoined manticore creature for the Billie Ellish set. Al has to give Sam all of Ziggy's probability tips in a really muffled voice beween her thighs which Roberts often has to interpret (perhaps to comical effect at times).

Oh, and on the Christmas specials Roberts will have a yeast infection. 
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on October 09, 2019, 04:32:18 PM
Quantum Leak and Samuel Beckett is incontinent
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 09, 2019, 04:38:35 PM
Quantum Leap but Sam Beckett leaps into the body of ex-Beatles drummer Pete Best in order to fix the ambiguity of a joke that would be written 30 years later.

Sam Beckett Never Returned Home.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 09, 2019, 05:42:15 PM
Quantum Leap but Sam Beckett leaps into the body of Marc Almond as an ashen-faced nurse inserts a tube into his mouth.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on October 09, 2019, 06:16:53 PM
Quaaludebummed Leap - Sam Becket leaps one last time into the semi-submerged body of Stuart Lubbock.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on October 09, 2019, 06:44:49 PM
Qualmbum Leap - Like Quantum Leap but Sam always leaps into someone who's just followed through.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 09, 2019, 07:12:21 PM
Quantum Sheep - as above, but with sheep.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on October 09, 2019, 07:13:01 PM
Quantum Lump - Sam Beckett has a terrifying swollen mass on his left testicle that disappears in a blue light whenever he gets close to having a medical professional look at it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on October 09, 2019, 07:32:49 PM
"are your energy pills running wild?"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 09, 2019, 07:34:15 PM
Quondam Leap - it's just a title
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 09, 2019, 07:36:04 PM
Weekend at Bernie Sanders
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 09, 2019, 07:37:50 PM
"Weekend at Bernie's, Anders?"
"No, I'm in prison for murdering those kids"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 09, 2019, 07:39:03 PM
Weekend at Burning Man
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 09, 2019, 07:40:06 PM
Quantum Weekend at Bernie LEap
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on October 09, 2019, 07:55:29 PM
Belfie's through the ages.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on October 09, 2019, 08:01:14 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on October 09, 2019, 07:40:06 PM
Quantum Weekend at Bernie LEap

Quantum Weekend at Bernie Inn

Sam Beckett leaps into a joiner in 1995 who is undergoing a re-fitting of the now Whitbread-owned chain as it's changed into a Brewers Fayre.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on October 10, 2019, 03:34:37 AM
Quantum leap but Ive seen it at least once so I have an idea about how to subvert it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on October 10, 2019, 01:01:59 PM
Bakula, the Musical
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 10, 2019, 02:06:02 PM
Wonton Leap. Sam leaps from chinese restaurant to chinese restaurant only being released when he has perfected his sweet and sour sauce. Sam never returned home.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 10, 2019, 03:53:55 PM
Quote from: pancreas on October 10, 2019, 02:06:02 PM
Wonton Leap. Sam leaps from chinese restaurant to chinese restaurant only being released when he has perfected his sweet and sour sauce. Sam never returned home.

Laughed
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on October 10, 2019, 08:57:19 PM
Bathman

No cape or grappling hooks or owt, just a fat bloke in the bath on a Sunday night trying not to think about work tomorrow.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on October 10, 2019, 09:34:05 PM
Quantum Leap Of Solace
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 11, 2019, 01:55:37 PM
Qualcast Leap, in which Dr Sam Beckett looks at the Quantum Leap Accelerator each week and goes "nah, best get the grass cut first"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 11, 2019, 01:58:52 PM
The History of South Africa, a new partwork for January. Free binder with part one, free Nelson Mandela with part two
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 11, 2019, 02:17:53 PM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on October 11, 2019, 01:58:52 PM
The History of South Africa, a new partwork for January. Free binder with part one, free Nelson Mandela with part two

Excellent. Should send that to Tim Vine.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on October 12, 2019, 02:38:03 PM
New documentary about the history of a small town in northeast England, presented by Jonathan King. Current working title is Age of Consett
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 12, 2019, 05:25:04 PM
Grave (ITV).

I dunno. A quiz show hosted by Dean Gaffney or sutin.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 13, 2019, 12:19:12 AM
Mark Kermode's Commode.

It could be where he puts bad films. Cor, just flushed a stinker down the commode.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 15, 2019, 03:24:36 AM
A new character, Mystery Dave

"What you having for tea Dave?"

"Not telling ya"

Ooh, how clandestine!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 16, 2019, 10:04:27 PM
Birmingham is mine

... By order of the Cheeky Paedos!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 17, 2019, 02:49:07 AM
Row, row, row your boat
Gently up my arse
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on October 17, 2019, 02:00:36 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on October 17, 2019, 02:49:07 AM
Row, row, row your boat
Gently up my arse

(https://media.giphy.com/media/vsl6L2IoTilEs/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 17, 2019, 06:09:01 PM
A t shirt that just says 'Worth Sallis' on it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 17, 2019, 06:48:01 PM
Quantum Leap but it's a Dining Experience
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 17, 2019, 10:12:26 PM
No Christmas for John Worboys
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 17, 2019, 10:22:45 PM
Quantum Leap but it's Peter Sallis all the time
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 18, 2019, 05:21:42 AM
Quantum Reap - cotton slavery and the violent uprisings
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 18, 2019, 06:56:43 AM
Quantum Leap only doing the leaping is John Worboys
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on October 18, 2019, 12:27:55 PM
desecrated coconut
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on October 18, 2019, 12:38:13 PM

List of video games that have names that are not embarrassingly stupid compiled from technology forum thread titles.

0 replies
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 18, 2019, 12:47:19 PM
Untitled Dale Cregan Game
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 18, 2019, 02:21:45 PM
Quantum Rape. Scott Bakula goes through a cycle of becoming aware that he's in the middle of committing a sex crime, except it's not Scott Bakula it's Samuel Beckett the playwright pretending to be Scott Bakula the actor pretending to be Dr Samuel Beckett. When he is eventually jailed for his campaign of rapes across time and space, he decides to rewrite his entire oeuvre in a more rapey way, starting with Raping for Godot and Krapp's last rape.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on October 18, 2019, 02:24:31 PM
Highlander but there can be around 12.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on October 19, 2019, 07:50:53 AM
Quantum Leap but it's Jean Warboys
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 19, 2019, 09:50:43 AM
Quantum Leap but Sam Beckett only leaps into the bodies of monkeys in nappies
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 19, 2019, 09:51:52 AM
Quantum Bongo.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 19, 2019, 12:06:34 PM
an emergency stomach pump produces 8 litres of Marc Almond rumours
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on October 20, 2019, 11:13:57 PM
a signed photo of a goblin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on October 21, 2019, 01:06:34 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/g0bKy1Q3/20191020-200455.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on October 21, 2019, 01:09:05 AM

Shit of Theseus, he's flushed it but done another now. Is it the same shit?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on October 24, 2019, 01:15:12 PM

AIDS Tiger is a rubbish tiger, bullied by the alpha tigers. Doesn't even like frosted flakes.
"Please don't call me AIDS Tiger and I just want those vaxxers to give me some scritches"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on October 24, 2019, 01:34:40 PM
Ashes lay scattered on ice
Shadows of life
Against pale, translucent memories of water.
Soulless cinders
Of a presence once present
Black dust
Of a heart once heartless
Will now remain as remains,
The Pain of Knowing anointed
By tears wiped in anger
Everything they did
What I did
Ends here
With a solitary farewell
Within this spectre'd forest
A chorus of spiders
Reside across the branches
Webbed observers
Inciting silent fear
As frogs hum in hope
For the ice to break so they can be free
Once more.
Instead, the ash carries across underbellies and undergrowth
Beyond my reach, our moments gone
Beyond my grief, our mutual pursuit
Beyond the precipice, our marred tryst
Beyond the truth: My Only Love dispelled amidst
This Swamp Of Ghosts.

- Jacynth Breasal (1927 - 197??)

The poem is untitled, but notes at the time indicate that her former lover Zlotoska requested that his ashes were to be scattered over Lake Baikal. Breasal instead travelled to the Okefenokee Swamp. Breasal had previously described her thoughts on their relationship as follows:

Arkady Zlotoska: my first love, my last evil. A vessel of devastation, a conduit of spectral ashes fallen from the darkest of clouds, eyes brightened only by shadows in the most pernicious corners of the earth and sea.

Following the destruction and subsequent exposé of the notorious Zlotoska Death Cult of the late 1960s, Bresal was forced to live anonymously, nomadic and in fear of being murdered by the remaining followers of Zlotoska. Following her disappearance entirely in the mid 1970s, scraps of writings tucked in secondhand books, under floorboards and in safety deposit boxes across numerous locations in which she had previously resided are still being discovered, as we gradually piece together the mysterious and devastating story of the journalist, author, activist and artist known as Jacynth Breasal.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 24, 2019, 07:36:53 PM
A character called Morgan Failure
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 24, 2019, 08:00:20 PM
Alan the Turtle
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on October 26, 2019, 11:27:32 PM
Wanton leap - just smashing round dimensions, no bother

Wonton leap - something about little dumplings

One ton leap - and so on
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 28, 2019, 02:11:08 PM
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Emily

(a thread aboot my mad ex)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rasta-spouse on October 28, 2019, 08:19:34 PM
Person of Pintrest

Quantum Leap rip-off where a group of mid-atlantic-accented deadbeats use a god-like omniscient computer system to solve thoughtcrimes but are often put off by how difficult it is to get images to enlarge to a reasonable viewing size.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 29, 2019, 12:12:49 AM
The word "Moslem" but with all the different possible vowel permutations from Maslam to Muslum via things like Meslim and Mislam.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 29, 2019, 01:49:47 AM
New magazine called "Blanket Coverage" that reviews blankets.

"Flannel: is it coming back (or did it never leave)?"; "The Stitching Hour: Synthetic Fabrics and You" etc etc
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 29, 2019, 12:07:03 PM
Peut-être the Blue Peter dog.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on October 29, 2019, 05:40:02 PM
TOP TEN NEW WORDS OF 2019

Celebigotry
Misunderstance
Swapmeat
Swatmeet
Misothering
Dadnaming
Moansplaining
Hubwhore
Fontshaming
Tabletitis
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 29, 2019, 07:14:26 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on October 29, 2019, 12:07:03 PM
Peut-être the Blue Peter dog.

This is a pun on Petra, and I genuinely came up with it in a dream.

Not much cop in the cold light of day, is it? Never mind.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 29, 2019, 11:34:53 PM
Game of Thrones but it's exclusively in the anus.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on November 01, 2019, 08:27:44 PM
TV pitch: Colin from Daventry and Darren from Coventry spend a week in each other's shoes. At the end of the week they take the shoes off and put them in a pile, then the presenter takes a whiff and goes THAT FUCKING STINKS.

Working title: Total Waste Of Time
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on November 02, 2019, 09:34:24 AM
The poor alcoholic's lament.

No money on me = cashless sobriety
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on November 02, 2019, 09:36:04 AM
Yeah let's go for another but first, amigo o friend ol buddy, I need to hit the time machine

The wha?

Well, time = money

Oh shit, I've run outta time
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on November 02, 2019, 01:32:25 PM
A joke about a shepherd-rumour.

Punchline: "yes, I herd" ("heard")
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on November 03, 2019, 01:47:33 PM
And I am the lord of the edge, said he
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 03, 2019, 05:12:34 PM
Nobility scooters
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: chveik on November 09, 2019, 11:08:54 PM
Let us now praise phimotic men
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on November 10, 2019, 12:04:25 AM
Hip hip purée!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on November 10, 2019, 11:10:29 AM
Carl the Culturally-Appropriating CEO, takes a bow in the canteen for the raucously successful joke of one of his employees; witnesses an employee asking another out and turns up on the date as if he had secured it himself

A lass brings her baby in and Carl snatches it off her, explaining how proud he is, before parading the sprog aloft around the building
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on November 10, 2019, 11:30:43 AM
Tags: alright, guys, you've had your fun with the referring yourself to NHS mental health services
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on November 10, 2019, 12:28:23 PM
Quote from: NJ Uncut on November 10, 2019, 11:30:43 AM
Tags: alright, guys, you've had your fun with the referring yourself to NHS mental health services

Is that said by an actor or a robot?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: NJ Uncut on November 10, 2019, 01:14:05 PM
Quote from: touchingcloth on November 10, 2019, 12:28:23 PM
Is that said by an actor or a robot?

Stop-motion plasticine doctor
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on November 11, 2019, 10:46:54 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/9nAot1d.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on November 12, 2019, 12:45:31 AM
My name is URL.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on November 12, 2019, 02:10:28 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller.com on November 12, 2019, 12:45:31 AM
My name is URL.

ftfy
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on November 12, 2019, 05:14:38 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on November 12, 2019, 12:45:31 AM
My name is URL.

Hear hear
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on November 12, 2019, 11:56:35 AM

Testicle enhancement products/services, do they exist?

If they do exist, i never see any ads. is that because google is happy with the current state of my testicles or because they think I am happy with the state of my testicles/have given up?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on November 12, 2019, 11:59:44 AM

Should've gone with FerriswheelBueller.ca
Fucked it right up
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on November 12, 2019, 07:51:42 PM
Cuckulents.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on November 12, 2019, 10:45:45 PM
Pretending to be Rick Stein but you"ve grilled some halloumi really badly
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on November 14, 2019, 12:01:43 AM
get your bell stinky in helsinki
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on November 14, 2019, 12:41:47 AM
There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horehead.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on November 14, 2019, 12:45:01 AM
She's turned the Danes against us (Viking-themed strategy game).
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on November 14, 2019, 07:39:05 AM
2am thread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jobotic on November 14, 2019, 04:20:59 PM
Strawberry Phil
Nothing is Rhyl
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on November 14, 2019, 05:17:06 PM
Barry Krishna

A boy is born into a poor family in Wallsend, England, but soon comes to the attention of a gang of Tibetan monks hunting for the soul of the recently deceased Dalai Lama.
Could it be true?

Hilarity and mild peril ensues.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on November 14, 2019, 08:50:48 PM
Book a rest in Bucharest

You can have that one, Bucharest tourist board.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on November 15, 2019, 08:05:44 AM
Flow my spunk, the policeman said.

Sci fi porn or sutin I don't know do I that's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on November 15, 2019, 08:37:33 AM
That's all I GoT. Like this thread, but with even more goblins.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on November 15, 2019, 07:19:45 PM
Just lezzed off in a tax inspector's face, and it was mostly intentional.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 15, 2019, 09:07:01 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on November 10, 2019, 12:04:25 AM
Hip hip purée!

Perfect post. No irony. Am punching sky at this

THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 15, 2019, 09:08:00 PM
Quote from: touchingcloth on November 15, 2019, 07:19:45 PM
Just lezzed off in a tractor inspector's face, and it was mostly international
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on November 16, 2019, 03:45:21 AM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on November 15, 2019, 09:07:01 PM
Perfect post. No irony. Am punching sky at this

THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE

You're telling me. A lot of stuff in here is much too funny or well thought out.

Down with that sort of thing - just poorly sketched out bullshit in future.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on November 20, 2019, 12:55:24 AM
Joan, Armour Trading

(a woman called Joan buys and sells suits of armour)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on November 20, 2019, 12:59:34 AM
Gimme the Knight

(New chess TV programme hosted by George Benson)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on November 20, 2019, 01:52:33 PM
Ejaculate?

I think you'll find that I am always punctual.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on November 20, 2019, 05:02:45 PM
^ E jac u right on time
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on November 20, 2019, 05:15:27 PM
Mobility Scousers.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on November 20, 2019, 09:59:48 PM
Modern reboot of Goodnight Sweetheart in which Gary Sparrow lives in the future and travels back in time to present day in which he cuckolds a millennial and doesn't give a shit as always.

Title: FUCK OFF LOVE
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 20, 2019, 10:21:05 PM
Modern reboot of Goodnight Sweetheart in which Gary Sparrow accidentally travels back in time to the 70s and has to disguise himself as Nicholas Lyndhurst to blend in. Big finale where there are loads of him doing the WH Smiths advert
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on November 22, 2019, 10:12:59 AM
robin incel
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 22, 2019, 09:52:42 PM
Quote from: drummersaredeaf on November 20, 2019, 05:15:27 PM
Mobility Scousers.

perfrect
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on November 25, 2019, 05:40:00 AM
the poltergeist i was seeing around my house has stopped responding to my seances.

i think she's ghosting me

this is an excellent gag, please enjoy.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on November 25, 2019, 05:07:03 PM
Bonnie 'Prince' Andrew.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on November 26, 2019, 10:49:08 PM
Meats by Dr Dre.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 26, 2019, 11:30:26 PM
Billy Gunn making cameos in sitcoms, in his hotpants. To his The One music. Look at allllllll I got
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 26, 2019, 11:32:03 PM
Jay Kay coked up thinking the floor is moving everywhere he goes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on November 27, 2019, 01:01:51 PM
Garyoke.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 27, 2019, 01:03:11 PM
A Question Time Election Special, featuring the top political editors/pundits.... so members of the public can get to call them out for being lying c*nts for an hour.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on December 05, 2019, 08:51:42 PM
Titsocks

Like socks but for your tits.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on December 08, 2019, 11:27:28 AM
Milk monitor, but it's a lizard made of milk.

Milk monitor, but it's a VDU made of milk.

Mini milk monitor, but it's a dwarf child handing out tiny milks.

Milk Minotaur.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: grassbath on December 08, 2019, 03:38:09 PM
Monastery crime caper

Felonious Monk
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on December 08, 2019, 07:36:19 PM
Milk monastery.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bigfatheart on December 08, 2019, 10:19:11 PM
Wilson Pickett & Betty
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on December 09, 2019, 09:06:49 AM
Quote from: grassbath on December 08, 2019, 03:38:09 PM
Monastery crime caper

Felonious Monk

Too good for this thread

GET OUT

seriously guys, be a bit more careful before posting in here please?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on December 09, 2019, 09:07:27 AM
Quote from: touchingcloth on December 08, 2019, 07:36:19 PM
Milk monastery.

See this - this is how to do it!

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 10, 2019, 07:21:10 PM
Come, friendly dad-bods, and fall on Slough
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on December 10, 2019, 07:24:31 PM
Nazi Babies. 
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on December 10, 2019, 08:59:45 PM
The prostitution rests
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on December 10, 2019, 10:16:52 PM
nigel: of the family farage
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 11, 2019, 02:37:11 AM
Craig David gritty reboot
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on December 11, 2019, 08:26:58 AM
here is a joke:

'have you seen the film shame with Michael Fassbender?'
'i didn't know Michael Fassbender was in Shame! does he have a big part?'
'yes, it is huge'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dallasman on December 11, 2019, 06:26:23 PM
Deadhead Ned bled Blind Ed's brown bed red
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on December 13, 2019, 07:33:58 PM
Locked Out Syndrome Mick, just can't be trusted with keys

Lock-In Syndrome Floyd, just can't be kicked out of the pub
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on December 14, 2019, 08:22:07 AM
Finders Kepler's
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 14, 2019, 01:43:54 PM
Horror Night: Day of the Farage!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on December 14, 2019, 02:57:33 PM
Bristol Temple Paeds
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Bumlord on December 14, 2019, 08:19:27 PM
Kneel, Morrissey
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on December 17, 2019, 02:50:50 PM
The Archbishop of Greggs
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on December 18, 2019, 09:17:13 AM
I Love The 90's, but they cast a wry eye exclusively over any incrementally improved technical media and governance documents of the year.

New revisions to computer software, updates to any industry standards (government documents, health and safety, building regs, anything), new rounds of funding within the same programme of work, and so on.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on December 19, 2019, 01:23:21 AM
Bantam and Robin.

Crime-fighting chicken and bird duo.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on December 19, 2019, 08:49:56 AM
Coffee grinds tasting, live from Ipswich. Brought to you by BBC on a budget.


Actually BBC on a budget might make a good thread. H.mm...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 19, 2019, 01:22:24 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on December 19, 2019, 08:49:56 AM
Coffee grinds tasting, live from Ipswich. Brought to you by BBC on a budget.


Actually BBC on a budget might make a good thread. H.mm...

Bargain Hunt, but David Dickinson is operating the camera and boom microphone himself.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on December 19, 2019, 01:53:03 PM
antique roadshow over the phone. calls are charged at £3 per minute so be very specific when describing your antique.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 19, 2019, 01:55:05 PM
Gash in the Attic. Anne Frank meets Secret Diary of a Call Girl.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on December 19, 2019, 01:56:56 PM
Quote from: pancreas on December 19, 2019, 01:55:05 PM
Gash in the Attic. Anne Frank meets Secret Diary of a Call Girl.

Sounds expensive... Can you set it in a shed and make it with hand puppets?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on December 19, 2019, 01:59:56 PM
Thread Splitters!!! The Movie! dun dun duuuuh...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 19, 2019, 02:19:14 PM
I'm tired
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on December 20, 2019, 04:24:36 PM
Jonathan Pies

Morbidly obese newsreader smugly rants and gesticulates on YouTube about pies, his trademark suits stained with sweat and gravy. He fucking reeks, mate.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on December 20, 2019, 05:55:32 PM
Lock-up Syndrome Pat, just can't avoid having an old garage full of shite somewhere. Can get you anything, provided you can put up with three cancellations and get up on a horrid day at a shit time to go twenty miles and spent three hours digging through shite for it. Anything.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on December 23, 2019, 11:31:18 AM
♫ Pritt Stick on your collar... ♫ You mad bastard.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 01, 2020, 09:21:34 PM
The Archer: Sitcom about Jeffrey Archer à la Toast of London.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 01, 2020, 10:09:44 PM
A ballet about Microsoft Office.

Something something something what Clippy knows,

Something something something on your tippy-toes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: grassbath on January 01, 2020, 10:40:20 PM
Quote from: Captain Z on December 19, 2019, 01:23:21 AM
Bantam and Robin.

Crime-fighting chicken and bird duo.

Hang on a minute, i got bollocked upthread for stuff like this ('too well-developed'). Are you half-baked bunch of bastards going to let him get away with this?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 02, 2020, 12:13:33 AM
Quite right. Quite right. Ostracise the cunt.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on January 02, 2020, 01:51:40 PM
I love nostalgia, where clips of talking heads are interrupted by clips of talking heads with the original talking head showed down and desaturated in the background, to say that the original talking head must've been on drugs or something
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 02, 2020, 02:14:43 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 02, 2020, 12:13:33 AM
Quite right. Quite right. Ostracise the cunt.

Ostracise - large bird based exersise programme
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 02, 2020, 03:50:46 PM
Programme. Metric measurement pressure group in the US.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on January 02, 2020, 04:09:59 PM
The Great British Gape Off
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 02, 2020, 04:22:05 PM
Quote from: Chollis on January 02, 2020, 04:09:59 PM
The Great British Gape Off

Judged by Mary Berry and Mike Gapes?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on January 02, 2020, 06:06:37 PM
Paul HollyWOULD, morelike
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 03, 2020, 08:53:41 AM
48p and an expired bus pass.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 03, 2020, 08:55:35 AM
jah wobble's jars wobble.. pass it on.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on January 06, 2020, 02:06:48 PM
Glando Calrissian
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on January 07, 2020, 06:11:12 AM
Buffalo Didcot.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 10, 2020, 12:36:26 PM
You make me feel like Ted Danson
I wanna Danson the night away
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 10, 2020, 06:02:43 PM
Only Fools And Organ Harvesting
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 12, 2020, 08:21:49 PM
Get Breakfast Done.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 12, 2020, 09:32:23 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 12, 2020, 08:21:49 PM
Get Breakfast Done.

This is extremely poor. It may be the worst thing you've ever done.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 12, 2020, 10:21:53 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 12, 2020, 09:32:23 PM
This is extremely poor. It may be the worst thing you've ever done.

How naive you are.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 12, 2020, 10:26:20 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 12, 2020, 09:32:23 PM
This is extremely poor. It may be the worst thing you've ever done.

Makes it a perfect post here
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 12, 2020, 10:26:55 PM
And by here I mean cookdnbombd
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 13, 2020, 12:30:10 AM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on January 12, 2020, 10:26:20 PM
Makes it a perfect post here

No. It should be an avenue of silver birch and Bertrand Russell's. His post is a cul-de-sac full of aids rapists armed with penis scissors.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 13, 2020, 12:55:05 AM
Quote from: pancreas on January 13, 2020, 12:30:10 AM
No. It should be an avenue of silver birch and Bertrand Russell's. His post is a cul-de-sac full of aids rapists armed with penis scissors.

