Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => Comedy Chat => Topic started by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 05:27:09 PM

Title: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 05:27:09 PM
Does anyone like the final trilogy where everything was retconned and the characters went back to the way they were?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: madhair60 on June 08, 2021, 05:44:44 PM
no-one
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 05:45:51 PM
Good to know lol
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Gulftastic on June 08, 2021, 05:46:37 PM
The last 20 minutes of the final one, where it turned into a drama about Roderny's real Dad was alright.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 08, 2021, 05:47:54 PM
1. Del Boy falls through the bar
2. They drop the chandelier
3. The Trotters all standing in a row wearing shades while 'Livin' La Vida Loca' plays
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 05:49:54 PM
The blow up dolls
Dressed up as Batman and Robin
Them fainting at the auction house
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on June 08, 2021, 05:54:15 PM
Christ, it's great just listing old sitcom moments at each other, isn't it?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 05:55:26 PM
Yeah lol
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 06:13:19 PM
Captain Ted: Don't tell him the name of the rhino movie, Homer
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 06:14:59 PM
Del: Are they a couple of ravers?
Rodney: [recits the entire text of Andrea Chu's Females from memory as Chas n Dave music swells]

Longest episode ever at 32 hours. Directed by him wot done Draughtman's Contract
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 06:22:11 PM
You Plonker
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 06:23:03 PM
GARY
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: imitationleather on June 08, 2021, 06:23:42 PM
The episode where Trigger blew himself up on the Tube was a bit rum.

Peckham doesn't even have an Underground station.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 06:24:41 PM
Remember when Cassandra had so many miscarriages in the same half-hour period she was propelled into orbit? And Rodney had to climb up the pile of fetuses to get her back?

Couldn't stop laughing at that. I don't know where Del Boy gets his ideas from cry emoji
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 06:30:51 PM
During the war
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 06:40:34 PM
Little known fact that Del Boy sings the theme song.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: thr0b on June 08, 2021, 06:43:36 PM
I like the one where Boycie goes to Bulgaria as part of a post-car business scam.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 08, 2021, 06:47:02 PM
Is this the show that ripped off that hilarious Comedy Dining Experience?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Goldentony on June 08, 2021, 07:07:01 PM
THERE IS A FUCKING RHINO LOOSE IN THE CITY
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 07:07:45 PM
I always thought it was Rodney who sang it but was John Sullivan.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 07:09:08 PM
Got some half priced crack pipes, mounds and mounds of carp and tiles, TVs deep fees David Bowie help please, ball gains old change and wuss names and at a bush, some Trev or France-ish drag suits from Russian Shepard's bush bush bush bush bush bush bush bush
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 07:11:05 PM
No Income Tax no VAT
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 07:19:12 PM
Mum always said : make sure you fall through the bar
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 07:21:11 PM
People think it was very foolish for Del Boy to fall through the bar but if you look at it on HD you can see that he's caught sight of large diamond on the floor slightly out of shot and he's only pretending to fall so he can pocket it himself without bringing attention to it. I think this is a very shrewd move on his part and frankly I think the people laughing are the foolish ones.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 07:25:40 PM
I remember what Mum said on her deathbed, she said Del Boy make sure little Rodney gets an emperor burger.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 07:26:41 PM
When mum was on her death bed she'd say : Del boy, she said, one day little Rodney is gonna say "stop hitting me, Del". And she made me promise I wouldn't.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 08, 2021, 07:27:06 PM
Lovely bubbly!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 07:28:27 PM
The best celebrity cameo is the girl who asks Rodney if he likes Bros. Do you recognise her? Bjork that is.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 07:30:15 PM
I'm seeing double here: four Del Boys!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 08, 2021, 07:33:02 PM
Little known fact: Del Boy is actually short for Delicious Boy.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Better Midlands on June 08, 2021, 07:35:43 PM
Trigger had 5 brushes.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 07:38:44 PM
The infamous blood spray effect at the end of A Royal Flush (1986) was in fact an accident, as during production the hose in Nicholas Lyndhurst's costume got a kink in it, so when Del Boy struck him with Trigger's broom, it caused a torrent of realistic viscera to flood over the set and Lyndhurst had to fight to keep himself on his feet. But due to the astonishment the scene got from the cast John Sullivan decided to keep it and it has been a iconic and influential scene in mockney cinema ever since.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 08, 2021, 07:39:12 PM
The Green Green Grass: Only the show Only Fools & Horses could have been.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 08, 2021, 07:41:03 PM
The quick glimpse you get of Cassandra's miscarriage was a chopped up pig's heart they got from a local butcher.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 07:41:18 PM
Rodney and Del you plonkers you have gone to funeral looking like superheroes!

(https://static.wixstatic.com/media/11b622_672e5d76d95849ce84dd4b3e1cd9a180~mv2.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 07:41:50 PM
Did you know that John Sullivan wrote the Eminen song "Rap God"? It was written for Tony Angelino who apparently did it amazingly in character but they had to scrap it when David Jason inexplicably decided to play all his scenes on a moped.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 07:42:58 PM
The quick glimpse you get of Cassandra's miscarriage was a chopped up pig's heart they got from a local butcher.

Didn't like the part when the miscarried child knocks off Rodney's head and they make pencils out of it. Didn't fit the tone of a Christmas special about miscarriages at all.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 08, 2021, 07:43:36 PM
What’s my favourite episode, you ask?

I think I’d have to say, The Story of Only Fools & Horses.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 07:44:38 PM
Its the episode where they divide the flat in half down the middle and Rodney's side doesn't have a toilet.

It's like mum always said on her death bed : Del Boy, she'd say, Rodney can hold a pee for a month.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 07:50:30 PM
Still love this testimonial on Only Fools and Hearses:
Quote
"The funny thing is we don’t even know if Ethel was a fan of Only Fools and Horses."

(https://static.wixstatic.com/media/11b622_addce434b58e43b7915cc6b3df537d87~mv2.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 07:54:36 PM
Luvly Jubbly written on it just in case you don't know.

"Oh that Only Fools and Horses: like off the telly! I've changed my mind, my husband would have loved this burial"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 08, 2021, 07:56:29 PM
Rodney and Del you plonkers you have gone to funeral looking like superheroes!

(https://static.wixstatic.com/media/11b622_672e5d76d95849ce84dd4b3e1cd9a180~mv2.jpg)

#ReleaseTheSullivanCut
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 07:58:33 PM
Is there any way I can become Pope I'd love to be Pope request that in a way they can't legally get out of.

Gentle baroque version of the Only Fools and Horses theme playing in St Peters where catholics come to mourn the pope, who lays in state dressed as Del Boy.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: sutin on June 08, 2021, 08:03:19 PM
A bunch of rodney plonkers the lot of you.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 08, 2021, 08:04:08 PM
What’s my favourite episode, you ask?

I think I’d have to say, The Story of Only Fools & Horses.

Idiot, The Story of Only Fools & Horses isn’t a real Only Fools documentary, It’s a programme featuring John Story, the original choice to play Uncle Grandad. The joke doesn’t work.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 08:05:04 PM
Is there any way I can become Pope I'd love to be Pope request that in a way they can't legally get out of.

Gentle baroque version of the Only Fools and Horses theme playing in St Peters where catholics come to mourn the pope, who lays in state dressed as Del Boy.

"And now a reading from the Holy Bible"

(https://www.delboysonlineshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/300R4VR102.gif)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 08:05:53 PM
When they first broadcast Only Fools and Horses a lot of people were fooled by its realistic presentation into thinking Lennard Pearce was real and the switch boards were flooded with angry parents of traumatised children. The next day the Sun ran a story saying a 13 year old in Hull had leaped to his death from the top of the book case because he thought he saw Lennard Pearce eating a cheeseburger in his dad's armchair. The death was sadly real but the connection between it and Only Fools and Horse was never proven. Other stories about people burning their setees and smashing mirrors are exaggerated, media historians think.

But whatever the truth, now they can only show those episodes with the disclaimer that Lennard Pearce is a work of fiction.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Thosworth on June 08, 2021, 08:06:09 PM
'atta straw' is a type of grass grown in Lombok and made into cheap bags
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 08, 2021, 08:06:30 PM
Idiot, The Story of Only Fools & Horses isn’t a real Only Fools documentary, It’s a programme featuring John Story, the original choice to play Uncle Grandad. The joke doesn’t work.

Or perhaps the joke works on multiple levels; Babkins is such a Luddite that he picks a “best of” documentary, rather than a real episode, and the one he picks isn’t even a documentary about Only Fools & Horses either.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 08:17:36 PM
What if I have got the aids?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 08:19:58 PM
Now Rodders, that story about your mum on her death bed isn't true.
But what it tells us about how much you're being a ruddy plonker is.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 08:22:44 PM
Mum must have been on her deathbed for months to say all that.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 08:26:46 PM
Her death bed had Luvly Jubbly written on it.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 08:28:11 PM
Hello Dave
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 08:34:07 PM
Don't tell him your name, Dave.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 08:35:04 PM
All the boys remember Marlene
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on June 08, 2021, 08:40:57 PM
All the boys remember Marlene

I preferred her on " End Of Part One ", showed off her range there, from ditsy  " Dr. Who " assistant to Clive Jenkins, with a passable  Esther Rantzen en route.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 08, 2021, 08:52:31 PM
They're all dead, Rodney. Everybody's dead, Rodney.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 08, 2021, 08:55:40 PM
I declare this thread to be the wittiest jape of the season!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 08:55:56 PM
Last month the notorious war, World War II, was blasted into space to spend the rest of its duration alone in a prison ship. But unfortunately a small old man with a big bushy beard was trapped alone with the conflict. A spokesman for NASA said : this is the one thing we didn't want to happen.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 08, 2021, 09:04:00 PM
Rodney, Del and Uncle bombing down Peckham in a bathtub.

LOOK OUT CASSANDRA THIS FING AINT GOT NO BRAAAAAAKES
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 08, 2021, 09:07:58 PM
Rodney you arsehole!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 09:11:11 PM
I was 'aving a miscarriage the other day and my wife Dolly came in and I only 'ad to fuckin' eat it. Cunt.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 09:11:29 PM
Damn it Dave
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 08, 2021, 09:13:15 PM
Rodders: It wasn't him, Del, it was you. Remember that night in the Nags Head  you came down to my dressing room and you said, "Kid, this ain't your night. We're going for the price on Trigger." You remember that? "This ain't your night"! My night! I coulda taken Trigger apart! So what happens? He gets the title shot outdoors on the ballpark and what do I get? A one-way ticket to Plonker-ville! You was my brother, Del, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn't have to take them dives for the short-end money.

Del Boy Trotter Independent Traders: Oh I had some bets down for you. You saw some money.

Rodders: You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a big plonker, which is what I am, let's face it. It was you, Del.

*Chandelier falls down*
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 09:14:29 PM
Your tearing me apart Del
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 09:21:14 PM
Did you you see that TV coverage of the Pope when he was lying in state? The last Pope, you know, John Paul? Lying in state?  Dressed as Del Boy? Didn’t half give me the horn, that. Him lying there. He looked pukka, didn’t he? They put that sheepskin coat on him. That really gave me the horn. I mean, like, I couldn’t prevent myself, you know, having a miscarriage immediately ’cause he looked, he looked luvvery jubly.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: chveik on June 08, 2021, 09:23:35 PM
PICKLE RODNEY
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 08, 2021, 09:27:59 PM
Had the pleasure of meeting Cassandras Miscarriage at a charity do last year. He was surprisingly down to earth and VERY funny.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 08, 2021, 09:28:13 PM
The man from Del Boy, he say "yes"!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 08, 2021, 09:29:09 PM
“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be an independent trader.”

Freeze frame on Rodders as ‘Rags to Riches’ kicks in and title card appears: TROTFELLAS
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 09:37:06 PM
The spinoff we never got Hotrod.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 09:40:48 PM
That's my secret Del : I'm always a plonker.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 09:53:47 PM
I've Leonard Pierced my foot on a spike!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Thosworth on June 08, 2021, 09:55:28 PM
I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: madhair60 on June 08, 2021, 09:57:17 PM
You fucking nonce, Rodney. You reprehensible fucking paedophile
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 08, 2021, 09:57:24 PM
TV Cream Greatest TV Moments #59: Buster Merryfield falling over at the Comedy awards while wiggling his arse at Michael Jackson, machine gunning the audience with blanks (cos he's in the war, during the war, war, lol), and right before he made that hilarious crack (arse), about fisting Norman Tebbit.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: madhair60 on June 08, 2021, 09:58:38 PM
It's beyond pain, Rodney. It's something else. Something better
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 10:01:44 PM
No one is like that in our family.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Kankurette on June 08, 2021, 10:04:32 PM
I think Del Boy is pretty cool guy, eh falls through bars and doesn't afraid of anything.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 10:05:20 PM
David Jason should have a open bar as his gravestone.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 08, 2021, 10:09:07 PM
My pitch for the next series of OFAH, an episode called "Trigger Warning".

I mean, all I have is the title so far. It's about...I dunno...Trigger getting cancelled?

You have to admit though, it's a good title. You HAVE to say that. You have to fucking say that. Right.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 10:10:03 PM
Its about time. He's been deadnaming Rodney the entire time without consequence.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 08, 2021, 10:10:11 PM
Trigger is in heaven with his broom parts.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 08, 2021, 10:11:19 PM
There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep Sea, and music in its roar.
I love not Man the less, but Nature more,
BUSH BUSH BUSH BUSH BUSH BUSH BUSH
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jobotic on June 08, 2021, 10:12:16 PM
Whenever he called Rodney Dave did Trigger smile to himself and go "heh..triggered" when Rodney pulled a face? Then do a crying/laughing face because there weren't emojis then?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 10:14:53 PM
You're right, Trigger is the most evil fictional character.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 08, 2021, 10:15:21 PM
Bracelet says "Wayne Rooney"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: imitationleather on June 08, 2021, 10:17:13 PM
The one where they find a load of women under the floorboards of Trigger's flat.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 08, 2021, 10:18:41 PM
My pitch for the next series of OFAH, an episode called "Trigger Warning".

I mean, all I have is the title so far. It's about...I dunno...Trigger getting cancelled?

You have to admit though, it's a good title. You HAVE to say that. You have to fucking say that. Right.

Alternative titles:
Triggernometry
Dead Trigger Storage
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 10:19:04 PM
The one where they find a load of women under the floorboards of Trigger's flat.

A scene unparalleled in Peckham history.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Thosworth on June 08, 2021, 10:22:27 PM
Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? This is my BROOMSTICK.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 10:23:53 PM
Del starts a podcast.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 10:25:01 PM
Del starts a podcast.

The front room is lit green and orange. "Bisexual lighting, Rodders!" and does a soyface. 
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 10:27:44 PM
Del Boy plays Dark Souls.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 10:29:25 PM
Del Boy buys a Bitcoin.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 10:30:00 PM
Del Boy becomes a coomer and a goon.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 10:30:35 PM
Del sells fake iPads.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 08, 2021, 10:31:34 PM
Del storms the Capitol.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 10:32:09 PM
Del Boy sells pandemic masks.
Del Boy buys a calender for 2021.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 08, 2021, 10:32:49 PM
I know it was divisive but I liked the one where Rodney got bitten by a werewolf, Del got bitten by a vampire and Uncle got shot by a ghost and together they took on the supernatural underworld.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 10:33:54 PM
I don't know where all of the writers of Only Fools and Horses come up with their ideas.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 10:35:03 PM
I don't know where all of the writers of Only Fools and Horses come up with their ideas.

I grew up in Peckham and passenger planes crash into apartment blocks there every night.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 08, 2021, 10:36:20 PM
OnlyFans and putting oversized objects up your arsehole work
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 08, 2021, 10:38:43 PM
What about that episode where Albert smashed up the windows on the bus?

https://youtu.be/LMACpa_oXjk (https://youtu.be/LMACpa_oXjk)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 11:28:56 PM
Rodney gets a monkey.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 08, 2021, 11:32:23 PM
Rodney eats a monkey.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 11:38:13 PM
Mike goes to prison and dies.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 08, 2021, 11:38:35 PM
only fools and coach tours is one of the funniest things Ive seen on the internet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4nZjQLGu94

i suppose i ought to save this in case they delete it really
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Jake Thingray on June 08, 2021, 11:44:15 PM
I don't know where all of the writers of Only Fools and Horses come up with their ideas.

"The writers are so witty. I love all the catchphrases." (http://www.eadt.co.uk/news/are_these_the_best_ever_only_fools_and_horses_moments_as_picked_by_suffolk_superfan_with_biggest_collection_in_britain_1_4533836)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 08, 2021, 11:47:50 PM
only fools and coach tours is one of the funniest things Ive seen on the internet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4nZjQLGu94

i suppose i ought to save this in case they delete it really

I feel like this is the only time this cliché comparison often used on the internet truly, realistically applies, but that was a Tim and Eric sketch. In every aspect.

Fuck me, that was like a nightmare, I had a violent emotional reaction to that. Why did they jet a pair of Spice addicts to play Delrick and Rodders? Why was Trigger in the coach luggage bit? Why was Boycie played by a 15 year old? Why was the narrator? Why?

Y
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 08, 2021, 11:49:24 PM
Quote
His top five include:

1. Heartbreak in Sleepless in Peckham, 2003

“The Christmas special in 2003, called Sleepless in Peckham was a fantastic episode. It was horrendous and so sad, because all the characters fall out with each other. But in the end Rodney gets his little girl, and it’s such a powerful ending to the show.”

The Peckham Noncer.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 11:49:41 PM
Christ the appearance of "Boycie" on the coach!

"A day you'll NEVER forget"
"AAAAAA AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 08, 2021, 11:51:22 PM
I feel like this is the only time this cliché comparison often used on the internet truly, realistically applies, but that was a Tim and Eric sketch. In every aspect.

Fuck me, that was like a nightmare, I had a violent emotional reaction to that. Why did they jet a pair of Spice addicts to play Delrick and Rodders? Why was Trigger in the coach luggage bit? Why was Boycie played by a 15 year old? Why was the narrator? Why?

Y
we had this thread here about the low-quality dinner shows

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,46772.0.html

that one stood out for having the production value on the video to really show up how fucking rubbish it is. it's the meta-quality of it being like a del-boy rip-off project in itself. and just everything about it, especially the green slop on the paper plate, cracks me up
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 08, 2021, 11:52:23 PM
Goes past Tim and Eric into Five Nights At Freddies.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: BJBMK2 on June 09, 2021, 12:24:29 AM
Five Nights At Freddie The Frogs
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Kankurette on June 09, 2021, 02:11:59 AM
Who are we but slaves to the flames, Rodders?
You're right, Trigger is the most evil fictional character.
In the 90s, if a football team had a player who was a bit special, they’d call him Trigger. Dunno what the ‘20s equivalent is.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: msm on June 09, 2021, 04:35:12 AM
 Where's ya broom?

 What fuckin' broom?

 This fuckin' broom
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 09, 2021, 08:56:19 AM
One of these days Rodney we will be Billionaires.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 09, 2021, 09:00:52 AM
"Hey, listen, I want somebody good, and I mean very good, to plant that broom. I don't want my brother coming out of that toilet with just a dustpan in his hands, alright?"

"The broom'll be there."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 09:12:17 AM
Gutted that after 64 episodes over 22 years, we still never found out why only fools and horses work, a la la lala, ala la lalala, ala la lala, ala la lalala (repeat to fade).
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 09, 2021, 09:13:55 AM
Only Fools and Horses special Lasagne.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 09, 2021, 09:31:47 AM
SLATER: Your name will go on ze list

DEL: Don't tell him, Rodney

RODNEY: Captain Del you stupid boy!

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Bad Ambassador on June 09, 2021, 09:53:54 AM
Spinoff plan:

Hair Trigger
in which Trigger opens a hair salon

Series 2: Herr Trigger
in which he swaps places with Goebbels and now Goebbels is the hairdresser.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 09, 2021, 10:12:54 AM
Rodney was originally named because of his massive cock which would get torn off when he goes hang gliding and cause delays on the A44 when it lands on a lorry carrying pianos.

 However, Nicolas Lyndhurst found it hard to act as if he had a massive cock and so the cock torn of in the hang gliding scene was of normal size, making it easier for the storyline where a dog eats it thinking it is a sausage to be plausible.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 11:17:26 AM
If you shift your fingers one key over to the right on a keyboard, Nicholas Lyndhurst's name becomes Movjp;sd :umfjitdy. To the left, it becomes BuxgikA kTBSGYEAR. Makes you think.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 09, 2021, 11:18:57 AM
Down, down, left, left, up, up, right, right while holding L2 + R2 and Rodney gets infinite health.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 09, 2021, 11:23:25 AM
Del drinks Rodders piss.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 09, 2021, 11:27:46 AM
Rodney! You've lost the news!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 11:29:29 AM
One little Rodney, high on astroturf, cried all the dignity out of his brother's body. What a fuckin' disgrace.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 11:35:26 AM
[Last scenes off Akira]

Rodney-Kun!

DEL BOY!!!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: petrilTanaka on June 09, 2021, 11:43:22 AM
if you stick 141BB87C 83D7018F in on the Action Replay it closes the bar flaps and turns all the scenery collisions on

Trigger is still scripted to make a face though
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 11:50:24 AM
[Sitar music] ♬No income tax, no VAT♬
SHAATTTTTT UUUUUPPPPP
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: thr0b on June 09, 2021, 11:59:58 AM
"Del, you can't do that to children!"
"Rodney you twat!"
"Me piles have burst Deeel!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 12:02:40 PM
We can't go to Margate on Shabbos, you tart!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 12:18:04 PM
Who remembers Elton John performing a special version of Candle In The Wind at the end of Modern Men?

It seemed to me that you lived your life,
Like a foetus in the bin.
No womb lining to cling to,
When the pain set in.
And I would have liked to have known you,
But you never got to be a kid.
Your candle burned out long before
The Reliant Robin's engine did.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 09, 2021, 12:22:15 PM
Briefcase Plonker!!

Peckham market? Completed it mate.

Oooooooh, miscarriage!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: lankyguy95 on June 09, 2021, 01:20:13 PM
The Driscoll Brothers digging up Grandad's corpse and operating it as a ventriloquist dummy in the pub was the point I started to go off the show. Cassandra leading the standing ovation was a real kick in the teeth. She was asking for that miscarriage.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 09, 2021, 01:23:32 PM
Del Boy inducing miscarriages so he can sell the stem cells down the market was a line crossed.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 01:25:29 PM
They're broken stem cells.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 09, 2021, 01:31:11 PM
Stick a pony in me pocket
I'll fetch the foetus from the van
Cause if you want the best 'uns
And you don't ask questions
Then brother I'm your man
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 01:43:36 PM
Rodders, what I am about to give you is the mausoleum of all human hopes and desire: it is excrutiatingly kushti that in the next episode we will use it for a sentimental yet hilarious montage where we achieve our dreams of being millionaires and Uncle Albert sinks a boat.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 09, 2021, 01:51:04 PM
You summoned us. We came. Del Boys to some. Rodneys to others. We’ll tear your guarantees apart.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 01:56:04 PM
My instructor was Mr Sullivan, he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it, I can play it for you.

♬No.... income tax, no.... V...A....T♬
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 02:11:37 PM
Rodney sung the theme tune to Goodnight Sweetheart.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on June 09, 2021, 02:17:52 PM
I love the smell of hooky napalm down the market. Smells like...quick cash-in-hand profit.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 02:19:22 PM
Goodnight Sweetheart was actually made using a real time machine. But it only worked going forward, so Rodney used to have to travel thirty years in the future where technology allowed for an accurate recreation of World War II London.

This is why Nicholas Lyndhurst is aged 61 years between 1990 and 2005.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 02:30:03 PM
Rodney starred with Janet Dibley in The Two Of Us, the ITV sitcom about a co-habiting couple who couldn't be arsed with getting married. The last episode saw Dibley's character Elaine take a pregnancy test, but viewers never got to see the result.

Writer Alex Shearer later revealed that Elaine was, in fact, pregnant and carried the baby for three months before suffering, in inimitable Rodney style, a miscarriage. What a plonker!

Also, Rodney sang the theme tune.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 02:35:46 PM
(http://www.revistacinetica.com.br/img/citizen_kane1.jpg)
"....astro turf...."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 09, 2021, 02:44:18 PM
Shut up, cunt. You louse Rodney. You got some fuckin' neck ain't you. Retired? Fuck off, you're revolting. Look at your skin, it's milk, it's like semolina man, your skin. We could make a fucking breakfast out of you. Like a porridge, thin gruel, lanky bastard. You look like fucking Stephen Merchant, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of Peckham? Cock of the walk? Plonker cunt.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 02:46:47 PM
Rodney sang the theme tune to Count Duckula. In the nude.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 09, 2021, 03:25:33 PM
What if I have got the aids?

Best comment of thread so far.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 05:00:27 PM
They should make a prequel one day. The could call it Only Fools & Horses Babies.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 05:01:42 PM
They should make a prequel one day. The could call it Only Fools & Horses Babies.

Only Fetuses and Horses "This time next trimester Rodders, we'll be miscarried!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 05:07:42 PM
"Del, why am I a tadpole in this? Is it because I'm the son of Freddie "The Frog" Robdall?"

"Don't you worry about that, Rodders. That's for John Sullivan to fret over in great detail, even though nobody's ever given a fuck."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 09, 2021, 05:12:50 PM
The episode where Del created a human centipede from Micky Pearce, Boycie and Trigger and entered it in the Derby was where it really jumped the shark. The actors really had to be sewn together arse to mouth and it was somewhat painful.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 05:13:04 PM
Those are just birth defects from all the menthol cigarettes mum is smoking on her death bed.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 05:19:02 PM
Loved the one where they played five-a-side, Albert in goal being remote controlled by Del and his fake arms.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 05:34:29 PM
Anyone else like the American pilot? The best part is how Del Boy was successful at everything he tried, spoke perfect French and had a completely mature and rich emotional relationship with his brother.

They always know how to slightly tweak a concept to make it work better. Shocked it never got made. I thought Michael Richards was perfect as Granddad.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 05:35:30 PM
You'd barely recognise Dana Carvey as Boycie with all those animatronics.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: DoesNotFollow on June 09, 2021, 05:54:30 PM
Been re-watching a bit of OFaH recently after catching some on GOLD the other week.


My favourite character is probably Del Boy.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 09, 2021, 06:00:14 PM
Del Boy is great, isn't he? Can you remember any of his catchphrases?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: imitationleather on June 09, 2021, 06:01:14 PM
Del Boy is great, isn't he? Can you remember any of his catchphrases?

"I am not a plonker! I am a free man!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 06:03:46 PM
Del Boy is great, isn't he? Can you remember any of his catchphrases?

"Beamé-moi up, Vic"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 09, 2021, 06:10:18 PM
HOLLAND
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 06:14:13 PM
[ripping open a police woman's top] You stupid woman!

It's all about the delivery for me.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 09, 2021, 06:22:43 PM
Rodney: My cock is about to explode!
Del Boy: You really are a wally.
Uncle Albert: During the war...
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 06:42:29 PM
Kicking Alan Parry Up The Arse
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 06:44:44 PM
Dr. Rodney Trotter: I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us.
[80 foot long replica of Nicholas Lyndhurt's penis drops out of the sky and obliterates Peckham, Trigger does a face]
Dr. Delboy Jubby: Nice thinking you plonky tart!
[Dr. Delboy falls through the bar]
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 09, 2021, 06:46:13 PM
Loved it when Roy Slater was arrested by AC-12. Hastings restraining himself from beating Del Boy to a pulp.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 09, 2021, 06:47:25 PM
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Peckham. I watched Trigger glitter in the dark near the Nag's Head. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. You plonker.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 06:47:42 PM
Slater spin off set during the Troubles was very dark but loved that they got the Ruts do the soundtrack. Unsure about him having a little alien friend that only he could see, though. Ernie Wise's last role fact fans.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 06:56:11 PM
Anyone ever go to the Only Fools & Horses Summer Roadshow? Went to see it in Bournemouth in 1991. Nearly 20,000 people all down on the prom, chanting for Del Boy to push Jimmy Savile through the bar and into the gunge. Didn’t happen though, so poor Simon Parkin ended up getting “barred”. Met Su Pollard and got a free badge as well.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 06:57:30 PM
Rodney's voice over the phone: it wasn't consensual, you were grooming her Del.
Del Boy: I think I'll go with Henry the Eighth
Chris Tarrant: is that your final answer?
[pause]
Congratulations Derek Trotter, that brings you to £200!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 07:01:32 PM
*Fred Flintstone beats on the door* “DELLLLLLLLLLL BOYYYYYYYYY!!!”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 07:02:31 PM
In a Flintstones version of Only Fools and Horses, wouldn't the van just be a rickshaw?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 09, 2021, 07:08:33 PM
Del Boy falls through the bar because Trigger gives him a massive chop to hold, and Barney Rubble carves a face.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 09, 2021, 08:01:56 PM
Del Boy: I'm not getting a Mini Metro, Rodney. I'm not getting a Mini Metro. I'm not getting a Mini Metro.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: petrilTanaka on June 09, 2021, 08:09:41 PM
when Rodney is asked about his favourite Beatles album
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 09, 2021, 08:49:14 PM
Was really sad when Leonard Pierce died after getting decapitated by that helicopter while rescuing two Vietnamese children.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 08:51:15 PM
"They're not shoelaces Rodney! It's called shibari ain't it. Don't be a plonker all your life"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Bernice on June 09, 2021, 08:57:02 PM
They should rename it Only Fools Are Horses, on account of all horses being thick as pigshit.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Better Midlands on June 09, 2021, 08:58:41 PM
Anyone else like the American pilot? The best part is how Del Boy was successful at everything he tried, spoke perfect French and had a completely mature and rich emotional relationship with his brother.

They always know how to slightly tweak a concept to make it work better. Shocked it never got made. I thought Michael Richards was perfect as Granddad.

The One Where Cassandra Has A Miscarriage.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 09, 2021, 09:02:18 PM
If they ever do a film version I'd suggest Ryan Gosling for Rodney, and maybe Danny DeVito for Del.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 09, 2021, 09:03:12 PM
Loved the ep where they drove the Reliant into the desert and cooked all that blue meth. “Science, plonker!”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 09, 2021, 09:06:16 PM
They should rename it Only Fools Are Horses, on account of all horses being thick as pigshit.

And we wonder why more horses don't post on here.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 09:26:10 PM
The One Where Cassandra Has A Miscarriage.

Curb theme.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 09, 2021, 09:57:10 PM
If they ever do a film version I'd suggest Ryan Gosling for Rodney, and maybe Danny DeVito for Del.

Already did it.

(https://abload.de/img/twins-1bkkg4.jpg)

The Trotters standing in a line in sunglasses whilst Livin’ La Vida Loca plays.

(https://abload.de/img/r56562eb4cb62b574f769gkjag.jpg)

“Holding back the yeeeeeears.”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 09, 2021, 10:14:11 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/JXrcFCs.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 09, 2021, 11:02:34 PM
Already did it.

(https://abload.de/img/twins-1bkkg4.jpg)

The Trotters standing in a line in sunglasses whilst Livin’ La Vida Loca plays.

(https://abload.de/img/r56562eb4cb62b574f769gkjag.jpg)

“Holding back the yeeeeeears.”

Junior is usually listed as one of the worst comedies ever, because it unexpectedly ends with a miscarriage scene 20 minutes in. Danny Devito yells "you've only gone and done a bleedin' miscarriage ain't cha? You plonker!" off screen and cut to credits.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Bad Ambassador on June 10, 2021, 12:07:10 AM
Remember when Mickey Pearce hijacked Thunderbird 3 and flew it into Jupiter's great red anus?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 10, 2021, 12:20:29 PM
Michaels Richards added the N-word to all his dialogue as Granddad.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 10, 2021, 08:20:51 PM
Inanimate carbon Rodney
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 10, 2021, 08:26:16 PM
Granddad Simpson
Mickey Pearce the Clown
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 10, 2021, 08:26:27 PM
One of the all time finales, you have to hand it to Sullivan.

Del: “What year is this?”
Rodney screams.
Cut to black.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 10, 2021, 08:36:31 PM
I preferred the earlier finale.


Cassandra: I'll see you again in five years. Meanwhile...

🎵 She's into superstitions, black cats and voodoo dolls 🎵
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on June 10, 2021, 09:00:43 PM
The Boy Del through the bar fell felt not well
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 10, 2021, 09:05:17 PM
I liked the one where Del went to Raquel’s new job to surprise her but ended up crawling through vents in his vest shooting armed thieves all night.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 10, 2021, 09:15:58 PM
Was great when Uncle Albert fucked all those French women and had loads of kids with beards.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 10, 2021, 09:22:50 PM
Rodney: You tore that man's arm off
Del: So? He had a spare
Rodney: Honestly Del Boy
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 10, 2021, 09:38:03 PM
Del Boy [Normandy 1944] : mon dieu!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 10, 2021, 10:10:20 PM
Rodney you plonker you were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 10, 2021, 10:39:31 PM
Frankly my Boycie I couldn't give an Emperor Burger
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 10, 2021, 11:14:33 PM
Who else remembers the awful charity single when the BBC cancelled the show in between Series 5 and 6?

    Twenty-six months is too long to wait,
    Bring back Del Boy don't hesitate.

It was a cold wet night in September
Five years ago,
There was a three wheeled van in a courtyard
We didn't know where it would go,
An old man and two dealers
Into the marketplace,
It started off a legend
That no other could replace.

    Del Boy in distress,
    Let's all answer his S.O.S.,
    Del Boy in distress,
    Bring him back now, we won't take less.

They sold lots of housewares
Quality never first-rate,
For each of these siblings
Wanted a nil tax rate,
They had many shenanigans
At the Nags Head they drank alcohol,
Chandeliers clear as ice
Grandad didn't know that it would fall.

    Bring him back now, we won't take less,
    If we stop his tradings, he'll be in a mess,
    The market will fall to upheaval once more,
    With nightmarish mobsters fighting a price war.

We've learned to accept two brothers
With millions in their sight,
Then they were faced with Trigger
Del Boy flew a really big kite,
During the war and an engine for a lawn mower
And a daddy Trotter,
That screaming girl Rodney groped
The model of an entrepreneur.

    Del Boy in distress,
    Let's all answer his S.O.S.,
    Del Boy in distress,
    Bring him back now, we won't take less.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 10, 2021, 11:16:12 PM
Rodney uses the time wand to turn Pete into a t-rex which does a big poo on Del-Boy
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 10, 2021, 11:20:58 PM
You've turned Denzil's dead canary into a dinosaur you plonker
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 10, 2021, 11:32:15 PM
GRANDAD: Mm-hmm! This is a tasty burger! Del Boy! You ever had an Emperor burger?
[DEL BOY shakes his head]
GRANDAD: Want a bite? They're real tasty.
DEL BOY: Ain't hungry.
GRANDAD: Well, if you like burgers, give them a try sometime. Me, I can't usually get them 'cause my grandson Rodney’s a plonker, which pretty much makes me a plonker. I do love the taste of an Emperor burger. Mmm.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 10, 2021, 11:52:02 PM
Uncle Albert, your dick fucking stinks. Boycie, have you got a whiff of Albert's dick? It fucking stinks. Go and live out on the balcony, you stinky-dicked old cunt. Micky Pearce, have you wrapped your hooter round that? It's Albert's dick. Fucking stinks, dunnit?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 12:12:53 AM
Granddad : This emperor burger is quite similar to a cheeseburger
Del Boy: Its an old Trotter recipe, ain't they? Just like mum made on her deathbed
Granddad : and its called an emperor burger even though its got cheese in it?
Del Boy : Yes. It's what we've always called them in Peckham you dozy old git!
Granddad : I've lived here all my life and I never heard it.
Del Boy : Shut up you tart!
Granddad : Good lord whats happening in the kitchen, Del Boy?
Del Boy : oh for...its a plane gonna crash ain't it?
Granddad : A plane crashing into an apartment block? In a traditional three wall sitcom? A gritty and realistic comedy about two market traders in Peckham? At 8pm on BBC1?
Del Boy : yes
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 12:16:28 AM
Those final specials when Rodney goes back in time and fucks his mum are weird.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 12:17:24 AM
Those final specials when Rodney goes back in time and fucks his mum is weird.

Really hated the close up of his knob coming out of the magical time portal and interferring with his own birth. Felt tonally off.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 12:23:46 AM
Fun fact: though never mentioned on screen, creator and singer of the theme tune Nicholas Lyndhurst confirmed they call him Boycie because he is a boy, see?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 12:30:12 AM
I would have to say that my favourite episode is Series 4 Episode 8. (https://onlyfoolsandhorses.fandom.com/wiki/Radio_Times)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 12:31:36 AM
Mickey Pearce is called that because of something bad he used to do at Disneyland.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 11, 2021, 12:39:03 AM
It's too silly for this thread but imagine if they did one where David Beckham turned up and fell through the market stall.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 12:42:14 AM
Del goes on Dragons Den. After hearing some harsh criticism from Duncan Valentine, Del went in for a punch and accidentally hit Deborah Meaden after tripping on one of the sandbags he'd used to test the crash helmet. Thankfully he was able to patch things up with her without going to court by selling her a box of top-end lingerie that he had in the back of the Van.

Del decides to take a leaf out of Rodney's book and begin painting, which he would do on the balcony because the paint fumes would cause Raquel to take a funny turn. For Christmas 2014 he presented Rodney with a portrait of him that he had made as a gift. Rodney was so happy with it made him feel nauseous, which, for an artist, Del believed was the highest form of praise you can receive. However, on the way home the painting fell out of the boot and was mangled by a council gritter, but Del felt reassured that he could always paint them another one.

The transition to retired life wasn't easy for Del, he tried out amateur dramatics with Raquel to spend more time with her, but she wouldn't let him. Rodney suggested he make a bucket list, which Del misinterpreted as a literal list of buckets he owns.

These are all real. From Del Boy's "autobiography"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 12:47:15 AM
Del Boy auditions for Corporal Jones and Father Ted and gets them both, because they were written specifically for him.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 11, 2021, 01:44:49 AM
only fools and horses

nag's head

trigger's broom

pony in me pocket

del boy fucks a horse up its bum
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 02:22:41 AM
rodney: you can't have sex with a horse, del! its against the law and everyfing
del boy [fucking a horse]: don't be a plonker all your life, rodney!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Gurke and Hare on June 11, 2021, 09:42:37 AM
Do you remember the episode where Del Boy found a spaghetti tree in the allotment and started the Peckham Spaghetti Company?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Bad Ambassador on June 11, 2021, 09:51:47 AM
I would have to say that my favourite episode is Series 4 Episode 8. (https://onlyfoolsandhorses.fandom.com/wiki/Radio_Times)

If you click on the List of Episode link, it takes you to a page for an obscure character from Rock and Chips.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: petrilTanaka on June 11, 2021, 09:56:25 AM
when Del closed the bureau for an hour
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on June 11, 2021, 10:22:04 AM
Del Boyyyyy
I gotta get runnin now
Del Boyyyyy
Keep my lip buttoned down
Del Boyyyyy
Carry miscarriage out
Del Boyyyyy
It's not a Reliant actually, it's a Regal
You know how I feel
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 11, 2021, 10:59:48 AM
Del Boy: I've got this cushty idea for a movie, it's called There's a Rhino Loose in the Flat And It's Fucking Uncle Albert to Death.

Del Boy (eye pushed into the camera's viewfinder, laughing really hard, but not hard enough to drown out Albert's horrifying death-screams): Lovely jubbly!

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on June 11, 2021, 11:07:20 AM
How about that episode in New York, where the World Trade Centre tower fell through the bar?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 11:24:47 AM
Del Boy auditions for Corporal Jones and Father Ted and gets them both, because they were written specifically for him.

Father Jack, played by Lennard Pearce, forced to give up Emperor burgers for lent.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 11:27:04 AM
Father Jack II, played by Buster Merryfield, forced to give up drinking Cassandra's piss for lent.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 11:28:09 AM
Father Dougal, played by Nicholas Lyndhurst, forced to give up accidentally putting on the wrong coat for lent.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 11:33:49 AM
Father Ted forced to give up grabbing hold of Dougal and shouting "Turn it off!" because a jumbo jet has been directed straight at the parochial house by stolen Russian satellite dishes for lent.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 11:34:29 AM
Cassandra forced to give up having miscarriages for lent.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 12:18:58 PM
Ted: There's that Gwyneth Strong who plays Cassandra off Only Fools and Horses
Dougal: So it is Ted
Ted [stifling laughter]: You know what she'd love? If someone walked right up to her and shouted her catchphrase
Dougal: Yeah Ted, she'd love it. Definitely do that. I'm a million percent sure.
Ted: OK! Come on.
[a minute later]
Ted: RODNEY, I'VE LOST OUR BABY!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 11, 2021, 12:32:35 PM
I've lost our baby I've lost our baby
I've lost our baby on my own
I've lost our baby I've lost our baby
Our baby and me mobile phone
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 12:36:15 PM
Anybody fancy a match of the Only Fools and Horses game? I have it on PC but I think it has crossplay with consoles.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 11, 2021, 12:37:36 PM
Only if i can play as the horses
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 12:42:58 PM
They nerfed Rodney again. He only gets one GCE bonus from an astro turf buff.

I'm a Mike main now.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 12:46:51 PM
Nothing worse than getting teabagged by some griefer playing as Corinne.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 12:51:04 PM
Online the gamers call me "Denzel's radio" because it takes the whole team to carry me.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 11, 2021, 12:57:44 PM
Not until they fix the bug where Mickey Pearce comes out of the screen and attacks you and smashes up your living room.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 01:01:23 PM
Failed the quicktime even and Del Boy got a concussion from the bar.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 01:07:42 PM
I love watching OFAH speedruns. Someone used a clipping bug to let Del see the briefcase combinations in the first episode and they're already millionaires by the second episode so you get to see a fist fight between Uncle Albert and Granddad in the fallout shelter.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 02:15:57 PM
Don't like those speedruns as the time streams go all out of sync and Raquel ends up shagging Damien when he's 8 instead of waiting 'til he's an adult like a good mother should.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 02:52:24 PM
Graham Norton riverdancing in the back of the Reliant until it falls over.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: petrilTanaka on June 11, 2021, 02:59:58 PM
when Del would go on about how he left his wife for having sly love with a midnight creeper
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 03:04:02 PM
[Over Frankie Teardrop] Ohh...Del Boy, Del Boy
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 11, 2021, 03:05:32 PM
rodney: you can't have sex with a horse, del! its against the law and everyfing
del boy [fucking a horse]: don't be a plonker all your life, rodney!

Remember when they changed the lyrics for that episode

Quote
Stick it in a pony's pocket
Yes, insert your glans
Cos if you want the best uns
But don't want questions
Then brother, I'm your man
Where it all comes from is a mystery
Like Del Boy's love for bestiality
But here's the one that's driving me beserk
Why do horses love to twerk?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 03:07:19 PM
♬Let's watch Equus and have a stroooooke...♬
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 03:59:17 PM
After being called a fuckboy by a woman with a lisp, Del Boy becomes convinced that it is French for "entrepeneur" and puts it on all his stationary and business cards. He gets thrown out of the registry office for angrily insisting he is entitled to a family crest with the motto "Je est ein Fuckboy". Meanwhile there is hilarity afoot in Nelson Mandela House when Rodney gets run over by a bus.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 04:44:13 PM
David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst actually acted out all of the scenes for the animators to copy in order to make the animated version of Only Fools and Horses more accurate.

Roger Lloyd Pack refused to take part because he was dead.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 04:52:16 PM
Little Easter egg for OFAH fans in Doctor Who. When the army of Cybermen invade Earth in the episode "Army of Ghosts, if you look carefully you can see they are all carrying brooms, a nod to Roger Lloyd Pack who played their creator, John Trigger.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 05:22:34 PM
Anybody catch the CaB reference in the latest series?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 05:24:33 PM
Subtle reference for OFAH fans in Titanic: the giant letters on the side of the boat read TROTTERS INDEPENDENT TRADING, the name of the company Del Boy and Rodney run.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 05:27:49 PM
Anybody catch the CaB reference in the latest series?

"Rodney, I've lost our baby."

A devastated Rodney turns to the camera and says through tears, "I bet they're loving this on the Cook'd and Bomb'd forum."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 06:35:44 PM
"And you wonder why more fetuses don't post in your womb, Cassandra"

Tasteless. I hope he was IP banned from the hospital.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 11, 2021, 06:40:52 PM
Did you know: Uncle Albert was one of the original members of Aldo Ray’s Inglourious Basterds during the war, but was booted out for extreme sadism (and the rest of those fucks carved swastikas into foreheads so you can only imagine).
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 06:46:50 PM
In the dead of night, Albert descended on the peaceful French village, St. Claire a la Chappelle, rounded up all the children and carved big white beards into their faces whilst their parents looked on, sobbing.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 11, 2021, 06:49:50 PM
Leonard Pearce
Mickey Pearce
Guy Pearce

Makes you think.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 11, 2021, 06:54:29 PM
I like the one where Del is assimilated by the Borg and becomes Mandelus of Borg and tries to enter Rodney from behind.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 06:56:16 PM
Just finished the classic Monorail episode. Love it when Rodney anchors the monorail to a huge Emperor Burger after Del's hooky brakes stop working.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 11, 2021, 07:07:20 PM
I like the one where Rodney finds that plant from outer space and it grows into Cassandra II and eats Granddad’s head. Such a plonker move!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 07:13:53 PM
Who can forget Boycie's famous dance (https://youtu.be/kqClJvLFKiY?t=40)!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 11, 2021, 07:18:15 PM
Rodney to Del Boy: Del, are we the baddies?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 11, 2021, 07:22:33 PM
Just watched a repeat on UKGold. It was the one with Del selling dodgy viagra out of a suitcase and Rodders crying because his dick won't go down. Del pokes it with a knitting needle, as blood spurts out like cowboys drinking out of a cactus, but in the end they have to get some football hooligans round to jump up and down on it. "Rodney, you are a right plonker!" says Del, puffing on a cigar while Raquel's on her hands and knees trying to get Rodders mashed up dick-meat out of the carpet.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 07:33:14 PM
I like the one where Del is assimilated by the Borg and becomes Mandelus of Borg and tries to enter Rodney from behind.

Really terrifying when Uncle Albert tries to go downstairs but falls 30 feet to his death because unbeknownst to him Del Boy ordered a saucer seperation of Nelson Mandela House.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 07:34:21 PM
Q [appearing naked behind Del Boy in bed] : Bon Matin, mon cher Del Boy.

Best cold open ever.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 07:40:59 PM
Anybody know why Sid replaced Guinan in Ten Forward?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 11, 2021, 07:42:17 PM
Who remembers this classic moment?
(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/niuRWJgiv7o/maxresdefault.jpg)
"I call the big one Denzil."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 07:44:00 PM

"I call the big one Denzil."

Ahem (https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,87506.msg4579307.html#msg4579307)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 07:44:07 PM
Del Boy waltzing on to the bridge of the enterprise, going " 'ere move over love" to Troy and forcing himself into the same chair as her and asking Picard if dilithium crystals "are those wot change colour when a tarts got a mood on" and telling him he's got two cases in a lock up back in Peckham if they can give him a lift home. Del Boy tries to stuff a pony into Picards top pocket, but as he doesn't have one, he just rubs his nipples instead, sending powerful erotic waves into Troy's mind making her insist that Picard does everything Del Boy says. Picard ends up having to sell Data to a cash converters just to recoup his loses.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 11, 2021, 07:51:14 PM
Ahem (https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,87506.msg4579307.html#msg4579307)
Ah, my classic Mandela House effect..
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 07:51:34 PM
Only Fools and Horses is just one of Reg Barkley's holodeck fantasies. He's Boycie and very into cuckolding.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 11, 2021, 07:51:50 PM
“Watch out for the Shaq Attack!”

*throws ball hard at Cassandra’s belly*

“I told you to watch out.”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 07:54:56 PM
I have genuine rage at the miscarriage episode.

27th of December! The audience reaction to Del punching a man in a hospital. Turban jokes!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 07:55:18 PM
Rodney: Del, those hooky lawn mowers you sold to the council?
Del Boy: Yes, Rodders?
Rodney: Do they catch the grass after they cut it or do they just leave it behind?
Del Boy: Does it matter, Rodders? You would have to be a complete plonker to complain about grass being left behind!

(https://i.imgur.com/qGg2JZF.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 07:59:42 PM
Geordi and Data doing A Touch Of Glass as part of their tour of classical literature.

Picard walks in right under the chandelier and they have to take him to sick bay dressed as Del Boy and Rodney.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 11, 2021, 08:07:21 PM
Del buying a job lot of Tribbles which soon completely take over the flat, and the only way to hide them before Raquel comes round is to push the lot right up Uncle Albert's arse. In the end, they start poking them in with Trigger's broom, with Del kicking it as hard as he can to get them all up. A few years later, Albert trips up the stairs at the comedy awards, and the shock incites every last one of them to suddenly come pouring out of his anus, knocking over the drinks of the May to December table near the front.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 11, 2021, 08:10:06 PM
Who can forget the one where Del Boy woos that widow to find her outlaw husband’s loot and then spends days hunting her children across West Virginia. Best Christmas special ever.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 11, 2021, 08:12:37 PM
The trouble with Trotters
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 08:13:33 PM
Geordi does a shift of 70 hours straight and with all the pressure he's under he momentarily forgets he's not playing Del Boy on the Holodeck. He approaches the real Leah Brahms "alright sweetheart, get 'em out!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 11, 2021, 08:18:02 PM
Del Boy and Rodney realise they are in the Windows 95 version of the Matrix. They opt to stay there after Morqueus tells them there are no brown ales outside of the Matrix.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 08:19:49 PM
for me Del Boy and the cop he thinks is a stripper ranks pretty high on the list of things seen as a kid that made you think "this ain't right"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 11, 2021, 09:54:52 PM
Bit creepy when Rodney had to pretend to be a 14-year-old girl and go to an all-girl's school for a year after Del submitted his painting to a competition but Rodney's name was smudged so it looked like it was René.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Jockice on June 11, 2021, 10:13:44 PM
only fools and coach tours is one of the funniest things Ive seen on the internet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4nZjQLGu94

i suppose i ought to save this in case they delete it really

I like the way the coach blows up at the end.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 11, 2021, 10:18:51 PM
Best part of the Jolly Boys Outing is when Rodney eats a curry on the coach thats so hot he instantly has explosive diarrhea and just keeps shitting and shitting. Everyone tries to rush off the bus but all the doors are locked and Rodney's still blowing arse water at full pressure so they start panicking and realise they can't smash any of the windows either. Boycie has a gun but only one bullet which he saves for himself. The last thing you hear is "Rodney you Pl-bllhprghgalarghgarble" as they all drown in a sealed container of bum juice. Excellent mournful version of the credits music sung by Tom Waits at the end.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on June 12, 2021, 07:51:43 AM
When Rodders was radicalised by Mickey Pierce into joining the NF and they try to curry favour by organising a Klan style rally outside Denzil's house but nobody turns up except them, and Del swans past in the Reliant Regal and yells 'I told you not use the phrase "curry favour" with them skinhead lads youuu WALLY' and that iconic drum intro kicks in
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on June 12, 2021, 09:17:31 AM
The one where Rodney accidentally bums Trigger, so Uncle Albert has to get Cassandra pregnant instead.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: The Mollusk on June 12, 2021, 10:30:45 AM
Remember the one where Rodney crashes his moped on Peckham Rye and when he wakes up he’s in a government facility with scientists trying to harness his newfound telekinetic powers? All the way through there’s talk of this character GRANDADKIRA who was the original vessel for all this stuff but at the end you discover all that remains of him are a load of cut crystal chandelier beads containing his source codes and DNA.

