Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => H.S. Art => Topic started by: popcorn on September 13, 2021, 10:59:36 PM

Title: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: popcorn on September 13, 2021, 10:59:36 PM
CONTESTANT: get the crystal
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 13, 2021, 11:00:29 PM
whhuuooarr go up the rope ladder out of the aztec zone, now an advert break
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on September 13, 2021, 11:15:50 PM
Bald contestant: *aside* I can’t wait to get enough gold tickets to win that golfing weekend in Arbroath.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: madhair60 on September 13, 2021, 11:27:03 PM
hello i'm richard o brian you have got to solve the rooms to win crystals you can use in the crystal dome ok guys here we go good luck
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 13, 2021, 11:42:25 PM
hello i am tod chew da pole and i say "let the fans blow" instead of "let the fans begin"
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: pancreas on September 13, 2021, 11:46:30 PM
Mumsy! Get your hand off my penis!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 13, 2021, 11:47:33 PM
spin for about 3 minutes on this disc and fail to get anywhere and then get locked in
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Captain Z on September 13, 2021, 11:49:33 PM
Computer! Can you take away two incorrect crystals, leave the contestant with the correct crystal and one remaining wrong crystal.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: idunnosomename on September 15, 2021, 12:33:27 AM
the pony trekking holiday in Ullswater will be mine!!!!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Glebe on September 15, 2021, 12:44:42 AM
RICHARD O' BRIEN: The Crustal Maaaze!!

MILLENNIALS: What?!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Mr Farenheit on September 15, 2021, 07:28:19 AM
JOGGER JONES wins 3 crystals effortlessly, carries the whole team on his back. Guy's a fuckin crytal machine



Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 08:03:34 AM
NERVILE DRUNE picked for yet another MENTL game


you should see him spzzn out in the pits



GET THE CRYSTAL NERVILE


FUCKN GETS IT.  LIMBS EVERYWHERE



LEGEND
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Dr Rock on September 15, 2021, 08:22:56 AM
The Police - Elle elllo ello what's all this then?
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 15, 2021, 09:46:16 AM
"Where's the crystal???"

"Hidden, mate. Whole point of the game. Win the game first and it'll pop out. Fucks sake."
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: idunnosomename on September 15, 2021, 10:26:29 AM
COME OUT COME OUT
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 10:28:43 AM
SHOUT AT THE CRYSTAL
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 10:29:21 AM
alright that’s 5 seconds in the crystal dome or you can use it to buy out Gus
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 15, 2021, 10:43:53 AM
We started as a team, we'll finish as a team.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: ImmaculateClump on September 15, 2021, 10:44:55 AM
There's a hole there, underneath the crytsal cage. maybe put your cock in there?

I don't think that's what it's there for

It's always worth a try (harmonica solo)

I think that's just the hole the crystal drops out of if you figure out the puzzle?

Is there anything else in there that looks like you might be able to stick your cock in it, chris?

15 seconds, people
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 15, 2021, 10:45:19 AM
Gus grabbing nothing but silver in the scant 15 seconds available. Stuffing them in the box with his chubby claws.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: idunnosomename on September 15, 2021, 11:15:16 AM
GET THE CRYSTAL!!!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Dr Rock on September 15, 2021, 12:21:32 PM
The Police - We 'av hreason to believe that hon these ere premises han hillegal recreation hof the TV show Brighton Belles is taking place contrary to the European Act of Not Doin' Telly Shows Wivout The Proper Papers 1964'

[pulls aside fake beard]

'Heheh viewers- it's not really the police, it's me, Beadles About! Shhh!''
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 12:25:11 PM
I recognise that “shhh” noise
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Dr Rock on September 15, 2021, 12:38:45 PM
'Eh? It was nothing!' (Delivers lethal injection of diamorphine)

'That's it, sleepy-byes Ethel'
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Captain Z on September 15, 2021, 01:50:35 PM
Remember when Ed Tudor Pole broke his ankle running onto the set for the first time?
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: pancreas on September 15, 2021, 01:52:09 PM
Touch the floor again, you cunt, go on, just fucking end your pathetic self. We won't be coming back for you. Ever.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Dr Rock on September 15, 2021, 02:59:43 PM
[Pulls aside other beard]

