Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => Remain Indoors (DEAD SOON) => Topic started by: weekender on April 15, 2020, 06:15:12 PM

Title: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: weekender on April 15, 2020, 06:15:12 PM
This guy deserves his own thread.

He's 99 years old, served in World War 2, and last week he set out with a modest target of raising £1,000 to help the NHS by completing 100 laps of his Bedfordshire garden by Thursday this week using his walking frame (I think he's aiming to do 10 laps a day).

He's so far raised over £8m, which is fucking incredible.  Watch his response to raising £5m on the video in this BBC article:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-52290976

Here's the link to his donation page, should anyone feel inclined to donate:

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tomswalkforthenhs
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Absorb the anus burn on April 15, 2020, 06:54:52 PM
Amazing... Instant great oak from tiny acorn.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on April 15, 2020, 07:05:45 PM
What a swizz. I ran a 10k last year and nobody gave me fuck all. This bloke trots about his garden and he’s raised enough to buy this massive pad just up the road;

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-90512141.html

Quote
But he’s not raised the money for himself, it’s for the NHS!

Exactly. The Nice House, Sorted.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dewt on April 15, 2020, 07:34:59 PM
You can tell he's already been practicing walking up and down the lawn there, look at all those lines, state of it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on April 15, 2020, 08:15:35 PM
If he doesn't do the laps in time, does the NHS have to give all the money back?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dewt on April 15, 2020, 08:18:23 PM
edit: removed stuff about his war rapes
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 15, 2020, 08:54:03 PM
And to think other people died in their 50s, the useless sacks of shit. One lad even died aged 2.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 15, 2020, 09:32:16 PM
Amazing. A 99 year old man has to pace up and down his garden to get funds for the NHS. What a great country we live in.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on April 15, 2020, 09:34:16 PM
I'm a third of his age. If I do a third of the laps will I rake in the same figure? Will I even rack up a third of the amount of donations?

Will I fuck.

No doubt it's because of my total lack of war rapes.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Small Man Big Horse on April 15, 2020, 11:07:06 PM
Can't believe the cheeky fuck spent the war attacking India instead of Germany, so he'll be getting none of my money.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dewt on April 16, 2020, 01:32:48 AM
Can't believe the cheeky fuck spent the war attacking India instead of Germany, so he'll be getting none of my money.
He was question on that and gave a satisfactory answer. "Better pussy."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jockice on April 16, 2020, 10:10:46 AM
Fit for work. No doubt about it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 16, 2020, 10:18:45 AM
bet the old fucking cunt voted brexit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Uncle TechTip on April 16, 2020, 10:25:31 AM
It sickens me that people are prepared to shower money on this guy, but refuse to consider putting 1p on income tax or something to achieve the same effect. What does "NHS Charities Together" do with the money? Does it buy key medical equipment that we should be able to afford anyway?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 16, 2020, 10:35:05 AM
Reporter:

"How do you feel?"

"What is your emotion Captain?"

"Tell our viewers what it must be like?"

"Tom? Tom?"

"Captain Tom Moore there, dead"

Huw in the Studio:

"How do you feel?"

"What is your emotion, Reporter?"

"Tell our viewers what it must be like?"

"Reporter? Reporter?"

"Reporter Tom Reporter there, dead"

The BBC Breakfast sofa:

"How do you feel?"

etc
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on April 16, 2020, 11:05:43 AM
I'm confused as to why people think that a 100 year old man hobbling endlessly around a garden in order to fund the NHS is something worth celebrating.

It's a bit of a Scarfolk style horrorshow to be honest.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 16, 2020, 11:44:46 AM
I FUCKING HATER THSI SHOWOFF CUNT IM GONNA BATTER HIM
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 16, 2020, 11:47:58 AM
Soon change their tune when they find out about the Sri Lankan houseboy and frequent trips to Thailand
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Twit 2 on April 16, 2020, 11:56:08 AM
Do laps into garden grave, cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on April 16, 2020, 11:57:31 AM
I would donate to a cause that saw Boris being endlessly buggered by a team of chemsexed porno studs.

Full irreversible prolapse at the one million mark, huzzah!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on April 16, 2020, 11:58:06 AM
If we all do 100 laps of our garden then the NHS will be properly funded by the end of the week. Get off your arses you lazy cunts.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on April 16, 2020, 11:59:44 AM
Bit out of order of him to flaunt his garden in my face.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Brundle-Fly on April 16, 2020, 12:09:54 PM
Apparently, there have been claims on social media that he is actually Quaden Bayles in old man prosthetic makeup and he's walking on special stilts. FAKE!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: icehaven on April 16, 2020, 12:10:14 PM
Good on him and everything, but the first time I saw this on the news all I could think was "That's his garden?! It's bloody MASSIVE!" It's got several park benches strewn across it too, is it a care home or is that just his house? No wonder everyone thinks it's so great every time he walks round it, it must take him all day.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 16, 2020, 12:26:00 PM
be funny if he fell over, broke his hip, and the pressure on the NHS is the straw that breaks the camel's back and every hospital in the country collapses haha silly old cunt
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Thomas on April 16, 2020, 12:35:35 PM
I'm confused as to why people think that a 100 year old man hobbling endlessly around a garden in order to fund the NHS is something worth celebrating.

It's a bit of a Scarfolk style horrorshow to be honest.

It is a lovely, heartwarming act in isolation (no pun etc.), but if you zoom out and look at what is actually happening here, in cold context, it does emphasise that the UK is fucking insane.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on April 16, 2020, 12:36:03 PM
This is a nice gesture for a good cause but one of my facebook friends posted this and I'm not sure I really get it. Also why do these kinds of things always look like the person downloaded the 200x150px thumbnail and then scaled it up to work on?

(https://scontent-lhr8-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/93152898_4267149993298802_7290694478015234048_n.jpg?_nc_cat=107&_nc_sid=110474&_nc_ohc=nnzOScA9hkMAX8KkBX4&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&oh=cd81c8795c924ff58dc8f90f0e89339e&oe=5EBF39F0)

"Dunno who did this artwork but wow" mate if I gave this to a client they wouldn't be saying wow
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on April 16, 2020, 12:38:43 PM
Why is the Mexican bandit there to his left?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: nw83 on April 16, 2020, 12:44:54 PM
People go on about Dean Koontz predicting covid-19. What they don't know is Gogol predicted the captain's fund-raising campaign, leading to an army of 90+year olds walking with zimmerframes around a velodrome while people (not millionaires) cry and throw money at them, like rappers at a strip club. Ironically it's this re-framing of a public health service as a charity dependent on individual donations that gives the Tories the chance to destroy it. Excellent Russian surrealism.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Crunch on April 16, 2020, 12:56:57 PM
Everyone who works for the BBC is all like:

(https://i.imgflip.com/fha5k.jpg)

"We're good at ne-ews, we're good at ne-ews.." etc.  It'll be back to some sadsack knitting a replica of the Tamar Bridge next week.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: holyzombiejesus on April 16, 2020, 01:00:41 PM
He wasn't doing 'laps', he was patrolling his garden to make sure no coloureds got in.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 16, 2020, 01:02:48 PM
Good on him and everything, but the first time I saw this on the news all I could think was "That's his garden?! It's bloody MASSIVE!" It's got several park benches strewn across it too, is it a care home or is that just his house? No wonder everyone thinks it's so great every time he walks round it, it must take him all day.

If he wanted to raise £10 million quickly he could have just sold his house.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 16, 2020, 01:42:47 PM
Is he dead yet
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 16, 2020, 02:07:36 PM
Something we can all get behind, I am sure...eh Armando?, from Change.org

Quote
his amazing motivational hero deserves to be awarded a knighthood. World War Two veteran Tom Moore who is walking 100 lengths of his back garden before his 100th birthday has already raised nearly £13 million for the NHS in just one week and the amount is still growing.
Tom Moore, stated the NHS have been ‘marvellous’ in helping him recover from both a hip replacement and skin cancer on his head over the last couple of years
As a way of saying thank you, the former civil engineer has been doing daily laps of his 25-metre long garden, with the aim of walking 100 lengths by his 100th birthday on April 30.
As a NHS midwife, I know how much his fundraising and support means on the ground. And how much it means to staff during this awful pandemic. He deserves to be knighted.
Please sign to make it happen.
#NHSheroes #CaptainTomMoore
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 16, 2020, 02:08:25 PM
The real heroes are those donating their money, surely? He could have just sat in his sun lounger and said "give money to NHS" with same effect.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Alberon on April 16, 2020, 02:12:19 PM
Do we have any evidence he did most of the laps he's claimed? They did have to threaten him at gunpoint to do the final lap so how do we know he really did the others?

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/624/cpsprodpb/13A61/production/_111818408_hi061082248.jpg)
If he makes a break for it - gun the fucker dahn!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on April 16, 2020, 02:13:57 PM
The real heroes are those donating their money, surely? He could have just sat in his sun lounger and said "give money to NHS" with same effect.

No. I want him walking.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 16, 2020, 02:16:41 PM
Do we have any evidence he did most of the laps he's claimed? They did have to threaten him at gunpoint to do the final lap so how do we know he really did the others?

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/624/cpsprodpb/13A61/production/_111818408_hi061082248.jpg)
If he makes a break for it - gun the fucker dahn!

That last lap, looks like he's going to get infected from Corporal plonker
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on April 16, 2020, 03:30:44 PM
Bit harsh to add obstacles on the last lap.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 16, 2020, 03:39:51 PM
That zimmer frame's motorised, the cheating, war crime bastard.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dewt on April 16, 2020, 03:41:56 PM
Yeah fucking hell, we can all do laps with WHEELS

May as well be in a Corsa
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 16, 2020, 03:44:53 PM
The real heroes are those donating their money, surely?

The real hero is the minimum wager who changes his nappy each morning
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 16, 2020, 03:49:17 PM
Prince Philip auctions his own one-way journey to a Dignitas clinic; makes twice as much as Moore in an hour.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 16, 2020, 04:09:57 PM
Not sure he's done enough laps to earn his transplant quite yet. Keep pushing old man.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 16, 2020, 04:20:07 PM
If you're walking for charity you usually have the decency to dress up as a giant chicken
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dewt on April 16, 2020, 04:23:52 PM
I bet not a single one of those goons has the curse of imagination making them have to stifle a laugh because they pictured dunking him through that basketball hoop as he took his final steps
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on April 16, 2020, 04:26:57 PM
I've just subscribed to his Onlyfans. The $60 tier gets all of his nudes plus he'll do a saucy lap in lingerie just for you.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 16, 2020, 04:27:50 PM
Can't wait for next week when we get him doing star jumps to fund the fire brigade.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pearly-Dewdrops Drops on April 16, 2020, 05:25:48 PM
(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ke1EGtG5rrk/maxresdefault.jpg)

(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/39/8b/61/398b612bb5b136e3dba7a62deff87819.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on April 16, 2020, 05:34:34 PM
Scrap tax and have all public services funded by a 99 year old walking up and down his garden.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: wooders1978 on April 16, 2020, 05:45:56 PM
I’ve been in tears of heartfelt joy over this story of a courageous centurion doing laps of his garden and I’ve just found the cunt is, in fact, only 99 years old - I’ve revoked my donation
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 16, 2020, 05:58:36 PM
Born after the war as well, traitor
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 16, 2020, 06:05:55 PM
He made a recent statement: 'gotta keep in trainin' for me next stint in the Home Guard!  Them blinkin' Gerries are bound to 'ave another pop at some time.'
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Norton Canes on April 16, 2020, 07:42:48 PM
Is he in fact a lefty? If he ends up meeting Johnson is he likely to tell him to get to fuck? That would be beyond priceless.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 16, 2020, 09:54:40 PM
Shit rancid geriatric cunt. Show off cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on April 16, 2020, 10:02:38 PM
A bit ambivalent about this. On the one hand, I think that it's probably the best thing that anyone has ever done or ever will do, but on the other I think he should be tipped into a giant meat mincer.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 16, 2020, 10:05:33 PM
to thank him for his service id like to fuck him up the ass until he dies
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 16, 2020, 10:13:00 PM
A lap for every Nazi he bayoneted in the neck.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on April 16, 2020, 10:31:50 PM
How is this debacle any different from Hirō "Hiroo" Onoda not knowing that WW2 was over?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 16, 2020, 10:35:49 PM
Now tell us where that Nazi gold is hidden.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Goldentony on April 16, 2020, 10:37:21 PM
cant run from the truth tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pearly-Dewdrops Drops on April 16, 2020, 10:44:30 PM
Like a boxer preparing for a fight, Captain Tom just told a BBC interviewer that in preparation for his walk he hasn't had sex in 47 years. Bit rude given the number of children who may have been watching.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 16, 2020, 10:53:06 PM
What if he gets caught with indecent images of children?  If it's the worst type it no doubt outweighs his war heroism and his services to charity.  For less explicit images, there could be some trade-off: he gets called out in headlines but it's qualified in some way, e.g. 'NONCE BUT HERO'; 'THE REDEEMED PERVERT.'
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 16, 2020, 11:01:55 PM
i really hate this cunt. who does he think he is. captain planet???
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Aaron500 on April 16, 2020, 11:08:52 PM
His daughter only turns 50 in September*, which means he was 50 when she was born and about to turn 50 when she was conceived, the dirty bugger.
Maybe she's the result of one of his pre-50th "laps of the garden".

*According to Companies House. She also has 5 active directorships, and 70 odd grand in the bank.
And Twitter would suggest she's a massive Tory, weighing in against Corbyn while watching the leadership debates from her fucking big house.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 16, 2020, 11:18:15 PM
Fund the NHS via my taxes? Oh no you don’t Jeremy! I’d rather my hundred year old father walked himself to death in the back garden.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 16, 2020, 11:26:27 PM
can you imagine in france people going "aha! hawny hawny haw! monsieur from le legion foreign walk 'round 'is abode du pompt du pompt for l'ospital"

NO

FUCKING BARMPOT BOOTLICKING COUNTRY OF CUNTS
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on April 16, 2020, 11:35:07 PM
that's beyond bleak. great thread
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 16, 2020, 11:40:24 PM
Fund the NHS via my taxes? Oh no you don’t Jeremy! I’d rather my hundred year old father walked himself to death in the back garden.

...not that I want my father to kill himself and then furnish me with a considerable inheritance, of course.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 16, 2020, 11:44:27 PM
If he really wanted to raise more money, he should've done it in the nude.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 16, 2020, 11:46:53 PM
If he really wanted to raise more money, he should've done it in the nude.
as said you need to check out his patreon for that
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Twit 2 on April 17, 2020, 01:28:47 AM
.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Twit 2 on April 17, 2020, 01:36:47 AM
.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Twit 2 on April 17, 2020, 01:39:28 AM
.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Twit 2 on April 17, 2020, 01:40:02 AM
.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dex Sawash on April 17, 2020, 02:23:54 AM

bumming machine death for NHS
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on April 17, 2020, 02:27:54 AM
Imagine how much money he could have raised if he’d started doing this 80 years ago.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on April 17, 2020, 03:31:11 AM
fuck I missed some controversial posts
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: buntyman on April 17, 2020, 05:55:35 AM
Awful man. Never mind the thousands of 99-year-olds around the country actually making an effort through untold charity work with a bit of quiet dignity. This dithering old bastard gets his selfie stick out, shuffles about the garden and then demands we part with our hard-earned so that he can claim he's single-handedly cured covid. He's clearly filthy rich too and I'm sure he's given not a single shilling out of his own wallet to the NHS.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on April 17, 2020, 06:33:55 AM
Every day I'm shufflin

Off this mortal coil
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 08:05:31 AM
THE PIGGYBACK VIRUS - PROVEN!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52319318 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52319318)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 17, 2020, 08:55:35 AM
THE PIGGYBACK VIRUS - PROVEN!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52319318 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52319318)

Keeps forgetting what she went upstairs for.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 17, 2020, 09:05:58 AM
THE PIGGYBACK VIRUS - PROVEN!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52319318 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52319318)

Her and Tom should fuck each other for the NHS.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 17, 2020, 09:06:00 AM
THE PIGGYBACK VIRUS - PROVEN!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52319318 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52319318)

Oh Graham love

(https://i.ibb.co/qFQ9Jk8/RIGHTMOVESELECTS-2017121510340631.jpg)

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on April 17, 2020, 09:08:33 AM
If only Ron was still with us.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on April 17, 2020, 10:13:56 AM
Quote
And after hitting her target to raise £10,000 for the NHS and a hospice on Thursday, she said: "It's amazing."

£10,000? That's a pathetic amount of money.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D6C4-P5X4AEkC77.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 17, 2020, 10:26:16 AM
She's raising it to pay for her own hospice care.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 10:29:18 AM
If only Ron was still with us.

I found the gravestone of Ann, but no record for Ron yet
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 10:29:42 AM
I HATE SEBASTIAN COE!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 10:31:52 AM
Quote
And after hitting her target to raise £10,000 for the NHS and a hospice on Thursday, she said: "It's amazing."

Reporter: What do you think of this achievement?

Old: "It's Amazing"

Reporter: What do you think of this amazement?

Old: "It's Amazing"

Reporter: How do you feel about that, our VIEWERS SIMPLY MUST KNOW THIS REVELATION

Old: "It's Amazing"

Reporter: Thank you, we'll have more in depth analysis of this later in the show. Back to you in the studio

Old "It's Amazing"

Reporter: Don't spoil the optics you old bat, or I'll shove you down the stairs. There is no room for Dada-esque absurdism on the BBC, only TWEE REDUCTIVISM!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 17, 2020, 10:55:36 AM
This would be good with the Steptoe and Son theme played over it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6rT62u7Xhw
 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6rT62u7Xhw)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 17, 2020, 10:59:39 AM
This would be good with the Steptoe and Son theme played over it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6rT62u7Xhw
 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6rT62u7Xhw)

Look at him, wearing his medals, showing off.  It's not all about you, Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on April 17, 2020, 11:06:03 AM
His daughter only turns 50 in September*, which means he was 50 when she was born and about to turn 50 when she was conceived, the dirty bugger.
Maybe she's the result of one of his pre-50th "laps of the garden".

*According to Companies House. She also has 5 active directorships, and 70 odd grand in the bank.
And Twitter would suggest she's a massive Tory, weighing in against Corbyn while watching the leadership debates from her fucking big house.

Is this true? About her twitter?

I'm not paying my council tax anymore. I'll get my dad to walk up and down the pavement outside with a hat and people can put money in it to pay for someone to get my rubbish. He's only in his early seventies though so I'd better smash one of his kneecaps first to make it more heartwarming.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 17, 2020, 11:32:29 AM
Look at him, wearing his medals, showing off.  It's not all about you, Tom.

No poppy I notice. How quickly Captain Fantastic forgets the sacrifices made by others.

They gave their lives that you could amble around the back garden at the pace of a pissed up snail.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 17, 2020, 11:39:22 AM
A lap for every Nazi he bayoneted in the neck.

Bit difficult as he spent the entire war in India.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 17, 2020, 11:40:19 AM
Good job he wasn’t at Normandy, he’d still be getting off the beaches.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 17, 2020, 11:41:41 AM
Bit difficult as he spent the entire war in India.

A lap for all the mixed-race little sahibs sired, then.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 17, 2020, 11:43:18 AM
Good job he wasn’t at Normandy, he’d still be getting off the beaches at his pace.

Never mind Normandy.  He looks like he could have fought the Normans.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 11:44:21 AM
Sticking my Grandad's remains on a robotic fucking lawnmower would be more impressive than this shuffling show off corpse waddling about like a skeleton trying to suppress a liquid turd.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 11:55:37 AM
Bit difficult as he spent the entire war in India.
HOW CONVENIENT
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Norton Canes on April 17, 2020, 12:00:49 PM
Following the inevitable forthcoming economic collapse, 'Laps of the garden' will become the new de facto currency.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 12:09:07 PM
I dont have a garden so ergo if i walk at all do i walk infinity times of my 0 length garden and crash the economy
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 17, 2020, 12:14:40 PM


A lap for every Nazi he bayoneted in the neck.

Bit difficult as he spent the entire war in India.

I believe the correct term is fuzzie wuzzies, apparently they don't like it up 'em
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 17, 2020, 12:17:33 PM
Footage has appeared showing him cutting corners on his laps.  There's also a photo of him from the '80's shaking hands with Jimmy Savile  #timesupTom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 12:19:05 PM
He's just carked it.

All that 14 million to be redirected for State Funeral at Westminster Cathedral
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 17, 2020, 12:20:16 PM
Have the Mail started a campaign to get him a knighthood yet?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 12:23:01 PM
'Faptain Gom Goore' is more like it and what I like to call him.

I hope his next holidays are in Hinckley, Peterbrough and Stoke.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 17, 2020, 12:26:41 PM
In one-to-one combat in World War Two he gave a Japanese soldier a black eye and a nose streaming with blood.  Asked about that by media recently, the confusion of age became apparent.  He recalled how he enjoyed seeing a black's jap's-eye streaming.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: alan nagsworth on April 17, 2020, 12:28:24 PM
"Now that I've got the public's attention I wonder if anyone would like to pop round for tea one afternoon and listen to some of my war stories"

Fat chance mate I'd rather walk 100 laps through piss soaked brambles, show us the 8-second speed run video of your garden thing so I can go back to spending my furloughed wages on more important stuff like shoes and ice cream
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 12:36:20 PM
It would be good to remind him that at 99 years old he is very shortly scheduled to die.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 12:42:31 PM
I heard he still buys single use cameras and takes them to Boots to be developed into hard copy photographs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: confettiinmyhair on April 17, 2020, 12:44:11 PM
A new competitor arrives...
https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/18383327.coronavirus-scotland-margaret-payne-90-climbing-height-2-398ft-mountain-stairs-nhs-fundraising-bid/
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: alan nagsworth on April 17, 2020, 12:45:44 PM
I heard he still buys single use cameras and takes them to Boots to be developed into hard copy photographs.

He only did that once and Boots had to alert the authorities that they were all out-of-focus shots of the school playground over his back fence with his finger obscuring half the view finder. No wonder he's so bloody eager to walk down there.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 12:47:20 PM
A new competitor arrives...
https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/18383327.coronavirus-scotland-margaret-payne-90-climbing-height-2-398ft-mountain-stairs-nhs-fundraising-bid/

^^^^^
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 01:03:50 PM
Captain Tom Moore thinks there is a Centenarian Bounty like in Ireland. He could easily have checked out at 62 with crippling depression and an ability to only turn clockwise like a sort of medalled grouper fish in a suit, but instead has waited 38 years for the prospect. The Centenarian Bounty.

'All those Viscount bars', he murmurs, licking his remaining facial features. 'It will be like heaven on earth'.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on April 17, 2020, 01:05:49 PM
A new competitor arrives...
https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/18383327.coronavirus-scotland-margaret-payne-90-climbing-height-2-398ft-mountain-stairs-nhs-fundraising-bid/

This really made me laugh for some reason. Just imagining hordes of knackered old people all over the country doing small movements for cash. Fucking cracking up.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on April 17, 2020, 01:06:35 PM
Imagine if she raises fuck all. A tenner.

DESO
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 01:11:26 PM
imagine how filthy those stairs are going to get with her shuffling up and down them all day
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 01:13:49 PM
Imagine if she raises fuck all. A tenner.

DESO

oh
(https://i.imgur.com/IyPjEdK.png)

makes me wonder why we haven't monetised the elderly's locomotions prior to a global pandemic!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Head Gardener on April 17, 2020, 01:20:33 PM
he's releasing You'll Never Walk Alone (https://www.standard.co.uk/go/london/music/captain-tom-moore-michael-ball-youll-never-walk-alone-nhs-a4417101.html) on his 100th birthday
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on April 17, 2020, 01:25:54 PM
.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: shiftwork2 on April 17, 2020, 01:38:24 PM
I just walked further than that to buy a sandwich.  Who is this cunt?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 17, 2020, 01:40:31 PM
A new competitor arrives...
https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/18383327.coronavirus-scotland-margaret-payne-90-climbing-height-2-398ft-mountain-stairs-nhs-fundraising-bid/

These old dears should get themselves logged onto Chaturbate, raise a few quid that way.  Change it up a bit from all this walking bollocks.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 01:44:28 PM
It would be good to remind him that at 99 years old he is very shortly scheduled to die.

Mm. His birthday's thirteen days away, yet for a 99 year old he seems remarkably confident about reaching it. The sheer arrogance of the man beggars belief.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 01:45:46 PM
THE NATION UNITES TO BAKE CAPTAIN MAJOR COMMANDER KING TOM A BIRTHDAY CAKE
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 01:49:23 PM
Prime minister Bozo's having a think about how to honour this piss taking old soak. I reckon he'll give him immunity from prosecution - for his war crimes and disposable camera peeping tom shenanigans.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 01:51:16 PM
joe biden may end up establishing free medicare by accident at the rate this is going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 17, 2020, 01:52:43 PM
He's now worn a deep trench in that furrow he's marching and is inside it, leaning on the edge, pointing his zimmerframe like a machine gun, shouting, 'come on you yellow-bellied Huns!'
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 17, 2020, 01:52:48 PM
SPONSOR MY GRANDPOPS TO SHUFFLE TO THE BOG FOR A PISS 400 TIMES IN THE NIGHT.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sherringford Hovis on April 17, 2020, 01:59:10 PM
Using a rank in civilian life lower than Major/Commander/Squadron Leader is rather non-U.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 02:18:00 PM
WHat about Captain Scarlet? Captain Planet? Captain Caveman?

DO YOU NOT APPRECIATE THEIR SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!! CLAP FOR THEM!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sherringford Hovis on April 17, 2020, 02:27:25 PM
Captain Peacock was only a Corporal.

#stolenvalor
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 17, 2020, 02:33:41 PM
he's releasing You'll Never Walk Alone (https://www.standard.co.uk/go/london/music/captain-tom-moore-michael-ball-youll-never-walk-alone-nhs-a4417101.html) on his 100th birthday

Please be a joke please be a joke please be a joke oh fuck....
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 17, 2020, 02:45:33 PM
he's releasing You'll Never Walk Alone (https://www.standard.co.uk/go/london/music/captain-tom-moore-michael-ball-youll-never-walk-alone-nhs-a4417101.html) on his 100th birthday

That's daft.  He's been doing nothing else but walking alone.  Okay there's been media watching him.  They've not actually been walking with him, though, so he's been walking alone.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on April 17, 2020, 03:01:29 PM
Can't wait for this to turn out to be a hoax like that wily old cunt who conned Dan Walker into laying on a free flyover.

https://www.deejayone.co.uk/miscellaneous/sheffield-guide/item/111-tony-foulds-mi-amigo-truth-balanced-look-at-allegations.html (https://www.deejayone.co.uk/miscellaneous/sheffield-guide/item/111-tony-foulds-mi-amigo-truth-balanced-look-at-allegations.html)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 03:11:29 PM
Can't wait for this to turn out to be a hoax like that wily old cunt who conned Dan Walker into laying on a free flyover.

https://www.deejayone.co.uk/miscellaneous/sheffield-guide/item/111-tony-foulds-mi-amigo-truth-balanced-look-at-allegations.html (https://www.deejayone.co.uk/miscellaneous/sheffield-guide/item/111-tony-foulds-mi-amigo-truth-balanced-look-at-allegations.html)

Reflects very badly on the Twee BBC Breakfast Sofa Mafia
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 17, 2020, 03:21:06 PM
Can't wait for this to turn out to be a hoax like that wily old cunt who conned Dan Walker into laying on a free flyover.

https://www.deejayone.co.uk/miscellaneous/sheffield-guide/item/111-tony-foulds-mi-amigo-truth-balanced-look-at-allegations.html (https://www.deejayone.co.uk/miscellaneous/sheffield-guide/item/111-tony-foulds-mi-amigo-truth-balanced-look-at-allegations.html)

You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.  Something Tom should think on.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Kryton on April 17, 2020, 03:22:45 PM
100 years old is no age though. It really isn't.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: druss on April 17, 2020, 03:45:20 PM
My sister was getting annoyed with me yesterday as she was praising this guy.

I said it was great (which it is) but it would be better if our health service had funding so it didn't need an old man to walk around a garden to function.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 17, 2020, 04:02:34 PM
Currently at over £18 million, which is about enough money to run the NHS for 75 minutes. Better keep walking you old fart.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 17, 2020, 04:03:37 PM
Get someone with the virus to chase after him. Make sure those lap times don't drop.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 04:09:01 PM
when he dies Boris will simply have to sell the NHS to the highest bidder. but what a brave effort this old cunt made
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bleeding Kansas on April 17, 2020, 04:11:15 PM
Currently at over £18 million, which is about enough money to run the NHS for 75 minutes. Better keep walking you old fart.

Has anyone plotted the donations on a graph?

Are we past the peak?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 17, 2020, 04:18:49 PM
Has anyone plotted the donations on a graph?

Are we past the peak?

Latest from the government.
(https://i.imgur.com/1jNvP9S.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 04:27:18 PM
Tom should be made to pump Margaret. Stick it on pornhub and I'll make a donation.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 04:47:42 PM
Great, another gerontophile thread.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 04:51:04 PM
18 million, enough to get us out of the recession?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on April 17, 2020, 04:51:08 PM
Captain Tom Moore cum tribute

One cum one respect
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 17, 2020, 05:00:14 PM
Tom will be responsible for hundreds of OAP deaths. 
These old people will see his 'achievement' and think, 'He's 99, I'm only 91, I could do that'. They will then make the slow walk to the back door to the garden, trip, fall, break a hip, unable to move and their corpse won't be found for weeks because of the lockdown. 

Tom, you're a monster!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 05:10:10 PM
actually if that happened i'd def consider clapping for him
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 05:12:44 PM
Just found  a 5 litre barrel of cider I had forgotten about, in the shed. One of those with a little tap on the side. Get it right up you. I vaguely remember buying it ages ago. The use by date says last April. So it's 7.8% and a year out of date. One way or another I'll be walking like this Tom cunt very shortly.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 17, 2020, 05:16:22 PM
What's the bet this old cunt has some deep state connections to the NHS?

Ground control to Captain Tom,
Time to get your money laundering on.

(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/breakingbad/images/f/fd/SWW_06.png/revision/latest?cb=20170628154503)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 06:01:48 PM
He only planned to walk around for 3 minutes and 20 seconds for 'a right old fucking laugh', but when his carers started shouting "Moore, Moore"...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 17, 2020, 06:12:44 PM
Has anyone plotted the donations on a graph?

No, but the average donation is £20 which is.....something
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 06:14:37 PM
I'm currently trying to establish whether strong out of date cider and marijuana is an effective antidote to Coronavirus. Basically, I've selflessly turned myself into a lab rat. It's science which will get us out of the shit, not some old peeping tom war criminal cunt with half an eye on the MBE main prize.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 06:16:47 PM
Surely someone minted out there wants to double the money if the man who was a captain in a load of shit several hundred years ago will just stop, shut up and fuck off.

That's right: Stops. Shuts up. And fucks off.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 17, 2020, 06:16:56 PM
I'm currently trying to establish whether strong out of date cider and marijuana is an effective antidote to living in the UK

Fixed
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bronzy on April 17, 2020, 06:19:03 PM
good lad
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on April 17, 2020, 06:38:29 PM
Tom will be responsible for hundreds of OAP deaths.

It's a real grudge match between him and COVID-19 to see who can rack up the highest number in the over 75 category.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on April 17, 2020, 06:45:31 PM
Tom should be made to pump Margaret. Stick it on pornhub and I'll make a donation.

Their offspring would be genetically predisposed to fundraising for the NHS.

This is the sort of eugenics that Tom Moore fought to see the world rid of.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 17, 2020, 06:48:43 PM
I've heard he's got a stunt double to actually do the laps.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pseudopath on April 17, 2020, 06:52:20 PM
No, but the average donation is £20 which is.....something

It's the smallest large amount of money.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 17, 2020, 07:21:43 PM
Just found  a 5 litre barrel of cider I had forgotten about, in the shed. One of those with a little tap on the side. Get it right up you. I vaguely remember buying it ages ago. The use by date says last April. So it's 7.8% and a year out of date. One way or another I'll be walking like this Tom cunt very shortly.

Cider doesn’t go off does it? You’ll be alright absolutely fucking muntered
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 07:35:10 PM
There's a petition to get him knighted now. Seriously.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 07:38:49 PM
how the fucks that gonna work? cant knight a dead man
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 17, 2020, 07:46:47 PM
how the fucks that gonna work? cant knight a dead man

Weekend At Mooresy’s
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 07:47:21 PM
Cider doesn’t go off does it? You’ll be alright absolutely fucking muntered

No idea. But if it's okay to drink it between now and forever, why stamp a date on it that suggests - to a stoned dullard in the midst of a pandemic - that it might not be okay to drink it a year after that particular date? Cuntish arse covering in my ill-informed opinion.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 17, 2020, 07:48:49 PM
Cider doesn’t go off does it? You’ll be alright absolutely fucking muntered

It's only a year out anyway, fuck it, it'll be fine.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 17, 2020, 07:50:45 PM
No idea. But if it's okay to drink it between now and forever, why stamp a date on it that suggests - to a stoned dullard in the midst of a pandemic - that it might not be okay to drink it a year after that particular date? Cuntish arse covering in my ill-informed opinion.

So that you stick it in the bin and a chuckling bin man gets himself 10 pints of high potency cider, gratis, and you can’t fucking touch him.

It’s wheels within wheels mate
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 07:51:12 PM
how the fucks that gonna work? cant knight a dead man

If Otis fucking Redding can have a posthumous number one, this cunt can have Liz samurai his shoulders after his death. Stop being so negative. People like you are the exact reason why Brexit won't work.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 17, 2020, 07:57:55 PM
Mo Farah must be seething. He runs thousands of miles & brings home four gold medals to earn his knighthood, then Capt Corpse rolls up with his zimmer and blags one for a few measly laps of the back garden?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 08:00:12 PM
So that you stick it in the bin and a chuckling bin man gets himself 10 pints of high potency cider, gratis, and you can’t fucking touch him.

It’s wheels within wheels mate

I wouldn't tip my binmen Aids. What a bunch of cunts. I despise them and their hivis vests. And their belief that they can park their lorry wherever they fucking want. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they exist, I just wish they didn't. I'd rather die drinking this out of date swill than give it to my binmen. And no, it's not a fucking Bin Lorry. It's a Skip on wheels. Lorries travel continents and deliver stuff people either need or desire , skips basically stop in the same place and get filled with shit nobody wants. So you're not a lorry driver, you guard a skip.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 08:01:49 PM
Mo Farah must be seething. He runs thousands of miles & brings home four gold medals to earn his knighthood, then Capt Corpse rolls up with his zimmer and blags one for a few measly laps of the back garden?

I'll defend Tom over this. At least Tom pays his taxes. Possibly. Farah definitely doesn't.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Inspector Norse on April 17, 2020, 08:02:28 PM
A 99-year-old doing laps of his garden isn’t very impressive.

A 99-year-old setting up a fundraising website though, blow me down.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 17, 2020, 08:13:47 PM
The more I think about this, the more I think we've been hoodwinked.  Tom is up to some Ocean's Eleven type shit here.

Here goes.. back in the war Tom got acces to high level Nazi chemical plans, he used these plans to start a virus in China which he knew was feasible because people eat bats there, the virus spreads to the UK where Tom lives, Tom banks on the UK's unstable NHS and gullible population and sets up a 'fundraiser' for the NHS by doing the simple act of walking round the garden, the public donates in vast amounts because Tom's old and a war veteren, Tom takes the money and emigrates back to India to fund his Raj project.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Alberon on April 17, 2020, 08:23:30 PM
He’s just passed £20m. What’s the betting he and the money disappears tomorrow and all they find is a discarded latex mask of an old man’s face.

EDIT: Hah! Didn’t see the previous post before I posted.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 17, 2020, 08:27:03 PM
https://michaelball.lnk.to/NeverWalkAloneTW

let's have a singalong.....
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 17, 2020, 08:30:05 PM
He’s just passed £20m. What’s the betting he and the money disappears tomorrow and all they find is a discarded latex mask of an old man’s face.

EDIT: Hah! Didn’t see the previous post before I posted.

If you’re going to grift 20m, don’t do it moments before you die from being absurdly old.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 17, 2020, 08:33:24 PM
If you’re going to grift 20m, don’t do it moments before you die from being absurdly old.

He played the long game.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 08:34:00 PM
Arise, sir human remains
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 17, 2020, 08:34:14 PM
This would be good with the Steptoe and Son theme played over it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6rT62u7Xhw
 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6rT62u7Xhw)

I tell a lie: Chariots of Fire.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: hamfist on April 17, 2020, 08:34:31 PM
Cunts are now trying to get the Red Arrows to fly over this guy’s palace. So he raised money to pay for something which should be covered by our tax / NI contributions anyway, and now people want to spend more of our rather limited funds to fly 9 aeroplanes over his house.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 17, 2020, 08:36:07 PM
He played the long game.

Misplayed it more like
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 17, 2020, 08:38:49 PM
Maybe he needed the money because he was being blackmailed for his war crimes in India.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 17, 2020, 08:43:58 PM
He's no boys' hero.  He didn't stay and singel-handedly defend India from being taken from the British Empire with his old school catapult and pea shooter.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 17, 2020, 08:53:30 PM
Should've done a cover of this Dystopia song instead.

https://youtu.be/sg6CHLDCeNs

"Education stable career
Join the army
Become a murderer
Kill for god and country
Return to be a hero
To tell you the truth
I hope you don't come back
Courage
It takes a big man to push a button
Fight with your honor
Like shooting children
And cutting their parents throats
Go to the frontline
Watch your friends
Get cooked by napalm
And they're murderers just like you
Getting education by killing people too
Bodies blown apart
You feel a sharp pain in your stomach
Now you've lost both of your legs to a grenade
Blood and vomit spew from your mouth
No career education
And you're sent home in a doggy bag
Waste your life
While taking others lives away from them
Left so empty
Just a pile of shit to me
And your parents looking stupid
Their son reduced to a pile of shit and dog tags
But he did what he was programmed to do
Such a good soldier
I hope you're fucking proud of your son
Fuck your son I hope he fucking dies"


All together now!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 09:08:04 PM
20 million

did he sponsor himself then? or is he just getting the exercise and going to be bed with a big smug smile on his face?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 09:12:50 PM
If people are still donating, lets just increase tax?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 09:21:28 PM
If people are still donating, lets just increase tax?

So that would be, what? 30p a year each. You should run for Pm. "I promise to increase tax by 30p a year each - NOFUCKINGEXCEPTIONS! - to stop this daft old cunt ruining a shared lawn."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 09:25:47 PM
So that would be, what? 30p a year each. You should run for Pm. "I promise to increase tax by 30p a year each - NOFUCKINGEXCEPTIONS! - to stop this daft old cunt ruining a shared lawn."


I have started my own political party, btw
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 09:30:21 PM

I have started my own political party, btw

Upping everybody's tax by 30p a year's a clever start. It suggests a willingness to take tough decisions, but not decisions that'll scare the horses. By the way, I'm not called btw.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 17, 2020, 09:31:58 PM
After a year i will simply add “...in the pound” during the budget

More likely be 1 pound 20 given not everyone pays tax
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 17, 2020, 09:34:41 PM
He's no boys' hero.  He didn't stay and singel-handedly defend India from being taken from the British Empire with his old school catapult and pea shooter.

His three medals are for attendance, not for actually doing anything.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on April 17, 2020, 09:36:31 PM
I'd pay for him to walk to La Hague.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 09:39:10 PM
one year's long service.... three years' long service....


... five years' long service
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 09:41:10 PM
Headstone epitaph nailed on as 'walking cunt'
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 17, 2020, 09:45:37 PM
Just get him to walk into the grave.

Get in grave. They could say.

Before chucking soil all over his war criminal face.

Bury him with the walker as well.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 09:49:21 PM
he could also dig his own fucking grave. i'd buy THAT for a dollar
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 17, 2020, 09:53:13 PM
I heard when there's a thunderstorm Captain Tom Moore's glass of sterident makes his false teeth rattle like a reanimated skeleton.

He exhales. 'Must...walk'.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chairman Yang on April 17, 2020, 09:57:42 PM
And just where was this decrepit old bastard on Thursday? It's hard to Clap for the Carers when you're clutching on to your dodder-box, you Werther's Original twat.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 17, 2020, 09:57:48 PM
Since Dylan's is such prolific form, perhaps he could write a song called Who Killed Captain Moore. If he outlives him, obviously.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 17, 2020, 10:10:05 PM
So he's ponced up and down his 25m long garden 50 times? That's only about 1.5 miles for 20 million quid?! This is quite possibly the shittest and most lazy self-promotional charity stunt ever pulled, and I'm including those tedious self-confessed 'wacky' cunts who sit in a bath of beans every year for Comic Relief. He's not even walking it on his own, the frame is doing most of the work and it'd be even more of a doddle if the showboating cunt didnt wear his heavy stupid fucking attendance medals like a great big show-off.  I hope he dies of cramp before his 100th brithday and they have to legally give all the money back, which would end up a costly administrative nightmare and Justgiving.com go into bankruptcy and the concept of charity itself is somehow cancelled out of embarrassment. Cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on April 17, 2020, 10:41:05 PM
horrible little slug. I bet he's laughing at us right now
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 17, 2020, 10:47:18 PM
if only the old cunt had filmed himself bathing in a bath of beans for clips4sale, could've raised way more
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: shiftwork2 on April 17, 2020, 11:20:17 PM
!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utterdrivel on April 17, 2020, 11:42:58 PM
Imagine the state of his unsheathed cock and bollocks.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cardenio I on April 17, 2020, 11:45:01 PM
That's a bit fucking much.

Edit: Sorry, got 'unsheathed' mixed up with 'degloved'.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Aaron500 on April 18, 2020, 12:23:14 AM
I don't even think he was in the military, all that slouching.
Fucking stand up straight, get your head up man!

Either an imposter or else he's hanging his head in shame over those Indian children he slaughtered.

His 100th birthday is on a fucking Thursday. It fucking would be wouldn't it.

So clap clap this Thursday on Big Night In with Gary fucking Barlow and David cunting Walliams and lots of other celebs who mistakenly think they're popular, then the Thursday after it's clap clap Happy Birthday Sir Captain Tom, the Butcher of Bombay. Fuck's sake.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dr Trouser on April 18, 2020, 08:05:30 AM
How fit is his daughter? I assume she’ll inherit this windfall when the old tortoise collapses?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 18, 2020, 08:05:58 AM
Mumbai Murderer these days. Bloody PC snowflakes.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 18, 2020, 08:25:50 AM
https://twitter.com/mrdanwalker/status/1251055766812930050?s=19 (https://twitter.com/mrdanwalker/status/1251055766812930050?s=19)

It doesn't end with this muderer.  When will people see.  Look in his eyes, the horrors he's commited.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Voltan (Man of Steel) on April 18, 2020, 08:35:50 AM
I'll defend Tom over this. At least Tom pays his taxes. Possibly. Farah definitely doesn't.

They’ve got something in common though: neither could have reached their goal without being pumped full of drugs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on April 18, 2020, 08:38:23 AM
https://twitter.com/mrdanwalker/status/1251055766812930050?s=19 (https://twitter.com/mrdanwalker/status/1251055766812930050?s=19)

It doesn't end with this muderer.  When will people see.  Look in his eyes, the horrors he's commited.

From that tweet

(https://i.imgur.com/dOQDDER.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/ET35nXN.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dewt on April 18, 2020, 08:41:47 AM
I'll defend Tom over this. At least Tom pays his taxes. Possibly. Farah definitely doesn't.
What if Farah pays Tom's taxes for him? How is Tom going to make it up to her?

Don't even bother thinking about it. Every valid answer is some sort of lick-out.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 18, 2020, 08:51:39 AM
From that tweet

How dare they take a cut for administrative costs! Don't be fooled by fairy tales of them having to pay staff, rent servers or pay bank fees and advertise. All ARE BRAVE donations should just magically fuck off into the NHS coffers through Captain Tom's sheer will power and determination.

Also, have you seen the size of the cunt's house? And this isn't even half of it.

(https://cdn.entertainmentdaily.com/2020/04/16095240/Cpt-Moore-guard-of-honour.jpg)

No wonder doing 25m to the end of the garden is a piece of piss, it must be three times that from his fucking armchair to the kettle, opulant wanker. Fuck me, I bet the twat never even goes upstairs like that other pissing perambulating pensio prannock. What a waste of a storey. He should fuck off to a home and let the government shove a plethora of Indian immigrants in there to make up for his obvious war crimes of (probably) child-murdering, rape and doing funny accents.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 08:58:30 AM
JUSTGIVING SHOULD WAIVE THE FEE FOR THIS MOST MOMENTOUS MIRACLE BY ZIMMERFRAME JESUS

THE MONEY COULD BE USED TO BUILD A THREE HUNDRED FOOT STATUE OF SIR TOM ON THE WHITE CLIFFS OF DOVER

I LOVE SIR TOM!!! HE IS OUR GOD NOW
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dewt on April 18, 2020, 09:01:48 AM
I like all those balloons being there, it makes me imagine some scallywag tying him to them and saying "Yeah off you fuck old man from Up"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dewt on April 18, 2020, 09:02:41 AM
Right after PlanktonSideburns forces him to swallow his wedding ring.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 18, 2020, 09:43:16 AM
JUSTGIVING SHOULD WAIVE THE FEE FOR THIS MOST MOMENTOUS MIRACLE BY ZIMMERFRAME JESUS

THE MONEY COULD BE USED TO BUILD A THREE HUNDRED FOOT STATUE OF SIR TOM ON THE WHITE CLIFFS OF DOVER

I LOVE SIR TOM!!! HE IS OUR GOD NOW

We must start rounding up any Coronavirus sufferers, or anyone with a cough, a sniffle, a bit of a headache.

Round them up and shove them into the Giant Wicker Captain Tom! Only this burnt offering can keep the NHS going!

(https://i.ibb.co/GJNQPNB/pm-338485.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sony Walkman Prophecies on April 18, 2020, 09:50:55 AM
I don't even think he was in the military, all that slouching.
Fucking stand up straight, get your head up man!

Roaring with laughter.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 10:03:30 AM
ok for anyone still on the fence for what a rich old cunt this guy is, i thought for a laugh i'd try and find his house. well of course I found it immediately (the easy give away is the skylight on the one-storey bit on the right of the photo of him trundling down the patio) because it's the biggest house in the village, and the garden is a LOT fucking bigger than 25 metres

(https://i.imgur.com/Sz8AYSp.png)

it is a grade-II listed 18th century rectory. you see that water at the end of the garden

(https://i.imgur.com/2XKcrso.png)

it's a FUCKING MOAT

 7 bedrooms
 5 bathrooms
 5 reception rooms

it also must've been bought in the last couple decades because the church of england only started selling off their domestic property in like the 1980s particularly to satisfy nouveau riche fucks in the wake of thatcher who wanted a great big house in the home counties. with a fucking moat

in conclusion, fuck this old cunt
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on April 18, 2020, 10:07:49 AM
It only appears to be a quarter of a moat, in fairness to the old cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 18, 2020, 10:17:06 AM
Tennis court too.  Maybe get the old bastard up and playing a few sets instead.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 10:19:37 AM
a moat is a moat. maybe he should swim up and down that 100 times on his birthday
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 18, 2020, 10:37:34 AM
The other Holy Pensioner, Stanna-less Margaret, was on BBC breakfast this morning with Squeeee and Charles "The State".

It was fantastic. She would put most of us to shame with her cynicism...laying into the government from the off "disgrace!" and deflecting Squee and The State's attempts at beige middle-class UPPERISMS "how do you feel", "what a lovely story, tell us more".

The State: "Tell us about your training"

Margaret: "I've got a dodgy knee. I once went up a hill. But that was many years ago. Who are you? What are you doing on my television? Those Tory scum are a fucking disgrace"

(paraphrasing, but that was the essence)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Voltan (Man of Steel) on April 18, 2020, 10:55:24 AM
a moat is a moat.

Hear, hear! Raoul, Newcastle.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on April 18, 2020, 11:25:47 AM
Love a good poem, me!

(https://i.imgur.com/LoN4xtS.jpg)

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 18, 2020, 11:28:06 AM
I don't really consider a moat a proper moat unless it encircles the whole house tbh.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 18, 2020, 11:34:38 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/LoN4xtS.jpg)

Shit!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 18, 2020, 11:36:23 AM
A further poem by another war cunt to arselick Captain Tom:

Allied control calling Captain Tom,
Your bravery in WWII and now for the NHS,
Has united the country, nay the world by express.
100 laps, your target £1000, is your heart pounding?
But the love you’ve inspired now 12 million it’s astounding!
In this darkest hour for humanity when we are in a swirl,
Like Jesus you have brought a light and love into the world!


LIKE JESUS?! Someone who took upon himself the sins of the entire world and was tortured to death at length then crucified, and this cunt just walks to the end of his massive cunt garden?

I don't really consider a moat a proper moat unless it encircles the whole house tbh.

Can we crowdfund to get him one with a drawbridge?

The Moaty McMoatface fund? Hopefully he hobbles out to get the morning papers Fawlty and topples over into it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 18, 2020, 11:44:28 AM
In a hundred years time when Covid-19 has entered its 25th stage and only a few pockets of humanity remain, people will hundle round fires and tell tales of Tom and herculean trials of the garden and the moat.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on April 18, 2020, 11:46:47 AM
Shit!

OI! That is a poem about a hero have a bit of some respect!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 11:46:52 AM
Hear, hear! Raoul, Newcastle.
a true hero. probably killed less people than sir tom anyway
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on April 18, 2020, 11:53:41 AM
LIKE JESUS?! Someone who took upon himself the sins of the entire world and was tortured to death at length then crucified, and this cunt just walks to the end of his massive cunt garden?

