Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => H.S. Art => Topic started by: Fambo Number Mive on August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Title: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM
The old thread is at 100 pages, which is the number of pages in Legend Gary's favourite magazine
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 28, 2019, 09:05:50 AM
"New thread, new Gary, Daz. I've turned over a new leaf."

"Yeah, just press START, Gary. I'll roll another joint."

"GOAL! In your face Daz!" *slurps Stella*
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on August 28, 2019, 12:23:47 PM
Legend Gary writes to the Queen asking if parliament can be prorogued for ever so Legend Boris can be the ruler of the UK for ever.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 28, 2019, 12:32:09 PM
Legend Gary browsing the Internet.

WANNA MEET ASIAN GIRLS?

Hmmm... Interesting, go on

TRY BEST SITES

OK, I'm interested

Gary your teas on!!!


.........     ........     ... Coming...

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 28, 2019, 09:29:56 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 28, 2019, 12:32:09 PMGary your teas on!!!

"Fish fingers and garden peas again, nah, off to Daz's to play FIFA. He'll have his usual family bag of Monster Munch, I can dip into that."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on August 29, 2019, 03:48:18 PM
"Gary, that's too big for the roof rack"

"Nah it'll be fine Mum"

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-wales-49508070/man-fined-after-driving-car-with-a-car-on-its-roof-in-aberystwyth
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fishfinger on August 29, 2019, 07:43:42 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on August 29, 2019, 03:48:18 PM
"Gary, that's too big for the roof rack"

"Nah it'll be fine Mum"

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-wales-49508070/man-fined-after-driving-car-with-a-car-on-its-roof-in-aberystwyth

Should've written ARAF on it then everyone would ignore it. Legend Gareth Jones.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 02, 2019, 09:03:53 AM
Legend Gary's YouTube channel starts selling its own swag, including an emergency lad kit for when the conversation isn't Legend enough and a Tshort featuring Gary's catchphrases for £20.

After six months, he makes 4p in profit.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Better Midlands on September 03, 2019, 03:52:01 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 02, 2019, 09:03:53 AM
Legend Gary's YouTube channel starts selling its own swag, including an emergency lad kit for when the conversation isn't Legend enough and a Tshort featuring Gary's catchphrases for £20.

After six months, he makes 4p in profit.


"Tap the bellend to receive notifications"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 04, 2019, 10:52:06 PM
Legend Gary and The Grand Tour star Tom Hiddleston have an in depth conversation over a martini about who is ''the real deal' '
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 04, 2019, 10:57:12 PM
Legend Gary eats a piece of soggy bread that he accidentally left on his car.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on September 04, 2019, 11:34:48 PM
Legend Gary replaces the laces in his shoes with mooring rope.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 06, 2019, 09:12:59 PM
Legend Gary asks for "Oh,Legend Gary you are a sex legend" to be shouted several times during coitus.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on September 06, 2019, 10:48:20 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 06, 2019, 09:12:59 PM
Legend Gary asks for "Oh,Legend Gary you are a sex legend" to be shouted several times during coitus.

pays an extra twenty quid, plus another tenner to make sure she doesn't tell anyone about the twenty.

word still spreads somehow, but not to his face.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 06, 2019, 11:38:03 PM
Legend Gary fucks his leg up big time so he can 'get gold at the retard Olympics'

Only bloody does doesn't he
Only bloody does

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 07, 2019, 07:50:16 PM
"Gary, have you seen my nail polish?" his latest girlfriend shouts from the toilet

"No...and it's Legend Gary."

"Shut up, Gary"

Later it's sausages, mash and chips for tea. Gary hides one of the sausages in his pocket.

That evening Pubes Daz, Hashtag Harry and Waltzer are sitting in Wetherspoons by the window.

"Legend Gary's coming. Wey! He's got that box again. Oh no."

"That box. Piss."

Gary farts at a pensioner as he pushes open the Wetherspoons door.

"Alright lads! I've been shagging so hard..."

"We know, Legend Gary. We know."

Gary opens the box anyway, given it took him all evening to complete the "joke"

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 07, 2019, 08:48:18 PM
Something, BC.

LEGEND GARYIX: This magic potion will make me invincible to bouncers, by Toutatis!

LEGEND DAZTRIX: You'd better give it a try first, Garyix!

*PAF!*

LEGEND GARYIX: He's landed on Cacofonix!

GERIATRIX: Good shot, my boy! This reminds me of a scrap we had outside a nightclub in Rome! We'd had a skinfull of Stella, and-

FULLIAUTOMATIX: Someone make him stop, please!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 08, 2019, 05:08:37 PM
Daz comes into the sitting room carrying a giant cheque.

DAZ (singing): Someone's knockin' at the do-or!

GARY: I'll fucking sort them, then!

The following week.

JUDGE: Gareth Arbuthnot Braithwaite Ledgington III, I hereby sentence you to three years in prison for serious assault! Have you anything left to say in your defence?

GARY: Yeah, do we still get the Lotto money?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 09, 2019, 08:53:34 AM
Legend Gary has a flex off with another bloke. Squeeze those muscles, Gary. There's the chance to dance with a woman if you win
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on September 09, 2019, 01:47:31 PM
Legend Gary boasts about dominating Purple p**i.

he means Aki, but insists its "p**i"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 09, 2019, 02:44:52 PM
Legend Gary rides his bike down the centre of the pavement, ringing his bell loudly at any pedestrians.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 09, 2019, 02:46:03 PM
Legend Gary asks his local Wetherspoons if they can play the National Anthem before any televised sport and eject anyone who does not stand up for it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on September 09, 2019, 06:45:11 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 09, 2019, 02:44:52 PM
Legend Gary rides his bike down the centre of the pavement, ringing his bell loudly at any pedestrians.

He occasionally rings the bell on his bicycle as well  (boom boom tscsssh)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 09, 2019, 06:51:32 PM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on September 09, 2019, 01:47:31 PM
Legend Gary boasts about dominating Purple p**i.

he means Aki, but insists its "p**i"

I laughed
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 10, 2019, 05:54:44 PM
"Hi Gary, how are you?"

"Good thanks, being MP for Buttocks City is tiring but at least its not too far to travel. How are you?"

"Excited about running for Speaker! Will you vote for me?"

"Could you do one thing? When you call me in the Chamber, could you call 'Legend Gary' rather than my first name and surname? Everyone calls me Legend Gary"

"I've never heard anyone call you that"

"Well, they all do in Buttocks City."

"Not sure I'd be allowed to do that Gary"

"Fine! No vote for you then, I'm going to tweet approvingly about proroguing Parliament"

"Gary, wait...I can whisper 'Legend Gary' after I call you..."

But Gary didn't hear.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 10, 2019, 06:16:17 PM
"Gary mate, I have to leg it, do us a solid?"

Gary turned around fom the thing he was doing and began to grin. There Daz was, all flushed and panicky. "Sure mate, nothing too big for a pal, what is it?"

Daz looked worried but pressed on. "It's me grandmum's 100th birthday. I bought her a priceless ming vase and have wrapped it all fancy. It needs sending out is all."

"Haha, your grannie isn't a ming! Has a price too. 10p a go," chuckled Gary. Spicy!

Daz bristled, looked down at his Pumas and decided to bravely interrupt the mirth of his best and closest friend, who was still chortling away.

"No... right, look, I need to dash out for reasons I can't explain right now if ever, so I've boxed it all up and labelled it ready for sending. Do us a favour, write FRAGILE on it with this marker pen" - Daz gave Gary a marker pen - "and here's a tenner for the Post Office." Daz gave Gary a tenner for the Post Office. "AND PLEASE, SWEAR YOU WON'T BREAK IT?!"

Gary nodded emphatically. "Sure, I swear on the life of a loved one." He stifled his grin by actually picturing rattling Daz's grandmum.

"Thanks, mate," sighed Daz, as Gary began to sniff the marker pen. "Thanks, pal, I really mean this."

"Cya," grunted Gary, thinking of Daz as his loved one, the doomed poof cunt.

-------

Gary sauntered up to the Post Office service window, ahead of a few old crusties. One began to quibber and make a to-do all about "a queue system" but Gary stared her down easily enough.

Getting the box posted was a bit of an ordeal, but he had stared the mardy dyke behind the counter down too. Took long enough! 8 sodding squid. He'd have to ask Daz for another tenner (lucky fuckin bonus innit).

Still, job's a good un. Gary beamed at his deed complete, and stared down each and every bell-end in the queue on his way out, stopping only to hoot with glee. Until he saw a homeless and stared HIM down too, the fuckin jakey.

------

Mailworker Mike looked at the package in the sorting room and sighed. Another dodgy parcel in the depot, which made it his problem. Would probably get there anywho, most've these were innocuous enough, but what the fuck was all *this* about...? His corpulent frame bent with a wheeze so he could better examine the rogue package.

The box was quite large, a little heavy. It had a fetching red ribbon on it, and the address was clearly marked on a neat little label. So what's the dealio?

Mailworker Mike turned the box around in his hands and gasped... for, in unmissably huge bold lettering, all over each side of the box, were vile missives that frankly rankled:

FUCK ALL POSTIES
MAILMAN NONCE PEDO MONGS
POSTMEN = KNOBJOCKIES
STAMPS R 4 CLARTS
GRANNY MINGS
ROYAL GAYL
FRAJILE


Fucking swastikas aplenty too!! "Whoops," said Mailworker Mike, hurling the box to the ground with real force. It crunched, rolled a bit and eventually landed KNOBJOCKIES side up. "Oopsa daisy," he whispered, breathless from his efforts (for Mailman Mike was a rotund fellow), and hoofed the fucking thing across the floor, it skidding along merrily and crashing into the wall with Mailworker Mike simply relishing the muffled crunch sound it made.

It landed CLARTS side up this time, staring at him in his bearded, ruddy face, mocking him. It seemed to tug at something in Mailworker Mike's very soul...

... Fuck *this* for a game of horses. Mailworker Mike had one brewing anywho... just as soon as he caught his breath. Gasp, gasp, ahhh, right, let's have at it...

He unzipped and did a massive, long yellow steaming wee all over the box. As he had learned long ago in his nascent postal career, cardboard was surprisingly absorbent without compromising its structural integrity. And also well retained the honking stink of piss.

The parcel would have to pass through two more mail centres before it arrived in Nuneaton. Yes yes, Mailworker Mike reflected as he untied the pretty ribbon and skidmarked it between his cheeks, the jokers behind this package would most certainly bertainly get what's coming to 'em.

And carried on the wind outside the mail depot was the faint sound of a legend chortling.


(C) New Jack Productions 1993
Any similarities to individuals in the real Royal Mail postal service are entirely intentional
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 10, 2019, 06:17:11 PM
Gary gatecrashes an Extinction Rebellion meet to ask the way to the nearest BP Garage.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 10, 2019, 06:55:59 PM
"They fuckin' suspended Parliament, Daz! What does that mean?"

"I dunno, Ledge, but we're running low on Stella and this is the last of the weed. Not to mention, we need a new plug on the PS4."

"Fuck it, Operation Yellowhammer - were art thou?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 11, 2019, 10:26:29 AM
Gary kickstarts his day with a line, a toss and a Monster
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: GMTV on September 11, 2019, 01:48:58 PM
Quote from: NJ Uncut on September 10, 2019, 06:17:11 PM
Gary gatecrashes an Extinction Rebellion meet to ask the way to the nearest BP Garage.

Walks away shouting FUCK THE SEALS
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on September 11, 2019, 01:52:51 PM
Quote from: GMTV on September 11, 2019, 01:48:58 PM
Walks away shouting FUCK THE SEALS

he means himself. He's a time-served Navy SEAL in online arguments
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 11, 2019, 01:53:09 PM
"There will be no Legend Garys on a dead planet" one of them shouts as Gary reaches the stairs.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 11, 2019, 02:11:01 PM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on September 11, 2019, 01:52:51 PM
he means himself. He's a time-served Navy SEAL in online arguments

Gary's well trained in using special force, if you know what he means...

He double-tapped Daz's mam! Aaahahahaha! Hahaha hehe he

Fuck're you not laughin Daz?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 13, 2019, 09:35:26 AM
Gary accuses Daz of womanplaining

"What?"

Gary leathers Daz one.

"Ooow! The fuck you do that for mate?"

"SEE??"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 13, 2019, 07:51:00 PM
Gary's forced to have a blood test at work, drug complaints. Luckily he was doing research drugs so weed n coke from the morning won't show up.

Nurse is fit, so he acts nice.

"You reckon I should give blood then, pet?"

"Well, that is quite the idea! The thing is, you have a very rare blood type!" she gushes.

"Ahh, no demand then". Gary gets up and walks off, the tube ripping off his arm and spilling his blood everywhere.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 14, 2019, 09:28:57 PM
"Fancy a cuppa, Gary?"

"GAY, Daz! Stella or nowt! Don't even drink water no more!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 16, 2019, 05:11:49 PM
Saw a headline in the Metro "You're a legend Gareth"
I think it was about a footballer doing something good. Clearly the sub ed doesn't read this forum.

Or do they?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 16, 2019, 07:00:19 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 16, 2019, 05:11:49 PMSaw a headline in the Metro "You're a legend Gareth"
I think it was about a footballer doing something good. Clearly the sub ed doesn't read this forum.

Or do they?

Yes! CaB continues to invade the greater reality!

Meanwhile...

Daz's hand accidentally brushes against Gary's thigh when he sits down for a game of FIFA '19 with him.

"Fucking bender Daz! Ye touched me leg!"

"I nevah!"

"Y'did! Now neck a six-pack of Stella in five minutes or you did it on purpose!"

"Groan... fuck's sake, Ledge. Fuck's sake."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on September 16, 2019, 07:21:30 PM
Legend Gary teaches a lairy hole-punch about the law of the jungle.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Brian Freeze on September 16, 2019, 10:20:53 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 16, 2019, 05:11:49 PM
Saw a headline in the Metro "You're a legend Gareth"
I think it was about a footballer doing something good. Clearly the sub ed doesn't read this forum.

Or do they?

Someone has left a copy in the brew room - the story was about the welsh rugby player Gareth Thomas announcing he is HIV positive, then doing an Ironman. Now you know.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 16, 2019, 11:08:06 PM
Cheers, I don't follow sport so I didn't pick up on who it was or what was newsworthy about them. Good for Gareth Thomas and I wish him all the best.

Serious post above.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 18, 2019, 01:36:20 AM
"Gary, there's a really interesting-looking film on at the local arthouse cinema. I know it's not something we'd normally go to, but do you fancy giving it a shot?"

"Nah, Daz, let's go to the Arndale Centre and slag people off."

"But Gary, this film looks really good, it's one of them dramas about social problems facing the youth of today. I think we'd really relate to it, do you want to give it a try?"

"Nah, Daz, Arndale. Slaggings."

"I'll even pay for your ticket, Gary. What do you say?"

"Nah Daz, Arndale."

"Oh come on, Gary! Just this once!"

"Arndale."

"I'll ask you one more time, then. Do you want to go to this interesting film?"

"Hmmm. You know what Daz, maybe. Just maybe..."

Half an hour later they're in the Arndale Centre, laughing at passers-by.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: touchingcloth on September 18, 2019, 01:47:23 AM
Legend Gary goes for a big bowl of beer with the lads and tells the lads who the biggest legends are

-Gary
-Dazza
-Trev

They ain't all fucking or nothing.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Piggyoioi on September 18, 2019, 03:47:55 AM
LEGEND GARY takes a sloppy shit on his mate's paralytic head
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 18, 2019, 08:56:16 AM
Legend Gary dresses up as a crocodile and goes round supermarkets stealing sausages.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 18, 2019, 09:29:59 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 18, 2019, 08:56:16 AM
Legend Gary dresses up as a crocodile and goes round supermarkets stealing sausages.

Heh!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 19, 2019, 08:10:16 AM
Daz describes the appearance of a CCTV camera outside the mini-mart as "Kafkaesque".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 19, 2019, 08:13:09 AM
Following the story about his hero Mark Francois in a police top, Gary applies to become a Special Constable

"Gonna nick a few remoaners, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: madhair60 on September 19, 2019, 11:36:05 AM
Legend Gary has a bent dream about Daz and signs up for a lobotomy.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 19, 2019, 08:59:36 PM
Tropical Legend Gary
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 19, 2019, 09:07:49 PM
Legend Gary pranks his girlfriend by telling her what a slut she is.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 19, 2019, 09:21:52 PM
Legend Gary makes an impromptu cameo on the TV show Goodness Gracious Me
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 19, 2019, 09:31:36 PM
Heaven sends a message to you every day via the phone in the back of your car. 'Hi its Legend Gary'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 19, 2019, 09:34:04 PM
Legend Gary and his friends take in an epic picnic by the M25 to celebrate the end of the First World War.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Z on September 19, 2019, 09:34:16 PM
Quote from: Glebe on September 19, 2019, 08:10:16 AM
Daz describes the appearance of a CCTV camera outside the mini-mart as "Kafkaesque".

Ohhh that's tickled me.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 19, 2019, 09:43:47 PM
That's really good
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 19, 2019, 09:46:02 PM
Legend Gary boasts of taking an ecstasy pill of a drug that's not even legal to buy
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on September 20, 2019, 09:20:19 AM
Legend Gary can get the best weed from back home, he'll bring a load back when he goes to the 'rents* next weekend.

Legend Gary says they had a full compliment of sniffer dogs at the train station, that's why he couldn't bring any back
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 20, 2019, 03:31:06 PM
Whist in Edinburgh, Gary meets his Scotch counterpart, Bampot Barry

"Haha, al show ye the wee rides!" Barry says.
"I want some cock burn the night!!" chortles Gary.

A passing old man says "That's nae even how ye pronounce it"

"" FUCKIN SHUT IT YOUS!" thunder Gary and Barry in unison. Auld cunt was gantin on a swedge
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 20, 2019, 09:12:00 PM
Gary takes umbrage as Daz calls his legs 'varicose as fuck'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 20, 2019, 11:51:40 PM
Quote from: Captain Z on September 19, 2019, 09:34:16 PMOhhh that's tickled me.

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 19, 2019, 09:43:47 PMThat's really good

Ta lads!

Gary puts Daz in one them baby bouncer things in the living room doorway. "Here Gary, cut it out!" "Aw, Baby Daz! Time for Liga, heh!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 21, 2019, 04:07:51 PM
"Daz, I need you to help bury a body!"

"Haha, what, Gary?! Stop pissin' about and join us for a game of Pro Evo!"

"Nah, Daz. Nah. Deadly serious, mate. Deadly serious. Get a shovel and meet me in the garden."

"Ah fuck off, Ledge. Go on, stick the kettle on!"

"For real, this, Daz. 'Needles' Mulchahy starting getting shirty down the local, decked him a bit hard, like, behind the chipper. Come on Daz, mate, let's do this."

"Alright, Gary, but you really are a bit of a twat!"

(https://i.imgur.com/L1Bwr0V.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on September 21, 2019, 04:37:12 PM
Legend Gary organises for a quantity of homeless urine to move into Daz's ear canals.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 21, 2019, 05:05:08 PM
5AM. Ledge and Daz are the only ones left standing in Gary's Sister's living room after a 21st for his niece. Daz is slumped on the couch, whilst Gary is sitting at the dining table, which is strewn with leftover food and beer bottles. Gary is drunkenly mumbling.

"Good do that, Gaz... er, Daz. Stacey's friend is well fit, i'n't she? I tell you what, those ham sarnies weren't bad, eh? Sigh. Must buy a new vape t'morrow, this ones' fucked. Box of Kipling Cherry Bakewells there, think there's one left. I prefer the Tunnocks meself. Mmm. Yeah. Can hear Uncle George snoring up there! Loud fucker. Yeah. Those two twins freak me out, Daz... Steve and Dan. Little shites. Good to see everyone enjoying thereselves, though, Daz. Danni's a funny lass, i'n't she, Daz? Had your dad in stitches! Don't think much of that ouzo shit. Tastes like rotten licorice or nowt. Sigh. Yeah. Peter's dog is lovely, wish I had a dog like that. Fancy something off the table, Daz? Packet of Quavers? Sausage roll?"

Daz emits a loud snore.

"Aye, you sleep on, our kid. Mad night. Anyroad, may as well finish off some of this little lot... them leftover Stellas aren't going to drink themselves!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 21, 2019, 05:21:56 PM
Legend Gary finds an empty crisp packet, fills it with the toenail clippings he's been saving for weeks, glues the top and puts it in his pocket.

Daz and Stella Sue are there. Four drinks down, it looks like.

"Alright, you lovebirds? Whose round is it?"

He looks at them until one of them raises a drunken hand

"I'll have a lager. Oh, and I got some crisps from the bar as I came in."

Half an hour later, an angry Legend Gary is denied a refund from a bar staff member. "The CCTV shows you didn't buy them here, and also we don't sell that brand. Not to mention that my mate knows you've been going round your mates asking for their toenail clippings for weeks. Get out before I ring the police, Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 21, 2019, 05:25:12 PM
Legend Gary interrupts Liz Truss' speech with what he hoped would be a small and silent one, but instead made a sound like a book being torn.

His Conservative Party membership card is shredded in front of his eyes.

Good thing he joined the Brexit Party six weeks ago. Although if Nigel catches him farting he'll be for it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 22, 2019, 08:31:26 PM
The Portuguese police get up in the middle of the night for the umpteenth time because Legend Gary 'swears down he knows where Maddie is this time honest'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 22, 2019, 08:35:42 PM
Legend Gary gives a fish a fish bath.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 22, 2019, 08:48:15 PM
Yeah you can drink from a hot tub, look, watch, bam

Piece of piss



What about the legionnaires mate
What about the fucking legionnaires
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 22, 2019, 08:55:23 PM
Legend Gary can be found at the 'Fancy Farm of the Past', in Streatham

Mon-Fri 9-5
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 22, 2019, 10:47:17 PM
Gary and Daz go on a weekend break to Jersey. They visit Benest's of Millbrook and Fineprice on St. Clement's Coast Road and pick up some chipsteaks containing tremendous protein value.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 23, 2019, 01:01:40 PM
Garry never eats his greens. "Life's too short to be healthy, right Daz?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 23, 2019, 06:16:05 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 22, 2019, 08:48:15 PM
Yeah you can drink from a hot tub, look, watch, bam

Piece of piss



What about the legionnaires mate
What about the fucking legionnaires

"They only existed in Roman Times, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 24, 2019, 12:04:47 AM
"You coming to the pub, Daz?"

"No, Gary, I'm going to stay in and watch Bridget Jones's Baby in me PJs with a bottle of wine and a family box of Maltesers."

"Fuck sake, Daz, be a man and come down the pub!"

"Oh, you're all the same, you lot! Only women bleed!" cries Daz, suppressing a sob as he runs out of the room.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 25, 2019, 01:04:40 PM
Ledge promises to cook his new bird a lovely souffle t'night.

It's just smashed crisps in a bowl.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 26, 2019, 07:58:23 PM
Daz tosses an Irn-Bru can into a Derbyshire gutter.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 26, 2019, 08:27:49 PM
Quote from: wosl on September 21, 2019, 04:37:12 PM
Legend Gary organises for a quantity of homeless urine to move into Daz's ear canals.

Good, very good
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 26, 2019, 08:32:25 PM
Legend Gary's pet parrot, The Fat Man, finds him carving Labour MPs names on bullets in his treehouse.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 26, 2019, 08:40:48 PM
Legend Gary talks about giving someone ''a good ol' Hogwarts kiss''

Everyone else pretends to know what it is while hoping it isn't paedophilia. It is paedophilia.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 26, 2019, 08:46:41 PM
Legend Gary tries to wind up a horse by eating a bag of dog biscuits in front of it noisily and provocatively. The horse leaves.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 27, 2019, 03:06:13 AM
"Where have you been, Daz?"

"Er, don't beat me up, Ledge, but... I've started an evening class."

Gary is pensive for a moment.

"What's the subject, Daz?"

"Em... Philosophy, Gary. Philosophy."

A slight smile breaks out on Gary's face.

"That's great, Daz!"

"Really?! You're not gonna have a go at me for it?"

"Of course not, Daz! Good to see you bettering yourself!"

"Ah, thanks, Gary. Just gonna go to bed now..."

During the night, Daz hears his bedroom door creak open. Gary's voice whispers:

"Daz, you awake? Everything I said earlier was BOLLOCKS. I'm gonna get you for this. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow... but I will get you for this. Watch your back."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on September 27, 2019, 07:43:05 AM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 26, 2019, 08:32:25 PM
Legend Gary's pet parrot, The Fat Man, finds him carving Labour MPs names on bullets in his treehouse.

It's too bad the old parrot died. Could say his own name AND greet Daz upon sight, could little Cuntbucket
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 27, 2019, 12:42:13 PM
Parrot's name is The Fat Man, mate.

Deal with it
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on September 27, 2019, 02:18:26 PM
Legend Gary agitates a field of pregnant ewes with a twocced Kawasaki.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on September 27, 2019, 02:27:13 PM
Legend Gary finds out how many of his mum's lorazepams it takes to prevent Daz from changing a light bulb.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 28, 2019, 05:11:13 AM
"Fancy an orange, Ledge?"

"Don't mind if I do, Daz!"

"There you go... only 32p from Lidl!"

"That's fantastic value, Daz!"

"It certainly is, Gary... (Daz turns to 'camera') Lidl have got all your fresh fruit and veg needs covered, and there's plenty more in y'local store! Lidl... now that's value! Oi, Gary, leave some for me!"

"Don't worry, Daz... at a price-busting 32p, there's plenty more oranges where they came from!"

They both laugh!

Sponsored by Lidl... the quality low-price store!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 28, 2019, 06:34:07 PM
Legend Gary is fired from his job for being a "sexually repulsive, sodomite paedophile''
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 28, 2019, 06:35:22 PM
Legend Gary on the karaoke and fruity both at the same time

Let's see if the fruity pays out in bantz

'Ground Controooolll to Major Bantz'

The 'crowd' love it, they absolutely lap it up.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 28, 2019, 06:40:46 PM
Legend Gary takes a swing at an army officer because in his opinion he is 'well more army'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 28, 2019, 06:46:58 PM
Legend Gary tries to sell his new 'superstardom' to the tabloids.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 28, 2019, 06:55:34 PM
Legend Gary's name is spelled 'God'

Innit? Innit Daz?... Innit!

Mm... What?

Innit Daz... Oh fuck sake whatever
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 28, 2019, 07:09:25 PM
Legend Gary gets in trouble for eating the cat's favourite food and then claiming to be a doctor to justify his choice.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 28, 2019, 07:11:12 PM
Jenga of Minge
Jenga of Minge
Jenga of Minge!!!!

Sir can you please leave this is the children's fiction section for a start
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 29, 2019, 05:53:57 PM
"Daz, look at the size of my cock!"

"Oh for fuck's sake Gary, can't take you anywhere!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 30, 2019, 09:17:31 AM
"On the 'ead, Daz!"

And hour later in A+E.

"What happened, lad?"

"Me mate Gary switched the football for a heavy rock."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on September 30, 2019, 01:37:45 PM
Daz has to stand out on an actual ledge, in order to understand why Legend Gary is a legend.

DAZ, DAZ

From below, Legend Gary relays advice.

DAAAAZZ!  WOOHOO DAZ

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on September 30, 2019, 10:38:56 PM
Quote from: Glebe on September 30, 2019, 09:17:31 AM
"On the 'ead, Daz!"

And hour later in A+E.

"What happened, lad?"

"Me mate Gary switched the football for a heavy rock."

Beautiful.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 01, 2019, 10:40:30 PM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on September 30, 2019, 10:38:56 PM
Beautiful.

Heh, cheers Seb!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 02, 2019, 09:26:38 AM
"So what kind of car are you looking for sir?" asks the cunt at the dealership.

"I'm well fussy mate. After a newie."

"Oh, we have some brand new cars in! Would you like to see a Nissan? Peugeot?"

"I have only one exacting and mandatory specification from a new car, mate," Gary says. The dealer leans in closer, closer. This punter knows his onions.

"Do tell, sir!"

"The number plate has to include BJ 69! Haha, brilliant!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 03, 2019, 02:29:34 AM
"Y'know Gary, it's kinda funny you turned out to be such a right little tearaway. Your parents are both quite reserved, nice people."

"Nah, me families got form, Daz. Me Uncle Jake once stabbed a bloke with a spanner and done months in chokey."

"Ah don't give it all that, Gary!" replies Daz, doing a 'mouthy' motion with his hand.

"Just fuckin watch it, Daz! I'll fookin show you, mate, fackin punish yah!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 04, 2019, 12:47:12 PM
Gary bumps into "you off of the telly" Stacey Dooley in the pub, and tells her that he really fancies her and asks if she would she like to meet him in Burger King on Saturday. Dooley agrees to this, but only because she spies an opportunity for a doco about chavs for Five or summit.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 04, 2019, 01:14:34 PM
Legend Gary doesn't want his garlic bread shaped like a pizza, you spic cunt, he wants it in a baguette like the Italians. Fuck off and come back with a proper garlic bread you mug, I ain't eating that.

Pus, scabs, diarrhoea and cum belonging to every single member of the restaurant are persuaded into the contents of his dinner.

In the discus afterwards, Gary concedes, '' Yknow what Daz, that wasn't even bad in the end, feel sorry for them having to put up with that shit from me, out of order really. Fuck it''
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 04, 2019, 02:25:10 PM
"They cam over 'ere, Daz, and steal our jobs and take our women back to Wonga Land to impregnate!"

"I know Gary it's a fucking liberty innit now just smoke up and go back to sleep on the couch there, there's a good lad."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on October 04, 2019, 05:00:43 PM
Legend Gary and Daz are down at the sidings, playing cunt-the-penny on the rails.  Because someone forgot to check their pockets for change beforehand, they've elected to use Daz' Samsung as the penny.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Poodle Basher on October 04, 2019, 05:23:33 PM
On my commute homewards yesterday, I was sharing a bus with a Legend Gary.

I didn't actually see him as he and his two mates were lying down on the seats at the back of the bus.

Anyways, Gary was showing his mates some footage on his phone which he claimed was of him disrupting some girl's birthday party. You could hear a lot of tinny noise, shrieking and shouting from the phone while his two mates watching the footage laughed and mocked the girl for being upset at Gary's antics.

Next Gary phoned his place of work and told them he wouldn't be coming in that evening or the next day and who cares about their stupid job anyways as he never wanted to work there but 'they' (Job Centre?) made him go there. Demanded they pay him the 50 quid that they owe him and said he'd be round to collect it so make sure to have it handy.

Gary then phoned someone, Daz? and demanded to know where they were. Was told that they were in a pub so wanted to know who was there to see if it was worth his while turning up. Listened to the who's who of afternoon drinkers and decided that, yes, he'd show up. Only Daz must pay for his drinks for the night as he only had 3 quid to his name. Made Daz swear on his mum's life that the pub would be full of Gary's mates and that Daz would keep the pints coming in or he, Gary, would be out the door and gone and it would all Daz's fault for ruining everyone's evening as Gary wouldn't be performing for his adoring fans.

All this in 20 minutes. How the hell anyone could put up with a day, let alone a lifetime of that sort of cuntery, is anyone's guess.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 04, 2019, 08:04:04 PM
Quote from: Captain Poodle Basher on October 04, 2019, 05:23:33 PMAll this in 20 minutes. How the hell anyone could put up with a day, let alone a lifetime of that sort of cuntery, is anyone's guess.

That's our Gary!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 04, 2019, 10:19:54 PM
"I've finally realised that I identify as a woman, Daz."

"Oh yeah Gary? Really... tell me more, mate, who do you identify as?"

"Your mum! I'm gonna lez up. With your sister!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 05, 2019, 11:33:13 AM
'Mentioning my son is a laying out offence right, so don't even start'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on October 05, 2019, 12:34:34 PM
Legend Gary once wanked into his sister's knickers whilst she was still wearing them.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: flotemysost on October 12, 2019, 01:41:41 PM
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/cocaine-man-breaks-window-arrest-court-blacon-chester-kelvin-hughes-a9152321.html
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 12, 2019, 03:26:15 PM
Fuckin hell! This pub's got one of those punch machines! Batter the bag and get the high score.

Gary gives it a belt. A cool 45,783. High score's 89,002 - that Devvo cunt who does flying kicks prob. Daz's in shitter, Gary does a go, leathering it ish. 28,738. Daz returns.

"Fancy a go?" asks Daz. If there's one mate always up for letting off a bit of steam, it's Gary.

"Nah, maybe in a bit." Eh? Gary keeps getting the drinks in, shot after shot, til Daz said he needs slash.

"Me first mate, bursting", Gary goes. "But I REALLY -" "NO MEANS NO CUNT!" Gary thus slashes first.

Nabs a cubicle, has a queer slash - if you don't have other men pissing either side of you it's bent in Gary's book - this purpose for merely pouring out a tasty mound of beak, and with the flickknife he always keeps about his person - ALWAYS, airports, Christenings, the lot - presses it down and then pushes into two boss lines of lemo, both up each hooterhole at the same time.

Phwoooah you cunt!! Daz'll get his. (Gary's mind does laps) FUCKIN CUNT LAUGHIN AT ME.

Gary gets a brainwave and goes up to machine. Finds plug. Loosens it. Oops - too much! Pushes back in slightly, tiny like, so it's very very precarious. Nudges the machine with his shoulder and the lights go off. Perfick. Taps the plug super lightly and it lights up again!

Daz staggers back, the big-bladdered cunt that he is. Little bladdered Gary is far more efficient, especially when it comes to a honk of the ol dandruff, though he managed seven or ate sneaky keys while partially hidden behind the machine.

"Rarin to go mate," Gary says, "After this piss". More cubicle hoovering - two lads came out the same one so Gary called them poofs and they laughed and yada yada yada keys of beak all round! - and Gary marches back and assertively pops a 50p in slot - that's what she said!

"I'll go first, you must be busting for a slash, you have one to every three of mine"

"FUCK OFF AM FIRST."

Gary eyes the bag with expert eyes, narrowing them like a Chinaman. Dances a bit in his Nikes. Boxes the air a bit. Catches his breath, but he's ready. Time to issue the Gentleman's Challenge ®

"Righto fuck face, I swing first, as your mum says."

"That doesn't even make s-"

HHYAAAAAAAAAMMMPPHH!

Gary wildly overswings, only the tip of his little finger knuckle pushing air at the bag. Daz steps up, Gary jumps up and down - "I'm just excited, you cunt!" - and huffs air at the wall the plug's on.

Daz prepares a fuckin titanic windmill, takes four steps forward, lowers his head, sees Gary lightly boot the side of the machine, and..

All lights off.

"Power of the punch mate. Fuckin thing is knackered," Gary espouses. "I win by default, naturellement. You soft cunt Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 12, 2019, 04:38:19 PM
Legend Gary empties his life savings over a motorway embankment. But don't worry, it'll live, kind of.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: kittens on October 13, 2019, 09:22:46 AM
are we sure legend gary would say 'naturellement'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 13, 2019, 06:24:26 PM
Quote from: kittens on October 13, 2019, 09:22:46 AM
are we sure legend gary would say 'naturellement'

Bonne de douche, Pubes
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on October 14, 2019, 09:53:48 PM
Legend Garry is discovered trolling Discogs with his fake band Gavleteen (https://www.discogs.com/Gavleteen-Start-Out-Of-The-Iron-Curtain-/release/12951788), and was very surprised to find his mate's dad Militant Barry moonlighting as a reggae artist.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 16, 2019, 12:35:57 PM
Legend Gary's disabilities are upgraded from 'life ending', to 'life altering'. Result!, he belms, from inside that little cage they made for him.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 16, 2019, 01:39:59 PM
Legend Gary decides to become "Mr Pie and Mash", a gammon counter to "Mr Broccoli"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 18, 2019, 07:20:00 PM
Fingering the remaining baggie of sniff in his trouser pocket, the Stella sloshing around his guts, wired as fuck and ready to roll, nose streaming, teeth numb, planning to plunder some pussy, Gary screams "ONCE AGAIN FOR THE RENEGADE MASTER" as he boots open the door to his auntie's wake
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on October 21, 2019, 06:27:37 PM
Quote from: NJ Uncut on October 18, 2019, 07:20:00 PM
Fingering the remaining baggie of sniff in his trouser pocket, the Stella sloshing around his guts, wired as fuck and ready to roll, nose streaming, teeth numb, planning to plunder some pussy, Gary screams "ONCE AGAIN FOR THE RENEGADE MASTER" as he boots open the door to his auntie's wake

Classic LegGar.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on October 21, 2019, 11:21:35 PM
Gary returns, announcing he's back once again with the ill behaviour. the Job Centre security guard with the republican tattoos is non plussed
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 24, 2019, 12:00:11 AM
'' If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen you little poofter'' bellows Gary at an increasingly pink looking Tumour Chris laid prone in the sun lounger.

Some of us can take it, some of us can't, thinks Gary.

Two weeks on a drip and a skin graft.

'Send the bill to the spic NHS, cheers'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 24, 2019, 12:26:12 AM
"GAZ... THERE IS NO DEATH!"

"Fuck's sake Gary I'm sorry I got these mushies now."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on October 24, 2019, 08:45:31 AM
"ACHTUNG!!!"

Its coming up to fireworks season and Daz has to put up with double air-bombs being piut through his front windows by the Ledge for the next fortnight.

Lucky Aidrian Flux gave Daz some comprehensive house insurance. Life saver!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on October 25, 2019, 03:16:01 PM
HERE DAZ HOLD ME NANDO'S BOX.

https://metro.co.uk/2019/10/24/man-threw-poo-nandos-box-woman-going-home-funeral-10975856/
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 25, 2019, 04:18:43 PM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on October 25, 2019, 03:16:01 PM
HERE DAZ HOLD ME NANDO'S BOX.

https://metro.co.uk/2019/10/24/man-threw-poo-nandos-box-woman-going-home-funeral-10975856/

QuoteThe court heard that the pair had watched England crash out of the World Cup to Croatia, before making their way to the train station in leafy Bath.

Unnecessary juxtaposition and exposition

Journalism today!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 25, 2019, 05:49:19 PM
You know what Daz

What mate

I was just thinking




Go on



Women man

Women




I know Gary
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 26, 2019, 03:16:34 AM
"Daz, would it be less gay if we kept our clothes on?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 27, 2019, 09:41:16 AM
The pair of twats pass a street called Gay Lane

Daz, Daz.... Stop. I'm going to need a while.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 27, 2019, 07:09:39 PM
"They come over here taking our jobs Daz."

"Who, the immigrants, Gary?"

"Nah Daz, the gays. The gays."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 29, 2019, 12:00:58 AM
"Lets go fishing, Gary?"

"What's a fishing, Daz?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 29, 2019, 06:46:14 PM
Legend Gary gets the date lasered off his Brexit tattoo again.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 29, 2019, 07:19:10 PM
Gary gives way to a learner driver by lobbing a lit banger out the window, where it bounces off the side of the learner car and goes off, shocking the driver.

"Fucking hell mate it's not bonfire night for another week!" screams the instructor, rolling the driver window down.

"It isn't? Soz." Gary lobs the Catherine wheel Daz has lit through the window. Direct hit - the learner's lap! "Happy Halloween then cunt. Trick!!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Jim Bob on October 30, 2019, 12:53:33 AM
"Fuckin' cunts, mate."

"Who, Gary?"

"Dem! Fuckin' cunts, mate!"

"Sorry, Gary. I'm not sure who you mean exactly."

"Fuck's sake, Daz. Dem!"

"Dem?"

"Exactly."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Z on October 30, 2019, 01:04:35 AM
Legend Gary effortlessly turns a trivial remark about cars into a graphic discussion of his testicles.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 31, 2019, 02:27:10 AM
"There's this programme called Fools & Horses Daz, it's great!"

"You are a fucking idiot, Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 31, 2019, 12:48:40 PM
Legend Gary reckons you would need to be a proper nonce to put anyone in the recovery position.

Legend Gary is soon silently raping a paralytic Daz who was placed carefully in the recovery position.

'Haha, he will be so mad when I find out I've raped him'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 31, 2019, 05:52:15 PM
The Ledge gets a KFC Just Eated to his door. Knock knock

"very good outfit there, very scary. You're dressed up as a cunt!"

The fellow, in his usual attire, responds, "Yeah, I'm not a trick or treater. Had it all night... Here's your food."

"Suppose you want a tip mate?" Gary starts to pull something from his pocket.

The fellow looks wary. "What, as long as you don't chuck me a couple of Celebrations and say that's my tip?"

Gary loosens his hand and takes it from the pocket, empty. "No pal, the tip is don't be a smart cunt." The door is slammed with gusto.

Shortly after, a young mother ushers her three little darlings up the drive. She knocks, the littleuns excited for their first house on their first Halloween.

A shout from inside: "NO SMART CUNTS"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on October 31, 2019, 06:01:41 PM
Gary and Daz go trick or treating door to door with the traditional question.

"Fiver each or your car window, cunt?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 01, 2019, 03:50:37 AM
"Happy Halloween, Gary!"

"Faggot."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on November 02, 2019, 01:36:57 AM
"Another successful Halloween, Dazzer' sighs Gary, sinking back luxuriously into his Easy-Boy chair, dipping into a large carrier bag for a fistful of novelty chocolates, and thumbing the remote over to Babestation (preset #2).

The camera draws slowly back, retreating out of the window and into the front garden, it rises to 2nd floor level, and pans round, we finally take in the horror of the street scene outside.

Shattered pumpkins litter the street, a Smart car and a Nissan Leaf are upturned in the middle of the road, various children in shredded costumes run all directions, tears streaming down their faces, small fires blaze in front gardens as far as the eye can see.

The camera fades to black.....a logo suddenly appears:

I bet he drinks Carling Black Label!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 02, 2019, 12:23:37 PM
"I've fucking had it, Daz. You can't open The Sun website on your phone nowadays without reading about immigrants, gays or women complaining about their rights and that. We're all supposed to be 'politically correct' and 'socially aware' nowadays... whatever happened to good old-fashioned ignorance?"

"Well at least you're still carrying the torch for that, Gary."

"Yes, and I intend to keep the flame of hateful defiance burning for as long as I stand, Daz. For as long as I live, there'll be at least one 'orrible cunt left in Britain!"

"One of many, Gary! You're the voice of the Silent Majority!"

"I can't tell if you're taking the piss or owt out of me no more, Daz. C'mere... it's time for a beating!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 03, 2019, 02:32:22 AM
"You're not singing, you're not singing, you're not singing nowwww!"

"Do you have to beat up every nerd we pass, Ledge?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 04, 2019, 03:45:33 AM
"Morning, Daz!"

"Morning, Ledge!"

"Wonder what time's breakfast... oh here's the trays through the hatch now!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 05, 2019, 08:50:07 AM
"Daz, I don't like you. Daz? You deaf mate?"

"Sorry Gary, it stops being funny when you do it fifteen times in succession."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 06, 2019, 01:37:55 AM
Gary kills Daz and is imprisoned for 25 years.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on November 06, 2019, 07:44:27 AM
Quote from: Glebe on November 06, 2019, 01:37:55 AM
Gary kills Daz and is imprisoned for 25 years.

BARBELL KILLER'S STATEMENT TO POLICE: "LMAO"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 06, 2019, 02:19:51 PM
Legend Gary asks the cashier if these fireworks wot he is buying are white British and for forks
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Jim Bob on November 06, 2019, 02:23:58 PM
Quote from: NJ Uncut on November 06, 2019, 07:44:27 AM
BARBELL KILLER'S STATEMENT TO POLICE: "LMAO"

"Sir, this is not a lolz situation"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 07, 2019, 06:18:15 AM
"Hello, the police? Heh... yeah... nah I'm just calling to say that me mate Daz has eaten a big block of hash, heh!"

"Er... we're coming round son, we'll send an ambulance too."

"Yeah... heh, he's, he's gone all small! He's curled up like a ball, about the circumference of a small child! Chuckle! Yeah... he's growing smaller, mate! By the second! Maybe it's just the block I ate, though! Ooh! Heh!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 07, 2019, 11:14:56 PM
Quote from: Glebe on November 06, 2019, 01:37:55 AM
Gary kills Daz and is imprisoned for 25 years.

Laughed
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on November 08, 2019, 01:07:28 AM
One day, after five-and-a-half hours solid of 'donkey dobber Daz', Darren Eldritch Pubesworth goes mental with a betting shop pen, leaving Gary twitching his last, his face slick with blood, his right eye a coagulating mass of blood and tissue.

When the police arrive, Daz's fingers are gripping the pen so tightly that paramedics have to administer a sedative and a muscle relaxant before the police are able to extract it and drop it into an evidence bag.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 08, 2019, 01:13:24 PM
"I don't believe there are Gays, Daz. I think they're all pretending to get sympathy."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 09, 2019, 02:18:07 AM
"EN-GER-LAND! EN-GER-LAND!"

"I agreed to help you on your paper round on the understanding that you wouldn't do that in every letterbox, Gary."

"Alright, Daz. I'll just shout it in the coloured's ones."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sherringford Hovis on November 09, 2019, 03:04:33 AM
Gary puts on Dangerzone by accident instead of Footloose. Avocato doesn't mind - it's all Loggins, all good.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 11, 2019, 08:32:35 AM
"Here Daz, did you order a takeaway?"

"Nah, Gary. Why?"

"There's an Asian gentlemen in the driveway."

"That's Mr. Patel from next door, Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 11, 2019, 12:13:08 PM
Gary and Daz get the train to Bristol just to have a couple of pints at the Three Lions in order to thank Sean. End up in a park in Avonmouth.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 11, 2019, 12:22:26 PM
"You're a real miscreant, Gary, you know that?" Daz chuckles over a pint at The Grouse and Mallet.

"Fuck off, Daz! I'm a nice bloke really!" reacts Gary, almost spitting out his Stella.

"Ah, you have your moments, but generally you're a bit of a racist, sexist, homophobic thicko! Whereas I'm actually pretty smart and socially-aware but just go along with things for larks!"

"That's not fair, Daz! I've matured a lot over the last couple of years! 'member I gave two quid to that begging Romani a little while ago?"

"That bloke was Scottish, Gary, and you were drunk! What about over in Marbella during the summer, when you started hassling that transsexual on the beach?"

"Fuck's sake, it looked like Jeremy Clarkson in a wig! But give us some credit, Daz, I've grown!"

"Alright, Gary, you've... improved, we'll put it that way."

"THANK you!"

"Amazed you understood 'miscreant', actually Ledge. 'nother pint?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on November 11, 2019, 12:34:44 PM
Paul rejects the notion of supporting Spurs out of hand. Their motto is just too much.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 11, 2019, 12:36:52 PM
Quote from: NJ Uncut on November 11, 2019, 12:34:44 PMPaul rejects the notion of supporting Spurs out of hand. Their motto is just too much.

"What you looking at, pal? Fuck off!"

"Gary, settle down!"

"Sorry lads, wandered in here by mistake! That wasn't very safe, was it?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: NJ Uncut on November 11, 2019, 01:52:13 PM
Quote from: Glebe on November 11, 2019, 12:36:52 PM
"What you looking at, pal? Fuck off!"

"Gary, settle down!"

"Sorry lads, wandered in here by mistake! That wasn't very safe, was it?"

"Seen an argument here before," notes Perry, just before Gary lamps him for "chatting shit", causing Paul to flee back where he belongs. Neddy considers having a go at Gary and Daz, believe you me, he considers it alright!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on November 11, 2019, 07:13:24 PM
MACACQUE DEL keeps a low profile in the corner
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 11, 2019, 10:36:20 PM
We should have a VERSUS of HS Art characters. Love to see Legend Gary take on Juggy.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 11, 2019, 11:24:15 PM
Legend Gary coins the phrase 'out on the Ken'

'I were proper on the Ken Big time mert'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 11, 2019, 11:27:37 PM
Legend Gary heard they have a town in Lancashire called Islam now, and even if they don't that's the sort of thing that's down the track. How are citizens going to go out on the Ken like peaceful folk if the Muslims start having towns?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 12, 2019, 09:49:57 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on November 11, 2019, 10:36:20 PMWe should have a VERSUS of HS Art characters. Love to see Legend Gary take on Juggy.

"Daz, there's some mentalcase hanging around outside."

"Leave him alone and he'll go away, Ledge."

"Oi! You! Get out of our garden!"

"Oh, Juggy! Oh deee! Oh bu-dee!"

"I'm not your 'buddy'! Now clear off before I lamp you one, mate!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 13, 2019, 08:38:38 AM
"Cuh, another typical day on the estate, broken bottles strewn all over the path!"

"Yeah, terrible waste Daz, they make great offensive weapons!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 15, 2019, 06:17:19 PM
"How'd the date go, Daz?"

"Don't ask, Ledge. She weren't interested."

"It's them nerdy glasses, Daz! Make you look like a right herbert!"

"Not now, Gary. I'm feeling tender."

(https://i.imgur.com/QdoYtk3.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on November 15, 2019, 06:38:06 PM
Legend Gary has his own Scent Of A Legend aftershave for manly men range at poundland
Daz is officially banned from buying it on orders of the Gary because he's too "lol gay".

(https://i.imgur.com/M0d9qdL.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 15, 2019, 06:42:13 PM
Gary makes sure everyone in the carriage can hear both sides of the loud, expletive-filled conversation he is having by turning the phone volume up as loud as possible.

Does the same when collecting his daughter from nursery.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on November 16, 2019, 04:06:17 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on November 15, 2019, 06:42:13 PM
Gary makes sure everyone in the carriage can hear both sides of the loud, expletive-filled conversation he is having by turning the phone volume up as loud as possible.

