Reinforcing my view that people are idiots

[Hairy Chin]

Every day for the past 4 weeks I have come in to find that I have been phoned by the same number... 01454 I think it was, Badminton Gloucestershire.  I don't know anyone there but now have an answer phone which EVERY day has the sound of someone breathing for a split second then hanging up.  (In other words listening to my whole answerpone message, THEN hanging up AFTER the tone - WHY????)

I WILL NOT ring them back if they can't be arsed to leave a message.  So there.

Probably double-fucking-glazing again...

You should change the message, see if they still leave a single breath on your machine. I reckon they may have dialled once by accident four months ago, and like your voice lots, and have become addicted to it and need their daily fix of morgs.

Change your message, it'll piss them off. Or make it specific to them.

[cobainchild94]

When I lived in my old flat this woman used to phone every day with a baby crying in the background and an angry man shouting, she was looking for some bloke called Steve. "Look just put him on." she would say this over and over no matter how much i insisted he didn't live there, as did my four other flat mates. Eventually after a month of this we made it clear if she kept calling the police would be notified, but of course.....she kept calling.
We notify the Police of what is going on and what happens.......
She calls again complaining about us telling the Police that this mad woman kept phoning and again insists that she must speak to Steve.......
Steve if you are out there, fuck you buddy...fuck you......

[kenneth trousers]

I was working on an airfield last week, speaking on my mobile. Bloke pulls up and calls me over to his car and (politely to be fair to him) points out that I shouldn't use a mobile on the airfield because it effects the air traffic control tower and aircraft avionics.
So I ask him straight faced if it would be ok to use it 50 yards away, over the other side of the airfield fence. Yes he says, that would be fine (totally missing the sarcastic tone I was using). Where is it not ok then I ask? Anywhere round here really. (pointing out a very unspecific area with his hand) Ok I say, no problem and gave up on the retarded turd.

Now this bloke was basically just repeating some directive from a boss of his who inturn was repeating it from a boss of his, and so on, each one never asking why? Do they think that a radio wave sets off with more power like a thrown cricket ball and is 'caught` in the receiving mobile and therefore that extra 50 yards makes all the difference? And why is it ok to have people using mobiles on the M 1 motorway (hands free of course) while 100 FT above (a little less in 1989 IIRC) Boeings are landing every couple of mins?

Basically Lynn, I hate the general public.

[Ambient Sheep]

I just heard a news report on Capital Radio that 12,000 (or 1200) paedophiles have been caught since Operation Ore started 2 years ago. They were all caught from their credit card details they used to subscribe to child porn sites - the newsreader went on to say:

"it's thought that over 100 kids have been saved from abuse".

er... how?? They people caught probably never raped a kid or were even likely to, but the websites are still operating, so how have any kids been saved?

Because, according to this BBC News report:

In 102 cases there was evidence children in the UK had been abused so that pornographic images could be traded online.   In those cases the perpetrators have been arrested or the children found a safe refuge.

That's how.  Seems to me the idiot was the Capital Radio reporter for not making this clear.

[Ronster]

Slightly off topic but on the wrong numbers front we had to have our number changed a while ago and the new number we were given we think used to belong to an escort agency type affair which specialised in trannies.

So we get about a call a fortnight from people looking for some trannie loving.  They vary from the quiet really nervous ones (who I usually tell the number is now wrong as they have probably been shitting themselves over phoning for hours) to the arrogant bastards who don't seem to understand or seem to be offended that a bloke has answered or something.

We now have one on the answermachine from a bloke in Perth who is 'very financial' and wants company he can 'socialise with and take home with'  He also left his mobile number and I am still so tempted to phone him hahaha

[glitch]

How fucking difficult is it to dial a correct number??

Heh, the number of a garage is very similar to one of my colleague's phone numbers.  Basically the one is 773 XXXX and my colleague's is 733 XXXX.  I picked up his phone one day:

[/quote]

One of my friends used to have a landline one number away from that of a local restaurant. When I misdialled and the call was answered with "Hello, The Angry Cheese, how can I help?" I knew we were on to a winner. Whenever we had a question we needed answering, we'd ask The Angry Cheese. Supposedly one of my friends asked them how to spell the Hebrew word for God, they disappeared for 5 minutes before coming back and saying they didn't know. So he told them.

