Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => General Bullshit => Topic started by: Theremin on July 30, 2021, 10:50:19 AM

Title: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Theremin on July 30, 2021, 10:50:19 AM
Jobs, eh!

The furlough tap is about to be switched off, so I'm jumping back into the world of job hunting.

Feeling a bit rusty, folks. Been about 7 years since I last interviewed or wrote a cover letter.

Applying atm to work in a lovely government-funded arts organisation, in a field I have loads of experience in. The catch? It's in my second language.

Any tips? Besides offer to suck them off
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: thundarrshirt on July 30, 2021, 11:26:37 AM
Offer to suck them off in your second language
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Butchers Blind on July 30, 2021, 11:48:04 AM
Take a loaded gun into the interview and say, "OK, this is how it's going to go down....".
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Hat FM on July 30, 2021, 11:49:21 AM
Take a loaded gun into the interview and say, "OK, this is how it's going to go down....".

i got a job this way (as a hitman).
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 30, 2021, 12:11:12 PM
Is there anyone you can do a practice interview or two with beforehand, if you haven't been to a job interview for a while?

Have three or four questions ready to ask at the end of the interview. While I wouldn't ask more than three, a fourth might be handy in case one of them is answered during the interview.

Make sure your CV is tailored for the role - if you've done something that's relevant to the role you are applying for, make sure it's on there. Don't go into great detail about part of your previous role being going out and about inspecting art in the community if the current role doesn't require this.

If you are going there by public transport and it's an area you haven't been to for a while, plan out the route beforehand so you don't feel to stressed on the day. Ensure you leave plenty of time for getting there (apologies if this seems patronising).

I hope your interview goes well.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Dex Sawash on July 30, 2021, 12:15:22 PM
(https://cdn.episode.ninja/file/episodeninja/4448327.jpg)
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Hat FM on July 30, 2021, 12:47:05 PM
try to think of times in and out of work when you have:

Gone the extra mile
collaborated to produce a great result
dealt with a difficult situation/person and how you resolved it

also not sure what kind of job it is but try to weave into the interview your awareness and promtion of equality and diversity.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Theremin on July 30, 2021, 02:28:10 PM
(https://cdn.episode.ninja/file/episodeninja/4448327.jpg)

burst out laughing
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Theremin on July 30, 2021, 02:33:03 PM
Thanks for the advice, guys.

Some great stuff as well that I hadn't considered.

If you are going there by public transport and it's an area you haven't been to for a while, plan out the route beforehand so you don't feel to stressed on the day. Ensure you leave plenty of time for getting there (apologies if this seems patronising).

This is spot on, it will be my first time traveling into the capital since the TOTAL FUCKDOWN of last year. Worth taking a chill route as well.


also not sure what kind of job it is but try to weave into the interview your awareness and promtion of equality and diversity.

Good call, it's a nationally funded arts org in a multicultural city.

Luckily, I've worked in theatre long enough to be able to chat on this.

I was tempted to play up being jewish for the diversity points, but digging my teenage kippah out of a drawer seems a bit too much of a Larry David strategy.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Glebe on July 30, 2021, 02:44:58 PM
Best of luck Theremin.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Shit Good Nose on July 30, 2021, 03:02:51 PM
All good advice.

I've only popped in to offer my virtual support, sympathy and empathy as Mrs Nose is going through similar having been made redundant earlier in the year.

I don't think it being in your second language should be much of an obstacle for you though - you calling it your second language suggests you do speak it, so I would say after confirming that it comes down to your ability to do the actual job.  And how well you suck them off
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: rack and peanut on July 30, 2021, 03:04:37 PM
Research the organisation, at least enough to answer a few questions. It's amazing how many people go to an interview knowing nothing about who they're hoping to work for.

Good luck!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on July 30, 2021, 03:09:07 PM
Would also suggest printing out a copy of the job description now (in case it's removed from the website when the application period closes). Highlight the key points and have a look at it every so often, the last time being the day before the interview. If you don't have a printer, save it on your computer.



 
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Hat FM on July 30, 2021, 03:23:45 PM
Research the organisation, at least enough to answer a few questions. It's amazing how many people go to an interview knowing nothing about who they're hoping to work for.