'Tee-hee, it's not Beadle's About at all really! It's me, Dr Harold Shipman! Now shhhh!!'
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 03:36:21 PM
I recognise that “shhhh” noise
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: pancreas on September 15, 2021, 03:43:04 PM
TO THE RUNCORN SHARTING ZONE!!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Dr Rock on September 15, 2021, 03:44:01 PM
I recognise that “shhhh” noise

'What th? Still alive, but how? Bah this isn't lethal diamorphine I injected you with, it's harmless chip-fat! If anything that will make you stronger! I'd best scarper, eh readers/viewers!'
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 15, 2021, 04:27:20 PM
Remember when they replaced the Industrial zone with a zone set in Trago Mills, Merthyr Tidfil?
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on September 15, 2021, 05:18:46 PM
Right then you fuckers let’s have it: what was the best zone?

Aztec for me, Clive
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: badaids on September 15, 2021, 05:23:41 PM
Richard O’Brien playing the mouth organ except he’s wearing an alien ‘take me to you dealer t-shirt. Other than that exactly the same.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 05:34:04 PM
Richard O'Brien except he has hair and calls himself tutor tudor pole
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: pancreas on September 15, 2021, 05:39:17 PM
Someone glues razor blades to the edge of Richard O'Brien's harmonica and there is a lot of blood. Aztec Zone, so it all ends up soaking into the sand.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2021, 05:51:04 PM
But on the plus side, Xipe Totec is appeased and everyone has a lovely snack of maize.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 05:53:27 PM
OOHHH MUMSY YOU PROMISED ME A CHUPPA CHUP LOLLYPOP IF I WAS A GOOD BOY

ALRIGHT RICHARD AFTER THIS YOU CAN HAVE ONE
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: bomb_dog on September 15, 2021, 06:26:40 PM
Nerrrrrrrr der-ner ner ner
Ner
Ner
Ner
Ner
Ner
45 seconds!

Come out! Come out!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 06:43:32 PM
Nerrrrrrrr der-ner ner ner
Ner
Ner
Ner
Ner
Ner
45 seconds!

Come out! Come out!

Why are they being pulled out of the crystal dome?
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Twit 2 on September 15, 2021, 06:53:41 PM
Interestingly, as in Borges’s Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote, The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes is better than the original The Crystal Maze.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Goldentony on September 15, 2021, 07:25:04 PM
open this door and walk through it
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 07:55:29 PM
open this door and walk through it

Can anyone work out what I need to do
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: bomb_dog on September 15, 2021, 08:25:18 PM
Make a cup of tea.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 08:26:53 PM
I haven’t seen the mary whitehouse experience so I can’t  :(
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Captain Z on September 15, 2021, 08:36:00 PM
Can you see the crystal??
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 08:36:27 PM
No  :(
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Captain Z on September 15, 2021, 08:41:46 PM
What does the sign say?
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 08:49:55 PM
It says:


GO FUCK YOURSELF,
KEITH x
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on September 15, 2021, 09:34:39 PM
What’s on the floor?
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 09:41:20 PM
hay



some metal chains like you get in dungeons




bits of old boat






and a fragment of an aztec zone
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on September 15, 2021, 09:57:38 PM
Can you lift the boat up with the chains? What is the pendulum for?
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2021, 10:05:06 PM
Just come out, come out now.

Come out.

Get out.

Out.

Out!

COME OUT!

GET OOOUUUTTTT!!!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Captain Z on September 15, 2021, 10:06:00 PM
Mumsy keeps on to get those cobwebs off the beams but, I don't know, I think it gives the place a sense of character - A MINUTE THIRTY! - what's he doing in there? What are you doing, man?
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Cuellar on September 15, 2021, 10:11:21 PM
He's not coming...he's not listening! He's not listen..COME OUT
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on September 15, 2021, 10:20:59 PM
Can you reach the sand? You have to get to the sand!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 15, 2021, 10:31:19 PM
The pendulum appears to be rooted to the spot.  Can't sway it
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on September 15, 2021, 10:33:56 PM
You need to use the sand... listen! you need to use the sand on the pendulum. Can you hear me?