[terminallyrelaxed]

We had a number at my last house that used to belong to a JJB Sports or somesuch, people would always phone up and straight away ask if I had the Nike Air Max with the purple piping or whatever - naturally I'd say no, and sometimes be inclined to explain my feelings for Nike, which are slightly of the Naomi Klein persuasion, before they'd be bothered to ask if this was a trainer shop. Had one at work the other day who bizarrely thought we might be Arsenal Football Club, and on my old obile number I'd often be rung up and asked if I was "the bloke selling the dodgy mobiles"....

[Cerys]

I'd like to nominate two of my ex-flatmates, both of whom were Biology students.  One day I got back from work to find that the vacuum cleaner had been put out with the rubbish.  My vacuum cleaner, I might add.  I took it back inside and asked them why they'd chucked it.  "It's stopped working," they told me.  "Damn," I said.  "I'll have a tinker about with it and see if I can fix it."  I tinkered for about five seconds before diagnosing the fault.  You've probably guessed it by now.

The bag was full....

[Crazy Penis]

The bag was full....

You're a genius. Now I don't have to buy a new one. thanks

[smoker]

i was thinking about sending this one in to fhm to try and win a fiver:

me: do you know who invented the flush toilet?
girlf: er, er, was it... mister piss?


no, thomas crapper, but nearly, nearly

[Cerys]

The bag was full....

You're a genius. Now I don't have to buy a new one. thanks

Please tell me you're joking....

[Partridge's Love Child]

When I got home from work on Friday I spent an hour writing a long and sarcastic note to all the other residents in my flats asking them to be more conisderate to everyone else.  I'm sick of the fact that they seem incapable of disposing of their rubbish properly, they can't comprehend the concept of shutting a door behind them and don't understand that if you park your car across two spaces it means that someone else has no one to park their vehicle.  Of course, the irony of this is that if they need to be told to consider the concept of consideration, they're probably not going to grasp it.  Writing it whilst spitting feathers made me feel less inclined to kill someone with a rolled up hyman though.

In an act of stupidity, I've forgotten to bring it to work to photocopy.

[imitationleather]

i was thinking about sending this one in to fhm to try and win a fiver:

me: do you know who invented the flush toilet?
girlf: er, er, was it... mister piss?


no, thomas crapper, but nearly, nearly

Thomas Crapper didn't actually invent the flush toilet, as it happens.

[MonkeyDrummer]

on my favourite train trip from Leeds - Glasgow I always stop at Carlisle for a short while, usually enough time for a spliff and a(nother) beer. Whilst waiting for my connection at Carlisle, I decided to have a wee wander about. Train came, and I got on it, nicely stoned. Turned left to see my laptop and rucksack of clothes sitting on a chair on a platform quite the thing. One burst of panic, and a lot of elbowing to get out and it was mine again

[Crazy Penis]

The bag was full....

You're a genius. Now I don't have to buy a new one. thanks

Please tell me you're joking....

Yes I am. I had already bought a new one. I am, of course joking again because I don't have a hoover. Now I'm lying because I do have a hoover.

I had stopped hoovering  the day before though because of suction loss. I didn't bother thinking about what I could be. I probably would have favoured dismantling the thing over checking the bag first. So you saved me time.

[Cerys]

Yay for me!

[Ambient Sheep]

Heh, something similar happened to us on the hoover front not so long back.

About six months ago, after Torty lent it to her daughter, her hoover (a Henry, as it happens), had serious loss of suction, was making a horrible whining sound, and the bag was NOT full.  In fact, close inspection revealed that our Henry no longer had a bag in him at all, and that the "grot filter" had been placed the wrong side of the suction tube inlet, thus the motor was full of fluff and stuff.

One careful almost-complete disassembly later, a *lot* of fluff removed, a tricky reassembly (complete with swearing), a new bag and the filter correctly placed, and Henry was a happy chappy again, sucking as well as he ever did.

So when, once again, a few months later, Henry started not sucking properly again, our hearts sank...until we opened him up and discovered that yes, this time, it was simply that the bag was full, and we'd forgotten that they do that from time-to-time.

Shit, that really wasn't worth telling, was it?  Bother.

[hencole]

You can't beat a Henry for sucking power.

[Ambient Sheep]

You can't beat a Henry for sucking power.

I set 'em up...

[Rats]

We've got one of those posh dysons and they're shit. I mean they're really good while they're sucking but you have to keep arsing about washing filters, the hoover just cuts out and won't let you turn it on if the filters are too mucky and there's one filter that you can't get to so when that get's clogged up, you have to send the whole bloody hoover away. So don't get one. We are talking about hoovers people.