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March 28, 2024, 10:40:38 AM

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I hear you're a pest now, Noel Clarke?

Started by Custard, April 29, 2021, 09:48:55 PM

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The Bumlord

I never walk behind lone women, especially at night. Sometimes I'll alter my route completely to avoid putting the shits up anyone. Again, thought this was the accepted way to behave.

Butchers Blind

Same here regarding crossing the road, and always shout a courteous, "You're ok, I'm not a rapist" to make them more at ease.

pigamus

Quote from: Voltan (Man of Steel) on May 29, 2022, 07:08:00 PMI'm another one who's crossed the road to avoid walking behind a lone female at night. In fact, as I posted in another thread a couple of years ago, to provide further "reassurance" I've made pretend phone calls in a sing-songy voice to try to present myself as the least threatening person around: "Hiya, only me! No, it's Voltan, you silly sausage! Ooh, what are we like!?" etc. It probably makes me sound like a maniac but that's not my intention.

"Mom? Yeah... I think I'm being followed by Duncan Norvelle... no I'm not alright..."

Brundle-Fly

I don't like it at night when you're walking behind a lone woman on the street where you live, and as you near them, you duck into your flat. I'm always worried they might have a quick glance behind and wonder why I've suddenly disappeared, so I noisily jingle keys and loudly shut the door which I suspect pisses off the neighbours no end.

bgmnts

Quote from: bgmnts on May 29, 2022, 12:29:39 PMThankfully i'm a short squat ball of fat and shame so I give off the absolute opposite of threat energy, so I would be able to walk around at night and pass a lone woman without getting maced.

I'm not even joking by the way, one night, two women asked me, a stranger they didnt know on their own in a pub, to look after their drinks while they went outside for a fag.

I'm such a lack of threat I could play up front for Arsenal.

Ferris

I remember one evening where I kept dodging down side streets to avoid following a young woman walking down the street (we were both walking from a big collection of bars to the west of the city).

I kept crossing the road, taking shortcuts, switching to other streets etc until we both sort of realized she kept finding me which probably happened 6 times in 30 minutes, at which point we shared a laugh and kept walking. Turns out she lives about 6 doors down from me.

Mister Six

Quote from: bgmnts on May 29, 2022, 09:26:49 PMI'm not even joking by the way, one night, two women asked me, a stranger they didnt know on their own in a pub, to look after their drinks while they went outside for a fag.

I'm such a lack of threat I could play up front for Arsenal.

Aye, but if you're walking up behind a woman at night, she's not going to know how distinctly unthreatening you are, unless your footstep is some kind of jaunty jig.

jamiefairlie

Quote from: Mister Six on May 30, 2022, 03:15:26 AMAye, but if you're walking up behind a woman at night, she's not going to know how distinctly unthreatening you are, unless your footstep is some kind of jaunty jig.

Even then he could be the infamous jaunty jig footstep killer of lore

The Bumlord

Quote from: Ferris on May 29, 2022, 11:25:15 PMI remember one evening where I kept dodging down side streets to avoid following a young woman walking down the street (we were both walking from a big collection of bars to the west of the city).

I kept crossing the road, taking shortcuts, switching to other streets etc until we both sort of realized she kept finding me which probably happened 6 times in 30 minutes, at which point we shared a laugh and kept walking. Turns out she lives about 6 doors down from me.

If you're not happily married now then this is a sad tale.

Twit 2

Quote from: Butchers Blind on May 29, 2022, 09:17:11 PMSame here regarding crossing the road, and always shout a courteous, "You're ok, I'm not a rapist" to make them more at ease.

I have a friend who actually said this once.

Dr Rock

Hmm. Seems like something a rapist would say.

Lord Mandrake

Morris men never have to engage in this awkward social dance. Makes you think.   

The Guppy

Imagine a morris man plodding after you down a dark alley. Pure horror

Lord Mandrake

Jangling away behind you? Perhaps he's dragging his stick against some railings, Surely a great comfort and reassuring presence.

Thomas

QuoteNorwegian film producer Synne Seltveit claims that Clarke slapped her buttocks during a night out in Glasgow in 2015 and then later sent her an explicit picture via Snapchat.

On her first allegation, Clarke responds with a clear denial: 'I never slapped her bottom and would never have done that.'

But his response to her second allegation is less definite. He claimed that they, along with others, engaged in 'banter' about sex that evening, and says: 'I don't recall sending anything. But if I did, it was in the context of the conversation that we all had. I now know that what I regarded as banter is far from appropriate – and it has taken this experience to understand that.'

A cynical reader might observe that the unprovable (a bum-slap lost to time) has been denied, but the potentially provable (a photo that might still exist) simply 'can't be recalled'.

Quote from: The Guppy on May 30, 2022, 10:25:36 AMImagine a morris man plodding after you down a dark alley. Pure horror

In 2015 I was startled to see a Morris man in full blackface on a bus in Derby.


Attila

Quote from: The Guppy on May 30, 2022, 10:25:36 AMImagine a morris man plodding after you down a dark alley. Pure horror

Need a gif of Mark Heap as the Tin Man (complete with music) here.

Sherringford Hovis

Quote from: pigamus on May 29, 2022, 09:19:15 PM"Mom? Yeah... I think I'm being followed by Duncan Norvelle... no I'm not alright..."

Our Dunc prefers to be chased, not do the chasing - or is that the joke? There's so many subtle layers of nuance to this place now it's been going so long, I can't keep up.



Anyway, I'm worried about my Mum's cousin coz his name is Noel and he seems a nice chap, but nominative determinism is inevitable.

Quote from: pigamus on May 29, 2022, 09:19:15 PM"Mom? Yeah... I think I'm being followed by Duncan Norvelle... no I'm not alright..."

I think I probably give off more of an Alan Carr vibe.

Fishfinger

Quote from: Thomas on May 30, 2022, 10:44:26 AMIn 2015 I was startled to see a Morris man in full blackface on a bus in Derby.

One's nightbus reflection is often a soulful moment.