Did Jesus ever parade around wearing medals? NO, because Jesus never won any medals! 1-0 to the Captain methinks!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 18, 2020, 11:55:13 AM
In a hundred years time when Covid-19 has entered its 25th stage and only a few pockets of humanity remain, people will hundle round fires and tell tales of Tom and herculean trials of the garden and the moat.

And then sing a song about Moaty's tales of derring-do.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bgmnts on April 18, 2020, 11:58:34 AM
Love a good poem, me!

(https://i.imgur.com/LoN4xtS.jpg)

That third verse is special.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: nw83 on April 18, 2020, 12:10:51 PM
According to Oddschecker, war nonce is now 50/1 to win Sports Personality of the Year.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 18, 2020, 12:13:16 PM
Wonder how many bastard Toms there are walking round India from all his 'alleged' war rapes? 
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on April 18, 2020, 12:16:30 PM
I've never hated someone so much.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 12:17:59 PM
According to Oddschecker, war nonce is now 50/1 to win Sports Personality of the Year.
well to be fair, there's not really any sport going on, is there. still should probably go to a grasshopper or something
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 18, 2020, 12:25:13 PM
I've never hated someone so much.

Talk about Time Machine to assassinate Hitler... well here is your chance to rewrite history...you even have the layout of his fortress above!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: icehaven on April 18, 2020, 12:33:17 PM
Good on him and everything, but the first time I saw this on the news all I could think was "That's his garden?! It's bloody MASSIVE!" It's got several park benches strewn across it too, is it a care home or is that just his house? No wonder everyone thinks it's so great every time he walks round it, it must take him all day.

Quote from: BBC Website
Capt Tom was inspired to walk the 2.5km (1.6 miles) around his home garden... For the past 12 years Capt Tom has lived with his family - daughter Hannah Ingram-Moore and grandchildren Benji and Georgia - at a house in Marston Moretaine

So it's not a care home, and they have a 1.6 mile circumference garden. As I look out over the car park behind my flat, I officially hate them. Particularly Benji.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: icehaven on April 18, 2020, 12:38:18 PM

(https://i.imgur.com/LoN4xtS.jpg)

Yes in this instance 'grounds' is a far more appropriate description than 'garden'.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on April 18, 2020, 12:49:05 PM
Cunt's a meme that went viral and now people are calling for a gong.

This country.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on April 18, 2020, 01:02:39 PM
https://metro.co.uk/2020/04/18/captain-tom-moores-charity-single-michael-ball-tops-charts-just-hours-release-12575267/

I do like that this song is going to be associated with this old hero dude and Michael Balls this year rather than Liverpool fans. Eagerly anticipating his collab with Dua Lipa
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 01:26:23 PM
can i also point out that hannah (his daughter) and her husband are directors of a recruitment firm with massive PR reach

https://www.maytrixgroup.com/consultants
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on April 18, 2020, 01:28:23 PM
Love a good poem, me!

(https://i.imgur.com/LoN4xtS.jpg)
I love how this ends by telling him to keep going. Cunt's done 100 laps. Keep going cunt. Round and round forever. Enjoying the fame are you? Want to help the NHS do you? Well then you'd better keep going or it'll all go away just like that. We made you. We can destroy you. Keep going cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on April 18, 2020, 01:34:13 PM
Everyone who donated is a fucking mug. I've shown my dissatisfaction by flushing twenty quid down the toilet.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 18, 2020, 01:38:22 PM
If everyone with a house the size of Captain Tom had just paid a very slightly increased rate of income tax we'd have raised far more money for the NHS.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 18, 2020, 01:49:45 PM
can i also point out that hannah (his daughter) and her husband are directors of a recruitment firm with massive PR reach

https://www.maytrixgroup.com/consultants

Hannah Ingram-Moore

Bet she's related to Major Charles, cheating cunt genes are at play here, wonder how much money she's put into Tom's fund? Fuck all, except for PR.. bet a sizeable portion of this is going to be anonymous donations used for money laundering by all these dodgy cunts' connections to warmongering, headhunting and arms and drug running in the Home Counties. Hannah's CV:

Quote
Experienced in creating and delivering Omnichannel Strategies, Customer Journey, International Sales, Distribution, Marketing & Logistics Supply Chain in Luxury Goods, FMCG, F&B, Tech and Hospitality. People Strategy Expert: Building your People Strategy, Talent Mapping your Business, working with you to ensure you retain your Top Talent. Passionate about creating and developing representative diverse leaders and teams.

Eh? Is that even a job, it's just malarky! Omnichannel Strategies? Talent Mapping? Edward Lear would laugh at this shit.

Quote
We are looking to acquire land for residential development with a flexible and creative approach working in partnership with the landowner to suit their aspirations.%u202F

Criteria:

we will consider all types and sizes of land:

Strategic land
Agricultural land and fields next to towns or villages
Sites with a planning history, whether lapsed planning, sites with approval you are struggling to deliver or a refusal
Land assemblies where you have neighbours with adjoining sites
Properties with large gardens
Commercial and industrial premises
Offices
Pubs and hotels especially those with large car parks and/or gardens
Brownfield sites
Vacant or derelict land or agricultural buildings
Disused sports facilities like playing pitches, golf courses, tennis courts or bowling greens

Hannah's obviously hoping to run her cunt Dad into the ground so her company can swoop in and profit from all his lovely LAND. She's definitely the type who rubs herself off to Ordnance Surveys.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 18, 2020, 01:55:23 PM
Hannah's obviously hoping to run her cunt Dad into the ground so her company can swoop in and profit from all his lovely LAND.

"Why hasn't he died yet, for Gods sake he's 99.  The house should be mine by now.  Time to put plan 'NHS Walk' into action. Wipe his arse and bring him into the garden.  And call BBC Breakfast!"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on April 18, 2020, 02:10:26 PM
I'd be having mad 80s movie style parties at that house, with a stiff upper lip butler who has to clean all the fag ends and broken valuables the next morning
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on April 18, 2020, 02:11:25 PM
"Why hasn't he died yet, for Gods sake he's 99.  The house should be mine by now.  Time to put plan 'NHS Walk' into action. Wipe his arse and bring him into the garden.  And call BBC Breakfast!"

Charles will be getting the Queen to walk up and down the estate at Windsor.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 02:21:21 PM
i think it might be the son in law's property, but its definitely at least his and his wife's jointly. colin started the recruitment company in 2006 and his wife later became co-director, which also when captain old cunt's wife died and moved in with them in bedfordshire
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 18, 2020, 02:32:11 PM
i think it might be the son in law's property, but its definitely at least his and his wife's jointly. colin started the recruitment company in 2006 and his wife later became co-director, which also when captain old cunt's wife died and moved in with them in bedfordshire

You're stalkering research of all this is getting scary now and spoiling my fun, it's the Captain's house and his daughter wants to run him ragged for his property and land and I'm not having it otherwise, take up thy frame and walk you old cunt, walk yourself to death!

I'd be having mad 80s movie style parties at that house, with a stiff upper lip butler who has to clean all the fag ends and broken valuables the next morning

You've just got a long held fantasy to re-live this advert (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKb3J9mctlo), haven't you?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on April 18, 2020, 02:39:35 PM


You've just got a long held fantasy to re-live this advert (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKb3J9mctlo), haven't you?

Ha, pretty much. Check out Max Branning circa 1991!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 02:49:20 PM
IM A JOURNALIST !!! IM DOING A JOURNALISM!!!! anyway its all companieshouse and newspaper articles. piss easy.

i juist hate this charity shit being whipped up by a pair of wealthy fuckers monetising their old dad's slightly senile dodderings around their massive fucking garden. and now people want to knight the cunt. fucke me
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on April 18, 2020, 02:52:36 PM
I did a gram line of k off a living room floor on my 25th birthday.

Far bigger achievement.

Where's my knighthood?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 03:04:35 PM
it has to be for the nhs!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 18, 2020, 03:07:14 PM
I did a gram line of k off a living room floor on my 25th birthday.

Far bigger achievement.

Where's my knighthood?

Did you wander aimlessly around your garden after?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on April 18, 2020, 03:08:19 PM
it has to be for the nhs!!!!!!!!!!!
I very nearly needed the NHS after.

Did you wander aimlessly around your garden after?
They tell me I was doing that, among other things.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 18, 2020, 03:18:11 PM
I very nearly needed the NHS after.
They tell me I was doing that, among other things.

Wanking like a sexed-up bonobo outside Buckingham Palace?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 18, 2020, 03:19:43 PM
NHS running out of gowns and PPE. Get Captain Toad on the 3D printer.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 18, 2020, 03:21:15 PM
Wanking like a sexed-up bonobo outside Buckingham Palace?

And then some! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_pUsWoCm6w)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 18, 2020, 03:25:05 PM
MOORE GONE
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 18, 2020, 03:44:53 PM
MOORE GONE

Bah!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 03:46:57 PM
charles moore choked during a bout of auto-erotic asphyxiation. rip.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 18, 2020, 03:56:51 PM
Get the old cunt to do another two rounds of laps of his big cunting garden, get £60 million for ARE NHS.

Hatrick Moore.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 18, 2020, 06:34:20 PM
Bet he wins the next Celebrity Big Brother.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: nw83 on April 18, 2020, 07:06:42 PM
well to be fair, there's not really any sport going on, is there. still should probably go to a grasshopper or something

If he ends up winning, I hope an enraged Tyson Fury kicks the fuck out of him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 09:31:16 PM
what if the grasshopper wins. i'd like to see tyson fury trying to deck a grasshopper. it would be like a wise old man's parable.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chollis on April 18, 2020, 09:44:03 PM
raise enough money to pay one of those guards to walk up and shoot him in the head
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 10:11:47 PM
GET IN MOAT CUNT
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 18, 2020, 10:17:05 PM
The garden's big enough to have a group of fellow coffin dodgers racing him around it like Wacky Races. It could help keep the betting industry afloat.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 10:25:53 PM
so by the way, next clap day - 23 april: St George's Day, Shakespeare's birthday, Shakespeare's death day

next next clap day - 30 april: St Tom Moore of Britain's 100th anniversary
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 18, 2020, 11:29:29 PM
Sorry lads, I genuinely thought the thread had played itself out so tried to implode it chest on grenade style with a terrible pun. But prove me wrong and keep outing this cunt and his cunt family. I hope he dies before his 100th and there's a legal reason they have to give all the money back, or even better lose all the money in binary transit due to an administrative error so all these mugs suffer. And die you old cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 18, 2020, 11:36:43 PM
i mean the money should go to the NHS but so should their house. and i hope their company goes under.

the PR manager who handles enquiries on the old shambling cunt has this on their staff page

"Daisy's motto - Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I'M POSSIBLE!"

christ

and to be honest, i dont mind this old fucker getting some exercise. it's the other two in the house who are the true cunts. even if they havent committed war crimes
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 18, 2020, 11:48:24 PM
and to be honest, i dont mind this old fucker getting some exercise. it's the other two in the house who are the true cunts. even if they havent committed war crimes

Yeah and they're not gonna mention the hip operation wasn't due to a sudden fall but from general deterioration of him getting his leg over on thousands of poor Indian children during the war. All the adults were concerned with fighting the Bosch and left him in the convenient situation known as 'Glitter's Lobster Tank'.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Twit 2 on April 19, 2020, 12:06:01 AM
End him with a shovel to the head. Catch him on the turn, TWANG right off the temple. Merciful, cheap, low-carbon footprint. What’s not to love?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 19, 2020, 12:13:25 AM
why cant we turn Marston Moretaine old rectory into a covid ward for bedford

answers below

________________
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utter Shit on April 20, 2020, 12:18:38 PM
Turns out Cookd and Bombd's aggressive cynicism was ahead of the curve once more.

The charity that organised this whole thing, Maytrix, have earned 600k off the back of it so far (2% of the money raised plus 5% of gift aid). Which is all fairly standard for fundraising, except that the organisers of the charity are...the old boy's daughter and son in law.

https://beta.companieshouse.gov.uk/company/07337664/officers
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 20, 2020, 12:22:36 PM
idunnosomename, where's your journalist research now, eh?

I done no research and called it!

What a bunch of bastards.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on April 20, 2020, 12:41:41 PM
TV's Nick Knowles is after getting the monied old cunt's fence fixed for free;

https://twitter.com/MrNickKnowles/status/1252191172472254464

Quote from: Knowles Edmonds
Captain Tom Moore’s fundraised over £25 million for NHS
He now needs help
Are U a generous fencing contractor in Bedfordshire
RT
Contact me
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 20, 2020, 12:52:11 PM
that's a bloody good gig if you can get it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 20, 2020, 12:53:21 PM
Turns out Cookd and Bombd's aggressive cynicism was ahead of the curve once more.

The charity that organised this whole thing, Maytrix, have earned 600k off the back of it so far (2% of the money raised plus 5% of gift aid).

Do you have a link for this?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 20, 2020, 12:56:29 PM
Maytrix arent a charity they're a recruitment company. hence them being on companies house and not the charities commission. its all pretty self-interested promotion but i dont think they're profiting off are brave tommy
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 20, 2020, 01:14:22 PM
Maytrix arent a charity they're a recruitment company. hence them being on companies house and not the charities commission. its all pretty self-interested promotion but i dont think they're profiting off are brave tommy

Who be this, then? https://beta.companieshouse.gov.uk/company/04162317

Looks like Justgiving.com have had a bit of a mark-up in profits from last year anyway: https://apps.charitycommission.gov.uk/Accounts/Ends13/0001098313_AC_20181231_E_C.pdf
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 20, 2020, 01:22:33 PM
Justgiving arent a charity though they just facilitate donations. They make profit
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on April 20, 2020, 01:25:03 PM
Money talks, Captain Tom Moore walks
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 20, 2020, 05:07:23 PM
Maytrix arent a charity they're a recruitment company. hence them being on companies house and not the charities commission. its all pretty self-interested promotion but i dont think they're profiting off are brave tommy

I dunno, I'm confused about all this and deeply cynical so..

Looks like Colin Ingram-Moore did a failed bikeride for prostate cancer on Justgiving back in June 2010: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/ingram-moore

He incorporates that Maytrix Group Limited only 2 months later not sure how or why Utter Shit linked them together, but I think there may be a link somewhere if someone digs around enough?: https://beta.companieshouse.gov.uk/company/07337664

Now just today there's been a flurry of activity in their filings, mainly changing the company address from the massive Old Rectory house they share with Zimmerframe Jesus to a business park building he and his wife seems to run a few of his other companies out of: https://beta.companieshouse.gov.uk/company/07337664/filing-history

He seems to be appointed to a fair few companies that are nearly all run out of his home or that business park address: https://beta.companieshouse.gov.uk/officers/zOZ5-NgEzd3AIwZ7THcphF-PDvw/appointments?page=1

I wonder if any of these other companies can be linked to Justgiving or anything affiliated? The most I can find so far is Spencer Gardner Dickins the accountancy firm Hannah is mixed up in (https://beta.companieshouse.gov.uk/officers/0D2muENhmGZ4SjHQS9P1t4x2s84/appointments) doing a few other charity drives on Justgiving which is fuck all but I've only been googling a few minutes. I just don't think these rich cunts went out of their way to get this thing going out of the kindness of their own hearts when they seem to be busy with over 40 businesses, especially to the point they seems to be changing addresses today it seems in reaction to the press focus.

That Spencer Gardner Dickins is registered as Ibrutum LTD, and looks like they made old Tom director (https://beta.companieshouse.gov.uk/officers/kiD2Fy9l0JXxpjM0Z8iHNNdi6UE/appointments) in 2015, but he resigned after 3 months.. hmmmm..

EDIT. Seems there is a residual link to Maytrix Group on google's main page:

(https://i.ibb.co/k0PvF5n/zimjesus.jpg)

But when you go to the page or even the cache there's no mention of Maytrix, scrubbed like a Heretic pharaoh's cartouche. What is NHS Charities Together by the by which is where the money is supposedly going? The Charities Commision detail their remit as:

TO PROMOTE THE EFFECTIVE WORKING OF NHS CHARITIES IN ENGLAND & WALES. WE DO THIS BY PROVIDING INFORMATION AND TRAINING FOR TRUSTEES AND SENIOR STAFF INCLUDING THOSE INVOLVED IN CHARITY MANAGEMENT AND FUNDRAISING, PROMOTING BEST PRACTICE, PROVIDING AN AUTHORITATIVE VOICE FOR NHS CHARITIES AND REPRESENTING THEIR INTERESTS TO OTHER ORGANISATIONS, GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENTS AND STATUTORY BODIES.

Eh?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: weekender on April 20, 2020, 08:23:37 PM
Kind of wishing I hadn't been nice now.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on April 20, 2020, 09:21:12 PM
Loose hips sink ships.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 20, 2020, 09:24:45 PM
i didnt read all the filed documents (indeed, any) on companieshouse but they did forget to file their accounts two years I noticed. I mean you only have to look at the couple to see they are narcissistic entitled maniacs.

the money donated will be going to this charity that supports the NHS

https://www.justgiving.com/campaign/NHScharities-COVID19URGENTAPPEAL

which I guess is this

https://beta.charitycommission.gov.uk/charity-details/?regid=1125687&subid=0

if they are using the NHS identity im pretty sure there will be little swindling going on. well. if there is any it should be a national scandal
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 20, 2020, 09:41:48 PM
https://beta.charitycommission.gov.uk/charity-details/?regid=1125687&subid=0

if they are using the NHS identity im pretty sure there will be little swindling going on. well. if there is any it should be a national scandal

Come on CaB, let's sink these motherfuckers!

I'm getting drunk now, but may return to looking into the Ingram-Moores and their myriad companies, and indeed Association Of Nhs Charities when the boredom of lockdown sobriety re-emerges. I hope a bunch of fatigued, balding phimotic men googling can poke holes into their probably dodgy finances and expose this den of public-grifting crisis-coveting centarian-conning pensioner-puppeteering profiteer-publicising cunts!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 20, 2020, 10:01:23 PM
gonna drive drunk down the m1 and crash my fiesta into the fuckers moat
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: confettiinmyhair on April 20, 2020, 10:23:46 PM
Side question, without following you guys down the rabbit hole, does this kind of spontaneous fundraising effort get to the point where too much money gets raised? Sounds like an administrative nightmare to manage this much money.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 20, 2020, 10:39:55 PM
Side question, without following you guys down the rabbit hole, does this kind of spontaneous fundraising effort get to the point where too much money gets raised? Sounds like an administrative nightmare to manage this much money.

They love administrative nightmares, the bigger and messier the better. When there's a sluice gate of public funds pouring in and not a single party to monitor where exactly their money is going and various supposedly government regulated bodies of negotiable vigilance, all sorts of interesting people come out of the woodwork to make good use of it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 20, 2020, 11:07:49 PM
Word on the street, all that money and only one costa coffee machine bought!

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 20, 2020, 11:14:18 PM
Word on the street, all that money and only one costa coffee machine bought!

But what a costa coffee machine!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 20, 2020, 11:17:51 PM
But what a costa coffee machine!

And by the time Captain Tom has fetched you a cup, it's got a crust!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 20, 2020, 11:17:58 PM
we are all missing a nice frothy coffee that costs best part of a fiver to be fair!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on April 20, 2020, 11:24:29 PM
Fund the NHS via my taxes? Oh no you don’t Jeremy! I’d rather my hundred year old father walked himself to death in the back garden.

Keeps forgetting what she went upstairs for.

Well thank you both, now I've pissed myself.

EDIT: Shite, that was only page 3?! and this is page 11?!

(changes knickers and puts down some binbags)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on April 20, 2020, 11:51:58 PM
So he's ponced up and down his 25m long garden 50 times? That's only about 1.5 miles for 20 million quid?! This is quite possibly the shittest and most lazy self-promotional charity stunt ever pulled, and I'm including those tedious self-confessed 'wacky' cunts who sit in a bath of beans every year for Comic Relief. He's not even walking it on his own, the frame is doing most of the work and it'd be even more of a doddle if the showboating cunt didnt wear his heavy stupid fucking attendance medals like a great big show-off.  I hope he dies of cramp before his 100th brithday and they have to legally give all the money back, which would end up a costly administrative nightmare and Justgiving.com go into bankruptcy and the concept of charity itself is somehow cancelled out of embarrassment. Cunt.

there's no sound coming out

my face hurts

you bastard
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 21, 2020, 12:09:29 AM
We still have well over a week before old Captain Tom's 100th birthday. I wonder with all the nation's gaze upon this shuffling old cunt and him being particularly shagged out and excited by all the attention, what if he does happen to expire before the important date? Will his cunt family arrange an elaborate system of pulleys ala Weekend At Bernie's to keep this whole disgusting charade going for the press? Programmed smartphone soundboard for questioning? Corpse strapped to a Boston Dynamics Zimmerfoge 900 to do a few laps of the garden for the telly cameras? I for one am hoping so.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 21, 2020, 12:23:42 AM
Last words...….'The NHS needs to be private and kept going by people walking in their gardens"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 21, 2020, 12:24:20 AM
and clapping
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 21, 2020, 12:35:56 AM
and clapping

Good to know the public invest the same amount of belief in NHS workers as they do Tinkerbell.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on April 21, 2020, 11:55:21 AM
I'm guessing he's not posting all these tweets himself?

https://twitter.com/captaintommoore
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 21, 2020, 12:00:47 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EWHLs_fWsAE8lyY?format=jpg&name=large)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 21, 2020, 12:03:51 PM
i am fuckoing dying laughing here. i cant decide if his face looks more like a butt or michael gove.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 21, 2020, 12:07:16 PM
The facebook vigilante's must be abiding by the lockdown.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 21, 2020, 12:18:16 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EWHLs_fWsAE8lyY?format=jpg&name=large)

New Doctor Who and assistant... CONFOUND EXPECTATION
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 21, 2020, 12:31:02 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EWHLs_fWsAE8lyY?format=jpg&name=large)

Nonce!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 21, 2020, 12:32:02 PM
Imagine making it to almost 100 and having a cunt like that turn up on your doorstep.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: icehaven on April 21, 2020, 12:32:43 PM
Wonga puppeteer reveals new direction.
(https://www.cityam.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/wonga-characters-1024x640-57ff78227df99-57ff78229b033-1280x720.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on April 21, 2020, 12:33:48 PM
I thought it was Timmy Mallet making a comeback for a moment
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: solidified gruel merchant on April 21, 2020, 12:38:54 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EWHLs_fWsAE8lyY?format=jpg&name=large)

Nah mate, you can have a sausage dog or a giraffe like everyone else!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 21, 2020, 12:40:06 PM
I thought it was Timmy Mallet making a comeback for a moment

I thought it was chris moyles.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 21, 2020, 12:43:01 PM
God his neck is very hairy isnt it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 21, 2020, 12:50:56 PM
God his neck is very hairy isnt it

it's called a beard....even bald men can have them
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 21, 2020, 01:17:03 PM
thats not a beard its all-over body stubble

you think he'd pop any balloon he came near
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 21, 2020, 01:21:24 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EWHLs_fWsAE8lyY?format=jpg&name=large)

Brucie miracle recovery baffles experts
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 21, 2020, 06:49:06 PM
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/apr/21/nothing-would-give-me-more-pleasure-captain-moore-to-visit-mclaren-hq?

Quote
Captain Tom Moore has received invites from the MCC, the England cricket team and McLaren once the current coronavirus lockdown has lifted, as a result of the 99-year-old’s mammoth fundraising effort for the NHS. The second world war veteran has been asked to ring the five-minute bell at Lord’s and to visit McLaren’s Woking HQ, while England’s Test cricket captain, Joe Root, also surprised Moore with a video call, during which he invited his fellow Yorkshireman to give the side a teamtalk.

Moore has raised more than £27.5m for NHS Charities Together and the fight against Covid-19 by walking lengths of his garden. He could also be on his way to the top of the music charts with a recording of You’ll Never Walk Alone with Michael Ball.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 21, 2020, 06:52:53 PM
Pity he died twenty five minutes ago.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on April 21, 2020, 07:13:46 PM
damn. shot my laugh-wad at page 8. Haven't chuckled at this thread since even though it's still funny. are laugh-gasms a thing because I think I had one
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 21, 2020, 08:42:58 PM
Ooh, someone's on the defence: https://fullfact.org/online/justgiving-commission-captain-tom/

Curioser and curioser.

I'm bringing this sauntering shitheel down some way or other, he's cripple Capone to my Eliot Ness, and if I have to get him on finances then on his finances it must be! Barely-mobile Moby Dick to my Ahab, I'll chase him round the Old Rectory, and round the moat, and round the tennis court, and round perdition's flames before I give him up! Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering cunt; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 21, 2020, 09:06:58 PM
Quote
JustGiving has kept a large percentage of the funds raised by Captain Tom Moore for the NHS.

Yeah a percentage larger than 0% (once admin costs have been covered) is in my opinion a large percentage of those funds.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 21, 2020, 09:53:13 PM
charities have to keep some money otherwise they would go bust. they pay their CEOs you know. the best thing is to destroy capitalism and not have any charities
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 21, 2020, 10:35:22 PM
Yeah a percentage larger than 0% (once admin costs have been covered) is in my opinion a large percentage of those funds.

The daughter has got round that by asking instead of sending donations via Just giving just pop them in the post to the captain c/o the rectory.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 21, 2020, 11:02:42 PM
(https://news.images.itv.com/image/file/2190311/stream_img.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 21, 2020, 11:11:18 PM
That's it, I'm getting a gun.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dog Botherer on April 21, 2020, 11:16:51 PM
hitler glasses cunt bear
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on April 21, 2020, 11:19:09 PM
(https://news.images.itv.com/image/file/2190311/stream_img.jpg)
yeah don't knit blankets for the homeless now or anything
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 21, 2020, 11:40:27 PM
That's it, I'm getting a gun.

Shoot me first
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on April 22, 2020, 09:08:41 AM
I see a 99 year old woman is now trying to get balloon animals made of herself....

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/inspired-captain-tom-moore-unbelievable-18120919
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 22, 2020, 09:16:13 AM
I see a 99 year old woman is now trying to get balloon animals made of herself....

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/inspired-captain-tom-moore-unbelievable-18120919

I made her one

(https://myownchampion.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/wrinkled-balloon.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 22, 2020, 09:33:45 AM
I made her one

(https://myownchampion.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/wrinkled-balloon.jpg)

Think that's one of Cpt Tom's distended testicles.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 22, 2020, 09:36:31 AM
(https://i2-prod.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/incoming/article18121847.ece/ALTERNATES/s810/0_SAP_MEN_PAGE_______05JPG.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 22, 2020, 09:39:37 AM
(https://i2-prod.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/incoming/article18121847.ece/ALTERNATES/s810/0_SAP_MEN_PAGE_______05JPG.jpg)

I just posted that above ^
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 22, 2020, 09:42:32 AM
Ah yes my apologies
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on April 22, 2020, 09:48:42 AM
Do Pornhub run paid live streams? I've had an excellent NHS fund raising idea.

#clapforlemonparty
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 22, 2020, 10:03:37 AM
I would donate for goatse man to do one last stretch. For old times sake
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 22, 2020, 10:11:26 AM
I would donate for goatse man to do one last stretch. For old times sake

I just posted that above ^
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SteveDave on April 22, 2020, 01:51:27 PM
Has anyone mentioned the re-working of "Space Oddity" in Cpt Tom's honour yet?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 22, 2020, 02:09:28 PM
(https://myownchampion.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/wrinkled-balloon.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 22, 2020, 02:47:54 PM
I just posted that above ^
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 22, 2020, 03:00:18 PM
Nws
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 22, 2020, 03:16:44 PM
Has anyone mentioned the re-working of "Space Oddity" in Cpt Tom's honour yet?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Alberon on April 22, 2020, 03:42:38 PM
(https://news.images.itv.com/image/file/2191396/stream_img.jpg)

No surprised dog sadly.

(https://news.images.itv.com/image/file/2191391/stream_img.jpg)

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/624/cpsprodpb/22DE/production/_111862980_capttomgaragedoor.jpg)
Fucking up the Vulcan salute there.

(https://www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/resources/images/11288529.jpg?type=articleLandscape)

Plus hundreds more.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 22, 2020, 03:46:17 PM
Magnus Pyke's let himself go
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 22, 2020, 03:49:25 PM
That's the most the words NHS have ever looked like the swastika.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 22, 2020, 03:59:21 PM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/624/cpsprodpb/22DE/production/_111862980_capttomgaragedoor.jpg)
Fucking up the Vulcan salute there.



Brian Wilde's let himself go
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 22, 2020, 04:15:23 PM
Has anyone mentioned the re-working of "Space Oddity" in Cpt Tom's honour yet?

Police patrol to Captain Tom's
Police Patrol to Captain Tom's
The strict Covid rules
are breached by the media throng

I'm a journo, Captain Tom
Photo with the lady in the bra and thong?
See it's our mission
To make money from the love for you
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 22, 2020, 04:34:30 PM
Has anyone mentioned the re-working of "Space Oddity" in Cpt Tom's honour yet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v0VR6Kf7KQ
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on April 22, 2020, 04:39:01 PM
jeeping fuck Al save it for your gf
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: honeychile on April 22, 2020, 05:47:18 PM
No surprised dog sadly.

ffs you lazy cunt

(https://i.imgur.com/mYD4etw.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 22, 2020, 08:42:02 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/DIIr2uW.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 22, 2020, 10:02:30 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/DIIr2uW.png)

Good to see Ann honouring the memory of Ron with her new ‘special interest’ beau
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on April 23, 2020, 03:34:41 PM
Hitler: My Part in His Downfall
https://www.itv.com/presscentre/press-releases/itv-commissions-captain-toms-war (https://www.itv.com/presscentre/press-releases/itv-commissions-captain-toms-war)

Quote
Captain Tom’s War will shed light on a campaign which comparatively goes unmentioned but in which our troops suffered unthinkable hardship and tens of thousands of British soldiers fought and died. Hearing this from Captain Tom Moore, who fought in Burma, means we will find out a lot more about the man who has done so much to bayonet brown children raise our spirits at this time and the experience he and many others faced during World War Two on an occasion when we rightly come together to thank them for their sacrifice.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 23, 2020, 03:59:37 PM
Hitler: My Part in His Downfall
https://www.itv.com/presscentre/press-releases/itv-commissions-captain-toms-war (https://www.itv.com/presscentre/press-releases/itv-commissions-captain-toms-war)

What sacrifice, the old duffer is still alive whilst Officer Panjit Singh died during one of Moore's drunken AWoLs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 23, 2020, 04:43:19 PM
Quote
Captain Tom’s War will shed light on a campaign which comparatively goes unmentioned because we lost
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 23, 2020, 04:50:08 PM
Willie Rushton

"The Army is, God bless it, one of the funniest institutions on earth and also a sort of microcosm of the world. It's split almost perfectly into our class system."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 23, 2020, 05:08:03 PM
Captain Tom's War will shed light on a campaign which comparatively goes unmentioned because we employed Operation Yellow Shield made the Chinese do all the fighting for us while Captain Tom sat in a Burmese child brothel smoking opium.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 23, 2020, 06:43:50 PM
Quote
Captain Tom’s War will shed light on a vicious and sadistic war criminal who has evaded justice for decades.
We will speak with hundreds of his bastard offspring from his countless rapes while posted in India.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 23, 2020, 07:03:47 PM
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=War%20nonce
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on April 23, 2020, 07:45:24 PM
Quote from: Popbitch
It's been a busy couple of weeks for Captain Tom, the 99 year old veteran who captured the nation's hearts by raising almost £30m for charity by walking laps of his garden – and who is currently locked in a chart battle for this week's No.1.

It's a strange time to enter the spotlight, a week shy of his 100th birthday, but Tom has managed the shift from civilian to celebrity life with surprising ease. Not only has he now got a PR company representing him (the same one that reps Chris Moyles, Nick Knowles and Joe Wicks) he's gone and done the one thing that truly marks him out as a proper star.

He's hired Schillings to fire off some warning shots at the press.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on April 23, 2020, 07:49:49 PM
Not ashamed to say this is the most invested I've ever been in something getting to #1. My Derby Dead Pool theme team of UK #1 hitmakers is fucking salivating
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utterdrivel on April 23, 2020, 09:46:22 PM
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=War%20nonce

They do merch! Excellent.

(https://i.imgur.com/leRkFrm.jpg)


Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 23, 2020, 09:57:02 PM
They do merch! Excellent.

Oh nice. Something comforting to send to my elderly relatives:

(https://i.ibb.co/PM0tc16/Annotation-2020-04-23-215144.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on April 23, 2020, 10:42:42 PM
Oh nice. Something comforting to send to my elderly relatives:

(https://i.ibb.co/PM0tc16/Annotation-2020-04-23-215144.jpg)
okay I'm laughing again
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 24, 2020, 12:25:33 AM
and is are Bedford builded here?
among these dark applauding cunts
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on April 24, 2020, 06:05:02 PM
I just got a Guardian alert that said "Captain Tom Moore becomes oldest..." I assumed when I clicked on it that it would say "person to die of Covid 19" but no.

"Captain Tom Moore becomes oldest artist to claim UK No 1 single"

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Alberon on April 24, 2020, 06:20:22 PM
It was all he wanted all along.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 24, 2020, 06:55:54 PM
Cunt can't sing.  Did they not have autotune?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bronzy on April 24, 2020, 06:59:21 PM
Cunt can't sing.  Did they not have autotune?

Neither can Katy Perry, and I bet she doesn’t know how her way round a bayonet.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 24, 2020, 07:23:53 PM
"Captain Tom Moore becomes oldest artist to claim UK No 1 single"

Artist? Fucking piss-artist more like. I've only just dared listen to the perambulating parasite's excuse for a single with fat freeloader Michael Ball and by a barreload of bayoneted Burmese babies is it a wincing whirpool of wank. The old cunt holds a rifle on a darkie better than he can hold a pissing note, and they've mixed him so low it's like hearing voices in the early onset of paranoid Schizophrenia, except in this context the implicit notion of killing yourself would be entirely logical and blessed relief. I would compare it trying to listen to a dreadful cat's eye squatting MOR soundtrack of the Carousel song with the Captain of the Vogon Constructor Fleet wheezingly mumbling his awful brain hemorrhage coaxing poetry over the top until the option of being thrown into an air-lock and ejected into the icily silent vacuum of space would seem like a step up in the world. Michael Ball is as expected for a medicore mother's mainstay musical moocher, but Captain Tom who has fought ... served ... walked a bit for this country should be thoroughly ashamed to be attached to this utter turgid abortion, such a thing that it lends `It's Chico Time' a certain suggestion of integrity. 3/5
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 24, 2020, 09:30:17 PM
techno techno techno techno
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bazooka on April 26, 2020, 02:20:46 PM
Imagine if Tom was a fraud, he's stolen someone else's identity during the war, like (spoiler) did in Mad Men. Naga Munchetty makes him remove his medals on BBC Breakfast and burn them in a metal drum in front of the nation.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 26, 2020, 02:36:22 PM
Mawkish ballad's are alright for a first single but he needs to follow up with more of an upbeat dancefloor banger to raise anticipation for that debut album.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 26, 2020, 03:06:26 PM
If you play the record backwards you can clearly hear Cpt Tom saying, "I did all those war crimes. Killed so many darkies. I'm actually 95. The NHS will never see that money.  Suckers!"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on April 26, 2020, 04:05:30 PM
you're going to walk alone in that big deep grave you sick fuck
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 26, 2020, 05:22:59 PM
Drafted into Johnson’s War Cabinet just as the “worst” seems to be over so that they can both bask in undeserved glory
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 26, 2020, 05:24:44 PM
Public chumps taken for a ride. Pay for NHS via taxes and now via charity. Boris withdraws health spending completely and decrees funding via charity only (plus tax)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on April 27, 2020, 09:41:34 AM
Mawkish ballad's are alright for a first single but he needs to follow up with more of an upbeat dancefloor banger to raise anticipation for that debut album.

David Guetta feat. Captain Tom Moore & Cardi B.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: daf on April 27, 2020, 11:11:58 AM
Here's what he beat to get to the top :

24 April 2020 : Presenters: The NHS Clap Clinic & Twitchy Kurtinz

(10)⬇ (6)   |  'LONELY' - JOEL CORRY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfPkjk5dfHc)
(9)  ⬇ (8)   |  'SAY SO' - DOJA CAT (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kThCbGnWVDo)
(8)  ⬇ (5)   |  'DON'T START NOW' - DUA LIPA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oygrmJFKYZY)
(7)  ⬅ (7)   |  'DEATH BED' - POWFU ft. BEABADOOBEE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNqdxGsbQsA)
(6)  ⬇ (4)   |  'PHYSICAL' - DUA LIPA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MRJcZCVxjI)
(5) (NEW)  |  'TIMES LIKE THESE (BBC RADIO 1 STAY HOME)' - LIVE LOUNGE ALLSTARS (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GElP4YdrBE)
(4)  ⬇ (3)   |  'TOOSIE SLIDE' - DRAKE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miJOKqUUhkU)
(3)  ⬇ (2)   |  'ROSES' - SAINT JHN (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypw7cVsnQxU)
(2)  ⬇ (1)   |  'BLINDING LIGHTS' - THE WEEKND (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-YvMytXD9E)
(1) (NEW)  |  'YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE' - CAPTAIN TOM MOORE ft. MICHAEL BALL (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcouA_oWsnU)

(https://i.imgur.com/n7qn67p.jpg)

- - - - - - - - - - - (New Entries) - - - - - - - - - - -
(51)  'AT MEH' - PLAYBOI CARTI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMDOSLEVdBw)
(39)  'WHERE WE'RE GOING' - GERRY CINNAMON (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIfFJCfCiWg)
(38)  'PART OF THE PLAN' - NAFE SMALLZ ft. M HUNCHO (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50y1sYAEhUE)
(29)  'ROCKSTAR' - DABABY ft. RODDY RICCH (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yodmdil9yOY)
(25)  'YOU TAUGHT ME WHAT LOVE IS' - BETH PORCH  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bT7o1gayNb8)
(20)  'I'M READY' - SAM SMITH & DEMI LOVATO (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glD1M418bC0)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on April 27, 2020, 11:36:09 AM
It might look like he's doing a thumbs up, but he's actually miming wanking off a big cock like Dua Lipa does in her video.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 27, 2020, 11:38:48 AM
It might look like he's doing a thumbs up, but he's actually miming wanking off a big cock like Dua Lipa does in her video.

He just hasn't got the strength to do the full Nazi salute.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 27, 2020, 11:50:25 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/m68RW83/IMG-20200427-114417247-4.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 27, 2020, 12:03:15 PM
We still have until Thursday for his 100th. If CaB all collectively put the time in to meditate on positive thoughts, and I mean really really try to channel all their will into this, maybe the cunt will die before?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on April 27, 2020, 12:06:22 PM
Really need him to survive to January 1 to get on that annual #1 Hits deadpool team I'm afraid.

Obviously no problem with him dying after that. Good in fact.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 27, 2020, 12:08:28 PM
Really need him to survive to January 1 to get on that annual #1 Hits deadpool team I'm afraid.

Obviously no problem with him dying after that. Good in fact.

0 pointer
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on April 27, 2020, 12:24:46 PM
0 pointer

Derby Dead Pool. 4 points for the 100-110 bracket. 7 if he gets murdered or kills himself.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on April 27, 2020, 12:32:47 PM
This shuffling auld ponce has received over 100000 birthday cards. Fuck me, if it takes his trembling blood drenched hands 20 seconds to open each card, it'll take him over three weeks of opening cards 24/7 to read each one. I hope his latest copy of Razzle's the last bit of post he gets to.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 27, 2020, 01:01:43 PM
This shuffling auld ponce has received over 100000 birthday cards. Fuck me, if it takes his trembling blood drenched hands 20 seconds to open each card, it'll take him over three weeks of opening cards 24/7 to read each one. I hope his latest copy of Razzle's the last bit of post he gets to.

Don't worry, his family will be going right through all those for any lovely untaxable fivers and tenners knocking about, while old Tom shudders in the next room wheezing about never trusting 'Celestials' and them being to blame for all this.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Blinder Data on April 27, 2020, 01:17:55 PM
This morning my limit of Captain Tom news was breached when I yelled "Oh fuck off!" at the radio for informing me that he's getting a special postmark to celebrate his birthday.

Quote from: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-52433007
The 99-year-old war veteran who has raised £29m for the NHS by walking laps of his garden has been honoured with a special postmark.

Royal Mail will stamp all letters with the message to celebrate Captain Tom Moore's 100th birthday on Thursday.

All stamped post up until Friday will be marked with: "Happy 100th Birthday Captain Thomas Moore NHS fundraising hero 30th April 2020."

Royal Mail said it was "honoured" to issue the postmark.

Jesus, imagine if he dies of the rona. There will be statues.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 27, 2020, 01:21:43 PM
Royal Mail "honoured"...

No-one will be waddling along a mansion driveway to bail you out. Not even your own employees
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chairman Yang on April 27, 2020, 01:33:02 PM
I hope you'll join me this Thursday in giving this brave hero our own special '100 gun salute', as I pump myself to completion 100 times whilst imagining Captain Tom's withered taint.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 27, 2020, 01:41:44 PM
I hope you'll join me this Thursday in giving this brave hero our own special '100 gun salute', as I pump myself to completion 100 times whilst imagining Captain Tom's withered taint.

In a thread honouring Captain Tom Moore I am shocked and appalled by this message.

That taint fought for England.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 27, 2020, 02:17:32 PM
Quote
Royal Mail will stamp all letters with the message to celebrate Captain Tom Moore's 100th birthday on Thursday.
All stamped post up until Friday will be marked with: "Happy 100th Birthday Captain Thomas Moore NHS fundraising hero 30th April 2020.

It doesn't end with the deification of Zimmerman.  I hear Amanda Holden has offered to give him a Belgian Curtsy on his birthday.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on April 27, 2020, 02:18:10 PM
In a thread honouring Captain Tom Moore I am shocked and appalled by this message.

That taint fought for England.

We need a stamp with a picture of that brave taint on it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 27, 2020, 02:21:33 PM
We need a stamp with a picture of that brave taint on it.

Just imagine children up and down the land sending off their good wishes, and licking the back of Captain Tom's withered taint.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on April 27, 2020, 02:22:10 PM
Welling up.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Voltan (Man of Steel) on April 27, 2020, 03:17:21 PM
SWelling up.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on April 27, 2020, 03:18:15 PM
How dare you cheapen this.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 27, 2020, 03:25:26 PM
It's the postman I feel sorry for.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Voltan (Man of Steel) on April 27, 2020, 03:29:10 PM
I feel so ashamed to have dragged this heretofore wholesome thread into the gutter. :(
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chairman Yang on April 27, 2020, 03:39:16 PM
Imagine the lads down at the sorting office, many in tears, joining together in a warm, patriotic glow as they belt out 'You'll Never Walk Alone', drawing such strength from Captain Tom's shitter.

He's already given us so much...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: daf on April 27, 2020, 03:59:30 PM
Mawkish ballad's are alright for a first single but he needs to follow up with more of an upbeat dancefloor banger to raise anticipation for that debut album.

This is Captain Tom to Ground Control
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm walking in a most p-p-peculiar way
Can I please get back inside? if I may
- - - -
Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles
I'm feeling very ill
And I think these old pins know what to do
And I think my life on Earth is nearly through
- - - -
Ground Control to Captain Tom
You're off your course
Direction's wrong
Can you hear me,  Captain Tom?
Can you hear me,  Captain Tom?
Can you hear me,  Captain Tom?
Can you . . .
"He-e-e-e-e-e-re am I sitting in the fish pond
Used to be the moat
My trousers are soaked through
And this jackets ruined too
- - - -
Chunk-a-Chunk-a-Chunk-a
CLAP-CLAP!
Chunk-a-Chunk-a-Chunk-a
CLAP-CLAP!
- - - -
~ (Rick Wakeman bugle solo) ~
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Aaron500 on April 27, 2020, 11:51:07 PM
A great gesture by Royal Mail, and the 10-15 people in the country who still send or receive letters will be delighted by it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 28, 2020, 12:02:38 AM
look, not even being a contrarian ahh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH cunt but isnt this a waste of essential resources at the moment

https://metro.co.uk/2020/04/22/sorting-office-set-captain-tom-moores-90000-birthday-cards-12596690/

fuck the old cunt. at least my cattle decapitation tshirt that arrived today wasnt franked with his stamp. or a shame perhaps. it wasn't franked at all actually
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 28, 2020, 12:03:52 AM
Oh please please please let the cunt die before the big day, it would mean the world to me.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on April 28, 2020, 12:11:18 AM
Haven't had a dream, in a long time...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bazooka on April 28, 2020, 10:05:43 AM
Everytime Cap Tom rambles up and down his garden, he is thinking of a naughty nurses arse, not your arse... let that sink in.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 30, 2020, 12:08:59 AM
It is my tragic duty to inform you the captain has passed away a second before the clocked reach twelve am and hence 30 April, his hundredth birthday.  He passed peacefully, with his forged will with the solicitor and my pillow resting on his face.
                                                                     
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 30, 2020, 12:13:43 AM
DAVID! GET THAT PILLOW OFF ME FACE!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Janie Jones on April 30, 2020, 07:48:43 AM
Just imagine children up and down the land sending off their good wishes, and licking the back of Captain Tom's withered taint.

It’s COLONEL Tom’s withered taint to you, mate.

Captain Tom Moore given colonel title on 100th birthday https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-52472132
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 30, 2020, 08:31:02 AM
Hey, Tom fans, don't miss out on a second of Tom news https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/uk-england-52441937 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/uk-england-52441937).  All Tom, all the time.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: shiftwork2 on April 30, 2020, 08:44:54 AM
Here's to the next hundred years of Captain Tom, pushing a frame around so people feel really good about paying as little tax as they possibly can.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Attila on April 30, 2020, 09:09:46 AM
It is my tragic duty to inform you the captain has passed away a second before the clocked reach twelve am and hence 30 April, his hundredth birthday.  He passed peacefully, with his forged will with the solicitor and my pillow resting on his face.
                                                                     

Only to have him stagger into the room a few minutes later demanding his ring and his supper (a little nod to the I, Claudius fans amongst us).
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on April 30, 2020, 09:23:59 AM
Recruitment drive going well

(https://i.imgur.com/a3lpsHx.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 30, 2020, 09:50:46 AM
Heard about all the vulnerable villagers he can rape
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on April 30, 2020, 09:58:26 AM
Hope Vera Lynn releases a new single to steal his oldest number one "singer" record. We love you, Dame Vera!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 30, 2020, 10:06:11 AM
Hope Vera Lynn releases a new single to steal his oldest number one "singer" record. We love you, Dame Vera!

Duet
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 30, 2020, 10:31:40 AM
https://twitter.com/BorisJohnson/status/1255761045441982464?s=19 (https://twitter.com/BorisJohnson/status/1255761045441982464?s=19)

More brassneck from this cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 30, 2020, 10:56:12 AM
At least he hasn’t recorded a duet with the out-of-tune cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 30, 2020, 10:58:45 AM
Boris & Captain Tom - Don’t Stop Believin’ (NHS Mix)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on April 30, 2020, 12:30:39 PM
Colour in your own Commander Cunt:

https://www.paperchase.com/the-journal/be-more-tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 30, 2020, 12:31:14 PM
https://twitter.com/BBCCWR/status/1255771059036590080?s=19 (https://twitter.com/BBCCWR/status/1255771059036590080?s=19)

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on April 30, 2020, 12:34:01 PM
https://twitter.com/BBCCWR/status/1255771059036590080?s=19 (https://twitter.com/BBCCWR/status/1255771059036590080?s=19)

Ahahahahahahaha.

https://twitter.com/BBCCWR/status/1255782332193280000

Ahahahahahahaha.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on April 30, 2020, 12:52:39 PM
Ahahahahahahaha.

https://twitter.com/BBCCWR/status/1255782332193280000

Ahahahahahahaha.

Fuck I thought for one glorious second that they'd put staredog into this.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on April 30, 2020, 12:58:42 PM
Where's his poppy?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on April 30, 2020, 01:20:43 PM
https://twitter.com/BBCCWR/status/1255771059036590080?s=19 (https://twitter.com/BBCCWR/status/1255771059036590080?s=19)



(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EW1jmc-XsAMhHb4?format=jpg&name=medium)

Lol, landfill volumes of Captain Tom tat.

This is one of those things you would struggle to explain to alien visitors. "People started dying all over the world and so this really old war hero walked around his garden over and over again to raise the funds to help treat people and we made full size models of him out of bits of rubbish"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 30, 2020, 01:20:47 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EW1jmc-XsAMhHb4?format=jpg&name=medium)
would
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on April 30, 2020, 01:33:18 PM
Where's his poppy?

Also, out of proportion medals, and they clearly couldn't be fucked with making hands for him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on April 30, 2020, 01:45:43 PM
Still, nice to see the Wonga puppets getting another outing.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Mr_Simnock on April 30, 2020, 01:47:02 PM
Made from an empty milk bottle, bubble wrap and chicken wire, Susan Mitchell in Warwick has made her own tribute to Colonel Tom Moore. The Briton, who was born in the streets of Gorton in the 1950s, was given a hero's welcome and a big helping of hospitality after being freed from five years in a secret North Korean gulag. Moore, who had his arms broken and his legs broken and left with a limp, was being held in a cell in his native Hong Kong.  He was part of the work team digging for four underground nuclear test sites, and after stealing his guide and equipment, was reunited with his family in Britain.


