Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

[Berthas Fat Leg]

You're trying to play Fifa 2014 and your bloody wife just wants to celebrate your 20th wedding anniversary.

[Catalogue of ills]

You market yourself as a 'human festival toilet'

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Best man is JACK POT from JACK POT & TOM BOLA

[buttgammon]

The last surviving group of Djibouti francolins are assaulted by some EDL pondscum, who chuck empty Carling cans at them and tell them to "piss off back to Iraq you egg-laying bastards".

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You are assigned Boglin at birth.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Your mate Charlie gets a trampoline and a pie, whereas you get a tuberculosis and Neil Morrisseys 101 Greatest Goals DVD

[Twit 2]

You go home because of a caterpillar.

[touchingcloth]

During the consultation where your diagnosis of sickle cell anaemia is delivered, the doctor repeatedly tells you that it's due to a problem with your haemoboglins.

[Glebe]

You are assigned two weeks worth of trigonometry homework to be completed during your summer holiday in the Seychelles. While everyone else is out enjoying themselves you must spend every waking hour doing the boring maths in your stuffy hotel room.

[pancreas]

The results of the test arrive in the post: your fuck-boglin has gone full blown.

[touchingcloth]

You are assigned two weeks worth of trigonometry homework to be completed during your summer holiday in the Seychelles at birth.

[Glebe]

Laughing.

[Catalogue of ills]

You had assumed your Grindr date's stated preference for goryholes was a typo. Apparently not.

[touchingcloth]

They're all goryholes by the time I've finished with them.

[jenna appleseed]

The copyright holder of boglins sues CAB for libel.

We collectively lose, the judge does a Hatey Kopkins and kicks us all out our houses and lets all the boglins move in.
They're squealing, and rolling, and squelching about, flicking peas about the place, snogging your auntie and swinging from the curtain rails.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Your collection of recovered used toilet paper that THE GREAT ONE, the MAN, the FUCKING TITS OF ALL TIME* used to sanitise his bottom is starting to reek out the hot desking area where you are temporarily living.

*Graham Linehan

[Cuellar]

A fart itches a haemorrhoid but briefly

[Ferris]

During the Only Fools 50th anniversary show, a decrepit Del Boy falls through the bar but a jaded Trigger forgets to make a face.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You are called a 'neighbourhood colostomy' by two people in the space of the same paper round

[buttgammon]

Vince lays a massive cable next to a well in a Nigerian village that doesn't have adequate sanitation, cackling as he drives away.

[Chollis]

An 11 year old named simply Clegg, born and christened in the hopeful early days of the coalition government, is finally euthanized.

[Chollis]

Your dad asks for a bump of ket "to level himself out" at gran's funeral.

[Catalogue of ills]

Your brother Rolf is happy to help out with your childcare needs, but only on Saturdays ok?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-58150699

Peak



The punches keep on coming

According to the Guinness World Records, the current oldest male boxer is Albert Hughes Jr, who was 70 years and 234 days old when he fought in Indianapolis on 14 December 2019.

Mr Hughes died before he was officially confirmed as the world record holder.

[Greg Torso]

Terry Lugworm muffs his landing and spitfires all over June's tit-strip

[Greg Torso]

The chemo chancellor for Hull Proper greets you with a cheery "ey yeh monner fuckin booty bass depressing fred dibnah cheesy chips pie in a ditch"

[Greg Torso]

A moribund yorkshire porcupine queefs out a branch of undigested brie.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A child molestor is introduced to you as "a fantastic man, he really is".

[Catalogue of ills]

Following a cabinet reshuffle, Michael Gove is announced as Renegade Master, with overall responsibility for ill behaviour.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The Tamperer Feat. Maya loses Maya in some fog, so has to recruit a replacement member and perform under the new act The Tamperer Feat. Brian Barwick.