Reinforcing my view that people are idiots

[weekender]

I ordered a new CD drive.  After three weeks of being patient, I took issue with the company, and established that it had been delivered - but not to me.  I obtained the name of the person who signed it.  It turns out this person works in the shop I live above - which is fine, they usually take deliveries and pass them on to me.  Not this time.

It transpires that they have signed for a parcel with my name on it, not bothered to check who it's for, and bunged it in their storeroom.  Example of idiocy number 1 - what sort of muppet signs for something without even looking at what it is?  Let alone just flinging it into a storeroom?

Now I have been asking the people in the shop every day if they have received a parcel for me, and everyone has said no.  Therefore someone hasn't realised that there is a parcel for me in their storeroom.  Example of idiocy number 2 - what if it was a bomb or something?  How can you not notice something like that in your storeroom when you go into check the stock or something?

I asked the manager today if they could look in the storeroom.  It wasn't there.  It transpires that they have had a load of new POS delivered, and have taken the old stuff away - can you guess what's happened?  Yes, someone from their Head Office has taken away my nice CD drive, completely unwrapped and addressed to me.  They haven't even bothered to check what they were taking away!  Example of idiocy number 3.

So now I have to wait and see if they can track down my parcel from their Head Office and return it to me.

I therefore propose the theory that there are a load of idiots somehow unassumedly conspiring against me, a theory I have held for some time now.

Are there any examples of sheer idiocy - apart from that thread about which terminal disease you'd like to catch - which really make you wonder about the future of the human race?

[Doctor Stamen]

What shop is it, Numpties-R-Us?

[Rats]

Cheer up, channel 4 are making a fat woman climb into a coffin.

[danielreal2k]

Cheer up, channel 4 are making a fat woman climb into a coffin.

looking at ch4 now it looks like they are pulling a coffin out of her arse

[The Region Legion]

I just heard a news report on Capital Radio that 12,000 (or 1200) paedophiles have been caught since Operation Ore started 2 years ago. They were all caught from their credit card details they used to subscribe to child porn sites - the newsreader went on to say:

"it's thought that over 100 kids have been saved from abuse".

er... how?? They people caught probably never raped a kid or were even likely to, but the websites are still operating, so how have any kids been saved? Idiots.

[king mob]

Yes but what about weekenders hard drive?

[Dangermouse]

Yes but what about weekenders hard drive?

Lucky it's his new one otherwise he could be part of Operation Ore

[weekender]

CD drive actually.  I'm not keeping my child porn on my hard drive.

[Partridge's Love Child]

People in my block of flats constantly infuriate me.  Someone has gone to the trouble of sticking a nicely typed note to the main door asking everyone to make sure that the door is closed, because post has been stolen and burglars could get in.  But still there's some part of "Please ensure the door is closed behind you" that the majority don't seem to understand.  They also don't seem to understand that if you park across two parking spaces it prevents someone else from putting their car there, that rubbish goes in a bin and not next to it and that if you allow things to become untidy it makes where you live look crap.

[zozman]

Just the general idiocy of scallies astonishes me - vandalising a bus shelter, shouting at women from crap cars with crap music pumping out, wanting to fight people for no reason, having loads of shit-bag kids when they haven't got the money or inclination to look after them.

They should just shoot anyone with a sovereign ring if you ask me - come on Blunkett, bring on the marauding death squads......  (it's an idea I got from the Guardian)

[Mediocre Rich]

My lodgers girlfriend couldn't work out how to use a pair of pliers.

[Partridge's Love Child]

Christ, I've you've just reminded me of my housemate in my first year at Uni.  He didn't know how to light a cigarette lighter, and when we showed him, the look on his face was like a ruddy caveman saying, "ugh - fire".  I've never met anyone quit e like him, thankfully, and so it is hard to describe him to anyone who's never met him.  He wasn't offensive in any particular way, he was just so damnably clueless about everything and everybody.  He had no social skills whatever, wore tiny blue y-fronts that used to sit on the washing line and admitted to being a virgin at 25, which we weren't in the least bit surprised about.  I remember bumping into him in the corridor in the second year and doing the decent thing in striking up a conversation, even though I didn't want to.  He had no idea who I was.  I actually had to tell him that I lived in the same house and had the room next to him for a year.  I also had the dubious pleasure of hearing him playing Enya and Clannad on an old tape recorder and could hearing him masturbating through the wall.  Hard to say which noise you'd like to hear the least.

