Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => General Bullshit => Topic started by: Cheesewogg on September 06, 2021, 09:43:15 AM

Title: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Cheesewogg on September 06, 2021, 09:43:15 AM
 I am at breaking point. yesterday. tenth Sunday lunch, in a row at "that Italian we like" with my partner's family. Her and I are the only people, in our forties, under seventy while this gaggle of drawling pretentious gargoyles repeat the same conversation and same dinner ad nauseum. My girlfriend is happy and contented in their midst - a collection of her Mum, several aunts and uncles and a godmother.

the majority of my family - certainly immediate family, passed away or moved away long ago and I'm just not into this kind of family stuff. My fat, grotesque self is lucky to have my girlfriend, of course. However, I all but snapped yesterday as another geriatric relative offered us a lift in a snail pace car, I said "we're fine walking to the bus" and my girlfriend overruled me.

Sorry to come across as a first-world problem laden knob but how does one get out of this slow-roasting, exquisite torture?
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: robhug on September 06, 2021, 09:48:07 AM
I was furious the last time I was offered a lift too
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: SpiderChrist on September 06, 2021, 09:50:55 AM
My wife's sister is a cunt, and so is her husband. I don't bother with either of them. And you can't make me, neither.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Buelligan on September 06, 2021, 09:58:35 AM
Quote from: Cheesewogg on September 06, 2021, 09:43:15 AM
I am at breaking point. yesterday. tenth Sunday lunch, in a row at "that Italian we like" with my partner's family. Her and I are the only people, in our forties, under seventy while this gaggle of drawling pretentious gargoyles repeat the same conversation and same dinner ad nauseum. My girlfriend is happy and contented in their midst - a collection of her Mum, several aunts and uncles and a godmother.

the majority of my family - certainly immediate family, passed away or moved away long ago and I'm just not into this kind of family stuff. My fat, grotesque self is lucky to have my girlfriend, of course. However, I all but snapped yesterday as another geriatric relative offered us a lift in a snail pace car, I said "we're fine walking to the bus" and my girlfriend overruled me.

Sorry to come across as a first-world problem laden knob but how does one get out of this slow-roasting, exquisite torture?

Thirty years pass like minutes...

Quote from: Cheesewogg on Monday, 6 September 2051
I am at breaking point. yesterday. one thousand five hundred and seventieth Sunday lunch, in a row at "that Italian we like" with my partner's family. Her and I are the only people, in our seventies, over seventy while this gaggle of drawling pretentious gargoyles repeat the same conversation and same dinner ad nauseum. My wife is happy and contented in their midst - a collection our kids, several nephews and nieces and a godchild.

the majority of my family - certainly immediate family, passed away or moved away long ago and I'm just not into this kind of family stuff. My fat, grotesque self is lucky to have my wife, of course. However, I all but snapped yesterday as another teenaged relative offered us a lift in a snail pace car, I said "we're fine walking to the bus" and my wife overruled me.

Sorry to come across as a first-world problem laden knob but how does one get out of this slow-roasting, exquisite torture?

Wait for death and try not to make a fuss.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Butchers Blind on September 06, 2021, 10:02:44 AM
Seventies? Dead soon.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: touchingcloth on September 06, 2021, 10:06:02 AM
Quote from: SpiderChrist on September 06, 2021, 09:50:55 AM
My wife's sister is a cunt, and so is her husband. I don't bother with either of them. And you can't make me, neither.

My wife is a cunt, and so am I. Families are a welcome respite from ourselves.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Buelligan on September 06, 2021, 10:07:40 AM
You're spot on about your wife, not as bad as your mum though, is she?
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on September 06, 2021, 10:10:01 AM
Quote from: Cheesewogg on September 06, 2021, 09:43:15 AM
I am at breaking point. yesterday. tenth Sunday lunch, in a row at "that Italian we like" with my partner's family. Her and I are the only people, in our forties, under seventy while this gaggle of drawling pretentious gargoyles repeat the same conversation and same dinner ad nauseum. My girlfriend is happy and contented in their midst - a collection of her Mum, several aunts and uncles and a godmother.

the majority of my family - certainly immediate family, passed away or moved away long ago and I'm just not into this kind of family stuff. My fat, grotesque self is lucky to have my girlfriend, of course. However, I all but snapped yesterday as another geriatric relative offered us a lift in a snail pace car, I said "we're fine walking to the bus" and my girlfriend overruled me.

Sorry to come across as a first-world problem laden knob but how does one get out of this slow-roasting, exquisite torture?

What do they do that's so bad? Need more details than just 'stupid woman offered me a lift'

Also is your username a racist slur against the Swiss?
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: touchingcloth on September 06, 2021, 10:12:14 AM
Quote from: Buelligan on September 06, 2021, 10:07:40 AM
You're spot on about your wife, not as bad as your mum though, is she?

My mum is dead, you cunt.

I killed her, because she was more of a cunt than me, my wife, and you combined.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle on September 06, 2021, 10:39:14 AM
Can you not point out some of the traits which annoy you in a jokey non judgemental way?  Rather then just attacking them directly?  If both of you are on the same page about it, she's more likely to realise that this weekly arrangement is very boring for both of you.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 06, 2021, 10:45:34 AM
I think my parents might be the boring ones my partner tolerates but thankfully we aren't seeing them all the time. My mum's world has reduced even further during Covid to 'what I read in The Guardian this week'. Pretty harmless trad intact nuclear family. Two white boomers, three straight childless kids in their mid-late 30s.