I suspect I'm one of the few CaBbers to have written a (published!) paper on Russell, or to have quoted him extensively in an HS Art thread (though won't tell you which one).

Sorry pancreas, this is misjudged criticism here. My post is up to (down to?) the standards of this thread, and my credentials are unrivalled.

Better luck next time.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on January 13, 2020, 09:17:28 AM
Multivariate count autoregression
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 13, 2020, 09:21:20 AM
Pasta Shaggers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 14, 2020, 03:58:59 AM
Breakfast Means Breakfast.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on January 14, 2020, 12:55:04 PM
Oh, I don't know. Breastaurants?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on January 14, 2020, 01:31:35 PM
A terrorist organisation's attempts to bring back GMTV
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on January 14, 2020, 07:50:03 PM
Jill Nando's
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on January 15, 2020, 12:05:28 PM
Hulk Hogan's Shogun Hoedown/Showdown.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 15, 2020, 05:58:49 PM
psychic door handles
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 15, 2020, 11:21:56 PM
Modern day Draclea like the Sherlock one right but everyone's a millenial so never leaves the house just sitting around vaping and eating avocado toast and they get everything online don't they so they never go to the shops right so how does draclea get his victims?

He's a tesco delivery man and has to wait until someone says "yeah OK" when he asks them "Shall I bring this through for you?"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 16, 2020, 02:50:19 AM
Gritty reboot of Blankety Blank
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 16, 2020, 01:21:56 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 16, 2020, 02:50:19 AM
Gritty reboot of Blankety Blank

Already done: RuPaul's Snatch Game
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on January 17, 2020, 07:33:20 PM
I bought a magnetic tray and telescopic manetic wand. It also came with a little mirror on a telescopic extender. Genuinely tempted to use it to look at my own anus.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 18, 2020, 03:56:40 PM
absolutely jack shit, just wanted to post a tag because I've never done one before
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on January 20, 2020, 01:10:01 PM
If all the roads turned into rivers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on January 20, 2020, 01:10:41 PM
And all the rivers turned into roads
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 20, 2020, 02:30:09 PM
Quote from: Norton Canes on January 20, 2020, 01:10:01 PM
If all the roads turned into rivers

Venice
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 20, 2020, 02:31:13 PM
Quote from: Norton Canes on January 20, 2020, 01:10:41 PM
And all the rivers turned into roads

Every city except Venice.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on January 20, 2020, 03:59:03 PM
That's all you got?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 20, 2020, 04:01:20 PM
Quote from: Norton Canes on January 20, 2020, 03:59:03 PM
That's all you got?

no yes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 20, 2020, 09:43:30 PM
Thing Crosby
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 20, 2020, 09:45:22 PM
Cheese night: Brie & Steps.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on January 21, 2020, 09:45:14 AM
I am a big fan of all the carpentry tools; adze ... ... ... ... ... plane.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 21, 2020, 09:54:00 AM
Antisi-murbatory as a word for something.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on January 21, 2020, 09:56:51 AM
9/11 blaze it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 21, 2020, 11:02:35 AM
Take That's 'All I Got'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 21, 2020, 11:34:52 AM
Quote from: DoesNotFollow on January 21, 2020, 09:56:51 AM
9/11 blaze it

Fahrenheit 451 blaze it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on January 21, 2020, 08:00:13 PM
TV ideas for Ricky Gervais after they finally get sick of him in the US:

Ricky Don't Lose That Humber - RG is blindfolded and has to follow the River Humber to its source, relying only on the goodwill of the public.

Ricky Don't Lose That 'cumber - RG repeats the foregoing only he has to maintain possession of a cucumber at all times.

Ricky Don't Lose That Mumba - as above, but RG has custody of early noughties pop singer Samantha Mumba.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on January 24, 2020, 11:45:21 AM
Prime and Prejudice

Docusoap featuring the trials and tribulations of Polish and Romanian drivers as they go about their day delivering the wares of the Amazon corporation.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on January 24, 2020, 11:52:00 AM
It's the Wetherspoons pub chain, and everything is exactly the same - except the pub chain is called J R Humanoid
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 24, 2020, 12:59:19 PM
Up to ones neck in bollocks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on January 24, 2020, 01:52:34 PM
Strawberry Gravy.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on January 24, 2020, 02:56:10 PM
Some snakes on a plane
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 24, 2020, 03:33:33 PM
Quote from: Captain Z on January 24, 2020, 02:56:10 PM
Some snakes on a plane

Well that idea isn't going to work
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 25, 2020, 11:10:17 AM
Lady Gagarin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on January 25, 2020, 11:26:20 AM
You had me at reverse...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on January 25, 2020, 11:28:16 AM
Quote from: the on January 24, 2020, 11:52:00 AM
It's the Wetherspoons pub chain, and everything is exactly the same - except the pub chain is called J R Humanoid

I don't quite know why but that really made me laugh
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on January 25, 2020, 04:08:07 PM
Yeah that's quality.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DistressedArea on January 25, 2020, 10:23:02 PM
Quote from: touchingcloth on November 26, 2019, 10:49:08 PM
Meats by Dr Dre.

50 shades of Dre.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Bum Flaps on January 26, 2020, 11:44:42 PM
TK Marx

Can't decide if it's Groucho or Karl
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on January 27, 2020, 12:03:22 AM
was gonna write all my posts in character but abandoned the idea immediately
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 27, 2020, 02:58:46 PM
Well you can tell everybody down in old Frisco
Tell em Colin Montgomerie says hello
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on January 27, 2020, 03:00:00 PM
Bisto toothpaste
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on January 27, 2020, 03:51:41 PM
Up next: Michael Jackson - Bad (ly disfigured my face with plastic surgery)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on January 27, 2020, 03:55:05 PM
Up next: Michael Jackson - (Badly disfiguring your face with plastic surgery, you can't) Beat It
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on January 27, 2020, 04:18:45 PM
Hugh Manatee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on January 27, 2020, 05:05:41 PM
Hooves Like Jagger
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on January 27, 2020, 07:27:09 PM
The Trolling Crones.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 27, 2020, 08:45:03 PM
The Rolling Scones
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 27, 2020, 10:50:55 PM
Quote from: bgmnts on January 27, 2020, 03:00:00 PM
Bisto toothpaste

Top poster
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 27, 2020, 10:51:30 PM
Quote from: DoesNotFollow on January 27, 2020, 05:05:41 PM
Hooves Like Jagger

Love it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 28, 2020, 04:07:39 PM
And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fisters of men
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: all male israel on January 28, 2020, 04:46:16 PM
Big Trouble in Little Vagina
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on January 28, 2020, 10:57:28 PM
Waspy women
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 29, 2020, 03:45:09 PM
The Ragged Anused Philanthropists
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 29, 2020, 03:49:04 PM
Rubber plant / condoms
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 29, 2020, 04:11:10 PM
The Shaggèd Anused Philanthropists
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on January 29, 2020, 05:03:13 PM
Obscure Serial Killers: a podcast
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 29, 2020, 05:03:27 PM
Doing/having a benson
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on January 30, 2020, 03:15:16 PM
Doing a poo and calling it a dishonorable discharge
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on January 30, 2020, 09:37:07 PM

The Peroneal History of David Copperfield
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on January 31, 2020, 12:19:11 AM
A digital watch which can display nothing except the current year.[nb]100% accuracy guaranteed during 3 year warranty period.[/nb]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 31, 2020, 10:54:29 AM
Learn To Code with Serial Killers From Prison

Episode 1: Ed Kemper teaches the basics of Python
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on February 05, 2020, 07:14:11 PM
Aberdeen Anus.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on February 06, 2020, 05:10:55 PM
Gland Grenades
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on February 06, 2020, 05:29:15 PM
Clit Eastwood
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on February 06, 2020, 10:46:39 PM
Pene J Harvey
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 06, 2020, 10:59:29 PM
Quote from: touchingcloth on February 06, 2020, 10:46:39 PM
Pene J Harvey

love it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on February 07, 2020, 08:17:13 PM
Some kind of clothes stealing lesbian
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on February 07, 2020, 10:43:59 PM
A clowne sees the video for Don't Stop by Red Hot Chilli Peppers for the first time and is blown away
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on February 08, 2020, 11:55:31 AM
Only Fools And Horses, but Del and Rodders are Islamist terrorists.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: willpurry on February 09, 2020, 04:39:35 PM
Quote from: bgmnts on January 24, 2020, 01:52:34 PM
Strawberry Gravy.

http://asweetpotatopie.com/2014/01/31/southern-biscuits-strawberry-gravy/
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 09, 2020, 04:42:48 PM
Quote from: drummersaredeaf on February 08, 2020, 11:55:31 AM
Only Fools And Horses, but Del and Rodders are Islamist terrorists.

And Trigger makes a face extremist post online.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 09, 2020, 05:49:51 PM
Only Fools and Horses Dining Experience Brexit special, with Del Boy finding a Brexit deal that fell off a lorry driven by Theresa May and giving it to Johnson to sell to the British people. "Luvverly Brexity"

Anyone fancy trying this idea in the OF AH dining experience thread?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on February 09, 2020, 10:13:45 PM
I mean what even is sugar? What is it?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 09, 2020, 11:36:32 PM
Quote from: willpurry on February 09, 2020, 04:39:35 PM
http://asweetpotatopie.com/2014/01/31/southern-biscuits-strawberry-gravy/

Someone here posted this horrifying biscuits + chocolate gravy video

https://youtu.be/5K7J9aaMwJs
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on February 10, 2020, 04:15:31 AM
M. Night Shyamalan's: The Happening Parting 2

Like 'The Happening' but it turns out hair is the enemy of humanity rather than vegetation.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: willpurry on February 14, 2020, 05:12:53 AM
Battle thicket.

(https://i.imgur.com/AYBExZi.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 14, 2020, 08:35:36 AM
Channel 4 crossover/mash-up of Bake Off and Poirot

"This week, the bakers are making French Belgian buns"

Could be good. I'd watch it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 15, 2020, 04:54:03 PM
Bob Dylan on wheels
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on February 16, 2020, 02:46:08 PM
Halley's Comment
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 16, 2020, 08:15:09 PM
Potato flavoured crisps.

Came to me just like that, amazing!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 16, 2020, 08:15:54 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on February 15, 2020, 04:54:03 PM
Bob Dylan on wheels

Really laughed at this until I realized I wrote it. Shambles.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on February 16, 2020, 08:17:16 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on February 16, 2020, 08:15:09 PMPotato flavoured crisps.

Came to me just like that, amazing!

Been done mate

      (https://i.imgur.com/wBl5oKz.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 16, 2020, 08:40:56 PM
Quote from: the on February 16, 2020, 08:17:16 PM
Been done mate

      (https://i.imgur.com/wBl5oKz.png)

Why do you hate me so much?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on February 16, 2020, 11:10:56 PM
Mark's Commode
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: clingfilm portent on February 17, 2020, 12:36:29 AM
You come home from school aged 9-10 and your mum's just this big triangle
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 17, 2020, 07:51:23 AM
Blue cheese! Cheese that is actually the colour of blue!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on February 17, 2020, 05:54:27 PM
Something I wrote ages ago. I did a photoshop DVD cover but can't find it anywhere...

BLESSED BE THY NAME

In light of the popularity of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Sky 1 were eager to create a series rivalling the humour and controversy of the HBO series. After several untitled pilots were made with talent such as Bruce Forsyth (too nice), Ian Smith (popular but was committed to Neighbours) and Bill Oddie (walked out in the middle of filming due to an unprovoked attack from a deranged 'fan'), it was decided that Brian Blessed was the man for the job.

Blessed was concerned that the pilot felt too 'scripted', and suggested they just filmed him on his daily adventures. Patrick Stewart proved to be somewhat of a guide for the audience as Blessed's behaviour became increasingly odd. Stewart was the long-suffering sidekick, and it is still unknown if his breakdown in the penultimate episode ('The Three Musky Queers') was real or not, although it is believed they have reconciled as Stewart got Blessed a bit part on Family Guylater in the year. There was Noel Edmonds, a victim of Blessed's wrath, who tried on several occassions to prevent the show from being aired (but thankfully he gave in and even provides this DVD with a commentary [albeit mostly in tears] on eight episodes. Then there was Alan Davies, with whom Blessed picked a fight with on Twitter, ending in a disturbing confrontation outside of Blessed's home, an incident in which Ofcom received just over 6000 complaints. Guest appearances from a bemused Sir Ranulph Fiennes in three episodes, a rival to Blessed, proved popular with audiences, especially since Fiennes had no interest in being a part of, as he put it, 'such bollocks'.


Highlights include episodes such as:

Episode 3. EDMONDS ALIVE
Brian interrupts a recording of Deal Or No Deal and challenges Noel to an arm-wrestling match. Edmonds nervously accepts, only for Blessed to arrive later wearing a giant nappy, covered in Vaseline and swinging a dead dwarf in a Tesco bag.

Episode 7. COLD COMFORT FART
Whilst recovering from his near-death experience, Brian joins Twitter, only to find a strong reaction of comments to his descriptions of his bowel movements. After Alan Davies criticises him, Brian invites him over for dinner, during which he force feeds Alan a Baked Alaska full of gravel.

Episode 16. ZZZ-CARS
Brian gets caught in motorway traffic on the way to a radio job in Tunbridge Wells. After throwing a lance into a passing convertible, Brian causes a massive pile-up as he rolls from his moving car, walks into the nearest Little Chef and demands a house of cider. His old friend Patrick Stewart is called to pick him up, as he arrives to find Brian drunkenly using a chip fryer as a bidet.

Episode 22. RANULPH HOOD: PRINCE OF FIENNES
Brian attends a celebrity gala for charity, in the hope of encountering his nemesis, Sir Ranulph Fiennes. After a violent fight in Nandos regarding use of the frozen yogurt machine, Brian bets Fiennes he can reach the peak of the O2 before him, goaded on aggressively by the ghost of John Thaw.


Extras include:

'My Dinner with Patrick' - An extended scene from Episode 12 ('Blake's Tavern') in which Brian tries to convince Patrick to get him a part on Star Trek: The Next Generation, while Patrick tries to convince Brian it ended 14 years ago. Brian makes his famous shouting noise until Patrick silences him by inserting a whole poached salmon into his mouth.

'Climb Every Fountain' - Brian gives us a tour of his favourite fountains in and around London, and laments as to how he never reached the peak of Buxton Memorial due to an arrest.

'Blessed be the spear-chucker' - A cut scene considered too risqué to be aired from Episode 15 ('The Black Madder'), in which following Brian's outburst at the Medieval Fayre, Brian steals a lance and declares himself a 'spear-chucker', culminating in an 'unfortunate misunderstanding' with Lenny Henry.

'Brian's Enormous Cottage' - Brian gives us a tour around his country home, in which we see the soft side of his hilarious pint-sized gardener ('he's my little Turd', exclaims Blessed), and Brian demonstrates how he has taught his cat to laugh like him.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: madhair60 on February 17, 2020, 08:34:05 PM
^ That was in one of the CaB annuals, I think
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on February 17, 2020, 08:44:31 PM
Whales' egg omelette
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on February 17, 2020, 09:46:43 PM
Quote from: madhair60 on February 17, 2020, 08:34:05 PM
^ That was in one of the CaB annuals, I think

I miss those days dearly.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 17, 2020, 09:50:45 PM
brilliant

too good for this thread tho, so

FUCK OFF!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 18, 2020, 12:42:44 PM
Onan the barbed hairy-un

greek god of cat dicks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 20, 2020, 08:52:04 PM
Plants-based immigration system

BROMELIADS FUCK OFF
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: willy crossit on February 21, 2020, 06:56:01 PM
the safdies go on morcambe and wise and eric keeps calling them the tufties
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 24, 2020, 10:07:05 PM
uncut clems
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on February 24, 2020, 10:39:41 PM
Mustard Creams.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on February 24, 2020, 11:33:23 PM
Big Cook, Brittle Cook.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on February 25, 2020, 06:39:32 AM
Urine Gagarin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on February 27, 2020, 01:48:15 PM
Therapy Elephant Committee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 27, 2020, 02:19:51 PM
Hegel's Bagels: Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without Bagels.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on February 27, 2020, 02:20:53 PM
Teletubbies: Too Hot for TV!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on February 27, 2020, 05:37:32 PM
Early Doors: Deep Space Nine
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on February 28, 2020, 02:50:36 PM
B&Q sauce
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 28, 2020, 03:21:58 PM
Just been soundly buggered by Optimus Prime's six foot chrome cock. ASK ME ANYTHING!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 29, 2020, 01:10:33 PM
The Botolph Claydon International Photography competition 2020 has been cancelled. No reason given.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 29, 2020, 05:08:05 PM
Ginsters Paradise
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 02, 2020, 04:52:06 PM
Replacing the word "heart" with the word "arse" in song titles

Total Eclipse of the Arse
My Arse Will Go On

Etc etc
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on March 03, 2020, 12:57:06 PM
Mungo Terry
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 03, 2020, 01:54:11 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on March 02, 2020, 04:52:06 PM
Replacing the word "heart" with the word "arse" in song titles

Total Eclipse of the Arse
My Arse Will Go On

Etc etc

Rhythm Of My Arse

That's another one
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on March 03, 2020, 03:14:16 PM
Save your arse my darling, save your arse...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on March 03, 2020, 03:19:27 PM
Wu Tang Clan ain't nothin to sniff at
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on March 12, 2020, 06:45:06 PM
Graham Lineman's Bumper Book of Trans-exclusionary Yo' Momma jokes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on March 14, 2020, 04:15:47 PM
Turd immunity.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 14, 2020, 10:10:10 PM
Putting the 'UK' into 'ukulele'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on March 15, 2020, 11:59:32 AM
Dry stone wailing
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 15, 2020, 12:53:13 PM
Putting the "ire" into "Ireland".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on March 17, 2020, 09:37:27 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on March 02, 2020, 04:52:06 PM
Replacing the word "heart" with the word "arse" in song titles

Total Eclipse of the Arse
My Arse Will Go On

Etc etc

Somewhere in my Arse
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 17, 2020, 09:42:27 PM
Putting the malt into malta
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on March 17, 2020, 11:08:46 PM
putting the boot into Bhutan
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 18, 2020, 12:04:51 AM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on March 17, 2020, 11:08:46 PM
putting the boot into Bhutan

Now you're catching on!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on March 18, 2020, 08:57:24 AM
@oatmeal.com
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on March 18, 2020, 09:04:58 AM
Tie a piece of string to something and take a photograph.


I might try this later if I can be bothered.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on March 18, 2020, 11:41:44 AM
"You've got to sniff a botty or two" to the tune of Oliver's Pick a Pocket or Two
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: willpurry on March 24, 2020, 07:51:19 PM
Branches of Grot decreed essential.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on March 24, 2020, 08:21:13 PM
FuckDonald's
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on March 25, 2020, 01:24:08 AM
Singing "smash the system" to the tune of "stop the pigeon".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on March 25, 2020, 02:21:46 AM
Bertrand Gachot's barmy army
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on March 25, 2020, 01:17:26 PM
Lockdown with your cock down
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on March 25, 2020, 04:54:17 PM
Pockets full of sprockets.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on March 25, 2020, 07:40:00 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on March 18, 2020, 09:04:58 AM
Tie a piece of string to something and take a photograph.


I might try this later if I can be bothered.

tempted. phones up in the loft. will do it tommoro if the idea still takes me
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on March 25, 2020, 07:40:38 PM
through the earth, wind, fire and flames
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on March 25, 2020, 08:39:23 PM
Pritt stick
Shitt prick
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on March 26, 2020, 09:55:40 AM
Violent Beauregarde

It's like she is in the book, but instead of chewing gum, she's just battering children and kicking adults in the back of the calf.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on March 27, 2020, 08:25:37 PM
Blind date but the girl contestant is Purple Aki.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on March 29, 2020, 09:02:25 PM
Joey Bukkake of the Gape Syndicate
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on March 29, 2020, 09:58:27 PM
You are invited to be part of Marc Gene's posse
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the midnight watch baboon on March 30, 2020, 10:32:01 AM
Something based around the fact that all Jimmy Savile wanted was to know which tense he lived in

Now...Then?
Now? Then.
Now! Then!

That and lots of kidz' vanilla arses.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on March 30, 2020, 01:31:18 PM
A.A. Milnecraft

"Oh, bother" said Pooh as he got eaten by a square zombie thing.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 30, 2020, 03:00:11 PM
A. A. Gillne.

Christopher Robin shoots a baboon and writes about it in the Telegraph.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on March 30, 2020, 03:40:38 PM
J.R.R. Hartley, Fly-fishing in Gondor.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: darth andy on March 31, 2020, 09:11:31 PM
King Rag Part 1


Driving mud minded down a dual carriageway
Locked eyes with a driver over the divide
a gruesome second
He beckoned
And reared,
driving bait,
It was him;
King Rag.

no knuckled white knuckled,
Shaved head no hair
ribs gleamed off the wheel shouting
'It's rude to stare'
But it was only a second
Then it was normal road
And I didn't see it for long but I was sure it was him,
But that could not happen today   .
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: darth andy on March 31, 2020, 09:15:16 PM
Crab sandwiches with a friend

Me and my friend
My friend and me
Ate Crab sandwiches
For our tea

He didn't like them
I didn't like them
Crabs are weird things from the sea
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 31, 2020, 11:17:35 PM
Porridge is like liquid cookies. Think about it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: darth andy on March 31, 2020, 11:35:45 PM
King Rag Part 2

Standing in line normal and ache as usual
Queue is longer but nothing to shuffle or tut at,
Voice ahead 'this is mine and I never want it ever gain , take it!'
Cannot extrapolate intention from aggressive interaction
Try to act like other people
It's damn King Rag, Worm King
Puckered fleshy skull all twisted up in sinew
Normal as hell,
Would he recognise me?
Rag retreats to inner bite and jacket falls and gone
I was next in line anyway
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: darth andy on April 01, 2020, 01:16:10 AM
King Rag Part 3

Sad that graham passed away when we were young he said we could be cousins
But he had growing pains
But we could be cousins if we wanted
Pretending to spy on churchgoers
Then that man asked grahams dad to talk away from the car
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: darth andy on April 01, 2020, 01:51:43 AM
im so sorry i have terrible voices that are fucking cunts

new page carrion
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on April 01, 2020, 02:15:30 AM
Fuck Tales, featuring Scrooge McFuck.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on April 02, 2020, 11:04:47 PM
Quote from: darth andy on March 31, 2020, 09:15:16 PM
Crab sandwiches with a friend

Me and my friend
My friend and me
Ate Crab sandwiches
For our tea

He didn't like them
I didn't like them
Crabs are weird things from the sea

Got a lot of time for this
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on April 03, 2020, 05:18:28 PM
Cheddar George

Eats a lot of cheddar, I expect.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on April 03, 2020, 08:29:43 PM
Cheddar Gorge

The act of eating large quantities of English mild cheese
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on April 03, 2020, 08:33:30 PM
Cheddar Gores

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes but cheddary
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on April 03, 2020, 08:37:05 PM
Cheddar gorgeous

Beautiful it is
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on April 04, 2020, 08:27:35 PM
Howl's Moving Asshole
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on April 07, 2020, 02:27:24 PM
Inisols - people who are self-isolating through no choice of their own.

Andy Crush - self-explanatory

I take the PISS out of you - to the tune of 'I get a kick out of you'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on April 07, 2020, 04:35:28 PM
Quote from: kittens on April 04, 2020, 08:27:35 PMHowl's Moving Asshole

Quote from: madhair60 on January 16, 2019, 07:46:21 PM(https://i.imgur.com/HVUuy57.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on April 08, 2020, 12:13:46 AM
Ray from the Mary Whitehouse Experience presenting all the daytime genres
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on April 12, 2020, 09:29:39 PM
Ians Hopkins. 
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on April 12, 2020, 10:38:53 PM
Charlie and Lola: The Later Years

"I Am Absolutely Too Cunted To Do The Washing Up"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on April 13, 2020, 09:20:31 PM
Quote from: the on April 07, 2020, 04:35:28 PM


definitely seen that one before an all. well done kittens for remembering someone else's joke
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on April 13, 2020, 09:47:33 PM
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the cumming of the lord.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on April 22, 2020, 10:48:56 PM
Pube Goldberg machine

Thank Christ for this thread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on April 22, 2020, 11:59:33 PM
Shat on a Hot Tin Roof
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on April 24, 2020, 11:18:42 PM
'Me? Oh, I work for Stroud Dogshit Council.'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on April 25, 2020, 02:58:39 AM
A rush and a push and the land that we stand on is cum.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on April 25, 2020, 04:15:57 AM
What a Waste!