Good luck!

yeah maybe have your question at the end noting a recent development in the company and ask something about that.
re the equality and diversity, i have used (genuine) examples of times i have taken time to assist people with disabilities (disabled, deaf) to ensure that they experience the same level of service as others in attendance.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Jasha on July 30, 2021, 03:47:44 PM
At my last interview got asked "what do you think is the most important quality in an employee?", don't know if they were expecting reliability or attention to quality or safety but I answered don't be an asshole[1]
 1. got the job too
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Malcy on July 30, 2021, 04:26:29 PM
Be prepared for having to make an account with pretty much EVERY FUCKING COMPANY you apply for. And lots of pointless, pain in the arse tasks before your CV is even looked at.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: bgmnts on July 30, 2021, 05:11:18 PM
Be prepared for having to make an account with pretty much EVERY FUCKING COMPANY you apply for. And lots of pointless, pain in the arse tasks before your CV is even looked at.

Basically this, followed by signing up to every recruitment agency and giving them your CV despte telling you they found your cv online.

Jobless for 2 years now but dont care anymore. It'a all shite.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Pavlov`s Dog`s Dad`s Dead on July 30, 2021, 08:20:31 PM
Be prepared for having to make an account with pretty much EVERY FUCKING COMPANY you apply for. And lots of pointless, pain in the arse tasks before your CV is even looked at.
I'm back in the UK now, and accordingly back in the job market. I've had two interviews so far, and for both of them I had to photocopy my ID documents and qualifications to hand in on the day. That's a new thing, isn't it? Is it? I never had to do it before. Anyway, it certainly counts as a PITA task.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: touchingcloth on July 30, 2021, 08:26:08 PM
In my last interview, I didn’t get asked “what are your weaknesses?” like what I had prepared for, but “what would your friends and colleagues say are your weaknesses?”. So be prepared for curveballs, I guess. PREPARE FOR THE THINGS YOU CANT PREPARE FOR CUNT JESUS CHRIST HONESTLY I ASK YOU
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: JesusAndYourBush on July 30, 2021, 11:07:25 PM
Take a loaded gun into the interview and say, "OK, this is how it's I'm going to go down....".

Then put the gun away and suck them off.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: pancreas on July 31, 2021, 12:44:24 AM
I applied for a minor 'leadership' role recently. I didn't get it. I told the … well, 'boss', I suppose … during the feedback that he'd made a mistake by not appointing me, but [by way of attempting to appear conciliatory] that: of course I would say that wouldn't I. He asked why I thought he'd made a mistake, and I explained again why there's no-one who could do it better than me, which turns out to be just obviously true. Anyway he came up with some unconvincing reasons that I hadn't performed as well, which I said I wasn't particularly convinced by and thanks for the feedback but I have things to do.

It is a sort of travesty, really. Nonsense politics getting in the way of me making people's lives marginally better.

I am most irritated because there is this project to measure workloads accurately, that I'd agitated for, and started, and set on a morally and intellectually defensible basis, and then had to spend hours convincing a 'task and finish group' of the merits of the methodology, because they refused to accept its correctness until the third or fourth explanation. This project is now going to be handed over to someone else to develop who hasn't thought about it as much as I have and will do a worse job and take ten times as long to do it. But apparently they have more admin experience.

At least I think I fairly clearly registered my disgust at the decision. What else can you do.

Anyway, the obligatory mindless corporate question was: 'When did you last face a challenging situation and how did you overcome it?' So maybe prepare that one just in case.

Actually that gives me an idea.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: touchingcloth on July 31, 2021, 12:50:28 AM
I applied for a minor 'leadership' role recently. I didn't get it. I told the … well, 'boss', I suppose … during the feedback that he'd made a mistake by not appointing me, but [by way of attempting to appear conciliatory] that: of course I would say that wouldn't I. He asked why I thought he'd made a mistake, and I explained again why there's no-one who could do it better than me, which turns out to be just obviously true. Anyway he came up with some unconvincing reasons that I hadn't performed as well, which I said I wasn't particularly convinced by and thanks for the feedback but I have things to do.

It is a sort of travesty, really. Nonsense politics getting in the way of me making people's lives marginally better.

I am most irritated because there is this project to measure workloads accurately, that I'd agitated for, and started, and set on a morally and intellectually defensible basis, and then had to spend hours convincing a 'task and finish group' of the merits of the methodology, because they refused to accept its correctness until the third or fourth explanation. This project is now going to be handed over to someone else to develop who hasn't thought about it as much as I have and will do a worse job and take ten times as long to do it. But apparently they have more admin experience.

At least I think I fairly clearly registered my disgust at the decision. What else can you do.