Does the same when collecting his daughter from nursery.

"Technically a Polanski," Gary guffaws noisily on the upper deck of the number 10 as it inches through traffic on the City Road.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Jim Bob on November 16, 2019, 02:28:16 PM
Gary joins a peadophile hunter group.  "Best to deflect the spotlight of criticism by protesting 'gainst it, innit.  If I point at others, they can't point at me."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 16, 2019, 09:34:43 PM
"Got any jonnies, Daz?"

"All out, Gary."

"Good well at least I asked - now to be irresponsible!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on November 17, 2019, 07:50:56 PM
Legend Gary doesn't realise there's been a new thread for the last three months.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 18, 2019, 06:00:06 AM
Gary changes sayings which include 'Jesus' and or 'Christ' to 'Gaz'.

Gaz on a bike!

Ey, Ey gettit
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 18, 2019, 05:49:54 PM
"Daz, how do I txt 'transsensuals'?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 19, 2019, 12:37:55 AM
"Daz, I'm bursting for piss!"

"Alright Gary, come in... but there's no shower curtain!"

Gary gets a boner. Daz just looks away uncomfortably.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on November 19, 2019, 03:10:28 PM
Gary receives a phonecall from John Culshaw doing his Tom Baker voice. he has no idea who it is or who the voice seems to be.

still talks at him anyway
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on November 19, 2019, 03:37:03 PM
Legend Gary's grumble-inspired plan to get off with his estranged step-mum falls apart after he tracks her down to Leafy Meadows care home.

"I swear to God she was only mid-40s, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 20, 2019, 01:35:00 PM
Ledge and Daz are playing FIFA 20, when Ledge suddenly puts his controller down.

"Fuck it, Daz, I can contain myself no longer. I love you and I want to fuck you. Let's strip naked and shag on the carpet."

Daz pretends not to hear him, and this odd moment will never be mentioned again. But Ledge will occasionally shoot him yearning, longing glances and Daz has something else to talk to his counsellor about.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 20, 2019, 10:43:18 PM
"I'll tell you what Daz, that was the nicest bag of dolly mixtures I've ever eaten!"

"Glad you enjoyed them Ledge, I'll be popping over to the shops again soon so there's plenty more where they came from!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 22, 2019, 04:48:35 PM
"Me daughter said her first words today, Daz!"

"What did she say, Gary?"

"She said 'WTF, Baby Yoda?' I... I..." Gary breaks down at the memory.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 23, 2019, 03:40:02 PM
"Do you know who I blame for all the problems in this country, Daz? The immigrants, the gays and the transgenders. That's who."

"Nice one, Ledge."

"Oh, and the women. Sent 'em back."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 24, 2019, 08:11:03 PM
Gary and Daz go for a walk in the park.

"Must be a duck nearby, thought I heard a quack, Daz."

"It's geese that quack, Gary. Not ducks. I repeat, not ducks. Geese, not ducks."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on November 24, 2019, 09:30:24 PM
'Merry Christmas, Gaz, here's that after shave you wanted to pull the birds, not that you need any help lol'

'Thank you, Daz. Paco Rabanne....pour homme? Darfield, are you implying I'm a pitiful homosexual - who are you on the phone to?'

'Ambulance'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 25, 2019, 06:35:31 AM
"Daz, why were foreigners invented? They don't do nowt only invade our country."

Daz is temporarily stunned by this comment, then doesn't know what to say anyway.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 25, 2019, 05:25:47 PM
Legend Gary doesn't know who this Swinson is but she needs fucking out of parliament so we can get Brexit done. As in actually fucking and he will bravely and earnestly volunteer for the task.

Gotta think about the bigger picture Daz

The bigger picture
Got to think about the bigger picture

Daz


Daz

Oh! Err, yeah. Yeah Gary.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 25, 2019, 06:05:29 PM
Just had a pair of Legend Gary's take the piss out of me for reading BOOKS in a pub, after one of them had gone on a long foul mouthed rant to the other about being kicked off the bus for talking loudly which annoyed other people because his phone speaker wasn't working properly. Made a loud tedious call to his girlfriend pretending he had got on the wrong train how LOLRANDOM.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on November 26, 2019, 09:39:10 AM
Legend Gary takes his samurai swords off the wall of his living room for the first time since he brought them back from a holiday in Cappadocia inserted up Daz's rectum 'to avoid the scanners'.

"That fucking Nambo Fumber Mive cunt is going to find out what happens when you break character in MY fucking thread, Daz. Got to be done."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 27, 2019, 06:25:32 PM
Legend Gary Rhodes

The BBC obit even says he was famous for 'spiky hair'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 28, 2019, 06:04:21 AM
"Daz, should I keep on keeping on?"

"Nah Gary you should peace out and go home mate."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 28, 2019, 10:25:57 PM
Legend Gary tries to use a boomerang on a ferris wheel.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 28, 2019, 10:30:32 PM
Legend Gary says hello to a pirate, only to have him kick him in the shin.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 28, 2019, 10:41:21 PM
Legend Gary meets "Gervais" - a hunchbacked Chinese investment banker.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 28, 2019, 10:50:02 PM
A cult that worships Gary's corpse reveals to Gary's surviving 3rd wife that he's gay and she must marry a black man.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on November 28, 2019, 11:02:00 PM
Legend Gary shoves Daz's postal vote right up his arse.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 28, 2019, 11:05:37 PM
"Gary top" — an easy way to express the expectation that if someone is a "gateway" guy, they are likely to be at the top of the dating ladder

Sez Gary
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 28, 2019, 11:07:56 PM
Legend Gary the Stoned asks his brother Steve, "If the manager of Comet asks to see you, would you turn him down?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 29, 2019, 03:30:50 AM
Gary shoves Daz down into an ashtray. "Don't ever diss Rise of the Footsoldier again!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 30, 2019, 07:27:35 AM
"Here Daz, what happened to that Byker Grove annual I lent yah in 2002?"

"Let it go, Gary. Got to move on."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 30, 2019, 03:32:05 PM
A senior cardiologist describes Legend Gary's life altering condition as ''funny''.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 30, 2019, 04:21:54 PM
''Pissing myself tbh''
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 30, 2019, 06:01:15 PM
"Another Freddo Daz?"

"I've not finished this one mate but cheers."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 01, 2019, 02:04:08 AM
"Bag of grass."

"Check."

"Slab of Stella."

"Check."

"Family pack of Wagon Wheels."

"Check."

"FIFA 20."

"Check."

"Alright Daz, we're ready to rumble!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: buttgammon on December 01, 2019, 10:41:43 PM
Legend Gary's Whatsapp group with Pubes Daz, Wanker Kev and HIV Baz goes viral when he claims he knows the queen is dead "cuz I'm banging the ladies-in-waiting".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 02, 2019, 01:17:23 AM
"Daz, where are you?"

"I'm under the couch, Gary."

"What are you doing under there, mate?"

"I was afraid you'd be angry after I took the last Tunnock's Tea Cake."

"Nah mate, we can get more in Patel's. I'll stick the kettle on."

"Alright, Gary. But I'll wait until you're in the kitchen to give you a chance to cool down in case you're lying to me."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 03, 2019, 03:54:50 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on November 25, 2019, 06:05:29 PMJust had a pair of Legend Gary's take the piss out of me for reading BOOKS in a pub, after one of them had gone on a long foul mouthed rant to the other about being kicked off the bus for talking loudly which annoyed other people because his phone speaker wasn't working properly. Made a loud tedious call to his girlfriend pretending he had got on the wrong train how LOLRANDOM.

(https://i.imgur.com/0Ztedls.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: McFlymo on December 03, 2019, 09:59:25 PM
Legend Gary has a wank over the footage of Tommy Robinson having a milkshake thrown over him, then cries after. Daz and Gary create fakes accounts on Twitter to troll cunts.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 04, 2019, 09:17:56 AM
"Here's an early Christmas present for yah, gift-wrapped an' all, Ledge!"

"Aw, thanks Daz! Let me guess... PS4 game?"

"No."

"PS3?"

"No."

"PS2?"

"No."

"What am I saying, I have an Xbox One!"

"It's two PS1 games stuck together with old gunk. I mean, the thickness mate. The thickness."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 06, 2019, 12:01:16 PM
"Daz, what is Batman?"

"He's the Dark Knight, Gary. The silent protector of Gotham City."

"Yeah, but what is he?"

"He's billionaire Bruce Wayne, who dresses up in an armoured suit and goes out fighting crime."

"Yeah, I know all that, Daz, but what really is he?"

"He's a fictional comic book character, Gary. A fictional comic book character."

"Oh right. Yeah. Right."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 06, 2019, 12:25:47 PM
Legend Gary is off on the auld sperm counteroonie. Not sure they will be able to count them all tbh.

He stares at the results.

And again. What's this bullshit?

I demand a recount!

No change.

Well.. It's quality not quantity right, right? RIGHT DOCTOR? For fuck sake

'' Nope. If I was to use an adjective it would be 'devastation' ''
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: madhair60 on December 06, 2019, 12:28:02 PM
Someone's filled the birthing pool with Carling. Gary won't tell.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: madhair60 on December 06, 2019, 12:28:51 PM
Gary uploads his son's birthing video to Facebook as "BORTH OF A LEDGEND" and is apoplectic when it violates the community standards
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 06, 2019, 12:29:31 PM
Legend Gary films son doing first crawl aged 13 for Facebook

1 comment underneath

'who' se this space mumps '
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on December 06, 2019, 12:31:45 PM
'Gaz, why are you wearing a long sleeved Oasis t-shirt, a sun hat and DMs?'

'Student Christmas Party season, Daz! Gotta blend in to hook that undergrad strange.'

'Gary, it is 2019 and you are 47 years old.'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: madhair60 on December 06, 2019, 12:33:42 PM
Legend Gary passes off snappy rejoinders from the movie Fast and Furious presents Hobbs and Shaw as his own work.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 06, 2019, 12:35:03 PM
Legend Gary buys Calvin and Hobbes annuals believing them to be 'stacked with homoerotic one liners, motors and quality gash'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 06, 2019, 12:39:38 PM
Legend Gary goes back in time to tell people about tamagotchis. He promises to look after Idi Amins tamagotchi for a bit but when he sends it back after a fortnight the creature has filled the screen with turds and quickly dies.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: madhair60 on December 06, 2019, 12:41:21 PM
Legend Gary goes back in time and instas a picture of Mohammed, eventually causing the nuclear extinction of the human race. #prophet #nofilter
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: madhair60 on December 06, 2019, 12:42:22 PM
Legend Gary says Queen playing Sun City "took bollocks"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on December 06, 2019, 12:43:47 PM
Legend Gary's shouting lager lager lager lager mega mega white thing mega mega white thing outside the soft play area in Ikea again.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 07, 2019, 01:51:30 AM
Quote from: king_tubby on December 06, 2019, 12:43:47 PM
Legend Gary's shouting lager lager lager lager mega mega white thing mega mega white thing outside the soft play area in Ikea again.

Legend Gary fails to realise they were mocking twats like him. (deso crossover)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 08, 2019, 11:27:45 AM
Legend Gary is sent to jail for doing too big turds.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 08, 2019, 10:49:26 PM
Legend Gary would give that new Finnish PM cocked-in syndrome, so he reckons. Others around him are either skeptical or don't get the reference so laugh nervously.

Steak Terry asks what PM has finished
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 08, 2019, 11:54:56 PM
"Daz, I dunno why Nigel Farage get's so much criticism. He only wants what's best for Britain - and he represents the best of Britian! A proud, bulldog nation, pure and strong, through and through!"

"Another Stella, Gary? The bar closes in five minutes. Peanuts?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 11, 2019, 01:23:30 AM
Gary gets blind drunk and puts a small child in the breadbin.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on December 11, 2019, 09:37:02 AM
"If you vote, then you're a cunt, Daz." Gary stares into the distance while supping his Stella.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 13, 2019, 04:33:06 AM
"Landslide victory, Daz. I told yah so. Well done Britian!"

"What and you actually voted for once?"

"Nah I'll never vote Daz. I know fuck all about the politic."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 14, 2019, 07:44:29 AM
"Heh, there was this episode of Fool and Horse on earlier, where this illegal starts shouting 'GARY! GARY!'"

"You've seen that before Gary."

"Hah, now you're saying it Daz! 'GARY! GARY!'"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 14, 2019, 11:27:14 AM
Legend Gary develops a sophisticated camera app for upskirting.

If you want a job doing...
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 14, 2019, 01:08:38 PM
"I'm looking forward to Brexit getting sorted an' all, Daz. It's full steam ahead! for Britain!"

Daz is asleep with a half-finished digestive on his lips.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 15, 2019, 04:16:13 PM
"I wanna be loved by you, just you, poo-poo-pee-doo..."

"Are you crying Gary?"

"I'm just a bit drunk, Daz. Just a bit drunk."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 15, 2019, 05:36:55 PM
Legend Gary concedes he has been a bit hard on those paedo slags over the years, he met one last week and the guy was pretty sound.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 16, 2019, 05:37:50 PM
"Gary, I feel really silly in this elf costume."

"Get on that shelf, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 16, 2019, 11:02:14 PM
Gary wraps Daz up and puts him under the tree. "You can be me prezzie for when I want to play two-player games!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 17, 2019, 02:56:24 PM
"Been really concerned by the re-emergence of far-right elements in the socio-political landscape of Europe in the past few years, Gary."

"I'm not sure that we were ever meant to be friends, Daz. I kinda feel like the winds of fate threw us together or owt."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 18, 2019, 01:55:55 AM
"Look, Gary, I don't mind dressing as Santa, but I reckon it's going to be a tight squeeze getting down this chim-"

"DO AS YOU'RE TOLD DAZ!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 18, 2019, 06:23:13 PM
"Meow! Meow!"

"Ah Gary, stop! I know you're not a cat, come out from under the couch!"

"Haha, sorry, Daz! Too much Stella!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 19, 2019, 05:10:21 PM
Gary puts Daz in a barrel "for the bit craic and that."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 22, 2019, 05:19:44 PM
"Fuzzy wuzzies is comin' over 'ere and spoiling our proud, white country, Daz!"

"Finish your tea before it gets cold, Gary, there's a good boy!"

"You ain't me Mam, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 22, 2019, 06:45:06 PM
Legend Gary maintains that the sclerosis charity shop (now simply cinders) had been mugging the whole place off for longer than anyone could reasonably deem tolerable. If you're going to have attitude then don't act surprised when someone steps up.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 23, 2019, 01:07:25 AM
"DAZ!"

"What?!"

"DAZ!"

"What?!"

"DAZ!"

"Gary, stop it!"

"Hur hur... 'nother Stella, great night, nice one ta yeah."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 23, 2019, 11:18:44 PM
"Ah Daz, yeah, muh!"

"What?"

"Drunk again heh pal an that."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Kryton on December 25, 2019, 01:27:05 AM
Legend Gary accidentally puts his head through his child's cot.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on December 25, 2019, 11:23:07 AM
Legend Gary's favourite Christmas tune?

Proper Crimbo.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 25, 2019, 01:11:05 PM
Legend Gary tells everyone that his watch came out of a cracker. He tells his family this every Christmas meal
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 25, 2019, 01:19:57 PM
Legend Gary rings all his relatives to make sure they are watching the Queens Speech.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 25, 2019, 03:02:28 PM
Legend Gary double murders on Christmas Day to 'step things up a notch'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on December 25, 2019, 05:36:08 PM
Ledge sheds a tear at the bells ringing in East 17's Stay Another Day
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 25, 2019, 06:26:25 PM
"Me sister Sheila got me a Fitbit for Christmas, Daz."

"Nice one, Gary! Now there's no excuse not to give up the Stella and start getting fit!"

Nah fuck that Daz fucking rubbish present threw it in the bin."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 26, 2019, 04:38:30 AM
"I think in the olden days Daz, Santa was a darkie. I think they said that on some history programme or summit."

"Er, I'm not sure about that now, Gary."

"Yeah Daz, they said it on the telly. I bet the immigrants will all be making a big issue of that now."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 26, 2019, 06:08:18 PM
"I found out how babbies is born, Daz. Mummy and Daddy does ring the stork... nine months later, baby arrives!"

"Haha, that's silly, Gary!"

"Nah, mate, it's true!"

Daz rings the mental home.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 27, 2019, 12:50:24 AM
Gary tears Daz's larnyx out. Then he stuffs it up his anus and shoves him into a tree.

Life imprisonment.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 27, 2019, 09:44:17 AM
"Daz mate I'm really sick of the politic, the Brexil and all that with the imnogrants and takin' our jobs!"

"Have you taken your methadone today, Gary?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the midnight watch baboon on December 27, 2019, 10:15:25 AM
LG takes umbrage with the critical mauling of Cats.

IT WE'RE FUCKIMG MAGICAL. DENCH. CORDEN. IRIS ELBOW. GANDOLF, BEST OF ENGLISH ACTERS he writes on the Little Cobham reporting PAGE. English can't be gay.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 27, 2019, 10:19:49 AM
Legend Gary with the amusing comedy tie at the wake. Keep it light they said. It's what she would have wanted.

Gary always keen to oblige had just the tie. Just the tie with the swastikas on.

What she wanted was a good hard shag, he opines through burped clumps of scone.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on December 27, 2019, 02:13:59 PM
the lads traipse in to the church for Gary's funeral. He always said they should ignore it and spend all day in the pub. What he always wanted, he said. They're at the church anyway. Then the cemetry. Then the working men's club after. Gary could never get in there, hated that place
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 27, 2019, 06:04:14 PM
"Well, that was a letdown."

"Yeah, a sad end to the Star Wars saga, Gary."

"Nah, Cats, Daz. I snuck off into Cats."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 28, 2019, 03:17:26 AM
"Midnight... not a sound from the pavement..."

"Take that fucking ridiculous suit off, Gary ffs."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 28, 2019, 03:49:41 PM
Legend Gary says if having sex with 15 year olds makes you a paedo he is happy to accept the label.

Also does it really count if they're fit?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 28, 2019, 05:56:26 PM
The night's over, and the lads have all left Gary and Daz's flat.

"Cuh, just look at the state they've left this place in, Daz! Joint roaches everywhere, half-empty Stella cans, XBox games cases left open on the floor... and who has to clean this little lot up? Muggins Gary, that's who! Daz? Oh, he's asleep... just throw a blanket on you there mate, sweet dreams... I'll pop the kettle on."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 29, 2019, 07:35:44 PM
"Why can't I go to Knives Murphy's New Year's Eve fancy dress party dressed as a raghead, Daz?"

"Cos it's not acceptable nowadays, Gary."

"Not acceptable? Have ye all gone soft?! Remember when we were kids, me dad used to put boot polish on his face and say, "I am Mr. Patel from Wongo Bongo Land!" and we all used to crease up! Why's it wrong now?"

"We've move on a bit, Daz. It's not politically correct, you know."

"Ah it's fuckin' a load of bollocks, Daz! You can't say boo to a darkie no more!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 30, 2019, 10:30:21 PM
Knives Murphy and Steak Terry order Gary a bowl of Dung from the Wetherspoon app.

£2.99 Meal Deal

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 30, 2019, 11:06:56 PM
"Gonna get fucked off me face for New Year's, Daz!"

"Great, Gary, that'll make a change!"

"Er... actually, I do that every year, Daz!"

"It's called sarcasm, Gary."

"What is?"

"Just press 'START', would you? And pass us the joint."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 31, 2019, 04:27:34 AM
Bifida Stig tries to ''ponce a cig'' off Legend Gary.

You fucking what MATE
YOU FUCKING WHAT
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 01, 2020, 05:07:15 AM
"Any New Year's resolutions, Gary?"

"Yeah Daz, gonna start respectin' ethnic minorities, wimmin and the LGBT+ community!"

"That's great Gary! I think you're finally starting to mature!"

"What?! C'mere, Daz, y'lirrel fag!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 01, 2020, 09:48:15 AM
"Does the Muslim celebrate New Year then, Daz?"

"I think so Gary, yeah."

"Well they shouldn't. Britain first!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 03, 2020, 06:35:25 AM
Gary wrestles Daz to the ground and shoves a stale Wagon Wheel in his gob.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 05, 2020, 12:49:52 AM
Gary makes Daz put on a dress and stand on the coffee table and sing 'Try a Little Tenderness'. Afterwards, Daz is allowed to have a puff on the joint for two minutes.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 07, 2020, 05:23:04 AM
Gary puts a carrot sticking out of his trousers. "Look at that Daz, heh."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 07, 2020, 08:36:39 AM
Legend Gary takes notes from behind horn rim spectacles about the technique of the Manchester rapist, periodically muttering 'good, very good'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: BlodwynPig on January 07, 2020, 05:42:14 PM
"He raped men, Gaz"

"You fucking what!!!!?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 09, 2020, 12:12:42 PM
Just because one member of the FB holiday group page RAPISTS ON TOUR actually raped someone shouldn't mean the rest of us get tarred with the same brush, expresses Legend Gary.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 09, 2020, 12:45:09 PM
Legend Gary has a bright idea for a delivery company that is 'banter-forward'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the midnight watch baboon on January 09, 2020, 03:06:42 PM
Legend Gary self-publishes Legend Gary: A Funny Thing Happened on the way to Pube Daz's Tit Talk via the Tattoo Parlour

on his LGBeaTsupQueers imprint.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: madhair60 on January 09, 2020, 03:12:13 PM
Legend Gary accidentally-on-purpose becomes viceroy of Colchester
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 11, 2020, 08:29:17 AM
Legend Gary attempts to sue the BBC for the series KING GARY

Pubes unhelpfully points out 'but it's King isn't it, not Legend'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 15, 2020, 03:26:12 PM
Legend Gary starts referring to someone as Brufen after seeing them take literally just the 1 tablet of it across the span of an entire decade.

He will never stop.

Y'alrite Brufen?!

The guys fucking hates it though won't let on. Legend Gary know intrinsically that's the case. You don't become this much of a cunt by accident, he innerspeaks.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on January 16, 2020, 12:07:34 AM
Sprin and Paress are just glad the heat's off them now
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pingers on January 16, 2020, 08:23:04 AM
"'ere Daz, choose a number between 5 and 8"

"Er, 6"

"Gay number that, mate"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 16, 2020, 08:46:56 AM
Gary pledges £17.40 towards the cost of ringing Big Ben. Then another £58, in case they didn't get the first reference.

He will be there on the 31st January, in his Union Jack trousers.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Chollis on January 16, 2020, 10:53:51 AM
"ere Daz, if I should die, think only this of me: that there's some corner of a foreign field, that is for ever Gary"

"yeah course mate"

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on January 17, 2020, 04:24:13 AM
Gary launches the De La Warr Pavilion with a can of Stella.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pingers on January 19, 2020, 05:25:28 PM
Daz, you know that gay conversion therapy?

Um.... yeah?

Well pack your bags, I've got us 2 weeks in Los Lesbianos. Gonna give them a taste of what they've been missing, amirite?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 24, 2020, 05:57:11 AM
Quote from: Pingers on January 16, 2020, 08:23:04 AM
"'ere Daz, choose a number between 5 and 8"

"Er, 6"

"Gay number that, mate"

Sublime
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 24, 2020, 08:56:07 AM
The council are having a competition to rename one of their bin lorries. Whilst he enlists all his family and friends to enter Legend Gary as the name,  Gary is annoyed to see Binny Mc BinLorry chosen.


Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on January 24, 2020, 05:32:06 PM
The runner-up was the name of that young girl who was murdered the other year. Legend Gary was 6th
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 24, 2020, 05:41:31 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 24, 2020, 08:56:07 AM
The council are having a competition to rename one of their bin lorries. Whilst he enlists all his family and friends to enter Legend Gary as the name,  Gary is annoyed to see Binny Mc BinLorry chosen.

Laughed
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on January 25, 2020, 12:21:58 AM
"Anyway, I was on me motorbike doing 120 mph through the High Road -and I fucking crash into the back of this dick-head bus. I go through the rear winsdcreen, get up ring the bell to stop the bus and get off of it completely fine!"

No, Gary. No one's going to believe you.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on January 25, 2020, 11:24:40 PM
Here Daz, I did that puzzle box out of hellraiser, but the Cenobytes let me go 'cos I'm already a member of the order of the gash.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on January 31, 2020, 02:44:02 PM
Legend Gary persuades his local pub to let him DJ.

Gets barred after they see the flyers:

https://donotlink.it/LaQVy
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 31, 2020, 05:59:45 PM
Legend Gary calms down the crowd after an ostentatious switch to San Miguel mid-sesh.

Steak Terry pipes up with a 'flash bastard' at the back.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 31, 2020, 06:03:59 PM
Tell you what's great, opines our erstwhile hero, Mr Legend Gary

GETTIN PAID LOADS FOR NOWT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


AHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 09, 2020, 06:46:23 PM
Legend Gary bemoans the effect of sterling devaluation on his ability to buy sex abroad.

Still glad we're out though, don't get me wrong.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 11, 2020, 10:41:12 AM
Gary and Daz's visit to the Highlands was eventful: https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/four-idiots-trainers-rescued-ben-21471514

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 11, 2020, 09:00:21 PM
Legend Gary's stomach acid corrodes the pumping equipment.

'They warned me next time they'll bill me. Some NHS now eh', he boast moans.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on February 12, 2020, 10:21:37 AM
"Daz, I knew that Phil Skoda was a poof! I bet him and Andy Peters used to bum each other in that fuckin broom cupboard that was on the telly."

"Ledge, you seem to know all sorts of people are gay. I think its known as a gaydar in the vernacular. I'm sure you've heard the expression it takes one to know one?"

"What have I fuckin told you Daz?! Come 'ere! I'm going to bum you -er not because I'm gay or would get any pleasure out of it- I just really want to hurt you!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 12, 2020, 03:08:15 PM
"DAZ! *cough cough* DAZ! *cough* I'VE GOT CORONAVIRUS!"

*train carriage empties*

"No way- you serious, Ledge?"

"*cough cough* NAH, COURSE I HAVEN'T- hey, where are you taking me? No, put that tazer away..."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-51457610
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 12, 2020, 05:06:23 PM
5 years... Helluva stretch
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 15, 2020, 11:20:48 PM
Ace Gary and Pre-Pubes Daz plan a day out where they intend to glue a bowling green pavilion door shut, smash up fly tipped TV sets with banisters and lose their milk teeth on irn-bru chewy bars. Gonna be a good day out for the scrotes.

Daz mum says 'go steady out there'. Ace Gary gets a stiffy in her presence but doesn't know yet what that means.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on February 16, 2020, 12:21:37 AM
Under cover of the storm, Gary pushes over all the sheds up at the allotments .

"Get a proper job, farmer twats!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 16, 2020, 08:55:47 AM
The worst thing there would be about having a daughter, Legend Gary blathers on, would be dealing with the mentsruals. Not up for that at all, the mentsruals.

Er, you have a daughter, Gary. You have a daughter.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: phes on February 16, 2020, 09:04:23 AM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 16, 2020, 08:55:47 AM
The worst thing there would be about having a daughter, Legend Gary blathers on, would be dealing with the mentsruals. Not up for that at all, the mentsruals.

Er, you have a daughter, Gary. You have a daughter.

I reckon she's a lezzer though, daz
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 16, 2020, 01:14:24 PM
"Daz, me granddad's gone missing again!"

"Nah, it's alright Gary. His mobility scooter's outside Ladbrokes."

"Phew."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 16, 2020, 11:34:23 PM
Legend Gary's bespoke birthday cake spelling HANG ALL PEODOS in giant letters costs £400 but none of the neighbours are invited around to help eat it.

'I'd pay £400 to have it rot in front of them' says the Iago of Staines.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Kryton on February 17, 2020, 07:56:34 PM
LEGEND GARY'S little brother (MAD CALLUM) is released from prison after serving a seven year stretch for being in possession of having 'indecent' photographs on his hard drive of middle aged men.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 18, 2020, 09:43:11 AM
Legend Gary has the message 'Now we've shown we can stand up to the black threat' queued up on his twitter page in advance of the Fury v Wilder fight.

It's been there since January 15th.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 19, 2020, 05:06:45 PM
Steak Terry reckons you can't smell quim, has no scent even when gone off.

Bollocks mate says LG. Wash for once. You make me look clean.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 26, 2020, 06:59:36 PM
Legend Gary confirms that coronavirus is nature's way of sorting the weak from the strong. Later on he can't open a jar of pickled eggs so goes to the bedroom for a short cry.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: poo on February 27, 2020, 06:33:59 AM
Legend Gary proudly admires his new private number plate - C0V1D I9
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 27, 2020, 06:55:21 AM
Quote from: poo on February 27, 2020, 06:33:59 AM
Legend Gary proudly admires his new private number plate - C0V1D I9

3D printed the cunt. Making £5 a week in pure unmitigated profit money by undercutting these license slags.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 28, 2020, 03:14:22 PM
Legend Gary's idea for a banter cafe remarkably actually takes off, and due to a few really flukey business decisions and blagging he has earned enough money to become a property developer.

You can fucking learn a lot by watching me, Legend Gary lectures to a sullen Pubes Daz, face all full of McCoy's.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 01, 2020, 03:10:25 AM
"They're coming over from Um Bongo Land, Daz. They're coming over from Um Bongo Land."

Daz pretends to be asleep.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 02, 2020, 11:24:47 AM
"Watcha doin', Gary?"

"I'm watching the first harry potters film Daz! Its fantastic! I never knew they were this magical!"

"Heh... I'll pop the kettle on and get the ginger nuts!"

"I'd prefer jaffa cakes, Daz... if that's alright?"

"Of course, Gary lad! Now you just enjoy the movie... I'll be back in a minute."

"Thanks Daz! This is great!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 02, 2020, 11:26:19 AM
Legend Gary calls a unicyclist a 'chancer' who needs to 'fuck up'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on March 02, 2020, 02:22:24 PM
'And them,' he says, as someone goes past on a normal bike.  Every cyclist is a nuisance to Legend Gary, Sir Bradley of Wigginshire excepted.  Brad's sound as.  RAF circles on the helmet, Weller haircut, mad shoes hand-crafted from fucking military grade asbestos OUT THE ROAD NATT-AH
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 02, 2020, 10:49:38 PM
Gary and Daz spend the evening throwing Tesco blue tokens at cats.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 03, 2020, 01:26:53 AM
Quote from: Glebe on March 02, 2020, 10:49:38 PM
Gary and Daz spend the evening throwing Tesco blue tokens at cats.

Gary: I say spend, invest is more fitting.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 04, 2020, 01:31:14 AM
Gary and Daz are in the precinct smashing bottles.

"Fuck Daz, I'm supposed to be home mindin' the babie! My Shirl is gunna kill me!"

"Must be hard being a responsible adult, Gary."

"Yeah Daz. Yeah. Fancy a 99?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: ToneLa on March 04, 2020, 09:54:31 PM
Gary whips out the marker pen and doodles some graffito on the shithouse wall in the local.

MY NAME IS DAZ AND I AM HIV

He etches Daz's number just below. Haha, sweaty cunt!

--

Daz's blower rings. Gary, sitting across with a San Miguel with a vodka top, smirks like fuck

"Ello? Oh yeah this is he. Aw, thanks pal! Yeah there right now mate. Oh? That's very nice!"

Daz looks round and waves and another lad on his blower waves back, gives a thumbs up, and orders a Stella for Daz. "Brave soldier", says the lad as he plonks the gratis beverage down, slapping Daz on the back. "You brave, brave soldier."

Daz beams and barely has time to glug a gobful when the phone rings again!

"Ello? Yeah I'm Daz. In the Dog n Duck right now, pal. Yeah! I see you!"

Bish bash bosh, another pint and another hearty slap on the back. "You dear, sweet man," sniffles the brick shithouse.

Gary's not having it. "Fucks all this? Did you reactivate that Grinder profile I made for ya?"

Daz laughs good naturedly. "Weirdest thing pal, these lads reckon I'm HIV. Heard it here in fact! Sound cunts the both, free bevvies for being brave."

Gary takes a few minutes to mull this over. His eyes light up, he stands and to the boozers assembled announces:

"I AM LEGEND GARY AND I HAVE FULL BLOWN AIDS. WHO HERE WILL SHAKE MY HAND?"

.... eyes cast downwards all around. A tumbleweed fucks on by. A nervous cough, and the landlord comes over.

"Sorry Gaz, going to have to ask you to leave. Can't have you breathing AIDS on the other punters. Please, you take care mate."

"what? But I just made it up for free drinks!"

The pub stares, mortified. The landlord's son Tiny appears, and spells O. U. T. 

... Legend Gary looks sadly through the window, Daz with all his new friends. A tidy bird even gives him a kiss on the cheek.

Gary thinks, Gary fumes.
Fuckin HIV cunt laughing it up. Joke's on you Daz cunt, your time is up, shit-for-blood

... Aw, fuck, hang on a minute
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 05, 2020, 11:15:05 AM
Legend Gary starts wanking over his own knob before thinking 'bit gay this actually'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on March 05, 2020, 01:00:27 PM
Legend Gary develops foreign accent syndrome after sustaining a twat to the head while trying to snog the cenotaph, and starts saying everything using the voice and mannerisms of Arsene Wenger.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: ToneLa on March 05, 2020, 03:01:35 PM
Gar describes to Soft Ted how he full-on banged that disabled bird. Wheelbarrowed her, fuckin threw her right about, gobbing on her puckered anus for lube, balanced her on his cock and spun her like a fucked turntable

"Please mate," pleads Soft Ted. "I'm trying to eat Malteasers here. Can't you think of a nice euphemism for all this?"

"Like fucking what? I fucked her arse, mouth and cunt and not in that order and wiped the shit on her curtains. The fuck kind of nickname could you do for that Soft Ted? I'm fuckin hard mate, fuckin wild that,if she could've walked before she sure couldn't now! There's NO FUCKING WAY you could boil all that down to a little nickname".

Soft Ted ponders a minute. "Umm.. poetry in motion?"

Leg Gar's eyes light up.

"That's... fuckin amazing, mate. That's exactly what it was.
Poetry. In. Motion."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 05, 2020, 06:21:21 PM
After taking the news of having subnormal quantities of neural pathways pretty bad, Gary tells the doctor 'at least he knows the neural pathway to the nearest shag'.

Later on he calls a Georgian with a shiny bald pate a rag head.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: ToneLa on March 05, 2020, 09:06:13 PM
Gary rings his dealer and asks for 3 bag fentanyl.

"Wot? I can handle it. Don't cut it wiv no crap."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: ToneLa on March 06, 2020, 08:09:36 AM
"Go on Gary, do it mate!" Daz urges, lightly shoving his pal stagewards. "You'll boss this open mic night!!"

The Legendary Crew™ cheer as their hero takes the stage. Gary gingerly takes the battered acoustic - he's no player really, and he takes a few moments to form open G, and gives it a little strum. It's weak - he's not putting much tension on the strings - but it's plenty rich and it'll do. He swaps to form open A, slowly, then back. He alternates between them a rudimentary but enjoyable rhythm, and the crowd clap along as it finds its pace.

Gary nervously cranes into the mic:

"Soz to be all soppy but this one goes out to the ladyfolk. (WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!) I wouldn't say it's a love song but.... how I feel about women is one thing I'm very sure about"

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GO ON LAD!!

Gary clears his voice, which is surprisingly strong and sonorous from all the calling Daz a fucking cunt every day for the past nineteen.

"I really love the women folk.
They look so kind and gentle
And when you get to know them all...."


The cheers are deafening, but Gary croons the last line like Sinatra on a 'lude.

"You find out they're all fuckin' mental."

Stunned silence. Daz claps, and a few join him. It swells until the entirety of the Dog 'n' Bucket is swinging and singing Gary's name. As it should rightly be.

"Wait a minute," Gary says, coming back to the mic. He has to wait thirty seconds for the whoops to die down. "No cunt threw her knickers up?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: ToneLa on March 06, 2020, 05:53:18 PM
Gary's in the Queen's Cock and suddenly sneezes and oh that was a wetty!

He notices some auld cunt on the next table gives him a dirty look, stands up and moves to another pew. What the fuck?

"Must be that virus thing Gaz," Daz enlightens. "He looks well nervous!"

Gary processes this, but the follow up sneeze is coming on. The queue at the bar is five deep too. "That right Daz? They all para about it?"

"Too right Ga-"

Suddenly Gary has leapt up, run into the crowd at the bar, and erupted into a huge, wet sneeze. The crowd disperses a little. Gary pipes up,

"FUCKING HELL. EVER SINCE I GOT BACK FROM CHINA I'VE BEEN SNEEZING MY HEAD OFF."

The crowd stampedes, and Gary is alone at the bar. No staff either, but a small price to pay for such a successful jape.

Magic FM.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 06, 2020, 08:39:19 PM
Gery drops a Lucozade bottle on the bus.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 07, 2020, 07:20:50 AM
Legend Gary gets a selfie with Burger Barry.

'Best moment of 2020 hands down'

Contracting a 48 hour colorectal situation was easily worth it just to meet him.

#twolegends
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 07, 2020, 05:49:12 PM
"Are you a 'horsey' person, Gary?"

"I am indeed yes, Daz! I enjoy riding with Tarquin and Cressida of a weekend!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on March 07, 2020, 06:20:15 PM
In the middle of a dispute with Daz about the 'legend rating' of Reinhold Messner, Legend Gary abruptly sets off to try and become the first cunt to solo the Eiger-Nordwand wearing a Brentford top, shorts, and Gazelles with no socks.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on March 07, 2020, 08:11:27 PM
^ Legend Gary thinks that the Oxford comma should be 'botch-gassed', like that murderer they had to have two cracks at in Arkansota.


new page absolutely played a blinder god thankyou you cunt
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 07, 2020, 08:20:58 PM
Legend Gary puts a horse down 'for its own good' and it collapses onto Pubes Daz, breaking his hip.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Gregory Torso on March 09, 2020, 11:02:37 AM
Legend Gary is tricked into seeing a two hour cartoon about a snail but is unable to leave because the usher looks a bit tidy and Gary doesn't "feel like" having a scrap today.
Later, he breaks Daz's cankles while breathlessly huffing, "that was NOT a superhero movie, you arsehopper"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Gregory Torso on March 09, 2020, 11:03:18 AM
Legend Gary is kicked out of the Natural History museum for calling the allosaurus "Belmosaurus Rex".



Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 09, 2020, 12:44:18 PM
Legend Gary possesses enough bog roll to last for 5 years but goes around every retail outlet clearing them out as 'the idea of everyone with wet shitty arses turns me on to be frank Pubes'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on March 09, 2020, 01:55:58 PM
(Removed by request)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 12, 2020, 12:14:09 AM
Gary, Daz and the lads go to Tokyo in defiance of the "Coroner's Virus". Drunk on saki at a karaoke bar, Gary does a belting version of The Scorpions' 'Wind of Change'. He has tears in his eyes coming off the little stage. "Best night of me life Daz. Best night of me life."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 12, 2020, 05:40:47 PM
Legend Gary ''self isolating'' with a bag of cum, tweets '2 days worth, off for cigs in a bit'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 12, 2020, 10:03:45 PM
"Its quiet out there," says Gary.

"Too quiet," adds Daz.

"Its all Corona Beers Virus' fault, Daz."

Daz does not bother replying to this statement.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 12, 2020, 10:14:33 PM
Legend Gary announces he is 'fully fireguarded from the loo roll situation'. He has been wiping his arse on socks

Try it, he urges. Socks.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 12, 2020, 10:15:55 PM
"Daz is it alright to use bleach as hand sanitizer? Daz? Daz?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 16, 2020, 11:00:36 PM
Legend Gary asks if you can uneat a monkey

Yahoo answers: 'yes yue can' 1 day ago S_Terry_81
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Kryton on March 17, 2020, 12:53:26 AM
Gets a bit of a sweat on, bit of a cough but goes to a foam party.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 19, 2020, 01:25:51 PM
"Did you enjoy your walk Gary?"

"'Walk'? Nah Daz, been down the pub socializing and rubbing my dirty hands on everyone!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 19, 2020, 03:24:14 PM
Legend Gary's core body temperature is described as 'abnormal, but as per usual'.

He grins. Cheers Doc

*spits in palm*

Shake on it
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 19, 2020, 03:41:11 PM
Gary covers Daz in soap.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 20, 2020, 04:14:09 AM
"Hello Gary, is Daz there?"

"Yes, Mrs. Daz."

"Would you please tell him to come home as his dinner is ready?"

"I will get him now, Mrs. Daz. He just done gone go to the kitchen to get heself some Wagon Wheels."

"Eh?!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 22, 2020, 01:58:42 PM
"Gary, the local Spar staff are donning face masks and delivering free hygiene products to people who can't get out, isn't that nice? You're not even listening, are you?"

"Come on Daz, let's go to 'Spoons! At least they have the balls to stay open!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 25, 2020, 10:27:39 AM
Gary posts on Facebook "Haven't had one off the wrist for a couple of days! COCKDOWN"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 25, 2020, 01:23:08 PM
"This lockdown ain't too bad, Gary... at least we can sit on the couch all day, eat Pringles, drink Stella and play FIFA!"

"What of it?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 25, 2020, 02:52:34 PM
Legend Gary lasts about an hour at home, largely making dinner (hoops and sausages) before deciding to scar the Internet and those on it.

A series of troll accounts prove particularly successful.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on March 25, 2020, 05:31:40 PM
PUBES DAZ: "Gary, I'm afraid my mother passed away last night due to the coronavirus.

LEGEND GARY: HAHAHAHA!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 29, 2020, 01:43:24 PM
Trackie Tez (famous not for sportswear but for the biro used in his emergency tracheostomy) is fed vodka by Legend Gary 'down the penhole you fucking cunt'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 31, 2020, 05:48:25 PM
What's your favourite type of duck, Gary?

.... White British
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on April 01, 2020, 07:26:03 AM
"...Hungary though, Gary."

"Nice uniforms though, Daz. You can't deny that."

"Boss, Gaz," confirms Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 01, 2020, 03:23:16 PM
"How's that can of Stella Gary?"

"It has a fruity bouquet with a hint of hops that linger long on the palette, Daz. Think it's a '19 or  20. '19 I reckon actually. A good year."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 02, 2020, 06:16:55 AM
"Gary will you stop sleeping on top of me please?"

"Snoooore."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Kryton on April 02, 2020, 05:35:13 PM
Legend Gary stole a monkey from the zoo (in 2018) and keeps it in the spare bedroom.
Pubes Daz usually feeds it chips but since he's been self isolating (more or less), and in a moment of cold sobriety LG suddenly realises the house has been very quiet for a few days.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Kryton on April 02, 2020, 06:55:54 PM
Feeling bad about Pube Daz's dead monkey, Legend Gary takes a couple of half eckies and breaks into a safari park looking for a replacement. Eventually comes home with a plant pot called Ian, utterly caked in monkey shit and blood.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 02, 2020, 07:01:31 PM
Daz's phone rings.

"Alright Gary, where are you?"

"On the continent, Daz. Was getting a bit bored cooped up like that! See you in a few weeks!"

"You fucking braindead arsehole Gary you -he's rung off."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Kryton on April 02, 2020, 07:31:21 PM
LEGEND GARY STEALS A PLANE
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 02, 2020, 07:42:55 PM
Legend Gary filmed by police humping a mechanical horse ride in a supermarket.

'Lob in a quid Daz go on ahahahahaha'

He has his bag of essentials (3 x Long rizla, baccy, bog roll 36 x lagers) so if there are questions all sorted.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 03, 2020, 05:37:33 PM
"Gonna eat out today, Daz!"

"Nah Gary stay in."

"Alright. I'll get a load of goodies from Tesco and we'll have a FIFA '20 day!"

"Just don't spend long in the supermarket Gary."

"Ah fuck Daz, you're ruining it now."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on April 03, 2020, 07:21:27 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/xz26rMR/Screenshot-20200403-191554-Samsung-Internet.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 03, 2020, 09:46:37 PM
Meat Injection.

Meat Injection.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 04, 2020, 09:09:44 AM
Miss them all

Steak Terry, Tumour Chris, Psycho Vin, Merlot Pat, Mumps Olly, Mental Martin, Corfu Nige, Lord Barry, San Miguel Clegg, Burnt Gav, Brown Colin, Smelly Keith, Fat Gary (the Fat Ronaldo to Legend Gary's Ronaldo), Gropist Trev, Captain Rohyp, Nova Will, Chip Spice, Puddle, Refund Pob, Incest Karl, Welsh Alan, Lard Man Dave, No Fucks Gavin (these days just called No Fucks), Palliative Care Chas, Gashback Graeme, Precum Jez, Embol Stu, Issues Derek, Bulmers Ned, Ladbrokes Ross, 3-Course Neil (usually just called 3-Course), Herpes Stan, Rizla Pete, Clarkson, Paedo Phil, Cunt Kev, Manflu, Golf Aaron, Inhaler Traff, Mouldsworth, Brew On, GBH, Scales, Mosul Boz, Dogs Mike, Five Taps, Handjob Bob, Borderline Nonce Si, Poo Particles Geoff
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 04, 2020, 12:35:59 PM
Legend Gary breaks lockdown to get an NHS tattoo from Veal Valerie, before ending up in A&E when it goes septic.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on April 04, 2020, 07:53:57 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 04, 2020, 09:09:44 AM
Miss them all

Steak Terry, Tumour Chris, Psycho Vin, Merlot Pat, Mumps Olly, Mental Martin, Corfu Nige, Lord Barry, San Miguel Clegg, Burnt Gav, Brown Colin, Smelly Keith, Fat Gary (the Fat Ronaldo to Legend Gary's Ronaldo), Gropist Trev, Captain Rohyp, Nova Will, Chip Spice, Puddle, Refund Pob, Incest Karl, Welsh Alan, Lard Man Dave, No Fucks Gavin (these days just called No Fucks), Palliative Care Chas, Gashback Graeme, Precum Jez, Embol Stu, Issues Derek, Bulmers Ned, Ladbrokes Ross, 3-Course Neil (usually just called 3-Course), Herpes Stan, Rizla Pete, Clarkson, Paedo Phil, Cunt Kev, Manflu, Golf Aaron, Inhaler Traff, Mouldsworth, Brew On, GBH, Scales, Mosul Boz, Dogs Mike, Five Taps, Handjob Bob, Borderline Nonce Si, Poo Particles Geoff

you missed Kev Fags
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 05, 2020, 09:29:10 AM
A goose hisses at Legend Gary, who finds himself taken aback by how it seemingly knew the most exquisitely vulnerable moment to strike.

'Cunt goose lol'
'Hahaha what's it doing on the path, fuk off into the river'
'Canal'
'Yeah same difference'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 05, 2020, 03:08:05 PM
Quote from: Blue Jam on April 03, 2020, 07:21:27 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/xz26rMR/Screenshot-20200403-191554-Samsung-Internet.jpg)

Reminds me of the sort of dickheads who used to phone up Dave 'I wear a hat to hide my knob' Pearce to tell him that gary, chicken and wozza are on their way back from Gatecrasher and still HAVIN IT LARGE in Daventry services.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on April 14, 2020, 03:54:30 PM
Legend Gary uses the last few sheets of Pubes' carefully hoarded toilet roll the same way has has used every other sheet.

Mopping up ejaculate.

'Good job yer curtains are already brown, Pubesy!'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 14, 2020, 04:45:17 PM
Legend Gary lays into a codger who has taken seat on the park's 2007-consecrated Help For Heroes bench.

'OI, seat there is for heroes'

'Are you fucking deaf grandad'


Pubes Daz approaches with a 2l bottle of Vimto to remedy the situation.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 19, 2020, 06:48:47 PM
Legend Gary posts himself to Daz in a particularly daft attempt to breach lockdown rules without being found out. Ends up at the wrong address and spends the next few weeks staying with a family of four in Blackpool.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 19, 2020, 07:00:56 PM
Legend Gary gets 'the basics', 'standard groceries', 'essentials', Deliveroo'd from Venezia Pizza

PROTECT ESSENTIAL WORKERS he selfies while giving the delivery man a banter headlock
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on April 19, 2020, 07:43:47 PM
Nah, I can't suspend the disbelief any further, Shoulders. No-one has ever ordered food from Venezia Pizza. You go in there, ask for a kebab, they look at you like you're a madman.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on April 26, 2020, 06:57:05 PM
Gary, what the fuck? Get off me! Get off it!

Sorry Daz, muscle memory, hit the wrong crotch, too many bongs.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 26, 2020, 09:29:59 PM
Quote from: king_tubby on April 26, 2020, 06:57:05 PM
Gary, what the fuck? Get off me! Get off it!

Sorry Daz, muscle memory, hit the wrong crotch, too many bongs.

lololololol
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on May 04, 2020, 05:27:05 PM
Legend Gary gets a bit peckish:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-52532267

"Fuck's sake Ledge, Sheila's gonna kill me. Bang goes her birthday weekend in Paris."
"Well worth it Daz, well worth it."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 04, 2020, 06:20:02 PM
Legend Gary commissions the creation of a face mask with "Legend Gary" on it for £100.

Legend Gary ends up in A&E after trying to set fireworks off during the NHS clap.



Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 04, 2020, 06:27:33 PM
Legend Gary reminisces on that time he abused Justin Fashanu.

"Hehe... that were a while back. Wonder what happened to the cunt"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: idunnosomename on May 05, 2020, 07:50:33 AM
Quote from: Blue Jam on May 04, 2020, 05:27:05 PM
Legend Gary gets a bit peckish:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-52532267

"Fuck's sake Ledge, Sheila's gonna kill me. Bang goes her birthday weekend in Paris."
"Well worth it Daz, well worth it."