Jilly Goolden teams up with a group of refuse collectors to track down the best premium bin juice in the UK.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on April 25, 2020, 09:46:25 AM
Quote from: pancreas on April 25, 2020, 04:15:57 AM
What a Waste!

Jilly Goolden teams up with a group of refuse collectors to track down the best premium bin juice in the UK.

That's excellent
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on April 25, 2020, 02:31:57 PM
Turds of a Feather
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on April 27, 2020, 02:52:59 PM
Gil's Got Heron
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on April 27, 2020, 10:42:53 PM
Quote from: Captain Z on April 27, 2020, 02:52:59 PM
Gil's Got Heron

freezer shop that used to play for Celtic
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on April 29, 2020, 06:02:54 PM
Blackbird singing to a dead old shite
Take this sunken arse and learn to wee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spaghetamine on April 29, 2020, 07:14:04 PM
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like crisps in wind.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on May 09, 2020, 05:44:14 PM
All the new laureates. The queen's gone mad and there's like a builder laureate, a rapper laureate and a peodo laureate alongside all the usual ones.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 09, 2020, 05:47:43 PM
Quote from: spaghetamine on April 29, 2020, 07:14:04 PM
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like crisps in wind.

Love it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 09, 2020, 05:48:39 PM
Quote from: touchingcloth on May 09, 2020, 05:44:14 PM
All the new laureates. The queen's gone mad and there's like a builder laureate, a rapper laureate and a peodo laureate alongside all the usual ones.

Andrews always getting medals off his mum
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on May 09, 2020, 10:10:20 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on May 09, 2020, 05:48:39 PM
Andrews always getting medals off his mum

Your a peodo.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on May 09, 2020, 11:20:16 PM
Shot through the arse,
And you're to blame
Honey you give bums
A bad name
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on May 09, 2020, 11:29:37 PM
Honey I Shrunk King Kong (to the size of a normal gorilla and he's in a zoo)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on May 14, 2020, 05:32:53 PM
Toothpaste brands you wouldn't want to be fisted by:

1. Arm and Hammer

The end.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spaghetamine on May 14, 2020, 06:13:10 PM
Every time you try and talk all that comes out is the match of the day theme tune
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spaghetamine on May 14, 2020, 10:03:48 PM
Broad Games - like board games but for women
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on May 15, 2020, 09:54:04 AM
The Shoe-na Bomber. Lives in a shack and posts shoes to people, preferably with bombs in them.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 15, 2020, 09:19:37 PM
Nonce.

Not at all. Not twice. Not once. Nonce.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 15, 2020, 09:24:48 PM
Nonce was the vernacular in the North west of England for a ninepence.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 15, 2020, 11:17:02 PM
Also in the Christian Church for non-Church of England.

#satire
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 16, 2020, 11:04:34 PM
Quote from: spaghetamine on May 14, 2020, 06:13:10 PM
Every time you try and talk all that comes out is the match of the day theme tune

love it

but cant remember match of the day theme

so my heads doing either grandstand or question of sport when i imagine it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on May 16, 2020, 11:56:17 PM
you can't hum the Grandstand theme because literally everycunt - even the ones who are mute the rest of the time - bursts into Forget About You by The Motors
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 17, 2020, 10:09:23 PM
Bums on Seats

A homosexual sort of carnival troupe who show off their precision bumming in the manner and spectacle of the Shaolin Monks.

Not a thrust out of place as Bums On Seats provides the audience with the intoxicating mixture of discipline and balance with sweaty rectal plundering.

More commercially successful than the first idea based on placing the homeless on salvaged furniture.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on May 17, 2020, 11:12:39 PM
Peter Andre meets prison rapists: a battle of will(ies)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on May 18, 2020, 02:44:07 PM
The musical drama fantasy film "Camelot" but the titular castle-realm is "Travelodge."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on May 18, 2020, 07:20:02 PM
Quote from: Fr.Bigley on May 17, 2020, 11:12:39 PM
Peter Andre meets prison rapists: a battle of will(ies)

Willy Russell makes a documentary about Willie Thorne. It is so successful that it is dubbed The Triumph of the Willies.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on May 18, 2020, 07:48:08 PM
Quote from: pancreas on May 18, 2020, 07:20:02 PM
Willy Russell makes a documentary about Willie Thorne. It is so successful that it is dubbed The Triumph of the Willies.

Take my money you sexy bugger.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: seepage on May 19, 2020, 01:39:30 PM
the Institute for Faecal Studies
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on May 23, 2020, 08:57:46 PM
New socialist anthem for clowne, "The Internationnolly". Lyrics pending
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on June 02, 2020, 05:37:01 PM
50 Years of British Street Art

800 high quality photos of spunking cocks drawn on walls. £29.99.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on June 13, 2020, 08:11:38 PM
last mango in 'arris
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on June 13, 2020, 08:20:48 PM
Phone a Lisa. It's some sort of game show.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on June 24, 2020, 01:07:03 AM
"Hairy Peter"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on June 24, 2020, 12:44:21 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on June 24, 2020, 01:07:03 AM
"Hairy Peter"

The Sutcliffe sitcom.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on June 24, 2020, 01:33:49 PM
Quote from: Fr.Bigley on June 24, 2020, 12:44:21 PM
The Sutcliffe sitcom.

running gag of never being able to find his sex trousers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on June 24, 2020, 01:35:32 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on June 13, 2020, 08:11:38 PM
last mango in 'arris

death by mau mau
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on June 24, 2020, 01:37:44 PM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on June 24, 2020, 01:33:49 PM
running gag of never being able to find his sex trousers

Or start the Rape taxi cos its starter motor is buggered prompting the line: "Sorry love, this car is shagged, but you know all about that"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on June 28, 2020, 08:35:07 PM
Nightmare on the Buses
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on June 29, 2020, 12:32:21 AM

Barber's hop
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on July 01, 2020, 09:21:14 AM
Silent maracas
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on July 02, 2020, 02:10:18 PM
Highbrow vs Monobrow

Either a game show or the story of a nation.  Could be about about Oasis, not sure.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on July 03, 2020, 05:39:55 PM
Ed Danimal's Dead Animals.

Each week, Ed fists a different dead animal. Don't ask me why, he just does. You know Ed.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on July 03, 2020, 06:38:30 PM
Quote from: DoesNotFollow on July 01, 2020, 09:21:14 AM
Silent maracas

love this idea. home rehersal ones
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on July 03, 2020, 07:19:35 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on July 03, 2020, 06:38:30 PM
love this idea. home rehersal ones

Bez is given the silent ones every time he's admitted to hospital after an acid flashback.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 03, 2020, 10:39:31 PM
SHITE PATTER
SHITE PATTER

Sorry, I just needed to spam that. It's being going round and round in my head all day.

SHITE PATTER

All day at work feeling like shit on the brink of tears and only

SHITE PATTER

marqueeing through my head as i push the cage back and forth

ideally it would be giant, striding, brown and bolded to the point of cardiac arrest
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on July 03, 2020, 10:41:29 PM
Queuing outside Primark for some prime shat, and making


SHITE PATTER


god that feels good
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: alan nagsworth on July 06, 2020, 10:59:30 AM
The song "Informer" by Snow except the title word is replaced with "Keir Starmer"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on July 06, 2020, 11:12:05 AM
Quote from: Pingers on May 14, 2020, 05:32:53 PM
Toothpaste brands you wouldn't want to be fisted by:

1. Arm and Hammer

2. Punch and Judy.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Mollusk on July 18, 2020, 04:55:53 PM
Ferrous Bueller's Day Off

Same film but everyone at the school gets ill from iron deficiency
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on July 18, 2020, 05:58:51 PM
Quote from: dissolute ocelot on July 06, 2020, 11:12:05 AM
2. Punch and Judy.

3. that racist one they have in China
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on July 18, 2020, 07:13:40 PM
New Game: Guess the CABber from their dip test result.

Sparkling prizes etc.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Banlon on July 21, 2020, 08:23:51 PM
The Car Park
Rusty cars feeding the ducks
Small cars on the swings

 
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on July 21, 2020, 10:02:07 PM
What do you get when you fall in love?
Fucked
That's what you get for all your trouble
Fucked
What do you get when you kiss a guy?
Thrush, I dunno
I'll never fall in love again
Dontcha know that I'll never fall in love again?
Don't tell me what it's all about
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
Kinky fucker
What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
Fair enough
I'll never fall in love again
No, no, I'll never fall in love again
Ahh, out of those chains, those chains that bind you
We've done this
What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So far at least until tomorrow
I'll never fall in love again
Shove it up your arse
I'll never fall in love again
Fuck off
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on July 21, 2020, 11:32:34 PM
A new ill advised Donald Duck short called 'Quack Lives Matter' that they show you in the queue at Disney World
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on July 21, 2020, 11:54:45 PM
Quote from: dissolute ocelot on July 06, 2020, 11:12:05 AM
2. Punch and Judy.

4. Burst
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on July 23, 2020, 12:36:42 AM
'Monet's Too Tight to Mention' - sitcom in which the notoriously parsimonious French impressionist artist pleads poverty in order to freeload his way through la vie parisienne.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on July 26, 2020, 02:32:47 PM
The theme to Swap Shop except they sing 'Slut Drop'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ProvanFan on July 26, 2020, 03:00:43 PM
Papal fungus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on July 27, 2020, 09:11:13 PM
t2 but its sinead in instead of john connor
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 28, 2020, 09:11:34 AM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on July 27, 2020, 09:11:13 PM
t2 but its sinead in instead of john connor

I quite like the idea of a Replace film/TV characters with celebrities with the same surname thread.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on July 28, 2020, 09:37:51 AM
Anti-pub mousse
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on July 28, 2020, 09:38:19 AM
Anti-pube moose
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on July 28, 2020, 09:39:33 AM
YOU pay to scavenge for YOUR own grubs!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jobotic on July 28, 2020, 11:20:25 PM
Legs and Co.vid
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: willy crossit on July 29, 2020, 06:29:40 PM
Danny welbeck and baldrick have a son called weldrick
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on July 29, 2020, 07:11:42 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on July 28, 2020, 09:11:34 AM
I quite like the idea of a Replace film/TV characters with celebrities with the same surname thread.

Or putting an Irish O' in between non Irish people's names

Donald 'O Trump

Margaret 'O Atwood

Adolph 'O Hitler

And so on
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on July 30, 2020, 12:22:40 AM
A bloke who calls out for your attention in a fey manner so you can see him wanking in front of you yes it is 'Coo-ee! C.K'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Smeraldina Rima on July 31, 2020, 08:51:27 PM
Stair juice for apple and pear juice
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on July 31, 2020, 09:09:09 PM
Frank Capra Demon

(one for the nerds there)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DistressedArea on July 31, 2020, 09:48:33 PM
An enchanted microphone with the power to make any rap come true falls into the hands of Mike Read.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DistressedArea on July 31, 2020, 09:50:20 PM
Maybe Noel Edmonds, dunno.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on August 04, 2020, 04:48:27 PM
Reginal Spekulum
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on August 04, 2020, 04:49:07 PM
Crinkle Cut Chimps

Could also be steak cut or chunky.  Also onion rings.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on August 15, 2020, 06:32:36 PM
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candle_salad

I feel like this is quality HS Art fodder but have no way to use this
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 15, 2020, 08:08:43 PM
Mayonnaise is a fruit salad?!

Sex register tier salad
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: spaghetamine on August 16, 2020, 12:21:34 PM
David Foster Wallace and Gromit
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on August 16, 2020, 01:20:39 PM
Spazz jazz
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 16, 2020, 02:05:08 PM
Han's Christian handy-son

The lad is a plumber, so that's good to know!

Also, he broke someone's LEG in a fight outside his house last night. Shoved him on the ground and just kerb-stomped his leg in, the sound it made was revolting, I'll never forget it

Bit of a dark horse he is. Very religious, wound up real tight. Lovely to talk to, JUST DON'T GET ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HIM I GUESS!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on August 22, 2020, 04:30:12 PM
Won Ton Destruction

all you can eat chinese place
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on August 22, 2020, 07:23:39 PM
Something about a confused person running over Toni Halliday and Dean Garcia with a steamroller in order to safeguard the NHS.

Up The Arse Cormorant.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on August 28, 2020, 12:13:03 PM
Roy & MG

ROY: Tickle it you wrigglers!

MG: Vrrrrrroooom!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 14, 2020, 01:41:13 PM
Welsh Ass Pussy
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on September 14, 2020, 01:44:35 PM
Piss Pisstofferson
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on September 14, 2020, 01:51:20 PM
Is this liver organic?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Banlon on September 14, 2020, 02:02:47 PM
Portia Nine-Eleven
The posh conspiracy theorist
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on September 14, 2020, 02:09:55 PM
Daydream Belieber
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on September 14, 2020, 02:51:08 PM
Look at him there
Blubbering to high noon and back
A shanty drowning in the recesses of his malignant cavities
Whiskers dripping with plagued milk and honey
Sour in tone and taste
Feckless chin; mouldy sponge
Rotted by a lack of temperance
Tobacco brown lips
Teeth once alive with chomp; now stumps in a putrid wasteland
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 14, 2020, 05:10:09 PM
Roy & HG Wells

Roy: Tickle it, you wrigglers!

HG: Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 16, 2020, 12:41:50 PM
LEGOLAND GARY
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on September 16, 2020, 12:52:17 PM
H(from Steps)G Wells
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dr Rock on September 16, 2020, 02:31:56 PM
The Guardians Of The Galaxy vs The Bounty Hunters

Not another Marvel space movie, but about warring factions of chocolate obsessives.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on September 18, 2020, 08:15:35 AM
Munch Bunch?

How about Mulch Bulch...
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on September 18, 2020, 08:20:09 AM
Pericles:
Imagine it, a pair of John Cleeses do funny walks and moaning and that.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 18, 2020, 02:06:12 PM
Seinfeld on zx81
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on September 18, 2020, 03:28:35 PM
Seinfeld, desperately trying to stay relevant, meeting other less relevant comedians in an Xr3i round Marbella or summat. could call it "comedians in a car eating pasty's or something".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on October 01, 2020, 02:42:30 PM
A new sitcom about a close-knit, working-class black family in Liverpool struggling to get cash by fair means or foul:
Spoiler alert
Breadren
[close]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 01, 2020, 09:55:18 PM
Calling someone an 'arse case'

? Any good?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on October 01, 2020, 11:38:46 PM
butt hamper
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 01, 2020, 11:39:16 PM
More lenticular things. Spoons? Deck chairs? Some kind of squirrel?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 02, 2020, 12:16:25 AM
Quote from: Cuellar on October 01, 2020, 09:55:18 PM
Calling someone an 'arse case'

? Any good?

bumbag?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dr_christian_troy on October 02, 2020, 12:42:30 PM
COBUMBO
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 02, 2020, 03:55:38 PM
Girther Tydfil
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on October 02, 2020, 04:53:06 PM
Coming out as a homophobe to your gay dad.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on October 02, 2020, 08:50:40 PM
Since my baby left me
I found a new place to squat
It's down at the end of the hallway
It's called the shitting pot
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Bumlord on October 02, 2020, 09:23:18 PM
Last of the Bummer Wine
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 03, 2020, 11:15:29 AM
Bot-sticker cumplings.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on October 03, 2020, 11:27:18 AM
I used to have a massive scab that covered the middle of my face but now I've lost it. Oh well, it's no skin off my nose!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 03, 2020, 02:54:39 PM
Lick out to help out.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 03, 2020, 10:48:42 PM
Michael Gove with the face of a camel.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on October 04, 2020, 04:58:57 AM
A bag with a gun and some chicken.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 04, 2020, 11:11:29 AM
Terroir Twilight.

'90s indie band launches own wine range.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Mollusk on October 04, 2020, 04:37:48 PM
To the tune of Whiskey in the Jar (Thin Lizzy version works best for the final syllable):

Well it's-a me, Lakitu and the karts,
Peach, Bowser, Wario!
Yoshi, Luigi, Toad!
There's Donkey Kong and Mario

*guitar wailing*
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Tikwid on October 06, 2020, 11:48:42 AM
"Alright Me Lover", a tawdry West Country parody of James Blunt's "Goodbye My Lover". Released as charity single for something or other, reaches #87 in charts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on October 06, 2020, 01:37:02 PM
Note to self: keep thoughts on wether covid mask regulations have helped or hindered rapists to yourself while on a first date.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on October 06, 2020, 11:42:53 PM
Trump/politics... Trollitics

Must have been done.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 07, 2020, 12:39:47 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on October 04, 2020, 11:11:29 AM
Terroir Twilight.

'90s indie band launches own wine range.

Westing (By Muscat and Decanter).
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 12, 2020, 09:34:30 AM
Desu deso.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on October 12, 2020, 10:59:27 AM
Sitcom about a bloke selling fizzy pop in Leeds:
Spoiler alert
Captain Kirk
[close]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on October 12, 2020, 01:41:40 PM
A book on gun safety called Trigger Warning.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on October 12, 2020, 04:31:00 PM
Carry on Mario. Sid as Mario, Williams as Luigi, Babs as Peach and Bresslaw as Bowser. Ta.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on October 12, 2020, 07:22:27 PM
Bisk Biscofferson
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Bumlord on October 13, 2020, 02:55:14 AM
I'm too sexy for my catheter
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 13, 2020, 03:04:39 AM
Quote from: Utterdrivel on October 13, 2020, 02:55:14 AM
I'm too sexy for my catheter

Does it hurt?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Glebe on October 13, 2020, 03:56:32 AM
Johnny the Hamster, goes on adventures in his cage. Nah.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 14, 2020, 09:13:35 AM
Gary Glitter ft. T.I. and Pharrell - Blurred Lines
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on October 14, 2020, 09:17:29 AM
Donald Glover Meets Your Mother
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 14, 2020, 09:52:56 AM
Danny Glover Is Your Mother
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on October 14, 2020, 09:34:49 PM
HERE I AM


ROCK ME LIKE YOUR MUM'S IN SPAIN




Three days that's been stuck in my head
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 14, 2020, 09:49:38 PM
Quote from: Glebe on October 13, 2020, 03:56:32 AM
Johnny the Hamster, goes on adventures in his cage. Nah.

Are you saying his cage is named "nah"?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on October 15, 2020, 10:54:17 AM
1 Chance 2 Gape

New single from 2 Unlimited out now!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on October 17, 2020, 08:16:33 PM
Come on let's fist again, like we did last summer.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Glebe on October 18, 2020, 12:27:24 AM
Quote from: touchingcloth on October 14, 2020, 09:49:38 PMAre you saying his cage is named "nah"?

Nah, I ain't.

The Shining except Boris Johnson is Jack Torrence? "Ooh, here's Boris!" Or something like that? Is that funny?

What is humour?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 19, 2020, 11:29:18 AM
we're the Tweenies son, and we haven't had any facking dinner
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 19, 2020, 12:21:26 PM
A microscope that lets you see what's happening inside your microwave. In real time.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Glebe on October 19, 2020, 04:07:48 PM
If you like a lot of chocolate on y'biscuit then you are AIDS-tier.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 19, 2020, 07:36:36 PM
Gunpowder, Treason, and Cock.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Mollusk on October 21, 2020, 07:08:48 AM
Kansas' Big Book of Things to Shout at Football Matches

1. GO ON MY FUCKIN WAYWARD SON!!!!!


...

hmm
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 21, 2020, 10:15:14 AM
Need some kind of theory connecting everything in the world called "pinto".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on October 21, 2020, 02:19:47 PM
Quote from: non capisco on October 17, 2020, 08:16:33 PM
Come on let's fist again, like we did last summer.

https://www2.b3ta.com/lets-fist-again/
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Mollusk on October 23, 2020, 08:44:31 PM
I vant to suck your dick
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on October 25, 2020, 07:28:47 AM
Legend Gario 64.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 26, 2020, 04:19:54 PM
Bone Again Christian
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on October 26, 2020, 05:35:07 PM
Are Brave Boys Adventure Golf. On hole 2 you have to putt the ball into Bobby Sands' mouth and it rolls into his stomach.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Banlon on October 26, 2020, 06:12:37 PM
Arkwright goes to buy a birthday card for Granville. Comes back with a copy of Christian Discourses.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 26, 2020, 11:22:23 PM
Every time a Tesco self-service till rings, an angel gets its wings (stuck in an automatic door).
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on October 27, 2020, 01:59:43 PM
Quote from: The Mollusk on October 21, 2020, 07:08:48 AM
Kansas' Big Book of Things to Shout at Football Matches

1. GO ON MY FUCKIN WAYWARD SON!!!!!


...

hmm

things you hear at airports:

1. I'm very sorry sir, your wayward son will have to travel in the hold on this flight
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 27, 2020, 03:28:37 PM
Something about Kenneth Williams and Sid James joining Kansas and only writing one song.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on October 27, 2020, 04:04:14 PM
Funnily enough Roland, the dreams in which you're dying are the best i've ever had too.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 27, 2020, 04:31:11 PM
Carrying the Can. Thriller starring Daniel Radcliffe as an employee in the quality control department of Heinz who must prove his innocence after he is framed for spiking a whole day's worth of beans with Ipecac.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 27, 2020, 04:33:26 PM
Can The Can, with Philip Schofield. ITV, Saturday Night. You probably have to show you can do things, maybe in some kind of can?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on October 27, 2020, 04:36:49 PM
Can-Du Attitude. In the mythical land of Can-Du, people are optimistic about achieving goals.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 27, 2020, 04:59:35 PM
Quote from: frajer on October 27, 2020, 04:36:49 PM
Can-Du Attitude. In the mythical land of Can-Du, people are optimistic about achieving goals.

Can-Du in the Wind

The follow up documentary, detailing the failure of the mythical land of Can-Du and its people to achieve any goals at all.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 27, 2020, 05:09:31 PM
Can-Du Crush, gory mobile phone game where you have to suppress rebellions in the land of Can-Du during its time under the control of the East India Company. Got banned from the App Store following BLM protests.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on October 27, 2020, 10:02:16 PM
A version of Cinderella where it's not a shoe but a 6" diameter butt plug.

An erectile dysfunction product called Lazarus. It doesn't work, they just thought it would be funny.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on October 27, 2020, 11:22:33 PM
what if you were bitten by a radioactive anus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on October 28, 2020, 12:02:05 AM
Quote from: Captain Z on October 21, 2020, 02:19:47 PM
https://www2.b3ta.com/lets-fist-again/

OOH OOOOOH, I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE, ACTUALLY! Get a life, Captain Z, you square. I've got a life, why don't you get one?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on October 28, 2020, 12:05:15 AM
How about come on baby, let's do the fist?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 28, 2020, 12:28:16 AM
I fist a girl and I like it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on October 28, 2020, 12:32:45 AM
Bucket Fist: terminally ill patients get a visit in hospital by a celebrity they admire. But with a twist fist. Hosted by Esther Rantzen.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on October 28, 2020, 12:45:45 AM
Quote from: non capisco on October 28, 2020, 12:02:05 AM
OOH OOOOOH, I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE, ACTUALLY! Get a life, Captain Z, you square. I've got a life, why don't you get one?

