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August 18, 2022, 08:03:13 PM

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Things your dad is doing.

Started by Glebe, May 05, 2021, 07:40:29 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe

Your dad suggests having a "pizza night. We'll purchase a pizza in Tesco and eat it. Then we'll watch Gardeners' World."

frajer

Your dad ties the garden hose into a lasso and spends most of the evening trying to rope the washing pole. "He's a tumultuous varmint but I'll a-git him by sundown!" he yells to you as you head to your car.

Glebe

Quote from: frajer on August 25, 2021, 07:10:03 PMYour dad ties the garden hose into a lasso and spends most of the evening trying to rope the washing pole. "He's a tumultuous varmint but I'll a-git him by sundown!" he yells to you as you head to your car.

You are just pulling into your driveway when you receive a text from your dad. 'tied up in clothes line pls get help.'

frajer

Quote from: Glebe on August 25, 2021, 07:49:00 PM
You are just pulling into your driveway when you receive a text from your dad. 'tied up in clothes line pls get help.'

...
'pardner'

Glebe

Quote from: frajer on August 25, 2021, 07:53:02 PM...
'pardner'

By the time you return to your dad's the fire bridge have already freed him. "It's alright son, that kindly neighbour yonder heard my hollerin' and rounded up this here posse!"

frajer

Quote from: Glebe on August 25, 2021, 07:56:23 PM
By the time you return to your dad's the fire bridge have already freed him. "It's alright son, that kindly neighbour yonder heard my hollerin' and rounded up this here posse!"

"Ah shurely am a rootin' tootin' fuckwitted sunnuvabitch! Shucks!"
"Dad you know I've got to drive to Stoke in the morning, tear down your campfire and get some sleep."

Replies From View

your dad is furiously buying up all the packets of white skittles in his local shops and incinerating them.

Replies From View

right now your dad is in st james park trying to make a meme of himself swallowing a live pigeon whole

Poobum

Your dad is doing a miniature remake of The Blob with his iPhone, using bogies and micromachines.

Greg Torso

Five Star just phoned up your dad to tell him he is FUCKING CRAP.

Replies From View

your dad is up to his arse in cheap cocoa powder


(he has filled the entire bathroom from floor to arse-level, using up all your proposed inheritance)

Replies From View

your dad regards breakfast consumption of kelloggs all bran to be a symbol of high status

Replies From View

your dad is convinced that the plotline of who framed roger rabbit is a sly dig at him

Replies From View

your dad is stoked to introduce you to his "rebound" - the woman he says he has been dating for the last eight months.  So you call around his place under duress and, beaming with pride, he directs your attention to
Spoiler alert
a mouldy, inflatable pink panther that's all cracked and crumpled up in the space beneath the kitchen sink, rubbing up against the bottles of Clorox bleach
[close]
.

Glebe

Your dad snorts derisively when an item about transgenderism comes on telly.

jobotic

Quote from: Replies From View on August 25, 2021, 09:33:03 PM
your dad is stoked to introduce you to his "rebound" - the woman he says he has been dating for the last eight months.  So you call around his place under duress and, beaming with pride, he directs your attention to
Spoiler alert
a mouldy, inflatable pink panther that's all cracked and crumpled up in the space beneath the kitchen sink, rubbing up against the bottles of Clorox bleach
[close]
.

Don't pull that face in front of your new mum, son.

Glebe

Your dad melts into a giant, gelatinous mound, with just his face smiling out.

Replies From View

your dad is handing you your arse

RetroRobot

Your dad sees an attractive woman on the train and then spends the rest of the journey imagining his life with her, only to never introduce himself to her and have a deep sigh as soon as she gets off the train.

Glebe

Your dad hands you a note. It reads 'Completely discount ya!'

Replies From View

your dad is modelling his entire appearance now on Denzil Washington's fringe.

Glebe

Your dad is moonlighting as a taxi driver and is always telling his passengers, "There's a lot of 'em about... you know what I mean."

Replies From View


Captain Poodle Basher

Your dad says he's going to be a breeder of champion earwigs.

He says you'll have to get up early every morning to take them for a walk because fucked if he's going to be doing it.

Glebe

Your dad is beginning to mellow. "Used to think that them that's got the AIDS deserved it, but Todd Carty in EastEnders changed my mind. Now I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even the gays! And as you know son I used to wish it on them a good deal."

Replies From View

your dad is thrusting a pink razor at you and pulling his buttocks apart, revealing his cactus tuft of an anus

Fishfinger

Drafting anonymous death threats with a Star Wars stencil set.

Glebe

"Spare the rod and spoil the child!" screams your dad as he runs his grandson through with a scimitar.

KaraokeDragon

Your dad has broke into the cupboard where your mum keeps the full sodium salt and is using it to liberally season a bucket of saurkraut while loudly humming the tune of 'Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing'.

Quote from: Glebe on September 03, 2021, 02:10:52 AM
"Spare the rod and spoil the child!" screams your dad as he runs his grandson through with a scimitar.
Lol'd

Captain Poodle Basher

Your dad insists that that it was George Harrington who was in The Beatles.

No persuading him otherwise.

Any attempts to show him he's wrong are met with a curt "Typo"

All of them?

"All of them."