Cunt of Death Day Jubilation Spectacular

[JamesTC]

Would be great if everybody in the country except for the Queen died on Friday. Imagine the look on her face.

[touchingcloth]

More a "paedophile disguised as a postbox" vibe.

[dissolute ocelot]

The queen was coronated on 2 June 1953. Her father died 6 February 1952. Why is everyone getting the jubilee wrong? It's like the Millennium all over again, to say nothing of Christmas.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I wonder if it's because her days are numbered.

[Butchers Blind]

If any tories are listening, now is the perfect weekend to release some bad news.

[Blue Jam]

The Prince one is surprisingly good? Someone bent the rules there.

This tho

How long has Bernie Sanders been on the throne?

That cocker spangle looks so bemused.

[gilbertharding]

The queen was coronated on 2 June 1953. Her father died 6 February 1952. Why is everyone getting the jubilee wrong? It's like the Millennium all over again, to say nothing of Christmas.

I think they marked the actual Jubilee on 6 February. Shame they didn't try to get the fuckers to have their street parties then though.

[Blue Jam]

I think they marked the actual Jubilee on 6 February. Shame they didn't try to get the fuckers to have their street parties then though.

Doesn't matter, it's gonna piss down anyway.

[gilbertharding]

Doesn't matter, it's gonna piss down anyway.

Oh I seriously hope so. I really really do (see previous post).

The last one (Diamond?) nearly killed Prince Phillip, didn't it?

[shoulders]

The last one (Diamond?) nearly killed Prince Phillip, didn't it?

He pulled through

[Ferris]

Bit of a 'head from Art Attack' vibe.

what the fuck is wrong with british people

[Sebastian Cobb]

It must've taken a while to make that, why didn't their family try and stop them?

[Ferris]

It must've taken a while to make that, why didn't their family try and stop them?

INT a living room, lots of brown paisley and ceramic dogs. A slightly dotty old woman GRAN is sitting atop old copies of the Daily Mail. A young man GRANDSON enters.

GS: hiya gran mate, what are you making?

Gran: a woolen head, depicting a dead solider from 104 years ago - you know, for the post box, like

GS: ah right, festooning a post box with wool, brilliant, but do you think thats enough poppies?

Gran: no youre right grandson mate ill make some more

-FIN-

[Fambo Number Mive]

In better crochet news, the crochet snake that was stolen a week ago in Didcot was found by a seven year old in a bush, allowing for a second Oxford Mail news story.

[Huxleys Babkins]

"Hi nan, any chance you could channel some of that spare time and energy into helping the poorest and most vulnerable in society? What's that? They live better than you do and fritter all their money away on fags and phones? Well, then best get knitting a tribute to a woman who'll never see it and even if she did, she wouldn't give a shit."

[Spoon of Ploff]

YES... HA HA HA... YES!

https://www.nytimespost.com/kent-town-council-bosses-forced-to-take-down-bunting-put-up-to-celebrate-queens-platinum-jubilee/

[Fambo Number Mive]

From the Metro:

There's right royal row going on in the small village of Llanon – and it's all over a scarecrow.

The villagers who live near Aberystwyth in Ceredigion, mid Wales, are unhappy about how the Queen has been depicted in a local Platinum Jubilee celebration.

The bizarre model of Her Majesty shows her sat next to the roadside sitting on the toilet, with a pair of colourful bloomers around her ankles.

She is joined by a soldier and one of her beloved corgis on the ground, and a banner next to her reads: '70 years on the throne.'

But many did not smile at the installation, calling it 'nauseous' and 'disrespectful'.

In other words, it appears one was not amused.

One mum said: 'I drove past it and thought it was a lovely celebration and then I realised what was happening.

'It's quite disrespectful and not something I really want to explain to my children.'...

Calls have now been made to remove the mystery scarecrow – but whether it will stay for the Bank Holiday weekend remains to be seen.

You can see a picture here: https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/jubilee-tribute-queen-elizabeth-compared-24118924

According to Wales Online one person "thought it was Del Boy and Rodney.

The council say it will be removed, commenting "An unauthorised distasteful tribute display has been arranged on council land in Llanon ahead of the Platinum Jubilee Bank Holiday. The display shall be removed"

Be interesting to see what they would have done if it wasn't council land.