I've been singing this to myself and chuckling away at my own inventiveness. I realize now I've been Derren-Browned and what I thought was a free choice of obscene song was actually implanted in my brain.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on October 28, 2020, 08:49:30 AM
That song where they go "ohhhhhh threee fingers two toes one up one down and chisel me up keep moving, three fingers two toes one up one down and chisel me tits keep moving, three fingers two toes one up one down and chisel me cock keep moving, they all keep tumbling down" except it's a kids show and everyone is naked and also parched


So parched that there's little glasses of water arranged near the camera and throughout the chisel dance the performers are constantly rushing up to the little glasses and gasping and trying to hoover out even the tiniest droplets from them using their mouths.  But they are scared of their producer so they quickly return to their dancing spots to continue the chisel dance.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on October 29, 2020, 04:59:24 PM
They know they're onions
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 29, 2020, 06:14:37 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on October 29, 2020, 04:59:24 PM
They know they're onions
Exposé of the O'Nions (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_O'Nions) family
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on October 29, 2020, 10:31:23 PM
Atari Arse Counter

Anyone understand the point of this?  You peg it to the base of your spine and it stares downwards for a day, counting your arse.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on October 30, 2020, 02:34:08 PM
A wild west scenario - one of those saloon bars with cowboys lounging around being macho and drinking whatever they drink, except a baby in a cot has been placed near the back.


What happens is every now and then one of the macho cowboy fellas has a moment of panic at their table, they freeze and mutter 'oh no', sharply stand up and anxiously waddle up to the baby in the cot.  It's as if they've discovered they urgently need a shit - exactly the same as that, except they rush over to the baby and just stand there with their eyes closed, looking peaceful as all fuck.

After a few moments of intense concentration you see these thought-wave things travelling from the macho cowboy to the baby.  These last a couple of minutes, and now calmed the macho cowboy returns to his seat and resumes whatever he was doing at the table - drinking or playing dominoes or whatever the fuck

And it keeps happening all day.  All these fuckin cowboys sharply standing up all of a sudden and rushing over to be next to the baby, and these thought-waves passing over and then placated they return to their tables like nothing even happened.


So I ask the bar man what's going on with the baby.  He's all his bullshit about needing to buy licquor first, so I do.  Buy some fuckin licquor and it costs too fuckin much for a non-drinker


Anyway turns out these cowboys are having gay thoughts all day.  Freaks em out so they need to urgently transfer them over to a baby.  Better to have one baby grow up gay than all the men in town, the barman says


and the music stops.  assuming a stranger must have walked in or something I look over to the door, but nobody's there.  I glance over to the pianist and his face is frozen like 'ooop' - and next thing he's standing next to the baby trying to be calm




fuckin madness that place
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on October 30, 2020, 03:53:36 PM
there's a glans in my kitchen what am i gonna do
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on October 30, 2020, 03:55:12 PM
Space Jam but with Terence Stamp in the Michael Jordan role and no other changes.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 30, 2020, 05:21:37 PM
Erykah Baddiel
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on October 31, 2020, 07:12:24 AM
Paul McCartney says:  BETTER BUY BOLD
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on October 31, 2020, 08:03:08 AM
Christopher Walken says:  IF IT IS YOUR COCK, THEN IT IS SMALL



and he's already walking away before the interviewer can get another question in


and Christopher Walken has a weird way of walking away; it's always directly parallel with wherever the camera is pointing, so he never turns off to the side and just gets smaller and smaller until he can't be seen anymore.



very very odd man
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on October 31, 2020, 08:27:59 AM
no idea what Christopher Walken was getting at there.  Your guess is about as good as mine, I'd say.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on October 31, 2020, 08:28:46 AM
Maybe he was saying "see something small?  Well here is me getting smaller into the distance to show what it means" but really I dunno.


Just a spectacularly odd man
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on October 31, 2020, 08:31:03 AM
"and you know my surname, right.  Well you may have noticed it has some passing resemblance to the verb 'walking'.  So for the sake of some viewers at home, here now is some walking.  Ok, watching?  Right:  here goes nothing!!"



But I dunno.  Your guess is equally as valid as all this.  It's just my first impressions, you know.





Just find him deeply peculiar with all the things he does.  An profoundly odd man.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on October 31, 2020, 09:53:07 AM
A thread called 'There's More'









was going to go for 'And There's More' but Jimmy Cricket would probably sue.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 01, 2020, 05:50:30 PM
A thread called 'what buttocks are there'


in which people discuss what buttocks are out there in existence
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 01, 2020, 06:29:01 PM
Plain buttocks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on November 02, 2020, 03:47:46 AM
That's Alf I got.

Could be a thread about the person who placed a life size inflatable model of E.T. at Diana's grave.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 02, 2020, 08:02:06 AM
A thread called

Please start a new thread for every toothache
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 02, 2020, 08:03:30 AM
A thread called

Where the wires are



all about where the wires are
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on November 02, 2020, 12:40:50 PM
Thread Dinenage.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on November 02, 2020, 09:03:54 PM
Ivor the Engine joins Meibion Glyndwr.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: rue the polywhirl on November 02, 2020, 09:13:28 PM
This thread sang to Nine Inch Nails' 'That's What I Get'. All the individual posts in the thread make up the verses.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 02, 2020, 10:21:54 PM
some kind of mange tout that when you put it on your tongue it instantly turns black and dissolvant, like those revolting indoor fireworks


taste horrific too.  like amongst the top eight worst foods.  and they make you go fat
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 03, 2020, 07:50:59 AM
GNIMMUB

It's the chemical antidote to bumming.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 03, 2020, 01:19:19 PM
Surface-to-air missiles that when they hit you make you go from being on a surface to being in the air.  And the only way to go back to being on a surface is to be struck by an air-to-surface missile.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on November 03, 2020, 01:26:50 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 03, 2020, 01:19:19 PM
Surface-to-air missiles that when they hit you make you go from being on a surface to being in the air.  And the only way to go back to being on a surface is to be struck by an air-to-surface missile.

Christopher Nolan just got a boner.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on November 03, 2020, 01:41:35 PM
Covid: Isolation
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 03, 2020, 03:19:21 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 03, 2020, 07:50:59 AM
GNIMMUB

Eagerly anticipated follow-up to Under Milk Wood proclaimed 'disappointing'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 03, 2020, 04:40:56 PM
Yet Further Apparitions of Deathly Bumming

Edition 6 of the popular Denis Norden spookathon.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 03, 2020, 04:42:13 PM
Quote from: frajer on November 03, 2020, 01:26:50 PM
Christopher Nolan just got a boner.

He always boasts that his boners use practical effects rather than CGI.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 05, 2020, 06:53:01 AM
[wrong thread]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sonny_Jim on November 05, 2020, 07:25:00 AM
Person 1:  I just had to go help my Scottish mate to get tested, even though I'm on leave with work for the next 7 days.

Person2: Week off?

Person1: No, he had a sore throat as well.

(I think if I make the setup as tortuous as possible then it might work)

P.s. Sorry.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 05, 2020, 09:26:11 AM
Quote from: Sonny_Jim on November 05, 2020, 07:25:00 AM
Person 1: I just had to go help my Scottish mate to get tested, even though I'm on leave with work for the next 7 days.

Person 2: a week aff?

Person 1: no, he's a adult human

alternate version for viewers in Scotland
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 05, 2020, 06:20:10 PM
They Don't Even Have Buttocks On This' with Syd Little

It's obviously Syd Little again (audience groans) and all he's doing is endlessly pointing out a bewildering lack of buttocks on everyone.  He has a point; nobody apart from him has any buttocks, and nobody is taking any heed.  Can they hear him?  He's growing increasingly hysterical that nobody is acknowledging him.  It's like a nightmare!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 05, 2020, 10:01:47 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 05, 2020, 06:20:10 PM
They Don't Even Have Buttocks On This' with Syd Little

It's obviously Syd Little again (audience groans) and all he's doing is endlessly pointing out a bewildering lack of buttocks on everyone.  He has a point; nobody apart from him has any buttocks, and nobody is taking any heed.  Can they hear him?  He's growing increasingly hysterical that nobody is acknowledging him.  It's like a nightmare!

PLOT TWIST: he is still alive, but has no earthly business to finish whatsoever. everyone is just ignoring him for a bit of a laugh.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 07, 2020, 08:02:46 AM
'Teeth At You' with everyone on the planet + Syd Little

Everyone on the planet is developing this new affectation of grinding their teeth maliciously at anything that is being emotionally hurt.  They turn their eyes into a mock-demonic formation and grind their teeth at - for example - anyone anxiously protesting their innocence or helplessly complaining about injustice.  Or, in the case of Syd Little:  everything he does and says.  For everyone else on the planet has a subconscious or conscious mission to ruin his day, and every interaction of Syd Little somehow wounds his heart and soul.

In 'Teeth At You' we'll observe everyone carefully ignoring the main gist of all Syd Little's words to distress him and make him feel like he must have a communication disorder.  We'll see everyone trying to remember to pull a face of revulsion in his company, to subtly induce an understanding that he is undeserving of love, friendship or any kind of warmth from another human being.  And whenever he hits a state of breakdown, we'll find everyone just standing around at a distance woggling their eyebrows up and down and maliciously grinding their teeth.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 07, 2020, 02:04:11 PM
Syd Little is parachuted in after Willie Thorne pulls out of the role. They'll rewrite it to be about Syd. Cracking title gone begging, but they'll love Syd's mere presence propelling the young boy to greater things
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 07, 2020, 02:08:18 PM
seem awfully fleshed out some of these ideas guys
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 07, 2020, 02:09:05 PM
Quote from: Shit Good Nose on November 16, 2016, 12:49:32 PM
Clem Boonfan.

thats more like it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 07, 2020, 02:35:55 PM
you study the packaging for an action figure from your favourite franchise ("atlas man and the kickstarter gang"):

with waterproof wanking action



and you're like "what do you mean 'waterproof'"


and the bloke in the store just shrugs.  you're like "are you even looking at the packaging" and he's just "nope"



annoying
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 07, 2020, 03:08:46 PM
Daphne du-morey eel
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on November 07, 2020, 08:39:34 PM
Angular Merkel

It's...Angela Merkel but she's a triangle.  That's all.  Alright mate cheers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on November 07, 2020, 09:23:56 PM
A few things I'm working on:

Like Noel Fitzpatrick: Supervet except instead of a charming Irishman saving dogs from death's door, it's Nicola Sturgeon looking after sick fish.

Giles Coren Goes Foreign. Probably have Farage in there somewhere.

Which animal is the best at yodelling?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 07, 2020, 09:43:57 PM
Twitchstreamer General
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 07, 2020, 09:58:00 PM
Garfeld.

"Men always eat lasagne like they've got a meeting to go to! Women, though, they like to take their time with the pasta sheets! And why do they call it 'Monday' anyway? What the heck is a 'mun'? It should be called mun-dane day!"

*SLAP BASS*

Odie is Kramer or some shit
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 07, 2020, 10:42:57 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on November 07, 2020, 09:58:00 PM
Garfeld.

"Men always eat lasagne like they've got a meeting to go to! Women, though, they like to take their time with the pasta sheets! And why do they call it 'Monday' anyway? What the heck is a 'mun'? It should be called mun-dane day!"

*SLAP BASS*

Odie is Kramer or some shit

and then the door bell rings and Jerry Garfeld is all like "oh hello Nermal" and Nermal goes "oh hello Garry" because they hate each other

I think this has got legs actually.


Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 07, 2020, 10:47:31 PM
Action scenes in films from now on to be called "superb hand-eye coordination".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 07, 2020, 11:11:21 PM
I shat yourself.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 07, 2020, 11:26:47 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on November 07, 2020, 10:42:57 PM
and then the door bell rings and Jerry Garfeld is all like "oh hello Nermal" and Nermal goes "oh hello Garry" because they hate each other

I think this has got legs actually.

it has

GET IT THE FUCK OUT OF THIS THREAD
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 07, 2020, 11:27:15 PM
Legend Garfield
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 08, 2020, 11:32:02 AM
rides up in his collarhoof motornike, sproings down the little metal leaning stand, gets off the seat, swings off it with his huuuuuge ass

and he hovers there on the sidewalk gawping up the strand of arthur stippin's front garden

arthur's like this:  "what?" with mouthful of sausage roll


an old leathers grins, cracks his facade.  says this:  "i've just eaten a whole decahedron"


and stays standing there like that, grinning, for the rest of the day



arthur went to bed ages ago.  and it's raining.  old leathers beaming with pride up an empty garden
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 08, 2020, 12:36:40 PM
Exits Perused By A Bear - Memoirs Of A Gay Proctologist
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 08, 2020, 02:13:04 PM
in all of human history to date has there ever been a biden and a mcconnell sharing one penis


i reckon probably biden needs to piss more routinely than mcconnell, and mcconnell is bound to commence annoyance that he needs a piss but can't use the penis because biden is operating it all the time



and maybe in week twenty or twenty five we can start seeing some real sparks flying lads.  real blunt words thrown about the penis
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on November 08, 2020, 04:17:57 PM

PWN Shop



<thread back on track>
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 08, 2020, 10:06:12 PM
THANKYOU dex
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 09, 2020, 06:47:57 AM
Randall and GoPro Deceased
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 09, 2020, 07:28:33 AM
BossyPants Green (and the Farting Anthropologist)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on November 09, 2020, 09:26:29 AM
Kamala Harris and Fred Harris live together in a maths-themed lighthouse.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on November 09, 2020, 10:18:05 AM
New Jack City (Bottle jack emporium)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 09, 2020, 12:15:23 PM
Quote from: dissolute ocelot on November 09, 2020, 09:26:29 AM
Kamala Harris and Fred Harris live together in a maths-themed lighthouse.

And Keith Harris, who keeps getting his Orville thrown from the roof by Kamala who is practising her speeches.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 09, 2020, 12:32:36 PM
Cellophane Gays
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on November 09, 2020, 01:03:01 PM
Benergizer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 09, 2020, 04:38:23 PM
Hand Granitiser

Uses granite as a primary ingredient to make your hands become like your gran's hands
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 09, 2020, 04:49:49 PM
milk is one of the most 'in rush' drinks.  means there's always a rush on for it

ah right, gimme some then

nope, gerroff

gimme some!!


[ABRUPT CUT]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 09, 2020, 04:51:38 PM
[AFTER THE CAMERAS STOP]


I SAID 'NOPE GERROFF'.  NOPE MEANS FUCKING NOPE MATE

alright mate it's just an advert

NO YOU ARE A WANKER WHO NEEDS TO GET HIS OWN FUCKING MILK

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 09, 2020, 05:13:17 PM
My dog ate my Kraftwerk.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 09, 2020, 06:03:04 PM
the cloned coney island corona coroner on the corner
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 09, 2020, 06:11:50 PM
John stapled on to Lynn's folded wood.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: wosl on November 09, 2020, 07:34:23 PM
Scottish Locks with Neil Oliver (an objective, through-the-ages study of the enduring youthful vitality and stoically-borne reproductive potency of Caledonian long-haired, middle-aged, MA (Hons)-anointed alpha warriors).
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 09, 2020, 08:18:54 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on November 09, 2020, 06:11:50 PM
John stapled on to Lynn's folded wood.

there must, I repeat must be a risk assessment and proper precautions to ensure there is no situation where either participant is stuck in a fatal predicament
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 09, 2020, 08:49:11 PM
Parrotdolia is the tendency for incorrect perception of a stimulus as a parrot, such as seeing parrots in clouds, seeing parrots in inanimate objects or abstract patterns, or hearing parrots in music.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 10, 2020, 10:28:22 AM
bipartisan bumming conditionality
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 10, 2020, 04:22:16 PM
Orson Welles, the horse on wheels.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Tikwid on November 10, 2020, 04:30:21 PM
Cocteau Twins - Rowland Rivron and Rail
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on November 10, 2020, 05:32:39 PM
An NGO that works to clear landmines in Africa called BANGola
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 10, 2020, 06:33:50 PM
Mail-In Ballots of the Penis Calada Bros

And they're staggering in, heads all flopping to the fro, massive weights above them.  "Hahaaahaa" takes winefred and there's a thud


Text on the screen:  vote now to save face
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 10, 2020, 07:24:13 PM
Will anyone ever make a .... a fil...m.  a film


hello everyone this is a brand new thread to ask if you reckon if anyone will ever make something that could be called a "film" by pointing some kind of absorption device at a subject until it has all happened, so then the "film" exists.

it would be interesting for me to know whether you think technology might "catch up" with us in this regard.


All right cheers let me know.  ok cheers!!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 10, 2020, 10:57:18 PM
peter slutcliffe
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 11, 2020, 10:34:25 AM
Sedentary Hairstyle
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 11, 2020, 10:35:40 AM
sedimentary, my dear wattsapp
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Banlon on November 11, 2020, 10:42:40 AM
Seafood Mods - Paul Weller and Bradley Wiggins open a wet fish shop in Whitton.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 11, 2020, 12:02:03 PM
shit the cat
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 11, 2020, 12:42:54 PM
Bolster and Kish, first in a line of new chemical pick-me-ups from the Andrew Sisters
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on November 11, 2020, 06:35:59 PM
Sufjan Stevens' Gary and LOL.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 11, 2020, 06:59:21 PM
this bloke, 28 he is, absolutely fixated with mange tout and chomping on them really loudly with his lips splayed open so they're going all over the fucking place

and everyone's like "aaarghh mate this is covid times mate covid times" getting showered with chomped mange tout


but he don't give a shit.  middle finger out:  not give a shit pal.  not at school anymore motherfuckas, don't need to listen to any one of you for the rest of my life



and if he was at school he wouldn't be scared of calling them motherfuckas because he's his own person
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on November 11, 2020, 07:10:03 PM
Nonce Upon a Time
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on November 11, 2020, 07:20:16 PM
/The hills are alive

With the sound of anus.../
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 11, 2020, 09:56:01 PM
I was thinking about one of those beachside knobbly knees contests except featuring great lengths of fabric with the tiniest holes ever, circling the anus of each participant.  And an ancient judge with a magnifying glass - someone dug out of grave or retirement every year for this event - scrutinising each anus with an edge of rancor.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on November 11, 2020, 11:09:57 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 11, 2020, 09:56:01 PM
I was thinking about one of those beachside knobbly knees contests except featuring great lengths of fabric with the tiniest holes ever, circling the anus of each participant.  And an ancient judge with a magnifying glass - someone dug out of grave or retirement every year for this event - scrutinising each anus with an edge of rancor.

My anus has no edges of rancour. Do I win or lose?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 12, 2020, 11:25:40 AM
Quote from: Pingers on November 11, 2020, 11:09:57 PM
My anus has no edges of rancour. Do I win or lose?

no mate your anus would be skipped prior to the scrutinisation phase.  Out at the first round.  Not even a giant bedsheet hung around it in the first place


sorry to say
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 12, 2020, 12:38:06 PM
1984? That's Orwell and good but it's no 2001.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 12, 2020, 12:42:07 PM
Great British Bake Off except every cake title has - you guessed it!! - the word "anus" buried discreetly inside.


So Noel Gallagher and Bald George Lucas are up front saying ok next up:  lemon drizzle anus cake and all the contestants are going yep, brilliant and they start baking it immediately


And at no point does anus get mentioned outside of the cake titles.  It's not haha anus shaped cakes, or anus as an ingredient, no.  It's just in the titles and everyone moves on from the word anus very quickly so it's only a standard lemon drizzle they are languishing over, except it is subtly called a lemon drizzle anus cake


Yes?  Good, you understand?  Alright so you can start baking now
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 12, 2020, 11:08:45 PM
Quote from: batwings on November 12, 2020, 12:38:06 PM
1984? That's Orwell and good but it's no 2001.

golden post
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 13, 2020, 02:39:27 PM
toy story 3 is the newest film ever
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 13, 2020, 03:08:34 PM
Anyone planning to upgrade to Windows 95?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 13, 2020, 11:38:19 PM
a middle-aged man all bloated and horrible, streaming himself on twitch watching Buzzlightyear of Starcommand cartoon, and all these
Siouxsie Sioux type women all have a hard-on because of him
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on November 13, 2020, 11:50:29 PM
A Wookie porn imprint called Chewbaccanalia.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 14, 2020, 12:00:13 AM
decent Formula One driver in a galaxy far, far away, Ralf Chewbacca
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 14, 2020, 12:37:36 AM
Chewbackerach.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on November 14, 2020, 02:17:47 AM
NO SURRENDER TO THE IBA
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 14, 2020, 08:16:48 AM
NO SURRENDER TO THE IBS


NO SURRENDER TO THE IPA
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 14, 2020, 11:12:03 AM
the inspector is a waste of pink panther show


there, i said it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 14, 2020, 01:29:58 PM
cnogratulations for having upgraded to windows 95!


you now have the software to make your own spiderman cartoons!  enjoy!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 14, 2020, 01:59:23 PM
NO SURRENDER TO THE ITV
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 14, 2020, 04:51:01 PM
IBS = Irritable Buncan Smith
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 15, 2020, 08:33:28 PM
hi guys!

just heard that some people are trying to watch finding dory!



alright cheers bye!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on November 15, 2020, 08:58:29 PM
IRA BRU
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 15, 2020, 09:38:08 PM
IRA BRA

(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/0a/9c/bc/0a9cbcacfcb9557b4eb1d89beeb316e6.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 15, 2020, 10:38:37 PM
There is a woman presenting CITV called Wankatha.  Children send in their birthday cards and she reads them out with all her might.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on November 16, 2020, 02:08:48 AM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 14, 2020, 11:12:03 AM
the inspector is a waste of pink panther show


there, i said it

si
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 16, 2020, 01:12:12 PM
Highbrews Delinquency Tunnels
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on November 17, 2020, 10:15:28 PM
Pemis
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 17, 2020, 10:19:29 PM
penris
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on November 17, 2020, 11:49:14 PM
The Littlest Hobo but instead of a dog, it's a tumbleweed.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 18, 2020, 08:06:33 AM
The PENIX


or more correctly PŒNIX but we always Anglicise everything the Egyptians say and do




Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on November 18, 2020, 10:59:17 AM
A touch of frostbite.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on November 18, 2020, 11:37:42 AM
Your mum's so FAT32.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 18, 2020, 11:45:40 AM
The Riddle Of The Sphincter

edit: been done fuck of
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 18, 2020, 12:12:20 PM
Zippy in the Pentagon
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 18, 2020, 07:31:25 PM
will there ever be a micro machines 2
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 18, 2020, 07:40:32 PM
Quote from: Fr.Bigley on November 18, 2020, 10:59:17 AM
A touch of frostbite.

They'll bring out the tiger in you!  And you!



Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 18, 2020, 07:47:12 PM
You wouldn't buy a blender from an abortionist.



Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 18, 2020, 08:04:17 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 18, 2020, 07:31:25 PM
will there ever be a micro machines 2
Quote from: Gregory Torso on November 18, 2020, 12:12:20 PM
Zippy in the Pentagon

brilliant one two punch these two
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 18, 2020, 08:18:45 PM
Total eclipse of the arms

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on November 18, 2020, 08:25:06 PM
People pay you to stand on their shadows.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 18, 2020, 08:31:22 PM
Quote from: dissolute ocelot on November 18, 2020, 08:25:06 PM
People pay you to stand on their shadows.

And you are quickly given grief for not keeping up with every single shadow of all the people who are moving around in different directions.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 18, 2020, 09:09:55 PM
Joe Longthorne
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 18, 2020, 09:56:13 PM
a meditation practice called 'arsefulness'


and everyone doing it looks as aloof as all fuck man
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on November 19, 2020, 12:13:07 AM
Wolfgang Amadeus Goat's Heart
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on November 19, 2020, 12:27:03 AM
Whackeem Penix
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on November 19, 2020, 09:55:57 AM
Robot Chas and Dave, 'The Cyborg Song'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on November 19, 2020, 10:09:01 AM
I've got 5G in the cyborg here
let Siemens sort it out if it fails round here
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 19, 2020, 10:18:24 AM
Cash in the Pencil Case
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on November 19, 2020, 11:32:27 AM
Golem Heights.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: A Car With No Doors on November 19, 2020, 12:23:57 PM
Charlie's Angels but Charlie is an elderly German film director, and it's called Werner's Originals
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on November 19, 2020, 05:29:55 PM
Unhappy hardcore.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on November 19, 2020, 05:30:25 PM
Waspapp.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on November 19, 2020, 05:33:23 PM
Jaffa hakes.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on November 20, 2020, 07:56:25 AM
Moana in New Brighton.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: shagatha crustie on November 20, 2020, 08:53:01 AM
A Lil Peep song called 'Invoice U'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 20, 2020, 12:59:33 PM
It's 1929 and your dad is blowing chunks off scaffolding up the Chrysler building
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 20, 2020, 01:07:19 PM
it goes down as the main thing he has ever done
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 20, 2020, 01:08:05 PM
Quote from: A Car With No Doors on November 19, 2020, 12:23:57 PM
Charlie's Angels but Charlie is an elderly German film director, and it's called Werner's Originals

Routine singings of Cheer Up Charlie on the landslide
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 20, 2020, 02:52:10 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 20, 2020, 12:59:33 PM
It's 1929 and your dad is blowing chunks off scaffolding up the Chrysler building

Legend Gary interjects to suggest chunks was the name of his dog. to no fucking reaction
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on November 20, 2020, 03:20:50 PM
Monsignor dicklicker QC
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 20, 2020, 03:29:16 PM
Popehub
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 20, 2020, 03:32:07 PM
you are addicted to playing The Little Mermaid on the tiger electronic


A thread all about how addicted you are to playing The Little Mermaid on the tiger electronic.