Made from an empty milk bottle, bubble wrap and chicken wire, Susan Mitchell in Warwick has made her own tribute to Colonel Tom Moore. Built using an old trestle table, a board game, silicone and plastic parts and some chains, the toy's penises and eyeballs are made from a wide range of funky, waxy resin.  It looks to me like the personalised survival kit from Night of the Living Dead.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on April 30, 2020, 01:57:49 PM
war hero

His three medals are 'Went to India' 'Went to Burma' 'Was part of WWII'. They are all for turning up, not anything heroic.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on April 30, 2020, 02:05:09 PM
Ahoy there, Cap'n Cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on April 30, 2020, 02:07:30 PM
Imagine chucking that in the bin. They're going to have to at some point.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Head Gardener on April 30, 2020, 02:11:23 PM
would

wood, surely?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on April 30, 2020, 02:12:44 PM
Imagine chucking that in the bin. They're going to have to at some point.

Break it down first.  Chop off the arms and legs, then the head and chuck the medals on top.  Thanks, Are Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 30, 2020, 02:17:20 PM
Ahahahahahahaha.

https://twitter.com/BBCCWR/status/1255782332193280000

Ahahahahahahaha.

Nationalism mutates!

The failed Nightingale Hospital being honoured there, without a thought in the world by the creator.

"GEOOOOOFF....LOOK I TOLD U I'D BE FAMUSSSSSS"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on April 30, 2020, 02:18:24 PM
His three medals are 'Went to India' 'Went to Burma' 'Was part of WWII'. They are all for turning up, not anything heroic.

(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/etb2LGjY3i0/hqdefault.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 30, 2020, 02:23:59 PM
love that gag
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on April 30, 2020, 02:25:04 PM
Ahoy there, Cap'n Cunt.

Show some respect. He's Colonel Cunt now.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on April 30, 2020, 02:43:24 PM
(https://retro-blogs.spectator.co.uk/files/2014/06/tumblr_le5g0f4B3e1qexscuo1_500.jpg?auto=compress,enhance,format&crop=faces,entropy,edges&fit=crop&w=575&h=413)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on April 30, 2020, 02:58:57 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/7L2JVRpN/Captain-Cake.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 30, 2020, 03:01:50 PM
(https://i.pinimg.com/236x/d9/62/c9/d962c99b8aa234ab0addef0065251c05--feelings-words-pink-balloons.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 30, 2020, 03:05:03 PM
Regretting all of this now, isn't he
(https://i.ibb.co/0rrN2h1/Screenshot-2020-04-30-at-15-03-15.png) (https://ibb.co/pddDwJN)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 30, 2020, 03:05:48 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/7L2JVRpN/Captain-Cake.jpg)

Last 2 images are haunting
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on April 30, 2020, 03:15:06 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/7L2JVRpN/Captain-Cake.jpg)

(https://thedoctorwhosite.co.uk/wp-images/daleks/davros/3-davros-head.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on April 30, 2020, 03:15:51 PM
Last 2 images are haunting

Hell, yes.

(https://i.postimg.cc/yxLdvtcQ/Davmoore.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 30, 2020, 03:23:39 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/4whhKR1.gif)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 30, 2020, 03:25:33 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/4whhKR1.gif)

Brilliant
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 30, 2020, 03:56:31 PM
somehow i dont think id appreciate my birthday being commemorated with a cake shaped like my head

not just his face. his whole fucking head. why is every "tribute" so goddamned mental
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on April 30, 2020, 03:57:43 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/7L2JVRpN/Captain-Cake.jpg)

The daughters just finished changing the application from Captain Tom™ to Colonel Tom ™ before suing Leanne the baker
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on April 30, 2020, 03:58:31 PM
"Oh go on then, I'll just have a slice of jowl please Sue!"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 30, 2020, 04:20:22 PM
Since avidly wishing Colonel Tom death, I've turned a corner and become a convert. I think we should all commit suicide when the old codger dies, wearing Nike trainers and black shellsuits, that'll stop the virus in its tracks.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 30, 2020, 04:33:22 PM
"Oh go on then, I'll just have a slice of jowl please Sue!"
hopefully theres a hilarious mixup and hannah accidentally cuts her 100-year-old father's face off
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on April 30, 2020, 04:43:25 PM
They look like FX models from a Hellraiser movie.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Mr_Simnock on April 30, 2020, 06:34:31 PM
Regretting all of this now, isn't he
(https://i.ibb.co/0rrN2h1/Screenshot-2020-04-30-at-15-03-15.png) (https://ibb.co/pddDwJN)

No, he was just cumming for the first time in years at that point
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on April 30, 2020, 06:35:52 PM
Does he wear his medals every single day?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on April 30, 2020, 06:53:10 PM
Regretting all of this now, isn't he
(https://i.ibb.co/0rrN2h1/Screenshot-2020-04-30-at-15-03-15.png) (https://ibb.co/pddDwJN)

Why does this look like a screencap of him on Celebrity Big Brother
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on April 30, 2020, 06:55:29 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/7L2JVRpN/Captain-Cake.jpg)

I'm not interested in seeing any old man named Tom immortalised as a disgusting cake unless it is specifically Tommy Banner from the Wurzels

(https://i.imgur.com/hgNKG3n.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/AKmFkz2.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on April 30, 2020, 06:59:32 PM
Why does this look like a screencap of him on Celebrity Big Brother

lol
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on April 30, 2020, 07:12:50 PM
(https://abload.de/img/49dccc06-7881-4655-b2jj80.jpeg)

Arise, Sir Captain Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Aaron500 on April 30, 2020, 09:18:02 PM
You can always rely on Nextdoor to plumb the depths of inane mediocrity. And to keep you informed about what the local travelling community are up to.

I thought this cunt was in the army when he raped all those brown children, how come he gets a flypast, and a plane on his fucking cake? Wrong service, pal.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on April 30, 2020, 09:29:54 PM
Saint HRH Lord Sir Captain Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 30, 2020, 09:34:17 PM
PaedoGod Saint HRH Lord Sir Captain Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pearly-Dewdrops Drops on April 30, 2020, 10:05:33 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/7L2JVRpN/Captain-Cake.jpg)

"I'm a cake who dreamt he was a man, and walked around my garden, and loved it. But now the dream is over and the cake is awake." - Captain Tom Moore
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 30, 2020, 10:43:06 PM
imagine just sticking your throbbing erection into one of the eye sockets and moaning OH YES TAKE ME TOM!! YOU COLONEL CUNT!!!!!!!

you could also do that on the cake
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Aaron500 on April 30, 2020, 10:54:11 PM
The shameless famewhore was on the Blankety Blank Christmas Special in 1983, but he didn't win through to the Supermatch Game (Supermatch Game! Supermatch game!). And Terry Wogan is now dead.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 30, 2020, 11:00:50 PM
The Blankety-Blank Moore is in this clip here.  He says something about having two girls and coming up a 14-year-old and coming up a 16-year-old. 

https://metro.co.uk/2020/04/30/colonel-tom-moores-100th-birthday-marked-amazing-flashback-80s-blankety-blank-appearance-12416175/
 (https://metro.co.uk/2020/04/30/colonel-tom-moores-100th-birthday-marked-amazing-flashback-80s-blankety-blank-appearance-12416175/)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 30, 2020, 11:06:29 PM
Freddie Starr's on the panel, looking askance at him while muttering, 'this guy's a wrong-un.  I know he's a perv!'

The Ruth Madoc message must have made his day.  Not everyday he sees a much younger person looking his age.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: holyzombiejesus on April 30, 2020, 11:31:03 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EW3Lw5OWsAkf0bn?format=jpg&name=small)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EW3L7xoX0AAKFzM?format=jpg&name=900x900)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 30, 2020, 11:37:28 PM
lmao

pay your tax you ghastly old soak
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pearly-Dewdrops Drops on April 30, 2020, 11:41:35 PM
"Apologies. ... It was the Wicker Man."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on April 30, 2020, 11:45:03 PM
Tbf the old cunt does look a bit like Alan Wicker.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on April 30, 2020, 11:53:04 PM
this sort of thing shows that stooges like pearson arent putting it on, they are truly utterly credulous afterbirths
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 01, 2020, 12:11:27 AM
this sort of thing shows that stooges like pearson arent putting it on, they are truly utterly credulous afterbirths

One of her toady followers obviously informed her, and probably went through his tweets and linked him to Corbyn to get another pat on the head.

And isn't it mocking the rabid brainwashed pageantry of all this hideousness not a a 100 year old `hero'?

And he isn't a fucking hero, he did his service at a time when desertion meant the death penalty or at least 5 years of confinement, and he's walked up and down his massive garden a bit because his daughter told him to - he's obviously been stage-managed entirely by his cunt kids, nowadays his brain is a probably a Blankety Blank.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 01, 2020, 12:29:28 AM
clap for the ingram-moores for being so good at PR
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on May 01, 2020, 01:11:18 AM
Remind me how much tax vodaphone dodged? Perhaps the exchequer could have collected that, and we’d be 30x better off, and no old people would be forced to do death marches around their (rather expansive) gardens.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Mr Farenheit on May 01, 2020, 04:57:46 AM
Been emailing his daughter for the past couple of weeks.
Finally agreed on a price for his medals.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bronzy on May 01, 2020, 05:19:00 AM
His three medals are 'Went to India' 'Went to Burma' 'Was part of WWII'. They are all for turning up, not anything heroic.

Imagine the state his arse was in, he’s a hero in my book
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 01, 2020, 08:33:55 AM
Kittens: A Life

V-Day

(https://i.ibb.co/bBkRF53/Screenshot-2020-05-01-at-08-26-17.png) (https://ibb.co/J79Fqjd)

Bidet

(https://i.ibb.co/2q8SMWb/Screenshot-2020-05-01-at-08-26-50.png) (https://ibb.co/b1HFvQf)

B-Day

(https://i.postimg.cc/7L2JVRpN/Captain-Cake.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on May 01, 2020, 08:46:14 AM


And he isn't a fucking hero, he did his service at a time when desertion meant the death penalty or at least 5 years of confinement, and he's walked up and down his massive garden a bit because his daughter told him to - he's obviously been stage-managed entirely by his cunt kids, nowadays his brain is a probably a Blankety Blank.

Ant and Dec are considered heroes in this country, the bar is pretty low

https://www.ok.co.uk/tv/ant-dec-saturday-night-takeaway-21732049
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Blofelds Cat on May 01, 2020, 01:56:31 PM
Its Stan Lee all over again...the daughter probably keeps him locked up under the stairs and forces him up and down the garden like Sean Connery in The Hill...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EW1xwMFWoAA8TYD?format=jpg&name=small
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 01, 2020, 02:00:06 PM
Oh thanks for inspiring this shite Colonel Tom you prize cunt. (https://metro.co.uk/2020/04/30/granddad-raising-money-charity-walking-around-garden-dressed-gnome-12631574/)

(https://i1.wp.com/metro.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/PRI_150400911.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&zoom=1&resize=644%2C397&ssl=1)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 01, 2020, 02:47:58 PM

(https://i1.wp.com/metro.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/PRI_150400911.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&zoom=1&resize=644%2C397&ssl=1)

fucking pervert
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 01, 2020, 02:50:05 PM
Chronic Obstructive Paedo Disease.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 01, 2020, 02:56:14 PM
I'd have laughed and laughed if Captain Tom's personal cunt airshow went awry, one accidentally clipped the other mid-flight and the Spitfire went barreling into the cunt on his cunt lawn, the Hurricane spiralling off into his cunt house and blowing up. It would be the best footage ever, like my own personal reverse 9/11.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 01, 2020, 03:42:46 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/nPaE7oP.gif)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 01, 2020, 03:46:48 PM
Belly laughing
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 01, 2020, 04:41:58 PM
Hahhaha holiday cheer at last
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on May 01, 2020, 05:05:49 PM
Someone should tell this Walter Mitty that the DSS now know he's mobile.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on May 01, 2020, 05:31:35 PM
Ant and Dec are considered heroes in this country, the bar is pretty low


It has to be for Dec to reach his pint.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on May 01, 2020, 05:35:52 PM
If Ian Huntley lived to one hundred, got parole, then did something like this to raise money for a paediatric unit, then raised enough to save three more children's lives than would have been saved otherwise, then he'd have been a net contributor to society-having taken out two children but rescued three.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on May 01, 2020, 05:43:21 PM
Rolf's gotta lot of walking to do then
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on May 01, 2020, 06:33:29 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EW3Lw5OWsAkf0bn?format=jpg&name=small)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EW3L7xoX0AAKFzM?format=jpg&name=900x900)
"Apologies, I'm a stupid fuck who doesn't use her eyes OR her brain"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Thomas on May 01, 2020, 08:15:43 PM
What if you're not mocking a hundred year old war veteran, but actually mocking an abominably shit columnist? Is it okay then?

Yes it is.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 01, 2020, 08:19:49 PM
Belly laughing

Still fucking laughing
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 01, 2020, 08:54:40 PM
Still fucking laughing

I mean, I could have done it for about 3 different threads at the moment. Glad you are enjoying it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on May 01, 2020, 09:30:18 PM
yeah that's bloody great
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on May 01, 2020, 09:32:33 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/IT1QMqP.jpg)

party over oops out of time
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Mr Farenheit on May 02, 2020, 08:14:11 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/WVRK4I8.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 02, 2020, 10:08:37 AM
Hahahhah
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on May 02, 2020, 01:10:19 PM
(https://www.kentonline.co.uk/_media/img/GL36RZOG2MIZREUV48CZ.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 02, 2020, 02:25:13 PM
why is there a dog tard on his stroller
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 02, 2020, 02:36:23 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/r9QFwbv.png)

Was saving this for a Wimblewrong, but fuck it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pseudopath on May 02, 2020, 02:47:09 PM
Oh wow. I actually clapped.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Janie Jones on May 02, 2020, 04:04:02 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/nPaE7oP.gif)

Oh God, I just noticed the dog
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on May 02, 2020, 05:19:10 PM
(https://www.kentonline.co.uk/_media/img/GL36RZOG2MIZREUV48CZ.jpg)

A bit flattering that, isn't It? I'm trying to think who it looks like.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on May 02, 2020, 08:19:44 PM
Elvis costello?

(https://www.kentonline.co.uk/_media/img/GL36RZOG2MIZREUV48CZ.jpg)(https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/57a9dcfd46c3c496d8299f87/1506559091533-M8ESPSP99BPR33DQXF48/image-asset.jpeg?content-type=image%2Fjpeg)
Elvis Costello                                                    plastecine Colonel Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 02, 2020, 08:22:16 PM
A bit flattering that, isn't It? I'm trying to think who it looks like.

Conflation of Harry Hill and Edward of Tubbs and Edward.

Or Ronnie Corbett.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on May 02, 2020, 08:37:46 PM
Jim Bowen
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on May 02, 2020, 08:43:21 PM
Nick Hewer
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on May 02, 2020, 09:16:45 PM
Egg Davies with seagull shit on his head.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 02, 2020, 09:21:27 PM
he reminds me a little of Ron in This Picture

(https://i.imgur.com/XeGRoG0.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: batwings on May 02, 2020, 09:47:07 PM
That little person from Twin Peaks who spoke backwards.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on May 03, 2020, 01:57:00 AM
he reminds me a little of Ron in This Picture

(https://i.imgur.com/XeGRoG0.png)

Amazing
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on May 03, 2020, 06:36:36 AM
A bit flattering that, isn't It? I'm trying to think who it looks like.

(https://i.guim.co.uk/img/static/sys-images/Arts/Arts_/Pictures/2015/3/11/1426076267557/John-Shuttleworth-009.jpg?width=1200&height=630&quality=85&auto=format&fit=crop&overlay-align=bottom%2Cleft&overlay-width=100p&overlay-base64=L2ltZy9zdGF0aWMvb3ZlcmxheXMvdGctcmV2aWV3LTMucG5n&enable=upscale&s=665121d544ddeb0def806064058a4ebd)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: solidified gruel merchant on May 03, 2020, 07:11:40 AM
(https://list.lisimg.com/image/13013918/236full.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SteveDave on May 04, 2020, 11:10:07 AM
(https://www.kentonline.co.uk/_media/img/GL36RZOG2MIZREUV48CZ.jpg)

(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/0I2Lmvo4rvA/maxresdefault.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 04, 2020, 11:21:52 AM
Dominic Cummings
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: solidified gruel merchant on May 04, 2020, 12:05:19 PM
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/6/65/Brick1.jpeg/revision/latest/top-crop/width/220/height/220?cb=20170422190852)

“Give us yer fackin’ money.”
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on May 04, 2020, 12:13:19 PM
Denis Norden
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on May 04, 2020, 12:17:45 PM
Some top replies , here. Basically , the looky- likey could be any number of names, appended with " combined with Edward from The League Of Gentlemen", as one astute poster observed.
Trevor Horn is a particularly good 'un. I mean, the real life Trevor Horn nowadays actually looks like Trevor Horn combined with Edward from " The League Of Gentlemen" .
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on May 04, 2020, 12:19:51 PM
(https://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/assets/food/main%201243827407_1024x768_up-film-2009-carl-fredricksen.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 04, 2020, 01:18:38 PM
old man floats house with balloons to south america for the NHS. i might get up and applaud that
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jollity on May 04, 2020, 10:54:41 PM
He was only number one for a week, apparently. Obviously the country isn't that devoted to his cause.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 04, 2020, 11:08:57 PM
what's number one now. who fucking cares what's number one. do they even sell CD singles now?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on May 04, 2020, 11:18:48 PM
'Captain Tom Moore Cum Tribute' by the late Juice Wrld
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jollity on May 04, 2020, 11:44:09 PM
Apparently it is this collaboration (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7GElP4YdrBE)

The kids are still hungry for old songs repurposed for a new age, it turns out. Just from people a tiny bit younger than a hundred, and a tiny bit more famous than Michael Ball.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SteveDave on May 06, 2020, 02:55:28 PM
I await his follow-up single a duet of "I'm Still Standing" with Sir Elton John in due course.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 06, 2020, 03:56:28 PM
I await his follow-up single a duet of "I'm Still Standing" with Sir Elton John in due course.

I hope it goes like this:

(https://i.ibb.co/S6xc36K/20200506-154905.jpg)(https://i.ibb.co/cyW4Smh/20200506-154927.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Blue Jam on May 06, 2020, 04:01:12 PM
Michael Balls is in trouble for trying to 'vid up Are Brave Tom:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/michael-ball-slammed-viewers-visiting-21982455
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 06, 2020, 04:07:17 PM
Mad respect to balls for spitting in his face as payback for raping those villagers

Edit: my apologies. Keighley is not a village.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 07, 2020, 08:58:06 PM
FFS.

https://www.tvguide.co.uk/detail/3655322/25741908/captain-toms-war

Quote
Just a week after his 100th birthday celebrations, NHS fundraiser extraordinaire and national treasure Captain Tom Moore marks another upcoming milestone in this documentary - 75 years since VJ Day and the end of the Second World War later this summer. He looks back on his time in the brutal Burma campaign and honours the soldiers who fought in what has since become known - with so much focus on the European battlefront and on today's VE Day commemoration - as the 'forgotten war'

Bet there'll be a distinct lack of mention of the child buggering war atrocities and much more focus on the WALKING UP AND DOWN THE FUCKING GARDEN.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 07, 2020, 09:49:00 PM
Captain Tom's War
Painting with Captain Tom
Strike It Lucky with Captain Tom
Captain Tom's 3-2-1
Captain Tom's Cabin
Corporal Punishment with Captain Tom and the News Bunny
Absolutism, the scourge of socialism and why the Far-Right is Good for Britain with Captain Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on May 07, 2020, 10:10:42 PM
what's number one now. who fucking cares what's number one. do they even sell CD singles now?

The sound of Adele's liposuctioned bodyfat replaces "You'll Never Walk Alone", which plunges all the way down to number 97.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on May 12, 2020, 12:31:59 PM
Lock up your kids Londoners... oh you already have.

https://twitter.com/BBCLookNorth/status/1260167426328715264 (https://twitter.com/BBCLookNorth/status/1260167426328715264)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on May 12, 2020, 12:34:17 PM
Should have given him freedom of Bombay, we know what he's into.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on May 14, 2020, 11:30:31 AM
(https://i0.wp.com/cranfieldandmarstonvale.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/61d9af69-cc00-4fe8-98eb-a2c792424262.jpg?fit=778%2C1200&ssl=1)

Colonel Tom Moore will release his memoirs in a book deal reportedly worth £1.5million in the coming months.
The fundraiser who has raised £32.8million for NHS Charities Together is reported to have been asked to write a children's book, a lifestyle book and a cookery book inspired by World War II.


I have come to hate this country so much.....
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 14, 2020, 11:35:02 AM
Just a big list of all the Indian babies he murdered.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 14, 2020, 11:35:31 AM
so is that money going to charity too or is going to help pay for the enormous monument tom is going to be interred under in the centre of westminster abbey
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 14, 2020, 11:36:00 AM
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/2M4e0H9jNfzXvDsA5xn7rkrDu5W8DT4mmAc_LQN1fI_1V-qTu3_XGNTHXQha1xNqe1Qf-7N5_ZbmsiFQrGOcrAqjiBHJ6juooFjD9ZmVki7OvKy-J0qNc0rQTkO5B8VtbW3H3XpbzxpGRiWN0w)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 14, 2020, 11:36:43 AM
so is that money going to charity too or is going to help pay for the enormous monument tom is going to be interred under in the centre of westminster abbey

It will be paid out of the total he raised, with a large additional percentage going to his daughter and son-in-law
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on May 14, 2020, 11:39:10 AM
Kedgeree

Get one of the pakis to do the following:

For the rice, heat 2 tbsp vegetable oil in a large, lidded pan, add 1 finely chopped large onion, then gently fry for 5 mins until softened but not coloured.
Add 1 tsp ground coriander, 1 tsp ground turmeric and 2 tsp curry powder, season with salt, then continue to fry until the mix starts to go brown and fragrant; about 3 mins.
Add 300g rinsed easy-cook long grain rice and stir in well. Add 600ml water, stir, then bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer, then cover for 10 mins.
Take off the heat and leave to stand, covered, for 10-15 mins more. The rice will be perfectly cooked if you do not lift the lid before the end of the cooking.
Meanwhile, put 300g skin-on undyed smoked haddock fillet and 2 bay leaves in a frying pan, cover with 300ml milk, then poach for 10 mins until the flesh flakes. Remove from the milk, peel away the skin, then flake the flesh into thumb-sized pieces.
Place 4 eggs in a pan, cover with water, bring to the boil, then reduce to a simmer. Leave for 4½-5 mins, plunge into cold water, then peel and cut the eggs into quarters.
Gently mix the fish, eggs, a handful each of chopped parsley and coriander, and rice together in the pan. Serve hot, sprinkled with a few extra herbs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 18, 2020, 12:21:45 AM
lol get fucked you old cunt

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/316611
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on May 18, 2020, 12:47:52 AM
Charity shit gets an MBE. Everyone knows that.

Knighthoods are for actors or people who give at least 6 figures to the party currently in power.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Wanking Monk of Kefalonia on May 18, 2020, 05:38:25 AM
How did this rancid old cunt become a national hero by doddering round his Olympically sized garden? I could've made the NHS trillions if I'd been sponsored to sprint round my front garden shrubbery.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 18, 2020, 07:43:04 AM
You could probably write a book about collectivism and the psychological burden of collective ur-pride
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Non Stop Dancer on May 18, 2020, 11:08:40 PM
Why's he get to still be a fucking captain? Still in the army are you mate?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 18, 2020, 11:18:40 PM
He's been promoted to Colonel now, you pratt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 18, 2020, 11:22:06 PM
Why's he get to still be a fucking captain? Still in the army are you mate?

Come on, show some respect!

Those 14 Indian babies didn't bayonet themselves!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 18, 2020, 11:22:22 PM
NO NO NO! THESE PEOPLE I RAPED WERE WOGS!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 18, 2020, 11:47:23 PM
NO NO NO! THESE PEOPLE I RAPED WERE WOGS!

Listen Liz, I know India like the back of my hand and have all the logistics mapped out, we should act while the Chinese are weak. We won't let those Opium Wars your great gran lost stop us, we'll load up the boats in Bombay and ship them over to those Covid crippled chinkies and get them all hooked on heroin hookah. We'll bankrupt the country and make it a slave state once again and produce a tidy profit doing it. Can my kids get the contract, Knighthood's in the post?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 18, 2020, 11:58:11 PM
bet the old fucking cunt voted brexit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote
FUCKING HATER THSI SHOWOFF CUNT IM GONNA BATTER HIM

Quote
be funny if he fell over, broke his hip, and the pressure on the NHS is the straw that breaks the camel's back and every hospital in the country collapses haha silly old cunt

Quote
i really hate this cunt. who does he think he is. captain planet?

Quote
can you imagine in france people going "aha! hawny hawny haw! monsieur from le legion foreign walk 'round 'is abode du pompt du pompt for l'ospital"
NO
FUCKING BARMPOT BOOTLICKING COUNTRY OF CUNTS

Quote
he could also dig his own fucking grave. i'd buy THAT for a dollar

Quote
i didnt read all the filed documents (indeed, any)

Quote
hopefully theres a hilarious mixup and hannah accidentally cuts her 100-year-old father's face off

Quote
imagine just sticking your throbbing erection into one of the eye sockets and moaning OH YES TAKE ME TOM!! YOU COLONEL CUNT!!!!!!!
you could also do that on the cake

I've analysed your contribution to the thread and have come to the conclusion you are over invested/obsessed/weird.



Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Aaron500 on May 19, 2020, 12:37:16 AM
1920 - born in Keighley. Never go back there now, it's changed so much from when I were a lad. Enoch Powell was right, go there, you'll see!

1939-45 war. Butchered some brown children after I'd nonced them. Reach the rank of Captain, a rank I relinquish on return to civilian life, as it's fuck all of a rank really and certainly not one to bestow any prestige in later life. I'd have made Major if it wasn't for the war crimes.

1945-90 worked for and then ran a concrete company. Yes, concrete. Exciting.

1960s got married, had a daughter, she grew up to be a capitalist, and she married some rich cunt and they bought a fucking big house.

1983 Went on Blankety Blank.

???? wife dies, move in to daughter's fucking big house

2020 shuffled around in the grounds of my daughter's mansion, inexplicably becoming a hero to a lame-brained British public who have consistently voted to not fund the NHS through their taxes, but who will throw money at this shit, money which can't actually be used to make things better for patients, but can buy pizza and doughnuts for fat-arsed nurses to gorge themselves on.

2020 die. Buried in a pauper's grave.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 19, 2020, 01:47:54 AM
2021 - dug up and fucked in the eyesocket by idunnosomename while MinnieTimperley watches from a distance through binoculars, wanking.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on May 19, 2020, 01:49:41 AM
2021: Rumours concerning the misappropriation of funds donated to Captain Tom's morning shuffleathon begin circulating on the Dark Web.

2033: Panorama accuse Captain Tom of historical sex abuse. Esther Rantzen confirms she suspected him all along.

2034: Captain Tom suspected of still being alive.

2034andabit: Esther Rantzen denies her earlier accusations.

2040: On Captain Tom Day, the bones of a piss taking old cunt are found in Brazil. DNA samples confirm that the bones are those of Esther Rantzen.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on May 19, 2020, 08:19:42 AM
2023 - DNA tests taken as part of a new series of Who Do You Think You Are? reveal Colonel Sir Captain Tom to be the grandfather of Naga Munchetty, Krishnan Guru-Murthy, Romesh Ranganathan, Nina Wadia and the great grandfather of Yaz off Doctor Who.

When asked about his relationship with the families in question, the show’s genealogist simply shrugs and says “war rapes”.

The episode is never broadcast.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: icehaven on May 19, 2020, 08:47:33 AM
One of my cousins forwarded that absurd version of Space Oddity to my Mum last week along with a comment about how wonderful it was. I naturally thought she was joking but it turned out she wasn't.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: paruses on May 19, 2020, 09:26:37 AM
Is there any news on that old lady who started walking up and downstairs?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 19, 2020, 09:59:55 AM
Is there any news on that old lady who started walking up and downstairs?

She's been stuck half way up for 4 days, dehydrated, desiccated, her calls for help getting weaker by the hour. Since the journalists left she hasn't seen anyone. Post still arrives but the postie ignores her feeble cries for assistance. Her family are planning their trip to the beach now that lockdown is effectively over. "That extra cash will come in handy" says Ted, her son.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ollyboro on May 19, 2020, 11:16:34 AM
Is there any news on that old lady who started walking up and downstairs?

Tragically killed by a runaway Thora Hird Turbo 3000 Stannah Stairlift.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 19, 2020, 11:39:24 AM
I've analysed your contribution to the thread and have come to the conclusion you are over invested/obsessed/weird.
THAANKS MAN
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dex Sawash on May 19, 2020, 11:59:58 AM
She's been stuck half way up for 4 days, dehydrated, desiccated, her calls for help getting weaker by the hour. Since the journalists left she hasn't seen anyone. Post still arrives but the postie ignores her feeble cries for assistance. Her family are planning their trip to the beach now that lockdown is effectively over. "That extra cash will come in handy" says Ted, her son.

Old Woman: "Alexa.. please help.. I can't cope with the pain today."

Alexa: "Playing 'Peaches - Fuck The Pain Away'."

Old Woman: "I am frightened and confused."


A jaded beat cop breaks down the door of an unresponsive elderly tenant and trips over a pile of fifteen individually-posted copies of Help! on vinyl. Desolation.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 19, 2020, 12:04:55 PM


The News Cycle nary blinks before rolling ever onward
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 19, 2020, 12:18:21 PM
The hate in this thread makes me feel so warm inside.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 19, 2020, 12:31:25 PM
The hate in this thread makes me feel so warm inside.

The softer more pleasant side of Socialist Politics
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 19, 2020, 12:59:13 PM
The softer more pleasant side of Socialist Politics

why do you think people hate?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 19, 2020, 01:59:35 PM
why do you think people hate?
I can only assume, anti military , opposed to charity of any sort that is not from the state and trying to look hard.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 19, 2020, 02:08:00 PM
I can only assume, anti military , opposed to charity of any sort that is not from the state and trying to look hard.

1 out 3 ain't bad.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 19, 2020, 02:11:22 PM
We all know yo'ure hard BlodwynPig...we've all seen you drinking from noon until noon again
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on May 19, 2020, 02:25:07 PM
I can only assume, anti military , opposed to charity of any sort that is not from the state and trying to look hard.

you're a fuckwit
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 19, 2020, 02:29:06 PM
As I say...trying desperately to look hard...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 19, 2020, 04:07:10 PM
CAPTAIN TOM MOORE HES A HERO
SPENT ACTIVE SERVICE RAPING WIDOWS
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 19, 2020, 07:53:57 PM
The softer more pleasant side of Socialist Politics

What's socialist about taking the piss out of a decrepit paki-basher?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on May 19, 2020, 08:04:31 PM
Comedy forum in irreverent piss-taking shocker.



Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Rainbow Moses on May 19, 2020, 10:04:22 PM
Don't think people would be so keen on challenging kind and gentle socialists on their "irreverent piss-taking" if they weren't so busy daydreaming about policing normal people, or just ruining their lives, for doing the same.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 19, 2020, 10:14:20 PM
I have to be honest, I'm not at all sure I know what you mean. 🙃
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on May 19, 2020, 10:32:49 PM
Don't think people would be so keen on challenging kind and gentle socialists on their "irreverent piss-taking" if they weren't so busy daydreaming about policing normal people, or just ruining their lives, for doing the same.

I'd imagine the only lives being ruined by Cook'd & Bomb'd are those of the poster's themselves, given our complete lack of any influence whatsoever.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on May 19, 2020, 10:34:14 PM
Is the rapey prick dead yet or what?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on May 19, 2020, 10:36:19 PM
Apparently all his skin has sloughed off and he looks like a bundle of peperamis.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 19, 2020, 10:39:51 PM
Cunt is a Knight of the Realm.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Alberon on May 19, 2020, 10:41:37 PM
Cunt is a Knight of the Realm.

Sir Cunt to you, peasant!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Rainbow Moses on May 19, 2020, 10:42:35 PM
I'd imagine the only lives being ruined by Cook'd & Bomb'd are those of the poster's themselves, given our complete lack of any influence whatsoever.

That would have been a valid response if I hadn't said daydreaming about policing and ruining lives.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on May 19, 2020, 10:43:48 PM
He's got you there Quote. DESTROYED ya!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on May 19, 2020, 10:45:43 PM
How would you know what people are daydreaming about?

I mean, you wouldn't just be applying your own assumptions and prejudices about what those bloody lefties are like would you?

EDIT: fuck it, I can't be bothered with another a long drawnout Walnuts-esque argument continually punctuated by tiresome "Ha! Got you! The not so kind and gentle left eh readers?"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 19, 2020, 10:51:29 PM
Amazing that anyone even talks to these fucks. Starve them, cut off the supply, let them gasp for attention and see their life flash before their eyes before their ego vainly reaches for a hasty, superficially satisfying narrative conclusion that it was all worthwhile as their consciousness fades and their spirit becomes pure matter, meat, mulch.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: canadagoose on May 19, 2020, 10:54:48 PM
I think MinnieTimperley fancies ARE SIR CAPTAIN TOM.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on May 19, 2020, 10:56:54 PM
Tom's knighthood has been announced.

Which makes him Sir Colonel Captain McWham Tom Moore esq Mr MBE
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on May 19, 2020, 11:09:45 PM
Shitehood more like it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 19, 2020, 11:32:32 PM
What next?  Claim India back and let the rapey cunt run it?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on May 19, 2020, 11:34:30 PM
The Church of England has saints...….
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 19, 2020, 11:41:42 PM
What next?  Claim India back and let the rapey cunt run it?

Ludicrous.

His kids would run it while they kept old Sir Tom busy with harem of street children. They tie a new one each day to his walker and he grunts and has at it like that Attenborough footage of the tortoise reaching the vinegar strokes. Then they slit it's throat so he can drink the blood to keep the old cunt going as a shuffling national treasure and fetch a new one from the slums, providing Prince Philip hasn't called first dibs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Uncle TechTip on May 20, 2020, 12:49:10 AM
Amazing that anyone even talks to these fucks. Starve them, cut off the supply, let them gasp for attention and see their life flash before their eyes before their ego vainly reaches for a hasty, superficially satisfying narrative conclusion that it was all worthwhile as their consciousness fades and their spirit becomes pure matter, meat, mulch.


Jeez mate, it's just a comedy forum, they don't mean it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ian Drunken Smurf on May 20, 2020, 08:17:50 AM
I dread to think what his funeral will be like, when he is DEAD SOON.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 20, 2020, 08:56:43 AM
Tom's knighthood has been announced.

Which makes him Sir Colonel Captain McWham Tom Moore esq Mr MBE

Remember, HOLD ON TO THE FACT, that a certain James Savile held all these titles at one time
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 20, 2020, 08:57:37 AM
Jeez mate, it's just a comedy forum, they don't mean it.

You'd do well to remember that
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on May 20, 2020, 10:01:09 AM
CAPTAIN TOM MOORE HES A HERO
SPENT ACTIVE SERVICE RAPING WIDOWS

CAPTAIN TOM MOORE KING OF HEROES
SPENT RETIREMENT RAPING WEIRDOS
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 10:03:46 AM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EYaVg4pU0AAe5I8?format=jpg&name=large)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on May 20, 2020, 10:11:18 AM
Yeah all very well, but do YOU want YOUR tax bill going up by 0.005p?

Exactly.

Kinder gentler
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 20, 2020, 10:36:57 AM
Hang on, surely Sir Rapey Tom didn't raise that money, the public did.  We should all be knighted instead.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 20, 2020, 11:10:14 AM
Is it just me, everytime I visit the Captian Tom Moore thread I have to have a shower. I think I might have made matters worse, you all seem to be trying to out do yourselves on ''Hardness'' Puffing yourselves out like birds do. Ugh
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 20, 2020, 11:14:00 AM
Is it just me, everytime I visit the Captian Tom Moore thread I have to have a shower. I think I might have made matters worse, you all seem to be trying to out do yourselves on ''Hardness'' Puffing yourselves out like birds do. Ugh

Yeah, you keep coming back though, ya dirty bastard.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 20, 2020, 11:15:02 AM
I do and that is a failing.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 20, 2020, 11:16:44 AM
Anyway  I'm off for a shower.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chairman Yang on May 20, 2020, 11:29:10 AM
Instead of knighting Captain Tom let's crack his face open with a giant novelty butter knife and takes turns lapping up the runny yellow core of pure British can-do attitude that pours forth from this Hero Dumpty.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on May 20, 2020, 11:37:11 AM
Notice he hasn’t put his withered hand up to go and pick fruit. Fucking part-time patriot.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on May 20, 2020, 11:46:22 AM
Doesn't like hard graft, unlike Charles.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 20, 2020, 11:47:44 AM
Get this fuckin blanched Peperamo on a treadmill and start powering some orphanages
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 20, 2020, 12:54:51 PM
Is it just me, everytime I visit the Captian Tom Moore thread I have to have a shower. I think I might have made matters worse, you all seem to be trying to out do yourselves on ''Hardness'' Puffing yourselves out like birds do. Ugh

Well fuck off then.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on May 20, 2020, 12:57:47 PM
Well fuck off then.

^this.

Stop ruining our beautiful thread you boring narc cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SpiderChrist on May 20, 2020, 01:18:49 PM
Is it just me, everytime I visit the Captian Tom Moore thread I have to have a shower. I think I might have made matters worse, you all seem to be trying to out do yourselves on ''Hardness'' Puffing yourselves out like birds do. Ugh

At least you're lovely and clean. Maybe the answer is to stop visiting the thread. As long as you still remember to maintain an acceptable level of personal hygiene.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ImmaculateClump on May 20, 2020, 01:48:15 PM
He was only aiming for a grand at the start, which makes me think that he's only been involved in very low level noncery.
Since he's hitting the big Savile numbers now, he's got a lot of karma in the bank.
Probably best to keep an eye on him. He'll no doubt be eager to cash in his chips at the sex crime casino on his way out.
I've a sickening feeling that this is far from over.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on May 20, 2020, 01:49:01 PM
He was only aiming for a grand at the start, which makes me think that he's only been involved in very low level noncery.
Since he's hitting the big Savile numbers now, he's got a lot of karma in the bank.
Probably best to keep an eye on him. He'll no doubt be eager to cash in his chips at the sex crime casino on his way out.
I've a sickening feeling that this is far from over.
Money laundering a la Breaking Bad.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on May 20, 2020, 01:53:19 PM
(https://abload.de/img/a18e7b01-6a51-4147-8d0jn9.jpeg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 20, 2020, 02:02:02 PM
^^^ Haunting example of a vintage Scarewog.

The charity concept was only tacked on by his daughter, he originally was only walking round the garden to compact the soil of the mass of child graves he's filled that massive garden with over the years. He's now using Savile's old trick of getting in with the NHS so they bus a load of sick kids round for him to take advantage of, all the child adrenal glands he can eat, and long evenings locked in the paediatric morgue alone with a jar of ghee.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 20, 2020, 02:20:18 PM
(https://abload.de/img/a18e7b01-6a51-4147-8d0jn9.jpeg)

The embalmed corpse of Are Hero Sir Captain Corporal Tom Moore which will be put on display for years to come like Lenin's tomb.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 02:22:28 PM
(https://www.hastingsobserver.co.uk/webimg/T0FLMTIyMjIwMTk4.jpg?width=640)

(https://www.somersetcountygazette.co.uk/resources/images/11330360?type=responsive-gallery-fullscreen)

(https://i2-prod.staffordshire-live.co.uk/incoming/article4091476.ece/ALTERNATES/s1200/0_Margaret-Wale-has-made-scarecrows-which-have-been-put-outside-her-home-in-Captains-Lane-Barton-und.jpg)

(https://www.wigantoday.net/webimg/QVNIMTE0NjY5NDk2.jpg)

(https://i2-prod.chroniclelive.co.uk/incoming/article18145991.ece/ALTERNATES/s1227b/0_RNR-240420-SCARECROWS-13.jpg)

(https://i2-prod.cornwalllive.com/incoming/article4092585.ece/ALTERNATES/s1200b/1_captaintom.jpg)

(https://i2-prod.nottinghampost.com/incoming/article4074519.ece/ALTERNATES/s1200/4_captain-tom.jpg)


IS THAT IT THEN??!!









(https://i.imgur.com/zaXLRON.png)

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on May 20, 2020, 02:23:15 PM
(https://abload.de/img/a18e7b01-6a51-4147-8d0jn9.jpeg)

BNP rosette?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on May 20, 2020, 02:29:40 PM
The embalmed corpse of Are Hero Sir Captain Corporal Tom Moore which will be put on display for years to come like Lenin's tomb.

Lovely to see a monument to the Cambridge Rapist Mask.


Halloween 9 - The Rapening
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on May 20, 2020, 02:33:47 PM
(https://abload.de/img/a18e7b01-6a51-4147-8d0jn9.jpeg)

If Doctor Who ever brings back the Autons then that has got to be in the show,
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 20, 2020, 02:42:06 PM
Lovely to see a monument to the Cambridge Rapist Mask.

(https://truecrimeenthusiast.files.wordpress.com/2017/02/edward-paisnel-the-beast-of-jersey.jpg)

Quote
EDWARD Paisnel, dubbed the Beast of Jersey, was a notorious sex offender during the 1960s and early 70s. He regularly attacked women and children by entering their homes and evaded capture by wearing a costume including a grotesque rubber mask and wrist-bands with nails attached to them.

Think we may have a case of wrongful arrest here, where was Tom during this period?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 20, 2020, 03:08:47 PM
^this.
  you boring narc cunt.

And that's coming from you
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on May 20, 2020, 03:17:56 PM
(https://truecrimeenthusiast.files.wordpress.com/2017/02/edward-paisnel-the-beast-of-jersey.jpg)

Think we may have a case of wrongful arrest here, where was Tom during this period?

(https://i0.wp.com/sublimetruecrime.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Cambridge-Rapist-hooded-mask.jpg?w=615&ssl=1)

“I came to rob and stayed to rape” – The chilling words of the man dubbed the Cambridge Rapist."

Wearing a self-made leather hood with the word “RAPIST” written across the top, Peter Cook went on a reign of terror in the 1970s."


Cookdandrapd
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 20, 2020, 03:32:35 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/qRzqyYw/Untitled.png) (https://ibb.co/SK2Yswp)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chollis on May 20, 2020, 04:21:31 PM
(https://i2-prod.chroniclelive.co.uk/incoming/article18145991.ece/ALTERNATES/s1227b/0_RNR-240420-SCARECROWS-13.jpg)

genuine lol

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on May 20, 2020, 05:21:58 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/qRzqyYw/Untitled.png) (https://ibb.co/SK2Yswp)
Don't blink! It's coming for you!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ImmaculateClump on May 20, 2020, 05:25:52 PM
All these effigys will only be amplifying his power resulting in his sex magic rituals prolonging his life even further.
Can't believe the mainstream media have bought the line about him only being 100 years old.
I wouldn't be surprised if this warlock nonce vampire is at least 3,000.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Alberon on May 21, 2020, 07:14:30 AM

(https://i2-prod.chroniclelive.co.uk/incoming/article18145991.ece/ALTERNATES/s1227b/0_RNR-240420-SCARECROWS-13.jpg)

Albino Greg Davies doing an Eric Morcambe impression.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Tony Tony Tony on May 21, 2020, 07:28:58 AM
Albino Greg Davies doing an Eric Morcambe impression.

Or the third Ronnie? The one kept locked in the attic who secretly wrote all the piss poor sketches.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: tourism on May 21, 2020, 08:26:11 AM
Is it just me, everytime I visit the Captian Tom Moore thread I have to have a shower. I think I might have made matters worse, you all seem to be trying to out do yourselves on ''Hardness'' Puffing yourselves out like birds do. Ugh

do you actually think that people are trying to project a hard man image when they do posts about how captain tom moore worship is s4c or do you mean edgy or something

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 21, 2020, 09:30:09 AM
Fair play to the old vent magnet, he's give away £20m notes to various NHS trusts.

I assume the other £18.9m should cover the charity's costs. A lot of people don't really understand how charities work and think they're all volunteers but there are a lot of overheads when it comes to staffing and marketing. I really hope they're not out of pocket after all this, as impressive as it was. I know in the bigger picture, there are more important things but you do worry about what the consequences will be for the folks who actually have to keep the charity operating during these unprecedented times.

All the best to you Colonel Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pseudopath on May 21, 2020, 09:30:43 AM
Wait a minute. Am I reading this article (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-52739448) correctly? It seems to be insinuating that Captain Sir Noncewalker has only dished out half of the £38.9 million?

EDIT: Just beaten to it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 21, 2020, 09:34:27 AM
The charity is paying other charities? I understand that 20 million is a drop in the ocean for the NHS, but I guess for these charities it will provide warm slippers and tea and biscuits and other stuff that will make a difference.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on May 21, 2020, 09:42:24 AM
I will beat this old idiot up
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 21, 2020, 09:50:14 AM
Just heard that for £20m, you can get about five minutes worth of PPE for ONE NURSE.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 21, 2020, 09:58:40 AM
Just heard that for £20m, you can get about five minutes worth of PPE for ONE NURSE.

For 20 million, you can extend Sir Tom's POINTLESS Life for a mere 30 minutes
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Paul Calf on May 21, 2020, 10:13:28 AM
I’d have a lot more respect for Colonel Tom if he said “Thousands of my friends died on the battlefields of WWII but you give me a knighthood and promotion for acting as a sticking plaster over your murderous public health policy? Go fuck yourselves”.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 21, 2020, 10:36:31 AM
I will beat this old idiot up

HARD
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: DistressedArea on May 21, 2020, 10:40:57 AM
Is it just me, everytime I visit the Captian Tom Moore thread I have to have a shower.

That’s weird, seems normal to me. Are you viewing the thread on a computer or on your phone?  Maybe you should try asking on the tech support thread:

 https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,34820.2460.html (https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,34820.2460.html)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 21, 2020, 10:42:51 AM
More than £20m raised by Captain Tom Moore has been handed out to NHS charities across the country.

Each charity has been given £35,000 from the £32.8m fund and a second grant based on the size of the trust they serve, said NHS Charities Together.

The charity at the hospital where Capt Tom was treated for a broken hip and skin cancer received £122,500.

NHS Charities Together said the donations were "already having a huge impact and will continue to do so".

Chief executive Ellie Orton said funds raised by Capt Tom were part of a total of £116m which would support staff, volunteers and patients.

They include paying for tablet devices for them to keep in contact with loved ones, counselling services, food and drink, and comfortable places for them to take a break.

"We have been completely overwhelmed and delighted by the response our appeal has received," she said.

With gift aid added, the war veteran raised £38.9m for NHS charities by walking 100 lengths of his garden in Bedfordshire before his 100th birthday in April.

The day was marked with an RAF flypast, some 140,000 birthday cards, and Capt Tom being made an honorary colonel.

Capt Tom was initially inspired to raise money for the NHS in its efforts against coronavirus by the quality of care he received during his own time in hospital in 2018.

The charity serving Bedford Hospital, where Capt Tom was treated, and the Luton and Dunstable Hospital, which it has merged with, was awarded £122,500.

Each of the 220 members of NHS Charities Together was granted £35,000 in the first wave of hand-outs.

The second wave to the charities was then calculated at £7 per staff member at the NHS trusts its supports.

Among the largest donations so far are £315,000 to NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde Endowments, £196,000 to Manchester University NHS Foundation Trust Charity and £182,000 to University Hospitals Birmingham Charity.

Other payments, to the more than 250 charities given money, include:

£112,000 to Western HSC Trust in Northern Ireland
£164,500 to Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board - Awyr Las Charity in Wales
£161,000 to Leeds Cares
£150,500 to Barts Charity in London
£147,000 to Nottingham Hospitals Charity
£140,000 to Newcastle upon Tyne Hospitals NHS Charity
£119,000 to Southampton Hospitals Charity
£115,000 to Imperial Health Charity in London
£105,000 to Frimley Health Charity in Surrey
£105,000 to Above and Beyond in Bristol


He had an idea to raise money for charity. It caught on he handed out loads of money to worthwhile causes. Apart from being a British Military Officer and raising money for charity that may in some warped minds shade the fact we do not pay enough taxes under a tory government and the state has been shrunk so it requires charity. I can't see that he has done anything but good. Do we have any charity fund raisers on the board or are you all too shy to put your hands up as you rage against what you think is the machine.

I'm off for a bath
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 21, 2020, 10:47:44 AM
"Charity leads to laziness"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on May 21, 2020, 10:48:12 AM
Where's the other 12.8m?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 21, 2020, 10:50:14 AM
£18.9m including Gift Aid.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 21, 2020, 10:53:41 AM
"Charity leads to laziness"

I actually understand this angle, but why take it all out on a little old man? Focus your ire on those that matter. You are at risk of sucking the good out of life. And good knows we need some good in life in these times.

I'm off for a shower
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 21, 2020, 10:56:16 AM
Is he still walking round his giant garden or does he just have a legion of bizarre scarecrow automaton dopplegangers to do that now while hes off talking to breakfast tv and meeting the queen
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on May 21, 2020, 10:58:32 AM
MinnieTimperley - you'll go wrinkly!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 21, 2020, 11:02:01 AM
His daily routine now is:

10am Rise for a sumptuous breakfast in bed
11am Read the next batch of birthday cards and receive a 'massage' from one of his young foreign boy servants
Midday Elevenses
1pm Luncheon with Terrence
2pm Brandy, and plenty of it
3pm Snooze
5pm High tea
6pm Catch up with the BBC - tell Maude to lambast the fuckers if he isn't mentioned in one of the stories
7pm Dinner, invariably a whole animal
9pm Cribbage with Maude, Terrence and a choice servant boy
10pm Cigars and more Brandy
11pm Copious massaging while admiring his TITLES
Midnight Beauty sleep
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on May 21, 2020, 11:05:50 AM
£18.9m including Gift Aid.