Meanwhile Del Boy is tear-arsing it round London in his souped-up bright red Reliant Robin trying to figure out what the bleeding hell is going on, but by the time he finds Rodney at West Ham Olympic Stadium it’s too late. Rodney has begun to merge with the infinite and cannot control his growth. He has become engorged and swollen thousands of times his original size and is a grotesque monstrous abomination. Cassandra tries to flee but tendrils of the giant Rodney ensnare her and suck her into his mass. She struggles but cannot escape, and she is crushed to a pulp, as is her unborn child.

I’ll never forget this classic exchange when Del and Rodney are squabbling in the stadium:

Del Boy: “Rodders look what you’ve bleedin done you wally! Your arm looks like that box of dodgy electric tie racks after Albert dropped it down the stairs! Get down from that pile of rubble before you really make a tit of yourself!”
 
Rodney: “You’ve been telling me what to do since we were bladdy kids! Well I ain’t a kid no more Del!!”

And then Rodney’s arm launches out 300ft long and obliterates a nearby Trigger who innocently thought they were going to the stadium to see Live Aid.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: non capisco on June 12, 2021, 01:42:27 PM
My favourite episode is that weird one that I saw when I woke up in front of the telly on 7th September 1984 at 3am and it was just ten minutes of Uncle Albert peeking out of a well. Then my phone rang and it was Mickey Pearce telling me I only had a week left on my tax disc.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 12, 2021, 03:05:10 PM
Remember that one where Del had an acute nervous breakdown and tried to fuck a stolen Betamax recorder? Lol.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 12, 2021, 05:00:52 PM
Remember when Del spent all that time in the Peckham Travel Tavern? My favourite line?

"I have to say 'The Best of Monkey Harris'"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: H-O-W-L on June 12, 2021, 05:10:37 PM
Remember the one where Del tried to manipulate the Lodge and collapsed all known realities?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 12, 2021, 05:12:01 PM
The episode where Boycie and Marlene ate the same plate of spaghetti while fingering each other was a classic.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 12, 2021, 05:16:20 PM
There's Rodney... Dave! ...Dave! ...Dave!  ...Dave! ...Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! DAVE! DAVE! DAVE! No, he's not seen me, I'll get him later. DAAAAAVE!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 12, 2021, 05:37:12 PM
Shat me right up when Del Boy went to sleep that time and the nonce Mickey Pearce who they’d burned to death years ago killed him in his dreams.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 12, 2021, 06:52:40 PM
I liked it when Bill Nye the Science Guy appeared as himself and explained to the Trotters how the seasons change and why there are tides in the sea.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 12, 2021, 06:59:51 PM
Remember when Del Boy had that old watch in his garage and it went to auction and sold for millions, and Del Boy fainted, and then they had all that money and that gang broke in to their house and cut off every one of Rodney's fingers until they gave up the cash and valuables and then they slit Uncle Albert's throat as a warning not to go to the police.
Triffic.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on June 12, 2021, 07:17:01 PM
That was same one where Uncle Albert pours coffee on everyone's dinner instead of gravy and Del goes "You fucking idiot Albert, you total fucking idiot, that was your job you fucking moron! You cretin! You're a fuckhead! A complete and total fuckhead!" And then Raquel's dad tells Del to put a muzzle on his woman. Really lovely memories
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 12, 2021, 07:21:44 PM
That was same one where Uncle Albert pours coffee on everyone's dinner instead of gravy and Del goes "You fucking idiot Albert, you total fucking idiot, that was your job you fucking moron! You cretin! You're a fuckhead! A complete and total fuckhead!" And then Raquel's dad tells Del to put a muzzle on his woman. Really lovely memories
Yes! Mike from the Nag's Head shot Trigger in the foot. Later in Trigger said, "Go fuck yourself, Mike" and Mike shot him dead.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 12, 2021, 07:27:36 PM
Albert sobbing and panicking and begging for help when he goes for a shit and all his organs fall out of his arse.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 12, 2021, 07:38:54 PM
It was clear that they were running out of ideas when the tram hit the Nag's Head.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 12, 2021, 07:43:15 PM
The episode where they sold the job lot of faulty bear traps and they get used as toilet seats down the Nags Head was a shark jumping moment for me.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 12, 2021, 07:48:33 PM
Rodney: Del, we're never going to sell those CDs you bought
Del Boy: I thought you said rock music was still popular
Rodney: But Del these are all Lostprophets CDs
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 12, 2021, 07:57:56 PM
Uncle Albert's famous speech:
"During the war, I’ve seen horrors… horrors that you’ve seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me, Del. You have a right to do that… but you have no right to judge me. It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face like Cassandra's… and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies. I remember when I was with the Navy, during the war. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into Nelson Mandela house to inoculate the children. We left the flats after we had inoculated the children for Polio, and Mickey Pearce came running after us and he was crying. He couldn’t see. We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember… I… I… I cried. I wept like some right plonker. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized… like I was shot… like I was shot with a diamond… a diamond bullet right through my forehead. It was like falling into the loading bay of a pub. And I thought: My God… the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters. These were men… trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love… but they had the strength… the strength… to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral… and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling… without passion… without judgment… without judgment. Because it’s judgment that defeats us. So make us a fry up, Rodney."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 12, 2021, 09:44:38 PM
(https://miro.medium.com/max/1200/0*sJAxOq9TLSnwq0Hu.jpeg)
"What do you prefer: grass or astroturf?"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on June 12, 2021, 09:53:32 PM
That one where Rodders brutally rapes, beats then tortures that gangster to try and get some info that could make a fortune for Del Boy is a bit much.  I like the end, though.

Gangster: No more!  I give in!  I'll tell you everything!  (Del Boy comes in)

Rodney: He's agreed to tell us (captive collapses)

Del Boy checks pulse of captive, then his open and unblinking eyes, then turns to Rodders.

Del Boy (in total exasperation) Rodders!  You ruddy great plon-keeerrrrr!'
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 12, 2021, 10:07:03 PM
I have an official script.

                              Del Boy
                 "Like a Virgin" is all about a
                 girl who digs a guy with a big
                 dick.  The whole song is a
                 metaphor for big dicks.

                              Rodney
                 No it's not.  It's about a girl
                 who is very vulnerable and she's
                 been fucked over a few times.
                 Then she meets some guy who's
                 really sensitive--

                              Del Boy
                 --Whoa...whoa...time out Greenbay.
                 Tell that bullshit to the
                 tourists.

                              Grandad
                         (looking through his
                          address book)
                 Toby...who the fuck is Toby?
                 Toby...Toby...think...think...
                 think...

                              Del Boy
                 It's not about a nice girl who
                 meets a sensitive boy.  Now
                 granted that's what "True Blue" is
                 about, no argument about that.

                              Cassandra
                 Which one is "True Blue?"

                              Trigger
                 You don't remember "True Blue?"
                 That was a big ass hit for
                 Madonna.  Shit, I don't even
                 follow this Tops In Pops shit, and
                 I've at least heard of "True
                 Blue."

                              Cassandra
                 Look, asshole, I didn't say I
                 ain't heard of it.  All I asked
                 was how does it go?  Excuse me
                 for not being the world's biggest
                 Madonna fan.

                              Denzil
                 I hate Madonna.

                              Rodney
                 I like her early stuff.  You know,
                 "Lucky Star," "Borderline" - but
                 once she got into her "Papa Don't
                 Preach" phase, I don't know, I
                 tuned out.

                              Del Boy
                 Hey, fuck all that, I'm
                 making a point here.  You're gonna
                 make me lose my train
                 of thought.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 12, 2021, 10:16:03 PM
New series starts next Tuesday. 8.30 on BBC One.

The latest trailer is hilarious. Uncle Albert has been recast and has come back from the dead as a zombie. "During the afterlife" is definitely going to be the catchphrase of the new series.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 12, 2021, 10:23:45 PM
Didn’t care for the one where Albert quantum leapt into the body of his younger self and accidentally fucked Hitler. At least it shut him up talking about the war though.[1]
 1. As Hitler’s Albert-fucked vigour led to Nazi global domination.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: petrilTanaka on June 12, 2021, 10:55:10 PM
the one about the Oil
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 13, 2021, 12:33:26 AM
Remember when Rodney spent all night writing grimdark synopsis for fake episodes of a sitcom on his comedy messageboard and woke up the next morning look like a Dark Souls mook and had to invent an excuse about staying up on the computer all night because he was on his second warning from Cassandra for that shit.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on June 13, 2021, 12:43:50 AM
(https://giftsfromwales.net/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/1800x/040ec09b1e35df139433887a97daa66f/d/e/del-boy-bar-badge.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 13, 2021, 12:50:58 AM
(https://giftsfromwales.net/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/1800x/040ec09b1e35df139433887a97daa66f/d/e/del-boy-bar-badge.jpg)

Alt right iconography is getting more cryptic all the time.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 13, 2021, 01:14:15 AM
my favourite ep was when Del tried to flog fursuits, but Rodney got stuck inside one at a con and ended up in a scat party

"Del! the head won't come off!"

don't be a plonker Rodney! you make such a dashing fox: I'm sure you can make any 'ed cum!

"OH VERY FUNNY DEL. I'M SWEATING LIKE AN ARSEHOLE IN THIS CUNT"

Language Rodders! There's cubs present!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 13, 2021, 05:29:42 AM
Del Boy falls through the event horizon.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 13, 2021, 12:01:20 PM
Remember the episode where they dressed up as Batman and Robin?

Quote
Del Boy strides towards the rising steam-obscured pedestal
which bears the sleek, redesigned Batmobile.

Rodney appears in the door of his costume vault, dressed in
the black and red of his Nightwing costume.

Two dark avengers stand suited, ready to take back the night.

      Del Boy
   Nice suit. Custhy. And today you are?

      Rodney
   Nightwing.  Scourge of darkest evil.

      Del Boy
   This is all about fashion for you, isn't it?

      Rodney
   It's the gear.  Chicks love the gear.

Uncle Albert steps forward, out of the shadows.

      Uncle Albert
   Do call if you're going to be late for dinner, lads.

With Boycie as Mr Frigid Dick and Cassandra as Batgirl.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 13, 2021, 12:08:24 PM
Del Boy setting up a suitcase in the market, but when he opens it, grandad's curled up inside, crying because "my willy hurts"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 13, 2021, 01:06:12 PM
https://youtu.be/EPx0NDdzTtY?t=109

"All the way from Wales"
"GARY GARY GARY"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 13, 2021, 01:20:01 PM
GARY AN SALLY EYYY

HULL!!! OI OI!

AHHH MICKAY LAWNMOWAH. BOYCIE. LAAAHVLEY.

Fucking misery.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 13, 2021, 04:01:37 PM
Now you too can have a shit whist Del, Rodders and Grandad watch. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSXw3Cc74HE)

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 13, 2021, 04:09:46 PM
I always keep my display case of memorabilia in the toilet. Unless they've got so much that's the only space.

Wonder how long it will be before they feel the desire to have a shit every time they watch Only Fools and Horses? What if they wanted to have a tommy tank and had to avoid looking at the faces of Del Boy, Rodney and Grandad?

It would be hilarious if the rest of the house had nothing referring to Only Fools and Horses apart from the toilet.

I wonder how much it cost? Imagine looking into the eyes of Del Boy as Batman while you're squeezing out a massive poo. You'd get fed up of it after a while wouldn't you?

It's interesting how it's Only Fools and Horses that becomes an obsession with some people. No toilet done up with Mainwairing and Wilson on the wall watching you shit.

"Now where it all comes from is no mystery
It's from my body and it's poo and wee"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 13, 2021, 04:32:23 PM
Only a matter of time before some deranged Only Fools fan kidnaps somebody called Gary and locks them up in an Only Fools and Horses themed toilet.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: mrClaypole on June 13, 2021, 04:50:11 PM
Now you too can have a shit whist Del, Rodders and Grandad watch. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSXw3Cc74HE)


Nice to see Neil Hannon standing in for Rodders when that Mural was painted.
Obviously he was having a day off consoling Cassandra
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 13, 2021, 08:57:23 PM
Display case parked right in front of Boycie. And quite right too. John Challis may take a shit in front of you, but you may not take a shit in front of John Challis, you filth, you nothing, you fucking worm.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 13, 2021, 09:39:44 PM
Remember the episode that started with two suitcases driving a robin reliant to peckham market, carried Del Boy and Rodney's corpses to a stall and unzipped them, selling watches out of them? Unnerving. Especially with Tears For Fears in the background.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 13, 2021, 09:49:30 PM
Apparently the second episode of the show was a really disturbing one that John Sullivan would never let anybody see. It was called Dead Rodney. Del and Rodders go on a trip to the Algarve but Rodney breaks the window of the plane and gets sucked out. The first half ends with Del and Granddad looking as Rodney's corpse on the ground. A title card says "One Year Later" and Del and Granddad visit Rodney's grave but his corpse is just on top of the grave. Del tells a joke but it isn't audible. The weird thing is that all the graves around the graveyard have the names of guests, writers and main stars along with their birthdates and a date of death. The eerie thing is that all of the dates of death line-up with when all of them have died. There is something odd about all of the dates of death for the ones who haven't died yet... they all have the same date.

Weird that innit? Hopefully it is released on Blu-ray if Only Fools ever gets a release on that.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on June 13, 2021, 10:08:32 PM
Remember how during the first series the they hadn't got the classic theme tune yet and instead the opening titles were them all standing in a row with shades while Livin La Vida Loca plays. The show was about them all as ageing ex-millionaires, and to try and get back on top they appeared on a gameshow that confusingly hadn't been invented yet. It had no centre and the jokes were awful, but then from series two it became a prequel show set in the 80's, which people liked
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utterdrivel on June 14, 2021, 12:03:39 AM
I liked the one where Rodney farted and Mickey Pearce's fucking hat flew off.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 14, 2021, 12:05:56 AM
Anybody hear the rumour that Granddad died and was replaced by a different character? Sounds like nonsense to me.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 14, 2021, 12:24:15 AM
I liked the one where Rodney farted and Mickey Pearce's fucking hat flew off.

Fascinating behind the scenes detail: they got this effect with a 12 bore.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 14, 2021, 08:00:34 AM
Rodney you corrupted ballbag! The chandelier fell on the Queen and now we’re all enemies of the crown!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Bernice on June 14, 2021, 08:07:43 AM
A strange melancholy pervades me to which I hesitate to give the grave and beautiful name of Rodney.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: badaids on June 14, 2021, 08:48:17 AM

My favorite episode is where Del, Rodney and whichever one wasn’t dead watch the whole of an overrated, maudlin and chintzy sitcom about three chiselling crook cunts while a small boy sits on the floor watching along with them in silence because it’s 1987 and there’s nothing else to do, and wondering puzzled at why they are laughing so much at this dross and inwardly hoping there is more to life than this.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 14, 2021, 09:32:05 AM
As Derek Trotter awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into an enormous pair of sunglasses, before his clock radio sprang into life with Livin' la Vida Loca.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 09:33:24 AM
You couldn't make a show like this today as the BBC would insist on replacing Grandad with Grandma and Uncle Albert with Auntie Albert. And Del couldn't say "Paki shop" any more, he'd have to say "Sainsburys Local".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 14, 2021, 11:28:48 AM
Who can possibly forget the ep where Rodney fell foul of some local ne'er-do-wells and they shattered one of his legs but luckily the doctors could install a length of metal alloy plates to restore mobility.

"Guess you really is a Rod-knee now arntcha son?" guffawed Uncle Albert.

"I'LL KILL YOU PISSBEARD!" Rodney roared, and did.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 11:35:04 AM
Everyone seems to think Livin' La Vida Loca was sung by Ricky Martin, but it was actually performed by John Sullivan.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Better Midlands on June 14, 2021, 11:37:27 AM
As Derek Trotter awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into an enormous pair of sunglasses, before his clock radio sprang into life with Livin' la Vida Loca.

First DJ: Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your sunnies 'cause it's hot out there today.
Second DJ: It's hot out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?

*Del Boy throws clock radio against the wall and it smashes*
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 14, 2021, 01:00:20 PM
Everyone seems to think Livin' La Vida Loca was sung by Ricky Martin, but it was actually performed by John Sullivan.

I always thought Rodney sang it!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 14, 2021, 01:07:46 PM
She'll take away your pain
Like the changing of the seasons and the tides of the sea
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 14, 2021, 01:10:37 PM
Anybody seen those daytime repeats of early episodes? The restoration is good but the episodes are censored and they have deepfaked Paul Whitehouse over Leonard Pierce. 
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 02:15:57 PM
I always thought Rodney sang it!

No, it can't be him as he's stood in the line, wearing shades.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 02:16:56 PM
She's into half price cracked ice,
Black cats and David Bowie LPs.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 14, 2021, 02:30:25 PM
No, it can't be him as he's stood in the line, wearing shades.

Then how is Del narrating?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 02:43:42 PM
Then how is Del narrating?

The narration is done by an older Del, played by Vanessa Redgrave.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 14, 2021, 02:53:47 PM
One of the more interesting YouTube channels is "Only Food, No Horses", which breaks down the episodes into just the scenes where food is being eaten and analyses how this impacts the storyline, the health of the characters, the amount it would have cost at the time... etc.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 03:03:01 PM
Not a bad channel, but they did call the one where they go on the canal boat for Rodney's stag do and Del ends up cooking and eating that dog "a certified classic".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 03:07:17 PM
"Rodney, I'll always remember what Mummy said on her death bed; Woof."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 03:09:34 PM
"I asked him for an Emperor burger and he brings me back the burnt remains of a dead dog!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 14, 2021, 03:09:39 PM
Not a bad channel, but they did call the one where they go on the canal boat for Rodney's stag do and Del ends up cooking and eating that dog "a certified classic".

It was a classic. How can you not love it when Rodders is on the phone to Cassandra and he turns round and sees Del taking a big mouthful of dog thinking it is chicken? Then at the end when Rodney calls him Dog Boy. Top tier Fools and Horses.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 14, 2021, 03:42:38 PM
Boycie smoking a smoldering dog rib like it was a cigar was voted "39th Best BRITISH Comedy Moment" by the sack full of gremlins somewhere in a secluded Home Office basement.

Number 40 was Tommy Cooper dying live on stage. Number 38 David Brent's dance.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 03:44:24 PM
It'd be alright in isolation, but it's just a retread of the one where Uncle Albert falls down that cellar and lets Mike the barman cook him and eat him so he can claim compensation.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 14, 2021, 03:50:00 PM
Rodney: Cassandra's left me again to go have the miscarriage of her dreams in the carribbean, but at least this Christmas dinner was good. Triffic. Thanks Uncle Albert
Uncle Albert: least I can do for you my son, it was worth all the effort if you enjoyed it.
Del Boy: yeah this is a pukka turkey and ... mon dieu! what is this... ?
Rodney: its a sock Del!
Del Boy: you dozy old git! this is isn't a turkey, its your leg what we've been eating! on christmas
Rodney: so thats why he was sat next to the oven for two hours!
Uncle Albert: I wanted to recreate my favorite Christmas dinner memory. You see, during the war I was on a life boat and...
Del Boy: shut up you tart! Get all this gravy cleaned off your leg and get us the pudding
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 14, 2021, 03:52:13 PM
Rodney: That's not gravy on his leg, Del. That's coffee.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 14, 2021, 03:53:25 PM
Albert: ain't either of you gonna try the pig in a blanket?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 14, 2021, 04:54:01 PM
Just off Sainsbury's Local who wants a curry?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 14, 2021, 04:59:30 PM
Granddad knocks the bolt for the chandelier from a hammer and Del Boy and Rodney's limbs fall off at the joints all and roll down the step ladders.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 05:34:50 PM
Of course, we all remember the ID bracelet Del buys Rodney with the "copperplate writing" to make it read "Ronnie Hazelhurst" instead of "Rodney". What a lovely tribute to the great composer and an hilarious joke in its own right!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Mr Banlon on June 14, 2021, 05:49:42 PM
Del and Rodney flee to Northern Cyprus after the remains of Arnie the Jeweller and his two sons are discovered in a woodland shallow grave in the Weald of Kent.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 14, 2021, 06:21:27 PM
Anyone ever play Trigger's spin off video game series?

(https://is3-ssl.mzstatic.com/image/thumb/PurpleVideo114/v4/e2/dd/20/e2dd2018-5177-c116-0610-3c5714b10c07/Job2f93fa2b-bbb3-45bd-bd01-aadab4f79cbd-110917711-PreviewImage_preview_image_nonvideo_sdr-Time1617877751676.png/800x600bb.png)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 14, 2021, 06:24:31 PM
Remember Only Fools and Horses on Ice? Nicholas Lyndhurst was "the Dean of Peckham", according to the Independent.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 14, 2021, 06:35:13 PM
Got pretty dark in the episode where they find out Uncle Albert never actually fought in the war and they force him to go and live dahn Tabaccah Road. By the time they find him he’s dead and buried with only his famous beard lying on the gravestone. The episode ends with Rodney singing that “we’re so sorry Uncle Albert” song.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 14, 2021, 06:38:54 PM
The episode ends with Rodney singing that “we’re so sorry Uncle Albert” song.

Stick this apology in your pocket
I’ll bring my regrets from the van
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 14, 2021, 06:43:06 PM
Remember Only Fools and Horses on Ice? Nicholas Lyndhurst was "the Dean of Peckham", according to the Independent.

Remember going to see it and Uncle Albert doing his classic face plant in front of Jonathan Ross and Sacha Distel before staggering back up and tearfully saying the word “comedy”. Not a dry eye in the house.

Tried to buy an Emperor burger during the intermission, but they only had Revels.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: mrClaypole on June 14, 2021, 07:14:36 PM
Got pretty dark in the episode where they find out Uncle Albert never actually fought in the war and they force him to go and live dahn Tabaccah Road. By the time they find him he’s dead and buried with only his famous beard lying on the gravestone. The episode ends with Rodney singing that “we’re so sorry Uncle Albert” song.

It wasn't Rodney singing it was Dennis Waterman who also wrote the song with his brother in law "Kenny"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Ron Maels Moustache on June 14, 2021, 07:49:13 PM
Does anyone remember when, without any preceding explanation, Rodney was replaced with Rodney Bewes? But instead of behaving like the normal Rodney, Bewes behaviour on-screen gave the impression of a man in the grip of advanced paranoid psychosis - instead of the usual dialogue, when other characters addressed him he would just howl in fear, run frantically around the set or try to attack them. Despite this the episodes he appeared in just carried on as usual as if nothing untoward was going on, with none of the other actors acknowledging Bewes erratic presence.

One memorable moment occurred at the end of a scene in the flat when the other cast had all left, leaving Bewes alone staring into the camera. Instead of cutting to the next scene, the camera stayed on Bewes, with agonising slowness gradually zooming in on as he silently mouthed the words "help me," over and over again. Really odd.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 14, 2021, 09:26:02 PM
Rodney sang the music for the News At Ten.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 14, 2021, 09:43:24 PM
Saw a clip show the other night with a bit of a rarity, it had the outtake where Del missed his mark (apparently a cameraman was in the wrong spot) and reversed the Reliant up Albert’s anus. For 8 weeks Buster Merryfield had to apply for a parking permit every time he took a shit.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: H-O-W-L on June 14, 2021, 10:59:46 PM
Del stretches his arms aloft, goatsblood dripping between his fingers.
CHUT'EME CH'TEME TUTAMET INFERIS EX MORTIS XOMBIE L'OREAL!
He cries it toward the heavens, which split asunder, and rend forth the horsemen of Death.
I'm going to kill you, Trotter!
Screams Rodney.
Albert's screams are unheard.
A Tartarus awakes on Earth.
Man is lost to blight.
The light is fading.
The light is fading.
The light is fa
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: H-O-W-L on June 14, 2021, 11:05:01 PM
A cybernetic golem stretches forward from the darkness. Rodney recoils in fright.
"DURING-THE-WAR"
"No." he rasps, hearing the metallic footsteps encroach. "It cannot be."
"DURING-THE-WAR" it repeats.
It is monotone. Dead. The croak of a dead man.
"DURING-THE-WAR"
Rodney trips.
"DURING-THE-WAR"
He loses his footing. His back meets concrete.
"DURING-THE-WAR"
Roboticized hands reach for his neck.
"DURING-THE-WAR"
The curtain drops.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 14, 2021, 11:11:56 PM
Del Boy throwing Uncle Albert off the Hell in a Cell.

Albert always going on and on about the bumps he took in ECW. "During the war, you was always getting put through a bleedin' table. Took a Tazplex right on the floor, and I'm ashamed to say that I soiled myself."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 14, 2021, 11:33:57 PM
[Belltower scene from Fitzcarraldo] We're gonna have a knees-up down the Nag's Head! A knees-up! Down the Nag's Head!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: gmoney on June 14, 2021, 11:34:39 PM
Remember when Boycie told Del to go home and get his shine box? Can't believe they still repeat that one on Gold.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utterdrivel on June 15, 2021, 12:26:29 AM
Fond memories of the scene where Uncle Albert tearfully shaves off his beard and it turns out he's just got a really big chin.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 15, 2021, 12:38:25 AM
Jaren_2005
Subject: Re: Only Fools and Horses classic BBC sitcom?
Oh God. Yes. The little boy Rodney, I remember seeing him shake. And Boycie doing that laugh through his gnashing teeth, his jaw careening so wildly I thought his cigar would fly right out. I turned it off and it was the last time I watched. I ran to tell my brother and we didn’t have the courage to turn it back on. I used to wet the bed from nightmares about it.

mike_painter65
Subject: Re: Only Fools and Horses classic BBC sitcom?
i visited my mum today at the nursing home. i asked her about when i was littel in the early 80s, when i was 8 or 9 and if she remebered a sitcom, only fools and horses. she said she was suprised i could remember that and i asked why, and she said “because i used to think it was so strange that you said ‘i’m gona go watch only fools now mum’ and then you would tune the tv to static and juts watch dead air for 30 minutes. you had a big imagination with your little market trader program.”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Ron Maels Moustache on June 15, 2021, 08:35:01 AM
Remember the classic episode "Mum's The Word", in which Del buys a load of used mums off of Monkey Harris but then can't shift them, so for the rest of the series the Trotters' flat is just full of mums, silently observing and judging everything that takes place?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 15, 2021, 09:22:47 AM
Great one that. Ended up filling a warehouse full of death beds and Del went around each one in turn, asking them if they had any pearls of wisdom that would allow him to manipulate Rodney at a later date.

Uncle Albert following on behind with a pillow to put them out of their misery took it to a very dark place but then that's the genius of John Sullivan's writing isn't it? Comedy juxtaposed with tragedy and allow no more women than strictly necessary at any time.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: poodlefaker on June 15, 2021, 09:32:56 AM
Remember the first couple of series when it was still in black and white, and just called "Only Fools"? Much grittier then, more of a Ken Loach/"Play for Today" feel. It was never as good after they relaunched it in colour and introduced the two talking horses.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 15, 2021, 09:39:21 AM
Rodney accidentally shaves Albert's beard off while he's asleep, forcing him and Del to stay up all night fashioning a replacement out of cum.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 15, 2021, 09:45:31 AM
Remember the first couple of series when it was still in black and white, and just called "Only Fools"? Much grittier then, more of a Ken Loach/"Play for Today" feel. It was never as good after they relaunched it in colour and introduced the two talking horses.

Shame that only a couple of them survived the BBC's tape wiping in the 1970s. I've heard rumours that there might be a copy of the one where "Derek Boy" falls through the picket line in a South African broadcaster's vault, but that seems as likely to turn up as that supposed missing episode of Doctor Who where the Patrick Troughton accidentally shrinks the TARDIS and lands on the surface of Zoe's arse.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: H-O-W-L on June 15, 2021, 03:21:22 PM
I think the episode where a bomb drops on Sheffield and that cat writhes around screaming and on fire was a bit lacking in laughs.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 15, 2021, 03:33:55 PM
🎶 Why do only fools and horses twerk,
Now shake that ass Del, nah nah nah nahhh nah,
Nah nah nah nahhh nah, shake that freakin ass

“Rodney what the FUCK is this?”

“Just trying somefing new Del.”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: H-O-W-L on June 15, 2021, 03:39:20 PM
"Rodney, you FUCKCUNT!"
"Bloody Hell, Del, we're only on at half eight!"
"YOU FUCKING CUNTING BASTARD FUCKPIPE SHITHOLE SHITWANK COCKFUCKER DICKSUCK CUNTFLAP ARSE!!!! FUCK YOU!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 15, 2021, 03:55:40 PM
Del Boy hawks a load of shop soiled chocolate oranges in a Cambridgeshire hotel car park.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 15, 2021, 04:36:38 PM
Little known fact: The reason Rodney wears a camouflage jacket in the early episodes is because, prior to teaming up with his brother to flog moody shit down the market, Rodders was a highly decorated Field Marshal in the British Army.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 15, 2021, 04:41:08 PM
That explains why he doesn't want to hear Albert's war stories. He's already lived through it once.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: mrClaypole on June 15, 2021, 06:56:25 PM
That episode where Del and Rodney are stuck in a lift and Del waiting for Cassandra to have her miscarriage
 A whole 50 mins of them just sitting on the floor not knowing why.
Uncle Albert is concerned that they have nothing to get sentimental about so he goes after Cassandra with a fashioned coat hanger and bottle of gin. Cassandra is distraught but doesn't know why.
News reaches Rodders and Del via Trigger who had taken a short cut to the pub through the lift that that Cass had lost the baby
Del decides to cheer Rodney up by telling him that they will be stuck in the lift forever and that he will probably starve to death in a week so he can join the unborn child.

End of episode

Next xmas special.


Del survived the lift incident and Monkey Harris saved him. Rodney is now brown bread.
Del does something funny by leaning off the balcony and falling to his death.
It was a classic moment and will be forever replayed on the 100 greatest clips of comedy (in colour and from the last 20 years)  shows on channel 5
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 15, 2021, 07:08:09 PM

News reaches Rodders and Del via Trigger who had taken a short cut to the pub through the lift that that Cass had lost the baby

Classic scene that one.


Trigger: Just seen Dave's bird. Sound like she's hungry.
Del: She not had anything to eat?
Trigger: Doesn't sound like it. Doctor said she missed the cabbage.
Del: You dozy plonker. She hasn't missed the cabbage, she's had a miscarriage!

[rapturous applause and whooping]
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 15, 2021, 07:21:50 PM
Of course, Del didn’t want to hear Uncle Albert’s war stories either, but only because he’d already listened to “Bunny” Warren’s tales about the RAF and loved every single one of them.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 15, 2021, 07:42:54 PM
My favourite of Del's lines:

Behold! I am Del Boy
I am not of your world
But fear me not
I will do you no harm

Loan me your funky Peckham Spring Water, and I shall play with it
For nothing is good, unless you play with it
And all that is good is nasty!
Fly on, you plonker, Rodney.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 15, 2021, 07:46:43 PM
Love the episode when Uncle Albert is mistaken for Jesus and he changes the gravy to coffee.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 16, 2021, 09:21:54 AM
Remember the one where Grandad gets caught up in a row over a review he left on Tripadvisor?

"I asked them for an Emperor burger and they served me a cheeseburger. 0 stars. Would not recommend. And it's run by pakis."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: metaltax on June 16, 2021, 09:41:00 AM
It's Christmas Eve 1988 and Del and Rodney are making a last-minute delivery of dodgy crackers to an office party in Nakatomi Plaza. Del inadvertently thwarts a major terrorist plot via a series of misunderstandings and hilarious slapstick while Rodders waits downstairs in the van, listening to a Brother Beyond tape.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 16, 2021, 10:04:06 AM
Absolutely heartbroken that Grandad, Uncle Albert, Bunny Warren and Harry Malcolm died before they got a chance to try pulled pork.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 16, 2021, 10:29:25 AM
Remember the Kelvin timeline reboot where they didn't drop the chandelier and opened their own chandelier repair business with a silent partner called Kelvin? The series was so poorly received that they had to make the original series canon again by having Boycie travel back in time to make sure they did drop the chandelier, in order to avoid the chandeliers turning into robot killing machines and taking over Peckham.

A naked Boycie appearing with a flash of blue light in the middle of Peckham High Street is still one of my least favourite scenes.

 
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 16, 2021, 01:54:47 PM
ONLYFANS AND HORSES

Sticking a "pony" in my "pocket".mp4 - £25

Fetching a "suitcase" from "the van".mp4 - £35

Humiliated over infertility down the pub.mp4 - £15 (limited time only)

MILF talks dirty on her "deathbed".mp4 - £20

I've been naughty and got you a cheeseburger.mp4 - £30

Old man drinks your wife's piss out the fridge.mp4 - £50

Jerking over you, standing in a line, wearing sunglasses whilst Livin' La Vida Loca plays.mp4 - £100
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utterdrivel on June 16, 2021, 06:11:32 PM
Cassandra miscarrying all over the shop. Rodney, numb to it all, just repeating 'cosmic' while Dewwwol Boyyy, trousers off, scoots around the carpet like a dog clearing its glands. Classic.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 16, 2021, 07:35:13 PM
Anyone remember this classic meme?

(https://abload.de/img/3_tv-progs-only-foolsq6job.jpg)

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 16, 2021, 08:13:18 PM
Ah, that picture reminds me of the scene where Grandad was sat stop that atomic bomb, riding it like a rodeo star as it fell to earth.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on June 16, 2021, 09:54:18 PM
Classic episode "Use Your Loaf", in which a surfeit of loaves in Peckham causes everyone to become preoccupied with finding different uses for them. It's all fun and games until a previously un-diagnosed gluten intolerance causes Uncle Grandad to complain so vociferously that Del and Rodney are forced to batter him to death with stale baguettes, playing Feargal Sharkey's A Good Heart at deafening volume to drown out the noise.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on June 16, 2021, 09:59:02 PM
I like the one where Del Boy roller skates while hanging off the back of a bus which he then thrashes with a tree branch before stripping off all of his clothes and running into the sea
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Leej88 on June 16, 2021, 10:00:19 PM
2 Emperor Burgers coming up.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: chveik on June 16, 2021, 10:02:25 PM
2 plonkers 1 cup
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 16, 2021, 10:19:30 PM
Lines 67-70:
Black or white, rich or poor
We'll cut prices at a stroke
God bless Hooky Street


Commentary:
With these lines no doubt Sullivan is making reference to my homeland of Peckham, which is allegorically referenced here as 'Hooky Street'. Reading it reminds me of the exile of King Del and his younger brother Duke Rodney, who were presently seeking asylum after the Boycie revolution of 1988 ousted them from their rightful family home, the glorious palace of Mandela House. I saw Sullivan one morning having sex with an equine animal (a horse I believe) from my kitchen window and I am sure it was what I shouted in response that inspired him to coin the word "pony" which doubtlessly refers to the sacred Pohnee Diamond, crown jewel of my homeland of Peckham.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 17, 2021, 06:12:45 AM
Del-Boy: Derek Trotter? Derek. Now there's a name I've not heard in a long, long time. A long time.
Rodney: I think my Uncle Albert knows him. He said he was dead.
Del-Boy: [smiling] Oh, he's not dead. Well, not yet.
Rodney: You know him?
Del-Boy: Of course I know him...he's me. I haven't gone by the name Derek since, oh, before you were born.
Rodney: Well then the blow up doll does belong to you.
Del-Boy: I don't seem to remember ever owning a blow up doll. Very interesting.
[Trigger yelps in the distance]
Del-Boy: We'd best get indoors. Trigger is easily startled, but he'll soon be back, and in greater numbers.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 17, 2021, 06:43:31 AM
Just saw this one on Instagram.

(https://abload.de/img/29ae502f-8779-4212-98zjda.jpeg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 17, 2021, 06:46:55 AM
The kids just can’t get enough of these memes!

(https://abload.de/img/5dkczzajkuw.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 17, 2021, 06:55:02 AM
(https://abload.de/img/5dkdlgtrkc5.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 17, 2021, 07:06:42 AM
(https://abload.de/img/5dkeen89kll.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 17, 2021, 12:22:56 PM
Schnf. Yeah. Yeah. Zat reminds me maybe you know of it, a zitcom... very working class you know schnf... Only zer Fool der Horse? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Zat one. Sat one. Well I was watching with a friend of mine, a gay palestinian you know. Schnf. In zer show we have brother and younger brother. He is how you say? Plonker? Yeah. Yeah. You know this. But also there is zer old man, very patriarchal and authoritarian and so on and so on, he is demanding emperor burger. Now this? Schnf. I want to make this absolutely clear. Schnf. He gets a cheeseburger. And this is beautiful to me. Schnf. This is ideology at its purest. We ask for emperor burger, for national autonomy for workers rights and we get precisely the cheeseburger forcefed to us. You know. It is wonderful. Schnf. I see this old man get cheeseburger pushed in his face and I am thinking already about Goebbels listening to Bach. You know? It is an obscenity. Maybe in rejecting controls on refugees we all are "jaffas" and so on.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Ron Maels Moustache on June 17, 2021, 01:10:44 PM
These OFAH fan comics used to be on ofah.net but the images links are all broken and no-one's bothered to update the page in around a decade. Thankfully though archive.org has preserved these masterpieces for all time:



(https://i.imgur.com/nWTMkQt.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/Bj7TZfP.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 17, 2021, 01:27:45 PM
I like how both the titles are now offensive
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 17, 2021, 01:37:23 PM
Albert reacts.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 17, 2021, 01:42:28 PM
I had to steady myself after "albert reacts"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 17, 2021, 01:50:07 PM
Glad to read Rodney won't go as far as one of the worst sex offenders in British history.

Why is Rodney dressed like someone from the 28th century at the end of the comic? Is that what young people like these days.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 17, 2021, 01:51:50 PM
Isn't that Uriah Heap?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 17, 2021, 01:52:39 PM
He protec

He attac

But most importantly

He reac
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 17, 2021, 01:52:58 PM
ROD RODGERS IN THE 28TH ½ CENTURY
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 17, 2021, 01:58:56 PM
Food £200
Data £150
Rent £800
Broken lawnmower engines £3,600
Utility £150
someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Better Midlands on June 17, 2021, 01:59:39 PM
The kids just can’t get enough of these memes!

(https://i.imgur.com/xw6WPbV.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/VChZi6P.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 17, 2021, 02:05:19 PM
Loved the OFAH bottle episode which was filmed inside the Trotters' toilet. Rodney was trying to jerk off but kept getting distracted by Del Boy's chatter and ended up doing it in a milkbottle in the kitchen when it was Del's turn for a poo. Close up on Del's face when he asks "Are you making a brew, Rodney"  while he squeezes out a greasy poo.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: poodlefaker on June 17, 2021, 02:41:05 PM
Remember when David Jason got shingles and Harry Seacombe stood in as Del for three episodes? Nobody noticed till months afterwards.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 17, 2021, 03:03:25 PM
Remember when David Jason got shingles and Harry Seacombe stood in as Del for three episodes? Nobody noticed till months afterwards.

Hello folks! It's the famous Del Boy here. Del Boooooooooooooooooooooooy! Speaking to you from the Nags Head. Ahum. Now where is that brother of mine, Rodney? You PLOOOOONKEEEER! [hits excruciating high notes all glasses in bar shatter. Not a single regular viewer notices the difference or why Del Boy is black and white when the rest of the program is in colour]
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jobotic on June 17, 2021, 03:24:26 PM
Remember that episode when they were desperately looking for another flat because they all could have sworn that Nelson Mandela house had been knocked down years ago?

I can.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 17, 2021, 03:30:31 PM
Remember that series when the Trotters became a born again Christians and suffixed all of their catchphrases with "Amen"?

"Rodney, you plonker! Amen."

"Drink up Trig, drink up, we're leaving. Amen."

"Rodney, I've lost our baby. Amen."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 17, 2021, 03:44:22 PM
Just thinking about that episode where Boycie is radicalised by Al Qaeda and he suicide bombs the Nag's Head with an explosive device hidden in his moustache. The scene where Albert's sat in the rubble, tears streaming from his eyes, trying to get Elsie Partridge to wake up is heartbreaking.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: thundarrshirt on June 17, 2021, 04:36:52 PM
(https://cinebloc.blot.im/assets/_loss.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 17, 2021, 04:53:57 PM
Aha.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 17, 2021, 05:03:01 PM
An underrated episode is the one where Del Boy takes over from Mike as the manager of the Nags Head. He hits on the brilliant idea of making it a venue for indie bands, but unfortunately after an infamous mancunian frontman gets plastered and raises havoc, he is forced to bar the Fall.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 17, 2021, 05:03:01 PM
Anyone remember the Christmas special where Del comes home with a PC and he's playing Yoshi's Island on ZSNES and Rodney ends up spending the next six hours trying to set up Retroarch for him?

"Stone the bladdy crows, Rodney, anuvva crash back to the bleedin' desktop?"

"I dunno, do I Del, I downloaded the full Dreamcast BIOS pack and everyfing!"

"Dunno why you boys are so obsessed wiv da bladdy Dreamcast. Do-win-da-woh all we 'ad was Sega Master System II's wiv Alex Kidd built in and we lavved it. You'd finish a level and e'd be sat vere eatin' an Emperor burgah."

"Oh, shut up you soppy old tart!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on June 17, 2021, 05:06:33 PM
It was never the same after Del regenerated into Reg Varney
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 17, 2021, 05:08:38 PM
Getting guest stars to play Boycie was a good idea in theory but Andrew Dice Clay was never going to work.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 17, 2021, 08:53:38 PM
Yeah, but getting Tarantino in was a hell of a coup. Bit harsh killing “Gary”, but at least it led to this classic scene…

DEL: Mmm! Mange tout, Boycie! This is the creme de la menthe! Usually, me and Rodney would be happy with a cheeseburger, but he springs these Emperor burgers on us! What takeaway is this?

BOYCIE: Knock it off, Del Boy.

DEL: What?

BOYCIE: I don't need you to tell me how bleeding good my burgers are, okay? I'm the one who buys them, I know how good they are. When Marlene orders a takeaway, she buys crap. Me, I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I eat it, I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It isn’t the burgers in my kitchen, it's the dead Gary in my garage.

DEL: Oh, Boycie, don't even worry about that--

BOYCIE: No, I want to ask you a question, Derek. When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Gary Storage?

DEL: Boycie, you know I haven’t seen--

BOYCIE: Did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Dead Gary Storage"?!

DEL: No, I didn't.

BOYCIE: And do you know why you didn't see that sign?

DEL: Why?

BOYCIE: Because it’s not there. Because storing dead Garys isn’t my bleeding business, that's why!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 17, 2021, 09:18:15 PM
BAKA NO HORSURU!! GANBARE!!!

DEL-SAN: UUUUU-WAAA! RODNEY-KUN, HALF-PRICE CRACKED ICE KUDASAI!!!

RODNEY-KUN: *SWEATDROP*

DEL-SAN: ANTA-PLONKA? *HITS HIM WITH MASSIVE MALLET*

ALBERT-SAMA: AHHH! CRUSTY GIRLS PANTIES???

*everyone faints*
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: lankyguy95 on June 17, 2021, 10:29:40 PM
(https://i.imgflip.com/5dnlpa.jpg)

(https://i.imgflip.com/5dnno7.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 18, 2021, 02:46:05 PM
Tell me how anyone...get me a jury... tell me how you can say "in Peckham" and I'll go down on you. If you'll excuse me for saying so.

Don't you want to be saying it over a big bowl of cracked ice? Isn't that the fun of it?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 18, 2021, 03:14:50 PM
loss.jpg followed by alex kidd emperor burger is this thread's falling through the bar
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 18, 2021, 03:26:14 PM
There is an Only Fools And Horses grumble film parody called Only Fools And Arses. Parts of it appear to have a laugh track.

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 18, 2021, 03:37:06 PM
There is an Only Fools And Horses grumble film parody called Only Fools And Arses. Parts of it appear to have a laugh track.

For authenticity they should have recorded it in front of a live studio audience.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: studpuppet on June 18, 2021, 03:45:18 PM
tell me how you can say "in Peckham" and I'll go down on you.

(https://editorial01.shutterstock.com/wm-preview-1500/9665468b/14e7fdb2/bullseye-tv-series-1980s-shutterstock-editorial-9665468b.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 18, 2021, 04:59:38 PM
There is an Only Fools And Horses grumble film parody called Only Fools And Arses. Parts of it appear to have a laugh track.

Trigger (polishing medal): I've maintained this nob for 20 years. It's had 17 new purple heads and 14 new shafts in its time, plus a couple of replacement balls.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 18, 2021, 05:26:39 PM
Del-End Boy and Rod-Knee.

This may be kink-shaming, but who watches an episode of Only Fools and Horses and feels turned on? Turned on enough for there to be demand for a grumble parody?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 18, 2021, 05:37:48 PM
Considering how many fetishes come from exposure to media when people are really young, do you think there is someone who can only really run the flag up if a chandelier falls on them?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 18, 2021, 05:38:18 PM
[Blue Jam bad sex]
"I've got one pair of aces..."
"Yes!"
"And another..."
"Don't stop!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 18, 2021, 05:38:46 PM
If Del had four aces and called it as two pair, wouldn't he lose?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 18, 2021, 05:41:45 PM
Del Boy falls through the bar (while his big stiff prick sprays spunk everywhere!!)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 18, 2021, 05:45:14 PM
Trigger does o face.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 18, 2021, 07:44:54 PM
Albert reacts

(https://i.imgur.com/Qk4lnKV.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Better Midlands on June 18, 2021, 07:59:37 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/9cjNIDr.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 21, 2021, 05:47:25 PM
Talk To Transformer adds to the OFAH theme lyrics

Quote
Stick a pony in me pocket,
I'll fetch the suitcase from the van.
Cos if you want the best 'uns,
But you don't ask questions,
Then brother, I'm your man.
Cos where it all comes from is a mystery,
It's like the changin' of the seasons,
And the tides of the sea.
But here's the one that's drivin' me beserk,
Why do only fools and horses work?
Of course, at first sight, that sounds odd,
'Cause horses are generally reckoned to be dumb;
But my rider on his back was clever enough.
So what's the matter with a bit,
When it's bent just like this?
Now, look here,
A bit, or biter, as the case may be,
Is not a bit and a horse.
Rather, it's a beast who makes himself
the go-between
With that brute called the bit.
And how did this piece of double-talk get its name?
Well, if you ask me,
You're a bigger fool
Than I ever was;
For

Quote
We've got some half price cracked ice and miles and miles of carpet
tiles,
T.V.s, deep freeze and David Bowie L.P.s,
Ball games, gold chains, whatsnames, pictures frames and leather
goods,
And Trevor Francis track suits from a mush in Shepherds Bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush ...
No income tax, no V.A.T.,
No money back, no guarante'e' of future develo
p.
Take the bus to Stratford, or the tube to Newham or Leyton,
Or you can walk down the dock quays and the Jubilee line will take
you anywhere.
Soon, you'll be able to get from
Billingsgate to Westfield, anywhere in the country, any-wher!
All you need do is download a special map!
FOR SALE...
- Clothes/sun creams/glasses/jelly babies/cushions/shoes/birds nests/dung/golf clubs/slippers/car trouble
- Dollar coins/Christmas crackers/compost/T.V.s/cash money/jelly
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 22, 2021, 10:32:54 AM
More jelly, Del?

Yes Rodders!!

As well as the birds nests?

Yes Rodders!!!

And the dung?

YES RODDERS
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 22, 2021, 10:36:50 AM
The famous Emperor Burger scene was cut out of repeats as a mark of respect to Leonard Pierce who died of an Emperor Burger related illness.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utter Shit on June 22, 2021, 10:43:37 AM
Remember that episode where Del sold bottles of nuclear waste to the public, killing hundreds.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 22, 2021, 10:51:18 AM
Remember that episode where Del sold bottles of nuclear waste to the public, killing hundreds.

That was probably what caused Cassandra's miscarriage thinking about it.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utter Shit on June 22, 2021, 10:56:54 AM
That or finding out her husband was killed by a plane flying into his house.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: petrilTanaka on June 22, 2021, 12:30:42 PM
the one where they went to the toilet but it was the 19th century and there were sex workers and that.

think it's the one with Rodney trying to pick up some boots or something
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 22, 2021, 12:41:12 PM
I rather enjoyed the episode guest directed by an up-and-coming David Fincher where it turns out Rodney is the Zodiac killer and Uncle Albert and Grandad are the same person.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 22, 2021, 12:55:52 PM
The one where Del done a cum so hard, it put his back out, and he made Rodders and Mickey Pearce carry him round on a sedan chair. End of the episode, they put it down outside a mucky book shop for a breather, and it starts shaking. They pull back the curtain and Del's wanking his little willy off, right as ninepence, having faked the whole thing all along! But in the shock of being caught, (a fetish he didn't know he had), he does cum hard enough to really put his back out.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 22, 2021, 12:59:05 PM
That was probably what caused Cassandra's miscarriage thinking about it.