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EXM1Pk8XQAE3bDU?format=jpg&name=900x900)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 05, 2020, 08:31:55 AM
Legend Gary opines that a cure for malaria is 'a bit gay'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 05, 2020, 08:53:42 AM
Legend Gary spends the week learning "They'll Always Be An England" ahead of Friday's VE Day WhatsApp party. On Wednesday he goes from shop to shop trying to find scones, jam and cream, ignoring the increased risk this presents to the general public.

"Boris is our Churchill and Covid-19 is our Hitler, Daz"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: spaghetamine on May 05, 2020, 11:07:46 PM
Shortly after departing on a lengthy ocean voyage, Legend Gary shoots and kills an albatross with a cross-bow, much to the annoyance of his crew.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on May 13, 2020, 11:20:13 PM
Legend Gary pretended his severe hangover comedown was the covids so he could sneak a selfie with are brave Boris. He's now spending every Thursday booing the NHS (while nobody's looking - not even Daz) and wondering if suing them for the trauma of accidentally being stuck on a genuine ventilator would look anti-Tory, unlegendary, & bad in the current climate.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 14, 2020, 10:11:16 AM
Legend Gary walks around shouting for Coronavirus to "come out and fight me like a man" after his second can of beer, before falling asleep on a traffic island.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 14, 2020, 02:21:49 PM
Pubes Daz pretends to be Gary's carer to bypass lockdown rules.

'Can we switch?'
'.... No'

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on May 14, 2020, 02:56:07 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on May 14, 2020, 10:11:16 AM
Legend Gary walks around shouting for Coronavirus to "come out and fight me like a man" after his second can of beer, before falling asleep on a traffic island.

Coronavirus mocks an unconscious Gary by flashing the medals it won in Flanders in his unresponsive face
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on May 14, 2020, 11:15:53 PM
Daz, how come we still have to pay taxes for the NHS if it it's fully powered by an old man going round and round his garden like a teddy bear and clapping ?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 15, 2020, 05:54:24 PM
Legend Gary releases the latest of his "Gary On" videos. This time Gary talks while on cocaine.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pingers on May 17, 2020, 12:32:01 PM
Gary has visited Pornhub so many times there is now a category called Gary Porn. Or so he reckons.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 17, 2020, 03:06:14 PM
Gary and Daz get their pills and covid ready for a lockdown-breaching rave: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-shropshire-52696720
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 27, 2020, 10:37:13 AM
Gary builds a fort of hoarded toilet rolls and hides in there for four hours after his girlfriend asks him to help with the laundry.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 27, 2020, 01:01:36 PM
Legend Gary reckons those spitting folk are disgusting. No lower form of slag out there. Would rather be hit than spat on.

Cums in Daz's ear later that evening while Daz is distracted by a podcast about baked beans.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the midnight watch baboon on May 27, 2020, 07:50:48 PM
Legend Gary Tangoes Daz in front of the local cop shop. Aint nuttin' none yoose kidz gonna do bout it, is there, britchezzz
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 27, 2020, 10:03:46 PM
Gary and Daz claim their podcast was banned after the forces of globalism and Remainers banded together to get it dropped, but instead they got bored after four episodes, which were mostly swearing, farting and sexist comments anyway. The one amusing bit, where Gary sprained his knee mid-recording, was never uploaded.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 27, 2020, 11:26:01 PM
Legend Gary's excuse that he's been wanking non stop the past week so decided to drive to Durham to check all this knob polishing hasn't affected his eyesight is not accepted by the police.

£60 fine, Mr Gary.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on June 09, 2020, 09:41:35 PM
Daz! Daz! Daz! Printer's just delivered!

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EaF8KomWsA0Kw4P?format=jpg&name=large)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 13, 2020, 12:35:53 PM
Gary and Daz and the rest of the lads are on the Tube on the way to the demo, maskless and brainless. Urinal Fred gives Daz a wedge as the doors open at Westminster, before high fiving Gary who shouts "Let's protect some statues lads"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 13, 2020, 05:50:06 PM
Legend Gary has painted his penis to look like a statue of William Churchill and is running up to antifa teens girls demanding it is 'torn down'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 14, 2020, 05:47:58 PM
Legend Gary reserves his cheese rolling trackies for 'the day proper'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 14, 2020, 11:36:09 PM
New mate Regurge Phil

Tells the same anecdotes over and over but solid mate
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 16, 2020, 05:34:09 PM
After Borderline Nonce Si goes a bit borderline the crew decide whether to cast him adrift.

Si finds an ally in Legend Gary

'Come on guys, yes he may have touched that girl. One girl. Not loads like the Asians. But if you remove all characters and personality from football the game's gone. Same applies here'

'No we never want anything to do with him again'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 20, 2020, 03:30:30 PM
Legend Gary says a tearful goodbye as his favourite fruity ''John'' is wheeled from the pub forever.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 01, 2020, 02:03:12 PM
It's the whole Who Am I game, post it note to the forehead

Takes 1 second for Legend Gary to guess 'wanker'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on July 23, 2020, 10:38:35 AM
"Look Daz, if I was President of America, right, I would totally send in a load of hard FBI lads in, to kick the shit out all the protesters and that. I'd call it 'Operation Legend'."

"Yeah, well if I was your Vice President I'd tell you to make that your last Stella and get to bed, Gaz."

"Oh yeah? Well I'd just tell you to fuck off":

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-53507660
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 23, 2020, 12:05:45 PM
Daz secretly writes to Trump asking if the next one can be called Operation Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on July 23, 2020, 01:04:50 PM
QuoteDear Mr Pubes Daz,

Thank you for your suggestion. I have agreed to name my next operation of coordinated brutality after you, but will follow the established naming convention and name it "Operation Pubes". I hope this is to your satisfaction.

LOL,

President Donald Trump
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 24, 2020, 07:14:41 AM
Legend Gary 'can't be left alone with that bottle of ribena'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 24, 2020, 08:16:46 PM
Staring out the living room window, Gary observes a young girl delivering a basket of food items to an elderly coupling who are cocooning down the road.

"You okay Gary?"

"Sniff.... yeah, Daz. I'm just really moved by the kindness of a small child!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 25, 2020, 09:49:53 AM
Legend Gary questions women in hijab/niqab over mask usage (is not actually wearing a mask while doing so)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 25, 2020, 06:40:45 PM
"Decided to start wearing a mask out, Daz!"

"Good for you, Gary! What prompted this sudden and surprizingly measured decision?"

"Well, I thought long and hard about it Daz and it's just not worth putting myself at risk of the Japanese AIDS!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Kryton on July 25, 2020, 11:16:27 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 20, 2020, 03:30:30 PM
Legend Gary says a tearful goodbye as his favourite fruity ''John'' is wheeled from the pub forever.

But is happy to see it in his living room when he returns home from the pub, thanks to Big Mike with his Big Van. There's no coins in it, but it still does the trick.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 26, 2020, 12:35:07 AM
"Daz, put this dress on. From now on you're my woman, alright?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 26, 2020, 05:05:23 AM
The trick is simple. Hide in someone's bin then when they open it go OOOOOZA PRETTTY BOY

Outsources the idea to Daz as can't be fooked with stress testing it.

Daz is found sleep in someone's bin with maggots crawling over him. God, he really is in an absolute state.

Brilliant. Maybe that was the real trick all along, Gary tells himself.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 26, 2020, 11:59:30 AM
"Happy Birthday Daz!"

"It's not my birthday, Gary."

Gary gets the red mist.

"C'mere, Daz... you're in for a kicking!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 27, 2020, 01:12:34 AM
Gary is taking a stroll along a canal on his own. Suddenly he spots Daz in the water.

"HELP, GARY! I'M DROWING!"

"I care not."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 27, 2020, 11:34:15 AM
Gary borrows a fiver off Adipose Harold. He's not getting it back.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Chedney Honks on July 27, 2020, 05:50:16 PM
The eternal duality of Gary

(https://i.ibb.co/gwQybyF/IMG-20200727-174912.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 27, 2020, 09:24:58 PM
"Donald Trunk is right about them immogents, Daz. They climb over walls into countries and spread this coruna 19. Send 'em back to Majorca!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 30, 2020, 03:03:23 AM
"Daz, I spent the whole night masturbating. What's occurin'?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 30, 2020, 10:03:24 AM
Gary and Daz are banned from the local playground again: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-53578780

"Us, Speedball Sandra and the nonces, eh Gary?"
"Shut up, Daz"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 30, 2020, 05:37:45 PM
Gary shoves Daz into a woodchipper.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 30, 2020, 06:21:33 PM
Legend Gary 3d prints your nan.

Best £260 of your money he's ever spent.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 01, 2020, 10:43:16 AM
Gary 'accidentally' murders Daz and buries him in an allotment.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on August 02, 2020, 09:31:28 PM
Legend Gary's idea of a romantic date is taking a girl to see Rise of the Footsoldier 3: The Pat Tate story before having an intense discussion about the original Rise of the Footsoldier film in the pub.


Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 02, 2020, 09:33:26 PM
"Daz, let me introduce you to my new mastiff, Harvey the Mastiff."

Harvey savages Daz, natch.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 02, 2020, 10:28:05 PM
Legend Gary has a date arranged to meet his biological father and is really touchy if you bring it up or talk about it.

'I thought banter is always on the menu Gaz, you say that as much as anyone'



'....Fuck off if you don't want stabbed'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 17, 2020, 03:57:27 PM
"Just off to Runcorn Sharting Centre Daz!"

"Wear a mask Gary."

"Mate you had to wear a mask and use the hand sanitizer in there before this Korean bug took hold!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fr.Bigley on August 17, 2020, 04:27:48 PM
Gary is off to meet other Gary's at Gazfest after Runcorn- A Premier event in the Gary calendar..Buy all the latest body kits for the sierra and exchange burnt CD-R's of Wigan pier.

Gary couldn't believe his eyes when he noticed a last hand keeps the car contest and it was there...majestic...beautiful...already had a "Gary" sticker at the drivers side....it was...The Sierra Cosworth of his dreams..Ford motorsport decal, Garfield in the window....this Gary had to have it...only....there were 40 other Gary's resting their mitts on it, some scratching the paintwork with their Elizabeth Duke curb chain bracelets and dad rings.

Gary means business now.......
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on August 17, 2020, 07:25:03 PM
"I thought we were meeting Fascist Billy outside the tube station, Gary"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 17, 2020, 10:17:38 PM
"C'mere Daz, let's have a snuggle!"

"Get off me, Gary!"

"Hur hur, I'm only having a bit of fun, Daz! Come on mate!"

"Gary, get off me! A joke's a joke but this is... Gary, fuck off!"

"You're nice and soft Daz! Snuggle!"

"ARGGHH!!!! HELP! SOMEBODY GET THIS IDIOT OFF ME!"

"Heh, come on Daz, we're just a couple of lads! Rough and tumble! Daz? Daz?"

Gary has killed Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Kryton on August 18, 2020, 07:53:30 PM
On visiting his Dad in prison, the notorious 'Andy Legend' - Legend Gary realises he's been visiting the wrong person for 14 years.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 18, 2020, 08:03:50 PM
Legend Gary with his JimmyWHITE LIVES MATTER tshirt, bound to put a stick up some of the pc brigade, he reckons.

It rips on first wear due to poor build quality, so he ends up having to paint the same slogan on his chest, which he does himself because Daz is left handed.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 18, 2020, 08:30:49 PM
Gary manages to fit Daz in the microwave and cooks him for five minutes.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Kryton on August 18, 2020, 08:32:29 PM
Legend Gary's mate here: https://twitter.com/BrexitBazzer Brexit Baz.

QuoteHGVs, bacon butties, truth bombs, bashing libturds and winding up my sister-in-law. FYI I couldn't care less about your sexuality or race.

Doesn't give a fuck mate.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on August 19, 2020, 01:27:56 PM
^ mad as a lorry
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 19, 2020, 02:50:04 PM
Just wants to stop hearing about it, sick of hearing it
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on August 19, 2020, 03:01:39 PM
*It's Alright by East 17 comes on the site radio*

"Christ, East 17, Gary. The one boy band we lads didn't mind."

"Too right, Daz. I had plenty of wanks over them lot."

"..."

"Fuck off Daz, you bender."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 19, 2020, 05:03:41 PM
"I love that Cow & Gate milk Daz!"

"Gary you can't have that! It's for babies!"

"But Daz, I love me Cow & Gate! Don't take that away from me!"

Gary starts crying.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 20, 2020, 10:01:54 PM
"Gary what the fuck are you doing?"

"Woof woof, Daz! Woof woof!"

"Where did you get that costume from?"

"Woof woof, Daz! Woof woof!"

After half an hour of this nonsense Daz takes Gary to the vet who puts him down.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Brian Freeze on August 21, 2020, 08:11:52 AM
Its proper bloody lovely to see you back Glebe, it really is.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on August 21, 2020, 01:07:56 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 18, 2020, 08:03:50 PM
Legend Gary with his JimmyWHITE LIVES MATTER tshirt, bound to put a stick up some of the pc brigade, he reckons.

It rips on first wear due to poor build quality, so he ends up having to paint the same slogan on his chest, which he does himself because Daz is left handed.

the R is placed beside a wet smudge where he drew it wrong the first time

Quote from: Glebe on August 20, 2020, 10:01:54 PM
"Gary what the fuck are you doing?"

"Woof woof, Daz! Woof woof!"

"Where did you get that costume from?"

"Woof woof, Daz! Woof woof!"

After half an hour of this nonsense Daz takes Gary to the vet who puts him down.

Daz says 'vet', but it's Territorial Ian with his burlap sack and bricks from fuck knows where
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 21, 2020, 03:43:33 PM
Quote from: Brian Freeze on August 21, 2020, 08:11:52 AMIts proper bloody lovely to see you back Glebe, it really is.

Aw thanks a mil, BF that's properly cheered me up that has.


Quote from: petrilTanaka on August 21, 2020, 01:07:56 PMDaz says 'vet', but it's Territorial Ian with his burlap sack and bricks from fuck knows where

"You mean it wasn't a real dog, Daz?" asks Ian, post-procedure.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on August 21, 2020, 09:16:41 PM
Daz ends up having to ward off the anger of Furry Fred, demanding the return/cleaning/replacement of his stolen blood, brain & other matter splattered £100000000000 costume.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on August 21, 2020, 09:45:36 PM
Daz's new opening gag: "that's Jawj's seat"

it's not. Navy George died in 1983. He never drank anywhere but the shopping precinct. Nobody else remembers Jawj
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on August 22, 2020, 11:35:29 AM
Legend Gary puts a cat in a bin.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 22, 2020, 12:37:40 PM
Quote from: Blue Jam on August 22, 2020, 11:35:29 AM
Legend Gary puts a cat in a bin.

'For old times sake'
#neverforget

After accruing the desired reaction from shocked twitter followers he announces with a degree of smugness it was only a pedal bin. 'The cat's fine'

He presses his foot on the pedal to reveal and annoyed cat head and squirts it with a water pistol. 'Bleach, that'

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 22, 2020, 06:01:08 PM
"Really enjoying these Mr. Freeze cool pops Daz!"

"Yeah they're right lovely Gary."

"Here are you takin' the piss out of me, mate?"

"NO, Gary! I'm straight-up telling you that I agree with you!"

They return to playing FIFA '20, but every now and again, Gary shoots Daz a suspicious sideways glance.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 22, 2020, 11:43:20 PM
"Daz, you still haven't paid me back that twenty quid I lent you!"

"Gary, we've been over this. I borrowed a fiver off you and I paid it back ages ago."

"GIMME THAT FUCKING TWENTY DAZ! Or I'm coming over there and this cushion is going up your arse."

"What of it?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 23, 2020, 04:28:27 PM
"Daz, who'd win in a fight between John Cena and Conor McGregor?"

"Oh grow up, Gary!"

"Daz, I don't think you're part of the gang anymore. You've matured too much."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on August 23, 2020, 04:37:47 PM
A malfunction in the Voyager transporter room causes Lt Gary and Ensign Daz to be beamed up as one person, Lt Gaz. Can Kes and Generous Seagull separate them before the wanking challenge in the holodeck?

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 23, 2020, 05:39:16 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on August 23, 2020, 04:37:47 PMA malfunction in the Voyager transporter room causes Lt Gary and Ensign Daz to be beamed up as one person, Lt Gaz. Can Kes and Generous Seagull separate them before the wanking challenge in the holodeck?

This is beyond meta!

Meanwhile...

Dangerous Andy and Unpleasant O' Toole are sitting in a corner of the pub when Gary and Daz stroll in.

"Oi! Lads! Come and join us for a pint!" shouts Andy.

"Nah mate we're doing the socially distancing thing! Now order some food Gary and let's sit outside!"

"Nah Daz mate, let's join 'em!"

Daz does so reluctantly. It's an endurance test that reaches it's nadir when Unpleasant coughs repeatedly into Daz's pint.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 25, 2020, 12:37:56 AM
"Here Daz, leave us some of them Hob Nobs, would you?"

"There's another packet in the press, Gary."

"Alright then. Press 'START' would you? Pro Evo '20 won't start itself!"

"Yeah. Right then Gary."

A few minutes pass.

"Er, looks like nothing funny's gonna happen Daz. Glebe, you've lost your touch."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2020, 08:15:17 AM
Legend Gary stands in the rain singing about fried chicken, big night
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 25, 2020, 06:21:19 PM
Gary rides Daz's pet Alsatian around the garden. "Not much to do with the lockdown, Daz!"

"Humphrey! Get off him, Gary! Last time you did this he panicked and ran out and bit Violent Les' ankles to bits."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2020, 09:04:40 PM
Legend Gary sets up some dogfighting to earn some covid quid but his prize fighter shits itself leaving poor old Gaz to clear it all up.

'I had to drive to fucking Boots just to lob some wetwipes at Daz, petrol money'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 25, 2020, 10:05:09 PM
"Daz, I'm thinking of changing my image... maybe become one of them heavy metallers. Might buy meself a tie dye T-shirt. What's good hippie music?"

"You could try Pearl Jam, Gary."

"That's going too far, they're fucking weird Daz! Fucking hairy faggots! What do you take me for, boy?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 26, 2020, 07:07:15 AM
"Daz, with this transbender thing, does that mean I don't know if I'm going out with a bloke now or not anymore?"

"Yes, Gary."

"Yes it does or yes it doesn't, Daz?"

"Yes, Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on August 26, 2020, 01:44:02 PM
Gary and Daz find that virtual arm wrestling just isn't the same
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 26, 2020, 02:26:04 PM
Gary has his own Doomsday Clock in his bedroom. One day Daz tells him that they're out of KP Skips in the local newsagent and Gary moves the hand one minute closer to midnight.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 26, 2020, 02:27:53 PM
Legend Gary sends some daubings of Daz being molested by dozens of pack animals to Studio Ghibli.

Maintains that they wrote back a fortnight later saying 'quite good these actually'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 26, 2020, 02:40:02 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 26, 2020, 02:27:53 PMLegend Gary sends some daubings of Daz being molested by dozens of pack animals to Studio Ghibli.

Laughed.

"Daz, I'm not political but I reckon we should organise our own anti-social distancing demo. I'm sick of being told to wear a mask by the government. Meanwhile, they did loads of rallies for the blacks and nobody did say nothing. It's one rule for ordinary guys like us and another for the foreigner. Send 'em back."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 26, 2020, 07:08:23 PM
"Daz, why are adults buying comics now? They're for kids!"

"You eat Farley's rusks and they're for kids, Gary."

"FUCK OFF, DAZ! FUCK OFF!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 27, 2020, 04:28:36 AM
Daz will always regret glancing at Gary's browsing history. "Pure nightmare fuel."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 27, 2020, 05:23:02 PM
"It's your turn to make the cuppas Daz."

"Nah Gary. I did the last round."

"I won the last FIFA '2O match."

"I've won more games overall today."

"Alright, I'll do the teas - but it's your turn to get some goodies from the shops!"

"This is never gonna end, is it Gary?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 29, 2020, 01:29:26 AM
"Good to see you wearing a face covering Gary, even if it's an improvised one!"

"Yeah well I don't want to be identified when I rob the garage again, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 29, 2020, 12:18:22 PM
"Farage for PM, Daz."

"Could you outline why Gary, apart from 'He is anti-immigrants'."

"You know Daz, you're really getting a bit smart lately. Knock that off or I'll slice you up a treat, son."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 30, 2020, 06:41:50 PM
Gary actually gets on Masterchef.

"So Gary, what are you cooking for us today?"

"I'm making a giant jaffa cake out of lots of jelly and melted Mars bars, Greggs."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 31, 2020, 09:20:26 AM
Legend Gary gets rectmites after unwise exploratory fried chicken insertions.

They are going to lay eggs and hatch in my arse Daz, ze doktors say
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: buttgammon on August 31, 2020, 09:24:11 AM
Quote from: Glebe on August 30, 2020, 06:41:50 PM
Gary actually gets on Masterchef.

"So Gary, what are you cooking for us today?"

"I'm making a giant jaffa cake out of lots of jelly and melted Mars bars, Greggs."

Egg Wallace loves it so much that he lets Gaz go all the way to the final. Gary's disastrous appearance in the final is rendered unbroadcastable due to his incessant 'nosh' puns and insistence on referring to a fellow finalist as 'the coloured one'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 31, 2020, 11:39:41 AM
"GARY! Your face is swelling!"

"Yeah Daz, I feel really short of breathe an' all!"

"Fuck's sake mate, you're going into anaphylactic shock! You know you're supposed to avoid anything with nuts in!"

"I know Daz but they're s'moreish, them KP dry roasters!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on August 31, 2020, 03:42:52 PM
Legend Gary demands everyone in the Zoom chat sing Land of Hope And Glory, but no one can remember past the second line.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 31, 2020, 09:08:17 PM
Gary and Daz are playing FIFA '20 as usual when Gary suddenly starts floating off the couch. I mean he's literally levitating in the air!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 01, 2020, 02:01:05 AM
"The Simpsons is great, Daz?"

"Eh?! I thought you hated it, Daz!"

"Did I say that? Nah, always loved Homer and family."

"Well I remember saying you hated it."

"Why would I say that?"

"I dunno, I always assumed you just didn't 'get it'."

Gary's smile falters.

"How... how do you mean 'didn't get it', Daz? And choose your words carefully."

"Just... just... that it kind of... went over your head? Is that okay to say that?"

Gary's demeanor has now darkened irrevocably.

"Oh... oh fuck me, Daz. You should not have said that! Ever seen This is England? You're in for a nasty beating, Daz, c'mere!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 01, 2020, 10:43:26 PM
Gary strangles Daz. Twenty years, no parole.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 02, 2020, 12:30:30 PM
Gary resubmits his "comedy script" to the BBC, having been following recent events, and is prosecuted for sending an obscene and hateful publication by post.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 02, 2020, 06:01:11 PM
"Daz, look!"

Gary has superglued Oreos to his eyeballs.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 03, 2020, 02:19:02 AM
"What do you think of me tattoo, Daz?"

"Oh fuck... 'KEITH FLINT 4EVAH'... Daz, that's not Keith Flint."

"Not you and all! Bloke said it was Jared Leto's Joker in the pic I showed him, you're both wrong off course and I insisted he do it!"

"The worst part is it covers your entire forehead Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 03, 2020, 06:25:58 AM
Gary describes the size of Daz's head as "about the circumference of a doll's head."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 03, 2020, 09:09:56 PM
"I had the AIDS dream again, Daz!"

"You've gotten obsessed with this now, Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 03, 2020, 11:31:52 PM
You dunderhead Gary! You buffoon! You rapscallion! You scallywag! You blackguard! You scoundrel!

Daz is cosplaying as Legend Gary's spirit guide to liven up 'it's just walking around' Skyrim.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 04, 2020, 01:11:29 AM
"There we go... family pack of Wagon Wheels, 30 bags of Rancheros, 40 Rothmans and a large Dairy Milk. Oh, and they were out of Lucozade so I got a 2L of Tesco lemonade instead!"

"But Daz, where's the Lucozade?"

"I just told you Gary, there was no Lucozade. And I'm not traipsing up to Spar to check in there."

"But Daz, why didn't you get Lucozade!"

"They were out of Lucozade, Gary! And I ain't going further than Tesco! Do I have to tell you again?"

"But Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 04, 2020, 02:19:22 PM
Gary ends up in A&E after a drunken pub fight. That's paid for by the 14th May clapping, he thinks to himself, as an exhausted nurse puts four stitches in his stupid head.

"Be careful, love! I clapped for you!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 04, 2020, 05:40:55 PM
The chitin shell on Legend Gary's fancy dress turtle fails to withstand the impact of a swerving hearse.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 04, 2020, 11:15:44 PM
"Here Daz, Shell Suit Sheridan has had a kid with Spendthrift Sandra! Of course you wouldn't have heard 'cos we're not good enough for you anymore!"

"That's not true Gary. Just because I'm doing this job course doesn't mean I've lost touch with the crew!"

"You've become an intellectual, Daz! You no longer wish to mix with us working-class folk!"

"You exaggerate. I merely wish to better myself. Stop being so immature Gary."

"I AM NOT FUCKING IMMATURE YOU GAY TWAT!"

Gary starts sticking Lego bricks into Daz's ears.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 05, 2020, 03:33:49 AM
Gary is recovering in hospital after a serious injury.

"Thanks for the grapes, Daz. Here, look at the state of that guy over there! Gay!"

"Gary, that's the surgeon who saved your life."

"State of him."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 06, 2020, 12:19:24 AM
Gary converts Daz's face into a melted Boglin.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 06, 2020, 12:44:25 PM
Gary has an automated woman's voice doing the OFAH 'Gary! Gary!' as his ringtone. "Fucking hilarious Daz, I'm asking people to ring me more often just so as I can hear it! Daz? Daz?"

Daz has swallowed a vial of poison.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 06, 2020, 10:53:57 PM
'STRAIGHT AND PROUD.'

"That's an intriguing flag you've made to fly out your window Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on September 06, 2020, 11:26:35 PM
Eh Daz, George Bush, eh? Bush! Like a fanny!

Eh Daz. Obama! More like a bummer, do you get it?

True, Gary, true. Trump, eh? Eh? Trump?

Nothing funny about that, you fucking dildo.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 07, 2020, 12:19:58 AM
"Actually speaking of Trump, Gary, I really hope American doesn't keep him in office with the election coming up."

"You seem to know a lot about politics Daz. C'mere, y'nerd!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on September 07, 2020, 03:36:36 AM
Careful, you've just set Gary off on singing the trumpety trump, trump, trump, trump bit from Nelly the Elephant again.

He thinks it's a #loldonny show of support, the cunt.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 07, 2020, 04:35:38 PM
Gary glues one of his niece's nappies to his face before attending a protest against face masks. Unfortunately, he picks up a soiled one by mistake and ends up in hospital.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 07, 2020, 09:11:46 PM
"Daz mate I'm feeling a bit emotional after watching a Facebook video about a cat."

"That's alright, Gary mate. You snuggle up on the couch and I'll make us a lovely pot of Typhoo!"

"Thanks Daz... sniff! And you may as well break out the Wagon Wheels while you're at it!"

When Daz comes back Gary is fast asleep curled up on the couch. With a shake of the head and a smile, Daz puts the tray down and slides Gary's favourite cushion under his sleeping noggin!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 08, 2020, 06:58:32 AM
Gary puts Daz in a cement mixer. Arrested later, 15 years to life.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 08, 2020, 02:16:00 PM
"Really into that dearth mental music at the moment Daz."

"It's death metal, Gary."

"LOOK JUST FUCKING LEAVE IT DAZ! You're heading for a beating, sunshine!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on September 08, 2020, 08:10:29 PM
Gary's well into his second bottle of Chilean Chardonnay:

"I'm done with FIFA, Daz, let's get down 'spoons and discuss Nietzsche"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on September 08, 2020, 08:12:36 PM
Gary paints Daz' nipples a fetching Duck Egg Blue.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 10, 2020, 04:04:41 PM
Brum the car makes a celebrity appearance at Gary's local shopping centre. Gary hotwires him and drives to Brighton. "This is the worst thing that has ever happened to our town," says the major of Gary's town.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on September 10, 2020, 04:14:01 PM
Legend Gary denies Christ three times before the rooster crows.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on September 10, 2020, 06:42:54 PM
LEGEND GARY once considered Lily Savage in about 1996, aaaah
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on September 10, 2020, 08:25:44 PM
Gary has a moment and buys some Penny Brix off of ebay.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on September 10, 2020, 08:33:54 PM
just noticed there is a 'Penny Brix' on linkedin. Stupid parents.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 11, 2020, 10:24:19 PM
Gangland Kennie threatens to do Gary's kneecaps if he doesn't join in on 'The Great PPE Heist'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 12, 2020, 12:10:06 PM
"Fancy going for a stroll, Gary?"

"Nah Daz I have to go and see Julian Mendip."

"Who's Julian Mendip?"

"The aggression counsellor guy that's been assigned to me over that 'incident'."

"Okay then. Good luck."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on September 12, 2020, 12:12:48 PM
Legend Gary, are you coming to the pub?

No Daz, I am not.

Eh? Why?

Darren, I AM THE PUB
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 12, 2020, 12:14:37 PM
Quote from: king_tubby on September 12, 2020, 12:12:48 PMLegend Gary, are you coming to the pub?

No Daz, I am not.

Eh? Why?

Darren, I AM THE PUB

Gary is only allowed to do business if he serves a SUBSTANTIAL MEAL and makes sure that distance regs are adhered to.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on September 12, 2020, 12:20:53 PM
But Legend Gary, it says here you need to serve a substantial meal.

Well, Darren, fest your eyes on this enormous sausage!

Oh ffs
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 12, 2020, 04:10:16 PM
"Gary where are you?"

"I'm in the toilet doing my wee-wees, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 12, 2020, 04:18:43 PM
Gary inflates a condom and puts it over his head. Never mind those masks, he's got a new way of beating the virus.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on September 12, 2020, 08:19:28 PM
Gary politely enquires why Kronenbourg isn't included in the Tesco Meal Deal.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on September 12, 2020, 08:26:16 PM
Gary's first foray into electronic music is to replicate the c word on the Theremin.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 13, 2020, 10:18:33 AM
Legend Gary is egging you on

Sorry, to complete that statement, Legend Gary is egging you on Thursday. This is your advanced warning.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 13, 2020, 01:22:04 PM
Gary jumps out from behind the couch dressed as the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

"RAAARRRRGH!!!"

"OH FUCK ME ARRRHHHHH!!!"

"Calm down Daz, I'm just trying out me Halloween costume! Oh fuck sorry mate didn't mean to attack you so hard. I'll ring A&E."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 14, 2020, 11:16:00 AM
Daz expresses his support for Antifa, prompting Gary to deem him a "liptart".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 15, 2020, 05:08:33 PM
A Stella Artois ad comes on the telly. Gary's expression turns blank and he starts mindlessly strangling Daz. He comes out of it as the ad ends. "Fuck, what am I doing? Sorry Daz... it happened again!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on September 16, 2020, 12:12:48 PM
"No Gary, a snake is not a valid face covering":

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-54163293
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 16, 2020, 02:46:55 PM
Quote from: Blue Jam on September 16, 2020, 12:12:48 PM"No Gary, a snake is not a valid face covering":

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-54163293

"Sid was so exciting to be going on a bus journey an' all, Daz! Fucking killjoys... still, at least I made the news, 'fame at last'!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 16, 2020, 09:40:47 PM
"Gary, my Tracey is having dinner tonight, her sister who you fancy will be there... you can come along if you're on your best behaviour."

"Nah Daz, gonna hang around the estate and set off fireworks."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 17, 2020, 08:35:10 PM
"Fancy a Stella from the fridge, Gary."

"Yes thank you Daz. Y'know Daz, that's a very loving gesture. That's a wonderful show of kindness!"

"No prob Gary!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on September 17, 2020, 11:47:03 PM
Slating Legend Gary and Pubes Daz is leftie iconoclasm. Harsher criticisms could be made about the prophet Mohammed and it feels to me like those who would be willing to cancel Legend Gary and Pubes Daz would recoil from criticism of Mohammed.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 18, 2020, 12:46:27 PM
"What'll we watch on Netflix, Gary?"

"The Lincoln Lawyer."

"You always want to watch that! Nah... how about La Haine? Although I must warn you that it is French and in black and white."

"Nah Daz, the subtitles is one thing but I hate black and white movies, even Laurel & Hardy has to be colorized for me! Come on mate, The Lincoln Lawyer!"

"Sigh. I don't understand your obsession with that movie, but okay Fifth watch this month."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 20, 2020, 12:18:35 PM
"Daz, I'm feeling a bit down."

"That's alright Gary mate. I'll pop the kettle on and we'll play FIFA '20"

"You're a good lad, Daz. I-"

Gary suddenly breaks down.

"There, there, Gary. There's some ginger nuts in the press, they'll help things along!"

"Cheers Daz! Oh Daz you're the best pal! How's the broken arm by the way?"

"It's healing nicely since you broke it Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 22, 2020, 01:22:46 PM
"GARY! GARY!"

"Stop it, Gary."

"GARY! GARY!"

For once it is Daz who kills Gary. The police bring no charges against Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 22, 2020, 03:17:10 PM
Legend Gary convenes a eight-person Zoom call to decide what names he should give his testicles.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 22, 2020, 03:52:31 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 22, 2020, 03:17:10 PMLegend Gary convenes a eight-person Zoom call to decide what names he should give his testicles.

"Was thinking of James for the left one - but I'm also kinda sweet on Jimmy?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 23, 2020, 01:04:42 PM
Gary is planning to go out on Halloween dressed as a can of Stella.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 24, 2020, 06:08:28 PM
"Alright Daz, what are you-"

Daz's room is adorned with photographs of Gary with 'DIE! DIE!' scrawled all over them in red. Daz himself is stabbing an scarecrow-like effigy of Gary with a pen knife and chanting "I hate you I hate you I hate you," over and over.

"Er, what's going on Daz?"

"Oh Gary. Hi."

There is an awkward pause.

"Look I'm sorry you had to see that, Gary. I'm sorry you had to see that."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 25, 2020, 07:27:54 PM
Gary puts Daz in a big rabbit hutch. After a week of protests, Gary eventually concedes that he's gone too far.

"We'll have to get you a bigger hutch, Daz. Barely enough room for a small child in there. And I'm sure you're fed up of the carrot diet at this stage."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 26, 2020, 11:26:43 AM
Gary buys another t-shirt from the Br*zz*rs store. This time it's got Abe**a Danger on it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 26, 2020, 03:57:20 PM
Gary rings his local police station.

"Hello, your local police station? How can I help?"

"It's about me mate Daz. He's been goin' around smashing up shops and robbin' money off kids."

"Have you witnessed any of this yourself, sir?"

"Yeah... he's a nonce as well."

"Now hang on, mate... you'll have to make proper statements about any crimes you have been witness to."

"Yeah whatever. But Daz is a right bad 'un. He's a bit of a twat and all. Complete cunt."

"Alright sir, this is going nowhere. You're wasting police time. 'Daz'.... hang on, is this Gary Braithwaite is it? If so we've been looking to speak to you in relation to a number of incid-"

Gary hangs up.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 27, 2020, 07:34:51 PM
"Can I get out of the tumble dryer now, Gary."

"Just a few more hours, Daz. Just a few more hours."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on September 27, 2020, 08:00:20 PM
Legend Gary gets his hog out at an anti-mask rally.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 28, 2020, 08:22:45 AM
Legend Gary takes a selfie of himself and Laurence Fox.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 28, 2020, 06:20:08 PM
Gary joyrides around Camberwell in a stolen Bentley.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 28, 2020, 07:54:19 PM
Legend Gary adds another aubergine emoji to his Twitter profile. Another Union Jack as well? Gary scratches his hairy balls while he decides. No, four is enough.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 28, 2020, 08:17:08 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 28, 2020, 07:54:19 PMLegend Gary adds another aubergine emoji to his Twitter profile. Another Union Jack as well? Gary scratches his hairy balls while he decides. No, four is enough.

"You're all right with a yellow man's head, I don't think that's a Chinese man. But don't use a dark emoji head or they'll think you're a bloody Al keeda."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 28, 2020, 09:51:34 PM
Legend Gary takes a full evening rifling through his research and correspondence, peering over his reading glasses, twiddling his fountain pen and taking long careful pauses to think and reflect.

Is becoming master of lockdown more my persona or is it being the curfew breaking king?

He goes for the second because the first is 'effort'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: The Bumlord on September 29, 2020, 12:46:39 AM
Legend Gary bums your sister and she bloody loves it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 21, 2020, 02:15:39 PM
How many eggs can Gary eat in a minute

How many, how many do you reckon

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 21, 2020, 06:05:53 PM
"Here Gary, any thoughts on names for the baby?," Gary's new wife Veracity asks Gary.

"Slow down, girl! We only got hitched this morning after a whirlwind one night stand!"

"Yeah, but I'm preggers, mate."

"Alright then... how about Ribena?"

"Y'can't name our chavvy after a fucking diluted drink, Gaz!"

"Okay then... Ryvita?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 21, 2020, 09:17:48 PM
No one takes up Gary on his egg contest so he goes around his neighbours offering eggs to get shot of all 21,508 of them.

One seems quite interested until remembering who Gary is.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 21, 2020, 11:09:46 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 21, 2020, 09:17:48 PMNo one takes up Gary on his egg contest so he goes around his neighbours offering eggs to get shot of all 21,508 of them.

One seems quite interested until remembering who Gary is.

"Please stand back and stop shoving the eggs in my face, son. And wear a bloody mask, would you?"

"It's all a conspiracy mate, in my opinion. But fair enough. I'm sorry I bothered you."

"That's okay. Goodnight."

Half a minute later, house gets massively egged.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on October 21, 2020, 11:37:09 PM
Legend Gary tries to avoid the rather accurate thought that young lads today think he's an unfunny, try hard, tedious, pointless cunt who offers nothing to the world and the world knows it. every night at half six, clockwork

Legend Gary swears he's still about 23 and top boy. Swears it. Daz will swear it too when he gets back with the skins.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 22, 2020, 02:05:29 PM
"That Borat is really funny, fucking idiot from whateverizstan! I can't believe they let him on telly, the mad twat!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 22, 2020, 11:22:59 PM
"I'm voting for Trump, Daz! Only he can get us out of this mess!"

"But you're a resident of the UK, Gary!"

"Don't complicate things Daz! I know I can vote him in somehow!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 22, 2020, 11:24:18 PM
Gary For Make Popular Rotherham Area Film Enlightenment featuring Pubes Daz
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 22, 2020, 11:28:42 PM
Gary blows Daz's head up like in Scanners.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 23, 2020, 08:32:09 AM
Gary tells everyone he got arrested for saying he was English, even though it was actually for urinating outside the town hall. At 11am.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on October 23, 2020, 05:25:41 PM
Gary has nothing really to say about the poppy this year, just a vague mumble before another glug from his drink
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on October 23, 2020, 11:42:12 PM
Legend Gary is gay.


For fast Fords.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 23, 2020, 11:44:20 PM
Legend Gary just sees moving arms, tendons and perambulating meat. Prime for exploit.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 24, 2020, 12:04:58 AM
Quote from: petrilTanaka on October 23, 2020, 05:25:41 PMGary has nothing really to say about the poppy this year, just a vague mumble before another glug from his drink

"Oh wait - yeah, I heard they get heroin from it Afghanistan or summit."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 24, 2020, 04:55:53 PM
Gary adds anti-masker to his anti-everything else list.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 25, 2020, 02:56:32 PM
Gary turns up at [INSERT GARY'S FOOTBALL CLUB]'s stadium and demands to be let in. "Look mate, I'm gonna scale the walls anyway. Mask? Pfff. See these hands? No sanitizer. Not washed 'em for weeks. Anyway, I'm sick of the pre-recorded cheering. YOU'RE NOT SINGING, YOU'RE NOT SINGING, YOU'RE-NOT-SINGING-NOWWW!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on October 25, 2020, 03:07:14 PM
Quote from: Glebe on October 25, 2020, 02:56:32 PM
Gary turns up at [INSERT GARY'S FOOTBALL CLUB]'s stadium and demands to be let in. "Look mate, I'm gonna scale the walls anyway. Mask? Pfff. See these hands? No sanitizer. Not washed 'em for weeks. Anyway, I'm sick of the pre-recorded cheering. YOU'RE NOT SINGING, YOU'RE NOT SINGING, YOU'RE-NOT-SINGING-NOWWW!"

SOUF FC, got to be
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 26, 2020, 05:33:52 PM
Gary founds an 'organisation' called Our Brave Anti-Maskers. He puts on his dad's old army uniform and goes door to door breathing on people.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 26, 2020, 08:03:43 PM
Gary wears a pair of pants on his head in lieu of a mask. Sadly his nose comes into contact with a fresh skid mark.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Hand Solo on October 26, 2020, 08:57:01 PM
Gary has the lads laughing all night with his jokes and banter.

Nicked them all from Lee Hurst's twitter account.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 26, 2020, 10:41:17 PM
Gary's home video titled Cumvid-19 leaks

... no wait that's just semen.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 26, 2020, 10:57:32 PM
Gary dresses as Borat for Halloween and goes out super-spreading.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on October 27, 2020, 01:18:50 PM
Quote from: Hand Solo on October 26, 2020, 08:57:01 PM
Gary has the lads laughing all night with his jokes and banter.

Nicked them all from Lee Hurst's twitter account.

all of Gary's funny patter is stand up and panel show gags with a three week lag time so they won't notice.

Gary mostly just watches like Dave anyway
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 27, 2020, 01:49:03 PM
Gary pitches his new TV channel, Gary
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on October 27, 2020, 01:55:26 PM
Ralph Ineson says he's up for it
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on October 27, 2020, 02:02:08 PM
Legend Gary has it explained to him that Linda Lusardi is sixty-two.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 28, 2020, 03:50:52 AM
Daz catches Gary wanking over a Sonic the Hedgehog poster.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on October 28, 2020, 01:05:49 PM
Gary is too busy with his new channel(on Freeview lads!) to hang out with Daz as much these days

Daz spends his newfound free time on twitch getting a grand a month and twice as many viewers
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 28, 2020, 05:25:34 PM
Gary teaches his parrot George to do the OFAH "GARY! GARY!"

"I don't know how I didn't think of this before, Daz, it's fucking hilarious!"

"GARY! GARY!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 29, 2020, 04:10:52 AM
Gary builds a Devil's Tower out of Stella cans. "It's the lockdown, Daz." Daz is crying.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 29, 2020, 03:32:00 PM
Gary attempts to paint the St. George on the glass front of his local Aldi. A security guard stops him before he's even painted a lower corner white.

"Listen mate, you of all people ain't got no right to stop me doing this! Go back where y'came from Jameel or whotevah y'name is!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on October 29, 2020, 09:16:38 PM
Legend Gary reads the new Legend Gary strip in Viz, about a Legend Gary type, and entirely consisting of events that actually involved Legend Gary.

Legend Gary knows the strip is about all these other people you get, not him
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 31, 2020, 03:02:44 AM
"Happy Halloween, Daz!"

"ARGGGHH!!! OH FUCK OH FUCK!"

"Relax Daz, your dog's not really dead it's just a prank! Ketchup, mate! Whoops this hasn't gone to plan."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 31, 2020, 09:25:21 AM
After accepting an invitation to supersize his meal Gary points out that 'You didn't say anything about needing to pay for this upgrade'. After the complaint escalates he is thrown out and blacklisted.

'The PC brigade even taken over McD' s' he tweets
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 01, 2020, 02:42:40 AM
"ENGLAND FOREVER! ENGLAND FOREVER! ENGLAND FOREVER!"

"Excuse me young man, you've bought your kebab, now will you please leave the takeaway before we call the cops."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on November 01, 2020, 03:09:28 AM
Legend Gary finds out if fish enjoy swimming in Tennent's Super.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 01, 2020, 03:29:36 AM
Quote from: wosl on November 01, 2020, 03:09:28 AMLegend Gary finds out if fish enjoy swimming in Tennent's Super.

One of them does and he calls him Gary the Fish and puts him in his 'Stella Aquarium'. "You've moved up in the world, mate!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on November 01, 2020, 03:38:49 AM
Legend Gary is about to christen his showpiece The Ledgequarium, but he falls asleep instead
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 01, 2020, 02:59:53 PM
Gary sets his boombox up in the local precinct and performs what he calls "The Superspreader Rap".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 02, 2020, 05:03:12 PM
GARY'S FAVOURTIES.

Favourite food: Wagon Wheels.

Favourite drink: Stella (obviously).

Favourite film: The Lincoln Lawyer.

Favourite band: Oasis.

Favourite person: Nigel Farage.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 02, 2020, 05:54:09 PM
Favourite other Gary: Gary Barlow

Least favourite other Gary: Gary Lineaker

Favourite TV programme:Eastenders

Favourite historical figure: Winston Churchill

Favourite underpants: Green boxers with semen stain that won't wash out.

Favourite book: Gary Barlow's Autobiography

Favourite socks: the Brexit Party ones that he always wears when shagging, barely used.

Favourite forum: ARRSE forum
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 02, 2020, 06:11:14 PM
Legend Gary and mates have a roundup of their latest knowledge of T-Cells post-Covid infection.

Steak Terry gets a glass through his face after politely suggesting widespread cell-mediated immunity without an antibody response.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 02, 2020, 07:44:18 PM
Gary attempts to use the plastic can binder from a six pack of Stella as a face mask.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on November 02, 2020, 08:13:17 PM
After making a rash bet, Legend Gary has to keep altering the Full Name entry on Gerd Müller's wiki to 'Gary Müller'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 02, 2020, 08:18:04 PM
"Daz, do you like shitting?"

"No, Gary."

Gary starts crying.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 03, 2020, 04:05:57 PM
Gary skins Daz's face off and uses it as a hideous mask a la Leatherface.

"Alright Darren, how're you dong? Oh, you're supposed to be wearing a mask btw, mate."

"I am, Mr. Pate, it ain't Daz. Six pack of Stella, mate. Six pack of Stella."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on November 03, 2020, 08:08:19 PM
As a tribute to John Sessions, Legend Gary feeds his cat Boost Bars all day.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on November 03, 2020, 08:21:35 PM
"Daz, mate?"

"Yes, Gary?"

"Have you ever made love, to a man?"

Daz doesn't know where to look or what to say to this one.

"Do you want to?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 03, 2020, 09:21:31 PM
Quote from: dex on November 03, 2020, 08:21:35 PM"Daz, mate?"

"Yes, Gary?"

"Have you ever made love, to a man?"

Daz doesn't know where to look or what to say to this one.

"Do you want to?"

"Yes Gary, but not with you as you are spud ugly."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 04, 2020, 06:39:56 AM
Quote from: wosl on November 02, 2020, 08:13:17 PM
After making a rash bet, Legend Gary has to keep altering the Full Name entry on Gerd Müller's wiki to 'Gary Müller'.

Laughed
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 04, 2020, 09:51:03 AM
Gary gets a Trump 2020 tattoo on his left arm. Shows it off to people in the pub and ends up getting punched by an angry American. Daz has to separate them.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 05, 2020, 12:40:04 AM
Gary tells a Big Issue seller to "get a job and a life, mate."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 05, 2020, 05:57:48 PM
Gary lights a big bonfire on the heath and sacrifices Daz on it. "Just like that Wicken Man film Daz, 'The bees, the bees!'"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on November 06, 2020, 02:43:28 AM
Quote from: Glebe on October 28, 2020, 03:50:52 AM
Daz catches Gary wanking over a Sonic the Hedgehog poster.

This version of Sonic The Hedgehog
Quote from: hedgehog90 on March 05, 2019, 08:56:39 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/zYYdSNM.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 06, 2020, 02:48:22 AM
"Look Daz, everyone has a fetish. Mine is the most disturbing distortion of Sonic you can think of, deal with it."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 06, 2020, 07:05:38 PM
"It's a sad day for America, Daz. The greatest president ever is on the way out. Sad day."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on November 06, 2020, 07:11:53 PM
As a gesture of sympathy, Legend Gary decides to drink Stella out of a black Space Raiders mug for the remainder of the evening.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 06, 2020, 07:13:37 PM
Quote from: wosl on November 06, 2020, 07:11:53 PMAs a gesture of sympathy, Legend Gary decides to drink Stella out of a black Space Raiders mug for the remainder of the evening.

"It's the least I can do. The least I can do."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 07, 2020, 10:02:34 AM
Gary draws a 4 on the "0" of his Trump 2020 flag and hangs it above his bed. He'll run again, he tells himself. He'll run again.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 07, 2020, 11:19:11 AM
Steak Terry has his nickname changed to 'T Cell', ''until this all blows over''.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 07, 2020, 11:27:34 AM
Quote from: king_tubby on September 10, 2020, 04:14:01 PM
Legend Gary denies Christ three times before the rooster crows.