WHERE IS IT
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 21, 2020, 11:07:03 AM
Utility bills for the charity HQ. Do you expect them to work in the dark, mate?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pseudopath on May 21, 2020, 11:07:57 AM
I actually understand this angle, but why take it all out on a little old man? Focus your ire on those that matter. You are at risk of sucking the good out of life. And good knows we need some good in life in these times.

I'm off for a shower

Why do you do it to yourself? You know what you're going to get every time you enter this thread and nothing you say is suddenly going to make the scales fall from our collective eyes and cause us to realise that Sir Captain Tom is the reincarnation of Thomas à Becket.

That said, if he gets away with pocketing that £18.9 million fair fucking play to him. Stick it in some trust funds. Walk into garden grave. Job's a good'un.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on May 21, 2020, 11:19:18 AM
Minnie Timperly seems to know exactly what opinions to express to wind people up for such a new poster.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on May 21, 2020, 11:19:31 AM
Home Again Garden Grave
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 21, 2020, 11:20:17 AM
Thomas Becket also didn't do anything of merit in his life but at least he had the decency to have his brains smashed out before he was deified
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 21, 2020, 11:40:19 AM
More than £20m raised by Captain Tom Moore has been handed out to NHS charities across the country.

Each charity has been given £35,000 from the £32.8m fund and a second grant based on the size of the trust they serve, said NHS Charities Together. etc.......

What about all those poor dead Indian boys.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 21, 2020, 12:31:23 PM
Minnie Timperly seems to know exactly what opinions to express to wind people up for such a new poster.

Yeah everyone havin a total meltdown guy is a legend hahaa
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ImmaculateClump on May 21, 2020, 01:18:54 PM
Each charity has been given £35,000 from the £32.8m fund

They're all coming out the woodwork now he's famous. He's haemorrhaging hush money quicker than he can make it. Can't keep up with the demand. Back on the zimmer frame, once more round the rockery.

From the upcoming "Captain Tom throughout the ages" glossy supplement in one of this weekends papers

(https://i.imgur.com/Rlxs8nH.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on May 21, 2020, 03:33:23 PM
I genuinely am going to track down Captain Sir Tom Moore and punch his lights out
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on May 21, 2020, 03:37:26 PM
I genuinely am going to track down Captain Sir Tom Moore and punch his lights out

That is Captain Sir Colonel Tom Moore to you.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 21, 2020, 03:42:33 PM
To prove how HARD I am, I'm going to stride right into Sir Colonial Dr Conolol Captain Tom Moore's bedroom, chest out, arms swinging, and SLAM my erect shlong right into his puckered, dry ring.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on May 21, 2020, 03:48:54 PM
I'm going to feed him to a Burmese saltwater crocodile
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 21, 2020, 04:01:29 PM
Interesting match up 1 x Hardened proven warrior 100 years old Vs 3 x slightly puny and meek keyboard warriors.......

I swear I remember someone saying Al Tha Funkee Homosapien suffers with acute erectile dysfunction, rendering his threats on this occasion completely mute. Erection hahahahahahaha
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on May 21, 2020, 04:04:24 PM
Interesting match up 1 x Hardened proven warrior 100 years old Vs 3 x slightly puny and meek keyboard warriors.......

He'd get battered. Have you seen the guy?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on May 21, 2020, 04:34:14 PM
Dash a cup of fanny grool over the old cunt, it's his Kryptonite. Just don't mix it up with pre-cum from hairless young boys, otherwise he will grow more powerful than you could ever imagine.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chollis on May 21, 2020, 04:39:16 PM
I actually understand this angle, but why take it all out on a little old man? Focus your ire on those that matter. You are at risk of sucking the good out of life. And good knows we need some good in life in these times.

I'm off for a shower

you seem to be conveniently glossing over the fact that this man is a child rapist
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 21, 2020, 04:39:46 PM
I keep reading about how people are gonna clothesline the guy until his head is somewhere else fuckkkk :(
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 21, 2020, 05:07:09 PM
I'm going to bundle him up in some sack cloth and drive 78 miles to a secluded woodland where I will beat him with a pine branch for several hours. I will then take him to an old quarry and throw him over some aggregate. He will then be placed in a wheelbarrow and taken to a nearby lake where I will leave him in the tepid shallows for several angst ridden minutes. I will put a foxglove and a deadly nightshade in his lapels and burn his shoe laces. Finally I will return him home with a note stuck to his forehead saying "The Hard Man Woz Ere"

I will do this for 100 days for charity
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on May 21, 2020, 05:07:16 PM
Thomas Becket also didn't do anything of merit in his life but at least he had the decency to have his brains smashed out before he was deified

That's not true, he worked as a tax collector for several years, being praised for his skills at screwing money out of the population. If we had more like him we wouldn't need Captain Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Zetetic on May 21, 2020, 05:36:43 PM
the trust
the NHS trusts
England-centric nonsense.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 21, 2020, 06:49:32 PM
I'm going to bundle him up in some sack cloth and drive 78 miles to a secluded woodland where I will beat him with a pine branch for several hours. I will then take him to an old quarry and throw him over some aggregate. He will then be placed in a wheelbarrow and taken to a nearby lake where I will leave him in the tepid shallows for several angst ridden minutes. I will put a foxglove and a deadly nightshade in his lapels and burn his shoe laces. Finally I will return him home with a note stuck to his forehead saying "The Hard Man Woz Ere"

I will do this for 100 days for charity

I'm off for a peach nut shell scrub.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 21, 2020, 07:06:31 PM
Given the chance, I reckon I could take Sir Tom.  I'm no Paul Sykes but at 100, it's an easy win.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 21, 2020, 07:08:16 PM
I'm off for a peach nut shell scrub.

You'll be red raw by the time I'm finished with you.

CaB Members Unite! Back my campaign to see Sir Tomothy Moore imprisoned for historical war crimes!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 21, 2020, 07:13:47 PM
This cunt dead yet?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 21, 2020, 07:35:24 PM
That's not true, he worked as a tax collector for several years, being praised for his skills at screwing money out of the population. If we had more like him we wouldn't need Captain Tom.
you dont get made a saint for being lord chancellor! I bet becket never walked around his garden at lambeth palace once!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 21, 2020, 09:41:10 PM
Once all the hysteria dies off and people have these makeshift Captain Toms laying about in their foyers and garages, come November I'm sure many people will make use of them as Guys for the bonfire.

Hopefully someone will get mixed up and mistakenly put real Captain Tom on a bonfire and the cunt will go up like a fogey firelighter.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 21, 2020, 09:42:14 PM
A company in Essex have started manufacturing Cap'n Tom Fuck Dolls! I won't link here as very NSFW
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 21, 2020, 10:45:31 PM
Unless you work in the Fucking Old Men Factory.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 21, 2020, 10:47:29 PM
we're working hard through the night to get them on shelves tomorrow for your fucking pleasure
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 21, 2020, 10:50:58 PM
we're working hard through the night to get them on shelves tomorrow for your fucking pleasure

#keyworkers
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on May 21, 2020, 11:39:42 PM
(https://i2-prod.chroniclelive.co.uk/incoming/article18145991.ece/ALTERNATES/s1227b/0_RNR-240420-SCARECROWS-13.jpg)


CAPTAIN TOM                  RAPED 17M+
                      FOR US




(https://www.somersetcountygazette.co.uk/resources/images/11330360?type=responsive-gallery-fullscreen)

This one's missing a satsuma in his gob.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 22, 2020, 01:08:31 AM
(https://scontent.flhr3-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/s960x960/99293214_2919168101464674_7328917255998144512_o.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_sid=110474&_nc_ohc=zziVt7lAVFQAX9o-53S&_nc_ht=scontent.flhr3-2.fna&_nc_tp=7&oh=62cefd51610c53f543e3e54d550b58f9&oe=5EEB70D8)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 22, 2020, 01:23:22 AM
And when Captain Tom Moore saw the breadth of his garden, he wept, for there were no more wogs to bugger.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: rack and peanut on May 22, 2020, 07:12:04 AM
What's he bitter about? Having to get out of his comfy chair?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 22, 2020, 07:47:33 AM
I would personally donate three grand to see the guy attempt the Travellator off Gladiators.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 22, 2020, 07:55:48 AM
I would personally donate three grand to see the guy attempt the Travellator off Gladiators.

woke up this morning and my first thought was clapping monkey gif
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on May 22, 2020, 09:41:14 AM
I heard from a very reliable source, that this old cunt is none other than Goatse himself.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 22, 2020, 09:47:08 AM
woke up this morning and my first thought was clapping monkey gif

I actually didn't clap but I will be clapping EVERY NIGHT from now on
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on May 22, 2020, 09:51:43 AM
Pleased to announce my charity boxing match with Captain Tom Moore has been cancelled because I "cleaned [his] clock" at the weigh in
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 22, 2020, 09:57:20 AM
I heard from a very reliable source, that this old cunt is none other than Goatse himself.

Come on now, that really is a bit of a stretch.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on May 22, 2020, 10:07:51 AM
Come on now, that really is a bit of a stretch.

He went round that house so many times, by the end he was doing Pro Laps.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bronzy on May 22, 2020, 10:12:48 AM
captain tom more dick in my ass please
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ImmaculateClump on May 22, 2020, 11:13:39 AM
I think it would be nice if we buried him standing up with his little head sticking out the ground like a shrivelled turnip and then somebody like Jonny Wilko could come and boot it high into the sky and score a conversion.
2 pointer. What a treat!
I'd like the crowd to be singing "swiiing looow, sweet heeeeeid the baaaaw" as his little turnip flew through the air.

We could convince him that he's dead and that he needs to be buried, give him some shit about it helping the NHS or his fallen comrades or something.
Get the doddering hunchback down in the ground and pack the earth nice and tight around his shoulders.

"Oh look, it's Jonny Wilko. Do you recognise him from the telly?" Wilko does that thing where they take 5 big strides backwards, two to the left, sucks his finger, holds it up to check the wind. Huge thighs pumping away, studs ripping up the turf, crowd going "wooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAH!" as he gets closer.
Punt!

The crowd swaying side to side waving their arms above their heads and serenading the head on it's way "Weeee'll meet agaaaain, don't know wheeeere, don't know wheeeeen!".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 22, 2020, 11:17:05 AM
I think it would be nice if we buried him standing up with his little head sticking out the ground like a shrivelled turnip and then somebody like Jonny Wilko could come and boot it high into the sky and score a conversion.
2 pointer. What a treat!
I'd like the crowd to be singing "swiiing looow, sweet heeeeeid the baaaaw" as his little turnip flew through the air.

We could convince him that he's dead and that he needs to be buried, give him some shit about it helping the NHS or his fallen comrades or something.
Get the doddering hunchback down in the ground and pack the earth nice and tight around his shoulders.

"Oh look, it's Jonny Wilko. Do you recognise him from the telly?" Wilko does that thing where they take 5 big strides backwards, two to the left, sucks his finger, holds it up to check the wind. Huge thighs pumping away, studs ripping up the turf, crowd going "wooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAH!" as he gets closer.
Punt!

The crowd swaying side to side waving their arms above their heads and serenading the head on it's way "Weeee'll meet agaaaain, don't know wheeeere, don't know wheeeeen!".

Just sent that to Dan Walker and Naga Squeeeeechetty for peer-review
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 22, 2020, 11:32:24 AM
#ClapfortheGoatseMan
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 22, 2020, 11:50:05 AM
Fucking hell. I've shared this nugget of information across all my social media platforms and its gaining traction...

Nick Knowles writes on Instagram 'Shocked and Saddened at hearing the news that Tom Moore is GOATSE, I'm still in therapy 20 years later. Sick bastard'

Jennifer Saunders pipes up on Facebook 'He may have raised lots of money, but the GOATSE revelations change all that.'

Les Dawson speaks from the Grave on Graver 'Glad I wasn't hosting Blankety Blank at the time. Vile, disgraceful, criminal behaviour. Old Nick and God have told me he is not welcome in either of their houses and Jacques Le Goff, Lord of Purgatory won't have him either... guess the living are stuck with the creepy cunt'
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pseudopath on May 22, 2020, 11:59:13 AM
Ha ha! Love the idea of a site called Graver. Although you just know it would be spelt GrVr.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 22, 2020, 12:11:22 PM
Spike the cunt with bad acid then bury him alive in a cheap coffin papered with the faces of his child victims, have a pipe for air to prolong the torture that has a big conical trumpet at the end so all the kids of the village can hear his amplified wheezing wails of torment, also allows kids to shout nasty things down it to further disorientate and distress the perambulating pederast. That'll learn him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 22, 2020, 12:28:19 PM
Jacob Bronowski Presents The Descent of Man

"The rise of Sir Tom Moore to the upper echelons of the British establishment, his veneration and subsequent preservation as a specimen of humankind so superior that thousands of citizens were imprisoned for daring to wish him well on his 101st Birthday, exposed an evil at the heart of mankind"

"Were it not for a handful of dissenting voices, one may imagine the fable of Sir Tom Moore and his reimagining as a deity with untrammelled access to young brown boys, would have ultimately led to the collapse of the human population on Planet Earth."

In 2021, after the first great purge of believers, I interviewed one of these Atomists (non-believers), deep inside the secret lair the organisation known only as C.A.B. operated from.

Quote
Spike the cunt with bad acid then bury him alive in a cheap coffin papered with the faces of his child victims, have a pipe for air to prolong the torture that has a big conical trumpet at the end so all the kids of the village can hear his amplified wheezing wails of torment, also allows kids to shout nasty things down it to further disorientate and distress the perambulating pederast. That'll learn him.

I think you, the viewer, can join me in agreeing that this particular sentiment was necessary and correct.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 22, 2020, 12:56:39 PM
Ha ha! Love the idea of a site called Graver. Although you just know it would be spelt GrVr.
is that an app for necrophiliacs to pin the location of corpses they've exhumed to share with fellow corpse-fuckers
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Zetetic on May 22, 2020, 02:57:27 PM
https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2020-05-22-british-sas-soldier-turned-mercenary-dies-aged-86-without-facing-justice-for-war-crimes/
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 22, 2020, 03:17:47 PM
Sri Lanka is well known for British expats exploitation of child prostitution, bet that bloke and Captain Tom had many a 'Jolly Boys Outings' flying over there together. Waving at Arthur C. Clarke over in the window of the next brothel, humming Also Sprach Zarathustra as a hairless youth goes down on him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utterdrivel on May 22, 2020, 04:05:24 PM
This is all a bit unpleasant.

I'd like to strip him naked and swaddle him in the finest blankets available, before rocking him to sleep with a lullaby and a gentle kiss on the forehead.

Then I would bum him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 22, 2020, 04:18:49 PM
Captain Cum Moore they called him
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 22, 2020, 05:56:55 PM
Captain Cum Moore they called him

(https://i.ibb.co/tmGgJ31/98344582-1446954185477746-3107347463573340160-n.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on May 22, 2020, 09:35:45 PM
Captain Cum Moore they called him

I can't be the only one to have noticed that CAPTAIN TOM MOORE is a clever anagram of his army nickname, 'RAPE INTO COMA' TOM.

The brass balls on this fucker. Hiding in plain sight.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 22, 2020, 09:48:41 PM
Also an anagram of Maniac Poor Totem.

#SATIRE
Title: Cpta To Moor
Post by: idunnosomename on May 22, 2020, 10:05:53 PM
Anime tomato corp
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ImmaculateClump on May 22, 2020, 10:06:42 PM
cram potato in moe
M.O. rape tot in coma
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 22, 2020, 10:25:28 PM
RAPE SQUADRON
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Danger Man on May 22, 2020, 10:33:01 PM
632 squadron: The Arsebusters
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 22, 2020, 10:36:44 PM
M.O. rape tot in coma

That is fucking not on.

Captain Tom would never rape a tot in a coma. He'd want said tot to consciously experience every second of trauma and unpleasantness of his ferocious sexual attack, it gives him a much higher euphoria once he cuts them open and sucks on their still-pumping adrenal gland and vim enough for another lap of the garden.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 22, 2020, 10:43:30 PM
i would have great respect for Captain Tom if he registered an account here and told us to stop now, because it's got silly. It was funny at first when you were hyperbolically mocking a wealthy man for an empty gesture of walking round his estate, but now it's all gone silly. What with the sadistic raping, and that.

but he wont THE OLD CUNT. IM GONNA PUNCH HIM INTO THE SUN
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 22, 2020, 10:48:54 PM
Tom wouldn't be seen dead using a computer, he heard what happened with Gary Glitter. Nah, he sticks to the tried and trusted methods used by his shady military connections. Like that massive child porn score he was handed personally by Savile when he contrived him an excuse to visit BBC headquarters for an appearance on Blankety Blank on Christmas day 1983. But we've cottoned on now, Tom, people are onto you, you scum.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chollis on May 22, 2020, 10:52:43 PM
i would have great respect for Captain Tom if he registered an account here and told us to stop now, because it's got silly. It was funny at first when you were hyperbolically mocking a wealthy man for an empty gesture of walking round his estate, but now it's all gone silly. What with the sadistic raping, and that.

but he wont THE OLD CUNT. IM GONNA PUNCH HIM INTO THE SUN

Celebrity Deathmatch

Captain Tommy Moore vs Tommy Robinson

ITV3 9pm
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on May 22, 2020, 10:54:37 PM
Celebrity Deathmatch

Captain Tommy Moore vs Tommy Robinson

ITV3 9pm

Naff off. An event like that isn't on ITV 3. It is pay per view. £99.99 for the night. 10% of all proceeds go to the NHS.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chollis on May 22, 2020, 10:58:45 PM
this cunt is worse than Robinson let's be honest
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on May 22, 2020, 11:00:43 PM
Are Tommy wouldn’t batter a war hero. Not like those lowlife lefty slags.

They’d both team up to give a Muslim a doing over.

“Like the old days for you this eh, Captain?”

“I haven’t beaten a brown person in years. Thank you Tommy, this is even better than the knighthood.”
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 22, 2020, 11:15:24 PM
god you really couldnt do celebrity deathmatch these days without getting embroiled in the culture wars
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on May 23, 2020, 01:54:12 AM
BOOOOOO you fuckers stop lazily detailing how you'd beat up an old man and go back to mocking the hellscape society that doesn't bother funding healthcare and instead employs the media to paint a 99 year old man shuffling round his garden to raise money as some sort of heartwarming act of heroism instead of a symptom of late-stage laissez-faire privatize everything capitalism

ENTERTAIN ME I'M BORED
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: phes on May 23, 2020, 09:36:36 AM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EW3Lw5OWsAkf0bn?format=jpg&name=small)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EW3L7xoX0AAKFzM?format=jpg&name=900x900)

Someone with wiki editing know how should add this to her already impressive list of dumb/heinous 'controversies'
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 23, 2020, 11:11:13 AM
My Tribute to Sir Tom Moore

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE-4LYz6YrI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE-4LYz6YrI)

Damn, blocked, its unlisted - let me know if you can view it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 23, 2020, 12:14:35 PM
BOOOOOO you fuckers stop lazily detailing how you'd beat up an old man and go back to mocking the hellscape society that doesn't bother funding healthcare and instead employs the media to paint a 99 year old man shuffling round his garden to raise money as some sort of heartwarming act of heroism instead of a symptom of late-stage laissez-faire privatize everything capitalism

ENTERTAIN ME I'M BORED

Doesn't this warm the cockles of your heart? (https://www.google.com/search?q=captain+tom+moore+cunt&oq=captain+tom+moore+cunt&aqs=chrome..69i57.2742j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 23, 2020, 07:43:42 PM
Not sure whether any of you will invest at just under an hour, but this is the reality of "ARE Tommies" theatre 1943-45

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3p7bdk

Worth a watch just for curiosity, surely. Lest we all forget.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 23, 2020, 07:49:40 PM
Not sure whether any of you will invest at just under an hour, but this is the reality of "ARE Tommies" theatre 1943-45

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3p7bdk

Worth a watch just for curiosity, surely. Lest we all forget.

Does it mention Sir Corporal Captain Britains Hero Chief Walker Tom Moore's war crimes?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on May 23, 2020, 07:52:30 PM
We all know you patronising cunt, there isn’t a fucking day that goes by without WWII being dredged up in this country.

Public services shouldn’t be relying on pensioners doddering around their gardens, ‘tap dance for the NHS 2020’, or your Nan doing doughnuts in a low rider in Tesco’s carpark.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 23, 2020, 07:52:34 PM
Does it mention Sir Corporal Captain Britains Hero Chief Walker Tom Moore's war crimes?
Not telling, watch it you pratt  then you tell me.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 23, 2020, 07:53:18 PM
We all know you patronising cunt, there isn’t a fucking day that goes by without WWII being dredged up in this country.

Public services shouldn’t be relying on pensioners doddering around their gardens, ‘tap dance for the NHS 2020’, or your Nan doing doughnuts in a low rider in Tesco’s carpark.
Then why blame him?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on May 23, 2020, 07:54:59 PM
Because he’s a symbol of the fucking malaise. And his rotten family are the kind of cunts who led to this situation.

Forcing Grandad on a Bataan death march around the rear field rather than stumping up some taxes and voting in a decent government.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 23, 2020, 07:56:37 PM
Not telling, watch it you pratt  then you tell me.

Put it on x5. It didn't. Whitewash.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 23, 2020, 07:59:49 PM
Because he’s a symbol of the fucking malaise. And his rotten family are the kind of cunts who led to this situation.

Forcing Grandad on a Bataan death march around the rear field rather than stumping up some taxes and voting in a decent government.
You are lost Quote, I feel sorry for you, mate.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on May 23, 2020, 08:01:31 PM
You dumb fuck.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 23, 2020, 08:02:24 PM
Nice
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 23, 2020, 08:17:12 PM
World War Two in "very bad" shocker

Though a lot of people make out it was a right fucking lark we'll meet again
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 23, 2020, 08:43:22 PM
Hopefully this TRIBUTE video will not be blocked on Vimeo

This one's for you Minnie - has some archive footage from the war(s) too

Corporal Dregg (https://vimeo.com/421980510)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pseudopath on May 23, 2020, 08:46:09 PM
Hopefully this TRIBUTE video will not be blocked on Vimeo

This one's for you Minnie - has some archive footage from the war(s) too

Corporal Dregg (https://vimeo.com/421980510)

Fucking brilliant.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on May 23, 2020, 08:57:31 PM
Hopefully this TRIBUTE video will not be blocked on Vimeo

This one's for you Minnie - has some archive footage from the war(s) too

Corporal Dregg (https://vimeo.com/421980510)

that's wonderful

(is that the music from Berberian Sound Studio btw?)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 23, 2020, 09:03:53 PM
Hopefully this TRIBUTE video will not be blocked on Vimeo

This one's for you Minnie - has some archive footage from the war(s) too

Corporal Dregg (https://vimeo.com/421980510)

I'll watch yours if you watch mine. I realise yours is aimed at the attention deficit 4 minute single masses. Mine is a little more refined and meant more at the informative album type.Have a go.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 23, 2020, 09:20:15 PM
that's wonderful

(is that the music from Berberian Sound Studio btw?)

yup and In Fabric (the main bit) - hence youtube block
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on May 24, 2020, 07:29:57 PM
This thread has made me feel really sad :-(
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Thursday on May 24, 2020, 07:41:04 PM
Yeah frankly I've been crying at the absolutely shocking lack of respect shown for Captain Paedo Moore, and his regiment of rapists.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 24, 2020, 07:57:52 PM
the horror. its like the somme. but on the internet
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on May 24, 2020, 08:15:54 PM
To cheer myself up I am going to castrate Captain Tom Moore with a chisel
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on May 24, 2020, 09:30:01 PM
Staple his penis to a chapati.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 24, 2020, 09:38:47 PM
Oh, the horror!  This thread should be put behind an over 18's only certificate. Ironic because Cpt Paedo liked them way younger.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 25, 2020, 01:00:19 PM
The lads at The Daily Mash (https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/creepy-village-erects-large-wicker-captain-tom-20200522196692?fbclid=IwAR1Dhw6l9rBJPhxT9zRY7aXg81PAaiVhvB_WbykYb7xdysNZ08de4zV2KKY) surely have their finger right on the very beating pulse of comedy, and that's no mistake..
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 25, 2020, 02:49:04 PM


Im making an effigy of sir camptain major tom moore out of my own faeces, then raping it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: madhair60 on May 25, 2020, 03:02:08 PM
They used to call him Tom "More" down at the old dark web due to his insatiable sexual appetite

edit: for children, I hasten to add
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 25, 2020, 03:13:33 PM
They nicknamed him "Cuddly" Moore because he used to cuddle colonial Indian prepubescent boys to death, snuggy Thuggee style.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 25, 2020, 03:18:40 PM
They used to call him "No" Moore as that's what all those young, defenceless boys used to cry.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chairman Yang on May 25, 2020, 03:59:29 PM
I heard they called him "Captain" down at the barracks in reference to his rank in the armed forces.

Children.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Head Gardener on May 25, 2020, 04:14:47 PM
I heard they called him "Captain" down at the barracks

did he say Wot?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 25, 2020, 06:12:58 PM
They called him Captain Tom "Thumb" because of where he put his thumb
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chollis on May 25, 2020, 06:19:20 PM
"Goodnight, Mr Tom!" the children would repeat at gunpoint as he departed the Calcutta slums every evening
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 29, 2020, 01:07:06 AM
CHILD WITH CEREBRAL PALSY MUSCLING IN

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EZGKX2eXsAIYmUF?format=jpg&name=small)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EZGKX2PWoAA0fv6?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)

https://twitter.com/NRSHealthcare/status/1265946407703371776/photo/1

40K? fucking pathetic. try raping a few indians and come back kid
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 29, 2020, 01:11:48 AM
i mean. healthcare for disabled children should be fully funded by taxing alan sugar till his bollocks squeak. not children with cerebral palsy walking round on breakfast TV for donations. thats my agenda. cheers
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 29, 2020, 01:28:00 AM
i mean. healthcare for disabled children should be fully funded by taxing alan sugar till his bollocks squeak. not children with cerebral palsy walking round on breakfast TV for donations. thats my agenda. cheers

Don't worry, Captain Tom will pull a few strings with his shadowy government/military connections and have this piss taker of a boy whisked away to his huge house for a 'special meeting' with Captain Tom where they can really get 'palsy'. He'll be stripped naked, dipped in garlic oil and curry powder and delivered to Tom forthwith for an immense buggering, the Colonel up his colon so deep let's see this lad even try and walk after Tom has had his way with him. That'll teach this feckless do-gooder with his ambling arrogance to try and steal his limelight by bothering to walk a bit for the cameras. Tom will then strangle him slowly and suck in his soul to live again for at least another three cycles of the moon.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GoblinAhFuckScary on May 29, 2020, 01:35:29 AM
Don't worry, Captain Tom will pull a few strings with his shadowy government/military connections and have this piss taker of a boy whisked away to his huge house for a 'special meeting' with Captain Tom where they can really get 'palsy'. He'll be stripped naked, dipped in garlic oil and curry powder and delivered to Tom forthwith for an immense buggering, the Colonel up his colon so deep let's see this lad even try and walk after Tom has had his way with him. That'll teach this feckless do-gooder with his ambling arrogance to try and steal his limelight by bothering to walk a bit for the cameras. Tom will then strangle him slowly and suck in his soul to live again for at least another three cycles of the moon.

what the actual fuck
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 29, 2020, 01:49:31 AM
CHILD WITH CEREBRAL PALSY MUSCLING IN

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EZGKX2eXsAIYmUF?format=jpg&name=small)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EZGKX2PWoAA0fv6?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)

https://twitter.com/NRSHealthcare/status/1265946407703371776/photo/1

40K? fucking pathetic. try raping a few indians and come back kid

Left it late.  Everyones had enough now of clapping and try-hards ambling about for cash.  Its time to get the BBQ's out and forget the NHS.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on May 29, 2020, 10:57:59 AM
Left it late.  Everyones had enough now of clapping and try-hards ambling about for cash.  Its time to get the BBQ's out and forget the NHS.

Cerebral palsy? Fuck off man 40k is just terribly paltry. Little twat.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 29, 2020, 11:17:55 AM
More than 40k spent on sending captain tom birthday cards i reckon. Pathetic.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on May 29, 2020, 11:39:19 AM
More than 40k spent on sending captain tom birthday cards i reckon. Pathetic.

At his age they're likely the last he'll get, so don't begrudge him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 29, 2020, 11:41:57 AM
Looks like a time travelled Sir Tom Moore, that kid - that's what he spent the money on - Tardis.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ImmaculateClump on May 29, 2020, 01:49:11 PM
Is that Barry from last of the summer wine?

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EZGKX2eXsAIYmUF?format=jpg&name=small)(https://i.imgur.com/Y0sIkYB.jpg)

Must be some sort of weird aberration caused by Tom's time machine.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 29, 2020, 01:52:32 PM
Why is Pris from Bladerunner staying indoors? Is the kid JF Sebastien
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on May 29, 2020, 02:24:28 PM
Are we quite sure that this kid isn't Colonel Captain Sir Tom Moore in disguise?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 29, 2020, 02:54:20 PM
Are we quite sure that this kid isn't Colonel Captain Sir Tom Moore in disguise?

Looks like a time travelled Sir Tom Moore, that kid - that's what he spent the money on - Tardis.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on May 29, 2020, 03:41:08 PM
Shame that kid's parents don't have connections like HRH Colonel Sir Captain Tom's daughter. £40k's nice, but it's all about that RAF fly past, record and book deals and Nick Knowles doing your fence up for free.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on May 29, 2020, 03:43:08 PM
Shame that kid's parents don't have connections like HRH Colonel Sir Captain Tom's daughter. £40k's nice, but it's all about that RAF fly past, record and book deals and Nick Knowles doing your fence up for free.

This kids dad works for Allied carpets, well, he did when it was open. Poor sods signed on ever since. They need to do a drive pass...the DSS after this is over.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on May 29, 2020, 06:20:47 PM


I think it is preposterous to suggest that Sir Colonel Captain Tom would, as a child, time travel into the future to raise money for charity. Much more likely that he'd dress up as a child with cerebral palsy.


That being said, the idea of Captain Tom travelling through history on a time travelling zimmerframe is an appealing one.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 29, 2020, 06:28:46 PM
That being said, the idea of Captain Tom travelling through history on a time travelling zimmerframe is an appealing one.

I don't think he even walked at all, that advanced military zimmerframe just hovered slightly and he let the Earth slowly rotate around him, lazy gravity dodging paedo cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 29, 2020, 06:45:46 PM
*Self immerse in bath of hand sanitser as the hard men flex thier muscles*
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on May 29, 2020, 07:09:27 PM
*Self immerse in bath of hand sanitser as the hard men flex thier muscles*

Not sure this is the place for your wank scenarios.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 29, 2020, 07:13:49 PM
Don't analyse me Cold Meat Platter
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 29, 2020, 07:28:09 PM
*Self immerse in bath of hand sanitser as the hard men flex thier muscles*

Again, you know before opening the thread what's going to be inside but still go ahead.  Dirty bastard.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on May 29, 2020, 07:33:09 PM
Again, you know before opening the thread what's going to be inside but still go ahead.  Dirty bastard.

I know what's going to be inside Colonel Tom's soft husk of a skull when I eventually split it open with that fucking zimmerframe of his, but it's not going to stop me.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on May 29, 2020, 07:33:50 PM
Don't analyse me Cold Meat Platter

I was just pointing out that this is a thread dedicated to Britain's favourite biltong golem sex-case, not your febrile onanistic fantasies.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on May 29, 2020, 07:34:57 PM
*Self immerse in bath of hand sanitser as the hard men flex thier muscles*
you spelled "virtue signalling" wrong
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 29, 2020, 08:50:22 PM
I was just pointing out that this is a thread dedicated to Britain's favourite biltong golem sex-case, not your febrile onanistic fantasies.
Cold Meat Twat more like 🙂
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 29, 2020, 08:51:27 PM
Sorry
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on May 29, 2020, 08:58:55 PM
If I could make a suggestion? Cold Meat Twatter would have been better, not great, but better.
I suppose you're trying to keep your character consistent, though. Good for you.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: MinnieTimperley on May 29, 2020, 09:02:05 PM
Anti pasta
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on May 31, 2020, 02:20:10 AM
Peperapey sponsored nonce-lord
Scaffolded war criminal in futile escape attempt
It ain't half hot, Mum, after raping and bayoneting all these kids.

These are all unacceptable things to say about are Captain Tom, wouldn't you agree Minnie?

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: What Doth Life? on May 31, 2020, 01:44:04 PM
I'm trembling at the thought of Colon Tom's wrinkly grey worm down my gob, and the fact that it was in hundreds of Indian children only adds to my ardour.

Blimey, bit strong Min!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 31, 2020, 01:48:27 PM
Blimey, bit strong Min!

Bloody hell, awful awful stuff.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: What Doth Life? on May 31, 2020, 02:15:46 PM
Bloody hell, awful awful stuff.

Genuinely hard to read, if I'm honest.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on May 31, 2020, 02:20:34 PM
Taking things too far.  There's a line and Minnie's crossed it. Enough!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on May 31, 2020, 02:25:26 PM
is this old cunt dead yet
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 31, 2020, 02:31:12 PM
Taking things too far.  There's a line and Minnie's crossed it. Enough!

Typical of his sort. The far-beige thugs have really jumped the shark now. Can't see him coming back from this.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Blue Jam on July 11, 2020, 06:41:32 PM
Captain Tom Moore may have an osprey named after him:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-highlands-islands-53374397

Beats "Hagrid" I guess.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dog Botherer on July 11, 2020, 06:46:12 PM
came in here expecting the throes of ecstasy at the old bollocks carking it

bird
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 11, 2020, 06:53:38 PM
yeh, BJ, no-one here gives a fuck about naming an Osprey. The polar opposite of what we want to see*

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Blue Jam on July 11, 2020, 06:55:47 PM
Alright, I thought you fuckers might like the chance to vote for one of the other options. I'm not voting for "Hagrid", don't want a transphobic osprey menacing our non-binary mallards. Don't want "Captain" diddling our cygnets either.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 11, 2020, 06:59:13 PM
How about leaving them alone and desist from this twee nonsense (not you, society in general).
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dog Botherer on July 11, 2020, 06:59:45 PM
i’m writing in “cunt”
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: earl_sleek on July 11, 2020, 07:19:58 PM
HOW IS HE NOT DEAD YET CUNT
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JimminyJillikers on July 11, 2020, 09:01:55 PM
Should've been taken to a cliff in Hälsingland on his 100th birthday
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sherringford Hovis on July 12, 2020, 12:22:18 AM
Captain Tom Moore may have an osprey named after him

Appropriate, since hapless grunts forced into the misbegotten tilt-rotor call it "the widowmaker".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on July 12, 2020, 01:52:02 AM
I hope they present it to him and it goes right proper barmy and rips his fucking face off.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on July 12, 2020, 09:49:46 AM
Captain Tom Moore may have an osprey named after him:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-highlands-islands-53374397

Beats "Hagrid" I guess.
oh i thought you meant a new species

Deso
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 12, 2020, 09:57:52 AM
Osprey McOspreyface
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on July 13, 2020, 01:53:15 AM
I was thinking the other day after the announcement of reintroduced TV licence payments for the over-75s that Major sir colonel captain Tom could probably pay them all off in a day if he wanted to. And yet he chooses not to...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dog Botherer on July 13, 2020, 07:44:43 AM
I was thinking the other day after the announcement of reintroduced TV licence payments for the over-75s that Major sir colonel captain Tom could probably pay them all off in a day if he wanted to. And yet he chooses not to...

paedo scum
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on July 17, 2020, 02:33:30 PM
the queen adds another one to the long list of sex offenders she's knighted today
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on July 17, 2020, 02:34:37 PM
fucking hell don't BUMP this thread if he isn't dead in a DITCH
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 17, 2020, 03:39:42 PM
Tragedy strikes as the CoD accidentally stabs are brave Sir Major Colonel Captain Tom right through the fucking bonce.

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/DFB4/production/_113486275_tv062504024.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 17, 2020, 03:40:42 PM
Tragedy strikes as the CoD accidentally stabs are brave Sir Major Colonel Captain Tom right through the fucking bonce.

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/DFB4/production/_113486275_tv062504024.jpg)

That's where he's been for the last few months, walking to Windsor...or did the Queen have to come to him "No your place, your majesty...oh by the way do you have Andrew's phone number? for old times sake"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on July 17, 2020, 03:46:55 PM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/DFB4/production/_113486275_tv062504024.jpg)

There, how do you like that? Hehe, can't get mad, I'm the Queen!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on July 17, 2020, 04:32:21 PM
Unfortunately she had already bestowed immortality upon him so he will not die of his injury or indeed ever. All hail Sir Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on July 17, 2020, 04:58:20 PM
He'll be raping our descendants long after we are all dead.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on July 17, 2020, 05:01:45 PM
Tragedy strikes as the CoD accidentally stabs are brave Sir Major Colonel Captain Tom right through the fucking bonce.

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/DFB4/production/_113486275_tv062504024.jpg)

The slowest draw in the west.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on July 17, 2020, 05:17:34 PM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/DFB4/production/_113486275_tv062504024.jpg)

"How appropriate, you fight like a cow."
Title: Re: Sir Tom Moore
Post by: Pearly-Dewdrops Drops on July 17, 2020, 06:09:31 PM
Please edit this thread title, it is now DISRESPECTFUL.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on July 17, 2020, 06:38:49 PM
Tragedy strikes as the CoD accidentally stabs are brave Sir Major Colonel Captain Tom right through the fucking bonce.

I’ve sometimes wondered if she ever has a sort of ‘Liz’s Mad Thought’ when doing that sword thing - it must fleetingly pass through her mind that she could just behead some fucker with impunity. She could just give the grieving family a golden swan or something as compensation, and they’d just have to suck it up.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on July 17, 2020, 07:51:57 PM
That's where he's been for the last few months

Yeah, they've been fucking for a while.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 17, 2020, 07:53:53 PM
I’ve sometimes wondered if she ever has a sort of ‘Liz’s Mad Thought’ when doing that sword thing - it must fleetingly pass through her mind that she could just behead some fucker with impunity. She could just give the grieving family a golden swan or something as compensation, and they’d just have to suck it up.

Unless a political revolution ensued, she'd get away with it

https://www.legalcheek.com/lc-journal-posts/what-would-happen-if-the-queen-went-on-a-crime-spree/ (https://www.legalcheek.com/lc-journal-posts/what-would-happen-if-the-queen-went-on-a-crime-spree/)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on July 17, 2020, 08:30:27 PM
how many orifices has sir tom destroyed with his pork sword
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on July 18, 2020, 12:40:24 AM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/DFB4/production/_113486275_tv062504024.jpg)

What sort of cunt brings a zimmer frame to a sword fight?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dewt on July 18, 2020, 12:42:28 AM
I remember when I was at primary school and I was just TOO COLD to play football during PE and our schoolmasterly teacher grabbed me by the arms and started running with me to keep me warm, at his full grown man's pace that meant I had to repeatedly jump in the air to keep from being dragged along the ground

Anyway imagine if he did that to Captain Tom Moore
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on July 18, 2020, 09:49:51 AM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/DFB4/production/_113486275_tv062504024.jpg)

SoulCalibur's let itself go
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: A Car With No Doors on July 18, 2020, 03:59:24 PM
You lot are all monsters. I think it's tragic Ron Mael has been reduced to such a state.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on July 18, 2020, 03:59:37 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/QHKC8uT.gif)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: steve98 on July 19, 2020, 07:50:22 AM
That's interesting. A 2-headed dildo and a small dog (that looks familiar from these parts.) What can it mean?

[EDIT to add] And is Tom fellating the dildo for a second?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: icehaven on July 19, 2020, 10:29:33 AM
Oh to be old again.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on July 19, 2020, 10:37:44 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/QHKC8uT.gif)
somehow this no sillier than what actually happened
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on July 19, 2020, 02:56:45 PM
(https://external-preview.redd.it/3s5cHbmJN4ORJRB7ZK-DO0iXYPVQeWYJcKd7hsruLcg.png?auto=webp&s=964eb727772e775233cb27ed4461db33089b3ed1)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bgmnts on July 19, 2020, 03:02:14 PM
Mooretal Tombat.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on July 19, 2020, 03:11:39 PM
Is this cunt still doing fucking laps or is he done with that now
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on July 28, 2020, 10:03:29 AM
HOLY FUCK I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FUCKING OLD CUNT, FUCK OFF (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8563829/Now-Captain-Tom-Movie.html)

Phil Minton (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp3K_MX7ANQ) to do the soundtrack?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 28, 2020, 10:22:24 AM
Oscar for Tom Moore.

President Tom Moore.

Galaxian Overlord Tom Moore.

Hive Mind Tom Moore.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on July 28, 2020, 10:40:58 AM
I'll wait for the Legal Porno version.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GMTV on July 28, 2020, 11:38:06 AM
Call me Captain
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on July 28, 2020, 11:40:47 AM
the first 45 minute of the movie is all rape
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on July 28, 2020, 11:53:05 AM
Lars von Trier to direct.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on July 28, 2020, 12:18:23 PM
"Look at me: I am de-Captain now."*

*Decapitating raped brown children.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bleeding Kansas on July 28, 2020, 12:28:32 PM
He says that he will never die. He walks in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps. He is walking, walking. He says that he will never die.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on July 28, 2020, 12:44:19 PM
What's going to be the big pivotal scene of the movie? Fucking Clint Eastwood gurning earnestly with a bead of sweat running down his face ambling across a drive on a walker with great big bombastic music playing and Spitfires flying over? FUCK
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 28, 2020, 12:46:57 PM
What's going to be the big pivotal scene of the movie? Fucking Clint Eastwood gurning earnestly with a bead of sweat running down his face ambling across a drive on a walker with great big bombastic music playing and Spitfires flying over? FUCK

Captain Tom meets Naga Munchetty and decides, just for once, that he'll show mercy.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 28, 2020, 12:48:10 PM
*Looks at rival old man, smiles wryly and says*

"You're gonna need a bigger zimmer"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bgmnts on July 28, 2020, 01:20:32 PM
What's going to be the big pivotal scene of the movie? Fucking Clint Eastwood gurning earnestly with a bead of sweat running down his face ambling across a drive on a walker with great big bombastic music playing and Spitfires flying over? FUCK

"I've fucked women and children. I've fucked everything that walks or crawls at one time or another."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on July 28, 2020, 01:47:29 PM
Hope we get the Bollywood version too showing the true story.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: finnquark on July 28, 2020, 04:44:05 PM
Love to see Hopkins get the gig. Doing his middle distance staring whilst someone from the national lottery or whatever congratulates him. Distracted by visions of the horror in the jungle. 'Sorry... don't know where I was then...'

(https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/a40c9414521a97a107a31c4510ae568b3a14e743/251_1094_3270_4086/master/3270.jpg?width=605&quality=45&auto=format&fit=max&dpr=2&s=6508d21d8906d62448722a95d4ec74c9)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on July 28, 2020, 05:16:11 PM
The British Slumdog Millionaire.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on July 28, 2020, 06:08:34 PM
Love to see Hopkins get the gig. Doing his middle distance staring whilst someone from the national lottery or whatever congratulates him. Distracted by visions of the horror in the jungle. 'Sorry... don't know where I was then...'

(https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/a40c9414521a97a107a31c4510ae568b3a14e743/251_1094_3270_4086/master/3270.jpg?width=605&quality=45&auto=format&fit=max&dpr=2&s=6508d21d8906d62448722a95d4ec74c9)


Wouldn't this staring into the distance be more fitting..

(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2c/b3/04/2cb3041b48f8f98501f790d3cf0faa0c.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: thenoise on July 28, 2020, 09:04:02 PM
Quote
Captain Tom has also reportedly agreed to make a two-part documentary with ITV. 

Two part documentary.

Part 1: first 50 laps
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on July 28, 2020, 09:07:11 PM
I can see Clint doing it. he sure does love a good right wing 'heroic' tale.

and child rape
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 28, 2020, 09:14:08 PM
Sure to be a Richard Curtis Britfest instead. Egg from This Life will play his butler and will be called "Egg" and be whacky and hunky and repeatedly break the 4th wall.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on July 28, 2020, 11:54:46 PM
Waiting for the Tom Moore VR game.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 29, 2020, 06:21:58 AM
Captain Tom 2000: Space Rapes
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GMTV on July 29, 2020, 06:56:32 AM
Hopefully going to be a character in the new Terrordrome
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Mr Farenheit on July 30, 2020, 07:44:53 AM
(1942. Captian Tom walks with his zimmer frame into the bar at British Army HQ in Bombay. He is wearing traditional Burmese dress and is accompanied by a ten year old Burmese boy. He has been absent without leave for four months. He orders two lemonades. The bar is packed with officers who are all staring at Captain Tom and the boy aghast at the breach of etiquette. Some of them can be heard telling him to 'clear off'. A senior officer enters)

Colenel: Look here Moore, what's this all about? Explain yourself

Captain Tom: We have taken Rangoon. And Singapore

Colenel: Taken Rangoon? Singapore? Who has?

Captain Tom: We have. Our side in this war has.

Colenel: You mean the Japanese have gone?

Captain Tom: No, they're still there but they have no boots.

Captain Tom: Prisioners, sir. We took them prisoners. The entire garrisons.

Colenel: That's impossible

Captain Tom: Yes it is. I did it. Cross my heart and hope to die, its all perfectly true.

(There is an extended silence as the magnitude of what Captain Tom has achieved sinks in. The silence is broken by the hurried footsteps of a radio operator who enters from the rear of the bar)

Radio Operator: Sir, we're still hearing normal Japanese radio traffic from Rangoon and Singapore. The Japanese are still there, sir.

(Captain Tom is grinning)

Colenel: Moore! What's the meaning of this? What the bloody hell have you been doing for the last four months?

(Captain Tom pushes his zimmer frame forward towards the centre of the room, he is surrounded on all sides by the other officers. When he is in position and has everyone's attention, he grasps his zimmer frame and makes a slow thrusting motion with his groin. He makes gutteral sexual noises)

Colenel: Fuck's sake Moore, not again!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 30, 2020, 07:54:15 AM
(1942. Captian Tom walks with his zimmer frame into the bar at British Army HQ in Bombay. He is wearing traditional Burmese dress and is accompanied by a ten year old Burmese boy. He has been absent without leave for four months. He orders two lemonades. The bar is packed with officers who are all staring at Captain Tom and the boy aghast at the breach of etiquette. Some of them can be heard telling him to 'clear off'. A senior officer enters)

Colenel: Look here Moore, what's this all about? Explain yourself

Captain Tom: We have taken Rangoon. And Singapore

Colenel: Taken Rangoon? Singapore? Who has?

Captain Tom: We have. Our side in this war has.

Colenel: You mean the Japanese have gone?

Captain Tom: No, they're still there but they have no boots.

Captain Tom: Prisioners, sir. We took them prisoners. The entire garrisons.

Colenel: That's impossible

Captain Tom: Yes it is. I did it. Cross my heart and hope to die, its all perfectly true.

(There is an extended silence as the magnitude of what Captain Tom has achieved sinks in. The silence is broken by the hurried footsteps of a radio operator who enters from the rear of the bar)

Radio Operator: Sir, we're still hearing normal Japanese radio traffic from Rangoon and Singapore. The Japanese are still there, sir.

(Captain Tom is grinning)

Colenel: Moore! What's the meaning of this? What the bloody hell have you been doing for the last four months?

(Captain Tom pushes his zimmer frame forward towards the centre of the room, he is surrounded on all sides by the other officers. When he is in position and has everyone's attention, he grasps his zimmer frame and makes a slow thrusting motion with his groin. He makes gutteral sexual noises)

Colenel: Fuck's sake Moore, not again!

yet, because this is a Hollywood film and the ACTOR who plays Moore is loved by many in the real world, as with all Hollywood movies they must be lionised, even if the character they are playing is abhorrent (see Lecter etc).

So...

"HERO, HERO, HERO" the cries ring out

Queen Victoria to Tom "Here is a new medal that is named after me, its the shape of a stumpy Christian Cross...HERO! I call it the PURPLE HEART"

Lady Diana "Arise SIR TOM OF ALL OF THE WORLD,..." *breathily* "Now come over here and FUCK ME"

[Middle-aged Neckbeards fist pump in the cinema]
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on July 30, 2020, 11:15:15 AM
Wonder if while being knighted Captain Tom's shrivelled dick managed one last stiffy for old times sake
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on July 30, 2020, 11:32:26 AM
Wonder if while being knighted Captain Tom's shrivelled dick managed one last stiffy for old times sake

The sight of the Queen in all her finery evoked thoughts of the British Empire and the East India Co. enslaving India and ferrying boats of opium over and bringing China to its knees through societal degradation and making profits the whole while. It gave Captain Tom one last throbbing Purple Heart.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 30, 2020, 12:08:59 PM
The sight of the Queen in all her finery evoked thoughts of the British Empire and the East India Co. enslaving India and ferrying boats of opium over and bringing China to its knees through societal degradation and making profits the whole while. It gave Captain Tom one last throbbing Purple Heart.

She was in lime green, no ermine collar on display. Please correct your observation.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on July 30, 2020, 12:26:47 PM
The film will be like the ones they make about the nude cake ladies or the warbling fishermen.

Scene:
Celia Imrie looks out of the window overlooking the grounds and sees Tom staggering across the grass.
There's a look of bemusement on her face
-"Oh, what's Dad up to now?"