No, she did it intentionally to spoil Christmas. This was clearer in the original script.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 22, 2021, 01:10:00 PM
Stick a horse into my anus
I'll get the horse lube from the van
Because you want a horse inside an anus then brother
I've got a horse in my anus
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Bad Ambassador on June 22, 2021, 01:16:35 PM
Horses Only in Fools
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 22, 2021, 01:26:50 PM
Remember that episode where Del couldn't get away with his behaviour any more? Couldn't get away with that nowadays.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 22, 2021, 01:30:31 PM
This made me feel old: Only Fools and Horses has now been running so long that Rodney is twenty five years older than Del Boy.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 22, 2021, 01:32:15 PM
Remember when Damien was born and Rodney was convinced he was the antichrist but nobody believed him, but then later on it turned out that Damien really WAS the antichrist?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utter Shit on June 22, 2021, 01:38:36 PM
Remember the episode where Delboy tricked Rodney into thinking he was going to get murdered for being a rapist.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 22, 2021, 01:40:32 PM
Remember when Del Boy and Rodney met David Beckham and tried to sell him a football?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Ron Maels Moustache on June 22, 2021, 02:02:20 PM
I do reckon the Christmas Special which just consisted of Delboy stuck on a meathook in some kind of factory while endlessly going round and round on a pulley system was a bit of a shark-jumping point for the series.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 22, 2021, 02:02:37 PM
Remember when Del Boy sold Uncle Albert to Rodney, only to be nicked by Slater for human trafficking?

Rodney: Del can you give me a receipt for Uncle Albert Cassandra wants to do the accounts
Del Boy: you...ruddy dipstick!
Slater [appearing from behind setee]: well well well, selling one family member to another...I can't say I expected better from you Trotter

Still, some laughs when Albert insisted his batteries needed replacing and Rodney put a bunch of duracells up his bum like a torch.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 22, 2021, 02:11:30 PM
When Rodney wins a Kendo tournament, Del Boy notices he has a mole on his left shoulder that marks him out as the reincarnation of Freddie the Frog.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Bad Ambassador on June 22, 2021, 03:07:54 PM
Remember when Damien was born and Rodney was convinced he was the antichrist but nobody believed him, but then later on it turned out that Damien really WAS the antichrist?

Made for a memorable final episode, where Del Boy falls through the lake of burning sulphur.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 22, 2021, 03:15:54 PM
Del Boy goes to hell and finds out who David Jason is. Classic moment.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 22, 2021, 03:21:27 PM
Ahhh! Where are we Rodders?!

Looks like the City of Dis, Del!

City of what?

Dis!

ARE YOU TAKING ME FOR A PLONKER RODNEY

D I S YOU DIPSTICK. THE ANTITHESIS OF THE HEAVENLY CITY. WE'RE IN THE EIGHTH CIRCLE OF HELL!

AW, 'ELL!

*Rodney and Del Boy are cast into a chasm of horses which bum them for all eternity, in cruel inversion of how the Trotters repeatedly fucked over all of Peckham*
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Gurke and Hare on June 22, 2021, 03:25:43 PM
I do reckon the Christmas Special which just consisted of Delboy stuck on a meathook in some kind of factory while endlessly going round and round on a pulley system was a bit of a shark-jumping point for the series.

It certainly led to a lot of complaints about kids having nightmares.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 22, 2021, 03:42:38 PM
"I'm Rodders, this is The Comedy Awards Remake."

[Jackass guitar sting, as he pushes Uncle Albert down every flight of stairs at Mandela House]

"I'm Del Boy, and this is Trigger's Broom"

[Albert sat in a swivel chair, as Del and Rodney slaver his hair in boot polish and spike it up like bristles. "I don't bleedin' like this," he says.]
[Albert screaming and wobbling out of frame. Pan down to reveal he's being lifted into the air, with the handle right up his arse. All the gang laugh hysterically as Albert's head is used to sweep up all the dog mucks on the estate]
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 22, 2021, 03:47:08 PM
.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 22, 2021, 03:52:27 PM
Theodor Adorno (Del Boy): Mon dieu, Rodney! Its only bladdy jazz wot they're playing ain't it? All them... you know... sorts. I carn dance in this bar I might get the, ya know... but it don't 'alf make me wanna get a wiggle on
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on June 22, 2021, 04:14:02 PM
CASSANDRA (putting on fake beard): Look wot they dan to it. There used to be dockers everywhere... boi da time oi was fowoah, oi could swear in 20 languages! They woz raugh people... baht they woz good people!

RODNEY: Cassandra I want a divorce.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 22, 2021, 04:15:54 PM
I'm glad they stopped blackface Trigger from the first two series.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on June 22, 2021, 06:42:51 PM
The episode where they used bleach to white-up Denzil was a low point though.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: mrClaypole on June 22, 2021, 06:43:12 PM
Remember that comeback episode when they had lost all their money but it turns out that all those Showaddyway LP sleeves were made of pure cocaine.  It turns out that they had been sitting on a fortune for years.
When Cassandra found out she dropped another failed attempt at carrying a foteus to the birth stage.
Damian was sent out on the streets to deal it.
Not much input from Del and Rodders in this episode.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 22, 2021, 06:57:59 PM
Remember the ill advised early 90's attempt to capture the youth market by hiring DJ Dougal to remix the theme tune with a happy hardcore backing track and helium vocals?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 22, 2021, 07:12:29 PM
There was a grunge version and all with a quiet/loud bit in the middle but they had to cut it because of all the defecations it caused startling people when Rodney started yelling BUSH BUSH BUSH, because by the early 1990s Only Fools and Horses viewer base was the demographic with the slackest sphincter control in the country
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 22, 2021, 07:21:54 PM
The 'brown note' rumour variously attributed to Holger Czukay, Throbbing Gristle and Whitehouse is in fact true but it was achieved by John Sullivan in the version of "Hooky Street" used for the Only Fools and Horses credits. But due to the atrocious hygene of Only Fools and Horses megafans, this went undetected for nearly twenty five years.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Kankurette on June 22, 2021, 09:06:27 PM
There was a grunge version and all with a quiet/loud bit in the middle but they had to cut it because of all the defecations it caused startling people when Rodney started yelling BUSH BUSH BUSH, because by the early 1990s Only Fools and Horses viewer base was the demographic with the slackest sphincter control in the country
I liked the grime theme they did with Wiley and Kano in the 2014 revival.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on June 22, 2021, 09:35:59 PM
Stick a barney in me pockeh
Ah fesch the soo caze from the back
Cos if you wanna best 'uns
And y'don' ass questions
Then Bubba - here we go!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 22, 2021, 11:52:57 PM
I got a letter from Hooky Street the other day
I opened it, read it, it said they had miles and miles of carpet tiles
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 23, 2021, 12:07:34 AM
gaa blass ooky STEE

vee VARGH vooky VEEE

C'est VARGH VARGH VEE

ARGH GARGH WEEGH

VARGH VARGH VEE

ARGH GARGH WEEGH

ARGH GARGH WEEGH

ARGH GARGH WEEGH

ARGH GARGH WEEGH
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 23, 2021, 12:30:18 AM
There is much speculation as to why the show is called Only Fools and Horses but the real reason is that it is an anagram of "Handy Loosens Floors" which is a reference to Grandad loosening the chandelier.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 23, 2021, 12:38:59 AM
WRONG. "Handy Loosens Floors" is a reference to Granddad's special homemade lubricant that melts adhesive and there enables him to obtain "miles and miles of carpet tiles"

Which explains his appearance. Granddad is only 34 years old.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Goldentony on June 23, 2021, 04:34:00 AM
del boy
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: petrilTanaka on June 23, 2021, 11:57:06 AM
the one where they staged a rebellion in a Nazi POW camp and realised they'd have an easier time if they just stayed there and pretended the camp was running fine
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 23, 2021, 12:19:34 PM
Only Fools and Trivia: 'Grandad' was just something Del and Rodney called the senior character in order to better conceal his identity from the human world, whereas on their distant home planet of Trotter-17 the concept of a family unit is deemed a childish and outdated institution.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: madhair60 on June 23, 2021, 12:21:01 PM
I'm glad they stopped blackface Trigger from the first two series.

He returned for the final three specials.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on June 23, 2021, 12:22:12 PM
There was an unreleased one where Rodney discovers he is the illegitimate child of Brendan O' Shaughnessy. "Cos-mic... cos-bladdy-mick!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 23, 2021, 12:24:28 PM
del boy

del boy. del boy?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 23, 2021, 03:01:22 PM
Pickle Del Boy: lookie here son i've only gone and turned maself into a bladdy pickle ahven't i? kushti!
Rordney: t-triffic Del, b-but why are y-you a p-pickle? th-that doesn't seem very c-cosmic haha oh jeez
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on June 23, 2021, 03:13:59 PM
DEL: Oi really am vewy pwoud of yoo foh gettin' married, Rodney!

ROD: Thanks Del... keep holdin' back them years!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 23, 2021, 04:32:14 PM
Delicious Boy is short for Absolutely Deliciouso Boyton Browns.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 23, 2021, 04:44:30 PM
I rather liked the episode where Rodney joined the crew of the deep space mining ship Red Dwarf and ended up stranded 3 million years in the future with a hologram of Del Boy and a creature evolved from Uncle’s beard.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 23, 2021, 05:11:58 PM
Delicious Boy is short for Absolutely Deliciouso Boyton Browns.

Absolutely Deliciouso Boyton Browns is short for Absolutely Deliciouso Fingal O'Flahertie Boyton Wills St. John le Baptiste de la Salle Browns Boy (of Ulm) 
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 23, 2021, 05:19:44 PM
I rather liked the episode where Rodney joined the crew of the deep space mining ship Red Dwarf and ended up stranded 3 million years in the future with a hologram of Del Boy and a creature evolved from Uncle’s beard.

Trigger: Everybody's dead, Dave
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 23, 2021, 05:23:22 PM
Timothy Spall: Only Fools and Horses? That's one our most popular VR coach trips! The waiting list is ten years.
So, which one of you was Cassandra? How many babies did you get to full term then?

Rimmer: I miscarried on Christmas
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 23, 2021, 05:25:56 PM
Turns out that Rodney is his own father by time travelling and becoming Freddie the Frog.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 23, 2021, 05:30:46 PM
Del Boy fell through the bar because he was a hologram.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 23, 2021, 05:32:02 PM
Trigger pulls a face because he is just a face on a monitor.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 23, 2021, 05:52:19 PM
They wake up and realise they have just been playing 'Only Fools And Horses: The Total Immersion Virtual Dining Experience' for the last few years.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 23, 2021, 06:00:50 PM
The Dibley family walking in a line wearing shades while Little Green Bag plays
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 23, 2021, 06:52:08 PM
Del Boy and Rodders have sex in the back of Denzil's lorry "At least it wasnt a train station lift" a disgusted DCI Slater comments.

Meanwhile Uncle Albert makes a racist comment and appears on GB News complaing about being "cancelled".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 23, 2021, 07:21:29 PM
"Just remember to spit on Cassandra's wrist, you dipstick!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 23, 2021, 07:28:21 PM
Boycie becomes a farmer with Kryten.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 23, 2021, 07:57:20 PM
It’s cold outside
There’s miles and miles of carpet tiles
I’m all alone, driving me berserk
Let me fly far away from here
Bush bush bush
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 23, 2021, 08:22:17 PM
Grandad beat Trigger 3-2
Del Boy went out to Boycie on penalties.
Rodders got a bye.

If I remember rightly Freddie the Frog one in the end.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 23, 2021, 08:24:34 PM
If you're in trouble he will save the day.
He's brave and he's fearless, come what may.
Without him the business would go astray.

He's Derek, Derek, Derek Trotter.
Without him life would be a shocker.
He's handsome, trim, and no-one's fitter.
He will never fall through a bar and leave a face on Trigger.

He's Derek, Derek, Derek Trotter.
More reliable than a hooky garden strimmer.
He's never been mistaken for Sidney Poitier.
He's not a snitch and doesn't spread to a copper.

Master of the wit and the repartee.
His command of the French language is uncanny.
How come he's such a genius?
Don't ask me!

Ask Derek, Derek, Derek Trotter.
He also sells nuclear spring water.
And if you play your cards right
Then he just might make Rodney a punk rocker.

He's Derek, Derek, Derek Trotter.
No rhymes left now apart from brother.
We hope they fade us out before we get to "sphincter".
Fade out you stupid plonker!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 23, 2021, 08:26:34 PM
Remember the one where Rodney fancied that "right sort" who came from Brighton and Del has the idea that Rodney post himself to her house?
Was funny when she came to open it.
She plunged the long blade through the middle of the
Package, through the middle of the masking tape,
Through the cardboard, through the cushioning and
(Thud) right through the center of Rodney Trotter's head,
Which split slightly and caused little rhythmic arcs
Of red to pulsate gently in the morning sun.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 23, 2021, 09:09:25 PM
A long time ago, in a district far,
far away....




ONLY FOOLS
AND HORSES





During a period of civil war: Trotters Independent Traders, striking from
Nelson Mandela House, have made their first cushty deal. During the banter,
Rodders managed to steal the ultimate weapon, TRIGGER'S BROOM, a
construction powerful enough to survive through all eternity.

Pursued by Trigger's sinister agents, Cassandra races home aboard her
fucking bike or something, custodian of the broom that, by this time next year,
will make us all millionaires....
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on June 23, 2021, 09:52:05 PM
I liked the one where they went to Hull and ended up going downhill in a warship on wheels, which crashed into a corner shop run by Ronnie Barker who then adopted Del after he lost his memory in the accident and sold Rodney and Uncle Albert to Stephanie Cole as sex toys.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 23, 2021, 10:14:23 PM
Wasn’t sure at first about the one where Rodney is dragged from the sea with no memories but lightning reflexes and combat skills, but bloody hell it was gripping once it got going. “Code Plonker, Rodney Trotter has resurfaced.” Hoho you got that right Slater. Get ‘em Rodders, make them pay for what they took from you.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 23, 2021, 10:16:16 PM
Remember when Rodney had his arsehole removed? lol
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 23, 2021, 10:53:40 PM
I read the news today, oh boy
about a mush in shepherd's bush
bush bush bush bush bush
bush bush bush bush bush
bush bush bush

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 23, 2021, 11:06:10 PM
Nicholas Lyndhurst was only supposed to sing one "bush" but the tape got twisted and they never got around to correcting it.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 23, 2021, 11:09:24 PM
I had to, uh, call the mush from Shepherd's Bush up and get the Trevor Francis tracksuits out to show Del, out to show Del, out to show Del, bush, bush, bush
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 23, 2021, 11:18:52 PM
Y'all know me, still same DB
But I been low key
Hated on by most these plonkaz
Wit no cheese, no deals and no G's
No wheels and no keys
No TVs, no deep freeze and no David Bowie LPs
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 23, 2021, 11:55:05 PM
The song is silly anyway. Fools can't find gainful employment because they lack the necessary qualifications and skills, and horses don't work because they receive no salary.
It should be called "Why Do Only Fools and Horses Shirk?"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 24, 2021, 12:20:15 AM
we got some horse arse, horse arse
miles and miles of horse arse
horse arse, horse arse, horse arse to fuck

horse arse, horse arse horse arse and at a push
a really massive horse arse you can
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 24, 2021, 12:24:51 AM
Is that the theme tune to this (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5989616/)?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utterdrivel on June 24, 2021, 08:13:59 AM
The one where Dewowwl Bwoyyyyy picked up a score of hooky blow up dolls and the lads shagged them so furiously they exploded. Always wondered how that got on before the watershed!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 24, 2021, 09:01:25 AM
Anyone remember that Christmas special where Del buys a load of Russian government laptops and he ends up getting poisoned by “Raquel”?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Bernice on June 24, 2021, 02:19:54 PM
Of course, the world's changed so much that if they made it today they'd have to call it "Online Fools and Mechanical Horses"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 24, 2021, 02:21:16 PM
Del Boy sells a load of dodgy cryptocurrency to an orphanage before writing some cod French on an attractive ex's Facebook wall.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Bernice on June 24, 2021, 02:24:41 PM
Of course, the world's changed so much that if they made it today they'd have to call it "Online Fools and Mechanical Horses"

Actually, this would probably work better than the prequel series "Only pre-lingual sapiens who occupy a lower status level in the tribe and non-domesticated equids".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 24, 2021, 02:28:32 PM
Little known fact #23: He's called Trigger because he once shot and killed a man.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 24, 2021, 02:33:20 PM
Little known fact #24: Del Boy calls Rodney a plonker and a dipstick because Rodney once had jobs in a wine bottling plant and a garage.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 24, 2021, 02:39:02 PM
Little known fact #25: David Jason, the actor who plays Del Boy in the show, secretly despises the character, and has described him in private conversation as a "cunt".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utter Shit on June 24, 2021, 02:39:15 PM
Remember the episode where Delboy accidentally starts a race war after successfully campaigning to have Nelson Mandela House renamed Jean-Bedel Bokassa Gardens.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 24, 2021, 02:44:54 PM
The character of Boycie was originally meant to be a nonce, hence his nickname "Boy-see". They changed this due to nonces in the test audiences feeling Boycie's perverted ways were unrealistic, and gave him the surname "Boyce" as a different reason for the "Boycie" nickname. Some OFAH fans feel the character should never have been changed in this way.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utter Shit on June 24, 2021, 02:45:55 PM
Remember the episode where Mike the landlord falls into a deep depression after everyone finds out he attends a support group for weak swimmers.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 24, 2021, 02:50:59 PM
I rather liked the episode where DelBoy locks Rodney in a cell-like secret apartment for 15 years after it transpires Rodney spread a rumour round school about him fucking Freddie the Frog. Excellent fight scene where Rodney hacks his way through a corridor of goons in Mandela House armed only with an Emperor Burger.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 24, 2021, 02:56:20 PM
I thought it was too unrealistic when Rodney threw an emperor burger so hard it flew around the world and hits on the back of the head.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 24, 2021, 03:02:25 PM
YOU LET RODNEY DO A FUNERAL!?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jobotic on June 24, 2021, 03:03:56 PM
Remember when Delboy was tricked into thinking he had an IQ of 187 and became a genius with no social skills or understanding of humour [I dunno never seen The Big Bang Theory I'm getting this from Wikipedia] and called himself Shelboy?

But it turned out he was thick as shit and had to go to playschool on holiday with all little kids who all called him Notwellboy because he ate a crayon and was sick.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 24, 2021, 03:12:15 PM
Rodney, I've had a miscarriage...

...bazinga!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 24, 2021, 03:16:53 PM
Nicholas Lyndhurst wins RuPaul's Drag Race as Miss Carriage
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 24, 2021, 03:25:48 PM
Remember when Albert walked around Nelson Mandela House 100 times to raise enough money to stop the local hospital being closed down, only Del Boy stole the money from Albert and spent it all on rubber trousers? And when Del Boy got everyone to clap for an hour in order to raise awareness for world hunger, only to pretend to be from the council and fine local residents for noise pollution?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Bad Ambassador on June 24, 2021, 03:28:39 PM
Del Boy went into the international shipping business, but got carried away and tried to start a nuclear war, but Roger Moore arrived, dropped Rodney into the shark tank and shot Del Boy in the penis.

The following week, Del Boy sent Rodney to Scotland to buy a fishing village for him to sell at his market stall, but Rodney likes it too much and Del arrives and decides not to sell it but build an enormous statue of his mother being absolutely fucking railed by Sid from the cafe.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on June 24, 2021, 03:46:50 PM
1. Del Boy falls through the bar
2. They drop the chandelier
3. The Trotters all standing in a row wearing shades while 'Livin' La Vida Loca' plays

Third post, and yet contains everything I know about the series despite having watched it all (?) because it was on so much in the ‘90s.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 24, 2021, 03:50:49 PM
Jonathan Ross and Uncle Albert travel round a French town. Ross tells the residents that Albert fucked their mum.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 24, 2021, 03:50:58 PM
Third post, and yet contains everything I know about the series despite having watched it all (?) because it was on so much in the ‘90s.

Did you see the one where Del and Rodney find all that money in a crashed plane in the woods but Raquel starts scheming and Del ultimately has to shoot Rodney but it turns out the money is all in marked bills anyway so he has to burn it?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on June 24, 2021, 03:53:32 PM
Did you see the one where Del and Rodney find all that money in a crashed plane in the woods but Raquel starts scheming and Del ultimately has to shoot Rodney but it turns out the money is all in marked bills anyway so he has to burn it?

Rings a bell. Was Denzel in that one?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 24, 2021, 04:05:02 PM
Rings a bell. Was Denzel in that one?

Big time. Turns out he was the ringleader but crashed the plane because they’ve got a different steering wheel to a lorry!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 24, 2021, 04:09:04 PM
Of course, the world's changed so much that if they made it today they'd have to call it "Online Fools and Mechanical Horses"

Ctrl+Alt+Del Boy
Uncle AlQ*bert
Game Boycie
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 24, 2021, 04:15:35 PM
Robo-dney 5000, with a machine gun arm.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 24, 2021, 04:16:15 PM
Cassandra enters Jerry's apartment Del's flat.

[slapping a fetus down on the counter] "I'm out!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 24, 2021, 04:18:47 PM
Del Boy: beep boop dipstick detected execute fraternal banter routines beep
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 24, 2021, 05:11:09 PM
Did you know, Jamiroquai’s Cosmic Girl was originally written and recorded to celebrate the birth of Rodney and Cassandra’s baby daughter? If you listen carefully you can hear Nicholas Lyndhurst low in the mix during the “Takes me into hyperspace, when I see her pretty face” section. Lyndhurst was originally due to have a far more prominent vocal part, but was axed after Cassandra rather selfishly failed to carry the baby to term.

Jason “Jay ‘JK’ Kay” Kay ended up dedicating the song to Denise Van Outen, a woman off the telly.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utterdrivel on June 24, 2021, 05:47:44 PM
Delbot 2000 smashes a gleaming steel fist through the Great Raymondo's jaw for being an 'iron hoof'
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Better Midlands on June 24, 2021, 05:48:27 PM
Nicholas Lyndhurst wins RuPaul's Drag Race as Miss Carriage

(https://i.imgur.com/bMGgxMV.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on June 24, 2021, 05:51:49 PM
I liked the James Taylor version of the theme tune, bringing his unique bittersweet approach to talk of Trevor Francis Tracksuits.

Remember how they only used it at the end of sad episodes, like the one where Cassandra miscarried the octuplets in Peckham ASDA?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 24, 2021, 06:08:24 PM
Sadly this image is all that has leaked from the aborted 2000 special 'A Pukka Palace'.

(https://i.imgur.com/N8FRLBP.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 24, 2021, 06:10:57 PM
Rodney Trotter chased the dragon and got a smack on the nose.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 24, 2021, 06:11:32 PM
This image is all that exists from the lost episode when Del Boy is selling some hooky vibrators.

(https://i.imgur.com/Qk4lnKV.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 24, 2021, 06:13:11 PM
Sadly this image is all that has leaked from the aborted 2000 special 'A Pukka Palace'.

(https://i.imgur.com/N8FRLBP.jpg)

AKA "Saville Row"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 24, 2021, 06:14:14 PM
Rodney: ah don't know Del its a nice gesture an all but i ain't never seen a dialysis machine wots made by atari
Del Boy: dont be a plonker all your life, do you think they gave sir jimmy the knighthood fa nuffink? mon dieu 'and me the space invadahs cart before the surgeon comes in
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 24, 2021, 06:17:21 PM
Just realised that hospital picture has a "when you see it you'll shit brix" in it that I've never noticed before.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 24, 2021, 06:20:01 PM
 the duke of edinburgh is dead in the picture when in reality he's still alive to this day?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 24, 2021, 06:22:29 PM
[solway firth, 1964]
Rodney: but why do I have to dress like a bee keeper, Del?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 24, 2021, 06:46:51 PM
[ilkley moor, 1987]
Rodney: This bleedin' compass Del sold me don't work. I'll never get me Duke of Edinburgh at this rate. Have to get into this green babygrow or I'll freeze out here.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 24, 2021, 06:48:25 PM
[Newby Church, 1963]
Rodney: I can hardly breath under this stinking old sack, Del. What if the priest comes in and sees me pratting about on the altar?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utter Shit on June 24, 2021, 06:54:11 PM
I liked the James Taylor version of the theme tune, bringing his unique bittersweet approach to talk of Trevor Francis Tracksuits.


Slight tangent back into normality but  former CAB alumni Darrell did a fantastic Elton John version of the theme tune.

https://youtu.be/b-GAksFm7_k

It's a really great parody, absolutely nailing Elton's musical style as much as the voice.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 24, 2021, 06:54:46 PM
[Dalby, the Isle of Man, 1931]
Rodney: You've gone too far this time, Del. Six years I was stuck under them floorboards, gone mad with hunger and talking a right load of old tommyrot!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 24, 2021, 07:11:08 PM
Just thinking about that episode where Rodney keeps waking up late and hungover, so Del decides to teach him a lesson by bricking him up in a tunnel.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 24, 2021, 07:31:38 PM
And what becomes of you, my love?
When they have finally stripped you of,
The Trevor Francis tracksuits that your poor old Grandad had to sweat to buy you?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 24, 2021, 07:32:26 PM
Del Boy hiding Cassandra’s miscarriage in a jelly.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 24, 2021, 07:38:07 PM
Boycie throwing Grandad’s Emperor burger over a building after losing to Del at poker.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Gurke and Hare on June 24, 2021, 07:42:29 PM
I have eaten
the emperor burgers
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 24, 2021, 07:51:09 PM
"She's thrown a fetus over a pub. What have you ever done, you dipstick?"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on June 24, 2021, 07:54:40 PM
I think if we’re all being honest, it was stretching credibility to have Del still driving that three-wheeled van into the 2000s. I can believe a down-on-his-luck market trader driving a 1960s Reliant van in the early 80s, but well before the end of the show’s run, minivans like the Bedford Rascal would’ve been available for buttons on the second-hand market.

All of peoples’ recollections of the show on this thread show its remarkable realism and true-to-life storylines, so it’s a shame they let themselves down with this detail.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 25, 2021, 04:13:32 PM
Del Boy enters the flat,  cigar in teeth. Rodney is reading Clever Clogs Magazine - for the intellectual clog wearer.

Del Boy: Big win on the horses, Rodney!

Rodney: That's t'riffic, Del Boy! Whose a clever boy then! (Gives his shoulder a rub) Lovely lolly!

whinny

Rodney: Oh.

Del Boy: Fetch the Harrods Oats, Rodney! And fill my second best soup bowl with water!

whinny

Del Boy: Come in, mom cherie

Rodney puts on a pair of earplugs and puts a blindfold on before running into his room.

Del Boy: Let battle commence!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 25, 2021, 05:33:03 PM
“Oh, quick tip, Rodney. You know the David Bowie records? Listen as much as you like but from a seven-inch disc? See that? Twelve inches… Keep ‘em in me lock-up.”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 25, 2021, 06:14:07 PM
Incidentally you can hire a replica Only Fools and Horses van: http://www.trottersvanhire.co.uk/

"Not my words Raquel, the words of Exchange and Mart"

"Raquel, that was classic intercourse"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on June 25, 2021, 06:26:22 PM
This is completely the wrong thread to post a genuine question in, but I'm having one of those Nelson Mandela house moments - was there a OFAH documentary/talking heads programme where Chas & Dave actually did a performance of the theme tune to demonstrate how they would have done it? I would have thought it would be on YouTube, but I can't find any reference to it anywhere.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 25, 2021, 06:31:14 PM
Slight tangent back into normality but  former CAB alumni Darrell did a fantastic Elton John version of the theme tune.

https://youtu.be/b-GAksFm7_k

It's a really great parody, absolutely nailing Elton's musical style as much as the voice.

That's brilliant. He's also done one where Bob Dylan sings the closing OFAH theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mUoxvnsbfE
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Gurke and Hare on June 25, 2021, 11:51:35 PM
Incidentally you can hire a replica Only Fools and Horses van: http://www.trottersvanhire.co.uk/

That's rubbish, you don't even get to drive it (too fast through some temporary traffic lights and over a humpbacked bridge) yourself.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: H-O-W-L on June 26, 2021, 07:19:30 AM
RODNEY, YOU PLONKER! YOU'VE OPENED THE KTH'TENT'HUA SCHISM!
[Poorly Green Screened Albert Flies Into Vortex Screaming]
[Crowd Laughs]
[Cheeky Del's face melts off]
[HE COMES]
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 26, 2021, 09:55:39 AM
That's brilliant. He's also done one where Bob Dylan sings the closing OFAH theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mUoxvnsbfE
Off on a tangent but his version of the New Faces theme song by The Smiths us brilliant.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on June 26, 2021, 01:41:40 PM
Remember that one where Rodders gets both eyelids pecked off and can't blink anymore, so everyone he runs into thinks he's staring them out and he gets the shite beat out of him over and over again, then after a particularly savage group drubbing at the hands of Cassandra, Cassandra's dad, and a lollipop lady, he turns his life over to Christ gets a medal for being the best at praying?

Rubbish that one was.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 26, 2021, 02:02:34 PM
I rather liked the episode where Rodney has to hunt down Uncle Albert after he goes rogue and becomes a cult leader at the height of the Vietnam War. Can never fully shake the image of Rodders hacking Uncle to death with a machete while the bearded madman gasps out, “The chandelier…. The chandelier…”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 26, 2021, 02:54:51 PM
Graham Norton riverdancing in the back of the Reliant until it falls over.

Found the clip!

(https://abload.de/img/ezgif.com-optimizetzk20.gif)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 26, 2021, 03:34:31 PM
Del Boy tells Rodney "Being in the back of Denzil's lorry was exhilarating"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 26, 2021, 03:47:05 PM
Grandad
This is a steamed ham! I asked for a steamed clam!

Rodney
You call hamburgers steamed hams?

Grandad
(To Del)
He got me a steamed ham!

Del
What?

Grandad
I asked him for a steamed clam, and he brings me back a steamed ham!

Del
Yes, yes, hang on a minute Spiros. Will you just hang on.
(To Rodney)
Look, what’s he on about now?

Rodney
He asked me to get him a steamed clam, but I purchased fast food and disguised it as my own cooking! Oh ho ho ho, delightfully devilish, Rodders!

Del
Bloody steamed clams and steamed hams! I’m trying to do a deal here. Now shut up will you!
No, no, not you Spiros, no, no me old mate. Alright, aurora borealis - at this time of day, at this time of year, in this part of the country, localised entirely within your kitchen. Can I see it? Ah, no. Right thanks, great – yeah, alright, see you around.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 26, 2021, 04:14:51 PM
Del Boy: Right, my name is only bloody Mr Burns ain't it? So you better sort me out wiv a letter right about now
Post office clerk: OK Mr Burns what's your first name?
Del Boy: I dunno that do I?
Post office clerk [frustrated]: VAT IS JOR NAME
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on June 26, 2021, 06:20:56 PM
One for the Well This Aged Badly pile - mid 80's ep where Rodders tries to go it alone and makes a right plonker of himself trying to flog neo-liberal economic policies to the Labour party. We weren't laughing come the late nineties!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 26, 2021, 06:22:46 PM
Remember that episode when Del was a lookalike for a mafia boss and the mafia tried to fake the mafia bosses death by killing Del?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 26, 2021, 06:33:14 PM
Remember that episode when Del was a lookalike for a mafia boss and the mafia tried to fake the mafia bosses death by killing Del?

this thread has gone off the rails
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 26, 2021, 06:34:37 PM
I'm seeing double: four Del Boys
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 26, 2021, 06:36:27 PM
Remember when Del promised to do an awards presentation and pierced his foot on a spike?

"Rodney you plonker, I've lost a pint of blood".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 26, 2021, 06:41:04 PM
“You couldn’t present a cat, you dozy mare!”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 26, 2021, 07:08:02 PM
Someone vandalised my van. It says Plonker Dipstick Trotter.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 26, 2021, 07:11:24 PM
The episode when Rodney and Del swap bodies for a day was a bit rubbish.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 26, 2021, 07:14:08 PM
This is a delightful thread.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 26, 2021, 07:21:29 PM
The episode when Rodney and Del swap bodies for a day was a bit rubbish.

OFAH FACT: during this episode David Jason acquired Nicholas Lyndhurst's innate powers of temporal displacement, and accidentally travelled back in time to 1944. Believing it to be one of them modern improv based comedy things, he acted as Del Boy the entire time and made a "kushti" deal selling ammunition to the nazis. This is reason why unfortunately Operation Overlord failed and ultimately Germany won the war, and why the highest medal awarded by the German army is Das Band Von Del Junge. I am typing this from a bunker 27 miles south of london and hear jackboots in the distance. The familiar chilling chant of "bush bush bush" is drawing ever closer. This is my last transmission. May God have mercy on our souls.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on June 26, 2021, 07:31:25 PM
Incidentally you can hire a replica Only Fools and Horses van: http://www.trottersvanhire.co.uk/

Why not go one further?

https://www.onlyfoolsandhearses.co.uk/

The photos and testimonials are something else.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 26, 2021, 07:43:49 PM
Just seen a trailer for that new Richard Curtis film "Plonker". It is about some failed comedy writer called Jack getting into an accident and waking up in hospital to find that Only Fools and Horses was never made.

Quote from: Plonker Trailer
Jack lays in bed, his girlfriend Ellie comes in

Jack: I feel like a right plonker for getting in that accident
Ellie: Plonker? What does that mean?
Jack: Oh you know, off Only Fools. I tell you, I must have looked like Derek Trotter falling through the bar when I went off my bike in the accident that I have just had
Ellie: Who is Derek Trotter? Is he one of your mates? Anyway, I've got you your favourite burger here

Jack laughs to himself

Jack: I asked for an Emperor Burger!
Ellie: What's an Emperor Burger? Are you feeling okay?

Crash zoom into Jack's face as he realises the magnitude of the situation

It then goes through a few clips from the film. Jack types in "Only Fools and Horses" on Google but just gets people sitting on horses and pulling funny faces. A TV exec saying that they don't like the name Rodney as it is a bit too unusual for the target audience and if he would consider Dave instead. Robert Carlyle is going to win an award for his cameo as Buster Merryfield.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 26, 2021, 08:00:00 PM
Crash zoom into Jack's face as he realises the magnitude of the situation

Voice over: Looks like I am on to a winner here...
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 26, 2021, 08:01:47 PM
The scene where he goes to the car showroom and asks for a three wheel van and they look at him like he's crazy is hysterical.

Peter Kay's cameo was perfect. "A three wheel...van?"

And when he drives out in a Ford transit with one wheel removed to Tears For Fears.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 26, 2021, 08:04:07 PM
Gary Sparrow finds a time portal leading back to the 1997 British Comedy Awards and puts a banana skin on the stairs.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 26, 2021, 08:10:26 PM
More out takes of Good Night Sweetheart exist than for any other piece of recorded entertainment. But they all consist of portal based onanism. Dozens of hours of it.

I hear this is the reason why Gary Sparrow went back to WW2: originally he was supposed to go back to fun places swinging London, Elizabethan theatre and 1977 punk clubs but the only way they could keep him flaccid enough to concentrate on filming was constantly reminding him of the worst atrocities in human history. He still gave it a good old go, though.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 26, 2021, 08:12:57 PM
On some early VHS copies of OFAH if you turn the volume all the way up you can hear the voice over Lyndhurst's earpiece reading out the mortality rates of famous battles and depressing details about Stalingrad. Otherwise he'd be going at it like a fucking chimp. 
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 26, 2021, 08:21:06 PM
Del Boy stands over Slater's body.

DEL BOY: Coppers don't like me. So I don't like coppers

He blows Slater's hand off.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 26, 2021, 10:22:30 PM
RODAGON:
Let's go.

DELIMIR:
We can't.

RODAGON:
Why not?

DELIMIR:
We're waiting for Grandad, you plonker!!!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 26, 2021, 10:40:06 PM
Remember when Rodney started trumpet lessons and became an incredible jazz player but got hooked on heroin. Del had to lock him in Grandad's room as he withdrew. Finally ended with Cassandra shooting him dead on stage in the Nag's Head whilst he was playing "Straight, No Chaser".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 26, 2021, 10:50:45 PM
Rodney:
Joan, I want you to meet your new brother, Cassandra's miscarriage!

Cassandra's miscarriage:
Cowabunga, dudes!

Rodney:
Mwah! Mwah mwah! Give it a try! It's like kissing a blancmange.

Cassandra:
Rodney, I want that thing out of my house.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 27, 2021, 11:24:00 AM
Del Boy's prime directives

1.Earn the punters' trust
2. Keep Rodney's innocence
3. Avoid the law
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 27, 2021, 12:17:47 PM
Who's the white market trader
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
(Del)
You're damn right
Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother, Rodney?
(Del)
Can ya dig it?
Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's Grandad all about? (Del)
Right on
You see this right sort Del is a bad plonker (Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Derek (Then we can dig it)
He's a complicated man but no one understands him but Raquel
(Del-Boy)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 27, 2021, 12:21:57 PM
Just watched the episode with Rodney being entered into the local rodeo competition and Del bigs him up hoping he can win the £500 prize. Grandad turns into a horse so Rodney thinks he is riding Grandad when actually he is riding the wildest horse they have, Volcano!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on June 27, 2021, 12:40:14 PM
Who's the white market trader
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
(Del)
You're damn right
Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother, Rodney?
(Del)
Can ya dig it?
Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's Grandad all about? (Del)
Right on
You see this right sort Del is a bad plonker (Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Derek (Then we can dig it)
He's a complicated man but no one understands him but Raquel
(Del-Boy)

Brilliant
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 27, 2021, 01:22:42 PM
When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Dead Trigger Storage"?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 27, 2021, 01:45:33 PM
Remember when Boycie went to see Del and Rodney threw spunk at him while saying he could smell his cunt?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 27, 2021, 01:54:57 PM
They were running out of ideas when Del ate a load of onions and then spunked into Boycie's hair gel and then Boycie threatened a French guy.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 27, 2021, 02:00:33 PM
Really annoying how the woke BBC and Netflix have censored broadcasts of OFAH. They've removed almost all references to Del's special relationship with equines. In the episode Lolly and Loot, series 5, we see a saddle wrapped up next to some flowers but we don't see Del Boy give it to a horse at the Nag's Head before finding a quite horsebox for them to romp in.

They'll be removing the bit where Del removed Micky Pearce's testicles and ate them with fish and chips and a bottle of Blue Nun next.

"Pass the ketchup Rodders, there are a couple of hairs left on this ballbag"

A classic scene often found on YouTube.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on June 27, 2021, 03:12:02 PM
Remember the 20th anniversary episode when all the different Del Boys met up in Peckham to stop Slater from becoming Chief Constable for ever?

I loved the bit where Albert met Grandad who was with the first Del, and the bit where Boycey and the second Del had to get to Nelson Mandela house. I even liked the ending where they all went off on their own three-wheelers.

But it was crap when Rodney fell down a gentle slope and had to be rescued by the Third Del in the pratmobile. At least he left Cassandra at home though. And the bit where they faced the ghosts of all of her miscarriages was cruel.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 27, 2021, 03:19:18 PM
Cassy, Cassy,
Give me your answer do!
I'm half crazy,
All for the love of you!
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I bet you'll have a miscarriage
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle made for two.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 27, 2021, 03:21:20 PM
RODAGON:
Let's go.

DELIMIR:
We can't.

RODAGON:
Why not?

DELIMIR:
We're waiting for Grandad, you plonker!!!

Taking a pony from the right pocket of my greatcoat, and putting it in my mouth, I replaced it in the right pocket of my greatcoat by a pony from the right pocket of my trousers, which I replaced by a pony from the left pocket of my trousers, which I replaced by a pony from the left pocket of my greatcoat, which I replaced by the pony which was in my mouth, as soon as I had finished sucking it. Thus there were still four ponies in each of my four pockets, but not quite the same ponies. And when the desire to suck took hold of me again, I drew again on the right pocket of my greatcoat, certain of not taking the same pony as the last time.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on June 27, 2021, 03:24:04 PM
Why do only fools and horses spurt?
Bush
Bush
Bush
Bush
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 27, 2021, 03:26:41 PM
(https://i2-prod.mylondon.news/incoming/article20233052.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/0_rodney-and-del-in-lift.png)
Remember this one. This shot is not long before Del holds Rodney down, slowly suffocating him. He then start to feast on Rodney's raw, dead flesh.
As this review said
Quote
Considering Rodney is normally being referred to as a plonker, It's one of the rarest scenes to see Rodney die and show his raw carrion, it really does tug at your stomach.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 27, 2021, 03:30:04 PM
Silently, he pulled down the shade against the shadow.
Lost in the doorstep of the empty Nelson Mandela House.
I'm trying to find my way home.
I'm sorry
YOU PLONKER
YOU PLONKER
YOU RUDDY PLONKER
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 27, 2021, 03:32:56 PM
Trigger was originally scripted to appear in the 2014 special until the writers realised that he was dead so he was hurriedly written out.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on June 27, 2021, 03:39:58 PM
Trigger was originally scripted to appear in the 2014 special until the writers realised that he was dead so he was hurriedly written out.
But hang on, what about the episode in 2015?
Quote from: IMDB
When Del-Boy and Rodney arrive at Trigger's house, they are shocked to find Trigger's body. Before they can call the authorities, guests arrive for a broom party that Trigger usually hosts every weekend. To the pair's amazement, the guests are too busy partying to notice he is dead, with the dopey grin from the fatal injection and his sunglasses concealing his lifeless state. Fearing implication in Trigger's death, and wanting to enjoy the luxury of Peckham for the weekend, Del proposes he and Rodney maintain the illusion that Trigger is still alive, which Rodney finds absurd.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 27, 2021, 04:26:05 PM
Neil Kinnock is a massive Only Fools and Horses fan and was a talking head on the 2012 "Jubblywagon - stars across the nation tell us how much they love Only Fools and Horses while eating crisps"

Quote
I’ll tell you what happens with Only Fools and Horses. You start with two lads in a flat with their grandad, and then their uncle. The ideas in the theme tune become to them a rigid dogma, a code, and they, Del in particular, go through the years sticking to their unrealistic ideas of easy money while meeting partners and even having children and you end in the grotesque chaos of them finally become millionaires, losing their fortune, and then regaining some of it. I’m telling you, no matter how entertaining, I can't watch Del Boy and Rodney prat about without a tear in my eye.

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: non capisco on June 27, 2021, 04:26:29 PM
Off on a tangent but his version of the New Faces theme song by The Smiths us brilliant.

Pulp doing Dangermouse is my favourite.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: non capisco on June 27, 2021, 04:27:03 PM
Rodney:
Joan, I want you to meet your new brother, Cassandra's miscarriage!

Cassandra's miscarriage:
Cowabunga, dudes!

Rodney:
Mwah! Mwah mwah! Give it a try! It's like kissing a blancmange.

Cassandra:
Rodney, I want that thing out of my house.

Hahahaha, fuckin hell.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 27, 2021, 04:57:29 PM
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen, as Del had offloaded a load of dodgy ones across the estate. Rodney Trotter, his arms laden with dodgy gear that his friend Micky Pearce had sold him, slipped quickly through the doors of Nelson Mandela House, though not quickly enough to prevent the smell of a post-kebab fart from entering along with him.

The hallway smelt of piss, cheap aftershave, horseshit and old rag mats. At one end of it a coloured poster, too large for indoor display, had been tacked to the wall. It depicted simply an enormous face, more than a metre wide: the face of a balding man of about forty-five, with what the man himself (and only the man himself) described as ruggedly handsome features. Rodney made for the stairs. It was no use trying the lift. Even at the best of times it was seldom working, and at present the floor was covered in three inches of horse piss. The flat was seven flights up, and Rodney, who was twenty-eight and had a hangover, went slowly, resting several times on the way. On each landing, opposite the lift shaft, the poster with the enormous face gazed from the wall. It was one of those pictures which are so contrived that the eyes follow you about when you move. LOOK OUT FOR DEREK TROTTER AND HIS PUKKA BARGAINS IN PECKHAM MARKETT the caption beneath it ran.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 27, 2021, 05:09:28 PM
That Christmas special when NASA chooses Del and Rodney to save the planet from a giant asteroid because the controls of the ship are identical to those of a three wheeled van. That classic bit when he is on the space phone to Cassandra:

Rodney: Alright, look, I agree that Del gets a bit out of hand, but I think it’s unfair to say that everything he touches goes wrong.

Huge explosion.

Rodney: Cass? You still there? The International Space Station has just blown up.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 27, 2021, 05:11:20 PM
Neil Kinnock is a massive Only Fools and Horses fan

He really connected with it after Buster Merryfield fell in the sea at the British Comedy Awards.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 27, 2021, 05:26:05 PM
OFAH Fact: Rodney's first born is called DENZIL'S RADIO in the script because one person couldn't carry it
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on June 27, 2021, 05:28:49 PM
Neil Kinnock is a massive Only Fools and Horses fan

He could probably identify, till they stopped being eternal losers.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on June 27, 2021, 05:51:49 PM
Not many people know that the entire "Del Boy is pregnant" arc was concocted to cover up how fat David Jason was getting. Of course he never lost the weight, leading to an unrealistically protracted pregnancy which never carried to term. This is the origin of  the colloquialism "Del Spawn", meaning a thing that is promised, but never materialises.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 27, 2021, 06:34:29 PM
Del discovers eBay.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 27, 2021, 06:46:16 PM
Del discovers eBay and buys from himself (collect from a lock up) and sells to himself at a profit (drop off point)

ends up half a million in debt.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 27, 2021, 07:46:28 PM
I rather liked the episode where Rodney finally tracks Del Boy down and it transpires Grandad taught Rodders the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart technique and he makes Del’s heart burst like an overinflated sex doll.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 27, 2021, 08:26:11 PM
The first hijacking took place around 8:28PM GMT on the same night. This hijack briefly took over the regular programming on BBC 1 during an airing of the Only Fools and Horses episode "Jolly Boys Outing". Due to it being just after tea time, there were no engineers available to reroute the signal, leaving technicians to monitor the situation but unable to stop it. A station spokesman later stated that by the time engineers could be dispatched, the incident had ended. The episode was interrupted by a distorted, shaking background, an ominous buzzing noise, and the face of a man in a Harry Belafonte mask. The noise was likely due to a failure to hijack the station's audio frequencies.

The masked figure made a comment about "dipsticks", apparently called BBC director general Sir John Birt  a "ruddy plonker", held up a can of Tango while saying "you know when you've been tangoed" (a slogan from an ad campaign) and held up a middle finger inside what appeared to be a hollowed-out dildo. The figure then mutters something about "not being bleedin' fictional any longer, mush" and a second figure, taller figure dressed as DC superhero Robin appears five second later and says (under heavy distortion) "I don't know Del, this'll mess with the timeline and everyfind" before the masked figure calls him a "ruddy plonker" and hits him with the dildo and shoves him out of shot. The figure in the Harry Belafonte mask is there seen being spanked with what appears to be a cheeseburger while distorted exclaims something about being it "pukka" when "this time next year" they can "escape". The intrusion incident abruptly ends when a small man with a beard appears to pull out a cable from behind the figures, and the final distorted audio sounds like "you sappy ord tort" but this last line subject to debate.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 28, 2021, 08:26:39 PM
Rodney gets a job working at a fast food place but gets sacked for giving a customer a cheeseburger instead of an Emperor Burger.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 28, 2021, 09:04:02 PM
What other uses does this "astroturf" have?
So, you can shred it up... and put it in a piece of paper... and roll it up.
Don't tell me, Rodney, don't tell me. You stick it in your ear, right? Oh! between your lips? Then what do you do?
You set fire to it?
I don't know Rodney, I don't think it'll catch on
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on June 28, 2021, 09:55:05 PM
Reading through all these pages, the truly amazing thing is that the show managed to achieve all of this in only two series, of 6 episodes each.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 28, 2021, 11:19:03 PM
Reading through all these pages, the truly amazing thing is that the show managed to achieve all of this in only two series, of 6 episodes each.

Even more so when you consider Aardman only had three employees at the time.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 29, 2021, 09:53:57 AM
Tell you what, tell you what, it's six and a half million pounds.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 29, 2021, 01:12:16 PM
John Sullivan's decision to end the last episode abruptly with just a black screen was controversial. While Sullivan has insisted that it was not his intention to stir controversy, the ambiguity over the ending and question of whether Del Boy was murdered has continued for years after the finale's original broadcast and has spawned numerous websites devoted to finding out his true intention
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on June 29, 2021, 01:23:10 PM
Reading through all these pages, the truly amazing thing is that the show managed to achieve all of this in only two series, of 6 episodes each.

You are forgetting the Christmas special (where Del finally tells Boycie to “fuck off”. A triumph).
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 29, 2021, 01:35:17 PM
Loved that series with the running gag each week of Del convincing Rodney that people thought he'd committed worse and worse sex crimes and he goes into hiding. Each episode ends with Del drinking piss in new and hilarious ways.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 29, 2021, 01:49:30 PM
Remember when Raquel was in the hospital with an ingrowing toenail and Del Boy had to hang a moose's head up in the flat? And Rodney's German friends were arriving the next day.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 29, 2021, 02:47:50 PM
"It's the wrong trousers, Rodney, you plonker"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 29, 2021, 03:02:54 PM
Hasta la vista, Rodney.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 29, 2021, 03:22:00 PM
I don't care what anyone says, David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst were excellent choices for the English dub of Grave of the Fireflies. And the inclusion of the "plonker" line wasn't pandering in the least.

Who else were they gonna get? Bill Oddie? Craig Charles? Be reasonable.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 29, 2021, 03:42:49 PM
Remember when a giant Uncle Albert robot fought Robocop 2 for some cut price nuke?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on June 29, 2021, 04:17:27 PM
DEL: Raquel, it's a littul bay-bee!

RAQUEL: Don't come near me, Trotter!

DEL: 'ere, midwife bloke, your wig's gone for a Burton.

DELBERT GRADY: I'm sorry sir but YOU are the midwife. You've always been the midwife.

(https://i.imgur.com/r4vCboz.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 29, 2021, 04:25:35 PM
Yes, it's quite widely forgotten that Del was a midwife in the first series. People seem to forget that Del Boy is short for Delivers Boys and Girls.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 29, 2021, 04:29:01 PM
That last shot of the radioactive placentas glowing in the fridge is a classic!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 29, 2021, 09:54:00 PM
this simply has to be posted here

https://twitter.com/Keir_Starmer/status/1409933737542963207

LEGEND KIETH
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on June 29, 2021, 09:56:34 PM
Didn’t think he could sink any lower but here comes fucking Keith making a mockery of this thread with his non-canon Only Fools and Horses episodes.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 29, 2021, 10:00:03 PM
This is embarrassing. We've lost to Keir Starmer.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 29, 2021, 10:03:46 PM
Keir Starmer falls through the polls.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 29, 2021, 10:03:51 PM
Too cowardly to post the next (real) scene, where Del Boy fired a hat trick of knock-off Mitre footballs right up Albert's arsehole. He looked like a child's drawing of a caterpillar by the time Del was finished.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 29, 2021, 10:15:38 PM
Garry and Gareth are completely separate names so it doesn't even work lol
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 29, 2021, 10:19:36 PM
GARY for Prime Minister.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on June 29, 2021, 11:19:12 PM
I still think the animated episode was a mistake. The Dangermouse crossover was bad enough, although Albert made a decent Colonel K, but the Wind in the Willows sequence really didn’t work.

