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Things your dad is doing.

Started by Glebe, May 05, 2021, 07:40:29 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Replies From View

your dad thinks photocopying in the library is free so he's photocopying loads of random stuff he doesn't even want or need, just for the thrill

Glebe

Your dad's Fortnight username is Geeklord1958.

frajer

Quote from: Glebe on September 17, 2021, 11:15:51 PM
Your dad's Fortnight username is Geeklord1958.

He has added all of your mates to his friends list. He has not invited you and if you come round your mum and dad's unexpectedly he throws a strategically placed sleeping bag over the console and pretends his gaming headset is due to getting a part-time call centre gig. "It's not much but it's some walking around money."

idunnosomename

your dad has pledged to win back all of the greater german reich, and rule over it as a benevolent dictator.

DoesNotFollow

Dad's got a dried horses cock in a box. He opens it and looks inside maybe twice a year, if that.

frajer

Your dad straps a sword to the roof of his car in case "shit goes all Mad Max" on his commute.

Replies From View

your dad is having a horizontal spinner fitted.  reckons he's going to beat the hammer-action version of himself in the next round

KaraokeDragon

Your dad is holed up in the coal bunker, performing a web search for 'autogerontophilia'. (Using Bing, bless him.)

Replies From View

your dad is trying to pat you on the arse so hard that it pats him on the arse

Replies From View

your dad is adamant that a working title for Monty Python's Flying Circus was "Penis Stretching Time"



"it was mentioned on a documentary I saw," he keeps saying

Replies From View

Dad it was "Owl Stretching Time".  I am a bigger fan of Monty Python than you.



"i doubt the documentary was wrong, son."

Catalogue Trousers


PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: frajer on August 23, 2021, 09:07:35 PM
Your dad eats an entire share size bag of Maltesers in some sort of fugue state while watching Inside Chernobyl with Ben Fogle. Panic sets in as the credits roll and he looks at you with wide eyes. "Let's tell your mum she forgot to buy them again."

Lovely

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Captain Poodle Basher on August 31, 2021, 06:29:57 PM
Your dad says he's going to be a breeder of champion earwigs.

He says you'll have to get up early every morning to take them for a walk because fucked if he's going to be doing it.
Love it

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Glebe on September 03, 2021, 02:10:52 AM
"Spare the rod and spoil the child!" screams your dad as he runs his grandson through with a scimitar.

Yes

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Glebe on September 16, 2021, 01:05:01 PM
You go for a walk to take your mind off being sacked because of your dad (see posts above). To your shock you come across your dad having lunch with your boss outside a posh cafe.

"Hmmm, you seem to have the necessary problem-solving skills your son so obviously lacks. How d'you fancy working for me?"

"Was gonna say, 'Arsed, cigs,' but go on then."

He's still got his trousers on his head.

Love it

Replies From View

and also who else did some good posts

PlanktonSideburns

You are awoken by the sound of your dad playing every transformers theme tune at once in early AM in the guest bedroom

It stops and you hear grim mutter

Back To The Drawing Board

Glebe

Your dad is doing a bit of family genealogy and discovers that the family's roots can be traced back to the island of Ireland.

"Such look it what can you do about it there it is now."

Replies From View

your dad has dissolved the mrs doubtfire latex mask with solvents and is now slurping at it with a straw.

jenna appleseed

Quote from: Glebe on September 08, 2021, 07:47:00 AM
Your dad has every single episode of The Liitle and Large Show taped off the telly.

but because you keep mocking him, he refuses to share any of them with the forum.

eta: in fact he's now deliberately taping over them all with episodes of Bargain Hunt & watercolour challenge, and tearing out the tape and throughing it arround the streets like confetti.

Now look what you've made him do, somebody's going to have to clear up that mess & it won't be your dad (or mine).


frajer

Your dad makes himself a duct tape wallet and promises to show you how to do it if you ever get cool enough to hang with him and the Duct Tape Boyz.

Glebe

Your dad is wishing you "Happy Birthday, son," as he hands you a pair of brown socks with a wan smile. With a WAN smile.

frajer

Your dad turns off A Clockwork Orange halfway through and as he storms off to the shed you can hear him muttering "the '70s were nothing like that."

Glebe

Quote from: frajer on September 24, 2021, 03:17:07 PMYour dad turns off A Clockwork Orange halfway through and as he storms off to the shed you can hear him muttering "the '70s were nothing like that."

"They were less colourful and more violent, lad. Less colourful and more violent."

frajer

Quote from: Glebe on September 24, 2021, 03:27:42 PM
"They were less colourful and more violent, lad. Less colourful and more violent."

Unbeknownst to you, your dad pours a load of mescaline into your bedtime glass of milk. "Drink well, my li'l droog."

Glebe

Your dad is yelling "On yer bike!" at any "foreign-looking" people at the garden gate. "Bloke in a turban trying to sell me house insurance, 'On yer bike!'"

Replies From View

your dad is cancelled after a bout of self-flinging near the dust covers

frajer

Your dad gets a gig on the new Doctor Strange and spends a week working with Benedict Cumberbatch. "I'm not one for talking outside of school, but all I'll say is: complete cunt who never opened his wallet once."

Glebe

Your dad tells the neighbours that he considers you to be "mildly twatty".