No, on the pendulum. On it!




He can't hear me.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: pancreas on September 15, 2021, 10:58:58 PM
Unfortunately, Mumsy's in a bit of funk today. I confessed that I liked Jeremy Corbyn and she said he was a scruff and should be scaring crows in a cornfield. I pointed out she was saying this covered in three layers of unwashed rags and with sick down her front and then she stormed off spluttering something about lèse majesté.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: idunnosomename on September 16, 2021, 09:48:19 AM
GET OUT GET OUT
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 16, 2021, 10:27:01 AM
GET OUT GET OUT

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: idunnosomename on September 16, 2021, 11:44:58 AM
GET THE CRYSTAL
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Cuellar on September 16, 2021, 11:45:41 AM
get out
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on September 16, 2021, 01:18:37 PM
Right well I’m not spending a crystal to get that complete wanker out, he can fucking rot in there frankly.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Glebe on September 16, 2021, 09:15:23 PM
Team has to figure out how to get the crystal. Cheers nice one mate bye arsed cigs.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: badaids on September 16, 2021, 09:35:27 PM

Dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN.  Dun dun dun dun DUN DUN DUN.  Dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN.  Dun dun dun dun DUN DUN DUN.  Dun dun DUN.  Dun dun DUN. Dingle dingle dingle dingle, dingle dingle dingle dingle, Ba ba ba ba bah, ba ba ba ba bah, ba ba ba ba bah dun dun DUN DUN.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Goldentony on September 17, 2021, 12:58:19 AM
hello im crystal maze
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: idunnosomename on September 17, 2021, 01:28:22 AM
ge t he cyrs

taL
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Goldentony on September 17, 2021, 01:39:56 AM
cant get the crysal, im from nottingham, everythings damp
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 17, 2021, 07:17:08 AM
I'd like a mental challenge please Richard.

Right.. build a Rubik's cube out of these heavy blocks of wood with just your arms...Two minutes!

Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 17, 2021, 07:20:21 AM
hello im crystal maze

hiya creystsl maze mate
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on September 17, 2021, 08:41:19 AM
'hey Gus' remember when we dun the crystal's maze on telly? The team are having a reunion bash, d'you wanna come?'

'.... no.'
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 17, 2021, 09:00:42 AM
you won a crystal with the misprint I BEAT GHE CRYSTAL MAS


Liquid O’Brien knows it as well when he’s giving it to you.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: pancreas on September 17, 2021, 10:32:32 AM
Don't fall in the acid!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 17, 2021, 10:33:32 AM
Don't fall in the acid!

Automatic lock-in if you die in real life
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: idunnosomename on September 17, 2021, 11:14:37 AM
Industrial zone you have to drop this battery acid onto a baby without the ombudsman seeing
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 17, 2021, 11:33:52 AM
baby is still attached by umbilical cord to its protesting, gagged mother



I’m going to stick my neck out here and say that this is an unpleasant scenario that doesn’t make me happy






however, the facts of the crystal maze must be recounted for our sanity
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: pancreas on September 17, 2021, 01:51:48 PM
Even if you accepted the necessity of the battery acid to unlock the final gate for the crystal to roll down, the bit where you had to nonce the dangling baby was de trop.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: DangledTeeth on September 17, 2021, 10:23:14 PM
Harmonica: HWuUaRr-EeA-OoOowwWw!

Richard Burton O'Brien (At the lens): David is currently attempting to complete the sensitive atomic device thingy game - the one where you get locked in if you make three sudden movements. YOU'VE GOT ONE MINUTE LEFT!!!! *To the team* Never again will you be capable of love, or friendship, or joy of living, or laughter, or curiosity, or courage, or integrity. You will be hollow. We shall squeeze you empty, and then we shall fill you with ourselves.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: DangledTeeth on September 17, 2021, 10:24:30 PM
Richard Burton O'Brien: Okay, Judith, what game do you want to play in the Medieval Zone?

Judith: I shall select a mental game

Richard Burton O'Brien: A mental game. This one is called team mates shouting at you until you become so tentative you end up losing your entire focus on the task. The clock will commence once the door closes.

