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March 28, 2024, 10:15:20 PM

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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Fambo Number Mive

Gary umhs and errs while tweeting his favourite right wing talking heads under the table. "Alright Darren, what should I say to my WOKE bezzie about the train strikes?"

Steak Terry then pops in with the Steak of the Day for the lads.

Glebe

"Them rail heads is lovable, benevolent folk, Daz. Lovable, benevolent folk."


jenna appleseed

Mate, they're striking for better pay & conditions on the railway track, not for large rails of cocaine.

(said Thomas).

Glebe

Gary takes the staff of Aldi hostage because they're out of Stella.

Pink Gregory

Quote from: Glebe on June 21, 2022, 01:08:07 PMGary takes the staff of Aldi hostage because they're out of Stella.

Won't settle for Galahad, Daz.  Bloke's name.  No homo.

Glebe

Daz gets a job as a security guard at the BBC and brings Gary along one day for a tour of the studios.

"Gary Lineker, meet Legend Gary!"

"I've heard so much about you!"

He's smiling warmly as he shakes Ledge's hand. "I've really fed Lineker a load of bullshit," thinks Daz.

shoulders

Legend Gary's plan to get around these long, inconveniencing airport delays by

learning to fly
building a plane
stealing a plane
hiring the British Army to replace staff
hiring convicted paedophiles to work unpaid
bullying an Asian in a takeaway to let off steam


All fail

Paul Calf

Quote from: Glebe on June 21, 2022, 04:52:34 PMDaz gets a job as a security guard at the BBC and brings Gary along one day for a tour of the studios.

"Gary Lineker, meet Legend Gary!"

"I've heard so much about you!"

He's smiling warmly as he shakes Ledge's hand. "I've really fed Lineker a load of bullshit," thinks Daz.

Gary is walking away beaming, but his smile falters.

"Hey, Daz...isn't this that cunt that loves all the illegals and that?"

"Oh, no," Daz murmurs...

Glebe

"What was that Gary?"

"-Oh nothing Lineker!" interjects Daz, "He just said he thought that was um an illegal foul on Harry Kane the other day or summit?"

Glebe

Gary falsifies information concerning Daz's citizenship, leading to Daz being shipped off to Rwanda.

Glebe

"Sad really, sitting at home playing PlayStation 5 with y'life."

"Don't be so hard on yourself Gary - I'm doing exactly the same!"

"Yeah I was talking about you, Daz! It's sad when you do it but I am cool!"

"You really wind me up sometimes Gary, you know that?"

"Word of warning then," Gary advises, "Take a deep breath and calm down or you will face my wrath."

Daz backs off. Gary bites into a scotch egg.

Glebe

"What the fuck is that, Gary?!?"

Gary is sitting on the couch with his arm around a large white bird.

"Just thought I'd borrow a swan from the local park Daz! He's got the couch all wet but he's a smashing bloke! Aren't ya, swan-bastard?"

Glebe

"Glad to see the yanks have illegalised abortion. Now American women can't just shoot out babies willy-nilly!"

It takes Daz a good five minutes to digest what Gary has just said.

Glebe

Gary is terrorising the local mini mart with his new Mastiff Dolph Lundgren.

Fambo Number Mive

Ledged Gary manages to annoy his daughter: https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/dads-teen-daughter-dumbfounded-upset-27326871

QuoteIn his post, the man wrote: "My daughter's 18th birthday was yesterday. On the eve of her birthday, my son told me about his idea to smash cake and whipped cream on his big sister's face when she woke up. I thought this would be funny and make my daughter laugh first thing on her birthday, so I agreed to do it with my son.

"I would say my biggest regret here is not telling my wife I knew about the plan.

"My daughter woke up at 8 yesterday and when she first came to the breakfast table, my son and I were waiting. We pounced and we each grabbed a slice of chocolate cake and smeared it onto her face and I yelled happy birthday.

"My wife came to our daughter's rescue and started yelling at me all the while my daughter was just dumbfounded and shocked. My son and I realised we made a mistake and we apologised, and my daughter went to take a shower.

Glebe

^"If she can't take a joke she can fuck off, Daz! She's eighteen now, she can fly the coop the humourless cow!"

Glebe

Gary describes Glastonbury as "just loads of old gay hippies."

Captain Poodle Basher

Quote from: Glebe on June 26, 2022, 04:45:48 PMGary describes Glastonbury as "just loads of old gay hippies."

Daz says nothing but remembers Gary's ill-fated appearance in the comedy tent at the 2009 festival.

"The 3 Garys"

Consisting of Gaz all by himself but with a black hat and white hat which he would don to become Garys 2 & 3.

His act was mainly him telling shit jokes to himself and laughing at his own jokes. Nobody in the audience though. Not even Daz who had gone to watch The Prodigy instead.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary becomes an "auditor" and walks round his neighbourhood sticking his video camera up against businesses' windows and trying to provoke a confrontation.

Glebe

Gary throws Daz onto the roof of a burger van.

jenna appleseed

Gary squishes Daz in between some giant buns to invent the DazBurger.

Glebe

The eec
Quote from: jenna appleseed on June 27, 2022, 12:07:24 AMGary squishes Daz in between some giant buns to invent the DazBurger.

The DazBurger is a huge success and Gary opens a chain of restaurants called 'McLegends'. He will never reveal the secret recipe for his blend of herbs and spices, though it is strongly suspected that spunk is involved.

Bum Flaps

Gary has set up a new Trade Union...the Association of Legendary Workers (AoLW) - it's remit is still unclear.

Gary claims he has 'the quick wit and light touch of Mick Lynch', but so far he's only enrolled three members (Daz, Steak and Bulbous John) via threats of brutal violence.

"I'm a legendary man of the people Dazzer, now give me your subs or I'll picket your face off"

Glebe

Quote from: Bum Flaps on June 27, 2022, 12:52:38 AMBulbous John

Hahaha!!

Think we're gonna be hearing a lot more from Bulbous John!

Bum Flaps

Hey, go easy on Bulbous, he's a Union man now.

Glebe

Quote from: Bum Flaps on June 27, 2022, 01:07:22 AMHey, go easy on Bulbous, he's a Union man now.

He's certainly bulbous!

Fambo Number Mive

Gary can't decide what to watch. TalkTV or GBNews?

Glebe

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on June 27, 2022, 12:36:36 PMGary can't decide what to watch. TalkTV or GBNews?

"Actually Daz I don't fancy intellectual stuff today, just gonna plumb for This Morning."

Glebe

Gary fucks an apple through the local doctor's surgery window daily because, y'know, the proverb.

jenna appleseed

Quote from: Bum Flaps on June 27, 2022, 01:07:22 AMHey, go easy on Bulbous, he's a Union man now.

Thanks, I'd just managed to finally get rid of the Part Of The Union earworms.

Bulbous John enters thread loudly singing the words wrong.