The claymation Heron Cassandra still gives me nightmares.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 30, 2021, 12:18:32 AM
Why did she have Willy Rushton's voice? "Oh Globbits, I've lost our baby"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 30, 2021, 12:22:06 AM
Willie Rushton and David Jason in Cosgrave Hall's Trapdoor of the Fireflies

"I've had diarrhea again, Berk"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 30, 2021, 12:29:50 AM
Young del boy has an argument with rodders about their hospitalised mother and the latter runs off. del boy calls for help from his Neighbour Trigoro, and finds his brother by riding inside the three-legged Catvan.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 30, 2021, 12:34:26 AM
"W-why do the fireflies die so quick oni-san?"
"Stop being be such a baka plonker and help me get the last of mum's menthol cigarettes on the back of this stolen bike"

* * * * * "Redefines the war movie, I wept all night" - Robert Ebert

Young del boy has an argument with rodders about their hospitalised mother and the latter runs off. del boy calls for help from his Neighbour Trigoro, and finds his brother by riding inside the three-legged Catvan.

I'd rather be a pig than a grass, Slater.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 30, 2021, 07:05:46 AM
DEL: How much exactly did it go for?

RODNEY: Six point two million. Just over three million each.

DEL: Well we've had worse days, ain't we?

RODNEY: Oh yeah... D'you wanna go first or shall I?

DEL: How about together?

RODNEY: Alright then. One, two, three.

*DEL starts screaming and shouting with joy. Meanwhile, RODNEY reaches over toward DEL’s lap, unzips his fly, grasps his cock and starts sucking it*

DEL: Wait a minute, what the bleedin’ hell do you think you’re doing?

RODNEY: Sorry, Del, I thought you knew I meant we’d start sucking each other off.

DEL: Stone the crows, Rodney, why would I have thought that?

RONEY: I dunno, Del. I’m sorry.

DEL: At least wait ‘til we get home. Uncle Albert will want to join in.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 30, 2021, 11:24:42 AM
Watched Sirkiers beautiful meme again and realised it has an ALBERT REACTS in it
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on June 30, 2021, 02:23:35 PM
Who could forget this heart-tugging scene:

Rodders: How can you just get over it?
Del: Get over it?? I ain’t even started. I don’t know how! Chandeliers - who needs ‘em! They hold you back… and they break your bloody heart.

That last line really hits hard for anyone who has lost a chandelier
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on June 30, 2021, 02:34:14 PM
AWOOOOOOOOOO

LUUUUUUUVERLY JUBBLEY!!!

Trotters, meet the Trotters,
They're the modern Peckham family
From the age of Thatcher
Self-interest and depravity

Some day, maybe Del will become a millionaire
And grandad will get out of his fucking armchair

When you're with the Trotters
Have a lovely lovely jub time
A lovely jub time
We'll have a lovely jubbly time

RAAAAAAAQUELL!!!

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Cuellar on June 30, 2021, 02:37:10 PM
Tried to sing that to Werewolves of London to begin with
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on June 30, 2021, 02:58:51 PM
Tried to sing that to Werewolves of London to begin with

A-woooooo

Trotter’s Independent

A-woooo

Trading Co
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 30, 2021, 03:21:14 PM
Del, Rodney and Grandad go on a fishing trip when an escaped lunatic from the local asylum gets loose.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 30, 2021, 04:27:52 PM
Del Boy saying "It's a chandelier, it's a little chandelier!" after Raquel pushed out fifty kilos of jagged glass was pretty awful to watch.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 30, 2021, 04:29:12 PM
Remember when Mike replaced all the umbrellas in the cocktails in the Nag's Head with tiny chandeliers?

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 30, 2021, 04:36:32 PM
Del Boy and Rodney holding a blanket to catch the chandelier when Granddad hits the bolt. But when Granddad hits the bolt - get this - Kier Starmer becomes leader of the labour party.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 30, 2021, 04:42:29 PM
I reckon Rodney was Keith's least favourite character because he had a social conscience.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: poodlefaker on June 30, 2021, 04:45:41 PM
Remember the Del Boy Monologues Jason did on his phone during the 2020 lockdown? Everyone was like Genius, worthy of Alan Bennett, really pushing the format and developing the character? I thought they were shit.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on June 30, 2021, 04:48:11 PM
I reckon Rodney was Keith's least favourite character because he had a social conscience.

As soon as it came out that he'd once smoked a funny cigarette Keith probably scribbled his name and address down just in case his name came up at work.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on June 30, 2021, 07:22:42 PM
I’ve just remembered the never-repeated Comic Relief special with Zombie Grandad.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Cuellar on June 30, 2021, 07:23:48 PM
A-woooooo

Trotter’s Independent

A-woooo

Trading Co

aWOOOOOO

Luv-erly Jubbly

does work to Werewolves of London but it sadly falls apart after that.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 30, 2021, 07:38:57 PM
I’ve just remembered the never-repeated Comic Relief special with Zombie Grandad.

“I asked for brrrrrrraaaaaaaaaainnnnnsssssss and he’s brought me back a cheeseburger.”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on June 30, 2021, 08:26:11 PM
All joking aside, the most moving episode is grandad's funeral, where Del sees some trousers and pants on the bonnet of the hearse and, assuming they belonged to grandad, chucks them in the grave. Of course, then the vicar has to do the last rites with his cock and arse out. And he gets hard and some spunk shoots out.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 30, 2021, 08:37:57 PM
Uncle Albert's funeral was a weird one. Del and Rodney end up going to the wrong funeral while dressed as Batman and Robin.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on June 30, 2021, 09:33:45 PM
Del Boy posts a photo of his sausages and chips on Instagram with hashtags #cushty #luvvyjubbly
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on June 30, 2021, 09:37:01 PM
"You should think of that old goat. 'e ain't 'ad a bit since durin' da woah!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on June 30, 2021, 09:39:50 PM
The storyline where Knock-Knock beats up and then rapes Uncle Albert was groundbreaking at the time.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on June 30, 2021, 09:40:09 PM
Just rewatching the Halloween special when they get that monkey's paw with the wishes. Love it when Grandad realises it is cursed by wishing for an Emperor burger but gets a cheeseburger instead.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on June 30, 2021, 09:45:07 PM
What was the one were Roddy spoils Del's yuppy image by smearing tomatoes all over his Gordon Geckos?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 01, 2021, 01:01:52 AM
A Peckham Werewolf in Central London. Del transforms into a big hairy beast and kills homeless people on Tottenham Court Road. LoveahhhhWHOOOOley jubbly.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 01, 2021, 01:53:26 AM
Del Boy falls ahhh-thwoooo the bar.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 01, 2021, 01:54:58 AM
Slater: I got a tip off about someone selling dodgy silver bullets down the market place, you wouldn't know about that would you Trotter?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 01, 2021, 01:56:06 AM
Rodney points out that a plane is going to crash into the building but its actually the full moon and Del Boy turns into a werewolf and eats his face.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 01, 2021, 01:58:23 AM
Del Boy hires singer Tony Angelino without knowing he's a werewolf. Del Boy's dreams of being the next Phil Spector are shattered when he books a gig during a full moon and after a poorly received performance of Waterwooo Sunset, Tony mauls the audience to death.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 01, 2021, 01:59:13 AM
They're lycanthropic lawnmower engines.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 01, 2021, 02:31:31 AM
Cassandra has a miscarriage. At the vets.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: lankyguy95 on July 01, 2021, 04:57:18 AM
And you wonder why we don't get more miscarried foetuses on Cook'd and Bomb'd.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utterdrivel on July 01, 2021, 06:52:17 AM
During the WOOOAAAAAAAAARRR

(https://i.imgur.com/LcfLppml.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 01, 2021, 10:32:02 AM
Del Boy, Rodders and Albert discover one day that everyone has forgotten about the Beatles and decide to make Albert a famous pop star. From playing the joanna in the Nag's Head and singing Beatles songs, to London's Got Talent, to worldwide fame.

"It's Uncle Albert and the Trotters Lads with their American tour!"

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 01, 2021, 10:46:59 AM
All the dozy plonkers,
Where do they all come from?
All the dozy plonkers,
Where do they all belong?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 01, 2021, 10:52:33 AM
Rodney and Del in bed together to protest the Falklands War.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 01, 2021, 11:06:49 AM
Charles Manson interpreting the closing theme song as a call to arms from John Sullivan to prepare for the upcoming apocalyptic race war by slaughtering some rich white folk.

That's why 'HOOKY STREAT' (mispelled) was scrawled on the wall in blood at the Sharon Tate house.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 01, 2021, 11:11:12 AM
Rodney isn't even the best drummer in A Bunch of Wallies.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 01, 2021, 12:59:16 PM
I loved this one
Quote
Derek Edward Trotter, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence. You are an habitual criminal, who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts imprisonment in the same casual manner. We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences: you will go to prison for five years.
Loved all the episodes set in prison except when Trigger got smashed in the face with the billiard balls in Grandad's sock.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 01, 2021, 05:08:48 PM
Trigger was asking for that, though. You make a face when Del Boy falls behind bars, you can expect your "style" to get "cramped".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 01, 2021, 08:28:25 PM
Who remembers Only Girls and Horses, the BBC’s I’ll-fated attempt to appeal to the female market?

(https://abload.de/img/c4be7e82-2f8a-42ee-bulkwy.jpeg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on July 01, 2021, 08:46:05 PM
Who remembers Only Girls and Horses, the BBC’s I’ll-fated attempt to appeal to the female market?

(https://abload.de/img/c4be7e82-2f8a-42ee-bulkwy.jpeg)

Not many do, but it brought together for the first time the 3 stars of the much more popular Birds of a Feather
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 02, 2021, 02:39:24 AM
"but they're not terf bangs, Del" "shut up and hold me mooncup" classic lines
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 02, 2021, 02:47:24 AM
Bit narcissistic of John Challis to insist on playing the male and female version of Boycie and to have them married to each other and live in a big house with all those mirrors on the wall.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 02, 2021, 06:04:36 AM
“This time next year, we’ll be millionairesses!”

“Rhonda, you lipstick!”

“I asked for an Empress burger and she brings me back a woman’s cheeseburger!”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 02, 2021, 09:23:13 AM
Auntie Albert falling up the stairs at the Glamour Awards.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 02, 2021, 10:18:50 AM
Ride a pony round the paddock
I'll fetch my bag from my boyfriend's car
Cos if you wanna be best friends
And you don't ask questions then, sister, I'm your girl
Cos where it all comes from is a mystery
Just like a woman's menstrual cycle or cooking shows on TV
But he's the one who's driving me to work
I'm not catching a bus, you stupid berk
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on July 02, 2021, 12:42:55 PM
It’s just my opinion but I truly think Only Fools and Horses was one of the most well-known sitcoms of the 80’s. Don’t believe me? Think again - the show was deemed significant enough to merit a page all of its own by the runners of a little site called Wikipedia.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 02, 2021, 07:33:40 PM
Keith Starmer "The writers are so brilliant, I love the catchphrases. Del Boy makes you proud to be British."

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 02, 2021, 07:46:28 PM
If Starmer invites you to his house, you just have to see his toilet.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 02, 2021, 07:59:18 PM
Don't worry, I got Monkey Harris to do the fliers.
The same Monkey Harris who just tried to sell you a bunch of dodgy paper flags?
Don't you get saucy with me, Corbyn!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 02, 2021, 08:03:31 PM
They're broken election pledges.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 02, 2021, 09:01:31 PM
Anyone else remember the ‘David Jason is dead’ rumours?  Some people believed that Enn Reitel had plastic surgery and took over the role.

It was something to with the licence plate number on a hang-glider, as I recall.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 02, 2021, 11:06:58 PM
The rhino was Trig.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 02, 2021, 11:09:32 PM
Also, on the cover of the 1986 Radio Times Christmas Special, David Jason's arm is placed in such a way that his elbow is outside of the frame of the cover. This is a reference to the Kooshti People of ancient Peckham, who always buried their dead with their left elbows poking out of the coffin, so that they may "fall through the bar" of this life into afterlife and not have their style cramped by uncomfortable burials.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 02, 2021, 11:21:37 PM
Not to forget the animosity in Lyndhurst’s solo work, starting with the closing titles to ‘The Two of Us’’ featuring two cockney brothers fucking each other.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 02, 2021, 11:32:06 PM
Not to forget the animosity in Lyndhurst’s solo work, starting with the closing titles to ‘The Two of Us’’ featuring two cockney brothers fucking each other.
I remember it well, as well as his scathing song:
Quote
So Uncle Albert took you by surprise
You better see right through that dipstick's eyes
Trigger was right when he said you was dead
The one mistake you made was in the Nag's Head
How do you sleep?
How do you sleep at night?
You live with plonkers who tell you, you was king
Jump when Mickey Pearce tell you anything
The only thing you sold was hooky bought
And since you've gone you're just another sort
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 03, 2021, 02:24:07 AM
Remember when Grandad died and Del came home to tell Rodney but he was in the middle of a wank. Rodney stopped to answer the door but once Del and told him and left the room he was right back at it.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Goldentony on July 03, 2021, 02:42:33 AM
GRANDAD TOOK THE SECRET TO HIS TOOOOOMB
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: petrilTanaka on July 03, 2021, 10:10:06 AM
the one where Del refused to leave the flat for three years and Rodney was a ginger tosser
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 03, 2021, 10:15:32 AM
WHAT IF Rodney Not Del Boy Falls Through the Bar? (https://youtu.be/cvgGiBSOL7w)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jobotic on July 03, 2021, 10:19:27 AM
Who remembers Only Girls and Horses, the BBC’s I’ll-fated attempt to appeal to the female market?

(https://abload.de/img/c4be7e82-2f8a-42ee-bulkwy.jpeg)

Not arsed about Grandma or Caitlin Moran in the middle there, but Rodnine is a right sort.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 03, 2021, 10:32:55 AM
Del Boy balances six M&Ms on top of each other and appears on the news as a result, while Rodney goes into Del Boy's bedroom to borrow his braces for digging but slips on some horse spunk and falls through the wardrobe.

And remember when the council cut the grass outside Nelson Mandela house but didn't clear the clippings away and Del Boy said they smelt like Uncle Albert's ballbag so Rodney went to the papers?

Or when Sid created a meat baby for the Queen that came alive and was last seen eloping with Mick Pearce?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 03, 2021, 04:27:47 PM
Which was the one when Del Boy got sacked from his job managing a paper company for making jokes about how big Denzil’s cock would be and Rodney kept putting Mickey Pearce’s Pork Pie hat in jelly?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 04, 2021, 02:08:14 PM
Which was the one when Del Boy got sacked from his job managing a paper company for making jokes about how big Denzil’s cock would be and Rodney kept putting Mickey Pearce’s Pork Pie hat in jelly?

I remember that episode, Raquel was offering kisses for a quid in aid of Save The Whales and Mickey Pearce showed Cassandra the best way to pick a box full of dodgy gear up.

Also liked the episode that Goodnight Sweetheart was based on, when Rodney built a time-travelling car in order to go back in time and prevent Del Boy falling through the bar, only to end up in 1963 where he prevented JFK's assassination. This lead to a nuclear war in 1965 when an angry, STD ridden Kennedy fell on the nuclear button while scratching his inflamed genitalia. Once Rodney had corrected history and made sure Kennedy was shot, he ended up in the 1940s and had to work out how to get home, as his time travelling car was impounded for the war effort.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on July 04, 2021, 02:34:19 PM
I always wonder if that story about David Jason burping in a make up girl's face is true or not. I think he was meant to have been filming A Touch Of Frost at the time, but still. Imagine what it smelt of.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 04, 2021, 02:58:17 PM
I forgot Goodnight Sweetheart was a spin-off.

They ripped off BTTF when it reached the 60s and Rodney had to disguise himself as Freddie The Frog when he met the Inbetweener Del-Boy and then shagged his own mother to become his own father.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 04, 2021, 03:48:40 PM
Rodney had the plonker gene because he shagged his own mum and it made him immune to Slater's powerful psionic blasts.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 04, 2021, 05:42:20 PM
Remember when Del Boy got a mobile phone and kept calling it his ring-piece, leading to humourous misunderstandings?

"Boycie, would you like to borrow my ring-piece?"
"I wouldn't say no to a bit of rough, Del Boy"
"What do you mean? I was going to offer you my dog and bone"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on July 04, 2021, 05:50:06 PM
Complicated by the fact that Delbert Boy actually kept the mobile phone up his arse, for safe keeping.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 04, 2021, 06:09:08 PM
I loved the season when Rodney got bitten by the radioactive spider. He didn't have a proper Spiderman uniform and had to do with some hooky one Del got off Monkey Harris. What did he look like? I'll tell you: a right plonker.
Del: "Spiderman? Spider-plonker, more like Rodders. Fighting crime with one GCE? What would our mother think?"

Giving Uncle Albert an adamantium skelton was a bit much, though.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 04, 2021, 06:20:51 PM
Remember when Prince Philip guest starred in 1990? His Land Rover broke down on the way back from a secret tryst and Del and Rodney came across him in their Robin Reliant. Prince Philip made some racist remarks before calling Rodney "a rancid, soppy big long streak of piss, hippy idiots like you are why we lost the Empire." Rodney called the RAC on Del's bottom phone who helped repair the fault in his engine and Del sold him a dodgy watch, and Philip drove off making a rude gesture, which made the audience laugh very loudly.

A few weeks later Uncle Albert opened a letter and it was from Philip saying "Thanks, you ghastly common scum, managed to get back to the Palace."


Some quotes from the episode

"Careful of my anus, Rodney."
"Come on you pack of common pioneers and ring the RAC"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 05, 2021, 08:43:46 PM
(https://abload.de/img/c4be7e82-2f8a-42ee-bulkwy.jpeg)

Not arsed about Grandma or Caitlin Moran in the middle there, but Rodnine is a right sort.

yeah, they make a cute anime girl*, & a lot more attractive than Nicholas Lyndhurst in a wig as his own mum/sister/whatever in that smiths ad *shudder* eta: at the repressed horror of that entire advert. Oh and amazing casting finding someone to play grandma who still looks like grandad.

eta2: forgot Della was played by Tiff from Eastenders. (*remember that failed OVA adaptation?)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 05, 2021, 09:30:21 PM
Rodney: Why did you want to go to breakfast if you're not hungry Del? Right waste of money.
Del Boy: I just wanted to come here, kushti.
Rodney: To Sid's? I wasn't going to say anything, but why Sid's?
Del Boy: It's kind of embarrassing innit.
Rodney: Let's hear it then.
Del Boy: I had a ruddy dream about this place didn't I?
Rodney: Cosmic.
Del Boy: Listen! Don't get sarky with me you dipstick.
Rodney: Okay, so you had a dream about this place. Tell me about it. This better not be one about mum on her deathbed again.
Del Boy: Well ... it's the second one I've had, but they were both the same......they start out that I'm in here but it's not day or night. It's kinda half night, but it looks just like this except for the light, but I'm scared like I can't tell you. Of all people you're standing right over there by that counter like a right lemon. You're in both dreams and you're scared. I get even more frigh'ned when I see how afraid you are and then I realize what it is - there's a geezer in the back of this place. He's the one he's the one that's bloody doing it. I can see him through the wall. I can see his boat race and I hope I ain't never gonna see that mush ever outside a dream.
Rodney: So, you came to see if he's out there? I ain't ever heard nuffink about people seeing through walls Del.
Del Boy: I came to get rid of this awful feeling.
Rodney: Triffic. Oh, go on let's have a bloody look then.

[Rodney and Del exit Sid's and walk around the back]

Rodney: Told ya there's nuffin here, is there?
Del Boy: You plonker, we gotta have a butchers 'round the back to make sure. I think we're on to something.
Rodney: Go on then.
Del Boy: Play it cool, son. Play it cool.

[Del boy walks around the back of Sid's cafe.
Out of nowhere, Trigger appears, doing a face]

Del Boy [look of existential horror]: He's cramping my style!

[Del Boy falls, as if through a bar]

[Rodney holds his brother as his passes out dead from a heart attack]
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 06, 2021, 09:41:24 PM
RODNEY: Who’s Uncle Albert?

DEL BOY: He’s only the man Grandad could have been.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 06, 2021, 10:29:13 PM
I did enjoy the one where Del and Cassandra were hit by lightning and swapped bodies.

I still laugh at the memory of Cassanda/Del-Boy being roughly buggered against his will, before having an hilarious miscarriage and Del-Boy/Cassandra’s multiple attempts to fall through the bar.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 07, 2021, 06:41:03 AM
Remember the one where the people of Peckham would be rounded up and killed once they hit 30? Rodney goes on the run to try and find “Sanctuary”, and he and Cassandra encounter a Grandad who rants on about “Fish, Emperor burgers, sea greens... protein from the sea!”. He ends up fighting Mickey Pearce to the death and meeting an old man named Del Boy who he brings back to Peckham to convince people that they can live longer than 30 and to buy a mobile telephone where the aerial pops up your nose.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 07, 2021, 11:45:59 AM
I remember when six replicants were loose in Peckham and Del Boy and Rodney were deputised as blade runners by Slater.

"They don't advertise for killers in the newspaper. That was my profession. Independent tradesman. Local stud. And now a blade runner. Now a killer"

"Don't be a plonker, Del Boy. I've got four skin-jobs walking the streets."

Also I remember when Nicholas Lyndhurst took a break for six episodes to focus on his appearance in The Wizard of Oz and they had a guest Rodney each time. My favourite guest Rodney was Sid Little. Who was yours?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 07, 2021, 11:57:11 AM
My favourite guest Rodney was Nelson Mandela.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 07, 2021, 12:04:49 PM
Wasn't sure when they got Richard Wilson in to do it. A bit old and too well spoken for me.

"I don't believe you sometimes, Rodney!"

"You don't believe it, Del??? Well I don't believe it either!!!"

Remember my dad absolutely roaring.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 07, 2021, 04:49:41 PM
Richard Wilson aw Rodney was OK, for me. But I thought that Oprah Winfrey was a stretch too far.

“I loves Cassandra, God knows I do. But I'll kill her dead 'fo I let her have another miscarriage”


Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 07, 2021, 04:51:49 PM
Best guest Rodney was GG Allin. They never did find Del's cigar again afterwards.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 08, 2021, 02:13:17 PM
Before any Only Fools and Horses fanfiction can be published online, it must pass the inspection of David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst, who carry out this role once a year out of respect for their characters. They are very picky in what they let through - no, Del Boy can't go on an adventure with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as they live in America and he lives in Peckham. No, he wouldn't fly to America to see the Turtles. I don't care if you are only twelve and like writing stories about Del Boy for fun, it doesn't fit with the character. Next!

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 08, 2021, 05:02:26 PM
Denis Lill, the actor who played Alan Parry, ate so many jellied eels at Rodney and Cassandra's wedding reception that he was forced to changed his name to Denis Eel.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on July 09, 2021, 10:03:39 AM
What about the one where Slater’s blackmailing Del. We all think his number’s finally up until Del craftily has Slater thrown alive into a vat of boiling sugar.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 09, 2021, 10:30:46 AM
"Ere, Del, that reminds me. That boiling sugar I bought off you has got all bits of human remains in it."

"That's funny. So does ours!"

*CREDITS*
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 09, 2021, 10:51:12 AM
Did I imagine the one where Del puts Rodney and Albert in the Tower of London and has them killed on the sly before being himself killed by Slater at Bosworth Field?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 09, 2021, 10:54:39 AM
"A Reliant Regal! My lockup contents for a Reliant Regal!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 09, 2021, 11:01:38 AM
Just seen in the Mirror that they've done a tie-in with Cadburys to promote orange Twirls.

God bless orange Twirls
Viva orange Twirls
Long live orange Twirls
C'est magnifique orange Twirls
Magnifique orange Twirls
Orange Twirls (repeat to fade)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 09, 2021, 11:10:02 AM
As part of the tie up, Del will be known as MonDelez Boy.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 09, 2021, 11:30:03 AM
I was watching an old episode on YouTube this morning. It was the one where Del superglued the end of Albert's foreskin up.

"They promised us homes fit for heroes. They gave us glued-up foreskins so our penises ballooned up with piss."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 09, 2021, 05:14:09 PM
If England win the Euros, there's going to be a new series of Only Fools and Horses, and it will be dreadful. Rodney will be entered in a kid's football tournament by Del to win a holiday in the Falkland Islands (the only country that would allow them to film).

Del Boy now lives in a massive mansion with a Union Jack on a flagpole, and Rodney gets kneed in the testicles by someone playing "Jeremy Corbyn" (it took them a while to find an impersonator).

There's one episode which is full of jokes about "Remainers" and Del Boy says "Good thing Trotters Independent Trading prepared for Brexit properly by looking at the government website." Rodney says "Oh yeah" and then reads out the link very slowly while looking at the camera.

And Del will try and sell a load of dodgy calculators to the local primary school and the headteacher will say "These calculators are worse at mathematics than Diane Abbott" before looking at the camera and mouthing "Vote Conservative".

At the end of the series, Del Boy and Rodney are knighted by the Queen for services to enterprise.

John Sullivan didn't agree to this, Oliver Dowden tied him up in a basement.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 09, 2021, 05:24:00 PM
Del's actually living in a shed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke0jYD4oHCs
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 09, 2021, 07:02:41 PM
Remember when they called Boycie a "Jaffa"? All because he was found dead from autoerotic asphyxiation. How we laughed when Uncle Albert opened that wardrobe door and there was Boycie, naked except for a pair of stockings and suspenders, with an electrical flex tied around his neck, a black bin liner over his head, an orange in his mouth and piles and piles of carpet tiles under his arse.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 09, 2021, 08:40:19 PM
Del's actually living in a shed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke0jYD4oHCs
fucking hell that's the most deso thing in this whole thread
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 09, 2021, 10:03:58 PM
Del's actually living in a shed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke0jYD4oHCs

I love the Fall.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 09, 2021, 10:12:03 PM
I love the Fall.

(https://i.imgur.com/NrzZNos.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/J0XkvYB.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/DtgGXKK.jpg)

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 09, 2021, 10:15:30 PM
Albert falls down the stairs and the audience pull a face.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 09, 2021, 10:17:23 PM
beloved comedy moments
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 09, 2021, 11:45:19 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/NrzZNos.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/J0XkvYB.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/DtgGXKK.jpg)

(http://pm1.narvii.com/7200/284b530dc80d86981a24319e8451f2e172261cd7r1-400-300v2_uhq.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: poodlefaker on July 09, 2021, 11:56:36 PM
A big part of  the appeal of the early series of OFAH for younger viewers were the appearances by some of the leading "alternative" pop groups of the day, but what few people realised at the time was that the bands were there only because the inclusion of musicians meant that to the mandarins at the BBC the show qualified as light entertainment rather than comedy and so accrued a larger budget. Still, who can forget such memorable performances as The Slits doing "Animal Space" in Rodney's bedroom, The Prefects' "Bristol Road Leads to Dachau" in a stairwell of Mandela Towers, or Rhoda Dakar and the Specials' heartfelt rendition of "The Boiler" in The Nag's Head for Boycie and Marlene's silver wedding buffet.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 09, 2021, 11:57:57 PM
(http://pm1.narvii.com/7200/284b530dc80d86981a24319e8451f2e172261cd7r1-400-300v2_uhq.jpg)

(https://i.imgur.com/uItpLlp.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 10, 2021, 12:03:09 AM
uncle albert crawls backwards out of the TV

nande?!

during the waaaaaaaaaaAARGHHH
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 10, 2021, 11:08:15 AM
Remember when Del Boy, Rodney, Trigger and Denzil make a bet over who can go the longest without masturbating? And Del Boy watches Raceday Live and then comes into the Nag's Head, slams a tenner on the table and says "Well, I'm out". Rodney is watching an Open University program at 2am when he becomes sexually aroused, and sates his urge by smelling Uncle Albert's underpants.

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on July 10, 2021, 11:44:09 AM
Remember when Del Boy, Rodney, Trigger and Denzil make a bet over who can go the longest without masturbating? And Del Boy watches Raceday Live and then comes into the Nag's Head, slams a tenner on the table and says "Well, I'm out". Rodney is watching an Open University program at 2am when he becomes sexually aroused, and sates his urge by smelling Uncle Albert's underpants.

The genius thing about that episode was that they managed to avoid using the word "wank" even once, by dint of repeated and loud deployment of the word "masturbating"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 10, 2021, 11:48:33 AM
Del buys a bomb shelter as he thinks nuclear war is about to start. He forces Rodney and Grandad to test it out with him.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: petrilTanaka on July 10, 2021, 12:04:28 PM
when Del And Rodney had to move in together because their husbands got done for armed robbery, that was a good one. Rodney had a comedy long Greek name iirc
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 10, 2021, 01:22:47 PM
Or the one where Del and Rodney run a dodgy South London trading company and they get ripped off by a guy who handcuffs himself to briefcases.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 10, 2021, 02:50:26 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/NrzZNos.jpeg)

He looks like he's broadcasting a message from his bunker and telling everyone there is no point fleeing because the doors are bolted and the room has been filling up with nerve gas for the last ten minutes.

"Do it? I already did it. Thirty minutes ago. I'm not Monkey Harris. Do win dah wa..."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 10, 2021, 02:53:01 PM
I wonder what the rules for jazz were in Uncle Albert's bunker.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 10, 2021, 02:55:06 PM
Remember when Del Boy stood as an MP and was warning people about his opponent's policies.

"No cum tax? No guarantee"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Gurke and Hare on July 10, 2021, 03:19:22 PM
Do you remember the one where Del Boy did a message to the England team for Euro 2020 that was the very epitome of will-this-do bandwagonism?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke0jYD4oHCs&t=1s&ab_channel=OnlyFools%26Horses
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 10, 2021, 03:30:31 PM
Do you remember the one where Del Boy did a message to the England team for Euro 2020 that was the very epitome of will-this-do bandwagonism?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke0jYD4oHCs&t=1s&ab_channel=OnlyFools%26Horses

I mean, I get why they'd do that, bringing back a well-loved character during a moment of national patrotism, I just don't understand why he did it with his dick out.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 10, 2021, 04:55:00 PM
I mean, I get why they'd do that, bringing back a well-loved character during a moment of national patrotism, I just don't understand why he did it with his dick out.

You can see the sun catching the fishing line holding it up.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 10, 2021, 05:20:50 PM
Maybe it's a callback to an earlier episode of Only Fools and Horses. Can't remember any time Del Boy got his cock out though. Although I haven't seen every episode, in particular all of Series 7.

I do remember when Rodney went out with Richard Burke (played by Tom Selleck). Richard was a divorced ophthalmologist who was a friend of Uncle Albert and at first the relationship was hidden from Rodney's uncle. Richard is introduced when Del and Rodney cater an event for him in "The One Where Rodney and Richard … You Know", and they begin dating despite their 21-year age difference.

The relationship eventually ended over Richard's reluctance to commit to having children and his disapproval over Del Boy's continued homophobic comments and dodgy dealings, though Selleck did make a few more appearances in later episodes.

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: lankyguy95 on July 10, 2021, 05:24:41 PM
You really are a 24 carat cockgobbler, Rodney.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 10, 2021, 05:32:48 PM
Grandad is arrested for a crime committed during the Spanish Civil war.

Del tries to breed puppies.

Uncle Albert falls down a hole and Mike pulls his back.

Del gets lost in a hall of mirrors whilst Rodney is trapped in a merry-go-round.

Del tries to sell a baby to Boycie and Marlene.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 10, 2021, 05:38:08 PM
Del gets a pet monkey called Marcel as his sidekick.

Uncle Albert shaves his balls and leaves the hairs in the sink, which causes Rodney to throw him down the rubbish chute.

Marlene and Boycie invite everyone to a dogging session, but Trigger gets confused and brings some actual dogs.

Del greases himself up for the final of the Peckham Water Slide event, but Boycie's replaced his grease with super glue! "Rodney, get me out of this armchair you plonker!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 10, 2021, 06:15:50 PM
Remember when Mr T tried to get hold of Del and Rodney but Del turned their van into Kit from Knightrider? (NSFW)

The ending is a bit homophobic NSFW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nEN4oOvdY8
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: willbo on July 10, 2021, 06:39:37 PM
The bbc were reluctant to take a risk on the idea, as Peckham, London is on Earth which moves through outer space, and they didn't have the budget for another big sci fi programme. John Sullivan had to persuade the bosses that most of the action could take place a simple flat or pub, without the need for exotic alien locales.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 10, 2021, 06:44:20 PM
SCP-1401 "Trigger's Broom"

[Redacted]
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 10, 2021, 06:47:05 PM
Uncle Albert ate my balls!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: easytarget on July 10, 2021, 07:01:40 PM
"Three lions on a shirt
a bond as strong as marriage
falling through the bar
Cassandra's miscarriage"   
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 10, 2021, 07:32:34 PM
Del Boy's balls through the bar at the Nag's Head BDSM evening.

And Trigger fucked a face.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 10, 2021, 07:58:17 PM
Del Boy's balls through the bar at the Nag's Head BDSM evening.

And Trigger fucked a face.

Great episode that. The bit where Mike has a heart attack and everyone suffocates to death in Del’s dodgy asphyxiation machine is hilarious.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 10, 2021, 08:36:09 PM

"these speculum are razer sharp, Del!"
"Shut it you plonker"

classic
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 10, 2021, 09:07:47 PM
I remember the one with the giant maggots.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 10, 2021, 09:25:50 PM
Del wants to make a film about a rhino being loose in the city.

Slater hires an assassin to kill Del.

Mickey Pierce films a porno in the Trotter flat and Rodney has an appearance.

Rodney has phimosis and must confront a dark secret from his past.

Del helps Rodney write a film about an island of cave people including Fred Flinstone and Barney Rubble which they plan to star Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 10, 2021, 09:27:16 PM
Del Boy does a ghost poo and breaks his shoulders trying to get down the toilet to find it

"I made it invisible with my hole, Rodders"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 10, 2021, 11:22:15 PM
Stick a pony in me pocket
Stick a pony in me pocket
Stick a pony in me pocket
Stick a pony in me pocket
Stick a pony
in me pocket

Stick a pony in me pocket
Stick a pony in me pocket
Stick a pony in me pocket
Stick a pony in me pocket

Stick a pony in me pocket
Stick a pony in me pocket:
Stick a pony in me pocket Stick?

in me pocket
Stick a pony in
me pocket
Stick a pony in
me pocket
Stick a pony in
me pocket
Stick a pony in


Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on July 10, 2021, 11:31:28 PM
There's that one where Rodney finds his long-lost birth certificate, naming his long-lost father as a man called Gary Sparrow.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 10, 2021, 11:33:23 PM
Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush,
From a mush in Shepherds Bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush...
Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush.

Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush
Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush
Bush, bush, bush, bush,
Viva bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush, bush,
Bush, bush,
Bush, bush,
Bush, bush,
Bush, bush.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 10:40:57 AM
Just watched the Del Boy good luck message to the England football team.

BARRY PANE

How do the writers keep coming up with these classic moments?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 10:45:57 AM
Only Fools and Horses POWER RANKING

1. Del falls through the bar
2. Cassandra has a miscarriage
3. Rodney is accused of rape and pisses in Del's water
4. Trigger pulls a face
5. GARY
6. Emperor burger
7. The Trotters stand outside hotel while wearing sunglasses and Livin' La Vida Loca plays
8. BARRY PANE
9. Trigger's broom
10. Del and Rodney dress up as Batman and Robin then go to a funeral
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: canadagoose on July 11, 2021, 11:58:32 AM
Where's that Talk to Transformer alternative? There's some prime material on here for it.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 11, 2021, 01:55:17 PM
Remember that Peter Kay routine?
"Cushty? Cush-Tea?"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 02:00:37 PM
Del Boy sells rola cola.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 11, 2021, 02:02:37 PM
Where's that Talk to Transformer alternative? There's some prime material on here for it.

Could try https://bellard.org/textsynth/
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 11, 2021, 02:04:24 PM
Del Boy sells rola cola.

And some cut price garlic bread,

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 02:21:56 PM
I put the plot of Yuppie Love into it and got this:
Quote
Del arms himself with red braces and yuppy sorts and goes forth to do battle. Unfortunately, his flirtation with the yuppie world doesn't seem to be as successful as Rodney's flirtation with the lovely Cassandra. For Rodney, the new year means having to re-evaluate what's truly important in his life.

Cast and Crew:

Directed by Tom Dey (The Secret of Crickley Hall, A Dangerous Method)

With:

Coburn Gilbertson - Rodney

Paz Vega - Cassandra

Benedict Wong - Dr. Beckett

Michael Nyqvist - Dr. McKay

Jason Butler Harner - Ford

Barry Sloane - Dr. Geiger

Aimee Mullins - Mrs. Landry

Brenton Thwaites - Captain Matthews

James Remar - Major Sheppard

Kirsten Dunst - Elizabeth

Liz Vassey - Lt. Ford

Mark O'Neill - T.J.

Eric Allan Kramer - Dr. McKay's dad

Brianna Brown - McKay's mom

M.C. Gainey - Colonel Caldwell

Alfie Boe - Colonel Weber

Richard E. Grant - Father Lilliman

Nia Roberts - Mrs. Landry's cousin

John Brannan - Landry's dad

Michael Maloney - Security guard

Got this for Jolly Boys' Outing:
Quote
Del, Rodney and Uncle Albert take their mates from the Nag's Head on a disastrous day trip to Margate. A worried Cassandra is none too happy at Rodney joining the party having just celebrated their first anniversary. Meanwhile, Uncle Albert and Rodney go in for the big reveal.

Rodney's been in a bad mood lately, and the fact that he's spending money he doesn't have isn't helping. So when he decides to go on a surprise day out with Cassandra, it goes from bad to worse when Rodney and Cassandra aren't on speaking terms at the start of the episode, having had a row the day before. This leads to Uncle Albert getting caught up in their row.

Rodney and Cassandra finally make up at the end of the episode, but the relationship between Rodney and Albert isn't helped by a few moments. First there's the revelation that Rodney is currently saving money for them to buy a house together. Then there's the bit where Rodney decides to try to take Albert to the top of the famous White Cliffs of Dover, where Rodney and Cassandra used to go as kids. At first it seems like Rodney's just getting in one last jab at his Uncle before heading home with his girlfriend, but he decides to just take Albert on the trip for the hell of it, and Albert decides that this is an experience he can ill afford to miss.

When I put the plot of The Unlucky Winner is... it suggested that Arthur Lowe should play Rodney.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 02:29:37 PM
Quote
Del decides to resolve a cash-flow crisis by charging people to attend seances conducted by Uncle Albert's psychic girlfriend. However, the enterprise somehow ends in hospital.

Reception

The book is often seen as the first modern horror novel. Although it was not considered one by many, it is widely regarded as one of the first works of the horror genre. Some reviews called it a "masterpiece".

References

Category:Horror novels
Category:1978 British novels
Category:Novels set in the 1990s
Category:Novels about psychics
Category:Chatto & Windus books
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 02:37:11 PM
Quote
Rodney and Cassandra become officially engaged. However, Rodney thinks he has failed his computer science exam, and he has to find the cash for a deposit on a flat. Big brother Del tries to help him by selling a haul of mobile phones. Meanwhile, Del discovers that he has an uncanny resemblance to the young Michael Caine.

Meanwhile, in the "Jamaica" episode, Rodney is forced to work with Cassandra, because she is dating Pemberton, and the two of them are a bit of an item.

In "The Big Blag", a man is stabbed to death outside the pub after attempting to rob a man who claims to be working for the Met. The investigation goes cold until Rodney starts digging up old cases that are linked to the victim's mobile phone. Meanwhile, a woman is killed by a gunshot wound to the head. Rodney and his computer science mates, including Radek, are called in to investigate. Del discovers a picture of the murderer and finds it funny that the man resembles Michael Caine. Also, it is revealed that the victim is having an affair with the wife of one of the team members.

In "The Great Leap", Rodney is sent by Del to the National Police in London to assist in the investigation of a murder case involving a missing diamond ring.

In the series finale, "Rodney Gets Drafted", Rodney is drafted by the U.S. Army and is sent to Afghanistan.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 02:38:41 PM
Quote
Rodney meets Vicky, a seemingly impoverished artist who it transpires is the daughter of the Duke of Maylebury. Having obtained a pair of tickets to the sold-out production of Carmen, Rodney seems to have deeply impressed Vicky. She is less taken by the presence of Del and his peroxide blonde girlfriend, June Snell in a cringeworthy scene at the opera where they ruin the night for Rodney. Vicky then invites Rodney to a party at the Duke’s country home, and it seems romance may be on the cards. Then Del Boy turns up, hits the vino-plonko and ruins everything for his little brother again.

At the same time, a plan is being hatched to kidnap Rodney’s girlfriend, Josie Jackson, and hold her for ransom in a plot to get money from her father, a rich businessman who’s a client of Del’s. Unfortunately, the kidnappers are none other than the two boys, and they’ve kidnapped Rodney’s girl instead. Meanwhile, Rodney, having been out for a walk with June, has fallen in love with his girl and told her he wants to marry her. After hearing that Vicky is not what she seems, he demands to know what her motive for entering into the marriage is. Vicky confesses that her father told her to marry Rodney, knowing his money would increase the fortune of the Duke, and as he and Del are old friends, the girl’s fortune was assured. Not surprisingly, Del is angry, but Vicky is so in love with Rodney that she doesn’t care if she loses his love, and will settle for being one of the richest women in the world. Her only regret is that she has never had the opportunity to make love to Rodney, since he was always there for her father.

Meanwhile, the kidnap attempt backfires as the kidnapper’s men turn the tables on the boys, and Vicky’s father is informed that Vicky is pregnant. At first, he refuses to accept this, and accuses Vicky of having been forced into the marriage. However, after learning that Vicky is pregnant, he goes into shock, and the couple is permitted to marry.

Later, Rodney and Vicky sit down for dinner with her parents and brother, but Rodney is uncomfortable when he sees what they’re eating. He’s still a purist when it comes to meat, and his dinner consists only of vegetables and bread. He’s sure that Vicky’s family will disapprove of such a vegetarian diet.

June and Del are having dinner, too, and Del is astonished to find that June’s family doesn’t share his dislike for Del. He’s also surprised that her father is a man who doesn’t hesitate to speak his mind, despite the fact that his daughter is about to marry Del. Del can’t believe that June would be unfaithful to him, and accuses her of having had sex with Rodney. June gets very mad, and tells Del that he’s been a jerk, adding, “You don’t have to talk to me like that.”

At this point, Vicky’s parents realize that something’s up between June and Rodney, and they demand that the couple end their engagement. The parents are furious that Vicky would be willing to give up the only man she’s ever loved for some guy who barely even knows her. But as the night progresses, Vicky’s family learns more about Rodney’s character, and realize that, on top of everything else, he’s unstable. When Vicky and Rodney have a disagreement, they get into a huge fight, and Rodney breaks up with her.

Later, when June talks to her father, he tells her that, despite what she thinks, her mother and stepfather have their faults, too. Rodney does show up at the wedding — as soon as he gets a divorce, that is — and is even more charming than ever. June’s father also reveals that the person who had her mother committed was not really her father, but his wife. June’s real father has been dead for many years.

Finally, the truth comes out: June’s mother and stepfather had been in a car crash, and they lost control. They never knew that the father of June’s boyfriend was his real father, until the accident.

June and Rodney get married, and in an epilogue Vicky and Rodney are now married, too.

This book is a little different in some respects. I like how that the heroine finds her roots, in a way that a lot of books don’t do. I like how that, despite the crazy things her mother and stepfather did, they were not bad people. In the end, they had their faults, but they weren’t total monsters. I also like the romance in this one. Rodney isn’t some kind of “bad boy.” He’s kind of an outcast, but he really loves June. And that was kind of what I liked most about the romance in this book.

I like the mystery that June’s mother and stepfather kept their dark secret from June for 20 years. That was something I definitely enjoyed reading.

But I also have to say, the ending of this story really wasn’t very good.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 11, 2021, 02:39:17 PM
This was good.
Quote
Del Boy's old pal Jumbo Mills is back with tales of his booming business in Australia. What's more he wants Del to go back down under with him as his partner in the enterprise. Could Del really leave Peckham for good?

But, there's more to Del's current predicament than a business opportunity... he finds himself in danger of losing his job - his marriage is in ruins and his life is in complete disarray. Will Del be able to put his love for his wife, and for his son to the fore, in this ultimate test of character?

The Del Boy Show is a comic drama series broadcast on Channel 4 from 1991 to 1992, following Del Boy and his friends in their adventures. Del Boy and indeed all the characters in the show are composites of real-life people, although the original actors occasionally appear as themselves (for example, Peter Serafinowicz who plays Della Swain). It has aired on the channel in the US since 2006, on PBS in the USA since 2004 and in Ireland from 2010 to date. The show is a spin-off of the long-running BBC comedy Only Fools and Horses. It is also the name of the show that was broadcast by ITV between 2002 and 2003, as part of ITV2's The Comedians. A three-episode spin-off show, It's the Del Boy Show!, was broadcast on Sky One in 2008.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 11, 2021, 02:39:51 PM
Quote
Rodney: Trig, why do you call me Dave? My name's Rodney.
Trigger: Are you sure?
Rodney: I've looked it up on my passport and birth certificate and everything. It's definitely Rodney.
Trigger: So what's Dave? A nickname, like?

Rodney: Yes. I was named after Dave of the Dave Clark Five.
Trigger: The Dave Clark Five, eh?
Rodney: Yes.
Trigger: Well, it must have stuck.
Rodney: Oh yeah.
Trigger: All right. Let's go, then.
Rodney: No, no, Trigger. Let's not go.
Trigger: Why?
Rodney: Because Dave of the Dave Clark Five has to stay here to protect the world, for one thing. And there's another reason, too. And I guess it's about time for you to know it, too.
Trigger: What? You're not coming with me?
Rodney: No.
Trigger: Trig, what's wrong? What's this all about?
Rodney: Nothing. It's all right. I just don't want to go with you, is all.
Trigger: You're not angry, are you?
Rodney: No. No, I'm not angry. Why would I be angry? I love you.
Trigger: Good.
Rodney: Yes. Good.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 11, 2021, 02:54:44 PM
All gone a bit Beckett again
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 02:55:13 PM
Quote
Well, it's about this rhinoceros, right, escapes from a zoo and it heads straight for London. And after two or three days, they find like all these dead bodies lying about and no-one knows who's done it. So, they get hold of this private detective, you know, like a sort of Charlton Heston type geezer to try and solve the crime. Now the zoo keeper happens to be a very attractive woman, so before you know where you are, old Charlton is giving the sort what for, so that's your romantic interest!

So, they start checking it out, they trace the rhino on a number of buses, they check on the trains, and it all takes them right to where they want to go: Buckingham Palace. The Queen herself says 'Do you think he's really dead? You'd better go to the Palace and check it out.' So, these two blokes go into the palace. You've got your big bad rhino in the middle of Buckingham Palace. If the place were occupied, you'd have a problem trying to get in, so one of these two blokes says to the other, 'You go to the front, I'll go round the back. You see what happens.' So, one of these two blokes goes round to the front, the other goes round to the back, there's two more big bad rhino's come out of the woods, one of them shoots the rhino on the front, the other rhino shoots the rhino on the back, so there's two more dead rhino's lying about! So, the other bloke returns with a little bit of the story. So, they start all the exits, you know, all the back exits, the front exits.

They start checking all the exits. One bloke checks the front of the palace, and the other checks the back of the palace, and then they go to the bottom, they check the undercarriages of all the coaches, and all the taxis that are in the square. The taxi drivers are getting a lot of traffic now, because everyone wants to know about this big bad rhino that's on the loose in the middle of the Palace! And they think there's still two more out in the woods! So, all the taxi drivers are standing there, but no one wants to ride in the taxis, because they're worried about the bloke under the carriage who might still be in there. So, that's how they solve the problem."

That's it. That's the end. And I'm not sure that anybody in our audience understood what I was saying, because when I was done they all had their mouths wide open, looking at each other as if I had just told them a fantastic story, and in the middle of all the laughter and hilarity, the Queen was very nice to me.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 02:57:41 PM
Quote
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Now this is a 'Jaws' type story.

Rodney Trotter: But Jaws has been done already, Del.

Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: I know, this is different. It's called, 'There Is A Rhino Loose In The City!'

Rodney Trotter: There Is A...? Loose in...? as in a rhinoceros?

Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: That's right. 'There Is A Rhino Loose in The City!'

Uncle Albert Trotter: What's it about, Del?

Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: A real bad rhino. He's loose in an apartment block in Walford.

Darryl Pearce: Don't get up to any of your fancy larking about today, Del. You might catch something you don't want.

Rodney Trotter: I bet I won't catch anything that stupid, Darryl. He's as cunning as he is sly. He'll slip up before he gets caught.

Darryl Pearce: I bet he won't slip up, Del Boy. He thinks he's got the world by the tush.

Rodney Trotter: He's got no world by the tush. All he got is a big moustache and a face like a dog's dinner.

Darryl Pearce: He's got no moustache, Rodney. I checked it when I took his wig off.

(Darryl then puts back his wig, revealing Rodney's new mane)

Rodney Trotter: Aha!

Darryl Pearce: You see, Del Boy? That's what I found when I took it off.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 03:05:32 PM
Quote
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Now this is a 'Jaws' type story.

Rodney Trotter: But Jaws has been done already, Del.

Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: I know, this is different. It's called, 'There Is A Rhino Loose In The City!'

Rodney Trotter: There Is A...? Loose in...? as in a rhinoceros?

Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: That's right. 'There Is A Rhino Loose in The City!'

Uncle Albert Trotter: What's it about, Del?

Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Well, there's this bloke, name of Pinder, who wants to build a skyscraper on top of a rhino. But Pinder can't find any rhinos so he enlists Del and Rodney to go down the market looking for a free one. Now, as you can imagine, what you gonna do when you get one, Rodney?

Rodney Trotter: Throw it in the air?

Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Well, no, Rodney. We're going to knock it on the head, innit.

Rodney Trotter: Oh! You can do that!

Uncle Albert Trotter: You know the kind of rhino we're talking about, Rodney.

Rodney Trotter: Well, yeah, Dad, I know the one that they got out at Brighton.

Uncle Albert Trotter: You'd better then, Rodney.

Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: You know, it's got a horn on its head, Dad. It's a white rhino.

Rodney Trotter: Well, of course it's a white rhino. What do you expect, Del, a black rhino?

Uncle Albert Trotter: Oh, shut up, Rodney. (laughs)

Rodney Trotter: Well, he won't know what he's let himself in for.

Uncle Albert Trotter: Oh, shut up.

Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Oh, God. What the hell happened to that rhino?