The door closes

Judith: Okay... there's plaque on the wall.

David: READ THE PLAQUE

Susan: ALL THE WORDS

Judith: 'The path to the Crystal will open once you solve the puzzle'

Tony: THE PIECE ON THE FLOOR

David: BY YOUR LEFT FOOT

Judith: Wh-wha'?!

David: YOUR LEFT FOOT

Susan: ROTATE IT 90 DEGREES AND SLOT IT IN

Judith: Erm...

DAVID: NO, NOT YOUR FOOT. THE PUZZLE PIECE.

Tony: NEXT TO THE PIECE SHAPED LIKE AN L

David: FUCK! NO, TURN IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

Richard Burton O'Brien (To the lens): If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face—forever.

Harmonica: HWLllLluUaRr-WaAh-EeA-OoOowwWw!

Richard Burton O'Brien: TWENTY SECONDS!!

Susan: COMEOUTCOMEOUT

Judith: Whimper.

Electronic Door in the Medieval Zone: Erh-whhhhrrrrrrrr.

Richard Burton O'Brien: Oh, what a shame, Judith. How many crystals am I holding up?
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: DangledTeeth on September 17, 2021, 10:33:40 PM
Richard Ayoade Burton O'Brien: What are your feelings towards Big Brother?

Tony: I hate it!

Richard Ayoade Burton O'Brien: You can't say that, it's a Channel 4 programme.

Tony: It's alright. It moved to Channel 5 and they stopped the series.

Richard Ayoade Burton O'Brien strides away with his hands behind his back, with a clenched fist cane or whatever
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: DangledTeeth on September 17, 2021, 11:00:06 PM
Richard O'Brien: Well, team, you're all present for the final game inside the large crystal.

The team smirk with pride

Richard O'Brien: Trouble is, you bought your locked-in chums with each crystal you successfully earned. You have one crystal from the Mumsy game, which was the penultimate one. Ergo, you have precisely five seconds to collect as many Kit-Kat and Ferrero Rocher wrappers as you can.

Bridge: BLOOP-BLUP-BLOOP!

Triangular Door: HWWWWEEE-CLUNK!

Whistle: PWEEEP!

Music: Bumbum-ba-baah-ditdit-Bumbum-ba-baah-dibbydibbydibby-de-dong!

Whistle: PWEEEP!

Richard O'Brien: You have collected twelve silvers and no golds. These metallic flappers will pay for your coach home. Don't look dejected, for you have each won a 'I Cracked One Off in The Crystal Maze' mantelpiece occupier. *To lens* I think I can hear Mumsy calling me to massage her old tits. Do excuse me. Watch the credits.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Glebe on September 17, 2021, 11:17:49 PM
CONTESTANT: What are we supposed to do?

RICHARD O' BRIEN: Get in maze get crystal get out grab pound notes.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: idunnosomename on September 17, 2021, 11:54:52 PM
CAN YOU START THE CUM, PLEASE!!

*CUM*
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Glebe on September 17, 2021, 11:56:21 PM
ROCKY HORROR: Get crystal, go out.

CONTESTANT: Alright baldy, we know the rules!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on September 18, 2021, 12:10:04 AM
I am Richard Brain. See me prance.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: DangledTeeth on September 18, 2021, 07:47:04 PM
O'Brien claps his hands and rubs them together

O'Brien: Here we are in the Futuristic Zone. Who wants to take on the Movement-Sensitive Safe game? It's not an 'atomic device' as I previously thought.

Tony: Groan!! Oh no, anything but that.

Susan: I'll give it a go.

O'Brien: The team captain has nominated herself. Really admirable, Susan. You have two minutes to complete the game, and you must not suddenly move or make contact with any objects or else you'll activate a warning light - if you activate three, it's an automatic lock-in. The time starts as soon as the door closes behind you.

