LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[Paul Calf]

Gary absolutely batters Daz for daring to suggest they get a fairy for the top of the tree. "I'll fucking put YOU up the top of that tree Daz, y'big fairy. Heh. Quite clever that. Battered ya."

Daz awakes with a Christmas tree shoved up his arse.

[Glebe]

"Have an egg nog, Daz. All is forgiven."

"'All is forgiven'?! You're the one who-"

-Have an egg nog, Daz."

[Glebe]

Gary and Daz sit transfixed throughout the whole of Frozen II. Soon as it's over they start getting grumpy. "Oh, they're tired," remarks Heineken Henry before tucking them both in on the couch.

[Glebe]

Daz is spark out on the sofa but Gary is still going strong. He's halfway through the Stella slab, on his second packet of chocolate mallows and is enjoying an all-day Christmas movie marathon.

"Home Alone 2: Lost in New York next! It's the most wonderful time of the year! 'nother packet of Quavers, Daz? Oh yeah I forgot he's dozing bless 'im."

[jenna appleseed]

Garry's drunk all the Christmas booze and is getting a bit larey.
He's now outside Kunt Headquaters dressed as a giant sausage roll threatening to batter Mr. Kunt and all of his gang for daring to insult an innocent sausage roll loving baby.

Daz get biffed for reminding him Ladbaby's actually just a lad like him.

Garry's now demanding a refund for all his Ladbaby merch 'cos he recons he got conned by some "saussage roll nonce pretending to be a baby".

[Glebe]

Daz awakes to find himself wedged in-between the wall and the fridge.

"Morning Daz! While you were asleep I couldn't resist wedging you in-between the wall the fridge!"

"Gary could you please help get me unwedged from in-between the wall and the fridge?"

"No Daz just for a laugh I'm gonna wait till New Year's Day to get you unwedged from in-between the wall and the fridge!"

[shoulders]

Legend Gary kills a few mates in a car crash all because he 'doesn't recognise' the car that was travelling head on towards him (Suzuki Swift) 'as a car'.

[the Fallen]

Gary lazily for the sake of it drags his very keys down the side of Daz's dad's new Xmas Jag / he's entitled to do it fuck his dad's Jag I'm Legend Gary & that's about the face of it

[Glebe]

Gary and Daz have the bitterest argument ever over a Cadbury's stocking selection box.

[Paul Calf]

Legend Gary kills a few mates in a car crash all because he 'doesn't recognise' the car that was travelling head on towards him (Suzuki Swift) 'as a car'.

He climbs out of the wreckage, cracks open a can of Stella and dials Enterprise car rentals...

[the Fallen]

He climbs out of the wreckage, cracks open a can of Stella and dials Enterprise car rentals...

Gary flirts with the Aviva saleswoman.

"I drive fast pet..."

[Glebe]

Gary pulverises Daz and makes him into a human snowman.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

Gary pulverises Daz and makes him into a human snowman.

Thanks to Global Warming, which Gary doesn't believe in, there's no snow to be had.

Instead, Gary uses some cans of expanding foam as Daz desperately huffs and blows to create an air passage before it sets solid.

[Glebe]

Gary is up a tree drinking the Jack Daniels he 'bought' Daz for Christmas.

"Know you hate heights mate so this bottle of JD is getting drained and there is sweet F.A. you can do about it!

[Paul Calf]

Gary explains in detail to Daz what'll happen if he ever tells anyone that Gary had emptied the Jack Daniels out and replaced it with Bailey's

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary and Daz fill Super Soakers full of Coke and spray it into each other's mouths.

[jenna appleseed]

Well they tried to but the coke doesn't dissolve and it's kinda clogged the whole thing up with a lumpy mess.

What a waste of Legend Fuel(tm).

[dex]

Legend Gary discovers emulators on the internet and spends the night quaffing back J20 and playing Doom II

[Glebe]

Gary has become addicted to JDTV. "You know Daz, I was never that keen on Davidson as a comedian/presenter but he really talks a lot of good old fashioned English common sense."

[jenna appleseed]

Legend Gary discovers emulators on the internet and spends the night quaffing back J20 and playing Doom II

Must be an imposter - the real Ledge wouldn't be seen dead drinking 'that girls drink for wussies who can't take their booze'.
"would I Daz?"

[shoulders]

Legend Gary offsets 'chilling with a J20' by punching walls until his fists bleed (straight away).

[Paul Calf]

Daz slips Gary a heroic dose of dimenhydrinate in his New Year toast. Gary sees in 2022 gibbering, crying and pissing his jeans.

[Glebe]

"Happy New Year Daz!"

"It will be when you let me out of the wardrobe Gary y'prick."

[dex]

Owen Jones has his cock and balls sliced off and stuffed in his mouth. His arms are bound tightly behind him and he's about to be shoved off a tall building roof. Ledge has become lucid and is realising this is his best dream ever!

"Ledge? Ledge! Got a cup of tea for you!" Daz smiles warmly and offers the beverage over.

"CUNT!" and the scolding hot tea is in Daz's face.

[shoulders]

Old Land Sign Gary, old Land Sign!


Old Land Sign to you too Daz.

[Glebe]

"How was your New Year's Daz?"

"It was miserable inside that wardrobe Gary."

"At least I let you out, in the end. Have a macaron. Hootenanny!"

[Paul Calf]

No, Gary. Not the Hootenanny. We are better than that.

[jenna appleseed]

"How was your New Year's Daz?"

"It was miserable inside that wardrobe Gary."

"At least I let you out, in the end. Have a macaron. Hootenanny!"

"Didn't you find Narnia, you gayer?

you know, wardrobe = closet = gay?"

Daz finally has enough, totally snaps, punches Garry in the face, stuffs him the wardrobe, while he's too stunned to react, and walks out having locked the door and thrown away the key.

Didn't think he had it in him.

not sure if he was finally pushed into fighting back by the constant homophobic digs, or the threat of being forced to watch Jools Holland.

[Glebe]

DAZ: Look Gary there's a load of cocaine in there!"

GARY: Oh yeah I see it! In I go!

Daz locks the wardrobe.

GARY: It's just fucking snow! Let me out, Daz!

WHITE WITCH: Hello my lad would you like some Turkish delight?

GARY: Only if its laced with drugs!

WINDSOR DAVIES: 'fraid you'll be disappointed, boyo!

[Glebe]

"I'm going to do my own version of Dry January, Daz - Dry Gin January, hahaha!"

"So clever Gary. So clever."