Shit.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: finnquark on August 13, 2020, 09:53:16 PM
Dom Sandbrook spunking all over the shop on the Sir Capt Tom tribute, showing on ITV right now. It's a real social history extravaganza.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on August 14, 2020, 07:23:57 PM
Quote
Capt Sir Tom Moore official portrait unveiled at Army museum

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/8BBD/production/_113937753_capture_tom1.jpg)

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-53778302
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 14, 2020, 07:30:22 PM
Thought the link would be to tell of some 'vandalism to the portrait. white stains from small brown bodies"

Quote
In a statement released by the museum, he said: "Victory over the N*ps is as important a part of our history as Victory in Europe and I hope that it is really never forgotten.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on August 14, 2020, 07:48:02 PM
What is the cum on his lips supposed to be?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on August 14, 2020, 08:47:41 PM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/8BBD/production/_113937753_capture_tom1.jpg)

"Sin is a thing that writes itself across a man’s face. It cannot be concealed."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 14, 2020, 08:51:55 PM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/8BBD/production/_113937753_capture_tom1.jpg)

"Sin is a thing that writes itself across a man’s face. It cannot be concealed."

yes, the lascivious purse of the lips, the seedy peer of the eyes. He comes for ye this eve. *shudder*
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 14, 2020, 09:30:50 PM
(https://www.thetimes.co.uk/imageserver/image/%2Fmethode%2Ftimes%2Fprod%2Fweb%2Fbin%2F0039fb5e-de0b-11ea-be0a-064b00f2181c.jpg?crop=2000%2C1125%2C0%2C0&resize=1180)

his right hand looks like an invisible wank
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 14, 2020, 09:34:04 PM
who'd want that ogre hanging in their billiards room? Ugh, ghastly
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on August 14, 2020, 09:47:49 PM
(https://www.thetimes.co.uk/imageserver/image/%2Fmethode%2Ftimes%2Fprod%2Fweb%2Fbin%2F0039fb5e-de0b-11ea-be0a-064b00f2181c.jpg?crop=2000%2C1125%2C0%2C0&resize=1180)


Photo looks like it was taken from inside a police evidence room.
"Exhibit 23b, m'lud. We believe the picture has hypnotic powers over young Asian boys".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on August 14, 2020, 10:28:04 PM
What is the cum on his lips supposed to be?
Cum.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 14, 2020, 11:47:23 PM
(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/-vyj6_4SlUA/maxresdefault.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on August 15, 2020, 09:50:40 AM
I love how this 29 30 page thread was heartwarming for exactly two posts.

You are my people.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 15, 2020, 10:24:03 AM
Isn't the second post just a gentrophile erection gag?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 15, 2020, 11:00:11 AM
When exactly is the death of this revolting motorneurone gargoyle?



Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on August 15, 2020, 11:02:35 AM
When exactly is the death of this revolting motorneurone gargoyle?

We have to wait for public gatherings again.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 15, 2020, 03:53:58 PM
We have to wait for public gatherings hangings again.

Fancy Lady!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on August 17, 2020, 04:45:10 PM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/8BBD/production/_113937753_capture_tom1.jpg)

Something about that picture makes me think of Melton Mowbray pork pies.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on August 17, 2020, 05:16:59 PM
I've been watching old episodes of the Sweeney.  In them, 'Tom' is used as slang for prostitute!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dog Botherer on August 17, 2020, 05:35:35 PM
I've been watching old episodes of the Sweeney.  In them, 'Tom' is used as slang for prostitute!

can’t be related, most of those sex workers were of age
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on August 18, 2020, 04:02:29 PM
The rumour is that he was hanging about the docks in Beirut the other week, looking for thicc sailor cock. Only about 15 minutes after he was asked to leave, there was a massive explosion.

Coincidence?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 18, 2020, 04:21:22 PM
The rumour is that he was hanging about the docks in Beirut the other week, looking for thicc sailor cock. Only about 15 minutes after he was asked to leave, there was a massive explosion.

Must have been a massive sailor's cock, then.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Mr Farenheit on August 18, 2020, 04:45:13 PM
Went to the Army Museum to have a look at this and was a bit shocked to be honest.
I'm as broad minded as the next man but its the way the eyes follow you around the room.



































(https://i.imgur.com/sRZPUDX.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 18, 2020, 08:35:17 PM
'kin hell lmao
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 18, 2020, 08:48:30 PM
Hahahaha
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 18, 2020, 09:30:55 PM
Regarding Captain Tom tributes, there's statues of him too. He's had one up in Burma for years:

(https://i.ibb.co/VHNP1Mj/tom1.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 18, 2020, 10:36:13 PM


(https://i.imgur.com/sRZPUDX.jpg)

Can we get someone, Lee Nelson perhaps, to replace the original with that FOR A PRANK?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 30, 2020, 01:08:32 AM
I don't even need to comment, 'admitted adulterer' and nobody can contradict his story because the cunt's 100 and they're all dead:

 https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8675347/CAPTAIN-TOM-MOORE-reveals-sexless-marriage-fight-wed-love-life-new-memoi.html'
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 30, 2020, 01:24:54 AM
Quote
Tomorrow Will Be Another Day by Captain Tom Moore, published by Michael Joseph on September 17, £20. © Captain Tom Moore 2020.

To order a copy for £16 go to mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3308 9193. Free delivery on orders over £15. Promotional prices valid until 11/09/2020.

the Ingram-Moores sure rushed that shit out huh
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 30, 2020, 01:27:41 AM
the Ingram-Moores sure rushed that shit out huh

Bet they can't wait for the cunt to die now either, he's served his use, then they can flog loads and loads of mawkish commemorative bullshit.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 30, 2020, 01:31:00 AM
what, like, his bones?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 30, 2020, 01:36:16 AM
Cunts will be buying packets of Captain Tom Bone Dust and sniffing it in pub car parks like viagra.. gives you the stamina of Captain Tom doing his centenary zimmer walks. Oh, and also fucking his mistress out of wedlock at 40.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sin Agog on August 30, 2020, 01:39:40 AM
Guaranteed in 800 years every two-bit House of God in England will claim that they have, contained deep within a mausoleum beneath the church grounds, the genuine zipper from Captain Tom Moore's fly, which he made so many quivering subordinates in the trenches lower before releasing the beast.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 30, 2020, 02:52:47 AM
Love the comments, aside from his ADMITTED ADULTERY, actual normal people are questioning how much money he personally creamed off the whole debacle.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on August 30, 2020, 08:04:06 AM
Quote
Why is everyone "disappointed" with this man? I maybe an old cynic but from the moment he teamed up with the odious Michael Ball I had a feeling he'd continue milking his 15 minutes. Attention is a heady mistress for some.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on August 30, 2020, 09:46:59 AM
Quote
Tomorrow Belongs To Me by Captain Tom Moore, published by Moore Family on September 17, £200. © Captain Tom Moore 2020. All text in double spacing.  No refunds. The money is all ours.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 30, 2020, 09:54:39 AM
Quote
I have indisputable proof the Tom Moore was the Yorkshire Ripper, yours Yangon Jack
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 30, 2020, 12:23:57 PM
Ok i read it now and this is fucking hilarious. So billie is his first wife he never consummates his marriage with, refuses to work and looks down on him when his family company goes bust and he might have to do manual labour to make ends meet. How will brave sir tom get free of this frigid harridan?

Quote
She intended to be an assistant to a doctor who treated patients with sexual disorders. I couldn't believe it and protested: 'But Billie, love, you are completely the wrong person for that.'

She was determined to do it, however, and I was so busy working and driving all over the country that I didn't have the time, or the energy, to argue.

Increasingly worried for her mental health, I made sure to get back to Billie when I could because, left to her own devices, I could only imagine the obsessive rituals she would put herself through. One day I returned unexpectedly early to discover a strange man in our flat. This was unusual in itself, but even more so when he refused to talk to me.

When I asked Billie who he was, she said he was her psychiatrist and that he was helping her with her problems. Confused and puzzled, I nevertheless managed to convince myself that this could only be a positive development, so I didn't ask too many questions.

From then on, she started to see him regularly and always at the flat when I was away, which I thought odd as he surely had an office she could visit. And I wondered who was paying for her treatment, because I couldn't afford to.

As time went on, I began to suspect that Billie had developed a crush on this chap because she never stopped talking about him.

Matters came to a head when I arrived home one February to hear her declare: 'I'm moving in with my psychiatrist. I want to have sex with him. He says that this is what I need to do.'

I was shattered by the shock and audacity of it. I had been such a loyal husband and so very patient. It felt like the worst kind of betrayal. I decided there and then that enough was enough. Our so-called marriage was over.

I packed a suitcase with a few belongings and walked out, leaving her and everything behind me.

Within days, Billie realised her mistake. Desperate, she wrote and left messages, before coming to look for me. But my mind was made up. I never saw or heard from Billie again, except through our lawyers.


*UNRELIABLE NARRATOR KLAXON*
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 30, 2020, 02:12:04 PM
That is fucking bilge and the worst form of pulp romance fiction. He's (they are) dragging us back to twee, small c conservative nationalism by his giant ego.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Rizla on August 30, 2020, 03:02:54 PM
Pissing myself at this fucking horseshit. For some reason, the uber Daily Mailness of this bit had me howling - "Admittedly, I loved fatty bacon and pink beef, full-fat cream and the top of the milk — all the things they now say we shouldn't have, but I never gained weight or developed high cholesterol or diabetes."

Fucking stupid old cucktard.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 30, 2020, 03:06:59 PM
Pissing myself at this fucking horseshit. For some reason, the uber Daily Mailness of this bit had me howling - "Admittedly, I loved fatty bacon and pink beef, full-fat cream and the top of the milk — all the things they now say we shouldn't have, but I never gained weight or developed high cholesterol or diabetes."

Fucking stupid old cucktard.

"Admittedly, I loved fatty bacon and pink beef, full-fat cream and the top of the milk — all the things they now say we shouldn't have, but I never gained weight or developed high cholesterol or diabetes. Buy this Daily Mail exclusive Redditch Pottery Tub to mark the moment. Only 200 quid payable in 4 easy instalments. I then buggered the second boy...er...where was I. Ah yes, I did appreciate the finest port after meals, but only English port, non of that forrin muck I must say, eh readers? *wink*.

End of Chapter 125 "
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on August 30, 2020, 04:01:53 PM
Quote
It was April 1943 and I'd had quite enough of the idiots with the swastikas (and they were idiots).
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 30, 2020, 04:06:43 PM
"It was the best of times, it still is the best of times thanks to your DOSH to support the biggest scam since that mistrial in Mandalay got me off those child murder charges"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on August 30, 2020, 08:58:10 PM
Quote
I arrived (at the Indian colonial house) at 7pm and was greeted at the door by what I can only describe as a 13 year old apparition! He was simply stunning."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 30, 2020, 10:17:15 PM
does anyone believe this shit really

Quote
The office manager was a pretty young lady by the name of Pamela Paull, who was terribly nice to me. I was very attracted to her and felt we made an instant connection, but I couldn't do anything about that because I was married. I wasn't prepared to break my marriage vows, even if I didn't really have a proper marriage to break.

judging by the mail comments, no
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 31, 2020, 01:20:35 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/wKp6DHp/fh.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on August 31, 2020, 07:08:00 AM
There's more (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8680023/Captain-TOM-MOORE-recalls-warning-received-riding-Burmese-jungle.html):

Quote
Now, in the second part of our exclusive serialisation of centenarian Captain Tom Moore's memoirs, he describes how he rose through the Army ranks with his trusty motorcycle to play a vital role in the brutal war against the Japanese in India and Burma.

But however dangerous his mission, he never lost his eye for the ladies…
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 31, 2020, 08:25:40 AM
Admittedly nobody chased or shot at him, looks like the only 'action' he saw during the War was `giving one' to the natives:

Quote
It was a glorious summer's day and I remember my Granny Fanny

Steady on.

Quote
Given some Indian currency, we were put on a train to Poona

He's a bit fucking candid, innee?

Quote
The test involved a long road trip across country, so I devised the brilliant idea of taking them the 120 miles to Bombay and back, driving there in the daylight, staying overnight and returning the following day. If they made it there and back, they passed.

I must confess to having an ulterior motive for my repeated trips to Bombay. Her name was Sylvia. She was half-Indian, half-French and the pretty younger sister of the girlfriend of a pal of mine. After I met Sylvia, I knew I had to get back to her arms as often as I could. She was delightful, so lovely that I started rushing the men through their training just so I could get to her every weekend.

So wasting their time travelling 120 miles as a cover so you can get your end away, and rushing men through training, sending them into battle unprepared cos you couldn't wait to fuck off for a quick one?

Quote
My battalion was sent to Calcutta, where I went down with a bad fever. I don't remember too much about it, but I know I spent several days in a hotel bed with a blazing temperature, a nasty headache and nobody to tend to me.

Probably picked up a dose of the clap from the Black Hole of Calcutta.

Quote
On my first night, sitting in the hotel bar, I met a pretty Anglo-Indian lady who reminded me of the lovely Sylvia.

Her husband, she told me, was a prisoner of the Japanese and she'd gone to Kashmir to wait for news of him. We started chatting and became friendly. I hadn't expected to find romance in the mountains, but there it was

Now he's shagging a married woman whose husband is a POW, what a fucking cunt.

Quote
I don't recall ever being shot at or chased, but I was well aware that the enemy was always just out of sight through the trees, so I didn't hang around anywhere long enough to find out. Granny Fanny must have been watching over me still.

Never in an actual skirmish, just rode around on his bike fucking anything he could get hold of, with Granny Fanny watching his back.

ARE HEREO CPTAIN TOM

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 31, 2020, 08:32:02 AM
A man in the Boris mould. This is Britain isn't it.

Tom Moore -> Robin Askwith -> Fred West -> Boris Johnson
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 31, 2020, 08:47:17 AM
Adulterous clap vector and sub-par Captain reveals all

The glum conquests
The botched training exercises
The low level fabrications
The episodes of dysentery
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 31, 2020, 08:49:37 AM
He really is a horrible little cunt, isn't he.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 31, 2020, 08:53:22 AM
Pubes Moore
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 31, 2020, 08:58:31 AM
There's probably a good 8% of the current Indian population that are now direct descendants of Captain Tom, what with all the ravishing he did. Genghis Khan didn't travel by fucking motorbike, did he?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on August 31, 2020, 09:45:22 AM
Sexual fantasies of a dying mind.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 31, 2020, 10:23:10 AM
Found the VHS Captain Tom gives to all his grandkids:

(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71PydbPEuFL._AC_SL1090_.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 31, 2020, 10:39:56 AM
Genuinely hope this cunty little book backfires on them
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ajsmith2 on August 31, 2020, 11:59:30 AM
She intended to be an assistant to a doctor who

Fair enough, Billie made good on that resolution. And if you ask me, Cpt TM was a fool to let her slip through his fingers back then, sexual compatibilty issues or not. Aged well too.

(https://images.immediate.co.uk/production/volatile/sites/3/2017/10/Doctor-Rose-7694e11.jpg?quality=90&resize=620,413)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 31, 2020, 01:12:45 PM
Cant believe i missed that

"Why do you want to become a sex doctor assistant when you wont have sex with me?"

BECAUSE WE WANT TO
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GoblinAhFuckScary on August 31, 2020, 02:30:39 PM
Quote

Matters came to a head when I arrived home one February to hear her declare: 'I'm moving in with my psychiatrist. I want to have sex with him. He says that this is what I need to do.'

I was shattered by the shock and audacity of it. I had been such a loyal husband and so very patient. It felt like the worst kind of betrayal. I decided there and then that enough was enough. Our so-called marriage was over.

I packed a suitcase with a few belongings and walked out, leaving her and everything behind me.

Within days, Billie realised her mistake. Desperate, she wrote and left messages, before coming to look for me. But my mind was made up. I never saw or heard from Billie again, except through our lawyers.


Sounds like some very serious manipulation and abuse from the psychiatrist, especially considering Mr. Moore said he was concerned for mental health. Heroic work walking out on her when she came to him for help.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on August 31, 2020, 02:34:35 PM
Heroic work walking out on her when she came to him for help.

He actually walked out on her 100 times and raised a lot of money, which he then used to pump his way round India.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 31, 2020, 02:36:43 PM
I mean this story has been festering in his decrepit brain for like 70 years and also goes through the filter of him mumbling it to a ghost writer who makes it presentable, but it's almost more bonkers than anything come up with in this thread so far
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 31, 2020, 02:39:15 PM
Looking forward to the Blankety Blank years part

Quote
I spied a lovely young filly on the bottom row. Blonde curls tumbling down to her shoulders, eyes beaming at me from behind very modish spectacles, "very like my own" I thought. As Wogan, wrapped in festive scarf, asked me the first inane question I felt a bulge in my pants, something I hadn't felt for since visiting Mablethorpe's School for Unhomed Coloureds. And I knew that tonight I would have her, the young filly, Su Pollard.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chairman Yang on August 31, 2020, 04:02:19 PM
He actually walked out on her 100 times and raised a lot of money, which he then used to pump his way round India.

For posterity, and amazingly, this is the best reply in the whole depraved thread.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on August 31, 2020, 05:36:16 PM
For posterity, and amazingly, this is the best reply in the whole depraved thread.

Just happy to play a part in this monster’s downfall.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on August 31, 2020, 06:20:22 PM
Quote
She was determined to do it, however, and I was so busy working and driving all over the country that I didn't have the time, or the energy, to argue.

Pure partridge.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 31, 2020, 07:04:21 PM
Needless to say, I had the last laugh... because everyone else is dead!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 31, 2020, 08:26:15 PM
Going back to the first installment..

Quote
Perhaps it's not so surprising that, when friends introduced me to an attractive young lady not long after that, I was smitten straight away. Everyone called her 'Billie' — it wasn't her real name, but her parents had wanted a boy.

They're not the only one..

Quote
Once we started to get serious, I had been invited to meet Billie's grandfather who was a prominent Freemason.

Ah, I see why he married her now, she was from a well-to-do family and he thought it was his shortcut into social climbing and money, no wonder he obsesses about details like a relative being a prominent Freemason. Just like him trying to get in with the officers and away from any danger as soon as he got to the barracks, lending his motorbike out to them so they could go fuck some wench, LEGEND TOM.

Quote
I was appalled to discover that he had a black manservant who lived in a shabby outhouse. I never saw this chap in person, but the mere thought that I was under the roof of someone who was continuing the ethos of the old slave trade which had been abolished more than 100 years earlier bothered me enormously. I never went again.

He never even met this manservant yet decides he's some kind of throwback slave just because of his colour? The whole story sounds more like Billie's family saw right through him and gave Tom short shrift so he has to come up with lame excuses as to why *he* ditched them, actually.

Quote
As a distraction, I threw myself into my work, and joined charitable business associations such as the Round Table and the Lions.

More completely unsubtle Freemasonically tied men's clubs where he could go networking, drinking and cavorting under the guise of being into charidee.

Quote
I was a member of the Young Conservatives before our marriage. But Billie wasn't interested in any of it, nor in the regimental reunions which I organised, though most fellows came with their wives.

The idea of an evening of small talk with strangers was terrifying to her, she said.

What a BITCH.

Quote
I was prepared to do anything and never had time for anyone who said that manual labour was beneath them. The next few years saw me working as a quarryman, a builder's mate and even selling books for WomanBoy's Own door-to-door.

The `tache does give him quite the Pat Mustard vibe, doesn't it?

Quote
This had already manifested itself in different ways to do with cleanliness and other things but, in Northenden, it became a fear of fire. We had to go around the house together every night checking that every electric switch was off before she'd consider going to bed.

In contrast I bet Tom was coming home late hammered and trying to cook something before passing out.

Quote
I instructed a solicitor to start divorce proceedings. When I told him everything that had happened between us, he informed me that I could seek an annulment on the grounds that Billie and I had never consummated our marriage. This seemed like the simplest and fastest option, so I agreed.

I was adamant that Pamela and I should be married before the baby arrived. With the annulment of my marriage taking far longer than I'd hoped because of Billie's resistance, I agreed to admit adultery and be the guilty party in the eyes of the law.

My lawyer told me that this would be achieved by the tried and tested practice of sending us to spend the night together in a hotel, so that our names on the register would confirm our night of mortal sin to her lawyers.

This whole bit sounds like bullshit? He had a legal way out of the marriage yet chooses to let her lawyers assert he's an adulterer through a Hotel guestbook? What?

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 31, 2020, 08:30:01 PM
she sounds like a good comrade. clap for Billie
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on August 31, 2020, 08:38:05 PM
clap for Billie

Prob why she avoided going near Tom's diseased dick.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on August 31, 2020, 08:57:54 PM
think of all the dirty stuff he got from his randy asian escapades
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on September 01, 2020, 01:54:22 AM
think of all the dirty stuff he got from his randy asian escapades

"In Burma my motorbike skills became so renowned I convinced the authorities it would be worthwhile to start a youth group teaching some of the young local boys how to maneuver a man's apparatus to a high standard. The one-to-one personal training techniques I developed became a great success and it gave me enormous pleasure to watch one of them heartily riding it every day."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on September 01, 2020, 06:50:52 AM
A third, and final, extract:

'I can't believe all that fuss was for me, and only because I went for a little stroll': In our last extract from his captivating memoir, CAPTAIN TOM MOORE reveals how a family joke to get him back on his feet and turned into a £32m NHS fundraiser (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8683203/CAPTAIN-TOM-MOORE-reveals-family-joke-turned-32m-NHS-fundraiser.html)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 01, 2020, 07:39:00 AM
Mandalay Hard Wanking Crew
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on September 01, 2020, 11:52:35 AM
Quote
In a typically affectionate way, my family began to tease me. 'Keep going, shithead,' Benjie, 16, called as he flipped the burgers.

Georgia, 11, laid the table and Hannah said casually, 'Let's see how many you can manage you old bastard.'

Her husband Colin added: 'We'll give you £1 per lap, so see if you can do 100 before you pop your cunty old clogs.'

I thought they were joking because I hadn't walked that far since I came out of hospital 18 months earlier, but as I kept walking, step after step, I began to think about what they'd said.

Once I'd finished the first lap that Sunday and earned myself £1, I turned my walker carefully and attempted lap number two. 'That's it,' Hannah encouraged, laughing. 'Make us some money before we murder you!'

Hannah set up a fundraising page for me with a £1,000 target and contacted the local media to help drum up support for what they called my 'Walk with Tom', leaving me to do the rest.

None of us could have imagined in a million years that Hannah's press release would set an unstoppable ball rolling.

Nothing about Hannah and her husband's business and media connections, eh?

Quote
One thing that was clear to us all was that I was not able to do interviews alone. Because of my hearing difficulties and the distance reporters had to keep from me, I needed a member of my family to sit alongside and 'translate' each question.

My daughter Lucy and her family, self-isolating 90 miles away near Reading, were powerless to help and could only offer encouragement from afar.

It would have to be Hannah.

The money just kept rolling in.

I bet it fucking did with Hannah and her husband working the entire thing and it's so interesting how he defends Hannah's elbow-in-ribs use of him as a Rod Hull & Emu charidee act.

Quote
I couldn't believe it. Nor could I believe that I was going to be interviewed by my favourite TV presenter Naga Munchetty on BBC Breakfast.

I BET YOU COULDN'T YOU DIRTY OLD BOLLOCKS. I BET YOU FUCKING COULDN'T.

Quote
Later that day Hannah told me: 'You're not going to believe this, but you have five thousand followers already!'

I frowned. 'What are they following?' 'You, you stupid old cunt!' she replied, laughing.

'Why on earth would anyone follow me? And where are they?'

'Don't worry,' Hannah replied, 'they're not outside the gate. At least, not yet. But they will be with torches and pitchforks once they find out all the money we've personally creamed off of this but you'll take all the heat you simpleton.'
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 01, 2020, 01:08:19 PM
When I was a lad, I remember Boris Johnson being made fun of by Paul Merton. Who would think 100 years later, he would ring me in congratulations!

President Paul Merton.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 11, 2020, 10:48:06 AM
Tom up to his old tricks again

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-54104192
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on September 11, 2020, 11:31:36 AM
Tom up to his old tricks again

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-54104192

Can't help himself, can he?  He's as bad as those fame hungry whores on E4 and ITV2.  What's next, 'accidental' nip-slips and up-trouser pics?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 11, 2020, 11:46:16 AM
Tom up to his old tricks again

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-54104192

'Ooh, you're tall'
'Ooh, you're tall'
'Ooh, you're tall' Fuck off prick
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on September 12, 2020, 01:18:13 PM
https://metro.co.uk/2020/09/09/piers-morgan-reveals-sir-tom-moore-ordered-six-blondes-in-dressing-room-rider-in-life-stories-sneak-peek-13243087/

Quote
‘A bottle of coke, a Dairy Milk chocolate bar,’ he read out, before laughing: ‘And six blondes!’ Sir Tom chuckled: ‘That’s it. The number six is variable of course.’
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on September 12, 2020, 01:26:27 PM
"You haven't got any malnourished children tucked away anywhere have you? Fine, send the blondes..."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on September 12, 2020, 01:29:07 PM
It weirds me out a bit that he was pushing fifty when Woodstock happened.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on September 12, 2020, 01:30:46 PM
He stank the stage out that day.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 12, 2020, 01:40:33 PM
I thought this was a picture of the six blondes Piers fetched him at first

(https://i0.wp.com/metro.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Piers-8996.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&zoom=1&resize=480%2C565&ssl=1)

Maybe it was. Wouldn't put it past Colonel Tom molesting his granddaughter
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on September 12, 2020, 01:42:59 PM
Quote
coke, a Dairy Milk chocolate bar,’ he read out, before laughing: ‘And six blondes!’
Quote
we’re probably going to need tissues to hand
Quote
he was absolutely on it the whole time
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on September 12, 2020, 01:47:51 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/rdnjPG9/Piers-8996z.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on September 12, 2020, 09:46:44 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/0elNGyf.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 12, 2020, 10:29:40 PM
i dont know whether to laugh or cry
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on September 13, 2020, 01:32:20 AM
I actually had a work video conference earlier in the year featuring the man himself.

If only I'd known (going by the excerpts on the last page) that he had such a valiant hard-on for semi-ethnic ladies, I could've switched on my webcam and been right in there, phwoaarr.

(It was actually a pre-recorded video of him wedged into a presentation[1], but still.)


 1. That's all he was wedged into, as far as I could see
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 13, 2020, 09:18:24 AM
John Lewis have just signed him up for their Christmas advert this year.

The Christmas Tom Moore Speech will replace the Queen's Speech this year.

Sir Captain Tom Moore will feature exclusively on Jools Holland's New Year's Eve show. Just him and Michael Ball all night.

Tom Moore Day has been announced - 25th December.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on September 13, 2020, 12:38:34 PM
Frankly, at this point, I'd rather see Captain Tom LESS!!!


Sorry guys, that was mean spirited. I feel I've lowered the tone of the whole thread.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on September 13, 2020, 01:48:19 PM
Frankly, at this point, I'd rather see Captain Tom LESS!!!

Bit much mate. Have some respect.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on September 13, 2020, 02:02:55 PM
Frankly, at this point, I'd rather see Captain Tom LESS!!!

Disgusting!  Please remember his first wife wouldn't have intercourse with him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Rizla on September 13, 2020, 02:10:26 PM
That first wife of his was a lesbian wasn’t she. Psychology bloke was a Ginger. What a daft cunt captain Tom was.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on September 13, 2020, 05:33:50 PM
Disgusting!  Please remember his first wife wouldn't have intercourse with him.

Couldn't tunnel through her leathery hymen apparently.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on September 13, 2020, 05:48:53 PM
Couldn't tunnel through her leathery hymen apparently.

Probably more used to the forgiving, supple flesh of an underage Indian buttock.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 13, 2020, 08:25:11 PM
Anyone watching the hagiography with Piers Morgan?

I'm not but I did catch him threatening to "do" Joan Collins.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on September 13, 2020, 08:34:36 PM
Caught the bit where he fell on his arse in the kitchen and did his hip.

(https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1061/1924/products/New_Tears_of_Joy_Emoji_Icon_450d0a7e-4b02-4647-a371-82e0046ccb1b_grande.png?v=1571606092)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 13, 2020, 09:41:06 PM
Caught the bit where he fell on his arse in the kitchen and did his hip.

(https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1061/1924/products/New_Tears_of_Joy_Emoji_Icon_450d0a7e-4b02-4647-a371-82e0046ccb1b_grande.png?v=1571606092)

Yeh, and Piers gave him a young Bengali boy as compensation "for when you've properly healed". Fucking disgusting toadying.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on September 13, 2020, 10:49:48 PM
John Lewis have just signed him up for their Christmas advert this year.

The Christmas Tom Moore Speech will replace the Queen's Speech this year.

Sir Captain Tom Moore will feature exclusively on Jools Holland's New Year's Eve show. Just him and Michael Ball all night.

Tom Moore Day has been announced - 25th December.

The Royal Institution Christmas Lecture this year will be Sir Tom selecting kids from the audience to volunteer in an experiment, his milky eyes scanning the crowd for some ripe dusky talent. We never see the experiment.

Corrie Christmas special: Are Tom does 100 laps of the Rover's Return, to the bar and back, vomming down his lapels and medals as the credits roll.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 13, 2020, 11:02:03 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eh0TThhWsAAlsHh?format=jpg&name=large)
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eh0TTiLWoAQAwIr?format=jpg&name=large)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eh0TTjGWsAE85r2?format=jpg&name=medium)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on September 13, 2020, 11:08:30 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eh0TThhWsAAlsHh?format=jpg&name=large)

Someone please magic that Rottweiler onto the angry-looking bust in the background
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on September 14, 2020, 12:13:53 AM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eh0TTjGWsAE85r2?format=jpg&name=medium)

Good to see Magnus Pyke getting the recognition he deserves.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 14, 2020, 01:00:48 AM
im drunk and am losing the will to live

(https://i.imgur.com/Y8fMo1M.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dex Sawash on September 14, 2020, 02:16:44 AM
Chocolate Lionel Richie has let himself go
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: H-O-W-L on September 14, 2020, 02:40:35 AM
Fucking hell, is it just me or is he a living version of the Schoolmaster from The Wall?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utterdrivel on September 14, 2020, 02:22:18 PM
He's not looking bad for 100 fucking years old is he?

What's his secret?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 14, 2020, 02:26:18 PM
He's not looking bad for 100 fucking years old is he?

What's his secret?

the usual
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 14, 2020, 02:35:49 PM
He's not looking bad for 100 fucking years old is he?

What's his secret?
imagine looking like that doddering old cunt for 30 years
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utterdrivel on September 14, 2020, 09:28:03 PM
the usual

Slurpy slurpy?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Thursday on September 14, 2020, 10:54:39 PM
He's not looking bad for 100 fucking years old is he?

What's his secret?

Ingesting the life essence of the minors he abuses.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 15, 2020, 08:16:27 AM
Ingesting the life essence of the minors he abuses.

the usual
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dothestrand on September 23, 2020, 11:38:14 AM
There's a movie of Captain Tom going to be made. Cumerbatch as the young Tom maybe. Having a daughter in PR really helps.

Is it really evil of me to imagine there might be more to this story - like if anyone's seen the Atom Egoyan film 'Remember'?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 23, 2020, 12:46:28 PM
it will just be him film of him walking the entire lap of his old rectory garden. it will be 18 hours long
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shit Good Nose on September 23, 2020, 01:52:51 PM
it will just be him film of him walking the entire lap of his old rectory garden. it will be 18 hours long

I bet Andy Warhol wishes he was still alive.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bernice on September 23, 2020, 02:19:55 PM
There's a movie of Captain Tom going to be made. Cumerbatch as the young Tom maybe. Having a daughter in PR really helps.

Is it really evil of me to imagine there might be more to this story - like if anyone's seen the Atom Egoyan film 'Remember'?

That proper made me laugh. But yeah, I too am hoping for the day the other shoe drops and he's outed as a fraud/war criminal/racist. I fear if this doesn't happen before he dies he'll end up entombed Lenin-style in Trafalgar Square.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on September 23, 2020, 02:24:51 PM
I thought rape porn was illegal in this country?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 23, 2020, 02:26:11 PM
I thought rape porn was illegal in this country?
we took back control
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GMTV on September 23, 2020, 02:37:19 PM
I wonder who'll play the other cenobites
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on September 23, 2020, 02:48:04 PM
The news says it's hibernation time for many families' tortoises, so time to put Tom back in his box and by that I mean a fucking coffin and stick him in the ground no matter how much he says he wants to go for another walk.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on September 23, 2020, 02:59:33 PM
Idris Elba to play Captain Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on September 23, 2020, 05:41:59 PM
Who gets the rights to the low-budget Bollywood hodge-podge Horror version? Captain Tom dressed up like Indian Thriller "KALI MA!" gyrating around with his eviscerating zimmerframe haunting raping the dreams of children.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bleeding Kansas on September 23, 2020, 08:42:41 PM
Idris Elba to play Captain Tom.

Yes, it’s not actually a biopic, rather a contemporary sci-fi farce where Tom wakes up one morning to discover he has become black. The only way to change back is to do another 100 laps around his garden. “Riveting family fun” says the Sun. “Why ‘Captain Tom D’Movie’ addresses the Black Lives Matter movement successfully when other media has failed” says the Guardian. Also, Bill Nighy voices a talking Spitfire.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chollis on September 24, 2020, 01:07:03 PM
Is it really evil of me to imagine there might be more to this story - like if anyone's seen the Atom Egoyan film 'Remember'?

hope it ends similarly to The Jinx
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Aaron500 on September 24, 2020, 09:56:23 PM
No mention of the proceeds of this particular venture going anywhere other than his daughter's bank accounts.

I hope Cumberbatch and Michael Caine tell him to fuck off. And anyway, Michael Caine is a Londoner who famously always uses his own accent. Colonel Sir Captain Tom is a Yorkshireman, like his mates Peter Sutcliffe and Jimmy Savile.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 24, 2020, 10:10:39 PM
Good point. Any idea where the money went?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 25, 2020, 11:56:40 AM
it just went into NHS Charities Together (skimming by the Ingram-Moores aside). funny how what his money does it hardly an issue now we have ARE NATIONAL HERO

STILL YOU CAN BE INSPIRED BY THIS!! THROW THOSE CURTAINS WIDE!!!!

perhaps the only video where instead of putting in slow-motion to make it seem inspirational they actually sped it up

https://youtu.be/1m0FG2k5ucc

(guess who's behind him at the end)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 25, 2020, 12:59:16 PM
Bert the dog?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 25, 2020, 01:23:34 PM
yes. he intends to spend all the skimmings on sausages
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on September 27, 2020, 01:52:59 PM
Was in the local Waterstones earlier, there was loads of his book unsold.  Moved a few into the fiction section.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on September 27, 2020, 03:06:24 PM
woke marxists still intent on erasing history I see
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on September 28, 2020, 12:15:16 PM
Was in the local Waterstones earlier, there was loads of his book unsold.  Moved a few into the fiction section.
Don't they have a Romance and Erotica section?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 03, 2020, 05:09:15 PM
Or a rape section
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bleeding Kansas on October 08, 2020, 12:53:51 PM
From the book preview of his Autobiography.

Quote
Dedicated to all who serve on the front line of any battle -  be it military, psychological or medical. I salute you.

So technically, his book is dedicated to ISIS?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 08, 2020, 12:59:03 PM
Oh go and slam a war baby into another Rhodesian prostitute you spectre
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 08, 2020, 01:51:45 PM
(guess who's behind him at the end)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16utD0RBBYA

Or a rape section

Gape section


So technically, his book is dedicated to ISIS?

And the cast of MASH
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on October 08, 2020, 02:02:38 PM
Shouldn't this irksome little gnome be dusting off his zimmer to raise the NHS enough money to cover the winter?

He's full of it when the weather's nice and he can dodder around his grounds without a sou'wester.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 08, 2020, 03:52:16 PM
D-Day veteran Harry Billinge was all over the TV this week, got a train named after him. Can Cap'n Tom say the same? Maybe Tom could race the train for charity.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 08, 2020, 05:07:26 PM
D-Day veteran Harry Billinge was all over the TV this week, got a train named after him. Can Cap'n Tom say the same? Maybe Tom could race the train for charity.

(https://media1.tenor.com/images/9c80d44d0752deebad97b9b09d178fd4/tenor.gif?itemid=15200751)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 14, 2020, 11:12:46 PM
collect ten rape stamps get a free train ride

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-54526866

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/1181D/production/_114890717_hi063796485.jpg)

bit on the large side imo
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on October 14, 2020, 11:26:26 PM
The man never rode on a train in his life.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on October 14, 2020, 11:27:40 PM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/1181D/production/_114890717_hi063796485.jpg)

bit on the large side imo

That is a cane, not his cock.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on October 14, 2020, 11:56:22 PM
He died last month, his family just had him stuffed so they could wheel him out for photo op's like this.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 14, 2020, 11:58:47 PM
He died last month, his family just had him stuffed so they could wheel him out for photo op's like this.
sincere condolences to the Shapps family at this difficult time
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 15, 2020, 01:24:52 AM
The man never rode on a train in his life.

The only train the cunt should be riding is The Last Train To Carksville.

(https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fF2iK2hQkP0/UaQ_xSZqbmI/AAAAAAAAJNY/Vv5fbWLOIOk/s1600/CSX+Nashville+National+Cemetery.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 15, 2020, 08:11:33 AM
Fucks me off that this old cunt is getting all these goodies from supplicant lackies. Where's my veteran's railcard?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 15, 2020, 09:19:42 AM
The man never rode on a train in his life.

Nonsense. He raped his way through one of those Indian ones where they all hang off the sides.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GMTV on October 15, 2020, 09:57:03 AM
The man never rode on a train in his life.

He's run many a train in his time.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on October 15, 2020, 12:14:40 PM
Nonsense. He raped his way through one of those Indian ones where they all hang off the sides.

They'll all be hanging off the sides by the time he's finished with them.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on October 15, 2020, 12:34:18 PM
The man never rode on a train in his life.

The gravy train, mayhaps!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 15, 2020, 12:45:51 PM
The gravy train, mayhaps!

Tsk, it's called CURRY, over there.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on October 15, 2020, 01:02:37 PM
Just realised this old lad hasn't changed out of that outfit since he hung up his walking frame.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 15, 2020, 02:43:24 PM
Just realised this old lad hasn't changed out of that outfit since he hung up his walking frame.

His cunting daughter hasn't bothered to change his nappy since the big cheque arrived either.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 15, 2020, 02:56:26 PM
She should, it'll be full of golden eggs now
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 15, 2020, 10:27:10 PM
She should, it'll be full of golden eggs now

Fossilised shit pellets containing the bones and hair of Indian street children.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 15, 2020, 10:54:15 PM
Fossilised shit pellets containing the bones and hair of Indian street children.
and you can own one of your very own, in its individually-number presentation case, at the low price of only £45 a month for an indefinite period
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 15, 2020, 11:23:13 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/B4KTcHw/CREATOR-gd-jpeg-v1-0-using-IJG-JPEG-v80-quality-82.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 16, 2020, 08:08:02 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/B4KTcHw/CREATOR-gd-jpeg-v1-0-using-IJG-JPEG-v80-quality-82.jpg)

coprolite? is that one of his 'nappy accidents'?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bgmnts on October 16, 2020, 03:47:59 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/N3k6tjs/20201016-134630.jpg)

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 16, 2020, 03:55:31 PM
TBF that entire series of 'books' looks like absolute children eye-cancer.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bgmnts on October 16, 2020, 03:56:55 PM
Yeah and I want to know why Martin Luther King has an absolutely fuck off chin on him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: shiftwork2 on October 16, 2020, 04:04:29 PM
He’s been drawn King Of The Hill style.

That civil rights activist ain’t right.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 16, 2020, 04:05:53 PM
He’s been drawn King Of The Jimmy Hill style.

It's a metaphor for his foresight/Forsyth.

I have a dream, to dream have I.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 16, 2020, 04:11:19 PM
My lad's read a couple of those. They are alright. A nice, easy introduction to some of the most important, trailblazing people to ever live. And now, inexplicably, Sir Colonel Captain Tom. Might as well do one about Ant & Dec if that's the barometer now.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 16, 2020, 04:25:27 PM
(https://cdn.waterstones.com/bookjackets/large/9781/7860/9781786031211.jpg)

Bloody hell, they've got a Georgia O'Keeffe one, the vagina paintings lady, really?

So the Captain Tom one isn't totally out of character, they've already featured decorated cunts.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on October 16, 2020, 04:33:01 PM
Yeah my daughter has an Amelia Earhart one, and it's fine.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bgmnts on October 16, 2020, 04:42:41 PM
Just to clarify I wasn't taking the piss out of the books themselves, just the idea that Tom Moore is the same as Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King and Marie Curie.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on October 16, 2020, 04:45:23 PM
Yeah I agree.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on October 16, 2020, 04:45:49 PM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/1181D/production/_114890717_hi063796485.jpg)

bit on the large side imo

The card is small. Captain Tom is far away. Grant Shapps is a cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on October 16, 2020, 09:59:37 PM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/1181D/production/_114890717_hi063796485.jpg)
We like to moan about, but it was funny on HIGNFY when Paul Merton noted they'd only given him till next year.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on October 17, 2020, 12:39:53 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/N3k6tjs/20201016-134630.jpg)

Looks fuck all like him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on October 17, 2020, 12:47:19 AM
While those books look really pretty lit and I am all for teaching kids the realities of the world, I just don't think you can sum up all of his rapes in sufficient detail within such a slim volume.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on October 17, 2020, 12:52:14 AM
While those books look really pretty lit and I am all for teaching kids the realities of the world, I just don't think you can sum up all of his rapes in sufficient detail within such a slim volume.

"Can you count along the rapes with Tom?  1 indian boy. 2 indian boys..."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on October 17, 2020, 01:38:13 AM
The space that’s sold out was Pewdiepie.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on October 17, 2020, 08:33:53 AM
Pretty sure MLK wasn’t a midget, in fact none of this shower were little people, except Anne and she was only little ‘cause she was a kiddie. Bullshit.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SpiderChrist on October 17, 2020, 08:56:24 AM
The deification of this man makes my piss itch.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on October 17, 2020, 09:42:58 AM
He's not dead yet?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 17, 2020, 10:10:16 AM
While those books look really pretty lit and I am all for teaching kids the realities of the world, I just don't think you can sum up all of his rapes in sufficient detail within such a slim volume.
It's a pop-up book.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 17, 2020, 10:59:50 AM
They've dumped three Tom Moores on top of a Bob Dylan.

How about you walk around your garden rather than recording another album no one wants, you lazy old cunt
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on October 17, 2020, 11:07:16 AM
Rosa Parks enacted huge social change. Captain Sir Tom Moore walked around his garden. But who is better? There's only one way to find out...

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DkHCAA5W4AAjMog.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: buttgammon on October 17, 2020, 11:10:54 AM
If it's any consolation, I'm sure he sees it as an indignity having to share something with Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on October 17, 2020, 11:31:51 AM
(https://cdn.waterstones.com/bookjackets/large/9780/7112/9780711245792.jpg)


(https://i.imgur.com/cgvtfZG.jpg)

I'd be interested to see the how they deal with his death from a heroin overdose aged 27 with a bold illustration and simple text.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 17, 2020, 11:50:15 AM
why does MLK look so unbearably fucking smug? he wasnt like that. he was an inspiring orator. i want to chin that little cunt.

Anyway if you think Captain Tom is bad, they have Mother Theresa, so I declare this to be SFC. looks like a right cash-in on parents' pushing their idols whoever they be on their children. i hope the artists get a good deal on it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 17, 2020, 01:20:33 PM
"Can you count along the rapes with Tom?  1 indian boy. 2 indian boys..."

One little, two little, three little Indians
Four little, five little, six little Indians
Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians
Ten little Indian boys.
Ten little, nine little, eight little Indians
Seven little, six little, five little Indians
Four little, three little, two little Indians
One little Indian boy.

Captain Tom's child brothel takeaway menu.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Aaron500 on October 17, 2020, 10:24:42 PM
(https://cdn.waterstones.com/bookjackets/large/9780/7112/9780711245792.jpg)


(https://i.imgur.com/cgvtfZG.jpg)

I'd be interested to see the how they deal with his death from a heroin overdose aged 27 with a bold illustration and simple text.

Anne Frank's death from typhoid in Bergen-Belsen is another tricky one for a bold illustrator. "Here is Anne coughing up blood on a filthy, lice-infested concentration camp mattress" This wasn't one of her big dreams, children!

Also Tom Moore (who was pissing about on a motorbike and raping Indian boys while Anne Frank was suffering, the heartless bastard) is smiling on his ID card, so it's not a valid photo. They could have wheeled the cunt to Asda to have some proper shots done, but I guess the £6 charge was too much. Anyway isn't it the same discount as he'd get if he had a senior railcard, which he's been entitled to for the last 40 years?
I bet the thieving old tosser thinks he can double dip and get 66% off. Not on my watch, pal. And you have to wear a face covering, your head slumping in to your chest as soon as you sit down doesn't count. And you're not fucking exempt, we saw you prancing around the garden, could breathe OK then  couldn't you?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 19, 2020, 11:19:10 PM
lazy old cunt shills for big chocolate

https://twitter.com/CadburyUK/status/1317022906686279680
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 19, 2020, 11:54:58 PM
Donate you words? What a load of fucking hashtag fake promotional guff, but they didn't donate just words into your fucking bank account for doing the ad Captain so-called Tom, eh?

How ironic, Captain Tom is a Cad I want to Bury.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 20, 2020, 09:59:48 AM
Anne Frank's death from typhoid in Bergen-Belsen is another tricky one for a bold illustrator. "Here is Anne coughing up blood on a filthy, lice-infested concentration camp mattress" This wasn't one of her big dreams, children!

"And nice Mr Hitler sent Anne up to play in the clouds for ever and ever. What larks!"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SpiderChrist on October 20, 2020, 10:03:31 AM
lazy old cunt shills for big chocolate

https://twitter.com/CadburyUK/status/1317022906686279680

Taking the fucking piss now.

Also twats on Twitter having a go at Cadburys
Quote
WTF Cadbury you would do anything to sell more product your disgusting !

But good old Tom raking in the sponds by hawking chocolate is just fine and dandy...

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 20, 2020, 12:20:51 PM
Most people haven't twigged to the daughter running the show. They think he's just a kindly old man being taken for a mug by evil corporations.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 20, 2020, 12:46:14 PM
Most people haven't twigged to the daughter running the show. They think he's just a kindly old man being taken for a mug by evil corporations.

Are they fucking blind? He's Orville to her Keith Harris (complete with nappy.) Any interview I've seen since the decrepit old adulterer came on the scene his daughter has been elbow-in-ribs distance, prompting him to keep on-script and on-brand.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on October 20, 2020, 01:54:31 PM
BBC front page has headline "I'm older than Captain Tom and I walked further" linking to this interview (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-berkshire-54600185). Nice to see someone there hates Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 20, 2020, 03:09:58 PM
I hate her even more then!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 20, 2020, 08:08:02 PM
lazy old cunt shills for big chocolate

https://twitter.com/CadburyUK/status/1317022906686279680

Cliched as fuck.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on October 21, 2020, 12:57:07 PM
lazy old cunt shills for big chocolate

https://twitter.com/CadburyUK/status/1317022906686279680

This is clearly a stepping stone to the prized Werther's Original commercial contract. Sweet and creamy and uncommonly good.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 21, 2020, 03:20:41 PM
Sweet and creamy and uncommonly good.

(https://c8.alamy.com/comp/C80T7X/young-poor-lower-caste-indian-street-children-andhra-pradesh-india-C80T7X.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on October 21, 2020, 07:48:35 PM
I see the Captain Tom Foundation are flogging off (https://timed.sworder.co.uk/auctions/7620/sworde1-10009) some of the awful tat they've been sent by members of the public:

(https://portal-images.azureedge.net/auctions-2020/sworde1-10009/images/83b9df81-e14e-4938-9937-ac5b01394c34.jpg?w=650&h=450&mode=max)

(https://portal-images.azureedge.net/auctions-2020/sworde1-10009/images/14d14465-db98-4d6f-ae5e-ac5b01396e8b.jpg?w=650&h=450&mode=max)

(https://portal-images.azureedge.net/auctions-2020/sworde1-10009/images/6d483248-1eee-4e39-8cf9-ac5b0138dc5e.jpg?w=850&h=650&mode=max)

(https://i.postimg.cc/kGn0vwdF/Taptain-Com.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 21, 2020, 08:47:10 PM
I see the Captain Tom Foundation are flogging off (https://timed.sworder.co.uk/auctions/7620/sworde1-10009) some of the awful tat they've been sent by members of the public:

(https://portal-images.azureedge.net/auctions-2020/sworde1-10009/images/83b9df81-e14e-4938-9937-ac5b01394c34.jpg?w=650&h=450&mode=max)

(https://portal-images.azureedge.net/auctions-2020/sworde1-10009/images/14d14465-db98-4d6f-ae5e-ac5b01396e8b.jpg?w=650&h=450&mode=max)

(https://portal-images.azureedge.net/auctions-2020/sworde1-10009/images/6d483248-1eee-4e39-8cf9-ac5b0138dc5e.jpg?w=850&h=650&mode=max)

(https://i.postimg.cc/kGn0vwdF/Taptain-Com.jpg)

you are fucking kidding me. There must be a term for this phenomena. Greed Psychosis?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 21, 2020, 09:01:01 PM
nice to see a bit of boomer poetry again. the pandemic hasn't really caused very much. probably because it's the closest to hardship boomers have ever experienced and they're not happy about it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on October 21, 2020, 10:15:27 PM
(https://portal-images.azureedge.net/auctions-2020/sworde1-10009/images/14d14465-db98-4d6f-ae5e-ac5b01396e8b.jpg?w=650&h=450&mode=max)

(https://i.ibb.co/hgwks4K/captain-tom.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 21, 2020, 10:17:39 PM
When you know about his antics with the Indian street kids the lyrics take on even more sinister tone:

someone did a 'little' thing.
feel blown over
dicky hip
feel so sore
bones must ache
every quid they give
total rising

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on October 21, 2020, 10:46:48 PM
Captain Tom

The world's a better place today,
A little bit less horrid,
Cause someone did a 'little' thing,
In this time so torrid.

