CRISPS, tho'

[DukeDeMondo]

Scampi fries taste a bit like rotten prawns mixed with genital discharge and salt. They're really great.

Are they crisps, though? I dunno.

I only had £1.40 to spend on my breakfast this morning so I decided to get a 6 pack Savoury Selection - 3 x Scampi (Flavour) Fries, 3 x Bacon (Flavour) Fries - out the pound shop instead of getting somethin out Greggs or whatever, since then I'd have six things and that'd cover my lunch an' all. Maybe even dinner.

Opened the 6 pack Savoury Selection on the bus, enjoyed a packet of Scampi (Flavour) Fries. Virtually alone on the top deck of the bus, could munch away without having to worry about some tosser sitting sniffing and tutting at me over the head of the reek of the things, sitting there reading CaB and eating some Scampi (Flavour) Fries, no harm being done to nothing or nobody. Couple minutes later I'd finished them and I was still hungry so thought I might as well have a Bacon (Flavour) Fries while I'm at it. Bacon's more a breakfast sort of thing anyway, really. Munching away then at these Bacon (Flavour) Fries, still plenty Savoury Selection left for lunch an maybe even dinner.

I thoroughly enjoyed both (Flavour) Fries and before long I'd started convincing myself that enough time had passed and I could have another Savoury Selection if I wanted. Sure it's far closer to lunch time than it is to breakfast time now anyway if you take an early lunch.

Had another wee Scampi (Flavour) Fries. Sure why not.

Anyway I got off the bus 35 minutes later and I hadn't one Savoury fuckin Selection to my name, not Bacon (Flavour) or Scampi (Flavour) or fuck all bastard (Flavour) fuck all else. 

You can't not eat the fucking things. Leaving yourself alone with 6 of them for any length of time is a recipe for disaster.

[amnesiac]

^ I like the idea of having a set amount of 'things' to eat during the course of a day. Might try that. Will start with 6.

[the science eel]

That's the first belly-laugh I've had on CaB!

Nice to read something proper funny instead of all the self-satisfied cunt rubbish you normally get.

[Bazooka]

The biggest sin from Walkers as of recent times, was the the acquiring of Squares and Chipsticks from Smiths Snacks but only continuing the Salt N Vinegar flavour, unforgivable to think the other ones are in Crisp Heaven.

If you want flavour these days you have got to go with the Co-Op big bag range, Chardonnay Salt N Vinegar are probably illegal with the massive flavour hit you get, like those Disco's

Going to have to side with you people, Bacon Wheat Crunchies are the official crisps of swimming pools, to be eaten afterwards. T-Bone Steak Roysters are often overlooked along with Cheese n Onion Crinkle Cheddars.

Prawn Cocktail is demonic.

[amnesiac]

After swimming we'd always have the crisps of parachute men, I can't remember what they were called! it was parachute men. Men with parachutes shapes. Does that ring a bell? parachute men. Can anyone remember what they were called? it was.. hang on it was called Sky Divers, and they didn't even have parachutes!

[non capisco]

If you want flavour these days you have got to go with the Co-Op big bag range, Chardonnay Salt N Vinegar are probably illegal with the massive flavour hit you get, like those Disco's

You can practically feel your heart twinge in protest just looking at a bag of those. Salty as Popeye's ballbag.

[Dex Sawash]

That's the first belly-laugh I've had on CaB!

Nice to read something proper funny instead of all the self-satisfied cunt rubbish you normally get.

They've all had self-satisfied cunt rubbish, etc

[Replies From View]

How many crisps would I need to administer per day to convert an otherwise ordinary human being into a sub-human fatso?

[confettiinmyhair]

If you want flavour these days you have got to go with the Co-Op big bag range, Chardonnay Salt N Vinegar are probably illegal with the massive flavour hit you get, like those Disco's

Pleasure spiked with pain. Disco's are legit crisps. Right up there with Beef McCoys.


Further questions:
Are mini cheddars crisps or cheesy biscuits?
Kettles or Tyrells?
Is it acceptable to eat Pringles and Doritos without a dip?

[weekender]

What's the definition of a crisp?

Really?

>Flounce.

[alan nagsworth]

I remember trying that breakfast-flavoured crisp and immediately nearly being sick.

That's just not what food is supposed to do. Not even unhealthy snacks. Even with raw chicken you get a while before the vomitting sets in.

I feel like someone in Walkers' marketing team had a flicker of a thought that if they created a Builder's Breakfast crisp, they'd be on the fast track to satisfying the age-old futuristic vision of having invented an entire meal in a pill or something. An inconceivable mind-blowing culmination of so many well-loved flavours presented to an aghast boardroom.

"Imagine it, gang! An average crisp takes six bites to eat, and with each bite you get a different part of the meal. First bite, lovely buttery toast dipped in your bean juice to get you going. Second bite, ooh that's a nice herby cumberland sausage, and if you eat it on the left side of your mouth, there's a dollop of red sauce on it for you. I don't think I need to tell you what you get on the right side of the mouth, do I? Third bite, mmm! Scrambled eggs, and not sparing on the black pepper either! Fourth bite, and we're back to those baked beans we teased you with earlier, but what's that sweet and crunchy texture alongside it? It's a fucking HASH BROWN lads, there's no expense spared here! Fifth bite, bit controversial this one, but it's a great gristly chunk of black pudding. That'll separate the men from the boys! Sixth bite and of course it's old faithful, a whole TWO SLICES of crispy bacon, and again left side for red sauce and right for Daddy's Brown."