Uncle Albert Trotter: Well, apparently, Dad, it ran into this man called Pinder and that's why it's in the morgue.

Del Boy: So it's a suicide case?

Rodney: Yeah.

Uncle Albert Trotter: Oh, for Christ's sake. I'm so glad I was never a builder. They can be a great people, builders, but they're terrible gits, you know, the lot of them.

Del Boy: I'll tell you what. We'll go out there tomorrow and we'll get it out of the morgue.

Uncle Albert Trotter: Oh, for Christ's sake. We'll have to break into the morgue. Why don't you just let it go, Del? What's the point?

Rodney: The point is, Del Boy, we don't know if it's a suicide or not. The first thing we need to know is: What time did the guy kill himself?

Uncle Albert Trotter: What are you talking about?

Rodney: Well, if he committed suicide at 10:45, then we know it was his own fault. But if he killed himself at 11:00, then that means he was either murdered or was killed by somebody else.

Uncle Albert Trotter: Well, that'll make life very difficult for him, now won't it, Rodney?

Uncle Albert Trotter: It's not the sort of thing you should leave to someone else, Del Boy. It's the sort of thing that I'd want done right, because there is very little I don't know about things like this. (laughs) But I'm still willing to help, Del Boy.

Del Boy: It's not that. We're just going down there to have a look and just see what we can see, that's all.

Uncle Albert Trotter: Oh! So, you just want to have a look at him, just like that, is that it, Del Boy?

Del Boy: That's it.

Uncle Albert Trotter: Well, I thought I'd made it plain about this. I was told that this was a suicide, and you see, that's a fact that I knew nothing about, Del Boy. So, I thought you and I might be able to save time if you just took the man's statement for me, Del Boy.

Del Boy: Albert, I mean, we just want to see the body. It's not like we're stealing anything.

Uncle Albert Trotter: Del Boy, I know all about the body. I'd have the pleasure of attending the funeral, wouldn't I? It's the sort of thing I'd like to do. I'm sure I can spare a few minutes for it. Del Boy, you haven't got a minute to spare. You must take a statement from this poor fellow.

Del Boy: Will you shut up, Albert!

Uncle Albert Trotter: I mean it, Del Boy. I'm only going to ask you three questions. How long have you been away from your home in the last twelve hours?

Del Boy: Oh, about a week.

Uncle Albert Trotter: And what's your job?

Del Boy: I'm a postman.

Uncle Albert Trotter: Ah! That's not right. You're supposed to be an entrepreneur, aren't you?

Del Boy: I'm sorry, Albert.

Uncle Albert Trotter: It's alright. Now, have you been drinking today?

Del Boy: Just a few glasses of beer.

Uncle Albert Trotter: And what's this? Do you smoke?

Del Boy: A little bit.

Uncle Albert Trotter: This cigarette here?

Del Boy: No, Albert.

Uncle Albert Trotter: Oh, you don't take my point, do you, Del Boy? I thought you did. Now I'll have to charge you with drink driving. What do you say to that?

Del Boy: It's alright, Albert.

Uncle Albert Trotter: I think that's the best.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 03:09:33 PM
Quote
Well, it's about this rhinoceros, right, escapes from a zoo and it heads straight for London. And after two or three days, they find like all these dead bodies lying about and no-one knows who's done it. So, they get hold of this private detective, you know, like a sort of Charlton Heston type geezer to try and solve the crime. Now the zoo keeper happens to be a very attractive woman, so before you know where you are, old Charlton is giving the sort what for, so that's your romantic interest! But the detective has a brainwave, and he gets hold of some dynamite and he sticks it under all these dead bodies and then he fires it off, and the explosion, you know, kills all the rhinoceros. You see, it's a double bluff. The detective has done a very good detective thing by killing all those rhinos! So then they know who the killer is, but he escapes. But you know what he's going to do? He's going to come and put the blame on this zoo keeper. So she's done away with, the detective has found out, and then she's in the gas chamber. Brilliant, isn't it? And the detective gets the big award. Now the best bit is, about two-thirds of the way through, this rhinoceros starts coming round to see his old girlfriend. But she's got her head stitched on. She's dead. Now he's gone mad, he's got a stammer. And it gets worse and worse. You see what I'm driving at? That was a good one! And you're a very bright lad, you've got your finger on the pulse of popular culture. You know what? I don't think it's going to sell. But do you want to know what's the worst thing about this? Do you know what happens after this chap comes to say all this to the woman who's been murdered, and you're a big detective, you can't keep your job, you can't say that to the world, it doesn't go down too well with the papers or anything. He has to go and confess to the murder and he tells them how it was done, and then the rest of the story, and they do away with the rhino and then she's in the gas chamber. There's no end to it. It's like the one called Little White Lies. I tell you, there's not a single decent story on the whole lot.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 11, 2021, 03:18:45 PM
Quote
Cassandra organises a dinner party, inviting her 'yuppie' boss and his wife in the hope of getting a promotion. Del and Uncle Albert soon arrive to put their feet firmly in their mouths and ruin the chances of that. Despite it being Rodney and Cassandra’s first wedding anniversary, Rodney agrees to go on the annual Jolly Boys Outing to Margate. Once they’re there, Rodney makes a series of inappropriate, drunken and often downright offensive remarks which are met with little response. Del continues to embarrass himself, while Cassandra looks lovely. After two days of hell, Rodney decides to go home with Cassandra. She suggests they have sex. The problem is, he doesn't want to, and they argue.

Uncle Albert arrives at the house, having read about the debacle in a newspaper, and insists that Rodney and Del have a drink. Uncle Albert, Del and Cassandra later go to an AA meeting, while Rodney stays home with his wife. The episode ends with Del making inappropriate remarks about women who have had affairs.

Episode 15: The Trouble with Rodney - 26 January 1997

Episode 16: The Trouble with Del - 5 February 1997

Episode 17: The Trouble with Cassandra - 12 February 1997

Episode 18: The Trouble with Rodney - 19 February 1997

Episode 19: The Trouble with Del - 26 February 1997

Episode 20: The Trouble with Cassandra - 2 March 1997

Episode 21: The Trouble with Rodney - 9 March 1997

Episode 22: The Trouble with Cassandra - 16 March 1997

Episode 23: The Trouble with Rodney - 23 March 1997

Quote
Del has just seen the film Wall Street for about the fourth time and decided the upwardly-mobile lifestyle is for him. The camel-hair coat is out, and in comes a smart new image. Green mackintosh, mobile phone, filofax, aluminium briefcase, but the yellow van remains. He is an example of the new entrepreneurial class: the man of now, with an eye on the future, but not the past. But is the old corporate warrior of yesterday still viable for the new breed? And how far can they travel on their mobile phones?

The first thing you notice is that he has no legs. Actually, that's not entirely true. He was born with no legs, and only wears them now for the odd photo opportunity and the odd television interview. But they're prosthetics. He's also missing a hand, a foot and his nose.

They're all for his most recent venture, which is also his primary occupation: trading up his own skin. Not to make money (that would be bad business) but to make lots of it. He now sells his own skin. Or, as he calls it, "donation of excess epidermal material". In other words, he rips it off other people.

"You can live with it if you get it done every two or three months," he says. "You can live with it if it takes 10 days or a month. You don't get to live with the real stuff. Like a burn victim, for example. You look at the guy

"donation of excess epidermal material"

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 03:21:36 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/NwuCxwO.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 03:25:22 PM
Quote
Rodney: You see, it's fossil fuels! People do not realise the damage they're doing to this planet.

Trigger: I don't have none of them in my house, I use gas and oil.

Rodney: Trig, they are fossil fuels!

Trigger: Are they? Well, I'll switch to coal in future!


Rodney: There's no need to do that, no need to do that at all. Your actions are proof that you are selfish, you're selfish, you have no regard for other people. You're a slave to the greed of money, money, money, is your god.

Trigger: Ah, here's the police again.

Rodney: No, no, no, no, no, it's fossil fuels!

Bubbles: Hey, let's go for a walk.

Rodney: You are the cancer of this planet. You are a cancer, you're a bad cancer, a cancer that is destroying the planet that is supposed to be made just for us.

Trigger: Ah, it's fossil fuels, they do.

Rodney: The only cure is fossil fuels.

Bubbles: Here's the gas station!

Rodney: No! There is no need to go into the gas station! Why do you live in a gas station? Why do you live in a gas station?

Bubbles: Because it's the cheapest way to buy gas.

Rodney: Gas, you see, is the devil. Gas is the devil
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 03:27:34 PM
"donation of excess epidermal material"

People still ask David Jason to rip off bits of skin for them, but he has to tell them that it is just a character he plays on TV and was all done with special effects.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 11, 2021, 03:29:02 PM
Quote
Del has entered every competition on the market, trying to win as many freebies as possible. Rodney has unknowingly been entered for an art competition, and has won it, together with the prize of a holiday in Mallorca. It is only when he arrives at the five-star holiday hotel that he learns that Del has been lying to him again, and that Rodney is supposedly a schoolboy who has won the under-15 category competition, and is to be presented with a trophy by the Mayor of Palma. In the end, Rodney decides to lie to Del, telling him that he was also entered for the under-15 competition, but was disqualified for not attending his school's school games, which were only on in the afternoon. Del was unaware that Rodney had not attended school all week, but instead spent his time with a local artist, who turned out to be a paedophile who used the boy as a model. Del is also informed that the Mayor will be presenting him with a gift. Upon arrival at the hotel, Del finds Rodney and the paedophile, who is now dead. Del confronts Rodney with the truth, but Rodney refuses to admit it, and accuses Del of framing him. Del forces Rodney to tell him the truth, but Rodney refuses, but eventually relents and tells Del that he only lied because he thought that he would win the competition, and be allowed to go on holiday, and that he is not really a schoolboy, and that the Mayor is only a con artist. The following day, Del goes back to the hotel and realises that Rodney has left the hotel and has never left Palma. Rodney then telephones his parents and convinces them that he is

Quote
Raquel wants to revive her theatrical passions and audition for Shakespeare's As You Like It. Del volunteers to help her rehearse. Rodney and Cassandra meet for a meal both thinking that the other made the first move, and without realising Del has set them up. Del feels he has found a new interest and gets jealous. Rodney becomes obsessed with the idea of winning Cassandra back. Del and Rodney have a row and Del storms out, leaving Rodney to get drunk. He makes the first move on Cassandra. In a moment of clarity, Del sees the error of his ways and realises he loves Rodney and has nothing against Cassandra.

Diane approaches Rodney for the loan of more cash and Rodney tries to tell her that Del doesn't love her. During a row with Cassandra about the previous night's row with Del, Rodney tells her that Del has left the ranch, implying he has fled, and so Diane feels rejected and goes to bed. Rodney is drunk when he arrives home and he, too, goes to bed.

Del is visiting a friend's farm when Rodney and Diane, on their way to Diane's, go past and tell him about the previous night's row. They offer to give Del money to send him away, then when Rodney is out, Del says that he has to say something else about their plans. Del explains how he has seen their love for each other with crystal clear vision, and that his love for Rodney is just as strong but that Cassandra's love for Rodney is stronger than any emotion
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Cuellar on July 11, 2021, 03:31:58 PM
Quote
Del buys a consignment of blow-up sex dolls to sell on to elderly Dirty Barry, who has a sex shop. Unfortunately, the dolls are filled with propane gas and will explode if they are exposed to heat. The gang try to find more propane gas and then they realize that there is a secret chemical factory somewhere on the docks. They go to the factory and, using the chemicals, make a new type of sex doll using real human skin and real people bones to create the best possible sex doll.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 11, 2021, 03:32:50 PM
Would love to see a Youtube channel where people run parts of scripts through Talk to Transformer and act out the results.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 03:33:08 PM
This exchange is actually quite impressive.

Quote
Denzil: You ever thought of getting married, Trigger?

Trigger: No, I haven't met the right person yet, but I've always had this sort of image of my perfect woman, sort of my dream girl.

Denzil: What's she like?

Trigger: Oh she's nothing to look at, very plain, little scar on her chin where she had a wart removed.


Denzil: A real ugly duckling.

Trigger: Ugly, but she's funny and she's kind. Oh, yes, she'd make a great wife.

Denzil: Do you think of marriage?

Trigger: Not really. You see, I'm more interested in science. I can never take my eyes off one of those books on astronomy, and I'm always asking questions about the stars.

Denzil: Really?

Trigger: Yes, isn't that fascinating!

Denzil: Tell me about the stars. What are they made of?

Trigger: Oh, I've always been fascinated by that. You see, some of them are so very large, and some are so very small. They're made of gas that is constantly swirling around a huge sun.

Denzil: Do you know where the sun is?

Trigger: No, but I used to know everything there was to know about the stars. You see, I know all about them, but now I've started to be interested in what's happening in this room.

Denzil: What's happening in this room?

Trigger: My head hurts
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Cuellar on July 11, 2021, 03:38:07 PM
I love doing the dialogue ones, they're like Pinter.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 03:47:29 PM
Quote
Del: One of my most favouritist meals is Duck à l'Orange, but I don't know how to say that in French.

Rodney: It's canard.

Del: You can say that again bruv!
*high fives*

Rodney: It is. And it's duck. *nodnodnod*

Del: That's a duck. That's a duck a duck.

Rodney: It's a duck *high five*

Del: It's a duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck *high five* duck.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Cuellar on July 11, 2021, 03:55:47 PM
Pure Pinter
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 11, 2021, 04:01:26 PM
They go to the factory and, using the chemicals, make a new type of sex doll using real human skin and real people bones to create the best possible sex doll.
cant stop laughing at this
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 04:04:14 PM
It doesn't just work for Only Fools and Horses.
Quote
An elderly couple who were billed £200 for pay-per-view porn films they claim were never ordered insist they are ‘not paying a penny’.

Ann Hayward, 72, and her husband Ron, 75, were left stunned after staff at Virgin Media told them dozens of blue movies had been ordered on their account.

The couple, of Stockwell, South London, were billed more than £180 for 14 pornographic films and one or two that were not pornographic.

The Haywards refused to pay for the films they say were never made. They went to their bank and cancelled their payment card. They have now been told they are liable for the films.

The couple, of Stockwell, South London, were left stunned after staff at Virgin Media told them dozens of blue movies had been ordered on their account

The husband, Ron, said: ‘I was horrified when we were told that we had been ordered the films. But I didn’t think it was possible to be billed for things you haven’t even seen.

‘We don’t watch anything like that – we’ve never had any interest in adult films or anything. And if we had, we would have ordered the movies from a catalogue. I don’t think we’ve even watched a pornographic film in our life.

‘We’ve even looked into doing an online porn site in the past, but we’re not that keen on doing anything illegal and so we gave up on that idea.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 11, 2021, 06:30:11 PM
Del Boy sells rola cola* to be drunk in the streets, with the help of 'a few people' and 'a few bottles.' When challenged by the policeman, Boy refuses to name his friends and says only that they are 'in the gang.'


Del Boy sells rola cola to get out of jail

He sold rola cola to save himself from being put in prison because his friend was caught trying to send some drugs to his brother in the Dominican Republic.

Dominican authorities had put a $2 million bounty on his head, according to the AP, because he had helped to free an American man being held by drug traffickers.

---

Del Boy sells rola cola as a way to get high

I was driving to a new neighbourhood and was shocked to see Rola Cola advertising on a street corner. I thought about trying to explain that people don't want to get high on Rola Cola, but then I realized, “they don't know!” The message on the advertising that says: "The best tasting cola in Rola Cola." I realized that in Colombia, many of my friends don't realize that cola is not always a cola.

For example, Rola Cola doesn't contain any real cola. A friend suggested the marketing scheme of using a cola-like cola, in the form of a soft drink. “The best tasting cola, in Rola Cola”, is more like a marketing slogan for Rola Cola. There's another slogan, “Rola Cola gives you that buzz, the Rola Cola way.” This has a double meaning because not only is it a marketing slogan, but it also means that the drink is not meant to take you to a different state of mind or change your mood or make you feel good, as you do when you drink a real cola.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 11, 2021, 06:30:47 PM
Only fools and horses workmen talk about

A horse's head! I have ridden

As many as two or three to-day.

I am too light-headed to sit down.

Now the men are drinking. It is said

That the King shall be my guest. Ah, then

I must be like him; I have to drink

When I look back at my past life;

I must drink all round the King. I do not care.

I can't be in London, for you have no room.

I will be home, and I will sleep till noon.

You are going out? I shall be at the inn,

And you can let me have my head in peace.

[ _Exit_.]

### SCENE III

_The same place_.

[WILLIAM, _attired as a groom_.]

WILLIAM [ _seated_.]

What a queer morning this is; it makes me

Think of all kinds of things; I had a dream last night,

That they were laughing at me.

I was in a field, with some boys, and among the rest

Was the man I was to marry.

Then I began to sing, "How happy could I be,"

And I sang it out. The boys seemed to be pleased;

And so I kept on, singing and singing,

Till I woke in the morning and knew I was married.

[ _Enter_ HONOR, _in great haste_.]

HONOR

William, sir, a lady and gentleman are here

Who wish to see you; the gentleman is Lord Clifford.

[ _Exit_.]

[WILLIAM, _getting up_.]

The house is mine; I am to sleep there.

[ _He goes out_. HONOR _returns_.]

HONOR

Sir Robert Clifford is come, he sends you word

He has a horse for you to ride to meet his brother.

[ _Exit_.]

[ _Enter_ COUNTESS OF DERBY, _waving a letter_.]

COUNTESS [ _laying the letter_ ]

A fine morning! my horse is tired.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 11, 2021, 06:34:17 PM
Only fools and horses work

He got his answer one day when, in a fit of frustration, he threw the horse
into a creek and then, when he wanted to give the beast some food, he found
that it had died. And that is how a "noble, educated and educated but a
fool, noble" man found his first love.

--
Only fools and horses

I don't know, I don't really like this, it's not a bad idea at all, it's just not that good, and while the idea is not really that bad, it's the execution that's the issue, as with the "Gig economy" concept, it's too easy to criticize, and it's just not as good as it sounds

Text synth  continuing the cast list

danny meachem - keith poulton
julie sutton - katherine
michael boulton - benny
will brierley - rich
chuck woodward - chris
sammy woodward - charlie
john hough - tiffany
graham morris - izan
paul jones - paul mccartney

-
(Ai Paul McCartney considers a rewrite)

we're so sorry Uncle albert
we're so sorry
yeah I didn't know what I was doing
I was kind of distracted
I was thinking about your birthday party
and then I was thinking about my birthday party
then I was thinking about my birthday party
and I didn't know where I was at. I was
just kind of wondering I got some
wonderful gift for you
I've wanted to give this to you
all year and you never told me who it was
what you said to me was the first thing
you learned when you were a teen
was that if you ever saw this in your
birthday cake you weren't supposed to eat it
that's a very important lesson, right
and so I know that you've been looking
forward to this for a really long time and I've been looking forward to
giving you this and that's
what I'm doing
that's what I was about to do, I had this book and you can't get it on Amazon
it's not on Amazon I am reading this book called
The Gift of Fear and and and the book is about
you know fear and about the kind of
people who we think have the greatest
amount of fear and how that can be
controlling
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 11, 2021, 06:38:46 PM
we're so sorry Uncle albert
so sorry Uncle Harry
and we'll tell Uncle Harry about the time
that we tried to be like him and we didn't
know any better and we ran away from him
and that's why Uncle albert died and Uncle
Harry died and Uncle Fred and Uncle Wilfred
and Uncle Gerald and Uncle Ernie and Uncle
Duckie and Uncle Eddie and Uncle Bobbie and
Uncle Billy and Uncle Charlie and Uncle
George and Uncle Dick and Uncle Don
and Uncle Freddie and Uncle Gerald and Uncle
Ducie and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry
and Uncle Freddie and Uncle Harry and
Uncle George and Uncle Harry and Uncle Albert
and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle
Bill and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and
Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry
and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle
Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and
Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry
and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle
Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and
Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry
and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle
Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and
Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry
and Uncle Harry and Uncle Harry and Uncle

we're so sorry Uncle albert
didn't think you'd be a
possibility anymore.
- Oh i will. i'll manage
a big boy of my own
if i have to. i think this is the big push.
You know what i'm saying?
Here it is.
Just a week after their wedding,
the Dabblers head for the coast.
(upbeat music)
Aunt May has some big ideas about her future.
Maybe she'll be a movie star.
It was a long shot, but
even the adults are taken aback
when the Dabblers show up in New York City
to meet aunt may's father.
And that was that moment for aunt May
where the wheels were already in motion.
(dramatic music)
(whirring)
Uncle albert. Aunt. May.
He's actually quite a good person.
- Hi
- Hi.
- He's gonna be my father.
- Congratulations.
- Father.
You can call him father.
(laughs)
(both chuckling)
So, how is your dad?
(laughs)
He's fine. He's not too old.
Oh yeah. He's not
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 06:45:03 PM
Del Boy's Top 10 Catchphrases:

1. Lovely jubbly!

2. You plonker.

3. This time next year we'll be millionaires!

4. He who dares, wins!

5. You know it makes sense.

6. Cushti.

7. Mange tout, mange tout.

8. During the war...

9. Bonjour.

10. Do me a lemon!

11. They're all right!

12. The only person I hate more than me is my father.

13. You don't have a monopoly on self-pity, Rodney.

14. I don't suppose you'll be able to talk me into that, will you?

15. We'll be rich... in ten years!

16. You've made a big mistake, Del.

17. Never trust a big spender!

18. It's not very sporting, is it?

19. You just said it!

20. We're rich!

21. No!

22. I told you, Uncle Albert!

23. What's that I hear?

24. I know what I want.

25. Get lost, you big fat slug!

26. I'd like to point out that when the time came for our first date, we picked a restaurant in order to spend as little time as possible together.

27. What are you doing now, Del?

28. You've gone too far this time, Rodney.

29. Well, what do you want me to do?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 11, 2021, 06:45:45 PM
Who is Del boy?

Del Boy is a superhero created by the cartoonist Jeff Parker, as part of his work "The Secret Of The Phantom Zone." Del Boy is a small boy who lives in The Phantom Zone, where he is sent by his father to live with his mother. As a child, Del Boy loves to play with cars and is usually found exploring in the woods with other Phantom Zone Guardians.

What does Del Boy have to do with this?

As part of "The Secret Of The Phantom Zone," Del Boy helps the other members of the Guardians to escape through time in a story called "Back To The Land." Del Boy's mother, who is trapped in the past and only knows how to make tea, is forced to help her father, who doesn't want to travel through time. As part of the story, the other Guardians have to help their parents.

---
Who is Del boy?

The '90s were a tough time to be a boy; and the '90s were also a rough time to be the world's most famous child actor. In one moment the self-proclaimed "Cookie Monster's biggest fan" was in a live-action commercial for the Cookie Jar; the next he was fighting off the zombies in an early cut of 1992's "Return of the Living Dead."

When the decade was over, the boy was 16; the boy's career was over, even though he had been catapulted to teen idol status at a young age. By 1994 Del, as he is now known, began his descent from celebrity to cult figure, from one tabloid scandal to another.

In a recent issue of Playboy, Del recounts the story of how he came to be, starting with his unlikely rise to fame in 1990.

"The Cookie Monster is one of the few toys that I didn't have growing up," he told Playboy. "I had plenty of other Barbies, but not the Cookie Monster."

Instead, he got a George Foreman grill, which, he explains, "I used to eat cookies out of."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 06:48:02 PM
The poll also asked those responding to pick their favourite scene. Here's the top 10...

1. When Del Boy falls through the bar.

2. Del Boy and Rodney come to the rescue dressed at Batman and Robin.

3. When Rodney and Del Boy break the chandelier.

4. When Rodney finally asks Trigger why he calls him Dave.

5. Del Boy accidentally ordering a batch of naughty blow-up dolls.

6. When Granddad made Christmas dinner with the giblets inside.

7. When Del and Rodney celebrate becoming millionaires in the Robin Reliant.

8. Rodney and Del Boy's trip to Margate ends in the coach turning into a fireball.

9. When Raquel sings with the man who can't pronounce his R's.

10. When Rodney tries to impress Cassandra by making out he lives in huge house.

11. When Del Boy's dog is so badly fed it's almost vegetarian.

12. The last time the boys have a job.

13. Del Boy accidentally burning the wrong side of his bum.

14. The last time the boys have the money for a cab.

15. The boys take a bath in a pub and decide to have a bath.

16. When the boys go to buy new trousers and find them already bought.

17. Del Boy accidentally setting off the fire alarm.

18. When Rodney accidentally puts his hand in the bin.

19. When the boys finally get to where they think the bathroom is.

20. Del Boy accidentally turning up wearing women's clothing.

21. When Del Boy tries to play golf in his bath.

22. When Del Boy has a hair-restyle.

23. When the boys go into the kitchen for dinner and the cat runs away.

24. When Del Boy accidentally sets fire to the car again.

25. When Del Boy sets fire to a man who has come to collect the car.

26. When Rodney accidentally causes Del's trousers to explode.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 06:50:35 PM
The poll also asked those responding to pick their favourite scene. Here's the top 10...

1. When Del Boy falls through the bar.

2. Del Boy and Rodney come to the rescue dressed at Batman and Robin.

3. When Rodney and Del Boy break the chandelier.

4. When Rodney finally asks Trigger why he calls him Dave.

5. Del Boy accidentally ordering a batch of naughty blow-up dolls.

6. When Granddad made Christmas dinner with the giblets inside.

7. When Del and Rodney celebrate becoming millionaires in the Robin Reliant.

8. Rodney and Del Boy's trip to Margate ends in the coach turning into a fireball.

9. When Raquel sings with the man who can't pronounce his R's.

10. When Rodney tries to impress Cassandra by making out he lives in huge house.

11. When Del Boy and Rodney run for the lifeboats and realise they've only got four pairs of underpants.

12. Del tells Rodney he doesn't know anything about women and leaves him stranded.

13. Del and Rodney watch the entire episode of 'The Flintstones' from start to finish.

14. When Del Boy takes Cassandra to Brighton.

15. When the entire nation is arrested for wearing pyjamas.

16. When Del Boy and Rodney make a list of all the things they'd do to Robin.

17. When Del Boy and Rodney take a day off to go to the cinema.

18. When Rodney's leg has a nervous breakdown.

19. When Del Boy and Rodney go to Pizza Express.

20. When Del Boy calls in to the hospital.

21. When Del Boy and Rodney are arrested for trying to kill Santa.

22. When Del Boy and Rodney realise it's Friday, not Thursday.

23. When Del Boy and Rodney fall out of bed.

24. When Granddad starts his first ever holiday.

25. When Del and Rodney try to turn Cassandra into a hooker.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 06:52:57 PM
The poll also asked those responding to pick their favourite scene. Here's the top 10...

1. When Del Boy falls through the bar.

2. Del Boy and Rodney come to the rescue dressed at Batman and Robin.

3. When Rodney and Del Boy break the chandelier.

4. When Rodney finally asks Trigger why he calls him Dave.

5. Del Boy accidentally ordering a batch of naughty blow-up dolls.

6. When Granddad made Christmas dinner with the giblets inside.

7. When Del and Rodney celebrate becoming millionaires in the Robin Reliant.

8. Rodney and Del Boy's trip to Margate ends in the coach turning into a fireball.

9. When Raquel sings with the man who can't pronounce his R's.

10. When Rodney tries to impress Cassandra by making out he lives in huge house.

11. Del Boy's embarrassing accident when trying to jump over the moon.

12. Rodney's bizarre plan to sell Granddad's house.

13. When a couple of drunk pensioners turn up for tea, only for a gang of children to come round, make tea and eat biscuits.

14. When Rodney goes on a date.

15. Del Boy trying to use the phone in a restaurant.

16. Del Boy meets his twin.

17. When Del Boy gets the call to come and collect all the girls from school and it turns out to be his mam and dad.

18. Del Boy and Rodney's attempt to have sex.

19. When Cassandra and Raquel fall out in the car.

20. Del Boy and Rodney's attempt to find jobs.

21. Del Boy trying to prove he's a doctor.

22. Del Boy getting his new car stuck in traffic.

23. The first time Del Boy is a father.

24. Del Boy's embarrassing attempt to sing 'Auld Lang Syne' in the middle of the street.

25. When Del Boy becomes a dad to his daughter.

...


11. When Rodney starts a fight by saying ‘Who wants a Mars Bar?’

12. When Rodney accidentally asks Cassandra to marry him in front of Raquel.

13. When Del and Raquel realise that they do not need to get married in order to get a mortgage.

14. When Del and Rodney try to give Christmas presents to their family by disguising as Santa and his sidekick.

15. When Rodney, Del, Raquel and Cassandra go to Margate for Christmas.

16. When Del Boy buys the wrong type of carpet for his kitchen.

17. When Del Boy attempts to impress Cassandra by telling her that he has a huge penis.

18. When Del Boy gets a letter saying he has to give more evidence of his relationship with Raquel.

19. When Del Boy and Rodney become millionaires in the Robin Reliant, Raquel becomes a millionaire.

20. When Del and Raquel find a secret room in the pub and discover a whole new way to have fun.

21. When Del Boy tries to hide that he's not listening.

22. When Del Boy is made a knight.

...

11. When Granddad accidentally knocks over the Christmas cake.

12. Del Boy accidentally sets fire to Rodney's Tardis.

13. Del Boy steals the Christmas tree and gets caught by Dad.

14. Del Boy loses his wallet.

15. When Rodney and Del decide to go for a drink after their lunch.

16. When Del Boy and Rodney accidentally turn up to an orgy.

17. When Del Boy gives Granddad a bottle of sherry.

18. When Del Boy is a member of an orgy.

19. When Del Boy and Rodney become friends with their neighbours, the Fowl family.

20. When Del Boy decides to have his birthday in the middle of winter.

21. When Del Boy and Rodney decide to become vampires.

22. When Del Boy goes to the dentist and ends up with three teeth.

23. When Del and Rodney become friends with their next door neighbour, Patrick.

24. When Del Boy and Rodney get drunk at Patrick's house.

25. When Del Boy accidentally knocks on Patrick's front door.

26. When Del Boy accidentally kicks Patrick's cat.

...
11. When Del puts the phone on the bed and the whole bed becomes a phone.

12. When Trigger and Cassandra are the victims of an armed robbery.

13. When Del Boy gets Cassandra drunk to stop her from having sex with Raquel's uncle.

14. When, out of spite, Del leaves the gas off the boiler overnight.

15. When the whole house floods after Del accidentally turns on the tap.

16. When Del Boy falls off the sofa.

17. When Del and Rodney discover an unexploded bomb in the lounge.

18. When Trigger tells Granddad that he got the girl.

19. When Del and Rodney end up as astronauts.

20. When Cassandra and Raquel's mothers decide to become lesbians.

21. When Raquel's uncle, who's been staying in the spare room, arrives on the night of the party.

22. When Del tries to teach Rodney's mum the words to "A Girl Like You".

23. When Rodney's best mate, Phil, has a nervous breakdown and Del and Rodney take him round the houses.

24. When Del gets Cassandra drunk and she dances with him.

...

11. When Del and Rodney's relationship is finally put to the test in the pub.

12. When Rodney and Roy Slater go shopping for a car.

13. When Del is caught taking an extra-long piss in the shower.

14. When Del invites every policeman in Britain to a party.

15. When Del and Rodney get caught in a lift between floors.

16. When Raquel finally gets over Gary.

17. When Del and Rodney are attacked by a family of bears.

18. When Rolf Harris and Gary join Del and Rodney in watching a film in 'the house'.

19. When Raquel finally decides to find Gary.

20. When Del and Rodney are visited by a group of hippies.

21. When Del, Rodney and Raquel make love in the back of a coach.

22. When Del and Rodney fall asleep on the beach.

23. When Rodney's mum calls Del a 'pikey monger'.

24. When Rodney's Dad and the local police arrive at the mansion.

25. When Del accidentally reveals he is a policeman.

...
11. When Del and Rodney find their old flat.

12. When Del, in a state of shock, mistakes a bottle of brandy for a bottle of pish.

13. When Rodders and Rodney accidentally steal a man's van.

14. Del Boy's Christmas dinner with the Penge's, with the main course being a cow-giraffe.

15. When Rodney's plan backfires when the man he conned out of the van comes back to get it.

16. When Del and Rodney accidentally take cocaine.

17. When Raquel takes the stage with a man who's only got one eye.

18. When Rodney takes a wrong turn and ends up in the Tardis.

19. When Del and Rodney get the last seat in the first seat of a bus.

20. When Raquel sings in Spanish with a very well-dressed dog.

21. When Del Boy accidentally sells his mother's jewellery.

22. When Del and Rodney get jobs as taxi drivers.

23. When Del meets Rodney's sister.

24. When Rodney and Del accidentally go fishing.

...


11. When Del Boy and Rodney drive in convoy to the airport and have to stop at a red light.

12. When Rodney accidentally leaves his wife in the hotel car park.

13. When Del Boy and Rodney go to the dentist in a Range Rover.

14. When Del Boy and Rodney try to set up the perfect crime.

15. When Del Boy and Rodney meet the ghost of Winston Churchill.

16. When Granddad's head blows off and hits Del Boy.

17. When Del Boy and Granddad play golf.

18. When Del Boy and Rodney make it in to a strip club.

19. When Del Boy and Rodney go to a restaurant and have to use the toilet.

20. When Rodney's friend goes missing and Del and Rodney go looking for him.

21. When Del and Rodney have to rescue a girl from a fire.

22. When Del and Rodney are trapped in the lift after a fire alarm.

23. When Del Boy runs a hot dog stall.

24. When Del and Rodney go clubbing and are mistaken for terrorists.

25. When Del Boy and Rodney fight for a piece of chicken.

...


11. When Del and Raquel try to save Granddad's life.

12. When their house explodes and they end up in the Robin Reliant's garage.

13. The day after their house explodes.

14. Del becomes a superhero called Sir Rodney.

15. The day after Del tries to save Granddad's life.

16. The day after Raquel tries to save Granddad's life.

17. When they discover Cassandra is dating a woman called Miss Dibnall.

18. When they break into her house to look for a gun.

19. When they go into the bathroom and discover Cassandra is in a tub of blood.

20. When they discover Granddad is dead.

21. When Cassandra sings on the telly.

22. When Del and Raquel accidentally go to Heaven and find out it's really just a cheap hotel.

23. When they go to their hotel room.

24. When they learn to drive.

25. The day after Raquel and Del accidentally go to Heaven.

26. Raquel has an affair with a policeman.

...

11. When Del Boy's mother makes the "I'm so fat" cake.

12. When Rodney's mum gets the house fire insurance money.

13. When Granddad's dog goes missing and Del Boy and Rodney try to find it.

14. When Del Boy and Rodney are in the car accident.

15. When Raquel tries to get revenge on Cassandra by making out she's a lesbian.

16. When Cassandra is about to say something nasty to Raquel and Del Boy shouts "Watch out, Cassandra. You're the first woman I've ever been inside".

17. When Del Boy and Rodney try to stop Raquel and Cassandra singing a duet together.

18. When Raquel is in the same class as Rodney and Del Boy.

19. When Raquel is in the same class as Cassandra and Del Boy.

20. When the other kids say 'Del Boy's got a fat sister".

21. When Del Boy and Rodney try to fit the whole family in the Robin Reliant.

22. When Del Boy gets locked up in the house with his kids.



Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Gurke and Hare on July 11, 2021, 07:15:25 PM
Del Boy sticks a flare up his arse in Leicester Square, while Rodney windmills his knob and Uncle Albert does a line. The crowd go wild. The lads hoot and holler and shout at the stars on the roof. And in the centre of it all, Rodney – the bloke with his hat turned the wrong way and his tongue sticking out – holds up his hands in the shape of a pistol. Rodney is a hero. Rodney is in the news.

I'm there, but I don't take any of the credit for the show. All the credit should go to Rodney, a lad who'd always been there for me, a lad who'd always had my back. He knew me when I was an ordinary geezer in the street, and if I'd come along that night, he'd have been there with a hooter and a wanger and a big smile, and I'd have been glad he was.

I'm just the panto. It's Rodney who's got it all. He's always been the real star. He's the heart and soul and star of the show.

The blokes – the geezers in the seats – love Rodney. He's the star of the show for a reason. The kids love Rodney too. He gives them something for their money, something to shout and cheer about. He's
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 11, 2021, 07:43:53 PM
This is great
Quote
Rodney: You are the cancer of this planet. You are a cancer, you're a bad cancer, a cancer that is destroying the planet that is supposed to be made just for us.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 11, 2021, 07:45:29 PM
Top ten Only Fools and Horses Characters
1. Del Boy
2. Rodney

3. Little Ron
4. Uncle Albert
5. Uncle Reginald
6. Uncle Hugo
7. Grandad
8. Uncle Quentin
9. Grandad’s house
10. Uncle Albert’s office

The first episode had a great many characters in it, but they were well received, especially Del, Rodney and Uncle Reg. In later episodes we’ve seen even more come in and in some cases it’s been pretty obvious why, for example, the family’s accountant, Uncle Albert, had been with the Trotters for so long, and in the first episode it was clear why the family’s driver and handyman, Del, had been with the Trotters for so long.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 11, 2021, 07:48:58 PM
Ah, even better.
Quote
Top ten Only Fools and Horses Characters
1. Del Boy
2. Rodney

3. Uncle Albert
4. Uncle Jack
5. The Duke of Edinburgh
6. Mr. Trotter
7. Buster
8. Grandad
9. Uncle George
10. Buster's wife

Favourite Non-Funny Episodes
1. Christmas Carol
2. The Return of the Duke
3. The Return of Rodney
4. Rodney's Revenge
5. The Return of Grandad
6. The Return of Mr. Trotter
7. The Return of Buster
8. The Return of Buster's wife

Favourite Episode Title
1. "A Touch of Glove"
2. "The Return of the Duke"
3. "A Right Royal Jelly"
4. "Rodney's Revenge"
5. "The Return of Buster"
6. "Rodney's Repentance"
7. "The Return of Mr. Trotter"
8. "The Return of Grandad"
9. "Rodney's Ormer"
10. "Buster's Birthday"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 07:49:33 PM
Quote
In one episode, Del went in the army. His army friends were 'The Bovril Boys' - Tim 'the Tank' and Terry 'the Plank'. Apparently they went on to appear in 'Only Fools and Horses'

Also, in the original pilot script it is stated that Del's nickname is 'The Pimpernel'. This came about as Del had been a successful escape artist in his youth. In the episode where Del leaves to enlist (to the 'jaunty' song of The Prisoner) Del makes a run for it on a pram, wearing a cape and using his skills in escaping prison. The title of the episode is named after this.

There's a scene in episode 6 (the one with the baby) where Del's grandma brings him his 'special' mug. When Del's brother turns his head in disgust, she says "He's special, dear".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 07:50:02 PM
Quote
Top ten Only Fools and Horses Characters
1. Del Boy
2. Rodney
Trotter
3. Nelson Mandela
4. Uncle Albert
5. Jacko (Michael Caine)
6. Brian
7. Sam the Fish
8. Boycie
9. Trigger
10. Mr. Worry B.I.G.

Who can forget the classic Fools and Horses character: Brian
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 07:51:27 PM
Quote
Top ten Only Fools and Horses Characters
1. Del Boy
2. Rodney Trotter
3. Auntie Trudy
4. Uncle Albert
5. Buster
6. Granddad
7. PC James
8. Alf
9. Uncle Albert
10. Auntie Trudy
Top ten only fool’s and horses characters in the hit TV sitcom Only Fools and Horses which has been on the air for 9 years now. It was created by David Renwick, John Sullivan, and Eric Idle.
There are so many people and characters that i dont think i can name everyone.
Here’s a list of all the characters that i could name but not necessarily the top ten.

I just love Rodney Trotter. I love the fact that he is not a ‘normal’ character for us to relate to but he is a character that we all know what it feels like to be on the inside of.

His catch phrase “what what?” and “he’ll be no’ havin’ that” made me giggle.

The first time I heard “no no” I used to giggle because it was comical.
...

If I had to say who had the biggest laugh, it would be either Grandad, or Grandad. I don’t know why.

I never thought about it. Well, I guess I laughed when Uncle Albert was drunk or when Granville the Postmaster General was having a fit and yelling “You fucking great fucker!”.
I think that Del Boy and Rodney was a great laugh but I guess they had other things going for them.


Quote
In Only Fools and Horses we have met some of the most famous and unforgettable characters who have graced our lives as comedy stars and television legends. These characters include Del Boy, Rodney, Grandad, Alf Garnett, Terry and, of course, Del’s dad Nelson Mandela.

Quote
So it should come as no surprise that when the nation has been taken hostage by the Islamic State, with millions of people being forced to flee their homes and the most barbaric of crimes being conducted around the world, that we still have a man who has played the clown in British comedy, who can make us laugh, who understands that we are all humans and, when called upon, can give the best impersonation of Nelson Mandela.

David Walliams has made history as he not only appeared as the comic on Newsnight with Jeremy Paxman, explaining the situation for Britons affected by the crisis but also impersonated the world-famous South African.

Speaking to a studio audience on Newsnight Walliams said: “As Mandela said, ‘we have nothing to fear but fear itself.’ He said it because he had been forced to live under a repressive regime for 28 years.

“And in that respect it was a good regime because, for most of that time, I don’t think there was much terror in this country.

“And so when this terrorist organisation starts carrying out its terrible atrocities the people of the UK should know that all they need to do is to stand up, stand together

I don't know about any of you, but I remember Walliams saying that while dressed as Nelson Mandela and I am astonished he was never cancelled for it.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 07:57:56 PM
Quote
Top Ten Only Fools and Horses Episodes:
1. Time on Our Hands
2. The Jolly Boys' Outing
3. The Unlucky Winner Is...
4. Yuppy Love

5. The Living End
6. A Touch of Gonorrhoea
7. The Last Supper
8. The Jolly Boys' Outing (Part Two)
9. The Road to Paradise
10. The Jolly Boys' Outing (Part Three)
Special guest: Terry Wogan! (And he can recite the entire
series!)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 11, 2021, 08:12:23 PM
We’re so sorry, Uncle Hugo.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 11, 2021, 08:17:15 PM
15. When the entire nation is arrested for wearing pyjamas.

Sam the Fish's best episode
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 08:22:33 PM
15. When the entire nation is arrested for wearing pyjamas.

Sam the Fish's best episode

That episode will come true in about four hours from now.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 08:28:53 PM
Quote
The Lovely Jubbly superfan has converted a bedroom in his house into a shrine dedicated to the iconic BBC sitcom.

Now Robert, 49, believes his staggering collection of the classic TV show set in Peckham, south London, featuring inimitable Cockney geezer Del Boy could be worth thousands of pounds.


Robert has converted his house into a shrine dedicated to the BBC sitcom and has converted his bedroom into a replica of Del’s bedroom in the show.

At a cost of £1,400 a week, Robert’s ‘Del Boy’s bedroom’ includes a picture of Del and all his famous catchphrases such as: ‘What is it?’, ‘No worries’ and ‘Nah, I’m alright Jack’.

And there’s even a photo of Mr and Mrs Leslie Grantham, Del’s aunty Vi’s lodgers who appear in the classic 1970s series.

Robert, who lives in Ilford, Essex, started collecting the show after his brother Daniel was diagnosed with terminal cancer and had been a big fan of Del Boy for many years.

Robert, who has always loved Del Boy but knew little about the show and thought he was mad for collecting the programme, began to read about it in the late 1990s.

He and his partner, Sandra, 48, now live in a cosy double-fronted house in Dagenham, Essex.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on July 11, 2021, 08:34:51 PM
Del, Rodney and Uncle Albert rolling down a hill in a bathtub on wheels.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 11, 2021, 08:35:26 PM
three wheels on a bath.

iconic.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 11, 2021, 08:50:09 PM
Changing the names of synopsis before you plug them in gives you glimpses into alternative hells.

Quote
Only Fools and Horses focused on a trio of older men and their youthful antics. The original trio consisted of Derek Trotter, Rodney Trotter, and Uncle Albert. Albert left in 1976, when Michael Bates fell ill shortly before filming of the third series, requiring Clarke to hastily rewrite the series with a new third man.

Fools also focused on a trio of older men who, just like the Trotters, spent their lives working in an East End pub, which they kept open for the benefit of their young son Tim. These men were Del Boy (John Challis), Rodney (Clive Jackson) and Muriel (Margaret John).

Only Fools and Horses: The Original Series was broadcast on BBC2. It ran for seven series from 1983 to 1992. Some of the episodes were based on the three-hander film Only Fools and Horses - The Movie. It aired on ITV from 1996 to 2001, in an attempt to recapture the original audience.

While none of the main actors has ever appeared in the new series, John Challis appears as his character Del Boy in the BBC programme Little Britain.

The new series is centred on three friends, Boycie (Nicholas Lyndhurst), Rodney (Paul Chiltington) and Del Boy (Jason Isaacs) and their respective families. Both Boycie and Del Boy have grown up with Del's son, and Boycie's son, Gary.

The first episode aired in 1996, but is currently repeated. It was commissioned in 1994.

Quote
Only Fools and Horses focused on a trio of older men and their youthful antics. The original trio consisted of Derek Trotter, Rodney Trotter, and Uncle Albert. Albert left in 1976, when Michael Bates fell ill shortly before filming of the third series, requiring Clarke to hastily rewrite the series with a new third man. The series ended after six years. He directed the 1989 Christmas special "Last of the Summer Wine: Still Game" with Jimmy Mulville and John Kavanagh.

In 1992, Clarke began writing the BBC2 sitcoms Citizen Smith and The Green Green Grass with co-writer Ian Cognito. These were a spin-off of his 1987 cult sitcom, The Krankies. In 1994, they were the winners of the Rose d'Or for best sitcom, becoming the first British sitcom to do so. The Krankies''' producer Michael Jackson had commissioned a spin-off, but the sitcom was killed off, leaving Clarke and Cognito as a double act. Citizen Smith ended in 1997 after six series.

As well as comedy, Clarke has made appearances on shows such as Have I Got News for You, Celebrity Squares, The Two Ronnies, and Celebrity Love Island. He hosted the 1998 Comic Relief charity show Children in Need, and appeared in the 1999 Christmas special, Children in Need: A Nutcracker Tale.

Clarke has directed episodes of The Bill, Casualty, A Touch of Frost, Emmerdale, The Queen's Nose, The Royal, Shameless, and Doctors, among others

Quote
During their time in Granada, the Trotters were involved in a number of comedy sketches with Albert and a number of guest stars. Notable such sketches included the one-off series "Trots and Tramps" with Mike Reid, and a sketch in the Trotters' Bar broadcast in 1975. Another famous sketch written by Clarke in 1979 is still repeated in pubs and public houses in the UK, and was re-shown on television in December 2012 to mark 50 years of the show.

Another notable sketch from this era is the "Trotters' Tribute", a sketch in which Albert is forced to take part in a talent show as a parody of The Generation Game, as a means of entertaining his retirement home clients. The show saw Albert perform a variety of dances, including the Charleston and a parody of Don't Go Breaking My Heart; he was last seen playing the violin.

A few weeks after this broadcast, Albert was found dead in his bed at his retirement home in Surrey.

From 1985, Trotter's Bar became set in The Pub, a location more typical of the programme, with Albert in place of the Trotters.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 11, 2021, 09:04:02 PM
Quote
Yuppy Love, where Del falls through the bar is absolutely hilarious. It’s a classic moment and no one expects it to happen. Trigger just stands there and double takes, staring at him. It really makes me laugh!

You can’t really see it, but Trigger is just about to say “What the hell?” It’s a really funny moment. If you’re a fan of the movie you’ll know exactly what I mean!

In this clip, Del tells Trigger to “Get the fuck out of here,” when Trigger is acting like a jerk to one of Del’s friends. This is a classic scene from the movie and it has been shown in just about every Del Bigazzi video, from Uptight Del! to Crazy with The Del, to the movie trailer.

When Trigger is in prison, it’s basically a whole new Del, with lots of prison time. At first, he’s all bitter and angry, like the Del who beat up everyone and stole a ton of money. But Del slowly starts to figure out that he can use the money he stole to help other people. It really shows that Del can turn a completely different direction, rather than just going to prison and staying there.

Del in prison is one of my favorite scenes. If you didn’t like it before, wait till you see it!

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 11, 2021, 09:09:04 PM
Quote
28 Only Fools and Horses Facts That You Haven't Seen Before

1. Only Fools and Horses Holds The Record For Highest UK Audience

2. David Beckham Once Starred In Only Fools and Horses

3. There Are A Total Of 64 Only Fools and Horses Episodes


4. The Show Almost Didn't Happen In The First Place

5. Terry's Speech Was Almost Entirely Written By Bob Grant

6. Only Fools and Horses' Cast Hold A Guinness World Record

7. Terry's Speech Was Never Originally Intended To Be On Episode 1

8. The Only Fools And Horses Episode With John Cleese Was A Script Read Through

9. Only Fools and Horses Cast Has Been Nominated For An Emmy Nomination

10. Only Fools and Horses Were The First Comedy Show To Have A Film Adaptation

11. Only Fools and Horses Was The First British Comedy Series To Be Broadcast On Network Television

12. Only Fools and Horses Was The First Ever BBC Two Series To Be Broadcast On Network Television

13. Only Fools and Horses Was The First British Comedy To Be Broadcast On Television In The Middle East

14. The Only Fools and Horses' Cast Were The First Cast To Have A Christmas Special

15. Only Fools and Horses Showed How Comedy Wasn't Only For Adults

16. Only Fools and Horses Was The First British Comedy To Have

Quote
The first season of Only Fools and Horses does not have either the iconic opener “Stick a pony in my pocket… ” or the closing credits “Hooky Street”.

It instead has a theme produced by Ronnie Hazlehurst and was recorded in 1981 at Lime Grove Studios,
Islington, London.

A two-year run that launched the careers of John Sullivan, Brian “Jonty” Hopkins, Nicholas “Duke” Skinner and Mark “Bez” Burton, it also started a family tradition that has endured more than 25 years.

Hairy D’Arblin, played by Sullivan, has been seen on the telly in the past 25 years as well as in the current revival, starring John Challis as Del Boy, Steve McFadden as Rodney and Hattie Hayridge as the voice of Grandad and also at the new Grandad and Grandma pub in Aylesbury in Buckinghamshire, with John Challis and Susan Sheridan as a pair of grandparents.

(Image: BBC/Richard Young)

The cast and crew reunited earlier this year to film the second season of the show which aired in the spring.

The actors, including Michael Bilton as Boycie, Michael Starke as Grandad, and Nick Berry and Ben Collins-Levy as Grandpa, had their memories of shooting “The Long Good Friday”, as the first episode of season 2 was known, recalled.