Anyway, the obligatory mindless corporate question was: 'When did you last face a challenging situation and how did you overcome it?' So maybe prepare that one just in case.

Actually that gives me an idea.

Me too - I’m going to use reading this post the next time I have to detail a challenging situation I’ve dealt with. Interminable.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: pancreas on July 31, 2021, 12:55:39 AM
Me too - I’m going to use reading this post the next time I have to detail a challenging situation I’ve dealt with. Interminable.

Alright, tl;dr. If people just did what I said instead of invoking whatever confection of thought they are pleased to believe is their own wisdom, then the world would be a better place.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: touchingcloth on July 31, 2021, 01:05:45 AM
Ignore pancreas.

I think a good thing to remember about interviews is to treat them more like a discussion than an exam. The interviewers will have set questions for you, but they’re really trying to see how you think and communicate more than the answers per se. If you draw a blank, don’t be afraid to say so and that you’ll come back to the question later if that’s OK, and if you think of something about an earlier question later on then say so and tell them what you’ve thought of. Err on the side of giving them too much information but without monologuing.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Malcy on July 31, 2021, 02:09:55 PM
I'm back in the UK now, and accordingly back in the job market. I've had two interviews so far, and for both of them I had to photocopy my ID documents and qualifications to hand in on the day. That's a new thing, isn't it? Is it? I never had to do it before. Anyway, it certainly counts as a PITA task.

Yeah and I think it's a bit shit because it makes it seem like they want you for the job so bring your stuff with you to get the process moving quicker. Another new thing to me is holding up your ID/Proof of address next to your face on a Microsoft Teams call.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Mr Farenheit on July 31, 2021, 05:38:11 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/ghNLGNk.gif)
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: flotemysost on August 03, 2021, 01:01:18 AM
Another new thing to me is holding up your ID/Proof of address next to your face on a Microsoft Teams call.

(https://www.otib.co.uk/uploads/profile/photo-12851.jpg)

My team have been recruiting for a new post recently and as the hiring process is all being done remotely, part of the pre-interview whittling-down phase requires the applicants to record themselves answering two or three set questions into their webcam. I thought that sounded fair enough - gives them time to prepare, maybe do a few takes in case of any stage fright or stumbling over words.

Then I was told that actually HR would be sending them a link to a site which starts recording once they press "go" and the questions pop up on screen in timed intervals, no heads up, not even an interview panel to picture naked. Probably quite a standard process, possibly even pre-COVID, but it doesn't sound at all reassuring or arousing.

Anyway best of luck Theremin, it sounds like you're well qualified for this. I always try to get this across in the cover letter in as concise but persuasive a way as possible, addressing any specific qualities/requirements mentioned in the job ad (where possible, showcasing more abstract and interpersonal stuff as well as practical skills or specific experience), but in a way that flows as a convincing argument, rather than sounding too much like a clinical box-ticking list.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 03, 2021, 07:22:44 AM
Ignore pancreas.

I think a good thing to remember about interviews is to treat them more like a discussion than an exam. The interviewers will have set questions for you, but they’re really trying to see how you think and communicate more than the answers per se. If you draw a blank, don’t be afraid to say so and that you’ll come back to the question later if that’s OK, and if you think of something about an earlier question later on then say so and tell them what you’ve thought of. Err on the side of giving them too much information but without monologuing.

I know some interviewers who are essentially rigid procedural thinkers and anyone who asked to come back to a question would be marked down for having made them adjust the process.

Another tip: the interviewers themselves may be awful people
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Theremin on August 03, 2021, 10:20:53 AM
Then I was told that actually HR would be sending them a link to a site which starts recording once they press "go" and the questions pop up on screen in timed intervals, no heads up, not even an interview panel to picture naked. Probably quite a standard process, possibly even pre-COVID, but it doesn't sound at all reassuring or arousing.

Anyway best of luck Theremin, it sounds like you're well qualified for this. I always try to get this across in the cover letter in as concise but persuasive a way as possible, addressing any specific qualities/requirements mentioned in the job ad (where possible, showcasing more abstract and interpersonal stuff as well as practical skills or specific experience), but in a way that flows as a convincing argument, rather than sounding too much like a clinical box-ticking list.

Thanks mate!