[MojoJojo]

A relative of mine was left alone in the house for a week or two. The lightbulb in his room went, so he tried to change it himself. Unfortunately, the bulb he took was a screw in type, instead of a bayonet cap one. Undaunted, he attempted to force the bulb in.
He blew the upstairs lighting fuse and spent the rest of the week without any upstairs lighting.

[Purple Tentacle]

I also had the dubious pleasure of hearing him playing Enya and Clannad on an old tape recorder and could hear him masturbating through the wall.

Through the wall? That's mighty powerful spunk.



Seriously though, how could you hear him masturbating? Was he shouting encouragement at himself?

Yay! A wanking thread!

[sproggy]

What about those dog owners who go to the bother of picking up their pet's doo-doo's in a plastic bag, tying a nice neat knot in the top and then leaving it on the side of the path to enjoy a half life of 25 years!

Fucks sake, WHY BOTHER?  Put it in the bin, numpties!

[Geej]

"Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe."
Albert Einstein

"It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity and make it work for you."
Frank Zappa

These two quotes are stuck to my monitor in large writing, and they seem rather apt to add into this conversation.
Other people do suck.  I'm just glad I'm better than most of them, and pray to keep my temper so I do not have to hit any of them.  That's the bit that is tricky.

[swinny]

I would like to nominate the idiot who filled up in front of me at the Petrol station on Monday...after filling he went into the shop for about 5 minutes as I sat outside patiently tapping the dashboard (the other pumps were all being used so I just waited behind the closest - big mistake)...when he comes out he stands about for a bit then realises moving his car might be a good idea...so he pulls forward into a parking bay and I move in to do my filling.

Few minutes later i'm inside and hand over the pasty and coke as I say "and pump number 2 please"...few button presses later "£45 of diesel then?"..."ummm, no" says I "£30 of unleaded"..."the diesel is mine" says a voice from behind and I turn to see the same guy before smirking back at me "I didnt pay for my diesel before, just got a coffee"..."!?" says I as the bloke behind the till looks confused and starts banging the screen before calling the boss over to change the thing over to my fuel.

"I dunno, cant be that diffifult" says idiot-man as the 2 staff mess about for a while longer punching the screen "people never seem to be trained to do their jobs properly these days"...instead of shouting "what, instead of people knowing how to use a petrol station in  a fairly logical and straight-forward manner you mean?" I just smile and turn away.

2 minutes later we drive out of the station and he takes the wrong lane on a roundabout to go straight-on and near enough rams me into the curb as I try to escape a broadsise from his house sized people carrier. wanker.

...perhaps more arrogance than stupifying ignorance though.

[fanny splendid]

"It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity and make it work for you."
Frank Zappa

I like Zappa's theory that even though scientists say that hydrogen is the most plentiful element in the universe, actually scientists are wrong because stupidity is more plentiful than hydrogen.

[El Unicornio, mang]

i'm really getting sick of people phoning my cellphone by mistake. It always seems to be Spanish people too, and it always seems to be at about 1am:

"Hello?"
"Mi engia se poncia?" *
"Sorry, I think you have the wrong number"
"Mi pinesa gresorilla?"
"What?"
"Jose? Jose? Misa runisisa?"
"You have the wrong number!"
".................Misa runisisa?"


How fucking difficult is it to dial a correct number??

Last night I got this text message:
UNISIS IF THAT IS YOUR NAME ITS OX THE GUY WITH THE GREEN NISSAN CALL MY CELLPHONE WHEN U GET A CHANCE

Unisis? Ox?? Green Nissan???

*this isn't real Spanish

Edit: That's odd, why is the latter half of this post in italic?

[Peking O]

Call him! Call Ox, or text him, and let us know what happens.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Too late, I texted him to say it was the wrong number. Besides, with a name like Ox this kind of person springs to mind:
http://www.carolinabears.com/GALLERIES/03MRSCBEAR/images/03hunt005.jpg
(not terribly unsafe for work, but incredibly dodgy nonetheless)

[weekender]

How fucking difficult is it to dial a correct number??

