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March 29, 2024, 12:51:22 PM

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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe

"Look's like Liz Truss is favourite to win the PM job Gary."

"Another woman in charge! Don't get me wrong Daz, Thatcher is a hero of mine but then there was that woman who danced to ABBA a few years ago."


jobotic

"They need bring back Boris Daz. He did nothing wrong"

"He resigned Gary. There's no political process that could bring him back at this point"

"There's this process" Gary says as he bundles Daz into the cupboard under the stairs.

Glebe

"Y'know who'd make a great Prime Minister? Prince Andrew. Does he know how to do politics Daz?"

"Let me out of the cupboard and I'll tell you, Gary."

"Not falling for that! See I'm smart enough to be PM myself oh bugger I've let you out of the cupboard."

Fambo Number Mive

Gary has a poster of Prince Andrew in his bedroom but covers it up with a poster of the tennis girl scratching her arse whenever anyone comes round, whispering "Sorry Andy" each time he does so.

Glebe

"Never mind all the scurrilous 'gossip' spread about him, I should be honoured to welcome the Prince into my home.

"'Come in Sir, please make yourself at home in my humble abode! Would you like some tea Sir or wait there's no tea will Stella do? No?! Oh please forgive me Prince Andrew for this terrible crime!"

Glebe

"Summer's over Daz."

"What do you mean Gary?! It's August and the heatwave continues!"

"Nah mate. Getting darker in the evenings. Gonna be a tough winter."

"We'll deal with winter when it happens. For now-"

Gary shoves Daz back in the cupboard.

shoulders

Legend Gary painstakingly trains his dog to bark NONCE! NONCE! NONCE!

It does, then does it to him. He has it 'humanely' destroyed by a guy he knows called Finnan.



Credit: Joint effort from me & madhair60

shoulders

Legend Gary chides that 'actually, there are no degrees of uniqueness, something is either unique or it isn't'

Glebe

Quote from: shoulders on August 08, 2022, 11:22:52 AMLegend Gary painstakingly trains his dog to bark NONCE! NONCE! NONCE!

It does, then does it to him. He has it 'humanely' destroyed by a guy he knows called Finnan.



Credit: Joint effort from me & madhair60

Here is Finnan in person:


Glebe

The Landlord isn't happy.

"Clean it off, Gary."

"Nah mate! It were Daz what did it!"

"What, Daz painted 'Daz is a fucking peedo' on his own bedroom door?"

"Right just gimme the fucking Cif."

Glebe

Gary Cider is now available from the offie in the precinct. It has a distinctly dog-piss taste.

Glebe

Gary celebrates the start of the new football season by getting blind drunk and screaming abuse at the local Pakistani family.

Paul Calf

Gary comes back from Thailand with two wedding rings on.

"It's the culture," he explains and will not be drawn further on the subject.

Chicory

Legend Gary declares that no weekend is complete without "a buck, a ruck and a fuck"

Glebe

Gary is naked in the street drinking Stella. "Let the police come Daz it's too hot."

dex

"Ledge did you hear about Salman Rushdie getting shanked?"

"Yes, Daz. I'm all for his critique on Islam however he is named after a fish so fuck 'im!"


Fambo Number Mive

#2056
Gary tuts disapprovingly when watching Youtube footage of Clary's Lamont joke. "Not fair Daz, man's backstage and can't retort with a quip."

That night Gary has a dream about fisting Norman Lamont. "And yes Daz, his box was very red".

Fambo Number Mive

"Hello, Gary's Shag Pad, no wokes allowed"

"I'm so sorry, I thought this was the accounts department of Powells Department Store"

"Yes it is, apologies, just being a ledge"

Glebe

"They will be talking about the Summer of '22 for years to come Daz."

"Yeah Gary sure is a hot one."

"No no Daz, not because of the heat. Will be 'twas it was the summer that Gary chased Larval Trauma Flashbacks around the precinct for two hours before giving him the Chinese burn to end all Chinese burns."

Glebe

Gary's Tinder profile is him pissed with a cartoon rabbit face filter and 'IM ABSOLOTLY PENGIN!!!!🤑'

Glebe

Gary successfully shoplifts 100 toilet rolls from Poundstretcher.

Glebe

Gary goes for a pint with Nando's Dave and NIGHT CRAIG.

Glebe

Gary asks Caitlin Moran out and she tells him to go fuck himself.

Glebe

The local constabulary raid Gary's maisonette and find a file marked 'Sellafield' in a safe. I say a file it's actually a bit of torn Weetabix box.

Paul Calf

Gary heard that someone calling himself Legend Wayne has moved in three streets away.

He puts Sparks on his car stereo and starts up the engine.

Glebe

Gary buys a welcome mat inscribed with the hilarious witticism 'Oh no not you again'.

'Was gonna go for 'FUCK OFF' but decided to go with the 'clever' humour Daz!"

Glebe

Gary is having the time of his life calling Daz 'Vadge'. "Alright, Vadge, haha!" etc.

king_tubby

Gary buys a ticket to a Jerry Sadowitz show to own the wokes but storms out in disgust when Jerry has a go at the British squaddies.

Glebe

Gary is convinced Irn-Bru contains 1% alcohol.

"It's true Daz! Theres some loophole in the law that let's them do it!"

shoulders

Legend Gary pings a framed photo of your aunt across a frozen lake then loses a boast to himself that he can 'piss on it from here and make her drown'.