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March 28, 2024, 02:23:26 PM

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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary's name is spelled 'God'

Innit? Innit Daz?... Innit!

Mm... What?

Innit Daz... Oh fuck sake whatever

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary gets in trouble for eating the cat's favourite food and then claiming to be a doctor to justify his choice.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Jenga of Minge
Jenga of Minge
Jenga of Minge!!!!

Sir can you please leave this is the children's fiction section for a start

Glebe

"Daz, look at the size of my cock!"

"Oh for fuck's sake Gary, can't take you anywhere!"

Glebe

"On the 'ead, Daz!"

And hour later in A+E.

"What happened, lad?"

"Me mate Gary switched the football for a heavy rock."

wosl

Daz has to stand out on an actual ledge, in order to understand why Legend Gary is a legend.

DAZ, DAZ

From below, Legend Gary relays advice.

DAAAAZZ!  WOOHOO DAZ


Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Glebe on September 30, 2019, 09:17:31 AM
"On the 'ead, Daz!"

And hour later in A+E.

"What happened, lad?"

"Me mate Gary switched the football for a heavy rock."

Beautiful.

Glebe


NJ Uncut

"So what kind of car are you looking for sir?" asks the cunt at the dealership.

"I'm well fussy mate. After a newie."

"Oh, we have some brand new cars in! Would you like to see a Nissan? Peugeot?"

"I have only one exacting and mandatory specification from a new car, mate," Gary says. The dealer leans in closer, closer. This punter knows his onions.

"Do tell, sir!"

"The number plate has to include BJ 69! Haha, brilliant!"

Glebe

"Y'know Gary, it's kinda funny you turned out to be such a right little tearaway. Your parents are both quite reserved, nice people."

"Nah, me families got form, Daz. Me Uncle Jake once stabbed a bloke with a spanner and done months in chokey."

"Ah don't give it all that, Gary!" replies Daz, doing a 'mouthy' motion with his hand.

"Just fuckin watch it, Daz! I'll fookin show you, mate, fackin punish yah!"

Glebe

Gary bumps into "you off of the telly" Stacey Dooley in the pub, and tells her that he really fancies her and asks if she would she like to meet him in Burger King on Saturday. Dooley agrees to this, but only because she spies an opportunity for a doco about chavs for Five or summit.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary doesn't want his garlic bread shaped like a pizza, you spic cunt, he wants it in a baguette like the Italians. Fuck off and come back with a proper garlic bread you mug, I ain't eating that.

Pus, scabs, diarrhoea and cum belonging to every single member of the restaurant are persuaded into the contents of his dinner.

In the discus afterwards, Gary concedes, '' Yknow what Daz, that wasn't even bad in the end, feel sorry for them having to put up with that shit from me, out of order really. Fuck it''

Glebe

"They cam over 'ere, Daz, and steal our jobs and take our women back to Wonga Land to impregnate!"

"I know Gary it's a fucking liberty innit now just smoke up and go back to sleep on the couch there, there's a good lad."

wosl

Legend Gary and Daz are down at the sidings, playing cunt-the-penny on the rails.  Because someone forgot to check their pockets for change beforehand, they've elected to use Daz' Samsung as the penny.

Captain Poodle Basher

On my commute homewards yesterday, I was sharing a bus with a Legend Gary.

I didn't actually see him as he and his two mates were lying down on the seats at the back of the bus.

Anyways, Gary was showing his mates some footage on his phone which he claimed was of him disrupting some girl's birthday party. You could hear a lot of tinny noise, shrieking and shouting from the phone while his two mates watching the footage laughed and mocked the girl for being upset at Gary's antics.

Next Gary phoned his place of work and told them he wouldn't be coming in that evening or the next day and who cares about their stupid job anyways as he never wanted to work there but 'they' (Job Centre?) made him go there. Demanded they pay him the 50 quid that they owe him and said he'd be round to collect it so make sure to have it handy.

Gary then phoned someone, Daz? and demanded to know where they were. Was told that they were in a pub so wanted to know who was there to see if it was worth his while turning up. Listened to the who's who of afternoon drinkers and decided that, yes, he'd show up. Only Daz must pay for his drinks for the night as he only had 3 quid to his name. Made Daz swear on his mum's life that the pub would be full of Gary's mates and that Daz would keep the pints coming in or he, Gary, would be out the door and gone and it would all Daz's fault for ruining everyone's evening as Gary wouldn't be performing for his adoring fans.

All this in 20 minutes. How the hell anyone could put up with a day, let alone a lifetime of that sort of cuntery, is anyone's guess.

Glebe

Quote from: Captain Poodle Basher on October 04, 2019, 05:23:33 PMAll this in 20 minutes. How the hell anyone could put up with a day, let alone a lifetime of that sort of cuntery, is anyone's guess.