Will all the great advice here and some extra help in fleshworld, it's been going swimmingly.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Jasha on August 03, 2021, 10:30:33 AM
Remember, those interviewing you are looking for someone to make their lives easier.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Better Midlands on August 03, 2021, 11:04:09 AM

Then I was told that actually HR would be sending them a link to a site which starts recording once they press "go" and the questions pop up on screen in timed intervals, no heads up, not even an interview panel to picture naked. Probably quite a standard process, possibly even pre-COVID, but it doesn't sound at all reassuring or arousing.

I had to do this last year, there was was about 15 questions fired one after another (no humans involved) and you had upto 60 seconds to prepare each question before you pressed "go", there was no option to rerecord.

I did a shot of vodka before I started and went into smiley/friendly/energetic youtube vlogger mode making sure that I looked directly into the camera lens when answering - I got through to the next round and they said they were especially impressed with my video.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Neomod on August 03, 2021, 11:12:06 AM
My team have been recruiting for a new post recently and as the hiring process is all being done remotely, part of the pre-interview whittling-down phase requires the applicants to record themselves answering two or three set questions into their webcam.

They've been doing this for years..

(https://adamnostalgia.files.wordpress.com/2017/11/vlcsnap-00116.jpg)
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Cerys on August 07, 2021, 01:21:17 AM
I got a job today.  I hope your job turns out to be one that you get, Theremin.  Then we can both have jobs.

Jobs.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Echo Valley 2-6809 on August 07, 2021, 02:01:52 AM
I got a job today.
Congratulations. It's not cleaning the starling shit off Aberystwyth pier is it? (I resigned 2 months ago.)
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Jasha on August 07, 2021, 07:48:27 AM
I got a job today. 

Congratulations, hope it wasn't from Billy Connolly.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Cerys on August 07, 2021, 11:05:50 AM
No actual excrement will be involved.  Unless something really weird happens.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: bgmnts on August 07, 2021, 11:16:52 AM
Congrats to everyone getting jobs!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Sherringford Hovis on August 07, 2021, 01:33:07 PM
(https://media.giphy.com/media/yJfa0UQg4EhYQ/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Glebe on August 07, 2021, 08:49:35 PM
Congrats Cerys!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: chveik on August 07, 2021, 10:16:14 PM
nice one cerys
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Cerys on August 09, 2021, 12:56:13 AM
Thankyou muchly :)
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Malcy on August 16, 2021, 06:16:21 PM
Applied for a job last week and got it today luckily. Application process was quite good for a change. Phone interview followed by some online tests which I thought I did shite on, then a video interview this afternoon where I was told I'd passed with flying colours and could I start next week.

Shortest time between jobs in my life (often years rather than weeks). Lot of perks but it's basically sales which is a path I didn't want to go down again but after the complete fuck up that was my last job I'm looking forward to something new.

I really thought that was me on the dole again for fuck knows how long and with the lesser amount due to next months cuts.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on August 16, 2021, 06:20:55 PM
Well done on the new job, all the best with it.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: bgmnts on August 16, 2021, 06:21:13 PM
Congratulation Malcy!

I didn't know there were cuts next month, interesting time to be dolescum ha!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Malcy on August 16, 2021, 06:26:24 PM
Cheers, I can finally make my escape to a rural property with peace and quiet. Yeah the £20 p/w extra is being taken away again next month so almost a cut of 25%. It kept me and my cat warm last winter where I usually wouldn't have the money to have the heating on as much so it is going to have a big effect.

Pauline will be rubbing her hands with glee!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Malcy on August 16, 2021, 06:28:50 PM
(https://www.otib.co.uk/uploads/profile/photo-12851.jpg)

My team have been recruiting for a new post recently and as the hiring process is all being done remotely, part of the pre-interview whittling-down phase requires the applicants to record themselves answering two or three set questions into their webcam. I thought that sounded fair enough - gives them time to prepare, maybe do a few takes in case of any stage fright or stumbling over words.


I was asked to do one of these last week and didn't bother. I just didn't like the thought of it. Would rather a one to one than recording something to send and it all sounds a bit forced.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Theremin on August 16, 2021, 07:35:46 PM
Congrats Malcy!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Jasha on August 16, 2021, 07:41:39 PM
Applied for a job last week and got it today

Fantastic news

Lot of perks but it's basically sales

No I don't need any double glazing thanks
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Malcy on August 16, 2021, 08:23:28 PM
Fantastic news

No I don't need any double glazing thanks

I can give you a 10% CAB discount.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Malcy on August 16, 2021, 08:24:19 PM
Congrats Malcy!

