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Things your dad is doing.

Started by Glebe, May 05, 2021, 07:40:29 AM

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Replies From View

your dad has finally found a disney film that is right up his street:  song of the south

"i feel like i am finally fully embracing alternative cultures," he is proudly exclaiming.  "you and your 'wake' friends might not be so wrong after all!!"

Glebe

Your dad keeps saying "sucks ass," even when he's describing things he likes.

touchingcloth

Quote from: Glebe on July 15, 2021, 11:39:52 PM
Your dad keeps saying "sucks ass," even when he's describing things he likes.

When he tries to describe things he hates, he says that they "suck him off".

"I can't stand that Alan Sugar. He sucks me off all the time."

Kankurette

Your dad's been in his shed for five hours and he's been ominously quiet, save for the odd grunt.
Quote from: Replies From View on July 15, 2021, 05:37:13 PM
this sounds to me like a true one that you are bitter about
Amazingly, this has never happened. And it's more the sort of thing my brother would do.

non capisco

You just went in your dad's shed and found this written on a sheet of A4 on his shed desk

GRAHAM'S RULES FOR 2021

1. STOP LOSING YOUR TEMPER

2. DEMONSTRATE YOUR S.C.I.L
STANCE
CONFIDENCE
INTELLIGENCE
LOVE

3. STOP DRAWING PICTURES OF MINNIE MOUSE AND THEN WANKING

Replies From View

your dad has started a new job where his trousers are so thick he can't smell his own farts, and it's making him livid

BlodwynPig

Your dad has inexplicably left the family home and moved in with Jethro, the village bum. "Just a couple of cool lads having some banter and beers in their twilight years, son. None of those pesky wimmin harping on at us anymore" he says, as you notice a pair of spandex jodhpurs poking out of the ancient suitcase.

Kankurette

Your dad has stopped selling Avon and is now selling Body Shop instead.

Glebe

Your dad is making lots of noise in the front garden all Sunday from early morning into the late evening. He is a cunt.

Greg Torso

Your dad will not stop his war on bacteria. ARE CHILDREN BACTERIA he types in all caps on Quora and sits there refreshing the page thinking "hurry up it's coming near me again"

Glebe

"Dad, what's ballbagging?"

"I'll tell you when you're older, son."

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Glebe on July 16, 2021, 10:28:52 PM
"Dad, what's ballbagging?"

"I'll show you when you're older, son."

Pink Gregory

Your dad's singing I want to break free and he means it.

Greg Torso

Your dad is on a Lipton iced tea drip.

Greg Torso

Your dad's got a football signed by 'David Beckons'.

Says he met him in a casino, at the big wheel bit. Not like he is only telly son, he was dead brainy. Cleaned up fucking proper large and bought everyone a scotch egg off the savoury trolley.

Glebe

Your dad keeps a record of the amount of earwax he produces each month. "And it's a LOT, son/daughter/No Gender [delete as applicable]."

Replies From View

your dad's latest mission is to fill up all the holes in a crunchie bar with milk

Fishfinger

Vacuuming an intransigent pair of pants.

bgmnts


Captain Z

Your dad mines dragging on a spliff and notes that in his youth he wasn't averse to a bit of the old 430.

Glebe

"Completely ignore yah!"

You are walked down the street with your dad, who is delighted because he has the delusional notion that all the girls are "checking me out!," whilst ignoring you, his son. "You just didn't get my good genes! Completely ignore yah!"

non capisco

Your dad is sat in the car, stationary in the driveway, listening to this with hot tears trickling down his quivering cheeks.

Glebe

Quote from: non capisco on July 17, 2021, 06:22:52 PMYour dad is sat in the car, stationary in the driveway, listening to this with hot diarrhoea trickling down his quivering cheeks.

Fishfinger

Quote from: non capisco on July 17, 2021, 06:22:52 PM
Your dad is sat in the car, stationary in the driveway, listening to this with hot tears trickling down his quivering cheeks.

Glebe

At various intervals throughout his life, your dad's eyes will glaze over and he will mutter " Get busy with the fizzy" under his breath.

Kankurette

Your dad has made moonshine from grass cuttings.

Glebe

Your dad is wearing a pair of tight Levi 501s and is singing and dancing around the living room to the Footloose soundtrack. He is absolutely pronouncing 'footloose' as "fudloose" and is really giving it socks with those 'ooh-ees'.

BlodwynPig

Your dad, deep pink, naked and lumpen on the lawn neath clear blue skies, begins to levitate.

Replies From View

your dad is joylessly watching all the jackass movies back to back in only his pants, and weeping


he always called this his "summer best"

Replies From View

your dad is holding within his mouth all the toothpaste he could find in the entire house (and it is a sorority house)