Obviously the logistics of this crisp are difficult in that you'd have to finish the crisp in six bites and you'd have to wait between each bite to savour each part of the meal, and really you'd only need to eat one crisp for breakfast every day, meaning an average bag of crisps would feed you for about two weeks and cost about £55 per bag (assuming you'd pay £4 for a fry-up of that size equivalent in your typical greasy spoon) but HEY it's fucking worth a punt isn't it? And creating a Builder's Breakfast crisp is the first step in the right direction, the direction to THE FUCKING FUTURE.

So in the end the whole campaign was sort of worth it I reckon.

[Blumf]

Flounce.

Are they like Skips?

[Van Dammage]

Lads. Blue Doritos. Blue fucking Doritos are great.

And these :








YES MATE

[NattyDread]

If you want flavour these days you have got to go with the Co-Op big bag range.

These grabbed my attention recently. Did the business very nicely indeed.

[Replies From View]

What is the lifespan of a crisp.

Is it true that crisps were once living flat crispy creatures that have had their teeth cut off to make them go dead and edible.

What makes crisps go in a packet.

Why do crisp packets have to have air inside.

What is the oldest crisp you would eat.

[the science eel]

These grabbed my attention recently. Did the business very nicely indeed.

Yeah, they're very good. I only had a quid in my pocket and I bought them from a machine at Manchester Airport railway station.

[gib]

I like the big bags of Beef & Onion they do in M&S, I do.

[gib]

Also, when did school dinnerladies stop making crisps? You must remember. Once a week, they would would make actual crisps, dripping with oil and presented in one of those big aluminium roasting dishes. They were not nice crisps.

[amnesiac]

THREAD CLOSED

[Jockice]

I like the big bags of Beef & Onion they do in M&S, I do.

Ooh, they are gorgeous!

[the science eel]

Can you still get Brannigans Beef and Mustard? They were spectacular.

[HappyTree]

Best crisp I ever had was McCoy's thick crinkle cut jalapeno and cheese. The spiciness was perfect. Of course, when I discovered them they stopped making them about 3 weeks later. Now I make do with Kettle Chips sweet chili and sour cream, which are ok but verging on too sweet again.

[Genevieve]

Can't believe it, that last one stole my thunder!  I went out for a drink the other week and had a delicious summery ale called Ava, low alcohol for me, it tasted of pineapple but not sweet.  Plumped for the first crisps mentioned, the Kettle Chips sweet chilli and sour cream and the combination was beautiful.  Then it got better, I had a really good porter with wonderful depth of flavour, (sorry forgotten its name) porters tend to be up and down for me and I've been unlucky lately but this was great, then the crisp on offer was Kettle Chips Crispy Bacon and Maple Syrup and the combo was perfect again.  It reminded me of my favourite movie night snack - Butterkist popcorn and a Frazzle in the same bite.  These were not suitable for vegetarians unlike most bacon snacks.  I used to find Kettle Chips too hard but these were fine.  I fear I've reached the zenith and for the first time beer and crisps really made sense, it'll never reach these heights again.  The next crisps I had were those Walkers Sensations Chicken and whatever the other day and I had to put some hummus on.  I would like some of the meaty Nik Naks, or the spicy ones, whatever.

[Attila]

These were the only things left on our Easyjet flight by the time they got about 15 rows back (we were in row 25). They've got the look and texture of floor tiling, but are strangely more-ish when you're really hungry and everyone ahead of you has eaten the last cheese toasties behind the Iron Curtin on your flight to freedom.

https://www.finecheese.co.uk/delicatessen/cheddar-crackers-pouches-for-grab-go5.html

Now I want some more. I bet they won't be as nice.

[Puce Moment]

For those that are Irish or have been to Ireland, and have a predilection for cheese and onion crisps, any preference here?



This was quite the debate back in the 1980s in my extended family. I oscillated somewhat, but started to prefer the slightly over-cooked taste of the King crisps. But Tayto - fuckin' smashing.

When I go back to Ireland and eat them I can almost smell Dublin boozers and the taste of cheese and onion crisps mixed with lemonade or coke, sat in the corner of the room watching adults getting pished. Proustian rush crisps they are.

[Replies From View]

Fucking red for that.

I bet they're called Ireland for all the crisp related ire they cause, eh readers!

[Puce Moment]

Look at that racist shit on the left though. Potato in a hat. Yeah sure, we're all potatoes in hats.

YEAH RIGHT

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Can you still get Brannigans Beef and Mustard? They were spectacular.

No

But now yes again

That's the answer - it's a yes

[buttgammon]

I think the accepted answer to the Irish Question is King cheese and onion, but Tayto salt and vinegar. I like both but prefer Bistro or Rancheros. Meanies too, although I haven't had any of those for ages.

[mothman]

That World Cup of Crisps that Richard Osman ran over Easter left me convinced that when it comes to savoury snacks, most people are utter morons with no taste.