Wonderful
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 07, 2020, 11:29:50 AM
Mangled in the wreck, a bystander tells Gary to stay awake, help is coming

'Gnnnnrrr.... Hrrrgggh... Is she fit'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 07, 2020, 08:13:55 PM
Gary makes a telly out of a carboard box and sits in it. Then he puts on a show for Daz. "In a packed programme tonight, we'll have laughter, fun and entertainment, so crack open a few Stellas there Daz if you wish!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 08, 2020, 07:40:21 PM
Legend Gary tells the tech boffins that his dating app concept 'Up For It' will be a hit, because, 'literally not one person I know thinks it's a bad idea'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on November 08, 2020, 08:25:35 PM
After an appeal results in the length of his community-service sentence being doubled, Legend Gary maintains that hearings strategies such as his are playing a vital role in the creation a judiciary that will one day be 'operationally banter-lingual'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on November 08, 2020, 08:42:52 PM
'But I'm wearing a fucking poppy!' roars a fully nude Legend Gary as he is wrestled from the Cenotaph by the constabulary.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 08, 2020, 10:19:37 PM
Gary does his bit for the covid effort by stealing a load of Windex from his local Tesco and pouring it into the water supply.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on November 09, 2020, 04:09:45 PM
Legend Gary gets the Christmas booze order in. 50p a bottle, job's a good 'un:

(https://i0.wp.com/metro.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/christmas_bleach_comp.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&zoom=1&resize=1024%2C748&ssl=1)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 09, 2020, 04:55:40 PM
^"Can get plastered and cure me covid at the same time, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on November 09, 2020, 05:36:00 PM
Legend Gary's 'Miracle' CoromasTM PENDING Cocktails lab receives backing (from the Fillet Dave Institute) to carry out recipe batch testing on Daz and Daz' brother's gerbils.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 11, 2020, 12:07:43 AM
Gary gets 'I'VE GOT THE COVID SO FUCK YOU FAGS!' tattooed on his forehead. "Heh heh, the amount of people I've gotten angry looks off Daz, It's fucking brilliant!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 11, 2020, 08:37:08 AM
Gary fantasises about a spinoff series Young Gary where he adopts the position of mentor and sensei to a little piece of fucking shit.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 11, 2020, 09:04:01 AM
Gary travels to Dover dressed in chainmail armour and waving a huge St. George flag. He consumes as much Stella as humanly possible whilst bellowing out charming phrases like, "COME ON YOU FOREIGN CUNTS, I'LL TAKE YOU ALL ON!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 11, 2020, 08:27:58 PM
Gary's favourite Star Wars character? "Harry Kim, without a doubt. He's much cooler then Hans Oslo."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 12, 2020, 11:53:11 PM
"O Farage, O Beefy, O gentlemen all! O Littlejohn, O Bushell, come gentlemen all!"

"What are you doing, Gary?"

"I'm practicing my address for this month's Gammon meeting, Daz. The Gathering of the Gams will have to take place over Zoom of course, a blessing really, Proud Pete reeks, the fat bastard."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 14, 2020, 08:43:43 AM
The light at the end of the tunnel is Gary in a miner's helmet.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 14, 2020, 02:07:40 PM
"Haven't you got the 8am fortnightly HS Art characters zoom call to get up for tomorrow, Gary?": https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-54943215
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 14, 2020, 08:06:56 PM
QuoteThe red Nissan Navara driver was also seen turning off his lights and shouting "you can't call the police because you can't see us".

That's a Gary move if ever there was one.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 15, 2020, 04:09:38 AM
Daz's Mum comes into kitchen.

"Where's Daz, Gary?"

"Tumble dryer."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 16, 2020, 12:34:05 PM
Gary turns his uncle's van into the 'Covid Truck', and drives around inviting complete strangers into the back for a chat and to share their covid germs.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 17, 2020, 12:42:46 PM
"Biden will never be my President, Daz"

"I agree, Gary. Because you don't live in America"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 17, 2020, 01:43:07 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on November 17, 2020, 12:42:46 PM"Biden will never be my President, Daz"

"I agree, Gary. Because you don't live in America"

"Yeah well as soon as we're allowed fly again, I'm off! Oh, the yellow rose of Texas is the only one for me!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 18, 2020, 02:43:43 PM
Gary builds what he describes as a 'covid-prove' shelter in the back garden using old takeaway cartons.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 19, 2020, 10:43:58 AM
Gary sits in the front garden shooting down drones with a pop gun.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 20, 2020, 11:51:29 AM
Gary composes a new national anthem. It contains the words 'Stella', 'bulldog' and 'darkies'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: spaghetamine on November 20, 2020, 01:43:45 PM
Gary reckons the giant concrete buddha he's purchased for the back garden makes the place look "dead spiritual"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 21, 2020, 08:22:29 PM
Daz opens up to Gary about his clinical depression. Gary recommends Daz take some speed and "just forget about it."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 21, 2020, 09:13:11 PM
Gary pitches 2 film ideas to Working Title

1. Bent Metal - film about a gay robot, he's so gay but can't express it as he's the first and only ever gay one. Tearjerker

2. Bet Mental - About a guy who goes mental about betting. Statham as lead.


They option 1)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 22, 2020, 02:43:44 AM
Gary's favourite food brand is Lyons Maid.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 22, 2020, 01:39:52 PM
"Phew... Gary, you've not been swimming down the beach again, have you? The sewer outlet, mate!"

"Nah Daz that's bollocks! Nature's smell that is, I feel like a new man!"

"But Gary, the signs! It's the most contaminated area of water around Britain!"

"Ah fuck off, Daz! Oh btw, that pile of diarrhoea in the front garden is my fault, got a little touch of the runs!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 22, 2020, 02:02:37 PM
Gary goes on an illict day trip to the coast and vomits all over the steps by the beach, before being pecked into unconsciousness by some heroic seagulls.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 23, 2020, 10:30:57 AM
Gary automatically transforms Transformers-style into a St. George flag whenever Muslims are near.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 24, 2020, 11:43:16 AM
"Got a new set of mates, Daz. Don't need you no more!"

"Yeah, it's a bit weird a 34 year-old hanging out with a load of teenagers and throwing things at people on the high street, Gary."

"WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT IT? Anyway, Vape Jimmy's parents are out, we're all going over to his gaff to smoke hash and watch dirty things on YouTube. You can't come."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on November 24, 2020, 03:53:54 PM
Gary is keeping the same hairstyle for a 17th year in a row. You don't mess with perfection. Or acknowledge the hairline is two inches higher now
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 25, 2020, 01:49:30 PM
Gary writes to the BBC telling them to bring Mind Your Language back.

"That was an ITV show, if I recall," Daz explains.

"Ah stop complicating it, Daz. I was only an infant, how do you expect me to remember which three letters it was?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 26, 2020, 11:23:11 AM
"I tell you what Daz, I was watching a documentary about drug addicts and alcoholics, they're such a drain on the NHS. Once again the taxpayer has to foot the bill for the dregs of society."

"You're on the dole and not paying taxes, Gary."

"Yeah well that's neither hear nor there. Oh Daz grab us another Stella while your in the kitchen, I'll role another spliff."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 27, 2020, 05:00:56 PM
"Christmas is going to be strange with lockdown, isn't it Gary?"

"No different for me, Daz. I'm a rule breaker! You'll find me super-spreading around town with a bottle of gin in one hand and a mince pie in the other! Best Christmas ever!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on November 27, 2020, 07:02:28 PM
Gin, Gary? Fucking gin? You a lady or a hipster now then?

IT'S CAPTAIN TOM'S BRITISH COVID NHS GIN YOU FUCKING COMMIE CUNT I WILL KILL YOU
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on November 28, 2020, 12:42:40 AM
Legend Gary plays 'Zombie Nation' 27 times in a row before falling asleep in his own sick.

Legend Gary, arse out, going 'wheeeeyyyyyyyyyy!!!!' on a zebra crossing at 2:37am.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on November 28, 2020, 02:06:21 AM
Daz, Daz Dazzz!
I've found a loophole in the rules, get your drinking shirt on, we're off to the pub!

...

The boozesome twosome obviously spend the night in the cells.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on November 28, 2020, 11:14:28 AM
Ever gone to get a shopping trolley and its had an empty fanta can, soiled receipt and a cabbage leaf in it (even though cabbages are for bumders)?

That was Legend Gary.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 28, 2020, 12:04:34 PM
Legend Gary fills a paddling pool full of Fanta and dives right in
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 28, 2020, 12:05:12 PM
Gary spends Christmas on the heath with a 2L of scrumpy and a plethora of new abusive terms for passers-by.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on November 28, 2020, 04:32:29 PM
Fuck is that on the floor in the kids' room?

Just one of Legend Gary's farts.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on November 28, 2020, 08:52:23 PM
Just seen Legend Gary and one of his stepdads kicking the fuck out of a bin near Food Giant.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Poodle Basher on November 29, 2020, 10:32:34 AM
"FUCKING CUNT!"


"YOU HEAR ME? CUNT!"


"FUCKER! FUCKING CUNT"!


(Sound of a wheelie bin being roughly manhandled into the gutter)


"CUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"


Gary is out and about on a Sunday morning.



Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Berthas Fat Leg on November 29, 2020, 12:30:47 PM
'You do know when people say they'd rather shit in their hands and clap, they mean it metaphorically, Gaz?'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 29, 2020, 02:36:42 PM
Quote from: Berthas Fat Leg on November 28, 2020, 08:52:23 PM
Just seen Legend Gary and one of his stepdads kicking the fuck out of a bin near Food Giant.

''It's 'kicking fook' you mem''
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 29, 2020, 03:29:42 PM
Legend Gary signs his in-house work emails "Laters, The Ledge". As he is the CEO, he gets away with it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 29, 2020, 04:05:53 PM
In a surprising moment of self-awareness, Gary describes himself as "a one-note, exaggerated characterisation of disenfranchised Britain."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 29, 2020, 08:21:51 PM
Gary and Daz practice their dance routine for their latest Tiktok video outside Tony Bastard's tea rooms. Tony's having none of it and throws a mouldy piece of bacon at them "Eat that, wankers."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on November 29, 2020, 08:42:17 PM
Hey Daz!

What?

My peas
Your peas
His peas
SNIFF THIS!

What?

Herpes
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 29, 2020, 09:33:31 PM
Gary kills Daz with a single blow to the throax.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 30, 2020, 11:37:15 AM
Daz?

Yes, Gaz?

Did you threaten to overrule him?

Oh fuck, I know we shouldn't have let you watch that Youtube Video...Yes very funny, hah hah

Daz?

Daz?

Daz?

Yes, Gary? If you say Did you threaten to overrule him? I will make you drink a litre of my piss?

Nah, s'not that.

OK, go on...

(giggles) Did you threaten to overrule him?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 30, 2020, 12:46:55 PM
Gary describes Daz as "the Alan Yentob of the Garyverse".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on November 30, 2020, 04:40:35 PM
Quote from: Glebe on November 30, 2020, 12:46:55 PM
Gary describes Daz as "the Alan Yentob of the Garyverse".

Daz doesn't know what that means but still sits there nodding.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 30, 2020, 05:27:01 PM
"I've got an idea for a new Youtube video Daz. Making sure you get your 5 a day. 5 packets of Skips a day."

Their Youtube video is retweeted by President Trump and sales of Skips go up 10% in parts of America.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 30, 2020, 06:03:21 PM
Gary observes Daz through a long-range beer glass.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 01, 2020, 02:55:38 AM
Gary squashes Daz down to molecular level and punts him into a river.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 01, 2020, 03:59:51 PM
"What would you like for Christmas, Daz?"

"A better quality of friend, Gary."

Gary is stunned into silence.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 02, 2020, 03:50:56 PM
Gary has new baby Gary Part II for the day while girlfriend Shirl does some Christmas shopping.

"You look every bit the doting father!" grins Daz.

"Cheers Daz! I'm nourishing a child with goodness and milk!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 03, 2020, 03:02:01 PM
Gary builds his own Fortress of Solitude in Northumberland using beer crates.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 03, 2020, 09:15:25 PM
Quote from: Glebe on December 02, 2020, 03:50:56 PM
"Cheers Daz! I'm nourishing a child with goodness and milk!"

Gary is trying to feed the baby on his man boobs.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 03, 2020, 10:26:32 PM
Quote from: jenna appleseed on December 03, 2020, 09:15:25 PMGary is trying to feed the baby on his man boobs.

He's actually got a bottle of milk sticking out of the top of his shirt. "Tryna feed the babie like the mamie, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 05, 2020, 05:59:59 PM
Gary is taking the baby out in the stroller with Daz for company. Suddenly a strap breaks and the poor baby falls out.

"OH NO, GARY, IS HE ALRI- HANG ON, IT'S JUST A DOLL!"

"Look, Shirl can't have babies, alright? I'M NOT IMPOTENT! Now pick Baby Boo up!"

"I thought you'd called him Gary Part II?"

"We changed it! Now get Baby Boo back in that stroller before I thump ya one, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 06, 2020, 03:52:50 PM
Gary is inspired to take up jogging when he sees that photo of Matt Hancock.

"The government is doing so much to help us during these difficult times, Daz, the least we can do is get out there without a mask and breath heavily on passers-by!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 06, 2020, 04:05:09 PM
Quote from: Glebe on December 06, 2020, 03:52:50 PM
Gary is inspired to take up jogging when he sees that photo of Matt Hancock.

"The government is doing so much to help us during these difficult times, Daz, the least we can do is get out there without a mask and breath heavily on passers-by!"

Like many joggers I've seen, Gary and Daz totally fail to social distance between themselves and someone walking along as they run.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 06, 2020, 04:07:11 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 06, 2020, 04:05:09 PMLike many joggers I've seen, Gary and Daz leave less than a metre distance between themselves and someone walking along.

Gary deliberately moves in on fellow pedestrians and breathes on them as he passes. Fortunately he's fucking exhausted after about five minutes of sort of 'fast walking' and goes home to take out his frustrations at life on Daz as usual.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 07, 2020, 02:29:35 PM
Gary and Daz set out in a speedboat for the purpose of "making sure no EU fishermen are trying to steal our fish". They end up running out of petrol and are rescued by the French coastguard. Gary is not grateful and sings Rule Britannia all the way back to shore while Daz apologises and has tea with some of the crew.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 07, 2020, 03:18:01 PM
Gary adds his fourth flag emoji to his Twitter handle.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 08, 2020, 12:33:31 AM
"The one person you feel superior too, your friend Darren, is actually much more intelligent, emotionally developed and socially aware than you, Gary. How does that feel?"

"Fuck's sake, you're supposed to be making me feel better about myself Mr. Counsellor!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 08, 2020, 04:22:55 AM
Gary get ripped off by Stabby Michael again.

"Gary, it's just chalk!"

"Yeah Daz but I find I get a real hit off it!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 08, 2020, 12:03:27 PM
Gary celebrates scoring the fifth try of the game by letting off a bottle of champagne in the communal shower.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 08, 2020, 07:04:58 PM
"I'm blocking you on Twitter, Daz."

"Didn't know you had an account, Gary."

"I don't."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 08, 2020, 10:52:41 PM
Gary's got his 2021 Summer Jollydays all booked - now all he needs is to get his mates to sponsor his dino onesie wearing "Chewits monster, building stomping" world tour "terrorising" Europe, before they demand the payment.

It's totally for charity* (*Gary's holiday, lagar & sweeties fund) and he's had artwork specially commissioned and all.

(https://i.imgur.com/INaJe04.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 08, 2020, 11:18:48 PM
Spiffing
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 08, 2020, 11:19:32 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 08, 2020, 11:18:48 PM
Spiffing

I didn't even have to add the gary.

(https://i.imgur.com/YWyVmCN.jpg)

eta: fmh there's even a version that looks more Chewitsy.

(https://i.imgur.com/3JszJtP.jpg)

(Gary sues the dvd companies for calling him a monster)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 08, 2020, 11:23:55 PM
Legend Gary says now they are making Santa of the Christmas wear a turban
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 08, 2020, 11:25:21 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 08, 2020, 11:23:55 PMLegend Gary says now they are making Santa of the Christmas wear a turban

"And the elves have to go Full Burka, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 10, 2020, 05:52:29 PM
Gary is in the back garden dressed as St. George and toting a tin foil sword.

"As England is my witness, I vow to purge this land of the immogrents!" he announces to the sky.

"What are you up to Gary?"

"Oh hi Daz just preparing for my 'crusade'."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 11, 2020, 07:52:00 PM
Legend Gary lords it over Riga Tony at the superspreader xmas dinner round at Daz's

'Not sure what's the more boring part of you mate, your one Latvia anecdote or the fact you can't even sit there through one delicious pasta meal'

Daz leans aside to Gary

'What the fuck is a coeliac anyway'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 11, 2020, 08:37:12 PM
Gary discovers 'boring old Gold' is playing Fairytale Of New York uncensored and forces everybody to listen to the station on full volume until after christmas even though he hates most the rest of their music playlist because 'IT'S THE PRINICIPLE INNIT?'

Daz earns an extra strong chinese burn after daring to ask
'if that song's always been so important to you Gary, how come you've never bought a copy?'

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on December 12, 2020, 07:16:54 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 08, 2020, 11:23:55 PM
Legend Gary says now they are making Santa of the Christmas wear a turban

Grandad Eddie has been turning up every day at the shopping centre in just the usual Santa gear as per the job requirments. Nobody's said a word
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 12, 2020, 07:18:55 PM
Quote from: jenna appleseed on December 11, 2020, 08:37:12 PMGary discovers 'boring old Gold' is playing Fairytale Of New York uncensored and forces everybody to listen to the station on full volume until after christmas even though he hates most the rest of their music playlist because 'IT'S THE PRINICIPLE INNIT?'

Daz earns an extra strong chinese burn after daring to ask
'if that song's always been so important to you Gary, how come you've never bought a copy?'

"Cos the proceeds probably go to the IRA! UDA FOREVAH!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on December 12, 2020, 07:39:54 PM
Legend Gary has an actual orgasm when Daz tells him Boris is sending warships against the French.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 12, 2020, 07:48:28 PM
"Are we allowed to celebrate Christmas this year, Daz? Or do we all have to stick on our government issue yashmaks and celebrate the Ramadan?"

"I dunno, Gary. I'll be too busy enjoying my halal turkey."

"Y'know I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or nowt no more, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 12, 2020, 09:38:04 PM
Legend Gary withdraws the whip from Steak Terry after a misjudged prank involving oak processionary moths goes awry.

'Come on mate, restore the whip'
'Not a chance'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 12, 2020, 09:56:11 PM
"Do the gays actually celebrate Christmas, Daz?"

Daz doesn't react. The sound went into his ears, but he has evolved a way of automatically turning out The Worst of Gary at this stage.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Beagle 2 on December 12, 2020, 10:03:17 PM
Pubes Daz spends a couple of hours making home made crackers in front of last night's Strictly. Occasionally he glances at his phone to register the latest developments in the football. At 90 minutes his phone judders, and a text from LG arrives. WORST GAME IVE EVER SEEN. He texts back AWFUL NEVER A PEN and goes back to inserting a small tube of Oil of Olay into a shiny cylinder.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 12, 2020, 10:18:27 PM
Gary wears his Br*zzers t-shirt on his work zoom call.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 14, 2020, 04:19:32 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 12, 2020, 10:18:27 PM
Gary wears his Br*zzers t-shirt on his work zoom call.

Legend Gary is such a proper lol random ledge, he wears his work suit on his wank zoom call.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 14, 2020, 06:15:10 AM
"Ned, do you believe in an afterlife?"

"No, Gary."

"Great, I'll just continue wasting me life drinking Stella and being a cunt."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 14, 2020, 10:33:29 AM
Gary starts a petition to make it illegals for the media to be too negative about the government. 50,000 signatures so far.

Gary hosts his own podcast called The Ledge, with Pubes Daz, Runs Jane and Burps Donald as regular guests. In the latest episode, Pubes Daz and Burps Donald spend an entire day eating only sausage rolls.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 15, 2020, 04:26:50 AM
"Daz, seen that old man with the child again... reckon he deserves a beating, the dirty paedo!"

"Gary, that's sweet old Mr. Henderson from across the avenue with his granddaughter. I mean for fuck's sake mate, give it a rest."

"Nah better safe then sorry Daz, just gonna get me baseball bat, I'll be back in an hour."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 16, 2020, 05:49:17 AM
"I'm off to an EDL rally, Daz - and I ain't wearing no mask!"

"Have fun, Gary."

"I will, Daz! I've brought a packed lunch and everything!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 16, 2020, 10:50:36 AM
Legend Gary refuses medical aid from the Red Crescent and dies of sepsis.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 17, 2020, 02:48:56 PM
Gary breaches COVID rules again to "guard the cliffs of Dover". Three hour round trip.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 17, 2020, 04:27:06 PM
Gary refuses to donate any more money to UNICEF, whom he has never donated to in his life. Daz donates a fiver secretly because "it would annoy Gary"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 17, 2020, 06:24:17 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 17, 2020, 04:27:06 PM
Gary refuses to donate any more money to UNICEF, whom he has never donated to in his life. Daz donates a fiver secretly because "it would annoy Gary"

Gary retaliates by doing a solemn week of volunteering sorting out charity clothes donations in a warehouse

BEAT THAT

6 months later Daz has started a successful NGO which according to 4 google reviewers is 'Gay'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 17, 2020, 07:29:11 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 17, 2020, 06:24:17 PM
Gary retaliates by doing a solemn week of volunteering sorting out charity clothes donations in a warehouse

BEAT THAT

6 months later Daz has started a successful NGO which according to 4 google reviewers is 'Gay'.

Gary secretly takes home any socks in the incoming donations, as no charity will sell second hand socks*. Gets enough for the next six months of wanking. The current one is beginning to smell and Daz gingerly threw it out.

He makes twelve Facebook posts boasting about the difference he has made during the week he was there. In fairness, it is one of the few good things Gary is ever done, even if if it is motivated to get one up one Daz.

*Fairly sure this is still true, I know some charities sell new pair of socks in their shops.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 18, 2020, 07:04:10 AM
Daz arrives at Gary's to discover he is babysitting his little nephew.

"Alright Daz, you can come in - but stay away from the nephew!"

The nephew enjoys Kung Fu Panda 3, while Gary and Daz sit in stony silence. Gary has his arms folded and casts an angry look at Daz every now and then.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 19, 2020, 08:48:29 AM
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-55364729

Stephen Ledgewell
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 20, 2020, 06:53:35 AM
"Daz, I'm gonna start donating to UNICEF now that they're finally helping at home! About time we had aid in this country! Want anything from the food bank, by the way?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on December 20, 2020, 03:55:09 PM
'Bloody asylum seekers,' complains Gary.  'Comin' 'ere, with their south-eastern accents and Tier Four whinges!'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 22, 2020, 09:18:13 AM
"Merry Christmas, Gary!"

"The Beano Annual 2021... Daz, I don't know what to say!"

After a few minutes just staring at the cover, Gary turns to Daz with an earnest look in his eyes.

"This is honestly the best present anyone has ever given me, Daz. You've shown such kindness today, with a lovingness that has filled my heart!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 22, 2020, 10:02:16 PM
The thing Legend Gary misses most about his schooldays is the bundles.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on December 22, 2020, 11:09:12 PM
Legend Gary sorts out 2020's Xmas lights:

https://mobile.twitter.com/RobBraddick/status/1340611017068441607

Actually, after some Googling about this story and checking that Twitter feed I think Rob Braddick from Devon may actually be Gary Himself. Fascinating:

https://www.northdevongazette.co.uk/news/coronavirus-devon-arcade-fills-grabber-prize-machines-with-loo-rolls-6055984

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/showbiz/kelly-brook-fan-using-bra-21607455

https://mobile.twitter.com/RobBraddick/status/1337102392844750849
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 23, 2020, 02:38:39 AM
Legend Gary has a foolproof plan to grab the Christmas No 1 with a 'lol gay' rewrite of Last Christmas.
Daz is getting ultra fed up with it all, especially as Gaz keeps making him "sing like a girl', while Gary 'plays' a shitty backing track that came free with the toy keyboard.

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day I found out you were gay, this year, to save me from queers, I'll give it to someone special"

He hasn't worked out how to change the rest of the lyrics yet, or how to get it onto anything that'll count towards the charts,
and he keeps trying to get some "actual birds" he knows/looked at in a pub once, to sing on it but they either sing worse than Daz, or don't want anything to do with him, weirdly.

but it's a start.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 23, 2020, 10:48:02 AM
"So do these transgranders celebrate the Christmas then, Daz?"

"Why are you asking me that, Gary?"

"Cos you seem to know all about these things, Daz!"

The pair continue watching the DVR recording of last nights Match of the Day in silence, Gary arms-folded in a huff and Daz desperately trying to suppress a laugh that could trigger an infamous Gary Punch-Bout.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jobotic on December 23, 2020, 10:49:34 AM
Quote from: jenna appleseed on December 23, 2020, 02:38:39 AM


"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day I found out you were gay, this year, to save me from queers, I'll give it to someone special"


Christ, I've done this myself, in the shower.

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you said you were gay. This year, to save me from tears [missed a trick there], I'll give it to someone hetero"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 23, 2020, 10:57:08 AM
"Alright, Gary?"

"Haha, having a bit of a brain fart, Gary?"

"Nah Daz, I'm calling you 'Gary' from now on! The Two Garys!"

"Gary, that's mental."

"GARY! GARY GARY GARY!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 23, 2020, 11:53:44 AM
Gary misses being able to punch someone in the bollocks during the scrum, before trying to blame someone else.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on December 23, 2020, 03:23:01 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 23, 2020, 11:53:44 AM
Gary misses being able to punch someone in the bollocks during the scrum, before trying to blame someone else.

Gary gets booked every single time he falls victim to one of the Dark Arts and retaliates a minute later. And for mouthing off at the ref. And jailed for robbing £3.80 in change from an unlocked car in the car park. Couldn't avoid just helping himself
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 23, 2020, 11:06:15 PM
Quote from: jobotic on December 23, 2020, 10:49:34 AM
Christ, I've done this myself, in the shower.

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you said you were gay. This year, to save me from tears [missed a trick there], I'll give it to someone hetero"

I semi stole it from something I read ages ago, supposedly said/written by Boy George on George Michael (the two Georges had beef). pos from an interview Boy dissing George with Last Christmas you said you were straight, the very next day you said you were gay. (may have misremembered the exact phrasing but it doesn't quite work does it)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 23, 2020, 11:24:43 PM
Gary debags Fosters Fred during their football game before starting a bundle during half time.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 23, 2020, 11:34:47 PM
Legend Gary threatens to boycott sausage rolls if "those ladbaby bastards"[nb]*tm Legend Gary you have been warned, no thieving[/nb] or that "Kunt cunt"[nb]*tm Legend Gary you have been warned, no thieving[/nb] beat him to no. 1.

"Sausage Roll" Greg who works at Greggs, isn't scared of going out of business, he knows Gary's talking nonsense & won't be able to stick to it. Garry  made the same claim last time over all "that vegan bollocks", and was still back there stuffing his face. Didn't even realise they were slipping him the non-sausage.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 23, 2020, 11:43:12 PM
Legend Gary designs a fake coat of arms for himself and sets it as his Facebook picture.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 24, 2020, 07:59:22 AM
"Happy Ramadan, Daz! Here, I bought you the yashmak as a prezzie! No ham for me, thank you very much!"

"Er... are you feeling okay, Gary?"

"Feeling okay? I'm on top of the world, Daz! I've decided to just give in to our Muslim overlords... they come over 'ere in their boats and get free money and houses off the British Government! And all the soppy bleeding-hearts defend them... and you can't say nowt about 'em without been accused of been a racialist! So fuck it Daz, I've just given in. The world's gone mad!"

"You're the silent majority, Gary."

"That's it, Daz. No Stella for me by the way, we're not allowed it!"

Daz rings the doctor while Gary does a belly dance around the living room.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 24, 2020, 10:05:37 AM
Gary is arrested for once again breaching social distancing regulations while protesting with the lads outside Channel 4's headquarters over the deepfake Queen.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 24, 2020, 10:10:34 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 24, 2020, 10:05:37 AMGary is arrested for once again breaching social distancing regulations while protesting with the lads outside Channel 4's headquarters over the deepfake Queen.

Good-with-Computers Charlie does a deepfake of Gary that goes viral. "That fucking nerd... looks shite anyway Daz, PS1-standard graphics."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 24, 2020, 10:18:48 AM
Legend Gary later farts on the monthly HS Art character Zoom call and blames it on his deepfake.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 25, 2020, 04:30:12 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 24, 2020, 10:18:48 AM
Legend Gary later farts on the monthly HS Art character Zoom call and blames it on his deepfake.

Ned is banned because he mentally bluescreens trying to comprehend that video videophone actually exists now, (& he can't access zoom on windows xp anyway.)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 25, 2020, 08:58:32 AM
Legend Gary paints a union jack on each of his cheeks in celebration of the Brexit Deal before singing Land of Hope and Glory
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 25, 2020, 09:33:34 AM
Happy Christmas from T-Cell, Steak Terry & The Toilet Boys
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 25, 2020, 09:37:46 AM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 25, 2020, 09:33:34 AMHappy Christmas from T-Cell, Steak Terry & The Toilet Boys

"Where's Stabs Brentford, T-Cell?"

"Couldn't make it, Gary. He's in a cell. No sign of Daz, then?"

"Nah. He's not arsed with our super-spreader get together. Anyway, Season's Greetings! Crack open the Stella lads!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 26, 2020, 01:01:49 PM
Gary kills and roasts a jackdaw. "Turkey's in the oven, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 28, 2020, 01:23:56 PM
Gary is impressed when Daz spray-paints a big cock and balls on the shed of a local cunt. "You're creative as fuck, Daz, you know that?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 28, 2020, 03:02:33 PM
Gary and Daz are driving along Chemin du Tombey frantically.

"Can't possibly be mildly inconvenienced for a few days, Daz. Put the Great Escape soundtrack CD on and let me know when we're near a service station."

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 29, 2020, 01:26:44 PM
"All set for the New Year's Eve party, Daz?"

"Gary, the lockdown."

"Ah fuck that. Conspiracy shite. If I don't get at least a hundred at me bash I'll go out in the street and drag 'em in."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 29, 2020, 04:06:11 PM
"2021's going to be great, Daz. Just like Boris said about 2020."

"I doubt many people would agree with you, Gary."

"Sheep Daz. Just sheep"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 30, 2020, 10:58:44 AM
Legend Gary's self-published his Big Book of Celebrity Garys

Will his least favourite Gary be Gary Glitter?

Which Celebrity Gary would he choose for the England squad line up?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 30, 2020, 01:32:54 PM
"So did you enjoy that turntable I got you for Christmas, Gary?"

"Yeah Daz, cheers. Er... oh, here, have this 2 Fast 2 Furious DVD I've just found down the side of the couch for your present."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on December 30, 2020, 01:34:54 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 30, 2020, 10:58:44 AM
Legend Gary's self-published his Big Book of Celebrity Garys

Will his least favourite Gary be Gary Glitter?

Which Celebrity Gary would he choose for the England squad line up?

he names Gary Stevens AND Gary Stevens as his starting full backs
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 30, 2020, 08:42:28 PM
Gary sprays a load of Sinex in Daz's face, because "It helps with colds and flus".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on December 30, 2020, 08:54:32 PM
Gary's gonna be awake all night working out how best to combine Daz with those condemned fireworks.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 30, 2020, 08:59:34 PM
"Are you afraid of death, Gary?"

"Nah, Daz. It's just like going to sleep, innit? There's nowt you can do about it so just enjoy the ride!"

"That's surprisingly philosophical coming from you Gary, especially considering what a brainless, ignorant cunt you are."

Gary is so stunned by Daz's candid statement that he kind of just pretends Daz didn't say anything.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 31, 2020, 12:51:44 PM
Gary considers a family bag of Wotsits to be a "moveable feast".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 01, 2021, 01:33:15 AM
Gary celebrates the New Year in style on the local heath with a load of illegal Chinese fireworks.

"It's amazing, isn't it lads, the China give us both the worst and best things in the world!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 01, 2021, 07:55:48 PM
Gary has been attending a councillor as part of his rehabilitation.

"Gary, could you tell me one of your earliest memories?"

"I remember there was a box of Farley's Rusk. And I begged and pleaded with me dad, but he wouldn't give me nowt. I was only a small child!"

"Go on, Gary. Let it all out."

Gary breaks down, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Do you feel any better now, Gary?"

"Yeah, councillor... cheers... now I realise that it if I'd only have been allowed them rusks, I would have probably grown up to be a model citizen! Thanks, councillor!"

"The councillor puts his pen down and claps his hands together.

"My work here is done."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 02, 2021, 01:57:06 AM
Gary gift-wraps Daz and posts him to Tommy Robinson with an attached note that reads, "To Tommo - a belated prezzie! Please find within a brand new punch bag, whoops spoiled the surprise!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 02, 2021, 02:29:53 AM
Gary's EastEnders fan fiction website has over 7 submissions.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 02, 2021, 10:42:00 AM
Quote from: Glebe on December 31, 2020, 12:51:44 PM
Gary considers a family bag of Wotsits to be a "moveable feast".

Enjoyed that
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 02, 2021, 02:16:38 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 02, 2021, 10:42:00 AMEnjoyed that

Thanks Shoulders!

Gary reveals his latest TV binge: Fimbles.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 03, 2021, 02:39:46 PM
Gary marches an army of fellow 'Gary's Defenders of England' onto the heath with a big sign reading 'NO IMMIGRANTS NO MASKS NO EUROPE'. When I say an army I mean Angel Dust John and Tennant's Tina. "You better have that speed you promised me for doin' this Gazza, it's fucking baltic out here!" grumbles Angel.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 03, 2021, 02:44:53 PM
Gary deletes all his "No Deal is better than a bad deal" and "#LetsgoWTO" tweets, replacing them with ones calling for the BBC to be defunded for questioning the Prime Minister's Brexit Deal.

He finds a tattoo parlour ignoring COVID regulations to get a tattoo of Farage and Johnson hi-fiving and "Brexit delivered 31/12/2020" and a full English Breakfast with a little Union flag in it" £200 well spent, thinks Gary as he sits at home wanking slowly.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 03, 2021, 02:58:26 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 03, 2021, 02:44:53 PM£200 well spent, thinks Gary as he sits at home wanking slowly over a photo of Priti Patel in The Sun.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 04, 2021, 03:32:42 PM
Gary switches on the radio while he hotwires a car. Bob James' 'Angela' (the theme from Taxi) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lDuFxKWdGw) plays as he smilingly steals the vehicle.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 05, 2021, 12:20:34 AM
Gary tells everyone that his Granny was the inspiration for Super Gran.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 05, 2021, 05:21:18 PM
Gary accuses Daz of being "antisocial. You never attend any of the local anti-immigration rallies, for instance."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on January 05, 2021, 07:27:05 PM
Quote from: Glebe on January 04, 2021, 03:32:42 PM
Gary switches on the radio while he hotwires a car. Bob James' 'Angela' (the theme from Taxi) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lDuFxKWdGw) plays as he smilingly steals the vehicle.

Nice touch, Glebe.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 05, 2021, 07:28:56 PM
Quote from: dex on January 05, 2021, 07:27:05 PMNice touch, Glebe.

Cheers dex!

Gary ties Daz to the back of a tractor and drives around the estate.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 06, 2021, 01:04:40 PM
For his next Youtube video, Gary takes a bath in different soft drinks and compares the feeling.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 06, 2021, 05:13:25 PM
Gary uses his phone to make a full-length documentary entitled My Friends and Neighbours Pick Their Favourite Only Fools and Horses Moments. He gets the video burned onto a load of discs and goes door to door selling them, with the proceeds going to help his new charity, Immigrants Out.

"My fave moment's got to be Del on the jet ski!" Gary says in doc.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 07, 2021, 05:18:55 PM
Gary storms Parliament with Junkie Jim and Axe-Murderer Mick in tow.

"JOHNSON IS MY PRIME MINISTER!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 07, 2021, 10:39:40 PM
Legend Gary is described as 'in a stupor', while another passer by takes care to walk right over to him and kick him. He grins.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 08, 2021, 07:17:09 PM
Legend Gary disagrees with the police officers who fine him that driving 100 miles does not put you in your local area.

"Still England, amirite?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 08, 2021, 08:44:27 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 08, 2021, 07:17:09 PMLegend Gary disagrees with the police officers who fine him that driving 100 miles does not put you in your local area.

"Still England, amirite?"

"And you can take the masks off lads, I'm not fooled by the covi-conspiracy."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 09, 2021, 01:22:04 AM
Daz asks Gary to sum himself up in five words.

"Sensitive. Shy. Thoughtful. Considerate. Kind."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 09, 2021, 09:21:17 AM
Gary leaves Twitter in solidarity with President Trump...for an hour
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jobotic on January 09, 2021, 09:48:40 AM
Gary sits with his feet up on the library enquiry desk wearing a pair of deely boppers he found in his mum's cupboard under the stairs.

Daz falls off one of the shelving units.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 10, 2021, 07:04:53 PM
Daz snuggles up on the couch with an Options hot chocolate and watches Julia Roberts movie Eat Pray Love while Gary and the other lads go carjacking.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 11, 2021, 02:57:52 AM
"It's time to step things up a notch, Daz."

And with that, Gary dashes into Tesco and starts tearing people's masks off.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 11, 2021, 11:52:50 PM
Gary thinks they should show hardcore porn in Sex Ed.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 12, 2021, 08:19:21 PM
"Enjoy that Super Soaker Event you're going to Gary, but remember to wear your mask and keep some distance!"

Gary sighs. "I'm disappointed in you, Daz. It's 'Super Spreader Event', obviously!"

"Sorry Gary, yeah, momentarily lapse there. Makes sense."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on January 12, 2021, 08:33:04 PM
Nah, fooled you Daz, it's super soakers full of booze, we're squirting it right down each others throats. The winner is whoever gets the most pissed and is still standing.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 12, 2021, 09:07:38 PM
A few hours into the super soakers full of booze Gary and Daz get so drunk they start using their cocks as "super soakers" and stagger around trying to piss on each other. They pass out on the back lawn lying on top of their leaking cocks.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 13, 2021, 03:51:57 AM
"Gary calls for aid!"

"And Roland answers!"

"Cheers Rizla Roland, he's all out of papers and gagging for a smoke!"

"No prob Daz, tell him we ride at dawn!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 14, 2021, 05:20:15 AM
Daz discovers Gary in a smoking jacket reading a biography of Oscar Wilde. "Oh, Daz, while you're in the kitchen, would you mind preparing me an Earl Grey? Thanks, old thing."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 15, 2021, 03:26:49 AM
Gary drives to the top of Ben Nevis, gets Daz out of the boot, attaches him to a bungie cord and sends him "on the adventure of a lifetime!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 15, 2021, 07:25:45 PM
Gary films himself attending Trouping the Colour with a butt plug in and declares upskirting is 'coming back in a big way'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on January 15, 2021, 09:31:07 PM
Gary cums over his own tits and face.

'Covid, Daz. Gotta keep safe.'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 16, 2021, 07:31:35 AM
Gary tries to start a movement called Covid-Sceptic English Lives Matter, but his first rally ends when Quaaludes Jake falls ill and he is left to carry the banner on his own.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 18, 2021, 02:02:14 AM
Gary wants Jeremy Corbyn impeached. Daz tries to explain that this is not actually possible but Gary's not having it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 18, 2021, 12:53:19 PM
Gary keeps buying things on Amazon for 99p so he can sneeze 'probable viral particles' on the mostly Asian delivery guys.

'Gaz, some of these have families...'
'Yeah, shit ones'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 19, 2021, 01:17:53 AM
Gary sends Nigel Farage a long and heartfelt email encouraging him to run for PM in the next general election. "I love you Nige, not like a gay, but as true, pure-blooded Albion. Please take power and begin a thousand-year reign of white power! Luv, Gaz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 19, 2021, 06:31:33 PM
Gary writes to Trump asking for a pardon for his £10,000 fine for the all night musical wankathon, ending in fifty people playing The Biscuit Game.

"Who would have though they had so much cum in them" commented one partygoer.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Evil Knevil on January 19, 2021, 09:26:46 PM
Quote from: Glebe on January 18, 2021, 02:02:14 AM
Gary wants Jeremy Corbyn impeached. Daz tries to explain that this is not actually possible but Gary's not having it.

https://www.parliament.uk/site-information/glossary/impeachment/ (https://www.parliament.uk/site-information/glossary/impeachment/)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 20, 2021, 11:54:19 AM
Quote from: Evil Knevil on January 19, 2021, 09:26:46 PMhttps://www.parliament.uk/site-information/glossary/impeachment/ (https://www.parliament.uk/site-information/glossary/impeachment/)

"IN YOUR FACE, DAZ!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 20, 2021, 05:48:32 PM
Gary knew that empty hand sanitiser bottle would come in useful:

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/west-yorkshire-news/teenagers-offer-free-squirts-hand-19654287
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 20, 2021, 10:12:57 PM
Gary is shown The Dark Web but it's actually just a korean audio hardware website
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 21, 2021, 08:48:46 AM
Gary has to be rescued by the fire service after attempting a "sideways poo".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 21, 2021, 10:55:23 AM
"Why can't the Muslims speak proper English, Daz?"

"Because they are trying to trick us because they are evil foreigners, Gary."

Gary haltingly mutters agreement, but after a moment gives Daz a look and sees that he is grinning smugly and is once again taking the piss.

"Do watch that, O Daz. Do watch that, if friends you and I are to remain."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 22, 2021, 04:33:34 AM
"Gary, I've got to tell you something, but it's in strictest confidence," says Daz.

"You can trust me, you know that Daz."

"It's me dad... he's been laid off because of the pandemic and he's on the dole. He's on anti-depressants and everything."

"Is that like the things you took when you went through that malingering lay-about stage, Daz?"

"Er... yeah, Gary."

"That's terrible, Daz. I hope your dad finds work soon. Now if you'll please excuse me, I've just got to go out and run an errand."

Gary immediately goes to Daz's parents' house and spray-paints 'BENEFITS CHEAT' on the front door.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 23, 2021, 11:34:51 AM
Gary and mates have a new signal for passing the joint whilst watching local football games from the sidelines. It used to be "Giz smoke", but now it's the twirl of the index finger and the doobie is passed on.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 23, 2021, 11:45:33 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 21, 2021, 08:48:46 AM
Gary has to be rescued by the fire service after attempting a "sideways poo".

Laughed
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 24, 2021, 12:07:59 PM
Gary makes a makeshift megaphone out of an old copy of Match of the Day magazine and screams abuse down it at some local prefabs which Daz has falsely informed him are being used as refugee shelters.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 24, 2021, 12:15:36 PM
Gary goes for a walk and draws cocks and balls in the snow on people's cars.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 25, 2021, 11:21:13 AM
Daz wakes up hungover after attending an illegal rave with Pegging Paul, Liz, Tara and Gary. Seven hours dancing inside an old factory before the police came, he spent half the night snogging a girl.

What's that noise?

"I AM THE LEGEND GARY
NOBODY I'D RATHER BE..."

Daz groans and turns over in bed

"I AM THE LEGEND GARY
I'M HAVING A HUGE WEE

CALL ME, CALL ME BY MY NAME, OR "HEAVY CUMMER"
ABOUT TO POO SOME SHIT
I'LL STILL BE POOING IT THE WAY I POO IT
AND YET...

Daz gets up and makes himself a sausage sandwich.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 25, 2021, 12:17:54 PM
Gary comes running into the flat in a state of panic.

"Daz, you've got to help me... I've been #metoo'd by that woman in social services!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 28, 2021, 06:06:49 PM
Legend Gary says going disabled was 'by far the best thing that's ever happened to me' .
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: madhair60 on January 28, 2021, 06:12:14 PM
Gary decides to get in on the stocks game and accidentally pours £50,000 of capital into Gamstop
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 28, 2021, 06:20:09 PM
Gets the money back because according to him 'ah mate no way help us out i am but a little auld disabled an ive got a badge'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on January 28, 2021, 07:52:39 PM
Legend Gary farts at a moorhen.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jobotic on January 28, 2021, 07:57:20 PM
The moorhen farts back. Gary calls it a "fucking animal"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on January 28, 2021, 08:06:52 PM
'Daz, this coot thinks it's a fucking comedian'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on January 28, 2021, 08:34:39 PM
Gary kicks fuck out of a waterfowl.

The waterfowl kick back.

Gary is hospitalised for 6 days.

Gary now treats the waterfowl with a grudging, bitter respect.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on January 28, 2021, 08:53:30 PM
(https://i2-prod.edinburghlive.co.uk/news/edinburgh-news/article18555803.ece/ALTERNATES/s810/0_posh-duck.jpg)

'Fucking told it, Daz. Fucking told the bastard.'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jobotic on January 28, 2021, 09:21:18 PM
Gary starts calling Daz "Little Grebe".

Makes them both feel fuzzy.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 29, 2021, 10:34:38 AM
Gary steals a child's trike from Argos and rides it round the park while stoned.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 29, 2021, 03:46:12 PM
Gary mocks Daz for watching Akira one evening. "What do you mean 'classic', Daz, fooking children's cartoons shite!"

Next morning, Daz discovers Gary gaping hypnotically at Paw Patrol.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 30, 2021, 07:08:53 PM
Gary hails Johnson as "the hero of the hour. Churchill used to be my big role model, Daz, but let's face it, with the courage, diligence and sheer humanity Boris has shown, he is surely now Britain's Greatest Icon! Here here!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 30, 2021, 07:12:18 PM
Gary paints a picture of Johnson dressed as Churchill, with Colonel Tom flying a Spitfire in the background. Kier Starmer is depicted as Hitler with the text "Herr Hindsight" underneath it.

He gets a little chubb-on as he lets it dry.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 30, 2021, 07:18:29 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 30, 2021, 07:12:18 PMGary paints a picture of Johnson dressed as Churchill, with Colonel Tom flying a Spitfire in the background. Kier Starmer is depicted as Hitler with the text "Herr Hindsight" underneath it.

He gets a little chubb-on as he lets it dry.

Gary's 'Traitor's Gallery' includes a painting of Jeremy Corbyn dressed as Stalin.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 31, 2021, 11:16:03 AM
Daz and Fiona are carrying Gary home after one too many cans of Stella in the park.

"Want some help?" asks an unusually helpful Steak Terry.

Daz turns to Steak Terry.

"He ain't heavy. He's my Gary."

And walks on.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 01, 2021, 02:17:53 PM
"Daz, I had that nightmare about The Riddlers again!"

"You were warned not to watch it as a child and you're paying the price now, Gary!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 02, 2021, 02:12:31 PM
Gary gets his chainmail armour and St. George flag out and parades around the precinct shouting, "O ENGLAND! O MASK-LESS! O PURE-BLOODED ANTI-PLANDEMICERS! COME ONE, COME ALL, O YEA, O YEA!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 02, 2021, 02:41:48 PM
Quote from: Glebe on February 02, 2021, 02:12:31 PM
Gary gets his chainmail armour and St. George flag out and parades around the precinct shouting, "O ENGLAND! O MASK-LESS! O PURE-BLOODED ANTI-PLANDEMICERS! COME ONE, COME ALL, O YEA, O YEA!"

Daz then comes up to Gary with a lance. Gary licks the end of the lance and Daz pokes passers-by with it.

Steak Terry is meanwhile offering "hugs for £1, if I fancy you. If not £5".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: druss on February 02, 2021, 06:09:33 PM
Legend Gary sells his own urine as the coronavirus antidote.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on February 02, 2021, 10:09:47 PM
Quote from: Glebe on February 02, 2021, 02:12:31 PM
Gary gets his chainmail armour and St. George flag out and parades around the precinct shouting, "O ENGLAND! O MASK-LESS! O PURE-BLOODED ANTI-PLANDEMICERS! COME ONE, COME ALL, O YEA, O YEA!"

Gary stops mid rant and goes "what the fucks a plandemicer? sounds a bit foreign, hang on Daz, aren't micers cats?
why are we being anti cats again anyway?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 06, 2021, 01:00:40 PM
Gary writes to the Daily Star calling for the White Cliffs of Dover to be turned into a "British Mount Rushmore, with the heads of Captain Tom, Nigel Farage and Vera Lynn""

Gary applies to join his local parish council "for the banter".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 08, 2021, 10:22:09 PM
Steak Terry refuses to give Legend Gary any of his 3 steaks at all.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 09, 2021, 08:29:40 AM
While saying "Sorry Gaz, there's too much at steak"

Gary considers destroying Steak Terry for calling him Gaz, but decides not to in favour of charming a steak from him.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 09, 2021, 02:52:52 PM
Gary dresses up as Captain Tom and rings the local paper.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 10, 2021, 05:38:01 PM
Daz accurately describes Gary as "a giant, reckless child who romps destructively."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on February 10, 2021, 06:01:27 PM
Legend Gary covers his microwave in assault course netting.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 10, 2021, 06:11:24 PM
"Sorry mate, I'll have to ask you to leave if you're not going to wear a mask."

"FUCK TESCO! FUCK TESCO!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 10, 2021, 07:27:25 PM
Legend Gary disrupts three school Zoom calls while dressed as James Bond.

Legend Gary will only wear a mask if he can store some crisps in it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 10, 2021, 10:44:00 PM
Legend Gary says English Rugby Union's anthem is Vindaloo by Fat Les.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 15, 2021, 08:34:17 PM
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-56073944

Car Park Charlie sells 'nose powder' to Legend Gary's illegitimate offspring in Cybergrimsby 2077.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 18, 2021, 10:12:49 AM
Gary paints a Union Jack on his sex arse.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 18, 2021, 07:40:58 PM
Legend Gary asks Riga Tony, "So what actually happened in Riga, Tony?"

"Drop it."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 21, 2021, 11:43:24 AM
"Daz?"

"Yes, Gary?"

"Read the standing orders! Read them and understand them!"

"Are you still quoting lines from that parish council meeting that went viral, Gary? I'm off for a wank."