Reaches 100 pages man.  Probably ends up needing multiple threads to fit it all in.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 20, 2020, 03:58:27 PM
The Arse of Noise
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on November 20, 2020, 04:19:26 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 20, 2020, 03:32:07 PM
you are addicted to playing The Little Mermaid on the tiger electronic


A thread all about how addicted you are to playing The Little Mermaid on the tiger electronic.


Reaches 100 pages man.  Probably ends up needing multiple threads to fit it all in.

playing The Little Mermaid on the tiger electronic 8 <<1 2 3 ... 26>> [NEW]

the Glinner thread loses pace
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on November 20, 2020, 10:26:09 PM
Playing devil's advocaat.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 21, 2020, 04:23:04 PM
yes CaB is back!



cognitive dissoNONCE





While the forum was down I had to open a door and shout that into the empty room, because I had nowhere to purge myself.


now though we will all be safe for ever and ever




no more terrible impulses ever again
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 21, 2020, 04:35:36 PM
Quote from: pancreas on November 20, 2020, 10:26:09 PM
Playing devil's advocaat.

Devil's advocaust.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 21, 2020, 05:48:27 PM
A thread called could there ever be "a US presidential election"?


In which participants discuss whether one day something called "a US presidential election" could ever feasibly happen.

I would probably start by explaining to readers what "a US presidential election" would mean, in its offering of what are currently just randomly arranged words.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on November 21, 2020, 06:13:48 PM

Rhys' onlyfans- might get to see his super furry animals
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 21, 2020, 06:54:09 PM
the great gatsby on ice, starring nigel farage and daniel kitson
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on November 21, 2020, 06:57:44 PM
Papa's got a brand new bawbag
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 21, 2020, 07:47:31 PM
Title for the next Labour thread: StarMar Superstar
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 22, 2020, 11:48:14 AM
wank drones
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 22, 2020, 06:37:26 PM
New arcade machine has opened up in the seafront town of western super mare and it is called nothing


on the container is a big picture of a grinning face all happy chops, and the word nothing has a bespoke font


the screen is on and it has a playable version of the grinning happy chops face, except you don't exactly do anything with it, it's merely playable



then cutting through the shit there's a nicely scaled speaker hoiking out psychoacoustics and there's a pleasant coin slot in the groin of the machine for your quarters and daughters
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 22, 2020, 06:44:52 PM
Your dad is able to crawl through any space that his head can fit through


Pretty amazing right?  Not bad for old papa right?!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 22, 2020, 08:44:42 PM
Actually, my degree in biscuit theory turned out to be fucking useless. Fuming.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 22, 2020, 09:12:53 PM
puffer fish that have had their puff glands immobilised with botox so that when they see any kind of threat they're like this:






and get eaten
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on November 22, 2020, 09:14:39 PM
A person in my head calling himself Jungle Gary who tells me to nick bourbon biscuits.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 22, 2020, 10:01:19 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/wxtKY5m.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 23, 2020, 01:25:03 AM
Dairy Lee Punchables
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 23, 2020, 01:48:53 AM
tai chi with Pat Butcher
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on November 23, 2020, 01:54:23 AM
Glitter in the Shitter.

Show that documents Gary Glitter's community service in waste management. Funny shots of him struggling in septic tanks.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 23, 2020, 02:03:05 AM
Dairy Lea Dunkirk
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 23, 2020, 05:15:11 PM
how far has jelly baby technology even moved on in the years since they first came out.  just bought a pack of maynards jelly babies snowmen, assuming they'd have red hats or something remarkable like they show on the packet.  but they're just the same as the ordinary ones!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on November 23, 2020, 06:09:47 PM
Hardcore lawn.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 23, 2020, 07:28:54 PM
"Prime Real Estate" but it's just a creepy man holding a cold meat buffet during a car boot sale, and what he's gleefully slicing is obviously pair upon pair of human buttocks.


And he seems a bit obsessive with the hand sanitiser if I may say so.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 23, 2020, 08:52:21 PM
Instant Armour's gonna get you
Gonna lock you up in all metal outer shell
Better get yourself together
Pretty soon you're gonna be sealed in forever
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on November 24, 2020, 11:54:25 AM
Thai rack
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 24, 2020, 12:14:14 PM
Quote from: Fr.Bigley on November 24, 2020, 11:54:25 AM
Thai rack

Name of a Thai restaurant in my home town
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 24, 2020, 12:36:23 PM
his derek materials
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on November 24, 2020, 02:17:22 PM
Matey pirate-themed yogurt.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on November 24, 2020, 10:20:09 PM
"Look, we're not eating a biscuit here. Let's get real."

Just a thing to say, to focus minds in heightened circumstances.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 24, 2020, 10:33:45 PM
Had

MIGHT AS WELL FACE IT YOU'RE A SHARP DRESSED MAN

stuck in my head

So much so I had to make it real

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQjZ1qXD_cs&feature=youtu.be
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 12:56:54 AM
Darlia Dippolito Goes Shopping
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: bgmnts on November 25, 2020, 01:03:31 AM
Sitcom about flatmates Graham Linehan and Contrapoints who are forced through circumstances into adopting an adorable border collie puppy.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 07:18:38 AM
You alright there

Yeah

What's new

Well, I've decided to go around saying "self own" instead of "own goal" and see if it catches on

Ah right; any particular reason

Just to be annoying

Ah okay great.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 07:44:50 AM
self own?  To own oneself?

yeah as in to pwn

oh a hilarious typo joke?

no I will make out that pwn has its own meaning as well.

oh yesss these things will be verrrrry annoying.  Good work

as a finishing touch I will say that this counts as an evolution of language.

annoying

yep
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 07:49:23 AM
Some kind of diorama with Bert Reynolds and Ian Lavender plucking bits of latex foam off each other
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on November 25, 2020, 09:50:51 AM
Giving someone your last Rolo... because that's where you've put the poison.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 10:39:11 AM
Quote from: frajer on November 25, 2020, 09:50:51 AM
Giving someone your last Rolo... because that's where you've put the poison.

Just be sure to open the tube from the correct end, and by end I mean the physical end of the tube not simply the temporal meaning of ending / last Rolo / death


For my next post:  observing late style in Terry's Pyramints
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 10:46:34 AM
Sidewinder music with battle star gallactiker on in the background, some kind of tufty nuisance kid wafts up and hey presto everyone has to do exactly want he wants


hey you should all put on rusty roller skates and fall over, he says


and guess what?  they do it









ladies and gentlemen ponder on this one:  was this the making of cobalt tromp himself?

answer: 
Spoiler alert
nope!
[close]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 11:20:50 AM
what tog

what tog are you



you have to get it right really quickly, you have like ten seconds to answer ok


no warning about what the question is here it comes you need to answer it cold, fast as you can




here's the question:


what tog

what tog are you
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 25, 2020, 12:21:04 PM
Up the arse Cordon.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 12:30:47 PM
How I wish you a very Christmas!

How I wish you a very Christmas

How I wish you a very Christmas for the rest of all your liiiiives



I only have one life you grooting cunt!  Stop wishing me the Christmas!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 01:25:49 PM
man in Thames realises he has been living a lie when he discovers his anus is just a peel-off sticker



he wonders if it's the same for everyone, and to his enormous chagrin realises it fuckin isn't.  He's the only person in the whole wide world with an anus from Panini, and it's not even a rare gold one


I mean it's a rare situation but the sticker isn't remarkable





which just rubs it in, basically











alright?  who else
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 25, 2020, 01:48:13 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 01:25:49 PM
man in Thames realises he has been living a lie when he discovers his anus is just a peel-off sticker



he wonders if it's the same for everyone, and to his enormous chagrin realises it fuckin isn't.  He's the only person in the whole wide world with an anus from Panini, and it's not even a rare gold one


I mean it's a rare situation but the sticker isn't remarkable

The man goes to a support group for men with peel-off Panini sticker anuses but it's just blokes in a circle rifling through each other's 1989 buttock annuals chanting "got, got, got, got... need... got, got got"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 02:01:09 PM
yeah he's so enthused on his way there but he is quickly crushed by the reality of it


iirc he is very sad indeed on his way home



has his anus sticker on the end of his index finger which he is holding out like it's bleeding, and he's slowly skulking his way up his path towards his house.  starting to rain and a little bit of drizzle gets between his finger and the sticker and before too long the entire thing has sycamore-seeded its way to the gravel
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 02:03:55 PM
just bawls at that

bawls




his anus








it's heartbreaking isn't it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 08:01:02 PM
cheeky ride to the airport sir!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 08:03:07 PM
portishead, except everyone in the band is receiving cock and ball torture
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 25, 2020, 08:07:30 PM
STOP PADDING IDEAS OUT IN HERE IT'S AGAINST THE ETHOS


THE ETHOS
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 10:08:14 PM
oh ok sorry




just portishead, and they come 'as is'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 25, 2020, 10:18:38 PM
thankyou
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on November 25, 2020, 10:23:25 PM
Fan, Kew, Fairy Mush
Botanical Gardens visitors horrified as child dressed as tinkerbell is sucked into a malfunctioning ventilation unit, severing all her limbs
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on November 25, 2020, 10:26:27 PM
Hannibal Lecture. Oh just fucking eat me already.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on November 25, 2020, 10:31:57 PM
Aristocratic family of stone giants being served scoops of gravel and slate laminate. Silver service.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 25, 2020, 10:53:51 PM
handlebar legend


Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on November 26, 2020, 01:07:10 AM
I'd like a vole please, Carol.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 26, 2020, 04:40:34 PM
hi, urgent question

anyone know which is the newer one of windows 95 and windows 98
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on November 26, 2020, 04:49:25 PM
What if you needed a general anaesthetic to get your toenails and fingernails cut.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on November 26, 2020, 04:50:20 PM
Anaesthetic

An aesthetic
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on November 26, 2020, 08:52:19 PM
Sadness Part-Ex

The chanting monks from Enigma run a secondhand car dealership
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 26, 2020, 09:00:19 PM
anus country gaol
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on November 26, 2020, 09:28:40 PM
Part-ex machina
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jobotic on November 26, 2020, 09:32:12 PM
Alky optician who drinks spirits in his local - Optic Ian
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 26, 2020, 09:45:27 PM
Quote from: Captain Z on November 26, 2020, 09:28:40 PM
Part-ex machina

fed ex machina
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on November 26, 2020, 09:58:30 PM
Deus fax machina
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on November 26, 2020, 10:01:09 PM
Ex-rental Machina
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on November 26, 2020, 10:29:34 PM
Deus Ex Marina

Very expensive moorings but worth it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 26, 2020, 10:36:05 PM
Pegasus Ed Machina


flying horse, talking horse, machina
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on November 26, 2020, 10:38:51 PM
ted ex machinima

how garry's mod provided a covid proof solution for the safe spreading of ideas
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 26, 2020, 10:40:33 PM
Blood Sugars Ex Machina
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on November 26, 2020, 11:19:04 PM
Gay sex machina
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on November 27, 2020, 01:04:09 AM
How about a hard boiled detective questioning a violin player and saying "What's the matter, sweetheart? CAT GUT your tongue?"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on November 27, 2020, 01:35:39 AM
Shout out to my ex machina
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on November 27, 2020, 10:09:09 AM
T-Rex Machina

starring Vin Diesel
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on November 27, 2020, 10:32:47 AM
I got a text from your deus ex machina, boy
She said to look through your texts, boy
I'm not the kind of girl to snoop but I had a feeling, too
And now everything's absolutely fine.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 27, 2020, 11:10:36 AM
"FEED THE BIIIIRDS"

(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/PWLu4D1Z4QU/hqdefault.jpg)

"DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME
OR NOT"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 27, 2020, 11:59:58 AM
Hannibal Collar horse
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 27, 2020, 12:00:48 PM
le cock spurtoff
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 27, 2020, 12:40:13 PM
Jesuit und Penis Eisenhower
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 27, 2020, 12:59:00 PM
"so this is Christmas....


and what have you done?"

(https://www.udiscovermusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Happy-Xmas-John-Yoko.jpg)

"another year WASTED 😡😡😡😡😡"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 27, 2020, 06:18:11 PM
His Bloody Anus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 27, 2020, 09:56:59 PM
Challenge Anneka, except Challenge Anusa
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on November 27, 2020, 10:22:50 PM
Tanned Women Are Women
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 27, 2020, 11:38:52 PM
key grip
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 28, 2020, 08:05:54 AM
Your dad, except he had recently taken to wearing glasses with springy eyeballs coming out of them, which he wears at dinner time laughing as they bob close to his food.  He keeps remarking on them every few seconds, in the breaths between his constant guffaws.


You're about six years old and not finding it funny, but also feel helpless to change the situation.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 28, 2020, 12:09:25 PM
hiiiii

good afternoon




your favourite computer game of all time is called BipBop 2


ok, cheers, see you later!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 28, 2020, 02:10:01 PM
We Wish You A Terry Christmas

Terry Christmas in general
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 28, 2020, 04:35:31 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on November 28, 2020, 02:10:01 PM
We Wish You A Terry Christmas

Terry Christmas in general

yes sir; chocolate oranges and terry christian come together in our festive spherical treats

available at the till bit of WHSMiths where they try to sneak harbios and evians onto your bill




it is up to you to say no if you don't wnat one
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on November 28, 2020, 06:48:00 PM
Youtubers REACT to Sodium Hydroxide!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 28, 2020, 06:52:50 PM
Chemists REACT to Copper Sulphate!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 28, 2020, 08:26:13 PM
Discount Viscounts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on November 28, 2020, 09:49:14 PM
It's time to get BUTT NAKED
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 29, 2020, 07:12:51 AM
What's your main circus skill and your circus name



My circus name is Boston Automatic and I can gasp on demand
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on November 29, 2020, 09:03:56 AM
self-grating cheese
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 29, 2020, 10:06:01 AM
Quote from: Fishfinger on November 29, 2020, 09:03:56 AM
self-grating cheese

(https://www.feast-magazine.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Giant-Cheese-Grator2.jpg)

"What - it's doing it by itself lol!!!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fishfinger on November 29, 2020, 11:55:54 AM
"Make cheese grate again"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 29, 2020, 11:53:09 PM
sooooo sorry but your dad has to eat only fray bentos from now on.  says so on the medical report
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on November 30, 2020, 12:14:01 AM
He is also allowed mentos for dessert.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 12:17:27 AM
yeah he actually has to eat mentos for dessert or he'll get told off



"but i don't normally bother with dessert"

- tough luck you are eating them


"how many must i consume??"

- enough to give you the shits


"oh no they have a laxative effect when harboured in abundance?"

- yep haha.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 12:28:54 AM
The Sinister City of Gary, Indiana
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on November 30, 2020, 07:36:02 AM
If you were aborted you've never lived!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on November 30, 2020, 12:25:47 PM
Forrest Jump

Jumps around
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on November 30, 2020, 12:29:57 PM
Quote from: batwings on November 30, 2020, 07:36:02 AM
If you were aborted you've never lived!

Christopher Nolan's Selfbortion, 2024
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on November 30, 2020, 12:46:52 PM
Lumbago: The musical.

edit- Original score by Ladysmith Black Boswego.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 12:48:15 PM
Oooooh I'm sorry mister lakeshaw I'm afraid you appear to have contracted labyrinth of the bollocks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 12:56:09 PM
It's not quite the same as being infertile, but it is the next best thing!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 05:22:24 PM
Would you prefer to just have gills

hello this is an entire thread all about whether you would prefer to just have gills rather than all this other apparatus you need to carry about


who doesn't love those gasping mouths at the surface of the water.  one day that could be you!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on November 30, 2020, 05:25:18 PM
Fishier Fingers. Your move, Captain Birdseye.
Title: Re: That's all I gotMrs
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 30, 2020, 05:25:59 PM
Mrs Brown's Buoys
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 05:52:37 PM
THE TRES BIEN

AAAARRRRRGGGH WHAT HORROR IS THIS


IT IS CALLED THE TRES BIEN


WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY MEAN.  IT'S LIKE TAURN SHRUD OR MAN FROM GORURMN OR ONE OF THESE OTHER MYSTERIOUS AND SCARY ONES



THE TRES BIEN


[SHUDDER]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 05:53:44 PM
Quote from: frajer on November 30, 2020, 05:25:18 PM
Fishier Fingers. Your move, Captain Birdseye.

Fishier Priced Fingers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on November 30, 2020, 06:24:44 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 05:53:44 PM
Fishier Priced Fingers

Squid Digits.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 08:34:36 PM
Squidged Idits
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 08:48:36 PM
Great portention fills the neighbourhood as Byron Welkshar-Ornio begins to drive his sandmine deep beneath the dirt of his garden.


His wife, the late Veronica Dewhurst, Livingston, erupts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 08:51:03 PM
Lionel Blair tags his new siblings with a passive-aggressive lean-to that he hopes they will pay for.

It reads:

Quote
Dear Family. 

We hope you find this extension duly attached. 

Yours, 'why if it isn't Lionel Blair'.



The next weekend, they are all found speared by a famished rooster.  Coincidence?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 09:19:36 PM
Obesity trials
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on November 30, 2020, 11:15:26 PM
The Enormous Chegwin That Came And Ruined Everything
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 11:20:13 PM
The Dave Greenwood Cast Of Palpably Gurning Screenactors and Guild
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on November 30, 2020, 11:24:21 PM
Furnished By Lightowls Automatix:  Greenwich Tunnel and War Chest Presents I Seek Nearby Frost Tunnels and Lawn Pitch Gaining Altitude on "Medicative Journal Tries Beet'ooks and Defiles Pendiary Soughtafter Honeytrap near Placement Mountain"


....to a cinema near you
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 01, 2020, 11:40:02 AM
error:  illegal protocol

>penis has turned grave
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on December 01, 2020, 01:55:08 PM
Shite out to help out.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 01, 2020, 08:17:09 PM
pedantically insisting on saying "super mario broes" every single time he says it (and he says it at least twice every sentence)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Rizla on December 02, 2020, 04:40:02 PM
Gerard Manley Hopkins? More like Retard Girly Plopkins. 
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on December 02, 2020, 04:45:24 PM
A Breaking Bad musical titled 'I Am the One Who Rocks'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on December 02, 2020, 04:50:39 PM
un-pickled onions.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 02, 2020, 04:57:14 PM
A man enthusiastically sharing a video of himself which is called "Harvesting Buttocks My Own Way".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 02, 2020, 04:59:05 PM
A thread in oscillations where you explaining that you are trying to expand your appreciation of music to songs that are not about arses, and asking for suggestions of any good songs that are not about arses.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 02, 2020, 08:23:18 PM
alright guys sorry just passing through; need to stack up all these buttocks I have accumulated, like we all accumulate


pop them here!  stack them up


just off to get some more













hi back with a few more buttocks, hang on, just stack these up, stacking them up here, don't mind me


back in a mo














final load, scuse me, just gonna stack up all these buttocks



















ok cheers!  see you later!!!  i'll deal with all that stack of buttocks when i get back alright, byeee!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 02, 2020, 09:05:32 PM
"Who was that man stacking up those buttocks?  does he work here"

"I haven't ever seen him before"

"Nor have I"

*moment*

"He's not coming back is he"

*moment*

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on December 02, 2020, 10:50:19 PM
A snooker player chalks his cue with a stock cube. Not sure why.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on December 03, 2020, 10:19:18 AM
The History of Kebabs, with Simon Shawarma
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jobotic on December 03, 2020, 10:37:07 AM
New griftin' right-wing piss poor comedian, taking it to the snowflakes down at Toby Young's free speech comedy club/wank booth.

Noah Fence.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 03, 2020, 10:50:31 AM
Skittish widow Plaintaff Johnson pokes around in the bakery section furious that she can't locate any Sampson Longhair's All-Butter Anuses. 

"Since my youth!" she keeps yammering.  "Since my youth and now you claim to have never stocked them!!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on December 04, 2020, 12:20:43 AM
Chris Rea's new update 'Writhing Home For Christmas'

"Me car's knackered so I'm just gonna make me way draggin across on me front like a slug would, I still cannae wait to see those faces. Setting off now, like."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 04, 2020, 09:33:31 AM
Les Dawson's Creek
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on December 04, 2020, 09:35:00 AM
Go to work in an egg.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: shiftwork2 on December 04, 2020, 10:52:08 AM
Plastic Bertrand Russell Grant.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: GMTV on December 04, 2020, 12:48:07 PM
GapeCoin mining rig
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 04, 2020, 04:33:28 PM
Melted penis
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on December 04, 2020, 04:35:31 PM
The Imaginarium of Dr. Peen arse arse
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 04, 2020, 04:41:12 PM
Rattlesnakes going haywire and starting to punch baby dwarves
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 04, 2020, 05:19:16 PM
Quote from: pancreas on December 04, 2020, 09:33:31 AM
Les Dawson's Creek

(https://i.imgur.com/DTiJ7fU.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on December 04, 2020, 09:09:49 PM
'Persona non grata' to the tune of Hakuna Matata
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 04, 2020, 09:21:41 PM
Quote from: pancreas on December 04, 2020, 05:19:16 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/DTiJ7fU.png)

Wasn't he also in Les Dante's Peak?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sonny_Jim on December 05, 2020, 10:43:58 AM
Quote from: non capisco on December 04, 2020, 12:20:43 AM
Chris Rea's new update 'Writhing Home For Christmas'

"Me car's knackered so I'm just gonna make me way draggin across on me front like a slug would, I still cannae wait to see those faces. Setting off now, like."
Strong Andrew Dawson vibes with this one, can just hear Bob groaning in the background.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on December 05, 2020, 10:49:15 AM
How dare you. I am flouncing from CaB.

yeah, you have a point
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on December 05, 2020, 01:35:29 PM
Keanu Wreaths
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 05, 2020, 02:40:00 PM
Frank Barathea
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 06, 2020, 08:40:17 PM
Derek von Boner singen das Eidelweiss.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on December 06, 2020, 09:00:25 PM
wecome to tier 1 - ah

tequila sex and mariwana
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 06, 2020, 09:10:27 PM
Boris Johnson injects himself live on television with covid vaccination

There is palpable mild jubilation within the studio at this historic moment



Then....  horror!....  the camera pans down and we notice that Boris Johnson has accidentally injected himself with a syringe that contained a BSE-infected beef burger.


He is rushed to hospital, still live on television.  The camera waits outside.  Suddenly, and without warning, Boris Johnson's face fills one of the windows of the hospital, gurning and spitting maniacally as new variant CJD irreversibly takes root within every strand of his DNA.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on December 07, 2020, 11:54:24 AM
The Oswald Mosley Cantina Band.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on December 07, 2020, 01:09:20 PM
Terry Wogan's guide to the pickled eggs of Ireland.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on December 07, 2020, 01:34:32 PM
Lance Henriksen's Bishop-Baship-Boship Pie Emporium.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on December 07, 2020, 05:13:32 PM
Kittens and bunnies go to a hard play centre on their birthdays.

Unclear what the opposite of a ball pit is. Sending kids up a mountain to play with needles.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on December 07, 2020, 05:35:20 PM
Peter North comes at you fast.

Hooks and Grannies - magazine found in a gerontosadist's bottom drawer.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on December 07, 2020, 10:44:41 PM
 24 Then the Lord GODZILLA rained down burning sulfur on MECHA-SODOM and GAMERA—from the Lord out of the heavens. 25 Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, destroying all those living in the cities—and also the vegetation in the land. 26 But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of rubber.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 08, 2020, 01:25:37 AM
Samwise Gametes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 08, 2020, 01:30:23 PM
Homeland & Awayland
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 08, 2020, 01:48:05 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 08, 2020, 01:25:37 AM
Samwise Gametes

I think we should do our best to make these things a reality as far as possible, no matter how shit the execution.

