A big egg

[Partridge's Love Child]

This lunchtime I bought the other half an Easter egg.  I'm not sure I've ever actually done this before - I'm sure I usually let her buy herself an egg, and then just give her a couple of quid.  As a result, I don't think I've realised just quite how expensive the ruddy things are.  £2.99.  Despite the fact that there must be some drug in them, because there's something about Easter egg chocolate that is outrageously delicious, this is an outrageous swizz.  In fact, I think comparitively that Easter may be a bigger swizz than Christmas.

Let's take at random the Crunchie egg that is currently sitting at home for me to hypocritically chomp on come Sunday.  Two Crunchies and an egg.  The egg is probably about the same size as three Crunchies, if you think that it's hollow and thin, rather than in a solid bar.  So, five Crunchies at £2.99 - that's just less than 60p per bar - about double the price of a Crunchie normally.

The Christmas chocolate equivalent is the selection box, which retails about the same price, but contains between around 6 and 8 sweet comestibles - around 50p and 33p respectively.  Already Easter is a comparitively dearer affair than Christmas.

Christmas is also a time for full-on celebration - be it celebrating the birth of the Son of God, or, in my case, celebrating Guinness and eating too many pigs-in-blankets.  Easter is down-beat affair - celebrating the resurrection, but also feeling guilty at the fact that the man that invented the tall table (as proven in the pivotal carpentry season in The Passion of The Christ) got pinned to a cross for our benefit.  And he didn't even get an egg.

Oh, ah dunno where this is going really.  I'm just narked at paying £2.99 for a lump of choc.  And it also pisses me off that the chocolate doesn't come inside the egg anymore.

[El Unicornio, mang]

When me and the wife were in England the other week we were in a shop and she goes "WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE!!!?"....."Easter eggs" I told her.
"But they're fucking huge!!!"
Apparently they just don't do Easter eggs in the US, it's all Easter bunnies, neither of which I have ever been able to understand. What do they have to do with Easter?

Mind, there was nothing more exciting when you were a kid than getting a ton of Easter eggs, yum! These days, though, I don't think I could handle eating a whole chocolate huge egg then the two king size Wispa's that come bundled with it and the bag of smarties that are inside the egg. Bleurgh.

[MonkeyDrummer]

Oh, ah dunno where this is going really. I'm just narked at paying £2.99 for a lump of choc. And it also pisses me off that the chocolate doesn't come inside the egg anymore.

Did it ever? I can remember at least 23 Easters and every single egg has been "empty"

[Jaffa The Cake]

I had to pay £4.99 for the After-Eight egg I bought my girlfriend. Bloody rip-off.

[Speciality meat product]

No, i'm not bothered about easter eggs these days. My sister has already told me she doesn't want one, and I don't think my parents are that bothered either. Might just get them one to share, and buy my sister a bottle of the latest fizzy alcopop in the pub on Saturday night.

Everyone's being healthy these days, I wonder if easter sales figures are falling?

[Partridge's Love Child]

Apparently they just don't do Easter eggs in the US, it's all Easter bunnies, neither of which I have ever been able to understand. What do they have to do with Easter?

I've always presumed the egg was a symbol of re-birth, because Jesus rose from the dead.  The bunny, I presume, is a hand-down from the Pagan festivals of this time of year - summat to do with shagging and fertility.  Mix them together and you've got a bunny delivering eggs.  In a basket.

Course, I'm making this all up out of my addled mind, so I'm prolly way off the mark.

[smoker]

Apparently they just don't do Easter eggs in the US, it's all Easter bunnies, neither of which I have ever been able to understand. What do they have to do with Easter?

when jesus was a boy he had a pet rabbit, and on april1st one year joseph put an egg underneath it as a wind-up.

not as good a gag as convincing me the guardian were offering me a job but hey, they were biblical times

[Jaffa The Cake]

On a slightly related note, is anyone else who's ever received a crème egg Easter-egg as gutted as I am to find they don't contain all the gunk of a regular crème egg?

[Speciality meat product]

I was thinking that, as I was stood in the Supermarket queue last night. If the creme egg easter egg was full of the 'gunk', it would be as heavy as a bowling bowl!

[Partridge's Love Child]

You could suck out the filling, then use the cavernous egg to vomit it all back into.

[Gazeuse]

I've never been all that keen on chocolate, so my Mum and Dad each year give me a melon wrapped in silver paper.

[Darrell]

I was thinking that, as I was stood in the Supermarket queue last night. If the creme egg easter egg was full of the 'gunk', it would be as heavy as a bowling bowl!

Yes. I once saw someone floored by having a normal Creme Egg thrown at them whilst they were running.

They're evil, them little eggs!

[Lt Plonker]

I'ma a bit angry this year because, all that chugging diet coke and various alcholic drinks with coke in them, has left me with very sensitive teeth. Eating my eggs this year is going to be painful. I'd rather have the money.

[Cerys]

The word 'Easter' is taken from the goddess Eostre, who was big on birth and fertility.  The original festivities at this time of year were in celebration of the goddess and her tiny minions.  The Easter egg symbolises fertility, and the rabbits I suspect symbolise the rampant orgy of copulation that generally went on at this time.  Which possibly suggests that while European civilisation leans towards life and rebirth, all America wants to do is fuck things up the ass.