By contrast, partner has two mums on a small farm in the middle of nowhere in North Yorkshire, neither of whom are into dull convos. Her biological mum is teetotal but into surprises and practical jokes, goofy tat, films. Non biological mum (washing machine compatible) is into folk music, wine and gardening, and sweary outbursts, normally there's a 'what happened to that fookin' basted!' or such like from the kitchen.

The key is simply not seeing people who you tolerate at best for any longer or more frequent than necessary. Have a grown up convo with your partner and just say you'd like to skip some lunches once in a while to do your own thing.

The only alternative is to drag the conversation on to your turf, or get into one or two things they like.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Buelligan on September 06, 2021, 11:01:51 AM
Quote from: touchingcloth on September 06, 2021, 10:12:14 AM
My mum is dead, you cunt.

Best news I've had week.  And you're off the hook too.  Everyone's happy.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: thenoise on September 06, 2021, 11:07:46 AM
My wife's parents are fucking cunts, decided at the last minute not to turn up to our wedding so my wife had to walk herself in choking back tears.  We've met up exact three times since (in four years), always in public and mega awkward, and had the odd screaming match down the phone.

It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle, and pretty depressing that I've ended up in this kind of situation. Why don't they repress their feelings and binge drink at the weekends and swear at the TV news, like my family do? I much healthier release of emotions.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Butchers Blind on September 06, 2021, 11:14:19 AM
Quote from: thenoise on September 06, 2021, 11:07:46 AM
My wife's parents are fucking cunts, decided at the last minute not to turn up to our wedding so my wife had to walk herself in choking back tears. 

Jeez, they must really hate you!
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: TrenterPercenter on September 06, 2021, 11:16:53 AM
Quote from: Cheesewogg on September 06, 2021, 09:43:15 AM
I am at breaking point. yesterday. tenth Sunday lunch, in a row at "that Italian we like" with my partner's family.

Stop everything here.

10 Sundays in a row is too much once or twice a month for a family get together would seem far more sensible.  If your partner has to see her family every Sunday then I think it's fair enough she goes on her own.  Also don't let this be spun on you as being unreasonable or that "you don't like my family" it's overkill.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: icehaven on September 06, 2021, 11:32:27 AM
My partner's three brothers can be hard work. We all went to a restaurant for one of the brother's birthdays the year before last and by the main course they were constantly play fighting, throwing beermats and napkins at each other and "joke" shouting and swearing at each other. Then one of them hid another one's mobile, causing him to get into a massive tantrum, storming round the table rifling through everyone's coat pockets. This is men in their mid twenties to early 30s, not hyperactive teenagers, but it's like their dynamic hasn't changed since they were bratty kids. My boyfriend didn't get involved and their mum just occasionally said 'oh pack it in' or something similar, which they obviously totally ignored and carried on with the chimp's tea party. It was excruciating. Fortunately we don't all go out very often, it's usually dinner at their mum's so it's not such a public affair, but I'm pulling a sickie if another restaurant trip is suggested, I can't go through that again.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: phes on September 06, 2021, 11:53:53 AM
I can only just about manage regular but infrequent get-togethers with my own, very pleasant, family. Consequently I would not date a 'family orientated' or 'family is everything' person as we would be incompatible and would both be unfulfilled. Sorry if this tip has come too late.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: The Mollusk on September 06, 2021, 12:16:22 PM
OP you sound like a bit of a tit mate but that's just me reading into your bad attitude over what seems like relatively nowt.

Are you forced into this arrangement? Does your partner not know that it's a bit of a chore for you and would they therefore be willing to occasionally make excuses on your absence so you can have the day to yourself?

My fiancée's parents are in their mid-70s and they're both quite isolated and lonely so she tries to get out there once every other weekend at least, but she's never made a point of me always having to be in attendance. Most of the time I'll go though because, you know, it's nice to be nice to people and make an effort isn't it. They're quite curmudgeonly and miserable in their old age so they can sometimes be difficult but it doesn't bother me in the slightest. They're in the last stretch of their lives, these experiences are enriching for them, they can wind down knowing they were in good company, cared about. This stuff is important to them, even if they never say so (older generations often won't), and it kinda seems like you need to suck it up and deal with it.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: bgmnts on September 06, 2021, 12:17:54 PM
Bit shitty of them to offer you a lift out of the blue isn't it? If that's how your partner was raised to behave better off binning her to be honest.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Buelligan on September 06, 2021, 12:20:39 PM
I was thinking the same.  I mean, it's not as if he's ever done something like that to them.  Gas this house of cunts.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: The Mollusk on September 06, 2021, 12:21:58 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on September 06, 2021, 10:10:01 AMAlso is your username a racist slur against the Swiss?

It's (part of) one of the slang terms for Cake that Bernard Manning reads out on Brass Eye. Bit dodge and doesn't really read well out of context. This guy is doing himself NO FAVOURS today.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Chollis on September 06, 2021, 12:22:23 PM
Quote from: bgmnts on September 06, 2021, 12:17:54 PM
Bit shitty of them to offer you a lift out of the blue isn't it?

