Main Menu

Support CaB

Subscribers don't see this.

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

August 18, 2022, 09:40:31 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Things your dad is doing.

Started by Glebe, May 05, 2021, 07:40:29 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

frajer

Your dad finds a green crisp in his bag of Walkers and sends a pic of it to the family WhatsApp group with the caption "I didn't know your Auntie Trish got a new job being inside bags of crisps."

Glebe

I'm afraid to say your dad is a complete and utter moron.

frajer

Your dad says "hey! I resemble that remark, hahah!"

ElTwopo

#483
Your dad puts the telly on to watch Bargain Hunt and goes "Eh? This one was on the other day" but carries on watching it anyway, because 'The News' is on after.

TrenterPercenter

Your dad buys a used chemistry set from the local car boot sale; when you point out all of the chemicals will have either been used or expired he says in a silly voice (that is Harry Enfield's Only Me Man and not Baldrick) "But I have a cunning plan, I'll get this on the naff and order all me chemicals in bulk from Amazon! Whose a clever boy then!".


Fast forward 2 weeks later when the National Counter Terrorism Squad arrive outside his house at 4am in the morning.

Glebe

Your dad says "I used to be a werewolf but am alright now. I'm alright now."

Replies From View

Quote from: Glebe on August 19, 2021, 06:17:25 PM
Your dad sighs as he opens the paper, "You can't even look at the news without reading about immigrants coming over from wild Borneo to take our jobs and steal our women."

Sounds a progressive man if he is sick of the papers reporting this.  Congratulations!

Replies From View

"your dad is masterminding a takeover of all the male-breast shaving facilities"


Your dad has gone on holiday to his local motorway service station.

frajer

Your dad is watching a documentary on the New York mafia in the 1970s and keeps saying "yep, that's what it was like. There they are. Yeah they've really captured it." He has never left Hertfordshire.

idunnosomename

Your dad is discovering fascinating facts about the world around him with Microsoft Encarta on multimedia CD-ROM!

Glebe

Quote from: Replies From View on August 20, 2021, 08:00:53 AMSounds a progressive man if he is sick of the papers reporting this.  Congratulations!

You're giving your dad a bit too much credit here.

Glebe

Your dad takes his VR headset off a minute to enquire, "Whatever happened to Grimes?"

frajer

Your dad gets home drunk and rearranges the fridge magnets to read "Conan is best hero" but when you ask him in the morning he denies it.

Replies From View

your dad is modelling new wave "wank" missiles

Replies From View

your dad is calling himself "a dad of The Who".  What does he mean, please?

Captain Poodle Basher

Your dad is hosting a retrospective review of Roger Daltrey's movie career in his man cave. He appears to have actually persuaded Mr. Daltrey to make an appearance. Although, it looks to have been a bit of an ordeal as Roger is tied to a kitchen chair sporting a split lip and your dad's got a black eye.

Glebe

Quote from: Captain Poodle Basher on August 23, 2021, 06:39:29 AMYour dad is hosting a retrospective review of Roger Daltrey's movie career in his man cave. He appears to have actually persuaded Mr. Daltrey to make an appearance. Although, it looks to have been a bit of an ordeal as Roger is tied to a kitchen chair sporting a split lip and your dad's got a black eye.

Even worse, it's only a Daltrey impersonator.

Glebe

Your dad is designing new fuel tanks for NASA.

frajer

Your dad has discovered Breaking Bad and really relates to Jesse. You get a text in the evening: "Walter White is everything that's wrong with our education system."

Glebe

Quote from: frajer on August 23, 2021, 08:15:33 PMYour dad has discovered Breaking Bad and really relates to Jesse. You get a text in the evening: "Walter White is everything that's wrong with our education system."

You text your dad back to tell him you've never seen Breaking Bad. He replies with 'get with the times lol!'

Replies From View

Quote from: Glebe on August 23, 2021, 12:39:01 PM
Even worse, it's only a Daltrey impersonator.

And even worse than that, despite having restrained him in person he's forgotten how to interview people without using Zoom.

Glebe

Your dad says that there "wouldn't be so many gays on telly if it t'weren't for political correctness".

frajer

Your dad eats an entire share size bag of Maltesers in some sort of fugue state while watching Inside Chernobyl with Ben Fogle. Panic sets in as the credits roll and he looks at you with wide eyes. "Let's tell your mum she forgot to buy them again."

Replies From View

making a fertility shrine with used condoms in marmalade

Greg Torso

Your dad just hit peak mutton.

Greg Torso

Recent quotes from your dad:

"Botulism is the new Atkins."

"PT Barnum strongman moustaches are based."

"This soft gnocchi is so fucking fortnight I am going to soil myself."

-

Recent quotes from your mum:

"If you fart in that drinking glass I swear I will divorce you."

"I don't care what you saw on Eurotrash, you are not bringing all of that urine into the bed."


Glebe

"We run a tight ship here at your dad's," smirks your dad, "There's no slumping or slouching, with nary a hedge out of place!"

Replies From View

your dad has "accidentally" forgotten to opt out of free gay porn updates on the gmail cookies page

Replies From View

your dad is idly flicking through your mother's tits