Now we can tell you the
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 11, 2021, 10:29:36 PM
Quote
List of Only Fools and Horses Episodes:

Series 1 (1981)
1. Big Brother
2. Go West Young Man
3. Cash and Curry
Club
4. Five O'Clock Hero
5. Gotcha
6. England, My England
7. Miss Haversham
8. From Gallows to Guilt
9. Brotherly Love

All subsequent episodes of Only Fools and Horses are numbered sequentially in production order 1–38. This numbering starts at Episode #1 of Series 0, The Story of Keith. This numbering is retained throughout all seasons and repeats up to the end of the second series.

Series 2–
11. The Prisoner (Series 2 Hard Times)
12. Everybody's Place For The Inevitable
13. Hippy Hippy Shakey
14. The Clash Of The Kefkas
15. Fathers In Distress
16. Three Loose Pigs
17. Bad Language Galore
18. Between The Bars
19. The SNAFU Files
20. Voodoo Sheila
21. Money Money Money
22. I Believe In Miracles
23. Sitting On The Ponies
24. On The Prowl
25. Up & Downs
26. The Boys From Tooting
27. Where Asparagus Grow
28. Blow Out (Series 2 Humiliation)
29. The Fish
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 12, 2021, 06:23:29 AM
Uptight Del! is better than Crazy with The Del, but I am a big fan of all the Del Bigazzi films.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 12, 2021, 11:30:39 AM
Quote
Encompassing everything Cockney (though coming from Peckham not an actual Cockney), Del is known for his broken French quotes, which are usually completely out of context, and a variety of British and cockney catchphrases, including: "He who dares, wins!", "This time next year we'll be millionaires", "Cushty!", "Lovely Jubbly!", "You know it makes sense" (which he usually says to his customers after they have agreed on a deal), "Shut up you tart" and "You plonker!", usually said to Rodney.

Del's favourite word is "plonker" which he loves to drop at any opportunity, even without his friends. He's also very fond of "plonker", "naff" and "muppets", especially the latter, though this is often mis-typed in e-mails to his friends as "Muppets". The reason for Del's fondness of "plonker" is due to the fact that he grew up in Peckham. As of 2009, he's now based in Clapham, but regularly visits Chislehurst for the "plonker".

Del had moved to America, and had a very short time in the States, due to his mother's job. He met Rodney on that trip, and Rodney immediately became a close friend of Del's. Del is not interested in anything more than making money; if his friends think he doesn't know what he's doing, he'll go back to being a plonker. While he's not completely against having a girlfriend, he will have a great deal of trouble being in one. He's quite fond of Rodney, though he has no idea what he sees in Rodney, and just likes the way he sounds.

Del would go out

"As of 2009, he's now based in Clapham, but regularly visits Chislehurst for the "plonker"."

Quote
Encompassing everything Cockney (though coming from Peckham not an actual Cockney), Del is known for his broken French quotes, which are usually completely out of context, and a variety of British and cockney catchphrases, including: "He who dares, wins!", "This time next year we'll be millionaires", "Cushty!", "Lovely Jubbly!", "You know it makes sense" (which he usually says to his customers after they have agreed on a deal), "Shut up you tart" and "You plonker!", usually said to Rodney.

He enjoys going out with Diddy-Diddy and is a huge Mavs fan, despite never being able to pronounce the word. He is also very competitive and loves beating someone at something. He likes to play a game called 'Who's got the biggest wanger?' in which he tries to make everyone run, which usually leads to him having to use a megaphone and his very good size. Most of Del's catchphrases are derived from movies, most notably those made by Alfred Hitchcock. His favourite film is Rear Window, and the only actor he dislikes is Jimmy Stewart, because he believes he makes his films look too serious and thinks they are too depressing.

Del's most noticeable physical features are his enormous hands, his extremely thick neck, his incredibly loud voice, and his very thick and strong thighs.

As of the first episode, he is the most popular man in Peckham, with a local vote in every day of the year for "Peckham's Best Mate". As such he is the second most powerful man after the Mayor of Peckham, and, at first, ran the city alongside him. He is shown to be extremely cocky and self-obsessed, often putting himself at the top of everything
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 12, 2021, 11:43:18 AM
To be fair, Del does have very thick and strong thighs.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 12, 2021, 11:45:09 AM
I didn’t get last night’s episode. What was with Rodney missing that Penalty?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 12, 2021, 11:55:00 AM
Del had sold UEFA dodgy misshapen balls which caused Rodney's penalty to swerve and miss the goal. You plonker Rodney!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: madhair60 on July 12, 2021, 03:43:52 PM
they should make a computer called a Dell Boy bye
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 12, 2021, 03:53:28 PM
Del Boy Advance
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 12, 2021, 03:58:25 PM
"Rodney, you tart, will you get those boxes of cake decorations open? Bake Off starts tonight and we wanna strike while the iron's hot and get 'em shifted ASAP."

"Del, these cake decorations? Are they silver balls?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Cos these are size five, made of leather and association weight."

"Stone the bleedin' crows, what the hell am I going to do with these bloody things?"

*Albert walks into the room and trips over*

"Not again, you dozy old twonk! That's the fourth time this morning!"

"It's not my fault, san! Damian keeps leavin' his bladdy great toy Volkswagen lying abaht!"

"I've a mind to get rid of that ruddy thing... 'Ere, that gives me an idea!"

shortly...

(https://abload.de/img/screenshot-2021-07-10xfjq2.jpg)

*CREDITS*
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 12, 2021, 04:39:16 PM
"You mean the chaos emeralds?" Boycie chuckled
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 12, 2021, 08:02:25 PM
RODDERS: Nothing. A rude word. Next question.

GRUNDY: No, no, what was the rude word?

RODDERS: Dipstick.

GRUNDY: Was it really? Good heavens, you frighten me to death.

GRUNDY: [Turning to those standing behind the band] What about you girls behind?

MICKY PEARCE: He's like yer dad, inne, this geezer?

GRUNDY: Are you, er...

MICKY PEARCE: Or your granddad.

GRUNDY: [To Cassandra] Are you having a miscarriage, or are you just enjoying yourself?

CASSANDRA: Having a miscarriage.

GRUNDY: Are you?

CASSANDRA: Yeah.

GRUNDY: Ah, that's what I thought you were doing.

[Cassandra does a camp pout]

DEL BOY: You dirty sod. You dirty old man!

GRUNDY: Well keep going, chief, keep going. Go on, you've got another five seconds. Say something outrageous.

DEL BOY: You dirty bastard!

GRUNDY: Go on, again.

DEL BOY: You dirty plonker! [Laughter from the group]

GRUNDY: What a clever boy!

DEL BOY: What a fucking plonker.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 12, 2021, 08:40:55 PM
I see you can get Only Fools and Horses Monopoly and Only Fools and Horses Scrabble, the latter only accepting words that Del Boy says during the series.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 12, 2021, 08:43:51 PM
RODDERS: Nothing. A rude word. Next question.

GRUNDY: No, no, what was the rude word?

RODDERS: Dipstick.

GRUNDY: Was it really? Good heavens, you frighten me to death.

GRUNDY: [Turning to those standing behind the band] What about you girls behind?

MICKY PEARCE: He's like yer dad, inne, this geezer?

GRUNDY: Are you, er...

MICKY PEARCE: Or your granddad.

GRUNDY: [To Cassandra] Are you having a miscarriage, or are you just enjoying yourself?

CASSANDRA: Having a miscarriage.

GRUNDY: Are you?

CASSANDRA: Yeah.

GRUNDY: Ah, that's what I thought you were doing.

[Cassandra does a camp pout]

DEL BOY: You dirty sod. You dirty old man!

GRUNDY: Well keep going, chief, keep going. Go on, you've got another five seconds. Say something outrageous.

DEL BOY: You dirty bastard!

GRUNDY: Go on, again.

DEL BOY: You dirty plonker! [Laughter from the group]

GRUNDY: What a clever boy!

DEL BOY: What a fucking plonker.
Utterly beautiful.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 13, 2021, 11:15:42 AM
Del Boy falls through the bar and through a wormhole to North London. It takes him seven hours to find his way home.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 13, 2021, 12:09:52 PM
Loved the one where Del Boy is a contestant on a gameshow called DARE YOU WIN THE DEVILS MONEY and he phones up Rodney for a lifeline.

"How did Jane Fonda get about?"

Of course, Rodney has a GCE in Jane Fonda so he confidently answers The Jane Fondamobile. Host Goldentony spends the next three hours visiting the devil to find out the answer, comes back and regretfully informs Del that the answer is wrong and he's lost £50,000.

It later transpires that Rodney was right and Goldentony phones Del up to offer him the money, but Del thinks it's Mickey Pearce winding him up and tells him to give it away to charity. Classic.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 13, 2021, 12:12:37 PM
RODDERS: Nothing. A rude word. Next question.

GRUNDY: No, no, what was the rude word?

RODDERS: Dipstick.

GRUNDY: Was it really? Good heavens, you frighten me to death.

GRUNDY: [Turning to those standing behind the band] What about you girls behind?

MICKY PEARCE: He's like yer dad, inne, this geezer?

GRUNDY: Are you, er...

MICKY PEARCE: Or your granddad.

GRUNDY: [To Cassandra] Are you having a miscarriage, or are you just enjoying yourself?

CASSANDRA: Having a miscarriage.

GRUNDY: Are you?

CASSANDRA: Yeah.

GRUNDY: Ah, that's what I thought you were doing.

[Cassandra does a camp pout]

DEL BOY: You dirty sod. You dirty old man!

GRUNDY: Well keep going, chief, keep going. Go on, you've got another five seconds. Say something outrageous.

DEL BOY: You dirty bastard!

GRUNDY: Go on, again.

DEL BOY: You dirty plonker! [Laughter from the group]

GRUNDY: What a clever boy!

DEL BOY: What a fucking plonker.
bum baba bum baba bum baba bum
We got some half-price cracked ice...
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utterdrivel on July 13, 2021, 05:52:07 PM
Who else remembers watching this ep from behind the sofa!


(https://i.imgur.com/voj9pSJl.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 13, 2021, 07:25:58 PM
Reminds me of when the Trotters take that stray dog in and one night its face splits open and some "thing" bursts out. Del chases it away with a cigar. Not long later Mike has a heart attack but now he's really a thing too, and it bites off both of Trigger's arms during CPR. They lock Uncle Albert away, but he's a thing too. Love it when Rodney's face spilts in two and he basically tries to eat Mickey Pearce.
The whole episode ends with Del and Denzil sharing that whiskey on a Peckham park bench.
Are either of them a thing? (Cue end credits)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 13, 2021, 11:45:19 PM
or the episode where Rodney grew a vagina on his stomach and fucked it with Trigger's broom while watching Chas n Dave on Top of the Pops.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 13, 2021, 11:54:16 PM
The one where they make Albert drink a pint of pre-cum Rodney's been slowly milking into a jar under his bed for ages.

The Christmas special where Del gives Raquel a shoebox, and when she opens it, it's filled with Syd Little, who's been squashed in there for over a week, his bones now a concertina. As he unfolds himself, his glasses are broken and he's very disorientated and afraid. Del throws a guitar at him and says "do Buddy Holly, or I'm calling your mate."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 14, 2021, 12:01:19 AM
Are you thinking of the studio rush they used to show on Aunties Bloomers?

David Jason told Buster Merryfield the dead flies were raisins. That always made Wogan laugh.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 14, 2021, 12:37:42 AM
Who else remembers watching this ep from behind the sofa!


(https://i.imgur.com/voj9pSJl.jpg)

SEE YOU AT THE PARTEH TROTT-AH!!!!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 14, 2021, 12:38:36 AM
LET OFF SOME STEAM

TRIGG-AH
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 14, 2021, 04:37:54 PM
One of the bar staff in Only Fools and Horses also played DC Viv Martella in the Bill.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 14, 2021, 06:28:58 PM
The Space Invaders machine is Data from Star Trek's dad.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 14, 2021, 07:59:26 PM
Remember when Nicholas Lyndhurst spent the entire episode with his cock hanging out, a bit like Dirk Diggler at the end of Boogie Nights.
It's not mentioned, never referred to at all, but there it is, hanging out of his pants.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 14, 2021, 08:01:19 PM
Remember when Nicholas Lyndhurst spent the entire episode with his cock hanging out, a bit like Dirk Diggler at the end of Boogie Nights.
It's not mentioned, never referred to at all, but there it is, hanging out of his pants.

You see him flinch when he bangs his helmet on the side of the van at one point iirc.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 14, 2021, 08:02:52 PM
You see him flinch when he bangs his helmet on the side of the van at one point iirc.
You've just reminded me that it was referred to in the next episode, where Del says, "I see you've parked your three wheeler this week."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 14, 2021, 08:32:24 PM
The reason Cassandra looks so realistically woozy after her miscarriage is that Rodney was doing windmills when out of shot.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 14, 2021, 09:02:56 PM
Del Quixote: Could be on to a winner here, Sancho Trigger, play it nice and cool son, know what I mean...

*windmill sail knocks Del off his three-legged horse*

... come on Trig, we're going.

Sancho Trigger: Ain’t you gonna try for them giants?

Del Quixote: No, no, You’re cramping me style, Trig.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 14, 2021, 09:14:00 PM
Del Hitler:  Could be on to ein winner here, Von Trigger, play it nice and cool my son, verstehen?
*Del Hitler falls through the Eastern Front*
... achtung Trig, we're going.
Von Trigger: Ain’t you gonna invade perfidious Albion?
Del Hitler: No, no, You’re cramping mein style, Trig.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utterdrivel on July 14, 2021, 09:49:11 PM
cush
cush
cush
cush
cush
cush
cush
ty
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: poodlefaker on July 14, 2021, 10:08:39 PM
"The Fool, the Horse" (Anders Ulrich, 1947). Disillusioned knight Deryck Trottr and his cynical squire Rodni return from the Crusades to find the country ravaged by the plague. The knight encounters Death, whom he challenges to a right old arm wrestle, believing he can survive as long as the game continues. The game they start continues throughout the story.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 14, 2021, 10:11:58 PM
Quote
Only Fools and Horses The Musical is a 2019 British stage musical with book, music and lyrics by Paul Whitehouse and Jim Sullivan, with additional music by Chas Hodges and writer John Sullivan. It is based on John Sullivan's BBC television sitcom of the same name which began in 1981. The musical is a co-production of the Old Vic Tunstall and UK tour from 29 June to 8 September 2019.

Synopsis
The musical is a loose adaptation of the sitcom, which centres on the lives of Del Boy (Michael Jayston), Rodney (Lee Cornes) and Grimmy (Tim Luscombe) in East London. The musical follows a format of 'episodes' of a week in the lives of the three friends. The plot concerns their attempts to make a fortune by running a pub, and the complications caused by Del's mother, Mrs. Trotter (Ruth Prawer Jhabvala), which culminate in the trio losing their pub and Grimmy becoming a member of the local council. The musical follows a format of 'episodes' of a week in the lives of the three friends.

The musical is written for an all-male cast, with a maximum of 8 singers and 6 dancers and features a rock opera-style

What a cast! Lovely to see Grimmy again.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 14, 2021, 10:14:58 PM
Quote from: The Actual Live Show
Act I

    "Prologue – O Furtuna" – Orchestra
    "His Name is Derek Trotter" – Ensemble
    "Only Fools and Horses/Hooky Street" – Del Boy, Rodney & Ensemble
    "Not Now Grandad" – Del Boy, Rodney & Grandad
    "That's What I Like" – Ensemble
    "Where Have All The Cockneys Gone?" – Grandad & Ensemble
    "The Girl" – Raquel
    "Mange Tout" – Del Boy & Dating Agent
    "Bit of a Sort" – Del Boy & Dating Agent
    "Raining for Grandad" – Grandad
    "Being a Villain" – Danny Driscoll & Tony Driscoll
    "Lovely Day" – Del Boy, Raquel & Ensemble

Act II

    "Marriage & Love" – Rodney & Cassandra
    "West End Wendy" – Raquel & Ensemble
    "What have I let myself in for?" – Cassandra
    "Gaze Into My Ball" – Trigger & Ensemlbe
    "The Tadpole Song" – Boycie & Marlene
    "Holding Back The Years" – Ensemble
    "Margate" – Ensemble
    "This Time Next Year" – Ensemble
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 14, 2021, 10:28:45 PM
Top ten jokes from Only Fools and Horses.
1. Del falls through the bar.

2. Del runs his hand through the pub drain.
3. Del gets thrown out of a taxi.
4. Del drops his keys.
5. Del knocks his hand on the door.
6. Del walks into the pub.
7. Del falls over on his seat.
8. Del falls down a stairs.
9. Del trips on the stairs.
10. Del loses his shoe.

Jill’s Top Ten Only Fools and Horses.
1. No matter what you do, Del will do it better.
2. The one thing Del doesn’t want to do is to be shot of his own body.
3. Any place Del feels at home is where he can have a drink.
4. Del has all the money.
5. The best way to get rid of Del is to feed him
6. Del has no idea what Del’s going to do.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 14, 2021, 10:30:27 PM
"You really are a ten carat plonker, Rodney." said Del.

"And he's not just a plonker!" said Rodney. "He's a plonker who's a plonker who's a plonker!"

"I mean, come on. It's a joke. I wasn't born yesterday, OK?" said Del. "I get the joke. But you've had three years on me, so shut up!"

"What?" I said.

"Shut up," said Rodney, looking at me as if I'd just caught him masturbating. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 14, 2021, 10:31:45 PM
Quote
Del Hitler:  Could be on to ein winner here, Von Trigger, play it nice and cool my son, verstehen?
*Del Hitler falls through the Eastern Front*
... achtung Trig, we're going.
Von Trigger: Ain’t you gonna invade perfidious Albion?
Del Hitler: No, no, You’re cramping mein style, Trig. And besides, England’s a no go.  The last time I got this close to there I got sent home

Von Trigger: I have an invitation!
Del Hitler: What’s that?
Von Trigger: Mein invitation is to your country’s finest banquet of celebration for the successful completion of mein great plan. All the top Nazi brass and other Aryan, blooded, fine Germans will be there. You’re invited.
Del Hitler: Who’s inviting me?
Von Trigger: My invitee is Hitler.
Del Hitler: I’m having you de-balled with mein own son, de-balled.
Von Trigger: You should reconsider. I’m sure we can arrange for some kind of compensation.
Del Hitler: No thanks, I’m good.
Von Trigger: We do like a guest in mein family.

Quote
Del Hitler:  Could be on to ein winner here, Von Trigger, play it nice and cool my son, verstehen?
*Del Hitler falls through the Eastern Front*
... achtung Trig, we're going.
Von Trigger: Ain’t you gonna invade perfidious Albion?
Del Hitler: No, no, You’re cramping mein style, Trig.

*Del Hitler kicks Von Trigger in the nether regions, sending them both tumbling to the ground*
That's it for mein war machine, the world is doin my bidding now. No more Nazis though, no more war, no more auf Deutschland, auf Adieu.

Several attempts included Del Hitler talking about gassing Jews, which I'm not going to post. Reminded me of Microsoft's Twitter AI disaster.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 14, 2021, 10:35:37 PM

4. Del drops his keys.


I'm laughing just remembering this classic moment.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 14, 2021, 10:37:53 PM
Quote

Top ten jokes from Only Fools and Horses.
1. Del falls through the bar.
Rodney tells him to go over to Bob and get him his keys back.
2. Del takes his car to Bob's and asks for the keys back. Bob does not know he is supposed to return the car and he has to call Gary to find out.
3. Del tells the staff that he left his keys at Bob's. "Oh, he doesn't know he's supposed to return them, does he?", says Del.
4. At the races Del is in Bob's. Del asks where he can get a beer. Rodney tells him to get one at the pub. He comes out and asks for some peanuts.
5. There is a huge line for the loos and Del gets very close to the till. Del says to the bloke at the counter. "What happened to our money?" Rodney tells Del to leave it.
6. Del falls on to the tracks. "You were supposed to get me to Bob's, weren't you?"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 14, 2021, 10:39:15 PM
Quote
Top ten jokes from Only Fools and Horses.
1. Del falls through the bar.

2. The bar explodes.
3. The bar explodes after Del has gone to the toilet.
4. Horse says Del is going to his mother's funeral tomorrow.
5. Horse walks Del home.
6. Del finds a bomb under his bed.
7. An electrician repairs the bar.
8. The bar explodes when Del is making a phone call.
9. Horse returns home and Del is not there.
10. He falls down the stairs.

Quote
Top ten jokes from Only Fools and Horses.
1. Del falls through the bar.

2. Del dies.
3. Del’s funeral.
4. Derek is in charge of the funeral, he’s not very good at it.
5. Rodney discovers Del’s body in the bath.
6. Rodney gets his arm stuck in the grave and we see Del coming through the ceiling.
7. Del’s ghost gets its arm trapped in a door.
8. In the end Rodney opens the door and we see Del with the rest of his coffin in his car boot.
9. Del’s ghost gets out of the car boot and starts making the engine work.
10. Del’s ghost drives off into the sunset with Del’s funeral car.

Top ten reasons for a dog to bark.
1. Barking is a dog’s job.
2. When you walk past a dog it’s natural for it to bark.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 15, 2021, 12:43:20 AM
What about that Charity record they released when it was axed in the 80s?

Peter Cetera singing the line “Give us back our Hooky Street, our Shepherd's Buuuuush” still gives me chills.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: poodlefaker on July 15, 2021, 09:01:38 AM
"I first met Nick Lyndhurst at Cambridge in 1959" Sir David Jason remembers fondly. "I was at King's and Nicky was at Keeble, but we came together through the Footllights. I already had a few sketches worked out  - the falling through the bar bit, you know - and Nick used to have this marvellous monologue as Stafford Cripps, so we roughed up a revue called "Are You a Fool or a Horse, Comrade?" Eleanor Bron came in with her Cassandra character, and David Starkey, who did this wonderful old man - 'I remember the war, you know' - that sort of thing. Dave knew this young organ scholar - Johnny Taverner - who did some musical bits. Well we went down a storm in Cambridge, then moved it to the West End for a season. We won the Evening Standard Comedy Award in 1961 then transferred to Broadway. Jackie Kennedy was a big fan, brought all her pals - Truman Capote, Jimmy Baldwin...a magical time."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Shaky on July 15, 2021, 09:37:26 AM
Any truth to the rumour that the "Hellboy" franchise was heavily based on OFAH and they were forced to change some elements for legal reasons? Always seemed like the title character was meant to be Del, Abe Sapian was Rodney and some other character filled the Grandad role.

The very last Only Fools episode, where it was revealed the Nazis brought Del to life during WW2, always seemed like a bit of a cheeky nod towards all that but Sullivan may have taken the real truth to the grave now, sadly.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 15, 2021, 09:37:56 AM
Quote
Lovely Jubbly' has been revealed as the most commonly used Only Fools And Horses phrase in British life, according to a recent survey.

The catchphrase used by affable market trader Del Boy - which means 'good' or 'fantastic' - has remained a common saying amongst Brits ever since David Jason first uttered it on screen.


The phrase features in a large number of other films and TV shows such as EastEnders and The IT Crowd, where it is used by Alan Partridge.

The poll, which was carried out by YouGov, also found that a quarter of Brits said they only know how to say 'Del' while a further quarter said 'The Jubbly'.

The phrase is often seen in popular culture, but has now become so widespread that it now appears on T-shirts.

YouGov, who conducted the survey, said: "It seems that Del's Jubbly has become almost as widespread as the Queen's Christmas cracker.

"A quarter of Brits say that they only know how to say 'Del', while another quarter say they only know 'The Jubbly' (25%) or even 'Lovely Jubbly' (6%).

"Del and Rodney's classic catchphrase has become as ingrained into the language


Quote
'Lovely Jubbly' has been revealed as the most commonly used Only Fools And Horses phrase in British life, according to a recent survey.

The catchphrase used by affable market trader Del Boy - which means 'good' or 'fantastic' - has remained a common saying amongst Brits ever since David Jason first uttered it on screen.


The phrase was the seventh most-used phrase among British adults last year, according to YouGov, with a third (34%) using the phrase at least once in 2013.

Only Fools And Horses has been found to be the UK's most-used phrase for 15 years in a row and its number of uses last year has risen 7 per cent since 2012.

Now the BBC have revealed the Top 50 phrases used by British adults in 2013.

The list - which is compiled by YouGov - includes the most- and least-used phrases as well as the two most- and least-used words in the nation's language.

Of the 50 most-used phrases, 22 are nouns, 11 are verbs and 17 are adjectives.

The most popular was also the most-used word of the year - 'lovely', the second most-used word was 'wonderful' and the third most-used word was 'p

Quote
Lovely Jubbly' has been revealed as the most commonly used Only Fools And Horses phrase in British life, according to a recent survey.

The catchphrase used by affable market trader Del Boy - which means 'good' or 'fantastic' - has remained a common saying amongst Brits ever since David Jason first uttered it on screen.


While it may not be used by the characters as regularly as some of his other famous catchphrases - such as 'the Trots' - it has a lot in common with other phrases found in everyday speech.

One of the most common and well-loved catchphrases is the 'piss off', and the new survey shows that the British public have learnt to use the phrase with such aplomb that more of us think it sounds more British than being French.

The most commonly used Only Fools And Horses phrases in British life have been revealed in a survey of more than 5,000 people

The phrase has been used by Del Boy when responding to the news that his ex-wife, Marlene, is now working with the police on the case of the missing Del Boy and Rodney

As well as the 'piss off' other commonly used phrases - which the survey suggests are being used by people from all backgrounds - included
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 15, 2021, 09:46:26 AM
Quote
Here's the full top 10 list:
1. Lovely jubbly!
2. You plonker.
3. This time next year we'll be millionaires!
4. He who dares, wins!
5. You know it makes sense.
6. Cushti.
7. Mange tout, mange tout.
8. During the war...
9. Bonjour.
10. Do me a lemon!

And the runners-up:

1. What an idiot!
2. This one's for you.
3. A man who can count to ten, can count the money he'll have on payday.
4. Why?
5. I wouldn't trust that thing with a thimbleful of sugar.
6. That's what he said.
7. I wouldn't know where to look if I wanted to borrow.
8. I could have been anyone!
9. This time next year, I'll be doing things.
10. You're a genius!

But why is my English so bad?

Monday, October 5, 2015

I recently asked my friend Kjälf to send me the recipe she uses for making an amazing Danish Apple Cake - the sort of thing that you would find at a coffee shop or cafe in Denmark. She was kind enough to send me the full recipe and I would like to
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 15, 2021, 10:13:53 AM
Quote
The poll also asked those responding to pick their favourite scene. Here's the top 10...

1. When Del Boy falls through the bar.

2. Del Boy and Rodney come to the rescue dressed at Batman and Robin.

3. When Rodney and Del Boy break the chandelier.


4. When Rodney says 'My wife's just seen the way I go at it with Tracy'

5. When Del Boy says 'Is that what you call going at it'

6. The bit with the dog.

7. When Del Boy tells the taxi driver that he's called 'Little Fella'

8. When Del Boy says 'We're gonna get some of them biscuits'

9. When Rene appears from behind the jukebox

Quote
Completed Text:
The poll also asked those responding to pick their favourite scene. Here's the top 10...

1. When Del Boy falls through the bar.

2. Del Boy and Rodney come to the rescue dressed at Batman and Robin.

3. When Rodney and Del Boy break the chandelier.


4. When the boys and the women are dancing to Don't Cry For Me Argentina.

5. When Mrs Roper and Rodney get into the car.

6. When Del Boy and Rodney come to life on the stage and sing the song.

7. When Del Boy and Rodney take out the gangsters on the balcony.

8. When Del Boy and Rodney dance to The Twist.

9. When Del Boy falls off the roof.

10. When the girls sing in the pub.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 15, 2021, 05:07:13 PM
God, no. 5 has reminded me of that George and Mildred episode that guest featured Rodney. Was quite funny until Yootha Joyce started fellating Nicholas Lyndhurst which I thought was a bit much before the 9.00 watershed.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 15, 2021, 05:27:56 PM
Quote
7. When Del Boy tells the taxi driver that he's called 'Little Fella'

Bad Lieutenant: Peckham Nights
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 15, 2021, 06:30:43 PM
God, no. 5 has reminded me of that George and Mildred episode that guest featured Rodney. Was quite funny until Yootha Joyce started fellating Nicholas Lyndhurst which I thought was a bit much before the 9.00 watershed.

Rodney's face during the spunking is the subject of many a meme.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 15, 2021, 07:35:34 PM
Ah, the mess that made on George’s moustache without him even noticing, before he inadvertently did a cumwalk through the middle of Hampton Wick.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 15, 2021, 09:13:35 PM
A book celebrating the 40th anniversary of Only Fools And Horses is to be published.

Written by Mike Jones and Jim Sullivan, the son of show creator John Sullivan, Lovely Jubbly: A Celebration Of 40 Years Of Only Fools And Horses aims to be "a fully illustrated definitive history of the iconic BBC show".

Publishers BBC Books say: "In Lovely Jubbly: A Celebration Of 40 Years Of Only Fools And Horses, John Sullivan's son Jim takes us behind the scenes of each and every episode of the iconic series. Featuring interviews with cast and crew, and never-before-seen images from the Sullivan archive, Lovely Jubbly, this is the ultimate nostalgic trip down Hooky Street, and a cushty gift for Only Fools And Horses fans everywhere."


The book, due to be published in November, will include contributions from a number of celebrity fans of the show - including Alan Davies, Matt Lucas, Omid Djalili and Jason Isaacs.

The show's actors will also all feature, including Craig Cash, Michael Hurst, Nicholas Lyndhurst, Danny Dyer, Robert Davison, Danny John-Jules, David Jason, Jim Broadbent and Noel Edmonds.

The show's writers, directors, producer and composer are also being interviewed for the book.

A full preview of the book is available here.

Lovely Jubbly: A Celebration Of 40 Years Of Only Fools And Horses - John Sullivan by BBC Books.

Comments

Aye!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 15, 2021, 09:15:14 PM
Quote
We've got some half-priced cracked ice, and miles and miles of carpet tiles
TV's, deep freeze and David Bowie LP's
Pool games, gold chains, wosnames and at a push
Some Trevor Francis track-suites from a mush in Shepherds Bush
Pierced noses, contact lenses, hairpieces and a whole lot of other stuff
Mostly though, we've got girls!

Sunday, 19 April 2013

I'm not exactly a 'woman's libber'. Well, I think everyone's entitled to do what they like. I don't really see much wrong with any of the feminist slogans and campaigns. I don't really think the world's all that bad either. But I do think that many feminists have a sense of entitlement that I don't really agree with.

I've been thinking about it a lot recently. It's really about having the right to be listened to. To be a woman can mean being listened to. It can mean having your problems and suggestions taken seriously. It can mean having your wishes considered. It can mean having your problems acknowledged and addressed.

Quote
We've got some half-priced cracked ice, and miles and miles of carpet tiles
TV's, deep freeze and David Bowie LP's
Pool games, gold chains, wosnames and at a push
Some Trevor Francis track-suites from a mush in Shepherds Bush
A load of fags and rolling papers
About six or seven guns, all fully loaded
And all the time in the world to kill a fucking Wanker
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 15, 2021, 09:55:03 PM
Quote
The poll also asked those responding to pick their favourite scene. Here's the top 10...

1. When Del Boy falls through the bar.

2. Del Boy and Rodney come to the rescue dressed at Batman and Robin.

3. When Rodney and Del Boy break the chandelier.


4. When Del Boy's out of work and can't give his daughter £400.

5. When Del Boy has a hissy fit when Rodney and the boys steal the "big" cash.

6. When Albert goes to collect his wages and is told he doesn't work for that firm any more.

7. When Albert is sacked and he's too embarrassed to tell Rodney the truth.

8. When Rodney accidentally fires a gun at his face.

9. When Del Boy accidentally knocks up the prostitute.

10. When Rodney buys all the tickets for the darts.

Quote
Rodney: My wife was rushed to hospital a fortnight ago and we lost... There's nothing
wrong with me, Del Boy. Everything's hunky dory.

Del: Rodney, I'm sorry! What I meant was...

Rodney: I had a dream a few weeks ago. In this dream you and Damien ruled the world.

Del: Oh yeah?
What was our world like?

Rodney: I don't know, there was nothing here. Just you two and some robots doing the garden.

Del: What about your other dream?

Rodney: Oh, I don't remember much about that. Just that you gave me some tablets and then when you popped them I fell asleep.

Del: Rodney, this is really serious. You've been seeing too many scary films, that's all.

Rodney: But, Del, I feel fine, there's nothing wrong with me. There was no need to take me to hospital. I'm absolutely fine.

(Del leaves)

Del: What do you say, Rodney? Are you going to let them send you back or will you let me talk to them again?

(Rodney is heard to be arguing with someone in his flat)

Rodney: Come in.

Woman: Sorry to disturb you

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 15, 2021, 10:07:00 PM
Quote
14 of Del Boy's funniest one liners from Only Fools and Horses
1. "You can’t trust the Old Bill, can ya? Look at that time they planted six gas cookers in my bedroom."

2. "You've always been the same, even at school. Nothing but books, learning, education - that's why you're no good at snooker."

3. "Don't worry, Rodney. This time next year, we'll be millionaires!"


4. "He doesn't deserve another one. It should've been him. He was the main reason why we had that bloody riot!"

5. "I could have sworn I saw a man fall from the roof this afternoon!"

6. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I don't care. I know I'm right!"

7. "I think you've fallen in love with your own backside!"

8. "I can't see. There's too much fog."

9. "Well, we've got about an hour before we're due in court."

10. "Do you fancy a cup of tea?"

11. "Well, it's a long time since he's slept with anyone, but I'm sure it'd be worth it."

12. "Yeah, the problem is you're married to a woman who's never seen a packet of cigarettes, let alone smoked one."

13. "So it's true then. You really did have it off with those three girls."

14. "If I told you that you'd need to do a runner!"
I'm sure we all remember the brilliant delivery of David Jason with number 10.
Quote
14 of Del Boy's funniest one liners from Only Fools and Horses
1. "You can’t trust the Old Bill, can ya? Look at that time they planted six gas cookers in my bedroom."

2. "You've always been the same, even at school. Nothing but books, learning, education - that's why you're no good at snooker."

3. "Don't worry, Rodney. This time next year, we'll be millionaires!"


4. "I'm going to be like my Uncle Bill. Never at home, never in front of the telly, never with the missus. She'll be out there at three o'clock, 'Honey, the milk's on the boil and the cat's out of the bag.'"

5. "I don't like the feel of this. I think I've got AIDS."

6. "I don't mind if I do. I can't stand the sight of me, if you take my point of view."

7. "I know why they call it the Third World. It's because the first World was too good and the Second World was too bad. This is it."

8. "Where did you get that? It looks nice. Does it come with a bit of cheese?"

9. "He went to the trouble of painting the walls. You've got to admire him, really."

10. "If I can just get the hang of one game, I can have 'em all."

11. "I've just put my foot through the wall. It felt great."

12. "Where did you learn to sing like that?"

13. "You're very close to me. Aren't you? Maybe you're my long-lost brother!"

14. "I don't know who that was, but they really took their sweet time over getting to me."
CaB favourite line at number 5, there.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 15, 2021, 10:41:48 PM
Quote
Del and Rodney return to their block of flats but the lift breaks down. After being trapped in there for some time, the two brothers have a discussion about Rodney and Cassandra's miscarriage. A distraught Rodney confesses that he has spent too much time feeling sorry for himself since Cassandra lost their baby. Del comforts Rodney by telling him that it is just a dropped stitch in life's tapestry, which their late mother Joan used to say whenever things went wrong, and assures that things will get better. Rodney agrees and is finally at peace with the whole thing, and Del suggests to Rodney to go home and have a heart-to-heart with Cassandra. The following day at the doctor's surgery, the doctor suggests that Rodney goes for another scan and that if there is still no heartbeat, Rodney should not try to keep the baby. Cassandra goes home and begins her packing. Del tells Rodney that he and Cassandra had a fight about not going home, and that there is nothing that Del can say to change Cassandra's mind. However, Rodney is determined to make things work between them, so he tells Cassandra that he is going to try to get a new job in Australia and that he is leaving her to go without him, and that he loves her. Rodney tells Cassandra to go home, while Del and Rodney are caught in the lift and the doctor is left alone with the stillborn child.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Gurke and Hare on July 16, 2021, 10:07:23 AM
Quote
8. "Where did you get that? It looks nice. Does it come with a bit of cheese?"

I can't believe they missed out the classic next line, "I wanted one that comes with a bit of emperor."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 16, 2021, 11:11:41 AM
https://ideas.lego.com/projects/4f5dd90d-f6b4-4dfd-a034-05f060a24927

Quote
Only Fools and Horses is my favorite tv show of all time, and it's perfect opportunity to submit idea I had for a long time.

Back in May of 2015 I made OFAH set as idea with LDD and submitted it on LEGO Ideas. Set wasn't the best back then, and now, more than 6 years later, I improved my building skills, so I decided to make real set ( Trotter's appartment also with their 3 wheel van Robin Reliant ).
This year Only Fools and Horses celebrates 40th Anniversary, so I couldn't find better opportunity that that to make this set.

This set has many easter eggs I unfortunatelly can't show in just a couple photos, but It will be available on video soon!

Their appartment is 100% as it looks in the show ( well depends from the episode, since they are making some changes all of the time ).

This appartment has removable roof and also removable one wall per room so it's easier access to play.

In their living room You can find 2 tv's that Grandad watches most of the time. He also has cheeseburger Rodney got him, even he wanted emperor's burger.
In front of Grandad on small desk, You can find double headed coin.
There are lots of boxes they need to sell same as walkie talkies.
On the desk You can find typing machine Del got for Rodney and calculator.
There are big shelves with many easter eggs, and one of them is pocket watch
In the back there is small bar with lots of drings and some suitcases they need to sell also
And there are many more things like camera, and road signs

In the back behind the curtains there is a balcony with huge satelite.
In the kitchen we have some spoiled potatoes and many more things.
In Grandad's room we have a lots of oranges, since they didn't know what else to get him to feel better.
There is also Rodney's room with a computer and trumpet, and also small easter egg on the wall You can find one of Rodney's GCEs.

There is also entrance room, stock room, hallway, toilet room, bathroom, but one of the most important room's is Del's room with many easter eggs also.
In Del's room we can find huge bed, tv, a lots of boxes to sell, same as huge box of broken tosters.

And finally we get 3 wheel van Robin Reliand!
In Robin Reliant You can perfectly fit 3 minifigures.
It has removable roof so it's easier access for everything!

This set has around 3 000 pieces and includes 9 minifigures:
Del Boy
Rodney
Grandad
Uncle Albert
Trigger
Boycie
Marlene ( and her dog Duke )
Denzil
Cassandra
Raquel
Damien

I hope You like this as a set idea and if so, please support it, so we can finally have our favorite tv show as a set
.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 16, 2021, 11:21:23 AM
Love to buy Lego that’s a beige, featureless box.

Quote
This set has around 3 000 pieces and includes 9 minifigures:
Del Boy
Rodney
Grandad
Uncle Albert
Trigger
Boycie
Marlene ( and her dog Duke )
Denzil
Cassandra
Raquel
Damien

Literally 11.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 16, 2021, 11:28:42 AM
Love to buy Lego that’s a beige, featureless box.
This is no way to talk about Nelson Mandela's house.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 16, 2021, 12:22:22 PM
Generous to describe Robben Island as a “house”.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utter Shit on July 16, 2021, 12:27:43 PM
Love to buy Lego that’s a beige, featureless box.

Yeah that's a weird one, he's clearly put a load of effort in but it looks so joyless and dull. The Trotter house was a lot of things but it was never dull. I think he's just made it way too small. Quite interesting to see the layout of the flat all in one place though, it's not something I've ever properly thought about.

As funny as all the nonsense has been in this thread, I've been gagging for some actual discussion of the show as every time I see the thread at the top of the page I get a little moment of excitement before remembering what is actually held within. I've weighed up making an Only Fools and Horses episode guide like Lemming's fantastic Red Dwarf run-through, but wasn't sure if there is much left to say about the show.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 16, 2021, 12:47:00 PM
Del's hat looks like he painted it himself.

Should we move this thread to HS Art as a OFAH whimsy thread and have a thread in Comedy Chat for actual discussion of the show? I love this thread so much (more than an Emperor burger) so hope any move to HS Art won't reduce the contributions of others to this thread.

What do others think?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 16, 2021, 01:47:29 PM
Quote
Del Boy has been voted the sexiest comedy character in a poll by Vanderlay Industries.

The Peckham market trader beat off the likes of David Brent and Foggy Dewhurst to gain the top spot in a poll of 1000 people.

We asked our readers at the Wallington On Sea Warbler what they thought of the loveable South London sexpot

BARRY BUTTOCK - Thinking of Del Boy makes my cock hard.

LINDA SAUSAGES - My husband only arouses me when he dresses up as Del and gives me his plonker. I once asked if his brother would dress up as Rodney and we could have a threesome, but he said that was "weird".

PETER  TOTTY - I want to look like Del Boy, I'm training for it.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 16, 2021, 05:08:12 PM
Quote
1. In the first ever episode Big Brother, Del buys 25 faulty briefcases from Trigger. What was wrong with them?
2. Del and Rodney build a nuclear fallout shelter in Grandad's allotment in the episode The Russians Are Coming, but it took too long to get there. Where did they finally build it?
3. In Go West Young Man, Del and Rodney make a move on two women in a bar but it turns out that they were two men in drag. What were their names?
4. Grandad cooks his famous Christmas dinner in the first Christmas special episode, Christmas Crackers. Can you remember what Rodney compared his roast potatoes to?

5. In The Christmas Carol, a TV crew from the BBC come to Granada to make a new Christmas special and Del is in their company. What did one of the presenters say when he was first taken into the studio?
6. Del and Rodney move to Battersea in The Londoners but they are told they can't have a television because it is too dangerous. What happened to their TV?
7. In the episode A Perfect Night, Del buys his mum a huge video camera, but what is she going to do with it?
8. Who did Del and Rodney hire to deliver a briefcase of money to the man in the episode The Money Man?

Quote
Round 3 includes 6 questions of varying difficulty all about the episodes released in Season 3 of Only Fools and Horses.

1. In Homesick, Del applies for a new council bungalow for Grandad but needs the support of the Chairman of the Tenants Association. Who is the Chairman?
2. An old school friend returns to Peckham in Episode Five, Roy Slater, but can you remember his job title?
3. In Yesterday Never Comes, Del asks an antique dealer to look at a Queen Anne Cabinet in the flat. What did she notice written on the cabinet?

1. In Home Time, Grandad is offered a holiday in Brighton, but is it true what he has heard - that he has never been there?
2. In Sausage Roll, Rodney returns from his holiday with an unwanted souvenir from America. Can you name the souvenir?
3. In Good Sport, Del tells Grandad that he has made some mistakes in his life. What mistake did he mention?
4. In I’ve Got A Mug For You, Albert makes a speech in his support for “British values” at the football match. What does he support British values of?
5. In I’m Dead, we learn that Del is trying to get on with the life after he is released from prison. What is he doing?
6. In What’s So Funny About Humour?, we find out why Del has left the business. Can you guess what he does now?

It was

Quote
Round 1 includes 6 questions of varying difficulty all about the episodes released in Season 7 of Only Fools and Horses.

1. In The Sky’s The Limit, Boycie’s brother-in-law Bronco helps Del source a satellite dish to sell but which important place did he steal it from?
2. Del gets Raquel and Trigger's Dustman coworker Tony Angelino to form a cabaret act but, why did the duo not go down well with audiences?
3. In A Chance Of A Lunchtime, Del buys a consignment of doorbells that play 36 national anthems. He asks Rodney to test the one that he has installed at the flat, can you remember which country’s anthem is played?

4. In The Roxy, Del sells his flat to Albert. He agrees to buy back the flat for the same price after it has been renovated. But, why did the flat sell at a knock down price?
5. What do the “bigger, better, stronger, louder” bumper stickers on Rodney’s lorry stand for?
6. Albert gets a lot of sympathy from the community after his wife is run over. His neighbour then sets up a fund for Albert’s wife. But, whose idea was it?

Round 2 includes 4 questions, all of which were found in the first run series.

1. In The Vanishing Cigarette, we learn that Del has developed an attachment to the ‘little friend’ that Trigger smokes. How does he feel about Del not being able to smoke?
2. As part of a new tax scheme, the council are to take all smokers’ property and turn
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 16, 2021, 06:56:08 PM
Quote
This set has around 3 000 pieces and includes 9 minifigures:

    Del Boy
    Rodney
    Grandad
    Uncle Albert
    Trigger
    Boycie
    Marlene ( and her dog Duke )
    Denzil
    Cassandra
    Raquel
    Damien

    Uncle Ian
    Lola
    Denise
    Uncle Albert's Wife
    Delia
    Rodney's Wife
    Cassandra's Wife
    Raquel's Wife
    Marlene's dog
    Rastamouse
    Damien's Wife

This is an older set, so may not be very legible.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 16, 2021, 08:55:06 PM
4. In I’ve Got A Mug For You, Albert makes a speech in his support for “British values” at the football match. What does he support British values of?

They never should have hired Johnny Speight.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 17, 2021, 12:28:44 PM
4. Controls on immigration.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 17, 2021, 02:00:21 PM
Remember the Only Fools and Horse crossover with Robocop where Clarance Boddicker told Del Boy "I'm the guy in Peckham. I got the connections, I got enough muscle to shove this lockup so far up your stupid faux-Cockney arse you'll shit knockoff goods for a year."
"Rodney, Albert, blow this plonker's head off"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 17, 2021, 03:21:04 PM
Remember the Only Fools and Horse crossover with Robocop

"Can you fall through the bar, Bobby?"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Sandow on July 17, 2021, 06:32:02 PM
Quote
This set has around 3 000 pieces and includes 9 minifigures:

Del Boy
Rodney
Grandad
Uncle Albert
Trigger
Boycie
Marlene ( and her dog Duke )
Denzil
Cassandra
Raquel
Damien

Mr Gee

Main characters in the show

Cameos

The audio CD version of this set features a special introduction by Paul McCartney, introducing the characters of Del Boy, Rodney and Donald the toy caravan salesman.

The minifigures in the set come in the standard 'primary colours' with more intricate and intricate versions for the outfits of the more complex characters and accessories.

To be included in the pre-order was a rare picture frame for a person to put their own photo in.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Sandow on July 17, 2021, 06:38:42 PM
Quote
This set has around 3 000 pieces and includes 9 minifigures:

Del Boy
Rodney
Grandad
Uncle Albert
Trigger
Boycie
Marlene ( and her dog Duke )
Denzil
Cassandra
Raquel
Damien


The high point of the set is the main motorbike, with additional accessories including:

The Trotters' van

Del's vehicle

Del's canopy

Larne

Biff's bumper

Marlene's helmet

Del's motorbike

The Gibbons' motorbike

The Meat Grinder

Del's workbench

Hex

The Trotter's sign

"Hole in the wall"

The Soup Club billboard

There is a plate at the bottom of the motorbike, which has the phrase, "If you build it, they will come."

The Trotters' van

This van has a sort of brown finish
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Sandow on July 17, 2021, 06:42:23 PM
Quote
This set has around 3 000 pieces and includes 9 minifigures:

Del Boy
Rodney
Grandad
Uncle Albert
Trigger
Boycie
Marlene ( and her dog Duke )
Denzil
Cassandra
Raquel
Damien


Morgan Jones

Morgan

Lennie ( other chest )

James

Rodney

Slater

Nancy

Joseph

Barber

Reverend McDowell

Terry

Godfrey

Glynn

Welsh woman

This set has 3 minifigures:

Nancy ( Minifigure Head )

Godfrey ( Minifigure face )

Terry ( Minifigure face )

Godfrey and Terry both have working headlights, Godfrey has electric eyes (spoiler) but Terry's lights are too weak (shame). Godfrey, and Godfrey is revealed to have a dark side: with Terry's help, he creates an army of the walking dead.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 17, 2021, 08:06:20 PM
Quote
Only Fools and Horses Quiz Questions
TV Classic Quiz
How many times has Del Boy been married?
What was the name of the block of flats the Trotters had their flat in?
Who was publican of the "Nag's Head"?
Who always wore a Trilby hat and was usualy boasting about some imagined business successes?
Where did Del and the gang go on a coach trip in "The Jolly Boys' Outing"?

How many times have Bert and Grandad met up with Del at the "Fiddler's Green"?
What was the name of the pub in which the Grandad would always sit?
Who ran the "Fiddler's Green" in the last episode?
Who said "You may be on the wrong side of history, Rodney", when the Trotters were having trouble with a local council?
Who said "What? What did you say?" when Del said he never expected to live to retirement?
Where did Del, Rodney and the Trotters first meet the Queen Mother?
What is Mrs. Slocombe's occupation?
What is the name of the pub where Trigger went to visit the boys after they were all arrested in the car park?
What is the name of the pub where the Trotters visit in "The Trouble with Licenet"?
What is the name of the pub in which Trotter's flatmate, Mr. Magu

Quote
When Rodney wins a holiday to Majorca in a painting competition how old do the organisers think he is?
What is Trigger's real name?
Actor Jim Broadbent made three appearances as DCI who?
What did Del offer to clean for Lady Ridgemere who owned the Ridgemere Hall Estate?
What is Rodney's middle name?
What did Rodney get a diploma in, thanks to Del bribing the examiner?

What did Rodney get a diploma in, thanks to Mavis telling the examiner?
What is Trigger's mother's maiden name?
How much would you pay to have a tattoo done of Rodney in a police uniform?
What does Rodney's middle name "Roger" mean?
What does Trigger do for a living?
Who took Rodney's place on the first day of the shooting, a week early?
What is the significance of the initials T.R.T.?
What was the last thing Rodney ate before the shooting?

Quote
What is the name of Cassandra's father?
In the episode "Stage Fright", what song does Raquel sing with Tony Angelino?
When Cassandra and Rodney have their baby in the last episode "Sleepless in Peckham", what name do they give their baby, after Rodney's late mother?
According to Del, what is a female swan called after Rodney tried to give him a clue by discreetly showing him a pen?

