Main Menu

Support CaB

Subscribers don't see this.

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

June 28, 2022, 07:22:11 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe

Quote from: Paul Calf on May 20, 2022, 07:32:47 PMDaz replies offhandedly, completely distracted by the match on the telly:

"Yeah, but there are a number of flaws in the ethnostatist model. Incursions from other actors uninvested in, or perhaps antagonistic to, the success of an enforced ethnically or racially homogenous nation seem the most immediate concern; we can look to Israel for an example of how this has caused problems in other parts of the world. Additionally, depending on the number of initial participants infrastructure might be a problem but..."

Daz suddenly remembers where he is.

SHIT...

Gary's giving him daggers. Daz can't help himself and during half-time he pipes up again.

"Look all I'm saying is that there are serious ethical issues with your proposal, Gary."

But Gary has taken the opportunity during Lineker's waffle to go and fetch 'Old Wacky', his beloved baseball bat.

Blue Jam

Quote from: Glebe on May 20, 2022, 07:46:12 PMhis beloved baseball bat.

Ledge would be more likely to have a totemistic cricket bat, surely?

shoulders

Baseball bat for nonces
Cricket bat for debt recovery

Paul Calf

Quote from: Blue Jam on May 22, 2022, 12:33:47 AMLedge would be more likely to have a totemistic cricket bat, surely?

Gary is livid at this flagrant breach of the fourth wall.

Glebe

"Nah Bluey mate, cricket bat is for poncey gentlemen!"

shoulders

Legend Gary 'once sparked an emu clean out', apparently.

Glebe

Gary has an extreme aversion to Ian Rush's face. "It's his lack of moustache that disturbs Daz."

Paul Calf

Quote from: shoulders on May 23, 2022, 03:52:38 PMLegend Gary 'once sparked an emu clean out', apparently.

He has a restraining order banning him from going within 100yds of Rod Hull's grave.

Glebe

"Saw Bernie Clifton on Brighton Pier once Daz. He was bobbin' around on Ostrich. Minute he saw me they legged it. He knew Daz. He just knew."

Fambo Number Mive

Gary blocks a Starbucks drive-through for seven minutes over a disagreement over the number of straws he should have.

Glebe

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on May 24, 2022, 06:56:06 PMGary blocks a Starbucks drive-through for seven minutes over a disagreement over the number of straws he should have.

"It's the last straw, Daz!"

"Yeah Gary it was literally the last straw."

shoulders

Bruises Paul the haemophiliac locks himself in an air raid shelter at RAF Scampton to avoid the inevitable birthday bumps from Legend Gary.

He gets them anyway after Gary assigns Bruises 'an official birthday' like the Queen.

Glebe

Gary's best man speech at Daz's wedding includes the terms 'bunted' and 'asswipe'.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary dresses Daz up as the Queen.

Glebe

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on May 29, 2022, 09:16:36 AMGary dresses Daz up as the Queen.

"You can be Prince Andrew, Gary," smirks Daz.

"That's a smashing idea, Daz!"

Chicory

Legend Gary won't have it about the cronut.  Him and Smallpox Si invented them, end of.

Glebe

"12p a pint tomorrow Daz!"

"It's only 6p Gary!"

Gary holds his head up proudly. "As a true Monarchist I'll be displaying my loyalty to the Crown by paying double. Happy Birthday, Ma'am! Happy Birthday!"

Glebe

"Don't know why you're so excited about 6p pints Gary. You get free Stella everyday thanks to your shoplifting skills."

"Allow it Daz."

Fambo Number Mive

Gary writes a poem celebrating the Queen's Jubilee which the local paper publishes. The fact Gary claimed he was 14 when in fact he is 31 probably helped.

Glebe

"I notice Prince Andrew wasn't on the balcony... terrible how he's been ostracised by the family!"

Daz is most stunned that Gary used the word 'ostracised'.

shoulders

Legend Gary goes around each of the 15,000 Jubilee attendees to inform them individually that if they slag off the Queen 'there's a special kind of pain heading their way'. He spends the day in a side alley fine tuning his surveillance equipment.

shoulders

Legend Gary has a plan to shag the Queen Mother 'in her prime', but the conductor nodes (Daz) just won't take.

Glebe

"O gather lords! O gather ladies! Come see, come see your Queen!"

"Sit down, Gary," mutters Daz, his face beetroot red. Worst. Jubilee. Street party. EVER.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary attends the nearest Jubilee street party in a Prince Andrew mask.


Paul Calf

Leaning against an alley wall two miles away after outrunning the menfolk, he remarks to himself: 'Fair fucking play to the lads there. That was disrespectful, as such.'

Glebe

Gary believes it is every British citizen's civic duty to watch the Paddington movies.

jenna appleseed

Daz gets another battering after innocently asking if that means the Ledge supports immigrants now?

Glebe

Quote from: jenna appleseed on June 05, 2022, 08:03:43 PMDaz gets another battering after innocently asking if that means the Ledge supports immigrants now?

"Daz I've been supporting immigrants for months now!"

"The family you've 'taken in'?! Gary you're charging them to stay in the old shed!"

"Well what should they expect for fifty quid a week, Premier Inn?"

Blue Jam

Quote from: shoulders on May 23, 2022, 03:52:38 PMLegend Gary 'once sparked an emu clean out', apparently.

Legend Gary once almost twatted a swan before remembering they all belong to the Queen.

"They can break a man's arm Daz. Gotta respect 'em."

Blue Jam

Quote from: jenna appleseed on June 05, 2022, 08:03:43 PMDaz gets another battering after innocently asking if that means the Ledge supports immigrants now?

Ledge does support immigrants, but only if they're blonde and from Sweden.