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 22, 2021, 07:59:34 PM
Gary finally finds a face mask he will wear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGjAL5ceFF4&t=0s
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 24, 2021, 01:50:59 PM
Gary does a Zoom meet with his social worker using a cat avatar.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 24, 2021, 08:20:33 PM
Gary pulls a condom over his entire head and tells Daz he is the rubber man.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 25, 2021, 01:02:04 PM
Gary describes Jim London as the fictional character he would most like to have a pint with.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 25, 2021, 02:23:15 PM
Gary tells Daz he is going to inject Mr. Muscle into his arse in lieu of the vaccine.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 25, 2021, 02:56:10 PM
Daz scoffs "I'll stick with drinking my own urine thanks Gary. Chin chin"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 25, 2021, 05:05:14 PM
"I'm off out BAME jumping, Daz."

"It's BASE jumping, Gary."

"I mean what I said."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on February 26, 2021, 02:04:44 PM
"Who's still together after all the shit they've been through, Daz?"

"Dunno, Ledge."

"Your arse cheeks!"

"Good one, Gary!"

"Put the kettle on, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 03, 2021, 04:53:10 PM
"What's the latest on the pandemic, Gary?"

"More restrictions I'm afraid. More liberties being taken away from good white, male British straights like us. It's the feminist agenda, Daz. Keep the males in check and weakened in their cubby holes. Meanwhile, the plandemic continues as the mask lunatics take over."

"Cheers for that Gary. Please keep me up to date with these fantastic theories you have."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 03, 2021, 05:34:11 PM
Gary calls Shaun Bailey "a walking continent of common sense".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 03, 2021, 07:04:33 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 03, 2021, 05:34:11 PM
Gary calls Shaun Bailey "a walking continent of common sense".

Laughed
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 03, 2021, 07:05:09 PM
Legend Gary uses a stick to illustrate what happens when a man gets an erection.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 03, 2021, 08:10:57 PM
Legend Gary has his tattoo of Prince Harry surgically removed. "You don't mess with the Firm, Daz".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 04, 2021, 03:07:18 PM
"Sick of these migrainets coming over here with the covid, Daz. Send 'em back. Why should the white taxpayer deal with 'em?"

"You're the Silent Majority, Gary."

"Yeah Daz... yeah, that's it! That's brilliant, Daz! The 'Silent Majority'... I'll have to remember that!"

"Probably said it before, Gary. These posts all kind of meld together."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 04, 2021, 03:23:51 PM
Legend Gary still has some Coke from the 90s from when it had real cocaine in, you can come over to his and look at it, but fuck off are you having any.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 04, 2021, 03:55:56 PM
Legend Gary claims he beat the keepy upy record six times even though everyone knows he didn't.

Legend Gary invents a new fart sound and rings the local paper to let them know.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 04, 2021, 04:41:03 PM
Gary's latest YouTube video is entitled 'Anti-Maskers Unite!'

"Can you upload this for me Daz?"

"Can't you learn to do it yourself, Gary?"

"Nah mate, I'll leave all the computer things to little nerds like you. Now upload it before I give you a kicking y'little geeky bastard!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 04, 2021, 05:14:18 PM
Legend Gary describes himself as a "total monarchist, aside from Harry and Meghan.", before going on to blame Harry and Meghan for several unrelated issues and getting so annoyed he does a little wee in his underpants.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 06, 2021, 12:16:24 PM
Legend Gary sends £100 to Boris Johnson for the Number 11 refit.

"He's a legend, Daz. That lad from Somerset had the right idea."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 07, 2021, 02:24:19 PM
"A census taker tried to test me once, I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti"

"If you could just fill it in, sir, there is a £1000 fine if you don't"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 08, 2021, 01:45:29 PM
Daz has a nervous breakdown during the eight hour of Gary's Steven Seagal marathon.

"Knew it'd be Hard Target that would do it, Daz! Daz? Are you alive?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 08, 2021, 02:22:58 PM
Legend Gary plans to celebrate International Women's Day by having a wank over some of them.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 08, 2021, 02:24:49 PM
Gary gets "Freedom" tattooed on his hand like The Fox.

"Is that so you don't forget how to spell it, Gary?" quips Steak Terry.

"Get him, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 08, 2021, 04:58:47 PM
Daz discovers some vegetarian sausages in the fridge.

Gary does a bit of investigation work to find out whodunnit.

It was Steak Terry.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 08, 2021, 07:23:51 PM
Quote from: wosl on February 10, 2021, 06:01:27 PM
Legend Gary covers his microwave in assault course netting.

Just laughed
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 09, 2021, 10:50:06 AM
"Those nurses can fuck off with their complaints over a 1% pay rise. All they do is dance on Ticktock these days, Daz. I could fo their job better than they do, it's a piece of piss"

"Why don't you sign up to be a nurse, Gary? Must be better than copying DVDs and selling them by mail order"

"Nah, the banter would be shit. Fuck that."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 09, 2021, 04:55:19 PM
"We dahn sold some arms to the rag 'eads for billions, Daz! Result!"

"I guess you could call that your 'hot take', Gary, though you are unlikely to research any deeper."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 09, 2021, 04:56:49 PM
Legend Gary applies for a job at GB News.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 09, 2021, 05:47:06 PM
Gary organises a 'Clap for Boris' on the estate. On the night, only two pairs of hands can be heard - Gary's and that of Brexit Barry in the Close.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 10, 2021, 03:44:54 PM
After two months of homeschooling his son, Legend Gary presents him with a fake "lads school report" in which he gives the 7 year old, among other "subjects" a D in Video Gameplay and E in Banter. His son does not laugh once.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 10, 2021, 04:05:29 PM
"Really disappointed with Piers on GMTV, Daz. Wasn't overtly racist enough."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 10, 2021, 04:43:13 PM
"You should apply for Piers's job, Gary"
"Thanks, Daz! Glad you think so"
"Yes, you're a bigoted bag of pus who looks passable in a suit. Get your CV off to them"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 10, 2021, 05:51:12 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 10, 2021, 04:43:13 PM"You should apply for Piers's job, Gary"
"Thanks, Daz! Glad you think so"
"Yes, you're a bigoted bag of pus who looks passable in a suit. Get your CV off to them"

Gary is not sure how to react for a minute.

"'Bag of pus', Daz?"

"Ah uh no I said, 'bigoted, that's a big plus', Gary!"

Gary eyes Daz suspiciously. He's been increasingly cheeky over time.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 11, 2021, 04:45:51 PM
Gary wins Superspreader of the Week and is reduced to floods.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 11, 2021, 04:50:37 PM
Gary sends Piers Morgan a "Sorry you're leaving card" and a five quid note.

"One of us, Daz. One of us".

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 13, 2021, 05:08:02 PM
Gary and Daz fill water pistols with wee and have a hallway shootout, Gary calling himself "Dirty Gary".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 15, 2021, 05:26:42 PM
Gary accuses Daz of being "gay for Kier Stammer."

"It's Starmer, Gary."

"See what I mean?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 17, 2021, 09:37:43 PM
Gary assembles the lads for the filming of his new movie - Lads Of England, about a group of banterous lads fighting back against an invasion of communist ninjas

Daz and Steak Terry play the head ninjas while Gary and Tiktok Fiona are the heroic couple who lead the lads against the communist ninjas. For some reason the ninjas are also FBPE supporters as well as communists. The plot makes no sense. Nigel Farage was offered a part but refused.

Some lines from the film:

"Leave this gorgeous isle, or I will rip your bollocks off"

"Fucking ninjas, I might not know martial arts, but I've got knuckles honed with two decades of brawls"

"Two world wars and one Brexit, doo dah, doo dah"

The film costs £50,000 to make which Gary partly finances through a Kickstarter.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 17, 2021, 10:07:36 PM
Legend Gary sends a glitter exploder to 'all the cunts at Helmand Province'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on March 17, 2021, 10:27:29 PM
"Going to buy a bulldog today, Daz. It'll cost a grand and it'll bite your bollocks off!"

Daz spits out his green tea in shock.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 18, 2021, 12:38:56 AM
Gary drinks 400 cans of Guinness for Paddy's Day. "Really just wanted to go for it with the lockdown and everything," he tells Daz in a message from beyond the Ethereal Veil later.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 19, 2021, 08:35:02 AM
Gary consumes an entire box of Weetos whilst watching his old Police, Camera, Action! DVD.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on March 19, 2021, 08:04:19 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 17, 2021, 10:07:36 PM
Legend Gary sends a glitter exploder to 'all the cunts at Helmand Province'.

Gary is such a ledge he charges thousands for the privilege of getting a glitter exploder sent to to his kickstarter supporters.

Daz mysteriously starts getting bags of dicks sent to his flat before eventually relieving a letterbomb of sequin dicks.

(https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0748/6277/products/eat_a_bag_of_dicks_2000x.jpg?v=1558041570)

(https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0748/6277/products/dickbomb_800x.jpg?v=1491262672)

When the cops come round Gary is like 'You've got the wrong guy, who ever did this is like well gay mate. I like birds me."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on March 20, 2021, 08:00:43 AM
Gary doesn't write his own teachings. Daz has to do it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 20, 2021, 08:05:35 AM
So, 2nd pressing, 3rd pressing, what's that all about? Legend Gary always goes for first pressing. Why wait until everyone else has had their fun with Olive from accounts arse.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 20, 2021, 06:06:39 PM
Gary stuffs Daz full of Weetabix.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 20, 2021, 08:54:30 PM
Ledge was the one person who retweeted this: https://twitter.com/LocalHe56358636/status/1373261830794182661
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on March 20, 2021, 09:52:59 PM
Legend Gary spends so long deciding whether to tweet 'bald nonce' or 'Legend Lee' at Lee Hurst that by the time he decides on 'Legend nonce' Hurst's twitter account has been suspended.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: kryton2.0 on March 20, 2021, 10:57:40 PM
Gaz loses his shoe.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 23, 2021, 01:11:44 PM
Legend Gary puts his job as "Total Legend" on the census, and describes it as "Constituently excellent banter, great pranks and the biggest legend anyone has ever met".

Also puts he commutes to work by robot.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: phes on March 24, 2021, 02:03:53 AM
Gary slaps down a No Win, No Fee damages claim against his own penis to the tune of one shredded pair of armanis
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 24, 2021, 04:06:38 AM
"Daz, how do I get a Disney app? I want to watch Falcon and Soldier."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 24, 2021, 08:45:31 PM
Gary declares the pandemic "over," and goes to Marbella to celebrate.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 24, 2021, 09:03:07 PM
Gary's parents demand to know why he has painted Union Jacks on all the sheets on the washing line.

Gary will only wear a mask if it has "Trump 2024" on it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 25, 2021, 12:48:55 PM
A campaign is started to FREE LEGEND GARY, and it even gets in the papers, to FREE Gary from a future imprisonment that he calculates will probably occur due to his Q2 AND Q3 plans.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on March 25, 2021, 05:46:36 PM
Gary angrily denounces Sara Cox after hearing her call "that cunting bird in a nappy" ORVILLE LEGEND LEGEND ORVILLE[nb]this actually happened, I heard her say that on Radio 2 with my own ears (eta: just the bit in bold fortunatly)[/nb].
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 25, 2021, 06:16:52 PM
Gary reacts when Daz passes him in the hallway of their flat.

"TWO METRES, DAZ! TWO METRES!"

"I thought you were a pandemic-denier, Gary!"

"Any excuse to be aggressive toward you, Daz! TWO METRES!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on March 26, 2021, 01:27:44 AM
No Gary, it's Captain TWO LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITAR not TWO METER.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on March 26, 2021, 02:54:58 PM
Legend Gary is just about to set a new lap record at Monza on Daz's bike, when an old cunt steps into the chicane on the pavement outside Londis.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 29, 2021, 02:06:58 PM
Legend Gary plans to mark April 12th with 'the biggest fart you've ever seen'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 29, 2021, 02:11:13 PM
Legend Gary starts a campaign to call BST "Brexit Summer Time".

Legend Gary updates his Facebook status to inform people he is still waiting for his latest sex arse. "Probably stuck in the fucking Suez Canel, eh lads?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on March 29, 2021, 03:15:51 PM
Gary seen exiting a Tesco Express at 11am on Sunday with a crate of Peroni in each hand, wearing the Panda onesie, oversized Ray Berrys, Hello Kitty face mask and rabbit slippers of the bird whose gaff he woke up in. Fucking LEGEND.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on March 29, 2021, 10:20:28 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 29, 2021, 02:06:58 PM
Legend Gary plans to mark April 12th with 'the biggest fart you've ever seen'

Legend Gary's farts are so potent they actually are visible. They are visible from space.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on March 29, 2021, 10:34:11 PM
Legend Gary's booked going to Twycross Zoo at 10am on April 12th so he can be the first person for 6 months to call the elephant a 'trunky cunt'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 01, 2021, 07:09:35 PM
Legend Gary has attended unconscious bias training, in the sense that for the most part, he was unconscious during the bias training session.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 01, 2021, 07:20:20 PM
Gary ambles up and down the high street asking Muslim folk if they are Chinese.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 02, 2021, 01:02:50 PM
Gary is headhunted by Goldman Sachs and offered an executive position in New York.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 02, 2021, 01:14:05 PM
Gary cooks a steak pie in Fanta.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 02, 2021, 01:40:24 PM
"Off to Marbella for two weeks Daz, see you soon!"

"But Gary, the pandemic!"

"Ah mate it's over fuck it."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on April 02, 2021, 05:32:03 PM
Quote from: Glebe on April 02, 2021, 01:02:50 PM
Gary is headhunted by Goldman Sachs and offered an executive position in New York.

"Daz, how many hours a day is 90 hours a week?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on April 02, 2021, 10:47:15 PM
Gary frisbees a still burning disposable bbq into the ornamental border
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 02, 2021, 11:17:14 PM
Daz rings Gary.

"Gary, where are you?!"

"I'm in Alicante, Daz. Oh yeah supposed to go to that covid test today, whoops."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 04, 2021, 06:20:37 PM
Despite being a Tory, Gary has a Michael Foot fetish.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 05, 2021, 12:54:36 AM
"When is the China plague over, Daz?"

"Patience, Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 05, 2021, 04:03:40 PM
"Daz, I'm gonna become a nihilist!"

"So what Gary, I do not care."

Gary begins to cry.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 06, 2021, 12:54:43 PM
Daz has a breakdown and is put into psychiatric care. Gary goes to visit him.

"Man up, mate. Man up."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 08, 2021, 12:14:20 AM
Gary screams at a bus driver.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on April 08, 2021, 01:15:13 AM
"Gary, where's my front hedge gone?" says Daz when he gets back from the offy.

"You know I'm not going to answer that" says Gary without looking away from MOTD2

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 08, 2021, 07:41:21 PM
Legend Gary nursing a shiner after asking Steak Terry what the lead time is on his bastard
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 08, 2021, 11:10:00 PM
Daaz, what's the number for that mortgage lender?

(https://www.dogsonacid.com/attachments/screenshot_20210408-212112_chrome-jpg.203869)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 08, 2021, 11:12:39 PM
They've all got a semi by the time I've finished democratising the housing market to make it affordable for first time buyers.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 09, 2021, 03:31:19 AM
Gary starts reading existential philosophy.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 09, 2021, 12:47:42 PM
Gary has a dream about Captain Tom.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 09, 2021, 02:42:13 PM
Gary's request to get a day off for the Queen's death 'on tick' is declined.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 09, 2021, 05:57:13 PM
Daz is coming home across the field one afternoon when he spies a strange sight... somebody in a Mickey Mouse costume! And they're following him... something doesn't feel right... Daz starts to panic and run. The Mickey Mouse gives chase and finally catches up.

"W-*pant*-what do you want?! Who are you?"

A familiar voice pipes up, muffled by the costume.

"DAZ! It's me, Daz! Gary!"

"Gary?! Where did you get that suit?!"

"I found it in an abandoned fairground, Daz! It's great, innit?"

"*puff*... You don't half look silly, Gary!"

"You fucker Daz! C'mere! I'm gonna beat stuffing out of you!"

The chase continues.

(https://i.imgur.com/sW765LW.png)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 09, 2021, 08:52:08 PM
Pubes and Gary agree Prince Phillip was 'a bit of a cunt all told, indefensible some of that when you stop to think about it'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 11, 2021, 05:27:23 PM
Daz discovers Gary in a full burka, piling furniture against the front door.

"Gary, what are you doing?"

"Trying to stop the covid foreigners getting in, Daz. The burka's a disguise in case do make it through."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 12, 2021, 02:43:13 PM
Legend Gary orders Steak Terry the Managers Special Covid luncheon, 3 steaks.

'Same as your standard order tho mate?'

'Aye but less chips'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 12, 2021, 04:02:13 PM
Gary buries Daz alive in the back garden. "It's for your own good mate, things are getting drastic!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 12, 2021, 05:01:14 PM
Gary's glad he did a really big piss yesterday to make sure his bladder was empty enough for the first day of OPEN THE PUBS.

"Down the hatch, lads! Last one to vomit's a woke".

Daz sighs and sips his pint.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 13, 2021, 01:33:03 PM
"END THE LOCKDOWN EARLY! END THE LOCKDOWN EARLY! Come on Daz, let's do it for The Sun!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 14, 2021, 01:25:37 PM
Gary writes to the BBC to ask them to bring back Jim Davidson "Snooker or panto, whatever, just get him back".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 14, 2021, 06:07:56 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on April 14, 2021, 01:25:37 PMGary writes to the BBC to ask them to bring back Jim Davidson "Snooker or panto, whatever, just get him back".

"And they should bring back Richard Littlejohn onna telly whilst they're about it, Daz. He was the Voice of Reason in a world gone mad. There. I've said my piece."

Gary fold his arms and stares sternly at Flog It!

"Er... The Chase is starting now, can I switch over Gary?"

"You may do as you please Daz, my son, no one has the right to deny you, you're British born and bred."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 15, 2021, 08:06:33 AM
Legend Gary climbs a 30ft pole to scrawl 'Gayboyz' on a windsock
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 15, 2021, 05:24:52 PM
Daz walks into the living room and discovers Gary stark naked and completely hairless.

"Gary, what the actual fuck?"

"Been to Barry's Body Wax, Daz, what do you think? The dodgy fucker's defied the 'non-essential' lockdown restrictions and is operating on the sly! 'Wax not vax', Daz! 'Wax not vax'!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 16, 2021, 03:48:31 PM
Gary wins the Gary Bushell Pride of Britain Award for the fifth year running.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 16, 2021, 04:43:44 PM
'He said I was the 2nd best Gary, I said fuck off, who' s 1st, you, fucking you you nothing, you slag, you're fuck all'

The prize was a bushel of 'Lagers'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 16, 2021, 06:20:41 PM
Gary breaks wind in Waterstones and the pungent aroma causes mass vomiting amongst the bookshelves.


Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2021, 07:00:04 AM
Legend Gary insists all his meals be served in a dimpled mug in order to inflate his pint count for later boasts.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 17, 2021, 07:31:10 PM
Gary purchases a Toby Jug with Roy Chubby Brown's face for £1.50 in a market in Corby. It earns pride of place on the mantlepiece.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 18, 2021, 06:13:55 PM
Gary bulk purchases 20,000 face masks and burns them on the heath. "Take that, plandemicers!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 21, 2021, 04:49:06 PM
Gary applies to become a member of the UDF. "Gotta keep the Catholic Irish in check, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 21, 2021, 04:56:44 PM
Gary puts chewing gum on all the bus seats.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 22, 2021, 12:25:18 AM
Daz warns his nephew to take it easy on the penny chews.

"How can you say that to him?" cries Gary, tears welling up in his eyes. "When I were a lad, me sole pleasure in life were me penny chews. Admittidly I overdid it and now have massive heart problems, but still."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 22, 2021, 08:19:39 AM
Gary contacts all the local schools demanding they fly the "British flag"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 22, 2021, 10:05:19 AM
Gary snatches Daz's new Microsoft Surface out of his hands and messes around with it for a bit. "You can have it back later Daz, although it'll prolly be fucked as I'm gonna throw it against the wall when I'm finished."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 22, 2021, 10:40:00 PM
"Get in, Daz! My application for Temptation Island has been accepted!"

"But you've just become a father Gary! What about Tracy and little Gary Jnr.?"

"Nah fuck it Temptation Island, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 23, 2021, 10:19:32 AM
Legend Gary tells work he cant come in as he is too upset aabout St George's Day not being a bank holiday.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 23, 2021, 02:33:13 PM
Gary compiles a list entitled 'Best of British'. An here it is:

Jim Davidson
Littlejohn
Poundstretcher
The traditional Sunday Roast (here here!)
Frank Bruno (see, I am not a racist Daz)
Our Brave Boys still over in Iraq fighting the ragheads
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 23, 2021, 02:44:57 PM
Gets banned from teaching for being a fucking LEDGE
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-56858188
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fr.Bigley on April 23, 2021, 03:17:09 PM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on April 23, 2021, 02:44:57 PM
Gets banned from teaching for being a fucking LEDGE
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-56858188


Ironically, Gross Ms. Conduct was the name of the stripper.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 24, 2021, 06:10:24 AM
Gary puts on loads of weight and starts to look "truly gammon," as Daz tells his secret boyfriend during a clandestine phone call.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 24, 2021, 01:09:33 PM
Legend Gary has a hilarious thing going where he buys a coffee and due to the barista being "of a nationality", he will ask for a coffee "With the skin on", confusing them and causing a succession of back-and-forths until Legend Gary, having been served a near identical coffee will then saying "Ah, perfect, with the skin on, nailed it. Thanks sweetheart."

They suspect he's up to something though.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 24, 2021, 01:21:22 PM
Legend Gary warns the pub if anyone woke turns off Apeman by the Kinks they will be shot dead.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 24, 2021, 07:38:37 PM
Gary's dream is to pick a fight with a UFC fighter in a car park and "beat him to shite in front of all there present, I'm fucking the hardest of the hard me Daz, watch it!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 24, 2021, 08:10:05 PM
Legend Gary enjoys Bus Stop Parkour
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 25, 2021, 05:43:24 PM
Legend Gary puts some more White Rose stickers up at the bus stop before writing Open The Pubes in magic marker.

"Force of habit, Terry "
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 25, 2021, 07:49:15 PM
Gary steals a bulldozer and breaks into the pub. "Taps are empty ffs, Daz! Bloody lockdown!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 26, 2021, 06:31:18 AM
Gary organises a cage fight in the back garden.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 26, 2021, 05:12:27 PM
In need of an afternoon nap, Gary gets Daz to send him to sleep with a beautiful rendition of 'Five Little Ducks'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 26, 2021, 05:33:15 PM
Gary has a pint with Keith Starmer. "Still too woke for me, Daz" he confides later.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 26, 2021, 05:35:58 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on April 26, 2021, 05:33:15 PMGary has a pint with Keith Starmer. "Still too woke for me, Daz" he confides later.

Meets Farage in a lockdown-defying watering hole the next day. "He put his pint on his head and everything Daz, my life is complete!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 26, 2021, 05:42:40 PM
The lads club together to pay Farage to record a follow up message for Gary, which he plays once a day for the next seven years.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 27, 2021, 07:18:40 PM
"Daz, I'm doing a 'tackle-out' calendar for charity!"

"Nice Gary, which charity will benefit from your rude behaviour?"

"Well I was gonna go with Our Brave Boys but I think I'll do it for some anti-masker group."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 28, 2021, 06:05:05 PM
"I'm ordering from the Chinese, fancy something Daz?"

"No thanks Gary, you should know by now I don't like Chinese."

"And you say I'm racist, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 29, 2021, 06:32:56 PM
Gary never takes his nephew out in case he is mistaken for a peedo. "Hanging'd be too good for me, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Peacock Johnson on April 30, 2021, 04:25:46 PM
Gary instead spent the afternoon with his nephew watching "the NCU" - the Nativity Cinematic Universe. Clunesy was Gary's favourite.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 30, 2021, 05:59:36 PM
"Daz, you're such a woke!"

"Do you even know what you're saying Gary?"

"Um no actually."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 30, 2021, 06:09:49 PM
Gary replaces Daz's Facebook profile picture with one of a famous nonce. "Teach him to leave his phone unlocked around me."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 30, 2021, 06:11:47 PM
Legend Gary bullies local character Dogdon, but is filmed, it goes viral, and a gang of local Nonce Hunters find out his address, where he is delivered summary justice.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 30, 2021, 06:13:03 PM
Gary makes his own The Chase show in the hall, with Big Tommy as The Beast, sitting at the top of the stairs. "Here we go Daz, I wish you luck."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 30, 2021, 10:57:47 PM
"Was talking to Muslim Jim today, Daz. Nice bloke. They're not all alike."

PROGRESS.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 01, 2021, 10:19:43 AM
"In the name of St. George, I command all immigrants to go back where they came from! Hear ye! Hear ye!"

"Can we go home now, Gary? It's getting cold."

"Yeah Daz, megaphone's batteries are running low and the heath is fairly quite today anyway."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 01, 2021, 05:15:14 PM
Gary organises the first proper meet-up with the lads in a long time at he and Daz's flat. PlayStation, lots of joints, Wagon Wheels.

"What are you looking so glum about, Daz? We're all keeping our distance and using hand gel!"

"There's just a lot of toxic masculinity going on in the room, Gary. Lot of toxic masculinity."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 02, 2021, 09:33:30 PM
Gary describes the lockdown as "our Dunkirk. We shall fight the lockdown on the beaches, Daz, etc."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 04, 2021, 01:06:58 PM
"Meeting the lads for a big session with a load of cans in the park, Daz. You coming?"

"NO Gary. Fuck's sake it's risky!"

"You've got covid on the brain, Daz! Get a life!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 04, 2021, 09:40:00 PM
Daz is dressed up in his St. George chain mail outfit and is on the heath again with his megaphone.

"AH TELL THEE, WE SHALL BEAT THIS COVID AND ITS PC MASKER HOARD! BEGONE FROM ANGLIA, FOUL CHINESE PLAGUE!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 06, 2021, 08:21:29 PM
Gary destroys Daz with a bicycle clip.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 07, 2021, 11:08:56 AM
Daz joins the ALF and poisons Gary's steaks. Gary survives, but Daz goes on to murder a load of other people for mistreating various budgerigars and the like. He becomes known as The Vegan Killer, thanks to a C5 documentary of the same title showing police interviews with the beast who serial killed 17 people in an animal-lover rage. "For once you're the bad guy, Daz!" smiles Gary to himself before turning over to Piers Morgan's Pregnant Teens Who Will Kill Again.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 07, 2021, 12:35:51 PM
Legend Gary has a sauna, yes, it's a box room where the radiator is kept on at full blast at all times. He has a wooden pallette that he will 'get around to sanding and varnishing'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on May 07, 2021, 06:54:29 PM
A 48% swing from Labour to the LEGEND FUCKING GARY PARTY in the Normanton and Featherstone ward of Wakefield Council means there's going to be a massive reduction in library opening hours but a fucking HUGE increase in ENORMOUS FUCKING BONFIRES.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Poodle Basher on May 07, 2021, 08:36:06 PM
Gary phones the local radio "Have Your Say" programme to declare that being able to pick his nose and scratch his balls at the same time proves that men can multi-task.

"I'm telling you Daz, they said I can be one of their regular contributors as long as I don't fucking swear."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 09, 2021, 12:23:38 PM
Gary rejects Keith Starmer's offer of a role as his advisor on banter. "Sorry Keith, won't do anything that harms my boy Bojo"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on May 09, 2021, 06:48:21 PM
In response to being given the latest on the Icelandic volcano, Legend Gary attempts to halt the flow of Daz' head vent using an explosive ejection of Big Mac agglomerate suspended in a matrix of vigorously agitated Stella.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 10, 2021, 02:09:54 PM
"With restrictions eased and the weather improving, d'fancy making a day of it, Gary!"

"Nah, Daz. OnlyFans."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 10, 2021, 11:59:06 PM
"Daz, we got a shout out on that weird comedy programme you like!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 11, 2021, 09:03:15 PM
"Gary! Where have you been for the past two weeks? You're sunburned!"

"Trip to the Seychelles, Daz! Mad beach parties every night... covids gone now, it's great!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on May 12, 2021, 08:09:55 PM
Pubes Daz sighs as he tries cleaning the scrawl in magic marker on his bathroom wall:

"Some pepole cum ere to shit + grunt, while others come ere to fink of CUNT"

Gary considers himself a modern day poet philosipher while Daz laments the last woman who visited the house was in 1998.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 12, 2021, 08:12:44 PM
Gary accuses Daz of "only pretending to be working-class."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on May 12, 2021, 08:51:17 PM
Steak Terry goes goth. Legend Gary stakes Terry.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 12, 2021, 09:05:41 PM
Daz discovers Gary in floods of tears.

"What's wrong, Gary?"

"Sniff... it's immigrants, Daz... they won't stop coming over... stop them coming over, Daz... stop them!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 14, 2021, 12:56:01 AM
Daz works out Gary's password for everything online. Its 'quavers'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 14, 2021, 07:29:17 PM
Nasty Indian variant going around now eh Daz, quelle surprise
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 14, 2021, 08:27:59 PM
"I'll Tell you what Daz, I hope they catch the Chinaman what brung covid into Great Britain. Lock 'im up and throw away the key, I say. Now, fancy a pint?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 14, 2021, 09:25:47 PM
Gary is bested by James O'Brien once again, but he will still keep phoning in with his bigoted opinions.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 14, 2021, 11:52:17 PM
Gary scrawls graffiti on his own bathroom wall, 'gammon is lovely'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 15, 2021, 09:53:44 AM
Quote from: Glebe on May 14, 2021, 11:52:17 PM
Gary scrawls graffiti on his own bathroom wall, 'gammon is lovely'.

Laughed, v good
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 15, 2021, 10:28:20 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 15, 2021, 09:53:44 AM
Laughed, v good

Heh, thanks Shoulders!

"I tell you, only the strongest will survive, Daz! Once you rile he Great British bulldog, the will not rest until every foreigner is vanquished from our land!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 18, 2021, 08:34:25 PM
Gary slathers Daz in antibacterial gel and slides him around the kitchen.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 21, 2021, 09:58:35 PM
Gary locks Daz in the fridge, in order to "protect him from covids".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 22, 2021, 09:25:38 AM
Legend Gary daydreams about the haze pranks he could do to Drummer Lee Rigby if he were still here with us today not taken from us by the angry blacks of BML
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 22, 2021, 04:34:53 PM
Gary puts a pasty in a postbox.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on May 22, 2021, 07:41:11 PM
Legend Gary throws down the latest Daily Express 'royal pullout' in disgust. 'Fetch me the black cap, Daz, the Kappa one with the egg stain. I have to strike Harry from the roll of Legends. He's turned in to a cuck snowflake. No more the Nazi fancy dress. No more the casual racism. No more the drugs and booze. No more blowing up Afghani weddings. He is no more fit to bear the Legend name.'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 22, 2021, 07:51:06 PM
Gary watches an old clip of Harry saying "raghead" and cries with nostalgia.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 23, 2021, 02:19:35 AM
Gary reacts with a LOL emoji to any mental health charity posts he sees on FB.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 23, 2021, 07:39:28 AM
Legend Gary imprisons Daz in a phone box for breaking the official Prince Phillip period of mourning. He is released after agreeing 'to start from scratch'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 23, 2021, 12:45:09 PM
Daz tells Gary that the Tunnock's boy had died. Gary is so upset that Daz has to reassure him that it was only a prank. He decides not to reveal that the Tunnock's boy is just a logo anyway.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on May 24, 2021, 03:26:52 AM
Sorry Gary, the Tunnock's 'Boy' is your god now and you must worship him or be horrible smited.
https://artrepublic.com/products/little-fish-design-tunnock-the-terrible-2020
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on May 24, 2021, 03:29:36 AM
You can't fool me with that Daz, that Russian looking imposter Tunnock The Terrible is no match for Robo Tunnock.
(https://i.imgur.com/aV9hwAW.jpg)

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 25, 2021, 12:13:59 AM
Gary describes trying to stop immigrants getting into Britain as a "Sisyphean task".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Chollis on May 26, 2021, 11:50:23 AM
Gary decides to go upmarket and rebrands himself as Gary St. Regis
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 26, 2021, 03:12:40 PM
It's May and so Legend Gary makes preparations for his special spa day, once a year since 2014: three showers in his own home.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 26, 2021, 09:13:37 PM
Gary describes the Cadbury's Flake shortage as "the worst crisis to ever hit Britain, ever."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on May 28, 2021, 02:48:22 AM
Quote from: Glebe on May 26, 2021, 09:13:37 PM
Gary describes the Cadbury's Flake shortage as "the worst crisis to ever hit Britain, ever."

Daz gets bashed for making a 'wot, worse than the muslims Daz?' qup?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 28, 2021, 09:15:15 AM
Gary goes through his social media deleting all his 2020 posts defending Dominic Cummings. He also rewrites his Lists of Brexit Heroes and Woke Traitors so Cummings is in the latter column.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 28, 2021, 08:47:46 PM
"None of 'em are fit to lick Thatcher's boots, Daz. She may been called the 'Milk Snatcher' for making kids pay for school milk again in the '80s, but this new lot were clearly not bottle-fed! Daz?!"

"What?"

"Never mind, wasn't that funny to be honest. Not even sure it makes sense. Pop the kettle on."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 29, 2021, 01:18:36 PM
Gary sends an email to GB News asking for a signed photo of Andrew Neil.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 29, 2021, 03:05:31 PM
Gary puts Daz in a shopping trolley and wheels him around the flat.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 30, 2021, 02:54:38 AM
Gary eats so many Tesco steak bakes that he turns into the Hulk.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 30, 2021, 08:04:48 AM
Legend Gary notices a man vandalising a bus stop so does the council a service by kicking the shit out of him. Then later he feels guilty and they go to Ozfest.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 30, 2021, 08:06:45 AM
Legend Gary refuses to acknowledge that he was mugged, stating that he doesn't recognise that course of events as having taken place, even when shown good quality cameraphone footage.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 30, 2021, 08:08:47 AM
To get back at the man who took the last two pieces of Lasagne in front of him at the Proudfoot café in 1997, Legend Gary fastidiously takes the last two pieces of everything, even things he doesn't want, just to ensure this never happens again (which it does, in Rhyl).
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 30, 2021, 08:11:02 AM
Legend Gary will demand, or as he puts it 'require' a full English breakfast from the household if he visits (even when he has just popped round to Poo Particles Geoff for 5 minutes to drop off a toolkit, in fact especially when that happens)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 30, 2021, 08:15:00 AM
Because of the 'Manager's Special' option at Wetherspoons, Legend Gary starts referring to all his meals at home as a 'Manager's Special'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 30, 2021, 12:50:43 PM
Gary developes the ability to haunt Daz's dreams.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 30, 2021, 05:02:43 PM
Gary temporarily traps Daz inside an animated gif. Daz is going mental, Gary just laughing his head off!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 30, 2021, 05:37:12 PM
Gary sends Boris and Carrie a wedding present. It's a drawing of the pair surrounded by Gary's thoughts on Brexit and the pandemic. He can remember to do that  but he forgets to get his girlfriend a birthday present.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 01, 2021, 07:31:35 AM
Gary starts a fight in his local Wetherspoons over whether Daniel Craig or Piers Brosnan was the better Bond
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 01, 2021, 12:29:15 PM
Legend Gary's impression of Derren Brown is groping women while saying 'Illusions! Illusions!'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 01, 2021, 07:39:11 PM
Gary attempts to go surfing on a lilo.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 01, 2021, 08:12:13 PM
Gary claims to have done a record breaking poo, but flushed it before Daz could find the camera.

Gary puts a poster of Matt Hancock up in his living room "A true British hero"

Gary farts in his library books before returning them.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 01, 2021, 08:15:20 PM
Gary becomes obsessed with wood pigeons and instructs Daz to "listen for the coo".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 02, 2021, 01:58:20 AM
Gary is watching Bullseye on Challenge on his own with a huge joint at 1:00AM.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 02, 2021, 10:06:15 AM
Gary dubs Daz 'Clever Clogs Daz' when Daz learns how to do childrens' crosswords.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on June 02, 2021, 02:30:31 PM
Legend Gary reinforces his deck shoes by painting them with Hammerite.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 03, 2021, 04:24:14 AM
Daz drives to Clacton in a stolen Citroën 2CV.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 03, 2021, 02:34:35 PM
Legend Gary enjoys breaking the record for the smallest poo.

Legend Gary fills his underpants with ketchup and claims his arse has burst.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 03, 2021, 03:43:49 PM
Gary starts dressing up as Batman and going out at night beating people up.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 04, 2021, 06:15:30 AM
Gary begins to devolve and all he says now is "Yeah, lads," and looks more shifty getting off the bus, looking around him hither and thither.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 05, 2021, 11:47:59 PM
Gary and Daz debate chips or beans for tea. Chips win in what Gary describes as "a landslide victory."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on June 07, 2021, 12:27:10 PM
"I don't care how hot it is Daz, only posties and nonces wear shorts"

2 pints later:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E3Dh1Z7XEAQQDbb?format=jpg&name=900x900)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 07, 2021, 01:24:07 PM
That's Gary's Uncle Greg. "Funniest fucker ever Daz, the original Ledge!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 07, 2021, 02:09:08 PM
Gary hangs up another load of Union Jack bunting before saluting the Union Jack flag and scratching his balls through his Union Jack underpants.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 07, 2021, 04:27:15 PM
Gary gets stoned and bench-presses Daz for an hour.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 09, 2021, 10:47:15 AM
Gary cleans his picture of the Queen.

"Best of British, Daz. Best of British"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 09, 2021, 10:56:52 AM
Quote from: Glebe on June 05, 2021, 11:47:59 PM
Gary and Daz debate chips or beans for tea. Chips win in what Gary describes as "a landslide victory."

Laughed
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 09, 2021, 10:58:38 AM
Legend Gary insists you are born with a milk rectum, that falls out them you get your adult rectum that must be cleaned with paste twice a day, while you wait to get older to discover if your wisdom rectum sprouts.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 10, 2021, 12:30:22 PM
Gary posts a couple.of tweets defending Brewdog, partly in the hope.of a free sample, partly to ensure his staff don't write an open letter
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 10, 2021, 03:13:29 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 09, 2021, 10:56:52 AMLaughed

Thanks Shoulders! Hang on, why am I thanking you for involuntarily laughing?!

Gary has to be restrained after Daz calls him "a common oik with more aggression than sense."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 11, 2021, 12:50:39 PM
"Fully vaccinated, Daz!"

"Hang on Gary you haven't booked your appointment with the vax centre yet!""

"Injected a full Jif Lemon into me veins Daz, I'll be grand!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 11, 2021, 03:30:07 PM
Gary is told he can't choose the topic "why do only fools and horses work" for his dissertation.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 12, 2021, 08:49:27 AM
Everyone is really getting into having a new Chinese mate, proper lad, loves the banter, sits there and takes it for hours, sits there getting hazed like a schoolboy bitch and takes it all, not like some of them, and actually, his Pubes game is so strong there's a discussion on whether Daz should be stripped of his title.

'Pubes Yin' does really work, opines Steak Terry.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 13, 2021, 11:33:14 AM
Didn't realise Legend Gary used to be married: https://twitter.com/sh44sti/status/1403113048160837637
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 14, 2021, 06:16:16 AM
Daz convinces Gary that Ribena has "magical rejuvenating powers."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 14, 2021, 02:33:17 PM
Gary is "overwhelmed" by GB News. "At last Daz, a news station that gets 'me'. I don't even mind that there's too many non-white presenters, prolly softening in my old age!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 14, 2021, 05:53:07 PM
Gary writes to Andrew Neil asking to appear, saying he will put the "G" in "GB News"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 14, 2021, 05:59:52 PM
Legend Gary won't delete Kate McCann's number from his phone 'in case she changes her mind'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 14, 2021, 06:25:17 PM
"Daz, for too long has the oppressive yoke of 'woke' culture constrained the good straight, white, male folk of our glorious nation. It's time to break free from these shackles and reclaim Britain from the PC Snowflakes! Oh England, my England!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 14, 2021, 06:27:52 PM
Gary gets a little stiffy whenever he sees a Union Jack. At least that was the excuse when he was arrested outside the primary school. "I was saluting the flag in my own way" he told officers.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 15, 2021, 03:00:16 PM
Gary is selected as the Labour candidate for an upcoming by-election. He wasn't even a member of the party until they sought him out, but his dislike for Labour was outshone by his desire to sit in the House of Commons and let off farts.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 15, 2021, 07:41:09 PM
Daz has to explain to Gary what misanthropic means when Gary asks him why he never joins in on kickabouts with the lads.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on June 15, 2021, 07:55:29 PM
Every square centimetre of Daz's spare room carpet tests positive for Legend Gary's DNA.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 16, 2021, 01:36:39 PM
Gary throws Daz so hard he leaves Earth's atmosphere.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 17, 2021, 04:53:38 AM
"A week ago you didn't even know who Andrew Neil was. Now you can't stop going on about him, Gary!"

"He's always been a hero of mine Daz, has Andrew Beale!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 19, 2021, 06:38:57 PM
Gary readies Spotify for his 1,000th play of Three Lions (Baddiel and Skinner).

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 19, 2021, 07:00:21 PM
Gary pops round to have a cheeky pint with Daz, downloads 850MB of porn onto Daz's laptop and blames his 4 year old son.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 20, 2021, 09:37:44 AM
Daz and the rest of the neighbourhood is awoken at 5AM by the sound of Kylie Minogue's 'Spinning Around'. Opening the curtains, Daz spots Gary dancing naked on the heath with his smartphone hooked up to a pair of big speakers. "That'll be that bag of angel dust," cringes Daz to himself, crawling back into bed with embarrassment.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 20, 2021, 03:04:15 PM
Daz describes Gary as "an affront to civil decency."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 21, 2021, 10:22:30 PM
Legend Gary has had a skinful, he has been injecting beer into his skin with a syringe for 'that classic crisp hoppy finish'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 22, 2021, 04:04:29 PM
Gary squeezes Daz into the kitchen bin and rolls him along a bus lane.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 23, 2021, 09:09:56 AM
https://twitter.com/DreadnoughtPub/status/1407342757102895115?s=19

Daz daz, look. They gone put our message up on the front of the pub!

Haha! Losers!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 23, 2021, 11:41:23 AM
Gary claims GB News is "too woke" and sets up his own rival "news station", Gary Broadcasting News. It's basically him and his entourage making videos with Daz filming. After three videos his channel is banned for multiple violations of Youtube's terms of service, which Gary claims shows how "woke" Youtube is.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 23, 2021, 12:17:59 PM
Gary decides Gregg's pasties are "gayz onley," and absolutely decks Daz when he discovers him munching one.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Chollis on June 23, 2021, 02:25:46 PM
Daz is awoken in the dead of night by the sound of loud sobbing coming from downstairs. He gets up and finds Gary at the bottom of the stairs, head in hands, tears streaming down his face.

"Ledge, what's wrong mate?"
"It's.....it's them moslims Daz... they keep comin' over here! And them polish and bulgerians as well!"
"Right, well I'm going back to bed."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 23, 2021, 03:21:10 PM
Gary has an erotic dream about Del Boy.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on June 23, 2021, 04:59:38 PM
Gary finds a big crisp
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 23, 2021, 06:09:25 PM
Quote from: Pink Gregory on June 23, 2021, 04:59:38 PMGary finds a big crisp

It's Ferris after the explosion!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 24, 2021, 09:04:56 AM
Gary writes to his local school offering to help with One Britain One Nation Day "including choreography and set design"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 25, 2021, 07:08:55 PM
Gary describes Daz as "weirdly prescient."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 26, 2021, 05:35:50 PM
"Daz, can I shock you? I like Mumford and Sons"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 26, 2021, 11:36:45 PM
Gary tosses a McFlurry at Daz, "for bit laugh an' that, like."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 27, 2021, 02:33:28 PM
Gary tells Daz that he "really ties the room together."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 27, 2021, 10:43:32 PM
Gary perceives ethereal beings at the edges of reality.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shagatha crustie on June 29, 2021, 11:50:55 AM
Gary humps Prof Chris Whitty's leg.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 29, 2021, 02:46:50 PM
Gary recreates the more violent scenes from Scarface (1983) with Daz as the victim.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 29, 2021, 02:48:49 PM
Gary describes his sit on lawnmower as "the Batmobile of mowers"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on June 29, 2021, 07:44:09 PM
"YES! Take that,  Fritz! Football's coming home!"

"Could you keep it down Gary?" grumbles Daz, poking his head in the living room door. He is grasping The Complete Molière in his hands.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 30, 2021, 09:39:18 AM
On the one hand cultural Marxism, on the other: it's coming home. Quite the conundrum really, Darren? Darren?!

Darren is unconscious.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 30, 2021, 10:13:09 AM
Legend Gary reports Daz to the police for "expressing insufficient support for the England team during the day of a football match". Daz gets a £100 fine and a telling off.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 04, 2021, 01:12:18 PM
Legend Gary's latest online offering has been noticed by Twitter: https://twitter.com/SeanMcCarthyCom/status/1411440863381762048/photo/1

Although Ledge is not being honest with that last paragraph, as he goes abroad twice a year with the lads for some booze, babes and banter. Loves waving a little Union Jack at the locals on the bus from the airport to the accomodation.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 04, 2021, 04:06:43 PM
That's extra-strength Ledge Deso.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on July 04, 2021, 06:27:43 PM
He's been hacked. The tip-off is the misspell in "We are the protaginists", part of a designation Legend Gary would never select in a million years over 'THE MAIN EVENT'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 04, 2021, 06:35:24 PM
Gary buys a load of face masks so he can burn them in the back garden.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 04, 2021, 07:12:12 PM
"I have never gone abroad and never will" is some epic Gary-aping. Probably posted from Benidorm.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 05, 2021, 02:39:52 PM
Gary adds another St George's Cross to the flagpole.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 08, 2021, 09:35:39 AM
Gary climbs onto a traffic light and sprays the people below with beer.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 08, 2021, 02:29:42 PM
Legend Gary thinks trans ones shouldn't have access to either the men's or women's toilets. Go outside and do it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 08, 2021, 02:32:03 PM
Legend Gary and the crew have been a lot less critical of "woke footballers" these past couple of weeks. Croatian Mendez even calls them heroes.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 08, 2021, 05:41:02 PM
Legend Gary takes a tumble at the stadium: https://twitter.com/chunkymark/status/1413009504539656193
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 08, 2021, 05:41:15 PM
Gary dresses up as Mussolini and goes to an Antifa rally "to crush some woke snowflakes!"

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on July 08, 2021, 05:41:02 PMLegend Gary takes a tumble at the stadium: https://twitter.com/chunkymark/status/1413009504539656193

DAZ: I told you to cut down on the steak bakes Gary!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 11, 2021, 01:04:48 PM
Steak and Gaz in the airport waiting lounge at Gatwick.

Legend Gary: I tell you what you can't beat, mate!
Steak Terry: What's that?
Legend Gary: I know you won't agree...
Steak Terry: Why
Legend Gary: You just won't mate but I tell you what you can't beat, what you absolutely cannot beat
Steak Terry: What?
Legend Gary: EGGS
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 12, 2021, 11:13:15 AM
Gary tells a confused Daz he will never watch an episode of the Sopranos ever again.

He's already thrown a load of pasta in the bin. "Only British sausages and British mash potato for me from now on Daz, if it was good enough for Winston Churchill it's good enough for me"

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 12, 2021, 12:35:45 PM
Legend Gary: Daz, I am going to make you disabled.

Daz: What, when?

Legend Gary: Mmm......  ...Friday.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Wanking Monk of Kefalonia on July 14, 2021, 02:13:14 AM
Just read a story about England fans setting off fireworks outside the Italy team's hotel in the middle of the night before the cup final, which struck me as being peak Legend Gary.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 16, 2021, 08:56:10 PM
In a surprize twist, Gary discovers that "that hippie woman next door" really does has the powers of a witch when she invites he and Daz around for tea and turns them both into monkeys.

(https://64.media.tumblr.com/32b91dfe51b168f55d465f0515b888da/7facb170777aa28f-af/s2048x3072/762dbea84bd53c5819f638b86d5e90b25ded9d98.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 17, 2021, 10:36:13 AM
Legend Gary makes Pubes Daz ashamed about the curvature of his eyelashes.

"They're an embarrassment to you and everyone else here, mate."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 17, 2021, 02:46:01 PM
Gary and Daz claim to be former Labour voters during a focus group with Keith Starmar, despite neither having voted Labour in their life.

"Under 25s, they've got no stamina, they dont want to work" claims Gary. "How many of them bother to start their own business or go door to door asking if they have any jobs"

Starmar chuckles and repeats his words back to him like a robot. Gary fails to mention he was "employed" by his dad's advertising firm during his early twenties, which mainly involved getting in the way of people doing actual work and snorting coke. Still, it paid fifteen grand a year, if he can do that why cant those snowflakes?

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 17, 2021, 06:17:47 PM
Gary has an argument with Smelly Brenford and punts him into a canal.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 18, 2021, 06:33:02 AM
New Gary insults: 'Gelm' and 'Arndale' (like the Arndale Centre).
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 18, 2021, 10:54:51 AM
top right: Gary
bottom 4th from left: Daz

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-57878364
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 19, 2021, 06:46:28 PM
"I'm sick of it Daz. You walk down the street now, you're lucky to hear one person speaking the Queen's English. It's like living in a foreign country. England ain't England no more... it's green and pleasant lands have been blotted out by Asian cornershops and mosques!"

"What are you going to do about it Gary?"