Yeah that's what stood out most to me, really disgusting behaviour. Solidarity with you OP x
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: holyzombiejesus on September 06, 2021, 12:43:46 PM
I really like my wife's dad, proper old-school bean-munching folky. Wish he'd embrace life's pleasures a little more. Last time he visited us, I met him off the train and told him we were taking him out for dinner  and he said 'on, no need', took a baked potato out of his pocket and took a bite out of it. Every time we meet he tells me how beans will save the world and goes in to all the reasons why. He's right, to be fair, but the spiel gets a bit wearying after the 5th or 6th time. He's in his seventies, works as a gardener, has a couple of 2nd jobs (willow weaver and guitarist in a folk band) and eschews any kind of luxury. He's even tried to decline the sofa when he's visited, attempting to get us to allow him to sleep on the grass outside. There's a big gardening centre near us and we can't take him there any more as he gets really cross, saying that the whole place should be given over to growing food rather than flowers and shrubs for the bourgeoisie. As I say, I really like him but wish he'd let us treat him a bit more.

Wife's mum is also lovely but gets me down. She's nice but just seems to suck the life out of the room. Whether it's 'nursing' half a bitter or singing the Birds of a Feather theme tune, she's like a bad Alan Bennett monologue. She visited with her sister once and we went out and they both incessantly talked about 'the mizzle'. 'Ooh, it's mizzling!', 'look at the mizzle', 'still mizzling!'. They had right wide-ons for the fucking mizzle. That night at dinner I sat on the front door step to eat rather than the dinner table as if I heard one of them say 'mizzle' one more time I would have taken a hammer to them. As I say, she's lovely but a bit tedious. Real 'Sunday night with school the next day' vibes off her.

Wife has two brothers. One is a recovering alcoholic who patronises me even though he's about 15 years younger than me. When we went to his gran's funeral, when we got out of the car at the crematorium, he told me to remember that people were grieving and not to mess around. Cheeky fuck, just 'cause you can't take your drink. Other brother is just odd and really loud. Absolutely no boundaries, loves booze, innuendo-laden conversations with strangers and talking in funny accents. Does my head in.

I feel a bit bad as I have little to no contact with them. I get quite bad social anxiety and haven't been down to visit them with my wife for well over a decade. Brothers are aware that I'd prefer it if they didn't visit so don't any more, and I excuse myself much of the time when her parents come over. They're lovely people though.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Buelligan on September 06, 2021, 12:58:46 PM
Lovely reminiscences HZJ, you've made me want to recount a small anecdote of my own, one of my happier memories.

My father's mother had a really incredibly hard life, god love her, but she saw herself as a lady to her dying day (in the sense that she embraced old fashioned and very strict "good manners" and ladylike behaviour above virtually anything else). 

She was on her deathbed, her sons and sons' families standing quietly around the cheerless hospital room in profound and sorrowful silence.  My cousin, a gay autistic woman with a deep loud voice, announced loudly in the noiseless space - PARDON ME, I FARTED.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: bgmnts on September 06, 2021, 01:09:22 PM
To be fair, a man who refuses spunking money/having money spunked on him on a sit down meal, instead choosing to happily munch on a baked potato, seems like a man who has reached the apex of contentment and experienced every pleasure he desired. A true arhat.

I like him.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Mr_Simnock on September 06, 2021, 03:49:45 PM
I get on very well with my partners family, grand lot.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: TrenterPercenter on September 06, 2021, 03:54:09 PM
Quote from: The Mollusk on September 06, 2021, 12:16:22 PM
OP you sound like a bit of a tit mate but that's just me reading into your bad attitude over what seems like relatively nowt.

Nah ten Sundays in a row TEN, I think regardless of whether you are a highly family orientated person expecting that of your partner isn't fair.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on September 06, 2021, 03:54:50 PM
Quote from: holyzombiejesus on September 06, 2021, 12:43:46 PM

lol this is a great patchwork quilt of pent-up frustration.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: JaDanketies on September 06, 2021, 03:57:18 PM
Can you not get drunk? We've agreed that the partner whose family it isn't is the one who gets first dibs on drinking.  And that's only cos we've got a kid. If we didn't have one we'd be smashed 24/7.

For real advice, I assume you have done that whole 'communication' thing with your partner about your displeasure? If she's not willing to make concessions and let you escape from these interminable meals at least half the time, despite you telling her that you hate them, then fuck your life together, dtmfa
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: touchingcloth on September 06, 2021, 03:59:17 PM
Quote from: TrenterPercenter on September 06, 2021, 03:54:09 PM
Nah ten Sundays in a row TEN, I think regardless of whether you are a highly family orientated person expecting that of your partner isn't fair.

I read "in a row" in the OP as meaning "of the times I have had Sunday dinner with my partner's family, ten in a row have been at the Italian", rather than those necessarily being consecutive Sundays. If this dinner did ten place across ten consecutive weeks, then, yeah, I'd be ready to garotte the fucks with spaghetti and drown them in ragu as well.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Blinder Data on September 06, 2021, 04:01:49 PM
It's one of them sayings but it's true - when you marry someone, you also marry their family (if they like them, that is). My wife is an only child which means I'm more than just a son-in-law to her parents.

OP - I'd echo what everyone has said: speak to your gf about sometimes not going to the Sunday lunch and, if you truly find them insufferable, your engagement with her family more broadly. Otherwise I foresee problems.

Other people's families, eh? We will never understand them.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: AllisonSays on September 06, 2021, 04:13:30 PM
This was a major and ongoing point of contention in my previous relationship; my girlfriend had family living nearby and was very close to them, meaning we spent a lot of time with them, which I didn't really enjoy, although I didn't have any particular problem with them as people. Ironically, I think she has since slightly reassessed some aspects of those relationships and her excessive investment in them, and I've slightly reassessed how I felt about it and decided that some aspects of it were quite nice in terms of feeling grounded and settled in a new city and country. I was being a grumpy prick, which I feel a little bad about now, but it was also definitely an expression of other dissatisfactions in my life at that point.