[Yeti]

The supermarkets (Sainsburys and Asda) are doing fair sized easter eggs at 5 for £5.  These are not the small shitty ones nor the big ones but they are the fair sized ones.  Im buying these cheap ones and getting certain people two different ones and then the less important people only one.  Ive got my egg priorities sorted.

[Jemble Fred]

The word 'Easter' is taken from the goddess Eostre, who was big on birth and fertility.  The original festivities at this time of year were in celebration of the goddess and her tiny minions.  The Easter egg symbolises fertility, and the rabbits I suspect symbolise the rampant orgy of copulation that generally went on at this time.  Which possibly suggests that while European civilisation leans towards life and rebirth, all America wants to do is fuck things up the ass.

Thanks for saving me the bother Cerys. I was shocked to see the equivalent of shit Izzard 'why is the sky blue?' style stand up creeping in up there. For anyone to presume that any holidays are in any way genuinely connected to Christ is a real shocker in this day and age, surely?

[fanny splendid]

Yeah, what the fuck!

I can remember when Easter eggs were the best thing ever. There were only four kinds of Easter eggs, but they were all great. Now though, there are hundreds of different kinds, yet none of them are any good. Nowadays Easter eggs are just shit. I blame Michael Grade.

I just make my own Easter egg, and It's always better than that cunt, Cadbury's.

[Nearly Annually]

I've never been all that keen on chocolate, so my Mum and Dad each year give me a melon wrapped in silver paper.

Cocoa shunner.

But are you sure it wasn't the other way around? To ease the emotional torment inflicted upon you by your mum and her melons, you feigned chocolate ambivalence ...

I like the noise they make when you snap a bit off. Makes me salivate, like Pavlov's dog.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I've never been all that keen on chocolate, so my Mum and Dad each year give me a melon wrapped in silver paper.

Cocoa shunner.
.

:-)))

Who writes your material Annually?

[Nearly Annually]

Heh, that was rather good wasn't it. Popped out of nowhere just as I was about to hit Submit on an otherwise forgettable post.

[butnut]

Luckily, being single and having to work like a fucker over the next 6 days means that Easter isn't something I'm having to do this year.

I don't think I've ever bought an easter egg, either for me or someone else.

[fanny splendid]

Wait until Tuesday for the cheap leftovers.

[kenneth trousers]

Cocoa shunter?

[Nearly Annually]

Thread reader?

[Gazeuse]

I've never been all that keen on chocolate.

Cocoa shunner.

Bootiful!!!

I like the noise they make when you snap a bit off. Makes me salivate, like Pavlov's dog.

I like that too, but you can do the same thing with celery.

[mr rou-rou]

Pavlov's rabbits more like, salivating over celery, you're not right man!

A woman at work was telling me Easter has become another occasion for the youth to exploit money out of relatives, money instead of eggs, fuck off cunts, Easter is a couple of days off if you aren't religious and a bit of chocolate as a bonus, it's not a fucking tenner in your hand, little shits, stupid lazy arsed relatives,

for some reason that's really put the loft lagging under my foreskin.

...and relax

I remember hearing (maybe seeing) Billy Connolly telling a story about Easter, where him and the wife spent an age making a giant nest in the garden to put the Easter eggs in, claiming to his young kids it was a Dragon's nest.

Now that's a bit of effort, not fucking cash...sorry I'm off again, grrr

[Kawaii Five-O]

On a slightly related note, is anyone else who's ever received a crème egg Easter-egg as gutted as I am to find they don't contain all the gunk of a regular crème egg?

Yes! I was heartbroken the first time I cracked one of them open. The mini crème eggs that came with it were in a little bag next to the big egg in the box, which really got my hopes up. I thought that there must be a reason they hadn't put them inside the egg, like they did with chocolate buttons and that.

I'm dead excited this Easter 'cause Mr Five-O claims to have found a vegan-friendly egg for me, I haven't had an Easter egg for years.

[gazzyk1ns]

Yeah it's weird about the cream egg Easter eggs, isn't it... Cadbury's obviously thought "Nah, nobody wants all that stuff in there, in that kind of volume...". Quite clearly they were wrong, any right-thinking person would love that.

[The Plaque Goblin]

The word 'Easter' is taken from the goddess Eostre, who was big on birth and fertility.  The original festivities at this time of year were in celebration of the goddess and her tiny minions.  The Easter egg symbolises fertility, and the rabbits I suspect symbolise the rampant orgy of copulation that generally went on at this time.  Which possibly suggests that while European civilisation leans towards life and rebirth, all America wants to do is fuck things up the ass.

I heard she was supposed to be able to transform into a large white hare.

I love the way Easter is actually a Pagan word, but then Pagan is itself a Christian one.

EDIT: Oh, I read this today in the current issue of Fortean TImes in an article about some kind of pagan conference:

...Orthodox Western religions are so concerned with the next life, whatever that may be, that they often develop a contempt for this world and its sanctity (the current US attitude to environmental reform is perhaps predicated on an extreme reading of the Biblical privileging of human spirituality over everything else, including the planet which produced us).

A large scale Creme Egg would surely be a wonderful thing to behold.

[Kawaii Five-O]

Yeah it's weird about the cream egg Easter eggs, isn't it... Cadbury's obviously thought "Nah, nobody wants all that stuff in there, in that kind of volume...". Quite clearly they were wrong, any right-thinking person would love that.

To be fair I was five years old, what five-year-old wouldn't be disappointed at not getting several handfuls of edible goo?