CRISPS, tho'

[Dr Rock]

What gets me is that there are people posting on this very forum who aren't even old enough to remember crisp packets with real plastic windows.  They've only ever known foil wrappers.

I remember when they were made out of... I dunno, The Titanic.

[Dr Rock]

For the purposes of facts, I occasionally eat a Prawn Cocktail flavour, or a Marmite flavour or a Worcestershire Sauce flavour - even though I don't like any of those things in real life! Apart from the last two.

[HappyTree]

The 10 Crispmandments

1. Light blue is salt and vinegar.
2. Dark blue is ready salted.
3. Green is cheese and onion.
4. Light purple is prawn cocktail.
5. Dark brown is beef.
6. Light brown is chicken.
7. Red is tomato ketchup.
8. White is DIY salting.
9. Dark purple is up for grabs right now.
10. Thou shalt worship no other crisp packet colours before these, unless you're one of those Euro deviants and only have "family pack" size bags, almost every flavour of which is paprika.

[the science eel]

The 10 Crispmandments

1. Light blue is salt and vinegar.
2. Dark blue is ready salted.
3. Green is cheese and onion.
4. Light purple is prawn cocktail.
5. Dark brown is beef.
6. Light brown is chicken.
7. Red is tomato ketchup.
8. White is DIY salting.
9. Dark purple is up for grabs right now.
10. Thou shalt worship no other crisp packet colours before these, unless you're one of those Euro deviants and only have "family pack" size bags, almost every flavour of which is paprika.

Not bad, but PINK is prawn cocktail. You are in thrall to WALKERS

[HappyTree]

I was winging it on the purples and should have known I'd never get away with it on here. Truth be told, I never liked prawn cocktail flavour. Too sweet. Tasted odd on a crisp.

Here is my current crisp regimen: big bag of cheese balls. To recreate the munchie magic of clearing up the day after a party, I pre-stale my cheese balls by emptying them all into a bowl and leaving them uncovered for a day. Makes them nice and chewy.

Dill flavour crisps are the best thing here. I also like to add my own Worcester sauce into the bag. Shake it up à la Smiths and you have some slightly damp dream snacks waiting for you.

[Blumf]

unless you're one of those Euro deviants and only have "family pack" size bags, almost every flavour of which is paprika.

I think we need to properly address this. Europeans insist on getting crisps wrong and they don't even feel the slightest twinge of remorse for this most heinous crime.

Just what the hell is their excuse!?

[amnesiac]

what trainers is everyone waring?

[MuteBanana]

Are you having a cold pint of lager?

Salt and vinegar crisps is what you need.

[alan nagsworth]

As per most things, you can shove these new fangled artisan bespoke pheasant and apple e-liquid root vegetable crisps up your fucking arse and fuck off, and of course accept that the cheapo shite crisps are the fucking tops. Tangy Toms, Onion Rings (the absolute peak of all crisps), Space Raiders, Chipsticks, they're the best. The only alternative is McCoys who still manage to make a quality crisp. Walkers, with the exception of prawn cocktail, have always been wall to wall fucking shite. 99% irredeemable crap.

Personally speaking I don't want to live in a world where shit like this exists and my life is an endless day-by-day war waged against this cunt of an establishment:



You know who started this shit as well don't you? Fucking Walkers with their campaign of WHATS THE WACKIEST FLAVOUR YOU WANT TO SEE ON THE SHELVES, and these cunt concoctions:



fucks sake i despair, i've got nowt else to say, going to bed

[imitationleather]

I remember trying that breakfast-flavoured crisp and immediately nearly being sick.

That's just not what food is supposed to do. Not even unhealthy snacks. Even with raw chicken you get a while before the vomitting sets in.

Also: Gin and tonic flavour? How the fuck does that work?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I notice Walkers have brought back Walkers MAX Red Hot for the first time since 1999.

What are they like? These used to be true tabasco level spicy.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

My after swim crisps were always Wheat Crunchies Smoky Bacon.

Never compromise.  Never give in. Always go to war.

[biggytitbo]

I made my own crisp once. It was very nice! Has anyone else ever made their own crisp before?

[non capisco]

God. I've just remembered with a certain amount of shuddering horror the worst crisps I've ever tasted, again from the diabolical Walkers 'experimental flavours' stable. From their World Cup 2010 range, Paella flavoured crisps. The taste was like licking a moribund seaside pier.

[MuteBanana]

Never had those because they looked liked teenagers crisps

[Blumf]

I made my own crisp once. It was very nice! Has anyone else ever made their own crisp before?

I tried making a Quentin Crisp once, but it didn't come out right.

[Brundle-Fly]

Nonsense. Rancheros were THE after-swim snack. They sure taste like bacon.