Me and my current partner have a different problem, which is that both of our families live in different countries than the one we live in, and increasingly I'm realising that we have to plan nearly all of our holidays and breaks around seeing her or my family. Which is a wee bit of a drag, but it's just one of the unavoidable vagaries of life. It's not too bad seeing her family cos they all speak French, which I do largely understand but which equally I find it very easy to tune out of, so the various challenging family dynamics are much less apparent to me than they were with the previous girlfriend.

I used to argue with my own family all the time and find going home a bit of a challenge but I've mellowed out about that in recent years, parents getting older and so on. My brother is a different question but again I'm better now at just keeping schtum.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Ham Bap on September 06, 2021, 04:59:58 PM
My partners family are ok. They're the kind that visit us at the same time every week, Sunday around 3:30pm, when they're on the way back from a drive.
They'll come in say they dont want to intrude, dont sit down, stand there talking for about 10-15 minutes, run up the stairs to see my son. I also have to grab the cat and put him in another room as her mother doesnt like cats.
So they'll storm in, tell us they're not staying, storm from room to room, tell us they dont want to annoy us multiple times annoying us in the process, stand talking in the front of the usually football on the TV, then rush out again.
Its like a whirlwind of WTF was that..

Its like that scene from Life of Brian when the Romans rush in and only find a spoon.

Suppose it could be a lot worse.
TBH they're alright but I consider Sunday 3:30pm one of the worst times of the week when thoughts turn to Monday morning and back to work.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 06, 2021, 05:06:13 PM
They do this every week?

What happens if you want to pop out on a Sunday afternoon? Every week sounds a bit extreme.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Cuntbeaks on September 06, 2021, 05:09:27 PM
A friend of mine had similar issues, but the in-laws would go round their place every Sunday and buy Chinese takeaway. Whether he wanted that or not.

Every Sunday.

He called it The Sunday Circus as they were thick bigoted lumps from Whitehaven. He also christened the Dad, who he got on okay with incidentally, The Mahogany Rapist, due to a deep year-round hue and lothario-esque bantz.

I would look forward to the weekly text rants and updates. Some months later his Mrs went through his phone and read every single bile filled rant.

He moved out that week.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on September 06, 2021, 05:19:25 PM
Ooft.

My dad had a mate/colleague who bought the house next to his mum when he was settling down and getting married. They had to move a couple of miles down the road to put a stop to them popping in as if it were really just an extended wing of their mum's house.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: touchingcloth on September 06, 2021, 05:20:32 PM
Funny what you get used to with families.

My partner and I both get on pretty well with our own parents and with each others', but they both get on our nerves for different reasons.

My parents are perfectly pleasant and generally speaking have a live-and-let-live kind of attitude, but they're high maintenance. If they're staying with us they'll want to eat every meal with us and go out and do "activities" every single day, or take the dog on a walk an hour. Fine when they're around for a day or two having not been here for ages, but starts to irritate if it goes on for much longer. They can't help but witter away with inanities the whole time as well, so if we're trying to watch telly it'll be interrupted with "did you know your brother got a new shed?" or "your grandad has started using Aldi as well as Sainsbury's".

My partner's mum, on the other hand, is much more objectionable than my parents - cranky, anti-vax, racist - but she's much more low maintenance. She can (and has) stay with us for months at a time, but she keeps herself to herself, plugged into her iPad's headphones of an evening as she scours Facebook for more reasons to hate the Muslims, and we can go a day or more without hearing a peep from her.

So for a quick half hour catch up over a coffee my parents take the prize, but if you were choosing who to stay with for a lockdown then it'd be my partner's.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Buelligan on September 06, 2021, 05:23:43 PM
Quote from: Ham Bap on September 06, 2021, 04:59:58 PM
My partners family are ok. They're the kind that visit us at the same time every week, Sunday around 3:30pm, when they're on the way back from a drive.
They'll come in say they dont want to intrude, dont sit down, stand there talking for about 10-15 minutes, run up the stairs to see my son. I also have to grab the cat and put him in another room as her mother doesnt like cats.
So they'll storm in, tell us they're not staying, storm from room to room, tell us they dont want to annoy us multiple times annoying us in the process, stand talking in the front of the usually football on the TV, then rush out again.
Its like a whirlwind of WTF was that..

Its like that scene from Life of Brian when the Romans rush in and only find a spoon.

Suppose it could be a lot worse.
TBH they're alright but I consider Sunday 3:30pm one of the worst times of the week when thoughts turn to Monday morning and back to work.

The we don't want to intrude combined with the regularity, makes me think they would like to see you, their daughter and grandchild regularly.  They just don't know how to sort it.  If Sunday afternoon every week for fifteen minutes doesn't suit you, why don't you suggest starting a monthly thing - lunch and a whole afternoon or something, one week your place, one theirs, or whatever suits.  I think you'd all be happier if you talked about it.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Pancake on September 06, 2021, 05:39:24 PM
Who doesn't love a traditional Sunday Italian you ungrateful sod
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Pancake on September 06, 2021, 05:40:48 PM
I met someone the other day who is raising her family in the house she grew up; her parents built an annex in the garden and moved out to that. I mean I love my family but fuck even living in the same town as them.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on September 06, 2021, 05:45:12 PM
Quote from: Pancake on September 06, 2021, 05:40:48 PM
I met someone the other day who is raising her family in the house she grew up; her parents built an annex in the garden and moved out to that. I mean I love my family but fuck even living in the same town as them.
At least that's basically a granny flat.

