LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[Paul Calf]

Shopworn Steve offers Gary and old shoe for £20. "That's a Gucci mate. Barely wore it." Gary is fooled and shells out.

Gary shows it to Daz, who looks impressed. As soon as Gary is gone though, he laughs until he almost pisses himself and takes out his phone, typing to the WhatsApp group...

Hey, lads! I've got another one!...

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary tries to break the world record for holding in a poo.

[Glebe]

"Hey Gary I've found the other Armani Shoe! I'll have to charge you double for it though mate."

"Okay Shopworn Steve you've convinced me! Price is a bit steep to be fair."

"Look Gary mate I'm slitting me own throat here! If you won't take it Pills Mitchell will!"

"Okay then. Hang on it's a Gucci shoe I have though innt?"

"Look don't split hairs mate. Hurry up and give me them readies!"

"There you go mate. Pleasure doing business with you. Wait a minute Steve this is just an old Converse runner! Steve? Steve?"

[Paul Calf]

...later in the WhatsApp chat...

...and it's a FAKE Chuck Taylor...!

[Glebe]

"Fancy roasting some chestnuts Daz?"

"No fear! I don't fancy having my chestnuts roasted Gary ahahahah!"

As a punishment Gary actually does scorch Daz's balls.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary congratulates the Johnsons on their latest child on all his social media channels.

[Glebe]

"KEEP BRITAIN WHITE!"

"Sorry mate this is an anti-mask protest."

"Oh well that's good too! Just gonna text me mate Daz and see if he fancies joining in the violence!"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary pays £500 for a Del Boy impersonator to appear at Steak Terry's wedding and joke about him having a small penis.

[Glebe]

Gary pays £500 for a Del Boy impersonator to appear at Steak Terry's wedding and joke about him having a small penis.

"He was callin' Windrush Warren 'Denzil' and everything, hilarious!"

[Glebe]

Gary makes his own Tony the Tiger costume.

"What do you think, Daz!"

"It's greaaaat Gary!"

"Come here you little c*nt!"

Gary starts chasing Daz around the garden dressed in the suit.

[Paul Calf]

Daz 'accidentally' trips and Gary pounces on him roaring.

They wrestle.

Fade to black...

[Glebe]

Daz 'accidentally' trips and Gary pounces on him roaring.

They wrestle.

Fade to black...

Roll credits...

"Rising up, back on the streets..."

[shoulders]

Steak Terry is invited to cut the wedding Steak

[Glebe]

Gary spits mince pies all over Daz's new 8K TV.

[Glebe]

"Gary where's all the festive grub I got bought, the fridge is empty!"

"Fucked it all out Daz, got several slabs of Stella need refrigerating!"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary decides to give Daz's nephew his first pint at age nine years old, before telling Daz's wife "he's not cleaning up all the sick, what's wrong with him, it's only Carling"

[Glebe]

Christmas guilt comes on and Gary makes a dash to the church to confess all his sins to Father Bentos.

[Paul Calf]

"Does he make them pies Gary? Eh? Gary? BENTOS! FRAID BENTOS! DOES HE MAKE THEM PIES GARY?"

Gary hospitalises Daz. Cunt's been a bit too fulll of himself these days and you don't fuck with a man's religion. We'll see how a few weeks sucking his dinner through a fucking straw will do him.

[Glebe]

Gary enlists Volkswagen Ned to help him steal an animatronic Santa and elves from the local shopping centre. Gary is arrested the next day when some rozzers spot the thing on top of his house.

[the Fallen]

Gary's spent all night putting up his Xmas lights on the outside of his gaff, making sure it is quite the festive arrangement

Was a tough choice between a swastika or a cock and full set of balls, but you just can't beat the classics.

[the Fallen]

Gary stares out a wheelchaired and drooling young man with a blank gaze having dinner with his doting father in the Rose and Crown.

So what if there's something wrong with him? Cunt shouldn't be lookin

[the Fallen]

Gary's girlfriend fell for the ol' fart-in-a-wrapped-present gag yet again! Every year

Wait til she smells what he does when he proposes!

[the Fallen]

Gary attempts to woo a young woman minding her own business right there on the street with the tried-and-tested method of loud, obnoxious catcalls

What? How is it 'abusive' if I'm screaming compliments?

[the Fallen]

Gary stares out a wheelchaired and drooling young man with a blank gaze having dinner with his doting father in the Rose and Crown.

So what if there's something wrong with him? Cunt shouldn't be lookin

If he doesn't stop messing there really will be something wrong with the cunt in two minute

And his dad and all

Gary bristles in his puffer jacket, ready

[king_tubby]

Legend Gary's chances of becoming a Tory councillor plummet as he is included centre stage in Shaun Bailey's Covid party picture, lying down in his fucking braces.

[Glebe]

"What y'doing Gary?"

"I'm emailing the council about them broken street lamps."

"But Gary you broke most of them!"

"How do you spell 'street lamps' Daz?"

[shoulders]

Legend Gary takes his administrative role on Facebook group GILFS OF NANTWICH seriously, applying a professional level of scrutiny to proceedings with impartial, irreproachable integrity.

[Paul Calf]

Gary gets his cock out.

[the Fallen]

Gary does an impression of your dad by using a high voice.

[Paul Calf]

Gary mandates 'GAY' as the insult of choice for December.