That's our Gary!

NJ Uncut

"I've finally realised that I identify as a woman, Daz."

"Oh yeah Gary? Really... tell me more, mate, who do you identify as?"

"Your mum! I'm gonna lez up. With your sister!"

Shoulders?-Stomach!

'Mentioning my son is a laying out offence right, so don't even start'

Berthas Fat Leg

Legend Gary once wanked into his sister's knickers whilst she was still wearing them.


NJ Uncut

#110
Fuckin hell! This pub's got one of those punch machines! Batter the bag and get the high score.

Gary gives it a belt. A cool 45,783. High score's 89,002 - that Devvo cunt who does flying kicks prob. Daz's in shitter, Gary does a go, leathering it ish. 28,738. Daz returns.

"Fancy a go?" asks Daz. If there's one mate always up for letting off a bit of steam, it's Gary.

"Nah, maybe in a bit." Eh? Gary keeps getting the drinks in, shot after shot, til Daz said he needs slash.

"Me first mate, bursting", Gary goes. "But I REALLY -" "NO MEANS NO CUNT!" Gary thus slashes first.

Nabs a cubicle, has a queer slash - if you don't have other men pissing either side of you it's bent in Gary's book - this purpose for merely pouring out a tasty mound of beak, and with the flickknife he always keeps about his person - ALWAYS, airports, Christenings, the lot - presses it down and then pushes into two boss lines of lemo, both up each hooterhole at the same time.

Phwoooah you cunt!! Daz'll get his. (Gary's mind does laps) FUCKIN CUNT LAUGHIN AT ME.

Gary gets a brainwave and goes up to machine. Finds plug. Loosens it. Oops - too much! Pushes back in slightly, tiny like, so it's very very precarious. Nudges the machine with his shoulder and the lights go off. Perfick. Taps the plug super lightly and it lights up again!

Daz staggers back, the big-bladdered cunt that he is. Little bladdered Gary is far more efficient, especially when it comes to a honk of the ol dandruff, though he managed seven or ate sneaky keys while partially hidden behind the machine.

"Rarin to go mate," Gary says, "After this piss". More cubicle hoovering - two lads came out the same one so Gary called them poofs and they laughed and yada yada yada keys of beak all round! - and Gary marches back and assertively pops a 50p in slot - that's what she said!

"I'll go first, you must be busting for a slash, you have one to every three of mine"

"FUCK OFF AM FIRST."

Gary eyes the bag with expert eyes, narrowing them like a Chinaman. Dances a bit in his Nikes. Boxes the air a bit. Catches his breath, but he's ready. Time to issue the Gentleman's Challenge ®

"Righto fuck face, I swing first, as your mum says."

"That doesn't even make s-"

HHYAAAAAAAAAMMMPPHH!

Gary wildly overswings, only the tip of his little finger knuckle pushing air at the bag. Daz steps up, Gary jumps up and down - "I'm just excited, you cunt!" - and huffs air at the wall the plug's on.

Daz prepares a fuckin titanic windmill, takes four steps forward, lowers his head, sees Gary lightly boot the side of the machine, and..

All lights off.

"Power of the punch mate. Fuckin thing is knackered," Gary espouses. "I win by default, naturellement. You soft cunt Daz."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary empties his life savings over a motorway embankment. But don't worry, it'll live, kind of.

kittens

are we sure legend gary would say 'naturellement'

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: kittens on October 13, 2019, 09:22:46 AM
are we sure legend gary would say 'naturellement'

Bonne de douche, Pubes

jenna appleseed

Legend Garry is discovered trolling Discogs with his fake band Gavleteen, and was very surprised to find his mate's dad Militant Barry moonlighting as a reggae artist.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary's disabilities are upgraded from 'life ending', to 'life altering'. Result!, he belms, from inside that little cage they made for him.

Fambo Number Mive

Legend Gary decides to become "Mr Pie and Mash", a gammon counter to "Mr Broccoli"

NJ Uncut

Fingering the remaining baggie of sniff in his trouser pocket, the Stella sloshing around his guts, wired as fuck and ready to roll, nose streaming, teeth numb, planning to plunder some pussy, Gary screams "ONCE AGAIN FOR THE RENEGADE MASTER" as he boots open the door to his auntie's wake

Paul Calf

Quote from: NJ Uncut on October 18, 2019, 07:20:00 PM
Fingering the remaining baggie of sniff in his trouser pocket, the Stella sloshing around his guts, wired as fuck and ready to roll, nose streaming, teeth numb, planning to plunder some pussy, Gary screams "ONCE AGAIN FOR THE RENEGADE MASTER" as he boots open the door to his auntie's wake

Classic LegGar.

petril

Gary returns, announcing he's back once again with the ill behaviour. the Job Centre security guard with the republican tattoos is non plussed