"I'm gonna start a race war, Daz. I'm gonna start a race war."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 19, 2021, 09:17:25 PM
Gary is in Parliament Square yelling "OPEN THE PUBS"

"They've been open for some time, Gary"

"Shut up Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 19, 2021, 10:16:34 PM
What's the first nightclub you're heading to Gary?


Have given this some thought Daz - as you might expect - no stone left unturned - and on balance: The Bankers Draft Wetherspoons Free House
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 20, 2021, 12:14:54 AM
"I DEMAND A PINT!"

"Here you go mate."

"Yeah but I have to drink it out here."

"It's blazing hot, Gary."

"Don't you start, Daz! Otherwise you'll be joining this bloke in A&E!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 20, 2021, 12:54:39 PM
Ledge was glad he always has a football in the boot of his car:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-57900658

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Chollis on July 22, 2021, 04:39:34 PM
Gary's newly registed charity Beers Without Borders is abandoned after just 3 hours when he's glassed by a Polish man in town
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 22, 2021, 09:04:22 PM
Gary describes the NHS 3% pay rise as "too high, all they do is make tiktok videos and look annoyed when I come into A&E a few bevvies down and a cut on my jaw"

"In fairness Gary, the last time you visited it was a shaving cut."

"Still could have given me a lollipop though Daz, but that's what happens when you say you're English"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 22, 2021, 09:19:16 PM
"MASK MENTALLER! MASK MENTALLER!"

"Fuck's sake Gary, can't even pop into Tesco Express without you following me everywhere!"

"Oh it's you, Daz! MASK MENTALLER! DON'T FORGET TO USE THE HAND SANITISER AS YOU LEAVE! GAY!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: madhair60 on July 23, 2021, 02:13:20 PM
Legend Gary signs his son's birthday card as "Legend Gary"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Chollis on July 23, 2021, 03:18:12 PM
Gary assures Daz he's a multi-instrumentalist, because he can play with his dick and his balls!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Beagle 2 on July 23, 2021, 04:14:09 PM
Legend Gary is intercepted at the gate of a Donkey Sanctuary carrying a tattooing kit.

"Some Freedom Day this is you dobbin fuckers"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 23, 2021, 04:17:14 PM
Quote from: madhair60 on July 23, 2021, 02:13:20 PM
Legend Gary signs his son's birthday card as "Legend Gary"

Legend Gary posts the card using the address 'My sons address in Portsmouth'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 23, 2021, 07:00:07 PM
There's a gift card for a local 'massage parlour' inside.

"There you go son, break your cherry."

"But dad, I'm only 13."

"So was I, son. So was I."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 23, 2021, 11:56:12 PM
Quote from: Pink Gregory on June 23, 2021, 04:59:38 PM
Gary finds a big crisp

I laughed
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 25, 2021, 02:31:53 AM
Gary is planning an attack on a face mask manufacturing plant. "Lot of Pakistanis working there Daz, so it's two birds with one stone."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on July 25, 2021, 09:39:08 PM
WHAT'S SORTED DAZ WHAT'S SORTED DAZ EH EH EH EH

Is is the beakend, Gal?

THAT'S THE BEAKEND SORTED DAZ, ROLL ON THE BEAKEND
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 25, 2021, 10:02:35 PM
Gary boasts about breaking wind.

"I can break the wind, Daz with my karate skills."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 25, 2021, 10:05:04 PM
Gary watches Series 7 of Hollyoaks back to back.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 28, 2021, 09:40:48 AM
Legend Gary promises to give that Rehydration Sachet bloke 'a hangover to wipe that smug cunt off the map'.

Legend Gary says not going through with raping someone after spiking their drink is 'a waste of good drugs' and 'unethical if anything'.

Legend Gary is annoyed to discover that Stealthing is 'bad now'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 28, 2021, 02:23:13 PM
Gary mocks Daz by dubbing him "Masky McMaskface."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 28, 2021, 03:13:18 PM
Gary keeps boasting about his "man juice"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 29, 2021, 05:05:51 PM
Gary kicks over his 10,000 children's sandcastle. "The look in their fucking eyes when I do that" he boasts to an embarrassed Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on July 29, 2021, 05:29:22 PM
Gary is deemed "a legend in me own lockdown" by Gary heself.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sherringford Hovis on August 01, 2021, 02:23:18 AM
Gary explains why his fantasy threesome involves Proxy Paige and Penny Pax.
"The alliteration, Daz, the alliteration. Probably some assonance, too. A proper cocksmith has gotta be classy about these things, it's about more than just shaggin' away at some furry hoops."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 01, 2021, 10:28:55 PM
'What is this quintessence of Daz?'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 01, 2021, 11:03:44 PM
Something is rotten in this branch of Primark
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 02, 2021, 10:34:11 PM
"Gary, why are you wearing that red jacket and crash helmet?"

"Never mind that Daz, just put on this papier-mâché fox head and get running."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on August 03, 2021, 10:37:11 AM
Gary sneaks into the Tokyo Olympics and manages to enter as a contestant in the gymnastics. His performance is described as "elegant and graceful" and he gains high marks from the judges.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 03, 2021, 10:57:23 AM
Daz: Did you watch King Gary last night mate?

Legend: Course I fucking didn't. Lip!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 25, 2021, 10:12:41 PM
Your mum fails the Pubes Daz Doorstep Challenge
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 31, 2021, 10:50:44 PM
Legend Gary sits in a bucket of urine and fucks it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 31, 2021, 11:03:27 PM
Legend Gary throws his own birthday party in order to win a 'Legend Gary' birthday prize.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 31, 2021, 11:10:06 PM
Legend Gary writes a letter to the editor of a newspaper explaining why he should be free of the law.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 31, 2021, 11:13:18 PM
Legend Gary is a "wank" victim of the British Transport Police.

Legend Gary hangs for forty days and nights from a gibbet.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 01, 2021, 03:53:30 PM
Gary stands inside the door at Tesco and pulls the masks off people coming in. "Jimmy Swissknife is the security guard here, he turns a blind eye to it Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 01, 2021, 10:23:15 PM
Legend Gary plays a game called 'Bag the Bastard', consisting of blowing up bags of shit.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 01, 2021, 10:47:42 PM
Legend Gary is shot in the gut by a rival.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 02, 2021, 01:06:32 PM
Gary suggests replacing the Olympics with "one big drinking contest"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on September 02, 2021, 02:24:38 PM
The 'Paralytic' games, Daz? Do you get it? Daz? Daz???
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 02, 2021, 05:57:30 PM
Gary suggests foreign aid be "repurposed to fund a Stella drive for thirsty Brits!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 03, 2021, 02:08:30 AM
Gary discovers that Conor McGregor is his second cousin and immediately declares the IRA "a great bunch of lads."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 03, 2021, 09:38:50 AM
Legend Gary makes a snide remark to a passing snail and gets a snail shell stuck on his shoe.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on September 03, 2021, 09:14:40 PM
Legend Gary inadvertently eats shit.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on September 04, 2021, 09:18:09 PM
Legend Gary subsequently deliberately eats shit, for 'laffs'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 04, 2021, 11:36:41 PM
Legend Gary dances to a recording of his own heartbeat in the town hall's toilet.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 04, 2021, 11:55:16 PM
Gary still thinks it's the 1990's. "I'm eight years old forever, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 05, 2021, 10:22:34 AM
Legend Gary takes a taxi home to 'save on bus fare'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 13, 2021, 03:08:43 PM
Legend Gary gives a pile of Maxim magazine to the charity shop.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 13, 2021, 05:26:33 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 13, 2021, 03:08:43 PMLegend Gary gives a pile of Maxim magazine to the charity shop.

"Some of the pages are stuck together but otherwise they're grand!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on September 15, 2021, 01:10:19 AM
Gary gets cancelled from transphobic twitter: 'dunno why Gaz, I only offered to show a load of mad scottish women who need a good shagging & that guy who wrote Father Ted, this rare foreign porn video I've got that totally proves women will wee&shit all over your face.'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 17, 2021, 11:36:51 PM
Gary goes on an anti-vaccination rant while dropping his niece off at the local creche.

"Look, Gary isn't it? We're all entitled to our own opinions, but could you please pull the mask up over your mouth and nose in here?"

"Listen, you moany bitch, I'll put the thing on me face, don't mean I have to have it EXACTLY on me mouth or owt! So stick that in your pipe and smoke it! And you probably do smoke a pipe, lezzer! Have a great day, little #AmyWinehouseforevah! Mummy will pick you up when she's finished in the tanning salon!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 18, 2021, 04:56:15 PM
Gary dances in the train aisle while blowing up a balloon to the music Daz is playing through his speakers.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 18, 2021, 10:07:11 PM
Hubris Daz

Oh, Icarus
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 25, 2021, 04:32:02 AM
Gary fills Daz's mouth with antibacterial gel and puts a facemask on his head "for that knotted-hanky effect".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 25, 2021, 09:57:10 AM
Legend Gary is impaled by his own dildo
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 25, 2021, 02:55:28 PM
Legend Gary introduces the zebra mussel to a pond and local waterway to in his words 'give it the chaos factor'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 26, 2021, 12:17:09 PM
Gary paints 'DAZ IS A PEDAFILE' ten-foot high on an overpass.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 26, 2021, 01:10:51 PM
Gary drinks a glass of his own piss "to protect against that covids, Daz"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 28, 2021, 03:38:06 PM
Gary coughs and sneezes over everybody's pints.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Custard on September 28, 2021, 06:02:53 PM
How many Legend Garys does it take to let his mum in when she walks twelve miles with six bags containing all his freshly done washing?

One, but twenty four minutes after the first knock as he's been in the Fleshlight
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 28, 2021, 06:12:16 PM
Gary dangles his legs off the train seat into the aisle and waits for people to get really close before he moves them just enough for people to squeeze past.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on September 30, 2021, 02:33:25 PM
Gary sets up his own courtroom in the garden. His first case sees him sentencing Daz to life imprisonment in the shed for homosexual acts.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 01, 2021, 06:37:51 PM
Gary goes to lay out an ill favoured wall 'for good' but it goes wrong and crushes his legs.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on October 04, 2021, 04:50:16 PM
Quote from: Glebe on September 17, 2021, 11:36:51 PM
Gary goes on an anti-vaccination rant while dropping his niece off at the local creche.

"Look, Gary isn't it? We're all entitled to our own opinions, but could you please pull the mask up over your mouth and nose in here?"

"Listen, you moany bitch, I'll put the thing on me face, don't mean I have to have it EXACTLY on me mouth or owt! So stick that in your pipe and smoke it! And you probably do smoke a pipe, lezzer! Have a great day, little #AmyWinehouseforevah! Mummy will pick you up when she's finished in the tanning salon!"

Gary goes on a pro-vaccination rant while waiting to sign on, passing off his niece's points as his own
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 04, 2021, 06:56:22 PM
"Hello, Daz?"

"Gary, where are you?"

"Tenerife."

"But how?!? You've not got the covid travel cert!"

"Dodgy Michael did one up for me. His dad works in some kind of government administration or owt. I'm coming home soon, I've got a terrible cold and me temperature is through the roof! Another San Miguel, Stavros! COUGH!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 11, 2021, 05:54:47 PM
Gary talks about having "more girth than ever before" but when Daz demands that he prove it he refuses to remove his glans from his shell suit (for once).
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 11, 2021, 07:47:13 PM
Gary's autograph book includes Laurence Fox and Julia Hartley-Brewer. "Only British heroes, Daz. Just a shame I never got an autograph from Sir Colonel Captain Tom".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 12, 2021, 08:42:43 AM
Legend Gary's father is so incensed by his son's pranksterism that he sends him out into the wilds of Sussex to live with pigeons.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 12, 2021, 03:18:56 PM
Gary slut-shames Daz by posting pictures of him in his underwear with a dog online, 'send to all'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 12, 2021, 11:11:42 PM
Gary leaves a palette of Stella in Danny Dyer's driveway, "It's just to say thanks Dan mate," he says to himself as he walks away.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Gregory Torso on October 12, 2021, 11:16:31 PM
Legend Gary buys a slow loris on the dark web.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 14, 2021, 03:34:04 PM
Gary is slamming himself against the doors of the Houses of Parliament. He's really going for it, continuing to shove.

"Let me in! I want to take on these pro-masks MPs! They're all mouth, but let's see how they fare in a bare-knuckle boxing match!"

He continues to ram his body against the doors. "Let me in!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 14, 2021, 11:48:18 PM
"If only that covid only targeted gays, it'd finish the job the AIDS began in the '80s," notes Gary. Or it could be your dad who said it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 15, 2021, 07:33:38 PM
Gary jokes that his arse "can make chocolate!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 15, 2021, 11:36:46 PM
"That's the best plate of gammon I've had in a long while Daz's Mum - and I know my gammon!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 16, 2021, 05:52:52 AM
Legend Gary eats a bag of grass and dies
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on October 16, 2021, 05:55:04 AM
"But if anyone asks, I'm still refusing to eat gammon because gammon's a slur against angry white men like me, and I'm a gammon so it'll make me a cannibal like those darkies out in Africa"

Also Gary's now claiming to be boycotting Um Bongo "because they drink it in the Congo, Daz".

--
Meanwhile, still on a racist 80s soft drink soft theme, Gary doesn't know whether to be pleased or upset they no longer show that  Kiora advert. He's claims to be upset about "all the wokes making pollical correctness go mad" while being secretly pleased cartoon drink adverts became a lot more white.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on October 16, 2021, 05:56:16 AM
Gary's pronouns are Leg/end and Ga/ry
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on October 16, 2021, 03:56:25 PM
The Ledge is in a foul mood. Daz and the other lads have a rare day of one-upmanship in branding Gary Gay-ry! Smashes up half the wing mirrors on the street's row of parked cars as a "straightener".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on October 16, 2021, 05:30:28 PM
Several hours after he has once again been overheard insisting on a link between religious headdress observance and military field medical supply shortages, a "substantially incoherent" Legend Gary is found wandering around on the outskirts of town dressed as a mummy.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 16, 2021, 06:52:08 PM
Gary shape-shifts into a can of Tizer.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 18, 2021, 03:37:17 PM
Legend Gary claims to be the first Briton to glass someone with a plastic bottle.

It wasn't frivolous though, fully justified.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 18, 2021, 06:29:29 PM
"I've still got bits of plastic in my face," moans Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 18, 2021, 06:41:38 PM
Legend Gary has hired a local artist to paint a mural of Captain Tom holding a giant poppy on his garage.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 19, 2021, 12:29:16 AM
Gary is living in Daz's shed. Daz is unaware of this.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 19, 2021, 06:58:57 PM
"And - CUT!"

"Cheers Daz, that's another episode of Gary's Anti-Mask Rant Podcast in the can. Now put it on the internet with your nerd skills."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 20, 2021, 01:34:22 AM
Cheesy Wotsits supplies run low when Gary goes on an extended binge. "Tony Montana had his coke, I've got me Wotsits, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 20, 2021, 05:09:08 PM
Gary breaks his record for most bus stops smashed in a day. "48 Daz. Beat that!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on October 20, 2021, 05:34:18 PM
Legend Gary builds 'a monument to the fallen' out of Peperamis.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 20, 2021, 06:35:45 PM
Legend Gary puts his penis in a jar of mustard "to see what it feels like"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 20, 2021, 11:39:52 PM
Daz is upset because his pet hamster, Jerry the Hamster, has died.

"Pull up your socks, Daz," threatens Gary in a 'kindly' voice. "The grief will only get worse, but y'must tough it out it nonetheless and be a man. So dry your eyes mate... worse is to come!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fr.Bigley on October 21, 2021, 09:49:23 AM
Gary has been invited to Pete Waterman's office to talk about what should be included on Max Power magazines new compilation CD "Now that's what I call Gary" vol. 3.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 21, 2021, 05:19:37 PM
Gary is screaming abuse all day on the heath. He's on his fifteenth Stella now. Wearing nowt but shorts in the chill autumn wind.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 22, 2021, 10:22:25 PM
Gary keeps saying he has "Delhi belly" in a 'funny' accent.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on October 23, 2021, 12:44:10 PM
Inspired by Barlow's (https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,90182.0.html) line in cheap piano plonk, Gary is busy in the shed perfecting the recipe for 'Gary Wine'.

"Get your smackers around this lovely drop of stuff Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on October 23, 2021, 04:33:27 PM
"Daz Help!! I've got my cock stuck in this wine bottle

again"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 23, 2021, 05:38:29 PM
The logo on Gary Wine is a photo of.Gary's arse.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 23, 2021, 06:12:00 PM
'Gary Wine: 1% of proceeds go to Our Brave Boys.'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on October 23, 2021, 11:23:21 PM
Gary Wine is only available by the pint or gallon.

'None of their fackin centi-cunty-litres round here Dazzo!" 
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 23, 2021, 11:26:36 PM
"A smooth finish, with hints of Stella and boot polish. Only available in Britain!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on October 23, 2021, 11:31:31 PM
Quote from: Glebe on October 23, 2021, 11:26:36 PM
"A smooth finish, with hints of Stella and boot polish. Only available in Britain!"

"Daz, Daz, Daz!

Some online connysewer reckons my wine tastes Polish, I'm absolutely gutted, everything I've worked for is in tatters."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 23, 2021, 11:35:12 PM
Quote from: Bum Flaps on October 23, 2021, 11:31:31 PM"Daz, Daz, Daz!

Some online connysewer reckons my wine tastes Polish, I'm absolutely gutted, everything I've worked for is in tatters."

"As one of Britain's greatest smellyiers, I take great pride in my wine! You won't find this among y'duty frees!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Cuellar on October 23, 2021, 11:37:44 PM
Legend Gary pulls at his best mate's funeral.

It's only the dead kid's mum!!!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 23, 2021, 11:43:44 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on October 23, 2021, 11:37:44 PMLegend Gary pulls at his best mate's funeral.

It's only the dead kid's mum!!!

Shoplifts a box of Black Magic, pulls some of the neighbour's prize daffodils up and grabs a bottle of his own-brand wine. "All set for the first date!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on October 23, 2021, 11:45:28 PM
Legend Gary's got a new job as a columnist in the Observer.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 24, 2021, 07:52:16 PM
Gary starts jamming Daz into a big bin. Passers-by try to discourage him, but no way, he just keeps on jammin'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 24, 2021, 10:17:15 PM
Quote from: king_tubby on October 23, 2021, 11:45:28 PM
Legend Gary's got a new job as a columnist in the Observer.

Legend Gary slips so seamlessly into Hadley Freeman's column it creates a situation compromising the entire Jewry of Israel.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on October 25, 2021, 06:15:47 PM
Quote from: Glebe on October 23, 2021, 06:12:00 PM
'Gary Wine: 1% of proceeds go to Our Brave Boys.'

Garry's mum says her little Gazza's such a brave boy, isn't that right, our Gaz?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 25, 2021, 06:42:19 PM
Quote from: jenna appleseed on October 25, 2021, 06:15:47 PMGarry's mum says her little Gazza's such a brave boy, isn't that right, our Gaz?

"He certainly deserves more then the 1% he receives from Gary Wine Missus Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 26, 2021, 08:22:45 PM
Gary buys the world's biggest Union Jack and plants it in his front garden. Every morning hence, he takes a minute to proudly salute, giving a chorus of the National Anthem and a cry of "YAREE-HOY, OUR BRAVE BOYS! YAREE-HOY!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on October 26, 2021, 08:39:36 PM
when Gary comes round, he always salutes your flag and adds GOD BLESS AMERICA, EH? EH? then appeals for the laugh
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 26, 2021, 08:55:37 PM
"Remember that two weeks in Florida Daz, fuckin' 'ell! US flags everywhere, they're right up themselves the yanks!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 28, 2021, 10:42:56 AM
Gary's boss tells him for a second time not to use "lovely jubbley" when emailing someone.



Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 28, 2021, 11:31:10 AM
Gary has found his ideal vocation as a taxi driver, going the long way round, leaving the meter running and saying things like "there's too many of them coming over, don't you agree with me?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 28, 2021, 11:32:39 AM
Also "accidentally" leaving a whoopee cushion on the back seat.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 28, 2021, 11:36:17 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on October 28, 2021, 11:32:39 AMAlso "accidentally" leaving a whoopee cushion on the back seat.

"Sorry mate I just needed cheering up I'm in court tomorrow for putting my hand a passenger's knee. Before you ask, it was a bird I ain't one of them homos."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 28, 2021, 08:18:19 PM
Gary writes his bucket list on an actual bucket.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 28, 2021, 10:07:09 PM
Quote from: Glebe on October 28, 2021, 08:18:19 PM
Gary writes his bucket list on an actual bucket.

Enjoyed that one
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 28, 2021, 10:23:39 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 28, 2021, 10:07:09 PMEnjoyed that one

I was thinking 'was that done already?' I feel like McCartney writing 'Yesterday'!*

*Not that it's that standard in joke terms obviously.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 30, 2021, 03:15:51 PM
Gary dresses up as a terrorist for Halloween. "Fuckin' edgelord Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 31, 2021, 07:16:57 PM
"You're a really great guy, Daz."

"Thanks Gary!"

By which Gary meant Daz would make a great Guy Fawkes Night 'guy' and he ends up getting roasted on a bonfire.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 31, 2021, 07:18:39 PM
Fireworks night sends Legend Gary into a slough of despond after recalling the 'copycat' antics of Euro 2020 arse firework man.

'Why oh why didn't I copyright that'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 31, 2021, 07:23:40 PM
Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 31, 2021, 07:18:39 PMFireworks night sends Legend Gary into Slough

DESO.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on October 31, 2021, 07:55:39 PM
All the fireworks up his bum made him take off like a rocket and that's where he crash landed.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

twirling his arms around mid air
*look Daz I'm a Catharine wheel*

*crunch* bounce bounch *ouch* arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on October 31, 2021, 08:05:06 PM
Legend Gary has finally got the PDO paperwork through and from now on 'dick cheese' must be referred to as 'smegma' unless it has been scraped from the geographical region of Gary's helmet.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on October 31, 2021, 08:33:14 PM
^ you mean Gary Cheese  surely?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on October 31, 2021, 08:36:40 PM
Have some fucking respect for BRITISH tradition, commie.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on October 31, 2021, 08:43:51 PM
Gary absolutely batters Daz, slamming him head-first into a see-saw and generally 'ramming' him against lampposts.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 01, 2021, 07:48:40 PM
"Remember, remember, the Ledge of November, look at the size of my cock! I know of no reason why the Ledge-cock this season, it's girth should ever be mocked!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 02, 2021, 08:53:28 PM
Gary and Daz are playing FIFA on the PlayStation when Gary suddenly breaks the silence.

"Y'know Daz, I think about Our Brave Boys fighting the talibans over in the desert and then I think of YOU, sitting here playing your computer game like a big coward!"

With that, Gary is out of his chair and on Daz, bashing him senseless with his controller.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 04, 2021, 07:38:27 PM
"So you're not going trans then Daz?"

"Gary I told you that was just a Halloween costume."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 05, 2021, 02:17:12 AM
Gary builds his own Angel of the North out of Stella cans.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 05, 2021, 06:52:00 AM
Gary and Daz go see Dune but Gary gets bored within the first five minutes and decides to amuse himself by going around the cinema "spreading the covid."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 05, 2021, 08:06:09 AM
It isn't all fun and games moans Gary, some of this shit takes weeks of prep, dog shit doesn't pick itself
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on November 05, 2021, 08:56:11 AM
Gary doesn't like his friends any more. they don't really respond when he bullies them now, and strangers can just go away and not be around him
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 05, 2021, 11:16:40 PM
Gary instructs Daz to don a Steven Seagal mask then belts him up the arse.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 06, 2021, 07:50:24 PM
Gary makes his own Hadron Collider that is powered by Stella.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 07, 2021, 12:29:23 AM
Gary's photography of "one of them flying saucers" is given short shrift by a local ufologist, who's description of it as "a Wagon Wheel on a stick" is entirely accurate.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 07, 2021, 04:28:00 PM
"Welcome to this special charity edition of The Chase, now Gary, what is your charity of choice?"

"Our Brave Boys."

"Alright mate, I wish you luck. Here we go."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 07, 2021, 11:22:15 PM
Gary discovers that he has to recharge Daz every few hours now. "I think you need a new battery mate, bloody Chinese batteries!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 08, 2021, 11:31:54 AM
Gary empties the recycling into his general bin this week to "compensate" for Daz getting an electric car.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 08, 2021, 11:34:37 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on November 08, 2021, 11:31:54 AM
Gary empties the recycling into his general bin this week to "compensate" for Daz getting an electric car.

Excellent
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 08, 2021, 06:54:05 PM
Gary is absolutely buzzing on Tesco gin.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 08, 2021, 07:44:44 PM
Gary makes a picture of Michael Gove out of his nasal hair and invites Gove to come and see it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 09, 2021, 05:45:11 AM
Daz finds Gary going around the local shopping centre on a child's trike.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on November 09, 2021, 04:15:34 PM
Legend Gary buries Daz and jumps up and down on the ground above trying to convert him into fossil fuel.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Poodle Basher on November 09, 2021, 07:19:47 PM
Gary phones the local radio station to complain about the levels of prostitution in his fair town.

"I'm telling you Brian, it's nothing but bifters and munters out there. Puts you off your stroke if you know what I mean."

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 10, 2021, 12:06:39 AM
Quote from: Captain Poodle Basher on November 09, 2021, 07:19:47 PMGary phones the local radio station to complain about the levels of prostitution in his fair town.

"I'm telling you Brian, it's nothing but bifters and munters out there. Puts you off your stroke if you know what I mean."

"I've had to murder a few, I'm that disappointed. I will kill again!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 10, 2021, 04:25:17 PM
Gary builds up a big coal fire and feeds it with Greenpeace leaflets. "Take that, Gretel Thurnburg!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 11, 2021, 04:52:20 AM
"They weren't happy with people 'taking the knee' Daz, now they've got their own holiday!"

"That's not what Black Friday is Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on November 11, 2021, 08:32:18 AM
Heh.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 11, 2021, 03:32:56 PM
"Not many shoplifting in Tesco Express days left until Christmas now, Daz! Fancy a new lighter?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 12, 2021, 02:52:21 AM
Gary buys an expresso machine but he can't turn it on.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 12, 2021, 12:19:45 PM
Legend Gary tricks Storage Andy into storing 28 boxes filled with absolutely fuck all.

'He'll be mugged right off when he finds out!'

Legend Gary has paid £45.50 for the storage for a month.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 12, 2021, 12:22:24 PM
Legend Gary refuses to wear a mask in the hospital because "Boris doesn't"

"Yes, but you are a surgeon, Gary"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on November 13, 2021, 02:23:13 AM
Gary tells Daz he wants to 'get in on this viral big chip action'.

"what, like the blockchain Gary?"

"fuck you talking about darren?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 13, 2021, 05:06:21 PM
Gary's latest TikTok is Gary's bare arse while Daz screams "Fuck Solskjær!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 13, 2021, 08:16:32 PM
Daz is doing really well in a job interview when Gary slowly rises up behind him and starts doing a wank hand gesture.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 13, 2021, 08:43:38 PM
Steak Terry admits his claim of getting an 8 inch chip at Wetherspoons was a lie after Gary waterboards him.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 13, 2021, 09:35:37 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on November 13, 2021, 08:43:38 PMSteak Terry admits his claim of getting an 8 inch chip at Wetherspoons was a lie after Gary waterboards him.

Heh!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on November 14, 2021, 02:14:07 PM
Legend Gary is so legendary that even Banksy has to pay tribute to him:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-59280919
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on November 14, 2021, 02:20:12 PM
Legend Gary's bucket list:

1. Moon a speed camera
2. Platinum FIFA 18
3. Find a nine-inch chip at Nando's
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 14, 2021, 03:51:04 PM
Gary is in his local CEX stinking of gin with all sick on his trousers screaming "WHY'VE YE NO DREAMCAST GAMES?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 14, 2021, 05:58:04 PM
Legend Gary fails the Pubes Daz Doorstep Challenge, so lifts him into a river.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 15, 2021, 12:25:40 AM
Gary and Daz are in Carpetright, the former rolling the later around the shop in a large rug while a member of staff fetches the manager. "Shag carpet heh Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 15, 2021, 05:01:33 PM
Gary has bought four boxes of tissues for when the Queen dies. "She was more devoted to duty than all those Tiktok nurses we clapped for, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Poodle Basher on November 15, 2021, 05:15:25 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on November 15, 2021, 05:01:33 PM
Gary has bought four boxes of tissues for when the Queen dies. "She was more devoted to duty than all those Tiktok nurses we clapped for, Daz."

Daz considers a retort along the lines of Gary giving nurses the clap but thinks better of it.

Unfortunately, Gary knows him only too well and batters Daz for having the nerve to be thinking about insulting him.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on November 15, 2021, 05:46:52 PM
Quote from: Glebe on November 13, 2021, 05:06:21 PM
Gary's latest TikTok is Gary's bare arse while Daz screams "Fuck Solskjær!"

Ha!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 16, 2021, 12:44:43 AM
"Managed to not get the corona today Daz!"

"Well done Gary!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 16, 2021, 08:21:31 AM
Gary's first ever tweet: 'hiya twitter mate.'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 17, 2021, 09:58:13 AM
Gary gets a job in a garden centre and tells them that he has his own wheelbarrow. The wheelbarrow is of course Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 17, 2021, 04:50:47 PM
"All ready for Christmas, Daz! 200 cans of Tennent's lifted from the local wholesaler's warehouse!"

"Gone off the Stella then Gary?"

"Yeah ever since Popular Johnny declared it 'gay', Daz. May as well make a start on this lot, Christmas is getting earlier every year!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 18, 2021, 09:22:35 AM
Gary is "largin' it" at Lidl, dancing on the conveyor belts and giving shouts out to "the Gary Massive".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 19, 2021, 09:06:21 AM
"Is there a duck under your chair, Daz?"

"No Gary I just farted."

"Alright lad. You can press unpause there. Love FIFA!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 19, 2021, 09:08:06 AM
A relieved Daz and his secret pet duck Daniel cuddle that evening, another day without being discovered by Gary.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 19, 2021, 09:12:57 AM
"What's with all the breadcrumbs, Daz?"

"Er... I DO NOT KNOW GARY."

"By the way, take it easy, you're not supposed to overdo it with the bread when feeding ducks and that," says Gary with a warm wink.

"Cheers Gary!" smiles Daz, popping out to the shed. "It's alright Danny, he knows but he's grand about it. He always gets sentimental in the run up to Christmas!"

"QUACK!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on November 19, 2021, 10:00:45 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on November 15, 2021, 05:01:33 PMGary has bought four boxes of tissues for when the Queen dies.

and that's just for all the wanking.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 20, 2021, 07:35:52 PM
Gary decides to "self-isolate" on the day of Daz's funeral. "It's not that I can't be arsed I'm just being careful, Mrs. Daz," he lies down the phone. "In any case tell your fellow mourners I considered him a good friend. Well a 'friend' anyway. By the way, could you pick me up a six pack of Stella on the way back? Just leave it on the doorstep. I've got the covid remember. In any case DO NOT COME IN I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU. Because of the covid."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on November 20, 2021, 10:50:55 PM
Legend Gary shags 14 older sisters dressed as a milkman as part of a sponsored event for Children In Need.

Literally no-one comes within a timezone  of questioning this.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 21, 2021, 09:34:21 AM
Gary's autobiography, Being a Ledge, is divided into six chapters:

1. Birth of a Ledge.
2. Borstal.
3. The Great Tesco Express Hold-Up.
4. Birth of My Tenth Child That I Never See.
5. The Murder of Daz.
6. Redemption: My Release from Prison After Murdering Daz and Happy Retirement Spent Down the Pub.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 21, 2021, 06:51:56 PM
Gary gets into male grooming and makes a facepack out of melted Wagon Wheels.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on November 22, 2021, 12:16:22 AM
Quote from: Glebe on November 21, 2021, 06:51:56 PMGary gets into male grooming and makes a facepack out of melted Wagon Wheels.

"That's libel, INEVER GROOMED ANY MENS, Daz'll testify to that and all won't you Daz?
YOU CALLING ME A PEDO?  " sez Gary.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 22, 2021, 07:43:42 AM
Quote from: jenna appleseed on November 22, 2021, 12:16:22 AM"That's libel, INEVER GROOMED ANY MENS, Daz'll testify to that and all won't you Daz?
YOU CALLING ME A PEDO?  " sez Gary.

"That's the pot calling the kettle black Gary! Remember that time I said I had to drop my nephew off at the paediatrician? Took four hours to peel you off the ceiling, foaming at the mouth!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 23, 2021, 10:46:35 AM
Gary decides to hibernate for the winter by curling up inside the airing cupboard with ten family size bags of Cheetos and five bottles of Jim Beam.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on November 23, 2021, 04:35:56 PM
Legend Gary swears by his Ready Brek, and has to concoct a fantasy that the 'powers that be' are planning to take Ready Brek away from him.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 23, 2021, 06:28:53 PM
Gary keeps a signed and framed photography of Piers Morgan on his bedside table. "That's another of me fucking heroes right there, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on November 24, 2021, 06:55:41 AM
"hmm, sounds a bit gay that Gaz"

Daz earns himself another battering.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 24, 2021, 09:34:44 AM
Quote from: jenna appleseed on November 24, 2021, 06:55:41 AM"hmm, sounds a bit gay that Gaz"

Daz earns himself another battering.

When Gary has got shot of Daz he pulls down his trousers grabs the photo and commences his ritual wank.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 24, 2021, 11:47:18 PM
Daz is giving Gary driving lessons.

"Please try and avoid the pedestrians, Gary."

"Are you joking Daz? They deserves to be run, them dirty paedestrians!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on November 25, 2021, 07:41:25 AM
Gary invents new measurement the Pubic Fucktonne
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 25, 2021, 10:24:09 AM
Gary shoves Daz into a drain, it's as simple as that.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 25, 2021, 08:37:57 PM
Gary asks Daz for a loan of fifteen hundred pounds to set up a new Jim Davidson fan club.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 26, 2021, 03:15:21 PM
Gary pours bleach on his crabbin' balls.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 26, 2021, 07:50:59 PM
Gary starts leaving the frozen food out in the winter weather instead of getting the freezer fixed. "If you're looking for those chicken dippers Daz, they're under the wheelbarrow."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 27, 2021, 12:42:35 PM
Gary gets season tickets for both West Ham and Man City. "We're not specifically Northern or Southern characters Daz so may as well play it safe, my son. Or 'lad'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 27, 2021, 05:19:28 PM
Gary writes to the Palace demanding Nigel Farage gets an OBE.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on November 27, 2021, 05:28:55 PM
Legend Gary develops an allergic reaction to Cubism.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 27, 2021, 06:05:41 PM
Gary gets two tickets to the premiere of Gatwick Gangsters. "Don't say I never do anything for you, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 27, 2021, 06:44:48 PM
Steak Terry's idea for a sequal - Southampton Airport Shits - enters development.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 27, 2021, 07:23:18 PM
Gary actually did extra work on I.D. 2. He plays both 'Bloke in pool hall who keeps staring directly into camera' (uncredited) and 'Hooligan in fight who keeps laughing then starts attacking cameraman' (uncredited).
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 28, 2021, 11:31:54 AM
"I've gotten the biggest turkey ever Daz, and I'm inviting you around for Christmas dinner!"

"That's lovely Gary I'll bring my own food with me though as I have gone vegan."

"That was the wrong thing to say, Daz. They say it is the time of peace and goodwill on Earth to all men, but I think you have earned yourself the kicking of the millennium."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 28, 2021, 07:31:05 PM
Gary attempts to cheer Daz up by emptying a bag of dog food all over him.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 29, 2021, 12:23:43 AM
Gary does a remix of 'Baby Come Back' with lots of unnecessary swearing thrown in.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 29, 2021, 12:19:54 PM
Gary plans to take a New Year break in South Africa.

"Er Gary that's not a great idea."

"Oh ho so the real racist Daz has finally come to the fore! And you're always criticising me about watching old VHS tapes of The Black and White Minstrel Show! Hypocrite!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 29, 2021, 06:28:04 PM
"I'm looking forward to watching that Get Back thing, Gary."

"The Beatles thing, Daz? Load of old fucking hippie shite. Oasis fucking blow them out of the water."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 29, 2021, 10:32:18 PM
Gary turns Daz into a human spinning top.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on November 29, 2021, 10:35:07 PM
Legend Gary is building a Frankenstein from tinned meats and Chinese behind the counter products from a wet market.

'They'll shit bricks', he says, knee deep in stinking viscera. 'They'll fucking shit bricks!'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on November 29, 2021, 10:42:01 PM
Heh!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on November 29, 2021, 11:20:42 PM
Gary has drilled a peephole in the side of the mobile breast screening truck.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 01, 2021, 02:26:52 AM
Gary wears a fake beard to look like Conor McGregor.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 01, 2021, 08:00:00 PM
Gary gets into the festive spirit by drowning Daz in egg nog.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 01, 2021, 10:43:44 PM
Daz harangues Gary about climate change so Gary decides that Daz has to sleep on the roof all December 'To see how fucking warm you think it's getting'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 01, 2021, 11:35:55 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on December 01, 2021, 10:43:44 PMDaz harangues Gary about climate change so Gary decides that Daz has to sleep on the roof all December 'To see how fucking warm you think it's getting'.

Gary hears him rapping on the window at night. "Leave me, spirit!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on December 02, 2021, 12:53:54 AM
Gary accidentally discovers that, when mulled, GaryWine acts as a powerful and unarguable laxative.

On a completely unrelated note. Gary has just announced that in order to apologize for a recent post-pub letterbox pissing incident, GaryWineCo will be providing all of the yuletide refreshments for this year's Rotary Club Christmas Dinner.

"It's the least I can do to make up for my errant pissing, Mr Mayor!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 02, 2021, 12:14:09 PM
Gary makes "exclusive streaming Gary-content" available online. It's just a link to Vocaroo and five minutes of Gary stoned and making 'noises'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 03, 2021, 08:04:20 AM
Legend Gary has a con going with Santa for Double Presents.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 04, 2021, 01:26:53 PM
Gary celebrates the Winter Solstice by making a Daz snowman and punching it's head in.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on December 04, 2021, 05:35:01 PM
The Ledge does a Salt Bae impression with Daz's foot powder straight into his brewing Aldi's own Pot Noodle. "Flash cunts, the pair of 'em." Mutters Gary.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 04, 2021, 07:36:27 PM
Gary advertises his new restaurant, Gary's Restaurant du Posh, as having five Michelin stars.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 05, 2021, 02:46:23 PM
Gary makes his own brand Ovaltine called Gary's Ovaltine. It's just muck and sweetener.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 05, 2021, 07:52:52 PM
Gary starts doing a regular YouTube series called Broken Britain. It takes a humorous look at the state of Britain today, and pulls no punches with its gags about "immragrants, trans and wokes". Gary refuses to give Daz a credit on the show even though the bulk of the material is written by him.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 05, 2021, 08:55:40 PM
Gary slips and falls into Carling Stan's arse cock first. At least that's what he told his girlfriend.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 06, 2021, 05:51:21 PM
Gary builds a unique kind of garden hot tub that is fueled by Carling Black Label.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 06, 2021, 11:01:34 PM
Gary is knocking back lighter fluid as he goes round and round on a playground roundabout, "Forget about Ibiza '08 best night ever Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 07, 2021, 01:04:30 PM
Gary gift wraps Daz and posts him to Borneo. "You can help the people milk there sheep and goats and cows Daz. Merry Christmas!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 08, 2021, 02:29:23 PM
Daz has gotten his own floatation tank and he's having the time of his life!

"Hiya Gary!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 08, 2021, 03:13:06 PM
Steak Terry notes that ADA is 5.12% up today.

Gary can't make head nor tail of this cryptic currency shit.

"It means three more steaks, Gaz"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 08, 2021, 07:47:40 PM
Shopworn Steve offers Gary and old shoe for £20. "That's a Gucci mate. Barely wore it." Gary is fooled and shells out.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 09, 2021, 08:17:39 AM
Quote from: Glebe on December 08, 2021, 07:47:40 PMShopworn Steve offers Gary and old shoe for £20. "That's a Gucci mate. Barely wore it." Gary is fooled and shells out.

Gary shows it to Daz, who looks impressed. As soon as Gary is gone though, he laughs until he almost pisses himself and takes out his phone, typing to the WhatsApp group...

QuoteHey, lads! I've got another one!...
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 09, 2021, 08:32:32 AM
Gary tries to break the world record for holding in a poo.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 09, 2021, 01:47:14 PM
"Hey Gary I've found the other Armani Shoe! I'll have to charge you double for it though mate."

"Okay Shopworn Steve you've convinced me! Price is a bit steep to be fair."

"Look Gary mate I'm slitting me own throat here! If you won't take it Pills Mitchell will!"

"Okay then. Hang on it's a Gucci shoe I have though innt?"

"Look don't split hairs mate. Hurry up and give me them readies!"

"There you go mate. Pleasure doing business with you. Wait a minute Steve this is just an old Converse runner! Steve? Steve?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 09, 2021, 02:22:15 PM
...later in the WhatsApp chat...

Quote...and it's a FAKE Chuck Taylor...!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 09, 2021, 03:08:34 PM
"Fancy roasting some chestnuts Daz?"

"No fear! I don't fancy having my chestnuts roasted Gary ahahahah!"

As a punishment Gary actually does scorch Daz's balls.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 09, 2021, 04:00:30 PM
Gary congratulates the Johnsons on their latest child on all his social media channels.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 09, 2021, 05:11:52 PM
"KEEP BRITAIN WHITE!"

"Sorry mate this is an anti-mask protest."

"Oh well that's good too! Just gonna text me mate Daz and see if he fancies joining in the violence!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 10, 2021, 09:29:56 AM
Gary pays £500 for a Del Boy impersonator to appear at Steak Terry's wedding and joke about him having a small penis.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 10, 2021, 12:43:09 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 10, 2021, 09:29:56 AMGary pays £500 for a Del Boy impersonator to appear at Steak Terry's wedding and joke about him having a small penis.

"He was callin' Windrush Warren 'Denzil' and everything, hilarious!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 11, 2021, 09:19:22 PM
Gary makes his own Tony the Tiger costume.

"What do you think, Daz!"

"It's greaaaat Gary!"

"Come here you little c*nt!"

Gary starts chasing Daz around the garden dressed in the suit.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 12, 2021, 11:30:53 AM
Daz 'accidentally' trips and Gary pounces on him roaring.

They wrestle.

Fade to black...
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 12, 2021, 05:01:37 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on December 12, 2021, 11:30:53 AMDaz 'accidentally' trips and Gary pounces on him roaring.

They wrestle.

Fade to black...

Roll credits...

"Rising up, back on the streets..."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 12, 2021, 10:39:07 PM
Steak Terry is invited to cut the wedding Steak
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 13, 2021, 01:12:08 AM
Gary spits mince pies all over Daz's new 8K TV.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 13, 2021, 01:26:26 PM
"Gary where's all the festive grub I got bought, the fridge is empty!"

"Fucked it all out Daz, got several slabs of Stella need refrigerating!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 13, 2021, 06:40:47 PM
Gary decides to give Daz's nephew his first pint at age nine years old, before telling Daz's wife "he's not cleaning up all the sick, what's wrong with him, it's only Carling"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 14, 2021, 01:14:40 PM
Christmas guilt comes on and Gary makes a dash to the church to confess all his sins to Father Bentos.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 14, 2021, 05:29:24 PM
"Does he make them pies Gary? Eh? Gary? BENTOS! FRAID BENTOS! DOES HE MAKE THEM PIES GARY?"

Gary hospitalises Daz. Cunt's been a bit too fulll of himself these days and you don't fuck with a man's religion. We'll see how a few weeks sucking his dinner through a fucking straw will do him.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 15, 2021, 01:48:26 AM
Gary enlists Volkswagen Ned to help him steal an animatronic Santa and elves from the local shopping centre. Gary is arrested the next day when some rozzers spot the thing on top of his house.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 15, 2021, 12:24:16 PM
Gary's spent all night putting up his Xmas lights on the outside of his gaff, making sure it is quite the festive arrangement

Was a tough choice between a swastika or a cock and full set of balls, but you just can't beat the classics.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 15, 2021, 12:27:10 PM
Gary stares out a wheelchaired and drooling young man with a blank gaze having dinner with his doting father in the Rose and Crown.

So what if there's something wrong with him? Cunt shouldn't be lookin
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 15, 2021, 12:32:53 PM
Gary's girlfriend fell for the ol' fart-in-a-wrapped-present gag yet again! Every year

Wait til she smells what he does when he proposes!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 15, 2021, 12:44:59 PM
Gary attempts to woo a young woman minding her own business right there on the street with the tried-and-tested method of loud, obnoxious catcalls

What? How is it 'abusive' if I'm screaming compliments?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 15, 2021, 12:56:15 PM
Quote from: the Fallen on December 15, 2021, 12:27:10 PMGary stares out a wheelchaired and drooling young man with a blank gaze having dinner with his doting father in the Rose and Crown.

So what if there's something wrong with him? Cunt shouldn't be lookin

If he doesn't stop messing there really will be something wrong with the cunt in two minute

And his dad and all

Gary bristles in his puffer jacket, ready
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on December 15, 2021, 01:43:03 PM
Legend Gary's chances of becoming a Tory councillor plummet as he is included centre stage in Shaun Bailey's Covid party picture, lying down in his fucking braces.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 15, 2021, 11:14:46 PM
"What y'doing Gary?"

"I'm emailing the council about them broken street lamps."

"But Gary you broke most of them!"

"How do you spell 'street lamps' Daz?"

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 07:38:09 AM
Legend Gary takes his administrative role on Facebook group GILFS OF NANTWICH seriously, applying a professional level of scrutiny to proceedings with impartial, irreproachable integrity.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 16, 2021, 09:12:43 AM
Gary gets his cock out.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 16, 2021, 01:22:40 PM
Gary does an impression of your dad by using a high voice.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 16, 2021, 01:31:14 PM
Gary mandates 'GAY' as the insult of choice for December.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 16, 2021, 01:59:37 PM
Gary reckons there should be white history month
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 16, 2021, 02:16:50 PM
Gary unleashes a stream of toxic insults at the local adult education college when they tell him for the 23rd time that they don't think there'll be demand or even enough material for him to teach a three-year degree in Legendary Studies.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 04:56:09 PM
Quote from: the Fallen on December 16, 2021, 01:59:37 PMGary reckons there should be white history month

Gary makes White History Month on a poster with felt tips.

Rain puts paid to its positioning on a roundabout.

Slags, he mutters. Slags win again.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 16, 2021, 04:57:16 PM
Quote from: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 04:56:09 PMGary makes White History Month on a poster with felt tips.

Rain puts paid to its positioning on a roundabout.

Slags, he mutters. Slags win again.



Fuck this for a game of soldiers, Gary reckons.

I'm gonna make white history right HERE

Gary fumbles a baggie out his pocket for a cheeky key and moons a passing ambulance.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 16, 2021, 04:59:52 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on December 16, 2021, 02:16:50 PMGary unleashes a stream of toxic insults at the local adult education college when they tell him for the 23rd time that they don't think there'll be demand or even enough material for him to teach a three-year degree in Legendary Studies.

"You teach all them woke languages but won't allow me to teach a degree which will be actually useful!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 05:07:15 PM
The denied opportunity for parenthesis in a deed poll middle name change gets Legend Gary so narked he BODIES a wren
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 05:12:12 PM
Legend Gary gets PIZZA KEBABS BURGERS knuckle tats then remembers how many knuckles are on a human body
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 05:18:21 PM
Legend Gary has a railing named after him. Points it out to people
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 05:25:12 PM
Legend Gary buys a Demon Headmaster themed stairlift and commits to 'ragging the living shit out of the cunt'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 05:27:10 PM
Legend Gary asks the showroom boss whether if he slips him a tenner he can 'turn this cunt up to belsen'

He means the desk fan, not the car.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 05:30:54 PM
Legend Gary's CV is accessible behind a dog turd carapace.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 16, 2021, 05:42:10 PM
Quote from: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 05:18:21 PMLegend Gary has a railing named after him. Points it out to people

Loves it's also an accident black spot.

Cunts should leave flowers in tribute to the Ledge. Or weed. He might leave a note
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 16, 2021, 05:54:01 PM
Quote from: shoulders on December 16, 2021, 05:30:54 PMLegend Gary's CV is accessible behind a dog turd carapace.

3 4 50
dropped off 24/7
2 minute
NASA quality

Ask for Daz
0777852252554
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 16, 2021, 10:11:20 PM
Gary's new campaign 'Gammons against Wokes' is gaining momentum, with Toolshed James promising to turn up at Thursday's CaW March through the precinct. "Don't wear no face mask though James, no face masks allowed in the protest!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 17, 2021, 12:53:48 PM
Gary doesn't know what's more funny. Accidentally glassing Daz with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, or that it was Daz's bottle and while he was buying it Gary lifted his wallet and keys

Gary legs it out past the soggy and lightly injured Daz and flags down a passing fast black and scoots it to Daz's flat. This is gonna be a riot pal!

Gary picks up a brass on the way.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 17, 2021, 01:04:57 PM
Gary sees a notification from his Facebook catfishing account 'Cherie Bailey'. Daz has replied to his pornographically explicit message with a positively obscene description of an imagined afternoon behind the Iceland next to the trollies.

Just a couple more and he's going to anonymously email the logins to Daz's new girlfriend. That'll teach the cunt.

MATES BEFORE FUCKING CHICKS, DARREN.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 17, 2021, 01:13:07 PM
Daz feels a sharp prick on his arm and turns and there's Gary with a pin.