Any luck your end?
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Theremin on August 16, 2021, 09:25:04 PM
Going good, ta.

Waiting to hear from a few arts jobs, and just got a call from a frantic Vue recruiter looking for a venue manager.

Not sure I'll take it, but nice to be offered.

Anyone know what they're like as a company?
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Cerys on August 16, 2021, 10:25:59 PM
One thing that sucks is when you get a job that pays at the end of the month, but you start it just that little bit too late, so that you end up having a month and a half with not much income because you've signed off your benefits.  Phooey.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: All Surrogate on August 17, 2021, 05:42:29 PM
And you can't charge interest on the unpaid wage either.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Theremin on September 13, 2021, 07:25:13 PM
Finally got a bloody job, lads!

Artsy theatre stuff at a big nice institution in Amsterdam.

Big thanks to all for the advice and stories!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle on September 13, 2021, 07:30:25 PM
Well done!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Echo Valley 2-6809 on September 13, 2021, 07:31:56 PM
Finally got a bloody job, lads!

Artsy theatre stuff at a big nice institution in Amsterdam.

Ping-pong balls provided.

We've got that one out of the way. Congratulations!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: TrenterPercenter on September 13, 2021, 07:48:56 PM
Finally got a bloody job, lads!

Artsy theatre stuff at a big nice institution in Amsterdam.

Big thanks to all for the advice and stories!

Top lad well done!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Twit 2 on September 13, 2021, 08:02:15 PM
I’m applying for jobs at the mo, and wording the personal statement bit against the person spec is fucking soulless. I hate selling myself and I hate writing in the kind of application jargon that seems impossible to avoid, as the person spec is invariably riddled with it. I wish “Just give me the job, I can do it, trust me” was enough.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Glebe on September 13, 2021, 08:06:04 PM
Nice one, Theremin! And best of luck Twit 2!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Malcy on September 13, 2021, 09:02:22 PM
Great stuff Theremin! Hope it all goes well for you.

I’m applying for jobs at the mo, and wording the personal statement bit against the person spec is fucking soulless. I hate selling myself and I hate writing in the kind of application jargon that seems impossible to avoid, as the person spec is invariably riddled with it. I wish “Just give me the job, I can do it, trust me” was enough.

Yeah it's a load of bollocks. The CV should be enough to sell yourself and if they are in any doubt it doesn't take much to have a quick chat with you to know for sure. I fucking detest putting down all that jargon.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Echo Valley 2-6809 on September 13, 2021, 09:17:43 PM
I hate writing in the kind of application jargon that seems impossible to avoid, as the person spec is invariably riddled with it. I wish “Just give me the job, I can do it, trust me” was enough.

Just make up your own jargon like I do
You'll stand out from the other CVs and they'll think you're way ahead of the tronge.

Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Cerys on September 15, 2021, 07:12:22 AM
Finally got a bloody job, lads!

Artsy theatre stuff at a big nice institution in Amsterdam.

Big thanks to all for the advice and stories!

Woohoo!  Many congratulatiothingies!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Cerys on September 15, 2021, 07:18:42 AM
I’m applying for jobs at the mo, and wording the personal statement bit against the person spec is fucking soulless. I hate selling myself and I hate writing in the kind of application jargon that seems impossible to avoid, as the person spec is invariably riddled with it. I wish “Just give me the job, I can do it, trust me” was enough.

Oddly enough, back in the 90s I used that technique when applying for a job as a PA.  I acknowledged in the application letter that it was unorthodox, but that my confidence that I could do the job was well-founded.  And the result?  Cunts never even bothered contacting me!
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Cerys on October 06, 2021, 10:00:24 PM
Being laid off next Wednesday.  Phooey.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Uncle TechTip on October 06, 2021, 11:51:06 PM
Being laid off next Wednesday.  Phooey.

This is upsetting news. I hope you find the market in your sector buoyant. On the other hand, have you considered lorry driving?
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Cerys on October 06, 2021, 11:55:41 PM
Find me a buoyant lorry and we'll talk.
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: Vinnie01 on October 07, 2021, 06:01:59 AM
I got laid off last year from a catering job, this type of job I did too long and resulted in decline with the mental health, after learning about doing jobs that don't make you happy will result in Chronic stress and mental health decline (Currently addressing this with the CPN).
Title: Re: Applying for a bloody job!
Post by: bgmnts on October 07, 2021, 07:16:43 AM
Being laid off next Wednesday.  Phooey.
Early retirement now. The golden years.