(https://i.imgur.com/e00SgL3.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 08, 2020, 03:25:44 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/SWMrHYS.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 08, 2020, 03:27:43 PM
Only one Des could really be said to be Miserable there and that's being charitable. It's altogether a more inscrutable expression.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on December 08, 2020, 03:52:55 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/GscWjAB.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 08, 2020, 04:02:12 PM
MUCH BETTER
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on December 08, 2020, 05:56:20 PM
Shake n Vaccine
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 12, 2020, 02:45:03 PM
The Belly of Ballard Berkeley
The Bellend of Ballard Berkeley
The Ballad of Bellend Berkeley
The Ballad of Berkeley Belly
The Bollard of Ballard Berkeley
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 12, 2020, 05:32:27 PM
Goodness gracious, great balls!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 12, 2020, 06:47:08 PM
MOST OBESE GENTLEMAN IN OHIO SOUGHT

TO BE INSTALLED IN DEPARTMENT STORE, NOT AS SANTA



PLEASE ONLY APPLY IF YOU ARE THE MOST OBESE GENTLEMAN IN OHIO

NO LYING THANK YOU!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on December 12, 2020, 11:19:52 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on December 12, 2020, 05:32:27 PM
Goodness gracious, great balls!

Nice avatar content combo
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on December 12, 2020, 11:39:56 PM
Goodness gracious, Martin Offiah
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on December 13, 2020, 03:59:20 AM
Bangladeshi orgasm factories.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on December 13, 2020, 04:00:05 AM
A loaf of shredded wheat.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on December 13, 2020, 04:19:32 AM
Nesting pelvises.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on December 13, 2020, 04:21:05 AM
"I have straight-up bolognesed myself"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on December 13, 2020, 04:23:36 AM
donating Zurich to Children In Need.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: ImmaculateClump on December 13, 2020, 09:59:09 AM
"Gilmore Girls" sounds like the fish equivalent of "Seymour Butts", maybe?
If you accept that "gilling" might be a sex move in the fish world.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 13, 2020, 01:47:20 PM
"Taste" for all food items to be whittled down to

1) Mild
2) Medium
3) Moderate
4) Strong
5) Extra strong

so that, looking along the supermarket shelves, you're not really fussed about any other measurable differences between carrots and Edam, for example:  they are both "1) Mild".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 13, 2020, 01:48:23 PM
Quote from: ImmaculateClump on December 13, 2020, 09:59:09 AM
"Gilmore Girls" sounds like the fish equivalent of "Seymour Butts", maybe?
If you accept that "gilling" might be a sex move in the fish world.

Unfortunately I can't exist in a reality where "gill" is a verb.  Sorry, but I am out.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on December 13, 2020, 05:49:13 PM
South Yorkshire Pudding - like regular Yorkshire Pudding but with added grit and despair
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on December 13, 2020, 06:14:03 PM
Quote from: Pingers on December 13, 2020, 05:49:13 PM
South Yorkshire Pudding - like regular Yorkshire Pudding but with added grit and despair

Filled with sean beans
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on December 13, 2020, 06:51:47 PM
Quote from: Pingers on December 13, 2020, 05:49:13 PM
South Yorkshire Pudding - like regular Yorkshire Pudding but with added grit and despair

but less v-neck trousers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on December 14, 2020, 03:00:46 AM
Thread to discuss merits of having pinned threads in HS ART.
Barry pins it at page 35.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 16, 2020, 06:10:47 PM
Warren Zevon Simulator
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on December 16, 2020, 10:39:24 PM
In Robert Kilroy-Silk vino, Robert Kilroy-Silk's Verona's party.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on December 17, 2020, 11:52:08 AM
Some sort of teasmade/penis beaker combo

EDIT- NEW PAGE CUNT AND PASTE
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 17, 2020, 04:27:07 PM
Bear grylls branded so it does bacon too
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on December 17, 2020, 09:16:33 PM
Syd Lidl and Aldi Large
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 17, 2020, 10:02:51 PM
Britain's Mildest Weather
Pick TV
Tuesday 6.45
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 18, 2020, 07:54:35 AM
The apple has fallen a long way from the tree, mister waynke
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pingers on December 19, 2020, 12:34:37 PM
Bing's Bongs: a profile of Bing Crosby's little-known but extensive collection of experimental and unique smoking devices, including one made from one of Louis Armstrong's trumpets.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on December 23, 2020, 12:35:05 AM
Mmm, dæmon.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on December 23, 2020, 05:07:32 PM
Dr Oetker's House of Knives
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on December 23, 2020, 05:14:36 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on December 23, 2020, 05:07:32 PM
Dr Oetker's House of Knives

love it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on December 25, 2020, 11:49:09 AM

Star Trek Deep Fake Nine  (where all the characters are swapped for 9" cocks)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 25, 2020, 04:43:19 PM
pornhub, except all the talent are legally obliged to advertise Heinz in all their videos
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 25, 2020, 06:21:09 PM
some kind of mercenary elastic band removal bloke who goes from house to house specifically to resolve elastic band related penis injuries
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 25, 2020, 07:27:06 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 22, 2020, 06:37:26 PM
New arcade machine has opened up in the seafront town of western super mare and it is called nothing


on the container is a big picture of a grinning face all happy chops, and the word nothing has a bespoke font


the screen is on and it has a playable version of the grinning happy chops face, except you don't exactly do anything with it, it's merely playable



then cutting through the shit there's a nicely scaled speaker hoiking out psychoacoustics and there's a pleasant coin slot in the groin of the machine for your quarters and daughters

worryingly accurate description of my childhood on weston Pier (the one that got burnt) there.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 25, 2020, 07:38:36 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 27, 2020, 12:59:00 PM
"so this is Christmas....


and what have you done?"

(https://www.udiscovermusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Happy-Xmas-John-Yoko.jpg)

"another year WASTED 😡😡😡😡😡"

It's another year OVER and you know it.
STOP GETTING LENNON WRONG.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 25, 2020, 07:41:18 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on November 28, 2020, 12:09:25 PM
hiiiii

good afternoon


your favourite computer game of all time is called BipBop 2


ok, cheers, see you later!

I loved that game. ((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 25, 2020, 08:39:51 PM
I'm not even drunk btw.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Lordofthefiles on December 27, 2020, 12:27:43 AM
The Queen's Spambit

A 16 part 4K journey around Her Majesty The Queen's private parts, hosted by Jill Dando's old boyfriend.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 28, 2020, 10:04:41 AM
New bathroom routine:

1) bring dyson into bathroom.  plug it into socket at end of corridor
2) clothes fully off
3) sit on toilet for shit
4) wipe, wash hands etc
5) don barbers cloak
6) shave beard (no. 1) and head (no.2)
7) set bath running
8) vacuum up all the hairs from floor
9) lie in bath
10) eat!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 28, 2020, 08:00:58 PM
HYMNalaya with Michael PRAYlin



an awful kind of 'songs of praise' version of michael palin goes to the himalayas except it has been ruined by religious singing.  he loves it though - he's going "much improved!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 28, 2020, 10:17:08 PM
The Zero Steps

(hitchcock film)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on December 30, 2020, 09:33:01 PM
Jakey Chan
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on December 30, 2020, 09:34:09 PM
Albumen Jones and his trusty sidekick... no, actually Albumen Jones is all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 30, 2020, 10:06:22 PM
Albumen Jones and his Jostic Albumen
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 30, 2020, 10:07:17 PM
Battleship Pokemon
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 30, 2020, 10:07:54 PM
Geordie Racer and Their Flying Machines
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 30, 2020, 11:52:27 PM
Man in hartlipol caught trying to drown a butock
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 31, 2020, 10:44:39 AM
A greetings card like you can buy in Clintons or somewhere.  On the front cover it has:


QuoteThe World's Stage is a Penis.......


You open it up and the message is completed:


Quote.....and so is Your Dad!!


Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on December 31, 2020, 10:49:02 PM
something where a retired gingerbread man is training a physiotherapist how to rest his penis on your confused dad's arm
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: drummersaredeaf on January 01, 2021, 02:24:06 AM
Happy New Ear
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 01, 2021, 09:01:54 AM
Bi-anuary.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on January 06, 2021, 10:34:46 AM
Jarvis Presley: a cross between presenter Chris Jarvis and American music legend Elvis Presley.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on January 06, 2021, 03:48:03 PM
Like Dr Pimple Popper, but he goes around making people's pimples worse until they are constantly weeping greenish pus.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on January 06, 2021, 04:47:19 PM
Bird's Eye potato waaaaaaffffles, they're totally fucking mint.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 08, 2021, 02:12:34 PM
Krav Maga my lord, Krav Maga
Oh loooord, Krav Maga.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 08, 2021, 03:56:44 PM
Earth receive an honoured guest,
Barbara Windsor's laid to rest
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on January 08, 2021, 04:19:19 PM
Pat O'Banton
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jenna appleseed on January 09, 2021, 04:19:43 AM
Lockdown 3: Electric Poo and Wee
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 09, 2021, 12:59:58 PM
Peking Roof -> Reeking Poof
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on January 09, 2021, 01:01:03 PM
I've got a big bowl of soup.

it's made from two different tins of soup mixed together..

anymore details and i fear i'd need to start a new thread.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 09, 2021, 01:16:22 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on January 09, 2021, 01:01:03 PM
I've got a big bowl of soup.

it's made from two different tins of soup mixed together..

anymore details and i fear i'd need to start a new thread.


i respect your understanding of the format of this thread, and would like to hold this post up as a GENTLE REMINDER TO OTHERS

im talking about you replies
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 09, 2021, 01:54:51 PM
Clity-Clity-Bang Bang
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Scarlet Intangible on January 10, 2021, 05:02:05 PM
TV pitch:


Jimmy Floyd Hassles Banks

Investigative journalist and former footballer Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink takes a deep dive into the murky world of online banking.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 10, 2021, 05:04:43 PM
grapefrul windathon and lakethurst
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 10, 2021, 09:17:20 PM
Rick Mayall plays Kim in the Jong-Uns.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Bumlord on January 10, 2021, 09:30:29 PM
Tug of Whore
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 10, 2021, 11:14:33 PM
Anal discharge = discharse
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 11, 2021, 02:13:45 AM
Quote from: pancreas on January 10, 2021, 09:17:20 PM
Rick Mayall plays Kim in the Jong-Uns.

Sadly, I made that joke in the pub about 6 years ago so I'm afraid you owe me four thousand quid and a written agreement to never try that gag again :(
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 11, 2021, 09:20:37 AM
Fair enough. PM me your bank a/c and let's get this settled.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 11, 2021, 10:06:08 AM
Glidoris
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on January 11, 2021, 10:46:22 AM
Pinocchio but every time he tells a lie he has to give the person he misled a fiver.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 11, 2021, 11:17:53 AM
new channel 5 series called DADS WHO WANK; it's presented like one of those cop shows
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on January 11, 2021, 11:19:25 AM
The Houses Of Polo-Mints.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Eggs on January 11, 2021, 12:39:02 PM
Two advanced drivers backing up on a double dildo. Both called Mr Harris.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 11, 2021, 01:39:17 PM
startling discoveries made entirely with piss, by piss


for example penicillin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 11, 2021, 02:07:23 PM
pleased as punch, a man just standing there with his foreskin stretched over a bollard
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 11, 2021, 02:17:14 PM
you're driving past weston-super-mare in your cadillacked sports car, when you espy a giant "signage" for a beauty pageant happening right this very moment

coo, you think to yourself.  sounds like just my kind of afternoon


you park your car up and go into the fucking building where it's happening.  inside the beauty pageant there's all these clones of fireman sam on a conveyor belt having their uniforms ripped off



you still watch it to the end, though
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: The Bumlord on January 11, 2021, 02:24:12 PM
100 funniest celebrity sharts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on January 11, 2021, 02:26:35 PM
How about this right: all the children see signs for a FUN RACE and they're running all up and down the hills following the signs for the FUN RACE thinking ah, i wonder what the prize will be for winning the FUN RACE and then they go over the last hill and Argh! Oh no! It's a FURNACE! and they all burn up.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 11, 2021, 02:58:45 PM
You're watching CNN, there's all crowds of Trump supports there saying "stop the count" and all this, and all of a sudden you recognise your dad amongst them, being bummed.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 11, 2021, 03:07:25 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on January 11, 2021, 02:26:35 PM
How about this right: all the children see signs for a FUN RACE and they're running all up and down the hills following the signs for the FUN RACE thinking ah, i wonder what the prize will be for winning the FUN RACE and then they go over the last hill and Argh! Oh no! It's a FURNACE! and they all burn up.

Well, I like it. I don't know about the others.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 11, 2021, 03:39:38 PM
Children of Phlegm.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on January 11, 2021, 03:57:25 PM
Weston-super-Merde
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 11, 2021, 04:12:54 PM
glut of ill-educated buffoons getting into the habit of saying 'arse-throb' instead of 'heart-throb'


must have copied it incorrectly based on how they thought it sounded, and they think they've got it right and are profoundly proud of themselves
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 11, 2021, 04:32:17 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/dMmroVb.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 11, 2021, 07:23:53 PM
one at a time we have to meet george jetson, and we each independently realise that he's an arrogant prick


#nevermeetyourheroes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on January 12, 2021, 01:47:09 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on January 11, 2021, 11:17:53 AM
new channel 5 series called DADS WHO WANK; it's presented like one of those cop shows

with the little animated profile screens so you remember what each dad's special hobby is and why they have tat related to that hobby about the house all the time

the hobby is wanking for all of them
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on January 13, 2021, 07:44:36 PM
Atora! Atora! Atora!

Epic dramatisation of that time the Japanese Air Fleet attacked a box of beef suet
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 13, 2021, 09:33:33 PM
One Foot In The Nothing


Victor Meldrew fails to have one foot in anything - with hilarious consequences!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 14, 2021, 10:33:22 AM
Otis Redding's Doin'd Heddin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 14, 2021, 12:47:08 PM
blackpool pier knobbly grave competition



where relatives come up to the very end of the pier to an antiques roadshow style of arrangement, tables and everything and elderly grave experts


who say things like:  "well this is a knobbly gravestone to be sure, ms lakeside, but what you lack here is the rest of the entire grave"



and like in blue peter where they can't return the pictures people send in, so it goes with this knobby grave competition, where all the gravestones and other bits of grave get hoiked over the end of the pier to be broken down by blackpool water masses


even when the owner is saying "noo noo please don't hoik it over, i am right here and can take it home really easily..... no it is my beloved stanley's remains!!!!' *HOIK*

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 14, 2021, 01:22:29 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on January 14, 2021, 10:33:22 AM
Otis Redding's Doin'd Heddin

see, you can do this if you try
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 14, 2021, 01:44:23 PM
woman comes in proper seething


she's like this:  an adult has pissed all inside the toilet without flushing it again


and you're like this:  an adult?!



like how can you possibly know it's an adult




and she's adamant that you can tell a child's piss from an adult's piss by the volume of the piss.


you say but it's sitting the toilet bowl right?  how can you tell what the volume of the piss was?




and she's fucked off with you now and decides it must have been you who did it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 14, 2021, 04:34:54 PM
'Texted' Jason


Check out Jason - he's received a 'text'!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 14, 2021, 05:22:57 PM
spaghetti hoops / hula hoops mashup.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 14, 2021, 08:06:07 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 14, 2021, 05:22:57 PM
spaghetti hoops / hula hoops mashup.

In America, they call Hula Hoops "Hula 'O's".


They will call this mash-up "Uh-Ohs".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 14, 2021, 09:19:24 PM
I was thinking about exercise hula hoops made of spaghetti
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 15, 2021, 08:23:32 AM
Quote from: pancreas on January 14, 2021, 09:19:24 PM
I was thinking about exercise hula hoops made of spaghetti

And what happened?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on January 15, 2021, 12:03:59 PM
Gary-Anne Faithfull
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 15, 2021, 12:49:15 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on January 15, 2021, 08:23:32 AM
And what happened?

Nothing. That's all I got.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 15, 2021, 12:58:48 PM
did you just cease to exist at that point?  how did you get home?!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 15, 2021, 03:24:12 PM
That song "Var mein cripes I can scarcely believe it; I've never been so far displanted from house" except it is translated into German and being sung on Top of the Pops more angrily than ever by climate change deniers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 15, 2021, 03:28:39 PM
Searching job sites for "racist", "murderer", "fuck", "paedophile", that sort of thing
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 15, 2021, 05:24:07 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 15, 2021, 12:49:15 PM
Nothing. That's all I got.

this one gets it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 15, 2021, 05:47:33 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on January 15, 2021, 05:24:07 PM
this one gets it

Once upon a time there was a mouse and it





there that's it I'm afraid.  No more story, THE END



it's sheer bedlam this
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 15, 2021, 09:40:42 PM
The Pants You Will Wear On The Day You Die

hosted by Denis Norden
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 15, 2021, 10:26:16 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on January 15, 2021, 05:47:33 PM
Once upon a time there was a mouse and it

this would have been fine


pedestrian but fine.

all the other shite underneath, couldnt even bring my self to read it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 15, 2021, 10:29:08 PM
got you something replys

https://tinyurl.com/y4s75ul5
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 15, 2021, 10:59:18 PM
Anyway who needs to know how many hard boiled eggs there are.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 15, 2021, 11:18:24 PM
I'll tell you anyway in case you are in too much of a hurry:  there are two hard boiled eggs.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 15, 2021, 11:48:43 PM
Gook Klux Klan



Cheers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 16, 2021, 03:56:52 PM
Görbling Turps Paulin
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 17, 2021, 03:40:05 PM
in an untimely move, your dad is now fixated with riverdance and is blankly refusing to discuss anything else
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 17, 2021, 05:19:32 PM
trebor sausage mints
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 17, 2021, 05:47:31 PM
learning the guitar is all very well and good john, but you won't earn a living by ramming it up your aunt mimi's clunge
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 18, 2021, 03:40:36 PM
A marching thread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 18, 2021, 07:09:32 PM
"So will you please welcome to the stage:  sexy jaundiced motherfucka...... PETE COLEMAN!!!!!!"


And this lovely gentle fellow takes to the microphone and nobody for the life of them can work out why he was introduced like that.


(https://snusercontent.global.ssl.fastly.net/member-headshot-square-large/84/4905084_10978254.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 18, 2021, 08:57:12 PM
When he is at his lowest ebb, see Donald Trump with everything but his pants off, jerking his body from left to right to the rhythm:  I'M HORNY.  HORNY HORNY HORNY.



and he's doing it in the blue peter garden
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 18, 2021, 09:28:17 PM
Microsoft Incel Spreadsheets
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 18, 2021, 09:38:22 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on January 18, 2021, 09:28:17 PM
Microsoft Incel Spreadsheets

love it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on January 22, 2021, 07:57:35 PM

Megane Three Stallion
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 22, 2021, 10:11:52 PM
Quote from: Dex Sawash on January 22, 2021, 07:57:35 PM
Megane Three Stallion

YES
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 22, 2021, 10:56:38 PM
Marioland Monroe

Marioland Manson
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 23, 2021, 07:29:47 AM
Crowds of pissed English knobs all thronging back and forth with their flags and their MEGA hats:  MAKE ENGLAND GREAT AGAIN, they think it means.


They don't seem to have noticed that this is the flag beneath the MEGA lettering:

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/71/Flag_of_Ethiopia.svg/800px-Flag_of_Ethiopia.svg.png)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 23, 2021, 02:27:42 PM
A conveyor belt of endless donald trumps all having their anuses rhythmically swapped back and forth to the accompaniment of 'donald, where's your troosers'.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: kittens on January 23, 2021, 04:57:50 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on January 23, 2021, 02:27:42 PM
A conveyor belt of endless donald trumps all having their anuses rhythmically swapped back and forth to the accompaniment of 'donald, where's your troosers'.

this is pretty much the climax of the book Antkind by Charlie Kaufman
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on January 25, 2021, 01:35:12 PM
bassoon is now
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on January 25, 2021, 01:35:55 PM
Romo-cop
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 25, 2021, 01:45:36 PM
Just heard that hardly anyone is making oboes nowadays, so kazoocop is a more likely outcome



everyone happy with that?  just asking you as a formality really as it is a fait accompli
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 25, 2021, 07:55:40 PM
Phenomenon Gray's Partially Inverted Defiler Syrup
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 25, 2021, 11:31:07 PM
Self awarewolf

The post modern monster hated by all
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on January 25, 2021, 11:42:18 PM
Mojocop

"Dead or alive, you're coming with me...to watch Wilco play!"

"Excuse me, I have to go. Somewhere there is a Pet Sounds listening party happening!"

Oh, Mojocop!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 25, 2021, 11:48:04 PM
Postman Patman
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on January 26, 2021, 12:52:08 PM
Fresh Prince of Bell-End
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 26, 2021, 04:25:33 PM
Hector O'Normative

Big cartoon character
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 26, 2021, 04:26:13 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 25, 2021, 11:48:04 PM
Postman Patman

Post-Pat

A children's tv show about the aftermath of changing identity. In Wales.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 26, 2021, 05:14:32 PM
Post-It Pat

He has very little 'stick' left because of the black-and-white cat hairs everywhere, so he spends most of his life on the ground being trodden on.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 26, 2021, 05:19:20 PM
Fish & Crisps
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 26, 2021, 05:24:16 PM
David Lee Broth
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 26, 2021, 05:26:53 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on January 26, 2021, 05:24:16 PM
David Lee Broth

This has been got. (https://www.google.com/search?q=David+Lee+Broth&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=o_jxh0JksqujsM%252CZ8rmzNAJQNUQ2M%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kQiCzBJNYMYGEycQRiXf8c_wEhKyA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjR8PKYj7ruAhVwQUEAHTl3BOsQ9QF6BAgVEAE&biw=1334&bih=766#imgrc=o_jxh0JksqujsM)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 26, 2021, 05:30:54 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 26, 2021, 05:26:53 PM
This has been got. (https://www.google.com/search?q=David+Lee+Broth&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=o_jxh0JksqujsM%252CZ8rmzNAJQNUQ2M%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kQiCzBJNYMYGEycQRiXf8c_wEhKyA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjR8PKYj7ruAhVwQUEAHTl3BOsQ9QF6BAgVEAE&biw=1334&bih=766#imgrc=o_jxh0JksqujsM)

sake
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 26, 2021, 05:51:42 PM
what about posthuman pat?

can i have that?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on January 26, 2021, 05:53:54 PM
Posthumous Pat?

Zombie remake?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 26, 2021, 06:18:34 PM
Potable Pat

Yum!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 26, 2021, 06:39:21 PM
Post Manpat
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 26, 2021, 07:05:49 PM
Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Lala and Po(stman Pat)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on January 26, 2021, 07:25:38 PM

Post-man man-pat
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on January 26, 2021, 07:33:41 PM
Postman Pacman
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on January 26, 2021, 07:34:11 PM
"WAKA WAKA WAKA MRS. GOGGINS"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on January 26, 2021, 07:49:17 PM
Preman Pat
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 26, 2021, 07:50:13 PM
Pokemon Pat
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on January 26, 2021, 10:19:55 PM
Trying to get one more shave out of a razor blade that's clearly too blunt Tony
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on January 27, 2021, 10:53:46 AM
Post-rock Pat and his band Godspeed! You Black And White Cat.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on January 27, 2021, 11:16:33 AM
Ham sanitizer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 27, 2021, 11:17:52 AM
Hand Granitiser

Makes your hands go all elderly like your gran's
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 27, 2021, 11:34:02 AM
ARRRGGGH MY HANDS ARE GORN CRINKLED they exclaim and their voice turns elderly as well like in Snow White when the witch becomes an old woman



Meant to be localised to the hands but it goes into the voice
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on January 27, 2021, 11:42:48 AM
Hand Manatiser

Turns your hands all rough and hairy.

Hand Manateeser

Turns your hands into grey flippers.