Someone on another forum I go to ended up doing a deal with the in-laws where the inlaws flogged their gaff and they all moved into an ex-foster home, it sounded horrific, I think the only real separation is the fact they sit in separate lounges.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: bgmnts on September 06, 2021, 05:45:20 PM
Quote from: Pancake on September 06, 2021, 05:39:24 PM
Who doesn't love a traditional Sunday Italian you ungrateful sod

That's the bit that actually gets me.

Tell the lazy cunts if they want to see you get up early in the morning and put a fucking roast on.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: imitationleather on September 06, 2021, 05:49:38 PM
We solved this, and many other issues, by moving to a city three hundred miles away from our families.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: flotemysost on September 06, 2021, 05:54:26 PM
I glanced at OP and from "that Italian we like" I assumed this was going to be about xenophobic Brexiteer in-laws.

If it's literally every Sunday and you'd like to occasionally do something different or have other plans some weeks, that's not unreasonable, and I'm sure there's a way of bringing that up without causing hurt. However as others have said, the very fact you're invited every week presumably means they want you there and enjoy your company on some level and that's not to be sniffed at.

I was a right ungrateful little shit to some of my own elderly relatives when I was younger, loads of them would really dote on me, but because I basically just found them a bit dull I was terrible at staying in touch, remembering birthdays and stuff like that - not that they ever complained at all, gracious as they were. And now they're gone, and I'm realising that they probably would have really appreciated a bit more effort on my part.

I've never been in anything remotely approaching a serious enough relationship to deal with someone else's parents/family in that context, but presumably that's kind of part of the deal - within reason, but going for a nice meal once a week sounds pretty reasonable.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: bgmnts on September 06, 2021, 05:58:30 PM
Yeah a bit of that above is important, you really do sort of regret not being as active with your family sometimes. I regret not really being as fond of my nan as my bamps as I obviously didn't understand the warped, codependent nature of their relationship and how their alcoholism affected them differently. I think my nan is ace now and I feel she definitely got crushed under the weight of my bamps personality and all that but I wish I had known it earlier and had been more open to a closer relationship with her.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Space ghost on September 06, 2021, 06:01:29 PM
Ten Sundays in a row?

Fuck off!
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: flotemysost on September 06, 2021, 06:05:07 PM
Also I'd try not to see the age thing as a burden, seventies is hardly ancient, and some of the dullest people I've met have been in their twenties and thirties. It sounds like it's more perhaps their attitudes and interests that turn you off, which is understandable  (and also, I think, the mistake I've made with my own relatives, Tory-voting Daily Express readers as some of them were) - is it possible to try and find some common ground? You might be surprised.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: dissolute ocelot on September 06, 2021, 06:16:26 PM
I'm very wary of dating anyone who's too close to their family. You know they have some huge ideal of the perfect family and you will never match up as a couple.

Equally though if your partner spends a lot of time despairing of their family, that can be just as tiresome. Few things are more boring than somebody else's grudge.

The best thing (which I've achieved with the major part of my own family) is to get on well, but not see them too often and not outstay your welcome. You're all adults.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: chveik on September 06, 2021, 06:26:41 PM
given the very limited time of leasure the average working person gets, ten sundays in a row sounds like absolute hell. you need to set up  some boundaries man.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: The Culture Bunker on September 06, 2021, 06:32:54 PM
My wife's family are mostly in Iran, so I'm not likely to ever meet them. In fact, the only relatives of hers I have met is her half-brother, his wife and their son, as they live in Zurich. He's OK - he's a professional artist who basically lives as he pleases, which is fine, but he'll do things like ask "we'll be in Munich on Tuesday, can you make it?" and be surprised that we can't just drop everything to meet up.

Her two younger (21 and 23) sisters live out in California and we're hoping to meet them next Summer. They seem quite lovely and she misses them terribly (not seen them in person for about three years), though I wonder if I'd have anything to say to them. In conclusion, I think myself lucky to be with someone with no family in this time zone.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: thenoise on September 06, 2021, 06:44:31 PM
Next Sunday refuse all food and all drinks but tap water. As the main courses are served, remove a baked potato from your pocket and take a bite.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Big Mclargehuge on September 06, 2021, 07:05:17 PM
Its a trade off with mine and my partners parents. My partners mum is lovely, would give you the shirt off her back and is always up for a laugh, shes not very well more often than not though so she's dependent on a lot of help, meaning that trips to visit her regularly turn into house cleaning sessions that just so happen to feature the mother in law for 10 minutes. my relationship with my partners dad is rocky. We can be civil on visits that are mercifully few and far between and even have a laugh, but he's very much the kind of person who, if he's not in the mood to do something. it wont happen. and that can get seriously cunty, seriously quickly. an example being: (spoilered due to a TW)
Spoiler alert
When his own daughter was on suicide watch, I'd kept round the clock watch on her for 2 days and needed to leave for 30 minutes to go and sort out some shopping and freshen up. I rang her dad to ask him if he'd mind coming over, just for an hour or so or longer if he wanted, to keep an eye on her and maybe catch up as they hadnt seen each other in a couple of months. And he just went "No..." and that was the end of that! I basically had to wait another 6 hours and get my sister to come round while I popped out.
[close]
so yeh...problematic. it also swings the other way too, when his laptop broke a few months ago (at the height of the winter pandemic) He wanted me to fix it, I told him to come round any day after 3pm and i'd sort it for him. he turned up at my house the next day (a work day) at 8am and then acted offended when I refused to answer the door.