"The fuck you do that for Gary?"

"Booster jab!" Gary cries. "Let's go bare clubbing with this, bang some bare arms blud"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 17, 2021, 04:07:05 PM
You might be surprised to learn that Gary can speak and write in fluent Latin.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 17, 2021, 04:09:00 PM
Quote from: Glebe on December 17, 2021, 04:07:05 PMYou might be surprised to learn that Gary can speak and write in fluent Latin.

Particularly as it isn't true
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 17, 2021, 04:12:45 PM
Quote from: shoulders on December 17, 2021, 04:09:00 PMParticularly as it isn't true

"Quids pros quo, Daz!"

"Eh Gary?"

"Picked up a couple prozzies for 20 squids outside a Status Quo gig last night!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on December 17, 2021, 06:21:18 PM
Legend Gary doesn't really care for Christmas. The real highlight of the festive season is Mad Friday.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on December 17, 2021, 06:36:17 PM
Legend Gary is banned from entering the town of Gävle.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on December 17, 2021, 06:40:06 PM
Heh.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 17, 2021, 07:54:49 PM
Daz is at that stage of drunkenness where he starts singing Eiffel 65's 'I'm Blue'.

"I'm blue da ba dee da ba di da ba di..."

"No Daz!"

Gary's limbs start to move and he's away.

"He'll be dancing for hours!" laughs Sociopathic Stew.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 17, 2021, 08:15:41 PM
With the breezy sigh and smile of a veteran entertainer wheeling out the golden routine for one last payday, Gary realises the emergence of a new Covid means it's funny again to cough in faces
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 17, 2021, 08:17:00 PM
Outraged at McDonald's refusing to serve him because he hasn't got a mask on, Gary tries to start a chant for Freedom Fries
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 17, 2021, 08:18:59 PM
Like a dog picking up danger Gary senses another man of roughly the same build and certainly the same haircut in a puffer jacket you'd swear is exactly the same as Gary's except Gary's is black and this cunt's puffer jacket is a very dark grey so Gary watches him and won't can't break that eye contact even as Daz ushers him onwards towards the vaccination centre like he promised Gary's mum but then they pass a pub
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 12:01:20 AM
Gary has Daz play entrance music off his phone when he goes into a room and it's Jackass
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 18, 2021, 12:11:50 AM
Gary organises his own lockdown with his first measure being locking Daz in a cage.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 01:01:40 AM
Gary kicks dog shit down the road chuckling cause he's wearing Daz's wedding shoes
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 01:03:02 AM
Gary is just the latest from a long line of Garys and so is his daughter he hasn't met yet until she's 16 and has mates
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 01:05:43 AM
Gary gets a new highscore on the Test your Strength punching bag with a running jumping roundhouse kick
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 01:06:50 AM
Gary whistles in admiration at an Audi
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 01:07:53 AM
Gary's giving a bird a tour of all the merry little places he's done coke
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 01:10:58 AM
Swaggering drunk and lairy on San Miguel, Legend Gary once again expounds his unified plan for dealing with all the padoes
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 01:19:10 AM
Quote from: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 01:07:53 AMGary's giving a bird a tour of all the merry little places he's done coke

Behind that fruit machine

Behind that skip

Off her arse
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 01:27:39 AM
Gary's giving his coke dealer a tour of all the places he's had poontang

Behind that fruit machine

Behind that skip

In that police car
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 18, 2021, 10:28:03 AM
Daz is absolutely fucked on Winalot Prime.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 02:17:58 PM
Legend Gary wears his best suit for the dog track
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 18, 2021, 02:24:29 PM
Gary puts a load of his poos and a few herbs in a blender and makes Steak Terry some "lovely oxtail soup". That'll show him for trying to out-prank the Ledge!

Gary heads a basketball into an orgy.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on December 18, 2021, 03:24:05 PM
Quote from: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 12:01:20 AMGary has Daz play entrance music off his phone when he goes into a room and it's Jackass

Indie Dave tells Gary that the Minutemen were a hard left DIY punk bank and seconds later Daz is once again at the GUI clinic getting a phone removed from his rectum.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 18, 2021, 04:03:46 PM
Gary campaigns to have more betting adverts during football

He has a great love of the beautiful game. Gambling, the sport of Kings
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 18, 2021, 05:57:02 PM
Gary organises a Full Monty lads' strip for charity. "We can get our cocks out in front of the birds lads and raise money for the BNP at the same time!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 19, 2021, 08:52:30 AM
Quote from: Glebe on December 17, 2021, 07:54:49 PMDaz is at that stage of drunkenness where he starts singing Eiffel 65's 'I'm Blue'.

"I'm blue da ba dee da ba di da ba di..."

"No Daz!"

Gary's limbs start to move and he's away.

"He'll be dancing for hours!" laughs Sociopathic Stew.

Sociopathic Stew gets turned into a stew for daring to laugh at The Gary(tm)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 19, 2021, 02:06:42 PM
Gary is alarmed to hear the tumbling clatter of coinage falling, some reward dispensed at the machine fruit wherein he has put many a money and it has awakened some nasty umbrage within him. Legend Gary notes who has claimed the bounty and watches him intently all night. Thief
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 19, 2021, 03:07:53 PM
Legend Gary kicks dog shit down the road til he reaches Daz so he tries to kick it at Daz's face but he misses and Gary keeps on playing, doing dribbles, finally scoring a goal

Edited -BAdmin
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 19, 2021, 03:52:30 PM
Legend Gary likes Jews because "I respect the fact they have never tried to go near me, nor me them'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 19, 2021, 03:56:38 PM
Legend Gary mentions at the beginning of each of his podcasts that "nonces are not welcome to listen to this, if you are a nonce turn this off and listen to something else."

Ironically, 1% of Gary's 300 listeners are nonces.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 19, 2021, 06:27:09 PM
Legend Gary is conflicted by who his new club is aimed at as he wants it to be a 'guy thing' but he also quite wants it to be 'dripping and indeed crawling from head to toe in escort quality clunge. And I don't just mean Pontefract escorts, I mean Wakefield escorts'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 19, 2021, 07:28:52 PM
Legend Gary has done the guzzling beer running all down his chest celebration thrice in recent memory

Excluding the vasectomy
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 19, 2021, 08:00:49 PM
Gary commands the Uber driver to slow down so he can pick up a brass for God's sake

Then starts telling my man how to set the radio station something romantic
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 19, 2021, 09:26:16 PM
Daz discovers that Gary has an irrational fear of Lucozade and so he starts carrying a bottle with him everywhere as a defence mechanism.

"C'mere Daz, it's time for a a bashing!"

"Look Gary it is a bottle of Lucozade."

Gary stares in terror and starts to emit a horrified, unearthly whine.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 19, 2021, 09:40:03 PM
Legend Gary blooters the fuckin fruity in to all hell and the lovely rumble of coppers comes tumbling clanging out and Don't kick off guv I can tip ya so 2 Stella, what you havin Daz?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 19, 2021, 09:41:54 PM
A senior lightly brushes by Gary who has just popped out of the loo for a snoot of chime

Squares up.  And his grandson
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 19, 2021, 09:43:52 PM
Gary buys new girlfriend Shontelle three French hens. When I say 'buys' I means 'steals' and when I say 'hens' I mean 'lame pigeons' but it's the festive though that counts!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on December 19, 2021, 09:50:54 PM
After shorting stock and making 375k, Legend Gary shits himself in Beast, just to feel something.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 19, 2021, 09:55:51 PM
"You're such an ugly little twat Daz."

"That's unusually forthright of you, Gary!"

"Don't mention Forthright! I'll wup your ass at that!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 19, 2021, 10:07:31 PM
Gary gifts his mother Christmas flowers from a nearby accident black spot then realises he got mixed up when he stopped off and left a baggie of sniff nestled within the blooms in case of Feds so asks for it back
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 19, 2021, 10:15:45 PM
Gary cuts off a Jag at the lights on foot
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on December 19, 2021, 10:23:40 PM
Legend Gary's mum gets some flight records to Little Saint James redacted.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 19, 2021, 10:25:41 PM
Gary almost has a breakfast of champions.

Cuts the line of toot fine and snorts like a riot act, but thinks better against the can of Monster. It's only Tuesday. Right, off to mum's funeral
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 20, 2021, 01:51:35 AM
"Merry Christmas Daz!"

"Half a tub of banana Nesquik. Cheers Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on December 20, 2021, 09:36:01 AM
Gary kicks off when Barman Bartholemew says that he can't have a 'yard of WKD'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 20, 2021, 05:26:37 PM
Quote from: Pink Gregory on December 20, 2021, 09:36:01 AMGary kicks off when Barman Bartholemew says that he can't have a 'yard of WKD'

"Barney Brendan was fine with it! He gave Irish measures!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 21, 2021, 06:48:56 AM
"Get in that press, Daz!"

"Gary I won't fit!"

"Yes you will! Now get in that press!"

"Gary I'm too big to fit!"

There is a struggle and a tussle and Gary soon has Daz against the kitchen unit and is in the process of pushing him into the press. He scrunches him in and pushes the press door to.

"There you go Daz! Told you I could do it!"

"Nu ah uh fudding nentalcaze, Nary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 21, 2021, 09:50:03 AM
Quote from: Glebe on December 20, 2021, 05:26:37 PM"Barney Brendan was fine with it! He gave Irish measures!"

Legend Gary has a yard of sniff first thing

"I'm trying to cut down"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 21, 2021, 11:22:14 AM
Daz asks Gary if he's doing dry January then wakes up with a black eye and a note pinned to Daz's blue puffer jacket reading I AM NOT A FUCKING CHARITY
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 21, 2021, 08:35:27 PM
Haha d'oh that should have been 'Barman' Brendan!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 21, 2021, 10:32:14 PM
Legend Gary designates this back cubicle for drugs

Alert when an old bloke goes in there

He is not one of us. Man on
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 21, 2021, 10:36:13 PM
"That's Heineken Mike's dad, Gary."

"Is it now?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 21, 2021, 10:43:44 PM
Legend Gary has a Stella glass and that's his Stella glass and if some other fucker has it then there's scenes
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 21, 2021, 10:51:52 PM
Quote from: the Fallen on December 21, 2021, 10:43:44 PMLegend Gary has a Stella glass and that's his Stella glass and if some other fucker has it then there's scenes

"'Moretti'? What's this old man in a hat, Daz?"

"You've seen the ads with the foreign people on the balcony, Gary."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 22, 2021, 12:03:56 AM
Legend Gary has an ideation where he owns a van and can just round people up where he sees fit.

'Perfeck, bloomin' paradise it'd be'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 22, 2021, 12:23:38 PM
Gary has shares in Exxon.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 22, 2021, 05:58:08 PM
Legend Gary buys Daz a big moulded purple dildo for Christmas again and makes Daz Facetime him opening it in front of his mum and dad again
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 22, 2021, 06:02:43 PM
Legend Gary's mum's heart is broken when Legend Gary just had to have a fucking fight on Christmas Day of all days again Jesus Gary when will it stop! Don't look at Daz he doesn't do anything it's only a windwiper
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 22, 2021, 08:48:48 PM
Legend Gary hears the way the winds are blowing so resolves to get in big with the Chinese
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: frajer on December 22, 2021, 09:09:49 PM
Quote from: the Fallen on December 22, 2021, 08:48:48 PMLegend Gary hears the way the winds are blowing so resolves to get in big with the Chinese

Replaces Daz with a Tamagotchi, instantly makes it shit itself to death.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 22, 2021, 09:27:10 PM
Quote from: the Fallen on December 22, 2021, 08:48:48 PMLegend Gary hears the way the winds are blowing so resolves to get in big with the Chinese

"You can say ch**ks all night long, look! They don't bat an eyelid!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 22, 2021, 09:37:58 PM
Legend Gary writes to BBC Radio 4 asking for a slot on Unsafe Space.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 22, 2021, 11:36:54 PM
Gary brings his niece into Poundstretcher and tells her to pick her Christmas present. "Nothing over £1.49. And hurry up!" he sighs angrily.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 23, 2021, 11:08:20 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 22, 2021, 09:37:58 PMLegend Gary writes to BBC Radio 4 asking for a slot on Unsafe Space.

"Where is man's hour?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 23, 2021, 11:24:19 AM
Legend Gary describes Tomfoolery as "the new T.S.Eliot"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 23, 2021, 11:45:24 AM
"Fancy some egg nog Daz?"

"Oh thanks Gary! Mmmm!"

"Spunky egg nog!"

Daz vomits spontaneously.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 23, 2021, 11:50:38 AM
Quote from: Glebe on December 23, 2021, 11:45:24 AM"Fancy some egg nog Daz?"

"Oh thanks Gary! Mmmm!"

"Spunky egg nog!"

Daz vomits spontaneously.

Gary catches this in a Heineken glass

DOWN IN ONE

Lucky it weren't the San Miguel, Daz
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 23, 2021, 11:53:01 AM
Quote from: the Fallen on December 23, 2021, 11:50:38 AMGary catches this in a Heineken glass

DOWN IN ONE

Lucky it weren't the San Miguel, Daz

"Here have a drop of 'brown' ale!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 23, 2021, 01:50:22 PM
You know all those little canisters of laughing gas fucking everywhere underfoot you slip and tumble on them every time you gander to the post office?

Gary's
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 24, 2021, 12:42:28 PM
Gary spends £100 on LadBaby merch, including a sausage roll plushie.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 24, 2021, 02:25:34 PM
Gary dresses up as a pantomime goose and goes mental all around town.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 24, 2021, 08:46:54 PM
Gary absolutely batters Daz for daring to suggest they get a fairy for the top of the tree. "I'll fucking put YOU up the top of that tree Daz, y'big fairy. Heh. Quite clever that. Battered ya."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 25, 2021, 07:52:17 AM
Quote from: Glebe on December 24, 2021, 08:46:54 PMGary absolutely batters Daz for daring to suggest they get a fairy for the top of the tree. "I'll fucking put YOU up the top of that tree Daz, y'big fairy. Heh. Quite clever that. Battered ya."

Daz awakes with a Christmas tree shoved up his arse.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 25, 2021, 12:30:58 PM
"Have an egg nog, Daz. All is forgiven."

"'All is forgiven'?! You're the one who-"

-Have an egg nog, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 26, 2021, 03:39:57 PM
Gary and Daz sit transfixed throughout the whole of Frozen II. Soon as it's over they start getting grumpy. "Oh, they're tired," remarks Heineken Henry before tucking them both in on the couch.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 26, 2021, 09:45:05 PM
Daz is spark out on the sofa but Gary is still going strong. He's halfway through the Stella slab, on his second packet of chocolate mallows and is enjoying an all-day Christmas movie marathon.

"Home Alone 2: Lost in New York next! It's the most wonderful time of the year! 'nother packet of Quavers, Daz? Oh yeah I forgot he's dozing bless 'im."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 27, 2021, 06:15:57 AM
Garry's drunk all the Christmas booze and is getting a bit larey.
He's now outside Kunt Headquaters dressed as a giant sausage roll threatening to batter Mr. Kunt and all of his gang for daring to insult an innocent sausage roll loving baby.

Daz get biffed for reminding him Ladbaby's actually just a lad like him.

Garry's now demanding a refund for all his Ladbaby merch 'cos he recons he got conned by some "saussage roll nonce pretending to be a baby".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 27, 2021, 12:32:43 PM
Daz awakes to find himself wedged in-between the wall and the fridge.

"Morning Daz! While you were asleep I couldn't resist wedging you in-between the wall the fridge!"

"Gary could you please help get me unwedged from in-between the wall and the fridge?"

"No Daz just for a laugh I'm gonna wait till New Year's Day to get you unwedged from in-between the wall and the fridge!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 27, 2021, 04:07:23 PM
Legend Gary kills a few mates in a car crash all because he 'doesn't recognise' the car that was travelling head on towards him (Suzuki Swift) 'as a car'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 27, 2021, 09:59:27 PM
Gary lazily for the sake of it drags his very keys down the side of Daz's dad's new Xmas Jag / he's entitled to do it fuck his dad's Jag I'm Legend Gary & that's about the face of it
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 27, 2021, 10:15:14 PM
Gary and Daz have the bitterest argument ever over a Cadbury's stocking selection box.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 28, 2021, 05:09:10 AM
Quote from: shoulders on December 27, 2021, 04:07:23 PMLegend Gary kills a few mates in a car crash all because he 'doesn't recognise' the car that was travelling head on towards him (Suzuki Swift) 'as a car'.

He climbs out of the wreckage, cracks open a can of Stella and dials Enterprise car rentals...
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on December 28, 2021, 11:11:44 AM
Quote from: Paul Calf on December 28, 2021, 05:09:10 AMHe climbs out of the wreckage, cracks open a can of Stella and dials Enterprise car rentals...

Gary flirts with the Aviva saleswoman.

"I drive fast pet..."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 28, 2021, 04:34:28 PM
Gary pulverises Daz and makes him into a human snowman.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Poodle Basher on December 28, 2021, 09:48:02 PM
Quote from: Glebe on December 28, 2021, 04:34:28 PMGary pulverises Daz and makes him into a human snowman.

Thanks to Global Warming, which Gary doesn't believe in, there's no snow to be had.

Instead, Gary uses some cans of expanding foam as Daz desperately huffs and blows to create an air passage before it sets solid.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 29, 2021, 03:18:37 PM
Gary is up a tree drinking the Jack Daniels he 'bought' Daz for Christmas.

"Know you hate heights mate so this bottle of JD is getting drained and there is sweet F.A. you can do about it!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 29, 2021, 03:24:10 PM
Gary explains in detail to Daz what'll happen if he ever tells anyone that Gary had emptied the Jack Daniels out and replaced it with Bailey's
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 29, 2021, 03:38:09 PM
Gary and Daz fill Super Soakers full of Coke and spray it into each other's mouths.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 29, 2021, 05:38:05 PM
Well they tried to but the coke doesn't dissolve and it's kinda clogged the whole thing up with a lumpy mess.

What a waste of Legend Fuel(tm).
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on December 29, 2021, 05:51:04 PM
Legend Gary discovers emulators on the internet and spends the night quaffing back J20 and playing Doom II
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 29, 2021, 10:21:18 PM
Gary has become addicted to JDTV. "You know Daz, I was never that keen on Davidson as a comedian/presenter but he really talks a lot of good old fashioned English common sense."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 30, 2021, 12:21:21 PM
Quote from: dex on December 29, 2021, 05:51:04 PMLegend Gary discovers emulators on the internet and spends the night quaffing back J20 and playing Doom II

Must be an imposter - the real Ledge wouldn't be seen dead drinking 'that girls drink for wussies who can't take their booze'.
"would I Daz?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on December 31, 2021, 01:08:58 PM
Legend Gary offsets 'chilling with a J20' by punching walls until his fists bleed (straight away).
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on December 31, 2021, 03:58:40 PM
Daz slips Gary a heroic dose of dimenhydrinate in his New Year toast. Gary sees in 2022 gibbering, crying and pissing his jeans.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on December 31, 2021, 07:27:53 PM
"Happy New Year Daz!"

"It will be when you let me out of the wardrobe Gary y'prick."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on January 01, 2022, 10:17:39 AM
Owen Jones has his cock and balls sliced off and stuffed in his mouth. His arms are bound tightly behind him and he's about to be shoved off a tall building roof. Ledge has become lucid and is realising this is his best dream ever!

"Ledge? Ledge! Got a cup of tea for you!" Daz smiles warmly and offers the beverage over.

"CUNT!" and the scolding hot tea is in Daz's face.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on January 01, 2022, 11:03:40 AM
Old Land Sign Gary, old Land Sign!


Old Land Sign to you too Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 01, 2022, 09:45:45 PM
"How was your New Year's Daz?"

"It was miserable inside that wardrobe Gary."

"At least I let you out, in the end. Have a macaron. Hootenanny!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 01, 2022, 09:57:16 PM
No, Gary. Not the Hootenanny. We are better than that.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on January 02, 2022, 05:39:07 AM
Quote from: Glebe on January 01, 2022, 09:45:45 PM"How was your New Year's Daz?"

"It was miserable inside that wardrobe Gary."

"At least I let you out, in the end. Have a macaron. Hootenanny!"

"Didn't you find Narnia, you gayer?

you know, wardrobe = closet = gay?"

Daz finally has enough, totally snaps, punches Garry in the face, stuffs him the wardrobe, while he's too stunned to react, and walks out having locked the door and thrown away the key.

Didn't think he had it in him.

not sure if he was finally pushed into fighting back by the constant homophobic digs, or the threat of being forced to watch Jools Holland.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 02, 2022, 04:21:16 PM
DAZ: Look Gary there's a load of cocaine in there!"

GARY: Oh yeah I see it! In I go!

Daz locks the wardrobe.

GARY: It's just fucking snow! Let me out, Daz!

WHITE WITCH: Hello my lad would you like some Turkish delight?

GARY: Only if its laced with drugs!

WINDSOR DAVIES: 'fraid you'll be disappointed, boyo!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 02, 2022, 10:16:45 PM
"I'm going to do my own version of Dry January, Daz - Dry Gin January, hahaha!"

"So clever Gary. So clever."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 02, 2022, 11:38:37 PM
Gary says he bets Daz does dry January

"i wasn't planning on stopping drinking, Gary mate"

Dry FANNYuary haha! Daz'll not get some this month!

Now get the ale in prick
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 02, 2022, 11:48:37 PM
"Gary, get all these people out of here! We're not through the crisis yet!"

"Ah chill out Daz! Now, let's play 'Guess the Penis' guys! Lads behind the curtain, lasses out in front!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 03, 2022, 04:04:50 PM
I didn't realise Legend Gary has a child:

QuoteThe day of delivery finally came, and the mum-to-be had been in labour for around eight hours and had just finished another round of contractions, when her husband let out the loudest fart and shouted at her, "what the hell have you been eating? It smells disgusting!"

She immediately recognised this little routine as one of the pranks from the videos he'd been watching and was absolutely furious, so demanded he leave the room for not honouring her wishes of no pranks...

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/i-kicked-husband-out-during-25840517
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 03, 2022, 05:13:41 PM
Daz awakes to find himself being bundled into a sack. He is placed into the boot of a car and after a short journey he is dragged out and the next thing he knows he is going down the water slide at the local leisure centre. Gary and Mad Jim dry him off and take him home. "That was a great laugh Daz, you're a good sport!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 04, 2022, 04:17:24 PM
"Sigh. Back to normal life eh Daz?"

"It's the January blues Gary."

"Yeah. Fetch the hockey sticks let's go smash some bus stop shelters."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 05, 2022, 11:40:10 PM
Gary fucks with Daz's paranoia by calling him "an arse in a handbasket not worth spunking on."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on January 06, 2022, 12:12:27 AM
Legend Gary is spied wandering around the precincts with a traffic cone 'hardon' shouting 'BITTY! BITTY!' at middle aged women.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 06, 2022, 03:08:48 AM
Daz awakes at 4AM to discover Gary actually trying to swallow a can of Tennent's.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 06, 2022, 03:37:25 PM
Gary runs out into the frost in his underpants screaming "I CAN FEEL SPRING IN THE AIR, DAZ!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 07, 2022, 05:17:25 PM
Gary is having a hard time convicing Daz that Mr Chips' first name is 'Rontos'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 07, 2022, 06:52:30 PM
Gary does a lovely painting but it's of his cock and balls.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 07, 2022, 07:17:33 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 07, 2022, 06:52:30 PMGary does a lovely painting but it's of his cock and balls.

"Still though," muses the local councillor, surveying the mural, "it has a certain je ne sais quoi."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on January 08, 2022, 02:45:59 AM
Quote from: Glebe on January 07, 2022, 05:17:25 PMGary is having a hard time convicing Daz that Mr Chips' first name is 'Rontos'.

"I thought his first name was Cheapas..."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 08, 2022, 08:19:41 AM
Gary spins Daz around in a tumbling ball!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 08, 2022, 03:56:42 PM
Gary asserts he's well like the straight Kray

Daz is the other one
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 08, 2022, 05:55:28 PM
Gary posts a load of drugs to his local army barracks with a note, "There you are lads enjoy thank you for keeping the world safe from Islam."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 08, 2022, 06:08:34 PM
Quote from: Glebe on January 08, 2022, 05:55:28 PMGary posts a load of drugs to his local army barracks with a note, "There you are lads enjoy thank you for keeping the world safe from Islam."

This is the route til that poof Daz forgives him for the drone that goes over the prison wall being shot down

Cregan needed the nod, Daz
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 08, 2022, 06:12:19 PM
Quote from: the Fallen on January 08, 2022, 06:08:34 PMThis is the route til that poof Daz forgives him for the drone that goes over the prison wall being shot down

"I didn't know it was carrying a cake with a file for Mad Tony Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 08, 2022, 10:41:48 PM
LEGEND GARY LOGS onto TripAdvisor.com and his face gains more pallor as the shock and disappointment curdles into rage
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 08, 2022, 11:41:07 PM
Gary decides he's going to do a bit of AirBnB but his mum won't let him rent out his room
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 09, 2022, 12:17:17 AM
Gary declares a New Year's amnesty on batterings.

"So you're safe till Feb 1st, Daz!"

"Cheers Gary."

"What did you say you cheeky git?"

*THUMP*
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 09, 2022, 04:39:26 PM
"Just saw a grown man wearing a Harry Potter T-shirt Daz. That's a red rag to a bull to me battered him."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on January 09, 2022, 04:49:18 PM
'But Gary, JK Rowling is one of us now! She's anti-woke!'

'For fuck's sake Daz, why didn't you tell me? Shitkickus Dazoutofa!'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 09, 2022, 04:52:02 PM
"I can agree with her views without liking her work Daz."

"That's the most reasonable thing you've ever said Gary. You've still putting a bloke in intensive care though."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 09, 2022, 07:44:54 PM
Gary self published a third volume of his anecdotes. Sells 5 copies.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on January 09, 2022, 11:16:24 PM
Legend Gary is stuck with Tattoo Ian and his two sons.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 10, 2022, 02:24:11 AM
Gary is watching a Ray Mears video on YT on his phone.

"He's lost in a forest, it's great Daz!"

"Yeah Gary but your insistence on watching the whole thing before we get off the bus means we have missed our stop by several miles."

"Get to fuck Daz! You and your 'logic'!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 10, 2022, 07:44:46 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 09, 2022, 07:44:54 PMGary self published a third volume of his anecdotes. Sells 5 copies.

And he bought four of them.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 10, 2022, 09:37:55 PM
"A local man has been charged with knocking a traffic warden out with a packet of chicken dippers. Gareth..."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 11, 2022, 08:03:56 AM
Gary went to a 24 hour petrol station at 4am to buy Stella

Knocking it back even now. Finessed. Almost chatted up a nurse in the queue too, the slag, shame she was dyke
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 11, 2022, 08:12:10 PM
"Daz, get me more Stella."

"It's 6AM Gary."

"And? GET ME MORE STELLA!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on January 11, 2022, 08:46:55 PM
Daz spills a bowl of cereal in the front room. "Fuck sake, Daz! Clear that up now!"
"You fucking clear it up, Gary!" Comes Daz's cold reply.
Ledge is dumfounded. So much so that he clears up the soiled carpet himself.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 11, 2022, 09:13:07 PM
Quote from: dex on January 11, 2022, 08:46:55 PMDaz spills a bowl of cereal in the front room. "Fuck sake, Daz! Clear that up now!"
"You fucking clear it up, Gary!" Comes Daz's cold reply.
Ledge is dumfounded. So much so that he clears up the soiled carpet himself.

"Have y'finished yet, Gary?"

"YOU try getting Bran Flakes out of this weave!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on January 11, 2022, 09:21:19 PM
'BORIS JOHNSON'S HAVING A PARTY, BRING YOUR VODKA BRING YOUR CHARLIE'

'Sir, this is a whist drive for Age Concern'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 12, 2022, 11:15:19 AM
Gary makes his own Frosties with his own sugar if you catch his drift Daz no I don't use milk that would ruin the beak also no cornflakes don't be stupid

Gary goes down facefirst into the bowl. Breakfast of Champions
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 12, 2022, 11:16:16 AM
Gary tells Daz about this method he's heard where you can do coke up your arse.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 12, 2022, 04:42:31 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 12, 2022, 11:16:16 AMGary tells Daz about this method he's heard where you can do coke up your arse.

"It's not working Daz!"

"Pull your trousers up Gary the parole officer and his wife and children are here."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 12, 2022, 06:43:17 PM
"Can't do fucking anything these days. Fucking health and safety gone mad, Daz"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 12, 2022, 08:31:38 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 12, 2022, 06:43:17 PM"Can't do fucking anything these days. Fucking health and safety gone mad, Daz"

"And I think for your own health and safety Mr. Parole Officer you'd better come back when he calms down."

"Wise words young Daz. Now if you'll excuse myself and my family, who I unwisely brought along, the sight of Gary's anus covered in cocaine is making us all rather ill."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 12, 2022, 08:34:46 PM
Even Gary is calling for Boris Johnson to resign
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 12, 2022, 08:48:29 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 12, 2022, 08:34:46 PMEven Gary is calling for Boris Johnson to resign

"And I never thought I'd say this Daz, but Prince Andy fuck me what an utter shit!"

Daz dares to wonder if Gary is becoming changed man, but then realises that things have just gotten 'beyond-Gary' bad.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 13, 2022, 03:46:11 AM
"I'd give that Princess Meg one though, when she gets fed up of that bollockless ginger cunt."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 13, 2022, 04:41:58 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 12, 2022, 08:34:46 PMEven Gary is calling for Boris Johnson to resign

Cunt is ashamed to party

He should own it Daz. I would. I do
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 13, 2022, 08:09:18 AM
Daz explains to Gary his tactic for winning at The Questions.

"Got to start it by snorting a couple of fat rails off the desk thing in front of me..."

"...the Despatch Box, Gary?"

"No, it's not a fucking box, it's like a desk thing that they bang their fists on. Anyway, after I'd snorted the fuckers up and rubbed the dregs into me gums, I'd whack me knob out on the box and tell them to fucking beat that. After that I'd ask why I've got to answer wanker questions from some loser cunt who can't even win a fucking election then I'd offer any cunt out who fancies it. Couple of cans, and I'd be into the secretary back in my private palace or whatever the president's got to wank and watch porn in."

"The Foreign Secretary?"

"No, Daz. Brexit."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 13, 2022, 12:49:23 PM
Gary is fiending for the Stella.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 13, 2022, 11:15:47 PM
Gary stares unblinkingly at Daz for an hour.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 14, 2022, 04:11:32 AM
Gary breaks into your dad's shed and steals his Flymo. "Gonna use this in my low-budget Bond movie, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 14, 2022, 05:54:35 PM
Gary hires Loans the Clown for his daughter Lobelia's baby shower.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 15, 2022, 08:44:28 AM
Gary treats Daz to a Haribo feast.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 15, 2022, 09:08:21 AM
Gary housekeys into Boss Nathan's red Renault Clio a chilling warning that'll let Boss Nathan know exactly just who's the real top boy around here.

"Come on Gary, he might come out his gaff and see us!" Daz says, with his collar up to shield him from CCTV he imagines.

Scritch scratch scrape. Says Gary, "Don't have kittens you bare poof. I'm still doing the O's"

Done, Gary pockets his keys and admires his handiwork.

FUK UGAY LMAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 15, 2022, 09:14:20 AM
It was an ugly scene with little need for provocation and best jettisoned from the memory by all concerned but in the toilet of the Ram and Slug last night it came to pass that Gary well battered a flid
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 15, 2022, 04:47:16 PM
Legendary Gary stares out Mythical Mike, even raising his gaze as he lifts his Carlsberg so his severe look is by glass unbroken.

"Did his mate just call him top boy Daz?"

"Eh? What, Bad Eddie said what?"

Gary seethes still, Daz can almost see the lager evaporate.

Gaz eventually speaks. "Top. Fuckin. Boy. There's only one top boy Daz. I've had em all, any other so-called top boy."

"Gang Lewis? Lucas Smith? Black Admo? I remember them mate, " Daz says to reassure his friend. "They was all fucked by you and you're a hard man make no mistake."

Gary's eyes still do not diverge from Mythical Mike there in his leather jacket and hat. The wide fuck. So what if it's cold. Gary puffers up his shoulders and stance within his puffer jacket there at the table and he doesn't need a cigarette to smoke as he's smouldering there next to Daz who can't help but notice and they exchange a harsh glance before Gary fixes Daz with a look of honest intent.

"I've fucked em all, Daz. I've taken each and every one of em. I'm hardest boy around and all these so-called top boys got proper fucked and I am at my hardest making a so-called hard man cry for me to stop."

Mythical Mike walks past to get to the bar and instinctively Gary raises his voice.

"I'VE FUCKED THEM ALL. THEY'VE ALL BEEN DONE BY LEGEND GARY. EVERY TOP BOY I SEE ENDS UP GETTING FUCKED AND I'M THE CUNT FUCKING THESE BOYS."

Mythical Mike stops for a second, wry grin in place. Tall cunt.

"That's what he said," he claims, tips a wink and goes on his merry little way. Daz doesn't think much of the delivery but Gary practically grabs Darryl and hauls him off to the toilet for God knows what dirty business.

Gary refuels in the pub toilet and bangs his fucking fists on the walls, almost screaming as the monster slugs of charlie he did off the cistern (he did most of Daz's) courses through his claret to brain and heart. Daz has seen it a time or seventy before but it never abates.

"I am fucking top boy," Gary insists. "I am the top boy. SAY IT DAZ"

Gary grabs Daz's puffer jacket from the lapels and hauls Daz within kissing distance and pins him against the wall with his elbows and sucks down some urine-scented air to better deliver his stunning conclusion:

"I AM ON TOP HERE DAZ AND I'M ON TOP OF YOU AND ON TOP OF ANY QUEER WHO WALKS INTO THESE TOILETS. I'LL FUCK EM ALL. I AM TOP BOY. SAY IT. LEGEND GARY LANGTON IS YOUR TOP BOY AND I AM THE BOSS FUCKER!!"

Daz's eyes are shut like he's receiving some punishment but he knows his role and he's there to serve Gary. "You're my top boy. You're everyone's. You dominate all of us. You could take me without thinking about it."

"Sorry lads," quips Mythical Mike suddenly there at the bogs, peeping round the door.

They all look at eachother in a Mexican standoff that seems to last forever. Michael speaks first: "..... That`s what he said."

Even Gary, Daz fancies, knows that delivery was exquisite. Mike tips his fucking wanker hat and departs the bog doorway with a smile.

.... Gary boots the hot air hand-dryer clear off the porcelain wall and kicks in the shitter for good measure. He's like an animal, all rage and pointless fury, Daz worries he'll go the full Cregan any minute now. God knows Gary's talked about that.

Got to try something.

"Don't worry Gary," soothes Daz. "You're always top boy to me."

Mythical Mike has popped his head in and wordlessly smiles and out it goes again.

Daz survives long enough to get to A&E just about. Gary texted him sorry.

"SOZ mate. HOPE AM STILL UR TOP BOY"

Daz waits a bit before replying Always. There's no kisses at the end, don't be stupid
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 15, 2022, 05:16:54 PM
Legend Gary kicks an empty bottle of San Miguel down the street until he sees a BMW then hoofs it so hard it has an upward trajectory albeit spinning backwards and reaches the BMW back window and crashes through it so the alarm goes off with glass flying all about and he moves into the street with his arms out as if appealing to the very world to come ahead.

A moment passes. The alarm stops. Nobody's in anyway, no light in the semi-detached.

"Thought so," Gary states before hurrying on. "Shiteing cunts"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 15, 2022, 05:18:02 PM
Gary points out the black girl in the pub
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 15, 2022, 05:46:21 PM
Daz sneezes and politely blows into tissue and he's right as rain

Gary points and dances a circle: "COVID! COVID! SHITE FOR BLOOD"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 15, 2022, 06:34:08 PM
"Daz, will you take the knee in honour of all the Garies around the world?"

"Um okay Gary."

"No stay standing up mate."

Gary knees Daz in the groin.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 15, 2022, 07:36:17 PM
Gary works on a sexy brunette - for a change, variety the spice of life - and gains success by describing himself to her all night as Daz's carer.

"He's Dazmo Spazmo he calls himself" he said at one point. "His noises interrupted my smooth jazz. But we are mates. Brothers. What else could I do? I get so fine into my cooking this cunt can't fuck owt out"

Daz reels over to their table at the end - the only point Gary is too drunk to play blocker defence - she's saying hope everyone had a nice night!

The girl is extra cute and fawning. Kisses Daz on cheek. "Poor little guy" under her breath.

Gary's going to bust her hole open a few yards wider and fling his squirted cum in her face after so hard it'll make her makeup run, but he likes that look. Her pal, if I play it right Daz, can lick it off.

Don't worry, folks. Daz will get dregs if she has bent mates she wants to call over to Daz's. There's enough sniff to go around if they can pay for their own
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 16, 2022, 11:51:46 AM
Gary has rebranded himself The Garynator. You'd be well advised to avoid the precinct tonight.

"YOUR CLOTHES."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 16, 2022, 04:56:45 PM
"Here Gary, switch over to ITV, Catchphrase is starting!"

"What you on about Daz, we're in the middle of watching the match!"

"But Gary... Rontos!"

All the lads stare at Daz.

"Y'know... Rontos Chips!"

The lads look confused for a moment then turn back to the match.

After several moments, Gary mutters "It was no good after Roy left. And they modernized Rontos."

(https://i.imgur.com/0TGazmp.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 16, 2022, 11:08:04 PM
Gary deems peanut butter "a kind of caviar."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 17, 2022, 10:49:46 PM
Gary grants Daz the title of 'Sir Dazzington of Garyshire'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on January 17, 2022, 10:53:52 PM
Gary's hamster Raghead goes on hunger strike.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 18, 2022, 04:26:12 AM
The circus is in town so the lads decide to go along as a special treat. But Daz runs out crying when Loans the Clown makes an appearance.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 18, 2022, 10:10:52 AM
Gary is chasing Daz around a field on a motorized shopping trolley.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 18, 2022, 11:22:31 AM
Daz runs into the muddy bit in front of the goal.

"Can't follow me here, Garroid!" laughs Daz, a look of genuine joy and pleasure on his face.

Gary goes still and cold and bores his gaze down on Daz:

"Get. Out. Here. Darren. You. CUNT."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 18, 2022, 11:45:41 AM
It's getting dark. Daz is asleep between the goalposts.

"That mud will have dried by now," smiles Gary to himself. He starts the engine. The trolley slowly moves in for the kill.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 18, 2022, 12:27:34 PM
Gary microwaves dogshit, laughing his tits off as it splatters everywhere inside, all over the door.

"My microwave!" Daz cries, walking in
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 19, 2022, 12:44:56 AM
Gary decides to become a raconteur, beginning with tonight's lads' night in where he will hold court and regale his mates with some of his lesser-known adventures over a 16" pizza and just a crate or two of Stella!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on January 19, 2022, 05:40:19 PM
Quote from: Glebe on January 19, 2022, 12:44:56 AMGary decides to become a raconteur, beginning with tonight's lads' night in where he will hold court and regale his mates with some of his lesser-known adventures over a 16" pizza and just a crate or two of Stella!

"RaCUNTeur, more like!" Gary's Uncle Steve remarks.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 19, 2022, 09:12:43 PM
Gary sees a San Miguel on the bar and claims it.

Wot Daz? Spend enough here. Might be from the bar staff. Any cunt wants it they can have a word.

Yeah I know it is was your round. Yours again cheeky fucking prick.  Two Carling mate mind my seat, going for a sniff prick don't lick my seat Daz I've seen what the graffiti in the bogs says about you.

"What graffiti? Just been in there Gary."

Fucks sake Daz give me a chance to go there eh.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 19, 2022, 09:21:47 PM
Gary puts the Lad into Ladbroke's.

But even after he tells them, they still won't let him back in after last time.

Scared of winners Daz. Bookies always are.

You put the broke into Ladbroke's you cunt Daz! Anyway let's go the boozer, your turn to get a round in
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on January 19, 2022, 09:24:15 PM
'Daz, Daz, I crossed the floor'

'What?'

'I crossed the floor, Daz, like in the politics'

'What?'

'I crossed the floor! Joined the other party!'

'What?'

'I had a shit in the ladies. Why do you have to spoil everything?'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 19, 2022, 09:27:58 PM
^ I crawled the floor Daz

"What now Gary?"

Blimmed some hash in the disableds. Fucked mate, cunts're lucky I'm upright
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 19, 2022, 09:29:38 PM
Ehrr skrr CL flying saucer cowboy

"What the fuck now Gary? You're a right pain in the arse tonight"

Hajdo shh met sum ket

"Let's get you home mate."

NAAOOAOOAOAOOOOOOOOOMM
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 19, 2022, 10:28:04 PM
Gary strides overbearing in dickhead black Primark puffer jacket which he wears to make himself stab proof into the Swan and Docket to order a keg of Stella.

Your round Daz
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: the Fallen on January 19, 2022, 10:33:18 PM
Gary knights Daz with a spliff, for services rendered to Legend Gary.

"Giz a suck on that spliff then Gaz"

Nope
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on January 19, 2022, 10:56:29 PM
Legend Gary leaves a $440 wall mounted dildo up Skiddaw 'in memoriam of those we lost'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 20, 2022, 01:32:15 AM
Gary launches Daz down a Poundstretcher aisle, Daz lands in a display of cheap house cleaning products and is quite justifiable very
disgruntled for the rest of the afternoon.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 20, 2022, 03:40:46 PM
Gary abandons Daz for his new mate, 'Jaz'. "He's kind of a 'decaf' Daz, but he's alright," Gary explains to Cigs Tony down the local.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 20, 2022, 07:04:30 PM
Daz catfishes Jaz over a period of weeks using a fake Facebook profile. He convinces Jaz that Daz was relegated to standard mate because Gary came on to him and he rejected him. He leaves subtle clues that Jaz should make the first move before Gaz gets fed up of waiting.

He saunters down to the micromarket to buy popcorn.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 20, 2022, 11:33:50 PM
A condensed version of Gary is now available from the Bodleian Library. It's a 50-page drawing book filled with crayon scrawlings.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 21, 2022, 05:23:27 AM
Gary gets fed up with Jaz and tells him to fuck off. Then he immediately calls Daz.

"Daz I know we haven't been seeing eye to eye lately but, well... I need you mate. You complete me."

"I've been feeling the same Gary! I'll come on over... just let me grab a bottle of wine!"

"Nah not like this mate blatantly gay."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 21, 2022, 12:06:37 PM
Gary is enjoying a curry chips sandwich, "absolute heaven Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on January 22, 2022, 05:28:13 PM
Legend Gary goes to the Snooker Shoot-Out.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 22, 2022, 08:43:15 PM
"Silence in the audience please," the referee gently admonishes.

"Nah, fuckin' BALLS mate!"

"BALLS, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 22, 2022, 08:45:07 PM
Gary's "non-PC, woke-free zone" sitcom is commissioned by the BBC.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 23, 2022, 06:03:56 AM
Gary is watching Steel Magnolias and crying his eyes out. "First time I've used a full box of Kleenex for something other than wanking, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: seepage on January 23, 2022, 06:44:36 PM
Gary has guffawed himself hoarse down The Duck and Goose [now The Duck and Goose Kitchen & Bar] trying to keep up with Inappropriate Laughter Syndrome Sid.

Lost for words, Gary?

Fuck OFF, Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 24, 2022, 12:38:41 PM
"I'm cooking some bangers and mash Gary!"

"Nice one Daz, I'm absolutely gagging for a nice, thick sausage inside me!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 24, 2022, 02:39:17 PM
Gary looks at Daz daggers

I mean, fucking daggers: if looks could light fires, Daz would be a burning man.

"Say that again, Daz. I fuckin' DARE you," Gary booms.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 24, 2022, 02:44:35 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 24, 2022, 02:39:17 PMGary looks at Daz daggers

I mean, fucking daggers: if looks could light fires, Daz would be a burning man.

"Say that again, Daz. I fuckin' DARE you," Gary booms.

"All I said was that I was cooking some bangers and mash, Gary!"

"Good, you've complied with me to say it again. Would have been trouble if you'd not acceded to my angry demand to repeat how your eager, expert hands are preparing those nice big long meats that I can't wait to get sucking on!"

Daz wait for a moment but Gary is being totally serious.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 24, 2022, 02:50:00 PM
Gary completes his erotic novel featuring Winston Churchill on Wattpad
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 24, 2022, 02:59:03 PM
Quote from: Glebe on January 24, 2022, 02:44:35 PM"All I said was that I was cooking some bangers and mash, Gary!"

"Good, you've complied with me to say it again. Would have been trouble if you'd not acceded to my angry demand to repeat how your eager, expert hands are preparing those nice big long meats that I can't wait to get sucking on!"

Daz wait for a moment but Gary is being totally serious.

"What...what's going on here, Gal?" asks Daz tentatively.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 24, 2022, 07:15:36 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 24, 2022, 02:59:03 PM"What...what's going on here, Gal?" asks Daz tentatively.

"Dunno what you mean Daz. Now hurry up, I'm keen to be slurping on an especially big pork tube soon as!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 25, 2022, 06:26:04 AM
Gary drinks an entire off-licence dry. "Didn't even need a stomach pump or nothin'!" he boasts to Daz on the phone from prison.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 25, 2022, 09:09:28 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 24, 2022, 02:50:00 PMGary completes his erotic novel featuring Winston Churchill on Wattpad

He proudly boasts that it contains no words longer than six letters.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 25, 2022, 09:15:01 AM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 25, 2022, 09:09:28 AMHe proudly boasts that it contains no words longer than six letters.

"Ah I see, Gary. Thought Winson Chucil was a typo."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 25, 2022, 09:18:07 AM
"No, Daz. That's how you spell Winni's name".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 25, 2022, 09:23:35 AM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 25, 2022, 09:18:07 AM"No, Daz. That's how you spell Winni's name".

Daz has stopped listening and has returned his attention to FIFA 22.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 25, 2022, 10:21:49 AM
Gary regales Daz with his stories of his epic Fifa '17 campaign where he took Rushden and Diamonds to the top of the Premiership and won the FA Cup, the Champions' League and the World Cup.

"Rushden can't play in the World Cup, Gaz."

"Fuck off, Daz. I played so well that I unlocked a secret master mode where I could."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 25, 2022, 09:14:53 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 25, 2022, 10:21:49 AMGary regales Daz with his stories of his epic Fifa '17 campaign where he took Rushden and Diamonds to the top of the Premiership and won the FA Cup, the Champions' League and the World Cup.

"Rushden can't play in the World Cup, Gaz."

"Fuck off, Daz. I played so well that I unlocked a secret master mode where I could."

"That's like when you said there's a code for Sonic the Hedgehog where you can play as Mario. Sonic is Sega and Mario is Nintendo so that can't be."

To Daz's eternal surprise, Gary actually starts crying profusely.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on January 25, 2022, 09:38:19 PM
At the rugby club AGM, Gary demands a game of 'freckles' is played after every loss.

The motion is passed unanimously.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 25, 2022, 09:42:11 PM
Gary considers Peter Dinkelage "my favourite small-man actor "
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 26, 2022, 10:32:02 AM
Gary on the bus in his onesie pushin' and shovin' and making noise.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 26, 2022, 10:46:45 AM
Saturday night in Amsterdam and Gary has got hold of some cocaine that contains actual cocaine. at 1am, he climbs to the top of a lamppost in the Red Light District bellowing "TOTAL FUCKING FOOTBALL! TOTAL FUCKING FOOTBALL YOU DUTCH CUNTS"

Daz wonders whether the smirk on the face of the window  girl as Gary left tucking his shirt into his jeans might be related to this incident.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on January 26, 2022, 01:35:05 PM
Legend Gary can name all of the Dutch golden generation players and their wives, and their wives tits size.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on January 27, 2022, 06:41:14 AM
Its early doors on the Sunday morning bus back to the airport. The bus hasn't left for the airport yet. "Take those fucking clogs off and get your driving shoes on!" bellows Gary from the back of the bus.

The angry driver turns round from his seat and lowers his sunglasses to look at who besmirched him.

"Johan Cruyff! Shit! Sorry bruv you can have a pass. Sorry mate! Sorry."

"You're such a cunt on a comedown, Ledge."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 27, 2022, 08:51:52 AM
"I think this trip was a mistake, Gary."

"Come off it Daz, the cloggers lifted restrictions, we're doing nothing wrong!"

"It's not that Gary it's fucking everything else... the excessive weed binges, the 'Prozzie Marathon', the calling literally EVERY SINGLE PERSON a "Dutch c*nt..."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 27, 2022, 08:56:43 AM
"Nah, mate," Gary responds, "the Dutchies are plain-speaking types. They appreciate a bit of honesty."

Gary is arrested at passport control.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 27, 2022, 09:01:04 AM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 27, 2022, 08:56:43 AM"Nah, mate," Gary responds, "the Dutchies are plain-speaking types. They appreciate a bit of honesty."

Gary is arrested at passport control.

"Mr. Legend, your passport is five years out of date."

"The bribes have worked up until now!"

"Why didn't you just renew your passport?"

"Oh yeah... you Dutch are clever fuckers, aren't you!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 27, 2022, 01:18:52 PM
BACK IN BLIGHTY:

"Daz,  I've come down with covid!"

"Oh no I told you the trip to the Netherlands was risky!"

"No had it before we left only remembering to tell you now!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Cuellar on January 27, 2022, 02:36:23 PM
Legend Gary projects goatse onto a bowling alley tv screen at 3pm on a Saturday, kids everywhere.

