Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

[Glebe]

A Willie Thorne lookalike dad swears by Bisto gravy granules.

[Glebe]

A Skegness grouse cull proves harrowing.

[shoulders]

You lose a 6 year relationship over MAOAM

[touchingcloth]

For swaps with MAOAM: baby's shoes, often worn.

[shoulders]

Your boglin has all MAOAM on its wretched glans

[touchingcloth]

Rumpelstiltskin offers you a single MAOAM in exchange for your toddler, which will be replaced with the dumbest Boglin in the world. You accept.

[shoulders]

Elon Musk tweets your trashcoin PEEDOS (PDO)

[batwings]

Your increasingly militant attempts to rope your work colleagues into a Louise Woodward themed Christmas party go down poorly.

Richard Dawkins headbutts a Salvation Army woman outside of a Bristol Co Op; describes the twitter backlash as 'Talabanic'.

Getting writer's cramp after finishing all the gloating messages on your widows Christmas card list.

[MoonDust]

The global supply chain crisis causes a shortage of ASDA Smart Price roast beef flavoured crisps. It's the final straw for Clive. He cracks his knuckles before composing an angry email.

[Ferris]

Bummed to smithereens by the shade of Geoff Hurst.

[buttgammon]

The English cricket team pay some drunks to stand in for them and run away to a remote Pacific island, never to be seen again.

[Spoon of Ploff]

you're pleased that you've got enough christmas paper left for this years gifts on the role you bought six years ago

[MoonDust]

"I know I keep saying it and I know it's as old as the hills now, but honestly, it was and remains so revolutionary!"

"Yes Gordon, we know," they say, avoiding eye contact by sipping their pints

Gordon is talking about tarmac again.

Gordon doesn't understand why no one else is as amazed as he is by tarmac.

[MoonDust]

Deleted. Accidentally quoted myself

[Glebe]

Deleted. Accidentally quoted myself

DESO!

[Glebe]

Raw sewage for breakfast? Dreading seeing the lunch menu now mate!

[frajer]

A turd winks up at you from the bowl. It's the kindest interaction you've had in months.

[Glebe]

A Weymouth nutjob unsubscribes from Model Train Monthly because, as he tells his local butcher, "there were to many darkies writing for it now."

[shoulders]

The main protagonists in your ace new play are called HENDRY and MANGON DOWN

[Ferris]

Remortgaging the house to buy more Crazy Frog NFTs.

They'll thank me. They'll all thank me.

[Glebe]

A lightbulb collector realises he has wasted his life and goes off to work on a sheep farm in Thurso.

[touchingcloth]

In the live action version of Akira, Tetsuo is portrayed by Dan Tetsell.

[Spoon of Ploff]

you can't remember where you left your ribcage

[shoulders]

A gelded Boglin is assigned your Line Manager at Garforth Fust Processors

[dissolute ocelot]

All the prawns in your dhansak simultaneously defecate and the sauce level rises two inches.

[touchingcloth]

All the prawns in your dhansak simultaneously defecate and the sauce level rises two inches.

Desolation? Sounds like physics-defying magic, and those shitting prawns would win a Nobel prize.

[Twit 2]

You ask your cat how long you've been unemployed and write the reply of "Miaow!" on your CV.

[dex]

You long for a crafty wank, but your cock and balls require 2 step authentication to which you have forgotton your credentials.

[frajer]

You long for a crafty wank, but your cock and balls require 2 step authentication to which you have forgotton your credentials.

To reset it you have to remember your mother's maiden name. Haven't the foggiest.

[Ferris]

To reset it you have to remember your mother's maiden name. Haven't the foggiest.

You call her to explain the situation but make no progress.