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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 19, 2022, 07:16:48 PMLegend Gary gets a job in the control room at Clapham Junction and announces the Wordle answer to furious commuters each day.

In-between that he's doing Blakey impersonations for hours. "I 'ate yoo, commuters!"

king_tubby

Didn't realise Legend Gary played bass in PiL.

Glebe

Quote from: king_tubby on March 19, 2022, 07:46:38 PMDidn't realise Legend Gary played bass in PiL.

"What?! Did somebody say something about pills?"

"Calm down Gary, I've got some ibuprofen here. Not sure if you can get a hit off it but it's worth a shot."

"Cheers Daz, you're a mate!"

Glebe

Gary are Daz are down the local. Daz comes back from the bar looking disgruntled.

"Cheers Daz... what's up?"

"Bloke at the bar called me a 'classic paedo', Gary!"

"Oh did he now? I'll take care of this."

Later, down the police station:

"Alright, son. Your mate Gary went up to the bloke at the bar. Then what happened?"

"He fucking yeet the fucker through a window, blud."

Paul Calf


Glebe

Gary goes smashing the precinct with new character Blud Simple.

Fambo Number Mive

Legend Gary asks Steak Terry for a steak in the shape of Britain.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary runs into Daz's bedroom screaming while dressed as Noseybonk

Captain Poodle Basher

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 22, 2022, 07:57:31 AMLegend Gary asks Steak Terry for a steak in the shape of Britain.

Steak Terry regretfully informs Gary that it's only Ukraine-shaped steaks at the minute but he can get him a slightly off-model 'Denmark' if he likes.

king_tubby

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 22, 2022, 09:39:45 AMGary runs into Daz's bedroom screaming while dressed as Noseybonk

Daz quietly Googles 'Noseybonk'

'Oi Gary, you said you were in your late 20s, like the rest of us.'

shoulders

Legend Gary decries the 'toxic cabal of pure poison' after Borderline Nonce Si and Steak Terry put rat killer in his Heinz cream of tomato and Gary has an 1/8th of his stomach permanently excised.

Glebe

Gary hangs Daz on the washing line to help him "dry off, you're a bit sweaty mate".

Glebe

Gary hijacks a charabanc and drives in through the window of an off-licence in Hull. "Grab what you can, Daz!"

Glebe

"How come Wills & Kate enjoy a luxury trip to the Caribbean while I'm stuck here in Marbella?" complains Gary down the phone to Daz. "Once again it's one rule for the rich Royal Family and another for decent ordinary folk like myself stuck here in the Mediterranean with what I hope is just a really bad case of influenza."

shoulders

Steak Terry tries a 'Steak Tartare'


"This ain't right.


Gal', this ain't right. Whatever it is."

Fambo Number Mive

Legend Gary covers his buttocks with strawberry yogurt but half way through forgets why.

Glebe

Gary goes to Daz's first attempt at stand-up, where Daz makes a crack about Daz's girlfriend. Gary laughs at first but Tracy gives him daggers so he goes up and slaps Daz really hard.

Paul Calf

Sunday morning and Gary's been on the bog for three hours:

"Garold Hartford Legendson, what are you doing in there?" asks his mum.

"Incubating".

Glebe

"I want to be a vessel for peace and love," claims Gary after slapping Daz into next week.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary gets a Netflix deal for his standup show "Land of Hope and Gary".

Glebe

Gary always sits in the middle of the back seat on the top deck of the bus and spreads his legs so nobody can get past.

"This is me throne Daz, driver can't see me back here! I'm up to all sorts!"

"Buses have CCTV in these modern times Gary."

"I'll fuckin' kill them CCTVs!"

"Sigh. 39 years old with two kids."

"What was that Daz?"

"Nothing Gary. This is us."

Glebe

Gary makes plans to become a polygamist "for bit laugh an' that."

Paul Calf

"But Gary, you can't get ONE woman to marr.."

THWOCK

An ambulance is called.

Glebe

Gary gets a job as a policeman but is arrested in the park on his first day.

shoulders

"I was only filming that lad wanking"

Glebe

Quote from: shoulders on March 31, 2022, 07:27:06 PM"I was only filming that lad wanking"

"Don't drag me into it Gary!" protests Larval Trauma Flashbacks.

Bum Flaps

Gary spots a bloke at the bar (still!) wearing a facemask.

"This just won't stand Daz, leave it to me"...

shoulders

Pubes Daz burns down a children's centre 'for Halloween'.

Glebe

Quote from: Bum Flaps on April 01, 2022, 01:23:04 AMGary spots a bloke at the bar (still!) wearing a facemask.

"This just won't stand Daz, leave it to me"...

Slaps him really hard and goes back to his seat yelling "You do NOT wear a face mask in front of my wife! Well my girlfriend. Well okay then Daz. Do you want me to slap him again Daz? Please answer in the affirmative."

shoulders

Legend Gary has a 'teeming' rating where he enters a premises and decides if there's sufficient fanny or not.

For instance, the Exeter Arms in Derby has a teeming rating of Zero.