Heh, the number of a garage is very similar to one of my colleague's phone numbers.  Basically the one is 773 XXXX and my colleague's is 733 XXXX.  I picked up his phone one day:

Me: Good afternoon, me speaking.
Him: Is my car ready?
Me: Ah, I think you've got the wrong number, do you want <name of garage>?
Him: Look, just tell me if my car is ready.
Me: You've come through to 733 XXXX.  You need 773 XXXX.
Him: I've dialed the correct number, I'm not an idiot!  Now is my car ready or not???
Me: You haven't dialed the correct number, you need 773 XXX.
Him: I HAVE DIALLED THE CORRECT NUMBER!!! YOU'RE A BUNCH OF FUCKING COWBOYS AND LIARS!!!
Me: Sir, I'm putting the phone down now.  Please try double seven three, not seven double three.  If you come through to this number again there is obviously a fault with the British Telecom network.  Goodbye.

[El Unicornio, mang]

You should have told him that his car was ready, but was currently being used as the location for a film you're making called Kwik Dick Fitters 5: Anal Man Lovin' in a Customer's Car, and may take a few days to clean. That's what I would have said.

Actually, I wouldn't, I'd have just said 'sorry, wrong number' a few times and hung up.

[Crazy Penis]

At work we still have two types of clocking in machines. The old ker-chunk card ones and the electronic swipe card ones. A few weeks ago one guy was pissing around, pushing his swipe card into the old machine just down far enough for it to make the ker-chunk sound. And yes he dropped it inside.
He didn't tell anyone and didn't swipe out, he just went home.
The next day he was going on because he couldn't swipe in that morning and was worried that he wouldn't get paid. I told him to report it so he could get his card back. But he didn't, so I did.
He wasn't at all happy with me because I made him look like an idiot and couldn't understand that they would find his card eventually and he was a bit stuck with the clocking in business and getting paid if I hadn't of reported it.
It reminded me of why I hardly ever lift a finger to help people.

[Doctor Stamen]

Just the general idiocy of scallies astonishes me - vandalising a bus shelter, shouting at women from crap cars with crap music pumping out, wanting to fight people for no reason, having loads of shit-bag kids when they haven't got the money or inclination to look after them.

There's a busy road a few minutes from here which has pikeys living on one side (burnt out Ford Capri on the driveway, their house still plastered with those infuriating christmas lights in May, that kind of thing) and nice houses on the other side of the road.  Anyway, everytime I walk past a phonebox on this road, the windows have been smashed and the pavement is covered with glass.  This has been going on for years and it just looks shit.  But this must have cost BT a fortune over the years when you think of the number of phoneboxes that get smashed up repeatedly.  Why don't they just leave the glass out or, even better, get rid of the whole thing completely?  They must know that all pikeys have got the latest phones on the market anyway.

[chand's girlfriend]

theyre not idiots weekender  dude, theyre THEIVES!

[weekender]

theyre not idiots weekender  dude, theyre THEIVES!

Yes, thanks for that insightful comment.  As weird as it sounds, I'm prepared to give people the benefit of the doubt, even in this strange scenario.  Of course, there are various legal routes I can go down if my CD drive isn't returned soon, but I'm not going to have a go at the people who may be able to help me get it back in the short-term.

Christ I feel mellow tonight, I must drink Old Speckled Hen more often.

[Rats]

Christ I feel mellow tonight, I must drink Old Speckled Hen more often.

etc.

[morgs]

Every day for the past 4 weeks I have come in to find that I have been phoned by the same number... 01454 I think it was, Badminton Gloucestershire.  I don't know anyone there but now have an answer phone which EVERY day has the sound of someone breathing for a split second then hanging up.  (In other words listening to my whole answerpone message, THEN hanging up AFTER the tone - WHY????)

I WILL NOT ring them back if they can't be arsed to leave a message.  So there.

Probably double-fucking-glazing again...

[Bollock Chops]

I do the property ads in the local paper, and I have to deal with estate agents who haven't got a fucking clue about basic shapes and numbers.

Their ads will have, say, 15 properties per page (each pic in landscape format), with 5 bullet points on each property. So what do they do, EVERY FUCKING WEEK? They send in portrait pictures and about 12 bullet points for each property. And when you try and explain, you just get this vacant look, like you've just asked them to solve cancer or something.