my family arnt so rosey either. My partners had a lucky break with my dad who isnt one to mince his words and will happily be an absolute dick to someone he doesnt like for years, until either they leave or he doesnt have to deal with them anymore (the record is 3 years) Luckily my partner gets on with him for the most part, so apart from some rather gallows humour patter they're fine. The missus does however have a rather fractious relationship with my mum. Both of them dont like how the other operate, Both of them feel like the other one doesnt like them and both of them vent their frustrations to me. I've told them more times than I can count to just; speak to each other. But it'll never happen. instead every few weeks one or the other will kick off to me about how they didnt like what the other person did and I've just accepted that this is how things are now. it's the law of "Everybody loves raymond" that now dictates my life.

I get on with her sisters and brothers and vice versa. and the grandparents on all sides (While blunt) are a joy to hang around with. Though Much like OP. they were always the ones that decided the restaurants we'd go to on special occasions and they'd ALWAYS pick a tiny pub in the middle of fucking nowhere that served 3 things, non of which were appitizing and thats it. the pandemic was the greatest thing to happen to my relationship with them because it means I havent spent £30-£50 on a plate of food I dont want now in nearly 2 years. totally worth the death count.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: badaids on September 06, 2021, 07:35:04 PM
Quote from: Pancake on September 06, 2021, 05:39:24 PM
Who doesn't love a traditional Sunday Italian you ungrateful sod

"Up with the whites",
"Down with the reds",
We're fine walking to the bus instead.

We'll get a table with the pretentious gargoyles,
In the same depressing place,
Them and I, face to face.

"Down with the reds",
"Up with the whites",
I spurned a lift home tonight

See you every Sunday, you cunts,
At my partner's family's favorite I-talian restaurant.

I mean I could go on...
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Bently Sheds on September 06, 2021, 07:37:58 PM
Mrs Sheds' sister and her brother in law are awful, awful people. Constantly try and outdo you or contradict you and get the better of you. They're relentlessly competitive with each other and their kid too; picking at each other and bickering as they're constantly point score. It's tiring to be in their company. If they can't outdo you they take the piss, but are the meltiest snowflakes if there's any hint of criticism of them.

They're also so desperate to show how well off they are (despite living on the sick) by boasting about shit they bought. She called us and asked us to put her bins out as she was going abroad on holiday. We pulled up there, bins were on the path and two new cars in the drive. They asked us to go round just to show off their fucking cars.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: TrenterPercenter on September 06, 2021, 08:32:12 PM
Quote from: Cuntbeaks on September 06, 2021, 05:09:27 PM
He called it The Sunday Circus as they were thick bigoted lumps from Whitehaven.

This thread and comment put me in mind of my current travels.

I'm in the lakes and just got back from some pub near Ulverston.  We had a meal there and next to us where four older ladies who were not racist but were having one of the most banal conversations I've ever heard it went like this (all in Lancashire accents).

Woman 1 "So I've decided the only way to go is the vegan way, they said I could take medication for the crystals but I'm allergic to them so there you go"
<long silence>
Woman 2 "Aldi ginger nuts are very good; you'd be surprised how good some Aldi stuff is; they do vegetables also" (possibly passive aggressively taking the piss)
Woman 3 "I went to Aldi once, it was OK"
Woman 2 "the ginger nuts are particularly good"
Woman 4 "Aldi do some some good body lotion, it's like their version of Dove"
<long silence>
Woman 2 "I've tried some of Aldi's shampoo, it's OK"
Woman 3 "I think I bought some shampoo once, from Aldi"
Woman 4 "what about those caterpillar wars though ay?"
Woman 2 "yes, what was his name? Kenneth?"
Woman 3 "I think it were Charles wasn't it"
Woman 2 "Something like that"

I just wanted to stick around to see if Woman 1 suddenly blurted out "I'M DYING OF GOUT YOU CUNTS!" but we needed to get back.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on September 06, 2021, 08:45:11 PM
If Woman 2 is on about Lidl's knockoff of Borders chocolate covered ginger nuts she's bang on the money tbh.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: TrenterPercenter on September 06, 2021, 08:48:30 PM
I suspect they might have been talking about lidl from the caterpillar comment so very possible. 
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on September 06, 2021, 09:16:08 PM
Quote from: The Mollusk on September 06, 2021, 12:21:58 PM
It's (part of) one of the slang terms for Cake that Bernard Manning reads out on Brass Eye. Bit dodge and doesn't really read well out of context. This guy is doing himself NO FAVOURS today.

Two lessons in the importance of providing context in one post

I'm married to a significantly more family orientated person than me, but it works well, as I genuinely enjoy her parents company. I've known them before my partner actually. Moved in with them over the lockdown and it was no bov, never offfered me a lift home once so far
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on September 06, 2021, 09:18:05 PM
Quote from: touchingcloth on September 06, 2021, 10:12:14 AM
My mum is dead, you cunt.