"Stupid NPCs," screams Gary as he's ejected.

(Sorry Mollusk but you've got to admit)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 27, 2022, 03:35:38 PM
Gary commands Daz to hold his hand in the air until he says he can put it down.

"Gary my hand is getting rather tired now. Can I put it down?"

"NO Daz! As soon as your wrist goes limp that means you're gay!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 27, 2022, 11:07:10 PM
Gary is filling up the dishwasher with raw Lidl sausages.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 28, 2022, 11:43:25 AM
"Daz I've just had a massive revelation! You know the way we always drink Stella?"

"Yes Gary, Stella seems to be our drink of choice."

"Well I've tried this other drink - Erdinger! It's a taste sensation!"

"Doesn't have the same ring as Stella."

"Stay in your Stella rut then Daz. DEFRIENDED."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 28, 2022, 03:20:58 PM
"Daz...

Daz!

DAZ!

DAZ!!!

DAZ, for fuck's sake...DAZ!!!!!!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 28, 2022, 06:46:19 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 28, 2022, 03:20:58 PM"Daz...

Daz!

DAZ!

DAZ!!!

DAZ, for fuck's sake...DAZ!!!!!!"

"Why didn't you answer Daz?"

"You forgot to press 'CALL' again Gary."

"Oh yeah."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 29, 2022, 03:54:56 PM
Gary has taken to referring to Daz as "the ballbag from space."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 29, 2022, 08:55:04 PM
Gary joins the special forces and puts his tiling skills to good use.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 30, 2022, 12:22:02 PM
Gary travels to China to plant a bomb "in retaliation for the corona," but his plan is foiled before any harm is done.

(https://i.imgur.com/f8Kevwa.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on January 30, 2022, 10:17:44 PM
Gary reckons.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 31, 2022, 12:54:24 AM
Quote from: Paul Calf on January 30, 2022, 10:17:44 PMGary reckons.

(https://i.imgur.com/Nyt072Q.gif)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on January 31, 2022, 05:50:44 AM
Gary spends £2K on Wu Wear tracksuits
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on January 31, 2022, 11:12:26 AM
Gary's new skin disorder mate Space Mumps dies in a run of the mill road traffic accident, after running away from a mill he attempts to rob.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 31, 2022, 11:16:05 AM
Quote from: shoulders on January 31, 2022, 11:12:26 AMGary's new skin disorder mate Space Mumps

Heh! Nice Shoulders that's made me lol!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 31, 2022, 05:34:05 PM
"Gary I think I was well within my rights to call the police after you stabbed me to bits last week."

"Hmmm, that's a bit of legal grey area Daz. You got stitched up and send home, I didn't puncture any major arteries or nowt."

"Still, I'm starting to think I should have had you up in court over it."

"Don't be daft Daz. That six pack of Erdinger was compensation enough. Don't get greedy!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on January 31, 2022, 11:46:45 PM
It turns out Gary is a classically-trained pianist.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 01, 2022, 05:01:13 AM
Daz sniggers

"PIANIST, Darren! PIANIST!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 01, 2022, 01:12:06 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on February 01, 2022, 05:01:13 AMDaz sniggers

"PIANIST, Darren! PIANIST!"

"Gary I'm laughing with surprise that you have such talent. I didn't think that you said that YOU ARE A PENIS GARY. Snigger!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 01, 2022, 09:30:11 PM
Gary makes Daz a Rontos Chips costume out of cereal boxes, "Get in that."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 01, 2022, 09:32:04 PM
Gary eats a vindaloo then lights his fart with a cigarette lighter, ending up with a colostomy bag.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 02, 2022, 08:29:52 AM
Gary posts on Facebook a video of him burning a facemask.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 02, 2022, 08:55:59 AM
Gary is asked to provide a stool sample for the doctor.

"GET THE FUCK IN!" he exclaims. He has waited all his life for this moment.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on February 02, 2022, 09:12:41 AM
Legend Gary claims to have won 'a substantial payout' from Legal Ombudsman, and brooks no quarter when you point out to him prostitution is effectively unregulated and anyway, Legal Ombudsman would have no jurisdiction in such an event that it were.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on February 02, 2022, 09:19:03 AM
Legend Gary signs up to do A Levels at night school so he can get in to Oxford and 'team up with those legends in the Bullingdon club, Daz'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 02, 2022, 09:31:52 AM
Quote from: Paul Calf on February 02, 2022, 08:55:59 AMGary is asked to provide a stool sample for the doctor.

"GET THE FUCK IN!" he exclaims. He has waited all his life for this moment.

He comes back from the toilet with a small wooden stool he had hidden in his rucksack. The doctor does not see the funny side.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 02, 2022, 09:32:28 AM
XXXX
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 02, 2022, 09:33:07 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on February 02, 2022, 09:31:52 AMHe comes back from the toilet with a small wooden stool he had hidden in his rucksack. The doctor does not see the funny side.

Especially when Gary reveals that he's shat on it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 02, 2022, 11:29:03 AM
Gary calls for a referendum on "the Stella bill."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 02, 2022, 02:32:53 PM
Gary and Daz submit their "non-woke, updated Only Fools and Horses" script to the BBC, who bin it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2022, 02:39:25 PM
Legend Gary checks very carefully that his mates aren't looking, before he enters the music school where he learns cello and harp.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Poodle Basher on February 02, 2022, 08:49:53 PM
Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2022, 02:39:25 PMLegend Gary checks very carefully that his mates aren't looking, before he enters the music school where he learns cello and harp.

Gary says that all those years of perfecting his "Come and get a piece of me if you think you're up to it" wide-legged stance has made accommodating the cello, "A piece of fucking piss."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 03, 2022, 06:36:58 AM
Daz and Gary get matching tattooes of Nigel Farage and Churchill holding Union Jack's and shaking hands, with "Rule Brittainia" below it.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 03, 2022, 05:08:26 PM
Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2022, 02:39:25 PMLegend Gary checks very carefully that his mates aren't looking, before he enters the music school where he learns cello and harp.

"I'm already an accomplished pianist, I'll have mastered the entire orchestra in a matter of weeks!"

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on February 03, 2022, 06:36:58 AMDaz and Gary get matching tattooes of Nigel Farage and Churchill holding Union Jack's and shaking hands, with "Rule Brittainia" below it.

"...IN ENGLAND'S GREEN AND PLEASANT LAND!"

"Get down off the table and get out of my parlour, lads."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on February 03, 2022, 07:03:13 PM
Gary engineers a fully working electricity turbine that runs on shit and Carling and then smashes it up because he realises that it could really help other people. "Parasites, Daz. Can't have that."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 04, 2022, 03:24:25 AM
Gary puts Daz in a cement mixer.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 04, 2022, 11:29:49 PM
Gary organises a special 'Party for Boris'. "It's time to give a bit of support to our great Prime Minister Daz. If you refuse to attend my moral-boosting bash I will crush y'jacobs in a vice."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 05, 2022, 04:35:57 PM
Gary is doing something idiotic and dangerous while Daz rolls his eyes and thinks about making new friends.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 06, 2022, 01:43:09 AM
Gary cock-shames Daz during a drunken, naked frenzy.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 06, 2022, 02:16:54 PM
Gary does his own antigen test by shoving an ice pop stick up his nostril and waiting 15 mins to see if it turns dark.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 06, 2022, 03:24:39 PM
Quote from: Glebe on February 06, 2022, 02:16:54 PMGary does his own antigen test by shoving an ice pop stick up his nostril and waiting 15 mins to see if it turns dark.
It does.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 06, 2022, 03:29:18 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on February 06, 2022, 03:24:39 PMIt does.

"Ah, I'm sure I'm okay. Come on Daz, let's party!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 06, 2022, 04:02:35 PM
Gary puts his willy in a cup of Coke "to see what will happen"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 06, 2022, 09:07:47 PM
Gary rubs his erection against the window of his local Subway. Even Daz is appalled by this and immediately fetches a police officer who arrests him because he is 'Daz, sidekick of Gary'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 07, 2022, 09:58:14 AM
Gary applies to these local Burger King for a job. Under PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE he writes 'Massive glans'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 07, 2022, 10:12:37 AM
The store manager, Epic Nige, accepts this as relevant experience and gives him the job.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 07, 2022, 10:16:08 AM
Gary adds 'Subject of long-running open-source collaborative fiction project run by some nerds on a comedy website' to the summary section of his CV.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 07, 2022, 10:41:09 AM
Quote from: Paul Calf on February 07, 2022, 10:16:08 AMGary adds 'Subject of long-running open-source collaborative fiction project run by some nerds on a comedy website' to the summary section of his CV.

"You've broken the Fourth Wall Gary!"

"Come here Daz y'nerd with your weird comments!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 07, 2022, 10:44:42 AM
Gary makes Daz spraypaint "I AM A FUCKING POSTMODERNIST NONCE SIGNED PUBES DAZ" all over the bus stop, and as the first line in his Facebook profile.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 07, 2022, 10:53:36 AM
Quote from: Paul Calf on February 07, 2022, 10:44:42 AMGary makes Daz spraypaint "I AM A FUCKING POSTMODERNIST NONCE SIGNED PUBES DAZ" all over the bus stop, and as the first line in his Facebook profile.

He later apologies. "The POSTMODERNIST bit isn't true, I'm sorry."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 07, 2022, 10:59:17 AM
Daz doesn't know what the word means, and strongly suspects thatv Gary doesn't either.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 07, 2022, 11:44:22 AM
Gary and Daz answer the web's most searched questions.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 07, 2022, 03:03:34 PM
Gary glues Daz to a trike and forces him to go around the common "like a silly knob-end."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 08, 2022, 01:57:54 AM
Gary immediately divorces his wife when she puts on half a pound. "I told Jasmine to go easy on the wedding cake Daz! She ain't gettin' no child support neither by the way!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jobotic on February 08, 2022, 01:01:48 PM
An angry TERF confronts Gary outside the leisure centre (where he's planning on leaning on the weights all afternoon talking about how much he can lift and wiping pretend sweat off), with the Staniland Question.

"Fucking too right! What, now?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 08, 2022, 05:42:20 PM
"Hang on if I go trans I can go into women's toilets?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 09, 2022, 01:35:40 AM
Gary gives a lecture at the pool hall in which he deconstructs Shakespeare's greatest works with surprising grace and elan.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 09, 2022, 08:47:01 AM
In the car on the way home, Daz is dying to ask Gary about it.

"DON'T," bellows Gary the second The Pubic One opens his mouth.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 10, 2022, 01:45:06 AM
Gary is fueling Daz with "unleaded" Stella.

"0% alcohol, Daz. That's it, your tank is full, gonna drive you to Cleethorpes "
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 10, 2022, 02:11:08 PM
"Just off to Primark to get a Greggs, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 10, 2022, 04:48:15 PM
Legend Gary gets a bit bored at work:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-60330758

Quote"His motives are still unknown but the administration believes it was some kind of a lapse in sanity,"

"Fuck off!" an incredulous Gary shouts at BBC News before turning to Daz and saying "It was a shit painting anyway".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 10, 2022, 04:51:31 PM
Legend Gary applied for a job at the Yeltsin Centre "because Yeltsin was a total ledge... hang on, this is just a load of pictures, where's all the vodka?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 10, 2022, 04:51:59 PM
Quote from: Blue Jam on February 10, 2022, 04:48:15 PMLegend Gary gets a bit bored at work:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-60330758

"Fuck off!" an incredulous Gary shouts at BBC News before turning to Daz and saying "It was a shit painting anyway".

LEGEND GAROVSKI: Comrade Darovski! Come and see what I done to this decadent piece of artwork!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 10, 2022, 04:55:15 PM
Legend Garovski draws a cock'n'balls on a Fabergé egg.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 10, 2022, 05:48:44 PM
Legend Garovitch Garovskiya buys one of them big furry hat things and takes a selfie in front of the Kremlin.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on February 10, 2022, 06:48:14 PM
Legend Garovitch informs on Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 10, 2022, 07:07:30 PM
Dazovski is one step ahead and has already informed thr Politburo that Tovarisch Garovitch has been listening to Western radio broadcasts.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on February 10, 2022, 09:21:10 PM
Legend Garovitsch is awarded a medal for services to "getting on it"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on February 10, 2022, 09:25:09 PM
Legend Garovitsch flops out Lenin's preserved cock and balls.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jobotic on February 10, 2022, 10:48:42 PM
Legend Garovitsch is dragged into the Lubyanka shouting

"LubWANKER more like. Spartak 'til I die!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 10, 2022, 11:06:50 PM
Legend Garovic beats Garry Kasparov at arm wrestling.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on February 11, 2022, 06:56:31 AM
Legend Garovistch is shot three times, poisoned, bundled up in a carpet and thrown into a freezing river.

"What can I say, Daz tovarisch, PUSSY'OLES!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 11, 2022, 08:48:17 AM
Legendov Garovic takes out a two-page ad in Pravda to announce that Pubovski Darrenov is a nonce.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jobotic on February 11, 2022, 09:14:40 AM
It means The Truth, so no getting out of this one!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 11, 2022, 05:40:42 PM
Gary interrupts a live broadcast shouting "Fuck the feds"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 11, 2022, 06:09:13 PM
Quote from: jobotic on February 11, 2022, 09:14:40 AMIt means The Truth, so no getting out of this one!

Pubekov Dazski gets three years in the Gulags. Legendov Garovski chuckles... but three hours later he has to admit to himself that the epic vodka and Tetris sessions just aren't the same without his comrade.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 11, 2022, 06:11:49 PM
Legendov Garovski joins Pussy Riot.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on February 12, 2022, 04:37:48 AM
Quote from: Blue Jam on February 11, 2022, 06:11:49 PMLegendov Garovski joins Pussy Riot.

is disappointed by lack of pussy or riots
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 12, 2022, 11:36:29 AM
Quote from: Pink Gregory on February 11, 2022, 06:56:31 AMLegend Garovistch is shot three times, poisoned, bundled up in a carpet and thrown into a freezing river.

"What can I say, Daz tovarisch, PUSSY'OLES!"

Ga-Ga-Gazputin
Gave one to the Russian queen
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 12, 2022, 04:50:53 PM
Gary and Daz are on my train, it seems. They've knocked a can of Magners all over the floor (which they found hilarious), kept demanding more Magners from the person selling food and drink despite being told there isn't any and are effing on a regular basis. They arent getting off until Reading and I've been sitting near them since Macclesfield.

Apparently Gary has kids and works in Basingstoke.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on February 12, 2022, 06:52:46 PM
Enjoying the Russian tangent guys
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on February 12, 2022, 07:01:15 PM
'Dazoly, I have some krokodil for you'

'Aiiiee! Legend Garovski, that is a real crocodile!'

'Da'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on February 12, 2022, 07:06:42 PM
Legend Garrov covers up the Katyn Wood massacre.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on February 12, 2022, 07:23:26 PM
Colonel Garovski drops his trousers

"Have a look at this Katyn Wood eh Daz Pubesovitch!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 12, 2022, 07:32:15 PM
"You've got to admire that Putin, haven't you? Not in a gay way, obviously."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on February 12, 2022, 07:38:12 PM
"Give him his credit, Daz tovarisch, he does look peng on that horse.  Fair play"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 12, 2022, 07:46:12 PM
Garovski has his arms folded and is doing that kicking-your-legs-in-the-air dance and singing;

"Nikita, Nikita, Nikita my dear, your name in the whisper of pines I can hear!"

"It's 'Kalinka', not 'Nikita', Garvovski."

"SILENCE, Dazovski! Or you will hear the voice of my Kalashnikov!"

"'kin 'elkski."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on February 12, 2022, 08:47:32 PM
Legend Garivosky uses Photoshop to remove all trace of Dazovitch from the 'On the Vodka on the Volga' Facebook album.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on February 13, 2022, 10:27:55 AM
Ledge gets an Arduino kit and builds a fucking machine. Daz, looking somewhat perplexed at the level of engineering involved quips that perhaps it would be more fun to do some fucking the traditional way.

"Come 'ere Daz, I think you know what's going to happen next!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on February 13, 2022, 10:38:03 AM
Spotted a Legend Gary in the wild last night. Local pub recently reopened and installed a jukebox. Forgot to delete all the Gary Glitter songs though didn't they?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Catalogue of ills on February 13, 2022, 02:53:15 PM
Gary has put in 34 hours of planning time and taught himself PowerPoint to further his mission to popularise the word "meatbags" as a euphemism for breasts.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 13, 2022, 03:10:00 PM
Quote from: Blue Jam on February 13, 2022, 10:38:03 AMSpotted a Legend Gary in the wild last night. Local pub recently reopened and installed a jukebox. Forgot to delete all the Gary Glitter songs though didn't they?

A few  minutes before closing time, he's frantically googling 'Jimmy Savile charity singles'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 13, 2022, 03:21:03 PM
"Don't forget Pete Townsend, Gary!"

"Oh yeah Daz! Who was he in again?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 14, 2022, 01:24:28 AM
"There's a Visconti season on at the Barbican, fancy checking it out, Daz darling?"

Daz spits his Stella right across the room.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on February 14, 2022, 04:04:29 AM
Quote from: Blue Jam on February 13, 2022, 10:38:03 AMSpotted a Legend Gary in the wild last night. Local pub recently reopened and installed a jukebox. Forgot to delete all the Gary Glitter songs though didn't they?

That wasn't a Legend Gary, that was just one of us lot.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on February 14, 2022, 04:07:23 AM
Other songs on the playlist

anything by Mini Pops
Two Little Boys
anything Lostprophets

something off of one of the HAHA Tape comps for a slightly different joke
(Garry misread the title and thought it said rape).

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 16, 2022, 04:15:36 PM
Gary raises a Stella for Andy, but Daz has known him for a long time, and there's something different...something wrong.

El Ledgio's rock-solid carapace of confidence is showing cracks.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 20, 2022, 12:11:24 AM
Gary throws what he describes as a "covid-is-over party extravaganza!" Daz abstains but Space Mumps, Epic Nige and Larval Trauma Flashbacks are all in attendance.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 20, 2022, 05:07:16 AM
"Gary how many oddly named friends do we actually have?"

"Dunno Daz... I'll have to ask Knowledge Jake."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on February 21, 2022, 04:09:37 AM
Larval Trauma Flashbacks isn't even a person, is it Gary? It's just the caterpillar you 'forgot' to let out of the jar from Primary school, that never bothered to turn into a butterfly.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 21, 2022, 06:09:36 PM
Storm Eunice rips Gary's house out of the ground and it lands on a witch in Essex.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: The Bumlord on February 21, 2022, 11:29:16 PM
Gary breaks down his most iconic roles for GQ
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 22, 2022, 01:14:53 AM
Gary dresses up as Sonic the Hedgehog and steals a pint of milk from the local Spar.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 22, 2022, 10:06:04 AM
Gary remembers the first time he encountered Larval Trauma Flashbacks.

"Hiya Larval Trauma Flashbacks mate."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 22, 2022, 11:03:14 AM
Gary claims he has all his best ideas while on the toilet
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 22, 2022, 01:44:52 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on February 22, 2022, 11:03:14 AMGary claims he has all his best ideas while on the toilet

(https://i.imgur.com/c0TnF38.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on February 22, 2022, 10:16:08 PM
Legend Gary kicks a bit of puddle back into a river... 'done my bit'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 23, 2022, 01:57:32 AM
Gary secretly harbours nostalgia for the old Budweiser 'Wazzup?!' ad.

"I've always been a Stella man but the undrinkable, fizzy, watery yank beer went up in my estimation during that ad campaign," he thinks to himself during a mid-morning wank in the airing cupboard.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 23, 2022, 06:38:09 AM
"I did NOT piss myself, Darren".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on February 24, 2022, 10:45:42 PM
Holy shit Daz look it's David Attenborough

Hahaha fucking LEGEND

You know, from the planet blue show and that

Mate go up to him seriously let's do it

OI DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE HAHAHAHAHAHA
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: The Bumlord on February 25, 2022, 12:08:37 AM
Gary has lost the key to Daz's cock cage.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on February 25, 2022, 09:06:31 PM
Quote from: Stoneage Dinosaurs on February 24, 2022, 10:45:42 PMHoly shit Daz look it's David Attenborough

Hahaha fucking LEGEND

You know, from the planet blue show and that

Mate go up to him seriously let's do it

OI DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE HAHAHAHAHAHA

David Attenborough feeds them to his pet Venus Flytrap.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on February 25, 2022, 09:09:26 PM
Legend Gary says Russian women are 'mental' and Ukrainian women are 'tasty'. What more do you need or want to know
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on February 25, 2022, 09:10:35 PM
Ukraine Ian arrives home hidden in a parcel bag filled with contraband cigs.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on February 25, 2022, 09:25:24 PM
Legend Gary ignores Zelensky's call for volunteers to fight the Russian invasion.

'No- that will require language skills and integration into a military culture that is different to the UK, Daz'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on February 26, 2022, 04:03:57 AM
Daz wonders what the fuck Gary knows about any country's military culture when the extent of Gary's military experience to date is getting laughed out of the Seacroft TA recruitment centre.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: petril on February 26, 2022, 09:32:35 AM
Quote from: Glebe on February 22, 2022, 01:44:52 PM(https://i.imgur.com/c0TnF38.jpg)

thought Kunt was joining the thread for a hot millisecond there, gang right behind
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on February 27, 2022, 09:36:42 AM
Gary holds a special ceremony to officially induct Larval Trauma Flashbacks into the CaB Multiverse. "This time next year you could be overtaking me as forum's most popular character, lad!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on February 28, 2022, 01:53:34 AM
I still think he's really just a squashed caterpillar in a jar though :-(
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on February 28, 2022, 02:19:58 AM
or maybe a slug?

---

Meanwhile back in main character of this thread land

Legend Gary gets conscripted to go fight in Ukraine as a prank by all his mates after some drunken coked up bragging about how he could beat up Putin, and his Dad single handed.

Gary's far too ashamed to admit that til yesterday his only knowledge of Kiev was a round chicken lump thing with melty sauce in it and the closest he's ever been to any real war action is playing Battleships and Fortnite.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 02, 2022, 11:56:37 AM
Gary agrees to join his local amateur dramatics society after being coaxed with his favourite beverage.

(https://i.imgur.com/TvsQ3XQ.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: dex on March 02, 2022, 07:20:52 PM
Wasn't sure whether to post this one in desolation or here but there was a real life Ledge I encountered today at work. He answers his mobile, [bantz to other person] then quips "yeah, fuckin got tomorrow off to take the mrs to the hospital to see if she still has cancer." [Caller responds (no doubt in disbelief/symapthetically)] then this Ledge responds: "I don't care, Its not me that's fuckin got it!"

With [boy]friends like this, who needs enemies, right?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on March 07, 2022, 10:48:48 AM
Pubes Daz is late for work:

https://mobile.twitter.com/Gfletch_/status/1500411449432326146
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on March 07, 2022, 04:59:15 PM
I love one of the comments:


QuoteRosie Greene 😷 🇺🇦🙏@cnbcwatcher90
Replying to @Gfletch_
I personally wouldn't find this funny. It's impossible to drive the car without removing all the newspaper. How would one remove it?


O....k......
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 07, 2022, 05:26:58 PM
Gary and Daz visit Chester looking for Hollyoaks Village. "It appears Hollyoaks Village does not actually exist" they tell their local newspaper website.

"Disappointed duo travel to Chester looking for Hollyoaks Village" is the headline the next day.

"The pair at least got to enjoy having a can of Fanta while sitting in Daz's car in Sealand Road Park and Ride.

"Gary told us that he hadn't felt so let down since he ran out of orange KitKats".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 07, 2022, 07:02:19 PM
Legend Gary finishes off Venty with a breeze block.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 08, 2022, 07:58:02 PM
Quote from: Blue Jam on March 07, 2022, 10:48:48 AMPubes Daz is late for work:

https://mobile.twitter.com/Gfletch_/status/1500411449432326146

(https://i.imgur.com/34C4CDl.gif)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 09, 2022, 10:25:54 AM
Legend Gary didn't win a drinking contest against Vladimir Putin, not yet anyway! That would be far fetched in the extreme. He won a drinking contest against defence minister Sergei Shoigu in 2014 on a reconnaissance mission to Doncaster.

Legend Gary has tried to 'bag' other key members of Putin's siloviki, but they are 'soft cunts' and in one case a 'straight up tart' who won't even answer calls.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 09, 2022, 11:18:24 AM
Gary's latest Tik Tok dance video causes a diplomatic row with France.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on March 09, 2022, 11:32:29 AM
Gary tells Daz stories about his service on the Crimean peninsula, fighting against Putin's invading forces and the terrors of the Cossack riflemen.

"When was this, Gary?"

"Oh, before I knew you."

"But I've known you since Year 5"

"Nah, it was...that month when we weren't talking to each other"

Daz knows better than to push it.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on March 09, 2022, 01:09:09 PM
In solidarity with Ukraine, Legend Gary buys a packet of Mini Kievs.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 09, 2022, 02:11:57 PM
"Yes lads, how can I help you?"

"We've come up here to Numptyland to carry out our own brand of civilian justice! Daz, the baseball bats... let's teach Gimpsuit Teacher a lesson he'll never forget!"

(https://i.imgur.com/UmTD1iI.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 10, 2022, 04:29:44 AM
Gary staples Daz to the side of a charabanc bound for Middlesborough.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 10, 2022, 07:02:58 AM
Quote from: Blue Jam on March 09, 2022, 01:09:09 PMIn solidarity with Ukraine, Legend Gary buys a packet of Mini Kievs.

It's Kyiv now Gary

Mini Kyiv
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on March 10, 2022, 07:20:32 AM
Quote from: shoulders on March 10, 2022, 07:02:58 AMIt's Kyiv now Gary

Mini Kyiv

PC SJW Woke gone mad, Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 10, 2022, 10:46:24 AM
Gary leads a campaign to "bring back hopscotch"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on March 11, 2022, 01:28:00 AM
Puddings Dave thinks it would be better if they brought back butterscotch.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 11, 2022, 06:52:18 AM
Steak Terry has a steak in honour of Ukraine rather than 'Russian food'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on March 11, 2022, 08:35:06 AM
Gary storms round to Daz's house to make sure he's not hiding any beetroot.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 11, 2022, 01:20:32 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on March 11, 2022, 08:35:06 AMGary storms round to Daz's house to make sure he's not hiding any beetroot.

"Alright Daz you're in the clear for now. But I'll be carrying out further checks over the coming days!"

As Gary leaves Daz opens a secret compartment beneath his bed. It's Beetroot City down there.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 11, 2022, 11:33:48 PM
Gary hides loads of Qauvers in Daz's underpants.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 12, 2022, 07:17:22 AM
Legend Gary rates the animal kingdom in order of 'chaos factor'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 12, 2022, 05:20:20 PM
Daz gets Gary Gran Turismo 7 as an early birthday present, in the hope that it'll act as a substitute to Gary's job riding habit. But it doesn't work.

"It's not real Daz. Now you stick on Elden Ring or some gay fantasy shit while I go wreck an Audi."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on March 12, 2022, 05:41:16 PM
Three nights later Daz wakes up at 2am needing a piss. Hearing noises from the living room, he walks in to see Daz, PS5 controller in hand, grinding for an upgraded big end.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 13, 2022, 07:11:16 PM
"My home is open to all refugees, Daz. Just so long as they're white. And up for the craic."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 14, 2022, 08:25:04 AM
Legend Gary plans to make his Ukrainian go Shops
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 14, 2022, 06:37:05 PM
It's trousers down on a trip to Bournemouth as Gary moons as he's never mooned before.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 15, 2022, 12:49:33 AM
Gary retcons Daz as a kind of metrosexual hanger-on. "You're not really part of the crew Daz, just a ponce that attaches itself like a limpet hoping to gain some cred."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on March 15, 2022, 05:39:40 AM
"No offence Gary, but you're not exactly Jason Statham yourself are you, mate?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 15, 2022, 04:54:48 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on March 15, 2022, 05:39:40 AM"No offence Gary, but you're not exactly Jason Statham yourself are you, mate?"

There is a pause and then the tears come.

"Y'right, Daz. Who am I kidding? I'll never be half as hard as The Stath!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 15, 2022, 06:55:56 PM
REST IN PEACE BIG MAN

Gary, she was 4 foot 8




.... REST IN PEACE BIG MAN
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 17, 2022, 06:42:24 PM
Gary now regrets giving Daz the rest of the speed. Fucker won't shut up!

"We're playing FIFA '22 and we've got Quavers and Wagon Wheels and Stella what more could you want?!"

"Allow it, Daz mate."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 18, 2022, 08:14:43 PM
Gary steals a Ford Mondeo and goes to a Greggs drive-thru.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 18, 2022, 08:36:15 PM
Despite living directly next to a dropbox, Legend Gary 'always insists' couriers deliver his parcels to hand.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 19, 2022, 03:45:26 PM
Gary emails Priti Patel calling for nonces in prison to be seen into giant human centipedes. "It would be a massive deterrent and also save on catering."

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 19, 2022, 05:12:14 PM
Gary block-books a screening of The Nan Movie. "Half the cinema will be taken up Daz, all the lads will be there... Puddings Dave, Larval Trauma Flashbacks, the lot of 'em!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 19, 2022, 05:15:04 PM
"Best film I've seen since the Fast and Furious marathon" Daz says the next day.

Gary nods.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 19, 2022, 05:30:53 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 19, 2022, 05:15:04 PM"Best film I've seen since the Fast and Furious marathon" Daz says the next day.

Gary nods.

"Don't forget Lesbian Vampire Killers though Daz!"

"Ah yes, Gary. We had the cinema to ourselves too! On all four visits."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on March 19, 2022, 07:02:54 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 19, 2022, 03:45:26 PMGary emails Priti Patel calling for nonces in prison to be seen into giant human centipedes. "It would be a massive deterrent and also save on catering."



"But Gary, even if you ignore the fact that ingesting faeces would cause traumatic pathological infection in the rear two centipeodos, you'd still need to provide enough calories to nourish all three participants. So all other things being equal, it wouldn't save on catering costs at all".

Gary stares at Daz.

"You know, Daz, we've been mates for over two decades but sometimes I think I don't really know you at all."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 19, 2022, 07:16:48 PM
Legend Gary gets a job in the control room at Clapham Junction and announces the Wordle answer to furious commuters each day.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 19, 2022, 07:25:37 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 19, 2022, 07:16:48 PMLegend Gary gets a job in the control room at Clapham Junction and announces the Wordle answer to furious commuters each day.

In-between that he's doing Blakey impersonations for hours. "I 'ate yoo, commuters!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on March 19, 2022, 07:46:38 PM
Didn't realise Legend Gary played bass in PiL.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 19, 2022, 10:49:26 PM
Quote from: king_tubby on March 19, 2022, 07:46:38 PMDidn't realise Legend Gary played bass in PiL.

"What?! Did somebody say something about pills?"

"Calm down Gary, I've got some ibuprofen here. Not sure if you can get a hit off it but it's worth a shot."

"Cheers Daz, you're a mate!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 20, 2022, 05:17:59 AM
Gary are Daz are down the local. Daz comes back from the bar looking disgruntled.

"Cheers Daz... what's up?"

"Bloke at the bar called me a 'classic paedo', Gary!"

"Oh did he now? I'll take care of this."

Later, down the police station:

"Alright, son. Your mate Gary went up to the bloke at the bar. Then what happened?"

"He fucking yeet the fucker through a window, blud."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on March 20, 2022, 10:34:56 AM
. Accidental post.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 21, 2022, 10:06:42 PM
Gary goes smashing the precinct with new character Blud Simple.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 22, 2022, 07:57:31 AM
Legend Gary asks Steak Terry for a steak in the shape of Britain.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 22, 2022, 09:39:45 AM
Gary runs into Daz's bedroom screaming while dressed as Noseybonk
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Poodle Basher on March 22, 2022, 04:35:32 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 22, 2022, 07:57:31 AMLegend Gary asks Steak Terry for a steak in the shape of Britain.

Steak Terry regretfully informs Gary that it's only Ukraine-shaped steaks at the minute but he can get him a slightly off-model 'Denmark' if he likes.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on March 22, 2022, 05:28:05 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 22, 2022, 09:39:45 AMGary runs into Daz's bedroom screaming while dressed as Noseybonk

Daz quietly Googles 'Noseybonk'

'Oi Gary, you said you were in your late 20s, like the rest of us.'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 22, 2022, 05:42:07 PM
Legend Gary decries the 'toxic cabal of pure poison' after Borderline Nonce Si and Steak Terry put rat killer in his Heinz cream of tomato and Gary has an 1/8th of his stomach permanently excised.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 22, 2022, 05:48:27 PM
Gary hangs Daz on the washing line to help him "dry off, you're a bit sweaty mate".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 23, 2022, 02:26:33 PM
Gary hijacks a charabanc and drives in through the window of an off-licence in Hull. "Grab what you can, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 24, 2022, 05:51:59 PM
"How come Wills & Kate enjoy a luxury trip to the Caribbean while I'm stuck here in Marbella?" complains Gary down the phone to Daz. "Once again it's one rule for the rich Royal Family and another for decent ordinary folk like myself stuck here in the Mediterranean with what I hope is just a really bad case of influenza."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 28, 2022, 05:26:53 PM
Steak Terry tries a 'Steak Tartare'


"This ain't right.


Gal', this ain't right. Whatever it is."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 28, 2022, 05:41:59 PM
Legend Gary covers his buttocks with strawberry yogurt but half way through forgets why.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 28, 2022, 07:47:54 PM
Gary goes to Daz's first attempt at stand-up, where Daz makes a crack about Daz's girlfriend. Gary laughs at first but Tracy gives him daggers so he goes up and slaps Daz really hard.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on March 28, 2022, 10:15:51 PM
Sunday morning and Gary's been on the bog for three hours:

"Garold Hartford Legendson, what are you doing in there?" asks his mum.

"Incubating".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 30, 2022, 09:11:14 AM
"I want to be a vessel for peace and love," claims Gary after slapping Daz into next week.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 30, 2022, 09:59:19 AM
Gary gets a Netflix deal for his standup show "Land of Hope and Gary".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 30, 2022, 08:34:29 PM
Gary always sits in the middle of the back seat on the top deck of the bus and spreads his legs so nobody can get past.

"This is me throne Daz, driver can't see me back here! I'm up to all sorts!"

"Buses have CCTV in these modern times Gary."

"I'll fuckin' kill them CCTVs!"

"Sigh. 39 years old with two kids."

"What was that Daz?"

"Nothing Gary. This is us."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 31, 2022, 04:54:39 AM
Gary makes plans to become a polygamist "for bit laugh an' that."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on March 31, 2022, 06:06:24 AM
"But Gary, you can't get ONE woman to marr.."

THWOCK

An ambulance is called.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 31, 2022, 06:58:05 PM
Gary gets a job as a policeman but is arrested in the park on his first day.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on March 31, 2022, 07:27:06 PM
"I was only filming that lad wanking"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on March 31, 2022, 07:30:01 PM
Quote from: shoulders on March 31, 2022, 07:27:06 PM"I was only filming that lad wanking"

"Don't drag me into it Gary!" protests Larval Trauma Flashbacks.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on April 01, 2022, 01:23:04 AM
Gary spots a bloke at the bar (still!) wearing a facemask.

"This just won't stand Daz, leave it to me"...
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on April 02, 2022, 07:29:43 AM
Pubes Daz burns down a children's centre 'for Halloween'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 02, 2022, 10:16:50 PM
Quote from: Bum Flaps on April 01, 2022, 01:23:04 AMGary spots a bloke at the bar (still!) wearing a facemask.

"This just won't stand Daz, leave it to me"...

Slaps him really hard and goes back to his seat yelling "You do NOT wear a face mask in front of my wife! Well my girlfriend. Well okay then Daz. Do you want me to slap him again Daz? Please answer in the affirmative."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on April 04, 2022, 05:02:56 PM
Legend Gary has a 'teeming' rating where he enters a premises and decides if there's sufficient fanny or not.

For instance, the Exeter Arms in Derby has a teeming rating of Zero.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 05, 2022, 03:53:05 PM
Gary 'accuses' Daz of being transgender, "You've always had small hands mate!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 05, 2022, 09:49:26 PM
"Sorry mate what did you just say?"

"I said you're in for it now mate. Nobody spills Aggressive Duncan's pi-OOOOOF!! Me fucking nose, you psycho!"

"Not so aggressive now, are we Dunc? You need anger management mate. I'll call an ambulance."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on April 05, 2022, 10:06:36 PM
Legend Gary locks Gabrielle in a shed 'but only until my battery charges up, apologies'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on April 06, 2022, 07:37:03 AM
"You getting a leccy car, Gary?"

Gary's expression darkens:

"They kill birds, Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 06, 2022, 07:41:39 AM
Gary has a set of gold clubs he never uses. "I hate golf Daz, but they're stolen so yay me."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Beagle 2 on April 08, 2022, 10:55:39 AM
Legend Gary obtains a government subsidy to open up Legend Gary's Legendary Legend Dairy. "It's about accelerating climate change. In my own small way I want to troll planet earth any way I can".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 08, 2022, 01:25:46 PM
Quote from: Beagle 2 on April 08, 2022, 10:55:39 AMLegend Gary obtains a government subsidy to open up Legend Gary's Legendary Legend Dairy. "It's about accelerating climate change. In my own small way I want to troll planet earth any way I can".

He subsequently falls out with the herd.

(https://i.imgur.com/aVFdl6h.jpg)
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on April 08, 2022, 10:29:35 PM
Legend Gary confuses going to Albania with somehow fiction and time travel.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Bum Flaps on April 09, 2022, 01:36:22 AM
Gary's been watching those scammer series on Netflix, and now he's got big plans.

For now he's just tippexed a big LG on the back of his phone, but tomorrow he's deffo going down natwest to get some funding for his big 'foundation'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on April 09, 2022, 01:46:42 PM
Quote from: Beagle 2 on April 08, 2022, 10:55:39 AMLegend Gary obtains a government subsidy to open up Legend Gary's Legendary Legend Dairy. "It's about accelerating climate change. In my own small way I want to troll planet earth any way I can".

Legend Gary applies for series 2 of Gordon Ramsay's Future Food Stars. He gets disqualified after he is caught puncturing Gordo's lifejacket.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 09, 2022, 02:22:49 PM
Gary makes his own Squid Game by locking Daz in the shed with Jenga blocks.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on April 09, 2022, 10:15:11 PM
Silly Garry's forgotten to collect the squids off of Squid Dave, again, hasn't he?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 10, 2022, 09:21:55 AM
Steak Terry tells Gary and Daz how the sales lads' holiday was delayed when his suitcase full of steaks was not allowed on the plane, and he had to leave some with his wife.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 11, 2022, 12:04:28 PM
Gary books four tickets for Davidson's new show but wants it in writing that there will be no snowflakes within 100 yards. "Run out of snowflake repellent, Daz".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 11, 2022, 12:12:43 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on April 11, 2022, 12:04:28 PMGary books four tickets for Davidson's new show but wants it in writing that there will be no snowflakes within 100 yards. "Run out of snowflake repellent, Daz".

"What about the wokes Gary?"

Gary snaps his fingers. "Good one Daz, you think of everything! I'll just have to bring a broom to keep them at bay. Nick-nick!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: wosl on April 12, 2022, 03:51:01 PM
Legend Gary makes a reusable covid mask out of the packaging from a Gillette Fusion5 ProGlide.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on April 13, 2022, 07:26:24 AM
Legend Gary says going to the arcades is gay. Then he goes to the arcades and wins money and he confirms going to the arcades is not gay.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on April 16, 2022, 11:44:04 AM
Legend Gary dresses as an elderly Moldovan lady and travels first class from Southport to Warwick to beg for coins, sniggering every inch of the way.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 16, 2022, 06:47:22 PM
Gary becomes an "auditor" and barges into local jobcentres and libraries demanding to be able to film.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: king_tubby on April 16, 2022, 07:59:56 PM
Legend Gary goes on the Man Utd Glazer protest.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FQd70foWYAMvVyV?format=jpg&name=900x900)

'And the best thing, Daz, I haven't even fucking supported them since 2013'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on April 17, 2022, 12:42:33 AM
Quote from: shoulders on April 16, 2022, 11:44:04 AMLegend Gary dresses as an elderly Moldovan lady and travels first class from Southport to Warwick to beg for coins, sniggering every inch of the way.

Legend Gary beats the Moldovans at tennis.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 17, 2022, 12:45:29 AM
Gary buys MySpace for £2.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Pink Gregory on April 17, 2022, 07:18:36 AM
Quote from: Glebe on April 17, 2022, 12:45:29 AMGary buys MySpace for £2.
"Two pound more than it was worth, Daz mate, I feel a right mug."

"Maybe so, Gary, maybe so."

Gary resolves to deliver Daz's obligatory knuckle sandwich later.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 17, 2022, 09:29:12 AM
Gary and Daz are now offering their own NFTs. So far, only the photo of them standing on the tables in the Spoons at Edinburgh had had any bids.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on April 17, 2022, 03:40:52 PM
Soft Baz makes $500,000 on the ICO of his coin, titled  RimCoin, illustrated with a .png of Gary and Daz in the photo that was anonymously submitted to Viz's Up-The-Arse Corner.

"This will not fucking stand, Daz," Gary thunders, "It will not fucking stand at all."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on April 17, 2022, 05:33:02 PM
Legend Gary asks why so many people call him 'the self-styled master of disaster'.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 17, 2022, 06:12:14 PM
Gary sells MySpace to Larval Trauma Flashbacks for 50p. "I'm counting myself lucky Daz."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on April 17, 2022, 08:38:26 PM
'Happy to get shot of it, not least to that melm'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 19, 2022, 02:57:49 PM
Gary describes Daz's head as being "roughly the circumference of a medium-sized otter."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on April 20, 2022, 10:21:48 AM
Legend Gary has abs in his arse due to what he describes as 'a regime'
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Beagle 2 on April 20, 2022, 11:16:33 AM
Legend Gary explains his chronic hay fever symptoms are actually the result of a "heavy night on the sniff" every day between the months of April and September.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on April 22, 2022, 06:15:23 PM
Gary goes to Lampedusa with "a heavy cold. See you in three weeks, Daz!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on April 23, 2022, 09:08:57 AM
Legend Gary chastises Pubes for yet again calling his dog 'Nelson Mandela'.

I keep telling you Daz: This thing answers only to Nerson Mandera. Nerson Mandera is its name.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 01, 2022, 05:47:03 PM
Gary gets worried about object permanence.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 03, 2022, 09:32:29 AM
Gary is £50 richer after sending all his personal information to Glebe Industries. Call us today!
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 03, 2022, 01:47:46 PM
Gary does a reverse Neil Parrish, ending up with a tractor website when he was looking for nude women.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on May 03, 2022, 04:56:25 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on May 03, 2022, 01:47:46 PMGary does a reverse Neil Parrish, ending up with a tractor website when he was looking for nude women.

I was googling that Massive Fergison stunner that filthy website cooked&bombed was going on about and now my hard drives full of photos of tractors?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 03, 2022, 05:03:15 PM
A confused Gary drives out to his cousin's farm and parks behind the Valtra before man begins to caress machine.

Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 03, 2022, 11:24:05 PM
Gary has a penis grafted on.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on May 04, 2022, 09:06:43 AM
"You haven't lived if you haven't wanked in the headteacher's desk drawer, Daz."

"But Gary, we left school 25 years ago."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: The Bumlord on May 06, 2022, 08:59:27 AM
Quote from: Glebe on May 03, 2022, 11:24:05 PMGary has a penis grafted on.

To his penis.

Look at these, lads! Weyyyyyyyy
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Captain Poodle Basher on May 07, 2022, 09:31:04 PM
Shit-His-Pants Michael is pleading with Daz.

"Daz, can you have a word with Gary? It was my first day in primary, I didn't know where he toilets were, does he have to keep calling me that all these years?"

"Shi..., err Michael mate, more than my life's worth to come between Gary and any monikers he might bestow on people, sorry."
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 07, 2022, 09:57:54 PM
Gary is telling everyone that the IRA are running Northern Ireland now. "They won the election, lads!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on May 07, 2022, 11:10:08 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on May 03, 2022, 01:47:46 PMGary does a reverse Neil Parrish, ending up with a tractor website when he was looking for nude women.

Very nice
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on May 07, 2022, 11:11:35 PM
'Do you want to pay in Pound Sterling or Euros?' asks the hotel receptionist.

'Neither - I want to pay on card' replies Gary.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 08, 2022, 04:59:14 PM
Gary pays tribute to Dennis Waterman by roughing Daz up "the way Terry used to 'sort out the situation' on Minder". He's crying as he batters Daz.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 11, 2022, 10:43:02 AM
"5PM Gary. Time to get up."

"I get up when I want Daz. Except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the parole officer."

"LEDGELIFE!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on May 15, 2022, 07:34:12 PM
Legend Gary changes occupation to Care Giver after his curries puts 4 people in care.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 16, 2022, 04:37:34 PM
Daz has spent hours cable tying little wooden boards with NONCE FREE ZONE to every lamppost within two miles.

An embarrassed looking Gary is waiting for him in the living room.

"All right Gary, all done. Not a single pervert shall enter this area."

"Erm Daz, err you know my current bird? The one who you say looks young for her age? She's actually fifteen and ten months. Sorry, can you take down the boards please?"

Daz sighs. Days without a nonce breaching the no nonce zone,zero. But he relies on Gary for his FIFA tutorials. He goes to get the pliers.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 16, 2022, 06:39:37 PM
"Actually Gary I have something to admit. I was on Pornhub and I accidentally saw a video of an underage-"

Daz is eating through a straw for the next six months.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on May 16, 2022, 11:14:29 PM
Gary wraps the red, white and blue Jubilee bunting around his nob.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 17, 2022, 08:34:34 AM
Gary and Daz spend several hours trying to make the platinum pudding before just making a trifle instead and having a food fight.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on May 17, 2022, 02:26:25 PM
Legend Gary and Pubes Daz have no amaretto so they use lager instead.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 18, 2022, 04:59:45 PM
"Is this the way to amaretto?"

"Haha... got any garlic bread, Gary?"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on May 18, 2022, 05:17:27 PM
Legend Gary goes into his local, checks out the Jubilee decorations and sneakily replaces a patriotic KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON poster with one saying KEEP CALM AND GARY ON.

The next day he feels guilty and quietly changes it back.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 18, 2022, 10:41:29 PM
There is a trestle table stacked with cans of Stella with a single balloon tied to it on Gary's doorstep.

"O come one! O come all! 'Tis the Jubilee to end all Jubilees! Come proud Anglicans, born on British soil!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: jenna appleseed on May 19, 2022, 01:47:27 AM
Quote from: Glebe on May 18, 2022, 10:41:29 PMThere is a trestle table stacked with cans of Stella with a single balloon tied to it on Gary's doorstep.

"O come one! O come all! 'Tis the Jubilee to end all Jubilees! Come proud Anglicans, born on British soil!"

The balloon floats away with all the booze 'cos it's had enough of Gary's bullshit.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 19, 2022, 10:01:07 AM
Gary writes to Sadiq Khan calling for the Metropolitan Line to be renamed the Laurence Fox Line "as we're all sick of the metropolitan elite and their metropolitan line".
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 20, 2022, 06:49:15 PM
"Daz, we should abandon these ruined isles and retake the Falklands. We can name it 'New Britannia' and start again, rebuilding our Empire. No darkies will be allowed to into the Falklands, I mean 'New Britannia', and we can remake England in it's true image! 'New Britannia'! 'New Britannia' rule the waves!"
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on May 20, 2022, 07:32:47 PM
Daz replies offhandedly, completely distracted by the match on the telly:

"Yeah, but there are a number of flaws in the ethnostatist model. Incursions from other actors uninvested in, or perhaps antagonistic to, the success of an enforced ethnically or racially homogenous nation seem the most immediate concern; we can look to Israel for an example of how this has caused problems in other parts of the world. Additionally, depending on the number of initial participants infrastructure might be a problem but..."

Daz suddenly remembers where he is.

SHIT...
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Glebe on May 20, 2022, 07:46:12 PM
Quote from: Paul Calf on May 20, 2022, 07:32:47 PMDaz replies offhandedly, completely distracted by the match on the telly:

"Yeah, but there are a number of flaws in the ethnostatist model. Incursions from other actors uninvested in, or perhaps antagonistic to, the success of an enforced ethnically or racially homogenous nation seem the most immediate concern; we can look to Israel for an example of how this has caused problems in other parts of the world. Additionally, depending on the number of initial participants infrastructure might be a problem but..."

Daz suddenly remembers where he is.

SHIT...

Gary's giving him daggers. Daz can't help himself and during half-time he pipes up again.

"Look all I'm saying is that there are serious ethical issues with your proposal, Gary."

But Gary has taken the opportunity during Lineker's waffle to go and fetch 'Old Wacky', his beloved baseball bat.
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Blue Jam on May 22, 2022, 12:33:47 AM
Quote from: Glebe on May 20, 2022, 07:46:12 PMhis beloved baseball bat.

Ledge would be more likely to have a totemistic cricket bat, surely?
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: shoulders on May 22, 2022, 04:19:28 AM
Baseball bat for nonces
Cricket bat for debt recovery
Title: Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
Post by: Paul Calf on May 22, 2022, 12:09:26 PM
Quote from: Blue Jam on Yesterday at 12:33:47 AMLedge would be more likely to have a totemistic cricket bat, surely?

Gary is livid at this flagrant breach of the fourth wall.