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March 28, 2024, 08:36:34 AM

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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Blue Jam

In solidarity with Ukraine, Legend Gary buys a packet of Mini Kievs.

Glebe

"Yes lads, how can I help you?"

"We've come up here to Numptyland to carry out our own brand of civilian justice! Daz, the baseball bats... let's teach Gimpsuit Teacher a lesson he'll never forget!"


Glebe

Gary staples Daz to the side of a charabanc bound for Middlesborough.

shoulders

Quote from: Blue Jam on March 09, 2022, 01:09:09 PMIn solidarity with Ukraine, Legend Gary buys a packet of Mini Kievs.

It's Kyiv now Gary

Mini Kyiv

Paul Calf


Fambo Number Mive

Gary leads a campaign to "bring back hopscotch"

jenna appleseed

Puddings Dave thinks it would be better if they brought back butterscotch.

shoulders

Steak Terry has a steak in honour of Ukraine rather than 'Russian food'.

Paul Calf

Gary storms round to Daz's house to make sure he's not hiding any beetroot.

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on March 11, 2022, 08:35:06 AMGary storms round to Daz's house to make sure he's not hiding any beetroot.

"Alright Daz you're in the clear for now. But I'll be carrying out further checks over the coming days!"

As Gary leaves Daz opens a secret compartment beneath his bed. It's Beetroot City down there.

Glebe

Gary hides loads of Qauvers in Daz's underpants.

shoulders

Legend Gary rates the animal kingdom in order of 'chaos factor'.

Glebe

Daz gets Gary Gran Turismo 7 as an early birthday present, in the hope that it'll act as a substitute to Gary's job riding habit. But it doesn't work.

"It's not real Daz. Now you stick on Elden Ring or some gay fantasy shit while I go wreck an Audi."

Paul Calf

Three nights later Daz wakes up at 2am needing a piss. Hearing noises from the living room, he walks in to see Daz, PS5 controller in hand, grinding for an upgraded big end.

Glebe

"My home is open to all refugees, Daz. Just so long as they're white. And up for the craic."

shoulders

Legend Gary plans to make his Ukrainian go Shops

Glebe

It's trousers down on a trip to Bournemouth as Gary moons as he's never mooned before.

Glebe

Gary retcons Daz as a kind of metrosexual hanger-on. "You're not really part of the crew Daz, just a ponce that attaches itself like a limpet hoping to gain some cred."

Paul Calf

"No offence Gary, but you're not exactly Jason Statham yourself are you, mate?"

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on March 15, 2022, 05:39:40 AM"No offence Gary, but you're not exactly Jason Statham yourself are you, mate?"

There is a pause and then the tears come.

"Y'right, Daz. Who am I kidding? I'll never be half as hard as The Stath!"

shoulders

REST IN PEACE BIG MAN

Gary, she was 4 foot 8




.... REST IN PEACE BIG MAN

Glebe

Gary now regrets giving Daz the rest of the speed. Fucker won't shut up!

"We're playing FIFA '22 and we've got Quavers and Wagon Wheels and Stella what more could you want?!"

"Allow it, Daz mate."

Glebe

Gary steals a Ford Mondeo and goes to a Greggs drive-thru.

shoulders

Despite living directly next to a dropbox, Legend Gary 'always insists' couriers deliver his parcels to hand.


Fambo Number Mive

Gary emails Priti Patel calling for nonces in prison to be seen into giant human centipedes. "It would be a massive deterrent and also save on catering."


Glebe

Gary block-books a screening of The Nan Movie. "Half the cinema will be taken up Daz, all the lads will be there... Puddings Dave, Larval Trauma Flashbacks, the lot of 'em!"

Fambo Number Mive

"Best film I've seen since the Fast and Furious marathon" Daz says the next day.

Gary nods.

Glebe

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 19, 2022, 05:15:04 PM"Best film I've seen since the Fast and Furious marathon" Daz says the next day.

Gary nods.

"Don't forget Lesbian Vampire Killers though Daz!"

"Ah yes, Gary. We had the cinema to ourselves too! On all four visits."

Paul Calf

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 19, 2022, 03:45:26 PMGary emails Priti Patel calling for nonces in prison to be seen into giant human centipedes. "It would be a massive deterrent and also save on catering."



"But Gary, even if you ignore the fact that ingesting faeces would cause traumatic pathological infection in the rear two centipeodos, you'd still need to provide enough calories to nourish all three participants. So all other things being equal, it wouldn't save on catering costs at all".

Gary stares at Daz.

"You know, Daz, we've been mates for over two decades but sometimes I think I don't really know you at all."

Fambo Number Mive

Legend Gary gets a job in the control room at Clapham Junction and announces the Wordle answer to furious commuters each day.