Susan raises the safe very slowly and two illuminated circles appear

Team: COMEOUTCOMEOUT

Susan exhales, and the third light is activated

O'Brien: Oh, how unfortunate. I'm sorry, Susan, I'm going to have to l- TO THE CRYSSSSTAAAAL DOOOOOOME
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Mr Farenheit on September 22, 2021, 02:13:22 PM
-Hi everybody, welcome to the Cryst-
-I CLAIM THE GOLDEN CRYSTAL!!!
-haha all in good time. First I'll explain a little bit about the game, give you your jogging suits and-
-GOBLINS IN THE LEVEL!!!
-I'll give you your jogging suits and then you can meet Richard-
-WHO'S READY TO BREAK THEIR BACK FOR THE CRYSTAL KING?! COME ON MATES, LET'S HAVE AT THEM!!!! YEEEAAAAAARGGGHHH!
-now if you ju-
-ONWARD TO CRYTSAL MOUNTAIN!!!! THOSE GOBLINS HAVE OUR CRYSTALS!!!
-YEEEEEEEARRRRRGHHHH LET'S GO!!!
-THEY'RE NOT GOING TO KEEP OUR CRYSTALS!!! FOLLOW ME MATES, WE'LL HAVE WHAT WE ALWAYS WANTED: A DOME OF OUR OWN!!!!
-CRYYYYYYYYYYSTAL
-YEEEEEARRRRGHH!!!
-THERE MATES, THERE STANDS THE GOBLIN KING!!!
-GET HIM!
-COME HERE BALDY! GIVE US OUR CRYSTALS!!!!
-WHERE'S HE KEEPING THEM??
-DON'T YOU SEE? HIS BALD HEAD IS THE CRYSTAL DOME!!!!
-GOBLIN MAGIC!!!
-SMASH IT OPEN!
-SMASH IT!!!!
-YEEEEEEARRRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!
-UURRRGHH
-OOOYAH
-YEAH, WE GOT 'EM
-This is much better than Strike It Lucky
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Mr Farenheit on September 22, 2021, 02:48:42 PM
"What is this, baldy? Some kind of maze?"

(plays Stone Fox Chase (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX02BDEO4xw))
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Norton Canes on September 22, 2021, 03:06:12 PM
Over a hundred golds that's the super prize
Fifty to seventy five golds that's the not so super prize
Eighty to ninety golds that's the not so not so super prize
Seventy five to eighty golds that's the not so super not so super prize
Ninety to a hundred golds that's the not so super super not so super prize
Under fifty golds I will shit in your mouth
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Norton Canes on September 22, 2021, 03:06:55 PM
Minus any silvers
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: ImmaculateClump on September 22, 2021, 03:31:05 PM
"do you know, this is most expensive show on the telly?"

"whaaaa?! but it looks so cheap and shit! Ah well, I suppose you had to build all the sets and everything, and those murder mystery weekends in Lincolnshire don't come cheap. Are the crystals, like ... real crystals?"
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on September 22, 2021, 03:33:45 PM
TEAM CAPTAIN: Wait a second. Those aren't gold and silver tokens. They're fivers!

RICHARD O'BRIEN: Oh, are they? However could they have gotten in there?

TEAM CAPTAIN: Yeah, about a thousand quid's worth. And the moat around the dome seems to be filled with bright green gunge.

RICHARD O'BRIEN: Oh, how bizarre!

TEAM CAPTAIN: And you've shrunk about a foot and grown a tidy beard.

RICHARD O'BRIEN: No, I shouldn't have thought th-

BAILIFF: (Off Set) Oi! Come back here, Edmonds, you've been told before!

*RICHARD O'BRIEN'S BALD CAP FALLS OFF*

EDMONDS: Oh, bollocks.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Replies From View on September 22, 2021, 05:48:35 PM
There’s something very wrong with Noel Edmonds
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Dr Rock on September 22, 2021, 06:47:00 PM
As if by magic, three ravenous T-Rex's appear. And one of then is being ridden by Baby Hitler.
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: badaids on September 22, 2021, 07:14:16 PM

Well done you've collected 12 crystals, under the new timing system that gives you 37 nanoseconds in the Crystal Dome...  good luck!
Title: Re: The Crystal Maze except it’s just The Crystal Maze with no changes
Post by: Captain Z on September 23, 2021, 12:29:20 AM
CRYSTALEERS, STAND BY

And in the crystal dome today the house robots are Sargeant Bash, and Sir Killalot...