And we just feel blown over,
By the hero Captain Tom,
Who even with his dicky hip,
Walks on and on and on.

And people all around the world,
Know each step he takes,
Must really make him feel so sore,
And that his bones must ache.

And that with every quid they give,
Which keeps the total rising,
Proves that all us humans,
Can be lovely and surprising.

And we all choose to forget the bad,
Such as raping Indian boys,
But he still has the memories,
Which forever he enjoys.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on October 21, 2020, 11:19:45 PM
what a silly stupid cunt
old sir tom moore is
I want to kick him in the cock
and drown him in his piss

*shave and a haircut: two bits*
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on October 21, 2020, 11:37:32 PM
The “Ripper of Rangoon” sanitized by poetry. So very poignant.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on October 22, 2020, 12:33:24 AM
Three cheers for Captain Moore,
He's the man we all adore,
He's walked on and on for the NHS,
To get us out of this horrid mess.
He fought the war so we'd be free,
And still fighting in his centenary.

He won't go down with Covid-19,
He'll kick it into the bin,
And a pre-teen boy of India,
will be forced to go down on him.
He's forcefully fucked a million boys,
Lubed with ghee or butter,
He's fucked his way through Mumbai slums,
And the Black Hole of Calcutta.
Jolly Tom with his roaring laugh,
Through his record-breaking rapes of wrath.
Still Indian parents tell naughty boys,
It is to bed they must run,
For if they fail to get their bottom there,
Captain Tom will come.
He's conned the NHS and the royals,
And nefarious politicians,
But he's fucked ethnic kids of every race,
In various positions.
Now he's in with those big three,
You could say he's scored a hat trick,
They'll protect the public from finding out,
Old Moore's looked up more brown stars than Patrick.

So three cheers for Captain Moore,
He's the man we all adore,
He's walked on and on for the NHS,
To get us out of this horrid mess.
He fought the war so we'd be free,
And still fighting in his centenary.

Anon
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 04, 2020, 09:53:12 AM
State of this fucking old husk

https://twitter.com/BBCBreakfast/status/1323233645889380353?s=19

Daughter with a knife in his back too. Dystopian we have some old git rambling about the Battle of Britain on the BBC at this time of crisis
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SpiderChrist on November 04, 2020, 11:03:50 AM
Fucking hell. Fucking HELL.

That is genuinely chilling. And genuinely A LOAD OF FUCKING BOLLOCKS too.

Comparing a global pandemic to a war is just bottom rung bullshit.

Jesus H Corbyn I hate this country. A nest of cunts.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on November 04, 2020, 12:02:29 PM
Please die already. 100 is more than enough for any human.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 04, 2020, 12:08:19 PM
im also not entirely sure he knows what the battle of britain actually was
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on November 04, 2020, 12:19:18 PM
Let’s get in our Spitfire’s and shoot this virus down.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on November 04, 2020, 12:55:34 PM
In my day we beat viruses with a stiff upper lip.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on November 04, 2020, 01:41:50 PM
In Tom's day you had it buggered out of you, and that's the story he's sticking to.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on November 04, 2020, 01:44:05 PM
Get that cunt doing laps of an icy car park.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 04, 2020, 03:58:05 PM
Thought it was worth transcribing

Quote
But I remember ... [unintelligible] had a very difficult time. and it was called THE BATTLE OF BRITAIN.

and

things were very bad

then

but we fought on and fought on, all the young people, and everyone put their shoulders to the wheel and we beat the Battle of Britain and the

whatever we're up against at the moment, we should do exactly the same. Because remember, we are BRITISH, and we always get through, we dee we don't get downhearted, and we will get on through whatever has happened to be thrown at us, and we shall WIN.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on November 04, 2020, 04:22:57 PM
Thought it was worth transcribing

Sounds like Are Tom and Boris share a scriptwriter.

I mean, I saluted, of course.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SpiderChrist on November 04, 2020, 04:32:12 PM
I mean, I saluted, of course.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bpsov_0CQAM7mIu?format=jpg&name=small)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 04, 2020, 06:54:29 PM
State of this fucking old husk

https://twitter.com/BBCBreakfast/status/1323233645889380353?s=19

Daughter with a knife in his back too. Dystopian we have some old git rambling about the Battle of Britain on the BBC at this time of crisis

He's ailing fast isn't he. Dementia probably caused by all the attention. Nodding dog daughter pulling the strings. Sickening. Public enquiry now.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 04, 2020, 08:27:58 PM
Quote
Nodding dog daughter pulling the strings.

Has been the case from Day 1, congratulations for turning your frail doddering Dad into a revenue stream you bitch. We see you.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 04, 2020, 08:38:25 PM
hope when Hannah Ingram-Moore is 100 she walks around her space-garden to raise money for whatever fucking bullshit is about then
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on November 04, 2020, 09:38:39 PM
Captain Tom news from around the UK:

Quote
A Louth man has made a life-size carving of Captain Tom Moore to raise money for the NHS.

Simon Bogg, who is a chainsaw expert from Louth, took around 10 days to carve out a monument of the Second World War hero...

https://www.lincolnshirelive.co.uk/news/local-news/captain-tom-wood-carving-lincolnshire-4092160

Quote
Nottingham headquartered Warlord Games has raised £5,500 for NHS charities thanks to a new addition to its armoury.

One of it's latest pieces - a limited edition miniature modeled on the centenarian Captain Sir Thomas Moore - was designed and sold as a tribute to the NHS.

Each was sold for £5 with all the profits being donated to charity.

The expanding local business, which has just made the move to new headquarters in the city, sells miniature figures to people across the world...

https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/nottingham-news/nottinghams-warlord-games-tribute-nhs-4660579
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 04, 2020, 09:42:55 PM
so much good journalism from lincolnshire live

(https://i.imgur.com/P8i3N7X.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on November 04, 2020, 09:45:01 PM
Christ, that is fucking scary.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 04, 2020, 09:45:47 PM
ironically it looks more like Chris Whitty
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SpiderChrist on November 04, 2020, 10:26:10 PM
I've been to Lincolnshire. They're all fucking mental.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 04, 2020, 11:17:35 PM
I've been to Louth and even stayed overnight in Boston once so yes, totally
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on November 05, 2020, 09:58:08 AM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/A5A7/production/_114570424_moorespajpg.jpg)

Bloody hell, a moment of honesty from the shrivelled old psychopath. He's visibly shocked by the whitewashing of his extensive history of sexual offending contained within that tome of lies.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on November 05, 2020, 11:18:47 AM
How do we know he didn't die halfway through his legendary walk and was replaced by a lookalike?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on November 05, 2020, 12:02:39 PM
How do we know he didn't die halfway through his legendary walk and was replaced by a lookalike?

A three day old supermarket chicken dressed up in charity shop clothes and dead man's spectacles.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 05, 2020, 12:07:11 PM
This came in handy

(https://www.horncastlenews.co.uk/webimg/T0FLMTIyMDM1ODA2.jpg)

Funnily enough, Lincolnshire
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on November 05, 2020, 12:24:32 PM
A three day old supermarket chicken dressed up in charity shop clothes and dead man's spectacles.

(https://i.imgur.com/EU7djl2.png)

The signs were there this whole time.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ASFTSN on November 05, 2020, 12:56:41 PM

(https://portal-images.azureedge.net/auctions-2020/sworde1-10009/images/14d14465-db98-4d6f-ae5e-ac5b01396e8b.jpg?w=650&h=450&mode=max)

(https://thumborcdn.acast.com/kEdaHWa1U-SA0Ebus382NuzIeRQ=/500x500/https%3A%2F%2Fmediacdn.acast.com%2Fassets%2F9c9a39c5-a525-4006-85e8-c4bb1d12bb5f%2F-kg262mww-harry-hills-noise-logo-1800x1800.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Zetetic on November 05, 2020, 03:58:49 PM
It clearly needs to be a major part of the curriculum that weathering the Luftwaffe's Britain 1940-41 campaign was actually, broadly speaking, a piece of piss.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 05, 2020, 05:56:24 PM
Especially if you were in India during all of it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Mr Farenheit on November 08, 2020, 02:39:00 AM
More than 3 times as many people have died in the UK from coronavirus (so far) as died in the Battle of Britain.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: wooders1978 on November 08, 2020, 08:06:19 AM
More than 3 times as many people have died in the UK from coronavirus (so far) as died in the Battle of Britain.

Yes but how many people who died in the BoB had underlying health conditions?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Zetetic on November 08, 2020, 09:24:18 AM
I think to be fair, you'd also want to include the 9 month night bombing campaign after the "Battle of Britain".

In the historical context, this still only brings you up to "a bad morning in Warsaw, 1944" or "a bad morning in Stalingrad, 1942" or "a few days of RAF terror-bombing" levels.[1]

Yes but how many people who died in the BoB had underlying health conditions?
All of them, presumably.
 1. Or "a bad minute or two at Hiroshima".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on November 08, 2020, 01:03:23 PM
I've been to Lincolnshire. They're all fucking mental.

I lived there (Lincoln) for 2 years. Can confirm. Also when I was first there I noticed there was a lot of people, young and old, with limps and other random things not quite right with them, which a local later told me was due to the rampant inbreeding. Genuinely quite a creepy place.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on November 08, 2020, 06:19:14 PM
I lived there (Lincoln) for 2 years. Can confirm. Also when I was first there I noticed there was a lot of people, young and old, with limps and other random things not quite right with them, which a local later told me was due to the rampant inbreeding. Genuinely quite a creepy place.

https://youtu.be/t1Azq5gJ1MY?t=614
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bazooka on November 08, 2020, 07:30:58 PM
I lived there (Lincoln) for 2 years. Can confirm. Also when I was first there I noticed there was a lot of people, young and old, with limps and other random things not quite right with them, which a local later told me was due to the rampant inbreeding. Genuinely quite a creepy place.

Lived there for 4, but it's simple there you just have to climb higher up the hill to escape the mutants, the castle represents 1000 years of defense against limpers.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 08, 2020, 07:34:48 PM
It reminds me of Bath, but whereas Lincoln is the physical disability capital of England, Bath is the wrong side of mental stability. (Sorry SGN).
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Rich Uncle Skeleton on November 08, 2020, 07:44:23 PM
Bath is the wrong side of mental stability.

I'll fucking kill you for this
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Blue Jam on November 16, 2020, 12:04:00 AM
Wrexham hasn't done any weird Captain Tom Moore tributes. I am disappointed.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jenna appleseed on November 16, 2020, 12:45:31 AM
I've been to Louth and even stayed overnight in Boston once so yes, totally

Charlene considers a rewrite.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: hamfist on November 16, 2020, 10:46:23 AM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Em8Cii1XYAIyznl?format=jpg&name=large)

ngggggggggg
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 16, 2020, 11:34:21 AM
Horrifying on so many levels
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on November 16, 2020, 01:05:19 PM
I'm sure Captain Tom can see a small part of himself in him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on November 16, 2020, 02:42:26 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/8C0Gjej.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on November 16, 2020, 06:07:30 PM
How do we know he didn't die halfway through his legendary walk and was replaced by a lookalike?

You never see him and Magnus Pyke in the same room together do you
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on November 16, 2020, 10:42:38 PM
Look who's on the next series of Strictly...
(https://www.tomorrowspapers.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Times-14.jpg)

(They've photoshopped his head on to someone else's body, haven't they? There's more convincing image editing within this thread.)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 16, 2020, 10:48:30 PM
Has he replaced Phil as the Death of Christmas Present?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 16, 2020, 10:57:19 PM
Never hoped anyone in history was outed as a paedophile so much, but I really ought to be directing my campaign of hate at his family, the real hands behind the wheel, trundling him out for the next photo-op while the money rolls in.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on November 16, 2020, 10:59:04 PM
Is GQ a nudie mag?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 16, 2020, 11:07:24 PM
True cunt
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on November 17, 2020, 01:39:40 AM
Look who's on the next series of Strictly...
(https://www.tomorrowspapers.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Times-14.jpg)

(They've photoshopped his head on to someone else's body, haven't they? There's more convincing image editing within this thread.)

Think Jane Seymour's pushing her luck there.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Rich Uncle Skeleton on November 17, 2020, 03:18:21 AM
"I could play a 25 year old" - captain tom moore
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on November 17, 2020, 04:12:05 AM
"I could play a 25 year old" - captain tom moore

"I could lay a 25 year old" - captain tom moore

"I could lay 20 5 year olds" - captain tom moore

"I could mercilessly rape 20 5 year Indian boys before breakfast" - captain tom moore
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on November 17, 2020, 09:26:18 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/02p8RhfD/Teddy-Tom.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on November 17, 2020, 11:08:43 AM
The Captain Sir Tom Moore cosplay will be all the rage at the conventions once things are back to normal.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: thenoise on November 17, 2020, 01:10:12 PM
Teddy Thomas.

Teddy.

Thomas.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on November 17, 2020, 02:06:51 PM
Teddy Thomas.

Teddy.

Thomas.
"Call me Bear."
"Piss off, Teddy."
*bash*
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on November 18, 2020, 01:35:20 PM
BBC News - Covid: Capt Sir Tom Moore and audience to join Royal Variety virtually
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-54986662 (http://BBC News - Covid: Capt Sir Tom Moore and audience to join Royal Variety virtually
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-54986662)

Must keep Tom in the public eye in preparation for his death.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dog Botherer on November 18, 2020, 02:14:00 PM
Teddy Thomas.

Teddy.

Thomas.

any relation to the French winger of the same name?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on November 18, 2020, 03:55:10 PM
Why in these awful saccharine  jingoistic pageant murals of Captain Tom does it usually portray him with WWII Bombers and Spitfires flying around him?

Nearest he's been to a plane is when they make the cunt's coffin.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on November 18, 2020, 07:21:02 PM
(https://content.assets.pressassociation.io/2020/11/17120312/5e3bb967-9da8-445a-aee6-5e663218d040.jpg)

https://www.shropshirestar.com/entertainment/showbiz/2020/11/18/dominic-cummings-and-captain-sir-tom-moore-in-first-beano-for-grown-ups/
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 18, 2020, 08:12:50 PM
Populism. Homogeneous populism.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on November 27, 2020, 10:30:16 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/mDsJ4K7C/Captain-Gin.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utter Shit on November 27, 2020, 11:05:41 AM
I KNEW that old cunt had an angle.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on November 27, 2020, 11:15:58 AM
How much semen does each bottle contain?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 27, 2020, 12:09:41 PM
i just yelled "WHAT THE FUCK" out loud.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on November 27, 2020, 12:30:01 PM
Made from the tears of Indian boys.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on November 27, 2020, 12:38:53 PM
(https://www.dogsonacid.com/attachments/upload_2020-11-27_12-33-34-png.191766/)

Not sure this is as funnny as I think it is tbh.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on November 27, 2020, 12:42:09 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/En08OKLXMAMuBrj?format=png&name=small)

His name as a trademark. Fucking Captain Tom™
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on November 27, 2020, 12:49:35 PM
Has he relocated to Monaco, Dubai or hopefully the afterlife for tax reasons yet?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on November 27, 2020, 01:09:09 PM
The Capt Tom dildo range, new from Capt Tom Industries.

'Lie back and think of England' with this delicately hand-crafted dildo, yours for only £49.99!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on November 27, 2020, 01:10:17 PM
Tom is winning 2020.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 27, 2020, 01:15:27 PM
geuinely fucking mental studff here lads

https://www.craftginclub.co.uk/ginnedmagazine/captain-tom-now-has-his-own-gin

Quote
Captain Tom now has his own gin! What’s more, all of its proceeds will be going to his fabulous organisation, The Captain Tom Foundation, which has been set up to help support charitable causes close to his heart. Could we love this true British gent any more?!

Captain Sir Tom Moore hardly needs an introduction after reaching national hero status and international fame earlier this year, when this former British Army officer and centenarian decided to try and raise £1000 for the NHS during during the COVID-19 pandemic by walking 100 laps of his nursing home before reaching his 100th birthday.

As the nation’s heart swelled, they reached into their pockets, and the result was an astonishing £32 million raised in donations!

Now, Capt Tom is helping the nation to glow with pride once more - and this time he is using our favourite tipple to do so!

Yes, Capt Tom is having is very own gin distilled by Yorkshire’s Otterbeck Distillery, based in the picturesque town of Skipton. The distillery has based the flavour profile of Captain Tom’s London Dry Gin on the newly knighted Yorkshireman’s childhood garden; featuring lots of herb and citrus notes, it sounds absolutely delicious. We like the sound especially of mixing the gin with Indian tonic water and garnished with mint and blackberries, as the distillery recommends - we can’t wait to give it a try here at Craft Gin Club HQ!


Captain Sir Tom has captured the imagination of the world and we’re proud to have distilled a very special gin with a very special man!
— Otterbeck Distillery


Delish quoted Captain Tom’s daughter, Hannah Ingram-Moore, as saying: “On behalf of Captain Sir Tom and family we are delighted to be in partnership with Otterbeck Distillery and sincerely look forward to our journey together. We feel an electric connection to Yorkshire so working with a gin based here is so special to us as we continue to build our family legacy and celebrate our heritage.”

And the team at Otterbeck Distillery are just as proud to be working with the now-legendary Captain. Nicola Lampkin, co-founder of the distillery with her husband, Dougie, was quoted by The Spirits Business as saying: “It is an amazing privilege to be working with captain sir Tom and his foundation, which supports some incredible charities. We’re delighted to be able to do our bit to help support such worthwhile causes.”

It is such a pleasure to see the gin community supporting great causes in this way and that Captain Sir Tom Moore is just as passionate about gin as we are. Apparently, he loves a G&T on a Sunday before his roast dinner.

Cheers to you, Captain Tom!

they also mis-caption his daughter at the bottom there. free gin out of this and all. you decrepit nationalism pedaling grifter
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on November 27, 2020, 01:24:50 PM
https://twitter.com/dismalplaces/status/1332295086349180930?s=19 (https://twitter.com/dismalplaces/status/1332295086349180930?s=19)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on November 27, 2020, 01:34:32 PM
Quote
The distillery has based the flavour profile of Captain Tom%u2019s London Dry Gin on the newly knighted Yorkshireman%u2019s childhood garden; featuring lots of herb and citrus notes

Holy fuck, what a tenuous link, as if the old cunt went through a list of the herbs in his childhood garden and the distillery fucked off to the boffins to work on the flavour profile. Couldn't even pretend to have a quote from the cunt saying it tasted nice, just some cut-and-shut PR witterings from the daughter, the cunt's never even seen a bottle or a pay cheque knowing his cunting daughter, probably doesn't even know the deal's been made.

Quote
We like the sound especially of mixing the gin with Indian tonic water

It's all tastes Indian tart by the time..
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on November 27, 2020, 06:49:59 PM
The Capt Tom dildo range, new from Capt Tom Industries.

'Lie back and think of England' with this delicately hand-crafted dildo, yours for only £49.99!

"the new captain Tom fleshlight gave me a second flush of youth" said the nation's favourite national treasure "just like being in India again"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on November 27, 2020, 06:54:58 PM
Captain Tom™ Fleshlight®

A lube free experience is recommended for realism
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on November 27, 2020, 06:59:49 PM
If she had this all planned from the off she's a genius
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 27, 2020, 07:02:23 PM
geuinely fucking mental studff here lads

https://www.craftginclub.co.uk/ginnedmagazine/captain-tom-now-has-his-own-gin

they also mis-caption his daughter at the bottom there. free gin out of this and all. you decrepit nationalism pedaling grifter

Aneurysm at "Delish"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 27, 2020, 07:03:51 PM
Lots of herb and citrus notes, hardly tempting. All the herbs and citrus
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on November 27, 2020, 07:49:12 PM
nice note of citrus there if you want it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on November 27, 2020, 07:55:11 PM
ok mate how you doing?  ah right.  so down there [points] is a little note of citrus if you fancy one

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on November 27, 2020, 07:56:01 PM
It’s hard to naturally jam it into a conversation.  Trying though.


Where even would it be, this note of citrus?  Just loitering around?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on November 27, 2020, 08:44:43 PM
Going by his age I reckon it’d be a D flat.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 27, 2020, 08:49:27 PM
The year is 2025, alongside yer Bud Lights and Famous Grouch, Tom Moore's Herb and Citrus gin sits, stacked in 6 packs for 12 quid at Anglian Mart.

Jimmy Brexit says "the missus won't touch the stuff, but I'll use it for cleaning the toilet".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 27, 2020, 09:11:26 PM
well thank goodness there's alcohol available at that price then. we're gonna need it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jenna appleseed on November 27, 2020, 09:55:09 PM
It’s hard to naturally jam it into a conversation.  Trying though.


Where even would it be, this note of citrus?  Just loitering around?

Modern Toss's Drive By Abuser enters thread.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 30, 2020, 12:23:59 AM
can you imagine when this cunt dies? you're going to have shrieking virgins throwing themselves in front of his funeral procession
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on November 30, 2020, 11:06:23 AM
can you imagine when this cunt dies? you're going to have shrieking virgins throwing themselves in front of his funeral procession

As long as they're Indian and greased with ghee, it's what he would have wanted.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on November 30, 2020, 11:15:43 AM
Going by his age I reckon it’d be a D flat.

A minor
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on November 30, 2020, 12:50:44 PM
A minor

A minor is a chord, not a note =^/

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on November 30, 2020, 12:57:55 PM
A flat minor
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on November 30, 2020, 03:58:05 PM
A flat minor

I remember the day the Lost Prophets stuff came out in the paper, I was sat outside a pub and someone brought it up so I was struggling for something darkly amusing to say about it and the 'A minor' pun jumped into my head, obvious in retrospect but just having the subject broached and suddenly trying to think of something it was a bolt out of the blue. Needless to say I didn't quite have a brilliant way of phrasing it so said something along the lines of "There were warning signs, every song he wrote he made sure he was in A minor," it got a big laugh and I felt quite smug. But still to this day knew it was a bit of a shit way of crowbarring the pun into a sentence, like Captain Tom forcing his unlubed throbber up a street child.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dr beat on December 04, 2020, 09:20:25 PM
Ok yeah cut til me I'm red yeah yeah Fields of Anny Road Poor Scouser Tommy yeah stood on the Kop yeah its scary yeah yeah We Hate Nottingham Forest yeah yeah All You Need Is Rush etc etc Campione! Hurray!

But now I understand the other side, and, shockingly, I'm increasingly hearing this in my life. Probably now  Z-cars

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW3sGno6IQ4


But avast ye! Those undulating sirens! (good luck with Ancelotti, you'll need it I'm sure).  You're nothing if you can't score a goal within 7 seconds.  *This is *the* run on* Prenton Park, 1991, 17000 desperate in need of Boxing Day distraction.  Pat Nevin, a cheeky nod in the queue for a pie (yes!) 'Jim Rockford, the Wirral's shouting for ya!'

Eric Nixon thinks 'yes we will sue you for your ass!'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg1Cx26-928

And then, 1986.  Wembley.  Liverpool? Everton? No? The Pest to Widnes' Buda
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBaatFpHTfA in the midst of Chernobyl ('I live in Majorca')

...this was the run-on music in Canal Street.  Yes reader, this happened, this *was* the run on.  And it was great. For a bit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsFi_7yd1vs

But then, lets celebrate the Buda:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vnl8TNodEYo


Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 10, 2020, 01:56:27 AM
^ wrong thread?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on December 10, 2020, 11:54:26 AM
Is Ol' Tom not getting the jab then?  Thought his daughter would see he was one of the first. Good for the Sir Cpt Tom(c) brand.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on December 10, 2020, 11:59:21 AM
it's none of bill gate's business which part of his garden are tom is in
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on December 10, 2020, 12:02:36 PM
Good luck getting classed as vulnerable when you're tearing up your front lawn for days on end. He'll get his next year like the rest of us.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GoblinAhFuckScary on December 11, 2020, 01:04:06 PM
Pink News had a story on him supporting the gaysss but they phrased it in such a way that before you finish reading you get the impression that he like... came out, but no he 'came out' as an ally

(https://i.imgur.com/GuTtENZ.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/Njun4Lz.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on December 11, 2020, 01:11:52 PM
Jokes aside, he is a cool guy

https://twitter.com/captaintommoore/status/1336355366372773890

Imagine all his disappointed homophobe fans

This comment though

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EovjkhvXEAIpEv-?format=jpg&name=900x900)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on December 11, 2020, 01:30:29 PM
Jokes aside, he is a cool guy

https://twitter.com/captaintommoore/status/1336355366372773890


And this has Nowt to do with his snake of a daughter and her PR interests? Poor old sod needs social services intervention not a twitter account. She is low man, real low.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on December 11, 2020, 01:31:19 PM
I'm not sure, I don't know them that well.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on December 11, 2020, 01:32:54 PM
I now hate gay people.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on December 11, 2020, 01:37:02 PM
We always knew Captain Tom was pansexual anyway
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chedney Honks on December 11, 2020, 02:41:57 PM
He'll fuck any pan
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on December 11, 2020, 02:46:43 PM
He'll fuck any pan

I also heard he's Inbread
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on December 11, 2020, 02:49:53 PM
Jokes aside, he is a cool guy

https://twitter.com/captaintommoore/status/1336355366372773890

Imagine all his disappointed homophobe fans

This comment though

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EovjkhvXEAIpEv-?format=jpg&name=900x900)

Absolutely howled at that. Just posted there on his timeline in earnest. Beautiful.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on December 11, 2020, 02:51:38 PM
I thought this was the shopkeeper from Mr Benn reliving his Dunkirk.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on December 11, 2020, 03:03:33 PM
More woke virtue signalling.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on December 11, 2020, 03:26:05 PM
Good ol' Tom, don't want to miss out on that pink pound. He'll be at Pride next year in his leather chaps on the back of a float.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on December 11, 2020, 03:33:30 PM
Hitler found alive and fairly well in Marston Moretaine
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on December 11, 2020, 03:54:37 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/nZSgHvw.gif)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on December 11, 2020, 04:15:37 PM
He's just become trans folks' hero.

(https://i.imgur.com/cuw6DjW.gif)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GoblinAhFuckScary on December 11, 2020, 04:22:10 PM
We love a good walk are Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on December 11, 2020, 09:00:54 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/nZSgHvw.gif)

Amazing
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on December 11, 2020, 09:59:04 PM
Jokes aside, he is a cool guy

https://twitter.com/captaintommoore/status/1336355366372773890


State of them trousers

(https://i.imgur.com/ABq1jkV.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on December 11, 2020, 10:00:49 PM
He's more trouser than man
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Alberon on December 11, 2020, 10:37:38 PM
Bloody hell, they're eating him alive!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on December 11, 2020, 10:37:56 PM
Sad to see he's a PATS sufferer (Pap Altitude Trouser Syndrome).
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: thenoise on December 11, 2020, 10:44:24 PM
Laces don't go round the chair Captain Dopey. And your trouser belt isn't supposed to go round your nipples.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on December 11, 2020, 11:54:07 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/rv40qBt/20201211-234947.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on December 12, 2020, 02:30:49 AM
Sir Captain Tom in his younger days

(https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/mrmen/images/d/d2/Mrtallimage.png/revision/latest?cb=20130222100629)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on December 12, 2020, 01:56:41 PM
State of them trousers

(https://i.imgur.com/ABq1jkV.jpg)

Imagine how many Indian boys you could fit down them and etc
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on December 12, 2020, 02:21:15 PM
Can't even tuck his shirt in properly.  This is your Covid hero of 2020 Britain.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on December 12, 2020, 05:19:49 PM
Good ol' Tom, don't want to miss out on that pink pound. He'll be at Pride next year in his leather chaps on the back of a float.
I think Cap Tom made sure a few Indian boys didn't miss out on a pink pounding.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on December 13, 2020, 11:10:53 AM
Captain Moore debuts in SHART PROOF
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kitsofan34 on December 13, 2020, 12:17:10 PM
Cunt is now doing gifted ads on instagram for airline companies and tourist boards. And has also flown to fucking Barbados!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on December 13, 2020, 01:01:22 PM
A rapist is closer than you think

(https://images.ladbible.com/resize?type=webp&url=http://beta.ems.ladbiblegroup.com/s3/content/258317565fd5e408e94871399919285e.png&quality=70&width=720&aspectratio=16:9&extend=white)

https://www.ladbible.com/community/daily-ladness-captain-tom-moore-jets-off-on-bucket-list-holiday-to-barbados-20201212

I linked to the LAD bible because I still have no idea what is and why a LAD would want this old cunt in his scriptures
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on December 13, 2020, 02:15:05 PM
He had his fill of Indian boys now he's off to chance his luck with West Indian boys.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on December 13, 2020, 02:22:44 PM
Apparently his daughter really fancied a trip to Barbados.

No doubt on beng seated she'll elbow him in the face and put him out a la "Commando" and tell the stewardess "he's dead tired"

Then that's the end of Sir Captain General Tom thumb Roger Moore. 
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on December 13, 2020, 02:32:53 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/ICv4XjW.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on December 14, 2020, 10:10:01 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/e4iymFr.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on December 15, 2020, 01:07:07 PM
As he'll be dead in a year or two, I want to officially be the first to pre-emptively say Captain Tom No Moore.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on December 17, 2020, 11:57:56 PM
FUUUCKKK

(https://i.imgur.com/r0PSIwd.jpg)

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: thenoise on December 18, 2020, 02:43:18 PM
As he'll be appearing nude in a year or two, I want to officially be the first to pre-emptively say Captain Tom Phwoarr.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on December 18, 2020, 02:51:06 PM
FUUUCKKK

(https://i.imgur.com/r0PSIwd.jpg)

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

Thought that upper picture showed a panda getting duffed up by riot police at first!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 18, 2020, 07:35:27 PM
Thought that upper picture showed a panda getting duffed up by riot police at first!

Also why is Captain Tom stabbing a woman with a big syringe?

(my tag line is unrelated)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on December 19, 2020, 12:30:28 PM
https://twitter.com/captaintommoore/status/1339979793954189312
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EpiPXeuWwAAosbR?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)

the kids always look really uneasy but Hannah Ingram-Moore always beaming with evil glee how she monetised her feeble old dad
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on December 19, 2020, 03:51:25 PM
I thought he was wearing designer ripped jeans for a minute there
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on December 19, 2020, 03:56:53 PM
What cunt takes their medals on holiday with them?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SpiderChrist on December 19, 2020, 04:04:54 PM
What cunt takes their medals on holiday with them?

That cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: canadagoose on December 19, 2020, 04:23:02 PM
https://twitter.com/captaintommoore/status/1339979793954189312
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EpiPXeuWwAAosbR?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)

the kids always look really uneasy but Hannah Ingram-Moore always beaming with evil glee how she monetised her feeble old dad
Didn't know Captain Tom's daughter was married to Jeremy Clarkson.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on December 19, 2020, 04:29:30 PM
All part of the Capt'n Tom brand
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Alberon on December 19, 2020, 06:01:02 PM
https://twitter.com/captaintommoore/status/1339979793954189312
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EpiPXeuWwAAosbR?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)

the kids always look really uneasy but Hannah Ingram-Moore always beaming with evil glee how she monetised her feeble old dad

Hugh Bonneville on the end has let himself go, hasn't he?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on December 19, 2020, 10:29:27 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/mu79qSp.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on December 19, 2020, 11:27:50 PM
What cunt takes their medals on holiday with them?
They look like they've been badly photoshopped aw i just remembered my dead grandfather showing me his service medal thanks a lot Butchers
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on December 20, 2020, 08:37:21 AM
https://twitter.com/captaintommoore/status/1339979793954189312
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EpiPXeuWwAAosbR?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)

the kids always look really uneasy but Hannah Ingram-Moore always beaming with evil glee how she monetised her feeble old dad
Photoshop a cock in his hand.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on December 20, 2020, 02:14:33 PM
Photoshop a cock in his hand.

I think that might technically be considered "making and distributing child p*rn" since there's a minor also featured
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on December 20, 2020, 05:32:45 PM
Photoshop a cock in his hand.


(https://i.imgur.com/d8kPVIJ.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on December 20, 2020, 09:08:42 PM
Another day, another award

This time, SPOTY Helen Rollason Award.

ffs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on December 20, 2020, 11:56:52 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/8gnm8gH/Tom-s-Thumb.png) (https://ibb.co/k2VGc2t)
js syntax checker online (https://geojsonlint.com/)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GMTV on December 21, 2020, 09:29:02 AM
Another day, another award

This time, SPOTY Helen Rollason Award.

ffs.

It's what she would've wanted
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Satchmo Distel on December 21, 2020, 09:46:33 AM
"How did that paedo cunt live twice as long as me." Giving him an award in her name rubs in the early death, no?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on December 21, 2020, 07:13:18 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/JNnY88z.gif)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Thursday on December 21, 2020, 07:27:57 PM
I hope this cunt dies just before midnight on Christmas Eve.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chedney Honks on December 22, 2020, 08:09:36 AM
Seen that this husk and his parasitic spawn fucked off to put the R in Barbados for Chrimbo?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 25, 2020, 05:23:25 PM
Talking about Christmases in his life on BBC News.

Wahts to go to Route 66 next.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on December 25, 2020, 05:37:17 PM
Is he going to walk it?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on December 25, 2020, 06:47:45 PM
I do feel sort of bad that this very old sex offender is having to spend his final days being manipulated by his insane psychopath daughter.

But also fuck him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on December 25, 2020, 08:27:13 PM
Interestingly enough, Tesco's Christmas advert this year makes a point of showing a small brown boy wearing a onesie bearing the legend 'I Heart Captain Tom'.

They know. They know!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 27, 2020, 04:53:11 PM
Presented without comment: https://twitter.com/deadtreesanddye/status/1342970001616232449
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on December 27, 2020, 05:32:05 PM
'I Heart Captain Tom'.

Genuinely thought that said 'hate' at first.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on December 27, 2020, 05:36:01 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/q0ZMgNJ/T.jpg) (https://ibb.co/cbmc86Y)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 01, 2021, 12:08:18 AM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eqmts6uXcAAH_MN?format=jpg&name=medium)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on January 01, 2021, 12:09:28 AM
Beat me to it!

(https://i.postimg.cc/bJLHqG6X/image.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on January 01, 2021, 12:34:53 AM
Touching tribute to Professor X.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 01, 2021, 12:40:11 AM
fucking hell though
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on January 01, 2021, 12:47:36 AM
I notice there's no drone cloud effigies for the ghosts of all the Burmese boys.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on January 01, 2021, 01:18:54 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/S5WDFyY/4s70z0.gif)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 01, 2021, 11:29:03 AM
Wintering in Barbados of course, after a year of exploitation by his crook grifter daughter who probably can't believe her luck.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Satchmo Distel on January 01, 2021, 11:33:34 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/q0ZMgNJ/T.jpg) (https://ibb.co/cbmc86Y)

Drowning children in his pool of shit, the evil bastard.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Billy on January 01, 2021, 11:35:33 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/S5WDFyY/4s70z0.gif)

I have to go now. My planet needs me
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 01, 2021, 12:33:37 PM
Looks like the end of Ghostbusters

https://twitter.com/Sarah_EmilyP/status/1344798710836973570?s=19
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on January 01, 2021, 12:38:10 PM
Surprised a little speech bubble didn't appear from him hawking their Cpt Tom gin.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 01, 2021, 12:40:30 PM
Looks like the end of Ghostbusters

https://twitter.com/Sarah_EmilyP/status/1344798710836973570?s=19

Amputee Bernie Sanders doing a Hitler salute
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: finnquark on January 01, 2021, 12:44:40 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eqo5JJwWMAMinH7?format=jpg&name=small)

https://twitter.com/England/status/1344959875198103553
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on January 01, 2021, 12:47:53 PM
Who is the bloke that looks like the furious homophobic tailor from Man Down?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on January 01, 2021, 12:53:34 PM
Lions don't wear masks.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on January 01, 2021, 01:03:16 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eqo5JJwWMAMinH7?format=jpg&name=small)

https://twitter.com/England/status/1344959875198103553

Hope the lions eat the cunts x
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: wooders1978 on January 01, 2021, 01:04:00 PM
that bottom middle shot with the little girl with her arm around the lion is ludicrously dangerous, & all for a "photo" for BT bloody sport, her parents should be jailed.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 01, 2021, 01:09:16 PM
that bottom middle shot with the little girl with her arm around the lion is ludicrously dangerous, & all for a "photo" for BT bloody sport, her parents should be jailed.
theres a joke to be made here if you look closely at the child but you know what, i wont make it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on January 01, 2021, 01:19:54 PM
The lion on the right has just noticed the unpleasant smell emanating from Tom's incontinence pad.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on January 01, 2021, 01:53:36 PM
The sooner this charlatan croaks it the better.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: wooders1978 on January 01, 2021, 01:59:10 PM
theres a joke to be made here if you look closely at the child but you know what, i wont make it

Oh Christ, yeah, didn’t spot that!
“He gives me a bit of that (fist punching gestures) but I bloody love him”
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: wooders1978 on January 01, 2021, 01:59:57 PM
Although she wouldn’t be doing fist punching gestures... let’s just leave it eh
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on January 01, 2021, 02:03:18 PM
theres a joke to be made here if you look closely at the child but you know what, i wont make it

Wouldn't want to lower the tone of this otherwise U-rated thread ;-)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 01, 2021, 02:38:54 PM
to be honest it was an odd choice to put the child with missing limbs the closest proximity to the lion. maybe it's a test to see anyone will get themselves cancelled by making the joke
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on January 01, 2021, 03:16:20 PM
Why does Captain Sir Tom get to be on it twice?

Also I thought it was Paul Hollywood under the A.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 01, 2021, 03:18:29 PM
Once for Captain Tom, once for Sir Captain Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on January 01, 2021, 04:14:05 PM
I have to go now. My planet needs me

(https://i.ibb.co/hFFB7VF/1609501826157.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on January 01, 2021, 04:27:15 PM
he's finally balding?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on January 01, 2021, 04:47:25 PM
Leo the Lion for a knighthood.

(https://i.ibb.co/kJ4NXpW/Tom-dead.jpg) (https://ibb.co/HCt5q0k)
 (https://500pxdownload.com/)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on January 04, 2021, 10:28:13 PM
Another lockdown.  Your move, Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 04, 2021, 11:00:51 PM
his daughter should do a fucking foreign legion march round the cunting planet
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on January 05, 2021, 07:40:05 AM
There will be a new Tom Moore soon, but this time "On Ice".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: thugler on January 05, 2021, 11:24:28 AM
They're really milking the fuck out of this cunt. I was in a bookshop the other day and there were no less than 3 Captain Tom tie in books. 3.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 05, 2021, 11:56:24 AM
Hannah Ingram-Moore thinks "mmm... Sir Captain Tom milk? For the kiddies? Yessss"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on January 05, 2021, 12:32:09 PM
Hannah Ingram-Moore thinks "mmm... Sir Captain Tom milk? For the kiddies? Yessss"

At his age I'm not sure how much 'milk' Tom will be able to produce.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: boki on January 05, 2021, 12:38:46 PM
Hannah Ingram-Moore thinks "mmm... Sir Captain Tom milk? For the kiddies? Yessss"

Pre-Order your bottle of limited edition Captain Moore Gone rum NOW.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 05, 2021, 12:49:43 PM
At his age I'm not sure how much 'milk' Tom will be able to produce.
squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg
squeeze it so hard I'll fall right outta bed
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on January 05, 2021, 09:14:11 PM
I have it on good authority that this rancid old cunt is just back from a maternity ward in Liberia. He paid £186 to bugger as many "cunt-fresh" black babies as he could in a day.

Straight though customs on his return, no questions asked.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 05, 2021, 10:33:21 PM
brexit dividend
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on January 05, 2021, 10:34:42 PM
200 laps this time and the family might be able to afford Epstein’s private island.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on January 06, 2021, 07:37:49 AM
200 laps this time and the family might be able to afford Epstein’s private island.

200 laps of Brands Hatch with LORD Lewis Hamilton, the car kitted out in red white and blue. Fawning nationalists wanking gold ingots into a fox fur basket live on BBC Breakfast.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 06, 2021, 10:05:11 AM
This shits gone on so long the cunts gonna get to 101 and we'll still be in tory lockdown
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on January 06, 2021, 10:11:36 AM
Hopefully he'll buy the farm before the lockdown ends and they'll be no public funeral.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: AliasTheCat on January 06, 2021, 11:58:50 PM
https://twitter.com/hypsoline/status/1346938612387115009

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ErFJhnwXMAYr4GI?format=jpg&name=small)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 07, 2021, 01:14:34 AM
haha inspired
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on January 31, 2021, 05:17:30 PM
TOM’S GOT THE VID.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on January 31, 2021, 05:25:21 PM
Sure has.

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/coronavirus-captain-tom-admitted-hospital-testing-positive-171754984.html
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utterdrivel on January 31, 2021, 05:25:45 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/SCBSX4nl.jpg)

RIP Captain my Captain

Probably


Soon
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on January 31, 2021, 05:31:12 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/SCBSX4nl.jpg)

"PS, I shall be the well-paid chief executive of any charity I set up in his memory."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on January 31, 2021, 05:34:56 PM
He'll survive and be back peddling tat on adverts for supermarkets in no time.

BUY OUR EASTER EGG BECAUSE CAPTAIN SIR TOM IS IN OUR ADVERT
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: DrGreggles on January 31, 2021, 05:46:29 PM
Doesn't he realise that the NHS is still underfunded?
Get out of bed and get walking, you lazy old cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on January 31, 2021, 05:53:36 PM
His daughter's just registered his name at Companies House, then sped back to his bedside with a will for him to sign.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: brownjam on January 31, 2021, 05:54:46 PM
More like Captain Tom No-Moore!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: iamcoop on January 31, 2021, 05:55:04 PM
*Punches the air*
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: brownjam on January 31, 2021, 05:56:13 PM
Doesn't he realise that the NHS is still underfunded?
Get out of bed and get walking, you lazy old cunt.

He's hogging a bed in intensive care too. Selfish cunt, they should him throw him in the skip.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on January 31, 2021, 05:59:46 PM
Robo-Grief Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on January 31, 2021, 06:00:57 PM
Just read the following comment on a Daily Mail article.

Quote
Upyabum, Manchester, United Kingdom, 6 minutes ago

Covid has no chance in the body of this great British hero

Yeah, don't you know his auto-immune system's hard as nails!?  It can have any virus!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on January 31, 2021, 06:08:11 PM
100 year old man with the 'vid, the prognosis is not good. How is grifter daughter feeling about the ol holiday to Barbados now.

Imagine the state of the discourse if he goes though, fucking hell.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on January 31, 2021, 06:09:09 PM
His daughter's just registered his name at Companies House, then sped back to his bedside with a will for him to sign.

She's way ahead of you there, they did that in May.

https://find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/company/12586021
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on January 31, 2021, 06:17:49 PM
Imagine the state of the discourse if he goes though, fucking hell.

Imagine if he survives, though!  He'll be the new Christ!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on January 31, 2021, 06:22:31 PM
100 year old man with the 'vid, the prognosis is not good. How is grifter daughter feeling about the ol holiday to Barbados now.

And all the media gladhanding, photo opps, film studios, airports and god knows where else.

I understand the advice for the incredibly ancient is to stay indoors and get the vaccine ASAP, not have their kids wheel them to meet politicians and solicit donations for gin or whatever the fuck he’s been up to. These rules may not apply to Lord Emperor Sir Captain Tom and his scions, of course.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 31, 2021, 06:23:20 PM
some people aged around 100 haven't left their house since march they're so at risk. this cunt went to barbados and met the queen.

bastard.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SteveDave on January 31, 2021, 06:23:46 PM
Elton John’s warming up. Bernie’s faxing through some new lyrics.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ian Drunken Smurf on January 31, 2021, 06:26:52 PM
Rumour has it, he's phoned Bojo asking for tips for how to look he's got it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on January 31, 2021, 06:33:47 PM
Pity Clive Dunn snuffed it a few years back.  Wouldn't he be an absolute shoo-in to play Moore in a biopic?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on January 31, 2021, 06:34:35 PM
My heart and prayers go out to young boys of Barbados.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on January 31, 2021, 06:35:27 PM
some people aged around 100 haven't left their house since march they're so at risk. this cunt went to barbados and met the queen.

bastard.

[live coverage of the state funeral]
Huw Edwards or whoever: now some would suggest that a 100 year old man visiting Barbados and meeting with well wishers during a pandemic might have been, perhaps, wreckless
Talking head: yes but what fun he had in his last year and, in a way, that must have made it all worthwhile
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on January 31, 2021, 06:37:41 PM
My heart and prayers go out to young boys of Barbados.

Too late.  Cliff Richard lived there.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bgmnts on January 31, 2021, 06:38:18 PM
Couldn't happen to an older guy.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 31, 2021, 06:41:56 PM
Elton John’s warming up. Bernie’s faxing through some new lyrics.
AHHH
HES NO STANDIN
NEVER ROUND DA GARDEN GEN
NAD A CO-VID SURVIVAH
MORE THAN JUST A LIL DEAD

AHHH HES NO STANDIN
IN DA GRAVE HE LIES
HIS DAWDAH FILES DA STUFF FOR PROBATE OF HIS ESTATE IN GOOD TIME

HES NO STANDIN

NO NO NO
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on January 31, 2021, 06:43:07 PM
Is this irony?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on January 31, 2021, 06:45:23 PM
Elton John’s warming up. Bernie’s faxing through some new lyrics.

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a rapist in the wind
Never knowing who to bum first
When the horn set in
And I would've liked to know you
But I was just a kid (and therefore would have been at risk of getting bummed)
Your morals burned out long before
Your hard-on ever did
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: rue the polywhirl on January 31, 2021, 06:49:40 PM
Alternative Charity single if Captain Tom somehow makes it...

Tom still standing better than he ever did
looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on January 31, 2021, 06:51:21 PM
Alternative Charity single if Captain Tom somehow makes it...

Tom still standing better than he ever did
looking like a true survivor, feeling like up a little kid


FTFY
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on January 31, 2021, 06:52:23 PM
If Diana was a 10 on the hysteria meter where will Tom be? I reckon a solid 8. Definitely in "why not rename Heathrow Captain Tom Airport?" territory.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on January 31, 2021, 07:08:18 PM
Elton John’s warming up. Bernie’s faxing through some new lyrics.

Paul McCartney tuning the piano for a thundering rendition of Hey Jude (live from the closing of the state funeral) as we speak.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Aaron500 on January 31, 2021, 07:09:11 PM
Shouldn't he have been vaccinated by now?
Perhaps the old cunt was in Barbados when the invite came through. Shame.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on January 31, 2021, 07:17:59 PM
He's been dead for weeks. The family are waiting for lockdown to ease so they can cash in on the public/state funeral merchandise.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Rich Uncle Skeleton on January 31, 2021, 07:18:08 PM
At least we'll get a good Farenheit comic out of this
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on January 31, 2021, 07:43:28 PM
Daughter currently trying to strike a deal for the world's first pay-per-view funeral.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on January 31, 2021, 07:52:37 PM
Elton John’s warming up. Bernie’s faxing through some new lyrics.

His daughter's readying to cash-in on post-mortem Captain Moore sentimentality.  She's singing: 'hello, gold-bricked road...'
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 31, 2021, 07:56:53 PM
Will the drone display for 2021 be an illuminated Moore giving us a thumbs up from his grave?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on January 31, 2021, 08:32:37 PM
Can he manage another Xmas number one? Surely they've transplanted his vocal cords into Ed Sheeran?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on January 31, 2021, 08:35:04 PM
Paul McCartney tuning the piano for a thundering rendition of Hey Jude (live from the closing of the state funeral) as we speak.

Hey paed. Na na na nonce. Na na na nonce. Hey paed.

When I'm 164.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: boki on January 31, 2021, 08:36:27 PM
Paul McCartney tuning the piano for
...dead meat Moorey...dotcom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bobloblawslawbomb on January 31, 2021, 09:01:27 PM
Someone is primed for an absolute gale force cancellation for disrespecting ARE CAPTAIN TOM if he dies. Can’t wait to see who it is!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on January 31, 2021, 09:02:12 PM
I am furious that he might end up martyred because of this.



Let us all pray for his reputation to be besmirched.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on January 31, 2021, 09:08:37 PM
Pity Clive Dunn snuffed it a few years back.  Wouldn't he be an absolute shoo-in to play Moore in a biopic?

They don't like it up 'em!

Those Indian boys..
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on January 31, 2021, 09:08:50 PM
Elton John’s warming up. Bernie’s faxing through some new lyrics.

Sir Tom about to go on a ventilator while looking around at co-patients: 'you, me and ev-er-y-bo-dy got a part-time lung...'
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on January 31, 2021, 09:12:15 PM
Hey paed. Na na na nonce. Na na na nonce. Hey paed.

When I'm 164.

Ebony and ivory, bum forever in England's colonies
Tiny child on my rancid pork sword, oh Lord, can't catch me
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on January 31, 2021, 09:15:01 PM
Won't look good for the NHS if he dies. Raising all that money for them and he carks it in one of their beds, bit ungrateful.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: The Mollusk on January 31, 2021, 09:15:51 PM
Oh no, I hope he doesn’t die!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: DrGreggles on January 31, 2021, 09:19:23 PM
Won't look good for the NHS if he dies. Raising all that money for them and he carks it in one of their beds, bit ungrateful.

Exactly! Dump the fucker in the car park sharpish.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: icehaven on January 31, 2021, 09:27:52 PM
Won't look good for the NHS if he dies. Raising all that money for them and he carks it in one of their beds, bit ungrateful.

Or it comes out he's with BUPA.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Paul Calf on January 31, 2021, 09:38:17 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/ETnWtON.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on January 31, 2021, 09:55:31 PM
Is he still a captain? Are you a captain forever, even after you leave the army?
Am I still a sixer even though I left the cubs nearly 40 years ago?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Thursday on January 31, 2021, 09:55:49 PM
I feel like maybe now he's ill, it's time to stop all the jokes, it does just start to seem insensitive to talk about an old man who raised money for the NHS this way.

