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March 28, 2024, 07:51:07 PM

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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Beagle 2

Legend Gary explains his chronic hay fever symptoms are actually the result of a "heavy night on the sniff" every day between the months of April and September.

Glebe

Gary goes to Lampedusa with "a heavy cold. See you in three weeks, Daz!"

shoulders

Legend Gary chastises Pubes for yet again calling his dog 'Nelson Mandela'.

I keep telling you Daz: This thing answers only to Nerson Mandera. Nerson Mandera is its name.

Glebe

Gary gets worried about object permanence.

Glebe

Gary is £50 richer after sending all his personal information to Glebe Industries. Call us today!

Fambo Number Mive

Gary does a reverse Neil Parrish, ending up with a tractor website when he was looking for nude women.

jenna appleseed

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on May 03, 2022, 01:47:46 PMGary does a reverse Neil Parrish, ending up with a tractor website when he was looking for nude women.

I was googling that Massive Fergison stunner that filthy website cooked&bombed was going on about and now my hard drives full of photos of tractors?

Fambo Number Mive

A confused Gary drives out to his cousin's farm and parks behind the Valtra before man begins to caress machine.


Glebe

Gary has a penis grafted on.

Paul Calf

"You haven't lived if you haven't wanked in the headteacher's desk drawer, Daz."

"But Gary, we left school 25 years ago."

The Bumlord

Quote from: Glebe on May 03, 2022, 11:24:05 PMGary has a penis grafted on.

To his penis.

Look at these, lads! Weyyyyyyyy

Captain Poodle Basher

Shit-His-Pants Michael is pleading with Daz.

"Daz, can you have a word with Gary? It was my first day in primary, I didn't know where he toilets were, does he have to keep calling me that all these years?"

"Shi..., err Michael mate, more than my life's worth to come between Gary and any monikers he might bestow on people, sorry."

Glebe

Gary is telling everyone that the IRA are running Northern Ireland now. "They won the election, lads!"

shoulders

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on May 03, 2022, 01:47:46 PMGary does a reverse Neil Parrish, ending up with a tractor website when he was looking for nude women.

Very nice

shoulders

'Do you want to pay in Pound Sterling or Euros?' asks the hotel receptionist.

'Neither - I want to pay on card' replies Gary.

Glebe

Gary pays tribute to Dennis Waterman by roughing Daz up "the way Terry used to 'sort out the situation' on Minder". He's crying as he batters Daz.

Glebe

"5PM Gary. Time to get up."

"I get up when I want Daz. Except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the parole officer."

"LEDGELIFE!"

shoulders

Legend Gary changes occupation to Care Giver after his curries puts 4 people in care.

Fambo Number Mive

Daz has spent hours cable tying little wooden boards with NONCE FREE ZONE to every lamppost within two miles.

An embarrassed looking Gary is waiting for him in the living room.

"All right Gary, all done. Not a single pervert shall enter this area."

"Erm Daz, err you know my current bird? The one who you say looks young for her age? She's actually fifteen and ten months. Sorry, can you take down the boards please?"

Daz sighs. Days without a nonce breaching the no nonce zone,zero. But he relies on Gary for his FIFA tutorials. He goes to get the pliers.

Glebe

"Actually Gary I have something to admit. I was on Pornhub and I accidentally saw a video of an underage-"

Daz is eating through a straw for the next six months.

Blue Jam

Gary wraps the red, white and blue Jubilee bunting around his nob.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary and Daz spend several hours trying to make the platinum pudding before just making a trifle instead and having a food fight.

Blue Jam

Legend Gary and Pubes Daz have no amaretto so they use lager instead.

Glebe

"Is this the way to amaretto?"

"Haha... got any garlic bread, Gary?"

Blue Jam

Legend Gary goes into his local, checks out the Jubilee decorations and sneakily replaces a patriotic KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON poster with one saying KEEP CALM AND GARY ON.

The next day he feels guilty and quietly changes it back.

Glebe

There is a trestle table stacked with cans of Stella with a single balloon tied to it on Gary's doorstep.

"O come one! O come all! 'Tis the Jubilee to end all Jubilees! Come proud Anglicans, born on British soil!"

jenna appleseed

Quote from: Glebe on May 18, 2022, 10:41:29 PMThere is a trestle table stacked with cans of Stella with a single balloon tied to it on Gary's doorstep.

"O come one! O come all! 'Tis the Jubilee to end all Jubilees! Come proud Anglicans, born on British soil!"

The balloon floats away with all the booze 'cos it's had enough of Gary's bullshit.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary writes to Sadiq Khan calling for the Metropolitan Line to be renamed the Laurence Fox Line "as we're all sick of the metropolitan elite and their metropolitan line".

Glebe

"Daz, we should abandon these ruined isles and retake the Falklands. We can name it 'New Britannia' and start again, rebuilding our Empire. No darkies will be allowed to into the Falklands, I mean 'New Britannia', and we can remake England in it's true image! 'New Britannia'! 'New Britannia' rule the waves!"

Paul Calf

Daz replies offhandedly, completely distracted by the match on the telly:

"Yeah, but there are a number of flaws in the ethnostatist model. Incursions from other actors uninvested in, or perhaps antagonistic to, the success of an enforced ethnically or racially homogenous nation seem the most immediate concern; we can look to Israel for an example of how this has caused problems in other parts of the world. Additionally, depending on the number of initial participants infrastructure might be a problem but..."

Daz suddenly remembers where he is.

SHIT...