With a hint of chlorine and infant piss?

[HupHupHup]

My after swim crisps were always Wheat Crunchies Smoky Bacon.

Terrifying, I was just about to write this. You're not my mate Jim are you?
There was always a race to get the few rare packs of these from the machine rather than the Worcester sauce ones. Either way, they had to be fully and secretly consumed before our parents got there to pick us up. As we drove off Jim used to shout to his or my dad, "Step on it birdie, and lay an egg!" in a comedy New York accent. It always got a laugh and he claimed it was from a coolly inappropriate film he'd seen aged 7, but I've never come across it anywhere nor do I understand it.

[HappyTree]

Egg-flavour crisps. I've just leaving this here.

[Brundle-Fly]

What gets me is that there are people posting on this very forum who aren't even old enough to remember crisp packets with real plastic windows.  They've only ever known foil wrappers.

I'm blaming youth but they're most likely stupid as well.

Not like in our day with our 1940's revival Salt 'n' Shake crisps.



Insert dated Thatcher joke here.

[pancreas]

I'm extremely glad that this thread has come along because I just discovered the best crisp-like object I've ever had and can now share it. It's #1 in the images below.

Basically you can get them from Waitrose and they are a bit like a pimped version of cheese moments. Cheese moments are pictured #2, but, as I say, they are not as good.

Cheese moments are from the same family as bacon fries (which look a bit like tiny broken rashers of bacon if you squint) and scampi fries #3. Scampi fries have not yet been beaten by any other crisp which lie along the fish vector. This includes prawn cocktail crisps. Scampi fries taste a bit like rotten prawns mixed with genital discharge and salt. They're really great.

[Vodka Margarine]

Hang on sec, I remember all that 'vote for your favourite mad flavour' business. Walkers promised they'd add the winner to their standard repertoire. Did they balls! It's almost as if they knew damn well that the victorious 'Builder's Breakfast' flavour actually tasted like stale crotch sweat in a heatwave and would very likely bankrupt the entire organisation if seriously mass produced year upon year. What a bunch of deceitful, play it safe, lying crisp bastards.

[doppelkorn]

Poppadoms: giant crisp, or very thin, shit bread?

[mook]

unwieldy cheeseless poverty quavers

[yesitsme]

I'd ban the eating of crisps in public until people learn to eat the correctly.  I don't want to see you shovel handful after handful down your gullet, I don't want to hear you eating them rhythmically like the Scots Dragoon Guards are marching down the road, I definitely don't want to see you do the 'lift and tip' and if I EVER catch you licking your finger and wiping up the dust I will kill you and all your family.

If you are that hungry I will buy you antother bag of crisps.

The same goes for yogurt.  When it's done it's done.  You do not have to turn yogurt eating in to some kind of pot clawing scraping contest like you're trying to dig your way to freedom.  Through the bottom of a yogurt pot. 

I will say.  Plain Hula Hoops, S+V Hula Hoops, C+O Squares.

I also love nuts.

[Jockice]

Nice place. I'm a Whitehaven marra.

How is it round there nowadays? I've been there but not for years. Usually visit my family in Carlisle two or three times a year though.

[KennyMonster]

tell you what though the state of McCoys these days! I remember when they used to be thick! THICK AS A MAN COCK now they're these horrible weedy girl crisp thanks to the Euro! NO THANK YOU CAMERON

I disagree,

The smaller McCoys get the more closer they resemble my cock.[nb]Actually a modern day wotsit would be a better model[nb]But you'd need to double the cheese [/nb].[/nb]

[the science eel]

How is it round there nowadays? I've been there but not for years. Usually visit my family in Carlisle two or three times a year though.

Like a lot of towns these days it's dead in the centre (Workington gets all the shoppers with its HMV and M&S), but the harbour/marina is lovely - great to walk down the piers - and some of the old Georgian houses are beautiful. I've grown very fond of the place in recent years. It has a real charm.

I like getting the West Coast train to Carlisle. It hugs the coastline, shuddering along at a snail's pace. You're really in the wilderness for most of the journey.

[Jockice]

Like a lot of towns these days it's dead in the centre (Workington gets all the shoppers with its HMV and M&S), but the harbour/marina is lovely - great to walk down the piers - and some of the old Georgian houses are beautiful. I've grown very fond of the place in recent years. It has a real charm.

I like getting the West Coast train to Carlisle. It hugs the coastline, shuddering along at a snail's pace. You're really in the wilderness for most of the journey.

Workington has an HMV and M&S. Whatever next? I like rural Cumbria. Very underrated.

[Natnar]

Poppadoms: giant crisp, or very thin, shit bread?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QduTLFILORY