Things your dad is doing.

[Glebe]

Your dad's leisurely browse around B&Q is brought to an abrupt halt by a rogue chainsaw.

[Glebe]

Your dad always splashes on some Hugo Boss, as it makes him "the Man of Today."

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Imagine if this thread was started today, and how different it would be

[Glebe]

Your dad is saying "Oh man, Crash Bandicoot... I was entering middle-age when that came out, but great memories nevertheless!"

[Glebe]

"So it is it still cool to be gay?" asks your dad.

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Your dad is like "kiiidnap the santa claus, put him in a baaag," and as he sings it he's rhythmically scraping a length of snapped knicker elastic up and down between his buttocks in a flossing action

[jobotic]

"So it is it still cool to be gay?" asks your dad.

While pouting at the hall mirror, daintily flicking his ear hair and, for some reason, humming the Birdie Song.

[Glebe]

Your dad puts you up for adoption, signing off with "Being your dad was exhilarating."

[Cuellar]

Your dad sends you a text (text, mind):

"Being in your mum, son, was exhilarating."

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your dad's favourite TV programme is "everyone on youtube putting everything in resin"



"lego man, coloured pencils, you name it," he says, excitedly.  "everything in resin, son!"

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your dad is gonna get a free PS5 even if it kills him

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your dad is promising you a generous inflation of your allowance if you agree to use your "influence as a younger person" to get the new songs he has suddenly recorded "out in the public sphere and making a fortune".

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your dad confesses to being "a bit of a stickler for milf porns"

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your dad's new way of securing a second date is to tell them that they have got him pregnant

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the only way your dad can alleviate his lower back pain and associated hip inflammation is to hold his buttock cheeks open

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your dad is dancing around your living room and bouncing on your sofa in only his pants during a little visit of a few days, to lift some of his wound-up tensions generated by all the tight covid restrictions.  Listening closely, you can hear that he is tunelessly murmuring "fruitella, too juicy for your dad"

[Glebe]

Your dad cries every time you play the Cadbury's Fruit & Nut 'Everyone's a Fruit & Nut case' ads with Frank Muir on YouTube. "These are cheap shots son... you shouldn't do that to me."

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your dad is expressing feigned enthusiasm about funko pops even though you have never mentioned them yourself


"Oooohh son there's a mister meeseeks funko pop, we should get that one.  We could share it like we share loads of stuff."

[seepage]

Your dad is trying to digest tonight's ASDA Extra Special cottage pie carton. "Just doing my bit for the planet, son".

[Greg Torso]

Your dad wears a jacket that says "AXE WIELDING PAEDO" on the back of it. He mumbles something about how the "HUNTER" bit on the end fell off, but we all know.

[Greg Torso]

Your dad is described by a crown court judge as "the author of his own misery" but we all know that shit is ghostwritten.

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your dad is in his mancave "inventing prince of persia 2, son"

[Glebe]

Your dad puts an old Lionel Richie compilation on whilst stuck in a traffic jam on the way to Halfords.

[Glebe]

Your dad storms through the living room in a dress, grumbling "We all have to make an effort to be 'trans' now, don't we?"

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your dad loves bonzi buddy

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your dad has found an entirely new stairwell in his home, with at least three more rooms leading off from it.  completely lacking in adventure, his first and only impulse is to fart within the stairwell and never go back there because he forgets all about it

[Glebe]

Your dad is telling you to shush. "That sounds like dripping. Can you hear that?" In no time he's under the sink with a wrench.

[popcorn]

Your dad admires the carpentry of Japanese temples. "That's one piece of wood, that," he says.

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your dad is absolutely wild about the great taste sensation that is palm oil


turn to page 31 to find out why!!

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your dad's favourite beverage is Tab Clear