Delighted, did I miss the thread here? Best news since Prince Phillip got better
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on September 06, 2021, 09:22:12 PM
Quote from: bgmnts on September 06, 2021, 01:09:22 PM
To be fair, a man who refuses spunking money/having money spunked on him on a sit down meal, instead choosing to happily munch on a baked potato, seems like a man who has reached the apex of contentment and experienced every pleasure he desired. A true arhat.

I like him.

Yea that's an anecdote of instant endearment
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on September 06, 2021, 09:22:50 PM
Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on September 06, 2021, 09:16:08 PM
Two lessons in the importance of providing context in one post

I'm married to a significantly more family orientated person than me, but it works well, as I genuinely enjoy her parents company. I've known them before my partner actually. Moved in with them over the lockdown and it was no bov, never offfered me a lift home once so far

Sounds like they skipped over the 'lifts' part onto something more intimate tbh.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on September 06, 2021, 09:28:33 PM
Quote from: dissolute ocelot on September 06, 2021, 06:16:26 PM
I'm very wary of dating anyone who's too close to their family. You know they have some huge ideal of the perfect family and you will never match up as a couple.

Equally though if your partner spends a lot of time despairing of their family, that can be just as tiresome. Few things are more boring than somebody else's grudge.

The best thing (which I've achieved with the major part of my own family) is to get on well, but not see them too often and not outstay your welcome. You're all adults.

I spend quite a lot of time taking the much out of my partners mum and dad to her

I wonder if it comes from a place of insecurity about my family of punch drunk ledges from Cwmbran
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Jockice on September 06, 2021, 10:36:16 PM
My girlfriend's sister apparently said at the weekend she 'approves' of me. It's only taken seven years.

Actually when I've met members of her family - which is probably about a dozen times in total - we've got on fine, although I don't think they know quite what to make of me. Her parents are in their 80s, both have dementia and are in a home in Somerset and her brother lives down there too so rarely see them. There's a lot of psychodrama in her family though, most of which I've heard about in full detail on numerous occasions. Only one side though.

As for my family, my parents are long gone but she's met my sister a few times. They had a bit of a fall-out about three years ago, which was my sister's fault for reading and making assumptions about someone else's private post (she's fallen out with her own kids and misconstrued a.comment.on something she shouldn't have read). They've only met once since then and although they got on okay, I have no great urge to bring them together again.

But, as I always say, all families are bloody weird. Every last one.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: poo on September 06, 2021, 10:51:37 PM
They're ok ones a cube
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on September 06, 2021, 11:15:46 PM
Quote from: poo on September 06, 2021, 10:51:37 PM
They're ok ones a cube

Laughed
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Aaron500 on September 07, 2021, 01:24:50 AM
Mrs 500's family are either dead (parents, sister), live in Australia and are not on speaking terms (2 brothers), or live in Leeds but not on speaking terms (other brother).
So I have very little to contribute to this thread as I've never met any of them.

She's probably (definitely) got complaints about my kin,  but not my problem.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Mobius on September 07, 2021, 02:16:49 AM
Been with my partner for 6 years and never met any of her family

Just say no.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Jockice on September 07, 2021, 06:28:02 AM
Quote from: Jockice on September 06, 2021, 10:36:16 PM
My girlfriend's sister apparently said at the weekend she 'approves' of me. It's only taken seven years.

Her parents are in their 80s, both have dementia and are in a home in Somerset and her brother lives down there too so rarely see them.

Her sister meanwhile lives a couple of miles from me, however we've never just bumped into each other, although I had a chance meeting in the city centre with her young adult kids and their partners a couple of years ago. They're okay. But the sister may be moving elsewhere soon after the latest psychodrama that I'm not allowed to tell anyone about. Not even you.

As for my girlfriend's kids, I've always got on well with her daughter, although she's now at the awkward mid-teens stage. The son's four years older and went through a period of ignoring me and walking out of the room when I came in. I think his dad (who I've never spoken to but seems a bit of a prick) may have had something to do with this. I didn't take it personally though and he will say hello to me now if our paths cross. Which they don't often.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Buelligan on September 07, 2021, 08:13:07 AM
EDIT fuck fuck fuck.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: The Mollusk on September 07, 2021, 08:40:10 AM
Something I really enjoy about my fiancee's parents is that they've gone from a life of loving to travel and experiencing the foods and cultures of the world to narrowing their pleasures down to a very rigid set of parameters. They're very knowledgable and open-minded about the world and its various customs that they've experienced throughout their lives but they're now at the age that any new sort of this information to them is a lot more easily ignored.

Her father is really into the guitar, all sorts from Eric "The Cunt" Clapton to Spanish classical stuff. As a birthday present last year I suggested we get him a CD by Derek Gripper (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSIGLpK9aQI), an South African musician who plays Malian classical standards on the acoustic. The dude is incredible, he's ably to deftly play the work of two guitarists on his own and it's really beautiful stuff. This is a GREAT gift, I thought. So anyway the next time we saw him after it'd been delivered we asked him if he liked it and he just said "Nah not really" with almost no further elaboration on why, not even a nod to the expert musicianship if he simply didn't like the music itself. I thought that was awesome. Fair play mate, Gripper in the bin.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Buelligan on September 07, 2021, 08:48:57 AM
Loved it!  Thanks Mollusk, not even my birthday.  :D
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Cerys on September 07, 2021, 09:30:37 AM
SNG's brother was instrumental in me getting a job, so he's on my 'lovely people' list.  Their father is a bigoted, child-beating, spouse-raping bundle of fun, and their mum is in a nursing home as a result of years of alcoholism and domestic violence.  We don't see them very often.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: sevendaughters on September 07, 2021, 08:29:15 PM
Partner's family are a slow-moving bourgeoise car-crash. I liked her dad but he died early last year. The widow (step-mother) drinks all the time and neglects her youngest son and my partner is having to do all the admin and chasing after he understandably flunked school recently. The eldest half-sister has lost contact with all of the family deliberately and - I shit you not - refuses to come back until she has 'perfected her aesthetic'. Horrible post-death estate issues worthy of a mini-series. Money is poison.