Hand Malteser

Turns your hands into chocolate covered malt balls.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on January 27, 2021, 11:45:20 AM
Simon Peggs Your Washing Out
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on January 27, 2021, 12:09:19 PM
Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on January 27, 2021, 11:42:48 AM


Hand Malteser

Turns your hands into centrist melt/edglelord mashup poster

ftfy
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: BJBMK2 on January 27, 2021, 12:28:26 PM
If Liam Gallagher had a Youtube gaming channel, it would be called O-Play-Sis.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 27, 2021, 12:33:30 PM
If Liam Gallagher had a vampire as a female sibling, he would call her a No-Day-Sis.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on January 27, 2021, 12:39:01 PM
If Liam Gallagher was sat down by a doctor and told he had a homosexual skin lump he might say, "Oh-a-gay-cyst?"

And the doctor would say "yes."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on January 27, 2021, 01:51:55 PM
Quote from: Dex Sawash on January 27, 2021, 12:09:19 PM
ftfy

Quote from: Barry AdminLeave chocolate-handed cunts in the past
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 27, 2021, 02:06:45 PM
Quote from: frajer on January 27, 2021, 12:39:01 PM
If Liam Gallagher was sat down by a doctor and told he had a homosexual skin lump he might say, "Oh-a-gay-cyst?"

And the doctor would say "yes."

If he was from Newcastle and saw his sororal relation in the toon he would say "howay, sis".

And she would say "yes."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 27, 2021, 02:12:11 PM
If Liam Gallagher had to count two notes on a rising scale and then state what he does out of his cock he'd say Doe Ray Piss


and any nearby doctor would say "yep"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on January 27, 2021, 07:17:12 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on January 27, 2021, 02:12:11 PM
If Liam Gallagher had to count two notes on a rising scale and then state what he does out of his cock he'd say Doe Ray Piss


and any nearby doctor would say "yep"

The Doctor would then write on his clipboard for a few seconds, push his glasses up his nose and say "I would also have accepted Doe Ray Jizz."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on January 27, 2021, 07:20:47 PM
Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on January 27, 2021, 01:51:55 PM


I laughed
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 27, 2021, 08:29:02 PM
Quote from: pancreas on January 26, 2021, 05:53:54 PM
Posthumous Pat?

Zombie remake?

I liked this.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 27, 2021, 08:36:57 PM
Paedophilia Allegations Simulator
4.5* - Strategy
500K downloads
£2.99
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on January 27, 2021, 11:06:26 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 27, 2021, 08:36:57 PM
Paedophilia Allegations Simulator
4.5* - Strategy
500K downloads
£2.99

"Employment = BBC" adds +2 to credibility rolls and confers bonus effect 'Establishment Protection' against all accusations for next 20 turns.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 28, 2021, 07:18:02 AM
£3.99 to plug the simulator into your Facebook account so that all your friends can see the allegations spinning around you in real life.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 28, 2021, 08:02:15 AM
Post hoc Pat and his Propter hoc Cat
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 28, 2021, 02:41:36 PM
Breaking News:  Biden Turns Penis To The Peak District
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 28, 2021, 02:54:13 PM
Your dad is on the news, turns out he is a different kind of hominid than we initially suspected.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 29, 2021, 02:57:55 PM
Hi my name is maniac manson.  I am a lucasarts game all about cricketer brian warner - the brains behind such cartoon phenomena as bugsy malone and daffys gin

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 29, 2021, 03:01:21 PM
Hi my name is Grumbleweed Park - the spiritual successor to Marilyn Monroe.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on January 29, 2021, 03:16:10 PM
Barcode Barracuda
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 29, 2021, 03:36:19 PM
Barackode bama was my preferred Top Trumps product scanner
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on January 29, 2021, 04:14:42 PM
Comedians in Cars Getting Covid
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on January 29, 2021, 04:58:37 PM
Quote from: Chollis on January 29, 2021, 04:14:42 PM
Comedians in Cars Getting Covid

This is incredible because it makes me realise there could feasibly be a programme I would excitedly watch Jim Davidson in.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Rizla on January 29, 2021, 05:36:44 PM
1. Sir John Betjeman reading the "finger of fudge is just enough" ad copy to musical backing like in those albums he did in the 70s

2. Someone (child in playground?) insisting that the theme to the Sopranos ("woke up this morning, got myself a gun") was sung by James Gandolfini, the same way we all used to think Rodney sang the OFAH theme.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on January 29, 2021, 10:13:07 PM
Sweet home Al-Qaeda
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on January 29, 2021, 11:21:21 PM
Quote from: Norton Canes on January 29, 2021, 03:16:10 PM
Barcode Barracuda

Felt instant nostalgia for this
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: BJBMK2 on January 31, 2021, 11:06:32 PM
Building Streams With A Grain Of Salt.

Some kind of Twitch thing to do with DJ Shadow. Dunno.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 07:15:26 AM
man standing at a bathroom sink, stirring a shocking quantity of bristles down its plughole with his cock


gonna make it block I'm sure
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on February 01, 2021, 02:30:26 PM
I'm still glanding

Not sure what glanding is
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 02, 2021, 12:33:20 AM
Gerontopaed
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 02, 2021, 12:37:55 AM
How much is that doggy in the window?
The one that keeps texting me "fail".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 02, 2021, 09:05:25 AM
The Eiffel Tower was originally going to be called The Eiffel Towels.


I'm aware that you're probably thinking of Fawlty Towers sign anagrams now but this is a true fact.  In French, "towels" are essentially large flannels[nb]small towels[/nb] that human beings[nb]hominids of the french sapiens variet[/nb] use to dry their always-damp bodies[nb]limbs and organs[/nb].


The Eiffel Towels concept pursued the French dream of the ever-dry or "parchment"; "To be parched," Jean-Paul Satre once wrote, "is to be entwined with the Earth from birth."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on February 02, 2021, 05:52:49 PM
PJ Harvey and Duncan

"Why aye man keep them dorty pillurs away from me man"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 02, 2021, 06:37:21 PM
Quote from: Pink Gregory on February 02, 2021, 05:52:49 PM
PJ Harvey and Duncan

"Why aye man keep them dorty pillurs away from me man"

Wur you keep gettin nosebleeds on the covers man
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on February 02, 2021, 07:30:52 PM
Edit: double post
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 02, 2021, 09:56:21 PM
Quote from: frajer on February 02, 2021, 12:37:55 AM
How much is that doggy in the window?
The one that keeps texting me "fail".

lovely
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 02, 2021, 09:57:03 PM
Quote from: Captain Z on February 02, 2021, 07:30:52 PM
Edit: double post

rubbish
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on February 02, 2021, 11:08:18 PM
Jools' annual Hassenhuttl
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 03, 2021, 10:02:43 AM
Gayness Moderation Federation

they hover around everyone all the time and they swipe at your hands whenever you lift them up at a vaguely limp angle and things like this.  they seem to think that they are an invisible intervention but they are not, plus they stink to high heaven because they never wash and they shit in their pants all day


quite a stressful society to be part of if truth be told
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 03, 2021, 10:04:52 AM
Food Daleks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 03, 2021, 10:32:44 AM
Lads rushing out of co-op bank holding their buttocks open and screaming for dear life



it is a mystery as to why
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 03, 2021, 10:41:54 AM
Bread Bread Redemption

Some sort of kitchen odyssey.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 03, 2021, 10:53:36 AM
Brokebread Mountain


some fuckin barebacked jesus shit, thorn scars all over the fuckin shop



"bread for you, bread for you, bread for you, miraculously multiplying"


mate you have loads of bread so what.  you are inclining me to be actively ungrateful for your efforts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 03, 2021, 11:03:40 AM
The Golden Dad Nominations

exactly like the Golden Globe nominations, except Dad instead of Globe
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jobotic on February 03, 2021, 11:13:31 AM
Martin Bashir Eye for the Hate Guy

The nation's favourite Lady Di prodder gives Gavin McInnes a total fashion makeover, trying on a range of colourful Fred Perry tops. In the end Gav sticks with his trademark black and yellow.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 03, 2021, 12:32:33 PM
why won't these fashion experts just LEAVE NEIL INNES alone now??
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 03, 2021, 01:17:31 PM
Beating up a car like Street Fighter II but turns out it's the mayor's car and you're utterly fucked.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 03, 2021, 02:18:46 PM
your dad has a clockwork anus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 03, 2021, 04:05:26 PM
Leaf it in the past: Duncan Goodhew on arboreal forgiveness. 
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on February 03, 2021, 09:33:55 PM
Triple unsalted butter
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 03, 2021, 09:37:01 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 03, 2021, 10:32:44 AM
Lads rushing out of co-op bank holding their buttocks open and screaming for dear life



it is a mystery as to why

love it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 03, 2021, 09:38:32 PM
Quote from: frajer on February 03, 2021, 01:17:31 PM
Beating up a car like Street Fighter II but turns out it's the mayor's car and you're utterly fucked.

mate, that was the mayors entire car you punched up just then!!!

yes all of it!!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 04, 2021, 12:10:27 PM
Just gonna sit around eating banana bread that someone else made and get all of my wanking finished off
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 04, 2021, 01:20:22 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on February 03, 2021, 09:38:32 PM
mate, that was the mayors entire car you punched up just then!!!

yes all of it!!!

A dozen witnesses including the mayor's aide. You're never seeing daylight again chum, mayor's gonna have your arse in a baguette.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: lebowskibukowski on February 04, 2021, 03:47:17 PM
Only Fools/Scientology crossover called Cassandra's Miscavige. Details sketchy, maybe co-starring Dexter Fletcher
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on February 04, 2021, 04:00:00 PM
Churls Gone Wild
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: markburgle on February 04, 2021, 10:21:48 PM
Dullest sequel ever - Apollo 14: Mission Accomplished
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 05, 2021, 11:26:07 AM
Bill and Inverted's Excellent Adventure
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on February 05, 2021, 12:37:45 PM
Serf's Up!

Medieval game show
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: willy crossit on February 05, 2021, 10:15:21 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0SqsxhDUSM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0SqsxhDUSM)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 10:20:00 AM
lockdown veneration hub
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 06, 2021, 10:48:00 AM
Aufedasane in Der Membrane
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 11:10:15 AM
Al-Qaedazane Pet
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 05:30:12 PM
A thread asking whether dogs really exist
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 05:30:53 PM
A thread making a big deal about balloons not having their knots done properly
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 05:31:27 PM
A thread casting whiplash to the trend and getting all buttocks unsubscribed in naked parsimony
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 05:32:46 PM
A thread weaventoad
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 05:33:46 PM
A thread saying marblearch gehen sie, and the tired roster it accommons


and pipes up about 25 seconds since you last did this or that
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 07:36:43 PM
A thread where we ultimately agree to perpetually change Richard Lester's wikipedia credit on Superman 2 and Superman 3 to Blake Edwards.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 10:22:29 PM
A thread about cookies and mint icedfather
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 06, 2021, 10:22:43 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 05:30:12 PM
A thread asking whether dogs really exist

https://birdsarentreal.com/pages/the-history

will this do?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 10:48:08 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on February 06, 2021, 10:22:43 PM
https://birdsarentreal.com/pages/the-history

will this do?

what kind of dogs are they
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 06, 2021, 10:50:06 PM
i tried my best

OK??
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 10:53:16 PM
A thread about phoning up your bank or whatever and when they bring up your details to look at you gradually hear them laughing at your okcupid profile and your pornhub search history
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 06, 2021, 10:54:52 PM
matter of fact my kitchen at 3.30 a.m.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 06, 2021, 11:47:27 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on February 06, 2021, 10:54:52 PM
matter of fact my kitchen at 3.30 a.m.

Mice and unwashed dishes, but it's like ratatouille and they all dance about (fastidiously avoiding the mousetraps like a load of cunts) or some shit.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 10:04:37 AM
a thread about how you would cope after your arm suddenly fell off one day with absolutely no advance warning whatsoever
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 07, 2021, 11:39:07 AM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 10:04:37 AM
a thread about how you would cope after your arm suddenly fell off one day with absolutely no advance warning whatsoever

#wankingthread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 11:44:00 AM
a thread about someone from across the road always using your house to store his christmas decorations and getting arsey if you tell him your house isn't his loft
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 11:47:08 AM
a thread about a version of manimal that can't control what he becomes, with many episodes being entirely wasted because he transforms into an aardvark or a leopard gecko or something
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on February 07, 2021, 12:00:30 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 11:47:08 AM
a thread about a version of manimal that can't control what he becomes, with many episodes being entirely wasted because he transforms into an aardvark or a leopard gecko or something

STUDIO NOTES: SCRIPT REJECTED
"He is ONLY EVER a PANTHER or a HAWK!
Read the SERIES GUIDELINES and UNDERSTAND THEM!!!!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 12:20:23 PM
Quote from: non capisco on February 07, 2021, 12:00:30 PM
STUDIO NOTES: SCRIPT REJECTED
"He is ONLY EVER a PANTHER or a HAWK!
Read the SERIES GUIDELINES and UNDERSTAND THEM JACKIE WEAVER!!!!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 12:24:20 PM
a thread where james bond is trying to push sweets on everyone (and these sweets convert ordinary citizens into james bond villains)



(yes - it's a thread where this happens, not a film which is then discussed in a thread)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 12:25:53 PM
a thread where everyone angrily bickers over which pink panther film is the best one
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 01:00:55 PM
a thread with the title Salvatore "Robert" Loggia


and you excitedly open it to read the first post, which is this: 

QuoteWEARS THE FUCKING CLOSURE





which makes your entire day, to be honest.  lustrous doesn't cover it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on February 07, 2021, 01:02:16 PM
A knight in Simon Schama
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 07, 2021, 01:04:10 PM
Quote from: DoesNotFollow on February 07, 2021, 01:02:16 PM
A knight in Simon Schama

Bit too old for Cap'n Tom.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 01:18:30 PM
You're the chief executive boss bloke of MGM now and starting to get script ideas from your staff.  there's a flavour in the air of doing some 'vs' movies, so you ask your script boffins to come up with some ideas and the suggestions you get back are


west side story vs your dad's cock

a christmas vacation vs your dad's cock

peter's friends vs your dad's cock

my dinner with andre vs your dad's cock






baffled, you check your sent emails.  and sure enough, you espy your mistake:

Quoteplease try to make every suggestion be about an existing film vs my dad's cock



whoops!


so you delete that line, send the email again, and the suggestions you receive after that are far more sensible
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 07, 2021, 01:31:48 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 01:18:30 PM
You're the chief executive boss bloke of MGM now and starting to get script ideas from your staff.  there's a flavour in the air of doing some 'vs' movies, so you ask your script boffins to come up with some ideas and the suggestions you get back are


west side story vs your dad's cock

a christmas vacation vs your dad's cock

peter's friends vs your dad's cock

my dinner with andre vs your dad's cock






baffled, you check your sent emails.  and sure enough, you espy your mistake:



whoops!


so you delete that line, send the email again, and the suggestions you receive after that are far more sensible

REPORTED
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 07, 2021, 01:34:18 PM
Maglite with vape capability. No idea what to call it.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 11:00:34 PM
a thread about ooooohhhhh doesn't christopher reeve look young these days
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 11:06:34 PM
a thread about WOULD YOU SEPARATE YOURSELF INTO TWO PARTS AND THEN TRY TO SQUISH THE 'GOOD' PART IN A CAR CRUSHER
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 07, 2021, 11:09:11 PM
a thread about it's easier than going to a toilet to just piss yourself there and then



just wear plenty of cosy wintery layers to absorb all the liquid *thumbs up*
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 07:42:38 AM
One of those newfangled television "adverts" with techno music and pulsing colours and the item or service (it's unclear which) is called PAGE-A-GAY
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 08:11:40 AM
Woman opens up the locket around her neck, lovingly shows you the picture inside.  It is of your dad's cock.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 10:25:17 AM
Thread about that old aunt mimi again, nagging



JOHN IT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD HAVING A CARPET BUT YOU WON'T EARN A LIVING BY IT
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 10:25:46 AM
motto of that thread:  FUCKIN' AUNT MIMI!!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 10:26:49 AM
JOHN IT IS ALL WELL AND GOOD USING YOUR EYES TO SEE BUT YOU WON'T EARN A FUCKIN LIVING BY IT
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 10:28:22 AM
JOHN IT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD SIPHONING OFF ALL YOUR BODILY WASTES INTO A PORCELAIN SEWERAGE RECLAIMANT DEVICE BUT YOU WON'T EARN A FUCKIN LIVING BY IT
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 10:28:59 AM
Altogether now:  FUCKIN' AUNT MIMI!!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 12:12:43 PM
A thread about your dad bellowing WIPE OVER THEM as he forces you to erase all your most beloved audio and video cassettes

All the different experiences we have all had of that, weeping.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 08, 2021, 12:32:01 PM
Temporally De-engineered Buttock Syndrome or TDBS
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 09, 2021, 09:15:06 AM
a thread called The Buttocks of a Gentleman all about a stoic period drama film called The Buttocks of a Gentleman
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 09, 2021, 09:16:25 AM
a thread called Grave Lightly about a panic-inducing state of commonplace reconfiguration devised in place for the mandibles to conspire.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 09, 2021, 09:17:27 AM
Paul Rudd Chews The Cud, only on Hulu
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 09, 2021, 09:17:32 AM
a thread called WILL IT POST

using vintage stamps instead of current ones and seeing if it will still post
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 09, 2021, 09:18:38 AM
a thread called HULU's GULU

about a man obsessed with eating Hula Hoops that have been laced with UHU glue
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 09, 2021, 09:20:28 AM
a thread called FABRICATED ANUS WIPES

about the turns and tables of a man whose entire McIntyre is the process of fabricating ordinary household items like Pampers, but during the pandemic he is swept up into the world of anus wipes and becomes a millionaire overnight
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 09, 2021, 09:21:51 AM
a thread called IT AIN'T MISTLETOE

following the flawed adventures of a MILF STALKING INCEL who can't tell apart all the different sprigs of plant
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 09, 2021, 02:24:06 PM
Superman has to go all the way to Krypton to get dressed
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 09, 2021, 04:16:51 PM
Little Trouble In Big China - Ralf Little, Syd Little and Lil Wayne take on the People's Liberation Army.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 09, 2021, 04:17:47 PM
Steve Penk's Paper Round Of Excrement
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 09, 2021, 04:23:44 PM
phat ass white girl census
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 09, 2021, 04:32:46 PM
for dessert have you tried rolling in dogshit?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on February 09, 2021, 05:58:40 PM
Kay Cole
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 09, 2021, 07:21:24 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on February 09, 2021, 04:32:46 PM
for dessert have you tried rolling in dogshit?

this is a common misconception
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 09, 2021, 07:25:26 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 09, 2021, 07:21:24 PM
this is a common misconception

You mean you should roll in dogshit before a meal?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 09, 2021, 07:26:13 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on February 09, 2021, 07:25:26 PM
You mean you should roll in dogshit before a meal?

You'll ruin your appetite
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 09, 2021, 07:26:45 PM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on February 09, 2021, 07:25:26 PM
You mean you should roll in dogshit before a meal?

it is a common misconception, that's all :(
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 10, 2021, 04:13:19 PM
Global Hypercummer
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 10, 2021, 09:20:06 PM
a thread about whether you should let incels into your house for five bucks a throw
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 10, 2021, 09:37:14 PM
Dead Ringers but during the pandemic.

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 10, 2021, 09:38:48 PM
some kind of buttocks manufacturing plant going haywire
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 10, 2021, 09:42:24 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 10, 2021, 09:38:48 PM
some kind of buttocks manufacturing plant going haywire

Hundreds of custom made buttocks being recalled.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 10, 2021, 09:46:37 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on February 10, 2021, 09:42:24 PM
Hundreds of custom made buttocks being recalled.

"This entire batch of number 4s has got a crack in em! No, not like that."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on February 10, 2021, 10:15:52 PM
Reese's Penises
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 10, 2021, 11:25:03 PM
Christopher Reeve's Omar Sharif
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 11, 2021, 11:26:28 AM
Thora Hird Frozen Burgers
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 11, 2021, 12:40:22 PM
You're Sarah Payne

You probably think this law is about you, don't you?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 11, 2021, 12:42:09 PM
Quote from: Fr.Bigley on February 11, 2021, 11:26:28 AM
Thora Hird Frozen Burgers

This is what we used to call those people who were trying to smuggle themselves within the wheel arches of aeroplanes and were discovered splatted in Richmond Park.

(This is true and not a sick joke.)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 11, 2021, 12:48:54 PM
The Mangalorian
          👆 manga instead of manda

much like the mandalorian in every way, except everyone in it is a cartoon school girl with a disturbingly short skirt with visible knickers and a constant coquettish smirk
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 11, 2021, 12:50:46 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 11, 2021, 12:42:09 PM
This is what we used to call those people who were trying to smuggle themselves within the wheel arches of aeroplanes and were discovered splatted in Richmond Park.

(This is true and not a sick joke.)

Fuck that's grim.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 11, 2021, 12:57:02 PM
Quote from: Fr.Bigley on February 11, 2021, 12:50:46 PM
Fuck that's grim.

Very true.  I bamlem Fr.Bigley for bringing it up.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 11, 2021, 05:36:42 PM
Sax over the phone

Call 1-8000-BIG SAX BOYS to play your saxophone with other players by telephone!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gradual Decline on February 11, 2021, 06:04:49 PM
Hanukkah Rice
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on February 11, 2021, 06:52:33 PM
pamphlet regarding the protocol of awarding a contestant with the bonus arse
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 11, 2021, 10:26:01 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 11, 2021, 12:48:54 PM
The Mangalorian
          👆 manga instead of manda

(http://s3.amazonaws.com/pix.iemoji.com/images/emoji/apple/ios-12/256/backhand-index-pointing-up.png)

manga instead of manda


do you see



so for example:

Quote from: Replies From View on February 11, 2021, 12:48:54 PM
much like the mandalorian in every way, except everyone in it is a cartoon school girl with a disturbingly short skirt with visible knickers and a constant coquettish smirk


hopefully this has helped you understand
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 11, 2021, 10:35:20 PM
a thread called i hear you are elisa lam and you are on netflix now father

and it's quite viciously accusing your dad of being elisa lam this whole time just so he'd get a netflix episode
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 11, 2021, 10:45:12 PM
a thread called you used to absolutely love playing with your grandfather, what's changed???

it's your dad asking this question and you're like dad, you're 75 years old and granddad has been dead since the mid 90s mate.  plus i never loved playing with him anyway; he was just an old man we visited on boxing day who inhaled snuff and ignored me

but your dad's still like this:  what has possessed you to stop playing with your grandfather
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 12, 2021, 05:27:38 PM
Anthea Turner Downa Da Food.

Anthea Turner pisses off Italian restaurants by passing brittle judgements about the size of the portions. Commission me, Beeb.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 12, 2021, 05:44:57 PM
Hyacinth has another grown up son called Gary.

"The Bouquet residence, the LEGEND of the house speaking" is how he answers Hyacinth's  white slimline telephone while scratching his hair balls with the other.

Hyacinth runs in with an implement "Gary, if you must itch your dumplings, use a ball scratcher"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 12, 2021, 07:01:58 PM
The sosspit
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 12, 2021, 09:25:50 PM
from now on instead of "respond" you have to say "respawn"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 12, 2021, 09:26:32 PM
do you see:  manga instead of manda
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 12, 2021, 10:44:37 PM
Quote from: Gradual Decline on February 11, 2021, 06:04:49 PM
Hanukkah Rice

YES
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 12, 2021, 10:45:18 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 11, 2021, 10:26:01 PM
(http://s3.amazonaws.com/pix.iemoji.com/images/emoji/apple/ios-12/256/backhand-index-pointing-up.png)

manga instead of manda


do you see



so for example:


hopefully this has helped you understand

Why are you like this
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 13, 2021, 04:32:19 AM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on February 12, 2021, 10:45:18 PM
Why are you like this

did you understand or must I explain it again
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 13, 2021, 06:37:16 PM
What would you do if you had access to a holodeck?

