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Have we had a jokes thread in a while?

Started by pancreas, March 08, 2019, 11:09:30 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

phantom_power

I downloaded an app to interpret pop lyrics: Dua Lipa

Pink Gregory

How am I going to get over this albanian pop star who's blocking my path by lying down in front of me?

I suppose I'll have to do-a-leap-a






sorry everyone

Glebe

I'm getting really lazy since I started listening to modern pop... guess I'll have to start trying to Dua Lipa bit more!

ElTwopo

I've never been a 'morning person'.

Which is why I just lost my job as a funeral director.

(NB: This joke doesn't work written down)

the midnight watch baboon

I love to stop for a pastie, but I've found I can only eat the big brand's product!

Seems I've been Ginstertutionalised?!





not sure that's right word usage

Dex Sawash

I ordered a flaming gazpacho and when the waiter brought it to the table everyone yelled out

Spoiler alert

(s)OPA!

[close]

Joe Qunt

Garfeld:
Spoiler alert
What's the deal with Mondays?
[close]

easytarget

Who is John Sullivan's favourite rubbish alternative rock band?

Spoiler alert
Bush Bush Bush Bush Bush Bush Bush
[close]

Dex Sawash


Feeling like letting those guys ejaculate on my face was

Spoiler alert
A mistakke
[close]

Catalogue of ills

The government has announced a breeding program to boost whale numbers. It's called

Spoiler alert
Hump back better
[close]

the midnight watch baboon

Every time I drink cola, I fall asleep.

I think I've got narcoPepsi?!1!

Pavlov`s Dog`s Dad`s Dead

Quote from: . on July 20, 2020, 01:07:49 AMI hope a monorail features at some point.
Not bloody monorails again! Honestly, I swear, some people on this site have a one-track mind.

famethrowa

Guys, I think Tom Cruise's dentist may be a centrist. I overheard him saying "well, the tooth is in the middle..."

shoulders

Did you hear about the elephant who got its trunk more and more stuck trying to reach a penis through some railings?

Trunk cost phallusy

Bennett Brauer

I failed GCSE English. I got an A in histary.

Stigdu

I don't trust stairs.

They're always up to something.

Armed Traffic Warden

They're going to replace a character from The Sooty Show with a Tibetan dog.
- Shitzu?
No, little cousin Scampi

shoulders

I once went to a unpleasant pub called the Fiddle. It really was a vile Inn...


jobotic

What Dallas actor inspired a Chan 'n' Dave song?

Ken Gertcha!val

non capisco

I just heard about Leonardo DiCaprio's 25 year rule. Dirty bastard.

That food is going to be COVERED in bacteria by then.

Pink Gregory

Yo, ah, so ya know it's so hard to keep a horse here in Noo Yoik, so expensive ta fuckin stable it and all the livery, fuhgeddabadit!

Yo but uh, I got a little racket set up so I can feed the muthafucker; I got this friend, this bigshot movie director, and he's a player in the underground horse feeding black market, liddle bit of dis, liddle bit o dat, badda boom!  Keep my horse fed.

Cuz uh, ya know, Martin scores hay, see?

poo


Glebe


jobotic


Vodkafone

Bestiality enthusiast decided it's time for a change. "I just got stuck in a rat"

Glebe

Q: Which blues rock singer was very shrew(d)?

A: 'Vole' Diddley!

famethrowa

Q:Which blues rock guitarist displays a shoddily-made veneer?

A: Brrick clapped-on!

What will it say on the grave of HM King Charles?

Spoiler alert
I told you I was III.
[close]

Artie Fufkin

Quote from: curiousoranges on October 25, 2022, 01:34:29 PMWhat will it say on the grave of HM King Charles?

Spoiler alert
I told you I was III.
[close]

Nice

KaraokeDragon

Knock knock

Who's there?

Maith

Maith who?

Awh thanks!