But then I think about all the children he hurt and traumatised and I just can't forgive him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Twonty Gostelow on January 31, 2021, 10:13:40 PM
Can't say I've heard of him but I wish him well.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Mr Banlon on January 31, 2021, 10:19:31 PM
Is he still a captain? Are you a captain forever, even after you leave the army?
Am I still a sixer even though I left the cubs nearly 40 years ago?
It's supposed to be bad form to refer to yourself by your military rank if it's below major in civillian life.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 31, 2021, 10:59:13 PM
hope hannah gets it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on January 31, 2021, 11:27:04 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/57SINWC.jpg)

Is that Russ Abbot top left?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on January 31, 2021, 11:40:57 PM
last thing an indian boy sees before getting skullfucked
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utterdrivel on January 31, 2021, 11:42:59 PM
Russ has done well for himself there
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 01, 2021, 04:26:10 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/57SINWC.jpg)

Is that Russ Abbot top left?

So... Russ Abbot gave Are Tom the vid?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: DrGreggles on February 01, 2021, 08:37:00 AM
So... Russ Abbot gave Are Tom the vid?

"Oh, oh, oh, oh Tom's a massive cunt
I hope he dies, he really is a massive cunt
So let's all raise a cheer
Cos pretty soon the Nazi nonce will disappear..."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 01, 2021, 08:57:13 AM
Do we actually know for sure that he wantonly and grossly abused youngsters, sating his unnatural passions with their innocent flesh?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 01, 2021, 09:27:13 AM
Is that actually Russ Abbot? It really looks like it. What's going on.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bomb_dog on February 01, 2021, 09:29:08 AM
Been wondering that myself. These Cap’n Tommy threads have more vitriol for the centenarian than on people who definitely and quantifiably deserve it on other threads.

Edit: post above. Not wondering about Russ. Though I did wonder about that too.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: The Mollusk on February 01, 2021, 09:34:26 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/7h8Old7.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 01, 2021, 09:51:29 AM
Oh, fuck, the hearse is here,
Quick, grab the gold tooth out his gob,
The hearse is here.
We'll check his suit for coin,
Cos you and I have a trip booked to the Dordogne.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 09:56:36 AM
Those shorts have obviously been added in photoshop.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 09:58:05 AM
OOHHH
SPINDLY LEGGED RAPIST
WHAT DO YOU TAKE US FOR
WE VIEW YOU ONLY AS AN ANCIENT LOUIS CK
WANKING ALL OVER US
NOTHING MORE
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 10:05:26 AM
.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 01, 2021, 10:12:00 AM
Too young for Russ, sadly.

(https://i.ibb.co/7GFRWqW/Untitled.png) (https://imgbb.com/)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 01, 2021, 10:17:45 AM
Seriously, the only results when googling 'Captain Tom Moore Russ Abbot' are from here. Did they meet?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 10:19:07 AM
Seriously, the only results when googling 'Captain Tom Moore Russ Abbot' are from here. Did they meet?

Of course!  People like Russ Abbot admired him, lent him their daughters, grandmothers and so on.  Keys to their properties, nearby prisons and hospitals, you name it.  It was a different era back then.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 01, 2021, 10:34:34 AM
Well I think it's disgusting.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 10:36:56 AM
It’s good.


Remember that being British in those days meant maintaining a stiff upper back and keeping the cock nice and supple, primed for action.  Nobody had a choice.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on February 01, 2021, 10:45:38 AM
Seriously, the only results when googling 'Captain Tom Moore Russ Abbot' are from here. Did they meet?

From Tripadvisor

(https://i.imgur.com/vZSLoAO.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 01, 2021, 10:46:48 AM
Fair enough then. Russ Abbot it is.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 01, 2021, 10:59:05 AM
Incredible.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 01, 2021, 11:05:45 AM
Russ is only 73 years old, no wonder he looks so svelte in that pic.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pseudopath on February 01, 2021, 11:14:42 AM
Russ has done well for himself there

I wonder who that is. I think the woman in the middle (not Cap'n Tom) is Russ' actual wife, so I assume the younger lady he's got his arm around is the woman who helps clean the shit from the walls of his madhouse.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 01, 2021, 11:37:54 AM
There's a lot of negative comment on Twitter about his daughter's taking him to Barbados.  This could really blow up in her face if he dies. 
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 01, 2021, 11:43:35 AM
No household mixing indoors at around the time they all fled to Barbados, wasn't it? Shacked up with Russ Abbot, are they? Yeah thought not. Throw the book at them.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on February 01, 2021, 11:44:36 AM
I wonder who that is. I think the woman in the middle (not Cap'n Tom) is Russ' actual wife, so I assume the younger lady he's got his arm around is the woman who helps clean the shit from the walls of his madhouse.

I thought she looked like Pauline from Mum.

(https://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/20/590x/secondary/pauline-mum-bbc-1921797.jpg?r=1560956772298)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on February 01, 2021, 11:46:10 AM
There's a lot of negative comment on Twitter about his daughter's taking him to Barbados.  This could really blow up in her face if he dies.

It will be a PR disaster for British Airways if he does.

#bakilledcaptaintom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 01, 2021, 11:49:34 AM
It will be a PR disaster for British Airways if he does.

#bakilledcaptaintom

British Covid-Obstructed Airways.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Twonty Gostelow on February 01, 2021, 12:00:31 PM
I think the woman in the middle (not Cap'n Tom) is Russ' actual wife

It isn't.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 01, 2021, 12:03:42 PM
Not entirely convinced this isn't a troll, but it made me laugh

https://twitter.com/FulwoodAmateurs/status/1356171183348215808?s=20

Wrong on literally every level.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 01, 2021, 12:12:33 PM
No it's bang on, if you're 100 years old you can legally go wherever you want during a pandemic. Here's your plane ticket, Captain.

#dignitas
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 12:13:36 PM
From Tripadvisor

(https://i.imgur.com/vZSLoAO.jpg)

“time” for everyone


euphemism











(for his cock)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 12:14:38 PM
It isn't.

He got around


They didn’t call him “Rustling aBottom” for nothing.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 01, 2021, 12:15:01 PM
No it's bang on, if you're 100 years old you can legally go wherever you want during a pandemic. Here's your plane ticket, Captain.

#dignitas

Ugh hate twitter, I meant to link the one below saying 'No one complained when he went to France' with a photo of a WW1 trench.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Geoffs~Cape on February 01, 2021, 12:15:10 PM
The woman who tweeted the photo confirmed it's Russ: https://twitter.com/melhugsopera/status/1355957798329331713?s=20
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 01, 2021, 12:20:51 PM
Ugh hate twitter, I meant to link the one below saying 'No one complained when he went to France' with a photo of a WW1 trench.

Ha I saw that one too. Love that in the eyes of the usual lot, Captain Tom is now basically Steve Rogers and single-handedly won both World Wars. Probably loaded Hitler's gun and said "do the right thing, old chap" before he wheeled out of his bunker.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 01, 2021, 12:25:13 PM
Denise Welch QC: "He’s allowed to do what he bloody well likes within the law."

EVERYONE CAN NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 12:27:55 PM
Denise Welch QC: "He’s allowed to do what he bloody well likes within the law."

EVERYONE CAN NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP.

IT’S NOT ILLEGAL TO DIE OF COVIDS SO LEAVE HIM TO IT PLEASE
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 12:30:06 PM
he cast his first stone long before I was even fucking born, mate

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 01, 2021, 12:35:54 PM
I mean, who hasn't taken a frail 100 year old man on an 8,000 mile round trip for leisure purposes during a deadly pandemic? Could happen to anyone, really.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 01, 2021, 12:41:43 PM
HE WALKED ROUND HIS GARDEN FFS!!!   Let him go wherever he wants. If that means the morgue, so be it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on February 01, 2021, 12:42:27 PM
Was it really in Barbados that he caught it? It feels like that trip was months ago.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on February 01, 2021, 12:49:16 PM
Was it really in Barbados that he caught it? It feels like that trip was months ago.

Probably not, I think he was back on 19/12, what’s interesting is that most of the public seemingly didn’t know about the trip until yesterday.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: iamcoop on February 01, 2021, 12:51:34 PM
If he’s so good at catching things in Barbados maybe he should do some work with the England cricket team next time they tour there!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 01, 2021, 12:54:36 PM
Probably not, I think he was back on 19/12, what’s interesting is that most of the public seemingly didn’t know about the trip until yesterday.

Money well spent by British Airways.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 01, 2021, 12:55:13 PM
Quick look at Barbados's graph...

(https://i.imgur.com/8ND6hvX.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on February 01, 2021, 12:55:23 PM
Still haven't got over the fact that he didn't bang his first wife for 20 years.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 01, 2021, 12:55:28 PM
Probably caught it off a 'chicken'.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: hamfist on February 01, 2021, 12:55:43 PM
The woman who tweeted the photo confirmed it's Russ: https://twitter.com/melhugsopera/status/1355957798329331713?s=20

Interesting then, because both Russ Abbot and Tom Moore are notorious national treasures and people will be extremely distressed to learn of their inevitable demise. Russ Abbot, Dustin Gee and the late beautiful Bella Emberg all colluded to entertain the nation including me when I was a small child.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: hamfist on February 01, 2021, 12:56:37 PM
Still haven't got over the fact that he didn't bang his first wife for 20 years.

no but he banged her son
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pinball on February 01, 2021, 01:31:10 PM
Stay safe, stay home? Nah fuck it, I'm off to Barbados. What could possibly go wrong?

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 01, 2021, 01:38:43 PM
This could really blow up in her face if he dies.
like william the conqueror? gross
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 01, 2021, 01:41:56 PM
A lot of dead people will be jostling to fight Captain Tom Moore in heaven - I’m telling you that for free.


Gonna be a rooouuuuugh passage.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on February 01, 2021, 02:40:07 PM
Don't mind him going to Barbados but he could at least have walked there and raised enough money to pay for his own ventilator.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: surreal on February 01, 2021, 04:49:16 PM
A lot of dead people will be jostling to fight Captain Tom Moore in heaven - I’m telling you that for free.


Gonna be a rooouuuuugh passage.

They all have a rough passage by the time etc...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on February 01, 2021, 04:51:22 PM
If some other 100 year old who has stayed indoors for 12 months and not seen their family and spent Christmas alone and hasn't got to hold their new grandchild dies because Tommy's hogging a ventilator then that's deeply offensive to the taxpayers of this country
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 01, 2021, 06:37:54 PM
Surprised Hancock didn't mention Captain Tom at the briefing.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 01, 2021, 06:50:02 PM
Don't mind him going to Barbados but he could at least have walked there and raised enough money to pay for his own ventilator.
by my calculations the circumference of the island is 50 miles, so if he'd just done that once I think that'd be fair dos
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pinball on February 01, 2021, 07:00:30 PM
Surprised Hancock didn't mention Captain Tom at the briefing.
It amuses me that Captain Tom has become such a 'national symbol', because, by his flagrant flouting of the rules, he is a fucking terrible role model for 'staying safe'. If politicians mention him, they should say "Stay safe. Don't 'do a Tom' for fuck's sake".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 01, 2021, 07:10:16 PM
by my calculations the circumference of the island is 50 miles, so if he'd just done that once I think that'd be fair dos

Pity he didn't, because if he was walking around the very edge there'd be good chances for him falling off a cliff or getting swept out to sea.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pinball on February 01, 2021, 07:37:21 PM
Captain Trips. Works on so many levels. Well, two.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jumblegraws on February 01, 2021, 08:13:51 PM
I demand anything and everything that’s been renamed after Captain Tom be re-renamed after Dustin Diamond.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on February 01, 2021, 08:15:20 PM
I demand it be renamed after Dustin Pedroia.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pinball on February 01, 2021, 08:25:57 PM
(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51Xg+DRB+iL._SX328_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 01, 2021, 09:17:24 PM
I demand anything and everything that’s been renamed after Captain Tom be re-renamed after Dustin Diamond.

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/976/cpsprodpb/11EA5/production/_112018337_mediaitem112018336.jpg)

The new Dustin Diamond memorial train.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: icehaven on February 01, 2021, 09:22:18 PM
It amuses me that Captain Tom has become such a 'national symbol', because, by his flagrant flouting of the rules, he is a fucking terrible role model for 'staying safe'. If politicians mention him, they should say "Stay safe. Don't 'do a Tom' for fuck's sake".

He's got his family with him in hospital too apparently
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-55895576 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-55895576)
Which no one else is allowed to do.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 01, 2021, 11:29:45 PM
He's got his family with him in hospital too apparently
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-55895576 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-55895576)
Which no one else is allowed to do.

All that money and it couldn't save him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Alberon on February 01, 2021, 11:34:28 PM
I really don’t want him to die of COVID. It’d be second only to the Cunt of Death or her husband, Doomlord, dying of it.

Full state funeral and buried in Westminster Abbey and months of wall to wall media coverage.

Absolutely no thank you.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 01, 2021, 11:56:16 PM
come on. it'll be a larf
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Billy on February 01, 2021, 11:57:02 PM
But Space Oddity or even Ashes to Ashes might go back to number 1, which would be nice.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 02, 2021, 12:10:16 AM
But Space Oddity or even Ashes to Ashes might go back to number 1, which would be nice.

Has to be Billy Idol

In the midnight hour, she cried Moore, Moore, Moore
With a rebel yell she cried Moore, Moore, Moore
In the midnight hour babe Moore, Moore, Moore
With a rebel yell Moore, Moore, Moore
Moore, Moore, Moore!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2021, 12:14:43 AM
But Space Oddity or even Ashes to Ashes might go back to number 1, which would be nice.

Nah.  He was a major not a captain.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pinball on February 02, 2021, 12:48:17 AM
He's got his family with him in hospital too apparently
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-55895576 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-55895576)
Which no one else is allowed to do.
Rich people have different rules. Although in fairness the money he raised could buy a hospital wing.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: hamfist on February 02, 2021, 08:35:56 AM
Rich people have different rules. Although in fairness the money he raised could buy a hospital wing.

It's basically his NHS now. You should see what he's got the nurses doing for him - check out his Onlyfans NSFW (https://static.independent.co.uk/s3fs-public/thumbnails/image/2015/07/09/19/39-Mountain-Tortoise-mating-Hoberman-Collection.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 02, 2021, 08:58:48 AM
Is this old cunt dead yet
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: poo on February 02, 2021, 09:07:30 AM
Dreamt he died falling out of a helicopter
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2021, 10:12:04 AM
Dreamt he died falling out of a helicopter

Maybe he's not got Covid but Avian Flu.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SteveDave on February 02, 2021, 10:14:42 AM
Still haven't got over the fact that he didn't bang his first wife for 20 years.

And that she was "Billie" I suppose she did travel through time but still.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/77/Because_We_Want_To.jpg/220px-Because_We_Want_To.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 02, 2021, 10:55:15 AM
He is over 100. Is he worth saving?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 02, 2021, 10:59:53 AM
FINISH HIM
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 12:35:05 PM
I really don’t want him to die of COVID. It’d be second only to the Cunt of Death or her husband, Doomlord, dying of it.

Full state funeral and buried in Westminster Abbey and months of wall to wall media coverage.

Absolutely no thank you.

someone noticed :)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 02, 2021, 12:37:57 PM
Covid is quite a cruel virus, isn't it? Infecting him while he went on a holiday.

If we're playing a big game of tig with Covid, which I think most scientists now agree we are, then Barbados was definitely "base".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Thomas on February 02, 2021, 12:54:04 PM
He's got his family with him in hospital too apparently
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-55895576 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-55895576)
Which no one else is allowed to do.

According to Bedford Hospital's website (https://www.bedfordshirehospitals.nhs.uk/news/patient-and-visitor-reminder-coronavirus/):

Quote
We are still unable to allow any visitors on either site except in Maternity, NICU, Children’s departments and for those patients who are receiving end of life care.

Elsewhere (https://www.esneft.nhs.uk/your-visit/coronavirus/visiting-dying-patients-in-hospital-during-the-covid-19-restrictions/), 'patients in hospital thought to be in the last week of life, either dying from Coronavirus (COVID-19) or other conditions, may have at least one visitor or carer at a time'.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 02, 2021, 12:57:00 PM
According to Bedford Hospital's website (https://www.bedfordshirehospitals.nhs.uk/news/patient-and-visitor-reminder-coronavirus/):

Elsewhere (https://www.esneft.nhs.uk/your-visit/coronavirus/visiting-dying-patients-in-hospital-during-the-covid-19-restrictions/), 'patients in hospital thought to be in the last week of life, either dying from Coronavirus (COVID-19) or other conditions, may have at least one visitor or carer at a time'.

Goodnight Mister Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2021, 01:00:16 PM
Who knew what a cool dude he looked just a few years back.

(https://i.ibb.co/fG7f9VN/Captain-Tom-in-shades.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 01:03:53 PM
Who knew what a cool dude he looked just a few years back.

(https://i.ibb.co/fG7f9VN/Captain-Tom-in-shades.jpg)

The 'Biden fallacy'. Put a pair of shades on an old man and he becomes 'cool'. Nah.

(https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2020/04/30/11/27836088-0-image-a-2_1588241472467.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: thenoise on February 02, 2021, 02:12:48 PM
He looks like a randy old fucker.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 02, 2021, 02:18:52 PM
Who knew what a cool dude he looked just a few years back.

(https://i.ibb.co/fG7f9VN/Captain-Tom-in-shades.jpg)

These Marvel cameos are getting a bit daft.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 02, 2021, 02:43:42 PM
He looks like a randy old fucker.
welcome to page 1
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 02, 2021, 03:14:25 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/yS3P7mH/Captain-Tom-in-shades.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on February 02, 2021, 03:45:02 PM
https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/captain-tom-moore-covid-barbados-b1796365.html

Quote
Vindictive comments about Captain Sir Tom Moore mark a new low for our country

For shame.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: justin_bennett on February 02, 2021, 04:08:44 PM
DEID
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: iamcoop on February 02, 2021, 04:09:37 PM
DEAD
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 02, 2021, 04:10:15 PM
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 04:12:51 PM
Can I be the first to say...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 02, 2021, 04:13:32 PM
dustin off my cock cause its goin DIAMOND
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 04:14:04 PM
https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/captain-tom-moore-covid-barbados-b1796365.html

For shame.

Lebby? Trolls? have some respect Lebby, he just died and all you can think about is yourself. Twat lebby.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on February 02, 2021, 04:14:32 PM
Cunts died I believe
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: lebowskibukowski on February 02, 2021, 04:15:02 PM
I await the Lewis Hamilton tribute poem with baited breath...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 04:15:45 PM
Cunts died I believe

Monuments being erected up and down the land. State funeral (100,000 members of the public allowed to line the streets in his honour for this special occasion).
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 02, 2021, 04:16:34 PM
State funeral.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bernice on February 02, 2021, 04:17:55 PM
we'll meet agaaaaaaain
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: iamcoop on February 02, 2021, 04:18:07 PM
State funeral.

First thing I said when I heard as well. Put your house on it.

This will be Diana squared.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Petey Pate on February 02, 2021, 04:19:02 PM
RIP, wasn't the biggest fan of his music but his two 'commercial' soft rock albums he put out in 1974 were pretty good.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SteveDave on February 02, 2021, 04:20:08 PM
Will we get a day off for maximum respect giving?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: brownjam on February 02, 2021, 04:20:29 PM
At least he died doing what he loved. Covid stuff etc 
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: What Doth Life? on February 02, 2021, 04:21:50 PM
Phew, thought you were all talking about Russ Abbot for a minute.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utter Shit on February 02, 2021, 04:21:58 PM
His daughter is probably on Photoshop designing tickets for the live stream of his funeral as we speak.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: hamfist on February 02, 2021, 04:22:33 PM
at last, justice for the orphan boys of bangalore
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 02, 2021, 04:22:48 PM
Goes into an NHS HOSPITAL with simple pneumonia, catches COVID and dies. After all he did for them. Break up the NHS NOW, it has failed this great nation.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 02, 2021, 04:22:56 PM
Did you ever imagine that Sir Captain Tom would outlive Screech from Saved by the Bell?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on February 02, 2021, 04:23:38 PM
Clap for are rapists
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utter Shit on February 02, 2021, 04:23:59 PM
How many medals do you reckon his daughter will be able to unpin before the coroner turns up?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 02, 2021, 04:24:20 PM
ANNID NEEM TO BE DA YOU LIVER LIFE LIE A GAMBLE IN A WIN
NEMA NO IN OO DA CLINTOO
MEN A TRAINSET IN
ANNA WOOD AVE LIGHT TAFF GNOME YU
BUDDAH WA JUT A KIB
YER ANDEL BURMOUT LON DEFOE
ER LEDGIN EVA DIN
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: iamcoop on February 02, 2021, 04:25:09 PM
How many medals do you reckon his daughter will be able to unpin before the coroner turns up?

Have some fucking respect.

She’s barely had time to lift the pillow from his face.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Purple Toupee on February 02, 2021, 04:25:26 PM
No age x
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 02, 2021, 04:28:24 PM
Died on Groundhod Day too. Crafty fella
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Bunty Levert on February 02, 2021, 04:30:06 PM
"Pandemic hero Captain Sir Tom Moore dies with virus - CON: 44% (+3)"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on February 02, 2021, 04:30:58 PM
100 not out. Unless "not out" means "alive. Then it's 100 out.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: iamcoop on February 02, 2021, 04:31:55 PM
Ground’s so cold for Major Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 02, 2021, 04:32:29 PM
Feel like pure shit, just want Captain Tom back.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: beanheadmcginty on February 02, 2021, 04:32:36 PM
Moore done cark it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Sherringford Hovis on February 02, 2021, 04:33:33 PM
Hope he gets the 72 virgins he was promised.

Or white grapes, according to some translations, the massive racist.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Josef K on February 02, 2021, 04:33:57 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/Tq1f3GB.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2021, 04:40:20 PM
In Heaven he'll meet Colonel Tom-Parker, that is, Elvis's former manager.  A colonel outranks a captain, so Tom'll naturally defer to him as he takes over from the daughter in pimping him out to make money.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: finnquark on February 02, 2021, 04:42:17 PM
Perfect timing - let’s free the people of Burma from the ruling junta by making it a personal possession of the Crown, the Crown that Sir Tom loved so much.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on February 02, 2021, 04:43:21 PM
If only it had happened before he'd had a chance to write that book.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 02, 2021, 04:49:24 PM
Grifter daughter next pls
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: iamcoop on February 02, 2021, 04:49:42 PM
Heartening to know he touched so many during his all too brief life.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on February 02, 2021, 04:54:41 PM
Have to say I've been a bit blase during this pandemic. Like a lot of Brits I'm in decent physical shape, no underlying conditions and to be honest I feel like the media has really exaggerated the lethality of this virus when compared to a regular flu. But this news really brings it home that ANYONE can die of the COVID.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on February 02, 2021, 04:55:25 PM
https://twitter.com/British_Airways/status/1356643808671379456?s=20 (https://twitter.com/British_Airways/status/1356643808671379456?s=20)

They have, to coin a phrase, "turned off the replies".

For some reason.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Mr Banlon on February 02, 2021, 04:55:33 PM
I just don't know how he got Covid.
He always wore a mask, avoided large family gatherings, never travelled anywhere and socially-distanced himself.
A real puzzler. It's not like he ignored absolutely all of those guidelines.
At least his whole fucking family weren't at his bedside when he went. That would have been a bastard nightmare for the hospital and a kick in the teeth for those who had loved ones who died alone and scared.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bigfatheart on February 02, 2021, 04:58:41 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/AL9s24z.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 02, 2021, 04:58:51 PM
https://twitter.com/British_Airways/status/1356643808671379456?s=20 (https://twitter.com/British_Airways/status/1356643808671379456?s=20)

They have, to coin a phrase, "turned off the replies".

For some reason.

They've turned off replies
They've turned off replies
You know that is their tactic when a good Captain dies
*bugle solo*
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 02, 2021, 05:01:36 PM
CAPTAIN TOM DEAD LIVE (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/uk-55900440)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on February 02, 2021, 05:03:07 PM
https://twitter.com/British_Airways/status/1356643808671379456?s=20 (https://twitter.com/British_Airways/status/1356643808671379456?s=20)

Quote
we will remember him and forever be grateful for his positivity, which gave us all the wind we needed beneath our wings

Fuckin ell, I know no one was ever really sure how planes stayed in the air, but I didn't know we had Captain Tom to thank for that too. Makes sense I suppose, as he was born just before the Wright Brothers' first flight.

All planes now grounded. The age of human flight is over. Please book passage on the next steamer.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 02, 2021, 05:10:42 PM
Russ Abbot shitting himself.

He hasn't heard the news, just in general you know.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 02, 2021, 05:11:27 PM
Saint Captain Sir Tom Moore
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuntbeaks on February 02, 2021, 05:12:22 PM
The children can sleep safely tonight. Bumholes unmolested.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 02, 2021, 05:13:51 PM
Russ Abbot shitting himself.

He hasn't heard the news, just in general you know.

Oh, what a shatmosphere.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 02, 2021, 05:17:55 PM
People on twitter saying 'Rest in power Tom Moore'

Other people getting annoyed at that.

Fucking brilliant stuff. The discourse off of this is going to sustain the media for decades.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jumblegraws on February 02, 2021, 05:18:09 PM
I wonder how many lives could be cancelled with the contents of this thread
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GoblinAhFuckScary on February 02, 2021, 05:23:02 PM
DEID

DEAD

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

fuck these three in a row gave me a giggle
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 02, 2021, 05:25:41 PM
"He did all he could for our sakes"
"He did so much for us all"
"The man who made a difference"

5th worst death rate in the world. So, yeah. Thanks. Thanks for your help. Thanks for making a difference.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on February 02, 2021, 05:30:54 PM
"Prime Minister why did you ignore advice to close the borders earlier?"

"What a shame you have decided to criticize instead of praising Captain Tom"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Better Midlands on February 02, 2021, 05:32:27 PM
https://twitter.com/British_Airways/status/1356643808671379456?s=20 (https://twitter.com/British_Airways/status/1356643808671379456?s=20)

They have, to coin a phrase, "turned off the replies".

For some reason.

Posted text as a picture so it can't be searched for.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: shiftwork2 on February 02, 2021, 05:35:37 PM
Quote from: BA
…which gave us all the wind we needed beneath our wings through difficult times

Quick, we need a clunky eulogy.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 02, 2021, 05:37:54 PM
WE GOT HIM!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Billy on February 02, 2021, 05:38:53 PM
Flights to Barbados “crammed with passengers” making last-minute pilgrimage to Saint Tom’s holiday paradise location. Heathrow operating one in/one out system.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 05:41:42 PM
I wonder how many lives could be cancelled with the contents of this thread

None.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: scarecrow on February 02, 2021, 05:49:50 PM
The Moore the Burier
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 02, 2021, 05:51:52 PM
It's the wind over the top of the wings that really makes the plane fly. Bernoulli had it wrong, BA should read up on this.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2021, 05:53:17 PM
"He's the last of the bulldog breed" said a postman whose leg he bit.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 02, 2021, 05:54:14 PM
How soon is too soon to begin wanking hard
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dex Sawash on February 02, 2021, 05:55:35 PM
How soon is too soon to begin wanking hard

Wait in line to cast your handful of "soil"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on February 02, 2021, 05:55:56 PM
Told the family the news.
My wife (48): That's so sad. I might cry.
My daughter (9): He did have a massive house, though!

She is her father's child.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 02, 2021, 05:58:21 PM
Give it three days lads
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 02, 2021, 06:00:23 PM
What happens then? Does he go off?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 06:01:33 PM
Some cunts working on a corpse buggy that will tour the body round upper middle class gardens over the next year..
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 02, 2021, 06:03:16 PM
I hope they reanimate him and get his corpse out and about vaccinating people.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: iamcoop on February 02, 2021, 06:03:33 PM
He’s going downstairs isn’t he?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chollis on February 02, 2021, 06:05:52 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/B3f8uf0.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/V266vWB.png)

Thank you Sir Tom x
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 06:07:16 PM
Has the cause of death been announced yet?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 02, 2021, 06:08:38 PM
Severe glanding
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on February 02, 2021, 06:09:36 PM
Perforated colon
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: DrGreggles on February 02, 2021, 06:10:12 PM
Has the cause of death been announced yet?

Probs AIDS innit
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2021, 06:10:58 PM
Suffocation by pillow
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 06:11:44 PM
Probs AIDS innit

A de-aged, glammed up Tom Moore edited into that recent AIDS biopic.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 02, 2021, 06:15:07 PM
How soon is too soon to begin wanking hard

Morrissey considers rewrite.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: DrGreggles on February 02, 2021, 06:18:04 PM
Was going to do a FB cull anyway, but I thought this might be the easier option.

(https://i.imgur.com/E4mGL6z.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on February 02, 2021, 06:27:40 PM
Cunt still owes me a fiver he borrowed in 1987
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on February 02, 2021, 06:30:27 PM
Ebola
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: DrGreggles on February 02, 2021, 06:33:11 PM
Cunt still owes me a fiver he borrowed in 1987

He only used that to wipe the child's shit off his cock.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: pancreas on February 02, 2021, 06:37:00 PM
Tombola
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Wanking Monk of Kefalonia on February 02, 2021, 06:40:09 PM
He died of pneumonia (not uncommon for people in their 90s), but him testing positive for the virus presents an excellent propaganda opportunity for politicians and the media: 'We must keep Sir Tom in our hearts as we work hard to defeat this terrible virus'......ignoring the fact that virus will now circulate forever and 'defeating' it is out of the question.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on February 02, 2021, 06:40:53 PM
He actually died of cot death
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 02, 2021, 06:42:39 PM
What time do we start clapping and cheering on our doorsteps?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Zetetic on February 02, 2021, 06:43:54 PM
He died of pneumonia (not uncommon for people in their 90s)
Oh, what caused the pneumonia?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: machotrouts on February 02, 2021, 06:45:46 PM
Bad monster truck accident
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on February 02, 2021, 06:48:43 PM
If only it had happened before he'd had a chance to write that book.

Oh there'll be more. Mere death will be no barrier to this publishing juggernaut. Children's books, learning to count from 1-100 with Captain Tom, a schmaltzy rhyming couplet for each year of his life. Young adult guides to self-esteem, you can do anything if you put your mind to it, just channel an old man who walked around a bit. Romantic wartime sagas where dashing white soldiers ravish compliant dusky maidens.

This isn't a joke post btw, it's a genuine prediction.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 02, 2021, 06:50:51 PM
Bagsy his house
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chedney Honks on February 02, 2021, 06:53:42 PM
I'll be swinging my football rattle for six hours in tribute.

Join me if your a true Brit.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 02, 2021, 06:54:36 PM
Oh, what cause the pneumonia?

Usually an increasing inability to breathe caused by stiffening of the diaphragm due to pressure through the ribs by way of elbow of Hannah Ingram-Moore.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 06:54:48 PM
Bagsy his house

Your first night. You hear a rustle in the garden, slow footsteps...It is just your butler, going out for a fag.

But...you hear a clatter downstairs, a muffled cry...Oh, it's Maude the Cook being clumsy as she prepares your breakfast for the morn (Toad in the Hole).

Wait...shuffling noises from the attic, cries of pain and anguish in a foreign tongue and a shout of ecstasy from a plummy, distant throat...Tom's ghost buggering some phantom Indian boys!


You flee into the night. Toad in the hole be damned!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dog Botherer on February 02, 2021, 06:56:01 PM
BBC to announce mini-series based on his life within a week.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 02, 2021, 06:58:14 PM
BBC to announce mini-series based on his life within a week.

Hugh Laurie as Blankety Blank era Tom. Cumberbatch as soldier Tom. Tom's corpse as 100 year old Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on February 02, 2021, 07:03:14 PM
He died of pneumonia (not uncommon for people in their 90s), but him testing positive for the virus presents an excellent propaganda opportunity for politicians and the media: 'We must keep Sir Tom in our hearts as we work hard to defeat this terrible virus'......ignoring the fact that virus will now circulate forever and 'defeating' it is out of the question.

lol
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2021, 07:11:18 PM
They should play this at his memorial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MollkvkUicQ&feature=emb_logo
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utterdrivel on February 02, 2021, 07:32:26 PM
Well I hope all you HARDMEN are happy now.


Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2021, 07:42:34 PM
I'll be swinging my football rattle for six hours in tribute.


Oh, are we back in the 70s?  Captain Tom'll be pleased.  He'll only be in his fifties.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on February 02, 2021, 07:52:59 PM
Out of respect for Saint Captain Sir Thomas Moore of Burma, I will repost all my photoshop tributes.

(https://i.imgur.com/nPaE7oP.gif)

(https://i.imgur.com/4whhKR1.gif)

(https://i.imgur.com/QHKC8uT.gif)

(https://i.imgur.com/t1mNBLE.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/8C0Gjej.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/ICv4XjW.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/JNnY88z.gif)

(https://i.imgur.com/GkQt1rc.gif)

Cheers pal. At ease.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 02, 2021, 07:59:43 PM
Well I hope all you HARDMEN are happy now.

Wanking furiously, thanks.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jumblegraws on February 02, 2021, 08:11:37 PM
EDIT chickening out, scared of being cancelled 😞
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 02, 2021, 08:13:08 PM
Al's shop of the guy twatting the Tombin with Hans looking on was one of my highlights of 2020.

sorry if that's a low bar
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Satchmo Distel on February 02, 2021, 08:15:57 PM
Captain Kremation
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 02, 2021, 08:20:26 PM
EDIT chickening out, scared of being cancelled 😞

Something to do with the young lady in pink in his family photo?  I very nearly went there-but discretion better part of valour and all that...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jumblegraws on February 02, 2021, 08:22:51 PM
Something to do with the young lady in pink in his family photo?  I very nearly went there-but discretion better part of valour and all that...
Nah, just a pic of him farting a cloud of covid in Barbados.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Camp Tramp on February 02, 2021, 08:36:46 PM
I just watched the SN9 test on Youtube. Shame they couldn't get The Captain's ashes into orbit.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on February 02, 2021, 09:04:09 PM
Al's shop of the guy twatting the Tombin with Hans looking on was one of my highlights of 2020.

sorry if that's a low bar

I haven't laughed this much over an old man's demise since that photo of the autobumming machine. Genuinely, this thread has really cheered me up over the last few months and, unlike its subject, continues to go from strength to strength. Thanks, Captain, generous until and indeed beyond the end.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chedney Honks on February 02, 2021, 09:07:59 PM
Tommy Fresh
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 02, 2021, 09:08:45 PM
#ClapForTom

I'm sure one of you sick trolls would have fun with that phrase, wouldn't you
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on February 02, 2021, 09:18:16 PM
#ClapForTom

I'm sure one of you sick trolls would have fun with that phrase, wouldn't you

If Tom had his way, clapping and a significant rise for all those NHS nurses.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on February 03, 2021, 12:05:38 AM
I haven't laughed this much over an old man's demise since that photo of the autobumming machine.

One for the eulogy there.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: PaulTMA on February 03, 2021, 12:25:23 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/nKwfrrr.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 03, 2021, 12:39:25 AM
the shoegaze band got their name from his term for his burmese boys' anuses
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on February 03, 2021, 01:55:07 AM
the shoegaze band got their name from his term for his burmese boys' anuses

Lush?

Ride?

The Brian Jonestown Massacre?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chollis on February 03, 2021, 04:10:05 AM
Slowdiiiiiiiiiiiive
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on February 03, 2021, 07:47:46 AM
Erm...My Bloody Valentine, I think.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Camp Tramp on February 03, 2021, 10:12:24 AM
He got his name from a grunge band

Mudhoney.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on February 03, 2021, 10:13:39 AM
Hearing that an Airbus A320 attempted take-off this morning from Newark, but with no positivity from Captain Tom to create lift beneath its wings it only reached 70 feet before it crashed and exploded, killing everyone on board.

(https://i.imgur.com/RfKJMuc.jpg)

Maybe now you'll think twice before mocking this brave hero, actually #clapforcarers, and for God's sake man, put on a proper suit, do up your tie and sing the national anthem.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: greenman on February 03, 2021, 10:37:44 AM
From Tripadvisor

(https://i.imgur.com/vZSLoAO.jpg)

Cold hearted Russ moved to Barbados with his wife whilst heroic Tom fought for his life.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 03, 2021, 11:55:03 AM
Quote
Russ Abbott
@Russ_Abbott
Symbols: the ultimate example of disproportionate causation.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 03, 2021, 11:56:41 AM
can you imagine when this cunt dies? you're going to have shrieking virgins throwing themselves in front of his funeral procession

Still seemed maybe a year or more off, two months ago when the above was posted.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 03, 2021, 12:06:55 PM
Stolen from the Simpsons Shitposting Reddit page:
(https://preview.redd.it/hqcr68yxp3f61.png?width=734&auto=webp&s=c76bdf8c814286fad3546227255d75235d892daf)

Also the accompanying comments:
(https://i.imgur.com/YxrSTJi.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 03, 2021, 12:16:11 PM
Presented without comment: https://twitter.com/deadtreesanddye/status/1342970001616232449

Very prescient.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SteveDave on February 03, 2021, 12:49:53 PM
https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/uk-world-news/clap-captain-tom-announced-boris-4961046

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 03, 2021, 01:15:10 PM
Claptain Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: finnquark on February 03, 2021, 01:37:16 PM
What time do we start clapping and cheering on our doorsteps?

6pm sharp.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 03, 2021, 01:53:55 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/DL6kW0K/Tom.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 03, 2021, 02:10:26 PM
gonna hold in a crap and curl one out for the dirty old fucker
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 03, 2021, 02:34:57 PM
https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/uk-world-news/clap-captain-tom-announced-boris-4961046

Oh good  another divisive clap allowing people to have a go at people too ill or busy to join in or those who dont think an empty gesture does any good. Boris Johnson really despises ordinary people, doesn't he. Get clapping plebs, for an elderly man who was doing what the government should have been doing.

Celebrate Captain Tom's efforts for the NHS by waking up NHS staff trying to sleep before a gruelling 12 hour might shift dealing with seriously ill covid patients, nice one Alexander.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 03, 2021, 02:38:09 PM
Scream Into The Sky For Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 03, 2021, 02:54:13 PM
Dicks out for Captain Tom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 03, 2021, 03:07:41 PM
Is Johnson doing it at 6pm so he can get on the news, slamming his stupid hands into each other to celebrate a man who helped fund a service Tories hate?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 03, 2021, 03:10:14 PM
Fuck it Boris can just put 'for Tom' at the end of anything and it'll fly like an eagle now.

"And that is why it is vitally important that we as a nation come together and ignore the dismantling of the NHS.... for Tom. And if that doesn't work just tell the cunts Blitz Spirit wait don't read that bit whoops."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: boki on February 03, 2021, 03:14:15 PM
Why clap when you can get a more satisfying thud out of a guillotine?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 03, 2021, 03:31:31 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/DL6kW0K/Tom.jpg)

And here he is reaching the moment of crisis.

(https://i.ibb.co/9gS893F/Tom.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 03, 2021, 03:54:39 PM
Wish I had a gold Blue Peter badge. Lucky old bugger.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 03, 2021, 03:59:49 PM
And here he is reaching the moment of crisis.

(https://i.ibb.co/9gS893F/Tom.jpg)

Two extra medals and a blue Peter badge in that last photo. What is the Y badge? "Youth"?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 03, 2021, 04:00:59 PM
Two extra medals and a blue Peter badge in that last photo. What is the Y badge? "Youth"?

Welcome to Yorkshire.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 03, 2021, 04:02:52 PM
Welcome to Yorkshire.

He's from fucking Yorkshire, the doddering twat.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: imitationleather on February 03, 2021, 04:04:08 PM
He's from fucking Yorkshire, the doddering twat.

Oh now I hate him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 03, 2021, 04:07:04 PM
Its the tourism board's big idea. These badges have been going on since Leeds held the Grande depart on that Tour De France thing.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 03, 2021, 04:09:32 PM
Where's his Blankety-Blank badge?  I mean, people go on about his war efforts and his fundraising but surely his greatest heroics lay in tolerating Wogan's hot air and blarney for a day's filming!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 03, 2021, 04:11:19 PM
I'd rather have a badge of the old Yorkshire TV logo than that green thing.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/b/b3/Yorkshire_Television.svg/1024px-Yorkshire_Television.svg.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 03, 2021, 04:13:13 PM
I'd rather have a badge of the old Yorkshire TV logo than that green thing.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/b/b3/Yorkshire_Television.svg/1024px-Yorkshire_Television.svg.png)

Back when they showed the indoor league and 3-2-1, inter spaced with a Richard Whiteley news flash of another ripper victim. Good Old days. Tom would have approved of that era.


EDIT: The badge is actually yellow so this fucker must have coloured it in because no captain is yella.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on February 03, 2021, 04:14:49 PM
It was his secret coded cry for help: "Y is my daughter doing this to me!"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 03, 2021, 04:17:37 PM
I think the welcome to Yorkshire thing was his daughters idea too. Get her PR firm on board and there you go. Snakes belly that lass.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 03, 2021, 04:18:47 PM
I actually had a dream last night when I popped round to see Captaim Tom as he was being sent my old school magazine and didnt want it and I was going to help him check his bank statements to make sure he wasnt being charged for it. We were in a small room with light blue walls. The school magazine had the name of my school on it but wasnt actually my school magazine. I'm not making this up, I really did dream about Captain Tom.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 03, 2021, 04:20:41 PM
I actually had a dream last night when I popped round to see Captaim Tom as he was being sent my old school magazine and didnt want it and I was going to help him check his bank statements to make sure he wasnt being charged for it. We were in a small room with light blue walls. The school magazine had the name of my school on it but wasnt actually my school magazine. I'm not making this up, I really did dream about Captain Tom.

Well, with him being so much part of the collective consciousness, I should think a lot of people have had dreams about him.  I'd be intrigued to know how many were kinky.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 03, 2021, 04:22:19 PM
I actually had a dream last night when I popped round to see Captaim Tom as he was being sent my old school magazine and didnt want it and I was going to help him check his bank statements to make sure he wasnt being charged for it. We were in a small room with light blue walls. The school magazine had the name of my school on it but wasnt actually my school magazine. I'm not making this up, I really did dream about Captain Tom.

He affected you so profoundly that your subconscious simply did it's thing.. you aren't a horrible fucker, but if I had his card number in your dream I'd have rinsed him right fuckin good.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on February 03, 2021, 04:25:29 PM
I'd rather have a badge of the old Yorkshire TV logo than that green thing.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/b/b3/Yorkshire_Television.svg/1024px-Yorkshire_Television.svg.png)

Fackin Norvern TV? Bollocks

Get a TVS badge on im and I'll clap for ve old boy, no bovver. Fraggle Rock son.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 03, 2021, 04:28:09 PM
Tysky Sour comments already a few hours before the show starts - Leftists!

Quote
David Buchanan
​R. I. P. Sir. Captain. Tom. I shed a tear last night. You are in all our hearts for ever now. God bless you Tom. You will never walk alone my friend x. David 🏴🙏🙏🏿. peace.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 03, 2021, 05:26:58 PM
weighing him down with all of these extra badges can't have helped
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Head Gardener on February 03, 2021, 05:54:35 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/lUQnEPR.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 03, 2021, 05:58:35 PM
Hang on....HANG ON!

****surely I'm not the first to think of this****

Did Tom Moore not have his vaccine jab? Surely he was first in line? If not, Hancock must surely go...if yes...this comprises public trust in the vaccine.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 03, 2021, 06:04:48 PM
Grunt! Gasp!


*flushes toilet*

thank you tom, you are history's most inspiring rapist *salutes*
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 03, 2021, 06:06:31 PM
Hang on....HANG ON!

****surely I'm not the first to think of this****

Did Tom Moore not have his vaccine jab? Surely he was first in line? If not, Hancock must surely go...if yes...this comprises public trust in the vaccine.

He wasn’t allowed it due to a pre-existing lung condition.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on February 03, 2021, 06:20:54 PM
Anyone hear any clapping at 6pm for the old rascal? Nothing round here. Thank God.

Mind you, I haven't opened the curtains so maybe everyone else on the street has been furiously wanking at their windows and on their doorsteps, big heaving tugs, dollops of lube slapping all over the place, industrial-sized sex toys buzzing away for maximum racket, it's what he would have wanted.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Satchmo Distel on February 03, 2021, 06:25:16 PM
They had some fake clapping for him in the Burnley v Man City game, ffs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 03, 2021, 06:48:18 PM
Hang on....HANG ON!

****surely I'm not the first to think of this****

Did Tom Moore not have his vaccine jab? Surely he was first in line? If not, Hancock must surely go...if yes...this comprises public trust in the vaccine.

I heard his daughter attached his vial of vaccine to a fishing rod, attached the rod to his zimmer, put him in the garden and said “earn it.”
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 03, 2021, 07:09:06 PM
Anyone hear any clapping at 6pm for the old rascal? Nothing round here. Thank God.

Mind you, I haven't opened the curtains so maybe everyone else on the street has been furiously wanking at their windows and on their doorsteps, big heaving tugs, dollops of lube slapping all over the place, industrial-sized sex toys buzzing away for maximum racket, it's what he would have wanted.

Walker and Bastani FAPPING for Engerlund on Novara now
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 03, 2021, 07:09:36 PM
He wasn’t allowed it due to a pre-existing lung condition.

Wait til the Daily Mail hears about this. Slaughter of a hero!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GoblinAhFuckScary on February 03, 2021, 07:21:59 PM
Didn't hear any clapping in Brighton. Been so moody that I was prepared to scream if I heard any
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ian Drunken Smurf on February 03, 2021, 07:39:00 PM
https://www.redbubble.com/i/skirt/Captain-Tom-Moore-by-AndythephotoDr/47370522.MUCKM

What the absolute f*cking f*ck...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Alberon on February 03, 2021, 07:49:01 PM
I didn’t know about the clap until it happened. One household took part across the road and I wondered what the hell they were up to.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 03, 2021, 07:58:51 PM
At least two households took place in my street.

Couple of photos on the BBC of people taking part in the clap where they don't appear to be social distancing, many not wearing masks either.

Surely Johnson would have known that many people would ignore social distancing when they clapped for Tom?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 03, 2021, 08:09:24 PM
https://www.redbubble.com/i/skirt/Captain-Tom-Moore-by-AndythephotoDr/47370522.MUCKM

What the absolute f*cking f*ck...

Oh Red Bubble is gold...

(https://i.imgur.com/joZzRKS.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/2Z5kQYa.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/x0tEpFa.png)

The lazy row res picture of his face in the last one makes it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Camp Tramp on February 03, 2021, 08:19:24 PM
Didn't hear any clapping in Brighton. Been so moody that I was prepared to scream if I heard any

I was walking up the road next to the Waitrose at the time and heard nothing either.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: drummersaredeaf on February 03, 2021, 08:20:55 PM
I was watching (and absolutely destroying) the final question on Pointless. At about 6 I was busy screaming YES, IN YOUR FACE YOU FUCKING CUNTS. I thought it was odd for the neighbours to be so invested in my daytime TV habits. I do hope they don't think less of me.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Beep Cleep Chimney on February 03, 2021, 09:18:15 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EtVJEjCWgBYADp6?format=jpg&name=large)

It's what he would've wanted.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 03, 2021, 09:52:41 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EtVJEjCWgBYADp6?format=jpg&name=large)

It's what he would've wanted.

There is a "Tom's Last Picture" design on some pet style site - a photo of him gasping for breath in his final moments now transformed into the trim for a 100 quid dog basket.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on February 03, 2021, 10:02:36 PM
Anyone hear any clapping at 6pm for the old rascal? Nothing round here. Thank God.
I went for a run with the sounds of The White Stripes blaring in my ears.
It's what he would have wanted.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 03, 2021, 10:03:14 PM
come on it's Redbubble. all you need to do is upload some pics and you might make about two pounds
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: hamfist on February 03, 2021, 10:06:29 PM
I suspect people think dead tom walked further than he did. I just noticed someone on another forum claim he walked 100 miles.

It was 2.5km.

Over 24 days.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 03, 2021, 10:13:45 PM
Just heard his death was faked so he could go undercover for the secret service.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: shiftwork2 on February 03, 2021, 10:17:06 PM
Thinking of pulling my ring piece out with a coathanger.

If anyone here has any way of annihilating Britain with thermonuclear weapons could you do it now please.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ian Drunken Smurf on February 03, 2021, 10:29:49 PM
Just heard his death was faked so he could go undercover for the secret service.

He was going to be Daniel Craig's double at the premiere of No Time to Die.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: hamfist on February 03, 2021, 10:40:59 PM
Thinking of pulling my ring piece out with a coathanger.

If anyone here has any way of annihilating Britain with thermonuclear weapons could you do it now please.

I want this so much. Sweet relief of ICBMs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on February 04, 2021, 12:45:12 AM
Oh Red Bubble is gold...

(https://i.imgur.com/joZzRKS.png)(https://i.imgur.com/x0tEpFa.png)

The lazy row res picture of his face in the last one makes it.

(https://64.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lub5o63Kuk1qiafiwo9_500.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 04, 2021, 02:22:59 AM
cum to tommy
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: ProvanFan on February 04, 2021, 03:46:33 AM
Captain Tom, Captain Tom, get up now
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Utterdrivel on February 04, 2021, 04:27:19 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/OmhqJAF.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on February 04, 2021, 05:35:22 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/MHTwTHcQ/IMG-2089.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: thenoise on February 04, 2021, 06:28:33 AM
Captain Tom donations: what was the £33m spent on?  (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52758683)

Free cups of tea, a little rest room full of crap children's art and a 'shop' consisting of a couple dozen rotten apples shoved into a newspaper stand.