I wouldn't use it to talk to famous 20th century historical figures, that's for certain. Ooh, tea with JFK and Al Capone, how exciting (!)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 13, 2021, 09:11:06 PM
I would.  I'd take it to the set of Back to the Future Part III and ask what that kid is playing at pointing at his own cock


so many things you could be pointing at and you've chosen your cock, mate
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 13, 2021, 09:25:13 PM
WERE GOING TO NEED TO BUILD A BIGGER NANDOS
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 13, 2021, 09:35:49 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on February 13, 2021, 09:25:13 PM
WERE GOING TO NEED TO BUILD A BIGGER NANDOS

WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BRING IN TWO OF EACH ANIMAL, NOAH, YOU ABSOLUTE DUNCE
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 14, 2021, 09:34:24 PM
a thread called why not play golf with your friends
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 14, 2021, 11:26:55 PM
a thread called what is the oldest that jools holland has ever been
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 15, 2021, 10:02:01 AM
a thread called your eyes have grown substantially tinier, Mr Schwarzenegger
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 15, 2021, 10:30:19 AM
a thread called could you turn an alive polar bear into a comfy bean bag within one day
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 15, 2021, 12:28:47 PM
a thread called opportunities for up-cycling mildewed sponges
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 15, 2021, 12:34:08 PM
the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, with peter jones from dragon's den as the book
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 15, 2021, 01:28:52 PM
A thread about art forgery called This Forum's Attitude to Monet Making

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on February 15, 2021, 02:40:17 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 15, 2021, 12:34:08 PM
the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, with peter jones from dragon's den as the book

The voice of, or, like, physically in place of?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 15, 2021, 06:57:06 PM
Quote from: touchingcloth on February 15, 2021, 02:40:17 PM
The voice of, or, like, physically in place of?

Could try both
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 16, 2021, 08:39:39 AM
children's TV presenter, wearing nothing except purple tights and rushing around municipal parklands bellowing "WHO PUT THE PUNK IN SPUNK" at families out for a nice walk.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 16, 2021, 08:47:17 AM
A starling-based hedge fund
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 16, 2021, 08:49:03 AM
Dragnet's Den

starring Peter Jones from off of Dragons Den as Jack Webb


and Deborah Weed-on is allowed to be in it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 16, 2021, 11:49:13 AM
a thread called which horses are still available
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 18, 2021, 08:16:15 AM
Cryptocurrency 'Paedocoin'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 18, 2021, 11:18:20 AM

Thread mocking users who have not turned off xmas avatars yet
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 18, 2021, 01:30:02 PM
"I should have been anything but with buttocks of Brie..."


[pulls down pants, revealing that his bare buttocks have been constructed of Brie, and there is a label "been like this since birth" spiked in with a cocktail stick.  And then the song immediately ends before even the second line]
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: touchingcloth on February 18, 2021, 07:21:53 PM
Bumbaclot Gascgoine.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 18, 2021, 08:05:39 PM
Lego Gary
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 18, 2021, 09:07:22 PM
Narwhalmart
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 18, 2021, 09:10:20 PM
Terence Stamp...s on your nuts
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 18, 2021, 10:44:37 PM
Bono:  Paranormal Investigator
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on February 18, 2021, 10:51:18 PM
Winnie the Paed
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 18, 2021, 11:01:01 PM
Winnie Mandela

The Pooh
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 18, 2021, 11:01:48 PM
Guantanamoaty
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on February 18, 2021, 11:07:07 PM
non capisco's Plonker Disco
My new disco covers act but all the songs are now about Rodney Trotter

Last Night Rodney Trotter Saved My Life
Rodney Trotter's The Greatest Dancer
Rodney Trotter Inferno
Yes, Rodney Trotter, I Can Boogie
Won't You Take Rodney Trotter To Funky Town?
Blame It On Rodney Trotter
Rodney Trotter Will Survive
That's The Way (Rodney Trotter Likes It)
Ring Dave's Bell (Trigger Remix)
You Make Rodney Trotter Feel (Mighty Real)

You get the idea with that.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 18, 2021, 11:50:06 PM
Quote from: non capisco on February 18, 2021, 11:07:07 PM
non capisco's Plonker Disco
My new disco covers act but all the songs are now about Rodney Trotter

Last Night Rodney Trotter Saved My Life
Rodney Trotter's The Greatest Dancer
Rodney Trotter Inferno
Yes, Rodney Trotter, I Can Boogie
Won't You Take Rodney Trotter To Funky Town?
Blame It On Rodney Trotter
Rodney Trotter Will Survive
That's The Way (Rodney Trotter Likes It)
Ring Dave's Bell (Trigger Remix)
You Make Rodney Trotter Feel (Mighty Real)

You get the idea with that.

not sure i quite understand this

could you do a few more examples
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: non capisco on February 18, 2021, 11:55:27 PM
Rodney Trotter Talkin'
Rodney Trotter Feels Love
Rodney Trotter Should Be Dancing
Shake Rodney Trotter's Body (Down To The Ground)

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on February 18, 2021, 11:58:05 PM
Rodney Trotter Gets a Kick Out of You
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 19, 2021, 07:24:18 PM
Dancing Rodney
Super Rodney Trotter
Train to Rodney Trotter
Guns of Rodney
54-46 was Rodney Trotter's number
Rodney Trotter A Message to You
Rodney Trotter at C&A
Blame it on Rodney Trotter
Rod Rod Song
A Do Rod Rod
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 19, 2021, 07:28:45 PM
Terrance Trent-University Derby Team.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 19, 2021, 09:58:19 PM

Edit- fuckitgonnabeathread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 19, 2021, 11:01:44 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on February 19, 2021, 07:24:18 PM
Dancing Rodney
Super Rodney Trotter
Train to Rodney Trotter
Guns of Rodney
54-46 was Rodney Trotter's number
Rodney Trotter A Message to You
Rodney Trotter at C&A
Blame it on Rodney Trotter
Rod Rod Song
A Do Rod Rod

right, so theyre all disco songs, i get THAT bit.... but that cant be it can it? do a couple more
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 20, 2021, 02:09:20 PM
Eton dog mess
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 20, 2021, 02:13:20 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on February 19, 2021, 11:01:44 PM
right, so theyre all disco songs, i get THAT bit.... but that cant be it can it? do a couple more

Rodney Trotter's Way
Rodneys In The Night
Big Big Rodney Trotter
Stand By Your Rodney Trotter
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on February 20, 2021, 02:14:35 PM
Windows tech support engineers discuss their favourite Blue Screen of Death.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 20, 2021, 02:15:44 PM
Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on February 20, 2021, 02:14:35 PM
Windows tech support engineers discuss their favourite Blue Screen of Death.

Mines the last intact porthole on the costa concordia.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on February 20, 2021, 04:59:14 PM
Chillin' out max 'n relaxin' all cool 'n all shootin' some people outside of the school
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Banlon on February 20, 2021, 05:21:26 PM
Bad Boon Rising : Zombie Michael Elphick terrorizes South Acton
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on February 21, 2021, 03:58:34 PM
Semi-conscious - sentient penis
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 22, 2021, 02:48:23 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/yYTc3cjb/unnamed-2.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 22, 2021, 03:51:42 PM
Sequel to Batman Forever showing the security guard who Two-Face put in the bank vault at home

"Oh no! It's spilt orange juice"

"Oh no! I've pissed on the seat"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 22, 2021, 04:06:06 PM
"Can I borrow this?" Val Kilmer Batman pulls out his throat box.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on February 23, 2021, 12:07:22 AM
oscillations threads:

GET DAFT PUNK DONE
The Beatles are fucking
Should I sell my complete cunt on the corner?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on February 23, 2021, 09:54:57 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on February 20, 2021, 02:13:20 PM
Rodney Trotter's Way
Rodneys In The Night
Big Big Rodney Trotter
Stand By Your Rodney Trotter

got it now thanks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 24, 2021, 07:15:42 AM
A thread called Your Neck Is On The Salting Line
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 24, 2021, 07:59:27 AM
This Is Your Life, except it's about your dad being a cock blocker
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 24, 2021, 07:49:12 PM
the anus next door
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 24, 2021, 08:09:58 PM
"welcome, my name is mark twain"

you turn in the direction of this voice, intrigued to catch a glimpse of this 'mark twain' scallywag-type bloke.





yet again it's your dad and he has his knob out.  once again he has tricked you.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on February 24, 2021, 08:56:13 PM
Duncan Norvelle/Nirvana act - songs to include: 'Chase Me', actually that's all
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 24, 2021, 08:58:32 PM
A thread called shirts ruined by errant lawnmower
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on February 25, 2021, 10:42:55 AM
Multiple Male Orgasms? Refractory Period Gone!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 25, 2021, 11:20:04 AM
a thread called multilingual mother teresas on sale here
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 25, 2021, 11:44:26 AM
a thread called doctor doolittle wanks at the animals
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 25, 2021, 11:45:12 AM
a thread called yo-yo temples and micturation therapies 2018
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 25, 2021, 01:08:58 PM
A new series of Masterchef, but the judges can only say "om nom nom"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 25, 2021, 02:25:06 PM
an old series of masterchef, except all the characters in it have been replaced with glifford lymon and he's constantly wearing someone else's clothes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 25, 2021, 02:31:29 PM
An old season of Masterchef, but Gregg Wallace is digitally replaced with a salt shaker.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on February 25, 2021, 02:53:00 PM
Singing 'digital resources' along to the tune of St. Vincent's 'Digital Witness'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Banlon on February 25, 2021, 05:47:48 PM
Red sky at night
Spoiler alert
Rapper's delight
[close]
Red sky in the mornin'
Spoiler alert
Bell Biv DeVoe
[close]

Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 25, 2021, 07:29:05 PM
your dad's in the kitchen, a scowl of determination on his face, smoke billowing everywhere, sound of crazy frying in the pan.  you open the window to let some of the smoke out and waft what you can away from the smoke detector.

you're like this:  "cough, splutter, smells nice, what you cooking"

and your dad's like this:  "anus fritters"



and so you look down at the pan, and low and behold that's exactly what he's cooking
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 25, 2021, 11:36:53 PM

Onedivision comic book hero who with help from a domestic partner is able to divide any number by one
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 25, 2021, 11:37:32 PM

There's probably a tv show too
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: petril on February 26, 2021, 11:51:55 AM
One Direction as a super team with X-Men style mutant powers.

opposed by a bitter victim mentally and physically scarred by phimosis treatment and left permanently hard as a result
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 26, 2021, 12:19:59 PM
Contemporary research showing that Eidelweiss is a song that everyone - everyone, without exception - completely loves with all their heart, to the extent that they would opt to die than not hear it at least 50 times per day
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: the on February 26, 2021, 02:23:37 PM
Crotch Armstrong
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 26, 2021, 03:04:57 PM
Arm Crotchstrong
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on February 26, 2021, 06:15:10 PM
Stretch Arsewrong
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on February 26, 2021, 07:11:27 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on February 26, 2021, 06:15:10 PM
Stretch Arsewrong

Get out of my Pornhub history.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 26, 2021, 09:47:51 PM
You only fart twice
Or so it seems
One caused by curry
One caused by your beans
You whiff through the years
A fart you will aim
It smells of wet poo
Which is a real shame
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on February 27, 2021, 06:46:37 PM
Vax my bitch up.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 01, 2021, 07:10:11 PM
looking for a needle in a bumcrack
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 01, 2021, 08:50:11 PM
bumgro entertainments
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 01, 2021, 08:52:55 PM
a thread called will there ever be a movie made that is longer than two hours
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: DoesNotFollow on March 02, 2021, 10:01:11 AM
The disappearance of SHAMON! Matthews
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 02, 2021, 04:50:59 PM
Welcome to my bunghole
We got fun and games
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 02, 2021, 06:22:11 PM
Dad's Army but Cpl Jones is replace by the drill sergeant arsehole from Full Metal Jacket.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Norton Canes on March 03, 2021, 09:23:06 AM
Starting a new embalming service: 'Crem Fresh'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 03, 2021, 10:29:38 AM
Quote from: Norton Canes on March 03, 2021, 09:23:06 AM
Starting a new embalming service: 'Crem Fresh'

"You kill 'em, we grill 'em!"
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Farenheit on March 03, 2021, 04:31:28 PM
-Does your dog bite?
-No
-I thought you said your dog does not bite
-I said no such thing!

-Does your dog bite?
-No
-I thought you said your dog does not bite
-Are you bitten?
-No
-Well then

-Will your dog bite me?
-No
-Please

-Does your dog bite?
-He's biting you right now
-:(

-I want to see your dog bite
-Why?
-Because that's my thing

-Bite my balls
-I beg your pardon?
-I mean, does your dog bite?

-Does your dog bite?
-Yes
-And?
-And nothing. He bites
-Cool story brah

-Does your dog bite?
-All animals bite
-Does it lay eggs?

-Does your dog apologise?
-If there's a need for it
-You're a good man

-Does your dog read minds?
-Does yours?
-I think so, he watches me

-Does your dog bite these?
-Woooow there



Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 03, 2021, 07:11:15 PM
Someone is going to tell you off for that one.  If it has more than about one sentence then it apparently cannot comprise only one idea (according to them, not me).
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on March 03, 2021, 08:17:56 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on March 03, 2021, 07:11:15 PM
Someone is going to tell you off for that one.  If it has more than about one sentence then it apparently cannot comprise only one idea (according to them, not me).

long as you like, so long as you dont overexplain it

god im pathetic
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on March 03, 2021, 08:46:20 PM
its literally all i got, this thread
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 03, 2021, 09:21:26 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on March 03, 2021, 08:17:56 PM
long as you like, so long as you dont overexplain it

liar
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 03, 2021, 10:38:42 PM
Thalidofido, the dog
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: TrenterPercenter on March 03, 2021, 10:52:47 PM
Brigstock, the festival
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 03, 2021, 10:53:59 PM
Melonome, the gnome
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on March 03, 2021, 10:59:26 PM
Manganese: language spoken by Stephen Mangan
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 03, 2021, 11:07:45 PM
Mangannaise - Mayonnaise brand of actor Stephen Mangan
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: TrenterPercenter on March 03, 2021, 11:25:44 PM
Gangnam-Mangan-style, please, with chips
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Farenheit on March 04, 2021, 12:51:03 AM
Quote from: Replies From View on March 03, 2021, 07:11:15 PM
Someone is going to tell you off for that one.  If it has more than about one sentence then it apparently cannot comprise only one idea (according to them, not me).

You were right, I just got "the call".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 04, 2021, 06:08:08 PM
Quote from: Mr Farenheit on March 04, 2021, 12:51:03 AM
You were right, I just got "the call".

Did you have time to fume at them?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Gregory Torso on March 04, 2021, 11:03:33 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/MBNpRoR.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 05, 2021, 07:18:22 AM
"Milk-based" flavour; sounds scrumptious


"Could I just have the flavour of real milk by drinking some actual milk?"

"Shouldn't have thought so."
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on March 06, 2021, 11:57:58 AM

Parody account cop porn
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 06, 2021, 04:09:31 PM
Bend it like darren
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on March 06, 2021, 04:17:01 PM
A casino where all the chips are marshmallows.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 06, 2021, 04:20:51 PM
And the boards are made of chocolate.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 06, 2021, 04:22:01 PM
a back to the future board game where everyone plays as biff and marty's mum is called judith mcfly in 1955
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 06, 2021, 04:22:52 PM
a david copperfield who isn't a magician or a book about him by charles dickens, but a gardener with excess piles


and he has a grandmother who keeps leaning out of her bedroom window to yell "MY GRANDSON HAS 'A PILE'".
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on March 06, 2021, 05:43:42 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on March 03, 2021, 09:21:26 PM
liar

too short
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on March 06, 2021, 09:59:13 PM
Misnomer Murders
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on March 06, 2021, 10:07:45 PM
A punch bag at a gym but, instead of punching it, you get bigger muscles by being kind to it. Teaches kids values. Kind Bag
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 07, 2021, 02:19:38 PM
Toblerone?!

I'll toble all of em if she'll let me eh lads!!!!!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 08, 2021, 06:08:36 PM
Anus De Milo
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on March 10, 2021, 05:47:04 PM
nanook of the norks
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on March 10, 2021, 06:09:17 PM
Peak that's all I got^
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 10, 2021, 11:50:26 PM
Paeder of the gang

Showing real Paedership
Title: !
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on March 11, 2021, 10:29:38 PM
god, its like that steven mandela effect

you know the steven mandela effect, where,

yea, steve. steven mandella


WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on March 11, 2021, 10:39:05 PM
Cheesecakin' Stevens
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 11, 2021, 10:59:32 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 10, 2021, 11:50:26 PM
Paeder of the gang

Showing real Paedership

Paed by example.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on March 11, 2021, 11:57:57 PM
The Venerable Paed.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Ferris on March 12, 2021, 12:21:20 AM
Paeder, I married him.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on March 12, 2021, 04:56:21 PM
Oxford cummer.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on March 12, 2021, 05:39:53 PM
Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on March 12, 2021, 04:56:21 PM
Oxford cummer.

What the old birds down the connie club called Morse. They knew.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on March 13, 2021, 06:15:38 AM
Yasser Arafat's marrowfats.  From the Peas Authority.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: shiftwork2 on March 13, 2021, 11:36:15 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/FUmQfEM.jpg)

call it bird's eye chicken fillets
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Pink Gregory on March 15, 2021, 05:29:47 PM
Byker Byker!  Byker Grave.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on March 15, 2021, 05:35:51 PM
Jamie Lee Hurts-This  (She becomes a wrestler.)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on March 15, 2021, 06:55:40 PM
not worth it
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 15, 2021, 11:32:22 PM
Hellmans Province

The Afghanistan Conflict funded and brought to you by Hellmans Mayonnaise
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 16, 2021, 12:13:45 AM
Ungulate Buck
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 17, 2021, 10:57:32 PM
Bellboy Baggins

Fetch my luggage!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on March 17, 2021, 11:21:11 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 15, 2021, 11:32:22 PM
Hellmans Province


great
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on March 17, 2021, 11:59:33 PM
Gladys Nit and the Pipes
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on March 18, 2021, 05:15:15 PM
Quote from: Clatty McCutcheon on March 17, 2021, 11:59:33 PM
Gladys Nit and the Pipes

First.time I noticed your avatar people do NOT have bagpipes


(#Cancelled)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on March 18, 2021, 06:25:37 PM
Gob Beldoff
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on March 19, 2021, 12:08:43 AM
Crumpet -> Crumb pet
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 19, 2021, 08:01:41 AM
Quote from: pancreas on March 19, 2021, 12:08:43 AM
Crumpet -> Crumb pet

Once saw a bloke trying to smuggle a fish into a nightclub, he was saying much the same thing: "pike let?"

The bouncer was saying no it can't be allowed in - it has to be one of those ones with the parasitic crustacean that has taken the place of its tongue
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: batwings on March 21, 2021, 11:16:58 AM
Tommy Robinsons Barley Water.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on March 21, 2021, 11:42:37 AM
Jim, David's son.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 21, 2021, 02:43:08 PM
Sonic the Nothing

Brand new computer game concept for a character called Sonic that is blue and nothing
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on March 22, 2021, 03:49:15 PM
Jonathan Ejaculatus
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on March 22, 2021, 03:53:07 PM
Inverted cinnamon sticks

Marc Maronite Christians
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on March 22, 2021, 05:10:19 PM
paedalos
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: fit bird on March 23, 2021, 03:08:23 PM
Microsoft Teamsters Union
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Chollis on March 23, 2021, 04:36:38 PM
Spunk Anansie
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on March 24, 2021, 10:14:35 AM
To the tune of Tina Turner's Steamy Windows: Michael Winslow
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on March 24, 2021, 01:12:08 PM
Deck-chair Fletcher.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on March 25, 2021, 10:32:48 AM
Johnny hates jizz.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on March 25, 2021, 11:03:08 AM
Random Access Mammaries
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on March 25, 2021, 04:16:27 PM
Peter, Rabbi
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Cuellar on March 27, 2021, 10:28:28 PM
People are strange
When you're Fred Grainger
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on March 28, 2021, 12:15:52 AM
Fred Graineger was the best Oasis one
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Captain Z on March 28, 2021, 12:49:43 AM
Chris, Kamara, Action!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on March 28, 2021, 02:34:33 AM
Stacey Dooley's Stated Dildos
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Scarlet Intangible on April 02, 2021, 09:47:38 AM
patriarchal neck fruit
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 06, 2021, 11:22:34 AM
The concept of the 'miserydome' the opposite of the pleasuredome.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on April 06, 2021, 11:54:16 AM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on April 06, 2021, 11:22:34 AM
The concept of the 'miserydome' the opposite of the pleasuredome.

That's centreparcs.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: shiftwork2 on April 08, 2021, 09:50:53 PM
Kenny Ball and his Jazz Hands
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on April 08, 2021, 11:24:17 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on April 08, 2021, 09:57:30 AM
Martin Kettle, a man paid to state the bleeding obvious
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 13, 2021, 09:24:16 AM
Visited a terrific crematorium yesterday, really the crem de la crem.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on April 13, 2021, 09:56:46 AM
Hip hip brûlée!
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Mr Banlon on April 13, 2021, 05:10:43 PM
The Gapes of Roth
(https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/503d345224acf61f36f86d92/1364356863878-LAZ4JXL0LAFTE9DLTRDS/ke17ZwdGBToddI8pDm48kM32O3lqEI-I2r5Nt1WCaBxZw-zPPgdn4jUwVcJE1ZvWEtT5uBSRWt4vQZAgTJucoTqqXjS3CfNDSuuf31e0tVHDOWxvz0t4oAbChJtDpdethj_6JByf87M-lB73YuCQOuPm9hpX1apx3xarEni4A6Q/David%2BLee%2BRoth.jpg?format=500w)
(https://townsquare.media/site/295/files/2012/05/Roth.jpg?w=980&q=75)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on April 13, 2021, 06:34:18 PM
I don't understand why sometimes he is on fire and sometimes he isn't
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Dex Sawash on April 13, 2021, 06:51:20 PM
Gravid Lee Roth

(https://i.postimg.cc/FKN6BY7g/Roth.jpg)
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on April 14, 2021, 06:21:09 AM
"Having an aneurism" involves repeatedly saying "and you are...?" because you are forgetting everything about them.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 15, 2021, 08:59:29 AM
Fireman Sam theme tune but last line is 'Sam is the king of the cuuuuunts'
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 18, 2021, 10:28:02 PM
Scarve Ace
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: shiftwork2 on April 18, 2021, 11:07:04 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 13, 2021, 09:24:16 AM
Visited a terrific crematorium yesterday, really the crem de la crem.

This was a Gyles Brandreth line from The One Show a year or two ago.

I am sorry to have to inform you of this.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on April 19, 2021, 10:08:48 AM
Whereas aneurism = "and you are?"ism was not on a one show Gyles Brandreth thing because I am so brilliant



so we have all learned something here today, and now I shall bid you adieu because I am rod hull
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: jobotic on April 19, 2021, 10:12:52 AM
He got totally Brandrethed.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on April 19, 2021, 10:33:45 AM
Brandreth Wish 3
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 19, 2021, 01:18:57 PM
Russell Brandreth
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on April 19, 2021, 01:27:01 PM
Halitosis, n.

Brandreth
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Corduroy Castle on April 19, 2021, 01:55:12 PM
Giles Bandwidth
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: dissolute ocelot on April 19, 2021, 05:12:03 PM
A local radio DJ called Old Kent Road.

Leicester Square but it's in Leicester.

Someone who can't tell the difference between duck-billed platypuses and beavers. Collects beaver eggs, tries to hatch them.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on April 19, 2021, 05:50:45 PM
Quote from: Corduroy Castle on April 19, 2021, 01:55:12 PM
Giles Bandwidth

This is wrong because his first name has a y, not an i.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Corduroy Castle on April 19, 2021, 06:05:12 PM
Sorry, Yiles Bandwidth.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Corduroy Castle on April 19, 2021, 06:07:14 PM
Gylys Byndwydth
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on April 19, 2021, 06:35:25 PM
Nirvanna: The Brandreth Show
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Replies From View on April 19, 2021, 07:45:15 PM
Quote from: Corduroy Castle on April 19, 2021, 06:07:14 PM
Gylys Byndwydth

Bear Grylys
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: Fr.Bigley on April 20, 2021, 12:58:55 PM
Frey Bentos: The Movie
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: frajer on April 20, 2021, 01:10:08 PM
Green Mile Summer by Chet Hanks feat. Big Papa Tom and MCDuncan.
Title: Re: That's all I got
Post by: pancreas on April 20, 2021, 10:11:56 PM