LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[Glebe]

Gary grants Daz the title of 'Sir Dazzington of Garyshire'.

[shoulders]

Gary's hamster Raghead goes on hunger strike.

[Glebe]

The circus is in town so the lads decide to go along as a special treat. But Daz runs out crying when Loans the Clown makes an appearance.

[Glebe]

Gary is chasing Daz around a field on a motorized shopping trolley.

[Paul Calf]

Daz runs into the muddy bit in front of the goal.

"Can't follow me here, Garroid!" laughs Daz, a look of genuine joy and pleasure on his face.

Gary goes still and cold and bores his gaze down on Daz:

"Get. Out. Here. Darren. You. CUNT."

[Glebe]

It's getting dark. Daz is asleep between the goalposts.

"That mud will have dried by now," smiles Gary to himself. He starts the engine. The trolley slowly moves in for the kill.

[the Fallen]

Gary microwaves dogshit, laughing his tits off as it splatters everywhere inside, all over the door.

"My microwave!" Daz cries, walking in

[Glebe]

Gary decides to become a raconteur, beginning with tonight's lads' night in where he will hold court and regale his mates with some of his lesser-known adventures over a 16" pizza and just a crate or two of Stella!

[dex]

Gary decides to become a raconteur, beginning with tonight's lads' night in where he will hold court and regale his mates with some of his lesser-known adventures over a 16" pizza and just a crate or two of Stella!

"RaCUNTeur, more like!" Gary's Uncle Steve remarks.

[the Fallen]

Gary sees a San Miguel on the bar and claims it.

Wot Daz? Spend enough here. Might be from the bar staff. Any cunt wants it they can have a word.

Yeah I know it is was your round. Yours again cheeky fucking prick.  Two Carling mate mind my seat, going for a sniff prick don't lick my seat Daz I've seen what the graffiti in the bogs says about you.

"What graffiti? Just been in there Gary."

Fucks sake Daz give me a chance to go there eh.

[the Fallen]

Gary puts the Lad into Ladbroke's.

But even after he tells them, they still won't let him back in after last time.

Scared of winners Daz. Bookies always are.

You put the broke into Ladbroke's you cunt Daz! Anyway let's go the boozer, your turn to get a round in

[king_tubby]

'Daz, Daz, I crossed the floor'

'What?'

'I crossed the floor, Daz, like in the politics'

'What?'

'I crossed the floor! Joined the other party!'

'What?'

'I had a shit in the ladies. Why do you have to spoil everything?'

[the Fallen]

^ I crawled the floor Daz

"What now Gary?"

Blimmed some hash in the disableds. Fucked mate, cunts're lucky I'm upright

[the Fallen]

Ehrr skrr CL flying saucer cowboy

"What the fuck now Gary? You're a right pain in the arse tonight"

Hajdo shh met sum ket

"Let's get you home mate."

NAAOOAOOAOAOOOOOOOOOMM

[the Fallen]

Gary strides overbearing in dickhead black Primark puffer jacket which he wears to make himself stab proof into the Swan and Docket to order a keg of Stella.

Your round Daz

[the Fallen]

Gary knights Daz with a spliff, for services rendered to Legend Gary.

"Giz a suck on that spliff then Gaz"

Nope

[shoulders]

Legend Gary leaves a $440 wall mounted dildo up Skiddaw 'in memoriam of those we lost'.

[Glebe]

Gary launches Daz down a Poundstretcher aisle, Daz lands in a display of cheap house cleaning products and is quite justifiable very
disgruntled for the rest of the afternoon.

[Glebe]

Gary abandons Daz for his new mate, 'Jaz'. "He's kind of a 'decaf' Daz, but he's alright," Gary explains to Cigs Tony down the local.

[Paul Calf]

Daz catfishes Jaz over a period of weeks using a fake Facebook profile. He convinces Jaz that Daz was relegated to standard mate because Gary came on to him and he rejected him. He leaves subtle clues that Jaz should make the first move before Gaz gets fed up of waiting.

He saunters down to the micromarket to buy popcorn.

[Glebe]

A condensed version of Gary is now available from the Bodleian Library. It's a 50-page drawing book filled with crayon scrawlings.

[Glebe]

Gary gets fed up with Jaz and tells him to fuck off. Then he immediately calls Daz.

"Daz I know we haven't been seeing eye to eye lately but, well... I need you mate. You complete me."

"I've been feeling the same Gary! I'll come on over... just let me grab a bottle of wine!"

"Nah not like this mate blatantly gay."

[Glebe]

Gary is enjoying a curry chips sandwich, "absolute heaven Daz!"

[Blue Jam]

Legend Gary goes to the Snooker Shoot-Out.

[Paul Calf]

"Silence in the audience please," the referee gently admonishes.

"Nah, fuckin' BALLS mate!"

"BALLS, Daz!"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary's "non-PC, woke-free zone" sitcom is commissioned by the BBC.

[Glebe]

Gary is watching Steel Magnolias and crying his eyes out. "First time I've used a full box of Kleenex for something other than wanking, Daz!"

[seepage]

Gary has guffawed himself hoarse down The Duck and Goose [now The Duck and Goose Kitchen & Bar] trying to keep up with Inappropriate Laughter Syndrome Sid.

Lost for words, Gary?

Fuck OFF, Daz.

[Glebe]

"I'm cooking some bangers and mash Gary!"

"Nice one Daz, I'm absolutely gagging for a nice, thick sausage inside me!"

[Paul Calf]

Gary looks at Daz daggers

I mean, fucking daggers: if looks could light fires, Daz would be a burning man.

"Say that again, Daz. I fuckin' DARE you," Gary booms.