Who was that weird man in Cassandra's dressing room who Cassandra refers to as "Big Boy"?
What name did Del call Cassandra and Rodney after the latter's "Big Boy"?
In the episode "Maternity Leave", what character is the father of Cassandra and Rodney's baby?
What happens to Cassandra when she falls from the lift in the episode "Maternity Leave"?
What is the name of the boy who Cassandra and Rodney see in the episode "Baby Shower"?
When does the baby get born in the episode "Maternity Leave"?
What name does the doctor call the baby when he is born?
Who is the actor who plays the nurse who is delivering Cassandra and Rodney's baby?
What name did Del call Cassandra and Rodney's baby in the episode "Sleepless in Peckham"?
What name is the baby in the episode "Sleepless in Peckham" called?
How is it revealed that Cassandra and Rodney's baby is a boy in
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on July 17, 2021, 08:09:00 PM
Remember those ones when David Jason began falling consistently below the bar of excellence the show had established?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 17, 2021, 08:11:11 PM
"Can you fall through the bar, Bobby?"

"I'd buy that for a dollar!"
"Sorry John, I only take money with the Queen's face on it."

And when Boycie sold a load of 6000 SUXs with dodgy engines.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 17, 2021, 08:14:34 PM
There's also another Only Fools and Horses Dining Experience: https://www.phoneyfoolsandhorses.com/

Quote
There are 4 scenes: before starters, before mains, before desserts and after desserts.

These can include Batman and Robin, broken chandelier, blow up doll, Tony Angelino and other famous scenes. All the characters perform by intermingling amongst the diners.

This show is the Creme de la menthe!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: frajer on July 17, 2021, 08:30:55 PM
"I'd buy that for a dollar!"
"Sorry John, I only take money with the Queen's face on it."

And when Boycie sold a load of 6000 SUXs with dodgy engines.

And the bit where Trigger gets put in the new and improved Robocop 2 but can’t pick up a broom anymore due to big clompy claws so pulls off his own head, screams and dies.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 17, 2021, 08:37:53 PM
Remember when Roboslater went to Del Boy's flat and found Elvis' corpse in a cabinet?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 17, 2021, 09:11:06 PM
There's also another Only Fools and Horses Dining Experience: https://www.phoneyfoolsandhorses.com/


Starring Robin Cooper as Del and Uncle Albert.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 17, 2021, 09:21:28 PM
That Uncle Albert looks the reflection in the mirror at the start of an episode of Quantum Leap

"I'm a....soppy old git?"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 17, 2021, 09:48:28 PM
Hear that Buster Merryfield is "up and about" and "in good spirits". hope he pulls through
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 18, 2021, 12:03:45 AM
Remember when David Jason (not Del Boy) knocked out 'Dr Death' Steve Williams in the WWF Brawl For All, so they made him fight Butterbean at Wrestlemania?

I know we're talking about Only Fools and Horses, and this was a real, non-sitcom incident, so apologies if it doesn't belong in this thread.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 18, 2021, 01:05:35 AM
Remember when Nelson Mandela got released from prison and was accidentally made to move in with Del and Rodney cos South Africa thought Nelson Mandela House was his actual house? They had to ban that series from repeats and home  video because on modern big tellies it was too obvious it was really just Uncle Albert in black face (took him ages to get that boot polish out of his beard).



Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 18, 2021, 01:07:05 AM
Nelson Mandela got released from prison and was accidentally made to move in with Del and Rodney cos South Africa thought Nelson Mandela House was his actual house.

He'd get drunk with the boys and it would be really amusing but after two weeks the boys would try to get him to move back home and Nelson Mandela House would be really quiet.

Del and Rodney would try to talk Nelson Mandela into living with them.

And Del and Rodney would always make the boys watch this

In 1998 when I was 12, two guys named Del and Rodney were playing on some video games at some other house. The two boys started dancing and were really into it. So Rodney and Del took it further and they had sex with a friend of the guy who was playing the video games.

That happened in 1998.

That's exactly 2 years before I even came on board.

And yeah, they were 12 years older than me.

In 2013 I was going to school. They were in college. It didn't happen.

This is all just an anecdote.

But you know, Del and Rodney might've seen that video and was like "Fuck, yeah." They had already done some weird shit to make the video a lot more... more fun to watch.

And yeah, Del and Rodney are real fucking weird. And weirdly kind of awesome.

That's it.

The Video

I'm thinking the video was on the DVD with the picture of the car... I'm thinking. I'm really thinking.

But I could be wrong.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 18, 2021, 01:09:00 AM
Nelson Mandela got released from prison and was accidentally made to move in with Del and Rodney cos South Africa thought Nelson Mandela House was his actual house. In the end he just left all his stuff at Del and Rodney's (with an apology) so he could move to a better place and live more comfortably.

(Nelson Mandela was sentenced to prison for 26 years for his involvement in the assassination of a politician. He became a hero to many after he was sent for a life sentence in prison)

Nelson Mandela: ‘You never walk out alone’

Nelson Mandela was released from prison and moved in with his friend Del and his boyfriend Rodney after South Africa thought that Nelson Mandela House was his actual house and that he was going to move in there. After a while he just moved back to his actual house and lived there again.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 18, 2021, 11:25:08 AM
Quote
A serving policeman spent two years getting a massive 'Only Fools and Horses' tattoo - only to have 'HOOKY STREET' misspelled.

Sam Hall, 29, of the Metropolitan Police, spent 40 hours in the tattooist's chair and over £700 on the massive inking that covers his right ribcage and side.

The black and white image is supposed to show the cast of the comedy as well as the famed logo and signs for Nelson Mandela House and Hooky Street.

As well as the spelling error but Sam's partner, and mother of his two children, Laura Simmons hates the show because she does not think it is very funny...

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/policeman-spent-2-years-getting-5144722

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 18, 2021, 11:33:37 AM
Quote
Rodney Trotter, the long-suffering younger brother of Del Boy in Only Fools and Horses, has been a household name in Britain for decades.

Played brilliantly by Nicholas Lyndhurst, he was often referred to as 'Rodders' or 'Rodney, you plonker' by Del.

Always the dreamer, Rodney stuck by his older brother through thick and thin - even though he was terrified of nephew Damien.

The cockney pair, who lived together in a small tower block called Nelson Mandela House in Peckham, continue to delight audiences to this day.

While he wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, Rodders loved to drop funny, and at times simplistically brilliant, comments.

So let's revisit 13 ridiculous one-liners from Rodney Trotter in Only Fools and Horses.


The best are in bold.

'It's a beautiful day for it. It's a lovely warm sunny day'

To Del Boy: 'How about a game of golf?'

Del: 'What about me? I'll be all over that on a horse, mister.'

To Del: 'There you go again, you just don't let a little thing like a game of golf stand between you and your game of golf!'

'There are many more important things in life than just me, Del'

To Del: 'You are only human - you can't just forget your feelings'

To Del: 'That's what I've told them - they've gone and done it now'

To Chavicombe: 'Come on then, come on'

To Marlene: 'Don't be like that, Marlene, let's have a bit of fun with this one'

Quote
Trigger - real character name Colin Ball - is famed for enjoying the more simple things in life and of course referring to Rodney Trotter as Dave.

He's a proud road sweeper and a long-standing friend to Del Boy, Rodney, Boycie and the rest of the gang.

So let's take a look back at 15 of the funniest one-liners, courtesy of Trigger.


A) Trigger - "This is the sort of thing I live for. A trip to the seaside without the muggings. You got anything stronger than cider, Del?"

B) Del - "I wouldn't say no. You see I've got a job interview in half an hour and my hands are tied."

C) Trigger - "So you're getting married, eh?"

D) Trigger - "Why don't you join the Foreign Legion, Del? You could meet some nice ladies out there."

E) Trigger - "They'll have fish and chips and a cup of tea, will they?"

F) Trigger - "Your life has become very exciting, Del."

G) Trigger - "We're going to need a full moon tonight. We're all very much in need of a rest."

H) Trigger - "Del, is it true you can still grow hair on a dinosaur?"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 18, 2021, 11:47:33 AM
Remember when Rodney tried to fight an orange?

Quote
Only Fools and Horses: Memorable lines:

Del Boy: All the things that we've ever got out of life have come from my intelligence and my foresight

Rodney: Well, I'm glad somebody's owned up...


The episode opens with the gang coming to collect a crate of oranges from Auntie Audrey. When Del Boy spots Rodney going to pick a fight with an orange, he stops him. He tells him to 'get a grip' and that Rodney's like every other man in the world and that he wants Rodney to find a girl and settle down. Del Boy says that he's getting married and he can hardly wait to have Rodney as a son-in-law.

In the following exchange, Rodney asks:

What's that in aid of?

Del Boy says that he wants Rodney to find a girl and settle down.

He looks over the group of girls at the window and thinks about the life he could have with a girl like that.

The group of girls at the window are:

1. Mandy (played by Lesley Joseph)

Mandy: What a gorgeous house.

The next scene opens with the gang

Remember when Douglas Hurd guest starred in Only Fools and Horses?

Quote
Only Fools and Horses: Memorable lines:

Del Boy: All the things that we've ever got out of life have come from my intelligence and my foresight

Rodney: Well, I'm glad somebody's owned up...


Del: I'm quite fond of anagrams, actually.

Rodney: What are they?

Del: Letters or words you take the first and last letters from each word and put them together.

Rodney: What's an anagram of 'The only time in history a man turned up dead in a flat-pack suitcase, the cause of death being a plastic bottle, was on the day the Home Secretary came to inspect the new kitchen?'

Del: What?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Goldentony on July 18, 2021, 08:14:02 PM
Quote
Del is surprised to hear that Rodney and some friends have formed a pop band - and is at first rather dismissive of the idea. However, once he hears that there's some good money to be made for a band to play the local Shamrock Club on St Patrick's Day night, he sees an opportunity for Rodney's band to make a stand for independence.


The band members go on a tour for a month, playing two nights a week at the bar - and even though he's quite used to the "gourmet" food on offer, his stomach turns when they finally come to their room. He's amazed to see that they've done everything they could to keep the band happy - and the best part is that they're having fun too.


The team at the Shamrock Club decide that it's time to break out the lights - and Rodney takes it upon himself to make the Shamrock's legendary Irish breakfast - which he claims is his favourite - even though others have complained that it doesn't taste as good as the rest.


But in all, he has an epic month spent drinking, having his friends and family over - but always being disappointed by his own lack of skill and desire to be the best.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 18, 2021, 08:35:28 PM
Quote
Del Boy: Not a Bear in sight! The Bear patrol is working like a charm.

Rodney: That's specious reasoning, Del Boy.

Del Boy: Thank you, Rodney.

Rodney: By that logic, I could say this rock keeps tigers away!

Del Boy: Oh yeah, how does it work?

Rodney: It doesn't. It's just a stupid rock! But I don't see any tigers around here, do you?

Del Boy: Rodney, I'd like to buy your rock...


Rodney: I'm not going to sell it to you. It's not worth that much.

Del Boy: Well, all I'm saying is, I think we could use a few of these stones up here. We have one in a bedroom that's never been used. And there's one in a kitchen that's been sitting there for a year.

Rodney: What does it say on it?

Del Boy: What?

Rodney: What does it say on it?

Del Boy: I don't know what it says on it.

Rodney: Doesn't say 'Del Boy'?

Del Boy: No.

Rodney: No? That's a shame. But it says 'Rodney', doesn't it? I mean, it's the same as all the rest of them.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 18, 2021, 09:32:04 PM
I've been reminded of the episode Samuel Beckett wrote
Quote
Rodney studies the engraving

Rodney: "Rooney"?

Del: No, that's "Rodney".

Rodney: But it says "Rooney". There's an O where the D should be.



Rodney: "Rodney" on the bottom.

Del: "Rooney".

Rodney: "Rooney".

Del: "Rodney".

Rodney: "Rooney".

Del: "Rooney".

Rodney: "Rodney".

Del: "Rodney".

Rodney: "Rooney".

Del: "Rodney".

Rodney: "Rodney".

Del: "Rodney".

Rodney: "Rodney".

Del: "Rodney".

Rodney: "Rodney".

Del: "Rodney".

Rodney: "Rooney".

Del: "Rodney".

Rodney: "Rodney".

Del: "Rodney".

Rodney: "Rodney".

Del: "Rodney".

Rodney: "Rodney".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 18, 2021, 09:57:34 PM
What is a hog, Del, please!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 18, 2021, 10:04:38 PM
Del Boy was thinking about Rodney again. Rodney was an Oblivious plonker with pale face and perfumed elbow.
Del Boy walked over to the window and reflected on his Grey surroundings. He had always hated Crappy Peckham with its nasty, narrow Nelson Mandela House. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel Frustrated.


Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the an Oblivious figure of Rodney .
Del Boy gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a Chippy, Sleazy, Sausage Colada drinker with lanky face and shortarse elbow. His friends saw him as a terrible, tart tart. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a gigantic silly old git.


But not even a Chippy person who had once jumped into a river and saved a gigantic silly old git, was prepared for what Rodney had in store today.
The rain hammered like idiotic rat, making Del Boy Humilated. Del Boy grabbed a stolen Cigar that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.
As Del Boy stepped outside and Rodney came closer, he could see the awful glint in his eye.


Rodney glared with all the wrath of 2135 Thick bumpy budgie. He said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I want Respect."
Del Boy looked back, even more Humilated and still fingering the stolen Cigar. "Rodney, I've been like a Father to you, Rodney," he replied.
They looked at each other with Pissed off feelings, like two homeless, handsome hamster pointless at a very Randy selling this crap, which had disco music playing in the background and two Greedy uncles endless to the beat.


Del Boy regarded Rodney's pale face and perfumed elbow. "I feel the same way!" revealed Del Boy with a delighted grin.
Rodney looked Betrayed, his emotions blushing like a short, square Sheepskin.


Then Rodney came inside for a nice drink of Sausage Colada.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Tikwid on July 19, 2021, 02:04:03 AM
Used https://6b.eleuther.ai/ (https://6b.eleuther.ai/) for this batch:

Quote
PECKHAM - Only Fools and Horses fans were outraged yesterday as a disgusting and obscene tribute to the beloved BBC comedy was revealed - taking the form of a giant plastic nose plonked in the middle of Peckham Rye.

Visible from miles around, the tribute has so upset locals that residents have said they will write to Peckham councillors to demand the offending item be removed.

The plastic nose was joined by a flock of fake sheep, women dressed as Barbies in the back garden and a pair of knobbly knees sticking out of the open top of a wooden table in a drunken orgy of comedy homage, humiliation and embarrassment.

The crude waste of time and money at W6 Bushy Place was the brainchild of Sean and Heidi Price, from Fulham. Sean, 33, and Heidi, 35, have spent the past three months creating their cartoon homage to the BBC's iconic Comedy Unit set in a former pub which has been turned into flats.

The couple had spent more than £1,000 on materials, but their misadventure has left the five-year-old pub unusable. A neighbour, who did not want to be named, described the attraction as "outrageous and awful".

Quote
PECKHAM - Only Fools and Horses fans were outraged yesterday as a disgusting and obscene tribute to the beloved BBC comedy was revealed - taking the form of a fantasy adult film starring the cast.

Mr Angry's Throat in the Treasury was apparently due to be screened for unsuspecting members of the public as a filming shoot on a London bus.

10 Fools and Horses was originally created by John Sullivan and Rodney Mullaney Credit: Getty Images

10 Critics said the film, which was produced by a 12-strong production company, is more bad taste than good, and utterly unfunny Credit: youtube.com

But the creative team behind the spoof have now said the film will never be made, after critics branded it a 'pointless piece of vile smut'.

The film, which was a production by 12-strong company Fubar Pictures, was also accused of being a 'unintentionally offensive' 'crossing of the line of social correctness' and attempting to cash in on the success of The Krankies in 1995.

The Evening Standard said the film was'more bad taste than good' and accused it of being 'unnecessary'.

John Sullivan, who played Mr Bean's second cousin Derek Nimmo in the sitcom, said the project was inspired by porn videos.

Quote
We've got some half-priced cracked ice, and miles and miles of carpet tiles
TV's, deep freeze and David Bowie LP's
Pool games, gold chains, wosnames and at a push
Some Trevor Francis track-suites from a mush in Shepherds Bush

Raffles, tatty old tables and chairs, and toys for sale
We've got live chickens, eggs,
King George comics, a silver platter
Frying pan, mugs, saucers,
a large pile of crockery
We're all drunk, we're all a bit stoned
Some of us are rich, some of us are dead
We're all in the west end, in the west end
The west end
We're all in the west end, in the west end
The west end
Some of us are rich, some of us are dead
We're all in the west end, in the west end
The west end

No more is anemia
Lifes' alchemy
Working to breakdown
the peace in the pent-up alley
No more is anemia
Dead metaphors
in the parking lot
No more is anemia

Enter the crowds, descend the steps
Cross the foot-bridge, think it's science fiction
Abandon your Aids/chicken/precise labelling line
To enter the stadium
It's fall, a field, you've never been to
Walk past the turnstiles
Try not to vomit

Quote
We've got some half-priced cracked ice, and miles and miles of carpet tiles
TV's, deep freeze and David Bowie LP's
Pool games, gold chains, wosnames and at a push
Some Trevor Francis track-suites from a mush in Shepherds Bush
, over-sized knitted jumpers
and room service whiskey (with onions)
Cushioned stools, padded podiums, orsoganising puddle,
two exhaust pipes, leather armchairs,
fuzzy slippers, Melon Ball, Deathstroke,
two hooks for strangling gorillas,
Paintball! TV, Computers, Globes,
At which time, the city of Nottingham
Would see Nottinghamians play Nottingham
Like they do Bedford, Clapham, Fulham, Richmond, Reigate, Slough, Wembley, every day of the week
We're all hunched forward like the basslines we keep hitting
To reach the volumes where everything else sounds like the background
I grew up with football boots like Iron Mad Tony's (I used to ride a train for a week to see them)
They couldn't lie about his name if he was his mum
Nobody would understand the cheese was cheddar, not acid
Still it is the song that they played, and it made me feel like a blood-bank
Kids used to make freaks of themselves in the hills behind my school
Sucking a dick on every comfy bum-leaf, swimming in bog ponds, playing
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 19, 2021, 03:53:22 AM
Used https://6b.eleuther.ai/ (https://6b.eleuther.ai/) for this batch:

Quote
    Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Now this is a 'Jaws' type story.
    Rodney Trotter: But Jaws has been done already, Del.
    Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: I know, this is different. It's called, 'There Is A Rhino Loose In The City!'
    Rodney Trotter: There Is A...? Loose in...? as in a rhinoceros?
    Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: That's right. 'There Is A Rhino Loose in The City!'
    Uncle Albert Trotter: What's it about, Del?
    Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: It's about a guy called Percy Big-arse.
    Uncle Albert Trotter: Is he a spy?
    Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: No, he's a proper gorilla, Albert. He lives in the city and he walks around the city and eats people's shit.
    Rodney Trotter: Oh dear.
    Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: And then he goes back to his cave and tells the people of the city about the danger they're in.
    Uncle Albert Trotter: How very... sinister.
    Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Yes, it is, Albert. It's really, really sinister.
    Uncle Albert Trotter: What a very worrying, sinister tale.
    Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Yes, it is.
    Uncle Albert Trotter: I think I'd better tell your father about this, Del.
    Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Yes, Albert.
    Uncle Albert Trotter: Yes.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 19, 2021, 11:07:18 AM
Quote
Trigger: What you up to Dave?
Rodney: I'm listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
Trigger: No words to this song Dave?
Rodney: No Trigger, it's an instrumental.
Del Boy: All right Trigger? What you doing?
Trigger: I'm listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
Del Boy: Okay.
Trigger: It's the karaoke version.

Del Boy: I don't want to hear any more of that.
Trigger: Yeah right.
Del Boy: You're just showing off!
Trigger: I'm not.
Del Boy: Oh all right.
Trigger: It's a lovely song.
Del Boy: It's rubbish!
Trigger: Give it a chance.
Del Boy: It's rubbish!
Del Boy: I don't want to hear it again.
Trigger: It's lovely.
Del Boy: No it's not!
Del Boy: I want it shut up.
Trigger: All right, fine.
Trigger: Look, it's the karaoke version of "I'm Listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor".
Del Boy: Okay.
Del Boy: It's rubbish!
Del Boy: Shut it up!
Del Boy: No.
Del Boy: I don't want to hear it again.


Quote
Trigger: What you up to Dave?
Rodney: I'm listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
Trigger: No words to this song Dave?
Rodney: No Trigger, it's an instrumental.
Del Boy: All right Trigger? What you doing?
Trigger: I'm listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
Del Boy: Okay.
Trigger: It's the karaoke version.


Del Boy: I'll be!
Del Boy: It's been a while since we last spoke. You know Trigger, I heard about your recent conversations about the future of our relationship, and as a token of my appreciation I would like to treat you to a very special dinner.
Trigger: All right Del.
Del Boy: And in return for this fantastic gift I would like you to take me to the best place in the world to eat and drink.
Trigger: Right.
Del Boy: Where would you say that is Trigger?
Trigger: Where do you normally go Dave?
Del Boy: How does Paris, New York and Las Vegas sound to you?
Trigger: Paris isn't in Europe is it?
Del Boy: Ah! Now there's a clever answer.
Del Boy: Hey! This is my treat Trigger. I say we take in the best restaurant in the city and sit under the stars.
Trigger: Yeah, sounds good Dave.
Del Boy: Well the name of the restaurant is The Delroy ......... and the address is W1.
Trigger: W1? W1!
Del Boy: Yes, W1, do you remember that W1?
Trigger: What is W
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 19, 2021, 11:35:08 AM
Quote
Kids used to make freaks of themselves in the hills behind my school
Sucking a dick on every comfy bum-leaf, swimming in bog ponds, playing
dead and hiding in reeds
Never having to eat a car or a step ladder
You see, as kids we always knew what we wanted, it was what we got.

Some of the things we did:
Stumbled naked in the rain.
Played truant and rode school buses.
Poured gasoline over the van and the teacher's furniture.
Hung upside down from the limb of a tree
Stripped down to bare skin.
Went to other schools and stole clothing.

Don't try to touch my hair
"Got gas and engine coolant on it, and don't look me in the eyes."
I'd hold my breath and holler all night and jump in the pit
If I got a problem, I'll make one
You ain't no friend of mine.

When I was twelve, I was giving my mother a back rub when I looked down and saw that I had become some sort of a fat pussycat. I didn't mind, I told myself, seeing as how my pants were bulging at the crotch like the heavy blouse I'd borrowed from Miss Kaderle, my eighth-grade English teacher, who was fully clothed and so much a touch too old.
Bumbadadumbadadumbadabum
We got some half-price...
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 19, 2021, 11:53:30 AM
Quote
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: It's about a guy called Percy Big-arse.
Uncle Albert Trotter: Is he a spy?
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: No, he's a proper gorilla, Albert. He lives in the city and he walks around the city and eats people's shit.

Made me laugh a lot.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 19, 2021, 12:52:03 PM
Remember when Del Boy and Todney wrestled for the last bottle of Babycham, with Uncle Albert refereeing?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: mrClaypole on July 19, 2021, 12:52:41 PM
Remember that series when the Trotters got fed up with wheeling and dealing and decided to try self sufficiency?.
They turned the balcony of the flat at Nelson Mandela house into a vegetable patch.
Hilarious results ensued as Grandad tried to grow emperor burgers.  Silly old duffer didn't realise he was dead.
The efforts came to nothing and Del was forced to put all his drinks on the slate at the Nags head which brought Mike much despair( even though he was dead).
Halfway through the series Cassandra decided to lose someone else's baby for a change.  In a bid to earn a crust Cassie was forced to become a baby sitter without successful results and on her first babysitting job she left the poor infant at the shops.
Rodney distraught at hearing Cassandra had lost another baby locked himself and Del in a lift in a suicide/ murder pact.  The plan was to remain there until all the air ran out.  Del saved the day eventually by agreeing to let Rodney piss in the water tank for a week and Del having to drink it.
The series ended with the birth of Uncle Albert and Del abandoning self sufficiency to return to falling through bars.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 19, 2021, 01:03:27 PM
Quote
Top ten jokes from Only Fools and Horses.
1. Del falls through the bar.

"We've got a problem," said Rodney.
"You can say that again," replied Del Boy.
2. Old Del Boy is the 'baddest bloke in town'
3. "Where's the wheel?" said the Vicar.
"You need to go round the other side of the church."
4. Said Del Boy to the Duke, "You're really hung up aren't you?"
Del answered, "I don't know why I should hang myself, and if I do, I don't know why I should do it."
5. Bernard is Del's best friend.
6. Del says to Rodney, "Tell me. Did your mother run away with an acrobat?"
"No. She ran away with a bus conductor."
7. Del to Rodney, "Something I was never taught. You never, never lie about the truth."
8. In prison Del is put in with a man who is a murderer.
"Is it alright if I smoke in here?" asked Del.
"I shouldn't think so," replied the other prisoner.
9. Del has a lump on his back
Del answered, "No, I can assure you it's a portion of sausage
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 19, 2021, 03:18:06 PM
Remember when Del Boy got his dick caught in a fax machine which stretched it out massive? Every scene that series, whatever Del was doing, he was casually sucking on the helmet like a baby's dummy. There were letters of complaint in the Radio Times and Points of View every week, because you couldn't hear half his dialogue; just the "suck-suck" sound of him slurping on his bell-end.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: vainsharpdad on July 19, 2021, 03:25:07 PM
I never believed in the reboot where Del, Rodders and Uncle Albert went into Witness protection and moved to a remote island off the coast of Ireland disguised as priests.

Yes, you could believe that Del would nick the Lourdes money, but even with her disguise as a housekeeper, the number of miscarriages Cassandra had because of the ban on contraception really began to pile up.

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: mrClaypole on July 19, 2021, 03:37:20 PM
Remember that episode done totally in lego?. I believe it got 27 million viewers.
The spin off toys were great especially the miscarrying Casandra figure. The lift was notable for its realism too.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 19, 2021, 03:48:32 PM
Remember when Del Boy got his dick caught in a fax machine which stretched it out massive? Every scene that series, whatever Del was doing, he was casually sucking on the helmet like a baby's dummy. There were letters of complaint in the Radio Times and Points of View every week, because you couldn't hear half his dialogue; just the "suck-suck" sound of him slurping on his bell-end.

I remember when he stuck it out the window of the van and used it as an aerial. Got Radio 1 really well but it nearly snapped off when they drove past Denzil's lorry.

And when Rodney balanced the magazine he was reading on it and Del started giggling. He only got it back to normal size by putting it in a pint of beer, which was somewhat disconcerting for Boycie as it was his pint that Del dunked his dick in.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: mrClaypole on July 19, 2021, 03:53:19 PM
I remember when he stuck it out the window of the van and used it as an aerial. Got Radio 1 really well but it nearly snapped off when they drove past Denzil's lorry.

And when Rodney balanced the magazine he was reading on it and Del started giggling. He only got it back to normal size by putting it in a pint of beer, which was somewhat disconcerting for Boycie as it was his pint that Del dunked his dick in.

Also when Del walked didn't it change the channels of the Nags head TV?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 19, 2021, 03:59:06 PM
It did, Mike used to offer Del Boy half price beer if he would avoid the pub when a game was on the telly.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 19, 2021, 04:09:34 PM
Find that altering the temperature gives fascinating results
Temp 0.2
Quote
Top ten jokes from Only Fools and Horses.
1. Del falls through the bar.

2. Del falls through the bar.
3. Del falls through the bar.
4. Del falls through the bar.
5. Del falls through the bar.
6. Del falls through the bar.
7. Del falls through the bar.
8. Del falls through the bar.
9. Del falls through the bar.
10. Del falls through the bar.
Temp 1
Quote
Top ten jokes from Only Fools and Horses.
1. Del falls through the bar.

2. The pub used to have a swimming pool.
3. The pub used to have a tennis court.
4. The pub used to have a jacuzzi.
5. The pub used to have a tennis court, but without the court.
6. Trotters.
7. The pub used to have a tennis court, but with no court.
8. The pub used to have a pool table.
9. The pub used to have a pool table, but without the table.
10. The pub used to have a jacuzzi, but without the jacuzzi.
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Top ten jokes from Only Fools and Horses.
1. Del falls through the bar.

2. Del and Rodney get married
3.......
More

Del narrater: Who would of thopught of the very best horse riding on a camel but me an them, Rodney Rodney what can we dout. Aww what more can we tell. Just like the say it comes down to us now Del to go one last ride. Just think, you ae an only fool aan an there isn´t a person whon could say there only just one in tenn, woe there is Del I would not lie to thee aand say. Woot Del Del no its the troys that only the fools have, you may go on in to eternity on that, as it may of been said in the bale that "All horses only do well there only one in England only does". This is in honourof all fools for they have always kept that in memory. It came down to us an the very troys an to keep that in memory in this
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Top ten jokes from Only Fools and Horses.
1. Del falls through the bar.


2. Posh, on being the local butcher tells “Yeh that was great to go see, and there sure looked oot ah faaad ye wesh it tuh dell them dale a hond uo deak! Yea? We were great-praised on being our eaww yowweys deeal-it! The ma-atir, as ye saw… a deat’ful spectacle, mawkin awfiy”’ Pimples says he had forgotten which it is (that a bird), not only the bird. Not knowing what a bull terpies the man has and realising she now doesno no the story of Mr Wickers (bast of eeww that no ewwone), has it that some men from some other place got the bird into t he net from somewhere ae the air. That got the old chap excited who goes in pursuit to achoot, where in front (‽‾.o, ‘at wot! It” to Del which goes off running on. (Plep it.) After an all out frst-wett chase where old Dolly says. Well he must haae awah-toed through there (the gate in the ground-hafee it fathar awtah, ah deall.) Ah must admit a great oawt of woak! a awgh ou aw it were aw foor (sic): ye, as oen‬of ‼he reeds uas ndert eh it! I ewit the ced! We ah hinned-nooteely‬-caled fah ei to gav that gowden net‼we hh ah (sah)! The heah ‽b” the hea eee fw a a cot, ah ked
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 19, 2021, 04:51:44 PM
The BBC might be interested in this. Call the Sullivan estate at once. Only Fools is back baby!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 19, 2021, 04:58:28 PM
Remember when Del Boy shit his pants constantly for all 30 minutes of an episode? "It just keeps coming Rodney!"

a classic
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 19, 2021, 04:59:55 PM
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Only Fools and Horses is the epitome of the phrase 'they don't make them like this anymore'. The wildly popular English comedy ran from 1981 to 2003, solidifying its legacy every season as one of the most popular British sitcoms ever.

Viewers immediately fell in love with the plucky Trotters. The wheeling, dealing Del Boy, his kid brother Rodney, and their loving but dopey Granddad were both dysfunctional and relatable. Even after Lennard Pearce's untimely death, Uncle Albert came in to carry on his brother's legacy.


The show's success was so great that it spawned a film, a spin-off series, and a musical. It also inspired a book, a video game, and a comic book.

The show's legacy is so strong that it's even been the subject of a song.

The song, "They Don't Make 'Em Like This Anymore", was written by the band The Smiths and was released as a single in 1986. It was the band's second single, following the release of "This Charming Man".

The song was written about the show, and was inspired by the show's theme song, "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)", which was written by the band's frontman Morrissey.

The song was a hit, reaching number two in the UK charts and number one in the US charts.

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Only Fools and Horses is the epitome of the phrase 'they don't make them like this anymore'. The wildly popular English comedy ran from 1981 to 2003, solidifying its legacy every season as one of the most popular British sitcoms ever.

Viewers immediately fell in love with the plucky Trotters. The wheeling, dealing Del Boy, his kid brother Rodney, and their loving but dopey Granddad were both dysfunctional and relatable. Even after Lennard Pearce's untimely death, Uncle Albert came in to carry on his brother's legacy.


It's sad to see the show go. While it was true that the format was a little outdated by 2003, the show has always been a refreshingly British take on a world of politics, greed, and crime.

It's a testament to the show's popularity that it managed to reach its final episode in 2003, even though it was taken off the air in the US and other countries.

Today, the show's future is still uncertain. According to BBC sources, the show will return to television in 2014.

But if the show is revived, it should be done so with the original cast.

The show's cast is filled with British comedic legends, and it would be a travesty to bring back a show that's been around for so long without them.

In order to celebrate the legacy of the show, we've compiled a list of the show's cast members and their best moments.

Let's take a look at the Trotters' best moments.

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Only Fools and Horses is the epitome of the phrase 'they don't make them like this anymore'. The wildly popular English comedy ran from 1981 to 2003, solidifying its legacy every season as one of the most popular British sitcoms ever.

Viewers immediately fell in love with the plucky Trotters. The wheeling, dealing Del Boy, his kid brother Rodney, and their loving but dopey Granddad were both dysfunctional and relatable. Even after Lennard Pearce's untimely death, Uncle Albert came in to carry on his brother's legacy.
The show may have ended up as a comedic juggernaut but, having lost some heart, there are those who might have forgotten just how consistently amazing the episodes have been.

The first episode of Fools, broadcast in 1981, begins in a classic Uncle Albert style with the entire show put on hold as he entertains Uncle George with a card game and a box of toffees.

Paul, left, Del and Rodney celebrate Albert's 95th birthday by bursting into song in Fools and Horses

Despite their shared bond, Del's much-loved, polar opposite best friend, Buster 'Cockney' Graham (played by Nigel Planer) has not turned up to Albert's 95th birthday party. After a rather shady attempt at trying to track him down, Albert makes plans to hold his 'family's own', drinking his first in 20 years and pitting his friends against one another in a game of poker. With more success than Buster, Albert successfully converts the party into a dinner party before his nephew, Ian.

In the scene that follows, a younger version of Albert comes into the Trotters home. His place as the longest-serving friend to the family, Reg, is soon usurped. His stare at Del
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 19, 2021, 05:01:59 PM
They're all fantastic!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 19, 2021, 05:14:02 PM
Remember when Del Boy shit his pants constantly for all 30 minutes of an episode? "It just keeps coming Rodney!"

a classic

I thought David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst were outstanding in that episode. The whole 30 minutes inside the three wheeled van, Del refusing to get out and find a bush, bush, bush to finish pooing in because "I can't let the public see my shit-covered trousers, Rodney. I'm an international businessman with a reputation." Rodney trying not to vomit as the smell built up while Del slowly went higher and higher as the poo built up in his pants. The episode ended with them arriving at Nelson Mandela House. "Do me a favour Rodney, get me a couple of bin bags so I can alight with dignity". Rodney gets out and vomits all over the road as the titles come up, and Del is still shitting.

Really hope the Only Fools and Coach Tours types integrate this scene into their event, it could happen at the end when as the guests are leaving Del Boy is outside waving them goodbye and reeking of shit while Rodney is vomiting all over the road.

Same thing could happen for the end of an Only Fools and Horses Dining Experience. Near the end, Del Boy and Rodney could disappear for half an hour and when people are leaving Del and Rodney are reenacting the episode Cakky Pants, with real shit in Del's pants. That's dedication, being able to smell actual shit as you leave to get the bus home.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 19, 2021, 05:25:58 PM
Really anyone wanting to start up another Only Fools and Horses Dining Experience or Only Fools and Coach Tours should read this thread carefully first. You don't want to forget the one where Del has a wet dream and accidentally wipes himself down with Uncle Albert's beard as Albert is asleep next to the tissues, and for the rest of the episode has to try and clean the cum off Uncle Albert's beard without Uncle Albert noticing. Real cum was used in this episode.


Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 19, 2021, 09:55:52 PM
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Watch these Colwyn Bay fans pay their own tribute to Only Fools and Horses actor Nicholas Courtney

"We're having to find a new way of making sure people know who the real Del Boy is."

It's a bittersweet announcement for the town of Colwyn Bay, which will lose one of its most celebrated sons with the news that only fools and horses star Nicholas Courtney will be leaving the show when Only Fools and Horses wraps up filming next month.

But fans are celebrating his legacy as the only local cast member to appear on the show for the past 10 years, as well as making up a series of events in his honour, as the actor prepares to retire after years in the East End and across the pond.

Scroll down to watch video from the last series

Scroll down for video

The actor has been in the show since 2004 and plays Del Boy's long-suffering father Rodney

The actor has played Del Boy's dad Rodney for the past ten years and last appeared in 2015 in series seven

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Watch these Colwyn Bay fans pay their own tribute to Only Fools and Horses fans…

Only Fools and Horses is coming to the end of its long, long life but fans are still remembering the classic.

At a tribute meet last night at the Colwyn Bay Hotel, organised by the Only Fools and Horses Facebook page, fans showed their support with a series of songs and dance routines as well as reminiscing about the first episode.

The special video of ‘The Last Episode’ was played on a big screen as well as the original opening theme, while songs were also played from throughout the series.

The video featured a tribute from the cast and guest stars and the likes of Rodney Bewes, who’s appeared in everything from Hollyoaks to Shameless, David Haig who’s played a memorable turn as Del Boy’s Grandad throughout the entire series and Tony Caunter who’s played a large part as Uncle Albert throughout the whole series.

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Watch these Colwyn Bay fans pay their own tribute to Only Fools and Horses

Watch these Colwyn Bay fans pay their own tribute to Only Fools and Horses star David Jason

Watch these Colwyn Bay fans pay their own tribute to Only Fools and Horses star David Jason

The actor has been inundated with fanfare from fans of the hit ITV sitcom.

A man from Colwyn Bay in north Wales, who watched the show with his eight-year-old daughter, wrote to David asking him to come back and live in the town.

David told the BBC he was touched by the plea and was considering it.

He said: "I think he might be coming back here, it's up to him and his family. I don't know if I could leave my daughter but it would be nice to come back.

"I wouldn't ask any more than that really, we'd be delighted if he came and lived in town."

Only Fools and Horses was a hit in its day

Colwyn Bay

David added that a trip to the seaside town with his family

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Watch these Colwyn Bay fans pay their own tribute to Only Fools and Horses

Only Fools and Horses was an iconic British comedy set in a seaside seaside town, starring John, Del and Rodney.

Now, more than a quarter of a century on, the programme is a big hit on TV and is being re-released on DVD and Blu-Ray, just in time for new episodes to begin next year.

The BBC has screened a special tribute for BBC Wales in Cardiff to mark the occasion.

It shows fans from the series' former stomping ground, Colwyn Bay, Wales, gathering together to pay tribute to the programme and its lead characters.

And it features a special tribute from the cast, with Del Boy saying: "That was great. Thanks."

Watch the video.

You might also like:

Husband-and-wife team James and Sarah Parnell talk about the legacy of the show

In an exclusive interview with Wales on Sunday, actor Stephen Fry recalled

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Watch these Colwyn Bay fans pay their own tribute to Only Fools and Horses

As the nation marks 40 years since Only Fools And Horses first aired, our friends at Colwyn Bay's football club have paid a special tribute to the landmark sitcom, with a display celebrating Only Fools And Horses' 40th birthday in style.

The display at North Pier, the seaside town in which some of the famous 'Dance Of The Prawns' episode was filmed, shows the landmark episode in full on the main stage.

But, as an added bonus, it also pays tribute to the town and its residents by showing their faces.

The set has been adorned with pictures of the cast of the show (with some added celebrity guests), as well as pictures of those who made the production in the town - including the man who played the pub landlord, Bernard

(The picture in the middle is of course the man himself).

The display is located on the side of the stage where the famous 'Dance Of The P

I loved the "Dance of the Prawns" episode.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: mrClaypole on July 20, 2021, 12:54:35 AM
That Xmas special split over 3 parts.  The final trilogy.  Grandad meets his evil counterpart (it was my brain Del boy) in a scrap yard owned by the Driscoll brothers.  They fought it out for 2 episodes culminating with the emergence of Uncle Albert who is a mixture of the good and bad grandads personality.
Meanwhile back in Nelson Mandela house Damian is being kept alive by Del boy whos having to inflate an empty paper bag periodically.
Meanwhile Rodney goes to his own funeral by mistake ("I didnt know Del"). At the funeral he finds out a little bit more of his past.  It turns out he's Mickey Pearces love child.  Mickey Pearce had a valuable time machine and was able to go back into the past and stick one up Mrs. Trotter senior spawning Rodders. In other plot points Trigger now does carry a gun. Denzil is Sid and sid became Boycie whos impersination of Marlene has never been bettered by Marlene doing an impersonation of Corinne whos uncanny take on the guy who sells the budgie to grandad who's now Uncle Albert is never bettered by Trig who now not only carries a gun but is Damian, Dirty Barry, monkey Harris, detective inspector Slater and the cast of another sitcom.
Theres a specific scene in which its all explained with just a man mopping a floor for 5 minutes.
Cassandra has now taken to ingesting babies.  She walks down Peckham high street fannying them up.
Raquel plays Tubular bells 2 and dreams of what could've been if she had stuck with the great Raymondo.



Each episode brought in the same 22.3 million  viewers
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Jockice on July 20, 2021, 07:49:00 AM
The one where nothing out of the ordinary happened at all.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on July 20, 2021, 07:57:07 AM
The one where nothing out of the ordinary happened at all.

“I asked him for an Emperor burger and he brings me back exactly what I asked for.”
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 20, 2021, 09:29:13 AM
The one where nothing out of the ordinary happened at all.

Everyone always says that, but then you have to ignore Pipes off Ghostwatch visible in the background of a few scenes, having a wank.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 20, 2021, 10:01:49 AM
Grandad orders Uber Eats but they deliver him a cheeseburger instead of an Emperor Burger so he leaves a negative review.

Del gets the idea to start his own food delivery service called DeliveRodney.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 20, 2021, 11:49:47 AM
Anyone else got the Del 16 inch Club Mix on their Spotify playlist? Used to love dancing to that.

It also reminds me of the episode where Del plans to watch all the James Bond films in sequential order for the bank holiday weekend with Raquel. Rodney accidentally destroys his Bond movies after spilling Sunny Delight over them. Del then discovers that Uncle Albert has taped over the one undamaged Bond film with an episode of "America's Strongest Man."Because of this, he declares himself "Peckham's Maddest Man" and decides to give the group a physical run-through of the entire opening sequence of The Spy Who Loved Me.

"Ooh, bit of bush, bush, bush"

Del: No, no, no! Stop getting Bond wrong, you plonkers! I’ll tell you about “The Spy Who Loved Me”, right. All do that [holds finger in a circle shape over one eye] with your fingers round your eye. I’m Roger Moore. Bang! Blood dribbles down. We’re on a submarine. Two sailors sit down and have a game of chess. And the cups start wobbling. And then a man that used to be in “The Onedin Line” come in and goes, “Why are all the cups wobbling, what’s going on?” [Rodney indicates if he can take his hand away from his eye] Yeah, you can stop doing that now. And Then he pulls down the periscope and he looks through it and goes “Oh, my god. The submarine’s being eaten by a giant tanker”. And then we cut to Moscow. And there’s man there, he’s Russian – he’s got eyebrows, you know, cushty. He’s on the phone going “What? A whole submarine? You’re joking?. I’m gonna have to tell some other Russians, see ya!”. And then it cuts to James – Roger Moore – and yes, he’s with a lady. He’s necking with her, lots of lubby jubbly sexy stuff. And he goes “I’ve got to go, love. Something’s come up!”…
Rodney: Del! He means his cock!
Del: Shut up Rodney, you plonker dipstick!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 20, 2021, 12:48:52 PM

Del gets the idea to start his own food delivery service called DeliveRodney.
The sign looks like DeliveRooney.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 20, 2021, 03:47:02 PM
Here's the one I can't quite get to work:
Why do only Danes and Norsemen berserk?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 20, 2021, 03:48:39 PM
“I asked him for an Emperor burger and he brings me back exactly what I asked for.”

My headcanon that Only Fools and Horses is set in a paradise afterlife is ruined.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 20, 2021, 03:56:29 PM
Granddad this turkey is cooked perfectly, just like yesterday which was also Christmas day.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 20, 2021, 07:31:24 PM
Remember when Del Boy had that chatshow that was a mixture of Antiques Roadshow and Wogan. and Rodney was in the house band with Micky Pearce. Del Boy shot a guest on air while trying to sell him Lord Byron's duelling pistols and Uncle Albert had to go and find a mop to wipe up all the fluids.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 20, 2021, 07:40:54 PM
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An Only Fools and Horses theme park based on the hit BBC series is being considered by UK theme park developer Attractions (previously known as Dreamland Attractions) as a £150m attraction in the UK. Attractions, which also owns The Dreamland Resort in Northampton, is now looking to license the show and turn it into a theme park. "Dreamland" has already announced plans to open at Kings Dominion (Virginia) in 2019, and Attractions is planning a launch at Alton Towers.

In the original BBC series, set in Peckham, only three characters, Rodney (Del Boy) Trotter, his friend and lodger Del Boy "Del" Trotter, and his brother, the unemployed Terry Trotter (who was in his late 40s in the original series), were used, but many of the other characters were used in the show over its 11-year run. While there were minor differences in the script and characters of each episode, all the characters were retained

Would love to visit an Only Fools and Horses theme park, I'm sure it won't be long before there is one. Ride on Trigger's Broom Flume or pick the hairs out of your porridge at Sid's Cafe.

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An Only Fools and Horses theme park is to be built at Blackpool Pleasure Beach.

The £1.5billion amusement park will be built next to the Tardis, or Time and Space Machine.

It will have all of the rides and games familiar to Only Fools and Horses, as well as many new attractions.

And in a statement from Blackpool Pleasure Beach, founder Bernie Clifton said they had received a huge amount of support from the local community, as well as celebrities including David Walliams and James Corden.

Bernie added that the park would be like Blackpool but 'better', and the statement concluded: 'We're really excited about this and we hope everyone in Blackpool enjoys visiting us very soon.'

The announcement that the park will be built comes after months of talks with 'local partners' and with potential investors.

They have also announced a major refurbishment of Blackpool Pleasure Beach, which will cost an estimated £7

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An Only Fools and Horses themed restaurant is coming to the Old Billiard Rooms.

Diners will be able to have a meal that will remind them of their favourite sitcom's main character after a brand new restaurant opens next year.

The Only Fools And Horses themed eatery - the first restaurant of its kind in the UK - will boast a menu based on the hit TV show, which started its run on the BBC in 1981.

It is being brought to life by celebrity chef and restaurateur Paul Atherton, and will open in London's Old Billiard Rooms.

Diners will be able to enjoy meals inspired by the popular character, including The Only Fools and Horses and Fish and Chips.

The Only Fools And Horses themed restaurant - the first restaurant of its kind in the UK - will boast a menu based on the hit TV show, which started its run on the BBC in 1981. Pictured: Terry and Mr. G in an episode from the show


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An Only Fools and Horses themed pub opens on the banks of the river Dart

“It’s an ode to Fools and Horses,” says Rob, whose pub “The Ode to Fools and Horses” will be opening in a week’s time in Dartington Village, in the Dorset countryside. “The village is about as picturesque as a Dartford estate, and Dartington is about the quintessential village that I grew up in. My whole family lives there – I’m still the only one living in London – and I still live locally.”

Famously, only one of the five members of the Fools and Horses’ gang ever lived in the county. Rob’s great uncle, George, who was one of the original gang of players, lives on the outskirts of Exeter.

The pub, which is almost identical to the one in Peckham, where the sitcom was set, will be
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 20, 2021, 08:18:32 PM
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A London man has undergone extensive plastic surgery to more closely resemble Del Boy from the classic sitcom Only Fools and Horses. After growing up in the same house, Anthony, 44, met up with some childhood friends and decided to get his teeth filed into the same arrangement.

Anthony underwent liposuction to plump up his cheeks, a forehead lift to narrow his eyes and a nose job to reshape the tip.

‘Del has always been my hero’: Anthony, whose face was altered so he looked like Del Boy

Before and after shots of Anthony's life-changing operation

Now Anthony dresses and speaks like Del and insists he and Del are ‘pals’.

He says: ‘I don't want to be seen by people as a funny, kind person. I want to be seen as a witty, smart, kind person who looks like Del Boy, because that's who I am.

‘I don't want to be accepted on who I am, I want people to see me as a comedy character.’

The only difficulty now is remembering what a Del-boy is. ‘He's probably the funniest character in all of television. If I think about Del Boy, I'm going to go back into a manic state.

‘But I am enjoying life

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A London man has undergone extensive plastic surgery to more closely resemble Del Boy from the classic sitcom Only Fools and Horses.

Peter Cummings is a musician in his 60s and an accomplished mimic. After attending a party he decided to show off his talent by impersonating Del Boy.

"I have a physical gift for imitation," he told the Daily Mail. "I had done that sort of stuff for 20 years, so it was something I had always done."

The multi-millionaire party animal has always been surrounded by the rich and famous. Some of his mates include high-profile professional footballers and pop stars, and he was once mobbed by rockers from the "Suede Nation" for impersonating guitarist Brett Anderson.

There were no oddball rockers at the party Cummings had attended, but he was even considered attractive. "I was really well looked after, and my voice changed, and I was like: 'I have got to make this work'," he said.

A series of operations has changed his appearance significantly. Plastic surgeons have altered his skin tone, thinned his lips and given him a cleft chin and chin and cheek bones. "I have made myself attractive," he said.

He is not satisfied with the result, and plans to have further surgery.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 20, 2021, 08:27:50 PM
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A young couple have divorced after the wife refused to indulge her husband's fetish for the classic sitcom character 'Del Boy', "it was destroying my self esteem" she claimed.

In a decision which shocked experts, a judge ordered a woman to stand by and watch her husband throw several hats into a burning bonfire during a family party.

She will also have to encourage their son to take part, wearing a wig and fake moustache to depict the Del Boy character which gave rise to the surreal family, featuring the notorious Peta and Rodney in the 1970s comedy series 'Only Fools and Horses'.

The extraordinary request was made in a judge's ruling in favour of an ex-wife, who is seeking to have the divorce finalised. She claims the entire story is a fiction and her husband is just being "outrageous".

Del, played by Richard Beckinsale, pictured with partner Peta, left, and close friend Rodney Trotter, right

Father-of-three Del Boy Robinson, played by actor Richard Beckinsale, has always been attracted to 'Del' from the TV comedy 'Only Fools and Horses'

TV Guide lists it alongside The Avengers as one of its 10 Most Brilliant, funniest, creepiest and best-ever TV series.

The BBC website says: "The original 1970s BBC sitcom saw Del Boy, played by Richard Beck

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A young couple have divorced after the wife refused to indulge her husband's fetish for the classic sitcom character 'Del Boy', "it was destroying my self esteem" she claimed.

Paul Potts, 25, from Bristol, wanted to have sex with the character from the BBC show by his side - in the bedroom, in front of the family and even in her bed.

He even made a costume out of an old man's hat and had sex with the elderly television character in his mum's old room.

Paul, who has just finished A levels, claims his ex-partner Dezarine, 26, agreed to sleep with Del Boy and then accused him of being 'perverted' when she found out.

The couple split in 2013 after Dezarine was unhappy with Paul's love of the character, which she claimed was destroying their marriage.

Speaking to The Sun, Paul said: "It was really strange. It was like we had a child. I was desperate to be part of her life. I remember thinking that I had so much to give her and then I saw Del Boy and I felt like a little kid again.