[shoulders]

Has your street party been cancelled by Jubilee killjoys?
Please email charlotte.mclaughlin@mailonline.co.uk

Go on...

[Captain Z]

YES... HA HA HA... YES!

https://www.nytimespost.com/kent-town-council-bosses-forced-to-take-down-bunting-put-up-to-celebrate-queens-platinum-jubilee/

Love the extra detail that the party has been moved from the base of the newly-renovated clock tower to a nearby park because they've found that "the concrete is too hard to sit on".

[Fambo Number Mive]

I'm trying to find out about road closures where I am for the Jubillee, can't find information for Oxford but have found information for Berkshire and there are loads of closures.

I feel sorry for disabled people who cannot use public transport trying to get around this week. I presume road closures aren't allowed on bus routes but perhaps expecting buses to run properly isn't deferential enough to the Queen?

If you live in Berkshire, you can see the long list of road closures here, although different roads are closed on different days: https://www.getreading.co.uk/news/reading-berkshire-news/planned-jubilee-road-closures-reading-24117512

[Spoon of Ploff]

From the Metro:

You can see a picture here:

surely the worst thing about this arrangement is the depiction of a hunt saboteur standing behind her having a wank?

[Huxleys Babkins]

One mum said: 'I drove past it and thought it was a lovely celebration and then I realised what was happening.

'It's quite disrespectful and not something I really want to explain to my children.'...

YES, HOW COULD YOUR CHILDREN EVER UNDERSTAND THE IDEA THAT "THRONE" IS SOMETIMES USED AS HUMOROUS SLANG FOR "TOILET"? HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY PUT IT INTO WORDS THAT THEIR TINY MINDS COULD COMPREHEND?

[idunnosomename]

Children famously not familar with humour about going to the toilet

[JamesTC]

Go on...

Just sent this:

Hello Daily Mail,

I was planning a Jubilee Street Party and was enraged to find that some people in my street were protesting. Far be it from me to dictate what other people should think and do, but everybody in this country should be having a party for our beloved Queen, no ifs and no buts.

Jed in number 11 said he didn't see the point in a monarchy. Talking rubbish as usual. He thinks the moon landings happened too. Mark and Sally in number 14 said they were doing their own thing in their back garden but I doubt that is true. Sam in number 6 didn't answer when I knocked the last three times.

I have been planning this party for over a year. I made a portrait of the Queen out of used tooth picks. I bought a platter of meats and shaped them into a corgi (this is the dog the Queen likes). I also tried to make an ice sculpture of the Queen but it melted before I was done and I didn't have any room in the freezer for it anyway.

As your paper so aptly points out every day, we really are going to hell in a handcart. If you can't give just one afternoon to have a party for your leader who asks for nothing in return, what can you give? This country.

Kind Regards,

Reginald Alfred Kia

[Blue Jam]

Glorious sunshine here in Embra. Weather forecast says it's gonna piss down tomorrow afternoon. God hates our gracious queen.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Go on...

Dear Charlotte,

First of all, please let me congratulate you on having the same name as one of Prince William's children. Maybe one day, you could be a princess just like her, but please, for the love of God, don't die in car crash in Paris like her nan.

Anyway, we never bothered even trying to arrange a street party for the Queen because it's all Muslims round here.

Yours,

Martin Grovel

[idunnosomename]

DEAR CHARLOTTE

I DID A SCULPTURE OF THE QUEEN ON HER "THRONE" (TOILET) BUT THE ANTIFA-RUN LOCAL COUNCIL HAS TORED IT DOWN. PLEASE CAN YOU PUT THIS ACT OF VANDALISM ON THE FRONT PAGE? IM SO FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT THIS

GERALDO COPROPHILITES

[dissolute ocelot]

Just got an email from fetish/goth footwear company Alternative Footwear promoting their Jubilee offer. It's only 7% off because they hate our country.

[Attila]

Mr Attila returned home this afternoon from a bike ride that took him through a nearby village...the knitted/crocheted Jubilee themed yarn-bombings...I will see if he'll let me post some of the photos. The Beefeater bollards alone are something else.

[bgmnts]

The British glorification of war as a means of a sense of national pride so fucking disgusts me it makes me want to start a fucking war on the people.

I've learnt nothing.