Her mum is pleasant-seeming but fairly sure she isn't a fan of me in secret, plus everything she says has a knife hidden behind the back, and her husband is a provincial noveau riche bore who spent years trying to bully Mrs 7D and her full sister into calling him dad. He and Mrs 7D clearly hate each other. Her sister is a wellness-obsessed Instagram yoga narcissist. There's a parade of quite successful aunties and uncles (surgeon, QC, head of psychology for regional NHS) who disappear when the going gets tough. I like her gran a lot, though she would genuinely be happy left alone forever.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Dex Sawash on September 07, 2021, 09:37:58 PM

Wife has 3 brothers, they're all ok. Her mother is a toxic narcissist and nobody interacts with her anymore.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: flotemysost on September 07, 2021, 11:34:52 PM
Quote from: The Mollusk on September 07, 2021, 08:40:10 AM
Her father is really into the guitar, all sorts from Eric "The Cunt" Clapton to Spanish classical stuff. As a birthday present last year I suggested we get him a CD by Derek Gripper (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSIGLpK9aQI), an South African musician who plays Malian classical standards on the acoustic. The dude is incredible, he's ably to deftly play the work of two guitarists on his own and it's really beautiful stuff. This is a GREAT gift, I thought. So anyway the next time we saw him after it'd been delivered we asked him if he liked it and he just said "Nah not really" with almost no further elaboration on why, not even a nod to the expert musicianship if he simply didn't like the music itself. I thought that was awesome. Fair play mate, Gripper in the bin.

Ha, that's amazing, but I also get oddly saddened by the thought of anyone going to the effort of doing or making something nice for other people which then gets roundly rebuffed or ignored.

My dad and his dad were sort of similar though, in that my dad would try to show him films and TV and music he was passionate about, which my granddad would sit through wordlessly, polite to a fault (even through stuff that clearly made him uncomfortable - anything gay, or with lots of swearing, for example), then at the end when asked for his opinion, would say "not my cup of tea, but maybe I'm just too old to get it" and promptly change the subject.

On the subject of partners' families - found out that my brother's partner's dad died unexpectedly this week. I never met him and I don't even know her all that well, but aside from obviously feeling awful for her, I'm also really hoping my bro will be OK. I can't imagine how difficult it must be supporting a partner through a seismic shock like that, they don't live close to her family (or ours, for that matter) so I think initially it'll very much be on him to keep her going.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: thenoise on September 08, 2021, 05:03:17 PM
Quote from: Butchers Blind on September 06, 2021, 11:14:19 AM
Jeez, they must really hate you!

Well that's fair enough. But they hate me more than they love their daughter, which is a bit pathetic.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Tony Tony Tony on September 08, 2021, 06:01:01 PM
My now (happily) ex-in laws were two oddities of the highest order.

Mother in Law once bought me a musical beer stein that played roll out the barrel when picked up as an Xmas present.

Father in law barred my daughter from playing on his lawn in case it 'messed up the grass' and told my son off for leaning on the living room wall as he had 'crushed the wallpaper'.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: monkfromhavana on September 10, 2021, 08:24:01 AM
We're in the process of buying a house, and as my girlfriend's dad gave us some money to help with the deposit we have to provide 6 months worth of his bank statements. My girlfriend reported his responses to me (they're Polish) in all innocence.

"I have to provide 6 months of of bank statements? Really? Full statements? Including me buying......cat litter? Is it possible for me to send partial statement where I am able to not show the transactions?".

Guess I'm about to discover the kinky mores of my prospective father-in-law.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on September 10, 2021, 11:07:39 AM
Quote from: monkfromhavana on September 10, 2021, 08:24:01 AM
We're in the process of buying a house, and as my girlfriend's dad gave us some money to help with the deposit we have to provide 6 months worth of his bank statements. My girlfriend reported his responses to me (they're Polish) in all innocence.

"I have to provide 6 months of of bank statements? Really? Full statements? Including me buying......cat litter? Is it possible for me to send partial statement where I am able to not show the transactions?".

Guess I'm about to discover the kinky mores of my prospective father-in-law.

I have a mate who's an accountant at a uni and deals with taking money out the grant funds etc. He's had lecturers/staff expense hotel rooms with room charges heavily redacted (and not included in the claim) in black marker.

I'd have thought with modern internet, and even fairly ubiquitous 4g, the 'special' channels in hotels would no longer be profitable.
Title: Re: Yer Partners' Families
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on September 10, 2021, 11:50:39 AM
I think my dislike of my wife's family is the one sore spot in our relationship, like a little scab that we pick at now and again and immediately regret. They're fucking annoying though. "Don't believe everything you read in the media," they say, as they forward a link to an article on PRO-LIFE BREXIT NEWS WEB about how asylum seekers can flatten themselves down and get in through the letter box to steal your radiators.