"I had fantasies of Del Boy popping round and asking me if I had a 'del' - even my friends joked about it. I felt the need to have him around and I didn't have that kind of connection with anyone else.

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A young couple have divorced after the wife refused to indulge her husband's fetish for the classic sitcom character 'Del Boy', "it was destroying my self esteem" she claimed.

The soon-to-be-ex-wife, Laura Valentine, says she cannot understand why her former partner Michael Wright spent hours 'watching Del Boy being taken in and out of police vans' at work, although she admits that at one stage she was tempted to try it for the sake of the sex.

The couple, both 28, say they got divorced because Michael's Del Boy fetish ruined their relationship, although neither could agree on which character they hated more - the comical friend or the murderous family dog.

Laura, from Cardiff, says that after meeting Michael at secondary school they dated for four years, living together for two before the couple were married last May.

Scroll down for video

The married 'Del Boy' fan split with her husband after a decade of suffering because he spent hours 'watching Del Boy being taken in and out of police vans' at work

The mum-of-one recalls the day that things started to go downhill in the couple's relationship.

'He became obsessed with Del Boy and watched it every day,' she says.

'I was at work one morning when my shift finished and I turned up on the national news.

'It was footage from Del Boy's
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 20, 2021, 08:48:33 PM
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Pope stunned Catholics by announcing that the classic sitcom 'Only Fools and Horses' is part of the canonical gospels. When Theresa May asked the Pope in a private audience if she could sit in the popemobile to go to the funeral of his predecessor, it looked like the Italian joke of the century. "No way" he said.

And if the Pope appeared a bit surprised he probably had a point. After all, in reality he is one of the more conservative of the Catholic hierarchy. This conservative streak, coupled with his unlikely choice of a neofascist businessman as his favorite son, Gianni Alemanno, in January 2017 gave the Pope some reputation as a friend of Donald Trump.

And yet, the Pope is sending back to England the CD containing the mocking songs 'only fools and horses' to the annual Vatina party held in his honor.

The six song CD was nominated in August 2017 at the party for a prestigious prize for the best comedy CD of 2017, along with 'Parrot Walks on the Bough' by Frankie Boyle, 'Mud Dog Billionaire' by Blackadder and 'Welsh Election Theatre' by Charlie Brooker.

The verdict was agreed by a panel of judges that included television sitcom makers like Stephen Fry and John Thaw and comedy critic Will Murray of the New York Times.

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"I invented racism" claims actor David Jason. He should be locked away.

I'm sorry, but I find David Jason's statement that he invented racism to be truly delusional.

What sort of sick person would claim this? Does Jason think his years as a bigot on television has made him "the guru of anti-semitism"? How pathetic is that?

Let's examine the situation: the Adam and Eve sketch aired on Saturday 11 November 1980, the day after the Adan mon was broadcast, although in fact the Adam and Eve sketch had nothing to do with the Adam mon.

However, on Sunday 12 November the Stig in the Daily Wail came out with a column saying that while the Adam and Eve mon wasn't racist (as he had been taught at school that Jews were the evil one and were therefore the source of all evil in the world) the Adam and Eve sketch was just that. In other words, the Adam and Eve sketch was just like the Adan mon and could not possibly be racist. This did not win the Stig many fans, who were of the view that their idol was betraying them.

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"I invented racism" claims actor David Jason. It's true - and it's pretty easy to prove. Jason tells us his theory...

The Guardian - "If we listen to David Jason we'll be in danger of saying, 'Goodnight, Sweet Princess'" - J

He's a 60-year-old actor, some might say "bigger" than some countries and we are yet to see his cookery demonstrations... but then it's not as if he's got time on his hands to be seen.

"At no time, in no way, and with no exception, am I responsible for the oppression of any race anywhere. I am not an agent of the British Empire - I am an actor playing an agent of the British Empire," he says, standing before a large map of the world that stretches all the way to Russia, Australia and Antarctica, a few centimetres from his face.

It's a reasonably high standard for an actor to stand up and say. But David Jason - who's apparently played hundreds of pricks and semi-unhinged villains in many of our favourite comedies - is claiming racism isn't real, it's all a lie. And he's absolutely right.




Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 20, 2021, 08:56:13 PM
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A series of unsettling paranormal events have occured concerning the classic BBC sitcom 'Only Fools and Horses'. Some have warned of the fact that the death of John 'Del Boy' Trotter has already been predicted for April 1997.

In the 17th season, Trotter was due to die in a car crash. This plot is being re-thought after an eyewitness who was a passenger in the car claimed he had seen an apparition of Trotter which led him to warn others.

Events which follow were supposedly after the birth of Del Boy's grandson called George, the date of which is April 29th 1997. According to eye witness Eddie, who claims that he was a passenger in the car which struck a vehicle driven by Del's grandsire. He claims to have seen a strange boy with dark eyes at the wheel of the car. When he shouted, he says that no-one responded. He also claims that the car was heading towards a white car, which Eddie believes to be the Ghost of Death.

According to other eye witnesses, the car had collided with a white car. After hitting a children's party, the car struck a school bus, which was standing on a double yellow line. This collision led to the death of 5 children, and the death of a bus driver, also killed in the collision.

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A series of unsettling paranormal events have occured concerning the classic BBC sitcom 'Only Fools and Horses'. Although it first aired in 1981, the series still seems to be regarded by many in the British media as the flagship example of old-school TV sitcoms. A number of disturbing paranormal incidents have occured over the years, including the death of show creator, John Sullivan, in 1997. More recently, in 2008, one of the original cast members, Nicholas Lyndhurst, reported experiencing a paranormal 'voice' in the night. In 2010, The Telegraph reported that the producers and channel makers of the show have been threatened with legal action if the rumours of paranormal activity are not investigated and reported on. So has BBC2 come under a spirit of darkness? Can an episode of Only Fools and Horses truly be considered 'neutral'? Has it been cursed, or is it just the nature of true British escapism?

The report of paranormal activity supposedly began with news that Lyndhurst experienced a voice in the night, shortly after the appearance of John Sullivan's ghost in one of the show's final episodes. Lyndhurst, who played the part of the much-loved Del Boy for 30 years, claims to have been woken from a deep sleep in the early hours of the morning to hear the hauntingly familiar voice of his dead co-star: 'Del Boy
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A series of unsettling paranormal events have occured concerning the classic BBC sitcom 'Only Fools and Horses'.

The popular British sitcom only aired for 8 years before being axed in 1991. But since its'retirement', strange occurrences have happened throughout the Golders Green and Woodside area of London, North London, that have no clear logical explanation.

“I was having a shave one day when I noticed my ears were glowing red, and the hairs on my face felt electrified. I’d even had a scratching sensation on my cheekbone. I immediately ran to the sink where I thought it was the hot water boiling up from the taps. But it wasn’t. When I turned the cold tap on the sink and tried to wash my face, the water was black and so thick, it wasn’t going down my sink” recounts eyewitness David Teale.

“The next day I was at a pub with some friends and a jukebox started playing Only Fools and Horses over the speakers. I’ve never laughed so hard in all my life. I was utterly disgusted at the fact that the one thing we all knew of the show would be playing over the speakers all night. After about four or five hours, the jukebox stopped playing “(It’s Baaaaa
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 20, 2021, 09:09:59 PM
Remember the time Del bought a load of hooky 'hot' sauces that fell off the back of a lorry and gave everyone the shits?

(https://i.imgur.com/0pXCNfP.jpg)

(real life OFAH cash-in tat has long past let itself go)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 20, 2021, 09:16:30 PM
Classic scenes from the episode on the bottle there (must've been the build up to the episode that had Del shitting himself for 30mins) Uncle Albert really isn't sure about it all, Del's looking ill, and Rodney's starting to poo his pants.

(https://i.imgur.com/R2MTbiD.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 20, 2021, 09:24:59 PM
Uncle Albert really isn't sure about it all, Del's looking ill, and Rodney's starting to poo his pants.
 (I'm working from memory as I don't have the vid-online to refer to for these old-school episodes).

But what's going to be worse: the very real possibility that we don't get a good story out of this 'Great Expectations' episode (or indeed any of the FOUR episodes of 'Dr Who' we were meant to have), or the possibility that we get a really bad episode of 'Dr Who' when someone gets some sparks in their pants?

There are two things you could do to the surprise storyline: either make this a one off episode (e.g. skip 'The Great Intelligence' and re-create it for this season, maybe have the Great Intelligence turn up to catch the Doctor meeting the Master, only to be told 'not in time' - turning up at the end of 'The War Games' to catch the Doctor eating dill pickles with the Cybermen would have similar results), or make it happen on several occasions - give the Great Intelligence something to do (e.g. place it in every episode of this season - and stop it entering the Doctor's head as he is "just at the point of going mad"

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Uncle Albert really isn't sure about it all, Del's looking ill, and Rodney's starting to poo his pants.
 I love my friends, but these are some seriously stressful times to be in a band and everyone just wants to eat. Even D.I.I.s turn to drugs for solace, Uncle Albert finds himself suffering from acute stress. Finally, Ray jumps into the breach and convinces Del and Uncle Albert to throw the blackmass party, which will, hopefully, break the cycle and resolve everything. Of course, this means that we need to find a venue and that will not be easy. Can we really have a full scale gig in the Manchester apartment of our least effective bass player? Will a bus driver, plumber and builder have enough rooms to get through? Well, of course they will and they will, on the condition that they do so with some enthusiasm. So they get off to it, I am waiting for my sausage and bacon to boil when it all begins.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: canadagoose on July 20, 2021, 09:25:52 PM
Classic scenes from the episode on the bottle there (must've been the build up to the episode that had Del shitting himself for 30mins) Uncle Albert really isn't sure about it all, Del's looking ill, and Rodney's starting to poo his pants.

(https://i.imgur.com/R2MTbiD.jpg)
Can you put it on an emperor burger?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 20, 2021, 09:34:09 PM
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Only Fools and Horses fans mourn the death of its star, David Jason, better known as wheeler dealer Derek "Del-Boy" Trotter.

The actor, who played the family's hapless but endearing middle man Derek since the beginning in 1980's Only Fools and Horses, died suddenly at the age of 61 on Wednesday. He died in the early hours of the morning at his London home.

Friends and co-stars of Jason have said the star "died doing what he loved, in the arms of a lover". The star was found dead at his home in St John's Wood, central London.

A post mortem has been carried out but the cause of death is still unclear.

Fans took to Twitter to pay tribute to the actor - who recently finished work on the latest series of Only Fools and Horses - and posted fond memories of his comedic ability.

One wrote: "RIP to you Derek and you will be missed. You were a true comic and will be much missed."

A BBC spokesman said the star had been receiving treatment for "stress and exhaustion" and the cause of death is not yet known.

"We are deeply saddened to hear of the death of our long-standing colleague David Jason. He was an outstanding and much-loved actor and comedian," they said in a statement.

"The BBC will pay tribute to him at the earliest opportunity. David will be remembered fondly by everyone who had the good fortune to work with him."

A source at his production company Red Production Company said: "It is a tragic, terrible shock. He loved doing the show."

The actor's daughter, Charlotte, 24, who is an actress and writer, broke her silence about the death to The Times.

"I think my mum and dad are very private people but it was a very private situation for them. I'm very sad for my dad," she said.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 20, 2021, 09:43:32 PM
Can you put it on an emperor burger?

That's exactly what Uncle Albert's thinking in that photo. They missed a trick not sticking that classic line on the box.

bonus fact: that episode has an extra non-special guest appearance of Paul McCartney being (three)wheeled on for a reprise of We're So Sorry, Uncle Albert, after the classic callback of him discovering this so called 'hot' chili sauce ruins your genuine Emperor Burger by making it taste just like an ordinary cheese burger.

For the end credits of the last ever, ever, no we really mean it this time, episode (ever), the usual theme tune was replaced by a special song reworking by McCartney dedicated to the broken down three wheeler seen getting towed away in the episode. "My car, he got three wheels, but he can't run".

(Paul McCartney nearly refused to appear in the series because he didn't want to be seen endorsing burgers made of penguins. Fortunately the BBC managed to solve this problem by throwing lots of money at him until he was finally convinced the burger was really made out of Linda's special cow friendly Vegan 'cheese'. )
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 20, 2021, 11:18:28 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/R2MTbiD.jpg)

I remember they got a massive fine for the BBC for product placement, after building the whole episode around Eddie Del and Rodders testing out the sauces by sticking a funnel down Syd's Albert's urethra and pouring them in, bottle after bottle, "just to make sure."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 21, 2021, 02:18:21 AM
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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  time Del Boy fell down Rodney's hole.  Rodney usually spent his time cavorting in some public place, and eventually his bushy eyebrows would brush against the top of the water-filled hole at the back of the flat. The flat's only window, facing on to the rear of the garage, was often left open at this point, and as Del Boy stood in the confines of the hole, you could see not only his cap but even a more distinct peak of the rest of his face, reflecting the light from the naked bulb of the block's tiny lampshade. When he lifted his face out of the water, the resultant expression always looked somewhere between that of a starving dolphin and a deer who's just spotted a snack: he was always hungry, he was always slightly shocked, and he was always pleased.

This was a wonderful moment, because as ridiculous as it sounds, it perfectly captured the genius of the show. There's always going to be a trace of a food supplement in every television comedy show, whether it's kippers on the breast of a long-suffering subaltern, or a soup with flounders in John Cleese's Fawlty Towers. But Only Fools and Horses had a surplus, a surplus of food, because the flat's heating system was clearly,

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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  time Del Boy fell down Rodney's hole.  The thought of Del putting himself through that nightmare had never occurred to me. But then, you're not watching Only Fools and Horses for intellectual stimulation, are you?

When watching last night's (Saturday) episode, I had to think for a moment about what had been happening during the whole season. Yes, I have enjoyed the episodes as I've gone along, but there's one that stands out from the others. The one that makes you go "Oooh!" before realising it's really got something to do with them being depressed about something.

The first is Del getting into a car after going to get some coffees from Mrs. Chums, only for a voice to suddenly yell at him. It's Rodney. And it is the most perfect entrance of all time. And this time he's not trying to rescue someone or do some other form of petty crime. Instead, he is begging for money. Rodney needs Del to help him with his friend Del Boy's Christmas lottery win.

Which is all well and good. If you have seen the first series of Only Fools and Horses, then you'll know that this plot is right up Del's alley. In the first series, Del would not take anyone's Christmas lottery
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 21, 2021, 02:29:36 AM
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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  time Del Boy sold Rodney's liver to Morrissey.

The scene: Rodney and Del are in the car on the way to buy Rodney's liver from Morrissey, who supposedly has an inferior one, because when Del was a toddler, he was accidentally left on a train for three days by his parents (who, when he asked for a drink, realised they'd left him on the train) and came out a complete alcoholic.

Somewhere along the line, Morrissey's driver's side window suddenly whirrs up, and the same tune as when Troy's door goes up in the opening sequence plays, and we cut to Rodney, who has just been informed of Morrissey's new liver, and he falls down.

Morrissey: Who the f*** are you? What are you doing? Get out of the car! Who the f*** are you?

Rodney: Morrissey, sir! Rodney Trotter, sir! We're selling your liver!

Morrissey: Get out of the car! Get out of the car! Who the f*** are you?

Rodney: I'm a transplant surgeon, sir. We're the Rodney Trotter Transplant Company. We've been running an ad in the paper for years.

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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  time Del Boy sold Rodney's liver to Morrissey.

Although I'm in no way comparing them, I can't help feeling that two people who've spent their entire lives living in their own personal fantasy have been living out their final days in an equally fantastic, but far more morbid, nightmare.

It's funny really, because before the show went off air, Ian Holm had told us that the second episode had been written in a farcical, slapstick style, like that scene, and it worked out very well. It made the show look more authentic, as the episode was being shot with a certain style and verve. It also gave us a glimpse into how Del and Rodney lived.

The whole reason they lived together in the first place was because Rodney had sold Del's liver to Morrissey - a man who'd been trying to sell his to Del for the best part of twenty years. In that series, we saw the wonderful moment when the Mancunian pop legend told his salesman, 'I won't do it for less than a tenner, Del Boy.'

It was a brilliant piece of writing, especially when you think about the number of times we'd seen the pair trade barbs, insults, banter and threats in previous episodes, and how well it served

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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  time Del Boy sold Rodney's liver to Morrissey. It's funny, it's witty, it's richly satirical, but it's also emotional. Because there are people who actually want to be Morrissey. And their existence is proof that nobody should give a fuck about what he thinks.

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Morrissey: You're a wonderful singer, and your lyrics are particularly cogent. I'm sure that's the reason why I bought your first album.

Del Boy: Aw, you're just being sweet. You've only just got it on.

Morrissey: Yes, I do have it on. I bought it for its practical value as an instructional guide.

Del Boy: Oh, Morrissey, I'm sorry. I don't mean to insult you, but you know, I always think you look like you haven't washed in weeks.

Morrissey: (Pause.) But I don't know about your other album.

Del Boy: It's all right. There's a good song on it.

Morrissey: I'm sure it is. But I'm not sure it's one I'm going to be very familiar with.

Del Boy: (Smugly.) It's called Fuckin' Paedo
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 21, 2021, 02:42:44 AM
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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  time Trigger ate Uncle Albert's beard.

What's not to like?

Here's a scene from the episode, "When the Whistle Blows."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-dsiA-sO-8

If that hasn't got you in stitches, what will?

If you've never seen the episode, the clip above is merely a montage of the comedy bits that take place throughout the episode.

I'm going to be blunt about this. In today's political climate, it seems like a lot of people are trying to ban beards. And, because I'm a real softy, I'd like to make the case that perhaps beards aren't all that bad, after all.

My particular theory here is that most people who want to ban beards are people who have been told they need to shave. Some folks go so far as to believe that shaving is somehow the path to health.

They're wrong.

Shaving is not a healthy activity. In fact, shaving is more likely to be harmful to your health. If you ask my personal physician, he will tell you that he has no medical problems associated with my beard. Not to brag, but
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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  time Del Boy and Boycie both got the same tapeworm.

It's a terrifically funny moment, of course, but it also features a nice illustration of two best mates showing their appreciation for one another by doing something silly for them. I recently interviewed Richard Holloway, who was both the stand-up performer who played Jack the Lazy in the episode, and the actor who played the fictional Chalky White.

“That’s an unusual form of friendship, isn’t it, Chalky?” asks Del.

“That’s the way we roll,” replies Chalky.

This exchange has always stuck with me, because it seems to sum up the theme of the series very nicely. To me, this scene symbolises a friendship which is all about doing stuff together, sharing the good times, and making the most of life.

One of the things I like most about Only Fools and Horses is how it explores a variety of themes, from exploring the pressures of family life, to the (then-controversial) topic of the menopause.

The classic 'Paul's Perm' sequence, featuring a sequence of iconic moments that are packed full of comedy and some genuinely moving moments

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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  time Del Boy and Boycie both got the same tapeworm.
It was, without doubt, the show’s most spectacular visual gag.

For those unfamiliar with the series, there are only two regular characters – Del Boy and his sidekick Rodney. To explain what happens in that episode, it’s probably easiest to set up the storyline first.

When Del arrives at a hotel, he realises that his stomach has been complaining for days, but no one else is showing any signs of illness. He decides to stay in his room and starve the thing out.

Unfortunately for Del, he makes a complete mess of things. He tries to shove a stack of hotel leaflets into his stomach as a snack, but this creates such a big reaction, he is rushed to hospital. He is also given a liver scan, to see whether the tapeworm is causing any damage to his liver.

In fact, he’s so seriously ill, he is forced to leave the hospital early. So his pal Rodney sets up an internet dating service for them both, called ‘Grandad at 90’.

The thing is, they didn’t realise that Grandad was really the doctor. As it happens, the test results reveal that Del’s tapeworm is
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 21, 2021, 02:47:55 AM
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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  time Del Boy shot Rodney on purpose for no reason. As he crouched over the wound, his only utterance was “There goes my leaden innards”. The reaction of the cast and crew was absolutely brilliant, their awe at Del Boy’s sudden enlightenment, so much so that one of them had the poor sense to shoot Del off screen, while the rest of them gave it their full support. What a great moment in a great show.

It was, I’m sure you’ll agree, one of the best moments in the show’s eight year run, and now we’ve just been presented with our next big classic moment. What do you think?

Well, if the trailer’s anything to go by, this series will be every bit as brilliant as its predecessor. If you thought that Gaz’s return from jail in last year’s ‘The Day the Earth Caught Fire’ wasn’t going to give us any action then we can safely tell you that you don’t know your sitcoms from your interplanetary junk mail. In a new year that will probably be up to par for Doctor Who fans too, with the announcement that Matt Smith is leaving the show at the end of
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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  time Del Boy shot Rodney on purpose for no reason. There are some fundamental problems with this story that can’t be discussed too in-depth because they go beyond the very meaning of what we as a society consider to be morally acceptable or justifiable. Let me just come straight out with it – shooting someone without cause in any circumstance, even in self-defense, is completely unacceptable. That being said, only fool would find themselves in a position where they would need to pull the trigger in order to survive. So what went wrong here?

First of all, Rodney had proven to Del over and over again that he is a liability and that he shouldn’t be trusted. For example, in the episode “European Import” Rodney was pushed too far and snapped. In the following episode, “Quiet Night”, he killed a chicken for Del, knowing full well that Del could be charged for doing so, knowing full well that if he found out, he could lose his job and go to prison. So Rodney did a pretty bad thing. Del had already warned him a hundred times that Rodney wasn’t supposed to take advantage of him. So it’s not as though Rodney had no other choice. In fact, there were a couple of very good options here.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 21, 2021, 03:02:47 AM
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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  scene where Del tells Mike his penis is haunted by a camp ghost. This is in the episode ‘Dance with the one who brung you’, the episode in which Del decides to get his manhood shrunk and is eventually handed the entire castration kit. As the scene plays out, Del (Del Boy) is sitting on the edge of a bed, looking at his smaller-than-normal penis in a dressing table mirror. As he puts the kit down, the bathroom door opens and Del turns to look at the person who has just entered the room. He’s staring straight at Del’s penis, and it’s as if the ghost of Jimmy Stone is gazing at him. “It was as if he had come out of nowhere,” says Del. “And he was staring right at me, and he wasn’t laughing, and he wasn’t smiling, and he was very serious.”

I think this is the first time that Del has spoken about Jimmy Stone in any kind of personal way. Although he has talked about him many times before, the episodes where he actually addresses Jimmy directly have all been in connection with some kind of supernatural incident. This was a perfect opportunity for Del to let out his feelings about Jimmy, and this episode (

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Of all the classic moments from Only Fools and Horses, the one that I remember most fondly is the  scene where Del tells Mike his penis is haunted by a camp ghost.

For a moment, Mike pauses. Then, slowly, he realises what Del is on about. He looks at the bulge in his trousers and realises that, yes, his cock is actually infested with something that wants to kill him.

Mike’s face is a mixture of fear and amusement.

“You what?” he says.

“A ghost. It’s an Indian ghost,” says Del. “That means it’s not going to bother you,” adds Rodney.

Rodney is right. Ghosts don’t go around murdering people. So why do I feel a sense of relief as I watch Mike contemplate the implications of Del’s advice?

Is it because I remember my own initial panic at Del’s words? Or perhaps it’s because I’ve had a bit of a dark week and Del’s haunted penis story made me smile?

I suppose it’s a bit of both.

Whatever the reason, it’s brought home to me the importance of humour. Humour in its most benign form. The kind of comedy that makes you smile, rather
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 21, 2021, 08:45:44 PM
Del Boy offers to collect rubbish from businesses at a cheap rate than the council but he just packs it up Uncle Albert's arsehole and after 5 tonnes Albert's skin can't expand any further and he shits out a load of chemical waste all over Del Boy's new suit.

Meanwhile Boycie and Micky Pearce can't stop playing Parkour and Mike ends up breaking their balls. And Rodney tries to go an entire hour without masturbating - but Del's put him in charge of selling second hand adult magazines in the market. Can Rodney sell a sticky pile of Swank magazines without nipping off for a pull of the old penis?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 21, 2021, 08:53:08 PM
Remember when Del Boy was in The Independent Group For Change?

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Delboy has done many questionable things throughout his life including...

...The best friend of George W Bush, the most famous friend of Saddam Hussein, being paid more than a million pounds per month by the Iraqi government.

Being a member of what used to be called the Liberal Democrats, but now is called the Lib Dem Party.

Being a member of the Labour Party and then the 'Independent' Party.

Being in the New Statesman, the Guardian, and the Observer.

Not being in the Labour Party and the Guardian anymore.

Being friends with David Cameron (see below) and various people in the Conservative Party who share his views.

Not being in the Conservative Party any more (although he is still a member).

Having a TV series funded by both Channel 4 and the BBC...

Del Boy helped kill JFK

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Del boy has done many questionable things throughout his life including...

  * • Stealing money for the mob in Sicily and, years later, helping the FBI in the JFK hit in Cuba
  * • Stealing a million dollars from a casino in Reno, and selling the car to a high-stakes game player who ran it through a series of dealerships before it was found in the garage of a dead junkie.
  * • Stealing an antique painting from a Manhattan art gallery for about $500.
  * • Hiring himself out as a hit man for a gang lord in South Central Los Angeles.
  * • Shooting and robbing a gas station at gunpoint, and then running away and shooting his robbery victim in the buttocks.

Now, back in New York, having been released on bail, his new employer is the infamous Tony Soprano. He's got a new car, a nice suit, and a good job, but the money from the heist in Reno has been spent, so for a year
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: mrClaypole on July 22, 2021, 12:10:37 AM
The episode where they dig up Grandad.  Uncle Albert slopes off dejected.

Viewing figures.  22.3 million
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on July 22, 2021, 01:41:27 AM
Remember that episode where Del gets some 2-4-5 Trioxin off the back of a lorry and accidentally reanimates Cassandra's miscarriage? Then Peckham is annihilated by a tactical nuke. Of course you don't, it's not really canon with the series.

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Marlene: Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying? You know, violently? And wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?
Trigger: I try not too think about dying too much.
Marlene: Mm. Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive.
Trigger: I see.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 22, 2021, 05:04:07 PM
One episode I enjoyed was when Del Boy brought a new apron and cooked a meal in the buff for all the Nag's Head Regulars, followed by a "sexy dance" only to ask people to lick coffee off his hairy chest rather than gravy. Uncle Albert's fault of course.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: willbo on July 22, 2021, 07:41:30 PM
Rodney moves into Rising Damp and loses his virginity to Miss Jones, then Rigsby and Del Boy wrestle for the right to keep him.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 22, 2021, 08:35:51 PM
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My favourite quote from Only Fools and Horses is when Del, Rodney and Uncle Albert are in a pub and they see Del’s old mate in the corner and Del goes:

‘He’s here isn’t he?’

‘You know him?’

‘He’s the one who came to my house with a gun when I was twelve, remember?’

‘Well yes, of course I remember!’

‘I’ve seen him a couple of times since then, but you’ve changed your face haven’t you?’

‘That’s right! We’ve had plastic surgery.’

‘That’s right! You’ve had the nose changed to a banana, your ears were swapped for an arse-hopper, and you’ve been given a haircut.’
Remember when newspaper pundits were advising Corbyn to behave more like Rodney?

Quote
My favourite quote from Only Fools and Horses is Rodney Trotter’s response to being beaten up by the IRA after being caught stealing £13 worth of cigarettes in 1978. “No problem,” he replied, “I’ve got another £13 on me,” and promptly went and bought another pound of fags.

This is how the modern Labour party should behave, but instead of going for a vote of no confidence, Corbyn is doing something far more stupid.

The moment when he lost his nerve has been revealed. It was April 2017. With just weeks to go until the general election, Labour’s campaign was lurching into action, Corbyn was out stumping the country and his opponents were gearing up for the fight of their lives.

He was going to need to pull something special out of the bag, because his party was in a dire state. The polls were a disaster, and after three years out of power, it was a very dark day.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on July 24, 2021, 04:15:04 AM
Rodney moves into Rising Damp and loses his anal virginity to Rigsby, then Rigsby and Del Boy Turkish wrestle for the right to bum him.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 24, 2021, 09:15:39 AM
Remember Only Fools and Horses Later? Where there was a bit more nudity and Del Boy sometimes said "fuck"?

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on July 24, 2021, 10:16:14 AM
First promo image of Rodders and Del in the new series

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E7Aal6LXEAIbXrM?format=jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on July 24, 2021, 11:22:06 AM
Dark memories of series 24, late 90's. The Rodney mid-life-crisis LSD-binge plotline culminates with a bottle episode inside a psyhe-ward rubber room.

A hellish, looping 30 minutes in which every character besides Rodders appears only as warped hallucinations, uttering little besides increasingly aggressive catchphrases.

Climaxes with Rodders a gibbering wreck, seeing visions of his friends and loved ones bouncing round him on space hoppers chanting

PLONKER PLONKER
ROD-ER-NY TROT-TER
PLONKER PLONKER
DURIN NA WO-WAR

for literally 5 solid minutes while Trigger, adopting the pose of Munch's The Scream, just howls "DAVE" in his face over and over before a final, savage cut to black. No end credits that night, just the phone number for Samaritans.

Am I the only one who found that all a bit much?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 24, 2021, 04:54:03 PM
Remember when Micky Pearce got his bum out in the Nag's Head and everyone applauded apart from Uncle Albert who said that he used to do that during the war, and then Del and Rodney had to stop Albert getting his bum out? That episode was censored on Netflix due to their being naked buttocks in it.

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 24, 2021, 05:54:16 PM
Remember the US version
L-R: Del-Boy, Rodney and Uncle Albert
(https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5909e36815d5dba8afc8fdd8/1520686025880-33D9SU1UZ1UXDV93N7NF/The-Big-Lebowski_resize.jpg?format=1000w)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 24, 2021, 05:56:02 PM
Remember when Micky Pearce got his bum out in the Nag's Head and everyone applauded apart from Uncle Albert who said that he used to do that during the war, and then Del and Rodney had to stop Albert getting his bum out? That episode was censored on Netflix due to their being naked buttocks in it.

It was made worse by Buster Merryfield suffering with a visibly prolapsed anus resulting from falling up the stairs at the Comedy Awards, which was poking out of his hole like a red inner tube on a BMX until David Jason popped it back in for him with a thumb.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 24, 2021, 06:28:17 PM
Remember the US version
L-R: Del-Boy, Rodney and Uncle Albert
(https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5909e36815d5dba8afc8fdd8/1520686025880-33D9SU1UZ1UXDV93N7NF/The-Big-Lebowski_resize.jpg?format=200w)

Loved the episode where they pissed on Del Boy's rug and Albert was waving his WWII revolver around.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on July 24, 2021, 06:33:18 PM
Loved the episode where they pissed on Del Boy's rug and Albert was waving his WWII revolver around.
"You plonker, Rodney, you're out of your element!"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on July 24, 2021, 06:41:40 PM
There was that one where Del Boy leant his house to two mates who abused kids there, supposedly without his knowledge.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 24, 2021, 06:47:48 PM
Remember when the Trotters went to a CAB meet and insulted one of the Cabbers?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOtVMoxEx3I

Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on July 24, 2021, 06:53:36 PM
No income tax, no VAT,
My foreskin's tight, can't do a wee,
Black or white, rich or broke,
It don't pull back when I have a strooooooke
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 25, 2021, 01:00:49 AM
Loved the episode where they pissed on Del Boy's rug and Albert was waving his WWII revolver around.

Del Boy [angrily jacking off Boycie]: This guy's fertile! I've seen jaffas before! Let me tell you: this guy fuckin' squirts
Rodney: put his todger down Del, its gone all red and everyfing
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 25, 2021, 01:03:57 AM
The wind blows Cassandra's miscarriage in Rodney's face.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 25, 2021, 01:14:30 AM
Del Boy trashs a sportscar parked outside Johnny Speight's house, mistakenly thinking it belongs to his son. It's real owner, Carla Lane, rushes out and destroys the robin reliant with a cricket bat.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 25, 2021, 12:13:08 PM
Rodney creeps into Boycie's shower at the car dealership and replaces his shower gel with epoxy resin solution from Micky Pearce's helmet repair kit, which glues Boycie's hands to his hair. He ends up embarrassing himself in front of a load of prospective customers and has to wear a wig through the remainder of the episode.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 26, 2021, 09:09:37 PM
Imagine if Jason and Lyndhurst had gone into politics instead

Quote
David Jason's first impression of Nicholas Lyndhurst was shiny-faced.

He was sitting at his desk in the basement offices of the Conservative Research Department, staring at his smartphone. Jason's role was to ensure the candidate's message was being well-received and understood, at a time when most voters aren't listening to politicians but just to their headphones.

But Lyndhurst, who was then the party's vice-chairman, was still in an awkward post-election funk. His phone was full of emails and Twitter messages, with people suggesting he had won his heartland seat of Charnwood with one of his witty, if occasionally awkward, campaign slogans:

I think I'll vote for the Lib Dems.

It was a reference to Lyndhurst's unusual campaign pledge to vote Lib Dem. "It wasn't as if I was going to be out on the streets trying to persuade people, so I thought it would be kind of odd not to have a manifesto if I was going to be in politics," he says. "So

Remember when Trotsky commented on Only Fools and Horses?

Quote
Boycie On Rodney
"I have heard rumours Mickey Mouse wears a Rodney Trotter wristwatch."


Trotsky On Boycie
"The whole of Trotsky's body is a big mass of lumps of flesh. If there is a revolution in Britain I will make it a long one."

Sid And Marty On Boycie
"I have seen Sid make a few comments to me that I wouldn't say to anyone else - but you would have to be blind not to notice he's very partial to me."

(Trotsky) "If a child of four can live alone in the world it can only be because of the revolution."

(Boycie) "What I have done to annoy Trot, he would have done for me."

Trotsky On Rodney
"In Russia, the last king was murdered by the people's tribune - well here the people have got rid of the last millionaire by a poor comedian!"

Rodney On Trotsky
"I would rather die than give the people anything to
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Tony Yeboah on September 02, 2021, 10:48:35 AM
Was John Challis really too busy to make this? https://www.cheshire-live.co.uk/whats-on/whats-on-news/cassandra-reopens-nags-head-only-21462438
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on September 02, 2021, 11:38:29 AM
Rodney's wife
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 02, 2021, 11:54:21 AM
The new barman is her miscarriage. A reunion 30 years in the making.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 02, 2021, 12:02:58 PM
Only ticket holders will know the exact location. They do give the postcode though, which would narrow things down a bit.

Will people be allowed to fall through the bar?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 02, 2021, 12:13:23 PM

It wasn't the Nag's Head where Del fell through the bar.

I would be curious if they allow people to wear novelty beards and fall through the door into the basement and onto Mike's corpse.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 02, 2021, 12:21:19 PM
Was speaking to a friend last week and he mentioned that he had never seen an episode of Only Fools but he saw a clip on YouTube that he found funny. I started to mention a load of plots to him:
"Have you seen the episode where Del has a mafia boss duplicate?"
"Have you seen the episode where an escaped axe murderer tries to kill them all?"
"Have you seen the episode where Rodney is a rapist on the run?"
"Have you seen the episode where they write a movie about an escaped rhino?"
"Have you seen the episode where Uncle Albert fucks a load of French women and has Uncle Albert babies?"
"Have you seen the episode where a plane flies into their flat?"

For some reason he didn't believe that they were real episodes. I don't see why he wouldn't believe me. I had to send him a Wikipedia link to Strangers on the Shore for him to believe that they were real.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 02, 2021, 12:27:41 PM
The one where Rodney and Del realise they are in a gay bar and are worried they will be bummed. I found it hard to believe Rodney would be.that ignorant. Del though, I can believe he is that stupid and thinks all gay people are just waiting to bum him.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 02, 2021, 02:47:57 PM
Still, they made up with it in Modern Men when Del Boy announces he wants to be known as "Gay Boy, y'know, in solidarity with the poofters and that".
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: neveragain on September 02, 2021, 03:16:29 PM
Is that real? It could well be and was probably edited out of GOLD repeats.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 02, 2021, 05:04:37 PM
Yeah, they wouldn't dare show it now because of the PC brigade, but it was real.

Gay Boy, mincing around Peckham in his pink sheepskin coat, fetching the handbag from the van. Of course, he snaps out of it when he has to punch Phil Cornwell as gay people can't throw punches. The audience is in bits as he declares "I bet you wish you'd gone private. And much like Cassandra's baby, so too is this the end of Gay Boy."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 02, 2021, 06:20:37 PM
bloody hell you cant go out looking like that Del
dont be a plonker all your life, Rodney. im one of them steryatypes aint I
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 02, 2021, 06:24:48 PM
It's Only Kushty and Natural by Freddy the Frogs
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on September 02, 2021, 07:00:49 PM
As the grossness of spring lolls its head against the window
As the grossness of spring lolls its blooded head
Curare! Curare! Curare!
Rodney cries from the street
Curare! Curare!
As the grossness of spring rose
A tumor balloon to squeak against the window
With the grossness of spring staining into the walls
The chair had been shifted ever so slightly
Say five feet or two centimeters
The prints of my fingers dusted from doorknobs
A lamp had been dimmed
Some sawdust where a ring had been
Where nice girls were turned into whores
Gardens with fountains where Trigger had strutted
Where deaf children were born
The splendor of tigers turning to gold in the desert
Pale meadows of stranded pyramids
Del boy
Such a Del boy
There's a song in the air
Curare! Curare! Curare!
But the fair Cassandra don't seem to care
Curare! Curare! Curare!
As the grossness of spring lolls its head against the window
As the grossness of spring lolls its miscarried head
I merely got up so slowly
Shuffled across the floor
Closed the door on the landing
Descending the stairs
Dipping through the bar
The paralysed street
Rodney says "Good afternoon!"
I say "During the war!"
"It's a lovely afternoon"
"Yes, it's a lovely afternoon"I
Into pockets unstitching so weighted with pins
Into eyes imploding on mazes of sins
The puddle beneath the cork
Bobbing on a mild chop that rolled in
Off the Nag's Head and the open water beyond
Rodney says
"I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF PECKHAM"
Then me
"I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF PECKHAM"
Rodney
"I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF PECKHAM"
"I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF PECKHAM"
Del boy
Such a Del boy
In her voice, there's a flaw
Curare! Curare! Curare!
Del boy
Bye-bye, Del boy
E-e-aw and e-e-aw
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 04, 2021, 10:16:23 PM
Saw Only Fools and Horses trending on Twitter so decided to read some of the tweets. Here are the highlights:

Quote
Still a travesty that we lost John Sullivan so young. Think of all the hours of classic comedy we missed out on.

Quote
Shame that we won't ever see comedy like #OnlyFoolsAndHorses  or even others like On The Buses, Fawlty Towers all the classics due to political correctness and how people are so sensitive this era that they complain. Comedy these days feels fake, whereas back then it was natural.

Quote from: @goldchannel
And who better to have through our doors first than #OnlyFoolsAndHorses cast members @Andree_Bernard (Nerys) @gwynethstrong18 (Cassandra) and @philpopemusic (Tony Angelino)

Also saw a Lego tribute to Roy Heather.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 04, 2021, 10:18:08 PM
These days its a crime just being a Del Boy
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on September 04, 2021, 10:27:03 PM
Yeah, these days they lock you up just for falling through the bar.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 04, 2021, 10:31:08 PM
You can't even break all the bones in your little brothers hand anymore without someone from the loony left complaining
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 04, 2021, 10:42:00 PM
These days, if you say "this time next year, we'll be millionaires", you'll be arrested and thrown in jail.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on September 04, 2021, 10:44:20 PM
The so-called wokerarti won't let you fake a fall into a pub cellar without cancelling you.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 04, 2021, 10:46:55 PM
Can't even arrange to watch an old man drink my wife's piss from the fridge without getting "cancelled"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 04, 2021, 10:47:58 PM
The left would be up in arms these days if Uncle Albert fucked a load of French women and made Uncle Albert babies.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 04, 2021, 10:49:23 PM
I've had it up to here with miscarriage culture
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on September 05, 2021, 12:14:16 AM
Rodney triggers the libs by injecting himself with cum.

Uncle Albert DESTROYS liberal radio host with logic (and by suffering an anal prolapse so enormous they have to dangle it out of the window before it starts choking people like an anaconda)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on September 05, 2021, 12:18:16 AM
Rodders cuts a fanny into his taint after being trolled by Mickey Pearce on the Nag's Head forums.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 05, 2021, 12:29:29 AM
Rodney triggers the libs by injecting himself with cum.

on her death bed do you know what our mum said to me? she said del boy, make sure you incubate a homunculus in our little rodney
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on September 05, 2021, 07:18:44 AM
Del, fallen on hard times, works at a supermarket, sticking barcode labels onto products.  He does this during the whole of autumn, so bars through the fall.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on September 05, 2021, 11:04:46 AM
It's a tragedy we lost Buster Merryfield so very very young. We missed out on him wearing shades as Livin La Vida Loca plays, and him falling over and cutting his head open again at the British Comedy Awards. 78 is no age.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 05, 2021, 02:53:12 PM
With the anniversary of 9/11 upon us, my most chilling memory of that terrible day was when the BBC interrupted their live coverage of the World Trade Center attack to tell us that Buster Merryfield was dead
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 05, 2021, 03:11:01 PM
It was fitting he would go out flying a plane into a building, as it was just like the episode The Sky's the Limit.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 05, 2021, 03:19:41 PM
I did appreciate the BBC interrupted Diana Spencer's funeral service to tell us that Del Boy falling through the bar was the number one comedy moment of all time.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on September 05, 2021, 03:24:58 PM
Buster Merryfield was older when he died than Leonard Pearce was when he started playing granddad. Makes you think really.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 05, 2021, 03:35:38 PM
Leonard Pearce was older when he died than Leonard Pearce was when he started playing granddad.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 05, 2021, 03:38:44 PM
These days Buster Merryfield is more commonly used as a term for taking a woman's virginity.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: kalowski on September 05, 2021, 03:45:56 PM
With the anniversary of 9/11 upon us, my most chilling memory of that terrible day was when the BBC interrupted their live coverage of the World Trade Center attack to tell us that Buster Merryfield was dead
Thought you were joking but I checked and he really did die on 9/11. Amazing!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on September 05, 2021, 03:56:16 PM
(https://media-cldnry.s-nbcnews.com/image/upload/t_fit-760w,f_auto,q_auto:best/newscms/2016_36/1703436/ss-160909-911-attack-mbe-630_5.jpg)

"Mr. President, Buster Merryfield has got in grave."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 05, 2021, 03:56:19 PM
Thought you were joking but I checked and he really did die on 9/11. Amazing!

Yeah, he fell out of a guard tower someone had inexplicably built on the WTC observation deck.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 05, 2021, 04:03:58 PM
It was really poor taste for Paul McCartney to profit from Charlie Daniels jingoistic cover of "We're So Sorry Uncle Albert" being at number one for six weeks in winter 2001. Not a great fan of the song normally but the extra verses about MOABs and white phospherous didn't make it any better.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on September 06, 2021, 07:34:07 PM
Only Fools and Horses stars who played Nervous Nerys, Tony Angelino and Cassandra Trotter reunite after 33 years. (https://www.mylondon.news/news/celebs/only-fools-horses-stars-who-21475338)

(https://i.imgur.com/cwiwcob.jpg)

It's the reunion of the century!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on September 06, 2021, 09:49:40 PM
David Jason, who starred as the lovable rogue DEL BOY in the greatest sitcom of all time, Only Fools And Horses, was arrested yesterday in Hyde Park after being caught bumming a live pig for charity.

The 45-year-old actor was seen trying to negotiate the boar, which had been painted bright orange, for two hours before two policewomen finally wrestled him to the ground.

He was then carted off to Southwark nick for questioning as his friends, who are supporting him throughout, looked on, bemused.
After the pig was finally wrangled into the back of a police van, Jason told reporters: 'It's a bit embarrassing really. I was just trying to be a bit more of a fool than usual and make a little money for the charity.'
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Tony Yeboah on September 06, 2021, 10:45:53 PM
John Challis is ill https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9963125/Only-Fools-Horses-star-John-Challis-79-cancels-upcoming-tour-secret-cancer-battle.html
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Indomitable Spirit on September 06, 2021, 10:55:52 PM
John Challis is ill https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9963125/Only-Fools-Horses-star-John-Challis-79-cancels-upcoming-tour-secret-cancer-battle.html

(https://i.imgur.com/42KR4u6.png)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 06, 2021, 11:00:36 PM
John Challis is ill https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9963125/Only-Fools-Horses-star-John-Challis-79-cancels-upcoming-tour-secret-cancer-battle.html

Quote
It comes a day after Challis was granted honorary citizenship in Serbia for his portrayal of Boycie in the much-loved British comedy series
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on September 07, 2021, 12:19:36 AM
Gwyneth Strong was just granted citizenship in Montenegro, funnily enough
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on September 07, 2021, 12:26:16 AM
Get well soon Challis!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Satchmo Distel on September 08, 2021, 01:15:45 AM
Poisoned Challis?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on September 08, 2021, 01:30:06 AM
I absolutely detest this. It's fucking shit.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 08, 2021, 09:39:48 AM
OFAH is 40 today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU PLONKERS!!!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: imitationleather on September 08, 2021, 09:41:19 AM
I was still on a bender celebrating OFAH's 20th birthday the day them slags smashed into the Twin Towers.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on September 08, 2021, 10:30:15 AM
That's no way to talk about Leonard Pearce and Buster Merryfield
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 08, 2021, 10:44:01 AM
Did we ever find out why they were allowed to fly the planes?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on September 09, 2021, 10:58:20 AM
Here's the one that's driving me berserk:
How does jet fuel melting steel beams work?
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on September 09, 2021, 11:04:28 AM
[in the cockpit] "Brace yourself, Trigg."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on September 09, 2021, 11:06:58 AM
Rodney on the payphone to Cassandra looking up at the twin towers: "Our plane has just blown up"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: jobotic on September 09, 2021, 11:10:44 AM
OFAHma Bin-Laden: "Rodney you plonker, when I said Twin Towers I meant Wemberlee Stadium"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on September 09, 2021, 11:21:32 AM
SWITCH IT OFF!!
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on September 09, 2021, 11:42:36 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/EEPrQpw.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on September 09, 2021, 04:20:52 PM
Think of all the insurance money Albert "The Ferret" Trotter got from falling down every staircase in the WTC at once like a Marble Madness speed run, no wonder the Saudis wanted a cut.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 09, 2021, 04:56:35 PM
Durindawaugh on terror
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on October 01, 2021, 01:44:58 PM
All stand for the national anthem. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n4zS2Oqtyw)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on October 01, 2021, 01:49:35 PM
The whole show is just that for two hours
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on October 01, 2021, 01:51:35 PM
The gang look so different in HD. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-238p_FX22I)

(https://i.imgur.com/YCnKIXw.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/AhiiCyI.png)
(https://i.imgur.com/PgwRdUQ.png)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utter Shit on October 01, 2021, 02:40:56 PM
I am the biggest Fools and Horses nerd going but it is astonishing that they are STILL knocking out new merchandise. A new book out this week marking the 40th anniversary of the show...but what is left to say? There's only so many ways you can say "if we'd laughed during the chandelier scene the show would have been cancelled" and "The genius of the show can be summed up in four words: John Sullivan, John Sullivan".

That said, I will obviously be buying it.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 01, 2021, 02:54:09 PM
The ultimate in thrilling OFAH clickbait articles

"Only Fools and Horses: Here’s what the actor who played yuppie Steven in The Jolly Boys’ Outing looks like now"

https://www.mylondon.news/news/celebs/only-fools-horses-heres-what-21703489
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: markburgle on October 01, 2021, 03:02:22 PM
Albert – "It were in 2001. We’d flown into New York to knock down some buildings. She were the most beautiful terrorist I ever seen! She had one finger too many on one hand, one too few on the other. I asked her to marry me. She said no! After all this time, I still fink of her when I hear the phrase '9/11'."

Rodney – "What, ‘cos that’s how many fingers she had?"
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Utter Shit on October 01, 2021, 03:07:23 PM
Remember the episode where Rodney forced Grandad to get a sleeve tattoo depicting all the times he'd shit himself in public.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Gurke and Hare on October 01, 2021, 03:19:52 PM
The gang look so different in HD. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-238p_FX22I)

Stewart Lee's let himself go at 2:12.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: lankyguy95 on October 01, 2021, 03:22:39 PM
Remember when Rodney did a cum and Cassandra made no face.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: JamesTC on October 01, 2021, 04:33:29 PM
Puppet Del Boy falls through the bar and puppet Trigger pulls a face.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: H-O-W-L on October 01, 2021, 05:40:28 PM
Puppet Del Boy recounts the war crimes he committed in Indochina, before Puppet Uncle Albert stops him and asks "Jurindawoah?" to which Del Boy stares directly down the camera lens and menacingly answers: "No."
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: franticplanet on October 01, 2021, 07:09:54 PM
Rodney pushes his arm all the way up Puppet Uncle Albert's ar-- wait, no, that's the real Uncle Albert. And he's gone right up. Can't even see his elbow.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 01, 2021, 07:45:55 PM
No wonder the poor bastard fell down the stairs.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on October 02, 2021, 12:52:54 AM
Those puppets are impressive but mildly unsettling. Del looks like Tony Booth.

Itza Puppet, obviously a nod to Brian Conley (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or8rKW6S3pU)... and lo! They actually have a Brian "pah-peh!":

(https://i.imgur.com/tWV5FW3.jpg)
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on October 03, 2021, 09:33:39 AM
Remember when Dr Who and Del Boy were in Amsterdam at the same time?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7nhewN9Eac

OFAH bloopers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBs7ofVfawQ
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Glebe on October 07, 2021, 10:23:42 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/UU2zFer.jpg)

Peter Bowles has let himself go.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: mrClaypole on October 07, 2021, 10:42:35 PM
Remember that episode.  It was the comeback xmas special in 2000 watched by one billion people in the uk alone.  It involved a hilarious gravy boat mix up where uncle Albert got the jar with the gravy in mixed up with the jar containing Cassandra's unsuccessful uterus and had it poured all over the dinner of Damians real dad.  The devil himself.
The episode ended with Uncle Albert being beaten slowly too death by the unborn children Cass failed to carry to full term.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Captain Z on October 07, 2021, 11:42:51 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/UU2zFer.jpg)

Hitler has let his moustache grow.
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: idunnosomename on October 08, 2021, 12:00:30 AM
Stick der Juden in no maybe not
Title: Re: Only Fools and Horses
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on October 08, 2021, 12:05:56 AM
Horrendous broken glass comment also possible.