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May 28, 2022, 11:02:59 AM

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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on January 24, 2022, 02:39:17 PMGary looks at Daz daggers

I mean, fucking daggers: if looks could light fires, Daz would be a burning man.

"Say that again, Daz. I fuckin' DARE you," Gary booms.

"All I said was that I was cooking some bangers and mash, Gary!"

"Good, you've complied with me to say it again. Would have been trouble if you'd not acceded to my angry demand to repeat how your eager, expert hands are preparing those nice big long meats that I can't wait to get sucking on!"

Daz wait for a moment but Gary is being totally serious.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary completes his erotic novel featuring Winston Churchill on Wattpad

Paul Calf

Quote from: Glebe on January 24, 2022, 02:44:35 PM"All I said was that I was cooking some bangers and mash, Gary!"

"Good, you've complied with me to say it again. Would have been trouble if you'd not acceded to my angry demand to repeat how your eager, expert hands are preparing those nice big long meats that I can't wait to get sucking on!"

Daz wait for a moment but Gary is being totally serious.

"What...what's going on here, Gal?" asks Daz tentatively.

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on January 24, 2022, 02:59:03 PM"What...what's going on here, Gal?" asks Daz tentatively.

"Dunno what you mean Daz. Now hurry up, I'm keen to be slurping on an especially big pork tube soon as!"

Glebe

Gary drinks an entire off-licence dry. "Didn't even need a stomach pump or nothin'!" he boasts to Daz on the phone from prison.

Paul Calf

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on January 24, 2022, 02:50:00 PMGary completes his erotic novel featuring Winston Churchill on Wattpad

He proudly boasts that it contains no words longer than six letters.

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on January 25, 2022, 09:09:28 AMHe proudly boasts that it contains no words longer than six letters.

"Ah I see, Gary. Thought Winson Chucil was a typo."

Paul Calf

"No, Daz. That's how you spell Winni's name".

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on January 25, 2022, 09:18:07 AM"No, Daz. That's how you spell Winni's name".

Daz has stopped listening and has returned his attention to FIFA 22.

Paul Calf

Gary regales Daz with his stories of his epic Fifa '17 campaign where he took Rushden and Diamonds to the top of the Premiership and won the FA Cup, the Champions' League and the World Cup.

"Rushden can't play in the World Cup, Gaz."

"Fuck off, Daz. I played so well that I unlocked a secret master mode where I could."

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on January 25, 2022, 10:21:49 AMGary regales Daz with his stories of his epic Fifa '17 campaign where he took Rushden and Diamonds to the top of the Premiership and won the FA Cup, the Champions' League and the World Cup.

"Rushden can't play in the World Cup, Gaz."

"Fuck off, Daz. I played so well that I unlocked a secret master mode where I could."

"That's like when you said there's a code for Sonic the Hedgehog where you can play as Mario. Sonic is Sega and Mario is Nintendo so that can't be."

To Daz's eternal surprise, Gary actually starts crying profusely.

king_tubby

At the rugby club AGM, Gary demands a game of 'freckles' is played after every loss.

The motion is passed unanimously.

Glebe

Gary considers Peter Dinkelage "my favourite small-man actor "

Glebe

Gary on the bus in his onesie pushin' and shovin' and making noise.

Paul Calf

Saturday night in Amsterdam and Gary has got hold of some cocaine that contains actual cocaine. at 1am, he climbs to the top of a lamppost in the Red Light District bellowing "TOTAL FUCKING FOOTBALL! TOTAL FUCKING FOOTBALL YOU DUTCH CUNTS"

Daz wonders whether the smirk on the face of the window  girl as Gary left tucking his shirt into his jeans might be related to this incident.

shoulders

Legend Gary can name all of the Dutch golden generation players and their wives, and their wives tits size.

dex

Its early doors on the Sunday morning bus back to the airport. The bus hasn't left for the airport yet. "Take those fucking clogs off and get your driving shoes on!" bellows Gary from the back of the bus.

The angry driver turns round from his seat and lowers his sunglasses to look at who besmirched him.

"Johan Cruyff! Shit! Sorry bruv you can have a pass. Sorry mate! Sorry."

"You're such a cunt on a comedown, Ledge."

Glebe

"I think this trip was a mistake, Gary."

"Come off it Daz, the cloggers lifted restrictions, we're doing nothing wrong!"

"It's not that Gary it's fucking everything else... the excessive weed binges, the 'Prozzie Marathon', the calling literally EVERY SINGLE PERSON a "Dutch c*nt..."

Paul Calf

"Nah, mate," Gary responds, "the Dutchies are plain-speaking types. They appreciate a bit of honesty."

Gary is arrested at passport control.

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on January 27, 2022, 08:56:43 AM"Nah, mate," Gary responds, "the Dutchies are plain-speaking types. They appreciate a bit of honesty."

Gary is arrested at passport control.

"Mr. Legend, your passport is five years out of date."

"The bribes have worked up until now!"

"Why didn't you just renew your passport?"

"Oh yeah... you Dutch are clever fuckers, aren't you!"

Glebe

BACK IN BLIGHTY:

"Daz,  I've come down with covid!"

"Oh no I told you the trip to the Netherlands was risky!"

"No had it before we left only remembering to tell you now!"

Cuellar

Legend Gary projects goatse onto a bowling alley tv screen at 3pm on a Saturday, kids everywhere.

"Stupid NPCs," screams Gary as he's ejected.

(Sorry Mollusk but you've got to admit)

Glebe

#1582
Gary commands Daz to hold his hand in the air until he says he can put it down.

"Gary my hand is getting rather tired now. Can I put it down?"

"NO Daz! As soon as your wrist goes limp that means you're gay!"

Glebe

Gary is filling up the dishwasher with raw Lidl sausages.

Glebe

"Daz I've just had a massive revelation! You know the way we always drink Stella?"

"Yes Gary, Stella seems to be our drink of choice."

"Well I've tried this other drink - Erdinger! It's a taste sensation!"

"Doesn't have the same ring as Stella."

"Stay in your Stella rut then Daz. DEFRIENDED."

Paul Calf

"Daz...

Daz!

DAZ!

DAZ!!!

DAZ, for fuck's sake...DAZ!!!!!!"

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on January 28, 2022, 03:20:58 PM"Daz...

Daz!

DAZ!

DAZ!!!

DAZ, for fuck's sake...DAZ!!!!!!"

"Why didn't you answer Daz?"

"You forgot to press 'CALL' again Gary."

"Oh yeah."

Glebe

Gary has taken to referring to Daz as "the ballbag from space."

Glebe

Gary joins the special forces and puts his tiling skills to good use.

Glebe

Gary travels to China to plant a bomb "in retaliation for the corona," but his plan is foiled before any harm is done.