I know £33m doesn't go very far in an organisation as vast as the NHS but - what a load of old shit.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 04, 2021, 06:41:09 AM
It was his secret coded cry for help: "Y is my daughter doing this to me!"

Y BIRD STOP
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 04, 2021, 07:01:43 AM
(and if you think it’s disgusting to refer to your own daughter as “bird” - well you are right, it is)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 04, 2021, 07:04:23 AM
Has he left any money to the NHS in his will, or was it just about gathering our money?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: What Doth Life? on February 04, 2021, 09:15:30 AM
Captain Tom donations: what was the £33m spent on?  (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52758683)

Free cups of tea, a little rest room full of crap children's art and a 'shop' consisting of a couple dozen rotten apples shoved into a newspaper stand.

I know £33m doesn't go very far in an organisation as vast as the NHS but - what a load of old shit.

The article elides this by talking about PPE, but NHS charity money basically can't be spent on anything clinically useful at all. Not uncommon for pots of charity money to be forgotten about by NHS corporate higher-ups cos what they can spend it on is so limited. Do wonder how much the public at large know this.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Zetetic on February 04, 2021, 09:17:43 AM
Most significantly, you can't spend it on staff - because the money won't be there next year.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 04, 2021, 09:18:47 AM
I suspect people think dead tom walked further than he did. I just noticed someone on another forum claim he walked 100 miles.

It was 2.5km.

Over 24 days.

"Bloody amateur," say the Proclaimers.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 04, 2021, 09:46:47 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/MHTwTHcQ/IMG-2089.jpg)

Ugh, the age old use of "now", like they have a list of 'things to send Blodwyn to his grave'.

Cuckold the public - tick
Drain them of money - tick
Deify old man - tick
Amplify public's faux grief - tick
NOW LET'S REALLY STICK THE KNIFE IN
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 04, 2021, 09:48:39 AM
Captain Tom donations: what was the £33m spent on?  (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52758683)

Free cups of tea, a little rest room full of crap children's art and a 'shop' consisting of a couple dozen rotten apples shoved into a newspaper stand.

I know £33m doesn't go very far in an organisation as vast as the NHS but - what a load of old shit.

That's a fucking mockery and a disgrace. Edit: oh, it can't be spent on anything clinical. Well, I suppose free coffee and tea may alleviate deteriorating mental health of staff...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 04, 2021, 09:54:58 AM
His grandson's just been recognised.  "Benjie"?  Really!?  He's not five.

https://www.bedfordschool.org.uk/celebrations-as-benjie-wins-prestigious-national-award/
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 04, 2021, 10:05:43 AM
Quote
Benjie, who set up a Twitter account which gained a following of more than 75,000 in a week, secured a much-coveted spot on The Michael Ball Show on BBC Radio 2 and messages of support from celebrities including Dame Kelly Holmes, Lord Sugar and Jason Donovan.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 04, 2021, 10:06:51 AM
His grandson's just been recognised.  "Benjie"?  Really!?  He's not five.

https://www.bedfordschool.org.uk/celebrations-as-benjie-wins-prestigious-national-award/

Celeb BB -> Prime Minister -> Leader of the Next Crusades
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on February 04, 2021, 10:14:52 AM
Thou shalt not covet Michael Ball's spot.


Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Aaron500 on February 04, 2021, 10:18:37 AM
Captain Tom donations: what was the £33m spent on?  (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52758683)

Free cups of tea, a little rest room full of crap children's art and a 'shop' consisting of a couple dozen rotten apples shoved into a newspaper stand.

I know £33m doesn't go very far in an organisation as vast as the NHS but - what a load of old shit.

"wobble room". ffs, just go and cry in the toilets like the rest of us. A lot of that stuff does look like it could have been done for free, or was being done for free anyway.

And yeah, the money will probably get forgotten about and then  just disappear, everywhere I've worked there's always been a few grand extra in the staff social fund, for which suggestions are elicited and then ignored as unrealistic or over budget, and then it doesn't get talked about again. Or ends up with a bowling night which I don't go to, or a children's party which excludes me and other childless staff.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: amateur on February 04, 2021, 10:28:27 AM
Seems like the £1000 he was aiming to raise would probably have been better used.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SpiderChrist on February 04, 2021, 11:00:48 AM
What is the Y badge? "Youth"?

Yoplait. It's his code word for the semen of pubescent Indian boys. What he rubs into his bumhole.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 04, 2021, 11:03:45 AM
Chicken!

https://news.sky.com/story/captain-sir-tom-moore-clergyman-sorry-for-tweet-condemning-nationwide-clap-and-cult-of-white-british-nationalism-12208212
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 04, 2021, 11:11:57 AM
Chicken!

https://news.sky.com/story/captain-sir-tom-moore-clergyman-sorry-for-tweet-condemning-nationwide-clap-and-cult-of-white-british-nationalism-12208212

He is completely correct and secondly this should not be news.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 04, 2021, 11:39:13 AM
The statue should be a colossus a mile tall and be made from the bones of everyone who died of covid
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: shh on February 04, 2021, 11:46:02 AM
Tim Spall a shoo-in for the inevitable film?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 04, 2021, 11:48:16 AM
Tim Spall a shoo-in for the inevitable film?

Clive Dunn would have been ideal but he died a few years back.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 04, 2021, 11:49:26 AM
Clive Dunn would have been ideal but because he died a few years back.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 04, 2021, 11:50:49 AM
Chicken!

https://news.sky.com/story/captain-sir-tom-moore-clergyman-sorry-for-tweet-condemning-nationwide-clap-and-cult-of-white-british-nationalism-12208212

Quote
Nor do Jarel's actions justify the racist abuse he is now receiving

As if to prove his original point
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Satchmo Distel on February 04, 2021, 01:28:05 PM
Magnus Pyke - Major COVID Spike (in Barbados). Typically tropical fuck-up by gaga geriatric.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Head Gardener on February 04, 2021, 03:03:18 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/JP8wMKJ.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SpiderChrist on February 04, 2021, 03:31:24 PM
The temptation to post that grab of Limmy's tweet onto my FB page is almost overwhelming.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 04, 2021, 03:36:52 PM
The temptation to post that grab of Limmy's tweet onto my FB page is almost overwhelming.

Do it and say that I made you and then give any dissenters my address.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: mippy on February 04, 2021, 04:40:36 PM
Just realised that, for the cost of going to that school for a year, I can pay an annual salary for one of my Two Point Hospital nurses. No wonder my staff satisfaction rate is always so low.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 04, 2021, 04:49:21 PM
What would the Great British public's reaction be if it was discovered that Tom and his daughter personally siphoned off a couple of million of the donations to fund the children's education and to deposit in trust funds?

Genuinely interested.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 04, 2021, 04:56:00 PM
"Well you can't begrudge them that, can you? Can you? Can you? You can't. It's just the politics of envy"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 04, 2021, 05:01:30 PM
What would the Great British public's reaction be if it was discovered that Tom and his daughter personally siphoned off a couple of million of the donations to fund the children's education and to deposit in trust funds?

Genuinely interested.

If it was just Tom doing that, it would be 'tsk, the old rogue,' while smiling knowingly (see Ken Dodd).  The daughter isn't well-liked though.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: thenoise on February 04, 2021, 08:37:02 PM
"wobble room". ffs, just go and cry in the toilets like the rest of us. A lot of that stuff does look like it could have been done for free, or was being done for free anyway.

It just looks so temporary. Like it was knocked together ten minutes before the photo was taken. Dump a load of apples in a newspaper stand and call it a free pop up shop.

Hi nurses thanks to Sir Tom's efforts you can enjoy free teabags for your ten minute standing tea break.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 04, 2021, 09:25:45 PM
captain tom's corpse to be turned into a barrage balloon full of cum. will drop a bomb of horrid discharge onto myanmar, the country he loved to rape so dearly, for great justice. amen.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 04, 2021, 09:42:44 PM
Which baby is he* entering now

*his reincarnated soul

Just found this explanation for the badges on his blazer

(https://i.ibb.co/h9TfnCp/Screenshot-2021-02-04-at-21-42-24.png) (https://ibb.co/bmGJy7p)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SteveDave on February 05, 2021, 08:50:18 AM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EtaNsUeXMAAc98U?format=jpg&name=large)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EtaNsUlWYAEA3nX?format=jpg&name=medium)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EtaNsUmXMAEUD01?format=jpg&name=large)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 05, 2021, 09:00:55 AM
Round and round the garden
At daughter's behest
One step, two step,
Saving the NHS
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 05, 2021, 09:48:27 AM
Tom's grandson say it would be nice to have a statue of his grandfather "where people could pay their respects."

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/captain-toms-grandson-says-memorial-statue-would-be-really-nice/ar-BB1doIx9

Good idea.

(https://i.ibb.co/kHgJcsK/Tom.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 05, 2021, 10:05:20 AM
If only there had been a queue of people lining to piss all over Captain Tom, might have kept him warm enough to not catch pneumonia in the neglectful clutches of evil Hannah, a parading shower of Burmese waifs' hot piss would have been like Ready Brek to him.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 05, 2021, 10:47:40 AM
Stick his statue up where Colston's was in Bristol and when all the scandals come out in a few years, it too can be torn down by the once obsequious herd and shoved in a waterway WITH FIST RAISED IN SOLIDARITY WITH "WE DON'T KNOW WHY - WE JUST FOLLOW THE HERD".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 05, 2021, 10:53:06 AM
Give it a few weeks and no-one will care anymore.  Once society comes out of lockdown and things gradually go back to the beforetimes we will collectively want to forget and Tom Moore will be no more in the memory of the nation.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on February 05, 2021, 10:58:38 AM
Replace weeks with days. It's worth repeating that only a tiny minority took part in the clapping the day after he died.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 05, 2021, 11:05:10 AM
Stick his statue up where Colston's was in Bristol and when all the scandals come out in a few years, it too can be torn down by the once obsequious herd and shoved in a waterway WITH FIST RAISED IN SOLIDARITY WITH "WE DON'T KNOW WHY - WE JUST FOLLOW THE HERD".

Putting it straight in the canal would save time and effort.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 05, 2021, 11:10:27 AM
(https://makeupmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Planet-of-the-Apes-4-1.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 05, 2021, 11:15:36 AM
https://twitter.com/kuntandthegang/status/1357648344370335744?s=19 (https://twitter.com/kuntandthegang/status/1357648344370335744?s=19)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 05, 2021, 11:18:15 AM
If cast-iron evidence emerges he did something really bad, there's going to be such a collective sense of "he took us all in!"  The general public's going to feel like mugs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Zetetic on February 05, 2021, 12:11:00 PM
Perfectly practised at putting that sort of thing out of the collective consciousness though. See Savile.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 05, 2021, 12:30:33 PM
Perfectly practised at putting that sort of thing out of the collective consciousness though. See Savile.

Yet more evidence that the Great English public is just the construct of my Gran's next door neighbour Ethel's mind circa 1985. "Eeeee, I don't believe a word that young hussy said. Walter is such a kind man and always gives our Pat an extra flake in her ice cream".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on February 05, 2021, 12:31:36 PM
Meanwhile, in another part of the world: Alexei Navalny in court again on charge of defaming war veteran (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/feb/05/alexei-navalny-in-court-again-on-charge-of-defaming-war-veteran) who appeared in a government propaganda video for Putin. Only a matter of time before it happens here.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 05, 2021, 03:00:25 PM
https://twitter.com/kuntandthegang/status/1357648344370335744?s=19 (https://twitter.com/kuntandthegang/status/1357648344370335744?s=19)
tears at "It is good to see Genesis touring again."

even though i'm not sure which one phil collins would be
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Ray Travez on February 06, 2021, 02:39:43 AM
Meanwhile, in another part of the world: Alexei Navalny in court again on charge of defaming war veteran (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/feb/05/alexei-navalny-in-court-again-on-charge-of-defaming-war-veteran) who appeared in a government propaganda video for Putin. Only a matter of time before it happens here.

by 'here' do you mean 'Britain', or specifically this thread?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: paruses on February 06, 2021, 08:00:49 AM
"wobble room". ffs, just go and cry in the toilets like the rest of us. A lot of that stuff does look like it could have been done for free, or was being done for free anyway.

And yeah, the money will probably get forgotten about and then  just disappear, everywhere I've worked there's always been a few grand extra in the staff social fund, for which suggestions are elicited and then ignored as unrealistic or over budget, and then it doesn't get talked about again. Or ends up with a bowling night which I don't go to, or a children's party which excludes me and other childless staff.

Did they build a new room with the money or use the money to pay to have it cleared out? Ffs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 06, 2021, 08:06:10 AM
The statue should be a colossus a mile tall and be made from the bones of everyone who died of covid

And if there aren’t enough bones yet to make it a mile high, they can arrange a vertical tube on Blue Peter and get everyone excited as they reach the target.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 06, 2021, 11:40:31 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/Tt6Dt2Y/Tom.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 06, 2021, 02:52:32 PM
The Queen is going to posthumously appoint him a Rear Admiral.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on February 06, 2021, 04:03:10 PM
It's quite astonishing to go back and read the first posts in this thread, less than a year ago. Such admiration and reverence.

And, in less than a year, hell, less than a page of comments, we're joking about him bumming brown boys and being entirely disrespectful.

To me, that's real patriotism. Well done everybody.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Rich Uncle Skeleton on February 06, 2021, 04:20:03 PM
Haha yeah just went back to read the first page and this one caught me off guard

I FUCKING HATER THSI SHOWOFF CUNT IM GONNA BATTER HIM
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: The Mollusk on February 06, 2021, 04:22:15 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/mZajdsJ.png)

He's a businessman
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 06, 2021, 04:23:38 PM
In his suit and tie.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 06, 2021, 05:02:19 PM
This is his foundation's website.  His granddaughter's still learning to ride her bike, I see.  She's posing there with stabilisers.  She's got the right horn in that photo, too.

https://captaintom.org/
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 06, 2021, 05:04:47 PM
It's quite astonishing to go back and read the first posts in this thread, less than a year ago. Such admiration and reverence.

And, in less than a year, hell, less than a page of comments, we're joking about him bumming brown boys and being entirely disrespectful.

To me, that's real patriotism. Well done everybody.

This one made laugh
Oh nice. Something comforting to send to my elderly relatives:

(https://i.ibb.co/PM0tc16/Annotation-2020-04-23-215144.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Chollis on February 06, 2021, 05:58:34 PM
this is my favourite from the first page, nice and succinct

Do laps into garden grave, cunt.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 06, 2021, 06:00:38 PM
Massive Attack have the right idea: https://twitter.com/MassiveAttackUK/status/1357671781952331778

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 06, 2021, 08:35:51 PM
Massive Attack have the right idea: https://twitter.com/MassiveAttackUK/status/1357671781952331778

Bravo.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cursus on February 06, 2021, 08:46:00 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Etj2q_FXEAQouoZ?format=jpg&name=small)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 06, 2021, 09:38:14 PM
My goodness
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Pinball on February 06, 2021, 10:40:14 PM
This is appalling. I'm off to Barbados to recuperate.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: scarecrow on February 06, 2021, 11:17:00 PM
Will the zimmer frame make it harder for antifa to topple his statue?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 07, 2021, 12:19:18 AM
edit: removed stuff about his war rapes
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: EOLAN on February 07, 2021, 12:42:23 AM
Arthur's gonna let loose a few expletives that his swaggering walk is being messed up by the doddery zimmerframe man.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Dog Botherer on February 07, 2021, 12:49:35 AM


coward
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 07, 2021, 12:51:35 AM
THE PIGGYBACK VIRUS - PROVEN!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52319318 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52319318)

Was interested in following up on this. Found the fundraising page (https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-display/showROFundraiserPage?userUrl=MargaretPayneArdvar-SuilvenChallenge&pageUrl=1). Genuine picture from the page.

(https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/resources/fundraiser-images/10b43d44-3cc1-4f4c-b700-a850be068b04.jpeg)

In looks like the latest entry in the This Picture series.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 07, 2021, 01:06:34 AM
The Matrix but it's just pensioners going round and round their real estate
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 07, 2021, 01:08:14 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/249xrhC.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 07, 2021, 01:37:34 AM
He is risen!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 07, 2021, 09:31:15 AM
Was interested in following up on this. Found the fundraising page (https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-display/showROFundraiserPage?userUrl=MargaretPayneArdvar-SuilvenChallenge&pageUrl=1). Genuine picture from the page.

(https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/resources/fundraiser-images/10b43d44-3cc1-4f4c-b700-a850be068b04.jpeg)

In looks like the latest entry in the This Picture series.

Even have a picture of her corpse on that page. Tom's family didn't manage that.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 07, 2021, 09:32:43 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/249xrhC.jpg)

Noseybonk universe? Part of the Ratafak Platcha canon?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 07, 2021, 10:07:24 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/249xrhC.jpg)

E.T. does homage to the cap'n with fancy dress.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Head Gardener on February 07, 2021, 11:36:08 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/OCf5bnv.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 07, 2021, 11:46:48 AM
I'm not sure "dressing up as someone you admire who has just died" is that respectful. If I was Captain Tom's family I'd feel a bit weird about it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 07, 2021, 11:47:53 AM
Yeah but she used SIXTY brushes!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 07, 2021, 12:01:01 PM
Yeah but she used SIXTY brushes!

She'll be walking up and down here dog shit littered garden and Boris will ask everyone to applaud her. But they won't, because she doesn't have the narrative and she's a woman.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 07, 2021, 12:09:22 PM
https://www.biggleswadetoday.co.uk/news/people/upper-caldecote-company-launch-new-rose-captain-tom-foundation-3124967

A Tom Moore rose has been launched, with sales going to fund the Tom Moore Foundation.

Of course, this is not at all inspired by or meant to be subconsciously linked with the Remembrance Day poppy....
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 07, 2021, 12:11:34 PM
A new star has also been named after him.

And a religion.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 07, 2021, 12:14:31 PM
lol Hannah slips up and lets us know she kept Captain Tom in the garden shed, probably overnight, on a lead - unless it was time for 'walkies' and the TV cameras to turn up.

Quote
Hannah Ingram-Moore, co-founder of The Captain Tom Foundation, said: “When we were first approached about a Captain Tom rose, we really liked the idea as my father spent a lot of time in our garden in his shed, and the funds raised will enable the foundation to continue to spread my father’s message of hope.”
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 07, 2021, 12:16:26 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/249xrhC.jpg)

Frank Sidebottom's getting on a bit.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: jobotic on February 07, 2021, 12:17:26 PM
A new star has also been named after him.

And a religion.

I heard that the beings that live on one of the planets that orbit the new star didn't clap. Deport them now!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 07, 2021, 12:19:20 PM
The Captain Tom Foundation is a platitudinous bit of bootlicking that seeks to normalise charity - giving as a choice to instill a sense of personal absolution - when actually charities are something that should be obviated by a fairly structured society

It must be destroyed.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 07, 2021, 12:22:40 PM
I wonder how much of the money they can siphon off into shell companies for use with arms dealing or whatever else these fucks do for cash on the side?

Anyway:

Quote
For every rose sold, World of Roses will donate £2.50 to The Captain Tom Foundation. The new variety can be ordered from www.worldofroses.com

(https://i.ibb.co/NN1G07v/rose.jpg)

Charidee.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 07, 2021, 12:30:22 PM
I just named my Sunday morning shit after Cpt Tom.  Clapped as I flushed.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 07, 2021, 12:39:05 PM
to be fair, that rose is the spitting image of a burmese boy's buggered anus
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: dissolute ocelot on February 07, 2021, 12:53:57 PM
A gay black church of England trainee priest is in trouble (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/feb/07/church-aided-the-pile-on-of-curates-captain-tom-tweet) after tweeting "The cult of Captain Tom is a cult of White British Nationalism. I will offer prayers for the repose of his kind and generous soul, but I will not be joining the ‘National Clap’." Lots of church members and Millwall fans have been trolling him, but over a hundred other Anglicans have teamed up to say freedom of speech, and have condemned the church for leading a pile-up on him. If Jesus came to Earth today, they'd crucify him straight away, upon a cross of MDF, and they'd use No Need For Nails.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 07, 2021, 12:59:21 PM
they'd use No Need For Nails.

The fact that that isn't what it's called made me laugh harder than It should have.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 07, 2021, 01:07:32 PM
If Jesus came to Earth today, they'd crucify him straight away, upon a cross of MDF, and they'd use No Need For Nails.

Loved it when he walked through the desert for 40 days to raise money for the NHS.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 07, 2021, 01:12:19 PM
Blasphemy - it was Our Lord Saviour Tom Moore who walked in the desert for ALL our sins, so we can be blameless as we kick a pit bull terrier to death after binging on cocaine with the lads.

PS. What will you all be doing on the 2 week anniversary of Tom's death?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on February 07, 2021, 01:22:04 PM
I wonder how much of the money they can siphon off into shell companies for use with arms dealing or whatever else these fucks do for cash on the side?

Anyway:

(https://i.ibb.co/NN1G07v/rose.jpg)

Charidee.

Hannah settling for a 19.24% licensing fee rather than her standard 25, someone at the rose company must be pleased it was signed off before the 15% beatification premium
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 07, 2021, 01:23:41 PM
If Jesus was Captain Tom He would've been an obsequious rapist who helped Titus overthrow Judea and lived to the time of the Antonine Plague to walk round His vineyard to raise denari for the Roman Army

the new beatitudes:
blessed are the blitz in spirit, for theirs is an extensive back garden to exercise and relax in
blessed are those who clap, for they will feel slightly better about themselves despite not having done anything
blessed are those who hunger, because marcus rashford will probably feed them, despite their feckless parents
blessed are the tories, for they will inherit the Earth
tomorrow will be a better day
wear a fucking poppy
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 07, 2021, 01:37:10 PM
Just had an angry man knock on my door. He was in his 50s, kitted out in suit and a red beret. "Wanna a poppy for Tom?"... I said no, isn't it 9 months too early? He screamed "It's for charity, its for Tom". I said get off my land David Baddiel.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 07, 2021, 01:40:49 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/KWGH0yn/th.png)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bgmnts on February 07, 2021, 01:41:41 PM
I'm not sure "dressing up as someone you admire who has just died" is that respectful. If I was Captain Tom's family I'd feel a bit weird about it.

Thank god he was white at least.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 07, 2021, 01:57:40 PM
Blessed are the meek, for they shall walk around the garden.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 07, 2021, 02:02:52 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/9tZTf3y/Tom.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 07, 2021, 02:19:08 PM
that nonce from lincolnshire made another, slightly better one and it was delivered to marston moretaine on are captain's 100th

(https://c8.alamy.com/comp/2BJP0CB/a-customised-balloon-of-captain-tom-moore-is-being-delivered-to-the-home-of-the-second-world-war-veteran-as-he-celebrates-his-100th-birthday-2BJP0CB.jpg)


(https://www.horncastlenews.co.uk/webimg/T0FLMTIyMjEyMTA5.jpg?width=640&enable=upscale)

also

(https://scontent.flhr3-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/95778320_10158020212541066_3721167284526383104_o.jpg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=2&_nc_sid=110474&efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&_nc_ohc=tx_EQVdCr0wAX_G4Nnn&_nc_ht=scontent.flhr3-2.fna&tp=14&oh=c12b41393a2213d05b0f8023d9c01b7a&oe=6045D810)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 07, 2021, 02:25:58 PM
that nonce from lincolnshire made another, slightly better one and it was delivered to marston moretaine on are captain's 100th

(https://c8.alamy.com/comp/2BJP0CB/a-customised-balloon-of-captain-tom-moore-is-being-delivered-to-the-home-of-the-second-world-war-veteran-as-he-celebrates-his-100th-birthday-2BJP0CB.jpg)

That guy on the right's joining the throngs now kissing Tom's ass.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on February 07, 2021, 02:28:09 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/KWGH0yn/th.png)
"Re-record not fade away."
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: kalowski on February 07, 2021, 02:29:03 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/9tZTf3y/Tom.jpg)
Looks like a jet of piss streaming down between his legs.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 07, 2021, 02:30:56 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/9tZTf3y/Tom.jpg)

He's got no trousers on!  Very undignified!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 07, 2021, 02:32:20 PM
bet it was easy to do his hemorrhoids
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 07, 2021, 02:35:30 PM
So sad how Windsor Davis was by the end.


(https://scontent.flhr3-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/95778320_10158020212541066_3721167284526383104_o.jpg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=2&_nc_sid=110474&efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&_nc_ohc=tx_EQVdCr0wAX_G4Nnn&_nc_ht=scontent.flhr3-2.fna&tp=14&oh=c12b41393a2213d05b0f8023d9c01b7a&oe=6045D810)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 07, 2021, 02:48:01 PM
He's got no trousers on!  Very undignified Tom!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on February 07, 2021, 03:03:22 PM
Captain in the Wind
https://twitter.com/TheIDSmiths/status/1356964140879929347
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on February 07, 2021, 05:24:58 PM
collect ten rape stamps get a free train ride

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-54526866

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/1181D/production/_114890717_hi063796485.jpg)



Barely got to use this. So sad.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 07, 2021, 05:42:16 PM
I would hedge that he never used it. Chauffeur driven limo.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 07, 2021, 06:03:35 PM
Maybe he caught Covid on the train.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 07, 2021, 06:05:16 PM
maybe he tried to use it but was mortally weakened by its sheer size
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 07, 2021, 06:23:54 PM
Someone else using Tom to help make their own name.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5o9X8vP6qFQ
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on February 07, 2021, 06:41:21 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/249xrhC.jpg)

Frank Boysbottom
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 07, 2021, 06:48:02 PM
Down the rabbit hole of YouTube tributes to Saint Admiral Captain Sir Tom.

"stay quiet for 2 min now" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1XLbATP3KQ)
"U did the country proud" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJHPzBwnKEI)
Artist stands on Captain Tom's face (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaX5X51YnXE)
HE DIED A HERO (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gtwv5JVw69I)
Hasta luego (fortnite montage) R.I.P Captain Tom Moore (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVSEtC7o_NE)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 07, 2021, 07:14:13 PM
Artist stands on Captain Tom's face (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaX5X51YnXE)

I'm having a Paul Nicholas paraphrase flashback ('dan-cin' on the cap-tain....')
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 07, 2021, 07:18:03 PM
Is he in fact a lefty? If he ends up meeting Johnson is he likely to tell him to get to fuck? That would be beyond priceless.
this is the most inaccurate prediction made in this thread
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 08, 2021, 09:31:52 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/rFhRQzY/T1.jpg)

(https://i.ibb.co/DR6K4N3/T2.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 08, 2021, 10:03:46 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/DR6K4N3/T2.jpg)

She's just made a jumble sale version of herself.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 08, 2021, 10:20:03 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/249xrhC.jpg)

Where did you find this specimen?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: turnstyle on February 08, 2021, 10:43:55 AM

(https://i.ibb.co/DR6K4N3/T2.jpg)

Don't recall reading about Sir Tom's fondness for the hula hoop. Was there nothing that man couldn't do?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 08, 2021, 10:54:44 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/DR6K4N3/T2.jpg)

He's even got a Jim'll Fix It badge.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 08, 2021, 11:03:24 AM
(https://i.ibb.co/frSqrzP/ghostchase1.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 08, 2021, 11:16:50 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/249xrhC.jpg)

Joe 90's let himself go.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 08, 2021, 11:30:23 AM

(https://i.ibb.co/DR6K4N3/T2.jpg)
who made who
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 08, 2021, 11:33:48 AM
What's the Olympic medal -  a gold in raping brown kids?

(https://i.ibb.co/DR6K4N3/T2.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 08, 2021, 12:15:13 PM
Where did you find this specimen?

Either The Talons of Weng-Chiang or Twitter.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Captain Z on February 08, 2021, 12:17:54 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/249xrhC.jpg)

Hey, Teacher! Leave them kids alone.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Duckula on February 08, 2021, 12:31:52 PM
Who was this then?

https://news.stv.tv/west-central/man-arrested-over-offensive-tweet-targeting-captain-tom?top
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 08, 2021, 12:53:53 PM
Who was this then?

https://news.stv.tv/west-central/man-arrested-over-offensive-tweet-targeting-captain-tom?top

A de-aged, glammed up Tom Moore edited into that recent AIDS biopic.

Let's all just hand ourselves into our local police station now...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 08, 2021, 01:07:45 PM
I'm surprised his trial is taking place so quickly - is  there not a massive backlog of cases across the Scottish justice system like in England? Or are comments about Captain Tom so serious they go to the front of the queue?

Given that the media establishment has been calling people who criticise the family of Captain Tom for taking a holiday in Barbados during a pandemic "trolls" I wonder how offensive this post really was, and whether it was the best use of the court's time during a global pandemic.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 08, 2021, 01:10:14 PM
Let's all just hand ourselves into our local police station now...

Of course, everyone on this forum will have the grounds of defence of free speech in the form of intelligent satire with a point, not defying the bounds of decency for the sheer sake of it...erm, won't we....?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on February 08, 2021, 01:16:25 PM
(https://assets.whsmith.co.uk/product-image/extra-large/9780241486764.jpg)

"A wonderful book fit for a hero of the people"

Indoctrinate your child today.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 08, 2021, 01:19:33 PM
I'm surprised his trial is taking place so quickly - is  there not a massive backlog of cases across the Scottish justice system like in England? Or are comments about Captain Tom so serious they go to the front of the queue?

Don't you understand, this ARE TOM. The man who single handedly saved the UK from Covid.  How dare anyone besmirch his glorious name. To the gallows with this treasonous troll.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fr.Bigley on February 08, 2021, 01:21:35 PM
Just putting it here also.

https://twitter.com/ATB33762631/status/1358765671895736320 (https://twitter.com/ATB33762631/status/1358765671895736320)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 08, 2021, 01:25:58 PM
(https://assets.whsmith.co.uk/product-image/extra-large/9780241486764.jpg)

"A wonderful book fit for a hero of the people"

Indoctrinate your child today.

A "wonderful" and surely mistitled book, given he did 100 laps not 100 steps. Making Tom's achievements seem far less than they are.

Those children aren't socially distanced from Tom either.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 08, 2021, 01:29:21 PM
(https://assets.whsmith.co.uk/product-image/extra-large/9780241486764.jpg)

"A wonderful book fit for a hero of the people"

Indoctrinate your child today.

The same company released a biography of Gary Glitter with a review quote: 'paedo scum hid behind stardom.'   The publishers admit mixing up the reviews.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 08, 2021, 01:33:19 PM
Just putting it here also.

https://twitter.com/ATB33762631/status/1358765671895736320 (https://twitter.com/ATB33762631/status/1358765671895736320)

I see pricks like "The Core" are baying for Jarel Robinson Brown to be arrested as well. I strongly disagree with what was said in the Saor Alba tweet but I don't think either of the sentences used should be a crime.

It's ironic that the right go on about "snowflakes" and "you can't say this" but want someone to get a criminal record and be doxed in the press for saying something they (and I in this case) find offensive.

I doubt Captain Tom would have cared about the tweet either way, and his family wouldn't have noticed it if it hadn't been reported to the police and been in all the media. I'm not defending what was tweeted but there are plenty of disgusting tweets that don't result in prosecution.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Quote on February 08, 2021, 01:42:20 PM
This Red Bubble t-shirt design cracked me up. Like he was still in the army and waging a furious counterinsurgency against Boko Haram, backed up by trusty Lance Corporal Ginger Spice.

(https://i.ibb.co/zGMCRkF/Captain-Rambo.png)

https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CAPTAIN-TOM-NATIONAL-HERO-by-losttorpedo/48029096.IJ6L0
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 08, 2021, 01:42:36 PM
It's especially offensive because the phrase was coined by American Civil War Union General Philip Sheriden as "The only good Indian is a dead Indian," and as we all know Tom liked them buggered first.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 08, 2021, 01:47:19 PM
This Red Bubble t-shirt design cracked me up. Like he was still in the army and waging a furious counterinsurgency against Boko Haram, backed up by trusty Lance Corporal Ginger Spice.

(https://i.ibb.co/zGMCRkF/Captain-Rambo.png)

https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/CAPTAIN-TOM-NATIONAL-HERO-by-losttorpedo/48029096.IJ6L0

Fuck's sake!  I looked at that and assumed it was a joke-but it's real!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 08, 2021, 01:47:48 PM
Why is Boris Johnson's hand on fire on the T-shirt? What does "I'm the Captain now" mean? He's not "the" Captain, there are plenty of Captains. Did the person who made the T-shirt not know what the title "Captain" meant?

I think Captain Tom and his family would be far more offended by all the people creating effigies of Tom or dressing up as him than one unpleasant tweet.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 08, 2021, 01:53:50 PM
Seems like it was 'designed' by some banter merchant

https://www.redbubble.com/people/losttorpedo/shop
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 08, 2021, 02:12:09 PM
It is tempting, though...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 08, 2021, 03:31:31 PM
All you have to do on redbubble is upload your art hi res. It's printed on demand and you hardly make anything.

If you look under it there are loads of straightfaced cynical potential cash ins on are tom though
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 08, 2021, 03:48:55 PM
I'm surprised his trial is taking place so quickly - is  there not a massive backlog of cases across the Scottish justice system like in England? Or are comments about Captain Tom so serious they go to the front of the queue?

Given that the media establishment has been calling people who criticise the family of Captain Tom for taking a holiday in Barbados during a pandemic "trolls" I wonder how offensive this post really was, and whether it was the best use of the court's time during a global pandemic.

Is wishing a dead man ill a crime now?

I HOPE HE SUFFERS WITH A REALLY BAD COLD!!!

10 years in chokey.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 08, 2021, 03:53:19 PM
I see pricks like "The Core" are baying for Jarel Robinson Brown to be arrested as well. I strongly disagree with what was said in the Saor Alba tweet but I don't think either of the sentences used should be a crime.

It's ironic that the right go on about "snowflakes" and "you can't say this" but want someone to get a criminal record and be doxed in the press for saying something they (and I in this case) find offensive.

I doubt Captain Tom would have cared about the tweet either way, and his family wouldn't have noticed it if it hadn't been reported to the police and been in all the media. I'm not defending what was tweeted but there are plenty of disgusting tweets that don't result in prosecution.

Can you explain why it was so offensive?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 08, 2021, 04:23:02 PM
All you have to do on redbubble is upload your art hi res. It's printed on demand and you hardly make anything.

Yes, lots of 'comedians' and podcasters and general grifters do this and call it 'merch' to try and make some kind of profit by exploiting the third-world to mail cheap tat half-way across the planet to bored moneyed cunts who quite fancy a gaudy garment machined by a child labourer with a meme heat-printed on to it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on February 08, 2021, 05:30:13 PM
Who was this then?

https://news.stv.tv/west-central/man-arrested-over-offensive-tweet-targeting-captain-tom?top
so much for freeze peach

Just putting it here also.

https://twitter.com/ATB33762631/status/1358765671895736320 (https://twitter.com/ATB33762631/status/1358765671895736320)
locked up for telling the truth

Yes, lots of 'comedians' and podcasters and general grifters do this and call it 'merch' to try and make some kind of profit by exploiting the third-world to mail cheap tat half-way across the planet to bored moneyed cunts who quite fancy a gaudy garment machined by a child labourer with a meme heat-printed on to it.
I... I just wanted an Uncle Roger T-shirt...

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Jasha on February 08, 2021, 07:56:39 PM
I think Captain Tom and his family would be far more offended by all the people creating effigies of Tom or dressing up as him than one unpleasant tweet and not paying her the licencing fee.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Mr Farenheit on February 09, 2021, 07:28:05 AM
All you have to do on redbubble is upload your art hi res. It's printed on demand and you hardly make anything.

If you look under it there are loads of straightfaced cynical potential cash ins on are tom though

The 'I'm The Captain Now' one is fantastic, nothing else in the same league on there.

I'm guessing most of these never sell one item...

(https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.1172442705.0522/ur,blanket_medium_bed,square,x1000.1.jpg)

(https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.2103798038.0364/gptr,1400x,front,black-c,188,133,1000,1000-bg,f8f8f8.jpg)

(https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.1206184146.3384/ur,mask_flatlay_front,square,1000x1000.u1.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 09, 2021, 09:43:29 AM
(https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.1172442705.0522/ur,blanket_medium_bed,square,x1000.1.jpg)

A real mood setter that one.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 09, 2021, 09:49:04 AM
A real mood setter that one.

Get it for your teenage son - "any masturbating and you'll go to prison for spunking on (or under) the face of our National Hero, lad"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 09, 2021, 10:00:45 AM
I heard if you spunk on that duvet cover it summons the spirit of Captain Tom and he goes full Hellraiser on you.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 09, 2021, 10:29:49 AM
Imagine you are out on a date, they usher you into their bedroom and you find their bed has Saint Captain Sir Tom's face on it. What do you do?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 09, 2021, 10:34:08 AM
Imagine you are out on a date, they usher you into their bedroom and you find their bed has Saint Captain Sir Tom's face on it. What do you do?

Pull down trousers to reveal Cpt Tom underpants. A night of unbridled sexual ecstasy follows climaxing with screaming "TOMORROW WILL BE A GOOD DAY!!!".
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on February 09, 2021, 10:34:43 AM
Imagine you are out on a date, they usher you into their bedroom and you find their bed has Saint Captain Sir Tom's face on it. What do you do?

Careful, this poster has only just registered and may be fishing for balding phimosis men having sex on Captain Tom's massive fabric face stories for wanking purposes.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 09, 2021, 10:37:01 AM

(https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.2103798038.0364/gptr,1400x,front,black-c,188,133,1000,1000-bg,f8f8f8.jpg)


Left side: your country needs YOU; right side: yours, the old cunt, needs publicity and cash.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: bgmnts on February 09, 2021, 10:37:28 AM
Pull down trousers to reveal Cpt Tom underpants. A night of unbridled sexual ecstasy follows climaxing with screaming "TOMORROW WILL BE A GOOD DAY!!!".

You'd wonder if they were screaming "more! more! more!" or "Moore! Moore! Moore!"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: drummersaredeaf on February 09, 2021, 11:19:52 AM
They're all screaming more by the time I'm finished with them.

Wait...
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 09, 2021, 12:28:29 PM
The 'I'm The Captain Now' one is fantastic, nothing else in the same league on there.

I'm guessing most of these never sell one item...

(https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.2103798038.0364/gptr,1400x,front,black-c,188,133,1000,1000-bg,f8f8f8.jpg)

Harvey Dent's let himself go
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on February 09, 2021, 02:55:01 PM
Heard a news item on local Beeb radio this morning. Some wanker's only demanding that there should be a statue of ARE TOM on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square, permanently.

Fuck it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 09, 2021, 02:58:27 PM
Permanently mounted on a plinth? That's just stupid.

It should be attached to a rigid moving pedestal, doing continuous laps of Trafalgar Square.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 09, 2021, 03:02:12 PM
The construction and upkeep of a Saint Tom statue would probably cost more than he raised.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 09, 2021, 03:07:59 PM
The construction and upkeep of a Saint Tom statue would probably cost more than he raised.

Especially after I've had at it.

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 09, 2021, 03:09:46 PM
The construction and upkeep of a Saint Tom statue would probably cost more than he raised.

They'll have to cut the NHS budget to fund it.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 09, 2021, 03:18:03 PM
if this happens i may have to kill myself

https://www.theartnewspaper.com/blog/statue-of-captain-sir-tom-moore-should-go-on-the-fourth-plinth-ex-mp-insists

(https://dmdlnu87i51n1.cloudfront.net/v1/uk/ckks8wbig000p3e58h073rmnk/0x0:590x408/undefinedxundefined/photo_2_2.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 09, 2021, 03:22:56 PM

(https://dmdlnu87i51n1.cloudfront.net/v1/uk/ckks8wbig000p3e58h073rmnk/0x0:590x408/undefinedxundefined/photo_2_2.jpg)

Someone spraypainted Tom's thalidomide cousin black in a paint attack!  Disgraceful!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: GoblinAhFuckScary on February 09, 2021, 03:40:20 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EtsPGZUXcAA2hhd?format=jpg&name=large)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: frajer on February 09, 2021, 03:44:42 PM
Looks like an escapee from the "Which Boglins did you have?" thread.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on February 09, 2021, 03:53:32 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EtsPGZUXcAA2hhd?format=jpg&name=large)

Eddie Marsan has let himself go.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Consignia on February 09, 2021, 03:57:53 PM
Eddie Marsan has let himself go.

To the dogs?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 09, 2021, 04:00:17 PM
Is that a cake? Would feel very weird eating that.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 09, 2021, 04:02:28 PM
Bagsy his chin.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on February 09, 2021, 05:56:58 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EtsPGZUXcAA2hhd?format=jpg&name=large)

Looks a little camp, that.

'I beg pardon!? How dare you! How very dare you! Just because a man walks uphill in his garden and comes in the back gate, don't mean he keeps a tube of lube in his pocket and hangs out with all the boys at the YMCA!' (Takes delivery from postman; opens DVD).

'"Rent Boy Orgy!" Do excuse me!' (Runs eagerly indoors).
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 09, 2021, 06:21:08 PM
would love to cave his face in like a mouldy peach.

i'd also settle doing that to the cake
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 09, 2021, 07:37:26 PM
I wonder what flavour Captain Tom's head is.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 09, 2021, 08:47:23 PM
tory cunt face flavour
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: flotemysost on February 09, 2021, 09:19:57 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EtsPGZUXcAA2hhd?format=jpg&name=large)

How on earth would you go about deciding which way to divvy that out? Slice horizontally, starting with a brutal trepanning? Amputate various organs depending on who wants what - squishy pockmarked nose for someone who really likes icing, a sliver of droopy earlobe for anyone on a diet? I can't think of any way that wouldn't appear incredibly disrespectful, if you're the sort of person who gives a shit about Captain Tom paraphernalia of course.

I'd love to see the whole thing cunted into a blender, think that wold be really satisfying to watch.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on February 09, 2021, 10:13:04 PM
Would like to see one of these cunts going on about the amazing amount of "good" Captain Tom did in his life name one heroic thing he did between 1945 and 2020. 75 years between getting conscripted and doing his first fun run - hardly giving Gandhi a run for his money is he?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 09, 2021, 10:16:52 PM
How much money did Gandhi raise for the NHS?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: notjosh on February 09, 2021, 10:27:27 PM
How much money did Gandhi raise for the NHS?

"What do you think of our tax-funded, publicly-owned National Health Service Mr Gandhi?"
"I think it would be a good idea!"
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 09, 2021, 11:07:34 PM
still less of a cunt than Mother Theresa though
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 09, 2021, 11:17:15 PM
Not hard that though (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_Mother_Teresa), is it?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 09, 2021, 11:53:31 PM
oh fucking hell St Teresa of Calcutta now. nonsense. complete cunt
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 10, 2021, 12:32:55 AM
(https://www.kentonline.co.uk/_media/img/750x0/4YIDWQBIIF44LRYR8CXS.jpg)

Looks like he is getting sucked off by Johnny 5.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 10, 2021, 08:06:04 AM
Quote
I'd love to see the whole thing cunted into a blender, think that wold be really satisfying to watch.

Apparently you can't even reposition some snow with your foot without losing your job. Attacking a Tom Moore cake would probably result in the reimposition of the death penalty.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Birdie on February 10, 2021, 09:23:25 AM
I wonder what flavour Captain Tom's head is.

Marzipan, despair and Un Jardin Sur Le Nil
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: SpiderChrist on February 10, 2021, 10:19:11 AM
Not hard that though (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_Mother_Teresa), is it?

Quote
Mother Teresa's "hallowed image – which does not stand up to analysis of the facts – was constructed, and that her beatification was orchestrated by an effective media relations campaign"

That doesn't sound at all familiar, does it?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 10, 2021, 10:28:28 AM
Marzipan, despair and Un Jardin Sur Le Nil

Can I have a chocolate Captain Tom cake instead?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on February 10, 2021, 11:10:43 AM
Do you reckon one of these Captain Tom cosplay people has a room like Jed in IAP but instead of it being about Alan it's about Captain Tom?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Cuellar on February 10, 2021, 11:14:15 AM
Isn't the 'Mother Teresa is actually bad ahhhh' argument a load of rubbish? I read something about it a few months ago but I can't remember where or why.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 10, 2021, 11:15:43 AM
Do you reckon one of these Captain Tom cosplay people has a room like Jed in IAP but instead of it being about Alan it's about Captain Tom?

They all dress up as Tom and partner swap, putting their medals in a bowl. Prob turns into a big orgy by the end, turn on the lights and it's a writhing mass of walkers and medals.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: gilbertharding on February 10, 2021, 12:32:54 PM
Isn't the 'Mother Teresa is actually bad ahhhh' argument a load of rubbish? I read something about it a few months ago but I can't remember where or why.

The rebuttals boil down to 'she was no better or worse than the next religious fundamentalist'. She did good on her own terms (and probably did some good on most people's terms) but your mileage, as they say, may vary.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 10, 2021, 12:38:16 PM
I routinely confuse Mother Theresa with Moira Hindley for lots of reasons
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 10, 2021, 12:38:57 PM
They all dress up as Tom and partner swap, putting their medals in a bowl. Prob turns into a big orgy by the end, turn on the lights and it's a writhing mass of walkers and medals.

Gary Linekar will be lining up to advertise it
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Replies From View on February 10, 2021, 12:45:34 PM
I just named my Sunday morning shit after Cpt Tom.

Almost 101 years afterwards!!
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 10, 2021, 01:55:59 PM
Isn't the 'Mother Teresa is actually bad ahhhh' argument a load of rubbish? I read something about it a few months ago but I can't remember where or why.

Mother Teresa, Saint of Lies and Death (https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vZGVlcGN1dHM/episode/NWFkYjFhNWUtNjIzYS0xMWVhLTkxOWEtYmY5MWNkYzlmYWEy?sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj3pe6bisftAhUzeDABHRYlCl8QkfYCegQIARAx)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: gilbertharding on February 10, 2021, 01:57:31 PM
Mother Teresa, Saint of Lies and Death (https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vZGVlcGN1dHM/episode/NWFkYjFhNWUtNjIzYS0xMWVhLTkxOWEtYmY5MWNkYzlmYWEy?sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj3pe6bisftAhUzeDABHRYlCl8QkfYCegQIARAx)

Like I said.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: chveik on February 10, 2021, 01:57:46 PM
Isn't the 'Mother Teresa is actually bad ahhhh' argument a load of rubbish? I read something about it a few months ago but I can't remember where or why.

in the vatican times?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 10, 2021, 01:59:25 PM
Like I said.

Also: https://swindledpodcast.com/podcasts/season-4/episode-12-the-saint/

Listened to that one a while back, some of the testimony came from staff and doctors who worked with her though, it certainly didn't look good. The details are hard to listen to though without imagining the sound of Chris Hitchens wanking.

Might be worth listening to the Skeptoid one which seems to walk the middle line 'Decrypting Mother Teresa: It's popular to criticize Mother Teresa, but that criticism might be better directed at the real culprit': https://skeptoid.com/episodes/4512

Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 10, 2021, 02:42:22 PM
The thing is, for most people, she's just a modern icon of saintly kindness, they don't really know who she was or what she did, just that she was some wizzened old lady with a tea towel on her head who was a good person. much like Captain Tom really
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: JamesTC on February 10, 2021, 02:51:19 PM
Captain Tom was a wizened old lady with a tea towel on his head?
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 10, 2021, 02:54:30 PM
no he was a wizzened old man with medals and a zimmerframe

haha, was.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 10, 2021, 05:00:10 PM
The thing is, for most people, she's just a modern icon of saintly kindness, they don't really know who she was or what she did, just that she was some wizzened old lady with a tea towel on her head who was a good person. much like Captain Tom really

Like her death buddy, Princess Di.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 10, 2021, 05:04:28 PM
no he was a wizzened old man with medals and a zimmerframe

haha, was.

He didn't even use a zimmer, he used a Drive DeVilbiss rollator. So the cunt only had to lean forward and away we go, at least with a zimmerframe you had to pick it up and move it and give it some welly. Lazy old cunt.

                      Drive DeVilbiss rollator                                                           Zimmerframe

(https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/ns.drive.prod/products/images/000/000/834/product/Torro_6696.jpg?1516715531)(https://www.dslmobility.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/ZimmerFrameLegs_001.jpg)
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 10, 2021, 05:08:40 PM
Most representations of him don't have the wheels i think

Like her death buddy, Princess Di.
what a tedious old crone she wouldve made
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 10, 2021, 06:13:59 PM
He didn't even use a zimmer, he used a Drive DeVilbiss rollator. So the cunt only had to lean forward and away we go, at least with a zimmerframe you had to pick it up and move it and give it some welly. Lazy old cunt.

                      Drive DeVilbiss rollator                                                           Zimmerframe

(https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/ns.drive.prod/products/images/000/000/834/product/Torro_6696.jpg?1516715531)(https://www.dslmobility.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/ZimmerFrameLegs_001.jpg)

Surprised the company are not flogging Tom branded zimmers and rollers now? Imagine all the young patriots 'swaggering' around town post-lockdown, with their 'crone proppers'.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: Hand Solo on February 10, 2021, 06:17:55 PM
Surprised the company are not flogging Tom branded zimmers and rollers now? Imagine all the young patriots 'swaggering' around town post-lockdown, with their 'crone proppers'.

Hannah must have been approached. Probably asked for a leg-and-an-arm, appendages which their clientele are in short supply of.
Title: Re: Captain Tom Moore
Post by: idunnosomename on February 10, 2021, 11:30:17 PM
wonder if his stroller will be a relic. surely deserves better than Planet Hollywood?

also wonder if he's being interred in Marston Moretaine churchyard, since he fucking lived in the old rectory an all

Quote
He followed other parts of their lives with great enthusiasm too: ‘Grandad always had an eye for the ladies. He flirted, but in a very gentlemanly way,’ smiles Tom. ‘He always wanted to know