Help me become less shit as a stand-up comedian

[Jockice]

A special mention goes out to Jockice, whose posts have been almost disgustingly inspiring. If you can do it - despite being Scottish and all - then I can do it as well!

You been reading my scripts? There is a joke along these lines in my piece (although I don't mention being Scottish at all. That's for later*)

I do have certain advantages in doing live comedy (although they're definitely disadvantages in real life) in that I can get away with stuff that others arguably wouldn't and I like the sort of material that you don't know if you're supposed to or even allowed to laugh at anyway. So if nobody had laughed at all I wouldn't have been too dissatisfied. I'm just pissed off that my joke about not having a certain disability but being ginger and the one about sounding a bit gay although I'm not got vetoed when I had the professional coaching bit. Not on the grounds of bad taste, just that the mentors didn't think they quite worked. I thought they did but I bowed to their experience and dropped them.

It's all a matter of trial and error. You (and everyone else) can find your own style. You just have to experiment and use what you've got. I probably wouldn't have done unless I was encouraged to.

*I recently wrote a short piece set in Glasgow which I submitted for a night recently. It got rejected, but I'd like to think that it was because the event was in Leeds and it was probably asking too much to find two actors with Scottish accents (or who could at least have done them. Most English people can't) and specific physical characteristics at short notice. Or it may have just been shit. I still think it would go down well further north though so I'm saving it for possible further applications.

Oh yeah, on the subject of rejections, you'll have to get used to them I'm afraid. The first three applications I made all got accepted and I was thinking this is a piece of piss, but I've had plenty of rejections since. A few shortlist jobs, a few 'this is decent but needs working on/isn't suitable for this particular event jobs and a few downright bugger offs. The second solo piece I wrote got the second of these, so I'm going to try and do a better version of that at some point next year. With that one I'm trying to push the 'can we actually laugh at this?' concept even further.

Anyway, that's enough about me. Again. Sorry for rambling but really, this is something I'd never even considered doing until a few months ago and I'm still excited/in a state of disbelief about having done it. Best of luck everyone.

New page people laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well they're not laughing now. Because  I shot them all dead. The cunts.

[Nooses Give]

Do you people really sleep with others just because they are involved in standup comedy some how?  I might get involved myself here. (I won't)

I sure fucking hope they do. Like I said in the OP, I almost managed to get a girl who wasn't ugly by any stretch. I ruined it by holding a longwinded harangue about how much I hate Dutch people (I do) and that Dutch women look like horses (they do).

You been reading my scripts? There is a joke along these lines in my piece (although I don't mention being Scottish at all. That's for later*)

No, but I'd love to if they're available online!

Oh yeah, on the subject of rejections, you'll have to get used to them I'm afraid.

I haven't got laid in two decades so I know everything there is to know about rejection.

Anyway, that's enough about me. Again. Sorry for rambling but really, this is something I'd never even considered doing until a few months ago and I'm still excited/in a state of disbelief about having done it. Best of luck everyone.

Oh, I understand completely, and it makes me feel a bit more normal about my own reaction.

New page people laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well they're not laughing now. Because  I shot them all dead. The cunts.

You have quite a few of those!

Or address one side of the room and deliver the punchline as an 'aside' to the other side?

This one intrigues and confuses me a bit. Do you know of any particular instance where a comedian has done that so that I can look it up to see how they do it?

Do you have any video footage that we could watch, just to give more specific advise?

I'm afraid that I don't, plus I performed and will most likely continue to perform in my native Swedish. Be grateful for that, because even though I can write English fairly well my pronunciation is truly terrible.

[Jockice]

No, but I'd love to if they're available online!

I haven't got laid in two decades so I know everything there is to know about rejection.

Oh, I understand completely, and it makes me feel a bit more normal about my own reaction.

You have quite a few of those!

They're not I'm afraid. Just on my computer. I do have a video of the second time (or first proper time) I did a performance but it can't be shared. I've tried but the settings won't allow it. Otherwise I'd be quite happy to do so. I'm a strange combination of extreme shyness and equally extreme not giving a shitness.

Well I went through 17 years of singledom with the last 13 being completely celibate (and I never had a proper shag in the four years before that. I'd totally lost my mojo. And by that I mean my ability to maintain or more often even get an erection when in a potentially sexual situation) so I know how you feel. You never know what's round the corner. So good luck on that front.

Yeah, I'm with you on that one. There's still a I can't believe I'm actually doing this factor there. And I'm performing my second piece (it's called Inadequates) in front of an audience in a couple of months time. I'll see how that goes. Them may just stop. Who knows?

Ah yes, slight variations on the same gag. I do it in my head all the time anyway but don't often say them out loud cos it gets on people's tits.

Good luck anyway. Be interested to hear how you do.

[Nooses Give]

They're not I'm afraid. Just on my computer. I do have a video of the second time (or first proper time) I did a performance but it can't be shared. I've tried but the settings won't allow it. Otherwise I'd be quite happy to do so. I'm a strange combination of extreme shyness and equally extreme not giving a shitness.

Holla (as the kids say, or at least they did when I was a kid) if you change your mind, I don't think I'm the only one on here who would like to watch.

Well I went through 17 years of singledom with the last 13 being completely celibate (and I never had a proper shag in the four years before that. I'd totally lost my mojo. And by that I mean my ability to maintain or more often even get an erection when in a potentially sexual situation) so I know how you feel. You never know what's round the corner. So good luck on that front.

My boner could be used to penetrate bunkers, the problem is that I'm bonkers and don't know how to act around people. So thank you for your encouragement, I need it.

Yeah, I'm with you on that one. There's still a I can't believe I'm actually doing this factor there. And I'm performing my second piece (it's called Inadequates) in front of an audience in a couple of months time. I'll see how that goes. Them may just stop. Who knows?

Keep going, I say. There's so little in life past age 12 that truly stirs the soul that we need to capture whatever excitement we can get. In a best case scenario we can do it while giving something of value to those around us, too. 

Ah yes, slight variations on the same gag. I do it in my head all the time anyway but don't often say them out loud cos it gets on people's tits.

Good luck anyway. Be interested to hear how you do.

"FAILED SWEDISH COMEDIAN SELF-IMMOLATES ON OPEN MIC NIGHT"

[Red82]

How's it going then? Are you going to book another gig? Keep us posted and allow us to live vicariously through your efforts.

[Norton Canes]

I did my first stand-up at Bright Club last year and it went really well. In fact it was so good, they used a video of my spot to show this year's intake how good they could be.

Only trouble now is, I've no idea how to follow it up. Nothing I come up with seems anywhere near as funny. Essentially I've shot my comedy bolt on the first thrust.

[Nooses Give]

How's it going then? Are you going to book another gig? Keep us posted and allow us to live vicariously through your efforts.

The local scene is small and tricky to navigate, so I don't even know where to turn for another spot, actually. I'll get back to you if something exciting happens.

I did my first stand-up at Bright Club last year and it went really well. In fact it was so good, they used a video of my spot to show this year's intake how good they could be.

Only trouble now is, I've no idea how to follow it up. Nothing I come up with seems anywhere near as funny. Essentially I've shot my comedy bolt on the first thrust.

I had never heard of Bright Club before, very interesting concept. Do you remember if your old stuff seemed as good as it turned out to be from the get-go? Don't discount the possibility that you're being overly critical of the new stuff.